Rubio Cartoons

DINOSAURS DISAPPEARED BY THEIR FLATULENCES

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 10 May 2012 09:23:07 PDT

A British study suggests that the flatulence emitted by dinosaurs could have been the cause of their extinction on earth; even their farts could have conditioned our atmosphere.

It is not a weird theory! Really, imagine all those giant beasts farting together, and their gas emissions creating clouds of methane without the possibility of opening a window to air.

More than 150 million years to be extinct, but the number of his farts also marked the evolution of greenhouse emissions of methane.

Those giant dinosaurs were herbivores and not chewed, so that it means that their digestive accumulated microbes, like current ruminants, and through their farts, they emitted methane to the atmosphere.

Methane is one of the most polluting gases and enhances the greenhouse effect.

NOSE TO NOSE WITH MASTERPIECE PAINTINGS

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 04 May 2012 07:24:50 PDT

It is curious to know that super-rich people can do what they want with their dirty money. Even most of them are so nasty that after to have a shit, they clean their asses with paper money.

A fact which as surprise me reading “The Mail Online” is that before to sell at auction the famous painting “The Scream”, some of the bidders (who evidently were filthy millionaires) got in exclusive the picture on their homes, because they wanted to see if the masterpiece would fix on the wall beside other paintings that they have.

It is evidence that for some rich people, the most important thing is the fact of how it appears when displayed on their wall with their other art, and few important is if the painting is a masterpiece or is a field strewn with daisies painted by a bum in the park of retirement. The question is that it needs to compliment the decoration.

Evidently that, if for example, you have the wall of your studio decorated with Scarlett Johansson’s posters, to hang “The Mona Lisa,” it would be a crime against the cool fashion.

MY ALARM CLOCK STRANGELY RANG AT 3:33 AM

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 02 May 2012 07:08:01 PDT

I was sleeping, quietly dreaming something weird about doesn’t matter what, when suddenly at 3:33 AM my alarm clock started to ring.

Really, I jumped from bed scared and afraid, because for sure that I hadn’t programmed my alarm clock to ring, and less for that it rang in the middle of the night.

So, my question is: what the hell happened with my alarm clock? Who or what manipulated it? Was it a kind of message from beyond? Was my guardian angel trying to tell me something?

I am this kind of guy who doesn’t believe on paranormal things, but when some of them happen to me, and it has happened more than twice, it is for thinking that there is something beyond my knowledge.

I would like to guess the meaning of these kinds of things. I am not very good guessing about hieroglyphs, riddles… so the question would be: if they really want to tell me something, why are they not more explicit?

I HAVE BECOME A KIND OF BEN TEN EVIL HERO!

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 00:37:19 PDT

After I watched some chapters of the famous cartoon Ben 10 that I have become psychologically ill. Even, I started being addicted to Ben Ten Games, which by dint of playing several hours a day my brain crashed at all. Going to my psychiatrist was a wrong thing, because I thought that he was an alien and I transformed for fighting him. Now I am searched by the police because of killing a psychiatrist.

It started when I found a demoniac alien device, which stuck itself upon my wrist with evil secrets that it hid. Now, I got malicious secret powers and I have become a criminal evil hero.

So, if you see me, you might be in for a big surprise. I will turn into an alien before your very eyes. I am slimy, freaky, fast and strong, be careful with your handbag because I can stole you the money you have.

Armed with powers I am on the case fighting off good people from earth or space. I will never stop until I make you pay my addiction to Dean Koontz books.

WASTING MONEY ON PRIVATE ISLAND FOR RENT

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sat, 21 Apr 2012 08:37:15 PDT

While the most of us are becoming poor, there are a lot of new filthy millionaires who like wasting money around the world.

One of the trends that some time ago millionaires like enjoying is the fact of renting a private island. A holiday on an exclusive paradisiacal island is one of the most high-class ways to relax. This new way to spend the holidays is something that very few can afford.

If you are a millionaire you can choose the luxury of renting a private island, a place where to isolate of the world and enjoy complete privacy.

Really, if I was millionaire I wouldn’t rent a private island to enjoy some relax time with friends, or even if I was invited by some millionaire friends I wouldn’t accept to take part of their party at an isolate island. I have very present the book “And then there were none” by Agatha Christie and I wouldn’t want to finish my life on a tragedy in an isolate island.

MUST READ: ANGEOLOGY BY DANIELLE TRUSSONI

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 22:07:26 PDT

I have recently read ANGEOLOGY by the American writer Danielle Trussoni and I have loved it. The book tells us about an old science managed by the Angeologists, who search the truth about the existence of angels.

Out of question if you thought that we are descended from monkeys as Darwin theory, all the contrary, when angels fell at Earth and realized about the gorgeous women who habited the planet, they fell in love quickly and started to spreading their offspring around.

Because angels noticed that there were enough stuff about them on pictures, urban legends, etc… they invented newspapers, science and TV, especially for getting off the point of their existence and to pass unnoticed.

There are incredible scenes on the book: An expedition searching for the place where Angels fell, the invasion of a convent by bad Angels without soul… and with a tremendous final where the first character will become like a marvel comic superhero.

HOW TO GET STARTED CREATING CARTOONS?

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 03:28:56 PDT

A fan of my blog, who like reading me every time that I publish a new post, dared to e-mail me and asked me the following question: How to get started creating cartoons?

Well, admired fan of my cartoons, it is difficult to say. The first thing that you must make is to observe around you all the things that happen. For example, watching a gorgeous woman waiting the bus is a good point if you want to create porn cartoons.

Another interesting system for creating cartoons is to take a white paper and start doodling like a mad schizophrenic person. It might be that after watching what you have done, the work would be a shit, but at least you will have let off steam.

Here the question is not be obsessed with the fact of becoming a celebrity, wining a lot of money drawing or thinking that you are going to make out with all the beautiful girls of the world, here the most interesting thing is to do it because you like, not more. If something has to come, it will come, if not be happy and enjoy what you make!

PAPER BOOKS AREN’T WELL FOR ALLERGIC PEOPLE

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 02:09:11 PDT

Some time ago that I passed to read books on paper for reading them on my electronic reader device: a Kindle! Really, it is the best device that I have bought ever.

The fact is that I have at home three enormous bookcases where are placed all the books which I have read throughout all my life.

Yesterday I was curious of taking one of them, because I would like to read again, and instead of downloading on the internet and placing it on my Kindle, I took it from the bookcase.

What was my disappointment when opening the paper book it appeared to be musty, and the worst was that I started to sneeze, because my allergy to dust and acarus. Even a little bug jumped from one of the pages attacking me, thing which panicked me at all.

After this bad experience, I am not going to read a book on paper never again. LONG LIFE FOR THE E-BOOK!

EXPLORING MARS PLANET FROM YOUR COMPUTER

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sun, 15 Apr 2012 08:07:48 PDT

The most of us, people who would like to be astronaut but that can’t afford it because our little intelligence and few spirit of moving out, we can explore the mars planet quietly from our computer.

Like google maps, where you can explore what colour the curtains of your neighbour three streets beyond has, now you can explore the surface of mars from your computer.

Google Mars is a powerful map from you can travel to somewhere place of the Mars planet: canyons, ridges, dunes, and craters… whatever you want, except the fact that you are not going to locate any life form.

You know, if you are tired because on TV there are nothing than the dirty rubbish of every day, and you don’t want to walk out because of bad weather, a good solution for combating boredom is surfing on the Mars surface, even trying to search something that escaped to scientists eyes and become more famous than Christopher Columbus without the need of moving from home.

A PRETTY PICTURE OF YOU ON THE CURRICULUM

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 00:51:51 PDT

Beauty has an ugly side, especially for women. To be attractive today could mean for a woman in search of work a great inconvenient. According to a study published by the stupid journal “MALE CHAUVINISM ON POWER,” the candidates for a job with a remarkable beauty should avoid putting their photo in the curriculum.

The researchers claim that women do not hire other beautiful women for fear of having to deal with future rivals. That is why, in the study show that attractive women that put a pretty picture in the curriculum are less likely to be called to a job interview if the person making the selection is a woman, because of the feminine rivalry at work.

"To grow professionally is harder for a woman if she is beautiful, because of jealousy between women, and especially if her boss is a fat sweaty woman," told me the journalist who wrote the article.

Anyway, if you don’t place your picture on the curriculum, when asking you for an interview, they will see your beauty in first person, thing that will increase the hate of the interviewer. The only solution for gorgeous women to be engaged on a job would be esthetical surgery for becoming a normal person.

HOW WERE THE EGYPTIAN PYRAMIDS BUILT?

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 02:57:38 PDT

One of the mysteries which don’t let me sleep quietly at night is the answer to the question: How were the Egyptian pyramids built? Really, I take Valerian pills because for many hours that I pass trying to resolve the quiz, the only logical answer that I have is that they must be built by the aliens.

How were those giant stones so easily lifted up, building so magnificent monuments? Nowadays with our big cranes it would be only question of some weeks to finish the work. But for them, who didn’t have this kind of stuff, because archaeologist haven’t found, it must have taken several years of human exertion.

The only weird theory which comes to my mind is the fact that existed some kind of strongly giant people who helped building the pyramids, but the problem about it is that archaeologists haven’t found any of them buried on the earth as happened with the skeletons of the dinosaurs.

I hope that archaeologists find quickly a certain answer to this mystery, because I need to sleep again without having to take more valerian pills.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON SAYS SHE IS NOT SEXY

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 23:38:39 PDT

Scarlett Johansson is for many a sex symbol, but she does not think so. She does not understand why men like her so much and believes that in a few years her sexy figure will disappear, ceasing to be a sensual character.

I spoke on phone with her who told me: "I'm not sexy. I am convinced that in a few years I will change, I am not interested on being remembered because of my beauty. I am more than a simple gorgeous figure. I would like that people realize more on my intellectual aspect.”

After hanging up the phone I started to think if she had influenced me on some intellectual aspects, which triggered some deep thoughts about life or something similar, but for many hours that I passed squeezing my brain I didn’t find anything.

I love you Scarlett Johansson as sexy symbol actress and I enjoy with your performance, especially when you appear semi naked, because for the moment for intellectual moments, I prefer passing my time with Anne Rice and her vampire stories.

PEOPLE SMOKING MONEY ARE THE MILLIONAIRES

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 06:34:53 PDT

The worst smokers on the world are people who smoke money because they love to flash her money around. The bigger is the number on the paper money, the most dangerous for their health is.

But they are not aware of the danger that to smoke money it can represent for their health, because they can afford lung transplantation or the best methods for palliating cancer, even in the most advanced situations.

Interviewing Dr Maldonado, specialist on smoke diseases at Oklahoma Hospital Centre, he told me: “Smoking money is not healthy at all, especially because the paper has ink, which in contact with fire and tobacco creates a deadly toxic combination.”

Other millionaire people, not only smoke money because of the pleasure, they also smoke because it is a manner for them of avoiding declaring it to the finances.

You know, if one day you win lottery, don’t be so gracious of smoking a paper money, because after you will have to waste the entire jackpot on a specialist who heal you.

PHOTO RECORDED ON EYE AFTER VIOLENT DEATH

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sat, 31 Mar 2012 03:27:36 PDT

There is a theory, urban legend, or whatever you want to call it, which tell us than in front of a violent death the eye can take a picture of the murder.

In this case the eye acts as a camera able to catch the instant when the murder is acting wildly against the victim. So, when forensic surgeons are practising autopsies, they can take out the eye for examining the instant recorded on the eye.

It might be is science fiction, because I don’t remember police arresting somebody because of a photo taken with a human eye on the last seconds of his life from a murdered victim. It would have been a successful headline on the Medias.

It is evidence that if eyes can record limit situations after death, many cases of murders without knowing who the aggressor was would have been discovered.

Although we are developing technology able to discover new things, it is evidence that we are still in nappies in front of science fiction.

FREELANCE WORKS: FAQ ABOUT HOW IT WORKS!

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 23:41:40 PDT

HOW MANY DRAWING STYLES DO YOU OFFER?
My style has few variations, so you can get an idea about what are you going to get for, watching what I made on the blog and on my different galleries.

WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU?
Logos, illustrations, cartoons, business card, packaging…

IS IT EXPENSIVE TO WORK WITH YOU?
It can vary from projects. The final price will include a maximum of 3 revisions.

MUST I PAY IN ADVANCE?
Yes, I am a serious and professional person; you can trust that I will make the best of myself for you.

IS IT MONEY BACK GUARANTEE?
No, you hire me because you like what I make, and I will have worked some hours for you.

WHEN WILL BE DELIVERED THE FIRST VERSION?
You will get the first version of the project 24-48 hours after agreeing the budget and to have paid it.

WHAT KIND OF FORMATS ARE YOU GOING TO PROVIDE?
Versions will be delivered on small size and .PNG format. Final version will be delivered in high format 600ppi PNG or JPEG format and the vector file in AI or EPS format.

WHAT SOFTWARE DO YOU USE FOR WORKING ON?
You will get all the stuff worked on vector format through Illustrator CS3.

GROWING COCA PLANT WATERING IT WITH COKE

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 14 Mar 2012 01:14:50 PDT

It can seem a weird thing, but some months ago that one of my craziest paranoia was to water a dead plant with coke. The plant in question was a toasted geranium by the snow. It was a shame, because I loved the plant which in spring was very colourful, but this cold winter and with the snow fallen, the plant died.

So I tried to get a home remedy for recovering its shape. After a hard brainstorming I thought on watering the plant with coke. After all, I had a stock of this soda drink at home and my doctor told me not to drink because gases on my stomach.

What was my surprise was the fact that after three days watering something started to happen in the pot: beautiful green leaves started to grow quickly, but they weren’t from a geranium, otherwise a coca plant was growing.

The problem was two weeks ago when a neighbour claimed to the police that it smelled cannabis on my terrace, and they forced me to show them what I was growing. Now I am convicted to two years of prison and to pay a fine of $5,000. Luckily, at least, I am not became drug addict.

WHERE TO HIDE ESCAPING FROM A BAD LUCK DAY?

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 01:55:24 PDT

Today is the bad luck day for excellence, so you know that if today you are going to buy a lotto ticket you have all the possibilities that you will not be the winner. Even, people who win lottery on bad luck days have more probabilities of being kidnapped by a strong criminal gang which will ask for a ransom, losing therefore your entire won first prize.

On bad luck days it is preferable to rest at home. Street is one of the most dangerous places where to go: the danger with black cats, and to pass under ladders are the common causes of accidents trying to avoid them. Even if you rest at home the most probable thing is that on bad luck days something wrong happens: fire, gas leak, the roof sinks…

I have a superstitious friend who one year decided to move to the desert on Tuesday 13th for avoiding all the fatalities in the city, and really he thought that it was the best idea that he had never had, because some hours later after waking up he found a four leaf clover. The problem was that when he was going to pull it off, a poisonous little snake bit him and he passed three months on the intensive care services at the hospital.

It is not for being superstitious or thinking that all those weird paranormal theories about bad luck days are urban legends. These things happens, even on days that you think that are normal, there are a lot of people who have bad luck, so it would be necessary that gurus of paranormal science would establish a new calendar with the bad luck days fixed.

So, where is the better place for passing a bad luck day: NOWHERE! There is not a safe place where to hide, you are exposed to the fatalities wherever you are.

WARNING ABOUT DRINKING COKE AND CANCER

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 00:57:09 PDT

It must be serious when a company like Coke and Pepsi have immediately given up their convictions that their products are healthy and inoffensive as for changing their manufacturing process to avoid cancer warning on their labels.

I can’t imagine that soft drinks like Coke and Pepsi can finish writing on their labels some warnings about that their products can produce cancer like tobacco packs.

Anyway doctors always recommend to drink mineral water while eating or a little of wine, but I have not eared from them that soda, pop or carbonated drinks like these are healthy for our organism, all the contrary they produces gases in the stomach or big burps, acting as a plunger piper on our body.

Anybody wants to believe that the products that they manufacture are cancer-causing, but when some laboratory evidences give reason to investigators, I think that there isn’t doubt about that something wrong is on the product.

LIVING AS A MONK BECAUSE OF ALLERGY TO DUST

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 13 Mar 2012 01:56:35 PDT

From I was diagnosed with an allergic disease to “Derm. Pteronyssinus” and “Derm. Farina” that my life changed at all. The most important thing living at home was the fact that my doctor told me to live like a monk: "it means don’t have curtains, couches, carpets, rugs…" even I can’t have a cat, which is the animal that I like more.

I go every month to the medical nurse for vaccinating me against these nasty little bugs. What most surprise me one day when I went to renew the prescription was the fact that I thought that on the vaccine there was them, but not, the vaccine contains their dirty excrements, which must be the substance to which I am allergic. Vaccine that, for the moment, serves for nothing to me, because I need to take every day antihistamines and spray nasal.

Luckily, for the moment I mustn’t use a mask when going out at street as seen on TV that a lot of Japanese people do, but with this weird climate change and knowing that allergy spreads on other people too, it is not for being pessimistic, but we have a good and healthy allergic future ahead.

JUNK FOOD TAX AGAINST OVERWEIGHT DISEASE

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 06 Mar 2012 23:51:50 PST

According to a UN report overweight and obesity create as many problems as famine. It is incredible to think that people who live in advanced societies die each year from poor eating habits, having as they have fruit and vegetable stores near their homes.

About 1,300 million people are fat, greasy and their weight is over what it would be estimated, and just over three million of people die each year because of overweight, while on the other hand there are a similar number of deaths because of malnutrition.

Some food enterprises are guilty of didn’t worry about reducing the level of cheap calories available, instead of looking more at the nutritional dimension. Companies do business by encouraging eating foods high in fat and salt. They have underestimated the health impact of what they do and hide its negative effects.

It is for that the UN blames the industry and governments, and calls for a junk food tax. At least I hope that if they tax junk food, the incomes will go to help famine in the third world.

LIVING AT RISK ZONE ISN’T A SAFE PLACE TO LIVE

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Mon, 05 Mar 2012 23:43:41 PST

Why there are people who risk their lives living in dangerous zones of the planet? Evidently, the first reason is because they are born there and they want to remain near their relatives, and the other main reason is because they like the place where they are.

Knowing that a big catastrophe can be avoided it is evident that people like to risk their lives. It is for that, people settle still their homes in high perilous zones at Earth, for example:

- LOS ANGELES: They know that one day or another the big earthquake will occur with the San Andreas Fault. It is time that the fatality will happen. Why not abandon the zone for a place less dangerous?

It is for thinking that humanity has not learned about disasters on the past. You must only watch what happened with the city of Pompeii near the harsh volcano Vesuvius, which destroyed all the population living near.

The only reason that I found about all this is that we are so stubborn that we would like to live even on the top of Himalaya, even knowing that we would be eaten by the Yeti.

FIGHTING AGAINST THE ERUPTION OF A VOLCANO

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Sun, 04 Mar 2012 23:21:00 PST

We can’t fight against nature forces. Environment is always in advantage in front of us, little humans beings living here at Earth. In some circumstances we are able to predict its nature force of destruction, even trying to minimize its damages, but we must always consider that nature is stronger than us.

One clear example about this is the volcano placed in the Hawaii Island. People who live in the paradisiacal island are happy because of the beautiful landscapes that they can enjoy every day, but they are living on a risky volcanic zone. So the question would be: Why are you risking your precious life when it is question of time that the disaster will occur?

For many scientific methods that we have, and living as we live on a technological developed culture, we can’t fix the destructive force that a volcano has. It is its nature cause and there isn’t an effective method for palliating its negative effects against who live near.

Stopping a volcano it is going against nature, declaring a war against something unknown, which will bring us a sure defeat.

CLOUDS LOWER THAN SOME YEARS AGO AT EARTH

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 10:27:55 PST

A NASA satellite discovers that clouds are 40 meters lower than a decade ago, which may have important implications for global climate.

But it is not bad at all, according to scientists, if this process continues, our planet could cool more efficiently, reducing the temperature and potentially slowing the effects of global warming.

"We do not know exactly why clouds are coming so down," told me Davies McPisto, sweeper at the NASA corridors, "but it must be due to a change in circulation patterns that lead to cloud formation at high altitude." I asked him too why a so clever mind was sweeping instead of having his own “office-laboratory” and he told me that he would prefer to sweep NASA rooms than getting cold in the street. “Here at least in winter they switch on the heating and I like the air conditioning in summer.”

Anyway, something is changing in our planet, for the better or for the worse, future generations will be witnesses and will pay consequences about what we are building now.

AMERICAN IMPERIALISM AGAINST HUGO CHAVEZ

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Wed, 29 Feb 2012 01:32:54 PST

According to my bad sources of information I can tell you that Hugo Chavez’s tumour is a plot devised by the American imperialism.

Wikileaks wanted to stole me this exclusive with criminal methods, but thank you to my super hero powers, which for the moment I can’t reveal I forced its henchmen to abandon the idea of hacking my blog if I didn’t give them the e-mail where an American secret agency laughed about their criminal actions against the Venezuela’s president.

I could spoke with a member of the American secret agency offering him a high quality, expensive, Spanish ham and a bottle of wine, who told me: “It was so easy! We threw him a poisoned dart-shaped bee, which poison has spread quickly on his body, causing him a lethal tumour, but he is stronger than we thought and he is resisting.”

American imperialism has always been trying to overthrow the Venezuela’s dictator from his throne, it might be that now camouflaged with the shape of a disease they will get it.

READING NEWSPAPERS ON KINDLE IN THE TOILET

noreply@blogger.com (Juan Rubio) — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 02:30:09 PST

The best invented thing all over the world is the Kindle with Wi-Fi, and evidently the other well done invention is to have a good router at home with the Wi-Fi always switched on. I am not going to speak about the tablet Ipad because I am a poor guy.

I am this kind of people who like to read while sitting on the toilet, working on to evacuate all the waste that our body eats. So, before the Kindle invention I used to read commercial brochures, even free Newspapers which you can get on different places.

Now, with my Kindle acquisition I am the happiest person all over the world reading for free Newspapers that I would never thought to read, like for example following what journalists tell about Pau Gasol in Los Angeles Times, or reading the last news on MSNBC. And the most important thing: FOR FREE! The only thing that I pay is my internet connexion.

You know, I am content with little to be happy!