Running Off at the Mind

DC running plans....FOILED

2009-11-10T09:59:00.001-06:00

This just happened this morning....

STUDENT 1: Hey Raz, are you going to run while we're in DC?
ME: (hesitant) Uh, yeah. Why?
STUDENT 1: How long are you going to go?
ME: (now knowing where this is going) Well, I was going to get a 5 miler in on Thursday and then probably 10 miles Saturday morning.
STUDENT 1: What time are you going to run?
ME: Probably about 6am. Why?
STUDENT 1: Well, my basketball coach wants me to do some conditioning while I'm gone.
STUDENT 2: Yeah, my swimming coach said I should do the same thing. What time are you going?
STUDENT 1: Raz said 6am.
STUDENT 3: You guys are going to run? I should do that!
STUDENT 4: Me too! What time are we going?
STUDENT 1: 6am
STUDENT 5: What days?
ME: (now banging my head up against a wall) Thursday and Saturday.
STUDENT 1: How long is it to the White House and back?
ME: I don't know....8 miles, I think.
ALL: Sweet!

Shit. shit shit shit shit shit. So much for a little quiet time from the little buggers.

I should've said 5am.

Either I let them run with me or they go off on their own and I've got to identify body parts hours later. *sigh*

Is it Capitol or Capital?

2009-11-09T09:16:00.002-06:00

In 48 hours, yours truly will be on a Southwest flight bound for our nation's capital. Oh, plus 28 of my closest students. It's the annual National High School Journalism Conference where 5000 of the top student journalists converge to piss off about 300 of the top journalism teachers. Yeah!

The 2 things I'll check out when I get to the hotel:

What are the best running routes?
Is the hotel bar conveniently located and hidden from curious students? Don't ever underestimate the location of the bar.

This is the 7 trip to the convention and the 4th city in which I have incorporated running into my itinerary. A brief reflection if you will:

Nashville - A surprisingly fun town. I had relatively low expectations for Music City, USA, but the people were exceptionally nice and there was a lot more to do than listen to country music. My run was around the Opryland Resort....one lap = 4.1 miles. No kidding. This hotel/compound was mammoth.
Philadelphia - Great city with a lot of history. Duh. We did the touristy stuff complete with sucking down more than one cheesesteak. I had to do my run to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. There was a collection of Van Gogh's work that I wanted to see. Ha! I just wanted to run the steps a la Rocky. Cheesy? Hell yeah. As cheesy as one of these bad boys:

mmmmmmm....

St. Louis - Blech. That's the best thing I can say about this town. There's one thing to look at and I ran around it about 5 times to get my miles in because I was competing in the Garmin Challenge. You can read about it here, but here's a synopsis: River wall on the left, dumps on the right, and a quick jaunt into East St. Louis, Illinois. Ladies and gentlemen, The Gateway to the West!

My hopes are high for D.C. I've never been there. Usually the first reaction I get is, "You've never been to D.C.????" My response is, "No. I though I was pretty clear the first time I made that statement, jackhole." Some people. But I digress.....

The weather looks good for a couple of runs. I've packed the gear although I think the running tights are staying home. I don't think my students and/or colleagues need to see all of that awesomeness so early in the morning. Like I said, we're leaving with 30 and, if we come back with 28 or more, I'm going to consider that a win. I mean, that's a 93% return rate. I'd say that's pretty damn good.

Wish me luck! I hope to post something while I'm there. I'm clearing out the memory card so that I can get some good pics/evidence.

SSTIFY Friday

2009-11-06T08:28:00.000-06:00

Nothing is stuck in my head save for a few pounds of mucus. I'm battling a nasty head cold and I think that with a few forceful coughs and sneezes, all of it will break up and spew forth.

I hope that you're all reading this during breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

So, to review, nothing is stuck in my head and none of you are willing to help me. That's right...none of you are willing to help me with my lack of a SSTIFY. *self-deprecating rim shot!*

Never fear, I'll throw out an oldie but a goodie:

Weem-a-way, indeed. Have a good weekend everyone!

Twitter Still Sucks.....

2009-11-04T09:31:00.000-06:00

....as does my ability to write a complete blog post:

Failblog.org and Facebook Fails. I wholeheartedly endorse bookmarking these blogs. They've kept me entertained for a few weeks now.
Speaking of Facebook, I have my own personal policy about students (current or graduated) asking me to be their friend. My policy: No Way In Hell. I got request from a student who graduated last year. Funny thing is she hated me, hated my class, didn't do a damn thing in my class, and went out of her way to let everyone know (including teachers, duh) how much of an asshole/bad teacher I was. Yeah, let's be friends now.
This week is apparently turning into Passive Agressive Week here at school. One kid just sat and moped at me for 5 minutes while I was grading papers. Didn't say a word...for 5. Minutes. I didn't think passive agressiveness had a sound to it, but it does. It begins with a heavy sigh.
I ran 3 miles this morning at an 8:15/mile pace. I was gassed. What the hell? There's no WAY I've lost that much fitness in 3 weeks is there?
I'm off to Washington D.C. next week for a journalism convention and I'm researching running routes while I'm there. We're staying a little north of The Mall. Rock Creek Park south to the Mall looks like my route. Is it safe or am I going to be another Chandra Levy?
About D.C. - we're taking 28 kids. Our goal is to return with at least 26.
I don't know why I do fantasy football. I think I get way too invested in it. I mean, consider that on Sundays, my life is hec-GODDAMNIT CARSON PALMER! HOW DO YOU HAVE THE GAME OF A LIFETIME LAST WEEK? HOW????? I need another hobby.

Odds and Ends

2009-11-02T15:59:00.000-06:00

Twitter sucks.

I'm a geek. I'm pretty sure that's been well-established, but I'm not buying into this phenomenon. Oh, I've tried to, but it just isn't the same. The popular complaint is, "Why would I want to know about how you went to the grocery store?" Of course, these are the same clever philosophers that inundate my Facebook account with farming/mafia/jeweled crap that is even making Facebook annoying. For me, I'll stick with emails and blogging, thankyouverymuch. I'll stick with my version of Twitter: Bullet Points!

Some observations from the weekend:

Well, at least Nebraska's special teams can score. This weekend's game (vs. Oklahoma) could be brutal. Thank God it's on prime time.
Hawks....9-0. "Nuff said.
What's the cutoff age for trick or treating? 12? I think if "-teen" or "-ty" is attached to your age, you should hang up the plastic pumpkin. It should be the same age as when you stop bringing your glove to a baseball game.
I supervised the kids and their trick or treat exploits over at a friends house this Saturday....complete with a fully stocked rolling cooler. The best part? We weren't the only ones! It was like a neighborhood block party for the kids and the adults. Who the hell said that chocolate and booze don't mix? I'm on my way to Parent of the Year. I can just feel it.
After my long run on Sunday, I open the door to a naked 2 1/2 year old wearing only his socks and running shoes. "Run, daddy? Run?" Ah, kids....
I cannot stress the importance of stretching and hydrating oneself after a long run, people. I neglected to do both this weekend and I felt like I got hit by a truck.
I'm convinced that Starbucks is slowly shrinking their drinks. And I'm not happy.

That's it for now.

SSTIFY - The Antichrist is Still a Good Babysitter

2009-10-30T06:15:00.022-05:00

I'm pretty sure the Bible states that Barney is actually Satan. It's probably in Leviticus. I never got around to that book in my Saturday night Bible Study, so...yeah...Leviticus. Oh well, he's still a better babysitter than I am. At least the purple Beelzebub can keep my kid still for more than 30 seconds.

My son is obsessed with Barney. I can deal with most of the kids crap that's on TV. Thomas the Train? Fine. Sesame Street? Long live Ernie and his "roommate" Bert. I can even live with the 4 guys from Australia that wear brightly colored shirts and have a knack of getting songs jammed into adults' heads. Not only that, but their net worth is that of a 3rd world country. Ladies and gentlemen, The Wiggles!

So KidDoodle2 and I are watching The Wiggles one morning and he (my son) is pissed off. I mean Pissed. Off. Barney is nowhere to be seen. I tell him I needed a break from that overly animated, cherubic piece of purple felt and the brainwashed kids that follow him around like some sort of deity. His response?

"Watch Barney!"

As we're having this argument, this week's SSTIFY entry comes on the show. KidDoodle2 is mesmerized and, for 3 minutes and 34 seconds, he forgets about Barney. The following is not a Wiggles Original, but it should be recognizable....even for the youngins who read this blog.

These guys creep me the hell out. Especially the purple one. He's a narcoleptic on the show. Just falls asleep for no reason. That's his "thing". Really? REALLY? My God...this is what we're teaching our children. There is a female dancer in this video, however, that should be more prominent in the show from here on out (:47 in, on the left). That aside, I still can't get this damn song out of my head. Here it is:

Good luck to Laura and Lam this Sunday in New York! For everyone else, have a happy and safe Halloween everyone!

Redemption?

2009-10-27T08:08:00.002-05:00

Remember when I said that ROATM was going to be more about running? Yeah, I don't pay that much attention either. I suppose me flipping off my laptop camera is going to be as varied as it gets. With story deadlines looming, though, I'm bound to either snap or write about it.

With KidDoodle 1 being sick today, I find myself with about 6 tabs open in Firefox....most of them dealing with running. Before you question my parenting skills, she's watching Dinner Impossible: Sesame Street. She's content, so leave me alone.

Anywho, I still have that personal asterisk floating around my one and only marathon. I think, I THINK that it's time for redemption. According to McMillan's running calculator (thanks B.o.B. for adding another tab), I could run a marathon in 3:49:24 and a half marathon in 1:48:46.

Well, that would be impressive, wouldn't it?

The Lincoln Marathon would be the race for me to do it, too. It's a flat, fast course and it's a well-run race. In fact, it's one of the best race experiences I've had. The drawback to all of this is training in the winter. 'Round here, that sort of thing s-u-c-k-s. Ice, wind, cold rain, etc. equals a few treadmill training runs. Ugh.

So there I have it. Lincoln Marathon. It's out there. It's a possibility. I just need to move back to Phoenix to do my training.

P.S. - I want to thank everyone for sharing in my pain in yesterday's post. My administrators are looking into it. Thanks. So. Much.

Expletive Expletive Expletive

2009-10-26T11:41:00.001-05:00

I'm going to make this quick. Kind of like ripping off a band aid. I have to approve 25 stories in 3 days, so I may actually have to put my teaching certificate to use this week.

Nebraska got beat.
Nebraska got embarassed.
Nebraska can't hang on to the damn ball.

What's worse is I bet this guy that NU would cover (18 points). You would think I'd have learned my lesson from betting Vanilla last year.* Lesson learned? I'm an idiot.

It's a good thing I enjoy Adam's blog because I can't stand his team on 2 levels: I'm a Husker fan and a Hawkeye fan (8-0 baby!!!!!). Why is it that the 'Clones' fight song sounds like the Girl Scouts theme song? Oh well...never let it be said I welch on bets. The bet was that the loser needed to make a sign and post it on their blog. I went Photoshop on ya:

Yeah, I'm still a little bitter.

*curiously, I can't find the link to that picture. Huh.

SSTIFY - Sporadic Inspiration Came Early!

2009-10-23T06:06:00.001-05:00

We're all familiar with the phenomenon. One of your friends, 99% of the time female, screams "LET'S DO KARAOKE!" With trepidation, you figure that you can get really drunk and watch people make fools of themselves.

5 Cuervo shots later, you're grabbing the microphone from a guy who, in your alcohol-fueled opinion, just mutilated "Unchained Melody".

Which brings me to this week's interactive SSTIFY: What is the best karaoke song of all time? I'm not asking what song YOU like to sing, but what is the one song that everyone in the bar sings. I mean, everyone. There's been some debate on this in some of the circles I run in*. Here are some that we came up with. Feel free to add any in the comments box:

First on the playlist:

I chose the scene from Beautiful Girls because it represents the essence of what I'm trying to do here. That, and Uma Thurman is hot. At the very least, if you aren't singing the "bah bah BAHHH" part, you have no soul.

Next up:

A quick YouTube search for this song gave me more karaoke versions than the actual version. Coincidence? I think not.

Thirdly, this was offered up:

OK, then.

Have a good weekend everyone!

* Look! I made a running reference!

New Crap, Better Wrapper

2009-10-22T10:15:00.001-05:00

If you haven't noticed, I've got me some new digs here at ROATM. It was time for a change. I don't know if this will necessarily kick me in the ass to blog more, but at least it's different.

As I wrote previously, I don't know how much more I can write consistently decent stuff about running. I envy those that can...and those people should know who they are. Some would argue that they are still waiting for my decent stuff (the same aforementioned people). Either way, I'm stickin' around in the blogosphere. It's too much damn fun. Most of the posts probably won't be about running, but I'd be remiss if I didn't throw one in now and again.

So what am I going to write about? Who the hell knows? Probably random crap that goes on in my warped little world. Tomorrow's post will be fun AND interactive.*

I can guarantee at least one thing:

I'll still use bullet points.

Happy reading!

P.S. - I'm going under the assumption that any of you really give a s**t about all of this. That's a big assumption.

Editor's Note - If someone can tell me how to change these damn yellow checkmarks back to bullets, please let me know.
*that is what we call a "tease" in the business.

State of the Blog Report

2009-10-20T10:45:00.014-05:00

This is easily my favorite time of year. The leaves are changing. The air is brisk. My beloved college football team takes a giant dump on their home field. Ahh…the sites, sounds, and smells of fall. Save for a few fun runs, it also means the end of my racing season which, in turn, leads me to reflect.

I think I can sum up the 2009 running season with this tired cliché: Quality over quantity.

It was a very eventful year on the road for me. In January, I completed my first marathon. I still have an asterisk by it due to my IT band issues. It’s all very wonderful for a lot of you to say “hey, you finished” in the comments box (yes, I went back and checked), but the asterisk remains.

I PR’d in a few races, which is good. I did some speedwork over the summer, but not as consistently as I would've liked. For some reason on race day, though, I had a fire under my ass. Yay me.

I always wanted to run a relay and I did that and plan to do it again next year.

So what’s on tap for 2010 you all ask? I don’t rightly know just now. Should I work on speed and, thusly, new PRs? Should I set “more races” as a goal? I’ve got some ideas rattling around in my head like that ball bearing they use in spray paint cans.

As for ROATM, I’ve noticed that, as my training goes, so goes the blog. Since I’m not in any sort of training, who knows what you all will get from me? Maybe I could write about how cold it is or why it sucks to run on a treadmill. Been there. Done that. I’m not calling this a blog hiatus, per se, and I’m not leaving. Been there, done that, too. Maybe we'll just call it "sporadic inspiration". Yeah, I like that.

I leave you with a link about blogging. It’s a pretty interesting take on the medium. There are a lot of big words. Even I had to look some up, but I highly recommend it if you want to look like you’re doing research at work (translation: no pictures) or you have 8 hours of Parent-Teacher conference to kill.

Andrew Sullivan, Why I Blog, The Atlantic, November 2008

SSTIFY - Paper Slippers and an Orange Jumpsuit

2009-10-16T06:59:00.005-05:00

It's been a week since the relay and I haven't done a damn thing. Well, that's not true. Parent/Teacher conferences were this week. Tedious, creepy and bizarre all at the same time.

I have tried like a mofo to get this song out of my head all week. I even googled "omaha" and "labotomy", but didn't get much. Not even a picture of yours truly (thought I'd beat you all to the punch on that one).

Well, well, well....Ms. Cyrus ain't Hannah Montana anymore, huh? I imagine mom sphincters throughout suburbia collectively clenched after watching this video.

It's a Party in the USA - M2M Relay Report

2009-10-11T16:09:00.023-05:00

This was a good idea in May.

Even for me, 4:45am came too early Saturday morning. I dragged my sorry ass out of bed and headed downstairs. I noticed it was brighter than usual outside. I looked outside and there was snow. A LOT more snow than the "experts" had predicted.

Fannnnnntastic.

I'd have been to the team captain's house a lot sooner, but the snow stuck to the street signs and I was in a neighborhood where all the streets and houses look the same. Ugh. Nevertheless, I made it in good time and, then next thing I know, they're dropping me off at the starting line.

Due to the lousy weather conditions, a local restaurant opened up its doors to the runners. They even provided coffee, bananas, and apples to us. Thank you Upstream Brewing Company! (they deserve the plug) The restaurant manager looked at us like we were all insane, but he had a lot of fun with it. I even think he snapped a few pics.

"Look for the pink gorilla with the trombone."

Well, of course the starter is a pink gorilla with a trombone. Of course. Promptly at 6:45, the trombone sounded and we were off. I took my first .25 miles at a 6:30 pace. Yes, I'd like to order a big heaping plate of adrenaline please! I finally settled down and tackled the hills better than I anticipated. In fact, I was finishing about :30 under my expected pace. I get to the relay point and......

....and.......

.....no team member. Not one. They're all in the van. Runner #2 was going to jump out at the last second and take it from there.

Relay Lesson Learned #1 - Don't jump out at the last second and take it from there.

Here's another thing they don't tell you in the brochure: the van is really REALLY hot when the heater is cranked for the non-runners and you just finished. Holy hell.

At the beginning of Stage 3, I offered to navigate. I was reading directions to the next stage and, after about 2 minutes, it dawned on me that I was reading the directions for Stage 4. Fortunately, we located another mud-caked 18-passenger van and we followed that to the next relay point. Crisis averted.

I was not allowed to navigate again.

Relay Lesson Learned #2 - Stake your claim in the van. Do not give up your territory under any circumstances.

Once we got into a groove, all of our shit was strategically strewn about in our "area". I found a heater on my side of the van, so I put my shoes there.

An email from my wife:
WIFE: What's the van smell like?
ME: Like Cheezits, stale coffee, bananas and feet. Basically like the gorilla cage at the zoo. All we're missing is the tire swing.
WIFE: Ick.

Ick, indeed.

Relay Lesson Learned #4 - Find people that you can deal with for 13+ hours. My vanmates were a very fun bunch. We didn't take it too seriously, as was evident by our "baton" (zebra striped snap bracelet). We're serious runners, but we had great perspective on the whole day.

My stage came up quicker than a I thought (a mere 5 hours after my first one) and I got off to a decent pace. It was flat and fast. The only issue was the fact that I didn't reset my Garmin, so I was doing Marathon Math trying to figure out how much I had left to run. Again, an 8 minute mile pace. I'll take it, but I'm worried about my last stage. IT band problems, dead legs, a wonderful combo of the 2? Oh the suspense!

Relay Lesson Learned #6 - Eat. Eat more than you think you need to, but don't eat beef jerky and Laffy Taffy after a 5.5 mile tempo run.

I'm just sayin'.

We wind around the better part of Eastern/Southeastern Nebraska. I swear my team could have dumped me out and I could've been left for dead. The only thing next to my crow-picked carcass would have been my RoadID. Oh the irony.

Relay Lesson Learned #5 - Find a radio station that everyone can agree on.

So I put my hands up
They’re playing my song,
And the butterflys fly away
Noddin’ my head like yea
Movin my hips like yea
I got my hands up,
They’re playin my song
I know im gonna be ok
Yea, It's a party in the USA
Yea, It's a party in the USA

No matter how loud I played music on my iPod and no matter what type of music it was, I could NOT get that song out of my head. By our count, we heard that song along 10 times.

10. Effing. Times.

At this point, everything becomes a blur. Get out of the van, freeze, congratulate teammate, get back in the van. Here are some extraneous observations:

Spotted: Big Al's Auto Body Repair and Video Rental. Uh yes. I need a new windshield and a DVD copy of "Big" please.
Saw a chick light up after her last stage. Classic.
We decided after everyone's last stage, we'd have a libation for them at their "finish line". Best Miller Lite ever. I detest those types of beers (even though some pictures would refute that), but that beer almost tasted as good as my Michelob Ultra after the PF changs marathon.

During the last 2 stages, we were all really really punchy or really really quiet. It wasn't until the finish line that we perked up.

And broke out the good booze.

Team Oh My God What Have I Gotten Myself Into finished with a time of 12 Hours 38 Minutes 1 Second

Would I do it again? Absolutely! I recommend it to all runners....as long as you follow my simple rules.

Oh yeah, there's one more thing....

Due to the weather, the post-race shindig was moved to the biggest bar in downtown Lincoln. As we head down there, it occurs to me that it's Saturday night, there are about 1000+ runners in there...it's gonna be packed.

And it was.

Now how the hell am I going to find XC2? Oh wait, she's by the band.

I wave.

I yell.

Her teammates are looking at me like I'm some sort of creeper. Now I think that I have the wrong chick. Turns out I didn't and she hunted me down like she's been known to do.

Legendary meeting?

We talked for a strong 20 seconds and then my teammates informed me that we were leaving to go eat somewhere else. I'll describe the meeting in my own true fashion.

I was a yammering idiot. 3 tempo runs that start at 6:45am will do that to you.
I hate MGD Light, but after 14 hours in a van, horse piss drained through a dirty sock would've tasted good. Fortunately, this bar had that in can form.
She's a very cool person. Very cool.

Party in the USA everyone!

Alone With My Thoughts

2009-10-08T06:42:00.008-05:00

I know it's a Running Cardinal Sin to look at the weather forecast days in advance. I know this because I read it on a blog. I also read on a blog that you should get plenty of rest and eat/drink right the day before the race. Whatever. That being said, take a gander at what the brave men and women at Offutt AFB are predicting for Saturday:

Sweet. I looked at the forecast for Lincoln, hoping it would read "High of 75, no wind, and it'll smell like lilacs in the breeze", but no dice. Especially the lilacs part.

There's also this curious rule about no headphones. Yeah. Yeah. We all know the drill. They say no headphones, but what are they going to do, right? Here's the deal, though. I'm starting this race with only 50 other people. Seeing as though I'm sexy as hell, I'm going to stand out...regardless of the fact that I'll be wrapped up like Ralphie from A Christmas Story.

The first leg sans iPod will be no big deal. I get to run in the city limits, uphill, past my former Love Palace/Apartment (complete with spiral staircase) and between our zoo and Rosenblatt Stadium, the current - but not for long - home of the College World Series.

The other 2 stages will be a challenge. It's Nebraska, so you can imagine the scenery. If anyone tells you that Nebraska is beautiful they're:

A) The Governor of Nebraska
B) From Kansas
C) High

My only hope is that I run up on a Jackalope. What are they going to do at Mile Marker 56 if I want to break out the Boz Scaggs or some postgame analysis of the Nebraska win over Mizzery? Are they going to pull me off the trail? Nah!

I'm going to be dangerous. In fact, "Danger" is my middle name. I throw caution to the wind on a regular basis. Sometimes I even go down the mall escalator without using the railing.

Bad. To. The. Bone.

Sidenote #1 - Thank God Vanilla and Nitmos are back in the mix. It's tough carrying on the tradition of mildly amusing, half-assed posts over here. My shoulders are tired from carrying the burden. You both owe me.

Sidenote #2 - (insert obligatory rebuttal to XC2's weak-sauce smack here. Depends on what route she takes. If we're lucky, she'll break out the Garmin smack. "Your watch sucks". Oooohhh....burn!)

How To Annoy Teammates and Influence People

2009-10-06T08:16:00.005-05:00

I pored over all of your comments from a previous post and Ace came up with a great idea:

I suggest you be "that" guy. You know the one who starts singing songs and tries to get everyone to join in? The guy who plays kids travel games? The guy who brings garlic and onion bagels? The entertainment possibilities are endless.

Thanks Ace. Maybe I should be "that guy". Here are some more ideas:

We could sing this:

Claim that all this running makes me gassy

Tell them I get carsick as soon as I get in the van.

Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?

How much is a little bit further? How much is a little bit further?

Bring a rack of ribs for my lunch.

Pull out a flask before I start to drive. Ya know, one for the road.

Bring porn

Go shirtless, but only inside the van.

Hang my head out the window....even if it's raining.

Bring my Carpenter's Greatest Hits CD

Mad Libs anyone?

Stare at the person sitting next to me for an entire stage.

Any other ideas?

Sidenote - It sounds as if my fellow Omahan is hell-bent on making sure she lays down some smack about this relay.

Her projected win will look good in the trophy case, won't it? An XC2 win means a twentysomething triathlete beat a 37-year-old father of 2. An XC2 loss means said triathlete got beat by a 37-year-old father of 2.

Personally, I think this smack-talk is a defense mechanism. Let's talk about the elephant in the room, shall we?

Done and done.

Burrito Run Pics

2009-10-05T10:11:00.004-05:00

Burritos out of a cooler? Yes please!

(insert size joke here)

Our group cheated. We unwrapped our burrito before the horn went off. One lady actually got ticked off about it.

Holy s**t. Pinto beans.

Runner #85 = Tool

Holy ****, What Have I Done? A Race Report

2009-10-05T06:54:00.004-05:00

Friday afternoon, I almost resigned myself to the fact that I'd be posting about how I didn't run this race. See, KidDoodle1 came down with strep. Oddly enough, that was pretty fortuitous for yours truly because the rest of the RazZDoodle Saturday suddenly became clear....

Except for my date with a chicken burrito and a 4x400 interval.

I'll be honest. I walked onto our school's track Saturday afternoon with some trepidation. I was half expecting the scene from Monty Python's Holy Grail. Bodies lying everywhere. Lots of wretching. Burrito fragments as far as the eye could see. In reality, it was fairly benign. I saw a LOT of students (100+), a kid being pushed in a wheelchair (broken foot), a homemade burrito mascot and about 10 of my students.

Awesome.

I grabbed my bib # (seriously) and headed over to the field to talk to some fellow competitors (i.e. - teachers). I was looking around to see if anyone was taking this seriously. I spotted one guy, a football coach of ours, who takes everything seriously. He's uber-competitive. Very nice guy, but very competitive. Anyhow, he's warming up by doing strides.

Warming. Up.

I, on the other hand, am cautiously looking around the track for any signs of pukeage and/or poopage. None. There was a rumor that one kid puked but it was never verified. Great...so I could be the one and only.

I get into position, get my burrito, a glass of water and I'm nervous. Let me say that again: I'm nervous. Students, staff, and board members are all watching about 20 of us. Couple that with the fact that a video camera is practically up my nose (in HD, no less). The starter (i.e. - boys XC coach) lines us up, gives us the rules and he blows an airhorn to start us. I can't look at the burrito. I like Qdoba, but not at a rapid pace. Not only that, but this little bugger has pinto beans.

I. Hate. Pinto. Beans.

So, NOW I'm not looking at my burrito. I'm also gunning down water per the suggestion of some students and I'm looking at my competition. Football Coach didn't even chew. He was off like a shot. I suck down the rest of my burrito and I'm the third guy off and running.

Not bad. All systems calm. I make it about half way around the track and the head of our department, who's also the girls cross country coach, is coming up on me. WTF? She's like 100 lbs.! She's a great runner, but this was my one and only chance to beat her. She slowed down to chat with me for about a 1/2 lap and then she was off like a shot.

So there I was, just kinda treating it like an interval run. Oh, and I passed the 2nd guy out of the gate. He must've concentrated on the burrito training moreso than the running portion.

My students? They're cheering me on and shooting video and, for some odd-ass reason, I have my game face on. I'm in a burrito eating contest/race and I've got my game face on. Tool.

I finish. Walk off for about a half lap and then come back....with the worst taste in my mouth.

Ever.

Finishing time (from burrito to finish line): 8:58.

No puking. No pooping. A PR.

Potential pics and video in a future post.

Would I do it again? Absolutely! It was a lot of fun and it was a very successful fundraiser for the Cross Country teams.

But I won't be having a burrito until I have to train.

PR!

2009-10-03T21:53:00.000-05:00

Before I go into the Qdoba 1 Mile Burrito Run race report, I ask you this:

Boston it Ain't

2009-10-02T06:10:00.002-05:00

I'm pretty confident that these rules aren't in the Boston Marathon:

There will be a 10 meter "eating zone" located in front of the starting line. You must consume the entire burrito inside the 10 meter zone and show the race official that you have consumed the burrito by opening your mouth. After the official gives you the okay, you may begin your four laps. Sweet. I want that official's job.
If you feel the burrito coming back up your esophagus, find the nearest trashcan along the track. There will be no penalty for releasing your burrito back into the world, your time will end after your four laps. It's not the esophagus I'm worried about, coach.

You'll be glad to know that I've trained for this and I'm ready. I even went above and beyond and had steak burritos and chips. I'm good to go.

My students have agreed to tape this and make this a story in our next show. Yee haw. Full race report on Monday.

Good luck to those running those measly races! You know...the ones with timing chips and racing bibs. Weenies.

I Just Wrapped My Head Around This

2009-09-30T06:13:00.001-05:00

12 hours....minimum.

In a rental van.

With people that aren't family and/or close friends.

So many issues with this. Let's just start throwing them out there, shall we?

The Stench Factor - This one is self-explanatory. 7 people in a van at all times and, at some point, we will have all run between 10 and 13 miles. Someone needs to buy a vat of Febreze from Cotsco. I feel sorry for the guy at the rental company that has to air it out. He'll probably have to burn it.
The Boredom Factor - This is where not having friends/family there may be an advantage. No one has heard all of my jokes and uber-humorous observations. At some point, though, we're all going to run out of observations and jokes, right? When is it appropriate to just say, "Guys, I'm going to sit in the back of the van and check up on football scores."?
The Annoyance Factor - On occasion, people annoy me. Hard to believe, huh? I love my family and friends, but I have a breaking point with them, too. We all do. Couple that with the fact, I don't know these people as well as said family/friends and it has all the makings of a low-rent reality show.

My teammates seem like nice people, they really do. I just don't know if anyone should spend time with anyone else for 8+ hours unless you're asleep or trapped underneath something really heavy. Fun Fact: I dated one of my relay teammates way back in the day. Well, it was one date. It was obviously memorable for her. I could see it in her eyes.

It should be interesting to see how things shake down. I'm sure it'll be fine. Maybe we'll all create an unending bond that will never be broken. Or, it turns out to be a scene from Lord of the Flies.

Oh, did I mention that this chick is running the relay now, too? I can't even begin to tell you how exciting this must be for her.

Omaha 10K Race Report

2009-09-27T11:12:00.010-05:00

4:45am - "Ugh"

4:53am - "Shit"

5:15am - "Harumph"

5:29am - "Ugh, shit, harumph"

Ladies and gentlemen, my new pre-race routine! I knew going in that I wouldn't be in the best condition to start a race....and I wasn't. I didn't overextend myself at the football game, but the 12am return arrival to Casa de RazZDoodle Sunday morning didn't help matters.

I pad downstairs, flip on the TV, determine my attire based on the temperature and just stare off into oblivion until about 5:58am. A friend of mine was nice enough to offer to pick me up, so that bought me some time. In 2 minutes, I managed to getdressedtakeiPodputonGarminandfastenD-taggrababottledwater...and head out.

It was a beautiful fall morning and our starting line overlooked the Missouri River. Omaha has revitalized the area and it's a really cool place to start a race. While waiting to line up, I run into 2 of my relay teammates and they tell me they're running the half marathon. They ask if I am and I tell them that I'm barely even in my body and I'm going to run the 10K.

Damnit. Now I want to run the Half. Oh well. I feel like a wuss. The only way to make me not feel like that? PR this f**ker. In fact, that was my mantra. OK, let's do a quick systems check for a PR, shall we? I have had nothing in my stomach since 10pm the previous night, I consumed quite a bit of alcohol. Not a lampshade-on-my-head-and-singing-karaoke amount (Sweet Caroline! Buh buh buhhhhh), but a fair amount, I've had a few big glasses of water before leaving for downtown....oh yeah, a PR makes perfect sense.

After motivating words from our mayor and the 3rd Team meteorologist from the 2nd ranked local newscast, we were off. Oh, best anthem ever, by the way. No lie. Some recent college grad sang it. Before he sang it, he told the crowd, "If you know of anyone interested in hiring an opera singer, let me know." Funny and talented.

Within a few yards of passing over the timing strip, my run damn near came to an end. There was a traffic cone....in the middle of the course. WTF? I managed to jump over it and I can only hope no one else tripped up/got trampled.

Omaha Marathon Gripe #1: Traffic cones in the middle of the course throughout the race. On the side, I can understand, but the middle? C'mon guys. You're begging for a lawsuit.

I do the Beginning of the Race Shuffle to get into a rhythm which brings me to my second gripe:

Omaha Marathon Gripe #2: The marathon, half marathon and 10K runners all started at the same time. They need to stagger it. They do. I was definitely at a different pace than the Cool Kids (marathon/HM runners) and I kind of felt bad for cutting them off, clipping their heels, and yelling at them to get out of my way.

I had my headphones on, so I couldn't hear my Garmin beep at me. When I looked down to check my pace, I was already at 1.3 miles and had a 7:45/mile pace going.

Hmmm......

Once things leveled out and everyone got into a rhythm, it was pretty smooth sailing. There was a LOT of scenery, so that kept me occupied. There was the time that we passed some sort of salvage yard, but I was too busy keeping track of my competition. My nicely tanned, ponytail swishing, well-"paced" competition.

Oh, and there's the picture people. I can't wait to see the pictures. Half-hungover, glasses on, sweating. I'm damn sexy. Just. Freakin'. Sexy.

I was concerned that the 10K would not have a separate finish and that we'd stop, but the Cool Kids would keep running and we'd have some sort of pileup. Not the case. We peeled off and finished our race along the river. I look at my Garmin and I'm staring down the barrel of a PR...with some time to spare. As is tradition with me, I kick a little too soon and I see someone's shadow behind me. Do I have it in me to kick just a little further? Yes, I do. I sail into the finish line with an empty stomach, a pickled liver, and a new PR.

48:53

At the end of the race, there were stale bagels and mushy bananas! Yeah!

Lesson learned? Getting lots of rest and not drinking before race day is a myth.

Seeing as though this was my first big race since Phoenix, I drew one conclusion:

I think Phoenix spoiled me.

Phoenix's Expo: Took up the entire Arizona Convention Center. It took us about 2 hours to go through everything.

Omaha's Expo: Took up the front lobby of a social hall. Not the entire social hall. The front lobby.

Phoenix's Finishing Area: Massive and had every fruit possible PLUS popsicles!

Omaha's Finishing Area: 2 tables of questionable fruit and a guy flipping pancakes.

Overall, I think that the Omaha Marathon has some potential. I do. They just need to address some things. Am I going to run the half or the full next year? I'd give it consideration.

Congrats to the real runners who raced this past weekend!

This Week's PIcks...

2009-09-25T10:06:00.005-05:00

Before I prognosticate (+5 points!*), I'm just going to say that I'm rethinking my goals for this 10K on Sunday. Maybe, just maybe, if limit my consumption of all things that aren't conducive (+2 pts.) for a pre-race feast (yes, it's only a 10K. I know that), I can finish with a decent time. The last time I ran an official 10K was 2 years ago. I was young. I needed the money. And I finished in 50:10. I'll just leave that at that.

On to the picks:

Louisiana-LaFayette at Nebraska - This one is for the fans. 300th sellout. Oh, by the way, the Virginia Tech game never happened. Never. Happened. NEBRASKA

Iowa at Penn State - If Iowa can limit their turnovers and lean on their defense, they may not embarass themselves. Gulp. PENN STATE

Tennessee Tech vs. K-State - There's a technical college in Tennessee? Do they offer advanced degrees in Musket Loading? For Chrissakes, K-State would you please win this?????? K-State

Colorado at West Virginia (next Thursday) - Hope you enjoyed that shutout CU fans. It'll be the last one for a longggg time. At least, from the winning side, that is. WVU

Indiana at Michigan - Holy crap this is a boring game. Thank God ESPN 2 is covering it. MICHIGAN

Florida at Kentucky - Really Urban Meyer? You had to get into a pissing match with LANE KIFFIN the Monday after the game? You're the defending national champs. Man up and don't go down to that level. Yet another dull matchup. Is Tim Couch still alive? FLORIDA

Army at Iowa State - As much as it pains me to say this, ISU could go into Big XII play with only 1 loss. That, of course, leaves KSU and CU as the Big 12 North's suckholes. Ahhhhh....all is right with the world. ISU at home.

Missouri at Nevada (tonight) - Nevada isn't that good, but knowing Missouri fans, they'll turn this around and say that they've now beaten 2 bowl teams (current combined record: 1-3) on the road. That, of course, will prompt every media hack in the Show Me State to declare them the Best Team Ever. MIZZOU. Ugh.

Best of luck to Viper, Nitmos and everyone else running in races this weekend!

*I'm bringing back Nitmos' point system

Mr. Magoo Runs a Tempo Run

2009-09-23T09:15:00.006-05:00

As I woke up for my run this morning, I made the executive decision to not throw in contact lenses. Actually, now that mornings are cooler, I haven't put them in for quite awhile. I digress.

I head out and, when I open my front door, all I see is fog. Diffused streetlights and fog. No big deal. I start my run and make another executive decision to make this a tempo run. Well, the combination of fog and glasses made things interesting.

Since my route was through my neighborhood, I knew I had to tread lightly. See, chuckholes and construction abound right now in my little corner of the universe. The construction areas have those blinky lights (technical term) and barricades, but they're also replacing all the speed bumps and they've yet to paint stripes on them. You really don't have an appreciation for stripes until you run at 5am.

So now it's foggy, my glasses are fogged over, and I'm trying to run at a "comfortably hard" pace. Things were going well until.......

I took a wrong turn. Don't know how I missed it, but I did. And it took me about 3 blocks to figure out where the hell I was. If it weren't for a mailbox that looked eerily similar to this:
Thank you MailBass. You were my North Star and I was a Wise Man. I liken myself to the Wise Man with myrrh. Which wise man are you? Discuss!

10K...pre-FAIL

2009-09-22T06:13:00.001-05:00

I'm running a 10K this weekend* and I can guarantee you one thing:

This will not be a record-breaking run.

Why not, Raz? I mean, you're our inspiration. You're the reason I run intervals, eat right, etc. You're my whole reason for being!

Well, it's like this: My Beloved Cornhuskers are going to be celebrating the 300th consecutive sellout of Memorial Stadium this Saturday. Let me repeat that: 300th. Consecutive. Sellout. Since 1962, loyal/psychotic/rabid NU fans have packed Memorial Stadium and have watched the highs and lows of our football team. If you're not from around these them parts, it's really hard to explain the loyalty/fanaticism. Nevertheless, I'm going and I wouldn't miss it for the world. It also happens to be the game where friends and family will gather 'round to celebrate my birthday with a tailgate prior**. And my oh my....we'll tailgate.

On the menu:

Ribs
Beer
Liquor
Boneless wings
Mini-Mac and Cheese
Pizza Bread
Orzo
Tomato and Feta salad
Combos
Skittles
More beer
More liquor

MomDoodle runs the tailgates. She makes everything (save for the beer, combos, skittles) and she is the best cook. Ever. And her tailgates are legendary. In fact, if you're ever in Lincoln for gameday, you can find us in our usual spot. White SUV, red Husker flag. Stop on by! I'm sure mom wouldn't mind at all.

None of this really sounds very conducive to running a 10K, does it? Couple the fact that the game is at night and the run is at 7am the next morning, I can pretty much guarantee a non-PR race.

So, what are my goals?

Get up by 6am
Arrive before the gun goes off
Don't puke

Easy enough, right? RIGHT???

*for those of you keeping score, I toyed with the idea of running the marathon, dropped down to the half marathon and am now running the 10K. Some things you can just set your watch to, can't you?

**wasn't it nice of them to plan this around my birthday? I'm just waiting for the commemorative t-shirt.

BOTR - Episode 4 and This Week's College Picks

2009-09-18T08:25:00.014-05:00

I kind of glossed over the fact in yesterday's post that there's a new episode for Banned on the Run. It's quite good if I say so myself save for the fact that I had to go in and re-edit (again) after I posted it. If you're one of the lucky ones to have downloaded my mistakes, consider it a memento. It's one of the rare times I screw up.

So I said this episode was good. Why? Is it because you get to hear my silky, smooth voice seeping into your ears during your long run? Probably. There is the outside chance that it's because we interviewed one of the finest writers about running. Vanilla, Nitmos, Amy and I* had the good fortune of having Kristina (a.k.a. - Marathon Mama) on for the show. She regaled us with her tales about running in the Outback. I'm not doing it any justice, but suffice it to say, her stories are very interesting. You'll notice that I don't have much to say during the podcast. That's because during the entire interview I was trying to wrap my head around the fact that she ran in the Outback (not the steakhouse oddly enough) for 2 weeks. Aside from a well-placed Wiggles joke, I kept quiet. That was, of course, until I talked about the potential of crapping myself during my Burrito Run later on in the 'cast. See? Informational AND juvenile!

This week's picks:

Nebraska at Virginia Tech - I'm a die-hard NU fan, but I don't that they're "there" just yet. VT is going to be fast and nasty. Plus it's the first road game for Zac Lee. Va Tech.
Wyoming at Colorado - I won't pile onto CU. They're pretty much screwed. If the Buffs don't win this one, things will go downhill....fast. CU at home.
K-State at UCLA - 2 words for K-State fans.....Louisiana Lafayette. Nice job 'Cats. Way to represent the Big XII. UCLA
Michigan vs. Eastern Michigan - Settle down, Michigan. All you did was beat yet another overrated Notre Dame team. Although I will say this: if/when Rodriguez gets his speed guys in there, UM will be tough to beat in the Big 10 for a long time. Michigan
Iowa State at Kent State - Maybe someone other than KU and NU in the Big XII North won't suck. Nah. Kent State at home.
Missouri vs. Furman - Furman? FURMAN??? WTF? Missouri.
Tennessee at Florida - I'll use the prison analogy. Pick a fight with the biggest guy right when you get into the joint. Well, Kiffin did that and now he's going to be Urban Meyer's beyatch for 60 minutes. The best part? I've got Tebow in fantasy football. Think Meyer will leave him in in the 4th quarter? *nodding emphatically* - Florida, but only by 5 touchdowns.

Have a great weekend everyone!

*When do I just start calling them Ian and Mike in blogland?