there is no roseability

Free Pies! Best Day of My Life, Marseille to La Grande-Motte

Tristan — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 05:01:10 +0000

Free stuff is awesome. yesterday I discovered that Coles is giving away free pies. One free pie, pasty (not to be confused with ‘pastie’ which also shares the plural ‘pasties’, I just discovered!), or sausage roll per person, per day. All you have to do is print out a voucher. I have been all sorts of loving pies lately, as the little Asian bakery just near where I live has the best pies I have ever tasted. So lately pies have some good associations for me. So before settling down to watch the Tour with the same crew from last night, I suggested we hit up Coles for a free pie each. Hugs is hungry, and Joshua is tight, so such a suggestion went down very well. The pies on the other hand, did not. Despite them being free, they were not really worth it. Still, if you’ve no tastebuds and are stretched for cash money this month, you know what to do.

The third stage went just as I expected it to for the most part. An early breakaway of four riders was never going to last and the peloton hung off them as it willed. During this time we admired the French villages, this time considering relocating to Les Baux-de-Provence. Hugs entertained by admitting he did not know the meaning of the phrase ‘dime a dozen’, and when having it explained saying, “That’s good value! I’ll take three. Oh, that’s a quarter of a dime.” Soon after he admitted to just figuring out that Will.I.Am was so monikered because it spells ‘William’. This was interspersed with talk of lions killing Jews in Five Dock leisure centre, Idi ‘Eddy’ Amin, and Joshua being the little spoon.

The commentators kept going on about how the cross winds expected at the three-quarter stage of the race were a good time for a breakaway. Sure enough, with thirty kilometres to go there was a breakaway, but it was so much better than anyone expected. Team Columbia-htc again set themselves up brilliantly. They got to the front of the peloton, lined themselves for the cross wind, and gunned it. Almost thirty riders jumped on the breakaway, but the strong wind kept the rest from keeping up. For a minute the breakaway looked like it might not have the legs to stay away, but the peloton was completely disorganised in the chase and hardly looked threatening. Columbia-htc kept pushing, each rider taking less than five seconds at the head of the breakaway to keep them going at maximum speed. Another brilliant move, as the breakaway riders got tired, and the peloton dropped further behind. With all nine riders in the group it was a mere formality that Renshaw would for the second day running sling Cavendish across the line first. Riders like Hushovd, who cleverly jumped on the breakaway had no chance without any team mates to help them over the line. Highly impressive from Columbia-htc.

After the stage finished we decided to get in the spa. Seemed like the greatest idea ever at two in the morning. Not sure how you’re supposed to run a spa, but we found it already on, and at a steaming forty degrees Celsius. Aside from the dog constantly leaning over to drink the hot, chlorinated, water, it was heaps fun. Except getting out, which meant being outside at three am in the middle of winter, all wet, and in my underwear.

Montpellier for the team time trial to-night. Gonna be interesting!

Lorikeets, Monaco to Brignoles

Tristan — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 03:26:57 +0000

There’s a lot of lorikeets around my area. Some guy on my street feeds them all the time. Joshua is house-sitting for a friend in the next suburb and has to put out food for the lorikeets every morning.

So I’m driving along, cruising down my street with my window open as I am prone to do on a warm sunny day, and bam, suddenly there’s a lorikeet on my back seat. The thing was flying perpendicular to my line, and somehow I ‘caught’ it in my open window. It came in between my head and the side of the car. I didn’t even have time to flinch. At first I thought it just flew into my side window, but then I heard it hit the back seat. I was almost home, so I kept driving, figuring I’d let it out when I stopped. I opened the door and said, “End of the line, buddy”, but he didn’t want to leave. After flapping around for a minute or two (me, that is) I got it out. Uh, germs everywhere. I’m going to have to fumigate my car.

Then Joshua told me a story of a lizard that came inside with the newspaper. He put him outside on the balcony, thinking it’d look after itself and climb down the wall. But no, it was all too much for this lizard, and he flung himself from the second storey…

The Tour went from Monaco to Brignoles last night. A pretty good watch after the fairly boring individual time trial that was the first stage. Hugs came around, and almost immediately needed Maccas. Joshua directed him to one about three suburbs away for some reason, and despite almost vomiting at the sight of fast-fat and blue-frozen-bubblegum-Coke or whatever it was, it was an entertaining ride due to Hugs’ driving skills. We finally settled on the couch – at least Hugs and I did, Joshua and Megan never quite got it – for the stage. There was a whole lot of amateur discussion of various aspects of the race between Hugs and myself, and a whole lot of very amateur pronunciation of French words from all of us. Hugs called Cavendish for the win early on. Columbia-htc set him up brilliantly, with not one but two team mates slinging him to the finish over the last few hundred metres. Close to the end of the race a rider (I’m gonna call it as one of the crazy Spaniards, but I could be wrong) stacked on a corner, and in the confusion seven or so riders who were at the leading end of the peloton went off the course. Columbia-htc’s George Hincapie, Mark Renshaw, and Mark Cavendish pounced on the opportunity, surging to the head. Hincapie spent himself dragging his team along for a couple of hundred metres before jettisoning. Renshaw then put in the big ones to sling Cavendish towards the line. Cavendish had no problem finishing it off, being the best sprinter in the world so the kids reckon. It was classically set up, and was brilliant to watch.

Other than a breakaway that was always going to get caught, and a minor pile up, not much exciting happened in the main parts of the race. We spent most of it trying to sort out which jerseys belonged to which teams (still got a bit of work to go there), and admiring some particularly scenic… scenery, and arguing about whether you can compare the sights of Europe to the sights of Australia, and comparing the richness of Western culture in various parts of the world. While I can see that Australia is a cultural black hole compared to some places, I still say Europe isn’t that great on the whole. I’m still up for moving to one of those French towns though…

Cancellara still has the Yellow Jersey after his stage 1 win. Evans is fifth overall. Marseille to La Grande-Motte to-night.

Tour de France Fantasy Team

Tristan — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:55:48 +0000

Holidays are awesome. No essays hanging over my head, no sir. To-day I got up after ten, pulled on last nights trackies and undershirt, and strolled down – in the wintry but warm sun – to the supermarket looking for milk and bananas to go on my oats. There were some kids standing in the entrance trying to pry money from people’s wallets. Heck yes I was up for it. I caught their eye and walked into it. Cancer research. A couple of English lasses named Sam and Kat. After some fooling about and being told that Sam was Kat and Kat was Sam (lols, kids), they started telling me all about cancer research. No, they didn’t. They started mocking me. Not in a bad way, they must have been good at their gig and known I’d take it. First they had a go at me for just getting up. Then they asked if I was a clothing model, in reference to my trackies, thongs, pillow-hair, and clearly unshowered appearance. I hurried them through their spiel on cancer research (I’m all for cancer research, but it was pretty boring), and started asking them why they thought it was important enough for them to devote their time to, ’cause there’s plenty of ways people are dying, and even if we cure cancer people will still die and all, but at some point I let slip that I didn’t have a job, which made them lose interest completely, as their tax bonus whatever-it-was that they were hocking wasn’t going to work for me anyway. Oh well.

In the absence of any deadlines, I washed a pile of dishes, called a friend, and read a few chapters of Infinite Jest. I’d call that perfectly productive.

The start of the Tour de France is less than twenty-four hours away now. 11:30 PM to-morrow night, for those counting down on the east coast of Australia. I am a little bit excited. In preparation I am staying up late and watching Federer vs. Haas at Wimbledon.

I also submitted my fantasy team. Alberto Contador, Cadel Evans, Carlos Sastre, Frank Schleck, Vladimir Karpets, Thomas Dekker, Vladimir Efimkin, Stephane Auge, and Eduardo Gonzalo. I really wanted both the Schleck brothers, as I think they will spur each other on if their team is looking good, as they did last year. But alas, I couldn’t afford them both. What can you do with sixty-three million pounds, eh? I picked Gonzalo because I was low on cash money, and a crazy Spaniard will always win one of the early stages… let’s hope it’s Gonzalo. My ‘bonus stage’ is Andorra la Vella to Saint-Girons, the second mountain stage, which I am hoping Sastre will win after someone (probably a crazy Spaniard) knocks themselves out looking for short-term glory on the first mountain stage. And my ‘bonus team’ is Euskaltel-Euskadi, who I picked up fairly cheap, and hope will get points early on, then stay somewhat consistent throughout the race.

I don’t know much about the Tour, so there’s a lot of theories and guesses there. I’m sure the fact that I haven’t really picked a good sprinter will come back to bite me.

At least half the fun of it is having people to hang out with to all hours while watching. So don’t let me down friends. I’ve got company lined up for all but the first five stages–so if you’re in the Sydney area and you’re keen, let me know.

Really the only bad thing about the situation is that The Ashes are going to overlap the Tour. But they don’t start yet, so more on that later. The Ashes, and that people are going to expect me to be awake during the day.

Edit: Dekker out, Hincapie in.

Love Triangles, Oranges, Glasses & Pigtails

Tristan — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 23:00:12 +0000

A mixtape of the junk I’ve been listening to over the last couple of months. You’ve probably heard it in my car. It has three sides, not two, which makes for an awkward shaped tape I am sure. It’s a sequel to last December’s mixtape. It contains an entire Elbow album–just because they are all that, and for some reason, an awful lot of references to oranges.

Also my iPod Touch infiltrated the process and added an overture. No idea what’s going on there.

Overture

Touch it, scroll it, pause it, click it, cross it, crack it, twitch, update it

(Write it, cut it, paste it, save it)
They wanted me to be a designer
But I came out on top

(I’m a fireman)
If you havin’ girl problems I feel bad for you son

(I got 99 problems, but a bitch ain’t one!)

Side A

She’s got such beautiful lips
They call like oranges to the thirsty man

(Leave Josie alone
You’ve got to leave that girl alone
She didn’t ask for you
Could she be sitting there longing for someone to take her home?)
She’s so good looking in a way that’s hers

(She’s kinda sexy, in a crazy way)
She gave me this warning
Don’t let it pass you by
Woke up this evening
With her words still on my mind
Thought you could come over

(We’d have a real good time)
Hello how you doin’?

(We’re the young educated boys and girls of the first world)
Met a girl–introduced myself
I asked her to go with me and no one else
And she said I’d really like to see you everyday

(Bottle of wine and some cigarettes
Watch TV and go to bed)
Acting like
I haven’t dreamed of you and I
And marriage in an orange grove

(The violets explode inside me
When I meet your eyes
Then I’m spinning and I’m diving
Like a cloud of starlings
Darling is this love?)
And it’s you and it’s May

(When out of a doorway the tentacles stretch
Of a song that I know and the world moves in slow-mo
Straight to my head like the first cigarette of the day)
We took the town to town last night
We kissed like we invented it

(And we made the moon our mirrorball
The streets an empty stage
The city sirens violins
Everything has changed)
There’s a hole in my neighbourhood
Down which of late I cannot help but fall

(I’d bring you further roses but it does you no good)
Where could she be?
No, she won’t come running
Where could she be?
The world is turning at her pace

(I have an audience with the Pope)
We had the drive and the time on our hands

(Just figuring how we were wired inside)
Your hand slipped…

(Gentle, gentle love)
In penguins and pearls we’ll drink and we’ll dance
Till the end of our days
‘Cause it ain’t left to chance that we win

(The fix is in)
And it’s breaking my heart to pour like the rain

(Beautiful, quivering, chivalrous shambles)
Kiss me like a final meal
Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight

(Blinking in the morning sun
Shaking off a heavy one
Heavy like a loaded gun
What made me behave that way?
Using words I never say?)
So… gentle shoulder charge…

(Love you)
World do your worst

(She and I have closed our eyes)
Cold hands, warm heart

(You’re too quiet, I’m too loud)
You’re warmed by the city glow

(I won’t let you down Victoria)
Well you’re the cutest thing that I ever did see
I really love your peaches I wanna shake your tree

(’Cause I’m a picker, I’m a grinner
I’m a lover and I’m a sinner)
You’re dancing around in your pants and your bra

(And I’m thinking that I could have fun with someone like you)
The way you’re dancing
Makes me come alive
Makes me shiver and perspire

(I need a change)
Rows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air

(Tears and fears and feeling proud to say I love you right out loud)
Dirty old town

(Look at the girl with four phones in her pocket
Look at the man helping you to see God
Secretaries on a train in sexetary stockings
I look at those stockings man, I think I see God)
Dress sexy at my funeral my good wife
And when it comes your turn to speak before the crowd
Tell them about the time we did it
On the beach with fireworks above us
On the railroad tracks with the gravel in your back

(But most of all don’t forget about the time on the beach
With fireworks above us!)

Side B

It’s been a year
It doesn’t surprise me
Happy Christmas
I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying I love you
And meant it
Now I know what a fool I’ve been
But if you kissed me now
I know you’d fool me again

(I’m hiding from you)
I bet you think that’s pretty clever
Don’t you boy

(You will be the one who cannot talk)
If you think that I don’t know
About depression and emotional pain
You’re insane

(You’re a fool who hasn’t paid attention)
You, the only one who knew me
And now your eyes see through me

(I guess I was wrong)
Please don’t tell me it’s too late
If you love someone don’t throw it all away

(Tell me it’s not over)
I thought we were on the same train
You were still at the station

(I would tear it down to bring you back to me)
Do you think of the one you lost
Late at night while you count the cost?

(It started off so well)
If you don’t intend to see it through
Why did we ever start?

(Do you wanna lose our love together
Do you find a new romance?)
Should have known something was wrong

(If it comes down to the drugs or you
Baby we’re through!)
Keep working on the problem
We know we’ll never solve
Of love’s uneven remainders

(Like a bowl of oranges)
As the orange globe rears up to swallow us two
I see you look at me and figure out what I know about you

(As the sun becomes a blazing orange ball of fire
I lose interest in this and other such inconsequential questions)
Every face I see, weeps with a colour I can’t describe
Weeping tears and dreams that are just swept aside

(I know there’s something sick
With what I’ve been sold
I’ve been tricked, poisoned, mislead
In what I’ve been told)
When I hear the screeching weather vane
In the wild wind and the pissing rain
I know that one of us, I’m not saying who
Has got rocks in her head

(I know I’ve been right all along
And you start singing that stupid children’s song
You think I don’t know it
But I just don’t feel like singing it
Sure do love you)
I lost my heart it didn’t take no time
But that ain’t all I lost my mind in Oregon

(Well, sloe gin fizz works mighty fast
When you drink it by the pitcher and not by the glass)
I can’t live my life like this, boy

(All alone!)

Side C

Never heard a song from a siren
I’m a real virgin island
I’ve never been in love before
Yeah I’m uncharted
Innocent hearted
No lover’s discovered me

(Won’t you put me on the map baby
‘Cause I’m overlooked
I flounder unhooked
My beautiful beach ignored)
This song has only got happy words

(It’s only got major chords)
This kiss

(The power of orange knickers!)

Spamail

Tristan — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 02:41:44 +0000

Electronic spam may be all the rage, but it’s great to know that after all these years traditional junk mail is still going strong.

To-day in my ~~inbox~~ letterbox, complete with excessive capitals;

DRUGS, TOXINS AND RADIATION PREVENT SPIRITUAL GAIN & DESTROY YOUR LIFE. Get Rid of them. (From The Church of Scientology).
High & Mighty END OF FINANCIAL YEAR SALE. (From someone trying to get me to buy business trousers).
LAT – DIOR AFRICAN EATERY. IT IS RECOMMENDED TO HAVE YOUR MAIN COURSES WITH A SIDE DISH OF GREENS AS THE MAIN COURSES DO NOT CONTAIN THESE AND GREENS ARE VITAL FOR YOUR BODY AND STIMULATE THE DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. (From a restaurant in the next suburb across who also like to use very long sentences to explain something quite simple).
Suttons City Car Dealership 4 DAY SALE. END OF FINANCIAL YEAR SAVINGS. Trade in your old car & receive: 42″ LG PLASMA TELEVISION. (From someone who thinks kids in student residences want to buy a Jeep Wrangler Sport V6 during a recession).
Tibetan Psychology. THE MIND, MEDITATION & TECHNIQUES. The 2nd Jewel of the Yellow Dragon. (From a non-profit organisation…)

Fuh-sweets.

Infinite Summer

Tristan — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:40:47 +0000

It’s cold, and I am not happy. My Heineken slippers and daggy track pants are getting a workout. Those gross orange scratchy blankets keeping coming out of the cupboards and ending up on the living room floor. I discovered a plastic space heater which works well enough. It has a safety feature, so when it falls over on its face it turns off. Naturally I tried to trick it into staying on even when it wasn’t sitting in its normal position, but it proved untrickable, much to the glee and joie de vivre of my neighbour.

I was just reminiscing about the heat wave from earlier in the year that gave us twelve days straight of temperatures over 40 °C. That was brilliant. Probably not in regards to the fires and whatnot, but we’d laze around most of the day, and swim in the afternoons. Cities in winter are dank. The indoor life is all there is, and while it’s comfortable, it’s decidedly unnatural. I miss summer.

There’s a thing some kids in the America are doing called Infinite Summer. Because they do that weird summer break thing over there. The Infinite Summer challenge is to read David Foster Wallace’s The Infinite Jest between the 21st of June and the 22nd of September. I had never heard of the book before, but it looks like it could be interesting, and if there’s one thing winter is conducive to, it’s reading. Plus, I’ll do most anything these days to fight shy of doing homework.

180 days till summer…

Tennis, Chips, People Getting Run Over

Tristan — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:29:14 +0000

Last night Junji, Johannes, Micah, and I went and played tennis, as tends to happen on a Wednesday. I’m a rubbish tennis player, but it’s fun. We played a set (I was on the losing side of that one), and then the lights went out. Apparently they overheat or something, I don’t know. I hate to think how they go in summer. They also go out if you stand too still for too long, which can happen when I play tennis. You have to wait quarter of an hour before they can be turned back on again, it’s kind of annoying.

Micah hadn’t eaten, so he was keen for chips. I’d only half eaten, so I was up for it. So we chucked the gear in my car and walked down the road looking for a shop. Just before we hit the shops there was a woman walking in the opposite direction to us on the other side of the street. She was wailing and crying and talking to herself. We didn’t take too much notice, just assumed she was extremely upset, fair drunk, or psychologically unstable, or some combination of those.

About ninety seconds after we’d passed her she threw herself in front of a car. At least I think she did, can’t be sure I guess, but it seems that way. We heard a screech of brakes and a thud. We pretty much all cussed in horror at once, and ran back up the street. The driver was out of his van, and understandably pretty shocked. Johannes talked to the driver to keep him calm, Micah and Junji called the ambulance, and I got down beside the woman and made sure she was alive/breathing. Which she was, fortunately, ’cause I don’t know what I would have done if she wasn’t breathing. I asked her what her name was, but she murmured something and wouldn’t really talk. So I just kept talking to her to keep her calm. She tried to get up once and I had to hold her head still. I felt the back of her head (she was lying on her back), and was surprised not to feel blood.

Two more women arrived on the scene then, one in a leopard-print coat, and the other with a smoke. Smoking woman kept yelling all sort of ridiculous things, like, “What’s your name? Don’t move! Can you reach your wallet so we know your name?! Does anyone here know CPR?!”. I don’t know what use CPR is for someone who is already breathing. Maybe she was going to CPR the bump on her head, who knows. I shooed smoking lady away, and Leopard-print lady took over the job of keeping her calm and still.

It seemed pretty much a case of just waiting for the ambulance, so I went and informed ten or fifteen vehicles in either direction on the street that they’d have to turn around. No idea why one of the twenty people who had gathered on the side of the road hadn’t realised that needed to be done. There were two buses also, and one of them told me there was no way he could turn his bus around and he’d just wait. Sure thing mate, it’ll only be forty-five minutes, suit yourself. The ambulance took about ten minutes, and they sorted the scene out.

The police came soon after, and we had to describe everything and give our details so we could give a statement later. Micah had got bored of all the flashing lights I guess and went and ordered his chips. So when the police told us we could go we went and picked them up and walked back to the tennis courts. Full of salty goodness, we switched partners for the second set. But I was still on the losing side.

Later I was thinking back over the situation, and I noticed some weird things. Two men actually got to the scene before we did, but I never noticed them at the time because they just stood there and didn’t do anything. It only took ten or so seconds to run back up the street, but they hadn’t even checked if the woman was alive. Also, I had no urge whatsoever to even ask the woman what she was upset about when we passed her in the street, yet moments later I was making to hold her brains in if I needed to. I should have let go of my introversion too – when no one knows the capabilities of anyone else, leadership falls to whomever yells the loudest. Smoking lady was loud, and clearly exacerbating the situation. I shouldn’t have been afraid to move her away early and encourage leopard-print lady to keep on doing such a good job, and I for sure should have told a few people to stand back. But it feels weird to tell people to stand back when you’re not yourself. Everyone wants a squiz at the accident, right? Also, at no stage did I feel the need to let the Twitter-sphere in on it.

Every day’s an emergency. Wednesday night tennis is great.

Voluntary Internet Filtering

Tristan — Wed, 27 May 2009 12:29:10 +0000

K-Rudd and Co. have decided Internet filtering might not be so feasible after all. Backing out of election promises/threats is stock standard these days, but true to form, they did at least manage to spend $300,000 on something they’ll now likely never use.

Here’s the highlights of the work of our superbly coherent government:

Communications Minister Stephen Conroy today told a Senate estimates committee that the filtering scheme could be implemented by a voluntary industry code.

“Mandatory ISP filtering would conceivably involve legislation … voluntary is available currently to ISPs,” Senator Conroy said. “One option is potentially legislation. One other option is that it could be (on a) voluntary basis that they (ISPs) could voluntarily agree to introduce it.”

In response Senator Minchin said he had never heard of a voluntary mandatory system.

(And my personal favourite:)

Senator Conroy responded with “well they could agree to all introduce it”.