2. What's with all the homophobia, guys?

3. I'm horribly depressed. Listen to me talk about it.

1. The Kony2012 campaign brought a lot of awareness to a horrible warlord, but does the group that brought this to light deserve to be criticized? What are the merits of slacktivism and posting crap about Africa to your Facebook feed? Why is this guy outside naked and jizzing all over my car?
2. Trayvon Martin was shot by George Zimmerman, the captain of a Neighborhood Watch program in Florida, and more and more details seem to incriminate Zimmerman as needlessly targeting Martin based only on race and then unjustifiably shooting Martin (although sadly he may have been "justified" based on Florida's interpretation of when it is justifiable to shoot someone). I'll take you through the facts of the case and also discuss the demerits of lax gun regulation and how it emphasizes social norms that contribute to a more violent society.

Enjoy the show! Remember to rate this crap on iTunes or wherever the hell you manage to find this thing so that people will see your rating and be like, "Oh, maybe I should try listening to this" before they scream in terror at what they are hearing and decide never again to listen to something just because someone reviewed it on iTunes.

Steve Jobs steps down as CEO of Apple.

The Gold bubble is bursting! Sell your gold now! Don't listen to Glenn Beck!

"Friending" is made illegal in Missouri.

A highway in Nashville is shut down due to a bull semen spill.

The stock markets are like a rollercoaster! Up and down and supported by rotting wooden beams and operated by idiots who don't understand how it all works.

A Russian space shuttle crashes. And this is who the United States has to rely on to get into space now...

The UK protestors actually managed to create more jobs: prison guard jobs!

Bachmann wins a straw poll, some guy whose name I forgot dropped out of the race, Romney says corporations and Soylent Green are people, and various other political nonsense!

TOP STORY: Colonel Gaddafi has finally been ousted from power! Now the Libyan rebels will finally get to elect their own dictator! Also, I rant about why voting is bullshit.

SECOND TOP STORY: Natural disasters rock the east coast! And by "rock" I mean "mildly disturb."

As always, add me on Facebook and Twitter if you'd like to help support the podcast, and also tell everyone you know and threaten to stab them if they don't listen to me. No, seriously.

Democrats win only 2 of 6 recall elections in Wisconsin, proving to Republicans that they can get away with anything. However, the rioters in Britain still know how to protest better.

S&P downgrades America's bond rating from AAA to AA+, but this doesn't affect US bonds. In response, America downgrades S&P from "idiots who were wrong about the financial instruments that caused the 2008 financial crisis" to "dead to me."

Michele Bachmann looks crazy on the cover of Newsweek! Hey, it could be worse. When I was on the cover of Time, I wasn't wearing any pants.

In the conclusion, Dustin thanks Erica, a loyal listener, for her generous donation. He also thanks www.thickmoustache.com once again for reading his perverted emails on their podcast about his unrequited robot love.

-Dustin rails against the state of the movie industry, which propels classics such as Smurfs and Cowboys & Aliens to the top of the box office for no apparent reason.

-Dustin reveals his hidden love for squeezable foodstuffs, and proves that Facebook pages exist for every product, including those as obscure (and delicious) as Pizza Squeeze.

-With Rupert Murdoch being pied in the face in the wake of the massive phone hacking scandal, I come to the realization that more pies are needed in today's media, and that a good pie to the face is perhaps the best way to revitalize media interest in any topic.

Michele Bachmann gets migraines! Does this disqualify her from being President? Or is this the best thing we could hope for?

A terrorist attack rocks Norway, and the media immediately assumes the attack was perpetrated by Muslim extremists until they learn that it was carried about by the exact opposite of a Muslim extremist: a white Christian dude who hated Muslims. Way to report, media!

Also, be sure to check out all the great podcasts I recommended. The Bugle, Ardent Atheist, Citizen Radio, and The StacheCast are among the best.

In this episode, I am in a car crash! I lived, though, which is obvious. Because I'm writing this. Although I suppose I could have been ghost-writing this. But I assure you that I am not a ghost. I am still flesh and blood. But aside from that, here are some of the important things I talked about:

Netflix is raising their prices! Finally, rich people have something to complain about that will overshadow all those starving children in Africa!

A TSA employee gets a taste of her own medicine. And by "medicine" I mean "an unwanted search of her person." And by "unwanted search of her person" I mean some crazy bitch grabbed her tit.

The United States used a fake vaccination program in Pakistan to help hunt down Osama Bin Laden. Seriously? You couldn't have used a medical modality that isn't embroiled in a fake autism controversy? Like testing for Chlamydia? Thanks a lot for fucking over the reputation of a valuable medical procedure, douches.

"Generic Republican" leads Obama in the polls. However, "Actual Republican" is still faring quite badly. And word on the street is that "Generic Republican" has been sending people pictures of his genericism on Twitter, anyway.

Remember Captain Planet? Well I have an idea to use cartoons that appeal to Tea Party conservatives: Captain Oil Spill!

Locusts swarm in patterns resembling the patterns found in social networking. No wonder "locusts" is always the trending topic on Twitter!

What's new in Egypt? Oh, nothing much. Just forming some political parties and maybe a little death to America.

The United States decides to officially recognize the Libyan rebels as the legitimate government in Libya. The one guy who makes up the current Libyan government feels flattered.

The U.S. military's Don't Ask Don't Tell policy is reinstated by a court decision. In unrelated news, the sale of pink army shorts plummets.

In sports, there was apparently a women's World Cup, and Japan won, even in spite of racist Americans on Twitter.

Is Dan Savage a hypocrite for mocking Marcus Bachmann's lisp? And is Marcus Bachmann a homosexual for having a lisp? And fuck Marcus Bachmann because he's a bigoted douchenozzle? That last one wasn't supposed to be a question.

Murdoch apologizes for hacking into all those phones, and you'll forgive him if you know what's good for you. Because he knows what you did last summer!

Here are some of the stories I cover in this episode:

1. Introduction

Saudi women protest the ban of female drivers.

Did you hear about this Casey Anthony thing?!

2. The United States launches its last rocket into space.

3. Dustin rants about progressives and discovers that the only way to truly achieve the goals of liberalism is to elect really terrible Republicans to office.

4. Rupert Murdoch's News of the World shuts down amidst controversy over hacked phone data.

5. Conclusion

Dustin concludes the show by begging for iTunes ratings and grovelling for more listeners.

1. Shell corporations, despite having overwhelming support of politicians and judges, face rampant discrimination from your average Joe. Joe, stop being an average racist! You should at least try to excel at what you do!

http://www.montrealgazette.com/story_print.html?id=5040532&sponsor=

2. The date to raise the debt ceiling is rapidly approaching, but Democrats and Republicans won't budge on the details of how to decrease the debt

http://blogs.abcnews.com/politicalpunch/2011/06/obama-scolds-congress-says-malia-and-sasha-are-more-disciplined.html

3. Ridiculous abortion clinic regulations attempt to drive clinics out of Kansas, but a judge halts their implementation so clinics won't have to close

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2081248,00.html

4. Chris Hansen is caught cheating with a much younger woman! But worst of all, his show "To Catch a Predator" is itself predatory bullshit that engages in shady police-work.

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/gossip/2011/06/chris-hansen-cheating-catch-a-predator-animated-gif-1.html

Quick Hits:

The Pope's first tweet!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/jun/29/pope-twitter-vatican-site-launch

Smokers get $270 million from the tobacco industry!

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/06/27/137451791/supreme-court-lets-270-million-tobacco-award-stand

Former IL governor Blagojevich is found guilty of multiple charges, including corruption.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/28/us/28blagojevich.html

Glenn Beck's last show on Fox airs...good riddance!

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/tv/2011/06/30/2011-06-30_goodbye_glenn_beck_popular_fox_host_signs_off_network_with_last_show.html

Obama's views on gay marriage are evolving. Hopefully into a creature that isn't a raging bigot!

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/19/us/politics/19marriage.html

The Fox News twitter account is hacked and falsely announces Obama's assassination.

http://techcrunch.com/2011/07/04/fox-news-twitter-account-hijacked-president-obama-declared-dead/

The Oxford comma is rumored to have been nixed by Oxford University on Twitter. But it turns out the rumor was incorrect. The Oxford comma is dead, long live the Oxford comma!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2011/jul/01/oxford-cleared-serial-comma-killing

1. Two new elements are discovered. Take that, hydrogen!

2. Scientists create food from human feces. It's mmm mmm good!

3. Two and a half million men are so fat that they can't see their own penis. Now if only they were so fat that they couldn't see their own embarrassment...

4. Breaking news! Beauty pageant contestants don't understand evolution! Also, the sky is blue!

5. Scientists select for multicellular evolution in the lab. Next they'll be growing unicorns!

6. Quick Hits:

-Gays can marry in New York, so let's talk about the science of the gays!

-Genetically modified salmon: Friend or tasty foe?

-New warnings on cigarettes unveiled.

-Birth control may soon be available for males.

-Joe Biden advocates cutting funding for science, scrounging in couches for pennies.

1) Is Libya a war, or just an extended pillow fight? I interview a drone to get answers for this important question.

http://tinyurl.com/42e9jqk

2) A psychic's tip about a mass grave in Texas turns out to be false! Who could have predicted this? Probably a better psychic... This story features a live audio recording of the psychic, revealing her identity once and for all!

http://tinyurl.com/3owtn5a

3) Meet the Republican Presidential candidates! Dustin gives a very brief primer about the various Republican presidential hopefuls.

http://2012.republican-candidates.org/

4) Tea Party summer camps. Yes, it's real. When Glenn Beck and the Bible aren't enough indoctrination, you can always send your children here to ensure they become misinformed douchebags.

http://tinyurl.com/42935ta

*Plus a bonus shortened version of the classic "Gettin' Personal" segment, in which Dustin describes why he abandoned the label "atheist" in favor of "skeptic."

http://cityroom.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/06/06/live-blog-anthony-weiner-news-conference/?hp

1. Anthony Weiner Admits to Sending Weiner Pictures

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504943_162-20069360-10391715.html

2. Sarah Palin Changes History! Also, She's a Weiner!

3. GETTIN' PERSONAL - Continuing the theme, Dustin talks about his own weiner and traumatic insemination.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/08/us/08circumcise.html?_r=2&ref=us

4. The Great Circumcision Debate! - Dustin and laura debate whether male infants should be circumcised.

http://tinyurl.com/3c5agoo

5. Qaddafi Orders Mass Rapes

And here are the links to the songs used in the show.

Intro music: "Flux" by Bloc Party (http://www.musicalley.com/music/producers/producerLibrary/artistdetails.php?BandHash=2f348ad33241b388753c74ed48324d96)

Segue music and ending music: "Her Lazer Light Eyes" by Nullsleep (http://www.nullsleep.com/)

1. New abortion legislation in South Dakota

(http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/22/south-dakota-abortion-bil_n_839063.html)

2. The advisor on sexual abuse for the Pope is accused of abusing children - you can't make this shit up

(http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,2072613,00.html)

3. Dustin reviews the trailer for the movie Atlas Shrugged

4. Gettin' Personal - Dustin talks about his social awkwardness and how that affects his bathroom habits

5. Cell phones probably don't cause cancer, despite what recent news says

(http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2011/06/the_bride_of_the_son_of_the_revenge_of_c.php)

(http://www.cnn.com/2011/HEALTH/05/31/who.cell.phones/)

*Bonus: Dustin gives Anthony Weiner advice about how to talk to the media about your penis.