Rock the Silver

Rocking the vintage silver barrette

2012-05-27T10:27:46-07:00

My sole souvineer from our trip to New Mexico was this vintage silver barrette for my almost-long silver hair. I love the clasp -- you just can't find them like this anymore. It holds my fine hair, and I figure if it breaks, it would be easy to fix. So many to choose from! There were plenty for thick hair as well. I hadn't even thought of vintage barrettes before these caught my eye. You can bet I'll be on the prowl from now on.

I am so glad I hung in there and waited patiently for longer hair. It was such a breeze to get ready. I haven't used a blow dryer other than on my bangs in several weeks now. Air dry is great! First day is wavy, second day is more on the straight side. I can wear it down, pull it back into a ponytail or clip it up with my growing assortment of hair accessories. For me, it has been easier than short hair. Certainly less expensive.

If you are growing your hair longer, I know there are lots of painful pauses along the way, but I urge you to stay the course. Don't listen to people who think long gray hair is aging or inappropriate. Listen to your heart, and do what you damn well please.

A road trip through New Mexico

2012-05-25T08:19:03-07:00

Back from vacation! I didn't tell you in advance, because what if a bad guy puts the pieces together and robs us blind because now he knows we're out of town? Losing the stuff would be bad, but what if he tortured our cat or just let him run free? The cat is a flight risk anyway -- maybe the crook and the cat are in cahoots. Just a sample of the stuff that goes on in my brain.

We drove to Northern New Mexico, which is about a 10-hour drive from where we live in Texas. A highlight of the road trip was the puffy tuna sighting. My husband and I have a long-standing joke about tuna from a gas station or vending machine. I think it's the grossest thing ever, and he taunts me by saying they're delicious. We stopped for gas, and he called my attention to this sandwich, making sure I noted the bag was puffy. I get queasy just thinking about it.

Our hotel was in Santa Fe, but we explored much of the region by car and foot. It was a fabulous vacation, partly because my knees are better, and I was able to move around without pain. I will have to write a separate post about my physical therapy, which has been a real eye-opener. Anyway, I'm on the mend and excited to be enjoying physical activity again.

New Mexico is stunningly beautiful. I've always been a beach girl but find myself drawn to the mountains as I get older. That's probably my skin's way of saying, enough. We could not have ordered more perfect weather. Warm sunny days with cool mornings and cool evenings. It was a pleasure to be outside. Not that Texas isn't a pleasure, but we are fast approaching the blast furnace season.

Santa Fe is a hip and happening place, but we were surprised at how upscale it is. Very artsy, lots of people dropping big bucks in the shops and eating at fancy restaurants. My husband and I both enjoy art, but we don't feel the need to own it. Still, it was inspiring to see what people create with their hands and hearts, whether it was in one of the frou-frou galleries or in any of the city's fine museums. We were the anti-shoppers in a city that seems set up to suck your wallet dry. But we enjoyed it just the same. The only thing I purchased was a vintage silver barrette.

We'd browse for awhile and then sit in the square to people-watch and inhale the fragrance of grilled onions from the fajita cart. We saw a lot of boomers who looked fit, happy and laid back. It's probably the Georgia O'Keeffe effect, but there are tons of women with long silver hair. Gray hair is practically the norm. The woman who sold me my silver barrette complained that her hair wasn't graying fast enough! Reverse peer pressure.

The best part of Santa Fe was getting out of town. We drove the Turquoise Trail and high road to Taos and soaked in the luscious mountain scenery. Tiny towns with rustic charm that seemed to sustain not much more than farmers and artists. Our favorite day was a trip to Bandelier National Monument to see the ancient cliff dwellings. We climbed a series of ladders taking us 140 feet above the canyon floor to the Alcove House, once a home to prehistoric people.

Much of New Mexico history is Native American history, and I came away more intrigued than ever with the Indian culture. I wanted to talk about it driving home -- 10 hours gives you plenty of time to chat. Dale was more interested in playing the car game we call, "Dead or Alive." I think the game only works if you are an aging baby boomer with memory loss. We both like music and argue all the time about who died, so as the radio plays we call out the name, and you have to guess.

Joey Ramone -- dead!

Brian Wilson -- alive!

Robin Gibb -- dead!

Aretha Franklin -- alive!

Finally, I said, you know ... I've been thinking about Indian spiritual beliefs. They believe pottery is sacred because it came from clay, which came from the Earth, which is the source of life.

Dale says, fine, they can believe what they want to, but to him it's just like any other religion -- a philosophy not based on logic or science. I agree, but I don't think you have to believe what other people believe to find value in it. I said I think of myself as a traveler, and I make stops along the way to pick up things that will be useful to me on my journey. I like the idea of feeling more connected to the land, I like spending time seeing the natural wonders of the world, so I put that in my pack and move on.

He was like, fair enough, relieved that I'm not going all tribal on him. He just wants to crawl back into his comfort zone, and just then I hear the opening riff of Satisfaction, so I throw him a bone.

Keith Richards!

Alive!

Finding a gray-friendly salon

2012-05-13T11:04:57-07:00

My regular hair stylist moved to a new salon, and I didn't want to make the drive, so I just let my hair go for awhile. I followed your advice, bought small scissors and trimmed my own bangs. You were right -- it's not that hard. The bangs were looking good, but I was in need of an overall trim. I asked Stylish Young Co-worker where she was going these days, and she gave me the name of a salon close to my house.

I didn't ask for anyone by name because I just wanted the ends snipped. I figured anybody at a decent salon could do that. Don't panic. She did a really good job, but I'm not sure I'll go back. I guess it's my ego, but I thought for $38 and 10 minutes of work, she could have at least said something nice about my hair.

Is that too much to expect? Seriously, am I being childish? I started off by telling her I was growing my hair and just needed a trim. Just the ends. I said she could shape the bangs a bit, too. I asked that she please never use texturizing scissors on me, and she agreed they would be bad for my hair. Texturizing scissors are the little dudes that look like they're cutting off a huge chunk of hair but in reality they're just doing -- oh, I don't know. Something. Anyway, on me, those scissors spell frizz.

As she was cutting, I said I wanted my hair to grow a few more inches. She said nothing. I said this was the longest my hair has been since college, and she said, "Really?" in a way that expressed anything but interest. I said yes, I mostly wore my hair short, but when I decided to embrace my gray, I eventually concluded long would be fun to try. She said nothing.

I noticed two other women with short gray hair. One was just leaving as I arrived, and one was getting cut while I was in the chair. They were both attended to by an older man with white hair. I just got the feeling he was the guy for old ladies, and she was somehow cheated by getting me. She never commented on the color, which I thought was at least deserving of a modest amount of praise.

My hair is on the fine side, but I have a lot of it and plenty of body. Still, one of my former stylists was against long because she said I didn't have thick enough hair. I think I've proved her wrong. Fine hair has its own beauty. Thick is not the benchmark. I thought maybe this new stylist hated hair with my texture worn long or maybe she hated my hair gray and long.

Aside from agreeing with me about the scissors, she said I did a good job on my bangs. Thank you for pushing me to try. She also agreed with me that I don't need product. I don't know. I'm starting to like her now that I think about it. Still, it's hard to put my finger on it, but I didn't feel welcome. Perhaps I am making this all about me, and as it turns out, she just isn't a talker. Or she was having a bad day. I can be a little neurotic, but I mean, it's a hair salon, right? We talk about hair?

I wonder if there are "young" salons or just salons that aren't into the undyed. Sometimes it seems like most salons and stylists are in the business of making you feel inadequate without fresh color. What I need is a gray-friendly salon, if there is such a thing. What has been your experience?

It's time to talk prunes

2012-05-08T04:29:25-07:00

I was in the restroom at work when I chose to chat with a colleague about prunes. I know. I've really got to work on my timing.

We were both lip glossing in front of the mirror when I started the conversation.

Oh, hi! I've been thinking about you.

Really?

Wondering -- was your cancer estrogen-sensitive?

Yes.

Mine, too. You know we have to be concerned about bone density?

Isn't everybody?

True, women can lose up to 20 percent of their bone density five to seven years after menopause.

Great.

It's even worse when they turn off the estrogen faucet.

Thanks. I actually have great bone density.

Now.

I run and have done weight-bearing exercise my whole life.

Ditto. It goes fast.

Thanks.

I hate this, too, but I've been doing some reading, and it turns out prunes help.

Seriously?

Prunes, otherwise called dried plums. They suggest 5-10 a day. I'm up to three.

I like prunes.

You could start now. That's why I've been thinking about you. It can't hurt.

Prunes, huh?

Yes, and since we're in the restroom, you should know there are, uh, other benefits.

Thanks, I'll keep that in mind.

As I said, I've really got to work on my timing. That said, estrogen or no estrogen, do consider adding prunes to your diet to improve bone density as you age. I do not represent the Sunsweet company, but if you're going to do this, try their delicious D'Noir dried plums. Definitely not your grandmother's prune.

Who said aging was a drag?

2012-05-06T13:03:38-07:00

I posted this photo on my Pinterest page of hairstylist Gun-Britt Zeller. I read she was actually born in Sweden but moved to Denmark when she was 10 years old. The typical picture I post on my Pinterest page draws a few likes, a few repins and possibly a comment. Gun-Britt has received 48 58 likes, nine eleven comments and 107 138 repins as I write this.

What makes her so intriguing? She is absolutely gorgeous, but there's no shortage of gorgeous. Her hair is stunning, but there are lots of women with stunning hair, yes, even stunning gray hair. What I think makes her special is her natural look. Is she wearing a bit of makeup? I think so but not much. Her face is slightly aged, and she has lovely wrinkles. It doesn't look like she "filled in" her eyebrows at all. And her lashes look about as sparse as mine.

I'm impressed. Just last week I actually went to Target and spent $10 on fake eyelashes -- the kind that come in little clumps and are supposed to look great on everyone. I looked ridiculous. Ten bucks down the drain and I said, I will just have to accept that sparse eyelashes are OK. Why is looking like a doll the standard? Eyebrows thin as we age, but most of us dutifully fill them in creating this unnatural line that we think helps add definition to our face. Does Gun-Britt's face lack definition?

To me, she embodies a different definition of beauty. I like it a lot. Sure, she's in a creative field and can look any way she wants. I'm not abandoning my filled-in eyebrows and mascara just yet. My tidy sideswept bangs, low pony and classic glasses from my last post are very appropriate for my job.

But you know now ... we women are complex characters. I also like the scrubbed and wavy version of myself with purple glasses. All these years I've been trying to find that one true persona like it was the holy grail. If only I had the right hair, the right glasses and a signature style, well, then I'd have it all figured out. It's a weakness of mine -- always thinking about the destination and forgetting it is the journey that matters most.

When I saw Gun-Brit, I saw possibilities and selves yet to be discovered. The best part is that I don't even have to work at it. Just relax, focus on the journey and see who shows up. Who said aging was a drag?

The so-called perils of gray hair at work

2012-04-28T13:00:20-07:00

I tried to ignore an article about the dangers of going gray in the workplace because I have written about this subject so many times, and I wondered what was left to say. But every time I get on the Internet, I see the article is reprinted yet somewhere else, and I just can't let this idea that gray hair is a career killer continue unchallenged this time around.

While it is a balanced article and showcases a successful female executive with gray hair as well as other great looking silver-haired women, you can't help but read it and question your choices. Nobody wants to take unnecessary risks that could damage their career. The article even makes the point that Anne Kreamer didn't go gray until she left her day job and became self-employed.

This quote really fired me up:

"I don't think a woman in the workplace is going to follow that trend," David Scher, a civil rights attorney in Washington, said with a laugh. "I think women in the workplace are highly pressured to look young. If I were an older working person, the last thing I would do is go gray."

I do agree that appearance matters, but I believe you should focus on looking good not young. I mean, they know how old you are. And if a company really has issues with your age, dying your hair won't make a difference. Age discimination is illegal, of course, but it happens all the time, and it happens to people who dye their hair.

In the picture on the left, I am 50 years old. This was about two years before I quit dying my hair. It's a touched-up photo they did for me at work. I took the photo on the right with my computer camera a couple of days ago. I am 56. Since the first picture was taken, I have been promoted to a leadership position and have no reason to believe I'm on a hit list because I have gray hair. In my work, being a high performer who is willing to relocate if necessary is probably more important than anything else.

Sure, I looked younger in the first picture. I was younger! But I like how age looks on me. I'm wearing a little makeup, dressing better and staying fit. I wore the white jacket this week with a purple knee-length pencil skirt and my coppery flats. The clothes fit me well, but I certainly wasn't sporting the low-cut and super-tight clothes some of the young women like. I asked a trusted and truthful co-worker if I looked frumpy. She said, "No way! You look sophisticated."

Looking sophisticated at work can't be all bad. I like it better than trying to compete with the younger women. It's not a fair fight, and we will lose every single time. My suggestion for a long and happy career is to celebrate who you are and focus on how to be the best you can possibly be in every regard. If dying your hair makes you happy, go for it. But don't do it because it makes somebody else happy.

50 Shades of Drivel

2012-04-25T04:41:03-07:00

A friend of mine gave me the book "Twilight" to read. I realize it's not meant for adults, but I liked the "Harry Potter" series, as well as "The Hunger Games." I also like a rollicking good vampire story, but I have to say this one, uh, sucked, and I couldn't finish it.

At the risk of offending thousands of teenage girls everywhere, Bella is a simpering fool, and Edward is abusive. The endless gushing about his amazing good looks and how helpless she was in his presence was more than I could stand. I'm thinking the whole time, Bella, Bella. Man up! Go for a little vampire sex and then find somebody who eats dinner.

What did I do? I put the book down and did what any red-blooded girl would do. I went out and purchased "50 Shades of Grey" all on my own.

Unless you've been living in a cave, you probably know the story is about an innocent but spunky college girl who takes up with an incredibly handsome billionaire whose idea of fun involves bondage, whips and complete domination. But he buys her lots of stuff!

Definitely adult reading but probably not targeted to our demographic. They call it "mommy porn." Perhaps those of us who have lived and learned understand there is no free ride. I would like to believe our fantasies are more evolved, but I'm pretty sure nobody is writing "post-menopausal porn."

I did read the entire book, but it was a test of endurance. It's just like "Twilight," only Anastasia is a simpering fool, and Christian is abusive. The endless gushing about his amazing good looks ... but I repeat myself. I was also exceptionally annoyed with the musings of her "inner goddess." There should be a drinking game for every time Christian shows up with tousled hair -- two drinks if she says, holy crap.

One of my 30ish friends at first said the book was a total turn-on. By book two, she found Anastasia boring and whiney. While one could argue there was hotness in Anastasia's sexual pleasure regardless of how it was derived, I couldn't get past the weirdness or the whole idea that if we behave, a handsome guy will take swoop in and buy us stuff. It was all so "Pretty Woman."

Maybe I'm just a spoilsport, but I think women deserve better.

My experience with acupuncture

2012-04-13T11:09:09-07:00

I started acupuncture to treat pain and got the surprise of my life. But first the back story.

The cast came off this week! I'm still wearing a removable wrist brace, but I'm on the mend and can actually wash my face with two hands. My personal grooming suffered as a result of my injury, so I've been busy getting back to "beauty base zero." That's Hunger Games talk for what you'd look like fresh out of bed only clean and flawless. I'm a long way from flawless, but I've made some headway on the nails, skin and eyebrows.

I broke my wrist cycling, which I took up because I because my knees are still messed up from a sports injury I incurred two years ago. I've been to three orthopedic surgeons and have had x-rays and an MRI. The first doctor said I was fine. The second doctor said I was a middle-aged woman, get used to it. For the record, I hate him. The third doctor said it is patellar tendonitis, which is tough to get rid of, and he suggested cycling. Riding the bike helped a lot, but I still can't walk a mile without pain. And, of course, now I can't ride.

The reason I went to an acupuncturist was to see if it would help get my knees back on track. I've had three treatments. She believes it will take five. It's $80 per visit. I do see and feel some improvement, but it's really too early to tell. I'm hanging in there, because I don't have many other options. I mentioned the knee to the fourth ortho guy I've seen -- the one who treated my wrist -- and he said it felt fine to him. I'm like, well, it doesn't feel fine to me. He agreed to refer me to physical therapy for the wrist and the knee. I'll do both the acupuncture and the physical therapy -- I think they call that complementary treatment. A little alternative, a little traditional. Maybe something will click.

The acupuncture experience is actually quite pleasant. The needles are very fine, and they only prick the skin. It doesn't hurt. You lay there on a nice bed in a beautifully appointed room listening to new age music. I asked if I could swing by sometimes just for naps. All the people who worked there looked really happy, and I considered applying for a job. Maybe I could write their brochures.

Here's the best part. She's getting my knees all needled up and asking me if I have any plans for Easter. I said something close to this: "Easter? Like I'm thinking about Easter? I have a cast on my arm, my knees have been screwed up for two years, I can't do much of anything but sit, I have a lot of work to do, I'm typing as fast as I can with one finger and it's not enough. I am not a happy camper!"

Just then I felt a needle in my forehead and then in each of my ears. I said, "What's that? My lobotomy?" She just laughed.

When the treatment was over, I got in my car and drove to work. About half-way there, I noticed a smile breaking out on my face, and then I couldn't stop smiling. I felt really happy and calm and ready to face whatever came my way. Almost euphoric. I had a great day at work, I was nice to my husband when I got home and was only sorry that I had handled this injury so poorly.

The fog had lifted. And more than a week later, it has not come back. I'm not trying to convince anyone they need acupuncture, but holy cow, this was dramatic for me. My gloom was situationally based, because I was so utterly pissed and sorry for myself about the broken wrist, but I wonder about people who are clinically depressed or experiencing long-term chronic pain. Would it help? Wouldn't it be better than anti-depressants?

I've always been somewhat cynical about things I don't understand, but as I get older, I find myself more daring and willing to step into the unknown. Now I wonder about all the other things I've missed because I was too comfortable with status quo. It may turn out that acupuncture has only a minimal impact on my knees or it may turn out to be the thing that works. But based on the experience of walking into the clinic angry and walking out happy, I am willing to take the chance.

Is there joy in getting dressed?

2012-04-11T05:11:36-07:00

I started this blog to show that gray hair could be cool and also to publish my writing. I used to post some of my outfits from time to time because I thought I was a good role model for gray hair but pretty much gave it up for reasons that illustrate what a mental mess I am.

Someone asked me how I found time to shop, and I took this as a baby slam because presumably I wasn't out doing charity work in my spare time or catering to the needs of my family. Meanwhile, no one is asking Kendi of 14,000 followers how she finds time to shop. I think to myself that maybe this is a young person's game.

Several commented and were critical that I seemed to be buying expensive brands. I'm definitely not an elitist, but I'm not into layering everything from the thrift shop either. I like what I like, some of it is reasonably expensive, and I didn't want to justify my decisions. You might be thinking, why blog about it then? Exactly.

At the same time, I started to worry that people from work would find my little fashion forays a bit ridiculous. Somehow, this would come back to bite me. Posing for photos is weird, and I wonder if it comes across as narcissistic. The voices in the hallways of my head said, just buckle down and do your job. But less neurotic style bloggers Sally and Patti and many others seem to do just fine.

Hang on. We're almost done. I also worried that the blog would be about what I looked like -- good, bad and ugly -- and not about what I wrote. Since starting my Pinterest page, it has occurred to me that most people prefer pictures anyway. Maybe the blog is just the blog. No real purpose but a whimsical outlet where writing shows up or doesn't.

On top of all that, my style is evolving. It's not a sure thing, and aren't you supposed to have a clue when it comes to showing people what you are wearing? When I first went gray, I went a little middle-aged crazy. Fun outfits in bold patterns that I thought looked cute and flattered my body but didn't necessarily look professional. I started going for plain solids like the engineers wear, and I discovered what you knew all along. I'm not an engineer.

I like simpler. Less jewelry, fewer purchases, basic pieces that last forever. On the other hand, I'm beginning to think our gray hair demands a little excess. Maybe the point is that we shouldn't blend in.

Still musing on this conundrum, but I know this: I miss fun. Shouldn't there be joy in getting dressed? I'm always trying to figure out what I am supposed to wear not what pleases me. I realize that dressing for joy might not completely align with receiving a paycheck every week, but surely there's a middle ground?

All this to say that I'm not sure about my next steps. Will I post an outfit or not? I don't know, but I do know this. In life and in fashion, I am going to quit worrying about all the noise and let joy be my guide. Let the chips fall where they may.

Cast Couture

2012-04-05T21:10:14-07:00

Sandy, this one is for you.

Reader Sandy suggested I cut off the leg from a pair of tights and slip it over my cast. I was thinking never, I wanted anything but attention, but I've been in such a funk, I gave it a shot anyway. Dressed myself up for work (I can't do my hair. It is what it is). And what fun my little cast cover turned out to be. Everybody loved it, and it was a true mood elevator.

What did I learn? If you can't find the joy from within, take it to the streets. Open yourself up, and feed off the energy of the crowd. When people asked, I was honest and said I was down in the dumps and thought the decorative effect would lift my spirits. I had some good conversations with people who had been through the same thing and much worse. It felt good to get outside of myself and connect.

By the way, tank top made in the USA by A'nue Ligne. Hand wash. Line dry. They last forever. I think the flats would look better if the skirt were a tiny bit shorter. All things in time.