• The Panamanian as a stranger: Usually very friendly. They’re always willing to help someone in need. It wasn’t until the current generation of schoolchildren that English was introduced as a mandatory language, so wherever you come from please, for the love of Marley, learn some survival Spanish. Help them help you, and you’ll be glad you did. Bartering is tricky, especially if you look like a foreigner, so try to know the local rates of stuff if you can. Nobody likes feeling like the village idiot.
• The Panamanian as a friend: Loyal, always. As it is, you’re bound to find a rotten apple in every batch but if you’re savvy you can definitely spot them without getting food poisoning: in my experience I find that the character to avoid is always in it to swindle, always in the constant hustle… the “Juega Vivo,” if you will. Crazy look in his eyes, most of the time a little too obvious in the way they want to take advantage of you? Greasy hair, sort of sluggish demeanor? There you go. Also, the Panamanian seems to have trouble discerning time; we’re very easygoing most of the time, so take appointment times as more of a guideline than a rule… just don’t feel insulted, because it’s really not our intention.
• The Panamanian as a lover: as much as a lot of us try to clean the stigma, Panamanian men fall into the typical stereotype of the “macho” man. Ladies don’t do shit, men do all the heavy lifting and provide for their women, etc. That’s all fine and dandy, but what people don’t realize is that this is a double-edged sword: all of that heavy lifting and lack of self-sustainability comes with the sole condition that the lady becomes a modern-day slave. For some reason there’s a strong grip to the customs commonly found in the 1950’s, where the so-called “weaker sex” had to stay at home and make sure everything is as “the man” wants it and, in the off chance it’s not, there’s hell to pay and nobody seems to see this as the atrocity it really is.
• The Panamanian as family: Like most Latin-American cultures, Panamanians are intricately tied to their families. To marry a Panamanian is, in a lot of cases, simply taking him/her on lease with a watchful Latino eye lurking over and raiding your fridge every other weekend. I’m 25, and my dad still calls me “little baby” in a little baby voice. My mom quit that a long time ago, but she’s a special case. In any case, having your children stay with you until they get married (even if they’re 40) is not only accepted but encouraged, and even when they do the act of “leaving the nest” is a painstakingly hard one for everyone involved: you get used to hearing family members staying with you just because.
• The Panamanian as a humanitarian: You can’t have a troubled history like the one Panama has and not have a sense of solidarity. If you are one of the lucky majority in the world to have never lived under a dictatorship, then you really have no idea what it’s like. Like I said, I’m 25 and I don’t have first-hand experience of General Omar Torrijos’ dictatorship but from what I hear the guy was stellar and everybody loved him. Who I can tell you about is a man called General Manuel Antonio Noriega. I can also tell you about the time I pissed my pants when I looked out the window the morning of December 21st, 1989 and had a Special Forces soldier wearing a helmet with twigs on it pointing his huge fucking gun straight at my forehead. That’s the sort of thing that makes you want to look after your compatriots, man.
• The Panamanian as an employer/employee: The Panamanian is extremely lenient in his work. Hard worker, and willing to learn. The thing is, the spectrum here varies depending on industry but there are common grounds no matter what sector you find yourself in business with a Panamanian: they highly respect their holidays, and we have a lot of them, and if you fire them for the wrong reasons, then the retaliation will be somehow worse than them killing your first-born from a business sense. Labor laws side heavily in favor of employees, not employers. The lesson here is that if you don’t try to screw a Panamanian over, then you’ll have a loyal worker for as long as he lives.

I’m sure there are more, but I feel like I shouldn’t micro-manage these points. In your experience, what other aspects of the Panamanian are worth noting?

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On second thought, I might be exaggerating a little. Almirante is no different than most small towns peppered on the sides of the Pan-American Highway, with lots of dive bars, humble folk and many interesting stories to tell, the kind of tales you’ll never hear from a city slicker. It’s my personal opinion (and that of many other more experienced travelers that have had the opportunity to stay overnight in Almirante) that the place is not particularly safe for he who doesn’t know the goings-on of the area, since the town takes a page from the Panama City “Rules of the Juega Vivo” book so it’s almost a guarantee that some natives will take advantage of unsuspecting tourists that don’t know any better. Not all of them are this way, though; just like many towns of the interior, most of the townsfolk are very kind and eager to help. A $14 bus or 10-hour drive will get you here, the admittedly long first leg of the 2-part journey to Isla Colon, a small piece of heaven on Earth. I am not exaggerating when I say that it’s one of the most beautiful places this humble writer has ever been in, both in and out of his dreams; not even the mass commercialism that has flooded the island in recent years has managed to knock out the enchantment of the place since, like most good things in life, things on the surface may change but it’s the same at its core. The air is somehow purer, the people are somehow more approachable and friendly, and the mysteries to discover are plentiful. The 10-hour drive, be it by bus or with a car of your own, can be quite perilous even to the most skilled driver; the road is very narrow and increasingly deteriorating as time passes by. Transit authorities have just recently become aware of the magnitude a problem like this represents, and how some unfortunate traveler might be the first to stray off the road due to the irregular terrain and down to an unknown jungle doom. The comparatively safer way to reach Bocas del Toro (Isla Colón specifically) is to board one of the daily flights to the province from the Marcos A. Gelabert International Airport in Albrook, Panama.

Isla Colón is the main tourist destination of the Bocas del Toro province, part of the republic of Panama. The most modernized of the archipelago of islands in the province, Isla Colón is the economic and industrial epicenter with the most high-end hotels, restaurants, supermarkets and more. The airport and main docks of the area are located in Isla Colón, as is the cemetery and impeccable beach. The town, regardless of recent attention it has received by the real estate industry, has seen most of its integrity be left intact; of course, one of the downfalls of becoming the darling of travel agents all over the world is that things will get shuffled around to modernize the once-simple and rustic aesthetic in favor of more modernized structures. The island, the largest in the Bocas del Toro archipelago, spans approximately 24 square miles with an estimated population of just over 5,000. Most of the island is still virgin rainforest and there seems to be no intention to tamper with that fact by both residents and developers’ part, and it’s because of this that many foreigners that visit Isla Colón end soon buying property there soon thereafter. They will tell you that a combination of the nice weather, great community and otherwise laidback living did them in when coming to the decision, but the natives that have lived there long before the tourist boom of recent years fear that this garnered (and well-deserved) attention will threaten the very reasons why real estate in Isla Colón is so hot at the moment. Still, more and more tourists from both Panama and abroad visit Isla Colón all through the year, especially during the festivities of Carnival, the American summer months and through November-December for the Christmas holidays.

Getting to Isla Colón is a little tricky: as stated earlier, the fastest (and safest) way to get there is to take any of the two flights a day to and from Panama City, which depart from the Marcos A. Gelabert International Airport in Albrook. The more economical (and also the longest) way to get there is to take a bus from the Albrook Bus Terminal. This bus will take you on a 10 hour bus ride to the port town of Almirante, where you can then take a “water taxi” for a 30-minute boat ride to the Isla Colón international sea port. Once there, you can move around to the other nearby islands by way of smaller water taxis for the same fees you would pay for regular taxis back in the mainland. Let it be noted that these “water taxis” are not more than fishing canoes with outside-propelled motors. These taxis can take up to 6 to 8 people at a time, and are the only way to travel from island to island, with the average ride lasting no more than three minutes and costing less than $2 dollars per head, per ride. Rides to places like Bastimentos and other islands farther away from Isla Colón will ring you up a little more, but the savvy traveler can always find it in his heart to negotiate with the boat captains for group rates if need be.

Everything in Isla Colón revolves around the main road of Bocas Town, Third Street. Most of the best restaurants, the port, the supermarket and the most well known club of the island, Barco Hundido, are located on this street. There is a pharmacy, some grocery markets, an ATM machine, specialty stores and internet cafés available for everyone as well. Also, Isla Colón is the only other place outside of Bastimentos where you can purchase the world famous Bastimentos Coconut Oil, freshly brewed from the island and mythical elixir that cures all ills. You can cook with it, you can use it as sun block, you can use it as a bug repellent, you can use it as a massage lotion, and I’m sure the most avid of people can find many more uses to the oil if their imaginative. Much closer to Colon Island is Carenero, which is but a short canoe ride away. In the eventuality that you can’t find housing at Colon, Carenero is your next best thing, with plenty of townsfolk and camping spaces ready to accommodate the more daring amongst you. There’s also a cabin hotel that is very nice, and the beach is only but a few steps off of wherever you’re staying. The main island though, the one that connects all others in terms of tourism, is definitely Colon. The most modern of all the islands in the area, Colon has the fanciest accommodations, plenty of shops from the city, internet cafes, bars and restaurants. It also has the internationally renowned Barco Hundido club, the only establishment of its kind built right above the water.  There are shows but on and out of the water on an almost daily basis (especially during the year’s high season) so you will not be disappointed. One thing I have noticed, though, is how some of the locals will take advantage of the most fallible of people, especially drunk foreigners who don’t know any better. Believe me when I tell you that having someone that can’t take care of themselves while drunk is definitely the weakest link in your party, and prone to be approached by the evil beasts that go bump in the nightlife of Colon Island.

Now, onto the meat of the thing: this area, a chain of islands where all types of sea life can be seen with just a peek out the boat, is like looking at the map of your favorite RPG game. You have several islands, each with their separate batches of adventure, fun and peril. Well, not so much peril… unless you’re in Bastimentos Island.

Bastimentos Island, located in the Bocas del Toro archipelago of the republic of Panama, is one of the highlights of the province thanks in no small part to its human and natural beauty. By “natural,” I mean the raw wilderness that can be seen all around the island, totally respected by the townsfolk, each of them with an incredible story to tell and hearts of gold if you give yourself a chance to get to know them.

Bastimentos is where most of the Creole population of the province resides in, with its port town roots firmly intact. It’s safe to say they don’t fancy tourists, especially with the recent turmoil happening thanks to foreign investors trying to build a resort reminiscent of the popular (and highly lucrative) Decameron/Playa Blanca all-inclusive hotels that can be found at Farallón. But despite the irate residents and construction that’s trying to eat the island whole, the nature (and beaches) are downright fascinating. You won’t be able to find Creole cuisine as delicious as you’ll find at Bastimentos, and the culture is very interesting; from the Patuá dialect to the crammed architecture reminiscent to the Caribbean by way of Europe, it’s a peculiar mix that’ll have you taking lots of pictures and video… just keep your belongings with you at all times.

In order to get to Bastimentos Island, or “Old Bank” as it is also referred to, first you must reach Isla Colón in Bocas del Toro. The most economical way to get there is to take a bus from the Albrook Bus Terminal, which will cost you $15-20 and will take you straight into the port town of Alrmirante. Then, you must take a water taxi that will drop you off in Isla Colón shortly thereafter. This way you will get to Isla Colón in about 12-13 hours, so if you want to get there considerably sooner there are airplanes that fly to and from Isla Colón twice a day; the roundtrip ticket costs $145 dollars. Once in Isla Colón, you must take a water taxi that will charge you $2 dollars to take you to Bastimentos Island and they’re in transit all throughout the day. The boat ride to Bastimentos lasts roughly 10 minutes or so due to the fact that Isla Colón and Old Bank are right next to each other. Part of the island and the coral reefs that surround it are part of the Bastimentos Island National Marine Park, with the rest of the island being considered a “relief zone” for the park, meaning that the area should be used keeping in mind that it’s next to a protected natural reserve. The island is home of around 1,400 people in 6 communities, all of them located on the side of the island that faces the mainland. The beaches are on the north: Red Frog Beach, Wizard’s Beach, Polo Beach and others.

An inherently Caribbean island, the natives speak a form of patúa endemic to the area. As far as history is concerned, during the construction of the Panama Canal, workers coming in from the Caribbean who spoke English came and founded Old Bank. Since it was founded on a Monday, the townsfolk celebrated what’s referred to as “Blue Monday” in a cantina facing the sea where there is lots of dancing, alcohol, and the occasional tourist coming in from Isla Colón.

As you can probably tell, Bocas del Toro has enjoyed a very large influx of tourist activity as well as the ever-increasing attention of real estate agencies looking to sell land for other exciting beachfront properties and tourist-centric business ventures. The place is already brimming with tourist activity and nothing seems to be stopping this trend; visit this Panamanian province and live the life of a beach bum with all the quirks of modern living! If you’d like to know more about Bocas del Toro and what it has to offer, you can visit any of these portals here and here; they’re good places to get you started.

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But, I digress. Maridos de Alquiler, with offices located in the Clayton district of Panama City, former Canal Zone area, will do anything a diligent husband is supposed to do or at least have the basic knowledge of how to do it. These husbands for hire will do your plumbing, install electrical appliances, check your oil, build or fix furniture, change your tires and all of those wonderful things the macho man of today is supposed to know in order to fulfill his role of provider. The man responsible for bringing this peculiar franchise to Panama goes by the name of Pavel Molina, a Venezuelan entrepreneur who really believes there’s a market for this.

“Our technicians can do work from plumbing, carpentry, electricity, phone lines, and touch-up work. Wives, on the other hand, can do cleaning, decoration, cooking, and ironing. We’re prepared to also cover emergencies anywhere in the country.”

Reports say that when they officially opened for business on Monday, September 8, 2008, they received somewhere around 160 calls, 85% of these asking just what is it they did exactly. The angle here, according to Molina, is that most “professionals” that do this sort of work often take their sweet time to respond, sometimes won’t pick up their phones and there is rarely any warranty on the work done. The difference with these spouses for hire is that for $10 a visit they’ll go to your residence immediately and will not leave until the problem is fixed. They are bilingual, you’ll always be able to get someone from the company to attend you and the client has a warranty on all work done, and if triggered will have an agent from the company on your doorstep within 24 hours. How about them apples? You may or may not have heard this, but Panama’s service industry has been the crux of our tourism for years. In an informal manner, Panamanians are the warmest, most personable people this side of the blue marble but for some reason I can’t even begin to comprehend the second someone pays a Panamanian to tend to customers, more often than not the standard clerk will look at and tend to you like he would rather be listening to William Hung inside the most rat-infested karaoke bar in Cambodia while a succubus dined on his chest entrails. This is not true 100% of the time because, like everything in this world, there are people who like what they do for a living and then there are others that don’t. Nevertheless, I could tell you some stories of stuff that’s happened to me in local restaurants that could give you diarrhea.

So, Panama’s service industry sucks, no matter what Ruben Blades says. We can’t be perfect, and that’s what makes us different. Thanks to the Panama Tourism Authority (Autoridad de Turismo de Panamá) there are real efforts to get Panama’s thumb out of its ass in that regard and things are much better now than they were five years ago, but there’s still a lot of work to be done. Now, it’s private businesses such as Maridos de Alquiler that help patch these cracks, and even if this business doesn’t prove to be successful it will at least kick-start a more serious “get off your ass” campaign to treat tourists with a little more decency. The first question that popped into my head when I first heard of this whole shebang still looms over all the news reports and nods the enterprise has garnered in such little time: who’s going to take it seriously?

In the past couple of weeks, just for kicks, I talked about this with a couple of friends and loved ones, every conversation degrading into a discussion on what would the rates be for a “happy ending.” I’m not going to talk about the amount of time my mom was able to mine the hell out of this joke (answer: three days) and much less how far she went (hint: Gorilla Mask, anyone?), but it’s safe to say that everyone I talked to had a field day with the name of the company and their imaginations flew so, so far. The company has embraced the concept and take the sexual innuendo in stride, since every report I’ve seen on TV simply has to cover that aspect and they play with it, in the end daftly shooting down the hopes of every lonely spouse looking for a quick fix via home delivery by saying there’s nothing sexual about the service. There’s just a lot of love… in the job they do. Checking your plumbing really is checking your problem. As an aside, if you’re in Panama and looking for sex, don’t be lazy because we have a lot of that too and make no qualms about it.

I have yet to try the service since I like the Chinese lady that washes and irons my shirts, but I’ll make sure to write about what happens when I do. In the meantime, you can visit the Maridos/Esposas de Alquiler website where they have a full history of the company, ways to contact them be it for their service or if you want a job, as well as handy how-to guides that could get you out of a bind if you have a problem around the house.

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This is the set-up: a man that’s known both online and off as Rob Rivera is lying down in bed thinking about the things people like Rob Rivera think about when they’re lying in bed (answer: chocolate) perusing the TV channels of his basic cable service. Mind you, my TV set has been busted for months. After some DIY inspection it is determined that my 3-year old CRT (a.k.a “boob tube”) TV is kicking the bucket, two of its three color bulbs being shot to hell. Watching “Hellboy” with a thick blue layer over the image, I contemplate the prospect of jumping out of my 6-story window to my death, where I’m sure they have much better TV sets and better cable service. Something stops me, though: during a commercial break I catch one of several political ads PRD presidential candidate hopeful Juan Carlos Navarro has been hammering out for the last month or so.

It doesn’t matter who these people are to you if you don’t know them already, dear reader: I could break down their rap sheets, but it ultimately is a n excercise in futilty. In the end, and in my own personal opinion, they’re all crooks in one way or the other. The question voters should be asking themselves should be “which one of these people is the lesser evil?” But, I digress. The PRD is Panama’s biggest pollitical party, with nearly 500,000 subscribers. This Sunday September 7th of 2008, they will all vote to decide who from the party will represent them in the coming 2009 elections. Of course, all eyes are on the three presidential hopefuls: former Panama City Mayor Juan Carlos Navarro, Former Minister of Housing Balbina Herrera and a few other people that don’t hold a pubic hair’s chance at winning anything ever in their political lives for reasons that are too many to mention without me getting brain hemorrage. So, in the end it’s all about these two, a man and a woman that have swaved the PRD flag for decades, and they’ve both done plenty to make the capital and country better throughout their careers. As it is with these primaries, when they reach the home stretch the candidates start showing their claws and it’s often a dirty, no-holds-barred beserker barrage going back and forth. Comparatively to campaigns in the past, these adverts that have been popping up on TV have been quite harsh but not below the belt, with only Balbina Herrera not engaging in that questionable display of sportsmanship. Juan Carlos Navarro has gone nuts railing on Balbina, since there’s plenty of stock footage of Balbina openly supporting Navarro earlier this year when she wasn’t even thinking about running. These new ads, though…? These new ads are downright unbelievable. Watch, true believer:

The opposition criticizes me for giving away free food to poor families. But, we are facing human tragedy.

Mrs. Maria lives in the capital city with her four children. She earns $183 a month, ironing clothes. The prices of basic food items have doubled… she doesn’t have enough money to feed four children. She can barely provide for two.

She then made a very hard decision: send two of her children away to live with relatives in the interior. But, how does a mother decide which of the children to send? Maria chose the oldest of them, but her oldest, her daughter, began to cry.

She said: “Mommy, please, don’t make me leave… I promise you, I promise I won’t eat as much if you let me stay with you… If you let me stay, I promise you that I will never eat ever again… please, don’t separate me from you!”

No mother, no child should have to be faced with this situation.

I will give a STRONG HAND to prices, because the poor cannot wait.

STRONG HAND TO PRICES!

So, Strongbad over here is trying to lure you in by playing around with emotional chords, I see. This whole thing fascinates me as I’m an admitted Reality TV junkie and all its decadence, and I can’t believe people still use this practice to coerce people into siding with their causes. Of course, if this was nuclear war or something I would see the point to it, but for the love of Cthulhu, when a political candidate uses this sketchy tactic to earn votes it just fuels the skeptics. He’s setting himself up for big expectations coming from the country at large (if he wins the primaries). I’m gonna stay unbiased here and not link to the YouTube user page up to its seams with these political ads, but you should check them out when you have the chance. They’re hilarious.

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The service industry found in the capital can definitely take a lesson or two from the polite, helpful and often enthusiastic energy everyone in Chitré will display no matter where you go. Be it buying a calling card, responding e-mails in an internet café, eating in any of the town’s fine (and inexpensive) restaurants or staying at any of its hotels, a foreigner will never run the risk of being taken advantage of as it is often common in the capital. In Chitré you’ll also find all the mayor banks, strip malls and stores where you can purchase anything you could ever want and need, public transportation and more. Hell, unlike cabs in the city, passengers can actually enter the vehicle and tell the driver where they’re going without any sense of prejudice. This behavior is, of course, highly suspect in Panama City, where you will often see passengers on the sidewalk ask drivers where they’re going before they even consider asking them to take them anywhere. As is the case with much of the public transportation situation in Panama City, the taxi driver has the wherewithal to think whether or not they should take you, like if they were doing you a favor. The number of reasons as to why such an ass-backwards practice takes place in a semi-First World country escape my feeble mind, but in Chitré this sort of thing is unheard of. My conclusions as to why this is the case, taken purely from personal experience, rest on the hands of the attitude the city’s residents have adopted. They’re just so mellow.

One would think they have entered Prozac Nation upon arrival but that first impression is not something that can be held accountable to the residents of Chitré; on the contrary, the problem is that many of us that are so used to the hectic, smog-dominated city life that visiting such a tranquil place is nothing short of a system shock. You can literally feel the darkness of your soul slowly peel away the further you venture into the city. The air feels cleaner, everyone says “hello” to each other and, unlike Panama City and its traffic, modeled after the southwest ghetto district of the 7th ring of hell, drivers are actually courteous on the road. You can actually tell how many people from the capital are visiting Chitré by the way they’re driving… because they’re so damn rude.

The best time of year to notice the distinct differences between city slickers and the nice folks from the interior is definitely around Carnival time. If you’ve never experienced Carnivals, then you’re for a real treat: these are festivities sanctioned by the government in celebration of the Greek god Momo. The festivities of Carnaval are celebrated all throughout the continent, and even though Americans refer to these festivities with the popular moniker of Mardi Gras, Carnivals in Central and South America are considerably different. And even though the celebration extends all throughout the western hemisphere, Panama is regarded as one of the favorite places to party along with other destinations such as Brazil and New Orleans. Now, as it is with every other country that celebrates in the name of Momo, many people take this celebration as an excuse to get thoroughly trashed for four days straight (note to potential partakers in this monumental undertaking: Carnaval, as Latin Americans know it, lasts from midnight on Friday and goes all the way until Tuesday at midnight; after midnight, we enter what is known as Ash Wednesday and the beginning of Lent) and they plan accordingly. The dates that will be held with the daunting task of providing carnavalistic pleasure to the millions of individuals that participate in the festivities held all over the republic are given several weeks in advance, and many Panamanians save up from the end of the previous year’s Carnaval in preparation of the following year’s celebration. What follows upon arrival to Chitré (and any other destination during that time, for that matter) can be narrowed down to something nearing unchained abandon: thousands upon thousands of people of all shapes and sizes, origins and creeds, coming together on the town square under the scorching morning sun to drink alcohol off their plastic mugs as water containers parked all about the area spray gallons of water on them for hours on end.

Reading or watching videos about Carnivals truly don’t do the festivities justice. They’re incredibly fun and this is specially the case for Chitré, since it’s the mellowest of the popular Carnaval destinations within the Azuero Peninsula. For some inexplicable reason, hanging out with your friends in Chitré’s town square is much safer than going to, say, Los Santos or Las Tablas. The reason is, quite frankly, beyond me; a popular theory is that Los Santos and Las Tablas attract much more people than Chitré does, and as some part of fascinating sociological phenomena the more uninhibited amongst the population prefer the craziness Las Tablas has to offer than the comparatively tamer Chitré festivities, right down to the culecos. Culecos, to clarify, are the act of getting sprayed with water from containers parks all around the town square where most of the action takes place.

Aside from the yearly Carnaval celebrations taking place in Chitré, there are plenty more reasons to visit no matter what time of year you decide to do so. At 252km (that’s 157 miles, kids) away from the city, it’s the perfect destination for a road trip adventure. Like the rest of the country, their national coin is the Balboa, even though the bills stopped issuing ever since Panama adopted the dollar as its official currency, keeping Panamanian coins active for the nostalgia factor. Both currencies are worth the same, and “Balboas” is used to refer to dollars even though technically the term is incorrect because it’s not like I can give the store clerk $10 “balboas” in coins… that would be directly assaulting the rock-solid Chitrean patience with a jackhammer to the face. If you are holding any other type of currency, it is highly recommended that you find a way to change it to the “all-mighty” dollar; even though foreign currency is more common in a place like Panama City, when you’re out in a place like Chitré it’d be incredibly hard for a humble shop owner from the interior to change Euros into Dollars. Because of this, it’s practically guaranteed that no one outside of banks or casinos will want to take your foreign money. You know what they say, then: “When in Rome…”

Now, in terms of places to stay, fees range anywhere between $16 to $35 dollars a night, depending on the level of comfort you want to allow yourself to have. Whatever it is you’re looking for, you’re bound to find it in Chitré: fancy 4-star hotels and cheap rooms are available almost all year round… except for when it’s Carnaval season. Around that time, things get fierce and unless you’ve booked a room months in advance, chances of finding a place to stay are slim. It is often customary for people to rent entire houses so that their 20-30 party members have a place to nurse their hangovers.  Excluding Carnivals though, Chitré is an excellent place to get away from it all if you’ve had more of the city life than you can chew. There are supermarkets, restaurants, bars, internet cafés, several housing projects and even a branch of the University of Panama. There are also school, fast food chains such as McDonald’s and the Panamanian staple of Pío Pío (a Panamanian fast food restaurant that’s open 24 hours, no less!), a couple of clubs, banks, department stores and other specialty shops that will surely carry everything you could ever want or need.

No matter what you choose, you’re guaranteed you’ll have great service and fun people to talk to if you feel like mingling with the local folk. And getting in with the local folk is definitely something you want to do, considering that Chitré has history dating back to 1821, when Panama got its independence from Spain… you are bound to find a self-proclaimed historian willing to give you a piece of fascinating Panamanian history. The Azuero Peninsula is, in many respects, the unofficial cradle of Panamanian civilization due to its intricate ties to the country’s history, specially its independence efforts from both Spain in 1821 and Colombia in 1903. This is the area where you’ll most likely to find the true Panamanian, a person who is incredibly proud of their heritage and is more than happy to share it with those who are willing to know more about it. If you are not shy about your Spanish, try the exercise of asking about Chitré’s history to any of the other folk wandering about the city and you’re bound to listen to some very interesting and entertaining stories in the spirit of the folk tales of yore. It’s the kind of stuff that has to be heard in order for it to accomplish its full effect, for sure.

Having a car is not essential to experiencing the full Chitrean allure, but having some wheels does help if you’re curious about the rest of the region; Chitré is an excellent hub from where you can drive out in any direction and you’re guaranteed to find other fascinating places full of charismatic people. I you don’t own a car or can’t rent one, charter and luxury buses depart from the Albrook Bus Terminal in Panama City every day. The cost for these buses varies from anywhere between $6 to $8 dollars per passenger and it generally takes around four to five hours to get to Chitré; you will be dropped off at the Chitré bus terminal at the outskirts of town, and from there you can easily hail a cab to wherever it is you’re staying during your trip there for an inexpensive fee (usually between $2 to $3 dollars, depending on distance and how much luggage you’ve got with you. Be advised that, again, during Carnival time as well as for the Christmas/New Year and national independence holidays taking place in November the Albrook Bus Terminal turns into a virtual hell hole where it’s easy to enter but almost impossible to leave. Keep your eyes on your stuff at all times and knowing how to communicate in Spanish is a definite plus. Travelling to and from Chitré’s neighboring cities by bus takes some getting used to even if you’re visiting during the area’s low tourist season, since one can easily miss stops if they’re not on top of things.

Of all things, Chitré is a place that’s perfect if you want to escape. As mentioned earlier, Chitré is also perfect for those who are looking for a base camp in order to venture out into the surrounding communities and tourist attractions that the Azuero Peninsula offers, which are plentiful and waiting for you to discover them. If you plan of staying in Chitré for the Carnaval celebrations, even better; you will get the whole carnival experience without the unbearable influx of people surrounding areas attract, complete with culecos, open-air clubs, street meat and all of the other goodies that make life in the interior provinces such a wondrous delight.

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