When I’d gone to bed, we’d just finished a conversation about meeting up for a run on Wednesday night.  About starting CrossFit with me.  About the normal, lovely things we talk about on a daily.

A close friend’s daughter had taken her own life on Tuesday.

I’ve known that she had battled depression throughout her teen years.  But she was only 18, in the midst of that blindingly self-centered stage of life where it’s impossible to recognize that things change so drastically – even for those of us who don’t struggle with depression.  She didn’t see the light at the end of her dark tunnel.  Didn’t understand that there are paths to happiness that hadn’t yet been presented to her.

This has shaken us all to the core.  Not in a good way, either.  In the way that has me in tears, hugging my daughter at every opportunity.  Wondering what the next ten years will bring; wondering how we’ll transition together from the snuggly, sweet little monster in my arms to a sullen, sassy teenager. Wondering if she’ll be able to see her future with a little more clarity;  hoping I can impress upon her how drastically things can and will change for her.  Wondering if I should give in to her requests to stay in bed and snuggle just a little bit longer every morning, even though we might be late for school.

I’m wondering how my stepson’s anxiety will affect his self-confidence and whether he’ll struggle with some of the same issues she dealt with.  Wondering how we deal with the signs we’re given.  Are we doing everything we can to help him? I know I’m not as patient as I should be with his anxiety issues because I don’t understand them.  I struggle too.  I don’t ever want him to get to that dark place; to a place where he doesn’t see a way out.

We’re constantly told that you create your own happiness.  That being happy is a choice. That you have to take action; that no one else is responsible for your joy.  Does that mean that sad people choose to be sad?  If asked, would they tell you they choose depression?  Do all of those inspirational quotes on Tumblr and Pinterest just make dealing with depression that much more guilt-inducing?

Embracing optimism doesn’t come as easily for some as it does for others.  And that’s ok.

Some people need help making the “choice” to be happy.  They need us to hold their hand and lead them; show them that their very existence creates joy for others around them. We need to make sure we tell those who we see struggling that they’re important; that they make a difference to the world around them and that we want to help them find happiness.

I don’t pretend to know what my friend is going through, or what her daughter was going through that brought her to the tragic decision she made.  I could never imagine.

All I know is that I want to do everything in my power to make sure the people in my life get true support of their feelings and my full commitment to helping them find their happiness.  I can only promise to look for signs wherever I see them and take action in whatever way I know how.

To hold their hand when they need it.

To snuggle just a little bit longer.

We have an abundance of amberjack in our freezer from a friend’s fishing charter business, and I’d thawed a few big fillets one night but didn’t have time to run to the grocery store for any accompaniments – so here’s what I did.

The best part of amberjack is that it’s a substantial, meaty fish. It has an almost chicken-like consistency and I conveniently “forgot” to tell my kids that it was fish at all.  They both ate it without questioning it at all (and we told them it was fish after they were finished).  My stepson especially has a pretty strong aversion to fish, so I considered it a win.

First, I cut the amberjack into bite-sized chunks.  I seasoned them up with italian seasonings – a lot of salt, pepper, basil, oregano, garlic and some onion powder for good measure.  Then, I sautéed them in straight, delicious butter until they were cooked through, and removed them to a bowl.

Next, I found some of those delicious baby sweet peppers and one last onion in my fridge, and I diced them up and sauteed them in some olive oil (and the remaining fish drippings).

I added some fresh garlic and basil from my little herb pots and cooked them down until they were soft and sweet.  Then, I added some cream and parmesan cheese, and let that simmer for another 5 or 6 minutes, until it thickened up a bit.

It was delicious. I left it at that.  I served the sauce over spaghetti noodles for the kids and poured straight on top of the amberjack chunks for me (so I could stick to my primal diet, minus the pasta).  It was divine – we were all slurping up the sauce.  Next time, I’ll make more!

But there are a few things I’ve learned over the past five months with regard to starting CrossFit that I hope will help you avoid some of the unnecessary pain I’ve put myself through.

Protect your hands.

They will get beat up, blisters, callouses – the whole nine. This is what my hands currently look like, including some just now healing wounds from muscle-up practice and from thrusters.

Every workout brings harder callouses, but I finally ordered some gloves to help stop the manly roughing up.  I type all day.  I don’t need “tough” hands for any reason.  They feel crusty and dry; they look messy and unkempt.

Specifically, look out for the following:

1. Remove your rings before every workout.  Yes, every one.  Rings lead to a lot more pain, blistering and callouses by pinching up your skin.  Especially when the WOD involved pull-ups or really anything using a barbell.  Which is pretty much every WOD ever.  I didn’t learn this until about a month in, regrettably.
2. Tape up your thumbs anytime the WOD involved overhead pushes (shoulder-to-overhead anything).  I ripped up the insides of my thumbs pretty badly after a WOD that involved 50 push-jerks.  They didn’t heal for almost 3 weeks, and I had to tape them up for every single workout after that.  Use simple athletic tape you can find at any drugstore.  Even if you wear gloves, the tape is a good idea for overhead pushes.
3. Buy gloves and use them.  I finally broke down and realized I didn’t need to beat myself up any more, and bought a pair of $11 gloves on Amazon. I assume they’ll fix all of my problems. From the blisters from muscle-ups to the near-tears on my palms from bench presses this morning.  There’s a lot riding on those things.

Plan ahead.

If your box publishes the workout ahead of time, plan for it accordingly.  For me, that means wearing running shoes when there’s a good deal of running involved, or non-running shoes when we’re doing more lifting.

It also means bringing a water bottle and towel with me to hydrate and wipe down my sweaty brow before my eyes start stinging unbearably while I’ve got 70-pounds of steel pushed over my head.

For you, this might mean stretching, icing or massaging sore muscles that you’ll be using again.  It may mean knowing what your limits are and starting weights should be.  Plan these things to get the most out of your time at the box.

Track everything.

I’m a total geek for recording things, which is one thing I totally loved about marathon training.  Posting my long distances, faster times, watching graphs and charts of my progress.

For almost every WOD, you’ll need to know what your max weights are for a specific lift.  If you need to know for pushing your PR or just for scaling for the repetitions, it’s good information to have.

Our box has a huge whiteboard in the hallway where a lot of folks have claimed space to record their PRs, but I keep mine in an iOS app called MyWOD.  It’s not the best looking app (perhaps we should design a better one?), but it does what I need – which is record my PRs, max weights and WODs.  I won’t do a full review, but my point is this:  use something.  A notebook, a note on your phone, an app. Whatever.

Save yourself 5 minutes of trying different weights before a WOD and know where your limits are by tracking your weights and workouts.

Push yourself.

I’m really bad at this, and so for the first month or more of my CrossFit journey, I ended every WOD with a fast time and felt cheated.  One of my coaches finally started seeing that I needed to push myself, and he continues to push me to add 10 pounds (or more); to finish my set unbroken, to pump out just three more …

Now that I’ve seen myself succeed under his oversight, I’m able to tell myself more easily, when I think I’ve found a goal WOD weight, to add more. And he knows when to push me and I know how to tell him no if I’m sore or injured or resting something.

Ask for help.

This is related to pushing yourself.  If you want to avoid broken ribs from a dumbbell smashing your chest in, ask someone to spot you. Work with a partner whenever you’re able.  Know that everything (except burpees) is scalable to your ability – so ask for help in scaling if you don’t know where to begin.

Make sure your coach knows if you don’t understand something expected of you.  Don’t be afraid to speak up and ask questions.  If it feels wrong, if it feels too easy or too hard, ask for help.

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So there you have it.  I hope you’ve found some helpful tidbits as you get started on your CrossFit journey, or are considering joining a box near you.  Let me know how it goes and if you’re writing about it anywhere – it’s been an interesting internal journey for me – much more so than marathon training – so I’m eager to hear about other’s trials and successes.

A lot of travel, beach days, big events and a whole lot of CrossFit.

My brother and I flew to Chicago to meet my parents for a family wedding the last weekend in April.  I haven’t been to the city since I was a kid, and we had a great time exploring.  I can’t wait to take the kids and Adam back with me, when we’re able.

The wedding itself was just outside the city, then we spent one night downtown and walked around.  Took the obligatory family photo at the “bean” statue at Millenium Park – what an awesome park. The following weekends were filled with preparation for and then the event of our grand opening and art show at my new office.  By new, I mean “we moved in six months ago.” But this was our big grand opening party, and the art show featured works by Adam and two other artists.  So we were both very busy getting it all ready.

It was a huge success – here’s a cool video of the event made by our officemates, Roundhouse Creative. It really sums up the even nicely – we sold a lot of art, made a lot of new friends and had a great time with our supporters, clients, friends and families.

Highlights: FEAST from Roundhouse Creative on Vimeo.

I’ve been dutifully attending CrossFit at least two, mostly three times each week and also running at least twice. I haven’t done any long runs in a while, but we’re thinking about signing up for another full marathon next winter. I did just commit to an unlimited month of CrossFit so we’ll see how the running plays into the schedule – especially since running at night is now thwarted by the 85+ degree temps and high humidity that is Florida summer. Going to have to get up a little earlier or work it in somehow.

This past weekend was an absolute whirlwind.  We took Piper to the “Kids’ Night Out” at the YMCA on Friday night so we could go see The Great Gatsby - a book Adam teaches to his students every year.  We both loved it – the cinematography was amazing and really did the storyline justice. Piper, of course, had an absolute blast at the Kid’s Night and didn’t want to leave

Saturday morning, Adam and I tag-teamed at CrossFit classes, then packed up the car with the intention of finding a Hotel Tonight room on the beach and have a little “staycation” with Piper.  We’d been watching the app all week, seeing rooms at some of our favorite beachfront resorts for $59 or $79.  We were confident.

Then the clock struck noon, when the rooms go on sale.  And there was one beach hotel.  And the rooms were $199.  So I jumped on the phone and started calling around.  Sold out. Sold out. Sold out.  Everywhere!  The cheapest room we could find was going to be $275, and that’s not the sort of impromptu budget we were considering.  We had to tell Piper that we might not be staying at a hotel.  She was crushed.

She fell asleep in the car as we were heading out to the beach to see if we could find a parking spot at any of the public beach access spots, so we decided to do a little driving – and found that almost all of the mom and pop motels on the beach had vacancy signs on.  We stopped in to one, and found a perfectly acceptable little room overlooking the ocean for a measly $79.  Score!

We’d been in contact with a few friends and they came out to hang at the pool with their son, who is Piper’s age.  The kids swam in the pool, played on the huge inflatable slide set up on the beach (2 rides for $5, and parents ride free!), splashed in the Gulf and then we all went to dinner at our favorite waterside restaurant (where we endured quite possibly the worst service we’ve ever had, though the food was terrific).  It was an awesome day and night for us and for the kids.

In the morning, we took a nice long stroll down the beach as the day warmed up, got donuts from the gas station across the street for breakfast, and then my brother and his family came out to play.  We hung around the pool for a few hours before finally packing it up to head home.

After a couple very quick showers, we met our Realtor at a couple houses we’re looking at (did I mention we’re house hunting? Gah), then met my brother’s family again at the St. Pete Pier to enjoy a final dinner before they close it for demolition next week.

Took some photos for posterity’s sake, and said our goodbyes.

The most fond memories I have of the Pier are running around it.  Every downtown St. Pete race cruises out and back, and every Saturday morning long run from Coffee Pot Bayou includes a loop around the Pier.  We watch the dolphins play, the fisherman casting off the rails and the birds swooping just inches from our heads.  We run through the quiet of the early morning, before the tourists fill the parking lots and before the bathroom doors are even unlocked.  Sometimes we pause at the end and enjoy our gorgeous city and the view.

This weekend was crazy, yes – we hardly sat down – but it was filled with so many great friends, fun and fantastic weather.   I’m sorry I haven’t been writing – but I do want to keep doing so, if I’m able.  So ya know.  There it is.

I wanted to give you all an update on what I’m loving, liking and not-so-muching about CrossFit – and maybe it’ll help you make the decision to take the plunge (or not).

Listed in no particular order – not even likes vs dislikes, here are my assessments:

1. I love having a coach pushing me to work harder, because I generally tend to give up too easily.  I’ve always been alright with being a middle-of-the-packer when it comes to fitness.  I’ve never been a star athlete or even a fast runner.  I’m a 9:30 pacer with JV skills.  That’s ok with me.  But that is probably due to that fact that when I’m tired, I quit.  I walk. I slow down.  I don’t really try any harder.
2. I love tracking my progress.  Granted, there hasn’t been a lot (yet) – but this is one of the same reasons I love geeking out over running long races.  I love tracking my mileage and pace, knowing that I’m getting better.  In CrossFit, I’m tracking my max weights, WOD performance, my overall strength and ability to do each exercise.  And I’m feeling myself getting stronger every week.
3. I’m not crazy about the schedule. I’ve been able to go to the 6:00 am class a few days each week, but the evening classes are at 5, 6 and 7.  Prime dinner cooking and bedtime-ritual hours.  I wish they had a 4:00 or 8:00 class – it’d be perfect.
4. I feel like a total wimp.  When I started, I thought I was in pretty good shape.  I had just run a marathon two months prior – that’s pretty badass, right?  Wrong. Some of the girls at CrossFit are crazy strong. But none are crazy big, like body-builder big. They’re just ridiculously strong, like Monica strong.  And most of them also run – like half and full marathon run.  So, I am humbled and have something to work towards.  I don’t know if this is a positive or a negative – because at times I feel inspired, and other times discouraged.
5. The community.  Ah the community.  Everyone is coaching everyone in the class – pushing each other, helping them get better and stronger.  People take the time to introduce themselves before class starts.  We all know we’re at different levels and it doesn’t matter – we push ourselves to our own level of pain.  It’s fantastic.  Really. (This is my Foundations class – I’m second from the right. I’m also one of two people in this photo who continued with CF after our LivingSocial discount expired.)
   
6. I want to keep running.  Or do I?  I’m not sure. But right now, I do.  And that means that I can’t CrossFit more than twice each week.  I’ve been thinking of upping my membership to an unlimited month – just to see what my body can do and how it changes – but as I review my schedule, I just don’t see it possible to hit CrossFit more than 2, maybe 3 times each week unless I give up running or double up – which would be nuts considering I have kids and a family.
7. My hands are getting destroyed.  Right now, I’ve got two ripped open wounds on the insides of my thumbs and the palms of my hands are building something akin to tree bark.  I both like and dislike this.  On the one hand, I feel tough.  On the other hand, I have no need to feel or look tough while coding websites and typing emails.  I definitely don’t like the ripped-open callouses – that’s some serious pain.
8. I’m sore, pretty much always.  Since I’m only working out twice weekly, each workout is like a new level of pain for my body.  This week on Monday, we did 4 rounds of 80 squats – so 320 total squats.  I have hardly been able to sit down for the past 3 days, and felt very much like I did in the days after my marathon.  I love it.  I love working out and feeling it afterwards because I know my body worked hard.
9. I’m strong(er) and lean(er).  I can feel the muscles in my legs and arms now.  Especially my quads.  I’ve lost body fat, gained some muscle weight and am down a size in pants.  I know a lot of this is attributed to the diet I’m following too (sorta-kinda-Paleo), but the muscle building is all CrossFit.  I like it.

So there ya have it.  And, I just got an email from my box asking about making more convenient schedule changes and adding childcare – so a couple of my issues may be resolved soon enough!

I’ve joined the cult, it seems.  And I’m starting to get it.