Incoherent Ramblings

2012: A Year of Advancement and Change

2012-01-31T15:35:00.000-08:00

The year 2012 is really going to be a big deal. Not only is it the year that the ancient Mayan Long Count Calendar ends bringing with it the supposed end of the world, it is also a leap year and the year of the U.S. presidential elections. In 2012, we will see a lot of trials and tests against personal freedom, and the continued growing resistance of the people against it.

Watching the global press and following current events has shown a building trend toward two very important things: Reform of the Internet and major advancements in Modern Medicine.

Reform of the Internet
We saw major changes in the collective power of the Internet in 2011. From the revolutions in the Middle East to micro-fundraising on social media websites, the last year has proven that the Internet is no longer a separate entity from daily life. Our society's integration into the world wide web has reached an all time high as cheaper, more powerful technology becomes available to the masses.

Corporations like Verizon Wireless and Bank of America have seen first hand what Internet protesting can do when a large enough population can utilize a resource to centralize and organize together. January 18th, 2012 marked a momentous event in the history of the Internet, in which millions of individual people, organizations, and corporations worked together to organize the first global internet protest against the U.S. Government's attempts at censoring Free Speech on the Internet.

It is only natural that with a new tool for organization of the masses comes resistance from those who try to control them. The global community has never before seen such a threat to individual rights for privacy and free-speech on the Internet. While it seems that the U.S. house and senate bills SOPA and Protect IP Act (not PIPA!) have stalled out (for now) due to strong protest, the real kicker for global internet reform is quietly passing through the hands off the international power-players in charge.

And by global internet reform, I mean GLOBAL.

The Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA) is an international agreement aimed at establishing a means of enforcing current intellectual property rights on an international scale. While the concept of intellectual property protection and reform may seem innocent to most, the truth of this agreement is far from it.

Below is an excellent video detailing ACTA and what it will change. The scope of the powers granted through ACTA may be frightening to some.

In an age where almost every adult and child in a 1st world country has a portal GPS and surveillance system in their pocket, one can begin to see the vast possibilities for enforcement that ACTA allow.

The really interesting part of this the fact that ACTA is not new news. It was first drafted a few years ago and has only recently come to fruition in the last year. Worse, it has already been signed by President Obama without Congressional Approval and is currently under consideration by several countries throughout Europe and around the world. All without any formal announcement to the people it would impact.

As the internet grows more embedded into our daily lives, we have seen a a massive shift toward people becoming more aware of what is happening around them. And with that awareness has come more of a push toward activism and movement by the masses. People are beginning to look at developing new alternates to the Internet and others are fighting back to preserve what we have. And this is only just the beginning.

While 2011 was an interesting year for the Internet, it will likely be nothing compared to what we are set see in 2012. Buckle up, it's going to be a wild ride.

Batman

2011-11-29T21:35:00.000-08:00

I sit in a cubicle all day. I write at night.

I'm like batman. But on paper.

Earthquake!!!

2011-08-23T18:36:00.000-07:00

Some people are hipsters, and others are just hardcore.

A very regretful morning after...

2011-03-02T21:49:00.000-08:00

Holy Zombie Jesus! This guy must have woken up with one terrible headache.

And one hell of a sore arm.

Pumpkins and Aliens go together like Turkey and Stuffing

2010-10-28T01:05:00.000-07:00

I got into the Halloween spirit today and decided to finally carve the pumpkin I've been letting slowly rot on my doorstep. After a short hour and a half, I found myself with a proud specimen of the Reddit Alien.

It isn't perfect, but neither is my pumpkin. I just hope that the alien's eyes don't scare the trick-or-treaters away.

Check out other photos of the Redd-it-lantern.

To get the perfect alien, nothing works better than a poorly printed version of the reddit alien. I thought about carving the pedobear, but considering the holiday spirit I figured that would be a little too inappropriate. Hilarious, but inappropriate.

Happy Halloween.

Pacman's Secret

2010-06-18T01:00:00.000-07:00

Ms. Pacman discovers Pacman's dirty little secret.

An Unexpected Effect Of The iPhone 4

2010-06-17T18:19:00.000-07:00

Apple's new FaceTime feature might have some unforeseen side-effects for those less tech-savvy users.

Lost Finale - End of a Confusing TV Story

2010-05-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

I know I haven't updated this blog in a while; however, my love of the television show LOST and a few late nights between my busy schedule has left me with a terrific display of what a waste of time can look like.

I introduce to you, the "basic" LOST narrative chart. Basic being it displays details over a time of a few hundred years and no specifics about the 100 or so days on the island since the Oceanic 815 crash.

Direct link to flickr image can be found here: Click Me

All data was collected through Wikipedia and Lostpedia and I am sure is not perfect. Some estimation on my part for certain things. Still, it should give a general idea about the basic placement of characters (from what we know so far) during the timeline of LOST.

The original of this was made at a ridiculous size. I don't know what made me create it at this size but I was feeling it at the time (30,000 pixels x 800 pixels). As a result, it took some tricks in illustrator, professional, and photoshop to bring forth the .png before you. Unfortunately at a slight loss of quality.

Here is .pdf file with a better idea of the original size and scale. The file contains a legend as well for better understanding what each symbol means.

I'm sure my inspiration was this amazing movie narrative chart creation by xkcd a while back. I actually hadn't looked at this one since back when it was posted, but it is a little disturbing how similar I drew mine, such as character deaths marked by the dots. He does it better. No doubt.

Narwhals!

2010-01-13T10:43:00.000-08:00

I've been way too busy lately, but in celebration of the reignited interest in my previous post 4 months ago (and only two submissions ago - ack!), I present to you the awesomeness that are Narwhals.

Creative builds on the internet

2009-09-08T22:02:00.000-07:00

I felt like sharing a few interesting (in many ways very artistic) builds and projects done by people on the internet. In truth, these are simply people who decided to think outside of the box and try to create something creative and real from the realm of our imaginations. Some of these builds are from a little while ago but I remembered them and wanted to list some.

Bioshock's Big Daddy costume (from Dragon*Con 09): Detailed Blog Post Here

Dragon*Con is a crazy gathering that I hadn't really heard about until this year but has been going as early as the mid 1990's. If you thought costumes at Comic-con were good. Dragon*Con has got it beat.

Cheeseburger Cupcakes: Flickr How-To Here

Craving a juicy cheeseburger but wanting to treat your sweet-tooth? Dump the shake and burger and check out these cheeseburger cupcakes. Realistic looking down the the sesame seed bun.

Valve's Portal - Real-life Portal Gun: Flickr pics Here

Another build based off of a very popular video game. Engadget posted detailed information on the making of this replica gun (including a video). A lot of work went into it and the final product was awesome. For those wanting a portal fix, check out the online flash version of the game. Here.

A Dad's Sandwich Art: Taking lunch to a whole new level Here

A dad decided to take his son's lunch to a new artistic level and actually created this website to showcase them. The creator started it in the hopes of showing his kid (and others) that eating healthily can be fun. And it seems to be taking off.

Some additional builds to check out are: Project Grizzly, a Halo suit build, hamburger cake, and of course the BCN.

Below is a clip from Project Grizzly showing how long the suit has been in the works - some video from 1989.

True Deliciousness - The Bacon Chicken Narwhal

2009-08-28T00:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight I had a moment of inspiration while cooking dinner. I was craving bacon really badly (as everyone does) so I decided to make some bacon wrapped chicken. However, to spice it up a bit, I wanted to do something fun and unique. So I took it to the next level. It was time for some Bacon Chicken Narwhal!

You can see more pictures of the Bacon Chicken Narwhal on Flickr: Click here

As excited as I was, I was barely prepared. Unfortunately, the camera I dug up had a dead battery that needed charging so I had no way to show how I made my little treat, but here is a break down.

Ingredients:
1 - Large (flat) chicken breast
5 to 6 - Pieces of DELICIOUS bacon
1 to 3 - Large slices of cut mushroom
1 - Scoop of sour cream
1 - Clove of garlic
2 - Slices of pepperoni lunch meet
1 - Block of pepper jack cheese
# - Mrs. Dash, Paprika, Various seasonings
1 - Box of tooth picks

Steps:
- Take a few pieces of bacon and cook on the stove top. Collect bacon grease and save for later.

Eat the bacon. Now you are ready to start.

- Mince garlic and any peppers you wish to put in your chicken.

- Take the chicken breast and beat it flat if it isn't. A mallet works well but I'm sure you all know how to beat your meat.

- Season both sides of raw chicken and lay out flat on one side.

(Using the image above as reference, the larger portion near the top will be the head of the narwhal. the skinnier bottom will be end tail.)

- Place sour cream, seasoning, and garlic along center length of the up-side of chicken breast.

- Bend the chicken chicken breast length wise like a hot dog and start to wrap the chicken in on itself.

This part is important because you will be making the basic shape of the BCN. Once you are satisfied, stick a few tooth picks into the sides to hold the basic shape into place. Keep the ends of the toothpicks exposed to help hold the bacon in place later.

- Take 1 piece of bacon and place lengthwise around the front tip of the Narwhal chicken. This underlying piece will act as the nose.

- Take remaining bacon and wrap around the chicken, sticking bacon through exposed toothpicks. I recommend starting at the bottom first and wrapping tightly so you can pull the chicken close and keep the true Narwhal shape.

- Take mushroom slice and cut to look like narwhal tail. If you don't know what a narwhal tail looks like, don't worry. Just cut motherfucker, cut!

- Shove end of mushroom slice into end of Bacon Chicken Narwhal. It will look like a mushroom tail. This is the holder for the finished tail section.

At this point I did what every good bacon loving Narwhal building cook would do... I poured some of that excess bacon grease on top of my BCN. I also placed some extra garlic pieces and mushrooms on top.

This is a shitty cellphone pic of my BCN before I cooked the bitch.

- Preheat Oven to 350 - 375 degrees (F). Place BCN on metal cooking pan and throw that bitch in the oven. Cook for around 50 minutes to 1 hour.

While your BCN cooks, it is time to get started on the flippers, tail, and horn.

Horn
- Take block of cheese and cut an appropriately sized chunk of cheese from it.

- Whittle down, cut, and shape the horn to a point.

- Shove toothpick into blunt end. Be sure to leave at least an inch of toothpick exposed.

- Wrap in paper towel and place in freezer until ready.

The extra cold environment will help keep the horn from going limp upon final presentation. (Don't want to disappoint the ladies).

Flippers and Tail
- Take 2 or 3 slices of pepperoni lunch meat and fold in half.

- I cut a small slice of cheese and placed in between but this is optional.

- Skewer folded pepperoni onto a toothpick.

- With 7 to 10 minutes remaining for cooking the BCN, throw this skewer into the oven with the BCN.

Bacon Chicken Narwhal!!!!
- After your BCN has finished cooking, take out of oven and remove excess garlic and mushrooms from top. Save for garnishing.

- Gently remove all toothpicks from your Bacon Chicken Narwhal. If cooked properly it should keep its shape.

- Remove pepperoni slices from skewer and cut slices in half. Partially fold open two halves of a slice and place around cooked mushroom in tail area. This is (what else?!) the tail.

- Cut vertical slits into either side of BCN. Be careful to not ruin your hard work. Slices should be no larger than 1/2 inch in size.

- Take two more pepperoni slices and shove pointed end into slits. If done right this will make the flippers.

- Cut mushrooms up to look like eyes, blowhole, whatever, and gently press into bacon skin. They should stick easily if you have good fatty bacon.

- Take cheese horn and stab into the nose tip of your Bacon Chicken Narwhal.

You are now done. Step back, take a look at your awesome work of art/food. Pick it up and make it swim through the air. Chase your girlfriend with it. Whatever. Then when done, enjoy a delicious Bacon Chicken Narwhal meal.

Hope you enjoyed my cooking tips. I know it is a bit long, but the end results can be awesome. If you like this project feel free to share with your friends and family. Feel free to also check out an Ad or two while you are at it. :)

You can see more pictures of the Bacon Chicken Narwhal on Flickr: Click here

Obama's REAL Birth Certificate Uncovered - He really is an alien!!!

2009-08-03T23:08:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: A high resolution version of the scan has been uploaded to the internet: Click here to see.

Recently leaked documents recovered and posted by Wikileaks.org show a clear scan of President Barack Hussein Obama's true birth certificate. While recent reports have shown a variety of potential birth places for the president, the authenticity of those documents have quickly been called into question as being fakes produced by either side of the argument in order to disprove the other's claims.

This new birth certificate is said to have been turned over by a whistle blower located high up in one of the government's security agencies. The reason for its extreme classified nature may surprise you. A scan of the birth certificate can be found below.

Click for Larger

As the certificate of birth clearly shows, a vast conspiracy is quickly unwinding in front of us. Additional Documents provided by the source shows the real reason for Obama's cover up. Since the early 1950's the government's security agencies have been working closely with martian inhabitants, better known as the greys by alien enthusiasts, to expatriate hybrid children from their planet of birth when the child's birth mother decides to return to Earth.

Documents show that Obama was one of 35 other individuals that year alone who were relocated per newly adopted interstellar laws at the time of Obama's birth. In order to immigrate the child to their new world, the birth mother was required to select a place of birth of relative obscurity. Since Hawaii had only been admitted into the union two years before, it was chosen as a prime place of birth for many newly expatriated Martian hybrids at the time.

While Obama is not the first Martian to reach an influential position of power in our country's government, he is in fact the first Martian to ever be elected president of the United States. The main reason for the massive cover up is because of the closeness of the 2008 election against McCain. Shortly after Obama's win, grey ambassadors notified government administrators about a possible inquiry that would be made on the president's actual place of birth (the documents do not state how the greys obtained this information). In the last few weeks, the U.S. government has been more than welcome to accept the accusations of a Kenyan birth if it will take the heat off of the true location.

Unfortunately for them, these new documents released have turned their cover up plan upside down.

To see other famous and influential people who were found to be aliens, check out the link below.

Celebrity Aliens

Solution to HP Notebook HDMI Audio Issue

2009-08-03T12:12:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I purchased a refurbished HP dv7 Entertainment Notebook under the guise that I would use it as my primary desktop computer at home. Having an HD television in my room, I wanted to use this "entertainment" laptop as a basic media center for which I could watch movies and television shows streamed from my computer and shown on my television. This didn't seem too difficult to do. My laptop contained quick-launch media software as well as a mini-remote for easy navigation and control from across the room.

However, I quickly learned that all is not perfect; even with factory refurbished equipment. Upon plugging in a HDMI cable to my laptop's HDMI port, I was saddened to discover that while video displayed perfectly on my TV, sound continued to play only from my computer. Now, I am no technical genius; however, I know enough from previous experience that HDMI does support audio so I was concerned that it was not working. Naturally, I googled it to see if there was a listed solution for this issue.

To my surprise, the number results that came up for others with the same problem as me was fairly overwhelming in quantity. It seems HP notebooks were well known for having issues with audio output failure for their HDMI ports. This issue seemed to also affect a variety of other laptops from other manufacturers as well. Many of these laptops were running on a 64-bit operating system - usually some version of Windows Vista.

Most of the solutions offered by people on various forums and discussion boards dealt mainly with messing around with the Sound Settings through Window's control panel. While this method worked for some people, I noticed several others in each thread who continued to state that their problem was not solved by trying their methods. After going through the motions and trying what was recommended, I too found myself in that group of people whose HDMI port continued to not output sound to my television.

Thinking as many consumers do, I decided it was time to go to HP's Technical Support in hopes of solving this problem. That choice was a big mistake and a compete waste of time. After spending over four hours talking with a collection of technicians and supervisors, I found myself in no better of a situation than I had started. None of the technicians offered support beyond the most basic level of assistance that I had found on other forums. The only thing the technicians could recommend was it was likely a "hardware problem" that needed servicing at a local "HP service center" - my service center was simply my local Best Buy's Geek Squad. Naturally, I would likely have to pay an arm and a leg for it.

In the end, I was left feeling dejected and annoyed at being convinced into buying a notebook that had an obvious and known performance issue. And I let myself learn to live without it for a few months.

Then came along Hulu's new desktop application which allowed fast access and easy navigation of their streaming video database all through an application on one's desktop! The seller was this program worked perfectly with my mini-remote as well. Visions of my media center swirled through my head again and I decided to try to solve my HDMI audio issues once and for all. This time around, I would try to prepare better and would not give up until I had discovered a solution.

The following is what I found:

Even knowing only an intermediate level of technical knowledge about computers, it is obvious that there are two potential issues with this. Software based or Hardware based. Software is of course the easiest to solve of the two, provided there is a working piece of software out there to fix it. I knew that since my HDMI port dealt with the audio and video aspect of my computer, looking at my video and audio drivers would be the right place to start. I quickly discovered my video card (ATI Radeon HD 3200) but finding information on what type of audio drivers I might need proved more difficult.

To figure out what I had, I had to know what my chipset was for my notebook. If you don't know what a chipset is or what it technically does, in truth, you don't really need to worry about knowing. You simply need to know what chipset it IS in order to figure out what type of drivers will work with it. After some digging on google (I used Radeon HD 3200 as part of my search prompt) I found an answer. My HP dv7 ran with an AMD 780G chipset.

Googling once again, this time with a prompt for HD audio issues with the AMD 780G, I was quickly able to find more information. It seemed my notebook used Realtek audio drivers for sound and the main reason I wasn't getting output through my HDMI was likely due to outdated drivers. After some more searching I quickly found a forum that discussed all the recent Realtek audio drivers released for Windows Vista. The link can be found here.

I found a link that connected to Realtek's most recent HD audio driver update (note, v.28 is now outdated, see link at bottom for most recent) and downloaded the file. Link here. After installing Realtek's audio driver, I quickly restarted. Bingo! My audio immediately began outputting to my television. It seemed the previous driver version had known issues with compatibility for Windows Vista (in particular the 64-bit version) and Realtek had only just recently addressed the issue back in March or April of this year.

What confused me though was why this HD audio driver was no where to be found on HP's support site which lists all known updates for each specific computer they manufacture. The only HD audio driver listed is an outdated one that does not make the HDMI port work. Further, it was frustrating to realize that HP had never bothered to try to address this issue from a software standpoint. While my notebook had recently been factory refurbished, it was obviously never updated on even the most fundamental drivers and software. Then when issues presented themselves, as should be expected with outdated drivers, the technicians continued to fail to provide appropriate technical service.

When normal fiddling of the standard Windows settings didn't work, HP's technical support simply wrote it off as a hardware problem. This results in HP requesting the consumer to send in or drop of their unit for an unspecified amount of time as technicians take it apart and try to figure out why it isn't working. Naturally, with most of the cost of these "services" falling on the consumer.

In truth, a simple driver based solution can be provided to fix an issue that I know many people are having with their HDMI ports not outputting sound. For HP's with AMD processors, you will likely be using Realtek audio drivers that need to be updated. In particular, search for a HD audio driver that is compatible with your system. A simple driver installation may be all you need to get that HDMI port working properly.

Realtek's [official] HD audio driver download website: Link

Try it out and let me know on here if it worked for you.

Obama Throws Like a Girl? Presidential First Pitches

2009-07-15T09:38:00.000-07:00

The internet has been buzzing about President Obama's athletic ability with yesterday's ceremonial first pitch at the 2009 MLB All-Star Game. Some are in praise of his method of delivery while others are going as far as saying he throws like a girl. Conspiracy lovers are even jumping in stating that the White House may have limited the camera angles as well. Regardless, Obama had been determined to at least make the pitch reach the catcher and not bounce it. And to that effect, he was successful - albeit by a very slim margin.

Watch below to make your own decision on how he throws:

I don't see the girl factor there. For a president who is more comfortable on a basketball court than a pitchers mound, I believe Obama did great. Even if this wasn't his first time throwing out a first pitch. What you don't see in this clip (conspiracy camera angle nuts will shout this) is the catch by Albert Pujols at home plate. While Obama's pitch did not hit the dirt, Pujols can be credited for the save. Forced to move up to scoop the pitch up in the last minute before it hit the ground, the St. Louis Cardinals slugger helped to guarantee the presidential pitch ended smoothly. Pictures of the scoop can be found here: Click

In truth though, while Obama may not be able to delivery the perfect curve ball, he has done as well as others in the past (presidents and celebrities alike). Below is a collection of videos of successful and not-so successful celebrity first pitches.

Presidents: Since 1910, when William Taft threw out the first ever presidential first pitch for the Washington Senators, a long legacy of presidential pitches have occurred.

President Bush:

Even though some people have said he was near incompetent as president, you have to admit, that guy can throw a decent pitch. Maybe that is what he spent all his time on.

Bill Clinton:

Pitch can be seen in the last 5 seconds of the clip. Not terrible on the deliver; however, the clip ends too short to tell how off it was.

Some Other Celebrities...

Kevin Garnett:

He throws JUST like Obama did. This only reaffirms my theory on people who play basketball throwing the first pitch. It isn't natural to them, but they get the job done.

Bababooey:

I wonder what degrading things Howard Stern must have made him do because of this.

Michelin Man:

Yes he does exist, and he can't throw worth a damn. That is expected though since he likely can't even touch his own head in that suit.

Adam Carolla:

As a LA Dodgers fan myself, I wish I had seen this in person. I find his dedication to not sucking refreshing. He just refused to have a bad first pitch. Instead, he got two terrible pitches and a decent one in the end.

Dick Cheney:

Not completely real but still hilarious! In real life he made the pitch for the most part; however, he was standing about 3 feet in front of the pitchers mound. I also want to note that in the real clip from the official broadcast, you do not see the catch at all. Just like with Obama, the camera stays on Cheney the entire time.

Mayor of Cincinnati:

Rated as one of the worst first pitches ever. But then, most haven't seen the guy below.

This man's first pitch was so terrible, someone felt the need to put a "Real Men of Genius" soundtrack over it. So fitting and so freaking funny.

Finally, we leave you with what is probably the most unique ceremonial first pitch in the history of baseball.

Dinosaur:

AWESOME!

Win Burger King's Scratch-To-Win Transformers Game, Every Time.

2009-07-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

BK has been using the same style game pieces for promotions for a while now. Way back when "Spiderman" the move was in theaters, they used the exact same method of promotion. Luckily, I figured out quickly how to determine which side to scratch off so I could win every time! Now each time Burger King does a promotion like this, I can eat like a king for weeks on end. You can too (that is, if you can stomach BK food) just by following the simple directions laid out in the video below.

How to Win Burger Kings Transformers Game Every Time!!! - Watch more Funny Videos

What to buy first?
Whopper Jr. Meal - Large Size (You get three game pieces here and it is cheapest meal on the menu)
After that, just get free food. With every free item, you can buy a medium fries or drink to get another game piece or if you can't stomach that much fast food, stick to picking up new pieces every once in a while.

Originally, I had attempted a bright light, but this method was not successful all of the time. After a quick rethink, the solution was found. Enjoy. And happy eating.

Celebrities Are Dropping Like Flies!

2009-06-28T15:15:00.000-07:00

Today is another sad day in entertainment. If you can consider infomercials entertainment (Discovery seems to think so). Billy Mays, one of the well known kings of infomercials, died today, June 28th 2009, in his home in Florida. The tv pitchman, whose patented introduction, "Hi, Billy Mays Here!"and first breakthrough product "Oxyclean" made him a late-late night tv commercial icon, was found unconscious and unresponsive by his wife in the early morning. By 7:45am, he was pronounced dead by the fire-rescue crew that responded.

The cause of death is still unknown, however most news agencies are mentioning an accident Mr. Mays had the day before on a commercial flight home. The inccident occurred when the airplane he was on had a tire blowout while landing. May's had commented publicly about it and mentioned some object hitting him in the head. But had stated refusal of any need for medical help because he had a "hard head". It is still unknown if the accident has any connection with his sudden death; however, with the death of Natashia Richardson due to what had initially appeared to be a minor head injury, the injury should not be ignored as the cause.

Billy Mays had recently been a guest on the Tonight Show with Conan Obrien earlier in this week where he pitched his new TV show "Pitchmen" with his co-host, Anthony Sullivan. Watch the interview on Hulu below:

You can watch the entire episode here, on Hulu: Click me

Asseenontvvideo.com has even erected an online memorial with a top 10 list of Billy May's best infomercials. Link found here: Clicky

RIP Billy Mays.

Some updated news about Michael Jackson, in a nutshell: The day after his death, the coroner issued a report which deferred the cause of death until further testing was completed. The testing included a toxicology report and would be concluded in a couple of weeks. While this didn't rule out cardiac arrest as the cause of death, it did show that if it was CA, the coroner was unsure why it happened.

The Jackson family has stated they plan to have a second autopsy performed with their own tests to try to determine what happened. People from all over the world have paid their respects to the King of Pop.

A Dark Week in the World of Entertainment

2009-06-25T14:52:00.000-07:00

Today marked a low for this week in entertainment with the death of a third extremely famous celebrity within the last few days. While reports are still sketchy it seems that today, June 25th 2009, the King of Pop, Michael Jackson has died.

RIP: Article from TMZ

It was initially reported that Michael Jackson had suffered a heart attack and was rushed to UCLA Medical Center. However, as more news became available, the outcome didn't look well with his father stating that he was "not ok" and his family being called to the hospital. Within 3o minutes however, the news had been broke. Michael Jackson was dead.

It is being reported that Paramedics were called to Michael's home around noon when he suffered cardiac arrest and collapsed on the ground. When the paramedics arrived they found him unconscious and not breathing while people already at the scene continued to attempt to perform CPR on him. Reports now say he may have already been deceased when paramedics arrived but we will have to wait for a more comprehensive report.

It seems the old saying that celebrities really do die off in threes is true. First Ed McMahon, then Farrah, and now Michael Jackson. Three very high profile celebrities all within 7 days time. Some people aware of the "threes" curse had bet against Patrick Swayze dying, but it seems the latest celebrity death has really come out from left field.

Rumors are flying on the internet that Michael may have died from suicide from an overdose on sleeping pills, but we will have to see if a toxicology report is done.

Additional links on the progression of the story from various sources:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2009/06/25/entertainment/e144548D09.DTL&tsp=1
http://www.mtv.com/news/articles/1614735/20090625/jackson_michael.jhtml
http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b131160_michael_jackson_in_cardiac_arrest.html
http://edition.cnn.com/2009/SHOWBIZ/Music/06/25/jackson/?iref=mpstoryview

Iranian Massacre - June 24th, 2009

2009-06-25T02:33:00.000-07:00

I know I have covered the topic much this last week or so, but it is something I feel is an important thing to pay attention to and follow. Below is an emotional and disturbing video. If it doesn't at least start to tug at something deep in you, then perhaps you are just a heartless bastard - or maybe you know something most don't (if so, feel free share in comments). Either way, the video is of a phone interview with an Iranian woman describing some of the horror that supposedly took place yesterday throughout Tehran and other parts of Iran.

To hear the woman call for help from the world is disturbing. The things she describes weigh heavy, soaked with the genuine terror and a sort of desperateness in the tone of her voice. And it is understandable. While through just reading the words people may be desensitized to the events in Iran, the attacks are horrific in reality.

Descriptive scenes of grisly, horrific events have flooded the internet; even with a large majority of the foreign media presence in Iran being all but banned from covering the demonstrations turned bloodbaths. Thanks to twitter and independent bloggers in Iran, the truth (sensationalized or otherwise) is getting out there.

Descriptions of people using axes on demonstrators (graphic photo), baton beatings, and shootings hit twitter and various international news outlets throughout the day as government authorities attacked demonstrators in mass around Iran for defying a government decree against election protests. It is late here now (3am for me) but Iran, the protesting and demonstrating is still continuing. Twitter is full of advice and warnings to other protesters. Some even giving advice on how to protect and fight back against the Basiji with a few popular twitter feeds calling for Revolution. Even, @IranElection on twitter is now twittering under @NetRevolution. To keep up with recent Iran related twitters, Click Here for a short how-to on following specific Iran related tweets. Or you can check out the Huffington Post's page here: Link

During all of this, what has the newly relected president done? He attempted to host an election victory party and was snubbed by over 100 Iranian MPs who failed to show. Meanwhile international comment has been minimal with President Obama condemning the "unjust" violence in Iran, but the United Nations remaining silent about what is going on.

In the recent history of Iranian political distress, the current clashes may seem lesser when compared to other defining events in Iran's history. July 19th, 1988 marked a horrific start of a 5 month killing campaign when (the current) government of Iran started executing political prisoners. Literally thousands of people were killed (some say up to 30,000), and was considered by many to be an international crime against humanity. Of course, Iran is still a freshly revolutionized nation, having overthrown the Iran monarchy in 1979 with the exile of then Shah Mohammad Reza Pahlavi.

While the attacks occurring in Iran have not yet reached the same horrific level as events of the past, it is very well looking like it will continue to carry on in that direction - even if U.S. officials might say otherwise. If that is the case, this will mark a first in history worldwide with a revolution being fueled by social media and large online participation.

For those who are still living under a rock though and need a little re-up on what has been going on in the last 13 days or so, check this news website which has a very informative yet brief FAQ: Link

Around the World

2009-06-23T13:45:00.000-07:00

I tend to read a lot of stuff from all over the world. Stories of all types from all walks of life. So today, I felt it would be interesting to check out stuff going on from around the world.

Iran:
As anyone who isn't living under a rock will know, the situation in Iran isn't looking good. Protests and rallies continue to happen more than 10 days after the widely disputed election results. Even after Ayatollah Ali Khamenei (the Supreme leader of Iran) spoke out supporting the election results, people just aren't buying it. To make matters worse, rumors of a religious coalition to overthrow Khamenei seems to be taking hold. But the people of Iran seem more interested in the electoral government and its use of force against them and for denying them their right to "democracy". And for this, they are still taking to the streets in protest.

One particular driving force for this reaction is a young Iranian woman named Neda Soltan who was shot and killed earlier this week by Basiji militia while watching a rally. Many others have died; however, Neda's death has quickly become a symbol of martyrdom for the youth in Iran calling for change. This has been pushed heavily because of the massive news coverage of Neda's death as unedited footage of her last dying moments made the rounds on the internet relatively quickly after her death.

To make things worse, Iranian authorities have now banned public displays of mourning for her death and have demanded her family remove mourning banners at their home in an attempt to counter public rallying behind her murder and to negate the labeling of her martyrdom. This hasn't worked successfully and if anything, their move to stop it will only make the push against them even stronger.

WARNING: The following link is slightly GRAPHIC. It contains a video that shows the last few moments of Neda's life just after the shooting.

Link: She will not be forgotten

Somalia:
In a place where government rule and order is minimal, it isn't surprising that you will find excessive violence and crime. With recent ship hijackings and attacks off its coast, Somalia is quickly becoming the poster child of modern piracy. However, it seems that when Somalia's unrecognized hardline Islamic "government" power does step in to restore[sic] order, they don't joke around.

The al-Shabab militia group, which retains power of much of southern Somalia, recently condemned four men to double amputation for stealing, get this, three cellphones and two assault weapons. All four men will each have one arm and one leg amputated as punishment for their crimes. The amputations are to be done publicly as a show of force to deter further crime by others. To be considerate to the future handicapped men, the amputations were delayed on Monday due to high heat for fear of excessive bleeding.

Link: One on the Right, One on the Left

U.K.
A man in the U.K. has come up with a pretty interesting defense for killing his wife and best friend. After waking up to find his life-partner and good buddy having drunken sex together in his living room, William Cranston killed the cheating couple with a knife. In his defense, Cranston claims to have no recollection of picking up a knife and stabbing each of them to death and after the entire horrific event was over, he even tried to resuscitate the two while waiting for an ambulance to arrive.

Link: Out of Knife, Out of Mind

Meanwhile, around 70 passengers on an Thomas Cook airline flight to Newcastle refused to board after the crew requested that passengers sit on the plane to balance the uneven weight distribution caused by excessive luggage being packed into the front of the aircraft.

It seems a loading door in the cargo-hold was broken, resulting in luggage only being packed in the front end of the plane. To counter the weight difference, the pilot and crew thought asking passengers to sit in the rear of the plane to act as a counter-weight would be a smart idea. In fact, the airline insisted it was a normal procedure and was entirely safe to fly on.

This doesn't seem to be the case according to passengers from the previous flight that had just come in on the same plane. Those passengers actually warned those waiting to board to not take the flight and to find another plane. Their warnings were reinforced by some unloading passengers actually crying and kissing the ground as they left the plane. As a result, 71 people listened and refused to fly.

Link: On a Wing and a Prayer

Japan:
It is generally accepted that many Asian countries are facing overpopulation issues that result in largely overcrowded urban centers. Nothing seems to show this to be more true than the following video. When I watched it, I almost couldn't believe this was real. How would you like to deal with this on your daily commute?

I love the guy in the brown trench coat slowly getting shoved into the train. At first, it looks like he tries to resist by placing his arm against the door. But all that accomplishes is making him turn as he is slowly sucked into the mass of people inside the train. Hilarious!

For more links about crap going on around the world, check below:

Transformers returns to theaters in the US and is a giant heap of metallic crap: Link and Link

"Dozens dead" in U.S. drone attack in Pakistan. Those killed were at funeral for others who had died earlier in the week from a previous U.S. drone bombing: Link

U.S. troops kill two Iraqi police protesting over backed wages: Link

Georgia man wins lottery twice in one week: Link

U.S. President Richard Nixon liked the idea of abortions for interraccial babies: Link

Iranians Riot Over Elections, Lakers Fans Riot Over Win

2009-06-14T22:38:00.000-07:00

As you've probably heard on the news recently, large crowds have taken to the streets making a rather large ruckus of things. And as the large numbers increased, as expected, violence broke out. As a response to these "riots", an authoritative police force stepped up and attempted to crush the rebellious and the violent alike. This is happening on two entirely different sides of the world right now. The difference between the two? One riot is over personal rights and a fed-up group of citizens concerned about their country's future and an accused stolen election. The other riot is over celebration of a professional sports game. Kind of sad in comparison, huh?

IN LOS ANGELES:
This week marks a celebratory notch on LA's sports-belt as the Lakers won the NBA Finals for the 10th time in LA history. As expected, with the Lakers being greater than Jesus in Los Angeles, people were more than excited. Young and old (mainly the young) took to the streets in celebration throughout the city and as the crowds grew, random violence broke out. People destroyed property, attacked other civilians and police, and set things on fire; causing general chaos and destruction. As the violence and celebration increased, LA police organized on the streets to push down the rebellious crowds. Riot gear, clubs, and guns. Officers collected and marched toward the dissenting crowd to squash their celebration and the riot that it became.

It has been several hours now but the riots were eventually squashed with several people arrested and no lives lost. Property has been destroyed and the damage done but the crowds were disbursed. Thankfully, come the next morning, this entire night will be forgotten as LA celebrates all over again with a huge parade in honor of the Lakers and their victory.

IN IRAN:
This week marks an important notch on Iran's electoral-belt as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won the presidency for the 2nd time in Iran. As expected, with Ahmadinejad being greater than God in Iran, people were more than upset. Young and old (mainly the young) took to the streets in protest throughout the country and as the crowds grew, random violence broke out. People destroyed property, attacked other civilians and police, and set things on fire; causing general chaos and destruction. As the violence and dissent increased, Iranian police organized on the streets to push down the rebellious crowds. Riot gear, tanks, and guns. Officers collected and marched toward the dissenting crowd to squash their protest and the riot that it became.

It has been two days now and the riots are still occurring with a few hundred people arrested and several lives lost. Property has been destroyed and the damage done but the crowds still remain in the streets. Unfortunately, come the next morning, this entire week will live on as Iran continues to fall apart from political dissent and violence as people riot in protest to Ahmadinejad and his victory.

--------------------------------------

It really is amazing to look at the similarities between the two events. And disappointing to recognize the differences as well. While on one side of the world, young Iranians rebelliously fight for their right to a fair election and to have their political opinion heard, young Angeleans (is that what they call us?) drunkenly fight over a basketball game.

In LA tonight, several stores were looted, a police cruiser was destroyed, and people were injured all because some drunk assholes decided it would be more fun to take advantage of their freedom to assemble (how ever much that right may diminish) and break a few things and cause chaos. In Iran, we've seen similar on a far grander scale, including people being attacked by police and civilians alike, others being denied medical treatment for injuries due to the riots, and worse. The Iranian government is trying hard to cover up this glitch in this potential sham-electoral process as people are obviously upset about an inconcrugency in the votes for either major candidate: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad vs. Mir Hossein Mousavi. To add further kindling to the fire, the losing candidate, Mousavi, has been arrested in what seems to be a drastic move to stomp out encouragement toward protesting.

Something major is going on over in Iran at the moment and only time will tell how it ends. I just wish that people here in LA and other parts of California and the United States didn't take our freedoms for granted so much. While others in the world go to the streets to fight for their political opinion to be heard, us Californians take to the streets to destroy stuff in celebration of a basketball team winning their Finals. It is severely disappointing to see violent cowards take advantage of a good thing and turn it into something terrible. Not only does it ruin the celebration for others but it weakens the underlying concept of a people's right to assemble. When boozed up morons decide to resort to violence and rioting for their own drunken amusement, it further cheapens the importance and impact of such a drastic and dangerous action of dissent.

In the end though, rioting should never be encouraged in any situation and I hope that the people of Iran find peace in the conclusion of this eventually. Truth must be brought forward. Hopefully more people mustn't die for it to happen.

To follow up on info on the Iran riots and protests:

List of Twitter Accounts: LINK

Twitter Account Relaying Events: http://twitter.com/iranelection09

Updated List of News Sources and tweets: http://iran.twazzup.com/

Here are some additional videos and photos of the protests to view as well:

Flicker account showing riots

Liveleak Video of riots

Why is my TV not working? - For those still under a rock.

2009-06-12T23:43:00.000-07:00

Were you one of the few 1 million or so people living under a rock the last year and a half? The ones who today noticed the sudden lack of tv shows (a lack of anything really) on your analog television? Or perhaps you were someone who thought the change to DTV happened in February, like it originally was supposed to. Maybe you just figured you had the right kind of TV for the transition all along only to be left with static on your set at the change over today. Confusing right?

If you are one of those people and still have no clue what I am talking about, then here it is plain and simple:

Today, June 13th, as of 12:00 am all major broadcasters have officially changed from an analog broadcast signal to a digital one. This means if your television doesn't work anymore for some unknown reason to you, the simple answer is that it likely isn't a DTV compatible television. It is an analog TV that does not accept digital signal.

Wondering what the benefit of DTV is? Visit the helpful consumer alert website here: Click Me

It is understandable that you didn't know about this. It isn't like they have been doing broadcast preparedness tests or advertising it on every channel or anything. /s

The solution to your TV set not working is a simple digital signal converter box which will pretty much do what its name states: convert the digital signal into an analog one that your TV can view. The downside of this solution is that like everything else in life, the converter box is not free.

Now before you go shouting about your natural born right to view your tv without having to buy a government mandated spy box for your living room (no its not true), know that they are more than willing to take care of some of the cost of it through a free $40 dollar-off coupon. How gracious, huh? Oh yeah, the converter box averages $50 USD. But for a limited time, until July 31st 2009, even you latecomers can sign up for the coupon through visited this website: Site So get to it! Better to have to only pay 10 to 15 dollars instead of a full 50 just to continue watching public television. Right?

Now a converter box isn't your only option. If you aren't one of those cheap people and would like to consider all of your options, then perhaps it is time to consider purchasing a new television. Any tv you buy new nowadays will be able to receive and display the new digital broadcast signal no problem. And all without the need of a converter box too. With LCDs, plasma televisions, and even LED TVs flooding the market nowadays, you have a lot to go through. One place you can start your search is by getting to know the difference between the three: Check EngadgetHD out

Here is some more reading material for the three, check out: HERE

It is important to be educated on what you are investing in so keep up the reading before you buy anything big. Good luck.

Common Sense would dictate...

2009-06-09T11:08:00.000-07:00

I was at my college today, submitting some paperwork at the administrative building, when I saw this sign while waiting for the elevators.

I had to snap a shot of it. Actually stepped off the elevator to get it. The sign on the right is an understandable safety precaution. However, the sign on the left...

What is scary is my school is a polytechnic with a popular and competitive engineering and architectural college in it. The kind of students that you hope wouldn't need reminding on these sorts of things. But I wouldn't put it on the students. Considering how terrible the administration is at running my school, I wouldn't be surprised if they are so incompetent as to require a sign to remind them how to travel between floors.

Then again, a student did commit suicide by jumping off the top floor of that building a few years back. So this could just be a crude and slightly inappropriate joke from the administrative faculty. I wonder which would be worse though.

A Common Sense Approach to Using a Public Restroom

2009-06-03T15:19:00.000-07:00

It never fails to amaze me the things that people do in public restrooms. Here is just a short list of ways to use common sense to prevent yourself from becoming the outcast of the public restroom world. Listed in no particular order and unfortunately experienced personally by me on several occassions.

1. This one is an accepted rule and should be implied for all male usage. If you walk into a public restroom and need to use a urinal or stall, don't pick one right next to someone already pissing unless you really have to. Nothing throws out the "I'm gonna look your peen" vibe better than choosing some unlucky guy to be your urinal buddy when there are 5 other empty ones further down the row.

2. Don't talk on your cellphone while using a public restroom. No one wants to hear you talk loudly into the phone as they try to relieve themselves - especially when you are so oblivious as to chose the urinal right next to them to hold your conversation about the stupid crap in your life that no one cares to hear about. (And do you actually think the people on the other end of the phone can't hear you piss or flush? Well, they can and they know what you are doing and they think you are disgusting).

3. If you are shy and pick a stall to pee in, at least sit down. Short of offering to share a stall, there is nothing more awkward for the guy in the stall next to you than having someone come in and stand around trying to pee for 10 minutes while he attempts to pinch one off.

4. If you are alone in a public restroom stall and a new person walks in, a light cough, sneeze, or throat clearing is appreciated. It will save both of you the embarrassment of the new guy at the urinal accidentally sharting himself when, thinking he is alone, he tries to let a massive fart go and instead is forced to barge into your occupied stall in a vain attempt to rescue whats left of his tighty whities.

5. Always wash your hands. I don't care if you do it at home or not, when a guy washes his hands in a public bathroom he shouldn't have to deal with the conundrum of finding a way to open the bathroom door without getting your leftover shit germs all over his freshly cleaned hands. We invented bathroom sinks for a reason and it wasn't just because they completed the look of the room.

6. If you clog a public toilet, don't wait around trying repeatedly to flush it again. If your shit is so nasty and overwhelmingly large as to clog an industrial strength toilet, the last thing anyone wants is your shit stew overflowing onto the bathroom ground. And it will happen if you keep flushing the damn toilet! So call it quits and hope the next guy to use the stall will be smart enough not to try to flush it himself.

7. On a similar note to the above: If you clog and overflow a toilet, and you know there are other people in the stalls next to you, give them a heads up before toilet water and poo starts flowing out around their feet. It is just good manners to let someone know that a shit river is heading their way.

8. No matter how awesome looking your shit is or how badly you may want to share its unique shape and pungent odor, please refrain from sharing and flush the damn toilet. If it will go down the drain that is where it should remain. We have ratemyshit.com for those who wish to share; so take a pic and let it flow.

9. Graffiti about how slutty a girl is or where to find a good time is 100x more entertaining than comments about the size of your penis. No one is going to believe it is that huge but everyone is going to believe your ex is willing to put out for a "good time".

10. If a stall door is closed and locked, check quickly if you see the shoes of someone using the toilet before you try to knock it open with a steady kick to the door.

Bonus. If you are a homeless person (and you are somehow reading this blog) please please PLEASE lock your stall when you go to use a public restroom in the early morning. I know you have to hold it in most of the night until the stores open up again. And I know you aren't used to using things like locks and doors to maintain some level of privacy, but doing so can help prevent some poor sap (like me) from wanting to gouge their eyes out after rushing into the bathroom for an emergency morning shit session only to find a half naked hobo wandering about.

Mr. Smartphone Douchebag or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love My Blackberry

2009-05-21T17:00:00.000-07:00

I used to hate on those people who walked around playing with their smartphones. iPhones, blackberries, palmphones; they were all the same to me. Worse were the people with two phones, a smartphone and a standard cellphone, who would walk around switching between each like they couldn't live without either one lest there be a global apocalypse and they needed to talk to two people at once on two different lines (make that 4 or 6 seeing as most phones can conference call now). Oh how they annoyed me.

However, in the last month I too have become one of those people. Sucked into the ever building grasp of mobile progression. And I must say, I am loving it!

If you have never owned a smartphone before, let me tell you what you are missing: Freedom

Freedom to access email on the go. Freedom to browse websites on the spot. Freedom to chat with network acquaintances and friends. Freedom to generally stay connected to the one thing that seems to have grafted itself into the lives of nearly 75% of all people in North America - the internet.

If you have ever questioned your own level of productivity and wondered how you could improve upon it, a smartphone may be an outright blessing or it could be a distraction in disguise. Being a business student, I tired of my Verizon Razr cellphone and wanted to find something that could assist me in being more connected as well as seeming more business professional. I have been interested in the iPhone since its debut but never bought one because of the outrageous prices, long lines, and generally crappy (and expensive) data plans offered for it. So I looked for alternatives and picked up on the Blackberry Curve.

That is when I found this website: http://rx.sprintshops.com/phones.aspx

Go ahead and click the link, it won't bite. I found this link through Fatwallet.com's forums and was skeptical at first. 18% discount off of my phone bill? Smartphones for $49.99? This had to be too good to be true. But after some reassurance from forum members I took the plunge and found out that my cautiousness was unneeded in this instance. Not only was I treated with excellent customer service but I also got some additional discounts as well.

I ordered through their live online chat (which I would recommend) and quickly found out that if I ordered that day through the sales rep I would be able to get each of my new Blackberry Curve 8330's for just $0.99 as well as having all activation fees waived (something they will offer to most anyone actually). Most orders are processed within 48 hours with phones being shipped within 2 days time, however due to some complications and a blackberry backorder I did not receive my phones for a week. That was the only issue I had through the entire process.

The plan I got is any datafreaks wet dream. 1500 minutes (25 hours) a month to share between my two new blackberries with Unlimited data, text, email, whatever else you can think of (GPS, Sprint TV, etc). And the total cost for this plan with two phones? I just paid my Sprint bill today: $106 and tax for the month of May. Since mid-April I have been in blackberry heaven; downloading apps, checking email as I get it, even going on facebook to poke a friend or two.

That is where the danger comes in. Sure the iphone has so many apps available you could spend hours browsing them, but the blackberry is the much ignored underdog by tech lovers. And for an underdog it sure has a lot of power. While a blackberry is synonymous with business, it can also be used for play. Social apps such as Facebook and Myspace, as well as AIM, Gmail, MSN, and Blackberry Messenger keep you connected with friends and family easily. Want to be even more available? How about Google Latitude on your phone so people can track your every move. Being a LA Dodgers fan, I even found a mini-app for keeping track of current game scores and player stats.

I can't recommend enough the site I listed above (the link is not a referral one) and I encourage anyone who is willing to go with Sprint as their service provider to check it out. With the introduction of the Palm Pre (a supposed iphone killer) and other upcoming smartphones, you have to be stupid (or admittedly poor) to not try to get one.

I didn't fully notice that I had become one of those smartphone douchebags until one day I was walking to a finance class. Looking down, one hand holding my new blackberry and the other holding my old cellphone as I transferred numbers over and chatted with a friend, I ran into a door frame because I wasn't looking where I was going. Just SMACK, right in with no hesitation at all. Embarrassed but not deterred, I continued on, still playing with my blackberry and not looking where I was going.

I guess they don't call it a crackberry for nothing.

How To Make Presidential Speeches More Interesting

2009-05-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

Not much of a political fanatic? Not one to speed home so you don't miss the new presidential address? I'm sure you aren't alone. While I am not an obsessed fan of politics myself, it doesn't mean I dont try to keep in touch with what is going on in the political world. I did vote after all and the last thing anyone wants to do is make an uninformed decision that could affect the entire country. (ahem)

The only issue with trying to keep up with political news is... well, have you ever watched a presidential address? God, can they be boring. Even the best orators can seem to drone on and on if the information they are giving just doesn't entice or interest you. And you've got to admit it, most of the things discussed in politics really isn't that enthralling. With President Obama being one of the more tech-savy presidents we've seen in a while, it isn't a surprise that he has his weekly presidential address hosted on youtube. This makes it easy for people to access and watch what he has to say to the country. Too bad not a lot of people seem to watch it.

Here is last week's presidential address:

Finding the address kind of boring and predictable, I decided I could help Obama out with some suggestions to spice it up. So what can the most important man in the country (and quite possibly the world) do to improve his views and maybe reach a wider audience? That is where my genius [sic] comes in.

So, President Obama, here is a short list of things you can do to spice things up and hopefully bring back some viewers.

1. Get an effective theme song

The introductions for each address are boring and predictable. No music, nothing fancy other than a white house logo being splashed on the screen. Any marketing professional would tell you that you are doing it wrong. So step it up and try out an intro theme song or something.

I'm not talking about the traditional "Hail to the Chief" or some boring, snooty song like that. You need something catchy and new that expresses the overall purpose of these weekly addresses. But where can you find this theme song? On youtube of course. You can find a plethora of user and artist created choices; some songs are rather good while others aren't really at all. In the end though, I'd probably stick with a real musical artist and pick something like LL Cool J's "Mr. President". It really hits the spot on the need of an open administration; something I hope President Obama will continue to improve upon.

Pull it off with an Ellen style dance introduction. Dancing into the room for the first minute or so before sitting down in your chair to address the nation. I know I'd watch (hell I'd pay to see) the president c-walk or dance to some catchy hiphop. Who wouldn't?!

2. Get a sidekick

Bush didn't need one because of his own ability to maintain a steady level of stupidity (earning not just a top 5 gaffe reel once, but twice!) but with someone as collected, cool, and professional as you, having a sidekick to distract from the bland topics at hand will not only help keep bored users watching, but may actually bring about some interesting new topics to discuss.

I'm not talking about turning all late night talk show or anything but taking some pages from their book may actually help. And luckily you don't have to go far to find your guy.

Joe Biden is a quality choice for this. Sure he is your Vice President but the guy is known universally for his gaffes and the amount of times he has had to put his foot in his mouth. They've even come up with a word for it: Bidenisms. Having him throw in some offhand comments every time you reach an awkward or depressing point in your speech may help transition to a new topic and distract your viewers enough to not notice the fact that you just used the word Muppet three times in the last minute while talking about the current state of the world banking system.

Hey, it's worth a try.

3. Hold a Raffle

Want to get people involved? Get people watching and wanting to do something? Give them a prize. Everyone likes free things and right now the government seems to really enjoy giving money away to our nation's corporations. So why not take a little bit of that bailout money and give it to the people directly? Place a clip at the end of your video address inviting viewers to call in to a number or visit a website to vote on some (not so) important choice. After you've racked up the views and the volunteer participation (something you seem to really want), you can even pull the old bait and switch and try to throw the winner off by giving them a crappy gift instead. Who is going to know any better? Only perhaps the entire world.

Some ideas for the Raffle prize:

A night in the Lincoln Bedroom (from back in the Clinton years).

A game of basketball with the President.
Nothing says "I'm the leader of the free world" like a hard elbow to your opponent's gut as your drive to the hoop.

A new car from a near bankrupt, taxpayer owned car manufacturer.
You know we deserve it. We are already paying for it anyways.

4. Bring this guy to every one of your speeches

How can we not watch someone talk about the sad state of the current economy without wanting to kill ourselves. Things are utter shit right now and you, I, and everyone else in the world knows it. Bring this guy with you to every one of your speeches and it is sure to not only increase your viewing numbers but will instantly make us feel better - even if we don't know why. You could give us the most depressing or boring speech to top all speeches and as long as this guy is bouncing around in the background, we'd still watch you with a dumb smile stretched across our faces.

That or it may just scare the shit out of old people and young children. Either way, I have two words for it: Quality Entertainment.