Dr. Rick Hanson

The Biology of Craving – and Not

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:56:51 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “The Biology of Craving – and Not” and focuses on biological nature of craving and what we can do about it.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

The San Rafael Meditation group is a weekly gathering in San Rafael, California, and is led by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. (and occasional guest teachers). It focuses on cultivating the brain states of self-awareness, calm, and inner peace, lovingkindness, mindfulness, and happiness. Research has shown that this can strengthen your immune system and nurture other health benefits.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience. It is a friendly and focused atmosphere. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Right Conduct toward Others – and Yourself

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:55:45 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is titled, “Right Conduct toward Others – and Yourself” and focuses on warming the heart and providing practical guidelines from the Buddha in terms of right speech, right action, and right livelihood as he laid out as to live with a warm heart.

This talk included a guided meditation is titled, “Grounded Warm Heartedness” which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Practices for Three Sources of Craving

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:55:36 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D is titled “Practices for Three Sources of Craving,” focuses on resting in fullness which is informed by noble truths in Buddhism regarding elimination of craving.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Growing Inner Resources for Feeling Safe and at Peace

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:55:27 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “Growing Inner Resources for Feeling Safe and at Peace” and focuses on our need for safety and developing resources inside of ourselves to feel safe and at peace.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience. This is in a friendly and focused atmosphere. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Cultivating Contentment & Easing the Craving of Grasping

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:55:18 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “Cultivating Contentment and Easing the Craving of Grasping” and focuses on resting in fullness is a way to explore the transition between the second (craving) and third (end of craving) noble truths in Buddhism.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience. This is in a friendly and focused atmosphere. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Introducing Wholeness – in Your Brain and Life

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:54:28 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D it is titled “Introducing Wholeness – in Your Brain and Life,” and focuses on what could be going on in your brain and life when your heart is open.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Resting In Love

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:54:19 +0000

Here is a talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “Resting in Love” and focuses on resting in love and the need for connecting.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience. This is in a friendly and focused atmosphere. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Feeling Whole – Accepting Yourself Fully

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 15:54:10 +0000

Here is a talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “Feeling Whole – Accepting Yourself Fully” and focuses on ways of being our whole self by acknowledging distinct ways of being and a way of being by having less sense of self.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience. This is in a friendly and focused atmosphere. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Taking an Ennobling Path in Relationships

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:28:20 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is titled, “Taking an Ennobling Path in Relationships” and focuses on framework for aspirational nature of these seven practices (steadness of mind, warming the heart, resting in fullness, a sence of contentment and peace and love, softening into wholeness, receiving nowness, opening into allness, and finding timelessness) and holding them in our own real life.

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is titled, “Mindfulness of Breathing” and focuses on steadiness of mind through a fundamental practice of mindful breathing which is a way to be mindful of the body.

This talk included a guided meditation which you can download here.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

The Sweetness of Lovingkindness

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:28:09 +0000

Here is a talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. It is titled, “The Sweetness of Lovingkindness” the focuses is on lovingkindness through personal effort, deliberate practice, and opening doors to all. There is a sweetness to the emphasis on the power of love and not putting anyone out of our heart.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Three Questions to Change Your Day – Life

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:27:51 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is titled, “Three Questions to Change Your Day – Life” this talk focuses on three questions 1) Should I be bother about this? 2) Should I stay driven about this? 3) Should I be clinging to this?

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

The Basement of Suffering

Rick Hanson — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:25:20 +0000

This talk from the San Rafael Meditation group with Rick Hanson, Ph.D is titled “The Basement of Suffering,” and explores resting in fullness which is a way of talking about equanimity in the Buddhist framework. A way to explore the green zone as a way of engaging the challenges of life while not getting stressed.

This group is open to seasoned meditators and people with less experience, all in an atmosphere that is friendly and focused. Newcomers are always welcome. Learn more here.

Stephanie — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 14:14:46 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1585341898773{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]In this meditation, talk and discussion from my Wednesday Night Meditation, we start with a 45-minute meditation in Resting at Peace in a Radiant Heart. Then, as many are dealing with a range of feelings during the Coronavirus pandemic, I offer a talk on Love and Anger in the Time of Corona.

I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner width=”1/2″ css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1585341871000{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Resting at Peace in a Radiant Heart

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Download the Audio of this Meditation

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Talk: Love and Anger in the Time of Corona

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gemoy-o6JUw” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1585344651129{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584459334949{margin-top: 40px !important;margin-bottom: 10px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1584444232868{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Practicing Dāna: Cultivating Generosity

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1584820360729{margin-top: 65px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge. And if you like, you may wish to participate in the age-old tradition of generosity through making an offering yourself – called “dāna” – to support Rick and the Wednesday Meditations. Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1584459266594{margin-top: 15px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1584459323955{margin-top: 0px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]Please enter your email and donation amount below. Once you click “Donate” you will be directed to PayPal, where you can pay via credit card (no PayPal account required) or your PayPal account.[/vc_column_text]

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1584457982337{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Additionally, many expressions of generosity are not about money. People offer attention, encouragement, and patience many times a day. Sometimes we withhold when it would be so easy, actually, to listen quietly for another minute or to offer a word of appreciation or simply a look that says, “I’m with you.” Try being a little more generous for a day and see what happens. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Be Mind Full of Good

Rick Hanson — Wed, 20 Dec 2023 01:00:43 +0000

The Practice:
Be mind full of good.

Why?

It’s kind of amazing: right now, what you think and feel, enjoy and suffer, is changing your brain. The brain is the organ that learns, designed by evolution to be changed by our experiences: what scientists call experience-dependent neuroplasticity.

Neurons that fire together wire together. This means that each one of us has the power to use the mind to change the brain to change the mind for the better. To benefit oneself and other beings.

Using this internal power is more important than ever these days, when so many of us are pushed and prodded by external forces – the economy, media, politics, workplace policies, war on the other side of the world, the people on the other side of the dining room table – and by our reactions to them.

Life is often hard. To cope with hard things, to be effective and successful, or simply to experience ordinary well-being, we need resources inside, inner strengths like resilience, compassion, gratitude, and other positive emotions, self-worth, and insight.

Some strengths are innate – built into your DNA – but most are acquired, woven over time into the fabric of your brain. These lasting traits come from passing states – experiences of inner strength – that get installed into the brain. You become more grateful through internalizing repeated experiences of gratitude; you become more compassionate through internalizing repeated experiences of compassion; etc.

So far, so obvious. But here’s the catch: without this installation – without the transfer of the experience from short-term memory buffers to long-term storage – beneficial experiences such as feeling cared about are momentarily pleasant but have no lasting value. Yikes! There is no learning, no growth, and no change for the better.

Meanwhile, your brain is rapidly and efficiently turning unpleasant, negative experiences – feeling frazzled, stressed, worried, frustrated, irritated, inadequate, hurt, etc. – into the neural structure. To help our ancestors survive in harsh conditions, the brain evolved a negativity bias that makes it good at learning from bad experiences but relatively bad at learning from good ones – even though learning from good experiences is the main way to grow the inner strengths we all need.

In effect, today, our brains have a well-intended, universal learning disability because they’ve been painstakingly built over millions of years for peak performance . . . in Stone Age conditions.

Most of us are pretty good at having beneficial experiences – but pretty bad at installing them in the brain. Similarly, most therapists, mindfulness teachers, coaches, parents, and human resources trainers are pretty good at encouraging beneficial experiences in others but pretty bad at helping them get installed in those brains; this was certainly true for me.

In effect, most beneficial experiences are wasted most of the time. The result is a learning curve, a growth rate that is a lot flatter than it needs to be.

Poignantly, because we are not internalizing most of our wholesome, beneficial experiences – authentic moments of feeling relaxed, capable, peaceful, glad, successful, contented, appreciated, loved, and loving – we feel emptier inside than we truly deserve to feel. And we become a lot easier to manipulate by fear, consumerism, and “us vs. them” conflicts.

What can we do?

We can use the mind to change the brain for the better.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]How?

Here’s the essence: Have It, Enjoy It.

In other words, have a beneficial experience in the first place – usually because you simply notice one you are already having: you’re already feeling a bit of ease, relief, pleasure, connection, warmth, determination, confidence, clarity, hope, etc. And it’s fine to create beneficial experiences, such as deliberately thinking of things you feel thankful for, or calling up compassion for someone in pain, or recalling how it felt in your body to assert yourself with someone who was being pushy.

Then, once you’ve got that good experience going, really enjoy it: taking 5, 10, or more seconds to protect and stay with it and open to it in your body. The longer and more intensely those neurons fire together, the more they’ll be wiring this inner strength into your brain.

This is positive neuroplasticity, the essence of self-reliance: taking in everyday experiences to develop more inner strengths such as grit, confidence, kindness, emotional balance, happiness, patience, and self-awareness.

I don’t believe in positive thinking. You’re not overlooking the pains, losses, or injustices in life. I believe in realistic thinking, seeing the whole mosaic of reality, the good, the bad, and the neutral. Precisely because life is often hard – and because we’ve got a brain that’s relatively poor at growing the inner strengths needed to deal with these challenges – we need to focus on the good facts in life, let them become good experiences, and then help these experiences really sink in.

Most of the time, you take in the goodwill in the flow of life, maybe half a dozen times a day, usually less than half a minute at a time. You can also use more structured moments, such as at meals, after exercising or meditation, or just before bed.

Besides being more open in general to beneficial experiences, you can look for those specific experiences that will grow the particular inner strength(s) that will help you the most these days. For example, if you’re feeling anxious, look for authentic opportunities to feel supported, protected, resourced, tough-minded, relaxed, or calm. If life feels disappointing or blah, look for the genuine facts that naturally support experiences of gladness, gratitude, pleasure, accomplishment, or effectiveness. If you feel lonely or inadequate, look for the real occasions when you are included, seen, appreciated, liked, or loved – and open to feeling appropriately cared about and valued; also look for chances to feel caring for yourself, since love is love whether it is flowing in or flowing out.

Our beneficial experiences are usually mild – a 1 or 2 on the 0-10 scale of intensity – but they are real. Any single time you let these experiences really land inside, you won’t change your life. But much as a cup of water is filled drop by drop, you’ll be changing your brain synapse by synapse for the better – and your life for the better as well.

And with a mind full of good, you’ll have more to offer others. Growing the good in them, too, in widening ripples seen and unseen, perhaps reaching eventually around the whole world.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636595443053{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Could Be More Mind Full of Good?

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Being Well Podcast: Harnessing Your Generativity: The Secret to Productivity, Creativity, and Consistency

Rick Hanson — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 20:46:25 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71823″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]Dr. Rick joins Forrest on this episode of the Being Well Podcast for a deep dive into harnessing our natural generativity. How can we become more productive and creative, experience greater satisfaction, and lean into our biological drives to get more of what we want out of life?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They explore what a drive is, our natural drive states, and what we can learn from models of motivation like self-determination theory, before moving on to what we can do if generativity doesn’t come naturally to us. Rick and Forrest share how we can lean into enjoyable experiences, feel more competent and autonomous, and learn to brave experiences of failure. The second half of the episode focuses on psychological tools that help us activate, enjoy, and hang out in generative states more often.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Register for Rick’s Yearly Program! The Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 is a year-long, science-backed journey through developing 12 key inner strengths like compassion, mindfulness, confidence, motivation, and courage. It’s Rick’s flagship program, and if you like Being Well you’ll probably love it. Visit FWBProgram.com to learn more, and get 20% off with coupon code BeingWell20. [/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text][/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column width=”1/4″ offset=”vc_col-lg-offset-0 vc_col-md-offset-0 vc_col-sm-offset-0 vc_col-xs-6″][vc_single_image image=”38547″ img_size=”full” onclick=”custom_link” img_link_target=”_blank” qode_css_animation=”” link=”https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/being-well-dr-rick/id1120885936″][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″ offset=”vc_col-lg-offset-0 vc_col-md-offset-0 vc_col-sm-offset-0 vc_col-xs-6″][vc_single_image image=”38546″ img_size=”full” onclick=”custom_link” img_link_target=”_blank” qode_css_animation=”” link=”https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/being-well-podcast?refid=stpr”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″ offset=”vc_col-lg-offset-0 vc_col-md-offset-0 vc_col-sm-offset-0 vc_col-xs-6″][vc_single_image image=”38545″ img_size=”full” onclick=”custom_link” img_link_target=”_blank” qode_css_animation=”” link=”https://open.spotify.com/show/5d87ZU1XY0fpdYNSEwXLVQ”][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/4″ offset=”vc_col-lg-offset-0 vc_col-md-offset-0 vc_col-sm-offset-0 vc_col-xs-6″ css=”.vc_custom_1548358925662{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”][vc_single_image image=”38543″ img_size=”full” onclick=”custom_link” img_link_target=”_blank” qode_css_animation=”” link=”https://playmusic.app.goo.gl/?ibi=com.google.PlayMusic&isi=691797987&ius=googleplaymusic&apn=com.google.android.music&link=https://play.google.com/music/m/I5ztwprmc5fr5muxp3ul5wkmxxi?t%3DBeing_Well_Podcast_with_Dr._Rick_Hanson%26pcampaignid%3DMKT-na-all-co-pr-mu-pod-16″][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716182229{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/wh9Rd5HNF1Q”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1702932018383{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:10: Rick’s ability to stay generative.

3:25: Motivation, aggression, and our interdependence with others

12:10: A theoretical framework for generative drive

14:50: The process of making something as a form of healing

19:30: Confidence, autonomy, and relatedness

23:55: The way we think of ourselves

28:10: Agency, and what we can and cannot influence

34:30: Comfort with aggression

40:55: Work ethic, the role of passion and enjoyment, and finding your why

47:45: Competency and flow

50:55: Having positive associations with effort

57:10: Enriching vs. absorbing our experience

1:01:30: The little things that make a big difference

1:04:30: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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Meditation + Talk: Right Effort . . . about Right Effort!

Rick Hanson — Thu, 14 Dec 2023 23:33:17 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation and a 47-minute talk about Right Effort . . . about Right Effort![/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1702576785963{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Right Effort . . . about Right Effort!

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Download the Audio of this Meditation

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Talk: Right Effort . . . about Right Effort!

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/95L59Mu_RMM” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1702587709669{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

To practice generosity through making an offering – called “dāna” in the language of early Buddhism – please enter your email and donation amount below. Once you click “Donate” you will be directed to PayPal, where you can pay via credit card (no PayPal account required) or your PayPal account.[/vc_column_text]

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

Additionally, many expressions of generosity are not about money. People offer attention, encouragement, and patience many times a day. Sometimes we withhold when it would be so easy, actually, to listen quietly for another minute or to offer a word of appreciation or simply a look that says, “I’m with you.” Try being a little more generous for a day and see what happens.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]

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Twelve Good Things 2023

Rick Hanson — Tue, 12 Dec 2023 16:10:00 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]Each year I use an issue of the Just One Thing newsletter to offer Twelve Good Things that I think are really wonderful and worth your attention.

May you and those you love and the whole wide world be truly well, truly happy, and truly at peace.

— ONE —

Global Compassion Coalition

The Global Compassion Coalition is working to build a better world, with compassion and justice at its heart. Please join me and over a hundred thousand others — it’s free, and growing by several thousand a week — to connect inner and outer, the personal and the political, so that people and the planet are truly thriving. Together, we can be big enough to be strong enough to make the world we long for!

Our key partner is the Charter for Compassion, an international force for good, including its work to promote compassionate cities, prosocial schools and businesses, and a global network of millions of people who have affirmed the Charter itself.

— TWO —

Greater Good Science Center

The Greater Good Science Center remains my go-to for research-based stories, tips, and tools for a happier, more meaningful life and a more compassionate society. I especially like their Science of Happiness Podcast and their annual list of favorite books.

— THREE —

The Foundations of Well-Being 2.0

Tired of just surviving the challenges life keeps throwing your way? Start changing and thriving with my Foundations of Well-Being 2.0 — a step-by-step journey in 2024 where you’ll be building up new inner strengths each week for big, lasting changes. If you sign up by this Friday, you can save 50%.

— FOUR —
Get to Net Zero Yourself

For all our efforts, humanity is producing more greenhouse gasses than ever. Sure, we should pressure companies and countries to change. But they keep blocking emissions reductions and making money as fast as they can while the planet burns up.
Meanwhile, as much as we try to have a greener lifestyle, we each have an unavoidable carbon footprint—16 metric tons of CO2 a year for the average American.
Individually, you and I can’t change Exxon Mobil or Saudia Arabia. But for less than half a dollar a day, we can each compensate for our personal carbon footprint through legitimate “offsets,” like donating to plant trees, protect wetlands from the developer’s bulldozer, or deliver water filtration kits so people don’t have to burn wood to boil water so it’s safe to drink.
With others, I’m helping to build a global movement of eventually hundreds of millions of individuals who make a moral commitment to being Net Zero themselves. At scale, this could impact 5-10% of annual greenhouse gasses, year after year after year. This might seem unrealistic, but it’s a lot more realistic than hoping that the fossil fuel industry and its political allies will act against their own profit interests.
It’s easy to feel helpless, and just tune out and give up. They want you to do that. But you have the power to compensate for your unavoidable carbon footprint. This is individual moral action, not companies gaming the carbon markets with wildly inflated offsets. And together, we can become a mighty political force on the world stage, saying: “I’ve Done My Part – Now Do Yours!”

— FIVE —

Rick’s Recommended Books of 2023

For a deep dive into inner practice, I heartily recommend anything by Stephen Snyder and Henry Shukman; also see China Root and Realizing Genjokoan.

For fiction, my tastes are, er, eclectic. I thoroughly enjoyed Lessons in Chemistry but had mixed reactions to The Covenant of Water (which my wife really loved). Witch King is a fun fantasy by Martha Wells (also check out her Murderbot series). I also liked When These Mountains Burn, Runner (and the other two books in the Sam Dryden series), and The Drifter (and the others in the Peter Ash series).

For haunting gorgeous writing, see Sleepless Nights and The Collected Stories of Grace Paley. Last, I just finished Whalefall, which is gonna stay with me for a long time.

And for the littles be sure to check out Good Morning, I Love You, Violet!

— SIX —

Worthy Nonprofits

BRITE Initiative remains an organization near and dear to my heart. Their school in Haiti for kindergarten through 8th grade serves children who would not otherwise get a decent education. They have about 120 students who still need support for this school year, and you might like to join me in sponsoring one of them.

Buddhist Global Relief is also close to my heart. Over 90% of what’s donated to them goes directly to feeding people, operating schools — including for girls who would otherwise suffer a terrible fate — and demonstrating the power of boundless lovingkindness.

And I’ve recently learned about Mwanzo in rural Kenya, and the extraordinary work of its founder, Loyce Ong’udi. Their slogan is “hope has a home here”—profoundly true in a setting in which hundreds of people will turn out to celebrate the graduation of children from kindergarten.

— SEVEN —

Movies and Videos

I saw a lot this year that entertained, educated, and/or inspired me. I won’t try to explain my choices here; proceed at your own risk!

For movies, I liked She Came to Me, Since I Been Down, and No Hard Feelings (raunch alert). If you don’t know what else to watch, see Arrival or Almost Famous; they get better every time I see them.

In TV shows, The Bear season 2 was even better than season 1; The Gilded Age is an ambivalent pleasure (the actual horrors of wealth inequality, sexism, and racism in the 1880s get airbrushed out); The Diplomat is so intelligent, so engaging; Poker Face is tons of fun; and of course, the final season of Ted Lasso.

For videos, hoowee, it’s a golden age, including of course analyses of the great SF 49ers (shoutout to Quarterback School). So many options . . . check out: John Mayer with BB King as well as Keith Urban; U2, Mick Jagger, and Fergie belting Gimme Shelter; the perennial need to herd the durn cats; Robert Sapolsky explaining how we can learn to live in peace together; Magnus Midtbe’s girlfriend reacting to Alex Honnold getting him to solo (= death if he fell) a 5.9 (= really hard) route; Eddie Vedder with Tom Petty (bless his memory); anything with the great Angus and Julia Stone, including this; Eddie Berman and Laura Marling covering Like a Rolling Stone; Santana explaining how he happened to be peaking on LSD when he was pushed out onto the stage at Woodstock and the results (among other gems, note the incredible drummer); Ethel Cain plus Florence and the Machine and the haunting Morning Elvis; and why Zazen is good for nothing.

— EIGHT —

Good News in 2023

It’s been an up-and-down year and here’s some good news to end it:

— NINE —

Wellspring Institute

The Wellspring Institute for Neuroscience and Contemplative Wisdom is supported entirely by donations and gathers, organizes, and freely offers information and methods — supported by brain science and the contemplative disciplines — for greater happiness, love, effectiveness, and wisdom. The institute publishes the free, bimonthly Wise Brain Bulletin, provides funding for research, and maintains a database of key scientific papers. You can support this 501c(3) non-profit organization here.

— TEN —

The Wonder of Space

I find a lot of wonder in space, which is why I love checking out the Astronomy Picture of the Day, and the Astrum channel‘s eye-popping images of space. The Exoplanet Travel Bureau website is also fun to imagine taking a trip outside the solar system, and the Hubblesite has a lot of fascinating imagery from the NASA Hubble Space Telescope as well.

— ELEVEN —

Free, Live Online Meditation Groups

Much research has shown that meditation is a powerful way to develop greater resilience, compassion, and happiness – as well as strengthen the immune system and promote other health benefits. You can join me for free every Wednesday as I offer a talk and meditation that draws on modern psychology, brain science, and the teachings of the Buddha. My good friends Michael Taft, Jack Kornfield, and Tara Brach also host weekly live meditations you may want to check out.

— TWELVE —

Resources for Happy, Peaceful, Confident Kids

Children and their happiness and development have always been dear to my heart, and there are so many great resources for helping them grow into happy, confident, peaceful people. The Wuf Shanti YouTube Channel has a lot of great videos, and its creator Adam Avin has a new book out — Stress Less: Mindfulness for Teens. GoNoodle teaches kids body awareness among other topics, The Mindful Adventures of Unicorn Island from Headspace guides kids in regulating emotions, and Everyday Speech has great videos for kids who have social learning challenges.

As we head into the holiday season, I’d like to send twelve times warm wishes to you,

Rick

P.S. For a baker’s dozen, I highly highly recommend the Being Well podcast hosted by Forrest Hanson alongside a recurring mystery guest (me!). The podcast has been downloaded over 15 million times and we’ve explored topics like how to improve our relationships, deal with anxiety, heal from trauma, break old patterns, motivate ourselves, and more. I know you’ll like it![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Being Well Podcast: How to Become a NEW Person

Rick Hanson — Mon, 11 Dec 2023 15:46:28 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71809″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]We’re getting toward the end of the year, and it’s a great opportunity to evaluate where we are and where we’d like to go. On this episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how we can step out of the way we’ve been, and into a new way of thinking, doing, and being. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They talk about self-concept, unconscious beliefs, and how those beliefs affect our behavior. Forrest then shares a model of what this kind of change tends to look like practically, which usually includes relax our attachment to the things that are holding us back. Other topics include getting down to “the tip of the root,” taking a step back from our narratives, challenging limiting beliefs, taking life less personally, working with discouragement, and finding motivation and drive.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iO5hbdFkYSE”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1702055866469{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:30: Self-concept, how unconscious beliefs affect behavior, and freedom

5:40: Appraisals and attributions

9:35: The way we spin our self-narrative, and holding onto grievances

14:25: Being honest with ourselves when we feel stuck

19:30: Changing behavior before changing thinking

25:15: Values and behaviors

29:05: Underlying fears and practical confusion

33:50: Taking your experiences less personally

36:05: Finding the motivation to get our hands dirty

41:30: Negativity bias and appreciative inquiry

47:45: First steps when you’re feeling discouraged

56:55: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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Connect with the show:

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Meditation + Talk: Effortless Effort – The Wise Effort of No-Self

Rick Hanson — Thu, 07 Dec 2023 21:50:56 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 49-minute meditation and discussion, and a 26-minute talk and Q&A about Effortless Effort: The Wise Effort of No-Self.

Guest teacher Stephen Doetsu Snyder began practicing meditation in 1976. He has studied Buddhism extensively, including Zen, Tibetan, Theravada, and Western non-dual traditions. He was authorized to teach in the Theravada tradition in 2007 and the Zen schools of Soto and Rinzai in 2022. He is a senior student of Roshi Mark Sando Mininberg. Stephen encourages students to turn toward their true nature and embody their true identity. He is the author of four books, including Buddha’s Heart and Demystifying Awakening.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701984332516{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation and Discussion: Effortless Effort – The Wise Effort of No-Self

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/qjVRMGrn_3c” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701985205317{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation and Discussion

Talk and Q&A: Effortless Effort – The Wise Effort of No-Self

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/l6Jc2rRsBG4″ el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701984829484{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk and Q&A

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

"*" indicates required fields

[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Let It Flow

Rick Hanson — Wed, 06 Dec 2023 01:00:38 +0000

The Practice:
Let It Flow

Why?

I think there are five key things we can do inside ourselves to be happier, stronger, wiser, and more loving this year:

My previous JOT explored the first of these: how to lay down the burdens of useless worry, resentment, and self-criticism. In this one, I’ll focus on how to stay mindful and at peace with the ever-changing stream of consciousness . . . and with the inevitable ups and downs of the body and the world . . . even with changes that are understandably heart-aching and alarming.

Mindfulness
By mindfulness, I mean sustained present-moment awareness. This quality of remaining present can be directed at both the inner world and the outer one, and it can both narrow its focus and open wide.

You are aware of sights and sounds, thoughts and feelings, sensations and desires, all passing through awareness without resisting or chasing anything. It’s like sitting on the banks of a river – the stream of consciousness – watching all sorts of strange and interesting things carried along without hopping on board any one of them.

To support this mindfulness, it helps to keep intending to stay present and to have self-compassion for what may be painful. While being mindful, you can also take action inside your mind and in the outer world; mindfulness is not in conflict with helping yourself grow from your experiences or with trying to make the world a better place.

In the pie chart of internal causes that make people miserable, two of the largest slices are rumination – lost in thought, spinning in worries and regrets and grievances – and resisting what is. The stability of mindfulness stops rumination like a circuit breaker. It also lets you accept your inner experiences and outer circumstances as they are. You can still try to improve them, but without adding negative reactions of tension, woulda-coulda-shoulda, recrimination, and contraction.

Time Passing
Life is like a rope of time passing through your hands. When you add negative reactions to life, that’s like squeezing the rope and burning your fingers. If you resist other people or the fact that you’re stuck in an airport and your flight is late, or that you have poor Wi-Fi or whatever it might be, you can get yourself wound up, making things worse. Events and experiences may be unfortunate or painful, but that itself is not suffering. It is our aversion, our resistance, to events and experiences that create friction and, thus, suffering.

Similarly, if you try to hold onto pleasurable experiences, that is futile and painful as well. Any moment of experience is utterly impermanent – so trying to cling to any experience is both a frustrating and a doomed strategy for lasting happiness.

Even most of physical reality is continually changing, from the quicksilver quivering of quantum foam to the slow waltzes of galaxies over billions of years. People come, and people go, all the more precious for their inevitable passing. Sometimes you’re up, and sometimes you’re down. In the metaphor of the “eight worldly winds” from Tibet, there will be gain and loss, praise and blame, fame and scandal, and pleasure and pain. If you let them flow, you can ride the waves of life with gratitude and grace and without drowning.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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One of the great lessons for me in young adulthood was the necessity of feeling my feelings. In effect, I had been numb below the head, and I needed to wake down – as Saniel Bonder puts it – not just wake up.

As you steady in present-moment awareness, you can better tolerate painful feelings since you’re not so identified with them or overwhelmed by them. Yes, sometimes we need to step away from what’s too much to bear, and that’s OK. I needed to pour out my own bucket of tears one spoonful at a time. But it will gradually get easier, and your own bucket will eventually empty.

In particular, try to disengage from recurring or complicated thoughts since that’s where we usually get stuck. If you focus on the body sensations and the feelings of whatever upsets you and have a sense of letting them go – perhaps in rhythm with exhaling and relaxing – they usually release within minutes or less. They may come back, but as you repeatedly associate troubling psychological material with an untroubled field of awareness and gently encourage it to flow through you and out of you . . . . it will probably ease somewhat, and perhaps entirely.

One way to help yourself in all this is to take a bird’s-eye view of your thoughts and feelings and to be aware of your body as a whole. This tends to activate neural networks on the sides of your brain that support the sense of letting things be as they are without adding a lot of mental chatter and me-myself-and-I to them. Meanwhile, neural activity decreases in the midline neural cortices that enable rumination and resisting the present by getting caught up in the future and the past.

A Simple Practice
For a few breaths or longer, try the simple practice below. It will help you open to your experience, let it flow, and accept a changing world. You can do this as part of a meditation or in everyday life while you’re in a meeting, stuck in traffic, or watching the news.

Focus on the sensations of one or more breaths from beginning to end. Sensations around your nose or mouth, in your diaphragm, and in the rising and falling of the rib cage.

Stay aware of the feeling of breathing as other sensations move through awareness . . . staying aware of breathing as sounds change around you . . . as thoughts and feelings come and go.

Stay in touch with the sensations of breathing while letting all experiences flow through awareness.

Get a sense of your body as a whole as you breathe. If your attention focuses on just one part of it, keep widening your awareness to include the whole body. Relax and abide as a whole body breathing. Thoughts and feelings pass through awareness without pushing them away or following them as you rest in the sense of your whole body.

If you like, open to any nagging concerns or pushed away emotions in the back of your mind and let them come forward . . . letting them flow as they will through awareness . . . accepting them with compassion for yourself . . . letting tension flow out of your body, letting thoughts and feelings come and go in the open space of awareness . . . perhaps uncovering more sensitive or younger material such as hurt beneath the anger and letting this flow as well . . .

And when you want, return to a simple sense of being present as a body breathing . . . at ease . . .[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636655296313{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Could Go with the Flow?

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Being Well Podcast: What Healthy Couples DON’T Do with Dr. Amy Morin

Rick Hanson — Mon, 04 Dec 2023 20:44:25 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71787″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]Just as we can exercise our arms or legs to build physical strength, we can exercise our brains like we do any other muscle. On this episode of the Being Well Podcast, Therapist Amy Morin joins Forrest to help us learn how to regulate our thoughts, manage our emotions, and become more psychologically flexible.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]These key skills are particularly important for building a healthy relationship. Forrest and Amy explore how couples can work together to identify their issues, deal with effort imbalances, and avoid common mistakes (like having, get this, not enough conflict).

About our Guest: Amy Morin is a licensed clinical social worker, bestselling author, and the host of the Mentally Stronger podcast.Her most recent book is 13 Things Mentally Strong Couples Don’t Do, out on December 26th.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/ll-uU2Pecx4″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701722314282{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:35: Amy’s personal background, and how she got to the idea of mental strengths

7:30: Self-compassion vs. self-pity

11:05: Not giving away your power

14:50: Diagnosing root problems in relationships

18:25: When one frustration brings up all your other frustrations

22:25: The inevitability of conflict, and the vulnerability in expressing remorse

27:35: Setting the ground rules for a therapeutic conversation

31:05: When it feels like your partner isn’t invested in making changes

34:50: Learning to deconstruct reactive thoughts and misguided perceptions

38:30: Taking your thoughts with a grain of salt, and asking ‘what else might be true?’

41:20: Scorekeeping vs. negotiating, and finding ways to meet our own needs

45:40: Giving our partner what we actually want for ourselves

49:00: Balancing desires for closeness and distance

51:15: Not being a martyr or ‘controlling through giving’

55:30: Boundaries between partners, and how our backgrounds influence our preferences

1:00:35: Developing psychological flexibility

1:03:40: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

Support the Podcast

We’re now on Patreon! If you’d like to support the Being Well podcast, follow this link.

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Zocdoc helps you find expert doctors and medical professionals that specialize in the care you need, and deliver the type of experience you want. Head to zocdoc.com/being and download the Zocdoc app for FREE.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

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Finally get that project off the ground with Squarespace! Head to squarespace.com/beingwell for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch use coupon code BEINGWELL to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

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Meditation + Talk: Releasing and Receiving

Rick Hanson — Thu, 30 Nov 2023 22:04:18 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 32-minute meditation and a 47-minute talk from Rick’s series on Wise Effort, focusing on Releasing Receiving.

One moonlit evening in 13th-century Japan, the Zen nun Mugai Nyodai was carrying water in an old bucket made of bamboo strips. It suddenly broke and she had an awakening. I particularly like this version of her enlightenment poem from the writer Mary Swigonski:

“With this and that I tried to keep the bucket together
and then the bottom fell out.
Where water does not collect
the moon does not dwell.”

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1702307662432{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Releasing and Receiving

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/gzOIsWUTVoY” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701358667017{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: Releasing and Receiving

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Download the Audio of this Talk

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Learn As You Go

Rick Hanson — Wed, 29 Nov 2023 01:00:58 +0000

The Practice:
Learn as you go

Why?

I have been asked about my top five inner practices, and here they are:

By “learn as you go,” I mean that each day is an opportunity to take in the good: to help useful or enjoyable experiences sink in and become a part of you. Then when you go to sleep, you’ll be a little stronger, a little more resilient, a little wiser, a little more loving, and a little happier than you were when you woke up in the morning.

This kind of learning is not memorizing a multiplication table. It’s emotional learning, somatic learning. It’s becoming more skillful with the world around you and the world inside you. It’s social learning, motivational learning, and even spiritual learning. It’s healing from the past and growing strengths for the future. It’s becoming more compassionate, confident, patient, capable, and joyful. This is the learning that matters most. If things fall apart, what’s already inside you is what you can really count on.

I grew up in a stable and loving home, but for a variety of reasons, I was still very unhappy, awkward, and messed up inside. I didn’t know what to do, and it seemed hopeless. Then about age 15, there was a big turning point when I realized that no matter what things were like at the present time, I could always look for ways to learn and grow from there – to get more skillful, to heal, to grow. I didn’t need to despair because it was in my power to develop myself in some way each day. To learn how to talk with other kids or not be so irritated by my parents or deal with my crazy thoughts. To learn how to make my way in the world. And that was full of hope.

We can’t do anything about the past, but – to quote Captain Kirk in Star Trek – the future is an undiscovered country. It’s full of possibilities, including the possibilities of who you are becoming. No one can stop you from learning. And no one can do it for you – which makes the results authentic and yours to own.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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We’re having experiences all day long, but what actually sinks in? Usually, it’s the moments of stress and sorrow, anxiety and anger, hurt and resentment. Meanwhile, all the many experiences of gratitude, accomplishment, friendliness, feeling cared about, wholesome pleasure, insight, and commitment pass through us like water through a sieve. This is due to the brain’s evolved negativity bias, which makes it like Velcro for bad experiences but Teflon for good ones.

To beat the negativity bias and grow more of the good inside yourself, there are just two steps – but you have to do both of them.

Two Steps
First, you need to experience whatever you want to grow. Such as insight, intention, skill, satisfaction, calming, easing, soothing, or vitalizing. Second, that experience must leave a lasting physical trace behind in neural structure or function. Otherwise, there is no lasting value, no healing, no growth, no learning.

The first step is usually easy. Most people have many mildly pleasant or useful experiences each day and just have to notice them. We can also create beneficial experiences, such as calling up the feeling of compassion or determination or remembering what it feels like to be with someone who cares about you.

Second, once the “song” of that experience is playing in your inner iPod, turn on the recorder. This is the step that people routinely skip in everyday life and that therapists, coaches, and teachers (including myself) can fail to do when working with others. But if we miss this step, we’ve wasted the experience on the brain.

There are lots of ways to use the power of “experience-dependent neuroplasticity” (that’s a mouthful) to turn passing experiences into grit and gratitude and other inner strengths hardwired into your nervous system. (For a summary, check out my book Resilient.) Try one of these or all three of them:

Stay with the experience for a breath or two or longer. There’s a famous saying: “Neurons that fire together, wire together.” The longer you keep them firing, the more they will tend to connect together.
Feel it in your body as much as possible. This is not about remembering specific events in your life, but about receiving the residues of lived experience into yourself.
Focus on what is enjoyable or meaningful about it. As the sense of reward in an experience increases, dopamine and norepinephrine activity in the brain tends to increase as well. This flags experiences as “keepers” and prioritizes them for long-term storage.

You might take these two steps only a few times a day, usually less than a minute at a time. But bit by bit, synapse by synapse, you’ll be growing happiness, love, and wisdom inside yourself.

Some Profound Implications
This practice is simple, down-to-earth, and natural. It’s also profound in a couple of ways.

First, experiences are continually changing; as Francis Bacon wrote: “We have only this moment, sparkling like a star in our hand and melting like a snowflake.” Yet you can help them leave enduring tracks behind as they pass through consciousness. Remarkably, you can get lasting value from the melting moment even as you let go of it.

Second, as you take in the good over time, you feel increasingly filled up from the inside out. Then it feels like there is enough of a need met already, even as you cope with challenges. This reduces our biologically rooted tendencies toward “craving” based on a sense of something missing, something wrong. As we grow an unshakable core of resilient well-being, there is less push inside to fight pain or chase pleasure or cling to other people.

Then our footprint on the world and others becomes lighter, and we also become harder to manipulate with fear or greed or “us against them” grievances and rivalries. We should certainly act to improve conditions in the world. But that is not sufficient – as we can see in the example of many privileged and affluent people who still see threats around every corner, can’t stop piling up more wealth no matter the cost, and dehumanize and bully others. The sense of enoughness must land in the heart and take root – and if it does in the hearts of enough people, that will change the course of human history.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636597843686{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Could Take in the Good More Often?

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Being Well Podcast: Highly Sensitive People, Repairing with Family, and “Talking About Talking”: November Mailbag

Rick Hanson — Mon, 27 Nov 2023 21:31:54 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71772″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]What can I do if my partner dominates conversations about our relationship? How can I navigate situations where I want to repair, but other people don’t? What’s a “highly sensitive person,” and how does it relate to conditions like complex PTSD, ADHD, and autism?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]In this episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick and Forrest open up the mailbag and answer questions from listeners.

If you’d like to have a question answered on the podcast, you can join us on Patreon or send it in to contact@beingwellpodcast.com.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/MjGXsD9Xhb8″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701120656074{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:00: What can I do when my partner dominates relationship conversations, but also complains about me “interrupting?”

12:45: How can you repair with family members…when they don’t want to repair?

22:55: Why do intrusive thoughts arise late at night? How can we address them?

28:00: I give to a fault in my relationships. What can I do?

34:10: How do you work with the tendency to be overly competitive?

40:45: What do you think about the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) “diagnosis?” How does it relate to conditions like complex PTSD, ADHD, and autism?

55:15: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

Support the Podcast

We’re now on Patreon! If you’d like to support the Being Well podcast, follow this link.

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

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Meditation + Talk: The Essence of Practice – Loving, Knowing, and Growing

Rick Hanson — Mon, 27 Nov 2023 20:56:21 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation and a 47-minute talk from Rick’s series on Wise Effort, focusing on The Essence of Practice: Loving, Knowing, and Growing.

Life happens to us, and we happen in life, in nature, in reality. Then what?
We can either be swept along, in ignorance, fueled and poisoned by hatred, greed, and heartache.

Or we can practice:

In our relationship to and how we respond to

what is happening to us

our experiences of that, and

the nature of reality itself

Practice is like a three-legged stool, with three key elements. In Pali: Metta. Sati. Bhavana. — loosely translated into English: Loving. Knowing. Growing.

This talk and meditation featured several quotations which can be found under the video players below.

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1701128947036{margin-bottom: 30px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700946480023{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: The Essence of Practice – Loving, Knowing, and Growing

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/8TalxpdqlYQ” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700947216175{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: The Essence of Practice – Loving, Knowing, and Growing

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/CeRh3pj-lTA” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700947186299{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk

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This talk touched on the three elements of practice: Loving, Knowing, and Growing.

Here are the quotes Rick offered for each:

— LOVING —

May all beings be happy and secure.

May all beings be happy at heart!

Omitting none, whether they are weak or strong,

seen or unseen, near or distant, born or to-be-born:

May all beings be happy.

Let none deceive another,
or despise anyone anywhere,
or through anger or ill will wish for another to suffer.

Just as a mother would protect her child, her only child,
with her own life,
even so you should cultivate a boundless heart toward all beings.

You should cultivate kindness
toward the whole world with a boundless heart:
above, below, and all around,
unobstructed, without enmity or hate.

Whether standing, walking, sitting, or lying down,
as long as you are alert,
you should be resolved upon this mindfulness.

This is called a sublime abiding here and now.

—Adapted from the Metta Sutta

There are those who do not realize
that one day we all must die.
But those who do realize this
settle their quarrels.
—Dhammapada 1.6

“As I am, so are others;
as others are, so am I.”
Having thus identified self and others,
harm no one nor have them harmed.
—Sutta Nipāta 3.710

Knowing that the other person is angry,
one who remains mindful and calm
acts for one’s own best interest
and for the other’s interest, too.
—Saṃyutta Nikāya 1.188

Original love is the ocean, it’s been there all along.
Finally, there is no difference anymore between us and it.
And that is a great great blessing.
—Henry Shukman

—KNOWING—

About this mind…. In truth there is nothing really wrong

with it. It is intrinsically pure. Within itself it’s already

peaceful. That the mind is not peaceful these days is because

it follows moods. The real mind doesn’t have anything

to it, it is simply (an aspect of) Nature. It becomes

peaceful or agitated because moods deceive it.

—Ajahn Chah

I’m thinking of the three facets of awareness (tibetan): open/empty;

cognizant/wakeful; unconfined responsiveness (sensitivity/warmth/

capacity to respond); when our empty wakeful awareness engages with form, there is spontaneous responsiveness (love, compassion); ..subtle (wish); active (donate).

—Tara Brach

In truth we are always present; we only imagine ourselves to be in one place

or another.

—Howard Cohn

One should learn to let thoughts arise and be freed to go as soon as they

arise, instead of letting them invade one’s mind. In the freshness of the

present moment, the past is gone, the future is not born, and if one remains in

pure mindfulness and freedom, potentially disturbing thoughts arise and go

without leaving a trace.

—Mathieu Ricard

The state of pure consciousness without content… is something that all

contemplatives have experienced.

—Mathieu Ricard

. . . an awareness that is free from thought and movement, has no sense of
inside or outside, and is utterly clear and transparent, like space.
—Ju Mipham, quoted by Ken McLeod, “Anger,” Tricycle Fall 2019, p. 93

Not impassioned with forms
— seeing a form with mindfulness firm
dispassioned in mind,
one knows
and doesn’t remain fastened there.
While one is seeing a form
— and even experiencing feeling —
it falls away and doesn’t accumulate.
Thus one fares mindfully.
Thus not amassing stress,
one is said to be
in the presence of Unbinding.
—SN 35.95

In your investigations of the world, never allow the mind to desert the body.
Examine its nature, see the elements that comprise it, kindly see the
impermanence, the suffering, the selflessness of the body while sitting,
standing, walking, or lying down. Then its true nature is seen fully and lucidly
by the mind/heart; the wonders of the world become clear.
—Ajahn Mun, quoted by Roxanne Dault, Buddhadharma, Spring 2021, p. 13

—GROWING—

With good will for the entire cosmos,

cultivate a limitless heart:

Above, below, & all around,

unobstructed, without hostility or hate.

—Sutta Nipāta 1.150

To avoid all evil,

to cultivate good,

and to purify one’s mind –

this is the teaching of the Buddhas.
—Dhammapada 14.183

Think not lightly of good, saying, “It will not come to me.”
Drop by drop is the water pot filled.
Likewise, the wise one, gathering it little by little,
fills oneself with good.
—Dhammapada 9.122

No mother nor father nor
any other kin can do
greater good for oneself
than a mind directed well.
—Dhammapada 4.43

The doer of good rejoices here and hereafter;
one rejoices in both the worlds.
One rejoices and exults,
recollecting one’s own pure deeds.
—Dhammapada 1.16

Wonderful it is to train the mind,
so swiftly moving, seizing whatever it wants.
Good is it to have a well-trained mind,
for a well-trained mind brings happiness.
—Dhammapada 3.35

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

"*" indicates required fields

[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Say Thanks

Rick Hanson — Wed, 22 Nov 2023 01:00:40 +0000

The Practice:
Say Thanks.

Why?

What do you feel when someone thanks you for something? For a comment in a meeting, a task done at home, an extra step taken, or an encouraging word.

You probably feel seen, and appreciated, and that you matter to the other person. Maybe a little startled, maybe wondering if you really deserve it, but also glad. Personally, this is how it is for me.

Turning it around, when you say “thank you” to someone, it is a small moment with big ripples: a confirmation of the deep and wonderful truth, that we all depend on each other, that we are all joined – across dinner tables and the world – in a web whose threads are innumerable acts of giving.

For example, often when I eat a meal, I’ll take a moment to imagine the details of how that tomato or rice was grown and then transported onto my plate, including the people who walked the fields to plant and eventually pick it, and the man or woman who drove the truck that carried it to the store where I bought it. Those folks do not know me, but they’re real people, working hard, hoping for a good life, worrying about the people they love, extending themselves in their jobs, giving me something extra, all this woven into the food that’s entering my blood, my bones: thank you.

You can’t possibly say thank you for everything you’ve received. No one can. So, when you do say thanks, it’s a token of your appreciation for the larger whole, joining you with that whole. It will make you happy to open to the giving coming your way each day.

And in giving thanks to the people in your life, you open the door to receiving their thanks in turn. In your home or company, a nice circle, a step toward a culture of gratitude.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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For starters, it’s hard to give thanks if you’re uncomfortable acknowledging that you have received something. Perhaps you don’t want to feel indebted or don’t want to look needy. Maybe it’s simply embarrassing. These feelings are normal – but they can sure get in the way of being thankful.

To deal with them, begin by naming them to yourself: squirmy . . . embarrassed . . . resentful . . . awkward . . . don’t want to owe anyone anything . . . Hold them in a big open space of awareness, like dark clouds in a vast sky. Don’t fight them, but gently move your attention away from them, back to your breathing and to a basic sense of being alright as a body . . . bringing to mind a sense of being cared about by someone . . . recognizing some of your good intentions in life . . . knowing one or more benefits to you of saying thanks . . . knowing what the other person has given you . . . feeling a simple sense of appreciation . . . feeling that it’s alright to be thankful . . . making it OK in your mind to express thanks.

And then be straightforward and simple and say “Thank you” in whatever way is natural.

Many thank you’s involve little things in the flow of life, like thanking someone for passing the salt at dinner. Let these small moments matter to you. Feel your thanks in your chest and throat. When you say your thanks, try to let them show in your eyes. Life is made up of moments, beads on a golden chain; what are you stringing together? As they say in Tibet: “If you take care of the minutes, the years will take care of themselves.”

Also, consider where you might have a backlog of thanks, perhaps for some big things like saying thanks to your parents or other relatives, to old friends and new ones, to teachers and coaches of all kinds. Thanks to lovers and mates, children, pets, neighbors – even people you have never met, even the whole natural world. A wonderful and powerful practice is to make a list of people you want to thank directly and then gradually move through the list. You can also certainly offer thanks in your imagination, such as to people who are no longer living, to people far away, to groups of people, to specific animals or nature in general, or spiritual beings or forces if that is meaningful to you.

Throughout, it is very sweet to be thankful for the opportunity to give thanks.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636581316784{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Would Like to Practice More Gratitude?

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Being Well Podcast: What Really Helps Trauma? with Dr. Jacob Ham

Rick Hanson — Sun, 19 Nov 2023 12:05:06 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71746″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]In one of the most interesting conversations we’ve ever had on the Being Well Podcast, Forrest is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Jacob Ham to explore what really helps people work with – and be with – trauma. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They begin with Dr. Ham’s background and what drew him to trauma work before Forrest asks him how he “conceptualizes” different kinds of traumatic experiences. Dr. Ham then takes them away from the conceptual, and toward the felt.

They talk about cultivating a felt sense of connection, empathy as a way in to relationship, and the value of anger. Dr. Ham shares about his own process taking risks as a clinician, using parts work, moving away from the “false idol” of cognizing, and finding a unique way in for each individual.

About our Guest: Dr. Jacob Ham is a clinical psychologist, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at Mount Sinai, and the Director of the Center for Complex Trauma. He was the therapist former podcast guest Stephanie Foo wrote about in her wonderful book What My Bones Know.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXBJeHz7tsY”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700319780136{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:30: Jacob’s background

5:20: Cultivating a felt sense of connection vs. idolizing the concept of trauma

11:00: A monastic, medical, and artistic approach

13:00: Knowing our intentions, and feeling others’ pain as a therapist

18:00: Surrendering to overwhelming grief

23:50: Love, vulnerability, and authenticity

29:45: The value of anger, the energy it demands, and navigating it with humility

34:45: Presence, and taking risks as a clinician

40:40: How Jacob does parts work, and finding what works with each individual

46:15: Staring at the finger that’s pointing at the moon

49:25: Does a good therapist need to have experienced trauma?

52:30: Honoring our inner protectors, surrendering to pain, and knowing it won’t last forever

56:20: Shaping others’ ability to help you, and processing trauma without professional help

1:00:15: Tipping points and surrender

1:04:15: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

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Meditation + Talk: Wise Effort: Already Home

Rick Hanson — Sat, 18 Nov 2023 00:11:33 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 33-minute meditation and a 49-minute talk from Rick’s series on Wise Effort, focusing on being Already Home.

This is the first in a series on Wise Effort. Many people these days are feeling discombobulated, rattled, befuddled, alarmed, outraged . . . . What to do about this?

We need clarity about the efforts that we CAN make, and we need to find authentic ways to be at peace with what is out of our hands. So this series offers simple steps we can take in our own lives to find our footing, lower the pressures, and feel calmer and clearer inside.

This talk and meditation featured several quotations which can be found under the video players below.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700159724063{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Wise Effort – Already Home

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/Dj0GKHqvHLI” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700245973822{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: Wise Effort – Already Home

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/ntLKiloAnSM” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1700262555745{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]

This talk touched on 5 different aspects that related to 5 different quotations, which are:

— ONE —
Be at home in your refuges

My heart is moved by all I cannot save:
So much has been destroyed
I have to cast my lot with those who
Age after age,
Perversely,
With no extraordinary power,
Reconstitute the world
—Adrienne Rich

For the Children

The rising hills, the slopes,
of statistics
lie before us.
the steep climb
of everything, going up,
up, as we all
go down.

In the next century
or the one beyond that,
they say,
are valleys, pastures,
we can meet there in peace
if we make it.

To climb these coming crests
one word to you, to
you and your children:
stay together
learn the flowers
go light
—Gary Snyder, from Turtle Island, reprinted in Tricycle, Fall 2022, p. 120

—TWO—
Rest in the home base of your own biology
in its Green Zone, including being at home in the heart

Have compassion for everyone you meet,
even if they don’t want it. What seems conceit,
bad manners, or cynicism is always a sign
of things no ears have heard, no eyes have seen.
You do not know what wars are going on
down there where the spirit meets the bone.
—From The Ways We Touch: Poems. Copyright 1997 by Miller Williams.

—THREE—
Be at home in the present

There is never time in the future in which we will work out our salvation. The challenge is in the moment; the time is always now.
—James Baldwin, in Nobody Knows My Name

You Reading This, Be Ready
Starting here, what do you want to remember?
How sunlight creeps along a shining floor?
What scent of old wood hovers, what softened
sound from outside fills the air?

Will you ever bring a better gift for the world
than the breathing respect that you carry
wherever you go right now? Are you waiting
for time to show you some better thoughts?

When you turn around, starting here, lift this
new glimpse that you found; carry into evening
all that you want from this day. This interval you spent
reading or hearing this, keep it for life –

What can anyone give you greater than now,
starting here, right in this room, when you turn around?
—William Stafford, from The Way It Is

—FOUR—
Be at home in the ground of all
recognizing interdependence and interbeing

In the past I have been a cloud, a river, and the air. And I was a rock. I was the minerals in the water. This is not a question of belief in reincarnation. This is the history of life on Earth.
—Thich Nhat Hanh

You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are not a stranger here.
—Alan Watts, The Book: On the Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are

You live in illusion and the appearance of things.
There is a reality, but you do not know this.
When you understand this, you will see that you are nothing.
And being nothing, you are everything. That is all.
—Kalu Rinpoche [in the Gratitude hut at Spirit Rock Meditation Center]

A grace living here as we live,
Move my mind now to that which holds
Things as they change.
—Wendell Berry, A Timbered Choir

—FIVE—
Be at home in yourself

Your purpose is to be yourself. You don’t have to run anywhere to become someone else. You are wonderful just as you are. This teaching of the Buddha allows us to enjoy ourselves, the blue sky, and everything that is refreshing and healing in the present moment. There is no need to put anything in front of us and run after it. We already have everything we are looking for, everything we want to become…The Heart Sutra says that there is “nothing to attain.” We meditate not to attain enlightenment, because enlightenment is already in us. We don’t have to search anywhere. We don’t need a purpose or a goal. We don’t practice in order to obtain some high position. In aimlessness, we see that we do not lack anything, that we already are what we want to become, and our striving just comes to a halt. We are at peace in the present moment, just seeing the sunlight streaming through our window or hearing the sound of the rain…People talk about entering nirvana, but we are already there.
—Thich Nhat Hanh, The Heart of the Buddha’s Teaching

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

"*" indicates required fields

[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Kindness to You is Kindness to Me; Kindness to Me is Kindness to You

Rick Hanson — Wed, 15 Nov 2023 01:00:55 +0000

The Practice:
Kindness to you is kindness to me; kindness to me is kindness to you.

Why?

I usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it’s something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain.

Some years ago, I was invited to give a keynote at a conference with the largest audience I’d ever faced. It was a big step up for me. Legendary psychologists were giving the other talks, and I feared I wouldn’t measure up. I was nervous. Real nervous.

I sat in the back, waiting my turn, worrying about how people would see me. I thought about how to look impressive and get approval. My mind fixed on me, me, me. I was miserable.

Then I began reading an interview with the Dalai Lama. He spoke about the happiness of wishing others well. A wave of relief and calming swept through me as I recognized that the kindest thing I could do for myself was to stop obsessing about “me” and instead try to be helpful to others.

So I gave my talk and stayed focused on what could be useful to people rather than how I was coming across. I felt much more relaxed and at peace – and received a standing ovation. I laughed to myself at the ironies: to get approval, stop seeking it; to take care of yourself and to take care of others.

This principle holds in everyday life, not just in conferences. If you get a sense of other people and find compassion for them, you’ll feel better yourself. In a relationship, one of the best ways to get your own needs met is to take maximum reasonable responsibility (these words are carefully chosen) for meeting the needs of the other person. Besides being benevolent – which feels good in its own right – it’s your best odds strategy for getting treated better by others. This approach is the opposite of being a doormat; it puts you in a stronger position.

Flip it the other way, and it is also true: kindness to yourself is kindness to others. As your own well-being increases, you’re more able and likely to be patient, supportive, forgiving, and loving. To take care of them, you’ve got to take care of yourself; otherwise, you start running on empty. As you grow happiness and other inner strengths inside yourself, you’ve got more to offer to others.

Kindness to you is kindness to me; kindness to me is kindness to you. It’s a genuine – and beautiful – two-way street.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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The kindness to others and to yourself that I’m talking about here is authentic and proportionate, not overblown or inappropriate.

In ordinary situations, take a moment here and there to recognize that if you open to appropriate compassion, decency, tolerance, respect, support, friendliness, or even love for others . . . . it’s good for you as well.

See the consequences of little things. For example, earlier today, in an airport, I saw a bag on the ground and didn’t know if it had been left by someone. Thinking about this practice, it was natural for there to be some friendliness in my face when I asked the man in front of me if it was his bag. He was startled at first and it seemed like he felt criticized, then he looked more closely at me, relaxed a bit, and said that the bag was his friend’s. His response to my friendliness made me feel at ease instead of awkward or tense.

Imagine what the other person’s concerns or wants might be and do what you can – usually easily and naturally – to take them into account. Then see how this turns out for you. Probably better than it would have been.

Also, see how taking care of yourself has good ripple effects for others. Deliberately do a small thing that feeds you – a little rest, some exercise, some time for yourself – and then notice how this affects your relationships. Notice how healthy boundaries in relationships help prevent you from getting used up or angry and eventually needing to withdraw.

In effect, you are running little experiments and letting the results really sink in. That’s the important part: letting it really land inside you that we are deeply connected with each other. Helping others helps you; helping yourself helps others. Similarly, harming others harms you; harming yourself harms others.

It’s as if we are connected in a vast web. For better or worse, what you do to others ripples back to you; what you do to yourself ripples out to others.

Recognizing this in your belly and bones will change your life for the better. And change the lives of others for the better as well.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1637096087627{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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Being Well Podcast: The Being Well Holiday Survival Guide

Rick Hanson — Mon, 13 Nov 2023 19:51:56 +0000

If that sounded like a joke, this episode of the Being Well Podcast is for you. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]Dr. Rick and Forrest explore how to survive the holidays with the dishes (mostly) intact. They talk about the pull of dysfunctional family systems, our tendency to return to the way things were “back then,” and balancing the desire to flip the Thanksgiving table with the desire to just make it through another year.

I thought this was one of the most interesting conversations we’ve had recently, and I hope you enjoy it.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/8kBI3AttBCQ”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699905079972{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: What makes the holidays tough?

5:45: The gap between who you are now and how your family system interacts with you

14:45: Parents yearning for the past, and craving gratitude

24:20: Finding agency amidst obligation

26:55: The weaponization of morality, and not needing to defend boundaries

32:45: Appreciating something about people amidst your struggles with them, and identifying the stakes

38:50: Getting through when it’s hard

43:30: The tension and ambiguity of wanting to speak up

47:00: Resourcing yourself ahead of time, and recognizing what’s in your best interest

51:50: Two kinds of grief and loss

1:01:40: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

Support the Podcast

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Start speaking a new language in just 3 weeks with Babbel! Get 55% off at Babbel.com/BEING.

Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

Connect with the show:

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Meditation + Talk: Tools For Difficult Conversations

Rick Hanson — Fri, 10 Nov 2023 15:31:30 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 32-minute meditation and a 52-minute talk about Tools For Difficult Conversations.

Our guest teacher Oren Jay Sofer teaches meditation and communication internationally. He holds a degree in comparative religion from Columbia University and is a Certified Trainer of Nonviolent Communication and a Somatic Experiencing Practitioner for the healing of trauma. Oren is also the author of several books, including the best-seller Say What You Mean: A Mindful Approach to Nonviolent Communication and his latest book, Your Heart Was Made for This: Contemplative Practices to Meet a World In Crisis with Courage, Integrity, and Love. His teaching has reached people around the world through his online communication courses and guided meditations. A husband and a father, Oren lives in the San Francisco Bay Area, where he enjoys cooking, spending time in nature, and home woodworking projects.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699547434258{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Tools For Difficult Conversations

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/bUPxbW8Iv6Y” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699547592149{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: Tools For Difficult Conversations

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=” https://youtu.be/R72vvOKB6Q0″ el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_raw_html]JTNDYSUyMG5hbWUlM0QlMjJkYW5hJTIyJTNFJTNDJTJGYSUzRQ==[/vc_raw_html][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699547621205{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Talk

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

"*" indicates required fields

[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]

Love Your Neighbor

Rick Hanson — Wed, 08 Nov 2023 01:00:50 +0000

What’s Nearby?

The Practice:
Love your neighbor.

Why?

This practice might sound extreme or pushy, and I want to tell you what I mean by it.

Everyone has lots of neighbors, and they come in many shapes and sizes. Obviously, the people living across the street are neighbors, but in some sense, so are the people you live with. Friends, relatives, co-workers, and all the people you know are neighbors. So are the people at the market or walking past on the street. Other living things are neighbors as well, such as cats and dogs, birds and bees, ants on the kitchen counter, and plants and trees.

There’s also a neighborhood inside each of us. The human body contains about 100 trillion cells – and at least as many microorganisms that are neighbors, too. Plus, consider your mind. My own mind is like a village with many characters at different stages of biological and psychological evolution, chatting or arguing with each other. All the parts of your mind – the pushy internal critic, the playful child, the longing for lasting happiness, the calm voice that talks you off the ledge – are neighbors of a sort.

In the largest sense, the neighbors of your neighbors are your neighbors, which means that every living thing is your neighbor – and mine. Wow. Walt Whitman got it right when he wrote: “I am large. I contain multitudes.”

What should we do with our neighbors? Ignore or hate them? Or recognize and love them?

The latter is sure more moral – as well as much wiser in terms of cool, clear self-interest. Mess with your neighbors, and they will mess with you. Treat your neighbor with respect and goodwill – in a word, with love – while also standing up for your own fences, needs, and rights . . . and you’re most likely to build a lasting peace with them, with benefits for both of you.

The value of loving our neighbors is true at all scales. As you may know, the longer quotation I‘m drawing on comes from both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, in which it is said, ”Love your neighbor as yourself.” I understand this as both moral instruction and a clear statement that what we do to our neighbors, we do to ourselves.

If you hate or push away parts of yourself, they go underground and get smelly; the mind is like a septic tank, not a flush toilet. If you are a bad neighbor to people you know, you burn bridges and end up alone. In terms of your country and world, as Gandhi said: “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.” And if humans drive neighboring plant and animal species into extinction, we poison the wellsprings of our own survival.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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How?

I’ve written already about making peace within a sense and loving – the parts of your own mind; if you like, check out Forgive Yourself, Embrace Fragility, Know You’re a Good Person, Don’t Beat Yourself Up, and Trust Yourself. I’ll leave the topic of neighborliness with the human microbiome – all the little critters inside – to others who (unlike me) know what they’re talking about. And I’ve written a fair amount about relationships with our closest neighbors – friends, family, and co-workers – including Put No One out of Your Heart, Accept Them as They Are, Speak Wisely, Admit Fault and Move On, and Forgive.

So I’ll focus here on wider circles of neighbors: the other humans in a country and world and our planet’s other living things.

We begin with compassion. I once asked a teacher of mine what he was focusing on in his personal practice, and he said, “I stop for suffering.” It takes both benevolence and courage to keep your heart open to the pain of another being – especially those who have harmed you or others. Even if you can’t do a single thing, your compassion is still real and still matters.

Next, we recognize injustice. We try to be strong enough to tolerate the alarm, moral disgust, and outrage that’s natural to feel when hearing about hungry children, tsunamis and famines, and bombs falling on refugees to prop up a dictator. And big enough to recognize injustices suffered by our adversaries, whether at home or abroad.

Then we do what we can. That could be political action, such as encouraging more people to vote; for example, about 100 million Americans could have voted in the recent Presidential election but did not do so. Or it could be supporting a cause close to your heart. Personally, I feel strongly about the religious persecution and oppression in Tibet and contribute to the International Campaign for Tibet.

We can also take local actions related to global issues. For example, human activity currently produces about 100 million tons of carbon dioxide a day – 40 billion tons each year – roughly half of which stays in the air to cause global warming while a quarter sinks into and acidifies the oceans. Among other consequences, this will cause mass extinctions of plant and animal species. It’s easy and eye-opening to calculate the “carbon footprint” of your own household. In addition to shrinking it, you can “offset” it through organizations that plant trees or build clean energy projects; it costs just $30 or so a month to offset the footprint of a typical American household.

Loving your neighbors – all of them, the great and the small, seen and unseen, liked and disliked – expresses inner freedom. Watching politicians on the news, sometimes I think to myself, “You can’t stop me from loving you – or from doing what I can to defeat you the next time around.”

Hate in all its forms poisons the heart, while love protects and feeds it – and strengthens us to stand up for others and stand up to others. The more bitter the times and the more divisive the conflicts, the more urgent it is to be neighborly with clear eyes and a kind heart. Then in a deep sense, you’re at home wherever you go.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636481545341{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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Being Well Podcast: The Polyvagal Theory and Recovering from Trauma with Dr. Stephen Porges

Rick Hanson — Mon, 06 Nov 2023 21:32:18 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71720″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]Dr. Stephen Porges, the creator of the polyvagal theory, joins us on this episode of the Being Well Podcast to walk us through how its lessons can be applied to recovering from traumatic experiences.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]We start by simplifying the polyvagal theory, discussing the three key states our body can rest in, and exploring some of polyvagal’s key take-aways. Dr. Porges then explains why there are common responses to traumatic events, and finishes by sharing some polyvagal-informed practices we can use to to heal old wounds and feel safer.

About our Guest: Dr. Stephen Porges is a Distinguished University Scientist at Indiana University, Professor of Psychiatry at the University of North Carolina, and Professor Emeritus at both the University of Illinois at Chicago and the University of Maryland. He’s published more than 300 peer-reviewed papers and is the author of a number of books, including his recently released Our Polyvagal World: How Safety and Trauma Change Us.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

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WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/CWVgXQKrqQ4″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699305821688{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:10: A brief overview of Polyvagal Theory (PVT)

5:20: Ventral, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal states

12:05: Relating PVT to trauma, and processing cognitively vs. in the body

19:30: Creating enough safety and co-regulation for healing work

23:30: What helps people gain awareness, safety, and regulation

27:15: Contextualizing a freeze response both psychologically and medically

30:45: Distinguishing feeling safe vs. being safe

34:10: Where to start when you don’t have a secure base in another person

37:20: How our physiology has evolved to detect psychosocial cues

39:20: How healing practices change our perception of the world

41:35: The calming effect of slow exhalation and top-down visualization

43:05: Other tools to calm the nervous system, and the need for social nourishment

47:05: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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Meditation + Talk: How to Use Fear and Not Let It Use You

Rick Hanson — Sat, 04 Nov 2023 22:50:34 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation and a 47-minute talk about How to Use Fear and Not Let It Use You.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699134395068{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: How to Use Fear and Not Let It Use You

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/815-XTbA0nY” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1699136911820{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

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Talk: How to Use Fear and Not Let It Use You

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Bless

Rick Hanson — Wed, 01 Nov 2023 00:00:49 +0000

The Practice:
Bless.

Why?

Lately, I’ve been wondering what would be on my personal list of top five practices (all tied for first place). You might ask yourself the same question, knowing that you can cluster related practices under a single umbrella, your list may differ from mine, and your practices may change over time.

In these JOTs, so far I’ve written about two of my top practices:

Meditate – Mindfulness, training attention, contemplation, concentration, absorption, non-ordinary consciousness, liberating insight
Take in the good (in three chapters excerpted from my book, Just One Thing) – Recognize the brain’s negativity bias (Velcro for the bad, Teflon for the good), see good facts in the world and in yourself, be intimate with your experience, have and enrich and absorb positive experiences (turning mental states into neural traits, good moments into a great brain), let positive soothe and replace negative

My third practice is bless, which means seeing what’s tender and beautiful, and wishing well. (For some, this word has religious connotations, but I’m not using it that way; for more on this subject, see my free video series on the Compassionate Brain.) Blessing includes compassion, kindness, appreciating, honoring, non-harming, warmth, cherishing, and love; you can see I’m using this word broadly. It’s leaning toward pain rather than away, helping rather than harming, giving rather than withholding, opening and extending rather than closing and contracting, wishing well rather than ill, delighting in rather than finding fault. You can bless others, the world, and yourself – and any parts of any of these.

Blessing is obviously good for others and the world, and that’s plenty of reason to offer it. As a bonus, it’s also good for you. It strengthens gratitude and gladness, opens your heart, deepens connection, and tends to evoke good treatment from others. You experience people and the world as blessed rather than threatening, disappointing, or rejecting. By blessing, you feel blessed.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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Deliberately feel warmly toward someone while wishing him or her well – that he or she not suffer, and be truly happy. Also be aware of a benevolence toward others, looking for good things in them. Use this to know what the act and the attitude of blessing feels like, and to take in the experience of it so you can call upon it in the future.

To bless someone, see their goodness, efforts, hopes, suffering, and what’s neat about them. Let yourself be touched, moving past the idea and the should of blessing to the experience itself. Feel a warmth, a kindness. You can express good wishes with actions – a touch, a door opened, a charitable gift – or words (e.g., “may you be at peace, may you be loved”), or inside your heart alone.

Blessing means not harming, hurting, criticizing, or dismissing; if any of these is present, blessing isn’t. Don’t let blessing feed a subtle superiority, the bless-er who is better than the bless-ee. Let others be who they are, and don’t presume you know what they need. In the moment of true blessing, there’s little if any sense of self, of I-me-mine. You bless for them, not for yourself.

Bless people you know, and also bless strangers. It’s powerful to look at someone passing on the street, get a sense of the person, and then wish him or her well. See what happens when you bless people who have really helped you, friends and family, even people who are difficult for you. See what it’s like to deliberately offer compassion, kindness, prizing, or love. You can also bless parts of yourself – your pain, your darkness, your light – as well as yourself as a whole.

Do blessing deliberately. And over time, be blessing. It becomes where you come from, your ground and natural inclination.

You can be pressed and stressed and still bless. Find your warmth and good wishes amidst the mental clutter, like hearing wind chimes outside amidst storm and rain. But also take care of yourself. It’s hard to bless if you feel bad. Blessing does not mean approving; you can wish people well while also disengaging from them.

Fundamentally, blessing means treating another person as a “thou” not an “it,” not a means to your ends. Think of “thou” as a verb. To bless people is to thou them.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1637094440832{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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Being Well Podcast: Mastering Change with Brad Stulberg

Rick Hanson — Mon, 30 Oct 2023 19:09:38 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71708″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]We all know that change is inevitable in life, and getting good at changing is one of the most important skills we can develop. It’s also one of the most difficult to master, as so many parts of who we are tend to resist change. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, writer and coach Brad Stulberg joins Forrest to explore how we can reshape who we are, navigate and embrace change, and become more resilient.

About our Guest: Brad focuses his work on the philosophical and psychological foundations of excellence, and the habits and practices necessary to attain it. He’s a regular contributor at The New York Times and the author of a number of wonderful books including The Practice of Groundedness and his most recent book Master of Change: How to Excel When Everything Is Changing – Including You.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/L_DrXovPT6A”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698688002919{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:15: How Brad has come to think about change

3:30: The myth of homeostasis, and allostasis

6:55: Suffering, resistance, and rugged flexibility

13:00: Creating a more flexible identity

20:30: Not going ‘all in all the time’

24:30: Constraints that support a healthy amount of ego

28:20: Brad’s personal challenges and supports in finding insight

34:00: Waiting to find meaning until after moving through a difficult change

39:15: Our perception of time slows during distress

41:25: Pounding a stone, and sticking with a process

45:55: Developing and retaining a sense of self-efficacy

49:20: Expecting discomfort

51:10: Turning hobbies into work, nurturing curiosity, and being a beginner

55:05: Values and perspectives

1:00:00: Shaking the snowglobe, then letting it settle

1:03:10: Five questions from Brad’s book to ask yourselves

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Meditation + Talk: See the Whole, Be the Whole

Rick Hanson — Fri, 27 Oct 2023 18:22:38 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 33-minute meditation and a 50-minute talk about See the Whole, Be the Whole.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698429121902{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: See the Whole, Be the Whole

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/RxTVCa5dwFE” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698430404150{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

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Talk: See the Whole, Be the Whole

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Drop The “Shoulds”

Rick Hanson — Wed, 25 Oct 2023 00:00:25 +0000

The Practice:
Drop the “shoulds.”

Why?

One time I watched a three-year-old at her birthday party. Her friends were there from preschool, and she received lots of presents. The cake came out, she admired the pink frosting rose at its center, and everyone sang. One of the moms cut pieces and, without thinking sliced right through the rose – a disaster for this little girl. “I shoulda had the rose!” she yelled. “I shoulda shoulda SHOULDA had the rose!” Nothing could calm her down, not even pushing the two pieces of cake together to look like a whole rose. Nothing else mattered, not the friends, not the presents, not the day as a whole: she was insistent, something MUST happen. She just HAD to get the whole rose.

It’s natural to move toward what feels good and away from what doesn’t, natural as well to have values, principles, and morals. But when these healthy inclinations become internal rules – “shoulds,” “musts,” and “gottas” – then there is a big problem. We feel driven, righteous, or like a failure. And we create issues for others – even a whole birthday party.

At the bottom, “shoulds” are not about events. They’re about what you want to experience (especially emotions and sensations) if your demands on reality are met or what you fear you’ll experience if they’re not.

[These wants or fears are rooted in ancient circuits in subcortical areas (e.g., amygdala, striatum) and brainstem nodes that originated 200-300 million years ago. They’re also highly influenced by childhood, especially the early years, with its concrete and either-or ways of thinking. For example, a person whose young longings for love was met with pain could have a kind of inner circuit breaker – the concrete implementation of an inner rule (“don’t ask for love”) – that makes her shy and spacey/sleepy when there is an opportunity to ask for the caring she wants from her partner.]

Whether your “shoulds” are shaped by neural programs laid down when dinosaurs ruled the earth or when you were in grade school, they often operate unconsciously or barely semi-consciously – all the more powerfully for lurking in the shadows.

Plus, in a deep sense, your “shoulds” control you. (I’m not talking here about healthy principles and desires, which you’re more able to reflect on and influence.)

Imagine what it would be like to drop your “shoulds” in an upsetting situation or relationship.

What’s this feel like? Probably relaxing, easing, and freeing.

You can and will continue to pursue wholesome aims in wholesome ways. But this time, no longer chained to “shoulds.”[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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As you explore the suggestions below, keep in mind that you can still behave ethically and assert yourself appropriately. Not one word in this JOT is about harming yourself or others or being a doormat.

Bring to mind some situation or relationship that’s bothering you. Find a central “should” in your reactions to it, like “That can’t happen,” or “this must happen,” or “they can’t treat me this way,” or “I couldn’t stand ____ ,” or “you must ____ .” Notice that the “should” is a statement about reality, the way it is.

Then, facing this “should,” ask yourself a question: “Is it really true?” Let the answer reverberate inside you.

You could find that in fact the “should” is not true. Good things we “must” have – even a pink rose made of sugar and butter – often fail to arrive. And bad things that “must” not happen often do.

I don’t mean that we ought to let others off the moral hook or give up on making the world better. I mean that when we face reality in all its messy streaming complexity, we see that it exists independent of our rules, always wiggling free of the abstractions we try to impose upon it. This recognition of truth pulls you out of conceptualizing into direct experiencing, into being with “the thing-in-itself.” Which feels clear, peaceful, and free.

Consider again the situation or relationship that bothers you, and this time try to find an even deeper “should” that’s related to an experience you “must” have or avoid, such as “I’ll be so embarrassed if I have to give a talk,” or “I can’t stand to be alone,” or “I must feel successful.” Then, facing this “should,” ask yourself a question: “Is it really true?”

You’ll probably find that you could indeed bear the worst possible experience that would come if your “should” were violated. I’m not trying to minimize or dismiss how awful it might feel. But the adamancy, the insistence, built into a “should” is usually not true: you would live through the experience and get to the other side – and eventually other, better experiences would come to you. Most of us are so much more resilient, so much more capable, so much more surrounded by good things to draw upon, so much more contributing and loving than we think we are!

Also, consider the situation or relationship through the eyes of the others involved. Ask yourself if the things you think are imperatives, mandates, rules, necessities, etc. are like that for others. Probably not. And flip it around: what “shoulds” are alive in the minds of others . . . that you are violating. Yikes! When I think about this applied to situations I get cranky about, it’s very humbling.

A final thought: dropping the “shoulds” exposes you to a sense of vulnerability to life and the difficult feelings that come with it – and that can be hard. We use “shoulds” to try to hold at bay the pain and loss we all do or will inevitably face in full measure (some of course more than others). Yet the pain and loss that do come will come regardless of our “musts” and “can’t” – which only delude us into thinking that this tissue of rules will somehow hold back life’s tide.

Paradoxically, by opening to this tide as it runs in your life – a deeper truer reality than can ever be contained by the nets of thought – you both reduce the uncomfortable friction imposed by “shoulds” upon those currents and increase your sense of opening out into and being lifted and carried by life’s beautiful stream.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1637014642826{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Could Drop the “Shoulds?”

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Being Well Podcast: Should You Become A Parent?

Rick Hanson — Mon, 23 Oct 2023 18:15:28 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71697″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]On today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Dr. Rick and Forrest focus on one of the most important decisions we’ll make in life: the choice to become a parent.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They focus on what good parenting looks like in practice, the key difference in thinking of a child as a “means” or an “end,” and how to know whether becoming a parent is the right path for you.

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[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/F3YM5CqKHA4″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1698084505849{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:20: The significance (and uniqueness) of this choice

4:50: Being aware of your motivations for having a child

16:55: The influence of primal biology

20:50: Qualities of a good parent

30:30: Mirroring, idealizing, twinship, and the process of differentiation

36:35: Optimal frustration, and a healthy parental work ethic

41:25: The rewards of being a parent

46:45: If you don’t like __ you shouldn’t become a parent

48:50: A word for current parents who wish things had been different

53:00: Community, partnership, and resources

55:10: Meaning and fulfillment with or without a child

1:00:50: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

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Meditation + Talk: The Power of Love in Turbulent Times

Rick Hanson — Fri, 20 Oct 2023 20:24:04 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation and a 45-minute talk about The Power of Love in Turbulent Times.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1697831366510{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: The Power of Love in Turbulent Times

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Talk: The Power of Love in Turbulent Times

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Do Freely

Rick Hanson — Wed, 18 Oct 2023 00:00:57 +0000

The Practice:
Do freely.

Why?

Most people spend most minutes of most days doing one thing after another. I sure do. Typing these words is a kind of doing, as is driving to work, making dinner, brushing one’s teeth, or putting the kids to bed. For all the “labor-saving” devices of the past 50 years – dishwashers, phone machines, word processors, etc. – most of us are laboring more, not less. For example, in terms of employment, the average workweek in America has gotten longer over the past 50 years. Meet someone and ask how he or she is doing; the answer is likely: “busy.” Doing is a huge part of life, yet we don’t usually bring much awareness or wisdom to it.

Sometimes doing feels good. There could be a sense of flow in everyday activities, pleasure in your own skillfulness or competence, or fulfillment in helping others.

But often doing feels numb, or worse: on your feet for hours, grinding through repetitive tasks, zipping from one email to another, worried about performance, pressured and driven. In America and elsewhere, the relentless pace of stressful doing gradually wears down mental and physical health and fuels conflicts with others. It’s a big problem, with many costs.

How does your own doing generally feel for you?

Personally, I’m a big-time do-er. Like most of us, I could and should do at least a little less and spend more time just being rather than doing. But meanwhile, we still have a lot to do, much if not all of it toward wholesome ends, from putting bread on the table and helping with homework to expressing our abilities and helping the world be a better place.

So the crux is not so much the doing itself but our relationship to it. How can we do what we do without getting pressed and stressed, contracted, and driven about it?[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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For me, the essence of the answer is to do freely – to feel at ease in the experience of doing, not trapped or bound up in it. Here are some things that have been helping me with this.

Keep returning to the high-priority things – like taking care of your health, making room in your heart for others, or protecting time for the important but not urgent tasks at work – and let the little ones go. In the old saying: If you’re filling a bucket, put the big rocks in first.

Feeling responsible for what you don’t have the power to accomplish is doomed, plus bad for you and others.

Be mindful of the sense of pressure. It’s a clear sign that you’re getting caught up in doing. When you notice this, exhale slowly. See if you can keep on doing it – even quickly – while also feeling more relaxed and at ease.

Do one thing at a time. Bring mindfulness – sustained moment-to-moment awareness – into the doing. Develop this steadiness of mind, this continuity of presence, through activities like meditation, making art or music, yoga, or committing to stay focused in everyday activities such as brushing a child’s hair.

Feel the completion as you finish each thing you do. For instance, take a second to notice that you have placed a plate in the dishwasher before moving on to the next dish; after arriving at work, let it land that this part of your day is now behind you; after talking with a friend, let the experience reverberate in your mind for a breath.

Try to experience doing as a living. For me, this feels like using a computer or driving a car, or talking with someone as simply being an animal – a friend once called me “a large male mammal” – moving through its day. The sense of living then moves to the foreground, with doing as a matter-of-fact, no-big-deal expression of embodied life. It’s a subtle shift but a powerful one.

See if you can regard experiences of doing as “empty”: made up of many parts based on many causes that come and go transiently, so that any single experience – lifting a spoon to your mouth, making a bed, reading a book – is “empty” of absolute self-existence. Like the suggestion above, this one is also subtle, yet as this felt recognition of the emptiness of experiences of doing grows in you, you’ll find that you feel freer in them and take them less personally.

Last, make the offering (you might like the JOT that focused on this particular practice). All you can do is the best you can do: you can tend to the causes, but the results are out of your hands. For example, all you can do is say what is in your heart as sincerely and skillfully as you can, but what others do with that in their own minds is up to them, not you.

In sum, simple activities such as brushing one’s teeth, or more complex ones such as running a meeting or writing a report, are an opportunity right under our noses, many times a day, to come into mindful presence, feel freer, and be at peace.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1637017860003{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Know Someone Who Could Do Things More Freely?

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Being Well Podcast: How to Become Self-Confident

Rick Hanson — Mon, 16 Oct 2023 21:38:43 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71682″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]In today’s episode of the Being Well Podcast, Forrest and Dr. Rick explore how we can improve our self-confidence, which helps us become psychologically flexible and create healthy boundaries with other people. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They explain why becoming better at something doesn’t always make us more confident, the two paths of gaining confidence and releasing insecurity, and how we can release insecurity over time. They then talk about the differences between confidence and narcissism, dealing with other people when they try to put us down, and how we can develop an authentic sense of self-worth.

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You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/uHRwuGGnDvI”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1697492069806{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

2:15: Discerning confidence from capability

8:10: Releasing insecurity vs. gaining confidence

13:25: Sources of insecurity, celebrating others’ vision, and tapping into universal currents

20:30: Redefining what a win looks like, and surrendering to the best in ourselves

26:30: Finding people who believe in you, taking action, and not knowing

31:20: Our core beliefs, why they are rational, and how to update them

34:35: Self-worth, and confidence in your own innate goodness

38:55: The difference between self-confidence and narcissism

44:00: Facing the fear of what will happen if you are confident

52:00: When being poorly received is about others and not you

54:45: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

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Meditation + Talk: Bringing Wisdom to Our Reactions to World Events

Rick Hanson — Fri, 13 Oct 2023 21:59:46 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 35-minute meditation and a 45-minute talk about Bringing Wisdom to Our Reactions to World Events.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1697490972804{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Bringing Wisdom to Our Reactions to World Events

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Talk: Bringing Wisdom to Our Reactions to World Events

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Be Helpful

Rick Hanson — Wed, 11 Oct 2023 00:00:13 +0000

The Practice:
Be helpful.

Why?

I’m doing a series on my personal top five practices (all tied for first place). I have so far named three: meditate (including mindfulness, self-awareness, and, if you like, prayer), take in the good, and bless (including compassion, generosity, and love).

I saw one way to bless on a trip to Haiti in the efforts of many dedicated people: be helpful. As you probably know, Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, with roughly 80% unemployment. The national government seemed like a tattered sheet in the wind. The public middle and high schools I visited were missing half their schoolbooks as well as the funds for the last two grades. Imagine your own child in such a school . . . and that the $30 it takes to buy the books she needs is a month’s wages, as out of reach as the moon.

Yet in the face of these enormous challenges, I met so many people – both in NGOs and in everyday life – who kept doing whatever they could to help things get better each day. I was humbled by their heart and their efforts. And especially by the joy they could still find even in hard, hard conditions. It reminded me of this story:

Two women are walking along a beach after a storm swept countless starfish up onto the sand, now dying in the sun. As they talk, one reaches down every few paces to pick up a starfish and flick it back into the sea. After a while, her friend points at the miles of beach and bursts out, “Why do you bother?! You’re not making any difference!” Her friend replies, “It makes a big difference to the ones I touch.”

One of the most remarkable things about human beings is that we do bother. Our altruism is unique among vertebrates. An early MRI study on compassion showed that it warmed up the motor circuits of the brain, readying them for action: we don’t just feel the suffering of others; we want to help.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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In the words of Nkosi Johnson, a South African boy born with HIV who became an advocate for children with that illness before he died at about age 12: Do all you can, with what you have, in the time you have, in the place where you are.

Do not underestimate the impact of a small deed. Think of a turning point in your own life in which another person did something objectively small – helped you fill out a form, offered an encouraging word, invited you to a meeting, mentioned an opportunity – that had big benefits for you.

In everyday life, look for small concrete physical things that would contribute to others. Empty the dishwasher, give someone a ride, or scratch someone’s back.

Also, look for places where restraint would help, such as not interrupting or not trying to win the argument.

Include inner actions, such as giving full attention instead of letting your mind wander or mobilizing authentic interest in conversation or romance, even if that wasn’t your initial impulse.

Pick a relationship or situation and ask yourself, what could I do to help? Maybe an elderly relative is bored and lonely, or a friend needs a jump-start in clearing out a garage, or a co-parent is carrying too many tasks and too much stress.

And look for leveraged effects, where something small for you is big for someone else. For example, I’ve seen families in which one parent averages 60-70 hours/week on the job (including commute and travel), and dialing back the workweek by 10% increases the parent’s time with the kids by 100%.

As to the larger world, this idea of leveraging brings me back to Haiti – and to the extraordinary staff and work of Plan International, the NGO I support there. It’s just a dollar a day for me – but that’s roughly a day’s wage in many parts of the world. You probably have your own ways of helping, whether at home or abroad, with money or time or other means. We all know that the needs are great.

And so are the opportunities to make a big difference to the ones we touch.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1637095200907{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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Being Well Podcast: How to Change Your Perspective

Rick Hanson — Mon, 09 Oct 2023 17:32:03 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71669″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]How we view ourselves, other people, and the world around us has a huge impact on the emotions we feel, the choices we make, and the quality of the lives we lead. These are our perspectives, and they’re the foundation our lives are built on…which is why changing them is so freakin’ hard. [/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]In this episode of the Being Well Podcast, Forrest and Rick explore what perspectives are, what a healthy perspective looks like in practice, and how we can deliberately shift our perspectives over time. Specific topics include unpacking where perspectives come from, getting better at identifying when a perspective starts to affect our behavior, and thinking of ourselves as “rivers” rather than “rocks.” By the end of this episode, you’ll learn the key skills you need to change the views that have been holding you back.

Neurodharma Course! Join Dr. Rick for Neurodharma, a live, online course focused on developing seven key qualities that help us steady the mind, warm the heart, and find a reliable sense of inner peace. Neurodharma launches October 14, use code BeingWell20 for 20% off the purchase price.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/xcPYdk1La2U”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1696872519937{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction and info on Rick’s Neurodharma course

2:10: Aspects of the kind of perspective we’re talking about

5:50: Change, being grounded in reality, and self-compassion

12:40: Fixed perspectives, fear, and a few examples from Rick

19:40: Shame, and conflict with others due to changes in behavior

22:35: Lack of self-confidence leading to rigidity

25:50: De-centering, joy, viewing yourself as a river, and playfulness

31:45: Roleplay, and asking ‘what if?’

35:25: Inquiring into how our perspectives are constructed

44:35: Emotional imagination, and retelling your story

47:10: How our values and aspirations drive our perspective

51:50: Asking which perspectives support what’s important to you

54:05: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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Body Electric is an interactive six-part podcast series from NPR that investigates how our relationship with technology is impacting our health. Listen wherever you get your podcasts!

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

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Meditation + Talk: Two Fundamental Realities – 1. We Will All Die; 2. We Know Not When

Rick Hanson — Sat, 07 Oct 2023 01:53:55 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation, a 53-minute talk, and a discussion on Two Fundamental Realities – 1. We Will All Die; 2. We Know Not When.

Daniel Ellenberg, Ph.D., is a psychologist, leadership coach, and the founder of Strength with Heart men’s groups and workshops. He is a past president of the American Psychological Association (APA) division on men and masculinities and the founder/director of the Men and Boys Compassion Initiative through the Global Compassion Coalition (GCC).[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1696695003158{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: Two Fundamental Realities – 1. We Will All Die; 2. We Know Not When

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Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: Two Fundamental Realities – 1. We Will All Die; 2. We Know Not When

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Come to Center

Rick Hanson — Wed, 04 Oct 2023 00:00:36 +0000

The Practice:
Come to center.

Why?

I’m old enough to remember a time when people usually answered “good” when you asked them the standard, “How are you?” (often said “harya?”). These days the answer is commonly “busy.”

I know what it feels like to get very busy and start to feel dispersed: juggling a dozen priorities at any moment, attention skittering from one thing to another, body revved up, feeling stretched thin and spread out like being squished between two sheets of glass.

You know the feeling? Besides being both unpleasant and a spigot of stress hormones, it’s weirdly contagious. Spreading from one person to another and fueled in part by the underlying economics of consumerism, we now have a Western and especially American culture of busyness. If you’re not busy, you must not be important. If you don’t have a lot on your mind, you must be under-performing. If your kids aren’t busy with homework and after-school activities, they won’t get ahead. If you don’t look busy, someone will ask you to work harder. Etc.

Enough already. Instead of being scattered to the four winds, collect and concentrate your mind and energy. Besides feeling a lot better, it’s more effective in the long run. For example, what does an Olympic gymnast do before launching a tumbling run or a rocket before heading into space? Come to center.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636477856259{margin-top: 20px !important;margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 25px !important;padding-right: 25px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 25px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636477555540{margin-bottom: 10px !important;}”]

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Savor Pleasure
As the brain evolved, pleasure and its underlying endorphins and other natural opioids developed to pull our ancestors out of disturbed fight-flight-freeze bursts of stress and return them and keep them in a sustainable equilibrium of recover-replenish-repair. Let physical or mental pleasure really land; give yourself over to it fully rather than looking for the next thing.

Move
Dance, exercise, yoga, walks, lovemaking, play, and athletics reset the body-mind. For me personally, movement at either end of the intensity spectrum – very subtle or very vigorous – has the most impact.

Get Wild
We evolved in nature, and multiple studies are showing that natural settings – the beach, wilderness, sitting under a tree in your back yard – are restorative.

Enjoy Art
By this I mean making or experiencing anything aesthetic, such as doing crafts, listening to music, watching a play, trying a new recipe, playing your guitar, building a fence, or taking a pottery class.

Feel the Core
Most of the inputs into your brain originate within your own body, and most if not all of those signals are like night watchmen calling, “All is well. All is well. All is well . . .” Feeling into your breathing, sensing into your innards, and noticing that you are alright right now are endlessly renewing opportunities to settle into the physical center of your being.

Be Now
The center of time is always this moment. A primary difference between humans and other species (with the possible exception of cetaceans) is our capacity for “mental time travel.” But this blessing is also in some ways a curse in that the mind keeps dispersing itself into the past and the future; it proliferates worries, plans, rehashings, and fantasies like manic vines in a sped-up jungle. Instead, right now be now. And again.

Get Disenchanted
This means waking up from the spell, from the enchantments woven by the wanting mind in concert with culture and commerce. We normally pursue hundreds of little goals each day – return this call, organize that event, produce these emails, get across those points – associated with presumed rewards produced by ancient brain centers to motivate our reptilian and mammalian ancestors. Let the truth land that these rewards are rarely as good as promised. Again and again, I’ve had to remind myself to quit chasing the brass ring. While staying engaged with life, return to the reliable rewards of feeling already full – the undoing of the craving, broadly defined, that creates suffering and harm. Try a little practice on first waking or at other times in which you take a few seconds or longer to feel already peaceful, already contented, and already loved. This is the home base of the body, brain, and mind.

Come home to center.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636513423576{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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Being Well Podcast: Creating a Healthy Relationship (With Yourself) with Najwa Zebian

Rick Hanson — Mon, 02 Oct 2023 19:51:46 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_single_image image=”71655″ img_size=”full” qode_css_animation=””][/vc_column][vc_column width=”1/2″][vc_column_text]“The mistake most of us make is building our homes in other people. When we do that, we give them the power to make us homeless.” Poet, activist, and author Najwa Zebian joins Forrest on this episode of the Being Well Podcast for a conversation focused on discovering what truly matters to us.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1626716173756{margin-top: 50px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text]They use Najwa’s personal story as a way to explore how we can break out of the roles others place us in, create healthy boundaries, and feel worthy from the inside-out. Topics include balancing intimacy and autonomy, self-compassion and self-love, and finding the courage to act authentically.

About Our Guest: Najwa Zebian is an activist, poet, educator, and the author of six books including her recent works Welcome Home, Conversations on Letting Go, and The Only Constant, which will be coming out March 2024. She was raised in Lebanon and moved to Canada at 16 where she later earned her Doctorate in Educational Leadership from the University of Western Ontario.

You can watch this episode on YouTube.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]

LISTEN

WATCH

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/miVl_xVUoz4″][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1696275875151{padding-top: 10px !important;}”]Key Topics:

0:00: Introduction

1:05: Najwa’s personal background

6:10: Humility, asking for the things you need, and comparing your pain to others

11:15: Loving your current self into becoming your authentic self

17:10: Navigating change in the face of social pressure

20:45: Intrinsic self-worth, and the beauty of being undefined

32:00: Intimacy and autonomy

40:05: Choosing vulnerability, and paying attention to surrounding influences

50:45: Healthy shared expectations in relationships

53:45: Forgiving others as a gift we give to ourselves

58:30: Recap[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1644951339801{margin-bottom: 20px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 10px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}”]

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[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text]Factor delivers fresh, never-frozen, fully prepared meals right to your door. Head to factormeals.com/beingwell50 and use code beingwell50 to get 50% off.

Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!

Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.

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Meditation + Talk: How Mindful Awareness of Emotional Pleasure and Pain Can Break the Chain of Suffering

Rick Hanson — Fri, 29 Sep 2023 15:17:53 +0000

[vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern”][vc_column][vc_column_text]This Wednesday Night Meditation included a 34-minute meditation and a 48-minute talk about How Mindful Awareness of Emotional Pleasure and Pain Can Break the Chain of Suffering.[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1675388415367{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]I hope you find it helpful, and you are welcome to join my free Wednesday Meditations – which are open to everyone![/vc_column_text][vc_row_inner row_type=”row” type=”full_width” text_align=”left” css_animation=””][vc_column_inner css=”.vc_custom_1585341935427{margin-top: 40px !important;}”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1695930452656{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Meditation: How Mindful Awareness of Emotional Pleasure and Pain Can Break the Chain of Suffering

[/vc_column_text][vc_video link=”https://youtu.be/F4MfUHCJTvE” el_width=”90″ align=”center”][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1695934640396{margin-bottom: 30px !important;}”]

Download the Audio of this Meditation

Talk: How Mindful Awareness of Emotional Pleasure and Pain Can Break the Chain of Suffering

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[/vc_column_text][/vc_column_inner][/vc_row_inner][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1592665944417{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

Dāna offering:

[/vc_column_text][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494145571{margin-top: 25px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]These teachings are offered freely, at no charge.

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[/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”grid” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1584458073685{margin-bottom: 40px !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1593494166574{margin-top: 15px !important;margin-bottom: 15px !important;}”]Generosity itself is a beautiful practice that opens and gladdens the heart, relaxes the contraction of “self,” and ripples out into the world to touch many people – and perhaps, eventually, even oneself.

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Beware of Anger

Rick Hanson — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 00:00:00 +0000

Have you been wronged?

The Practice:
Beware of anger.

Why?

Anger is tricky.

On the one hand, anger – feeling annoyed, irritated, resentful, fed up, mad, outraged, or enraged – alerts us to real threats, real injuries, and real wrongs that need correcting, and it energizes and fuels us to do something about them. In my family growing up, my parents had a monopoly on anger. So, I suppressed my own, along with a lot of other feelings, and it’s been a long journey to reclaim my interior, including anger, and be able to feel it fully and (hopefully) express it skillfully.

Whether in personal relationships or in the halls of power, people in positions of authority or privilege often tell others that they don’t deserve to be angry, they shouldn’t get so worked up, and it’s their own fault, etc., when in fact they have every reason and right in the world to be angry. It is certainly important to know in your heart what is actually happening, how bad it is, what the causes are, and what to do – and decide for yourself how much you want to get or stay angry.

On the other hand, anger:

Feels bad past the first rush of it
Stresses the body, over time wearing down health
Narrows attention, losing sight of the big picture
Clouds judgment, driving us to act impulsively, potentially violently
Creates and revved up conflicts with others

Anger often hurts us more than it hurts others. I believe there is a saying from Alcoholics Anonymous: “Resentment is like taking poison . . . and waiting for others to die.” This metaphor of a beguiling toxin is also found in a description from early Buddhism: “Anger has a honeyed tip . . . and a poisoned barb.”

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How?

Recognize anger. Feel it, don’t suppress it. Explore it and find whatever is valid in what it is telling you. Also, look beneath it, to the hurt or sorrow or outrage on behalf of others. Help yourself open to and include all of yourself. Be skeptical of others who try to talk you out of your reactions out of their own self-interest.

Figure out what you are going to do. Usually not easy, to be sure, but try to slow things down so you can think clearly, find your ground, and Take Heart (another, post of mine).

This said, beware – be watchful, be wary – of how anger can work on your mind and hijack you.

Anger comes with justifications. We feel wronged, mistreated, affronted, provoked: “Of course I’m mad. You made me mad. It’s your fault.” I remember once banging my shin on a coffee table and getting so mad I kicked the table . . . as if it were to blame. Anger is seductive, drawing us into cases against others, bills of prosecution, and mental emails drafted in bed at 2 am (speaking from personal experience!). Anger fools us, making us feel perfectly entitled to lash out and say or do terrible things . . . from which we eventually wake as if from a nightmare with dismay and remorse at our actions. Anger is – literally – tricky.

And anger is a particularly powerful trickster when it plays out inside and between groups. You can see this at all scales, from cliques in high school to office gossip to politics to war. A group will often form around shared grievances and then defend and proclaim those grievances no matter what the facts are to maintain its cohesion and identity. Whether on the schoolyard in 5^th grade or in nations throughout history, authoritarian leaders have exploited our social primate vulnerability to the appeal of grievance in order to acquire and hold on to power, inflating and even inventing grievances while promising to protect the group and avenge it against those who have wronged it.

It is no small thing to find your own way inside such a group with such a leader. Or to find a way to relate to those in such groups with moral clarity and strength of heart – without being clouded or infected by anger yourself.

In my meditative tradition, I’ve heard it said that anger is like throwing hot coals with bare hands: both people get burned. In relationships, families, organizations, countries, and the world altogether, there has been so much burning already in our shared human history. Too much burning. Too many minds burned up with anger.

Potency, agency, authenticity, fierce compassion, moral confidence, and the truth is spoken to power: none of these is anger or requires anger. Truly, each one of us can come home to the dignity, authority, and courage to stand in the truth and speak from the heart with passion and power, free of the flames of anger.

[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row][vc_row css_animation=”” row_type=”row” use_row_as_full_screen_section=”no” type=”full_width” angled_section=”no” text_align=”left” background_image_as_pattern=”without_pattern” css=”.vc_custom_1636480679844{margin-bottom: 0px !important;padding-top: 20px !important;padding-right: 20px !important;padding-bottom: 20px !important;padding-left: 20px !important;background-color: #f0f0f0 !important;}” z_index=””][vc_column][vc_column_text css=”.vc_custom_1636666068784{margin-bottom: 0px !important;border-bottom-width: 0px !important;padding-bottom: 0px !important;}”]

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