Running Off at the Mind

Vacation's All I Ever Wanted

2012-07-09T08:16:00.000-05:00

Family Raz went on a mini-vacation this weekend. We went to Kansas City. Here are some musings and observations from the past weekend:

Within minutes of our road trip, the kids wanted to break out the new books, toys, etc. that we had designated for the road trip. Me telling them that "when I was a kid" fell on deaf ears. Fast.
The iPad is the greatest invention of all time in terms of kids and road trips.
TIP: Find a movie that both kids can agree on for the ride down.
Half of a Dramamine can do wonders to settle arguments in the back seat of the car. Yeah, I drugged my kid. Don't judge.
Our hotel was in a suburb of KC and it was a high-rise (for lack of a better term). 18 floors high and the kids wanted to be on floor 18. Request: granted. Thank you Doubletree!
Um, Doubletree's cookies? Could've lived off of those for the entire trip. I'm sure my youngest had a nut allergy, so I ate his. Just in case. Can't be too careful when you're away from home.
There are some things you take for granted when you're older. One thing is Elevator Etiquette. Our kids were so excited to jettison to the top floor that they tended to run into/out of the elevator when the doors would open. Slow down there, Speedy McSpeederson. Fortunately, we didn't get many dirty looks. More of the "Been There, Done That" look from parents that were there for a national baseball tournament.
Speaking of which, I don't think I want my kids to be in any select sports. The look on these parents' faces were that of "When the **** is the season over? What city am I in right now?" No thank you.
I used Yelp, Google Reviews, a bit when finding places for our trip. If I just went off of the reviews, you'd think I had stepped into a hell hole every place we went. Seriously, it's a venue for them to bitch about their experience, no matter how bizarre. Example - "I am very sensitive to noise, so I was glad the staff was able to accommodate my request to not be facing the freeway or the major street." I want to hang with this guy after 10pm. We were at LEAST 5 blocks away from the expressway. At least.
I'm heartened by the fact that my kids enjoyed their time at the Barnes and Noble in Country Club Plaza as much as they did LegoLand. Yes, we could've saved time and money going to our B&N 2 miles away from our house, but this one had ESCALATORS!
We went to a restaurant where a toy train travels above you and it delivers your food. Pretty cool, but I didn't know how much to tip a toy train.
Speaking of Legoland, think you could maybe add a floor of Lego excitement? For that type of money, you might want to consider it. That, or maybe starting our "journey" with one functioning elevator for hundreds of overheated, tired parents and overstimulated kids might not be the best foot forward.
Kansas City has the best BBQ. The Best. No, I haven't been to Memphis (yet) and Texas can just suck it.
Schliterbahn Water Park. "Guess Where We Are!" or "We Charge So Much Because We're Eventually Going to Get Sued!" Like the new slogans? You'll be seeing them soon. Very soon. It's a matter of time.
The MapQuest chick and I have broken up. Left hand turns do NOT equal U-Turns. Fortunately, my backup chick, the one I married, was MUCH more reliable.

All said, it was a fun trip. As with any trip, we all just wanted to get home so we could spend more time with one another....just in different rooms on different floors. Next year? Oh God, give me a couple of months recovery time before we discuss next year.

*Running Note - I'm back at it tomorrow. This week will tell me if I'm ready to go for this marathon. I'm hoping after one week of rest that it is.

Would Mr. Inspiration Please Come to Customer Service?

2012-07-02T08:12:00.002-05:00

This usually pithy and, let's be honest, hilarious blog is temporarily being hijacked for me being pissy and mopey.

For the first time of wanting to run another marathon, I have no motivation to train for it. None.

First off, I'm injured...well, slightly injured. I mean, I know it's plantar fasciitis, now it's just a matter of how I deal with it.

Secondly, it's hot. Yeah, it's Satan's Ass Crack hot everywhere, but I hate....hate...the heat with the energy of 5000 suns (irony!).

Thirdly, but no less important, is that I just don't want to do it right now. I had a 10 miler scheduled this weekend, and I had no desire to get to double digits. Don't know why, just didn't.

Usually, at 10 miles, I start eating before going out on the run. Yeah, I know about fuel, glycogen, hydration, blah blah blah. At 5am, though, all I want to do is grab a glass of water and go. None of this waffle with peanut butter or banana or yogurt crap. That, and I should probably consider some sort of hydration in this weather. That would mean a hydration belt, having that slosh around, blah blah blah.

I have tried finding Inspiration. He's just not showing up right now.

I tried posting on Twitter. No deal. Granted, there were some comments that, on most days, would've gotten me out on the road.
My running buddy, XC2. Usually, she's there to bitch and moan and pick me up. Apparently, though, she has her own life filled with stuff not dealing with my issues.. Typical.
Friends that enjoy running, but don't enjoy running. If that makes any sense. The exception to that is the Running Club that I'm in. It's more social than training, but it does get me out on the road. Forward progress, right?

So where does that leave me? I'm shutting it down for one week. Rest my foot, evaluate whether or not I REALLY want to do this marathon and get back at it regardless next Monday.

Feel free to chastise, motivate, chide, etc. I need it.

SSTIFY

2012-06-22T10:40:00.000-05:00

Remember SSTIFYs? Song Stuck In my head FridaYs? Me neither. This is has been in my head yesterday and today. Well, the Kidz Bop version has. God forbid my kids hear any type of explicit lyrics. Have a great weekend everyone. I'm preparing myself for Kid 2's birthday party.

Like This Run

2012-06-21T10:16:00.001-05:00

"Raz. You. Are. A. Badass."

"You have run 1 point zero miles. Time? 8 minutes 15 seconds. Average pace: 8 minutes 13 seconds. Current pace: 11 minutes and 13 seconds. Pick it up, you slack ass."

Thank you Runkeeper Chick. Thank you. Thank you for getting me back out on the road. Funny enough, it was her stilted, slightly east coast accent that has gotten me on the road for most of my runs. Why?

Because gadgets are cool.

I suppose getting back on the road because of an app is pretty stupid. Well, we know who we're dealing with, right?

Not only that, but my friends on Facebook and Twitter are getting out there as well. Oh, John went 6.68 miles per CardioTrainer this morning. Well, then. Let me just "like" his status and then I'll get my ass out there and go 6.69 (giggle).

The running purist in me should be saying "You should be running for the love of the sport. The thrill of getting out on the road, pushing your body to the limits, blah blah blah blah." I just want people to be impressed by the fact that I did a tempo run....at 6am...in the summer. I might as well just put "badass" into my Facebook/Twitter profile.

Like THAT, punk.

The question I ask (besides "could you get any better looking?" Answer: no) is "how much is too much?" Should I post every time I run? I don't know. Maybe I'll just post the long runs. No one really cares about a 3 mile tempo run.

I know what most people are thinking, "Just let me enjoy some coffee, a ~~10-15~~ 30-45 minute timesuck and, if the mood strikes, I'll like your run, OK?" That's fine. I'm OK with that.

Am I shameless? Hell yeah. There are some positives, though. I'd like to think that I use my social media for good, too. This past fall, I noticed that a lot of high school journalism teachers tweeted about their running. Long story short, I got the ball rolling on a social running group with the hashtag, #runningondeadline. Get it? Running? Deadline? Might have to put "funny as hell" on my profile too.

*most of this post was written as I'm coming off of some dental work. I doubt it has any effect on my writing. It's still the same incoherent s**t that you're used to. I think the gas and the novacaine are wearing off now. And my tongue feels like a piece of tenderized meat. Not good.

Aisle Three

2012-06-18T07:11:00.000-05:00

"Irv, I wasn't even in aisle three!" - Michael Keaton in Mr. Mom

Now that school's out, I've been Mr. Mom. And, rather than start a parenting blog and maybe breathing some new life into this blog, I've decided to start a new segment. We'll call it Aisle Three. Everyone OK with that? Judging from the lack of comments, I'm sure you're all content with my writing because it's just that good. Here goes:

My kids are awesome.

At least that’s what I’ve been told.

To be fair, they are good kids. I love them with all my heart, unconditionally, etc. etc.

Sometimes, though, I may I may love them even a little more when they’re in separate corners.

Let me give you an example: When I can, I like to pick up my daughter from school.

Once in awhile, her teacher will tell me, “(child’s name) is doing great in school. She is such a joy and a blessing.”

It takes every fiber of my being to stifle outright laughter at the “blessing” comment, but whatever.

So when she’s throwing a Hall of Fame hissyfit at home, she’s a” blessing”? Is that the word we’re going to use for that?

After The Blessing is buckled up, I go and pick up my 4 year old.

“Oh, he was just perfect today. Just perfect.”, she says.

Again, more stifling.

Yeah, he’s “perfect” when he’s at church and he has put his head in his lunchbox and zipped it up because he’s so angry with me. Just perfect.

While I’m chatting with the sitter, I let Blessing and Perfect go and get into the car. I like to call my car “The Octagon” because this is where most of the fighting happens. I’m convinced that, after lunch, both of my kids work on a fight plan for the Octagon after school. Whether I arrive at the car 5 seconds or 5 minutes after they get in, someone is crying. If it’s an especially lively day, both of them are crying. Essentially, what they’re saying to each other is: It’s on.

Like I said, I love my kids. I just have to realize that they’re usually better kids when one of them is at their grandparents’ or at their friend’s house on a play date. When that happens, it’s a win-win for my wife and I. They’re a Blessing and/or Perfect there and the other is the same at our house. Seriously.

If one of them is away, whether it’s across the street or in another state, the other one is a cherub.

ME: Could you pick up your toys in the family room?

BLESSED: Sure. After that, can you get the vacuum out, daddy?

ME: Uh, sure.

BLESSED: After that, can you get out the ladder so I can clean out the gutters?

ME: Absolutely!

OK, that last part wasn’t true. The ladder was buried in the garage and I didn’t want to get it out.

But, really…how does this happen? I know they love each other. I’ve seen it and it’s documented in pictures and on video. Granted I don’t have a lot of documentation, but I do have some.

Oddly enough, my wife and I are still waiting for the perfect storm when both of them have sleepovers on the same night. I don’t know what my wife and I will do if/when that ever happens. Maybe I’ll work on getting the blood and pulled hair out of the back seat.

Running Well With Others

2012-06-15T08:56:00.001-05:00

I've never run well with others. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule but, by and large, I run solo.

So that explains why I may have helped start a running group.

It started innocently enough. I was chatting with a teacher/friend from Kid 1's school who is also the school's track coach.

ME: Hey Kid 1's teacher who is also the school's track coach, I need some motivation to run.
Kid 1's Teacher (name redacted): Me too.
Me: We should start some sort of running club.
Kid 1's Teacher: Yeah, we should.

And that was that. Another parent picked up the ball and, the next thing you know, I'm in a running group.

Normally, that would be the end of that story, but - like I said - I don't usually run well with others. So now what?

I went to the first meeting of the club and I was a concerned with 2 things:

I'm going to be the only dude.
I'm going to be a LOT faster than the rest of them.

So, yeah...I was kind of an asshole going into this. Shocker.

First off, I wasn't the only guy. In fact, there were 2 other guys there. One I've seen at a couple other races and he's a good :15/mile faster than I was. The other was a guy that usually does tri's, but wanted to run with us. Oh, and he's lost 150+ lbs. in the past 5 years.

For our inaugural run, we all stuck together and, for the most part, we were only about 1:00/mile slower than usual but it really didn't matter. Better yet, we were all pretty serious about our running. Whether it was marathon training or 5K training, it didn't really seem to matter. It was a good run.

After our first run, we modified some things a bit. First off, we decided to start and end at the neighborhood pool. Duh. Secondly, adult beverages were needed after our run. Duh x 2.

Post 4 miler. Pre-adult beverages.

Am I going to run with a group/buddy for all of my runs? No. I still like to go solo for most of them, but groups are different and different is good.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: the running community is the best group of people out there. Turns out, I wasn't one of them before I joined this running group.

Rearing My Beautiful Head

2012-05-14T11:36:00.001-05:00

There are a few of things you can usually expect from me:

Me leaving the blogosphere for months at a time
Me saying I'm considering a marathon
Me saying I'm going to blog more
Ian getting another free set of shoes

I'm back! From about mid-March until about now, I actually have to DO stuff. Not only that, but my wife has adopted this "our kids aren't going to sit on their ass and play on the iPad all day" policy at our house. Apparently, this policy was adopted while I was in an intense game of Draw Something! Because of this policy, Kid 1 and Kid 2 have been hitting the hardwood or the soccer field.

I'm serious when I say this: I love my kids. I do. But they are hindered by their parents' genetics when it comes to team sports. I got one kid working on her dance moves while waiting her turn to practice her serve and I got another making grass angels while he's on the field.

Halfway done! Not bored yet!

They are interested in one thing, though and that's running. I've signed them up for a local race on Memorial Day. Kid 1 is going to do the mile and Kid 2 is going to do the 400m. AND THEY'RE GOING TO LOVE IT, DAMNIT!

We've already been to the track to practice. Kid 2 gets bored about about 300m and Kid 1 can run 2 decent 800m's. That gives me hope. Another thing that gives me hope is that she's got some decent form. She's made to be a runner. I can see the scholarships rolling in now! She said this morning that her legs hurt from yesterday. I quickly reminded her that she didn't stretch and probably needed new shoes. She was all about the latter. Much like her father.

*****

Yes, I'm still considering that whole marathon thing. Not financially committed to one yet, but "considering" is better than "dropping to the half". Niki is pushing for it and Ian and Adam have fully committed to making fun of me. So I have that going for me.

*****

I've got a couple things to maybe, possibly write about:

I started a running club. Sort of.
My Local Track: Cheap Babysitter
Running for All the Wrong Reasons

*****

Really Ian. Really?

*****

Uh, when did Google/Blogger decide that everything should look like Google Docs? Don't like it. Don't like it one bit.

Breathless

2012-02-20T09:57:00.000-06:00

When people asked my why I run, I told them all the right answers. Because I want to be in shape, I love a challenge, etc. And, for the most part, those reasons were true. The main reason I ran is to relieve stress. More specifically, I needed to manage my anxiety attacks.

Some people call them "panic" attacks, but I'm going to use "anxiety". Sounds less psychotic.

I used to get these attacks about twice a year. I could practically set my watch to it: once in October and once in March. And, get this, it was always when my life slowed down. One would think that the opposite would be true. Well, when have I ever been normal? Amiright?

My life is go go go just like everyone else's. 2 kids, a career that lends itself to working outside school hours, coaching, etc. People do it all the time but, apparently, when I'm sitting on my ass watching a basketball game, that's where things get nutty.

Essentially, it feels as though someone is sitting on my chest. Let me be more specific: it feels like a 325 lb lineman that just went through an all-you-can-eat buffet is sitting on my chest. I can't get a breath. Not only that, but I get really pissy. Like "I haven't had coffee in 48 hours" pissy, so yeah...the family is loving this. Once I can't breathe, then I get stressed out about not being able to breathe and the nasty cycle begins and I'm out of commission until it subsides. Yay.

After doctor consults and a lot of hours of Interwebs research, here are my options:

Medication - No thanks. I told my doctor no medication because I didn't want to take a Xanax and be useless the rest of the day. My doctor, who completely understood, argued "are you any better trying to catch your breath the entire day?" Touche, doc. No drugs, though. I want to have the option of being able to operate heavy machinery if need be. Crane? Sno-Cat? Zamboni?
Therapy - Uh...nah. I tried that. Not my thing. The therapist was nice enough, but she was stumped as to why I'd get attacks while I was doing nothing. Not a good sign. That and, ironically, I have no time to go see someone once a week.
Yoga/Mediation - I think this is my best option. I can get exercise and practice breathing techniques. The problem? It's pretty damn expensive. It's that or therapy, I suppose.
Running - Oh yeah, I could go running. Here's the thing, though. I can't run. Once the attack has subsided (about 36-48 hours), I can run...on a treadmill. I went running outside last weekend and could barely make 2 miles...and that was with walking.

Regardless of my lack of running, I know that the combination of that and yoga will get me out of this. It's just that I have to get back to that point of where I'm at least running 3 times/week. Due to my own laziness, though, that just isn't happening. It's either be lazy or go through this personal hell. I need to get out and run. I need to meditate and do yoga. It's my only option. Well, at least the only option that I'm 100% comfortable with.

I don't know why I'm posting this. I'm not fishing for comments or looking for attention. I think I'm doing it because it's one of the best ways I deal with things. I write about them.

In summary, the goal is more exercise and more meditation. And we all hope for the best.

Race Report

2012-01-31T08:31:00.000-06:00

I never know how to start these race reports...especially virtual ones. That said, I was honored that I was allowed to sign up for this year's Freeze Your Thorns Off 5K from esteemed blogger, Adam.

That said, my race sucked. In fact, my entire week of running sucked.

The worst part is is that I have no one to blame. The weather set up nicely, I had a great route, etc. I'm just not in running shape. Let me qualify that:

I'm not in 5 mile shape.

Admittedly, I've been away from true running for awhile. 2 runs per week...at most...is not going to cut it if I even want to think about running a marathon for my 40th birthday. I need to get off of the stick, turn off my alarm when it goes off early in the morning and get out there.

I know you all expect witty banter and exceptional writing here at ROATM, but today ain't happening. First things first, 3 runs in a week and I'm back to blogging. Maybe then, I'll have something to write about.

Congratulations to all participants in the FYTO5K and thanks to Adam to setting it up.

5K - 25:45

So What Do I Have to Do Now?

2012-01-27T10:53:00.000-06:00

Xenia tagged me and I'm out of running ideas, so:

1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them you’ve tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about ‘you are tagged if you are reading this’. You legitimately have to tag 11 people.

Hey look! I've already accomplished #1! Yay me!

Part 2:

I won't wear shoes in my house. Drives me nuts.
I like wine, but it always gives me a wicked hangover the next day. 1 glass, 5 glasses...doesn't matter. I'm paying for it the next day.
I'll take a tailgate over a sit-down dinner every time.
I afraid of snakes. I'll walk over my own children to get away from one.
The Godfather is the best movie of all time.
I can't leave mail unopened in my email box. Drives me nuts.
I normally hate confrontation. Unless it's with a student.
Finding 11 of these things is incredibly difficult.
I'm the watermelon eating champion of the 1986 Iowa State Golf Camp (how's THAT for random?)
I decided to move to Arizona one night at a Omaha Lancers hockey game and, a month later, I had an apartment in Tempe.
When I die, I want to be buried with my Ben Hogan sand wedge.

Part 3:

1. Which movie/tv show/character most resembles your life? Conan O'Brien

2. What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever been given? Sometimes you just have bad runs. Some days are good, some days are bad, but at least you're running.

3. What was your ultimate dipshit moment (so far)? I'm not much of a dipshit, so.....

4. Marry, f*ck or kill: choose either group – (a) Val Kilmer (current, not young version), Kevin Federline and Russell Brand; (b) Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton. Did you want me to answer from Column B? I hope so. Marry - Kim Kardashian (lesser of 3 evils). They're still loaded, right? F*ck - Uhhh....which one has less STDs? Paris? Hopefully, she uses less needles. Kill - Lindsay. Process of elimination.

5. Which country would you most likely be arrested in and/or shot at and why? Ireland. Drunk and disorderly.

6. Which person (alive or dead) would you most want to bitchslap? If by "bitchslap" you mean "castrate with a rusty spoon" then that would be Jerry Sandusky.

7. Which special talent or skill do you wish you had? Play guitar

8. Who or what would you consider to be your archenemy? Ian. No idea why. Just Ian.

9. Pop or soda? Pop. Nebraska represent!

10. What’s your favorite holiday? Thanksgiving. Booze, food and football. And not necessarily in that order.

11. How would you prefer the apocalypse to go down? If we're going down, I want fire, brimstone and all that shit. I want God/Jesus/Allah/Brigham Young/Elvis to lay all the cards out and tell as what's up.

My Questions:

Right handed or left handed?
Favorite TV show?
Starbucks order?
Biggest running pet peeve?
Mac or PC?
What is one guilty pleasure on your iPod?
Will the world end in 2012? How?
What's the most illegal thing you've done?
What's the last book you read?
What's the last app you downloaded?
Write your own question and answer it. (sorry, that's the "lazy teacher" way of asking questions)

I don't KNOW 11 people that are consistently writing anymore. So......anyone that's still reading this, consider yourself tagged.

Subscribe to This?

2012-01-23T11:23:00.001-06:00

January is a busy month in the Razz household. More specifically, this is where we hit up family and friends for money. You know, for the kids. Two things seem to eat our soul this month:

Girl Scout Cookie sales
Magazine sales

First off, Girl Scout cookies are the easiest damn thing to sell. You don't sell them, per se. You essentially fulfill the role of pseudo-drug dealer in the scenario. I've never set foot in that underworld so all of the following assumptions that I make are solely based upon watching numerous episodes of Law and Order: Ah Screw It, We've Run Out of Police Departments.

The following are just some of the statements made by my daughter's clientelle:

"Oh, I already have a girl that I buy from."
"Oh, thank God your daughter is selling them this year. I need 10 boxes of thin mints. Now."
"Please don't forget me next year when she's selling them again. Please, please, PLEASE don't forget me!"
"Are you still selling them? ARE YOU STILL SELLING THEM?"

The best part is is that Girl Scouts USA changed their sales strategy. Rather than wait 6 weeks for your cookies, we now have them on hand. Read that last sentence again. Needless to say, our friends, family and co-workers are sufficiently tweaked.

And, after our clients are in a Thin Mint haze, we hit them up for magazine orders. All proceeds go to our daughter's school, so your order of Guns 'n Ammo is for the children.

This year, I find myself at a crossroads: do I re-up for another year of Runners World or not? I can't remember the last time I got anything beneficial out of the magazine. The way I see it, I can count on 3 articles:

Run Your First 5K...Fast!
3 Core Exercises That Will Make You Run Fast!
What to Do About Injuries...Fast!

I think my favorite article was about recovering from a 20 mile run and the author suggested, among other things:

Take an ice bath
Take the rest of the day off. You deserve it!

There is no way in hell that I'm going do #1 and I can only imagine how #2 would go at my house:

ME: Hey honey? I know it's Saturday and we have a crapload of things to do because we put it off during the week, but I'm going to take the day off.

BELOVED WIFE: That's fine, honey. You deserve it. Can I make you anything whilst you watch TV?

ME: Could I have the remote and the last sleeve of thin mints?

BW: Oh absolutely.

Goooooaaaaaaaallllllls

2012-01-20T09:55:00.000-06:00

There are some things I can set my watch to at the beginning of the year:

I go on a violent rage when I write "2011" on my checks.
Morons fill the gyms.
I set goals.

That whole #3 thing? I mean, who am I kidding? I could say that I want to run 20+ miles every week with 4 days of cross training and, at the same time, I'm eating non-processed foods and washing it down with 2 quarts of water.

Screw that.

Run at least 3 times/week
Cross train at least twice/week

That's it. No more, no less.

Oh, and keep considering that whole marathon thing. Surprisingly, my desire hasn't wained, so maybe there's some traction to it. We'll see. I looked at the elevation map of the race and there's a hill. A hill, people!

26.2 @ 40

2012-01-16T11:36:00.000-06:00

I'm not obsessed with my age. In fact, after hitting 30, I sometimes had to think about how old I was when someone asked. Not surprisingly, though, when you teach high school, you do tend to become more aware of your age moreso than other professions. My obscure Married: With Children and Thompson Twins references don't get quite the laughs in class like they should. To note, they did when I was wearing Generra Hypercolor shirts and Martihe Francois Girbaud jeans*.

That said, I'm well aware that I'll be turning 40 this year. I'm not overly concerned about it. I'll still have to deal with unruly nose hair, thinking that 11pm is ungodly late, and that eating at 5pm isn't so bad.

When I finished my one and only marathon, I told myself that was pretty much it. I could say that I did it and I could move on with my life. Regardless of whether I wanted to do it or not, though, was the fact that I got hurt during the race. I finished, but my time sucked. Lately (and by "lately", I mean in the past year), I found myself kicking around the idea of doing it again before I turned 40.

Well, my 40th is a mere 8 months away and I'm considering running the Omaha Marathon in September. 8 days after my 40th. Not only that, but I'm seriously considering it, too. I was reading Kristina's latest post over at Mother Running Rampant about how her 10th marathon was trippy. That post, for some odd reason, was the tipping point for me. Go figure.

To make it a little more real, I posted my 40th birthday "present" about it on Facebook and Twitter. Now, my occasional** running buddy, XC2 is now getting in on the act and I think she's more excited about running the marathon right now more than I am.

Granted, I'm on Day 2 of this kick, but I already have 5 miles logged in to start it off. This could all easily subside when I remember how time-consuming training was and how much I heart the week after the race. As Ian adeptly mentioned to me, "I guess it's been long enough that we've forgotten how bad it was." Let's hope so, Ian. Let's hope so.

Holy Lord, I may actually do this.

*don't give me the red, squiggly line on Generra and Girbaud, Blogger. These were real things!
**occasional on my part, not hers

Ohm

2011-12-16T06:36:00.000-06:00

Like most people, my life has become one Big Ball of Stress. I mean, I have to work 4. Straight. Months before even getting a 2 week vacation. then, it's another 4.5. Straight. Months before I get the next one. Seriously.

Regardless, dealing with 100s of screaming, overdramatic people on an 8 month basis can take its toll. And don't even get me started on the students.

*rimshot!*

Everyone has their own reason for running. Lose weight, competition, blah blah blah. Mine is simply for stress management. Don't get me wrong, losing weight and pushing my limits was a nice added bonus, but I have (had...working on that) running in my life so I don't snap like a dry twig and go off on someone.

In my neck of the woods, it's getting pretty damn cold here. That, and my normal routine of getting up at Crack Ass O' Dawn to go running has been conveniently replaced by setting my alarm for 4:45am and then changing it to 5:45am. It's quite a workout, lemme tell ya.

Enter yoga. Breathing, stretching, hanging out in the back of the studio with women in yoga pants. My kind of activity, right? Well, at my old gym*, they offered a yoga class at 7pm. Perfect. Throw some food down my kids' throats, throw them in the bathtub, hand them off to mom, and I was off to the gym.

The first couple of instructors were pretty good. They actually taught the class and helped out. The next 3 were a hodgepodge at best:

The instructor who forgot she was teaching and kept going with poses without a word. This would go on for about 3 or 4 minutes at a time.
The instructor who had us standing on our heads within 15 minutes of class "just to try it out and see if you can do it."We couldn't do it and we were all pissed off after the class.
The instructor who wore a fanny pack.

Through dumb luck, I found out where my first 2 instructors went to go teach and I went to their studio. Not only did they let me try out the class for free, but it was probably the best exercise class I've been to.

Was I the only guy there? Pretty much. I mean, there was another guy there, but I was the only guy there (2 snaps up in a circle**). Once the suburbia soccer moms and Neil, their "designer friend" stopped gossiping and started yoga-ing, the vibe was fine. And, after I got over the "you want me to do WHAT?" poses, it went smoothly. And then she put oil on my feet. Weird.

Very. Weird.

Regardless, I continue to go back every other week or so. I suppose if I started running on a consistent basis, I could almost be considered "fit" or "in cross training".

Ohm.

*at least I think it's my old gym. Depends on if they're going to remember to stop billing me...which they won't.

**I plan on more 90's TV references if I write on a more consistent basis (doubtful).

The Break Up

2011-12-14T15:14:00.001-06:00

Hey look! I know the password to my blog!

Let's just jump right in, shall we? Here's the story of how I quit my gym.

There is a Friends episode where Chandler and Ross try to quit their gym but they can't because some hot trainer/membership woman convinces them that they need to stay. I was hoping that that was going to be the case when I went in to cancel my membership.

When I walked in, the front desk kid was nice enough. I mean, he took the time to break away from his cell phone to talk to me. He told me to wait and someone would be right out. I waited....and waited...and waited. All the while, I could see the corner of the manager's office. It's glass, so I could see this member (former member?) just screaming at the managers. Absolutely SCREAMING. There were tears, bulging neck veins, profanities (I know a good F bomb when I see it), etc. I went back to the front desk after about 15 minutes and they told me that I should probably come back another time and that she'd been in there for about 45 minutes. Red flag.

Day 2. Go back, ask for the manager, check the glass encasement/office for disgruntled members and wait....wait...wait. No one after about 10 minutes. Why, you ask? Because all of the managers are stringing Christmas lights on the railings....despite being paged twice. How many managers does it take to string 20 feet of Christmas lights? Apparently, all five of them. I had to wait for all of them to finish when one of them finally acknowledged that a (still) paying member wanted to talk with them.

Finally, I am scuttled in to the manager's office and am told to sit down. Mind you, no handshake has been extended nor a "why do you want to quit the gym?", not even an introduction to who this guy is. I kept looking for The Hot Chick (aka - a "closer") to come in and convince me to stay, but no dice. Nope. This guy just sat down in front of his computer, completely facing the other way.

So, I start a convo with the back of this guy's head. Here's how the rest of it went once I sat down:

Me: So, since I've paid for first and last month's dues, all I owe is the $20 cancellation fee?

Back of Manager's Head (BMH): Yeah

Me: Ok.

BMH: Name

Me: Matt

BMH: (exasperated) last name.

Me: (last name).

BMH: spell it.

Me: (I spell it)

*I'm now getting pissed, but I now want to jack with this guy.

Me: Isn't my info on the screen right there (it was)?

BMH: Different Screen. Address?

Me: It's a different screen?

BMH: Yeah. I'd have to switch back and forth.

Me: Oh, sorry about that. On my computer, I just hit "alt-tab".

BMH: Hm

Me: Must be a different type of computer, too.

(this goes on, obviously. Rest assured, he did not utter a multi-syllabic word)
BMH: Ok, you're done.

Me: Can I get some sort of documentation that I quit?

BMH: What do you mean?

Me: Yeah, something that proves that I quit so, if I get billed next month, I have proof that I've terminated this contract.

BMH: I guess. So....(thinks)....like a receipt?

Me: Sure. Give me a receipt.

BMH: (sighs and punches a few more keys on the keyboard) Here ya go. If there are any questions, just come back and show us this receipt.

Swear to God it's like a receipt you would get from your dry cleaner. I have no doubt that when (not if) I get billed next month, this will hold up in court.

Summer Running Guy

2011-07-18T07:02:00.003-05:00

He's got my legs!

I suppose it's time for the requisite "Holy S***, it's Hot" running post.

Holy S***, it's Hot.

I mean, 83 degrees with 75% humidity at 5:30 in the morning?

Really?

I will never...ever...snark about anyone that's running. Well, OK, I'll take some jabs at other things about them, but not the fact that they're running. Fat, thin, slow, fast, young old, tall, short, attractive, ugly, etc. I draw the line at the Irish, though. Don't ask.

Anyways, I was running this morning and noticed "That Summer Running Guy". It was already 6am and this guy looks like he has one Mizuno in the grave. Just like the rest of us, his entire body is drenched in sweat, but he has this look of grim death (see right). I hope my running never comes to that. To the point where I'm desperately looking for another runner to put me out of my misery. (Although, from the picture, you can see that I was at that point during my last half marathon.)

Then...THEN...about a half of a mile further, there was an older woman running in her blue sequined butterfly shirt and matching blue windpants.

Windpants.

And here's the thing: She looked perky as the dickens! I assumed that she just started running and that Summer Running Guy and she were going to be mentioned on the 10pm news as Two Runners Who Succumbed to the Extreme Heat Whereas the Healthy - and Attractive - 38 Year Old Managed to get a Strong 5 Miler In.

Kind of a long lead/headline, but you get the point.

Stay cool, fellow runners. I'm giving serious thought to moving all of this week's runs back to the gym. I returned...don't ask.

*note - I "borrowed" the picture from a 70 year old guy that ran Badwater. He's not That Summer Running Guy. He's just insane.

SSTIFY

2011-07-15T06:30:00.000-05:00

This week's Song Stuck In my head FridaY has everything you want in a musical earworm:

The song sucks
The song is repetitive

That's pretty much it. Everyone have a good weekend!

P.S. - Much like Adam over at I Am Boring, I am wrapping my head around Google+. It's limited right now, but I think it has potential. It's not...I repeat, NOT going to be a Facebook killer. It's just different. Less bloated, less annoying, more simple.

Odds and Ends

2011-07-12T09:38:00.000-05:00

Ramblings and musings since we last saw each other.

Last week was a big FAIL in the goals category. I only got 3 runs in and 1 cross training. My goal was 4 runs and 2 X-Training.
I've started a "High School Journalism Teachers" running group on Twitter (#runningondeadline). Strangely enough, it's been quite the motivator for me. Some of these teachers are hardcore!
Calliou is a really annoying show. That kid needs to grow a pair. His parents need to smack him up side the head and say "deal with it". He is now banned at our house. Back to Phineas and Ferb!
I may have to casually go into my local running store and donate yet another pair of old running shoes. From there, I'll just casually stroll over to the new shoes. "Oh, I see you have (insert shoe make/model) in. What have people been saying about those? Can I try some on?" The courtship begins....
Google+. Meh. I'm not giving up on it yet, just need a wow factor to keep me engaged. So far, #notsomuch. Feel free to put me in your "Hilarious Running Bloggers" circle when you have a chance.
My iTunes library is sorely in need of an upgrade. Thank God for Kristina.
Speaking of iTunes...Nike+? Anyone? Thoughts?
I really need to get to work on some school stuff. Really, I do. Teachers don't take their entire summers off, you know. Well, we kinda do. We just do our work sipping Starbucks and in between aforementioned Phineas and Ferb episodes.
Debating whether or not I want to play in another basketball league this fall/winter. I've been told that the Old Man League I'm considering is much more laid back and that most of the guys just do it ~~to spend an hour away from their wives~~ to get some exercise.

Price Check, Aisle 3

2011-07-07T06:39:00.000-05:00

$199 for these?

I was scrolling through my Facebook feed the other night and Mizuno Running had a post about some new shoes. I know, I know, I was a little harsh on their Wave Rider 14s because, well, they suck but I'm always a sucker to see the new shoes out there. I clicked on their latest shoe, the Mizuno Wave Prophecy.
$199.99

Whoa. To be fair, I've never seen these shoes other than on their website, nor have I tried them on in the store. They may be the Greatest Shoe Ever Made (doubtful), but $200? Yikes.

I went back and looked at the average price I paid for running shoes. The average was just a smidge (accounting term) over $100. The most I paid for shoes was $130 for Nike Vomeros and those were the worst shoes I've had. Too soft and my heels hurt like hell the next morning every time I ran in them. The least expensive were a pair of Asics when I started out. Those were around $85. Not great shoes, but they were serviceable and held up pretty well.

We all know the "different shoes for different runners" prophecy (pun intended). So too do we know the risks of shelling out a lot of money for shoes that suck. When you do find the shoe that fits, however, it's pretty awesome. I would also venture a bet that that's why most people stick with one specific brand of shoe.

But $200? I have to wonder if, since we're in a new Running Boom, the Mizunos, Nikes, et al., might be taking advantage of that just a bit? Maybe? A little? A smidge (literary term)?

What's your price point where you say, "Nope. Too rich for my blood. I fold."?

Not That It Matters....

2011-07-06T07:16:00.000-05:00

...but here is the reason that I was on practically every blogging format out there. Rest assured, I'll stay on Blogger and - whether you like it or not - ROATM will stick around.

Tumblr vs. Blogger – Tale of the Tape | jeadigitalmedia.org

This is the Month

2011-07-05T06:54:00.001-05:00

First off, I hope that everyone had a safe and happy 4th of July. All of the Razz Family's digits are intact, so that's always a plus. Now, it's back to work tomorrow. Ohhhh, that's right.....suckers.

Not only have I become Mr. Mom since June 1st, I've also spent more time at the pool than I have on the road. Yeah! Razz is swimming! Uh, not exactly unless you consider going underwater to fetch the 5000 dive sticks my kids have acquired.

*Grumpy Old Man Side note - What the hell is with all of the pool toys? It's like a wet Toys R Us out there. I'm one more errant-thrown pool ball away from launching it over the entrance. Go get it, Fernando Valenzuela, it's by the Honda Odyssey.

Where was I? Oh yeah, I don't swim. I can swim, I just choose not to. Nor do I take advantage of rest breaks. Remember those? You all had to pile out of the pool for 10 minutes so you could gorge yourself on candy and ice cream at the snack stand and then go back in the water. Good times. Anyway, now that I'm an adult (loose term for me), I could stay in the pool and do some laps. Or, I could stay in there, enjoy a nice beverage in a coozy and call it a summer.

This past weekend, a couple whom we know actually began swimming laps in the pool during rest break. Honest to God, length-of-the-pool laps. To top it off, they raced each other. My reaction? "I really need to get back into shape."

Mind you, I haven't completely given up running, but I don't consider 2 to 3 times a week "working out", either. Therefore, it is my goal to do the following for the month of July:

4 runs per week
1 of those runs will either be a fartlek (snicker) or an interval
2 days of cross training
Get my average on 3 or 4 milers to be under 8:00.

That last one is my ultimate goal and I think I can do it. I'm currently hovering around the 8:05-8:15 range depending on how god awful the humidity is.

Can it be done? Will it be done? We're going to see. Wish me luck.

Off Track: Can the Huskers Come Out and Play?

2011-07-01T11:39:00.004-05:00

"ESPN: What would it mean for Nebraska to compete for a Big Ten championship in Year 1?

BO PELINI: We expect to do that. That's what our expectation is, so if we don't, we'll all be disappointed. It's not going to be easy; it never is. It'll be a fight, but as long as we continue to do the right things and keep getting better each day, we'll line up and be ready to go come September."

It's official...Nebraska is part of the Big Ten now. Everyone 'round these parts have written about the Huskers' big move to their new conference. And look! I'm not going to be any different.

Here's what I'm going to miss:

Missouri - I'll miss nothing about them. Nothing at all. I will enjoy the fact that they openly hiked up their proverbial skirt to get out of the Big 12 (and then denying it) and the B1G chose us instead.
Texas - Everything is bigger in Texas including the egos. Just keep telling the other 9 teams that your own Longhorn Network will benefit the rest of the conference.
Oklahoma - Guys, you made your bed when you decided that the UT/OU rivalry was more important than the NU rivalry. Translation: you are now Texas' whipping boy.
Colorado - You guys were so cute. You took your best shots at the Big Red and, once in awhile you came out on top. But, c'mon guys...really? Rivals? I must admit, it was kind of fun to see Ian surrounded in red for the last Big 12 game at Memorial Stadium. Yes, that really happened.
Kansas State - You'll always be Nebraska's pesky little inbred brother.
Kansas/Baylor/Oklahoma State/Texas Tech/Texas A&M/Iowa State - Meh

Here's what I'm looking forward to:

Iowa - Being a proud Hawkeye alum, I've had November 25th, 2011 circled on my calendar since last year. It's freakin' on.
Michigan/Michigan State - I'll hate both because I'm pretty sure Nitmos roots for both of them.
Ohio State - Everyone in Ohio roots for these guys, right? I mean, have you ever heard of a die-hard Bobcats fan? For that reason, I plan on giving Viper a hard time - Buckeye fan or not. It will be good for my soul.
Wisconsin - Nebraska Light. Same colors. Same rabid fans. Beautiful campus. Their AD was the starting fullback for the Huskers in the 70's. And this little tradition. Freakin' awesome.
Penn State - I hate Penn State. No, you didn't deserve a share of the '94 National Championship. Why? 2 reasons: (1) You weren't even close to the level of Nebraska and (2) Karma is a bitch.
Minnesota/Indiana/Purdue/Northwestern/Illinois - Meh

Can't wait for college football to start. Can't wait.

Exercising Demons

2011-06-30T07:24:00.003-05:00

For a very brief stint, I was on my high school track team. I had a coach that I hated...hated. He was, hands down, the meanest, nastiest coach I've ever come across. He wasn't intense, he was mean and it didn't help that he thought distance runners were "a bunch of (insert worst word for female genitalia)". For 4 years, though, I couldn't find any redeeming quality about this guy.

For conditioning, we would run outside on the track...no matter what type of weather. I came to hate that track and everything about it. Never mind the fact that just next to the track was a cow pasture, so when the north winds came (common during the spring sports season), you'd get a whiff of methane on every half turn. Goooooo Mustangs!

I had heard that many years back, my coach had died of a heart attack. I don't speak ill of the dead, but that really doesn't surprise me. You know those guys that stress you out and raise YOUR blood pressure?

That was this guy.

So, of course, my intervals brought me back to my old haunts. I've lived close to my alma mater for 5+ years now and it was only until this morning that I decided to run on that track. Not because of some sort of "reliving the past" drama. My other track is being resurfaced. Here are the results:

.25 miles - walk
.50 miles - jog - 4:19
.50 miles - run - 3:15
.50 miles - job - 4:25
.50 miles - run - 3:19
.25 miles - walk

Not overly impressive. I'm slowly getting back to where I want to be. Plus, it was like running in soup, but it got done.

*How many points for the play on words in the title? Huh?

On Hold

2011-06-29T06:55:00.001-05:00

I was all set to write up this post about how I went to my high school alma mater's track and exorcised demons of track practices past with some 800 intervals this morning.

...and then I decided to go to Starbucks instead.

That, my friends was an entirely different experience. I grabbed my tall bold coffee, bought a newspaper and settled in to a comfy chair. The woman that was behind me in line, who sounded a BIT high strung to begin with, sat down next to me. That would have been fine if it were the only other chair, but of course it wasn't. She proceeded to drink her coffee and stare at the wall ahead of her.

Near the entrance, some high school students were gathering. I recognized the "oh my god, I can't believe I'm up this early" look from them. I see it all the time when we take our students to conferences. Regardless, their conversation drowned out the odd music (even for 'bux) playing overhead. Some snippets from their conversation:

"Dudes don't make other dudes cry."
"That's because dudes are assholes."
"My dad gets up this early."
"I only got 2 hours of sleep."

Scintillating stuff, let me tell you. Thank God it's summer vacation and I don't have to listen to that on a regular basis until mid-August.

Where was I? Oh yeah, intervals....tomorrow. I'm not kidding.

It's Too Spicy

2011-06-28T09:05:00.001-05:00

*Note- I'm messing with my blog. Bear with me as I make some tweaks. In other words: deal with it.

"It's too spicy, daddy."

Whenever my 4 year old isn't comfortable with something, he'll say that "it's too spicy". Of course, he uses it to get out of eating dinner, but when something doesn't jive in his little world, he'll pull out that phrase.
Right now, that's kind of how I feel about not being anonymous on this blog. It's too spicy. There's something to be said for anonymity when writing. I could develop a persona that was slightly different from who I actually was. My writing could be more bold and that I could go out on a limb once in awhile. It's not like I was a completely different person. I'm not that kind of weirdo, just...different.
A lot of it has to do with my profession. Being a teacher, you're in the public eye. People consider you a professional and expect you to act like one. And, I'd like to think I do. But here's the deal with teachers:
We're human.
I like to throw down a couple of beers from time to time. I like to bitch and moan about how the Husker offense was completely inept for the rest of the season after the Kansas State game last year. I have the right to complain about my job just as much as the next person. And, if you look at who I follow on Twitter, you could conclude that I'm a die hard husker fan who is a journalism teacher that loves sports, decent writing, that's always looking for a good deal, and occasionally likes an inappropriate joke once in awhile. Like I said....a human being.
Now I've made the decision to start blogging and advertise each post on Twitter...something that my family, friends, colleagues and..yes...even students have access to. I don't know how I feel about that just yet. More than likely, I'll be no more than a blip on their radar and that's just fine with me.
Right now, it's still too spicy.