ROFL STUFFZ

Redneck Medical Terms

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 17:39:00 +0000

Rednecks seem to have a slightly different view of medical term definitions than the rest of us, lets have a look at a few...

Artery = The study of painting

Bacteria = The back door of the cafeteria

Barium = What doctors do when the patients die

Caesarean Section = A neighborhood in Rome

Cat Scan = Looking for Socks

Cauterize = Made eye contact with her

Dilate = Live long

Hangnail = Coathook

Impotent = Distingquished and well known

Labor Pain = Getting hurt at work

Morbid = A higher offer

Nitrates = Cheaper than day rates

Node = Was aware of

Papsmear = A paternity test

Pelvis = A cousin to Elvis

Postoperative = Mail carrier

Recovery Room = A place to do upholstery

Seizure = A Roman emperor

Terminal Illness = Getting sick at the airport

Tumor = An additional pair

Urine = Opposite of you're out

Varicose = Nearby

Vein =Conceited

Funny Comics

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sat, 17 Oct 2009 16:14:00 +0000

Drunk Comic
Naked Comic
Credit: Explosm

LolBama - Funny Obama Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:56:00 +0000

LolBama, Funny Barack Obama Pictures

Funny Cats Pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Fri, 09 Oct 2009 17:06:00 +0000

Hitler Gets Banned From Xbox Live

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:12:00 +0000

Click the Hitler Baby to watch the video!

This video is a parody of part of the movie, Downfall. I'd be pissed too if my Xbox Live account got banned. I'm surprised he didn't start a concentration camp and put all of the xbox gamers in it.

Blockatiel

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Wed, 07 Oct 2009 19:59:00 +0000

Damn bird...

Are You Bored?

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 19:26:00 +0000

I know you get bored a lot. I know you like to be amused. I know that sometimes you have absolutely nothing to do, and nothing to do it with. Therefore, here are some things you can do to amuse yourself with absolutely nothing.

1. Push your eyes for interesting light show:
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out things - is your subconscious trying to send you a message? Can you control what you see by pressing different areas with different forces? Would it be possible to somehow see the same effects on TV? Or for that matter, watch TV with your eyes shut doing this?

2. See how long you can hold your breath:
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes) Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Some tips: hyperventilate before hand, and stay as still as possible.

3. Try to not think about polar bears:
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes) This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about polar bears anyway.

4. Scratch yourself:
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn't that feel pretty good?

5. Hurt yourself:
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There's nothing physical about it - it's all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

6. Try to swallow your tongue:
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes) There's not much to say about this one. It is possible.

7. Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image:
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes) Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

8. Get yourself as nauseated as possible:
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes) Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can't even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the "makes boredom seem a lot better" effect (see "Hurt Yourself").

"Put Some Fat On" Turn My Swag On - Soulja Boy Parody

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:02:00 +0000

Click the fatty to watch the Put Some Fat On Soulja Boy Parody Video in a pop-up window.

Caution: Contains high contents of lard.

Top 3 Chris Crocker Parodies

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 22:39:00 +0000

Chris Crocker is most famous for being a whiny cross-dresser on Youtube and defending celebrities such as Britney Spears whilst crying incessantly. It is a sad fact that people like this can become well-known these days. Another example of this (without the cross-dressing) is Tila Tequila--but never mind her. Along with fame usually comes satire, especially if you're as disgustingly easy to make fun of as Chris Crocker. So, here are my top 3 Chris Crocker parody Videos.

1. Seth Green

Click the picture to watch Seth Green's Chris Crocker Parody in a Pop-up window.

HE LOVES HIS GRANDMOTHER. Well played, Seth, well played.

2. Some Weird Kid

Click the picture to watch the weird kid's Chris Crocker parody in a pop-up window.

On second thought, maybe this kid was being completely serious and did not intend to parody Chris Crocker at all. Hard to tell.

3. Darth Vader

Click the picture to watch Darth Vader's Chris Crocker Parody in a Pop-up window.

Is it just me, or is everything funnier when Darth Vader is saying it?

Top 10 Top 10 Lists You Don't Want to be Part Of

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 21:14:00 +0000

Here is a list consisting of other top 10 lists that you wouldn't want to be part of.

1. Top 10 Guys Most Likely to be Dumped By Their Girlfriends for Making Out With Dudes.

2. Top 10 Guys Most Likely to Shatter Mrs. Brown's Chandelier with a Stolen Assault Rifle.

3. Top 10 People Who Suck at Surviving Brain Hemorrhages.

4. Top 10 Girls Most Likely to Frantically Un-tag Themselves in Facebook Pictures.

5. Top 10 Guys Who Should Cover Their Face and Run When They Hear Sirens.

6. Top 5 Girls Most Likely to Curl Up in the Fetal Position in the Corner of the Shower and Cry.

7. Top 10 Guys Least Likely to Remember They Consented to a Paternity Test with that Chick They Knocked Up in Cabo and Now Have to Pay Six Years' Worth of Child Support.

8. Top 10 People Who are Seriously Considering Fleeing the Country—Like, Are Actually Legitimately Planning the Details—No Joke.

9. Top 10 People Most Likely to Not Be Able to Vote in the Upcoming Election.

10. Top 10 Girls Most Likely to be Able to Relate to Entirely Too Many Scenes from Requiem for a Dream.

via Points In Case / Alex Bash

Little Boy Heroically Shoots, Mutilates Burglar

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 20:37:00 +0000

This is a funny video from The Onion News Network that talks about a little boy that heroically shoots and mutilates a burglar.

What a sick little boy. If this were an actual news story, it would be the first time that I've ever felt sorry for a burglar.

Emotional Needs Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:50:00 +0000

A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up.

All of a sudden, the wife stops and says, "I don't feel like it. I just want you to hold me."

The husband says " WHAT???" The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a woman.

The husband realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.

So the next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. Then he tells his wife, "We'll take all three of them." Then he goes over and gets matching shoes worth $200 each.

Then they go to the jewelry section and get a set of diamond earrings. The wife is so excited (she thinks her husband has flipped out, but she does not care) that she goes for the tennis bracelet.

The husband says "You don't play tennis, but okay, I guess if you like it then lets get it."

The wife is jumping up and down. She's so excited that she can't even believe what is going on. She says "Well I'm ready to go, lets head to the cash register."

The husband says, "No no no, honey, we're not going to buy all of this stuff." The wife's face goes blank.

"No honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while."

Her face gets really red and she looks like she is about to explode. Finally, the husband says "You must be in tune with my financial needs as a MAN!"

3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me - Parody

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 20:45:00 +0000

3OH!3 - Don't Trust Me - Parody - (With Shane Dawson & iJustine)

Click the picture to watch the Don't Trust Me Parody Video in a pop-up window.

.."And the worst is (worst is) she likes tossing dead birds".. So catchy!

SWINE FLU [CRUSH - DAVID ARCHULETA PARODY]

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 20:08:00 +0000

"CRUSH" - DAVID ARCHULETA PARODY (SWINE FLU)

Click the picture to watch the 'Crush' Parody in a Pop-up window.

This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy had roast beef.
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy went “cough, sneeze” and the whole world’s media went mad over the imminent destruction of the human race, and every journalist found out that they didn’t have to do too much work if they just did “Find ‘bird’, replace with ’swine’” on all their saved articles from a year ago, er, all the way home.

Leave a comment if you know someone that has or already had swine flu!

Cheese Grater Toilet Paper

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sun, 27 Sep 2009 16:38:00 +0000

Bloody Sunday

You might need to use this after you go down the cheese grater slide!

Funny Pictures

Top 5 Pervertedly Funny Halloween Costumes

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 22:52:00 +0000

Some people choose to wear scary Halloween costumes, some choose to wear weird Halloween costumes. But, there is no substitute for the guy that goes trick or treating dressed as a humongous penis. Therefore, here are my top 5 pervertedly funny Halloween costumes. I tried to write captions for all of them, but I realized that they all said the same thing: "This costume would be perfect for someone trying to get laid on Halloween".

5. Snake Charmer Costume

4. Scratch off Balls Costume

3. Mammogram Machine Costume

2. Genie in the Lamp Costume

1. Breathalyzer Costume

Funny Halloween Costumes, Perverted Halloween Costumes

Three Girls Go Camping Joke

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 23:25:00 +0000

One day three women went camping - a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The blonde suddenly had to go to the bathroom. She went into the woods with her toilet paper and did her business.

While she was gone, the brunette and the redhead decided to play a joke on her. They skinned a rabbit and snuck up on the blonde, put the guts behind her and ran back to the campsite. Three minutes later they heard a scream.

Then they waited another half an hour and the blonde came back, sweating. She said, "I had to poop so hard I pooped my guts out. But thanks to God and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in."

via Every Joke

Funny Jokes, Blonde Jokes

Truth Or Fail: Beard Trivia

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:58:00 +0000

Click the picture to watch the Beard Trivia video in a pop-up window.

You have to click on one of the boxes in the video. One of them is the correct answer, one of them isn't. If you choose the wrong one, you FAIL. Good luck. You're gonna need it.

3 Reasons Tila Tequila is an Untalented Poser

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 19:31:00 +0000

Tila Tequila. Everyone's heard of her, but has anyone ever heard one of her songs and lived to tell about it? Didn't think so.. and there's a reason for that. She might have breast implants, botox, and a face lift, but there's one thing that plastic surgeons haven't been able to surgically implant in her body: talent. Here are three reasons why Tila Tequila is an untalented poser.

1. She goes by Tila 'Tequila', yet she is allergic to alcohol and acts like she gets hammered.

Really TILA? Then please explain these tweets:

Mhm. There she is, pretending to be drunk like a 14 year old at a homecoming after party. All that's left for her to do is show us her boobs and she'll be one of the popular girls. Oh wait, she's already done that.

2. Her musical talent is non-existent.

Let me put it the nicest way I can. Tila Tequila is a whore that makes whorish music and sells that awful music by acting like a whore. It's pretty much just a whorish cycle that gives lonely guys a hard-on and a crappy CD with a photoshopped picture of Tila on the front. I'm sure she knows this already, because that's the only reason she's made it this far.

3. Her reality television show was a slutfest.

Yeah, I said it. No one on that show was interested in love. They definitely wanted to make love, but other than that, all that everyone on the show was interested in was her popularity, her boobs, and money.. and I'm not even convinced that she has very much of the latter. If you've ever watched her live on UStream, you'd have noticed that she's in a tiny apartment. Maybe people are finally realizing how worthless she is. If not, maybe you'll join my side after you watch this terrible attempt at music:

Funny Facebook Status

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 22:44:00 +0000

The guy made his status update imply that he banged a chick, and his mom clicked "like". Could you imagine how awkward that would be?! LOL!

Ironic Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Tue, 22 Sep 2009 20:21:00 +0000

Did you ever wonder...

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word?

Why doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor, while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a broker?

Why there isn't mouse-flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the material used for the indestructible black box ?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Why they call the airport "the terminal" if flying is so safe?

via 101FunJokes

Funny Jokes, Ironic Jokes

Baby We're Through

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 20:09:00 +0000

ROFL Music Monday
Click the picture to watch "Baby We're Through in a Pop-Up window.
Oh, did I mention that my girlfriend and I broke up yesterday? How relevant.

10 Painful (But Funny) Skateboard Crashes

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 23:35:00 +0000

Bloody Sunday

Click the picture to watch the "10 Painful Skateboard Crashes" Video in a pop-up window.

Ouch.

Funny Skateboard Crashes, Painful Skateboard Crashes

3 Reasons McDonald's Is McKilling You

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sun, 20 Sep 2009 16:17:00 +0000

It's no secret that McDonald's is a fast food empire that can not be stopped. Whether you are a hard-working person that doesn't have time to prepare food themself, or you are a no-working person who lives on welfare and eats at McDonald's because you enjoy being obese, you have known and loved McDonald's since you were a wee little kid. Because of that fact, McDonald's might be McKilling you, and here are 3 reasons why:

1. McDonald's food is made of McCrap.

A Double Quarter Pounder with cheese from McDonald's has 740 calories in it, but that doesn't stop you from eating it, now does it? Why? Because over half of those calories (380) are from fat, and you gobble that delicious fat up faster than you can say 'McHeart Attack'. Little do you know that the Double Quarter Pounder is clogging your arteries as you are shoving it down your face.

2. You think just because it's on the dollar menu, you should buy MORE.

Unhappy Worker: "Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order?"
Hungry Customer: "Yeah, I'd like 2 hamburgers, 2 McChickens, and uhh, lemme get a fruit parfait and a Southwest Salad. Oh, and a large fry."

If that sounds like you, let me explain where you went wrong.

Just because it costs less, doesn't mean you should buy 10 of them! The Dollar Menu is no healthier than the food that isn't on the Dollar Menu. Yes, the portions are smaller, but if you were to choose between a large portion of poison and a smaller portion of poison, which would you choose? NEITHER.

Well, you did order a salad, so that makes it healthy, doesn't it? NO! In a bacon and ranch salad with crispy chicken, there are 340 calories and 16 grams of fat. You might as well be eating a Double Quarter Pounder with cheese.

and don't even get me started on the fruit parfaits..

3. You're reading this and laughing with a Big N Tasty in one hand, and a large fry in the other.

If you're Luggin' It like that guy, you should not take this post with a grain of salt. Yes, there might be some humor in it, but behind every joke is some truth, and McDonald's might actually be McKilling you.

Funny Dead Baby Jokes

noreply@blogger.com (Brandon) — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 21:55:00 +0000

Okay, maybe I'm the only person in the world that thinks dead baby jokes are funny, but that's probably because I've never had a baby of my own. Nevertheless, here are some ridiculously funny jokes that involve babies and them dying and such. Please don't be mad at me if you've had a baby that's died.

What's brown and gurgles?
A baby in a casserole.

What's blue and flies around the room at high speeds?
A baby with a punctured lung.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs in the middle of the ocean?
F**ked.

How do you stop a baby crawling round in circles?
Nail its other hand to the floor.

What do you call a dead baby with no arms and no legs hanging on your wall?
Art.

Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was chained to a bumper.

What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

What is pink and red and sits in a corner?
A baby chewing on razor blades.

What is green and sits in a corner?
The same baby, six weeks later.

What does a blind, deaf, quadriplegic baby can get for Christmas?
Cancer.

What bounces up and down at 100mph?
A baby tied to the back of a truck.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a Styrofoam cup?
A dead baby doesn't harm the atmosphere when you burn it.

Want to read more dead baby jokes?

Dead Baby Jokes, Funny Jokes