Rubio Cartoons

“I AM NOT THE FATHER OF ONE OF THE TRIPLETS”

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:17:20 PST

Miguel Alfredo could not believe what his eyes were watching when his woman gave birth triplets. He, who always had been living with the thought that children must be born from one to one, and if that they were coming to the light on a multiple birth it was because there would be many parents involved.

Despite failed attempts by doctors to convince the father that the three newly born are his daughters, Miguel Alfredo said that one of them was the result of the infidelity of his wife with other man. He thought it because one of the child was not from his raze.

The woman, Maria Del Rosario, however, is closer to the version of the doctors. “I have not shared a bed with another man any more than with Miguel Alfredo,” told me Maria. “It is clear that he don’t want to care about, because of the fear when they grew up because we have only a bathroom and we will be four women at home.”

Each one confronts his destiny as God or the Devil has chosen for them!

PRIEST OFFERS TATOOS FOR FREE IN HIS CHURCH

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 27 Jan 2012 00:09:12 PST

The priest Federico offers tattoos in an atmosphere of calm and confidence in his church to the more religious. And the most important thing, he doesn’t charge for doing it, he only receives donations.

“It might be that people could be uncomfortable or unhappy in other establishments offering the same service, and also we welcome those who don’t recognize traditional religious ceremonies,” told me Federico in the confessional.

This innovation on a religious building is the result, according to Federico, to the bad conception that people have about religion. He also ensures that a tattoo is not going against the church and that it is a simply a morally neutral practice.

The same pastor proudly wears two tattoos on his body, all in an innovative way to make a new way to reach Jesus Christ.

Unfortunately he didn’t give me the chance of looking at his tattoos; even he denied answering where they were placed on his body. It might be that this only privilege would only be appreciated by the nuns.

BLINKING GREEN LIGHT ON MY COMPUTER FIXED!

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 00:10:59 PST

As always happens when fuses blow, because storm or other paranormal events at home, my computer breaks down. It starts to blink a green light and when I try to start again the computer, it doesn’t want to work.

Searching a lot of information on the Internet, even on the support centre of HP, I didn’t find the solution. What I did was to unplug the 24-pin connector to the motherboard and plug it again. But this method only worked the first times that it happened to my computer, the last ones it worked but some hours later or even waiting one day.

Really I was upset because it happened to me yesterday again, so I thought on the possibility of buying a new computer when I can’t afford this spending now, and I need the computer. So I decided to search again for information for fixing it when I found this page: “Power Supply LED blinks green,” and magically it was the solution: TAKE A BLOW DRYER AND BLOW AIR AT THE BACK OF THE POWER SUPPLY,” 2 minutes later after doing this, MY COMPUTER WAS FIXED!!!!!!!

So much technology as for always finishing fixing things so CRAPPY!

SNIFFING SUGAR INSTEAD OF COCAINE BY SCAM

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 23:22:00 PST

After being scammed, Mrs. Laurent, 47, called the Oklahoma Police Department, United States, to report that she had paid $60 for cocaine, and in return had received sugar. In the complaint, the woman claimed the return of her $60, and to see the fraudster jailed.

“It was a weird situation, especially because the woman knew about the illegal thing where she was involved, even she took the guts to come here to the police station for claiming justice about something illegal,” told me the sheriff.

In his defence, the woman gave them the address where the purchase was made, but it helped nothing. The agents went to the house where the fraudster had allegedly sold cocaine to Mrs. Laurent, but on arrival they only found two elderly people who knew nothing about drugs.

“When going to speak about to Mrs. Laurent we found her sniffing cocaine. What had happened was that in her drug status she had spill the storage sugar jar on the table and she had mixed the two substances,” finally told me the sheriff.

Police will continue investigating who sold cocaine to her.

MAGNIFYING GLASS INSTEAD OF PENIS EXTENDER

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 03:56:15 PST

An anonymous man from Spain bought a penis extender for penis enlargement and what was his surprise when opening the box he discovered that they had sent him a magnifying glass.

Outraged, the man went straight to the provincial police with the aim to report the hoax, fearing having fell prey of an Internet scam.

“The complaint was not entirely consistent,” told me the police who attended the defrauded man. “If you look attentively to the consequences of using the two objects, it is only question of deduction that a magnifying glass can give you equal results than a penis extender,” and he started to laugh like a fucking asshole.

I would have broken his stupid face and stuck my pencil on his short brain, but jail was only some steps from there, so I went out, did a deep breath and went to calm my nerves with a cold beer. If there is something that I can support is people who like being joker when in reality they are more stupid than a hyena dying of laugh.

PLANET HUNTER: I DISCOVERED A NEW WORLD

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 23 Jan 2012 01:16:25 PST

Some days ago that I don’t’ make anything that be involved on discovering a new planet, and really I discovered one, but anybody want to believe about, especially because there are a lot of envy on the world and I am only that a simple molecule on the space. I will find my way of becoming an atom for sure one day!

The project “Planet Hunters” brings together about 40,000 Internet users, analyzing the data taken with the Hubble Space Telescope Kepler, whose mission lies in the search for planets beyond our solar system, but I don’t like this kind of weird competition, so I did it for myself.

I bought a telescope in a Chinese store and I have passed two months looking at the sky-night into the Universe. Last week I found the award of my constancy.

I sent the photo of my discovery to the NASA, but they are still laughing about. Even they answered me: “Don’t be so asshole as for believing in fairy tales!”

Next step: I will create a rocket for going to my planet!

EXPERIMENTS WITH MUTANT VIRUS OF BIRD FLU

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sat, 21 Jan 2012 07:01:11 PST

Scientists have constructed mutant strains of bird viruses by genetic engineering to facilitate the transmission of the same in chickens as animal model, in order to unravel the precise mechanisms of infection.

This strain is highly lethal in humans but its transmission is very inefficient; it is very difficult to be transmitted as ordinary flu, but once caught, is very serious.

Scientists recognize the controversy about the risk of accidental release of its mutant strains of the virus, which could be used by terrorist groups.

The research, in short, is to transform the virus so it becomes more contagious than never and to reveal its mechanisms of transmission for after creating an antidote.

For some, the result of this investigation is a biological bomb if terrorist gangs could get it, for others it is a necessary research to unravel the processes of contagion.

DON’T WASTE FOOD WHILE PEOPLE ARE STARVING

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 06:16:50 PST

While people are starving in Africa continent, Europe wastes food. Every inhabitant of the European Union annually throws away 179 kilos of food consumption in perfect condition, according to a study by “Beggars without borders.”

The waste has various causes:

-INDUSTRIAL: Over-production, poor packaging of the product (size or shape ill-conceived), poor stock management or inadequate marketing strategies.

-DOMESTIC: Cooked food in perfect condition that children don’t want to eat like spinaches, fish, etc. finishes in the rubbish bin.

“Beggars without borders” claims to analyze in depth the many facets of the problem and take action, especially on posh neighbourhoods where the rate of food wasted is higher, because of the variety of dishes which are prepared only for keeping up appearances and which are not consumed because of dieting.

911 IS ONLY FOR GENUINE EMERGENCY SERVICES

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 03:26:09 PST

There are a lot of people, who think that calling on 911 can solve all their problems, but on the contrary, this telephone number is only for real emergency services and the police there are not there for hearing stupidities or to pay attention to stupid situations.

It happened on a Supermarket where an absentminded woman ran over a man with her shopping cart, knocking him to the ground. Even when the man was falling, he stumbled on the shelf and a can of peas hit his head.

Immediately the man typed the 911 on his phone and some minutes later the police arrived to the place. After a few minutes of discussion, in which the man refused to get medical assistance, the police left the scene but not before reminding him that the 911 is an emergency, which deals with matters of life and death and not for solving stupid collisions between people and shopping carts.

Remember, might be that for you is very important to solve a stupid situation calling the 911, but take in consideration that a person can be dealing with the death while the police are paying attention to your stupid cat hanging from a tree.

RETURNED A STOLEN PAINTING TO THE MUSEUM

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 03:21:45 PST

Sometimes to be a thief isn’t easy at all, especially if you want to specialize on painting masterpieces and you, silly thief, aren’t very confident about art.

It happened with a painting by the German surrealist Schakowsky stolen two years ago in a vulgar museum in Berlin. The worthless painting was returned, apparently because the thieves could not sell it.

The art expert Mr. Strauss was contacted anonymously by the alleged perpetrators to return the painting.

“The thieves had failed to place the painting in the black market, because it was evidently that anybody wanted a shit painting like this,” told me Mr. Strauss showing me the stolen painting.

It was simple for the thieves to stole the painting because there were not security measures, evidently because anybody of the museum thought about the possibility that somebody was interested on worthless, vulgar and shit paintings.

WILD NATURE: NINJA FLIES AGAINST HONEY BEES

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 03:09:28 PST

Honey bees are in a critical situation. Since 2006 its population has been shrinking at an alarming rate in the U.S. and the rest of the world, but scientists have been able to accurately determine the cause.

A finding of the Los Angeles University (USA) may help clarify why bees are dying mysteriously. Researchers have discovered a kind of fly which kills: “It can result weird but after analysing the killer, it seems more like a mercenary ninja than to an inoffensive fly,” told me John Mutton, the research team leader.

Scientists have found that bees which leave their hives at night are more likely to meet with these flies.

The researchers want to study in detail how these flies affect the behaviour of bees and see if they interfere in the genes that help them regulate their day-night cycle. Also, try to find out why the bees leave their hives, if they do so voluntarily or were expelled by the ninja flies for stealing their honey.

BALLPOINT PEN FOUND IN STOMACH OF A WOMAN

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 03:42:49 PST

Dr. Kanuto extracted a ballpoint pen from the stomach of a woman, who swallowed it by mistake 25 years ago, and what most surprised him was the fact that the ballpoint pen still writes.

The woman, 76 years and whose identity has not transpired, has lived a quarter of a century with the ballpoint pen within her stomach. She ingested it when looking on the mirror for white spots on her gorge and accidentally it slipped through his throat.

The thing was that 25 years ago X-rays where not able to discover it: "X-rays applied to the abdominal region could not detect plastic objects that have been ingested," told me Dr. Kanuto, radiotherapist specialist at Oklahoma Hospital Centre.

This year, on a new check-up to the woman, Dr. Kanuto found the pen, which was extracted using an endoscopic procedure requiring anaesthesia. He was surprised to the fact that the pen was still writing, even using it for signing her certificate of discharge.

FORTUNE TELLER TOLD ME ABOUT THIS YEAR 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 01:12:39 PST

I went to visit my friend, the fortune teller Mr. Kauirik, for knowing in advance what the hell is going to happen on this New Year 2012, and this is what he told me:

- KIM JUNG-UN, the North Korean leader successor, will abandon nuclear programs. He will become a kind of Robin Hood, who will steal to rich countries for helping the poor.

- On summer the news of the year will be that BARACK OBAMA will be caught on a paradisiacal beach having an affair with Rihanna. The paparazzi who will take these photos will be condemned to death penalty.

- Russian leader, VLADIMIR PUTIN, will abandon politics for becoming the new sensation on a Hollywood film. His new career as an actor will have best takings that even Arnold Schwarzenegger.

I took the opportunity to ask about my future and he told me that this New Year 2012 I will write similar asshole things than precedent years, which anybody is interested on.

MAYA CALENDAR AND THE END OF THE WORLD

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 01:08:44 PST

According to the Maya calendar, this New Year 2012 is the last that we, human beings, are going to live in “good conditions”. Well, animals and plants will suffer apocalypse effects too, but who is going to worry about what the hell a fish can think about or if a plant is suffering because of the effects of lack of oxygen.

So, you know, try to enjoy at limit this year because more or less in December humanity won’t be what it supposed to be. And the date is marked on the calendar: 12th, December 2012 is the date of the apocalypse. So you have time in advance for preparing this fatality.

Will an alien invasion be which will destroy us? Or might be that will a big asteroid be which impact on earth and will collapse us?

Lucky all of them who on the cold war built a nuclear shelter at home, because might be that they will be the only survivors of the new era.

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 23 Dec 2011 03:34:03 PST

When these dates arrive, that I think about this hypocritical world where we are living every day. Well, I think every day on how bad is the world divided between rich and poor. But on Christmas dates that hypocrisy grows bigger.

What most disturb me are weird situations which instead of solving a problem they increases discomfort. For example when rich people take at their mansions homeless people for not having to pass Christmas alone in the street, or when society tell us about take care of elderly, even having a chair prepared on our table for them.

Because, after Christmas, their wrong situation on our society it continues for them. “Well good man, you have had a first-class dinner, so return to your coin of street and continue begging,” what a rich would say, instead of, I imagine, offering a job, giving him the opportunity of another kind of life…

Anyway, it puts me ill, knowing that (I don’t want imagine) one day I could be on the wrong side too.

Merry Christmas, dear readers, and happy New Year 2012!

EROTIC RADIOGRAPHY AMAZED BONES SPECIALIST

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 20 Dec 2011 01:34:05 PST

When my editor in chief told me to write a report about something funny in a hospital, I remembered my old classmate Martin Alonso who became doctor, so I called him and I went to Oklahoma for interviewing him, and really, he had a funny story to tell me:

Martin Alonso, specialist orthopaedist at Oklahoma Hospital, as he usually did every day, watched on his light-screen the radiographies of his patients. One day something wrong appeared before his eyes:

“Every day, early in the morning, I look all the radiographies of my patients who are coming to my office. But yesterday something funny happened. It was the radiography of a woman in erotic position; evidently I immediately thought that it was a joke from somebody.

“I couldn’t believe when I watched on the light display that it was real. After analyzing attentively the radiography I realized that really it was a woman naked in erotic position.

“I laughed for a while and suddenly all my staff entered in my office crying out: ‘Happy Birthday to youuuuuuu!’ It was an amazing surprise for me, especially when I thought that all my staff hated me because I do that they work hard all the days.

“The big bombshell was when appeared Pamela Anderson too, who told me that her bones were which appeared on the radiography.”

Martin invited me to his house to tea, and I watched that framed above the fireplace he had hung that erotic radiography, which millions of Pamela Anderson’s fans would die by it.

WHAT READERS SAY ABOUT THIS AWESOME BLOG

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 09:35:42 PST

“Hahah, My laptop crashed when I was browsing on your blog last time I was here. And for the past 2 months I have been looking for this weblog, so thankful I located it once again! :D”

“It’s a pleasure to read your articles! Your writing is pretty extraordinary, and I really enjoyed reading your blog and points that you expressed. Thanks for sharing, keep writing!”

“I can certainly see your enthusiasm in the work you write. The world hopes for even more passionate writers like you who aren't afraid to say how they believe. Always follow your heart.”

“Hi, I just found your weblog via Google. Your viewpoint is truly pertinent to my life at this moment, and I’m really happy I found your website.”

“Saved being a favoured, I genuinely like your website!”

Thank you all you for your support I really appreciate!

HARRY POTTER AND YOGA ARE SATANICAL MEANS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 12 Dec 2011 03:47:16 PST

Vatican's top exorcist, McCarron Smith, said that yoga is a work of the Devil and to read Harry Potter books creates sorcery addiction.

McCarron is a controversial figure in the Vatican for declarations such as: “Devil resides in the Vatican and that is the real culprit in the scandals of paedophilia.” Even he has practised over 70,000 exorcisms, all of them considered as true.

On a private interview he told me that practicing yoga leads to evil and reading Harry Potter to sorcery.

“They seem harmless but both deal with black arts and that leads to the selfsame Satan,” he told me.

"Yoga is the Devil's work, you think you are stretching your mind and body but it takes you to Hinduism. These Eastern religions are based on the false belief of reincarnation."

“Harry Potter’s books play creating fictitious evil worlds where reality can be taken out of context. They manipulate elements for performing nature aspects; even they try to change what is happening by means of magic spells."

After our short conversation on an awesome hall in the Vatican Palace I went out with the conviction of having interviewed the wrong person. That broom on his hands and the cleaning cart near him didn’t give me good feelings about if he was the right person.

INTERVIEW WITH THE YETI IN THE HIMALAYAS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:31:08 PST

According to a pessimistic investigation, it is revealed the extreme vulnerability of the highest mountain in the world, The Himalaya Mountains, due to climate change and rising temperatures, which have altered the balance of the snow, ice and water from these peaks.

I went to interview the Yeti (yes, really! I am the only person in the world who knows where it hides) and this is what it told me:

“I am going to need to go abroad, because here is worrying the results on a general decrease in snow during the last decade. Thing that gives me less hiding places where to maintain my identity out of paparazzi reach.”

Besides the Yeti, in the Himalaya mountains live 10,000 plant species, 977 birds, 300 mammals, 269 freshwater fish, 176 reptiles, 195 amphibians and some large wild animals like elephants, tigers and rhinos which tend to move from one country to another, so that environmental organizations are calling for a comprehensive cross-border action to protect them.

SUPER MASSIVE BLACK HOLES IN THE UNIVERSE

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 03:14:22 PST

A group of U.S. researchers have discovered the two largest super massive black holes never found to date. I went to Ohio, where they have the big telescope with which they have done these observations of the Universe.

“These black holes are much larger than we would have expected due to the extrapolations from observations of the characteristics of the host galaxy,” told me the concierge of the building and who didn’t let me enter for interviewing some Scientifics involved on the project.

“The lead author, Chung-Pei Ma and his colleagues have come to these conclusions by measuring data from two nearby galaxies, NGC 3842 and NGC 4889,” told me a dust man in charge of picking up all the bin near the research centre and who followed with his dissertation about the discovery: “The galaxy NGC 3842 has a central black hole with a mass of 9,700 million solar masses and NGC 4889 has a black hole with a mass comparable or larger.”

Really, returning at home after my investigation I fell on an open sewer.

NASTY TATTOO ON BACK BECAUSE INFIDELITY

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 08 Dec 2011 02:50:02 PST

Infidelity can take many people to commit wrong doing.

This is the case of an American tattooist, Bryan Fitzgerald, who tattooed to his girlfriend, Rosie McAlister, a remarkable shit on her back.

According to the complaint filed on the police, the tattoo artist convinced Rosie to draw a new tattoo on her back like angels on the heaven, but eventually ended up drawing a huge shit surrounded by flies.

Apparently she was unfaithful with one of the friends of the couple. Fitzgerald's revenge was planned with pinpoint accuracy. Even he did sign his former partner a clause of not compensation if something wrong happened to make more plausible the matter.

Time for doing topless on the club where she worked is finished for Rosie and Fitzgerald is now facing a lawsuit from her former partner for $100,000.

IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN DO NOT SMOKE AT HOME

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 07 Dec 2011 07:22:41 PST

42% of children are exposed to snuff smoke daily or occasionally, because 26% of parents smoke at home. This is shown in a study by Portuguese researchers.

The research, published in the latest issue of the “Journal Tobacco Prevention”, shows that a significant number of children are exposed to smoke at home, despite the evidence that to be a passive smoker is harmful to health in all phases of life, especially in childhood.

"Snuff consumption at home is a risk factor for subsequent children who become smokers," told me the coordinator of a Smoking Area at Houston Centre Hospital, who recalls that passive exposure causes coughing, hoarseness, asthma, increased the risk of acute infections (bronchitis and pneumonia) and repeated respiratory infections.

It would be essential to maintain the work reported on the damage of snuff, the need to continue with public awareness campaigns and go smoking on the balcony asshole smoker!

TEENAGERS SPREAD THEIR NUDITY ON NETWORKS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 06 Dec 2011 01:26:52 PST

Educators, public health authorities and legislators are facing a growing number of young people who self-portrait nude, even during sex, and other minorities capturing these images and distributing them via mobile or internet.

Among their arguments for doing so, young teenagers explain for example:

“I was going out with a guy and wanted a nude picture of me and I send him it."

"I had no boyfriend at the time and I was curious about what other people would think seeing my body ... so I took some photos."

The reason for such concern is that these young people are exposed to overtly sexual content ends up in the hands of strangers, breaking their privacy and vulnerability: their chances of suffering, therefore, cyber bullying, grooming (harassment by adults) or extortion (blackmail if it occurs) increases considerably.

A SNAKE CHARMER SCARED TREASURY WORKERS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 13:07:44 PST

A snake charmer released dozens of reptiles in a tax office in northern India to express his dissatisfaction with the lack of response to a request from officials.

Terrified, employees scrambled to their desks while others fled in terror to see Mr. Hakka, the snake charmer, let out three bags of snakes, including several cobras.

"He had submitted an application for a land where to house his snakes," told me Mr. Mani Manila, head of the local authority responsible for collecting property taxes. "There are no legal provisions, which allow hosting snakes on a field house,” he said. “Instead of waiting for a written response that we would have given him, Mr. Hakka preferred casting their snakes in the entire office."

The snake charmer told me that another official had promised him a spot two years ago. "After waiting so long, I had no other way that to let go my snakes in that office," he said.

Police said no one was injured in the incident, but that the snake charmer could not recover all his reptiles.

WIFE SOLD HUSBAND ON THE CLASIFIEDS ADS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sun, 27 Nov 2011 02:51:52 PST

Tired of her husband, who lost hours playing video games, Alyssa Bradley, a woman from the town of Logan, Utah (USA), decided to give a warning and put her husband on sale in an online classifieds magazine.

"Easy to maintain, he just need food and water every 3 to 5 hours," one could read on the ad, in which Bradley says that her husband also would need too "an internet space to play."

The announcement, though it was a joke, had many answers, especially from men. Even there were a lot of them who expressed their concern about and who had offered to Alyssa to be the perfect replacement for her husband.

In his defence, her husband Kyle, who laughed of his wife's initiative, said that it was justified, because as retired military just back from Afghanistan, video games allowed him to stay connected with their comrades in arms.

The woman had not set a price for him. The sale of her husband was the highest bidder, and evidently any women answered the ad.