Ritam Getaways

Pay attention to whatever fills you with awe...

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Mon, 03 Apr 2023 12:43:00 +0000

For some time I just couldn't figure out why this statement intrigued me.

It took me days to see that it was speaking to me, directly and personally.

You see, we are in what many view as a mature, commoditized industry,

That is caught in a mighty storm.

The industry has never quite recovered from the COVID pandemic.

Travel is still muted. And the prevailing economic downturn

Has squeezed out whatever little surpluses families had for leisure and entertainment.

It's one of the most challenging and interesting times to be an entrepreneur.

Challenging, because the path forward is no longer clear or certain.

Interesting, because this same environment will birth the winners of the next decade.

What are the possibilities?

Where are the opportunities?

What are we not seeing?

As I was contemplating this, I realized that my biggest bottleneck is familiarity.

This is what Rick Rubin had to say in The Creative Act

“We tend to take so much for granted. How can we move past disconnection and desensitization to the incredible wonders of nature and human engineering all around us? Most of what we see in the world holds the potential to inspire astonishment if looked at from a less jaded perspective. Train yourself to see the awe behind the obvious. Look at the world from this vantage point as often as possible. Submerge yourself. The beauty around us enriches our lives in so many ways. It is an end in itself. And it sets an example for our own work. We can aim to develop an eye for harmony and balance, as if our creations have always been here, like mountains or feathers.”

I realized that possibility was eluding me because I was conflating it

With what is viable, commercial, productive or efficient,

Rather than what was awe-inspiring. Rick Rubin says it best:

“In terms of priority, inspiration comes first. You come next. The audience comes last.”

I had, unwittingly, put the cart before the horse.

That’s it!

Possibility is in whatever inspires you, whatever takes your breath away,

And it’s a river, flowing ceaselessly before us, waiting for us to notice and grab.

Our one and only responsibility is to pay attention.

Think of the last time you saw something

That made you reach for your phone to snap a photo.

That’s possibility. And that exactly how it works. We merely need to be attentive.

The good and the ugly ...about Valentine's Day...and how we can rescue it.

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Mon, 13 Feb 2023 11:45:00 +0000

Whoever thought of coming up with a day to celebrate love did us a big favour.

They gave us a day to remind us to pause and appreciate

the most important people in our lives: our partners, children, parents and friends.

Of course we've turned it into a solely romantic affair –

which is a shame because there many forms and shades of love –

but that’s a story for another day.

The other good thing is that it has created many artifacts and memorabilia

that have enriched our gifting culture.

I have kept a stock of most of the cards ever given to me, each, a memory and a story.

Looking at them tells the story of my life

and those who have populated it with kindness, care and generosity.

Looking at them reminds me not only who had been there for me,

but also what they saw in me, and what I have become as a result of it

The stories and rituals surrounding Valentine help us feel and acknowledge one fact –

That we all suffer from a deficiency of love;

That we all crave to be seen, heard and loved;

That there's nothing like too much love;

That we almost always don't receive as much love as we need and want;

And neither do we give as much as we can and should.

Truth is, no one ever died or got sick by giving or receiving too much love.

At a deeper philosophical level,

Valentine can help us get less corny and less full of ourselves.

It can temper our individualism, egotism and selfishness

by reminding us that we are all love's children, each one of us.

Every religion is predicated on the fact that we are here,

not out of our own choice and will,

but rather, out of the love and generosity of higher powers.

Even if you are an ardent atheist, you must, at some point,

marvel at the miracle of how life has evolved, through millions of years,

and the sheer improbability that, out of hundreds of tiny sperms,

and the dangers that attend pregnancy and childbirth,

a life came forth, and grew up, into this stupendous being,

with immeasurable potential and ability.

Imagine that!

We are not only lucky and loved, we are also love incarnate.

Our whole being is full of love. We are oozing it from every pore.

The first instinct for a newly born baby is to embrace life, for all it's worth.

Their first instinct is to suckle and smile.

And when they cry, it's not out of fear, but out of hunger and discomfort - a cry for love.

If you unclench their tiny hands,

their instinct is to hold and wrap their fingers around yours.

They don't pull back even if you are a total stranger.

It's only much later that they come to learn of fear and hate.

That's why this 'Thought for Sunday' we shared a little while ago struck us deep.

It tells us what we already know intuitively, but have forgotten in our lived experience –

that we are love, and it’s needless to crave for, and seek it, from outside ourselves.

What we need, instead, is to give and share what’s already inside us,

as much as we can, in all the ways we can.

In fact, numerous studies have shown this to be the 'secret' to happiness –

that happiness is a state of being, rather than something you attain;

that it arises from gratitude

and the belief that we are not only immensely lucky, blessed and rich,

but that we are also enough as we are,

and need no affirmation or acceptance from others;

that kind people

and givers (with no expectation of reward) are, often, the most happy people;

that knowing and acting on our strengths with patience, persistence and consistency

is the key to reaping the compounding effect that results in success and fulfilment,

even for people of average ability.

So, why does our world suffer a love deficiency?

Because we've chosen to erect walls and barriers against it.

Because we approach life with a clenched fist.

Because we choose transactions over generosity –

what has been given to us free and freely, we've chosen to sell, or give, conditionally.

Have you ever tried to love your children conditionally –

that they must do, or be, or act in a certain way before they receive your love?

How did it go? And how is your relationship going?

Unfortunately, this is how we came to give love and valentine a bad name.

Not only have we made it a solely romantic affair,

to the exclusion of all other forms of love,

but we have also saddled it needlessly,

with unwarranted expectations and conditionalities.

This is what we had to say in one of our recent posts:

"Here’s the truth. Most guys find Valentine a little stressful. Sentimentalism and commercialization has fueled high expectations that are difficult, if not out rightly impossible for most people to meet, making Valentine’s Day a source of conflict and division, rather than one of romance and connection. Yes, you truly love and treasure them, and you want to surprise them and give them a special treat. But at what cost? How do you even enjoy the moment when you are feeling like you've been ripped off?"

Now what? You may ask.

We certainly don’t claim to have all the answers,

But we can begin by appreciating the nature and importance of valentine.

This is what we had to say in this week’s ‘Thought for Sunday’.

“The ‘what’ is the ‘why’. It’s the reason you are in it. The answer is very revealing about us and our motivations ...about them and their innate nature ...and what we will (or should) be celebrating this Valentine. The ‘who’ may change or grow old, but our ‘why’ rarely changes. It’s our fuel ...the thing that keeps us in it.

Just like our careers and businesses, it’s difficult to sustain any relationship unless you have a strong ‘why’. ...Knowing ‘why’ you are in it is the first step to taking reins over your love life."

Second, we can resist the temptation to make love celebrations a once-in-a-year ritual

like Christmas Day.

We can opt for little, continuous, love gestures,

even when they go unrecognized and unappreciated.

And finally, we can ignore and shun the noxious, commercialized and sentimental version

that our culture keeps feeding us.

We, who know better, must play our part in untethering and freeing love

from the binds that modernity has tied it.

That’s the reason we came up with two standing offers,

To enable you celebrate love, any time of the year, whenever you feel like it.

5k/cottage/night: this includes a themed cottage plus breakfast for two.
10k/cottage/night: this includes a themed cottage, a personalized cake, a bottle of wine, dinner and breakfast for two.

We hope and trust you can find one that meets your needs.

Happy Valentine dear ones.

We wish you deeper connection in your key relationships this Valentine.

Where have you chosen to deepen your experience of life this year?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Mon, 16 Jan 2023 11:14:00 +0000

To begin the year, I ordered some 10 books from my ever growing list of gems I want to read.

I skimmed through them lovingly and longingly when they arrived, each of them luring me in.

Of course, I can’t read them all at the same time. It has to be one by one.

But what will I start with?

As I was contemplating this decision,

I thought of all the wonderful books out there that I’m yet to discover.

Some, I’ll never know. They’ll remain hidden from me.

Others, I’ll know, but still never read them…because my time here is limited.

Imagine all those beautiful stories, turn-of-phrases and ideas

that we’ll never know, or have the chance to discover!

Then I thought of my bucket list, and all the places I’d love to visit, but may never do.

Then I thought of all the many more beautiful and wonderful places out there,

that I still don’t know about...and whose breathtaking-magic I’ll never know.

Imagine of all the parts of this place we call earth, that we’ll never see or step on...

Imagine all the billions of people we’ll never meet or know...

Imagine all the wonderful art and architecture we’ll never see...

Imagine all the rivers we’ll never cross and all the hills we’ll never climb...

Imagine all the streets and alleys we’ll never walk on…

Imagine all the shops and cafes we’ll never step in…

Imagine all the beautiful sites and sceneries we’ll never see, or even know that they exist.

We love gardening and landscaping.

And, of all the beautiful plants and flowers that populate this revolving mass we call earth,

We’ll see, know and tend to only a tiny, insignificant, fraction

of the billions that exist here with us, at this period in time.

Have you ever thought of all the things and places and people

you don’t know and will never know, or get to experience?

Even considering the few things and places and people that surround us,

How much can we really say we know about them?

Our children? Our spouse? Our village? Our politics?

How deep is our experience of them?

Do we really know anything we’ll enough?

Have we really experienced anything deep enough?

Now think of the all the moneyed and powerful people you know,

Some with the ability to influence and shape global events…

Guess what? They too have to leave large pieces on the table,

uneaten, undiscovered and unexperienced.

We began the year with this call.

But what does it mean in practice, to experience things?

Does it mean going full steam ahead, as the dominant culture tells us,

Or, does it mean slowing down our pace?

What will give us better returns? What will help us have a fuller experience of life?

This week’s Sunday Reflection likens life to supermarket,

with everything we can possibly desire.

It’s a standing invitation to treat ourselves to whatever we like.

But no…we can’t have it all.

Limited time and resources means we can only choose a paltry few,

Meaning that our life’s experience – the whole length, height and breadth of it –

will be limited to these few things, places and people!

Meaning then that our focus should always be on deepening the experience

of what’s around us.

In the end, what matters is not the number of books I read,

But those that I enjoy and move me into higher levels of consciousness and wisdom.

In the end, what matters is not the number of places I visit or see,

But what I allow those places to teach me.

It’s the new perspectives I gather about them and the people I find there –

the culture of the place.

In the end, what matters is not the variety of plants and flowers in my garden,

But how deeply I allow myself to savour and soak in their unceasing beauty and splendor.

To use Clinton-speak, it’s the depth, stupid!

And how do we experience depth in things, places and people?

By slowing down, my dear.

Only then are we able to notice and appreciate what’s around us.

Only then are we able to know and bond with our partners and children.

Only then are we able to enjoy delicious and healthy food.

Only then are we able to admire the flowers, the art, the architecture,

And all the beauty swimming, unceasingly, around us.

Only then are we able to ‘see’ and ‘feel’ deeply.

Only then do we start to appreciate this wonder and miracle we call life.

When our young ones were little, going to the supermarket with them was a nightmare,

Because they could pick anything and everything they fancied.

To avoid chaos and tantrums, we developed a practice where we’d agree, in advance,

That they could, each, pick only one item (no junk food), within a certain price range.

And it worked marvelously.

It’s always a sight to behold, to watch them undergo the internal struggle

required to decide what to take, and what to leave behind,

but that is exactly what life is about.

Ultimately, they decide on one item to buy.

And, ultimately, we’ll all have to do the same –

decide on a few things we consider important, and let go all the rest,

however shiny and harrowed.

Only by focusing on a few important things

will we manage to have a deeper and fuller experience of life.

So, where have you chosen to deepen your experience of life this year?

This is our prayer and wish for you this year...

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Wed, 11 Jan 2023 07:06:00 +0000

Quote first published on Sunday 8th January 2023

Prologue

Like life, this blog keeps evolving.

This year we are making a slight switch from ‘Sunday Whispers’ to ‘Thought for Sunday’.

In actual sense it’s merely a name-change -

because ‘thoughts’ are, in and by themselves, whispers from ether.

It’s not even a strategic change -

We did it on a whim, for no reason other than it sounded good and new.

And it's not original, either -

‘Thought for Sunday’ was a Nation Newspaper column we loved reading growing up

written by Lawrence Darmani.

We still have some newspaper cuttings of the column. That’s how much we loved them.

We all have someone who has shaped our spiritual path. Lawrence Darmani did it for us.

The other person we loved listening to, from that era, was Rev. Dennis White

with his ‘Christ is the Answer’ broadcast.

Who lite the path for you? Do you recall? Share your story. Let others know.

You never know whose path you might be lighting up.

Now, back to this week’s Sunday reflection.

Christmas was a wonderful and joyful season. We all looked forward to it.

Do you recall your anticipations? How many of those came true?

If you are like most of us, not everything went as planned or anticipated.

Are you still hungry and angry for what didn’t happen?

If so, this week’s Sunday Reflection is your reminder that being constantly hungry is a prison.

It means you are insatiable. And that isn’t good for you or your health.

It’s a reminder to embrace and cherish what happened, and release what didn’t happen.

Our single and only path to being satisfied is being grateful.

Make it a daily practice and your life will be full and joyful,

not because you have it all, but because what you have feels good and enough.

The same goes for your relationships, work and goals.

We begin the year with lots of excitement, anticipation and hope,

But not everything will go as we plan or want. But some of it will definitely happen.

Focus on celebrating that.

Wishing you the best in your gratitude practice this year.

May you find joy and fullness throughout, irrespective of how things turn out.

Want to experience more joy in your life? Here is what you should do.

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Mon, 05 Dec 2022 09:05:00 +0000

As we contemplate and reflect on the joys of this festive season

Some perennial questions crop up:

Why are we more joyous and generous of spirit during Christmas, than any other time?

How can we experience more joy in our everyday life?

Why is joy so fleeting and impermanent?

Is it possible to always be joyful and exuberant?

We thought this is an opportune time to look at the literature

To see how we humans have attempted to answer these questions.

Let’s begin at the beginning - what is joy?

There seems to be two distinct meanings we ascribe to the word:

First, is ‘a feeling of great delight or happiness’;

Second, is ‘a feeling of gratification aroused by something good or desired’.

At first reading, the two seem to be describing the same thing,

But when you zoom in, you quickly realize,

The first is describing an outward expression,

While the second is describing an inner state of being.

That is, we can see and know when someone is delighted and happy,

But we can’t know if they are indeed gratified and content.

True, both are emotional states, but the last definition has more -

It is both an emotion and a state of being, or an attitude, if you will.

One author in explaining the difference between happiness and joy puts it this way:

"Happiness is because of. Joy is in spite of. Happiness comes as a result of the things that are happening in your life. When things are happy and good then that produces happiness. This comes from outside and works its way in. Joy on the other hand comes in spite of. While the things happening around you can in fact produce joy, your joy is not dependent on those things. Because joy flows from the reservoir inside of you it has the ability to sustain you even if nothing on the outside gives you a reason to rejoice. This is why you can have joy in the midst of trials, hardships, or even some of the difficult places in life because it is springing up from what is inside.’"

We are persuaded that the second definition yields better outcomes.

We thus think joy is an inner enlivening feeling of gladness and blessedness.

It's the lightness of heart and spirit.

You can tell a joyful person from the radiance of their eyes, the warmth of their smile,

Their easy and hearty laugh, their compassion and kindness,

Their almost ethereal humility and humanness.

You feel immediately magnetized and attracted to them –

Our sixth sense tells us that they are worth of our trust, even if they are total strangers.

Where, then, does joy come from?

There is near unanimity with the following statement by David Steindl-Rast:

"The root of joy is gratefulness. It is not joy that makes us grateful; it is gratitude that makes us joyful.”

The literature is consistent and vivid:

Gratefulness makes us full and overflowing –

It makes us feel that we are enough, and that there is enough to go around.

A grateful heart knows that despite its present conditions and tomorrow's fears,

All is, and will be well.

When we become conscious of how lucky and blessed we are,

That’s when we are most joyous, most radiant, and most generous of spirit.

From the literature, there seems to be three principal schools of thought

On how joy enters our lives.

The first school of thought sees joy

as something arising from the boughs of sorrow and disappointment.

An example of this is Kahlil Gibran:

"When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.”

To this school, joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin.

The second school of thought, and, perhaps, the dominant one in today's society,

sees joy as a conquest – a reward for our struggle.

It straps us unto a hedonic treadmill in which joy is tied to our victories and statuses.

Without achievement, we have no joy, a serious modern-day malady,

that has led all manner of addictions and mental-health issues.

The third school of thought sees joy as a blessing that exists in and of its itself,

independent of prevailing conditions, status or predicament.

It exists in this very moment as you are reading this, and in every other moment.

We just need to see it, choose it, and seize it.

An example of this is Ashley Smith:

“Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.”

Another example is in a song written by Shirley Caesar:

"This Joy that I have, the world didn’t give to me;

The world didn’t give it, the world can’t take it away"

See also this poem by Mary Oliver titled 'Heavy'.

The first and second schools of thought view joy as something that is fleeting.

It ebbs and flows according to the vicissitudes of life and winds of fortune.

The third school views joy as sacrosanct and endemic –

As something embedded, emblazoned or engraved into every moment, and into life itself.

To this school, joy is not something that rises or falls,

And it's not a reward you win for doing something,

But rather, it manifests itself irrespective of pain, sorrow, disappointment or frustration.

To them joy’s bounty is never fleeting or empty, rather, it's always flowing and full.

To them, joy is something we choose to see and embrace, or not.

An example of this is Henri Matisse when he writes:

“I didn't expect to recover from my second operation but since I did, I consider that I'm living on borrowed time. Every day that dawns is a gift to me and I take it in that way. I accept it gratefully without looking beyond it. I completely forget my physical suffering and all the unpleasantness of my present condition and I think only of the joy of seeing the sun rise once more and of being able to work a little bit, even under difficult conditions.”

Another example is Matthew Buckley when he writes:

"There are a lot of people in this life that will try to convince you that they're selling something that will bring you joy. The simple fact of the matter is that *things* don't bring you joy. You have to find joy in life experience. And if you take along somebody you love, then that journey is going to be all the more enjoyable. I can promise you right now that both good and bad things are going to happen to you in your life. Good and bad things happen to everybody. Some people are good at finding the miserable things in life, and some are good at finding the joy. No matter what happens to you, what you remember is up to you.”

The key insight here is that, since there's something to be grateful for in every moment,

in each circumstance, and at every stage of our life;

Then joy (gladness) is embedded in everyday everything.

The fact that we may not be joyful at the moment or, all the time,

has nothing to do with our situation, condition, circumstance or prevailing predicament,

but, rather, in our choice of what we give attention to, focus on and respond to.

Like many other things in life, joy (gladness) is a choice.

And yes, we are solely responsible for how joyful we are feeling right now.

What, then, should we do to experience more joy in our lives?

How can we become more joyful people?

The first step is in choosing the right approach for achieving your joy.

Following the first or second schools of thought means

joy is transient, fleeting and dependent on the situation or circumstance you are in.

Following the third school of thought means

joy is natural, and always there, irrespective and despite of the prevailing circumstances.

The third school of thought locates joy, gladness, blessedness and gratefulness

as permanent features of the universe – always there, waiting in the wings.

Hence, one way we can experience more joy or become more joyful,

Is by becoming more observant of our blessings, and being grateful for them;

That is, by cherishing what we have, and releasing what we don't have.

Another way of arriving at the same point is by taking a long view of things,

contemplating the vastness of the universe,

or, recalling past generous deeds, especially those we’ve done without recompense.

In this regard Ravi Ravindra writes:

“Pondering on large ideas or standing in front of things which remind us of a vast scale can free us from acquisitiveness and competitiveness and from our likes and dislikes. If we sit with an increasing stillness of the body, and attune our mind to the sky or to the ocean or to the myriad stars at night, or any other indicators of vastness, the mind gradually stills and the heart is filled with quiet joy. Also recalling our own experiences in which we acted generously or with compassion for the simple delight of it without expectation of any gain can give us more confidence in the existence of a deeper goodness…”

Hence, this third paradigm places the responsibility of accessing and experiencing joy on us.

It absolves joy of the dependencies we've attached to it,

and releases it to ether, where it belongs,

where anybody and everybody can reach out and touch it.

As Dominic Owen says

"Beauty is everywhere, love is endless, and joy bleeds from our everyday existence. Embrace it."

And when you experience the lightness that comes with knowing you are enough,

That life is good as it is, that you have everything you need to lead a fulfilling life,

That you are lucky and blessed to be here, and glad to be alive;

Only then do you begin to feel a sense of abundance,

a generosity of spirit that allows you to be joyful, radiant, kind, and compassionate.

The ramifications of this are immense and transformative for us,

our families, and the whole society.

In the words of Pope Benedict:

“The world needs people who discover the good, who rejoice in it and thereby derive the impetus and courage to do good. Joy, then, does not break with solidarity. When it is the right kind of joy, when it is not egotistic, when it comes from the perception of the good, then it wants to communicate itself, and it gets passed on. In this connection, it always strikes me that in the poor neighborhoods of, say, South America, one sees many more laughing happy people than among us. Obviously, despite all their misery, they still have the perception of the good to which they cling and in which they can find encouragement and strength.

In this sense we have a new need for that primordial trust which ultimately only faith can give. That the world is basically good ...That it is good to live and to be a human being. This results, then, in the courage to rejoice, which in turn becomes commitment to making sure that other people, too, can rejoice and receive good news.”

May be this is what the phrase joie de vivre is meant to capture –

Embracing the joy of living,

Embracing the joy of being alive,

Embracing the simple pleasures of life that money and status can’t buy or take away,

Embracing the vast and constant sources of gratitude that fill our days.

It's this gladness for being alive,

this belief that life is good,

this generosity of heart and spirit

that permits us to share, thereby multiplying our joys, and transmitting it to others,

Thus echoing the words of Steve Goodier:

“The wonderful thing is that when we start spreading joy, we begin to actually experience more joy in our lives too!”

This explains why we all find ourselves in a joyous holiday mood during Christmas -

In our gladness and sharing, we not only experience more joy in ourselves,

but we also transmit to others, hence multiplying it many times over.

And here’s a final word from Desmond Tutu:

“Discovering more joy does not save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreaks without being broken.”

Joy (gladness) makes our loads lighter and easier to carry.

It helps us bear our burdens, persevere our trials, and overcome our obstacles.

It helps us heal faster.

It makes us more resilient.

It helps us think and act more humanely, and more sustainably,

for our own health, and that of the planet.

It gives us peace of mind and a contented heart.

May you find your joy now, today, tomorrow, and all the days to come.

And may you learn to trust that joy is and will always be there, waiting for you to embrace it.

Merry, Merry, Christmas!

*Photo Credit: Kolby Milton on Unsplash

THIS IS HOW BEING IN CONSTANT SURVIVAL MODE AFFECTS US!

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 26 Jun 2022 04:47:00 +0000

It feels like uncertainty has multiplied ten-fold in 2022.

There are global supply constraints,

Prices of essential commodities are rising through the roof,

A scorching economy, job freezes and massive layoffs,

Changing weather patterns and drought,

Geo-political posturing,

A looming global recession …and the list goes on.

We know uncertainty leads to stress and locks us in a vicious survival mode.

We came across this post by Dushka Zapata

On the effects of being on constant survival mode,

And thought it good to reproduce it here, to help us understand

What we, and those around us, might be going through.

Our hope is that reading through it you’ll see the traps that lie ahead,

And that this will help you cope, and understand others better,

…because our humanity rests on shared understanding, kindness and compassion.

“Being in survival mode means living for a long period of time

convinced that I am in imminent danger.

What happens to my body and my mind if I am certain that I am never safe,
that something terrible is about to happen?

I forgo anything my system interprets as a luxury.
No joy. No creativity. No creation of friendships. No elevation of relationships.
No taking my time. No deep breaths. No search for something better.
My whole focus is on one thing: staying alive.
My body has one priority: to protect me.

What does this look like?

I feel anxious all the time
I feel depressed
I feel exhausted
I cannot sleep
I can't focus
My behavior is impulsive, erratic
I don't take care of basic needs (how can I do laundry if I am trying to survive over here?)
I can’t do complex things like solve problems
I cannot be creative, take time to write or paint or make something beautiful
I have issues with my digestive system
If I am not dealing with dramatic situations, I feel oddly bored, like my life lacks thrill, excitement. (This is because stress hormones are addictive so I interpret healthy behaviors as lacking zest or even passion.)

Mentally -
I think I’m in danger so I’m on the lookout for danger.
This messes with my ability to interpret the world,
makes me hyper vigilant and prone to overreacting,

like a faulty trigger that’s too sensitive.
Put in other words, I perceive things that are not really there. (She doesn’t like me. She talks about me behind my back. This guy is going to betray me. My friend is messing with me.)
I have issues with trust
I am jumpy, easily startled.
I never feel safe (let me go check again if every door is locked.)
I want to control everything, which results in obsessive behavior,

micromanaging,

making a big deal out of small things
I interpret everything as a crisis, as urgent
I feel angry, irritable, critical, prone to outbursts -

raising my voice, slamming the door.
People who look “normal” to you feel to me like they are out to get me
I am too quick to react, very defensive and likely to say things I later regret
I can’t listen
I can’t think
I can't pause
I can’t make room for another person’s perspective
I find it impossible to set boundaries, attempting to find validation or approval instead of saying no
Seeing someone as an enemy when the person is just trying to talk to me (Oh hi - WHAT? WHAT DO YOU WANT!?)
Finding it impossible to distinguish my own stress from real danger.

Coming out of survival mode takes time and work and involves regularly, consistently doing things that prove to my system that we are safe:

self-care,

silence,

deep breaths,

eating well,

self-compassion,

prioritizing sleep -
again, and again, and again.”

Wishing you the best as we ride this storm.

Try to stay within your circle of influence. Let go the rest.

All will be well.

Will you write to Santa now, or will you just sit and wait for Christmas?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 29 May 2022 03:27:00 +0000

This week we came across this tweet:

‘Writing a letter to Santa now,

Because I don’t wanna seem like one of those friends

That only reaches out when I want something.

I’m always leaving cookies out for him

But he only comes once a year to eat them.’

It reminded us of something very important: maintenance.

While we are accustomed to performing maintenance on cars,

Buildings, gardens and machines,

It is practically non-existent when it comes to our lives.

One honeymoon is not enough for a lifetime of marriage.

Love needs to be maintained. What are you doing to maintain it?

What are you doing to maintain your health?

What are you doing to maintain your skills?

What are you doing to maintain your job or business?

Will you take a break now, or will you let the stress build up a little more?

Will you call that long-lost friend of yours, or will you wait for them to call?

When will you send a thank-you note to all those angels

Who've held your hand when you needed it?

It is also about doing those little things we’d like done to us.

You want people to say ‘sorry’ when they hurt you;

May be you can start by saying sorry more often.

You want your friends to be more self-aware, caring and attentive;

May be you should start caring more by doing random acts of kindness.

You wish the world was a more pleasant and peaceful place?

May be you should start by being a more pleasant human being!

Everything needs maintenance.

With time and change, all systems start falling apart,

Be it your garden, car, self, family, or organization.

And the more accelerated the rate of change is,

The more frequent the maintenance should be.

Hence, everything needs a periodic check-up –

What’s working, what’s not working, and what can we do about it?

Don’t wait until something begins to leak, creak or tear,

For you to make a diagnosis.

Put important things in your calendar:

On this date, every year, we’re going to have this and that check-up.

We are half-way through the year.

It’s a good time to pause and reflect on which parts of our lives

That require maintenance.

Kurt Vonnegut warned us decades ago,

That one of our biggest flaws is that everybody wants to build,

And nobody wants to do maintenance.

Will you write to santa now, or, will you just sit and wait for Christmas?

*Photo credit: LuAnn Hunt on Unsplash

WHAT SIGNALS ARE YOUR PRIORITIES BROADCASTING?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 22 May 2022 04:13:00 +0000

Someone said that everything we write is political

Because it pushes some view point.

So we'll take some author's liberty here and say something patently political:

The country is gripped in another electioneering period.

We can't hide under the carpet and pretend we have no views,

Or that the decision doesn't concern/affect us.

It does, whether we vote or don't, and whether we speak or remain silent.

However, conversations matter a great deal, for nothing's happens without them.

Conversations enable us to communicate what we think and feel,

And provide us with an avenue to give our views and say what is important to us.

Priorities are a signal of what we care about.

We can help elevate our political discourse by identifying and zeroing-in

On one priority issue that REALLY MATTERS to US.

Deliberation leads to action.

Action leads to results.

Results give us the outcomes we desire.

For us, as part of the big family of Small and Medium Enterprises (SMEs),

Our operating environment is the BIGGEST DEAL.

SMEs are the lifeblood of any economy.

SMEs are mostly family businesses and, therefore, support real livelihoods.

SMEs employ >50% of the working population.

SMEs have born the blunt of this pandemic, suffered the most closedowns,

And are saddled with the heaviest debt.

Most SMEs have bootstrapped themselves into existence,

Leveraging personal savings and family links…

So, a shutdown is not merely a business closing its doors,

But, often, amounts to a wipeout of family savings and livelihoods.

And since SMEs lack the means to lobby and hire big shot consultants,

They have become the punching bag of bad policy,

Mismanagement and maladministration –

Heavily taxed, red-taped, harassed and intimidated by authorities.

If the real hack in the modern economy is to add value, be a creator/linchpin,

And invest in productive assets,

Then SMEs are the holy-grail, to a vibrant and thriving society.

They create immediate and immense value to livelihoods and value chains;

And they are productive assets, in and of themselves.

For us, the real hack for a turnaround

From the effects of this pandemic and the ongoing economic meltdown

Is REAL support to and for SMEs.

Our vote goes to the man/woman who best demonstrates

Understanding, passion and ability to deliver on this promise.

What, in your opinion, is the best hack for effecting a quick turnaround?

What's the ONE thing that MATTERS to you most?

What conversations are you holding around it?

What signals are your priorities broadcasting?

This is not just about politics. It applies to all facets of life -

Most of our problems emanate from the conversations we're not having!

WORDS THAT CAUGHT US: What can you make better today?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 15 May 2022 04:31:00 +0000

Take every opportunity to move forward, even if it’s only a little.

That means in every conversation and encounter we should ask:

"What can I do right here, right now, to make things better?”

We have unlimited capacity to make things better.

It's a duty we owe ourselves, and the best gift we can give providence

For the opportunity to be here.

That’s our daily challenge.

This is how we should evaluate our days, years and life –

Where and how have we made things better?

If we can answer this honestly, we shall have lived well,

Even if it was just sweeping the street.

If we were to ask ourselves this question constantly, every day,

There wouldn't be illegal dumping of hazardous waste in our habitats.

There wouldn't be corruption and underhand dealings.

There wouldn't be malicious damage and wastefulness.

There wouldn't be reckless pollution and global warming.

There wouldn’t be poverty, deliberate impoverishment and war.

There wouldn’t be strife and suffering.

There wouldn’t be human and child trafficking.

There wouldn’t be slavery, hatred and prejudice.

There wouldn’t be injustice and unfairness.

But it all starts with us: You and Me.

We can choose complacency and status quo,

Or we can choose to move forward, and make something better,

One little step, at a time,

One little moment, at a time,

One kind gesture, at a time,

One caring thought, at a time,

One little kiss, at a time.

"This is how change happens:

One gesture.

One person.

One moment at a time."

What are you making better where you are now?

What will you make better today?

That’s the debt we all owe providence, for the space we occupy.

*Photo credit: @kiriad on Unsplash

"A mother's hug lasts long after she's let go" - Unknown

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 08 May 2022 03:03:00 +0000

MOTHER, A CRADLE TO HOLD ME

By Maya Angelou

It is true

I was created in you.

It is also true

That you were created for me.

I owned your voice.

It was shaped and tuned to soothe me.

Your arms were molded

Into a cradle to hold me, to rock me.

The scent of your body was the air

Perfumed for me to breathe.

Mother,

During those early, dearest days

I did not dream that you had

A large life which included me,

For I had a life

Which was only you.

Time passed steadily and drew us apart.

I was unwilling.

I feared if I let you go

You would leave me eternally.

You smiled at my fears, saying

I could not stay in your lap forever.

That one day you would have to stand

And where would I be?

You smiled again.

I did not.

Without warning you left me,

But you returned immediately.

You left again and returned,

I admit, quickly,

But relief did not rest with me easily.

You left again, but again returned.

Each time you reentered my world

You brought assurance.

Slowly I gained confidence.

You thought you know me,

But I did know you,

You thought you were watching me,

But I did hold you securely in my sight,

Recording every moment,

Memorizing your smiles, tracing your frowns.

In your absence

I rehearsed you,

The way you had of singing

On a breeze,

While a sob lay

At the root of your song.

The way you posed your head

So that the light could caress your face

When you put your fingers on my hand

And your hand on my arm,

I was blessed with a sense of health,

Of strength and very good fortune.

You were always

The heart of happiness to me,

Bringing nougats of glee,

Sweets of open laughter.

I loved you even during the years

When you knew nothing

And I knew everything, I loved you still.

Condescendingly of course,

From my high perch

Of teenage wisdom.

I spoke sharply of you, often

Because you were slow to understand.

I grew older and

Was stunned to find

How much knowledge you had gleaned.

And so quickly.

Mother, I have learned enough now

To know I have learned nearly nothing.

On this day

When mothers are being honored,

Let me thank you

That my selfishness, ignorance, and mockery

Did not bring you to

Discard me like a broken doll

Which had lost its favor.

I thank you that

You still find something in me

To cherish, to admire and to love.

I thank you, Mother.

I love you.

*Photo Credit: Andrae Ricketts on Unsplash

PROGRESS: What does it mean to you, and how do you measure it?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 01 May 2022 04:25:00 +0000

Progress. What is it?

For most of us, progress means a job promotion,

Driving a bigger car, moving to a bigger house,

Residing in an exclusive neighborhood,

Being admitted to exclusive member clubs,

Taking our kids to exclusive private schools,

Going on exotic vacations,

Growing turnovers and profits

Being famous, powerful or influential...

And all other externalities.

But suppose we turned inward instead?

Suppose we saw progress as Seneca did?

Suppose we measured progress by what we are learning,

How we are growing and becoming better,

How we are healing old wounds and traumas,

The habits we've discarded and those we're developing,

The talents and strengths we are discovering and utilizing,

The reflections and insights we have arrived at,

The histories we unlearning and relearning,

The changes we’ve made towards living a healthier and more balanced life,

The friendlier and more open we've become,

The much we've moved in cultivating a generous spirit and an abundance mindset,

The leadership skills we are developing or getting challenged on,

The curiosities, wonder and questions that animate our lives,

The better we've come to love and accept ourselves and others

The deeper we've come into self-knowledge and self-awareness

How well we are taking care of ourselves,

The closer we've come into becoming good, wise, ethical

And empathic human beings?

In other words,

Suppose we shifted from measuring progress externally

To measuring it internally?

"What progress have I made?" Seneca posed to himself.

"I have begun to be a friend to myself." He answered.

Imagine what would happen to us, our relationships,

Our businesses, and the world, if we all begun to make progress

Into becoming better friends to ourselves?

Let’s do a little check-in, shall we?

How have you been, mainly, measuring progress in your life?

Externally or internally?

Where do you place your most energies, focus and commitment?

On external/physical/visible increments, or internal/spiritual/intangible growth?

Where and how can you make a shift today?

*Photo Credit: Brian Mann on Unsplash

REFLECTIONS IN HOSPITALITY: ...too good to be sad!

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 24 Apr 2022 04:02:00 +0000

We had this guest, this past Easter…

He was an easy guy. Someone you’d love to hang out with.

Social. Funny. With a thousand tales.

So, one evening he came over at the reception to have a drink and talk.

‘My wife loves sea-food and I want to surprise her.

What do you recommend?’ He asked.

I wasn’t sure if this was an honest question, or the drink speaking.

‘I once went to a funeral of some guy’, he continued.

‘And, while we were all sad and sorrowful,

The deceased’s wife seemed pretty happy.

When she rose to speak, she smiled broadly at the casket and told us,

“I’m smiling because, even though he has left us,

The memories of what we had together are so beautiful for me to be sad.

We had a great life together. And for me, that’s enough.

I feel that crying will be disrespecting what we had together.

I’ll miss him terribly.

But he has left me enough fond memories for me not to feel sad.”

He looked at me thoughtfully, and added,

‘I would want my wife and kids to say that about me, at my funeral.’

I looked at him and realized he was speaking from his heart.

‘We all would like that’, I said.

‘That’s why I want to surprise her’, he added.

‘It’s such a lovely thought’, I said.

Later, I caught myself reflecting on this...

If this is how I would like to be remembered,

What I’m doing to make sure that this is indeed so?

*Photo credit: Alexander Popov on Unsplash

How will you nurture your spirit of adventure today?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 10 Apr 2022 05:24:00 +0000

There is a difference between travel and adventure.

Both are important, nay, essential;

But the latter is certainly more important.

First, why are these two essential?

Culture is in a constant state of flux.

We become irrelevant and obsolete,

When the gap between the current culture,

And how we are living our lives, becomes too wide.

Travel and adventure helps us see and appreciate this gap

More than anything else we know or do.

As an example, if you live and work in a metropolis like Nairobi,

Vacationing in Mombasa is often a culture shock.

So many things are different, from the food,

To people’s attitudes and mannerisms,

To the ever-present heat and humidity,

To roads full of tuktuks,

To what time of the day is best to work, or go out.

Similarly, anyone who has lived and worked in Mombasa

Will find the flurry, haste, chaos and impersonal nature of Nairobians,

Shocking and unbearable.

But these experiences disclose the gap that exists between culture,

And the way we are used to living our lives.

That awareness leads us to new perspectives and adjustments.

Now, on to why adventure is more important.

There is a sense in which travel also includes adventure,

But sometimes, it doesn’t.

As an example, you can travel to Mombasa

And choose to partake the same kind of foods you are used to,

Or you can choose to be adventurous, and jolt your palate

With some local delicacies.

You can choose to visit the usual tourist spots and popular beaches,

Or you can choose to venture into less known getaway places,

And explore little known cliffs, bays and fishing villages.

In both of these examples, mere travel gives you common 'tourist' experiences,

But adventurism gives you something extra and exciting.

By all means, please travel,

But don't leave your spirit of adventure behind.

It gives you something more that you probably would never have known,

Or experienced.

But the biggest difference between travel and adventure

Is that you don't have to travel to have an adventure.

Being adventurous is like being creative or inventive.

It's a mindset. It’s being open and curious.

It’s a yearning to discover, to learn and experience new things, ideas and experiences.

And it can be nurtured and developed where you are, for example,

By reading books of a different genre, or little known authors, than you are used to;

Or by associating with or talking to different people,

Other than those that dominate your immediate circle of friends;

Or by listening to contrary opinions/ideas with curiosity rather than criticism;

Or by listening/dancing to a different type of music;

Or by taking a different route back home, once in while;

Or simply taking the little dirt road round the block, to see where it leads.

In the boredom, weariness and isolation that came with the pandemic,

Most of us discovered little known trails and hideaways within our localities,

That we didn’t know ever existed and, probably, would never have known otherwise.

Some of us were surprised to learn that

We had former classmates and schoolmates as neighbours;

Others made new friends and associations –

All because we chose to get out, be curious and explore.

Nurturing our spirit of adventure exposes us to the fringes of our culture,

Offers us variety and divergent experiences,

And gives us more options and perspectives to choose from.

Being adventurous keeps us open to new ideas and perspectives,

Which makes it easier for us to adapt and adjust

To the rapid changes taking place in our society.

In a sense, being adventurous inoculates us against irrelevancy and obsolescence.

It builds resilience

How adventurous are you?

How will you nurture and develop your spirit of adventure today?

*Photo credit: Ole Witt on Unsplash

What grade would you give yourself?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 03 Apr 2022 04:18:00 +0000

Make a cup of your favorite beverage,

Sit somewhere quiet, pen and paper in hand,

And see if you can pass this little exam.

Here we go:

"If today was a holiday in your honor, what would it be about?

If we had to examine everything about you,

Your work, your impact, your reputation –

What would be the positive caricature we would draw?

What sorts of slogans, banners and greetings

Would we use to celebrate you and your work?"

That’s it. How should we celebrate your day?

Short and simple.

In essence, you'll be writing your own eulogy -

Your vision of the difference and impact you want to make here.

You can shy away now...or you can plunge in.

Either way...it’ll be written....some how...some day.

And yes, it's always better to write it yourself!

The choice you take is also a clue

To the direction of your life at the moment –

You either know it and are confident of the path you are on,

Or you are unclear and uncertain.

What grade do you give yourself?

*Reflection inspired by Seth Godin

** Photo credit: Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Words that caught us: What new holiday can you invent?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 20 Mar 2022 06:46:00 +0000

Can we try something practical for a change? Sawa?

Let’s say someone gave you an opportunity

To come up with a new holiday,

What would you suggest?

No, it doesn’t have to last the whole day –

It can be for an hour, a few days, or even a month.

How would you like to celebrate it?

Who else would need to be part of it?

Holidays are symbols of what we value.

We mark them by scheduling specific time, and artifacts to accompany them.

They offer us a chance to remember and celebrate our joys,

And to congregate around something we all share and value.

Looking at your life experience so far,

What holiday(s) would you invent?

What do you feel you aren’t celebrating well enough?

What shared feelings do you think we are missing out,

Or neglecting, to our detriment?

Around what should we congregate, celebrate and enjoy together, more?

What conversations should we be having, that we are not holding?

You never know…

Your idea might catch on and spread to your friends and others,

And become a gift that amplifies our culture, and makes it better –

For this is the way every holiday we know today, came about.

So, what holiday would we invent?

For us we would invent three holidays.

First, is a daily connection hour, to reflect on our mortality,

And connect with ourselves -

A daily sacred space and moment, for only US.

Second, we’d invent a weekly connection hour,

Dedicated to someone important in our lives,

Where we’d try to re-connect, re-establish and strengthen our bonds.

The focus would be THEM –

To let them know that they are singularly valued, cared for, and loved.

Third, would be a monthly joy day,

Where we'd gather together as family or friends,

And, alternately, together, engage in one activity that brings joy to one of us.

Everyone would have their turn to choose anything, within reason,

That they enjoy or wish to enjoy,

And we’ll all join in the activity, make it happen, and have fun while at it.

The little one may want to visit the zoo, and so shall we all.

The young one may want to go skating, and so shall we all.

The older ones may want samaki Karai, or choma, at some budus somewhere.

Whatever it is, it’s your day, and we’ll try our best to make it happen, for YOU!

Actually, we’ll go ahead and try all three of them, and see what happens.

What about you?

What holiday(s) will you invent?

What will you try out?

*Reflection inspired by this post by Seth Godin

** Photo credit: Tim Zankert on Unsplash

Words that caught us: The Hero we are looking for lives inside US!

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 06 Mar 2022 03:06:00 +0000

BonnieTyler sang,

“Where have all the good men gone and where are all the Gods?

Where’s the street wise Hercules to fight the rising odds?

Isn’t there a white knight upon a fiery steed?

Late at night I toss and I turn and I dream of what I need

I need a hero…”

If you are hungry for good servant leadership,

If you are angry with your government and the politicians,

If you are fed up with the drama, lies and propaganda,

Then you know that you too need a hero.

Heroes give us permission to hope, permission to believe in a tomorrow,

And to believe in ourselves and mankind.

They instill self-belief and fuel inspiration.

They ignite imagination and shame cowardice.

They rally support and infuse courage.

They help us imagine what we can do, if we had courage.

They advance life by teaching us how to save the day for ourselves.

Let's give it to Volodymyr Zelenskyy and the Ukrainians.

They have reminded us of the immensity of the power within us.

They have stared down the barrel, dared the tanks,

Withstood the shelling, and shown us where the real power is.

They have proved to us once again that heroes do not have any special talents,

Or skills, or resources – that they are ordinary beings, like you and me –

And that we all can be heroes where we are, with whatever we have,

If we truly believe in ourselves and in our cause;

And that, when it comes to difficult issues afflicting us, we are stronger, together.

Heroes and heroines teach us how to save the day for ourselves!

The hero/heroine we are looking for, lives in each one of us.

Where can you be a hero/heroine today?

To whom can you be a hero/heroine today?

In what can you be a hero/heroine today?

In what cause can you help build a tribe or a movement today?

*Reflection inspired by Dan Rockwell

**Photo credit: Clark Tibbs

How will you honour yourself today?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 27 Feb 2022 10:08:00 +0000

We honour dates with others.

We honour deadlines set for us by others.

We are always on time for the signing of a big contract.

The tax returns are always filed on time.

We easily commit and honour our commitments to others.

But there is one person we routinely and repeatedly dishonour.

Do you know who that person is?

Ourselves!

We rarely commit to what we said we'll do for ourselves.

That vacation we thought we might go this year can wait,

Because it conflicts with so and so’s wedding,

Or because this or that has come up.

And our morning jog? That, too, can wait.

We aren't feeling like it this morning.

What of that intermittent pain we have been experiencing...

The one we planned to have checked out last year?

Well...we'll surely schedule a doctor's visit next week.

Why not today?

'Well, I have so much to do today. And the pain ain't so bad.

I'll do it next week.' ....then another month passes.

And that shoe we planned to buy at end of the month?

Now that's a little selfish of me, isn’t it? I'll buy toto the dress she wanted first.

The shoe can wait for next month.

Why do we put off ourselves so easily and so repeatedly?

How can we get more committed to ourselves, especially for our own self care?

Realize this...

The main culprit for our constant tiredness isn't work.

The main culprit for our increasing weight isn't food.

The main culprit for our stressful lives

Ain’t the circumstances we’ve found ourselves in.

The main culprit for our isolation and loneliness

Isn't unloving and uncaring people.

The main culprit is US, and our continued refusal to honour ourselves.

Our healing starts with US honouring our commitments to ourselves.

How will you honour yourself today?

*Reflection inspired by this article by Leo Babauta

**Photo Credit: William Farlow

It's always the first and last time!

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 20 Feb 2022 08:33:00 +0000

As a people who love nature and gardening,

We have come to appreciate

That what we saw or experienced yesterday,

Is not the same as what we see or experience today,

Even if we are looking or experiencing the same phenomena.

The adage that you never cross the same river twice

Is true in everything we do, see, touch, ear, taste or smell.

When you sleep, you wake up in a new day,

Completely unlike yesterday.

When you visit a place, it’s always the first the time,

Even if it’s your fourth or sixteenth visit –

The trees aren’t the same. They may have grown new branches or a little taller.

The flowers aren’t the same flowers you saw the last time –

Some have died and fallen off, and new ones have bloomed.

The air you breathed a second ago isn’t the same you are breathing now –

The winds are constantly blowing it in different directions.

Even the soil and the path you walked on ain’t the same –

Some of it may have worn out and blown away, or chipped and swept off.

It’s the same with all of us.

We aren’t the same people we were a year or a month ago or yesterday.

Life and time has worked on us and changed us.

We are, literally, reborn anew, every day…and every moment.

And so are our spouses, children, relatives and friends.

And so is the world we live in, including our favourite cafe, bar or supermarket.

The barrista, waiter or cashier at the counter isn’t the same we saw the last time,

Even though their bodies and faces look the same.

And the coffee beans, beers and the shopping in our basket is all new –

We are seeing and experiencing them for the very first and last time.

It’s all shifting and changing.

And yet...

And yet we keep holding this fixed picture of ourselves,

Others and the world around us, as if it were true.

And this often leads to some big problems

In the way we relate with others and the world around us.

What would change in your life

If you lived it with the awareness that today,

And everything you do and experience today,

You are doing, or experiencing it, for the very first and last time?

*Photo credit: Andrea De Santis

HOW DID WE BECOME HARD CHARGING BULLS WITH NO TIME TO RELAX OR ENJOY LIFE?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 13 Feb 2022 09:06:00 +0000

It’s important to remind ourselves that life wasn’t always like this ...

That there was a time when we humans

Had more time for leisure, conversation and the arts.

There was a time when our default behaviour

Was to sit down and tell stories, and hold a conversation.

Something changed along the way,

And it wasn’t us, or our need to sit and tell stories.

What changed was our culture, and the role we played in it.

Today, our default is to always be doing something.

Our default thinking now is that we are losing something

Whenever we are sitting still and doing nothing.

And so we have taken it upon ourselves to invent more and more tools,

Technology, processes and systems,

To do things quickly and efficiently, and to save time.

But what do we do with all the time we save?

One would have expected us to use this extra time

To relax and connect with family and friends,

And to immerse ourselves into the joys and pleasures of play, and the arts.

But no, that’s not we do.

Instead, we cram more activities into it.

Our default now is productivity and more productivity.

We need to be seen doing something.

We need to feel like we are not wasting time.

‘Busy’ and ‘fast’ have become badges of honour, and status symbols.

And they come at a heavy price to our health and well-being.

It’s so serious and endemic that today we attend seminars and workshops

To be trained how to relax and be still.

Imagine that! We have literally forgotten how we used to do it.

Don’t we find it counter-cultural and ridiculous

That we have accepted it as normal, for doctors today,

To prescribe vacations and bed rests?

Don’t we find it paradoxical that we have invented complex technologies

To help us communicate ideas, thoughts and stories,

But have, absurdly, grown further apart, converse less,

And feel more isolated from each other than ever before in our history?

Don’t we find it farcical and telling, that we are more than willing

To defer taking a vacation in favour of work,

Than deferring work in favour of a vacation?

Don’t we find it counter-intuitive that we are more than willing

To exchange our time with family

With jobs that promise little or no time with family?

How did we come to place more value on the pay-cheque

Than on our own health and family?

How did we get to this point?

How did we come to normalize and accept such an atrocity?

Now look around, at the cost we are paying for our productivity-ethic.

Look at our drugged stupor, arched shoulders, taut faces and sleep-deprived eyes.

You might be tempted to think that you don’t have a choice,

But the truth is, you do.

You can choose different.

But to do that, to free yourself from this prison

That you have willingly and voluntarily agreed to enter,

You have to understand the culture we are living in,

And the many ways in which it induces and bribes us into enslaving ourselves.

Until then, you are going to find it increasingly difficult

To maintain your health and well-being, and of those you love.

We have to consciously re-evaluate and recalibrate our culture

Into supporting the life we want and crave for.

May be that's what we are seeing with the 'great resignation.'

May be we are slowly coming to the realization

That we've been, willingly and voluntarily, conning and cheating ourselves

Off, the life we want.

Words that caught us: Who is your Charlie Ross?

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 06 Feb 2022 04:56:00 +0000

'Most people...have heard the story

of President Harry Truman,

and the music critic

who wrote a bad review

of Truman’s daughter’s singing,

and Truman then blasting the critic in print.

Most people have not heard

about how Truman’s response

came to be published.

Truman’s press secretary

was a boyhood friend named Charlie Ross,

a man whom Truman had always respected.

Whenever something really made Truman angry

and offended him personally,

he would dictate a letter.

Rather than confront Truman directly,

about something he was about to write

that was beneath him,

Ross would take down whatever Truman said verbatim,

and type up the letter unedited.

But he never brought the letter back to Truman

for his signature for at least twenty-four hours,

at which time Truman always tore the letters up.

Ross never took a vacation while Truman was in office,

and never bothered to tell anyone about his procedure,

and then he suddenly had a massive heart attack and died.

The new man in his job didn’t know the drill,

and when Harry Truman dictated the angry letter

about the critic’s review of his daughter’s singing,

the press secretary had Truman sign the letter on the spot

and sent it out in the morning mail.

The rest, as they say, is history."

Everyone needs a Charlie Ross in their life.

Someone who is always on our side

But is not our echo chamber.

Someone who can save us

From our own stupidity,

Especially, when our emotions run riot.

Someone we can say things to

That we can’t say anywhere else.

Someone who is always on our side,

But has the guts and the wisdom

Not to take our side.

Do you have one?

Who is your Charlie Ross?

*Inspired by this post by Dan Rockwell and the comment by Jim Hodgson

**Photo credit: Agence Olloweb

Words that caught us: A living and active faith, is a faith of verbs

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 30 Jan 2022 03:58:00 +0000

What is faith?

And what is it like to have

A living and active faith?

Terry Tempest defines faith as

“…the belief in our capacity

To create meaningful lives";

And a living, active faith as

“…a faith of verbs”.

Here's how she puts it:

"This is my living faith, an active faith,

A faith of verbs:

To question, explore, experiment, experience,

Walk, run, dance, play,

Eat, love, learn, dare,

Taste, touch, smell,

Listen, speak,

Write, read, draw,

Provoke, emote, scream,

Sin, repent,

Cry, kneel, pray, bow,

Rise, stand, look, laugh,

Cajole, create, confront, confound,

Walk back, walk forward, circle,

Hide, and seek...”

What does it mean to you

To have a living, active faith?

Mostly, our faith stops at ‘belief’ –

A resigned, ‘waiting-for-something’, kind of faith.

Benign, stagnant, and passive.

But faith gains its power

When it's accompanied by action.

There is power, liveliness and agency

When we change from 'observers' to 'participants'.

And hence, for us to have and live meaningful lives,

We need a faith that is daring and assertive –

An active, take-charge, ‘its-my-ship’, kind of faith.

A faith rooted in verbs.

Which verbs resonate with you most strongly?

Can you name one verb

That you want to animate your life, this year?

Why?

What do you see yourself creating with it?

What system have you put in place,

To keep you focused and consistent?

Words that caught us: Most of our problems stem from our inability to sit quietly, alone

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 23 Jan 2022 05:03:00 +0000

If you have ever woken up at 3/4am,

To do something important,

Then you must have noticed

How quiet it is, at that hour.

You can hear the littlest rustle.

Your mind is quieter too.

Your thoughts come to you easily and clearly.

You find your flow effortlessly.

Insights to challenges you had the previous day

Come flooding in,

Like they had been held hostage somewhere.

Dilemmas that appeared too close to call,

Suddenly look like common sense.

There’s a feeling of wisdom and confidence,

In the way you place your bets and choices.

Then, slowly, as the first rays push away the darkness,

As the matatus start honking,

As the radios and TVs are turned on,

As humanity wakes up and scurries, to God knows where,

And as the noise and pandemonium

That goes with it, increase,

You find yourself thrown back to the old world,

Where focus and flow are difficult to come by,

And doubts cloud your resolve.

Where insights come only in trickles,

And thoughts are as clear as mud.

Almost nothing seems to fall neatly in its closet, anymore.

It's the same you, but something has changed.

Some fog seems to have descended upon you.

Is it just fatigue, or is there something more?

What is it about the hours of 3 and 4am,

That makes everything feel so calm, clear and easy?

Maybe Beethoven can help us.

Yes, Beethoven, the musician.

You see, Beethoven wrote his most famous scores

While he was deaf.

Imagine that for a moment.

Beethoven wrote entire symphonies

Without hearing a single note!

It turn outs that he could hear his music more clearly

In his mind, while deaf,

Than when he had his hearing.

“The less he could hear, the more original he became.”

That's, most probably, what's happening

At 3 and 4 in the morning.

In those very quiet hours

We find ourselves tuned-in to ourselves,

And open to hearing the wisdom within us.

There aren't many distractions at that hour

To steal our attention, or make us anxious.

We are rested, settled, calm and relaxed.

That's when the hostages we have imprisoned inside us,

Find their freedom.

It was true for Beethoven,

And it is also true for all of us.

“The path to tuning into the wisdom within

Begins by tuning out the noise without."

In other words, we find our genius

When we tune out the noise.

The more often we do it,

The more calm, collected and effective we become.

No. This isn’t about waking up at 3am.

It’s about being deliberate

In finding some quiet time, and space, to tune-in.

It may be sitting at your favourite spot,

By the window, overlooking the water.

It may be waking up early, to do deep work.

It may be a quiet walk in the park, or on the beach.

It may be a lone road trip over the weekend.

It may be a regular get-away to a quiet place.

It may be a long, warm and scented soak, in the bath.

Anything that helps you tune-out the noise,

And listen within.

So, how often do you schedule time and space,

To tune-in to the wisdom within you?

Are you sabotaging your genius

By failing to tune-out the noise?

*Today’s reflection is inspired by this piece by Ozan Varol

Words that caught us: Less is more

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 16 Jan 2022 04:49:00 +0000

‘When humans solve problems,

We overlook an incredibly powerful option:

We don’t subtract.

We pile on “to-dos”

But don’t consider “stop-doings”.’*

“Take some more tea," the March Hare said to Alice,

Very earnestly.

"I've had nothing yet," Alice replied

In an offended tone, "so I can't take more."

"You mean you can't take less," said the Hatter:

"it's very easy to take more than nothing."

"Nobody asked your opinion," said Alice.”**

Indeed! We are all like Alice, most of the time.

We mostly lean towards addition and more.

We want more, never less.

We plan for more, never less.

It’s the easier route, and our minds are hard wired for ease.

And this tendency towards more

Tightens our attachments and entanglements.

We almost never consider subtraction as an option.

Our fear of losing/missing out is, sometimes, too strong,

That it holds us back from releasing what we don’t need

And what, no-longer, serves our good.

We view subtraction as a loss,

Yet, less is, very often, more.

Have you noticed the anger and defensiveness,

That accompanies a suggestion

That we subtract something from our life?

You need to do something about your health.

You need to get your finances in order.

You need to find time for your family.

You need to take some rest.

Why the anger?

What’s the source of our defensiveness?

Instead of seeing it for what it is, we are more like Alice:

‘Who asked for your opinion’?

Let’s test this idea here and now.

Look at your 2022 goals.

What’s the ratio of additives to reductions?

It’s counterintuitive, but it’s very possible,

That we would achieve more, and go farther,

If we willed ourselves to become more open to

Stopping, reducing and subtracting.

If you need more convincing

On how powerful this option is,

Grab yourself a copy of

Subtract:The untapped science of less.

It is full of examples where our tendency towards more

Ends with less than optimal results.

One example that caught our eye,

Is our tendency to pack our holidays and leisure-time

With many activities and minutiae, such that,

We rarely achieve the relaxation

And rejuvenation we were looking for.

Most of us are yet to come to terms

With the fact that,

Vacations are no longer a cure for burnout.

We need to dig deeper, and be more deliberate,

In our subtraction!

And in today’s fast-paced world,

With its distracting and addictive tech,

It will take us much more effort and discipline,

To achieve what we need and deserve.

So, here’s a powerful question for you:

What do you need less of, this year?

Can you honestly answer this, with full clarity?

And are you willing to put resolve and action

Behind this insight?

*Leidy Klotz, Subtract: The untapped science of less

**Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

Words that caught us: A New Year's relationship check-in gives us a chance for renewal and reinvigoration

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 09 Jan 2022 04:08:00 +0000

After the anticipation and the count down,

After the cheers and the fireworks have died down,

What exactly does a New Year mean to you?

Of course, the calendar is just a concept,

Like many others we’ve invented,

To help us make sense of the world,

And our existence in it.

If you slept through the count down,

And woke up to your usual routine and grind,

You are in very good company.

There many who don’t buy the glitz and rituals,

We have conjured up around the New Year.

But whatever you believe in, or don’t,

A New Year can be a good time to recalibrate,

Renew, realign, revitalize and refocus our lives,

Towards something better.

But for that to happen,

We have to take time,

To check-in, with ourselves.

What brought me most joy in the last year?

What am I grateful for?

What was the most challenging thing last year?

What helped me get through it?

What did I learn from this?

What do I need to let go this year?

What distracted me the most last year?

What took away most of my energy last year?

How would I describe myself right now?

What kind of person am I becoming?

Is this what I want for myself,

And for my loved ones?

In hospitality, the check-in process is very critical

To the overall guest experience.

That’s the time we get to ‘see’ you,

To ‘hear’ you, and ‘understand’ you.

The connection built during this process,

Creates trust, friendship and loyalty,

That endures the stresses

Of momentary shortcomings.

It’s the backbone on which we build the future

Of the relationship.

And so, the key question,

As we begin the New Year,

Is whether we've set aside some time,

To check-in with ourselves.

Have we taken the time,

To strengthen the backbone

Of our relationship with ourselves, and others?

The risk of not doing it is, of course,

Missing more of what we missed, omitted,

Got wrong, or neglected, last year.

Change is deliberate.

And so is growth and progress.

Have you checked-in yet?

*Reflection inspired by Marriage Minute from The Gottman Institute dated 4th January 2022.

Words that caught us: HOME is where we are allowed to be imperfect!

noreply@blogger.com (Ritam Getaways) — Sun, 26 Dec 2021 04:34:00 +0000

We all know that none of us is perfect,

And that perfection does not exist,

In life, or in nature.

But, yet, we live in a world

That expects and demands

Perfection.

And we make it worse

By holding a torch on everyone else

But ourselves.

We want perfect mates,

Perfect siblings,

Perfect parents,

And perfect workplaces,

But expect others to condone

And understand our flaws and foibles.

How do we bridge the gap?

Who will love us despite our imperfections?

Who will accept us as we are,

While at the same time,

Lovingly nudging us,

To be the best we can be?

Which place can we go,

And feel a sense of belonging,

Without the constant demands,

To fit a certain model, or image?

It can’t possibly be anywhere else,

But HOME.

“HOME is the place we love best

and grumble the most.”*1

You know why?

Because, HOME is where we are allowed

To be imperfect.

“HOME is the place where,

when you have to go there,

they have to take you in.”*2

“There is nothing more important

than a good, safe, secure HOME.”*3

“The ache for HOME lives in all of us,

the safe place where we can go as we are

and not be questioned.”*4

A big part of making a HOME is love,

Tolerance, acceptance and belongingness.

"My favorite definition is "a safe place,"

A place where one is free from attack,

A place where one experiences

Secure relationships and affirmation.

It's a place where people share and understand each other.

Its relationships that are nurturing.

The people in it do not need to be perfect;

Instead, they need to be honest, loving and supportive,

Recognizing a common humanity that makes all of us vulnerable.”*5

In the end, HOME is not a place,

But a feeling within a community.

"Home is people....

If you go back there after the people are gone,

Then all you can see is what is not there any more."6

In short, HOME is us.

HOME is what you and I choose to make it.

And, to borrow a leadership wisdom,

The best way to make and find a good HOME,

Is to strive to BE the best HOME we never had,

To someone else.

We hope and pray that you’ll find a HOME

This Christmas,

And, beyond that,

That you will be attentive and caring enough,

To make others feel at HOME, in your presence.

*Quotes by:

Billy Sunday
Robert Frost
Rosalynn Carter
Maya Angelou
Gladys Hunt
Robin Hobb