Let me explain. Happiness is temporary. It is a feeling that comes and goes. This is why it is so elusive and frustrating. There is a degree of pressure on us these days to be positive and happy. Well I am all for happy but I realise that happiness is not what I really want. What I really want and know will make me a more whole person is contentment. With contentment comes the acceptance of who we are and what we have. I am not saying that we say to ourselves “well that’s just the way I am and this is just what my life is.”

To the contrary, I am saying that we understand who we are and our limitations and also the things that we can change for the better. This also applies to our circumstances. Unrealistic desires and goals are the sure route to unhappiness and discontent. To want to have a yacht in the Med and a pile in the country and to rely on winning the lottery is unrealistic. Contentment comes from appreciation of what we have and what is realistically obtainable. The most important element and core to this contentment is our personal relationships.

How do we treat those we love and value? How do we interact with those around us? Do we add value to them through the time we spend with them? Do we look for ways to help?

The steps to contentment as I see it are looking for ways to make others happy, set realistic goals both short term and long term for us and our families so that we have things to look forward to, and to appreciate the small wonders around us – they are bountiful. Then enjoy to the full those moments of happiness which lift our spirits and enhance our contentment.

By all means be happy but more importantly learn to be content. Be happy in your own skin. This is as important and ongoing as breathing. It is vital to our lives. If we are putting others first our own contentment and happiness is a natural progression.

Simples!!!!

Well, according to a leaked document £7.8 billion was our total UK foreign aid bill and if that isn’t bad enough it is set to rise to £12.6 billion by 2014. That’s £479 per household!! I can think of better ways I’d like my taxes to be spent. The good news is that the UK government is freezing foreign aid to India to only £295 million.

Why, oh why are we giving £295 million to one of the fastest growing economies in the world? The economy in India grew a massive amount last year at just below 10% and is set to grow 9% in 2012. India spends £35 billion on defence and £750 million on their space programme. It seems as though we are helping to fund these projects. India is, in fact, a foreign aid donor too. They gave over £300 million to poorer countries last year, we are giving away £7.8 billion. The Indian government is planning to spend $1trillion over the next five years upgrading the country’s infrastructure.

The UK’s foreign aid budget is two times as much as the total cutbacks on University spending. This could very well cripple higher education in this country. Already some universities, Exeter the latest, have said that they will be charging the maximum of £9000 tuition.

Excuse me Prime Minister wouldn’t you be better off spending the money on your own people?

I think that charity should begin at home and considering the mess we are in here in the UK I cannot understand why we are in fact borrowing money – to give to countries that are growing at an astronomical rate and will leave us behind in their dust or others that are totally corrupt.

The one good bit of news is that we are no longer going to send aid to Russia and China who individually have more millionaires and billionaires than we could ever dream of.

A week or so ago a young man won his case against his employer for not allowing him to wear his trousers half way down his bum. I find this so disheartening. Why shouldn’t an employer stipulate what is acceptable dress for the job? I am appalled that this young man’s human rights are more important than his employer who, let’s face it, is paying him to do a job for his company. Why bother wearing any trousers at all. It is NOT a human right to offend others.

I think that in a lot of cases this is an outward sign of not wanting to integrate, grow up and take responsibility for one’s own life. We all know that as we grow older that to a degree we have to compromise and conform. We cannot live harmoniously in a world where everyone can do as they please. We have to have ethics, codes of conduct and respect for others. If we do not then the whole system breaks down and we have anarchy.

I am not suggesting that this young man is in danger of causing chaos in our society but more that our judicial system no longer seems to reflect a mutual respect for individuals in our society. Apart from anything else, these kids are all walking like penguins and are storing up back problems for themselves in the future. Who knows it could cause a genetic mutation. What next – a mobile phone growing out of our ears?

Best wishes Dorothy Denny

Why is it so much easier to be negative than to be positive? One basic if not the only reason is that we as humans are lazy and it takes a lot more effort to be positive most of the time. These days are no exception with so much unemployment and government cuts and the uncertainty that this brings.

To change your thinking from negative to positive takes pro-active will power. Negative thinking can become a habit and a very detrimental one to both our brain’s thinking and body’s functioning. We often find ourselves subconsciously seeking out situations and people that reaffirm and reflect our own state of mind or state of affairs. Have you ever heard someone say or maybe you have said it yourself, “I can’t stand to be around so and so. He/she is always so jolly and cheerful.” There are two reasons for this. There are no grounds for mutual understanding and they make us feel guilty because quite frankly we are being selfish and self-indulgent.

If you are feeling negative and want to change then start with the little things. In the morning when you wake up be thankful for the new day and that you are alive. Actually that is no small thing. Then look for things that are positive – the first daffodil of the season. Look for something that you can do that is positive – let someone pull out in front of you in the traffic jam on the way to work. Ask someone how they are and really mean it AND listen to what they have to say. Can you say something that will cheer them up?
Negative thinking is a vortex that sucks in and the spiral is only downward. Whereas, positive thinking is reflective. The saying he/she is like a ray of sunshine is a great analogy of a positive attitude. Positive reflects outwards and is thinking of others or goals but negative mirrors inwards and is selfish, dare I say it, and really is only thinking of ourselves and our miserable plight.

So if you want to cheer yourself up make someone else happy or do something for someone else. Start today looking for the good and positive things around you. Before you know it having a positive attitude will become a habit which is good for the soul and body. The negative will become a thing of the past. It takes time so one step at a time. I challenge you to try this and you will be pleasantly surprised at the difference the little things can have on you and those around you.

Go on, give it a try.

All the best Dorothy Denny

http://www.b2bcheltenham.co.uk/winning-new-business

This applies to all SME’s whatever their business. LOCAL is the new buzz word.

Give them a smile and some words of encouragement and you will feel great!!

Commonsense from commerce says “Youth unemployment will continue to be a tragic loss to our nation until we improve our education and preparation of young people for employment; too many are unemployable”

Let’s be honest we are all guilty. We need to make our young people employable by helping and teaching them communication skills, the importance of appearance, how to be employable, what they can contribute as against what they can be given, but above everything else to help them to have the right attitude.

Yes, I have a vested interest here. We have the complete programme, we have trialled it with phenomenal results. Can I get a decision maker in parliament to make a decision, NO. The flavour of the moment is let’s keep our young people in education longer teaching them stuff they will never use by people who have never worked outside education. Yes we know it’s very expensive, yes we know it doesn’t work but we don’t know what work life skills are because we are politicians.

So we continue with disappointment. We release 20% of our young people hoping that some benevolent employer will take on the responsibility, but if they don’t we’ve got to face up to the massive problem and unrest and problems in our City centres. In my own personal opinion as the public sector employment opportunities diminish, we are surely compounding this disappointing situation, and that could be so easily corrected.

Richard has just returned from a really successful lecture tour of Iran, his third. He was telling me about how one of the speakers was permanently “tweeting”. Richard came home very enthusiastic about this as a possible business tool. So I went on the web, as you do for most things, to find out more. I had of course, heard of the great success of Twitter. I was not convinced or impressed by what I found.

I find that the average person I know spends far too much time on the computer as it is. It isn’t good for our backs, or our eyes or our wrists and I am sure that they will discover other ways that spending hours in front of a screen is harmful to our health. But really this is beside the point. It is so very bad for relationships in the home and beyond.

Our time is pretty special to us. We have six sons between us with wives, girlfriends and grandchildren plus family in the States and there is also Richard’s three brothers. And what about our friends and other commitments? These all take large chunks of our precious time which we give joyfully.

So how much time do you spend Tweeting and Facebooking ? Facebook I will agree can be fun and is useful for friends but do I really want to spend loads of time taking on more friends just because they may have a loose connection with folks I know? As for Twitter, why do I want to wade through comments, most of which are banal in the extreme from people I do not know, most likely do not want to and will never ever meet when I have family and friends to whom I wish to stay in contact? Do I really want to be a voyeur to my friend’s tiff with her daughter over a dress she wore or comments made after a party where boys were boys? If you want to know what your kids are really like have a look at their Facebook page!!! Be warned!!! What about evenings in most homes these days where everyone retreats to their own private screen? No one in the home communicates verbally – they might tweet or put a message on their wall to someone in the next room – but we are in danger of losing our ability to communicate properly, verbally and in the flesh – face to face. We are becoming isolated in our own homes. We as grown-ups and parents should really take notice and take stock. First it was the television. Then came videos. Then came computer games and mobile phones, then came laptops. Now the laptops have Twitter and Facebook. The only thing we haven’t discovered that we can do on screen is eat real food and the effects thereof.

I am sure that this blog will stir a few of you up and that is the purpose. I need to create a dialogue on the virtues of something that is a bit like passing notes in class and having them intercepted.
Richard is on Twitter and Facebook which I have encouraged as it is important that we all stay abreast of the changing world. But not all changes in our world are ones that everyone should embrace. Will tweeting really make a difference to Richard’s business? I’m not convinced. Does it really make a difference to yours? Less of it might just make a huge difference to your work performance and to life in your home with your spouses and children.

Let me know what you think. My mind is still open but I have grave doubts.

Dorothy Denny

Thinking back over the past two years of all of the conferences and speaking events that I have been fortunate to speak at, I really am amazed how few corporate executives have had any presentation skill coaching.

So many make themselves look a real plonker in front of their colleagues and peers. Public speaking training or coaching is probably one of the best investments any individual or their company can make. (yes I have a vested interest here as we have brilliant coaches who achieve fantastic results)

This coaching lasts a lifetime and we all know that a person who can communicate really effectively rapidly rises on their career ladder. So anyone reading this blog who might be asked to present or speak in public, do get a little help from an experienced coach. You don’t have to die wit powerpoint and lose confidence as well as trust and respect from your colleagues.

Here are a few tips

1. Look at the audience – not at the screen

2. Pauses and silence are fantastic tools

3. Overcome fear by good preparation

4. Stories will always hold an audience’s attention

5. Don’t reel off loads of statistics, facts or figures

Just a starter for five.