This week has been incredibly challenging. Was I ready for it? No. Did I persevere? Yes, but not without a few hiccups. I slept the clock around on Sunday so lets start with Saturday and move backwards.

Saturday morning I woke up in a room full of oxygen equipment. Luna & I did some video for her upcoming GoFundMe, I gave her a huge hug & got on the road. I saw a little library with a rainbow flag and went in to tell them I appreciated it. It’s my 5th or 6th time driving from PA to NY, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with it.

5 Hours later I was with friends at Little Kink Boutique again… it was a dear friends Birthday & I was invited to read to a big room of Littles. I was there for that, but I had seen that friend Mako from Big Little Podcast was coming, and we hadn’t seen each other since Spacey passed away last year. I just wanted to see Mako, my soul needed it. Gave each other a big hug, he said “Spacey loved you” & I told them I loved Spacey back. It was a good moment.

The rest of the night was lovely. I had my KN95 mask on so I didn’t get sick for Luna, walking with my cane as I was exhausted and a little shaky, still experiencing chronic pain and exhaustion from the surgery. We went to an awesome AirBnB and got to hangout with some cool people, eat some yummy food and share some good vibes. At one point we were all singing sea shanties and the Merffday girl was leading them with a wonderful vigor, it was really fun

When it was time to go I said “ok, if you want hugs, nows the time” and literally everyone got up and formed a line for hugs. I can’t express how much I needed not just one hug, but many hugs. It felt good. Pardon the self-importance of the next sentence, but I forget how transformative my art is for some people. So many folks have told me that I was the first time they saw themselves in media, or used my videos as a catalyst for teaching others about their lives.

I have always avoided “Celebrity”, it’s a label others give me, I don’t seek mass appeal and I I consider my relationship with ya’ll is much more intimate, more honest. The hugs weren’t “I like your pictures” hugs, they were “you helped me find peace” hugs. That’s the whole point of everything I’m doing here, to find peace.

And i’m crying now, this last year has been filled with so much ugliness and drama in this space, it was nice to be refreshed with love. I am wiping the slate clean, the trash can take itself out. I am moving forward with peace, health and cooperation first.

Diapers are something that bring us together

I drove home in the dark through the Dark Cornfields of PA. It was spooky & surreal

It’s 72 days before the party, Thursday morning, and i’m driving to New York after renting a car. I’ve spent nearly 2 grand on rental cars these last few months, the cost of love, always worth paying.

I won’t go into details of my time with Luna. This little 3 day visit was a test run to see if I could handle the full-time care vibe, get a primer on needs and give Lunas current main (who is a wonderful person) a break. I got overwhelmed on the second day after not sleeping well & still fatigued from my drive… but after a little nap I was back to 100%. I am going to head back soon and take care of her for a week, I can do it.

I can do this and do it well. I am strong enough, and i’ve got love as my wings. I’m smoking less weed, i’m eating more, i’m not obsessing over social media as much. Despite not drinking or smoking cigs, I am not “sober”, and I want to see what that’s like, I need to be my best for the people I love.

I have a big ask coming tomorrow. I am starting a GoFundMe for Luna and it will be out soon. Off to my Doctor today to get an update on my Orchiectomy healing stuff, get some other things checked out, get a physical.

Thanks for reading, here’s some adorable LKB pics, the biggest hugs friends

It turns out the bag that I got was part of a recent product roll-out that wasn’t super successful, so the plastic covered 6 tape depend are here to stay!

I also have a little chat about a recent A.I. related incident, it kinda opened my eyes to how irresponsible people can be with A.I. and how common it can be.

Next video is about the Immature Shorts!!! Pics from the faire tomorrow!

I am seeing positive momentum with my healing, feeling ok Hugs friends!

Happy thoughts friends this video is a little morose at the beginning but gets Smiley once I start talking about diapers!

More soon friends, enjoy the video! Be sure to give the video a like!

Things are going ok. I had a nice day at the faire on Sunday, have been working and organizing and making up for the last 7 months of inactivity. Updating all my sites more, putting out some good new videos, that LKB video has been a hit! I have another video coming tomorrow about the Depend 3 Tape, but honestly, I had a rough tummy night and may take it easy, I have never gone to the Emergency Room but nearly did last night, might have just been some bad noodles tho. I got Armored Core 6 and haven’t been able to really dive into that yet, just gonna wrap myself in a blankie and recover today.

Luna is out of the hospital, home on hospice, looking forward to another test trial opportunity, focusing on good vibes and comfort instead of chemo. There was a big party this last weekend and although I wish I was there, I know that there was plenty of smiles and love. Funny how just a few weeks ago things were so dire, several times over the last few months even, and now she’s at Home Depot and having house parties, makes me smile so big. She’s so strong, and lately I’ve been so weak, but we both are finding our power.

Been busy and responsible here at home, will probably head up to NY again in the next few weeks before October when my dance card becomes totally full. You’re in my heart all day Luna.

Here’s some sunny fun butterfly pics, happy girl on an adventure at the faire. Got so many compliments on the outfit… It’s easy to quantify one’s impact on the world through social media numbers, likes & reposts, but going out there in the real world and being an out and proud, pleasant and kind, beautiful and free trans person, you could never know how many lives you’ll impact. I love the idea of a young person seeing me in my butterfly outfit, confident in my trans body, and go “gosh, it’s possible!”. Even if it’s not a trans thing, just love putting out the message that it’s ok to be confident in your body and with who you love

Thanks for listening friends, mentally I’m ok, new video tomorrow, sending big hugs!!!

It’s the place where a little can be a little! I was so excited to visit I even wore a diaper

I made 3 Videos about this, you can find the first 2 in my last post but the latest one is here!

As you know, I’ve been having a rough time and making videos like this really lets me be little and silly and cute. I hate to admit it, but I am a very serious person… for evidence, this “210 Days Post Op” video was taken about 2 hours after, and you can tell the difference in my demeanor. I like being little and making these videos because during rock hard times like this, I can express joy and cuteness and frivolity I think its who I really am shining through, I’ve always had to be a grown up and being little makes me forget all that, for moments at a time.

A place like LKB, Lil Kink Boutique and their clothes really helps with that immersive vibe, like it’s really okay to be little and this thing isn’t so weird after all.

Hugs friends, busy busy girl, lots of smiley things coming this week, my mood is getting better. Still can’t wear diapers for more than a few hours at a time but I’m learning to live with that, hoping.

Thanks friends, incredible to see how this community has grown. I’m going to be making more videos like this I love how cute and soft this one is, I hope you enjoy it!!

More sooon! Stay Diapered for me friends!

Lil Kink Boutique Walkthrough

Lil Kink Boutique Adventure!

More Pics and Haul Video Coming Soon! I am doing ok, taking some time to make fun things and rest my mind. Thanks for sticking with this little girl!!!!

I will find joy in my body again someday.

Hugs friends. More smiles someday.

These are pics from this weekend was doing some work and going on some Adventures I wore diapers for a day and it hurt me. I need to be out them for a while longer I think, to heal, and maybe longer to get over the trauma of them hurting me.

It’s going to he a long time until i’m ok. But someday I will be.

Hugs friends.

Big Sad Vent Post ~ Have some Smiley Stuff Planned For Tomorrow

I made a big like, 20 minute video all about this, but I think I’m just gonna let that all lie and just move on… but I’m closing and locking my twitter, it’s over for that site…

A well known advocate named Cathy B. called my family and job and a few other people around me when MSA came out, they outed me as an ABDL and transwoman because they wanted to ruin my life, they thought I was a child abuser & hated trans women. There was a very specific hate campaign against me on now defunct sites like GallusMag and GenderTrendr, they set back my transition for years, they really made me doubt myself and if I could handle being trans, if I was really sick or delusional person.

Cathy is back on Twitter after a 2013 ban, Elon Musk is allowing the platform to be one of unabetted hate. When I saw her name again I was heartbroken, it was like seeing your stalker walking the streets again after prison. This is unrelated to everything else in this post, just wanted to let you know a small percentage of what i’m dealing with. Sites like Tr**neyTunes are in full force and sometimes I see threads with hundreds of replies all telling me to selfharm, I get daily threats and hate, it’s exhausting, I feel under constant duress.

So the final straw was, I was in a random voice group chat the other day on Twitter talking with some girls, the owner of the group kicked out a user because their account was just sissy retweets, I had nothing to do with it whatsoever. I later find out the user had left a bunch of threatening comments on my Twitter and Youtube & had reported a bunch of my content (I got a takedown notice on YT) all for thinking I was in some way responsible. I was just one of the voices in the chat.

Twitter is so toxic that I am getting people angry enough to threaten me just by existing. So I’m done, I can take the hit in sales and focus on other sites. I’m tired of seeing ABU employees openly harass women & SW’rs, like one just did yesterday, calling a SW’r a child and just shaming her up and down, I don’t feel safe around these people and these people run the show on Twitter & places like Capcon etc.

This guy named Zaciroo, a guy I’ve known for years, contacted me to tell me that someone I was working with was an evil abusive woman… I spoke to folks about it, and the company Crinklz, and a few other people who have a history with Zaciroo and found out that he is indeed the abuser, and him contacting me was a way to further abuse his ex, mess with her. Then I hear that Capcon was told about this and dismissed the concerns of the targeted party. Women’s voices are constantly silenced.

Then, I find out Zaciroo is associated with this Kat Marie person, who has been the center of a harassment campaign towards me for the last year and was openly online harassing people at Capcon… and through this I hear of some pretty scary threats coming my way. I left town for a week because I was scared, legitimately, I haven’t felt this way since Cathy came after me.

I’m tired of finding out everyone is terrible. I am privvy to way more information than most people, and it’s ruining the vibe for me. I have swamp colored glasses, with the surgery & the trauma around diapers related to it, I often don’t feel like having anything to do with being little or wearing diapers anymore, and that makes me sad, it’s an essential part of me and it’s gone, it was the last thing I had and it’s gone.

I need to be safe and heal, mentally and physically. I just need time, it’s not over, I can like myself again.

I’m tired of the constant fighting and duress. I have been in this space for like, 17 years, and have many more friends than enemies, but the social media space has become so ridiculously toxic that logic and any sort of measured response is gone. People make hour long podcasts yelling at me but won’t answer a DM asking to discuss their grievances like adults. It’s not about communication, it’s about harassment.

I don’t feel safe anymore. I don’t really know what to do, other than keep doing things i’m passionate about and just block out all the hate, stay away from any sort of social situation because it’s just too dangerous, the abusers have really taken over.

I have moments of joy, I went to Little Kink Boutique yesterday and really enjoyed myself, got some really nice video and good stuff going. I can find my happy place again, I am connecting with close friends and trying to feel OK. I am really sad about other things, I just need to go make some tacos and snuggle with my bears and partner and feel good about life.

Things are ok, just overwhelmed. I joined that group chat because I was sad and lonely, and all it did was turn into more fear for my safety. I am tired & I was back on twitter for mutual support with all the stuff going on, mostly there spread love and to feel better and be there for friends. But it’s just all hurt now. I have so many good things, so many joyful things, I am stepping away forever from twitter/X for that reason.

Thanks friends, hope you will join me here and on safer social medias Even though I can’t at the moment, I hope you Stay Diapered, Curious & in Love.

I want to briefly tell you about something that means a lot to me that I don’t utilize enough. I was really inspired by my friend Candi to talk about this stuff because I guess I’ve been embarrassed about it.

I get really upset sometimes, really anxious, really nervous, really mad & sad & spun-up. It’s a big reason why I hold onto hurts for so long, I can have a manic nature about these things and I have faced a lot of trauma so things like bullying and injustice can really bother me, to an obsessive extent. It’s also why I tend to communicate with my friends about bad people because I don’t want them to get hurt too, my advocacy is done out of genuine concern, I think many people are legitimately dumbfounded when they see actual empathy.

Long story short sometimes I really need to calm down. A while back I had bought this really big spooky Broda medical chair that is like every single one of my Kinks wrapped up into one item, medical and bondage and plastic and diaper related things, it reclines incredibly far back to the point at which your head is below your feet, it’s like a portable dentist chair and it’s incredible.

Yesterday I was very very upset. I had been traveling nonstop and dealing with extreme emotional things. I have lost 10 lb in the last month and I’m not taking care of myself enough because I’ve been focused on taking care of other people, which is okay A little sacrifice for other people’s well-being is kind of what life is all about, be it physical social or otherwise sometimes sacrifice is needed. But I was getting to the point where I was harming myself with the level of stress and exhaustion I was facing.

I was getting ready to visit some friends and have a relaxing time but I still couldn’t calm down so I sat in the calm down chair. I’ve only done this a few times because I’m really just learning how to deal with my emotions better, but yesterday sitting in that chair was a game changer for me.

I just sat there for about 10 minutes thinking about all the good things in my life and looking at the DVDs on the wall and thinking about my favorite movies and just generally being a happy positive girl. Thinking about Luna and how glad I am that she’s in my life, thinking how fortunate I am to have my partners and my parents and all my friends and “fans”. All it took was for me to just stop for a minute and do something that is entirely for my well being.

I’ve been pretty emotionally sensitive and easy to harm. I keep seeing people on the internet hurting each other, people within my own space, but it hurts me to speak out about it so I just have to calm down and walk away. Be in a better mental space. Find my Calm Down Chair in my head, when it’s not available to actually sit in.

I think that’s what diapers are for :):)

2 Thoughts Today:

1.) There’s no right or wrong way to deal with difficult emotional situations. I doubt myself, to a terrible degree, and need to remind myself that all I can do is what I think is best, be gentle and patient with others and myself. Not everybody’s going to do what I think is best to do in a situation. I need to let me mind unwind, stop hyperfocusing on one or two worries, spread the worry around a little. Maybe even let some relaxation in. I’m just constantly afraid i’ll mess it all up, whatever “it” may be.

With that said, usually this anxiety is unfounded and I end up twisting myself up for nothing, so it’s best to just get my feelings out and carry on. So I will, with “Primum non Nocere” or “First, Do No Harm” always in my mind.

2.) Saw the Urologist yesterday, things are going really positively, I think the solution really was to just quit doing everything down there, once a day maintenance erections, no diapers or sex or horseback riding. The pain is nearly gone and while things are still bruised looking and discoloured, still a little tender, but feeling good. I’ve lost like 10 lbs in the last month, that’s not good. I need to focus a little more on my health.

I’m going to spend the next 72 hours eating good food & living in hotels, i’m back to that life but need to be more careful now. Lots of love friends, after Monday of next week I’ll have some time off to relax, just be a person, put down my phone and just be present and rest.

Ok, thanks for letting me vent about my insecurities. I am going to make some cute stuff this weekend, get back to usual crinklebutt business More soon, lots of love!