Faith is something we reach for and has a way of finding us when we most need it.  But where does faith come from?  How do we tap into it and replenish it… and especially keep it? How do we keep the faith in solving our everyday problems?

1. Feel better (if possible)

Faith, to me, is a way of feeling better… and our ability to believe that we will be okay.  No matter what, it’s the peace of having faith that we are after.  If you can mentally get there without any help, good for you!!!  But when we cannot accomplish that… what are our options?

2. Find things that make me feel better.

This is where we ask… “What is going to make me feel better?” 

When I had covid, there were several steps that I took to try to feel better.  Every situation mimics that one.  There are questions to ask that will help bolster our ability to feel better.  By entertaining those tough questions, we can let our intuition guide us to the next steps.

Knowledge? Power? Control? Follow an Action/Faith Process.

Faith is not synonymous with knowledge, power, or control.  Knowledge is a set of facts.  We can know every fact and facet about a subject or a religion, but that does not teach us faith in it.  Power can sometimes lure us with a false sense of security… but will not relieve our anxieties when it is time to “leave an outcome unknown.”  Similarly, a sense of control about a situation may satisfy our ego but having our faith fulfilled will satisfy our soul.

That said, when those three items are combined with some kind of action… they can be part of the equation that strengthens our faith in ourselves.  I refer to that as the process for faith, and anyone that knows my corporate background, I can never deny a good process flow!  When steps we take lead us to a road where we “feel better,” we are on the right track.

3. Feel the relief of belief.

When we perform activities that increase our knowledge, strengthen our power or resolve or improve our control of a situation, we take the first steps towards belief and trust, and ultimately, our faith. This feeling is called relief… don’t skip over it! Take the time to feel better (feel relief) based on the steps you have taken thus far.

4. If you still don’t feel better, demand more from yourself and repeat the steps above.

Of course, we don’t have to give any effort… we could just “feel better,” as step 1 indicates.  But for most of us, we feel better with some assurances (from actions) built-in and vice versa.  But those assurances grow exponentially when not just any action but rather our best efforts (towards something) are applied. 

Ask: “Am I truly proud of the effort I’ve put through so far?” 

Because when we truly give our best effort, we shine from the inside and the feeling is pride, not vanity. It’s a fine line that only we can feel our way through… not measured by actions, but rather a sense of profound peace, which emerges as “trust” and a belief that we gave our very best, irrespective of which way the outcome goes. Then, the walk from trust to faith is but a short stroll!

The Magic Recipe

In other words, faith = devotion to a task + trust.

To keep our faith, we must cling to one of two things… trust that everything’s going to be okay OR resume/work harder in our devotion to a task so that we get to a point where we feel that everything will be okay.  It’s a combination of both mental and physical (action) gymnastics.  And often, they are steps taken repeatedly, one after the other.

We may take an action, thereby increasing our mental faith towards something, and then when that faith starts to weaken, we bolster it again by action. As these acts pile up, we are devoted to the task. And each time, with each act, our trust is amplified and our faith renewed.

In one of my favorite movies, Under the Tuscan Sun, the character follows her instincts (even when a bird poops on her!) to renovate a home in Tuscany only to discover that in the end, she would get everything she wanted… and in doing so, opens up her faith in herself and the world around her.

Faith is driving a car at night, only the taillights to guide the next few feet in front of you… but in using them, you can travel from NY to LA! But if you don’t drive the car, you won’t go anywhere. And if you don’t keep filling it up with gas, you won’t get so far either!

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We all walk around with a vision of ourselves, full of labels… healthy, alert, grumpy, busy.  Those labels then expand to phrases:  I’m bad a math, I stink at writing, I’m terrible at gardening.

And then over time, they solidify into groups, professions, and age brackets:  over 50, under 21, working, non-working, carpenter, lawyer… but how can we, for the New Year, re-examine these labels and LABEL a newer version of ourselves?

1. First, decide to make the change.
2. Next, come up with some new labels.
3. Then, call each one out to yourself in the present tense (which is the most powerful way, to assert yourself).
4. Follow through to establish a routine where the new label is part of your life.

From today onwards, I could become AM a painter, a pastry chef, or a piano player.  I could become AM a reader or someone who stays up past 10pm.  I could become a meditator or even a dancer, MEDITATE, DANCE, and PLAY pickleball every day (hopefully, not at the same time).  Assign the labels that you want to yourself, whatever they are.

As a writing exercise, I once had to write my own obituary.  It’s more eye-opening than grim!  Trust me.  Go ahead, write about yourself.  What would make you happy to have as your legacy?  What labels do you want associated with you? Notice that I didn’t say, what would others write about you. 

It’s a New Year, and you get to pick the nouns, verbs, and adjectives that make you swoon about yourself, even if they are brand new qualities that you don’t currently possess. 

But they can be new labels that are associated with a new you with a bit of follow through.

In one of my favorite movies, Serendipity, there is a powerful scene where one friend writes the obituary for another (instead of a “best man speech”) and has him read it while he’s alive.  The movie has nothing to do with death… it’s actually a very funny, poignant scene in a great romantic comedy about fate that leaves you on the edge of your seat, repeatedly, in the sweetest way!   Once you watch the movie, the next time it’s playing on tv, you’ll be compelled to re-watch it!

It’s only the 8^th day of the New Year… what labels will you wear in 2022?

-Roopal

UPDATE:  As a follow-up to my blog late last year about Diwali, I was overjoyed to see one of my favorite TV shows, formerly Sex and the City, now renamed, And Just Like That, have an episode where the main character, Carrie Bradshaw, attends a Diwali party in Indian clothes! It’s a small thing that’s a big deal…  where the media goes, the masses will soon follow!

The post How to Change Your Own Labels (for the New Year) appeared first on RoopsWorld.

She and I laughed and connected over all the memories we held of these characters – their personalities and the things that they did.  How some characters were still on the air some 30 years later!  During those few moments, that unexpected kinship and wonderful jaunt down memory lane made the whole concert experience much more enjoyable.

Whether we realize it or not, especially during the holidays, there is comfort in finding and holding onto what is familiar to us. 

Words like tradition, legacy, and familiarity (coming home) pull us into doing things that we have done over and over.  And those elements, whether it is a cozy pair of pajamas that you always wear on Christmas morning, annual events that you plan or attend, or even actually coming home or going home, all add to your sense of the holidays.

Or Annualize Something New

But there will be times in your life where you will have to create your own traditions.  We have lived in cities with no family around and it was up to us to start something from scratch.  Annual traditions all start somewhere and as I said in my last blog, they can begin at any age!

It feels strange at first, but you shouldn’t be afraid to do it.  Reach out to people and set up an annual holiday lunch/dinner/outing.  Go see a show together, walk around lights in your neighborhood, or visit holiday lights somewhere else, or volunteer somewhere as a team.  It doesn’t have to be complicated… it just has to be something you want to do and can look forward to doing next year. And even doing an activity alone will still give you comfort when you do it again next year!

Because just like my memories about General Hospital, a memory is a treasure, and no matter how you can remember it or re-live it every year, whether in the company of others or by yourself, it is still a treasure.  Do something special this year that brings the spirit of the holidays into your heart and becomes a memory to treasure… and then, add hot chocolate to make it perfect! Happy Holidays!

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Recently, we celebrated Diwali, a week-long holiday, most comparable in importance (in Hinduism) to Christmas and New Year’s here.  It a celebration of good over evil, light over darkness. There are many books and articles written about it (see links at end of the post). Rather than repeat their work, I’d like to share my own changing experience with this holiday.

Connecting to Festive Fun       

Growing up in America, my family celebrated Diwali, but we celebrated Christmas with much more festivity and fanfare. Subsequently, many Indian people referred to kids from my generation as “ABCD”, American Born Confused Desi (a term for Indian person), because our identities, culture, religion, and language were so comingled inside an American world that we were, presumably, confused. 

But the truth is, I prefer American Born Comprehensive Desi!  I was raised Hindu but attended Catholic elementary school, later moved to a primarily Jewish neighborhood, and then moved into one of the most diverse counties in the country, in Texas!  And that doesn’t cover all the distinct cultures within the U.S. (each city/state has its own) for all the places I’ve lived. 

So, was it culture, tradition, or circumstance that held Diwali in a different place in my heart than Christmas?  Well, for one thing, as a kid, I did not get a day off for Diwali.  All the holiday advertising I saw did not mention anything about Diwali.   The holiday was insular to a small community but not shared by most of the kids in my school.

But that is changing. 

Now, during the auspicious week, non-Indian people will wish me Happy Diwali.  Newspapers carry articles about local celebrations and schools ask children how they celebrate the holiday.  Today, two of my friends told me that in their kids’ school districts, the kids get a day off. Diwali fireworks are now available at Costco. All three (our current and last two) U.S. Presidents (of both political parties) have all thrown Diwali parties while in office. Plus, my iPhone gives me fireworks animation every time I text someone, “Happy Diwali!”

Many of us fill in the gaps, left in our childhood, to expand this holiday in a fresh, meaningful way. Some host festive get-togethers, while feasting on holiday sweets and lighting candles.  Others re-awaken old traditions, doing a rangoli (an elaborate design made with colored powder), at home or even reading Diwali books with their children.

Creating Cozy Holidays

During the last few years, because of local Hindu friends, I have come to deeply enjoy Diwali. I love it because you can wear colors like majestic purples, eye-popping fuchsias, bright mustards, and resplendent reds.  But also, I love our family tradition of going to the temple, doing a puja (religious ceremony) at home, and meeting with acquaintances and friends.

For me, Diwali now encircles all new meanings:  friendship, community, and celebration whereas Christmas connects to decorating the house, relishing decadent foods, and family coming home for the holidays (remember the Folgers ads in the ’80s?) because they do.

Every year, these religious holidays come filled with their own meanings.  Thankfully, and kudos to my parents for this… I’ve never thought of religion as a special club, something to fear, or be guilted by.  But rather like a warm blanket – pulling me into something bigger with an inviting sense of community and camaraderie. 

Whatever our reasons may be… to truly immerse ourselves in the holidays, we have to shed old experiences, everything we have, or haven’t been taught, to develop a new connection. As an adult, I appreciate my own journey with both my family and my friends in celebrating Diwali.  In doing so, I’ve learned that new traditions, giving rise to new meaning, can begin at any age!

Articles

• What to Know About Diwali, and How It’s Celebrated
• Here’s how India is celebrating Diwali

Children’s Books

• Let’s Celebrate Diwali
• Lights, Camera, Diwali!
• Binny’s Diwali

The post How to Enjoy the Holidays (even when you don’t know how) appeared first on RoopsWorld.

After every new calamity, we contemplate and soothe ourselves, “It could have been so much worse.” Ladies and Gentlemen, congratulations, you’ve been in the Universe’s Learn Tolerance Class, for over a year now. Don’t remember signing up for it? Doesn’t matter. Here we are! Through 2020 and into 2021, learning tolerance, the hard way, that’s what we’ve been doing.

It’s not a do-it-at-your-own pace type of learning; it’s being thrown from the frying pan-to-the-fire type of learning.  And this type of learning makes you wiser to all the things that you haven’t thought of yet while you are going through them.  It makes you acknowledge that the universe is always teaching us things whether we like it or not. 

And in this type of learning, we gain wisdom from having gone through the experience.  As I’ve written in my piece in the Corona Silver Linings Anthology, our natural way is usually to go “kicking and screaming.” But eventually, we tolerate the shifts because, frankly, we don’t have a choice.

The Secret Key to Tolerance

We could have begged people to travel less and spend more time at home with their families.  We could have shown them study after study how such an approach would have benefited everyone, but nothing would have changed. But as a result of this pandemic, it did.  Learning tolerance is easiest when we don’t have a choice… and we are forced to accept our fate.

Now, more and more, in the face of everyday situations, whether they are climate-driven, politics-driven, or some other outside-of-you-driven cause, we are learning, every day, to become more accepting. 

Tolerance is a form of acceptance.  It’s accepting things that we don’t like.  And as much as we may have encountered them in the past, the universe seems to be telling us there is more to come.  And we have to be ready for it. Despite our protests (either in private or in public), change is happening, and it’s not asking our permission. 

If we’re smart, we can accept it, learn how to deal with it, and eventually move on.  We did with the virus. We found ways to have life and work around it.  You could argue that we should be applauded for our ingenuity, creativity, gumption, and fortitude in dealing with it.

But we can do it for so many things around us. We can expand our mindset and accept things more and more without the negative reactions of fear, judgment, and worry.

Another definition for the word tolerant is the capacity to endure conditions, without adverse reaction.   On this messy road that we’re on, we can expand to become both definitions of the word tolerant.  We can become more accepting of the world around us and we can do it without any negative reactions.  And when we can, our lives have a chance to become easier and easier. 

When I think about the new plants for my garden, I will look for ones that are both heat-tolerant as well as cold-tolerant. I wonder if they expect the same of me.  

Can you imagine if plants said, “I’d like an owner that is worry-tolerant and fear-tolerant. One that is open and can handle life’s ebbs and flows. One that doesn’t panic at the drop of a hat but learns how to bend easily in the wind?”

Which one of us would they chose? Which one of us is so open? Stan Lee said, “Sooner or later, if man is ever to be worthy of his destiny, we must fill our hearts with tolerance.” Whether we like it or not, we’re on that path.

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How the desire then was sweet and satisfying. How it thrilled you to think about it. How it was enough, in just the thought. How that thought alone could make you smile, could bring you to a happy place, could cajole you into instantly feeling good.

We take for granted things that we wanted and accomplished. We are not wooed by the person we used to be for having had such a brillant thought. We do not even recall how back then, the things that we once thought were unachievable. But every now and then we are reminded by our own power.

Earlier this week, I drifted back to old words that I had written. Five years ago, almost to the date, I wrote that I would love to win a prize for writing.

So simple a request. So delicious. So far away. So, “out there.” Just an idea budding with no form or shape at all.

Back then, I had started writing simple words of the day. Started on a whim, but I was still unsure. I was still finding my voice.

And yet I remember the feeling, the simple request to the Universe, the desire to want to be the type of writer whose work is appreciated, acknowledged, and read. It’s a desire that all writers have, to be read. For someone else to read the creative madness that spins sometimes day and night cataloging everything, analyzing everything, and then finding invisible words for a tactile world, and hoping, fingers crossed, that something, somewhere resonates with someone outside of themselves.

And today, looking back at that innocent request from five years ago, the journey I took I could never have predicted. To be writing screenplays. And to have in my name, more than a dozen awards for screenwriting. To see the desire come to fruition. To feel the satisfaction of it. To be thrilled in the quiet joy of it.

It doesn’t matter what you desire. It doesn’t matter how big or small or unlikely it is. It doesn’t even matter if you get it in 5 minutes, 5 years, or 5 decades. What matters is that you know that every thought has a purpose and that purpose is to help layout the road in front of your life. And in that, is the magic. In that, we are alive.

They tell us in writing screenplays, each character must have a want in every scene to drive the story forward. What’s yours? For this afternoon, for today, for this month, for this year? Where is your road taking you…? What seeds are you planting?

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The cold forecast annoyed me.  I had lived in NJ for 30 years; I know the cold is no picnic.  But the rare prospect of snow (in Houston!) was exciting and fun.  And I should have known, from my days in NJ, snow is only “fun” for about 5 minutes.  That is, until it starts to affect your life.  Snow in Houston is no different, it’s worse.  Even then, we could not resist going out to play.  I captured pictures of my frozen flowers.  Little did I know, they were the least of my worries. The morning of the snowfall, just after 8 am, we lost power.  

Even after our snowy playtime outside, our power had not returned.  But I wasn’t worried.  Sure, we’ve lost power before.  Not often enough where it felt like a pain… more like an adventure, a way of skipping school and email, a reason to dilly-dally before being at home was a way of life pre-Covid.  It was unexpected family time.  When we lost power in the past, it was unique but not threatening.  As rains would stop, after an hour, or even a day or two during a hurricane, power would return.  It was a hassle but never scary. 

This Time is Different

As the temperatures plummeted around us, and the minutes became hours, and the hours became days, losing power wasn’t a way of relaxing without devices. Instead, I was inside the first level of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.  We needed heat and water.  Without any power, access to our water was also cut off.  Still, we stayed overnight in our house, thinking, of course, the power will come back… it’s 12 degrees outside!  It didn’t. When we awoke, our house temperature was down to 58 degrees.  At that time, we were lucky enough to go to a friend’s who had power (and some running water).

Unbeknownst to us, when the power returned the next day, some 48+ hours later, the rush of cold air had already caused secondary damage.  Instead of coming home to a warm house, we beheld a waterfall from the second floor.   Walking through the house, we stepped into inches of water. Upon closer examination, an entire ceiling had collapsed in my son’s closet.  His entire wardrobe was bathed in insulation, wet from the cascade of water all around it. 

After hours and days of subzero temperatures, sporadic access to heat and water, and only the continual warmth of electronic hugs from worried family and friends, we now begged and prayed for a plumber.  Countless referrals were made by neighbors, all suffering from the same consequences. In the meantime, we did our best to slop up the frigid water with an endless supply of frozen towels and a shopvac ourselves. We waited for a plumber. And then, our power went out again.

It was still well below freezing outside. When we finally were done cleaning up the mess in our sons’ rooms, by some miracle, a plumber showed up, at 9:30 pm. He worked in pitch black to fix both of our leaks.  Of course, there was no way to test his handiwork with no power.  Still, we were hopeful.   We were cold.  We were tired.

Camping Anyone?

Our living room had become our haven, a place where we had heat from a gas fireplace, the only thing that stood bright when the darkness closed around us. Just like before, we sat, all four of us, and our dog huddled in the makeshift bed I made across from the gas fireplace, ready to spend day 3 in the camping trip I never asked for.  Even then, I fell asleep in the unromantic candlelit room because I could, after all, dream of being warm.

Close to midnight, my husband said, “Roopal, open your eyes.”  I did and almost did not believe the lights I saw around me.  Power had returned.  We sprang up as if zapped by electricity ourselves! Immediately, we tested our pipes.  The repairs held!  One by one, we showered, dropping into the bliss that only a hot shower can deliver after the frigid cold. 

Afterward, though we had access to all our devices and all the magic that power can deliver, we arrived, all four of us, back to our living room, just to sit there. Just to be together.  Just to be thankful.   It was telling that we all ended up back there… the crackling fire still soothing every chilly vein.  Because we no longer knew what to do with ourselves.  We were numb, from the cold, from the experience, from the ridiculousness of it all.  Because we never went hiking in the Himalayas, or Alaska, and yet somehow it felt like it, in February, in Texas. 

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Happy Birthday Beautiful.  Welcome to the rest of your life.  Here’s a couple of reminders to let life be easy.  Read them whenever you need.

1. Relinquish control.

It’s time.  You’ve done all you can to make the world happy and a better place.  Now, soothe yourself and stop managing every little thing (out there).  It’s not necessary.  Your control was to make you feel better and now you’re smart enough to know that you can feel better anytime you want without the pain of having to manage the rest of it.  Drive your car and forget telling everyone else how to drive theirs.

2. Breathe deeper.

For yourself, for your being, for greater clarity and peace in your life, breathe deep and fall into that bliss.  When you get frazzled, breathe deep.  When you get nervous, breathe deep.  And when you want to hear your awareness, find an empty space of silence somewhere, close your eyes, and breathe deep.  It really does make everything better.

3. Chill out.

Yes, you can.  Both you and the world deserve a break.  Put your feet up, remember that all the big things in your life have been beautifully handled already, and that everyone you care about is already on your side, and everyone, that isn’t, likely won’t matter anyway.  Whatever it is, it will go smoother if you are relaxed.  And when you’re not, remind yourself to get there first.

4. Celebrate.

Remember to do this more this year than any other one before it.  Why?  Because intention precedes motion.  And motion drives the thrill of life.  This may take a little more effort in the beginning, but I know you, you will be spectacular at it once you get the hang of it and tell yourself that it’s okay to be having so much fun!  And if you need some guidance, here’s a hint… say yes to everything asked of you.

5. Know your strength.

You’ve done many amazing things.  Own them.  Don’t discount them.  And as you get older, and even feel emotional, worn down, or tired on occasion, know that if you want to, when you want to, you’ve already shown incredible strength, fortitude, and resilience in your life.  Don’t ever forget that.  You can do anything you set your mind to.  After all, you always have.

6. Practice gratitude.

Sure, I know you do but here’s a little trick.  The next time you worry or panic or get caught up in negative thoughts, practice gratitude.  Look around and start with the room you’re in.  Pick 5 things to love and appreciate.  Then, examine the people you’re surrounded by and think back to how they’ve pleasantly surprised you in the past, and be grateful for them.  Your focus on giving thanks will overshadow all else.

7. Have faith.

I know you do.  You’ve survived a few decades knowing how to do this!  I’m telling you to do it even more, and even sooner, and especially when your stomach flutters in anxiety.   Practice this faith as your belief in yourself and the good of the Universe.  It’s not out to get you.  It’s your biggest fan.  Remember that. You’ll thank me for it… I promise.

8. Be aware.

Awareness has been your friend forever but only in the last decade have you been more cognizant of its place within you.  It’s a blessing and the closest thing you have to knowing the real you.  Keep listening and feeling your way to knowing yourself.  Engage in more writing, more walking, more gardening, and more meditating.  Express yourself in all facets of the world to see a clear reflection of your soul.

9. Take chances.

You think you’re old(er).  You’re not.  You’re better.  So take advantage of that.  Drop the insecurities even if it’s something new and instead push forward with courage and some gusto.  Regret is not you.  You’re either all in or out.  So get all in.  Step out of your comfort zone even if it’s lined in heated Uggs and smells like fresh brewed coffee.  Let the chill wake you up and get engaged in life where it can surprise you.  You deserve to be living fully in every moment that you’re in life.

10. Be YOU.

You are unique.  By now, you know that.  But do you own it?  Do you revel in it?  Do you find your greatest wellspring of devotion to yourself in it?  Knowing yourself is the secret to the universe.  For every unsure step, tap into yourself, dig deeper into your own feet, and let your resonance shine.  No apologies. No fear.  Try this as an experiment for the next decade… be you.  Love yourself wholeheartedly and let your magic shine. 

What advice would you give yourself?

~ Roopal Badheka

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With the New Year started, it’s time to let go of the pain, hardships, frustrations, and its-not-rightness of 2020 and begin an emotional detox.

Wayne Dyer had a saying, “When you squeeze an orange, you get what’s inside… orange juice! Not lemon juice, not apple juice.”  In 2020, whatever was inside us got squeezed either by pain and illness, job frustrations, childcare issues, or client demands.

We must let it all go now and not carry it into the new year.  Perform the emotional detox. When we detox, we stop eating certain toxic foods to help clear up our system.  Now, we have to eliminate experiencing toxic emotions to clear up our energy. 

Before you start setting goals for 2021, vow to examine what inside’s you and clear up the emotional cache to start fresh. What emotions can you leave behind?

Looking Ahead

In late December, because we experienced the Great Conjunction, where Saturn and Jupiter aligned in the closest possible orbit after centuries, we know that we are in a new phase.  We are poised to leave behind old habits and start something new.  Leaving behind old frustrations, bitterness, and hurt from the past, is a part of this cathardic process. Life can be different… if we allow it. 

As we look at the New Year, it’s better to never compare our progress with others but always against the persons we were last year.    All of us are a bit hugh strung from 2020. It’s time to lay down weapons, normalize a more steady state of mind, and keep our minds squared focused on the future.

Practicing the feeling of better emotions is key because it gets you comfortable with a better feeling thought and emotion. All of us look to improve our year by creating resolutions. But even simple adjustments make a difference.  

Intentions Matter

It could be as simple as deciding to wake up each day being happy. I know for myself, it’s natural to be purposeful, always on a mission. But what if I could wake up and decide to be happy first thing in the morning. And then after deciding, accepting, and living that feeling, begin my day? How could that change my life?

Start with saying, “In 2021, I want to be the type of person who ….  (finish the sentence with a change you want to see in yourself).” Move forward in life with intention, not doing the same ole thing you did last year. 

On January 1st, my husband and I had rung in the New Year vowing to do more exercise and eat better!  Then later that day, we received that gift of unexpected visitors, who drove us to exercise and eat better!

The Universe hears our words. All of them.  Our hopes, dreams, and intentions. If all of us can release the past and intend on 2021 being a better year…then 2021 will be a better year globally. I know we are ready for it!

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But now, the world must be saved. And they need his ship!

The U.S. General in charge asks the scientist, “What would it take to build it [the ship] in three months?” 

The scientist laughs in disbelief, “I don’t know… 15 Billion Dollars?”

You can listen to the General’s response in the clip above but the truth is, most of us approach our goals like that scientist. We assume we have forever to make our dreams come true. We can keep working on them for years… that turn into a decade.

That is, unless there’s a clock ticking.

In 2020 we learned one thing: we don’t have forever. A clock is always ticking and life, as we know it, can change in an instant. That is 2020’s lesson and legacy.

The Blank Check

Imagine we all tried to answer that same question.  What would it take for us to build our dream?

And instead of answering like the scientist first did, we must, for 2021, approach our goals differently. We need to behave as if we need to save our worlds because our wellbeing and our legacy depends on it.

No more excuses of not enough time, money, or energy.  We must stop convincing ourselves that we’re too old, too young, not smart enough, not rich enough, or passionate enough to pursue our paths. 

Instead, we must start with the one thing that lines every success and missing in every failure, belief. 

We must believe in our ability to achieve our dreams.

In belief, we can find our strength, our defining purpose, and our blank check from the Universe.  Once we have that solidified, everything else can fall into place.  It fuels motivation and tenacity while providing guidance and intuition during the process.

2020 will be over in a few days.  For 2021, we are all ready for a fresh start. 

How will you save the world propel yourself into your dreams? What do you believe you can accomplish?

See you in 2021! Happy Holidays!

~ Roopal Badheka

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Finding The Blank Slate

A few years back, my family and I visited Giverny, where Impressionist painter Claude Monet, lived and found inspiration for his series of paintings, called Water Lilies.  Having seen the life-size paintings in the Musée de l’Orangerie in Paris, and then seeing the actual water lilies in Giverny, I clearly understood that flowers made Monet happy.  Plain and simple. 

But unlike his other work (Impression, Sunrise), it wasn’t the beautiful view that inspired him to paint.  On the contrary, for Water Lillies, he first created the garden.  He plotted and planted; and during that time, discovered that by spending energy in beautifying the world around him, he could momentarily banish his woes.   These flowers, both in real life and on his canvas, gave him tremendous comfort during his most difficult times. 

Following the Inspiration

Most of 2020 has been conveyed as a fight (against the virus, the economy, and election year politics).  Some of us have suffered losses in a myriad of ways. We have spent so much time on the darker side of our emotions this year that we are ready for a shift.  At the same time, 2020 has instilled in us a restless energy, like a runner about to take off, or a car waiting for the green flag to accelerate. We need to use that energy. 

Instead of just feeling thankful, we can find greater joy by creating beauty around us, whatever our circumstances are. Like Monet, we can lose ourselves in the pursuit of this beauty. We can go beyond gratitude towards a tangible appreciation of our efforts, and give ourselves something else to remember 2020 for.

For some of us, that may mean cooking and baking lots of amazing desserts and meals.  For others, we focus on decorating our homes with lavish holiday decorations, building something for our home with our bare hands, or donating our time to worthwhile causes. And still, for others, it could mean the painstaking glory of gardening and creating a masterpiece, simply for ourselves.

That’s what Monet did. 

It might seem shallow to be focused on our wellbeing and our surroundings given what’s going on in the world. But remember that our world is where our focus is.  And whatever we can do to make our world better improves the whole world just a little bit.  Monet’s focus on constructing beauty in a garden to bypass his internal worries ended up inspiring unbelieveable art (valued at over $50 million) for the whole world to enjoy, even now, more than a century later.

Channel your inner Monet to have a truly beautiful holiday season.

~ Roopal Badheka

Supporting:

• Admire Monet’s Water Lilies by visiting the Musée de l’Orangerie virtually.
• Lose yourself in a movie about a Monet-Lover (one of my favorites).
• Read last year’s Gratitude Blog: How Gratitude Connects Us    
• Find inspiration in a simple, happy TV show that devours a culture that appreciates everything from food to fashion to wine that takes place in one of the world’s most beautiful cities.

^{Note: Photo of Giverny from our family archives, 2015.}

The post Discovering a Place Beyond Gratitude appeared first on RoopsWorld.

Hallelujah!  Rejoice!

We don’t always mean to be uptight, but we correlate that approach to what is necessary for the high standards tied to success. Especially when we’re in the throes of our day or lost in the mire of a project, and then an innocent suggestion, even presented as a joke, causes us to cast a glare. This seriousness (our uptightness) follows the vein of “working hard,” and “a sense of duty,” and there’s nothing funny about it.

My own “sense of duty” stemmed from being the oldest of four siblings (“being in charge”), evolving to a career in management (“being in charge”), to eventually becoming a natural planner, an advisor, and… a control freak that can be uptight.

When you feel like you’ve had enough of being in charge of everything including keeping Planet Earth suspended in the sky and free of raging meteors, follow these steps below:

To be less uptight, I MUST:

Phase I

Give up Control

With the best of intentions, a control freak wants to do the right thing to have things go according to plan… her plan, for the entire universe.  It’s not sustainable, so just let it go.  It may not feel like you, but you’ll survive.  (You’ll even be shocked that the sun does not fall out of the sky without your focused attention on it.  People will survive without you answering your phone at dinner.  And kids will live even if they watch TV for more than an hour.)

Stop Judgment

Whenever or whatever you’re thinking about a situation or the repercussions of your laissez-faire attitude, what other people think, or what should be done, simply stop.  Drop all thoughts that make you feel bad.  They’re not necessary.

Embrace Ease

Let out that deep exhale and go with the flow.  Fall into a leisurely mood and tumble inside it. Think of it as a ride where you have no control how fast the roller coaster is going or where it’s going.  Just sit back and enjoy the ride.

Phase II

Become Mindful

Think about the moment you’re living in and take a nice deep breath and feel the air going into your lungs.  Clear out your mind like you’re cleansing your palate between wines in a wine tasting.  Smell coffee or something else that brings you to the present.  Stay here.

Welcome Every Moment

Look forward to it. Expect good things. Be the sailor on the lookout for joy in every port and the open sea as your day unfurls. 

Accept What Happens

This one is big.  Learning to be less uptight means not only allowing things to happen as they would but accepting what comes along without losing your mind.  Nothing is ever as bad as your first assessment. Accept that every cloud has a silver lining. Once you relax from being uptight, you will see it.

Learn to Laugh

We all take ourselves and the world too seriously.  Back off, back down, and imagine you’re in your own comedy movie instead.  How would the main comedic actor react in your situation?  Live there.  Smile a lot.  Get a massage. (Dancing helps too)

Trust. (where all roads lead)

You don’t have to hold up the Earth or make your heart beat on time.  It’s a fair bet that other things can work out just as easily if you can relax about them.

Being uptight may be a natural reaction for you but it’s a choice to want to be less uptight.  No one is telling you how you should act or react but you. Accept the responsibility and decide what you want to do. Being perfect, efficient, and purposeful all the time is way too stressful. There are occasions where we need to embody these highly valued traits but there’s also a time to take a chill pill too. 

If you can dare to dream to live in a realm that is unhurried, free, and easy-going… being less uptight will make you happier too.  It eases unnecessary tensions allowing for better relationships with others (particularly helpful during the holidays). 

Plus, it also allows for deeper and more honest engagement when we are not so worried about the “doing the next right thing,” but rather going with the flow and inviting the Universe to keep things interesting. Besides, considering the year we’ve had, we’ve all earned it!

~ Roopal Badheka

Supporting:

To relax physically from your uptightness, follow this link for Conscious Breathing and Sounding from my friend.

The post Open the Gift of Being Less Uptight appeared first on RoopsWorld.

The months are zooming by and already there is a chill in the air.  This winter, still living the Covid world, we must pay close attention to our at-home relationships.  Protecting our crew from physical ailments isn’t the only important aspect; we must protect the emotional wellbeing of our relationships too. 

One simple way is to stop doing the thing that most of us (ok, maybe all of us) are guilty of:  nagging others. 

Is it any wonder that the word “nagging,” has an alternate meaning, which means “persistently painful?” 

We are all guilty of having our nagging become a nagging pain in the neck! Nagging shows itself in many different forms. It can be when we bring attention to, criticize for, complain about, or incessantly remind someone of something.

We do these things because we believe, in our best intentions, that the other person needs to hear our words of wisdom (for their benefit of course) or as is more often the case, that we want to feel better about something they do or plan to do.  But that trap can have unintended consequences.

Let’s have some fun with this…

Example activity:  
You see your spouse/kids leave 
their dirty glass on the coffee table.

Your normal course of action is to remind them of it or silently scream in your head about it.  Next time you see it happen, before you SAY anything (in your head or out loud), follow one of the four choices below to discover a better way.

Option A

Is the activity in question a life or death situation?

We accept that life is unpredictable.  But these days, with the virus, we are confronted with a life or death situation every day.  This awareness gives us a chance to examine what is important vs. what is not.  Can you honestly say that this activity is worth a discussion/debate/argument in these times? 

Recommended response (to our example activity):  Since it’s not life or death, say nothing, in your head or otherwise.  Let it go.

Option B

Can you try to assume it’s the last time they will do this activity?

If something happens once or if we know it’s the last time it will happen, we can let it go much easier. Too often though, the annoyance takes on the attitude of “this always happens.” When we fall in that trap, we are not allowing change at all. We’re stubbornly holding on to the activity we don’t like simply by our attitude.

Recommended response:  Once again, say nothing, in your head or otherwise; imagine the goodbye to this activity in your head, knowing it will never happen again, and allow good feelings to flow.

Option C

Can you imagine the opposite of the activity and decide what you would rather have instead?

We devote a lot of energy to things we can’t change.  Repeating the same nagging line may momentarily feel like you’ve done something productive to solve the issue.  But the reality is, all you’ve done is get yourself worked up and offended them too.  Neither of which feels good.

Instead, IMAGINE what you want them to do.  And give energy to that thought.  Feel relief.

Recommended Reaction:  I’m thinking about a clean coffee table.  Ahh, that thought feels good.

Option D

Can you re-focus your attention and focus inward? (The best approach)

Forget the thing that’s bothering you, what they did or didn’t do, and focus on yourself.  Doing so will put the attention where it needs to be. 

When we focus inward, we are guiding our path forward vs. reacting to something or someone else.  Our attention is better spent on our intentions rather than what others might be doing wrong.

Recommended Reaction:  What coffee table?  I have a big important thing going on today.  I intend to have an incredible day!

Things that bother us repeat when we have prolonged attention on them.  When we can step away from the problem, the solution has time to present itself.  A shift can happen in a few minutes, a few hours, or a few days.  But it only happens when focus can be changed.  That dirty glass on the coffee table will stop on its own when you stop noticing that it is there and nagging someone about it.

We need our family and our crew at home happy. Getting together with others, already a challenge, will prove even more difficult as it gets colder. Instead of letting little annoyances bog us down, modify your approach and improve your relationships along the way.  Right now, being at home with family is our journey. Might as well make it enjoyable for everyone!

The post Improve Every Relationship by Stopping This One Thing appeared first on RoopsWorld.

As we lingered enjoying a beautiful winery, 4pm suddenly arrived, leaving us in a quandary of whether to order another bottle of cabernet or pursue a potentially more satisfying path before the park closed. Neither was a bad choice.

When choosing between two equally compelling activities, how do we make the more satisfying choice?

Subliminally, we followed these four elements to make our decision:

First Element:  The activity must be valuable to us.

Inspiration does not promise satisfaction.  It can motivate us, but we must find value in the activity itself.  In the case of a hike, we knew, from previous occasions, that despite feeling a bit tired, we would enjoy the hike.  It was a trade we were willing to make.  We knew the effort would be equal to the reward. 

Therefore, when searching for the more satisfying path, a preliminary attribute is that we find value in that activity. Making an incredible meal may be worth the effort but only if you value food.  If food is not at all important to you, you may be better off spending your time and effort elsewhere.  Whatever we choose to pursue must not only have value, but must have value for us. 

Second Element:  The activity must possess a glimmer of something new.

As humans, we crave an unknown experience.  A new movie, a new song, a new restaurant.  Our fascination is heightened when the experience gives us a thrill that is thus far, unknown. 

For us, in this case, the hike was brand new.  And thus, it held the promise of what I like to call new satisfaction.  A satisfying road must include the new car scent or some element that is new for you, otherwise it will not be as satisfying.

Third Element:  The activity must be pleasurable, to us, both during and at the end of the activity.

If the activity was great fun for me but not necessarily for my spouse, he might have just as easily said, “You go hike.  I’m staying at the winery.”  And I could have as well.  Too often, we get caught in activities that others want to do, and we go along.  And on occasion, we may surprise ourselves and find something satisfying that way.  But I’ve found that knowing what we like in advance is a better guarantee. 

And if we can derive satisfaction while in pursuit of the activity and at the end, like an achievement of sorts, that combination offers the best experience.  The hike, though at times challenging, was tons of fun during the climb, and at the end, offered amazing views. Each stage must offer some realm of joy which leads us to the fourth element.

Fourth Element:  The activity must have a true end point.

Nothing can be satisfying if there is no finish line.  You must have a sense or feeling of getting to the finale.  A heightened sense of satisfaction arrives upon reaching that point.  If the activity extends for a longer time, we must celebrate even the small wins, as they happen. Otherwise, we will lose our steam and our satisfaction for the activity, during the process.

Motivators Do Not Guarantee Satisfaction

For some people, FOMO, peer pressure, or money spent, each can be motivators.  But none are linked to satisfaction.

I may choose to go sky diving with friends so to not miss out on it, or because they pushed me to go. But no matter how many friends come with me or how much money I’ve spent on it, I will not find it satisfying if jumping out of an airplane is terrifying for me. 

Even if what your co-workers, friends, neighbors, and family members may do in their free time may not be satisfying to you, they can be sources for positive influences and inspiration towards potentially satisfying adventures.

In the case of last weekend, by doing the hike, we indeed chose the more satisfying (albeit rocky) path.  Should you ever be forced to decide between a grape and a rock, be sure to look for right elements upfront to help you decide. Always know that a more satisfying path can only be satisfying if it is more satisfying for you.

~ Roopal Badheka

Note: The photo of the zinnias garden is from Becker Vineyards in Fredericksburg, TX.

The post How to Tell if An Activity Will Be More Satisfying Than Others appeared first on RoopsWorld.

With our children gone, our new phase of being empty nesters is a continuous work in progress.  Having heard “promises of freedom,” from our friends, we had bold ideas.  Then, with the pandemic, those ideas vanished, and that freedom has morphed into captivity.  Couple that with the Houston summer, and we’ve been stuck indoors, for the last several months.

The arrival of fall however promised a change.  Armed with our newfound freedom, we set out to answer the question: 

How do we, in our adult years, learn more about ourselves and the things we want to do?

Foundational Guidance & Needs Fulfillment

When we’re young, everyone is busy guiding us.  I call this foundational guidance.  It comes from others’ experience and they share it in droves, in the hopes of our greatest benefit.  They plant all kinds of seeds.  Take this class. Do this major.  Go to this school.  Everyone everywhere has a suggestion for our young, fertile minds.

Then, typically post-college, post-marriage, societal recommendations become more about needs fulfillment… initially for us as adults, but often in preparation for our kids.  Live in this neighborhood.  Be in this school system.  Buy this type of house.

These two layers above correspond directly to the 3 stages of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs (5 stages of human behavior that drive our motivations).  We satisfy Physiological, Safety, and even Belonging and Love Needs, hopefully, by the time we get ready to have children.

Lifestyle Recommendations

With the first few stages handled, our attention now falls on the fourth rung of Maslow’s hierarchy:  Self-Esteem, and that becomes our driver for the next two decades. 

Our lives have shifted now from being about us to becoming parents.  Initially, we concentrate on the needs of our children and improving their skill sets (and thereby their self-esteem).  Helpful friends and family offer recommendations to that goal:  the best karate teacher… math tutor… college admission coach. 

As time goes on and we get into our professional primes, conversations broaden around lifestyle recommendations… the best restaurant, the best vacation spots, the best investments.  Maybe we pick up a new hobby, a post-graduate degree, or a sports car… but all geared towards improving our self-esteem and how we feel about ourselves and our children.

Turning the Corner to… Self-Actualization

Now that we’ve tried all the best of everything, and satisfied all of our kids’ needs… what guides us or shows us a way forward to learn about ourselves?  This question brings us to top level of Maslow’s Hierarchy:  Self-Actualization.  This stage is about achieving one’s fullest potential, exploring creativity, and being the best that we can be.

No one is offering guidance anymore because we’re too stubborn to take it. And recommendations no longer satisfy us because we’ve learned that people do not have the same tastes as us. We’ve become more distinguished (picky) in our likes and dislikes.  Most suggestions are momentarily considered (but not really), and then quickly dismissed. 

So now, we have no guidance, no recommendations, and because of the pandemic, there are also no rules.  Every day, beyond the basics that we can engage in without effort, we must feel around and answer the question: what do I feel like doing today/this weekend? What will satisfy me? (What is safe in a pandemic?)

Therein lies the problem.  After years of making choices that are driven by lower-level motivations and for the collective good, I feel like I have to look in the mirror and introduce myself to myself.  Hi, so what do YOU like to do?

Now, we have to re-learn our preferences with the audacity and spirit of a rebellious teenager who is learning how to drive but finally has their own car (and it’s a fast one)!

• Which way shall we go? 
• What does boldness look like? 
• How do I awaken myself again?

And the truth is… I am not sure yet.  I think it will be a combination of wanting to try things.  Different things.  All kinds of things.   I think developing our preferences is no different than going to a buffet.  You should try and taste a little of everything, and then go back for more.

So, as fall descended on Houston last weekend, my husband and I went hiking with our dog.  And just as expected, it was exhausting and liberating all at once.

Give me your best ideas for reclaimed individuals!

~ Roopal Badheka

Note: The photo above is not from Houston (I wish!). It’s from the beautiful Black Hills in South Dakota, taken on a family trip a few years ago. And if it looks really familiar, it’s because it was also in a scene from the movie National Treasure 2.

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