“Don’t stand in your own way.”

It’s easier to blame others (or the circumstances), for your own failures or short-comings. Isn’t it?

You bet it is!

You probably don’t know it. But the biggest obstacle on your way is actually (drumroll)… yourself.

You come up with the most amazing excuses, all the time. In fact, you can do it in the blink of an eye — that’s how good you’ve become at it.

Maybe that’s not your case, but you do know a friend of a friend…

Right?

1 – Wait until you get better

Why start that new project today? You suck at it. Keep learning about it first. You don’t want the world to see what a loser you really are. Keep buying more courses and books. Make sure you procrastinate a few more years before even taking a look at them.

2 – If only you had more… (pick one excuse: time, money, support)

You’re a busy person. How the heck are you supposed to get stuff done when there isn’t enough time in a day?

Gee! How can Elon Musk, Tony Robbins, and many others get so much done in a single day?

The answer is simple, they’re all rich! They have teams of people providing them with all the support they need. Duh!

3 – Never. Change. Ever!

Let’s just hope nothing ever changes in your life!

Can you imagine having to change careers, or even move to a different country? God forbid that this should happen to anyone.

Play safe, never take risks. They’re bound to cause radical changes in your life.

4 – Go with the crowd. Fit in.

Who cares if you have an opinion? Who cares about your lame core values?

Forget it, you should aim to please everyone. Always!

And if it goes agains’t your beliefs, suck it up. People will like having you around to agree with their ideas and laugh together. Life is good!

5 – Today is not a good day. Wait until tomorrow.

It’s rainy, or cold. Or maybe it’s too hot, too dark, or too windy?

It’s just one of those days. You’re not inspired at all to write, or feel like crap to get anything done.

Forget it — definitely not a good day for it. Wait, because tomorrow will certainly be a better day. You can always count on tomorrow.

[stag_divider style=”dashed”]

Disclaimer:

I felt like writing this little post as if I was talking to myself in front of a mirror. Try it — if you want to maximise the impact.

“When you feel sad, it’s okay. It’s not the end of the world. Everyone has those days when you doubt yourself, and when you feel like everything you do sucks, but then there’s those days when you feel like Superman. It’s just the balance of the world.” – Mac Miller

Have you ever stopped to think about your emotions?

Notice how we’re always seeking good emotions to an extreme. While making a huge deal out of the bad ones.

We are on a never-ending race to find happiness. Our Facebook updates are carefully crafted to make other believe we’re leading perfect lives.

I know this is a controversial topic. Please don’t get me wrong, I do believe it’s important to find happiness in everything. I do believe that we should focus on generating, and sharing positive — good emotions.

I also believe that we’ve gotten of track. We’re chasing, and sharing a fake dream. A fake idea that we’re supposed to feel good, and be chasing rainbows every single day.

This is just not true — at least not to most of us.

Bad emotions are there for a reason. Dark and cold days are there for a reason, to keep balance. Same goes for shadow and light.

Accept and be aware of all your emotions, the good and the bad. Remember that your emotions do not define who you are.

It’s ok to share your bad emotions too, we’re all humans.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.” Buddha

Since childhood we have people worrying about laying down our paths in front of us. Parents expect us to be successful, to grow up and have an incredible career. It’s often something they wanted to do themselves.

This is all great!

But there’s A huge FLAW with this concept.

Not rarely we will end up following someone else’s path.

I see this all the time. A friend that went to law school because that’s what his father, and grandfather did it before him. Another friend that went to medical school because that was her mother’s dream, it’s what her parents expected of her.

I’m not blaming loving parents for wishing the best for their children. But I believe that it’s important for parents to allow their children to start carving their own path since an early age. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you will allow your kid to get a tattoo by the age of 12. Or maybe you will, who knows?

Whenever you think you’re forcing someone down a certain path, take a step back. Give this person some space of his/her own. Even if this means you will have to see a loved one fail, or face a challenge. This is a natural part of life.

Most of the time, we put ourselves in someone else’s path without consciously noticing it.

How do you know if you’re not following your path?

Some people will never notice they’re following someone else’s dreams. Some will feel miserable for the bigger part of their lives without knowing why.

Not because it’s hard to stop it, but because they’re not interested. You were conditioned since childhood, after all. Why change now?

If you’re not happy with your life. You have no idea why you’re doing the work you do, craving to do something different. Looking for meaning in your life.

Then, my friend, you’re really ahead of the majority of other human beings in this planet.

The first step is discontentment.

If you’ve followed a certain career, or made big changes in your life under someone else’s influence, and you love where you are. You’re probably living a fulfilled life.

This happens all the time. You CAN find your own path along the way. Even if you started as a follower.

However, when you’re feeling miserable, discontent with the way your life is at the moment. It could be a strong signal that you should deviate from the path you’re at.

The second step is knowing where you DON’T want to go.

This is something that I took forever to understand. I was always trying to figure out what I wanted to do, where I wanted to arrive in life. Nothing wrong there, but if you want to take a shortcut, start figuring out what you don’t want in your life.

So now you’re discontent, and you’re starting to discover what you don’t want. Although it may not feel like it,  it is a huge progress. You won’t be wasting time following paths that would lead into something — you now know — you don’t want.

The third step is having the courage to change.

Yes!

Things won’t change on their own. You will need to take a stand, you will need to make that right turn. Even if you’ve gone left your whole life, and it’s the only direction you’re comfortable with.

Most people are deadly afraid of changes. If this is you, do not worry. It’s only natural.

But you must be willing to take that first step into the unknown. What they call; a leap of faith.

If you’re not willing to change, I’m sorry, but you better be ok with going left forever. You may never know what kind of adventures, and picturesque landscapes you would find if you had the courage to turn right.

Are you willing to live your life in doubt and regret?

It takes dedication, persistence, and courage — to carve your own path.

Is it worth it? You ask.

YES! I can honestly say, without even knowing what is the path you envision for yourself. Following your own, unique path is always worth it — in my opinion.

It doesn’t matter how far you are down the road, there’s always an opportunity to become aware. To pull up, and adjust your coordinates.

Take a good look at your life, right now. Are you following your own path?

“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” -Buddha

You probably know someone who is always putting him, or herself down. I spot this kind of behaviour even online — it’s not that hard if you pay attention to your Twitter or Facebook feed.

Please, let’s not confuse playing the victim, with genuinely asking for help. There is a huge difference there.

There’s nothing wrong with asking for help

If you feel like you need some help, there’s absolutely no shame in that. It’s important to remember that you’re never alone, no matter what.

You would be surprised by the amount of help others are willing to give. Yes, even over the internet. Yes, even from complete strangers that live halfway across the globe.

The internet is a powerful tool. But you must also be aware of the risks of opening yourself up online. It’s needless to say that there are plenty of people who are more than willing to hurt you for no reason at all. Use common sense when sharing about your private life.

Respect yourself

Learning how to respect ourselves at all times can be challenging. In fact, most of us will never learn it.

It’s easy to have self-respect when you’re doing good. Now, try it when you’ve done a huge mistake. Not that easy, uh?

No, not easy. But it’s necessary.

You and me, we’re not machines. We’re not meant to go through life without making mistakes.

It doesn’t matter how hard you try. You will make new mistakes.

“So, you’re saying I should tap myself on the back after I screw up?”

Well, yes and no.

You should definitely learn from that mistake. Try to figure out what went wrong. The “tap on the back” is for having the courage to have tried.

Notice how I said, “You will make new mistakes.”,  this is important. Making the same mistakes, many times, is just plain ignorance  — in my opinion, period. If something is not working, we have to change it.

Punishing yourself for not getting it right will do no good. It will only make it harder to get it right the next time.

You will always be your toughest critic — and this is a great thing, as long as you are also your greatest friend.

Beating yourself up is a quick, and guaranteed method to set yourself up for failure, frustration, and even depression.

We all face bad days, we all have problems to deal with.

Can you imagine what life would be like without the challenges?

Boring comes to my mind.

If you expect your life to be problem free, you’re bound to feel disappointed. This is specially true if you’re trying to control everything that happens around you.

Accept that you can’t control most of the circumstances. Don’t beat yourself up when things go out of control, remember that they were never under your control in the first place.

When things go wrong, try to see it from a different point of view. Learn from it. Move on.

Beating yourself up will never result in a positive outcome.

Fear presents itself in many shapes and forms, such as: anger, anxiety, regret, frustration, worry.

The problem with living in a constant state of fear is that it will steal precious moments, and opportunities from your life. And what makes it even worse is that you will not notice.

I’m sure you can think of at least a couple of moments in your life when you decided not to do something because you were afraid to dive into the “new”, the uncomfortable.

Listen, to some of you, facing your fears means doing diving with white sharks, or skydiving. To others, it could be changing careers, moving to a different country. I can’t tell you when you should go ahead and face your fears, and when you should take a hint and step back.

If you’re honest with yourself, you will know what you should do.

Feeling fear is normal, the key is to keep yourself aware at all times. You should be able to notice when you’re afraid of something. This is exactly how you can start putting fear to work in your favor, and not against you.

What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it. -Jiddu Krishnamurti

A clear example of a moment when fear can be used as a catalyst is when you’re looking to change something in your life. Almost any kind of significant change will come bundled with fear.

This can be a strong indicator that you should go ahead with changing whatever it is that you wish to change.

Facing the fear of change.

I’ve been blessed — from a young age — with the courage to face changes head-on. I have a taste for it, for as long as I can remember.

Yes, I do feel afraid of big changes in my life. Yes, I do get anxious. But I don’t allow myself to get overwhelmed by the possibilities.

I understand, and accept, that changing is life itself. It’s not possible to live a fulfilling life without changing along the way. It’s possible to survive, though.

Knowing that I would never be able to stop changing has helped me tremendously. Now, when I face a huge change of directions, I quickly assess the situation — and then decide the best way to go.

This doesn’t mean I don’t make mistakes, I make a lot of mistakes. It also doesn’t mean I don’t get scared once I made a decision — I do. But I keep moving.

A quick trick to help you when facing a situation where you find yourself with fear of changing, is to discover the worse case scenario.

• What is the worse thing that could happen IF you do decide to go ahead?
• What is the worse thing that could happen IF you decide to stay put?
• What is the best thing that could happen?
• How will your decision impact your life?

Another trick I’ve discovered, is that fear hates action.

Once you start taking action, the fear will eventually disappear. Or at least diminish considerably.

Give it a try.

When you’re feeling fearful, start taking small steps. Acknowledge that your fear is there, but don’t allow it to trick you into inaction.

Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely. -Buddha

Changing your mindset about fear is crucial to avoid getting stuck in life. Never allow yourself to be paralysed by it, every single action counts when it comes to facing your fears.

Got any tricks of your own? I would love to hear how you deal with your fears.

Please leave me a comment below.

It’s because of themselves.

Not too long ago (2014), I launched a small, and simple online course. It was my first attempt at it, something completely new to me. I will not go into details of the course itself, but the content is related to personal development. Just something I felt compelled to share with others. Plus, I wanted to try a new medium.

I’m really glad I did it, and I will definitely do it again. In fact, I have another one coming up.

But now back to the topic.

This course quickly gained students, over 1.600, and some good feedback.

And then it happened, my first 1 star rating and a very negative review to go with it.

Now let me tell you, I didn’t create false expectations. I knew this was something new, and like everything in life, it takes doing the action to learn, and eventually get better at it.

I wasn’t surprised at all to receive this 1 star rating. What did surprise me was how this person took an effort to actually try to make me few bad.

When something like this happens, our instinct is to react. If you read my previous post, you know this is usually not the best way to deal with this kind of situation. In this specific case, my instinct would lead me to reacting mindlessly, and in a negative way.

So instead, I sent the person an honest message thanking him for taking time to try my course, and for leaving me an honest review.

That was it. I didn’t try to make him feel bad, and most importantly, I didn’t do it to make me feel better either. The message I sent was genuine, I really meant it. Although I didn’t appreciate the fact at first, I understood and accepted it.

If he feels my course is that bad, there’s absolutely nothing I can do about it. It’s his personal opinion.

What I can do, is to focus on getting better. And that’s exactly what I aim to do.

I believe there’s a lesson to be learned in every situation. It’s up to us to figure it out, take it home, and then move on. We will always have to deal with harsh critics. From my experience, the best way to go about it, is to just don’t take anything personally. If you’re a good-hearted person, you will always try to please everyone. I still find myself trying too hard. But now I understand this is not possible. And it’s actually a good thing.

We’re all different, living in different places, creating different life experiences. It’s only fair that we have different views, opinions, and tastes. Accept the fact that you will never be able to please everyone. I can guarantee that you will find yourself feeling much lighter, even when people try to bring you down for no clear reason.

No matter how hard you try, some people will not like you, or what you do. And this is OK. Yes, people will go out of their ways to make you feel bad. It takes time and practice to learn how to deal with this kind of people.

Keep working on yourself, keep improving. Don’t ever stop creating because some random dude dislikes your creation. There are plenty of people in this world that will like you for who you are, and what you do.

Just remember to don’t take it personally, and keep doing your thing.

Keep creating, keep sharing.

I believe I heard it from Tony Robbins.

We usually condition ourselves to react: If (and when) this happens, then I’ll do that.

The problem with reacting is that we’ll always be late to the game. I’m not saying it’s too late to change a situation after it happened. But it’s easier to act before, maybe even avoid a bad situation altogether.

Reacting usually doesn’t involve any thinking. Which means we’re easily drawn into it. Unfortunately, we will often react the same way we’re used to. Which translates into not solving anything.

When we learn to anticipate — which has absolutely nothing to do with creating false expectation — we avoid a ton of unnecessary pain and frustration in our lives.

By anticipating a situation we put ourselves in a favorable position. Now we can play with possible solutions, come up with a plan and then act when it’s time.

Positive anticipation

To some of you, this may sound as woo woo talk. But it’s actually backed by science. There are many studies involving the power of positive psychology.

In his book, The Happiness Advantage (which I recommend), author Shawn Achor mentions a study in which people who just thought about watching their favorite movies actually raised their endorphin levels by 27%. He says, “Anticipating future rewards can actually light up the pleasure centers in your brain as much as the actual reward will.”

Anticipatory joy is often greater than the joy brought to us by experiencing the very things we anticipate. – Alex Lickerman, M.D. and author

If we keep reacting, we’re setting ourselves up for difficult times. We will always be one step behind in life, no matter what.

Negative anticipation is also part of the equation.

A dangerous one, if you will.

Being able to anticipate a possible problem, or challenge, is a great thing. It gives you time to work, to prepare.

But you must be aware that negative anticipation has the power to ruin the present moment. When anticipation transforms into worrying about something that might never happen, you’re just wasting your time. This is the quickest road to stress and frustration.

What about the “now”?

I hear you.

It’s easy to be confused by all of this. But anticipating doesn’t necessarily mean living with your head stuck in the future.

“Feel happy with what is, and eagerness for what is to come.” – Abraham-Hicks

This quote says it all.

We gotta live and enjoy the present moment. Remembering that what we do now will shape the future.

Some of us love planning every step of the way, nothing wrong there. But it could lead to not being fully connect to the moment.

Be aware and know that all we really have is the now. It wouldn’t even be possible to anticipate the future without the present moment. And the more aware we are of the present moment, the better are our chances of creating a great future.

This is a complex subject. I’m not sure if I was able to make it as clear as I could.

If it sparkles your curiosity, then I believe it served its purpose.

If you wish to share your opinion about the power of anticipation, please do so. Leave me a comment below.

Always remember: leaders anticipate.

This is something I tend to disagree with, and I hear people say it all the time.

From my understanding, if you’re in a relationship with someone you love, for any period of time, it is working out. If the relationship ended, maybe it worked out for the time it was supposed to.

Now, if you’re in a relationship with someone you don’t love, and you say it isn’t working out. Well, no surprises, right? We gotta have the courage to let go and move on. Or accept feeling miserable in a dead relationship. This is specially true if you’re in any kind of abusive relationship. GET OUT! It’s NEVER too late.

I believe it’s embedded in our nature to wish for that fairy tale love. You know, that one relationship that will last forever.

It may sound like I’m a non-believer, a downer. Believe me, I’m a hopeless romantic.

I honestly believe that we are deserving of a fairy tale love.

what’s wrong with wanting a fairy tale relationship?

Nothing.

As long as you’re aware that relationships, as all things in this life, also have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Some will last a lifetime, others will last a couple of months, 3 years, 9 years. Who knows?

A 5 year relationship DID work out, for 5 years. For some reason we tend to take the negative approach after the relationship is over.

Try looking at it with a different point-of-view. Make a conscious choice to keep the good memories, to keep what “worked out”.

Easier said than done

Yes, much easier said than done. No doubt about it. Ending a meaningful relationship is never easy, and it will probably never be. But once you start looking at it with a different set of eyes, you will be able to accept it. And the faster you accept that it’s all a natural part of life, the faster you will put yourself in a position to live new experiences.

Keep an open mind. Know that your relationship was an amazing gift, a privilege. Don’t allow the negative (the bad), to overcome the positive (the good).

Give it time

It’s not easy. Don’t try to hide your pain. Let it flow naturally.

Some people go out on a rampage, believing binge partying/drinking will fill that emptiness. It may work temporarily. But in the end, you will have to face yourself. Focus on doing things that you truly enjoy instead, like reading and meeting with friends.

[stag_divider style=”dashed”]

Let me just make it clear that I’m in no way encouraging people to give up on their relationships. You should definitely fight, with all you’ve got, if you feel it’s the right thing to do. Follow your heart, but don’t close your eyes.

It’s funny, for some reason I felt compelled to write about this. I’m not even in a relationship, nor brokenhearted. And I learned that it’s better to (almost) never give relationship advice.

This is not an easy subject to talk about, since each of us perceives love and relationship differently.

I felt like deleting this post at least 3 times while writing it. But I won’t.

I understand if you dislike it, no hard feelings. It’s just something I had to talk about.

I hope this will make sense, and maybe help someone out there.

“Here’s what I know about writing: It happens in small bites. Step by step. One little chunk at a time.” – Jeff Goins

Yep, this is exactly what is looks like…

I will write at least 500 words per day, for 31 days.

[Writing] Doing this for the next 31 days because I can http://t.co/ZqWMqhgIrZ #my500words #habits

— Sergio Felix (@ITSergioFelix) March 19, 2015

When I stumbled upon this post from my brother, Sergio, I thought it was a recent challenge. But I was wrong. This has been going on for a while now.

The idea originated from the brilliant mind of Jeff Goins — an amazing writer, and a great guy. I’ve followed Jeff for a few years now, but somehow I missed on this idea.

I’m glad Sergio shared about it.

The idea behind it is to help cement the daily writing habit. If you’ve tried to write daily, you know how hard, and challenging it is. I know I have struggled with it in the past. That’s what motivated me to take on the challenge.

I will post my writings here, daily.

To make the best out of it, I’ll write content to use on future episodes of my podcast. As non-native English speaker, I have a hard time recording the podcast. The solution I came up with was to write a simple script — writing as I speak. For this reason, the content isn’t exactly “publishing” material. But it serves me well. That’s all that matters.

This is a freewriting exercise, so I may deviate from my main topic of choice (personal development). I’ll do my best to come up with content that I can use, but I won’t let it be an excuse to avoid writing.

If you’re interested in joining, click here to find out all the details. After you’ve joined, leave me a comment. I’d love to follow your posts/writing.

You may also find me on Twitter: @rodgomes

Let’s do this!

“Quitting is never easy.”

Well, this isn’t always the case.

There are plenty of situations when quitting is the easiest solution—the quick way out. This, of course, doesn’t mean it’s always the right way to go.

There’s a lot to consider before you decide to pull the plug on a job, a project, a relationship.

I’ve probably faced this type of situation more than the average human being, and guess what? I’m making some pretty hardcore, bold, life changing decisions this year (2015).

And so it crossed my mind, why not write a post about quitting? Here it is.

Am I really worried about myself? Or am I worried about what others will think of me?

This is a big one!

I’ve made a good amount of important decisions on the past based on what others would think of me. The fear of judgment was a heavy factor when I had to make an important decision.

I didn’t want to look bad. I didn’t want to feel bad.

It’s needless to say that making decisions based on what others may think of you is a huge mistake.

You will look bad, you will get frustrated, and you will feel terrible.. you will let yourself down.

Fast forward many years. Today I never make an important decision based on what others will think of me. I do consider what effect my decision will have on others. I don’t want to go hurting people just because I believe it’s what’s best for me.

But don’t get me wrong, in the end, I will always choose me. And no, it’s not a selfish act. It’s loving you first, always—no matter what.

Another huge point I never considered in the past was the “why’s”.

Consider your why’s.

Why do you want to end your relationship? Why do you want to quit your job? Why do you want to move to another country? Why do you want to sell your stuff and travel the world?

Considering your why’s is really important.

Although it’s a huge deal of the decision-making process, it’s also dangerous.

When you start playing around with the reasons why you want to do (or stop doing) something, your fears will kick in faster than you could imagine.

And that’s when we kill our dreams, that’s when we take the easy way out.

Why?

Because we seek the easy way out. Quitting your job, selling your stuff and moving to another country ISN’T easy. Your brain will do whatever is in its power to talk you out of it, and in most cases, it will win.

Pay attention, ask yourself the right questions. Don’t be hasty to spill out the answers. Take your time.

Think about how your decision will affect your life in the long run. It’s ok to be afraid. Really, it is.

Will it hold me back or propel me forward in the long run?

Sometimes when making important decisions we trick ourselves into thinking it will hold us back. When in reality, it’s kicking us forward.

Your decision may set you up for a season of new challenges to overcome, it may put you face to face with your worse fears.

It doesn’t necessarily mean that you made the wrong decision, or that it’s holding you back. It may feel that way, but try to envision how it will look in the long run.

Many years from now, will you be happy or sad that you’ve decided to quit your dead-end job?

We’re not looking for the easy way out, we’re looking for the BEST way forward.

What are my options?

It doesn’t matter the situation you currently find yourself in. You do have options, whether you see them or not, they’re there.

Along with knowing your “why’s”, knowing your options is also a big deal.

If you can’t find your options, try to let go of the idea for now. Keep an open mind, but let go of your thoughts for a day or two. Do something fun, read a book.

The options will usually present themselves to you when you least expect. And not rarely, you will automatically know which is “the one”.

Be 100% honest.

If you’re still making decisions based on what people will think of you out there, stop.

Start being brutally honest with yourself. This is the only way to go.

No, it’s not easy. Being honest will bring your fears alive, it will push people away.

But in the end, it’s the only way to go if you want to make the right decisions in life.

It comes with a price, indeed, but it’s worth it.

A chance to do new things, make new mistakes.

Always remember when you’re deciding if the time is right to quit. Starting over is a great opportunity to create new things, experience new moments, make new mistakes.

This is all part of being alive.

We’re conditioned to believe that we should follow the path that someone laid down for us. And if we dare to wonder outside of that path bad things will happen.

That’s a load of crap.

Keep an open mind, don’t let your emotions cloud your thinking when making important decisions. Know that feeling afraid is normal, but never allow it to keep you from making a decision.

If anything, feeling fear can be a huge indicator that you’re moving in the right direction.

Remember:

There’s always an opportunity to start over.