Hows about a table of random street gangs or criminal organizations suitable for a fantasy world. Thank You!

I’m playing a Mage game, and it has this system where if you fuck up a spell or if non-mages see you casting it there’s a strange paradoxical backlash and reality warps around you in awkward and unsettling ways, like there’s a brief and terrifying rain of bees or you develop temporary coprolalia.

(yes I’m playing World of Darkness oh god don’t judge me)

so Twenty Consequences to Doing Spells Wrong, perhaps, ranging from mildly inconvenient to permanently disfiguring.

I promise: I won’t judge you.

Roll 1d20	Side Effect
1	Hair turned to feathers
2	One week of bad social luck (lower CHA or penalties to reaction rolls)
3	Character passes out for one day.
4	Two random limbs paralyzed for 1d4 days.
5	Disabling itch effects everyone within 100 feet for one hour.
6	Involunatary charm others effect strikes at next inopportune moment.
7	Character is muted for 1 day.
8	Character’s touch destroys currency, cheques, credit cards, etc.
9	Character attracts attention of any law enforcement nearby for 1 month.
10	Whoever is pursuing party gets 50 percent closer. If no one is pursuing, someone is now.
11	Nose resembles Star-nose Mole’s nose
12	Character’s failure will become legendary. Songs written, jokes told.
13	Character convinced there is rot in fingers. Will not stop until they are all cut/bitten off.
14	One limb is severed, escapes, then grows into a monster/demon.
15	Full-body rash. Concentration impossible for 1 day. Disappears after 1 week.
16	PC becomes enamored of next person who attacks PC.
17	Character of out and in both backwards sentences all speak must player.
18	Character is cursed. Must sell off all assets and possessions within 24 hours or die. Cannot sell to anyone they know.
19	The universe reveals location of amazing treasure (red herring).
20	TV-style amnesia. Conk on the head will NOT fix.

 

As many as you can come up with: Interesting, weird and dangerous stuff lying around in an alchemist’s/wizard’s workshop.

I am in desperate need of a table of various magic princess mermaids

Well you came to the right place, ScrapPrincess. Mermaids are indeed very magical and very princessy.

I don’t know if it’s a chaos thing or a cthonic thing or whatever it is that made vampires, but  it seems that every once in awhile a fish is born incomplete. When one of these fish happens upon a humanoid, it swallows them. While the victim is in the fish’s belly, things start to get squishy and jelly-like. Tendrils grown out of each creature and entangle the insides of the other.

After some time, the human torso begins to emerge from the fish’s mouth and an act of eating has become a symbiosis that has now become a single creature. The fish head remains–the eyes on the side of where the human hips would be still function, the gills of the fish are still breathing (although the whole mechanism works differently as the mouth is sealed at the bottom of the human torso. I promise to let you know how should I ever get one on my dissection table). The human mouth is responsible for breathing air and eating, which is something of a challenge in some cases. Other changes can happen to the human head and torso and I have described some of these below.

I would expect that the majority of mer-creatures would be men, as men are sailors and therefore far more likely to be swallowed be one of these strange fishes. But I have never seen nor heard of a ‘mermale’. Perhaps men are more to the appetite of eating for these fish, while the female is the only sex capable of this merger. There are tales of mermaids falling in love with sailors and rugged sea captains, but I doubt these are true as land-dwellers tell most of these tales. I would not be surprised, however, if mermaids who have a stronger connection to their human side were to fixate on men in general or even particular men who remind them of their human past and of the comforts of human society.

[A table follows these I made up]

“Angie Angler”

Although no one has seen her in her native habitat and lived to tell about it, on two occasions, fishing boats have hauled up a mermaid described as a finned woman with a large mouth with dagger-like teeth, black eyes and a ‘fishing rod’ protruding from her head. This rod was tipped with some sort of magical light, which she could dangle about and flash in patterns that mesmerized the fishermen who found her. I suspect this rod has some sort of magical charm properties, for when she managed to wrest free and escape over the side of the boat, half a dozen crew dove in after her, never to be seen again. (Treat as 6 HD shark with mass charm person, hypnosis and light spell powers, activated at will). She is called “Angie Angler” among the fishermen and the bards of port towns.

Queen Manta

I have heard several accounts of this Queen of the Reef, whose home is somewhere in the Chaos Isles and she seems to be the most intelligent and perhaps most human-like of all mermaids. Her torso is black-skinned and beauteous. Her tail is that of a large manta ray, which is a kite-shaped fish found in the southern seas. She is known to command the allegiance of sea creatures and natives of those isles, although through charm or fear I cannot say. She wields a trident that is said to control the weather and the tides. (Treat as a high level druidess with a magical trident that has weather control properties and which summons giant water elementals.)

Saurys

This not a single mermaid but many tiny mermaids. Of all the mermaids described herein, this is the only I have seen for myself. I was a passenger on a sailing vessel off the shores of Argnac when a large school of these small fish surfaced around our ship. In her excitement, one of my fellow passengers, who I will not name to protect her family, learned too far over the railing to see this school. She ended up overboard and before any of us could attempt a rescue (even by magical means) she was consumed by the school of fish before our very eyes!

There being nothing we could do, we continued on our way, those of us passengers of good class comforting her mother in her time of grief. Within two days, however, we were again visited by a school of saury. The woman’s mother had to be restrained and locked into her quarters, lest she jump overboard herself. All the time, she insisted her daughter was calling her name. When I had secured her door and made my way back top, I brought out a spyglass device and trained it on the fish below. To my surprise, I saw perhaps two score fish among this school with a bare, fare-skinned human torso and long, golden hair. Two compatriots also saw this with my spyglass. Although it is not the strangest thing I saw on that voyage, it was the most chilling. (Treat as water-based pixies with the song of a siren. One typical humanoid devoured by these saury yields 60 saury mermaids).

Princess Portia (Dunkleosteus)

I believe this is one of the few mermaid princesses that was actually a princess. She was aboard a ship that sank approximately two centuries back, en route to a wedding with a prince of Argyle. She has the body of a very bony and primitive fish. As she herself was a tall woman, from head to fin I would guess her about thirty four feet long. She has an enormous appetite and is a top predator. Her skull is about twice the size it should be and her mouth is quite deviated from the human norm. She has no teeth, but a hard bony jaw that opens to almost three feet wide. When she is not hungry, which is rare, she can manage to carry on a conversation and if you are knowledgeable about the politics and court gossip of her time she might be, if not a friend then at least less likely to think of you as lunch when the conversation is over. (Treat as 10 HG giant fish with 12 INT and 11 CHA).

The Jellied Woman

I cannot say for certain that this creature was the same phenomenon as a mermaid, but two captains have described to me a large sea medusa with several living but separated parts of an elfin woman contained in its disc area. The head was speaking, but even those with a knowledge of the elvish tongue were unable to make any sense out of random statements. Reportedly, all about the ship were unable to communicate for a full day after encountering this creature, despite being able to speak and hear normally in other respects. This creature was in the center of a large sea medusa bloom. (Treat as giant jellyfish with stinging and paralyzing toxins on tentacles. At will, creature can cast a spell that undoes a man’s ability to speak and understand language, save at -4.)

Siren

I hesitate to pass on this story, as I find it highly suspect, but I should perhaps mention it as an example of the sort of tales one must sort through when evaluating the tails seamen will tell of their travels in order to find useful information. Supposedly there is, in the seas between the Screaming Straits and the Western Coast of Millas Minor, a mermaid who attempts to entrap sailors for matrimonial purposes. She is described as a beautiful mermaid of the kind depicted in mythological bestiaries of land-locked nations–that is, a beautiful woman with the tail of a fish below her hip. She sings and banters with sailors until some unfortunate soul cannot resist and dives overboard for a kiss.

Supposedly, once the sailor has kissed her, he is hers and her spell over the others is broken, revealing her true form, which is described as a porcine pink fish with small piglet eyes and a doughy body and face. This mermaid takes her new groom below to his matrimonial doom. The same sailors who report these stories also tell of legged fishes walking along land in the Screaming Straits, which they call the children of the siren. (Treat as siren or succubus as desired).

Roll 1d20 for each column	Torso	Fish	Magical Effect
1	Human Commoner	Catfish/River Fish	Temporary Dispell Magic 50′ radius
2	Human Aristocrat	Starfish	Causes Fear of Water
3	Human Mage	Shark, Great White	Water Breathing 50′ Radius
4	Human Cleric	Shark, Whale	Summon Minor Water Elemental
5	Human Assassin	Shark, other	Summon Major Water Elemental
6	Human Slave	Lamprey	Summon d100 sea creatures
7	Elf Spellsword	Moray	Charm Person (Mass)
8	Elf Priestess	Manta	Cure Disease
9	Elf Sorceress	Barracuda	Create Food (summons food dishes)
10	Elf Dancer	Pirhanna (School of Mermaids)	Purify/Desalinate Water (drinks and spits out)
11	Dwarfess	Saury (School)	Powerful Phantasm Spells
12	Drowess	Squid or Octopus	Geas/Quest
13	Sea Priestess	Jellyfish	Curse
14	Sea Druidess	Deep Sea Lumenescent Fish	Control Weather
15	Human Entertainer	Ancient Fish (Coelocanth, Placoderm)	Knows/Controls Portal to Other Planes
16	Human Courtesan	Lobster or Crab	Cause Disease
17	Human Captain’s Wife	Monkfish	Love Enchantments
18	Human Girl	Parrotfish/Triggerfish	Druidic Spellcasting
19	Hobbitess	Stonefish	Mage Spellcasting
20	Orcess	That Alien Fish thing in Alien 4	Same powers as genie

 

20 locations in town that will tempt the players into visiting them.

Ravas: I am not assigning HD or damage levels to these so you can adapt them to the level of your party as you see fit.

Pile of Gears

Every lab has a pile of broken or miscast pieces waiting for meltdown. This pile is a cleverly disguised security mechanism powered by a small steam engine. It can assume a number of shapes and can disguise itself as part of any equipment or projects in the lab. It attacks with small steam blasts (which drain 10 percent of its HP for 1 hour), slashes with gears, choking tubes and various and sundry pointy bits (piercing attacks). Any natural 20 hit or piercing attack that does more than 10 HP damage has a chance of piercing its engine, which would then release a cloud of choking steam in the room (save vs. breath weapon or take some grievous burning damage).

Hydraulic Ballista

A ballista on a cart that is powered by adding coal or wood to its boiler and which can be moved or driven by a single person. There is metal shielding in front of the driver’s position with a slit for viewing forward. The ballista reloads itself (there is room for three bolts) and has twice the range of a normal ballista. At short range, it deals double damage. There is a remote firing mechanism connected to the ballista via a tether. There is a 15 percent chance per shot of a catastrophic explosion that should kill nearly any driver in the driver’s seat. There is a 2 percent chance per turn of driving of such an explosion.

Lava Suit

A bulky suit of armor with some soft material around it and a looking-glass helmet is tethered by a four-inch hose to a cart-sized box on wheels. When the boiler in the box is filled and the contraption activated, the box pumps various refrigerants through the hose and the suit. This allows the occupant to withstand conditions of extreme heat and in fact submerge in molten lava for up to ten minutes. Should the suit, hose or contraption be damaged, the heat in the suit would rise to the same as its environment in thirty seconds. There is a five percent this will happen in any minute of use.

Hydraulic Ram

This is a steam-powered siege engine for taking down doors and even walls during siege of a fortress. A long metal rod extends five feet out of the machine and four times the damage of a typical battering ram and ignores most enchantments and other means of reinforcing a wall. It must be recharged for two hours per use and when activated has a thirty percent chance of exploding, dealing d100x2 HP damage to anyone within 100 yards not behind a wall or other strong barrier.

Death’s Pinwheel

A disk on the end of an axle is attached to an engine. When activated, the disk spins and extends 20 cables. On the end of each cable is a spinning circular blade. Anyone passing through the radius of the trap must save or be cut to shreds. Those who save take 1d20 damage. To keep this from being a complete FU trap, there’s a 10 percent chance of malfunction after five minutes and a 10 percent chance of malfunction per victim damaged. This trap runs out of steam after three hours.

Pogocart

A three-seat cabin is perched over a large hydraulic leg. Steam and hydraulic power enable this vehicle to to leap 300 feet vertically and up to 200 feet horizontally every ten seconds. In the cabin is a set of horse reins attached to a contraption with many gears and three spinning gyroscopes. The contraption allows the user to control the speed, altitude and direction of each jump.  The driver must make dexterity checks or lose control. The gyroscopes can correct this 75 percent of the time, in which case the cart travels in a random direction (roll d8 and use 8 points of compass). Otherwise, the whole thing crashes. Did the PC’s notice the seatbelts?

Magic Battery

Wands, rods, rings and other small, charged magic items are placed in a canister. There is a – and a + button on a control panel. When the either button is pushed, the canister begins to spin. Concentric rings are lowered from above until they surround the canister. After about five minutes, the rings are raised and the canister stops rotating. If the – button was pressed, the items are drained of magic charges. The charges are stored in a battery in the machine. If there are charges in the battery already, and the + button was pushed, the charges available were evenly distributed to the items in the canister. If there are no charges and the + button was pushed, nothing happens. If there are no items in the canister and either button was pushed, the contraption still cycles but nothing happens.

There is a 40 percent chance the canister spins two slow or too fast, as this machine has not been maintained well. If that happens, the wand, staff, rod or ring will malfunction, doing something suitably ridiculous such as turning the wielder’s arm into a large daffodil or summon five squirrels. A thief, gnome or specialist might be able to calibrate the canister if she checks the machine for problems. Roll an appropriate skill check. The machine is powered by a small coal-burning boiler.

Clockwork Dancing Troupe

This set of human-sized automatons are connected via pneumatic hoses to a central contraption with a steam engine and a difference engine and a panel with many switches. The switches choreograph the automatons, which will perform a dance that has been programmed into the difference engine. A small steam powered organ uses the exhaust steam from the steam engine to play music according to what is punched into a roll of paper that spins through gears inside the machine.

The automatons have a STR of 20 and conceal weapons inside their bodies, which would be difficult to detect. They can be programmed to kill at certain points in the song or when a certain number of people are in the room. There is a 20 percent chance each time the contraption is activated that it will develop its own intelligence, in which case it might follow programming instructions while it plans. Eventually it will attempt to kill or evade its ‘owner’ and escape. The difficult point is figuring out how to get away with the contraption.

What is it with you d30 people? It’s an ugly die. I don’t like the d10 either, since it’s not a real Pythagorean solid. It’s cheating, I tell you!

Notes on the table below: As you can see, humans mistrust dwarves. They half expect them to take their women and eat their children as soon as the men turn their backs.

Some of the mistranslations or misunderstandings have lead to tragic results. General Border, for instance, is a sort of General Custer figure who couldn’t be bothered to hire a good translator when he marched on the Foggy Mountains.

Some of this also stems from the early translations of Dwarven literature and colloquialisms, which were done by shy monks of the north. Dwarves were, at the time, a virile race with a ribald tongue.

In the end, even as dwarves decline, the symbiosis between the two races (the exchange of meat and ale for steel) rules the day. In places where the two races interact, these stereotypes are not taken so seriously and are in fact fodder for jokes between the two races.

	Proper Translation of Dwarfish Proverb	Mistaken Translation or Interpretation  Commonly Repeated Amongst Men
1	God’s Balls! [an oath]	God’s Beard!
2	The most beautiful dwarfess is the one with [this dwarf's] beard tickling her face.	A dwarfess is most beautiful when she has a beard on her face. [Leading to the common human belief about Dwarfesses and facial hair.]
3	Don’t make deals with sheepf—-rs.	Never negotiate with humans. [This mistranslation comes from an early nickname dwarfs had for humans. This has also lead many to believe that dwarfs cannot be negotiated with.]
4	The worst day comes from elfish breakfast, human work, hobbit song and orcish supper. Followed by any of their sexual practices. [Note: the words for meals, such as supper and breakfast imply heavy drinking of ale as well.]	I wouldn’t eat with an elf, work for a human, sing with a hobbit, or dine with an orc–unless they did me sexual favors.
5	The best day comes from hobbit breakfast, dwarfish work, dwarven song and hobbit supper. Screw the tall folk. [Note: the words for meals, such as supper and breakfast imply heavy drinking of ale as well.]	The best way to live is to eat hobbits, work hard and screw the other races.
6	A sharp axe can only come from a strong hammer.	You can make an axe by hitting a hammer hard enough.
7	A penny saved is still only a damn penny.	A dwarfess can be bought with a penny found on the road. [This one was probably intentional and malicious.]
8	If you dig under a small hill, you will find small gold. And worms.	Small hills hide golden worms.
9	If a dragon dares take your gold, every last dwarf has a duty to kill him.	We dare any dragon to try to kill us and take our gold. [Very tragic, this one.]
10	The sun neither rises nor sets on our halls. We care not for the clocks of humans.	The sun neither rises nor sets on our halls. We care nothing of the fates of mankind.
11	We are not the fathers of the burnt men of the earth’s skin, but we are their elder brothers.	We burned the fathers of the men until their skins crisped. We shall burn that brotherhood again.
12	A dwarf cannot measure his day except by the cups of sweat from his brow.	No mistranslation, but it many accept as fact that dwarfs save and measure their sweat, perhaps mixing it with ale. Thus the human terms ‘sweatybeards’ and ‘sweatdrinkers’.
13	Every man must dig his own tunnel. [Meaning: in life.]	According to his last journal entry, General Border took this to mean that dwarves do not band together during adversity, but dig a tunnel to escape.
14	To move the earth, work hard and work near its center. [Those who work under the earth--dwarves--make a bigger impact.]	To move the earth, dig toward the center. [Misinterpretation: We are going to dig until we reach the center of the earth.]
15	Bats, moths and blind fish have learned to live under mountains as you have. [All are revered or worshipped, although sometimes eaten or sacrificed as well].	A human saying goes: Dwarves are stuck under the mountains with only bats, moths and blind fish to eat. [Without us, they would have no meat.]
16	Gold so pure it shines in the dark. [Meaning something is profound or very pure.]	Rumors of dwarven ‘dark gold’ abound.
17	With long legs come good, red meat. [Meaning: We must remember that humans play an important role in our lives--they raise cattle.]	Belief that dwarves have a taste for human flesh.
18	A clear nose smells all farts. [Warning against clearing a nostril in another's presence, which is a sign of condescension and pride.]	Clear your nose so that you may better smell our farts.
19	Don’t tell any tall folk about mithril. [Meaning don't tell younger races what they don't have the wisdom to handle.]	Widespread belief that under every rainbow is a dwarf with a shield of pure mithril.
20	Elves came from outside this world [meaning: planet or plane].	Elves came to visit our ancestors from outside this world [mistaken meaning: underground]. Recent scholarship shows that this was never a proverb, but was meant to be taken literally. Nonetheless, modern dwarves believe the same misinterpretation humans do.
21	When an elf screws an orc? A human.	An unkind comment on general appearances has been misinterpreted by those with esoteric beliefs regarding the origins of humanity.
22	Elf Balls! [an oath meaning useless]	Elf Beard! This is also a dwarven oath meaning something that cannot exist. This is substituted by prudish translators.
23	A hobbit tunnel to a dwarven hall. [Making a grand result with plain materials.]	A hobbit tunnel to a dwarven hall. [Making a big deal out of something trivial. Also convinces some that the two races are in cahoots.]
24	Grass won’t grow in the dark. [Meaning human customs don't make sense below.]	Lead to the belief that dwarves have no body hair under their kilts.
25	Brandishing a rapier in a mine. [Wasting time doing something the fancy way such as using a pointy weapon in the dark when a slashing weapon would do.]	Brandishing a rapier in a mine. [This is a good weapon underground. General Border also believed this.]
26	Teats of the Earth. [A metaphor for mountains.]	Humans believe this refers to a specific mountain range full of precious gold and mithril that the dwarves refuse to tell anyone about.
27	A tunnel filled in. [The past is left in the past. Meaning something is forgiven if not forgotten.]	A tunnel filled in. [Meaning revenge has been taken and the bodies hidden.]
28	To f— a human. [Meaning to achieve something impressive.]	Humans have known all along that these little perverts are after their women.
29	A human brother. [A human little person. Often welcomed among dwarves.]	Humans of this time and setting believe that small adult humans come from #28. The usual medieval prejudice applies.
30	To serve man. [In this age of dwarven decline, some believe that helping the younger races get on their feet is their calling.]	To serve man. [For dinner]

 

I’d like a table of campaign starters. Perhaps one with 2 or 3 columns, either explaining the relationships/background of the pc’s and where the adventure begins, or one giving adventure/quest ideas.

 

I’m a greedy bastard, Santa, and I desire at least a d30 table of fantasy curses that may have been thought up by entities in a ‘traditional fantasy setting’ but are hopefully bizarre and interesting. I’m attempting a project for a group of players that is very unsatisfied with “death” in tabletop RPGs, and so, I’m seeking alternative temporary conditions where ideally the character is still under the control of the player.

Unsatisfied with “death” in tabletop RPGs? They need to walk it off, pick up the dice and create a new character. But you’re the GM and I did take requests.

Here’s 30 curses for your party of cupcakes.

1. Go with the Flow: All bones are dissolved. The character is now basically a sack of liquid and must be carried in a bucket. DM should decide whether spells can be cast, but carrying and holding on to things should be difficult. Clever players will find a few advantages in this.
2. Honeytrap: Character now attracts insects, which will crawl or fly around him constantly. Sometimes they will land, sometimes they fight one another, but they give no thought to their own safety. The swarm will grow without end if the curse is not undone. This also works well with rats, snakes, earthworms, children…
3. Freaky Furday: Mindswap with small animal.
4. Undeath: Character is now a zombie with his mind intact. Penalties to reflexes and speed, rotting, body parts falling off, subject to turning, etc.
5. Pariah: Charisma score of 3. No NPC will trust the PC. Terrible reaction rolls. No one likes the party. I don’t like you either. You just watch yourself…
6. WTF: Character has been polymorphed into a helpless creature of some sort. A two foot butterfly  or a giant sea cucumber with a human face.
7. Stench: Cursed with a distinctive unpleasant smell. Anything with a nose will not be surprised by the character. Reaction and charisma rolls are penalized. Nearby spellcasters have a 15 percent chance of spell failure due to distraction.
8. Listlessness: Unable to adventure or function more than 3 hours per day.
9. Degeneration: Lose 1 point in 3 ability scores every day.
10. Rebirth: Every three days, the character’s body rots for eight hours. Then the character molts the corpse and crawls out at 1/2 size (level, HP, STR, CON, whatever).
11. Glue: Character goes last every round. -3 DEX.
12. Reverse Midas: All precious metals, iron and steel in vicinity of character turn to lead in a matter of hours.
13. Mistaken: Character hears noises and is sure that something is approaching. Is correct 1 in 6 times. When correct, monsters encountered have maximum HP and do maximum damage.
14. Betrayal: Character is unable to keep commitments, contracts and oaths.
15. Walk Like and Egyptian: Character’s head turns into that of random animal: 1- Parakeet, 2- Dog, 3- Cat, 4- Pig, 5-Ass (Puck that!), 6- Crocodile, 7- Lion, 8- Jackal, 9- Snake, 10- Giraffe, complete with long neck. Only the parakeet can talk.
16. Short Attention Span: Character cannot remember who is an ally, who is an enemy and whom she attacked last round. Also: what spells are already cast and what items are spent. If player hedges, consider making random rolls.
17. Kill Everything Twice, Everything Twice: The character (and only the character) is plagued by ghosts. Whenever the party kills a creature or person, the ghost of that spirit or person attacks the character. This ghost is exactly like the deceased would be at full strength and hit points (with any special abilities restored to a minimum of one charge). No one else can see or interact with this ghost unless under the same curse. This does not apply to undead (although you could have it reverse and they are restored to life and attack the character).
18. Charmed, I’m Sure: Character can be commanded by anyone to do almost anything as if charmed.
19. Clang! Pow! Bash!: Character makes a tremendous amount of noise doing anything (even sleeping).
20. Shrinky: Character is about four inches tall. (DM decides if belongings also shrink).
21. Hulk Out: Character is now about twelve feet tall. Belongings do not grow and may be destroyed by growth.
22. Candidate: Everything the character says will be deemed a lie by any NPC and PC’s who fail wisdom check. (Even when character is telling the truth).
23. Most Wanted: Character is wanted for unspecified crimes in every kingdom, village and town within five hundred miles. Posters are posted everywhere.
24. Pet: Ask the character what the most useless animal is. He is polymorphed into that animal.
25. Squeamish: Character faints at the sight of blood (or grievous injury or death).
26. All Together:  Arms, legs and head detatch from torso spontaneously. Each can move independently as controlled by the player.
27. Satisfied: Character will refuse any share of the party treasure (and in OSR games, this means no XP).
28. Tongue Twisted: Character can only speak in the language of the race/enemy most detested by the public (unless he is already that race). It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know that language. He can only understand the languages he normally does (and cannot understand that detested language unless he normally does).
29. Ophelia: Will attempt to drown self at any well, pool, pond, lake, stream, river or ocean.
30. Protector: Will attempt to save any party member or non-hostile NPC by putting self in harm’s way, even foolishly (especially foolishly).

There you have it. It was a stretch, and some of these are not so weird, but really there’s only so much you can do to a character before you’re just being a jerk.