Robin's Chicks

Faery Tale

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 07 Apr 2011 01:33:00 +0000

My friend Signe Pike wrote "Faery Tale: One Woman's Search for Enchantment in a Modern World," it is a very touching read about how she left her job as an acquisitions editor in New York City to travel around the world looking for... well, for faeries. Signe had become frustrated with the rat race, and after the death of her father, she began to wonder why we become so serious as we grow up and she wondered what would happen if she went looking for something magical.

I love Signe, I loved her book and I was honored when she asked me to guest post on her blog about faeries and my girls. My experience with such things is quite different than Signe's but I hope you'll check out my post and her book!

A Little Pick-Me-Up

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Wed, 06 Apr 2011 18:34:00 +0000

One of my friends just sent me this link and while applicable to my life with toddlers, I am flummoxed as to what The Kelly Family was thinking as they performed this little ditty with such gusto.

Also, Rebecca Black's lousy Friday song is no longer stuck in my head, so, um, thanks for that.

A certain member of my family is going to be required to watch this before bed tonight.

What behavior of your kids could you sing the blues about?

Emma Said: Snooked

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Tue, 05 Apr 2011 19:42:00 +0000

This afternoon Emma was digging around in the pantry looking for a snack. I went in there to see what she was getting into and she pointed to a box of granola, "Can I hab some of dat?"

I reached for the box and upon discovering it was empty, showed Emma by shaking it upside down.

Me: It's all gone.

Emma: Oh! Yeah! I porgot. I snooked in here and ated all of dat the udder day.

Me: You snooked?

Emma: Yep.

There you go, people of the world. Snooked.

(And the Dora Band-aid was for some perceived injury or scratch that I couldn't see. It lasted approximately 34 seconds.)

What's the last word one of your kids made up?

(I just added a new feature to the blog which should make it easier for you to comment! If you haven't tried leaving a comment in awhile, try it here and let me know what you think!)

(Also, I am very parenthetical today.)

Six Little Words

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sun, 03 Apr 2011 00:37:00 +0000

I am entering a scholarship contest for a women's conference called She Speaks. (Click the link for more info about the conference.) In order to enter I had to write my story in just six words. Here it is:

My mistakes. His mercy. My joy.

What is your six word story?

April Fools

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 18:38:00 +0000

(comic via www.whiteninjacomics.com)

Oh how I love April Fool's Day, a day dedicated to fools and celebrating their gullibility. (That is actually a real word.)

I love to play tricks on people. Last year, I stole an idea from Gretchen Rubin, author of "The Happiness Project", and stuck a bowl of Cheerios, milk and a spoon in the freezer on March 31st. The idea was to serve Aubrey her breakfast with the spoon frozen in the bowl. I did it. I thought it was hilarious-- she cried. I learned a valuable lesson: No tricking my own chirren. They don't like it.

This morning on twitter, I read where one of my tweeps had drawn pencil-thin mustaches on her children last night while they slept. I turned green with envy. I want to do that to my kids. But I don't want to make them cry. So I am behaving and reflecting on April Fool's Days gone by...

Like the time I was in high school and my mother took me and a bunch of my friends to the beach. The night before we were supposed to leave me and my girlfriends snuck out to the parking lot and moved one of the guy's car to the parking lot of another building. It was actually his mother's Volvo. We told my mom what we had done then put his keys back where we had found them and went to sleep.

We didn't say anything the next morning. We just sat at the window and laughed until we cried as he and the rest of the guys wandered aimlessly around the parking lot looking for his car. There was a lot of head scratching and, "I swear we left it right here"s. My girls and I pulled ourselves together as the guys came back inside and asked us where the car was. We shrugged.

WHATEVER did they mean?? The car was missing? *shocked faces all around*

My mother, who loves a prank, put her hands on her hips and said, "Girls if y'all did something with his car you need to tell me right now, because I'm about to call the police."

We swore to my mother, who knew exactly where the missing Volvo was parked, that we were innocent. She walked to the wall phone (GEEZ, remember those!?) which she had already unplugged and pretended to call 911 to report a stolen car. The guys were totally freaking out, especially our friend who was about to call his mother and tell her her car was gone. About the time she hung up the phone, we couldn't contain ourselves any longer and we fell apart.

BUT, my very favorite April Fool's prank involved Sister Wife (my bestie, don't worry we share everything but clothes and husbands.) I can't even remember what prank her husband played on her, which should tell you just how insignificant it was. But we were vengeful. We spent an entire morning plotting our revenge. What would scare him out of his mind?

Wifey has three small children and there were no plans for more, so we decided she would tell her husband she was pregnant. But just SAYING it so soon after he had pranked her, wouldn't be sufficient. No, we really needed to scare him and show him who he was dealing with. He had to be convinced that she was knocked up. Then, like manna from heaven, the idea came.

Wifey went to the drugstore and bought a pregnancy test, drove to our pregnant friend's house and made her pee on the stick. Wifey waited until her husband was outside cutting the grass, then walked out of the house with her most serious face. She said solemnly, "We need to talk," then pulled the positive pregnancy test out of her pocket.

He froze. "I can't talk about this right now. Give me a minute..."

She nodded and walked into the house without so much as a smile and waited while he cut the yard in turmoil. (Are you crying yet? I am. I so love this story.)

It wasn't until he finished cutting the entire yard that he came inside and she broke the good news. He was so relieved, I don't think it even crossed his mind to be angry.

Sigh. I need a prank, people. Help me to live vicariously through you.

What is your favorite April Fool's Day or prank story?

Tell me, or all my kids are getting eye-liner mustaches tonight and it'll be all your fault.

Emma Sings For God

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 31 Mar 2011 17:35:00 +0000

Y'all just don't know how much better this makes me feel about my parenting skillz. Seriously--all those Katy Perry and Lady Gaga songs she knows the words to don't seem so bad right now.

My favorite line is "He is bigger than a whale and nobody's in charge of him and because he's bigger than a whale, he's bigger than you." Truth, baby girl. Truth.

Bad Mommy/Sadie Sings

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 01:27:00 +0000

The girls love to take my iPhone into their bedroom for Dance Parties and for this very reason I have downloaded two albums of KidzBop songs from iTunes. But apparently, on more than one occasion, they have chosen to listen to my work out mix instead.

While changing Sadie's diaper tonight and preparing to tuck the chunky monkey into bed... she sang:

When I collapsed in laughter on her bedroom floor she yelled, "DOP WAPPIN' AT ME! EE NAH PUNNY!"

Oh, I beg to differ.

If me and my chicks make you LOL, please take LITERALLY 5 seconds and vote for me as one of Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Moms!

(And to save some of you an e-mail that was The Black-Eyed Peas "My Humps." And yes, I realize this speaks volumes about my parenting skillz.)

Column Linkage

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sat, 26 Mar 2011 17:26:00 +0000

Click here to read Aubrey's latest toot funny and my Spring Break expectations...

And don't forget to VOTE for Robin's Chicks for one of the Top 25 Funniest Moms on Circle of Moms. Just click the the thumbs up!! Thanks!

Just Chillin'

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 24 Mar 2011 22:41:00 +0000

Sadie can open the refrigerator now. It is super annoying.

I am my mother. "Close the door! Are you trying to cool the whole flippin' HOUSE?"

Apparently, Sadie was put off by my constant nagging/mothering and decided to send me a little message-- Dexter-Style. I opened the fridge last night and had a mini-heart attack when I saw this.

Touche, Sadie. Touche.

(Please ignore the spilled and dried Diet Caffeine Free Dr Pepper hanging out in the corner. I'll clean it up eventually.)

Thanks to everyone who is voting for me on Circle of Moms Top 25 Funniest Moms! I'm in the top 7 but, Y'ALL these people are FOR REAL. Moms are climbing over each other's heads and acting like it's 1984 and there is only one Cabbage Patch Kid doll left. Go VOTE! It's only ONE click- you don't even have to enter your email address! You can vote once a day until March 28th! (If you post the link as your FB status I'll give you my first born child... or the second. The third, as established above, is pretty scary and not housebroken yet, so I'll keep her for now. But you can have your pick of the other two.)

Emma's Antics: Shaving Accident

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 13:00:00 +0000

Emma: Momma, I hut my hand in da baffroom.

Me: You did? Lemme see...

Me: Yeah, you did. What happened?

Emma: *blank stare*

I had a motherly premonition and Hub's razor sitting on the bathroom counter flashed in my mind.

Me: EMMA... were you playing with Daddy's razor?

Emma: *eyes get wider and she frowned*

My mom: What in the world were you shaving, honey?

Emma: Ummmm... my hand.

Whaaaaaaaat? I got nuthin'. No idea why.

No. Idea.

(Just to save you an e-mail, we had a very serious and lengthy discussion about why we don't shave our hands. Or play with razors. I was Scary Mommy.)

Spring Break & What NOT To Do At The Doctor's Office

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Mon, 21 Mar 2011 01:33:00 +0000

I totally can't believe that Spring Break is ovah! It seems like yesterday it was February and I was looking at the calendar for March while breathing into a brown paper bag, trying to figure out how I was going to fit everything in. I didn't think there was any way possible that I would be able to meet all of my deadlines, pack my family up and send them in 5 different directions and remain sane. But I did it.

It's been hectic and I've totally neglected my bliggedy-blog. But now I'm back. Mostly. I still have some writing deadlines to meet and a few road trips to make but I can see April peeking around the corner and I know I'll make it.

If you wouldn't mind, I would LOVE YOUR VOTE over on Circle of Moms for Top 25 Funniest Moms, the competition is fierce! You can vote once a day. Just click on the link then click on VOTE. Easy peasy, no offering up your first born child, no entering your email address and blood type... just one little click. Thanks for that Boo. I feel better already.

ALSO, since you went to all that trouble for me, here is the link to last week's (I think, it's all a blur) column... crap. Now I don't even remember what it was about... lemme see... OH!! You are gonna love this! This is the one where I get all my feelings out about waiting room etiquette at the doctor's office-- there was an unidentified rash, lots of touching and my chirrens. 'Nuff said. Go read it, THEN come back and tell me this-

What would you have said to that Momma?

Sadie Speaks- I Laugh

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 17 Mar 2011 01:51:00 +0000

Sadie is a little over two-years-old and a lot funny. The child speaks in complete sentences and has a sense of humor.

When I asked her tonight if she wanted to go to bed she said, "NO Wobin, I'm not weady yet."

Mmm-kay.

When I tried to put her down for a nap yesterday she said, "I not get in my bed. I wanna go in da wibbin woom." (Living room.)

When she pointed to a mole on my leg tonight and asked me, "What's dat Momma?"

I said, "A mole."

She pretended to gag.

I almost peed my pants.

Tonight, I was brushing her teeth and as soon as I put her Elmo toothbrush in her mouth she grimaced. "Ewwww, dat toofpaste tastes wike poo-poo."

I didn't almost pee my pants.

What's the last thing one of your kids said that made you remember you could use a bladder tack?

Romance FAIL

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Mon, 14 Mar 2011 16:10:00 +0000

Click HERE to read about our anniversary dinner gone terribly wrong. Spoiler alert: there was bleach involved.

I'm at Camp Y'all

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:01:00 +0000

For reaslies. Sleeping on a bunk bed. On the BOTTOM obviously, can you even IMAGINE me trying to climb down a ladder in dead dark with a full bladder!? Not a good thing.

I am in Jasper, GA at Sharp Top Cove, at a YoungLives training program. (And not in Forks, WA as you may have assumed from the pic. Although, if Edward shows up... I could be awhile.)

YoungLives is a mentoring program for Teen Moms, that is so exciting I don't even have any words for it. There are chapters across the country and if you are even the least bit interested I would encourage you to Google it, or leave me a comment and I'll see if I can help you find a club near you.

My kids are scattered hither and yon between grandparents and while I'm learning more about this ministry, I am going to bed without tucking three little blondies at bed at night. I do miss them but, I'm eating 3 hot meals a day that I didn't prepare, walking gorgeous mountain trails by rushing streams, and meeting some of the sweetest and most fun girls EVER. We may or may not have played Just Dance 2 after all of our meetings tonight. And I may or may not have OWNED Beyonce's "Crazy in Love." (Spoiler: MAY. I rocked it.)

And to make me justa little happier, (because don't I just sound like I'm teetering on the edge of depression???) Look what is ON THE FLIPPING SCHEDULE FOR TOMORROW:

From 9:15 to 10am... look: SOLITUDE. Shut. Up.

No really, be quiet.

I will be having solitude so don't bother me.

Aubrey's Got Joy

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Mon, 07 Mar 2011 19:49:00 +0000

On Sundays during church, Aubrey likes to write me notes on her bulletin. It's so sweet to watch her express herself in words and she gets so serious concentrating on what she wants to say: she's hungry, can she have a peppermint, or does she HAVE to take a nap after church.

I don't know why she was so happy this past Sunday. I had the shakes from trying to get everyone to church on time, trying to keep Emma in her seat and still and I was just praying I wouldn't have to carry anybody out of the sanctuary before they were dismissed for Children's Church.

In the middle of me twitching nervously on the pew, and feeling guilty about yelling at every single member of my family as I herded them out the door and to the car, THIS is what Aubrey wrote:

"You make me feel so happy momy that I feel like I am feeld up whith joy!!" (And if she was reading this she would definitely say, "The exclamation points mean you should use your excited voice!!")

*TEARS*

Sadie Cut A New Tooth

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sun, 06 Mar 2011 02:37:00 +0000

Scary Aubrey

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sat, 05 Mar 2011 01:21:00 +0000

Click HERE to read why Aubrey scares the bejeezus out of me AND the rest of the family!

Aubrey Said: Redneck Sledding

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 03 Mar 2011 02:20:00 +0000

(Photo via Joy Wright Photography)

After school today Aubrey and her best buddy John Heston were talking about Spring Break. John Man was talking about his family's upcoming ski trip and Aubrey was telling him about our beach trip.

JH: I can ski so good. I can ski as good as my dad.

Aubrey: How do you know how to ski so good John Man?

JH: I have a teacher.

Aubrey: Oh.

JH: Have you ever been skiing before Aubrey?

Aubrey: No, but I've been sledding on a garbage can lid before.

Oh yeeeeaaaahhhh. That's my girl.

What are you doing for Spring Break? Taking your 3-ring circus on the road and counting the days until school starts back? Or staying home and counting the days until school starts back?

Sadie Gets Silly

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 01:29:00 +0000

Sadie makes her "siddy paces" for you. In case you were wondering that's chocolate and half a tube of ChapStick smeared all over her "pace."

Moms of Faith: Finding My Focus

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 16:45:00 +0000

Click HERE to read my newest post over on Moms Of Faith: Finding My Focus.

Emma's Essentials

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Sat, 26 Feb 2011 03:10:00 +0000

It's been a weird day. Tonight I just wanted to chill with The Hubster and watch a little TV while my kids chilled in the next room watching some Old School Looney Tunes. But I couldn't because one of the little monsters lost the remote to the TV that actually has cable and TiVo. The input select on the TV was set to some flippin' AV-nonsense which meant I could only see a blank screen and with no remote there was nothing I could do about it.

Emma(4) swore she didn't touch the remote. Aubrey (6) was at a friend's house so I couldn't ask her if she had seen it. Sadie (2) just nodded and said "Yeah, wee-mote," every time I asked her about it.

So I cleaned Aubrey and Emma's room in a desperate attempt to channel surf. I did not find the remote, but here's what I did find...

1) A cereal bowl in Emma's pajama drawer.

2) An artist's palette under her covers.

3) A knitting needle under her pillow.

4) And what four-year-old DOESN'T have The Handbook of Knots on her bedside table? (I'm just guessing this is how she learned to rope her baby sister like a cowboy ropes a steer.)

This just further fuels my brother's theory that Emma is going to be a female Jason Bourne one day. Be afraid people, be very afraid.

What's the last thing your kids did that left you shaking your head and muttering, "Whhhhhaaaat the... ?"

A Day In The Life

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 13:00:00 +0000

THIS is just one of the many reasons I'm off my blogging game. Sadie is everywhere. She is everywhere all at once. Right before I took this picture she had opened the cabinet, grabbed a bag of coffee and ate a handful of coffee grounds. Sadie is busy, therefore I am busy. Pretty much any time she is asleep or immobile, I collapse in a heap.

My freelance work has picked up some which is awesome, because they pay me in DOLLARS, and I've started working on edits for Book 2. I got my notes back from Agent Jenny & I'm really excited about getting this book finished and sent to her so we can move forward. (Sometimes I really have to pinch myself that this is even my life. I am writing and people are READING it? Other people are PAYING me to do it?? Jenny Bent is my agent?? Shut. Up.)

At any rate, I've been crazy busy writing and chasing my kids and I've gotten involved with an AMAZING program. YoungLives is a mentoring program for teen moms and we are getting geared up to really start making a difference in these girls lives. I'm super excited to be involved and can't wait to tell you more about it!

I just wanted y'all to know why I haven't been obsessively blogging!

What's been keeping you busy lately?

I Tell Mother Nature Wassup

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 03:24:00 +0000

Click HERE to read what I really think about Mother Nature & Punxsutawney Phil.

Photo via Funnyjunk.com

Walking The Dog

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Fri, 18 Feb 2011 22:46:00 +0000

No, we don't have a dog. As you may remember, we don't "do" pets very well. But that didn't stop Emma from taking her dog on a walk. Emma found this rope in her Daddy's shop a few weeks ago. I took it away from her because she kept tying chairs to couches, and garbage cans to barstools. It was quite cumbersome and extremely ANNOYING, so I confiscated it. I put the rope on top of our refrigerator, a.k.a. Toy Purgatory (I should take a picture of it for you one day. It's absolutely RIDICULOUS the amount of stuff that is up there.)

A few days ago Emma begged me for the rope and said, "I pwomise Momma, I will not tie up nuffin'. I pwomise! Pwease, Momma PWEASE can I hab my rope back?"

I caved. She's cute. I was powerless. I have no defense.

Approximately 3 minutes later I heard Sadie panting and barking and Emma yelling, "GOOD DOG!"

As they walked through my office I cocked an eyebrow at Emma.

"Welllllllll, Momma. Her wikes it. And I didn't TIE huh up, I just wapped it awound huh a bunch of times...."

Touche. And Sadie did wike it.

What toys do you routinely have to take away from your kiddos?

Sunday School Rivalry Leads to Kickball Showdown

robinschicks@gmail.com (Robin) — Thu, 17 Feb 2011 01:50:00 +0000

Click HERE to read why you wish you went to my church. After my Sunday School class defeated the 20-Somethings in a Dance Off, the 30-Somethings were challenged to a kickball tournament. The results? Epic.