Ron Mexico City

XXLMag.com | Fredro's Industry Tales: Shynin'

2009-10-26T17:30:55-04:00

Hmm. That’s weird. I thought gangsta niggas told no tales. Yet, we embark on the new straight-to-Worldstar journey that is ‘Dro Starr’s Reefer Rambles. I think that’s what he’s calling it. I’m not too sure.

The inaugural dry snitch is a timely one. As Shyne is released from prison, Fredro Starr finds it appropriate to discuss what he saw that fateful night in 2000 or 2001 when Shyne got New York’s Finest Escort Service to take him from Club New York laced up in shiny new bracelets.

[Blogger’s Note: Is it dry snitching if you do it on wet? I know. Some Confucian shit, right?]

I gather that after he bodysurfs into the club, Starr goes into CSI mode and scans the crowd instead of partying. Fortunately for us, he was on Bad Boy assignment. He says Black Rob is his nigga, which explains a lot, as the rest of Old Dro’s account comes from a very cloudy, sherm stick-esque perspective.

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Fredro's Industry Tales: Shynin'")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | Keep Ya Head Up, Boosie!

2009-10-22T06:56:00-04:00

“This the same fuckin’ courtroom that threw away Mystikal, you know? So, far as takin’ the trial, shit. I’mma be a G. I’mma lay down for it, you know? 365 days. It’s somethin’, but it’s nothin’. It’s somethin’, but it’s nothin’. I’m the only one gotta do that time. Niggas be talkin’ bout keep ya head up. Nigga, fuck you! Nigga, don’t worry about if my head up. Suck my dick. Bitch, I the one gotta go do this time. Ain’t none of y’all gonna be in that bitch. Y’all gonna be at home still wiping y’all ass with Charmin. Fuck, nigga… My head down… If I’m lookin’ mad, bitch, look the other way. Don’t tell me shit 'bout ‘Keep ya head up.’ Nigga, fuck all that. I’m goin’ do time. Fuck all that. Put somethin’ in a nigga account.”

-Lil’ Boosie, Ozone Magazine via Maurice Garland

"Fuck you?" Word, Boosie? Granted, I’m not one of the triflin'-ass, hatin'-ass fuck niggas offering Boosie moral support during this difficult time he’s created for himself. But, there’s no reason to shit on the motherfuckers who are.

"Suck my dick?" Nigga gonna be in the bunk next to Boosie talkin bout, “Don’t mind if I do. N-name Jangle Leg. Jangle Leg.” Fortunately, Boosie doesn’t have to stress about giving niggas the wrong impression. His fade makes him look like a lesbian. All jokes aside, fades are supposed to gradually transition from thick to thin.

I’m sorry. I just wanna strike a match on the side of that nigga head. That’s all. But, I digress. Where was I now? Oh, right.

Peep how at the end this nigga Boosie's half-assedly askin for handouts and commissary donations like Max B. You know damn well he’ll take that shit too if you log onto the Department of Corrections website and drop some change on it. I’ve done as much myself. The shit works like PayPal these days. I bet Boosie’s so ornery because someone’s gonna have to hold on to his life’s worth in fake gold while he’s away. Maybe he’s not as certain of his ability to stack up again as he was his chances on beating this case. As of now, the only way he’s getting back all those soon-to-be repossessed goods is if his fans truly enjoy being treated like abused spouses who refuse to leave.

"H-he only tell me to suck his dick like that ‘cuz he loooooooove me. And, he a good nigga when we alone. I swear. Oh, this here? That ain’t nothin’. I-I was out of line."

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Keep Ya Head Up, Boosie!")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | Owe Me Back Like You Owe Your Income Tax

2009-10-20T17:59:48-04:00

Owe me back like 40 acres to blacks, indeed.

SOHH.com workhorse Cyrus Langhorne—who dons either a pseudonym or the best name in rap coverage, including Toure—often does a great job connecting news stories. However, I’m gonna give today’s “Hiyooooo” Award to TMZ’s title for the original piece covering Nas’ federal tax lein.

Kelis will have to wait in line, indeed. Them $45,000 monthly payments are gonna have to be retroactive or some shit.

As if the spousal support hit and forthcoming child support weren’t going break a nigga hard enough, Nas reportedly owes $2.5 million in taxes to the Internal Revenue Service. The fucked up part is I can only think of one thing. If that’s just his federal bill, I wonder what the state jawn looks like. Is this nigga like $5 million dollars in the hole?

I guess that’s why Nas’ name and image are now somberly placed on Hennessy ads–alongside headwrap/coffee shop legends like Common, De La Soul and The Roots–after so adamantly denying participating in a beer commercial on an MTV documentary several years ago. I forget which documentary exactly, but I remember Nas riding in the backseat of a car through New York on his cell phone. He makes a couple of faces that indicate he’s not really listening to the suit on the other end of the line and says “They trynna get me to do a beer commercial. Not gonna happen,” into the camera. This is to put his righteous enlightenment on display for all to see, of course.

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Owe Me Back Like You Owe Your Income Tax")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | DMX: Live from Colorado Springs

2009-10-19T18:03:33-04:00

In case you couldn’t tell from the scheduled MMA debacle, we’re onto a whole new season of Crack Attack Jack on BBC America in conjunction with The Ghetto’s Finest News Source. This week we get our hero, DMX, reacting to security putting the kabash on a performance at the Colorado community center featured on South Park.

You know, Season 7, Episode 2—the one where the crips and bloods have a sleepover.

[Blogger’s Note: No, not that BBC. Brothers Burnin’ Crills.]

As if watching DMX’s entourage and community center security fight over his hollow shell weren’t enough, as that was a show unto itself, the Dark Man has a fan-ready response to the melee-slash-debacle.

“F*CK THEM SHAKY F*GGOT ASS PROMOTERS!!! SORRY MY FANS IN COLORADO!! I TRIED MY BEST, BUT THIS INDUSTRY IS FULL OF BULLSH*T….PS - F*CK A F*GGOT A** PUNK POLICE PIG…I AM THE LAW”

–DMX, Twitter.com, via SOHH.com (hence the censorship)

Who the fuck is DMX’s manager and why is he allowed to have a Twitter account? You know damn well that nigga is gonna confess to a murder on the shit one day.

“FUCK!!! DOG!!! I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED BUT THIS STRIPPER LOOK DEAD!!! SHORTY WAS LOOKIN RIGHT A MINUTE AGO!!!”

–DMX via Twitter, sometime in the future

Here’s the real question. Why am I not following DMX? Hmmm… Be right back. *runs to follow DMX*

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | DMX: Live from Colorado Springs")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | Dirty Money in Your Mouth

2009-10-17T02:34:32-04:00

Consider this one yet another episode of True Recession Stories. Today’s subject: Poppa Diddy Pop.

Here’s the Rap-Flavored Blog Reader’s Digest version of what went down on The Colored TRL earlier this week. Puffy rapes Estelle’s twin sister and the best of his Danity Kane leftovers, then wipes his bloody dick off on one of Jay-Z’s best songs.

[Blogger’s Note: I had been meaning to get after Puffy for his molestation of “Where I’m From” for some time now.]

Uneasy partners Puffy, Dawn Richard and Kalenna visit The Negro Channel to promote Dirty Money’s single “Angels”. Instead of coming out onto the set of 106 and Park like civilized human beings, they decide to generate some attention, despite already being on TV promoting themselves. The trio emerges tossing wads of dirty money and dirty Dirty Money money into audience members’ faces.

That’s not a euphemism. Some of those niggas caught actual facials.

[Blogger's Note: I'm really happy for you, Puffy. And, I'mma let you finish, but UGK had one of the best Dirty Monies of all time! So did Clipse!]

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Dirty Money in Your Mouth")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | Watch Your Mouth, Yellow Man

2009-10-14T07:17:22-04:00

Ah no reggae chune dis!

“You can say what you say but watch what you say about our President. Think a Nobel Prize was too soon? Fine. You are not alone. You think Obama should have accomplished more since he was sworn in this past January? Fine. You are not alone. But you young man didn’t need to express your freedom of speech in such an insensitive way. Especially mere months after your stupid Rutgers joke. You’re a part of a culture built by Black and Latinos and you continue to speak in a disrespectful way towards African-Americans. Maybe I’m being too sensitive but I just don’t like it. The hip-hop community galvanized to help elect our commander-in-chief and we shouldn’t turn our back on him this soon. What are you really doin’ to change the world, disco kid?”

-Elliott Wilson, RapRadar.com

This is the abridged version of Elliott Wilson’s podcast rant in the wake of Ash*r R*th’s controversial Barack Obama Nobel Peace Prize comments. I dare not invoke his name, lest the site begin to reek of Axe Frat Boy Shower body spray and “I Love College” promo discs/weed surfaces all over again. The original YN recording contains more fiery talk about disco ball-blinded Eighties Babies, blanket statements and white boys who need to watch their mouths.

Mr. Wilson had me thinking Roth must have come out and called Obama “a monkey with the big porch ever” or some shit, then propelled #michelleobamaisanappyheadedhobecause to the #1 trending topic on Twitter. Needless to say, I was disappointed to see the series of tepid tweets that has us all on the verge of microblog race war.

Roth’s sentiments about Obama’s latest humanity-given handjob are in no way, shape or form turning his back on the Pres-o-dent. Instead they are his right and responsibility. They are his contribution to this jam, so to speak. I don’t know how they did it back in that Civil Rights Era we read about on McDonald’s placemats, but vocalizing our ideas is how we disco children change the world.

[Blogger’s Note: I hear the Civil Rights Movement had way better rappers with way more swag than the movements we have on the radio and video blogs today. I wish I were old enough to have seen that shit for myself. Summer Jam 1964 must have been off the motherfuckin hook.]

Ironically enough, the real careless speech detrimental to race relations is Wilson’s attempt to spin a criticism of an award bestowed upon Barack Obama into a unilateral swipe at black people. For shame, Yellow Nigga. For shame. This is especially startling as Wilson’s account above comes after he took the time to [kinda] clean up his thoughts from the original recording.

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Watch Your Mouth, Yellow Man")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)

XXLMag.com | Get Up Outta There! Fuck the Ride!

2009-10-12T16:31:13-04:00

By now you’re likely familiar with Soulja Boy Tell Em having been arrested late last week. If you’ve been reading Negro Please a while, you’re also aware that we’ve had a lot of laughs at Soulja Boy’s expense. We also pity his ignorance, which is not absolved by having made money. In this latest installment of The De’Andre Way, our hero seems to simultaneously botch both a “music video” shoot and criminal record.

I’m sure by “music video” Soulja Boy means straight-to-WSHH cameraphone cinematography. Why else would the nigga be trespassing? Unless, of course, he wasn’t shooting the visual component to his latest auditorture at all. Either way, he should have gotten a permit or some form of permission to do be in the mawfucka.

When you’re up in some spot you don’t belong, you’ve got to have some level of creep to you. Not to say Soulja Boy was there stealing anything—he’s a rich nigga with rich nigga shit, after all—but burglars don’t come up in your home with a blaring boombox when they come to steal whatever isn’t nailed down. But, of course, Soulja Boy gets popped as the result of a noise complaint. Not one of them S.O.D. Money Drainers has the sense to think, “Hey, we shouldn’t even be up in this mawfucka. Let’s at least try to keep it down so these people don’t call the police” or “You know if anyone sees our headlights approaching this house in their neighborhood, they might call the police right?”

No. They were just thinking about how much money they’re getting. Or whatever it is they think about between blunts and XBOX sessions.

So, I’m supposed to understand that after the police do come and everyone scatters on foot or whatever, that this nigga returns to the scene of the “crime”? He comes back a few hours later to get the Range Rover?! Nigga, please.

(Continue reading "XXLMag.com | Get Up Outta There! Fuck the Ride!")

(Return to Ron Mexico City)