#Samadhi @ 21

On Broadcasting Telepathy

2017-10-11T11:37:00.001+01:00

Like I said in the first post, an elsewhere of this blog, I transcended the human condition at the age of 21, in August 1998. At first, I saw it as a traumatic event.

The first months as an awakened person, I thought that what did happen to me was that I had burned my mind and brains beyond repair. I thought that I had gone to a forbidden place that was beckoning me since my teenage years.

In my teens I had glimpses of that psycho-spiritual place a handful of times, generally before falling asleep. One night in my late teens, I was drifting in and out of sleep while traveling by bus, and I was just one step shy of achieving that experience. But I didn’t have the courage to give that step forward and the opportunity passed because I fell at once back into normal awareness.

I thought that the price I had to pay because of finally having reached that spiritual place was madness and the disolution of boundaries between me and other persons.

But not just between me, and other persons, one of the first realizations I had, starting from the morning after the night of the experience, was that of seeing visible ghosts and perceiving invisible ones.

I reached nirvana on a Friday night. The weekend and the week that followed were probably the most crazy days of my life up to that moment. I spent them with the girl that was my girlfriend at that moment, her sister and her mother.

It’s the person and the days of which I already talked about in the intro to the blog. That stretch of days spent with them were a disadvantage, to be in a place like that when you had just blossomed spiritually.

After like five days with them, I left. I thought, rahter wanted to believe, that ghosts, demons or whatever was in that house were responsible for creating a conduit through which the vibes of other people reached me like never before, and even their minds. But it wasn’t the case.

The eerie spiritual feeling continued in the days that followed, and it soon degenerated into mentality. It degenerated into mentality in the sense that every night, once the lights were out I started feeling that I was reaching my friends minds with only thinking of them.

A lot of mental bullshit from them, and, slowly and increasingly, from me too followed. Because I started giving my baby steps in inner dialogue in those days.

In those nights I’ve seen and learned a few things, the most important one, that I needed, more than wanted, to put thousands of miles between them, my “friends”, and me.

From them on I had to live with the fact of having an ability to make myself heard in the mental plane, maybe an above average one. It wasn’t an easy task.

The First Lustrum (98-2003)

The first five years were probably the less mental of all the time up to now. One month after reaching nirvana I began travelling and it lasted for the next six years. I was in so much awe and excitement with life in those years that I didn’t have time to be mental.

Additionally, to be removed from my familiar environment really helped. Even when back home from those places, the atmospheres, thoughts, feelings and spirits of the places I’ve been wouldn’t leave me.

These were years of being shocked with different realities and takes on life, and they were as hard as they were sweet because they were years of acute physical sickness for me.

The Second Lustrum (2003-2008)

The second lustrum was the most loaded with change of all. Also I think was the period of my life I suffered the most. I suffered melancholy, the depression of a nervous breakdown and chronic fatigue. The nervous breakdown slowly healed. The depression became a maniac depression kind of disorder.

My life changed when I started looking for a broader kind of female beauty. I don’t need to go into much detail because life became grayed-out for me. It became a digital progress existence devoid of a great percetange of social interaction.

If I should compare my life’s phases as them having percentages of social contact I’d say that, starting at eleven years old and up to fifteen, it must have been 100%. Like, between my friends from my neighborhood and my friends from school I didn’t act alone in almost any moment of those years. Indoors and in the street I was most of the time with someone. From fifteen to seventeen it was girfrliend time, so also 100%. From seventeen to twenty-one my social contact percentage must have fallen first to say 80% up to late 1997, and something like 50% in 1998. From 50% social life in 1998 it continued decreasing and I’d say by the time I was steadily staying in South Asia I’d say it had fallen down to 25%.

In the second lustrum and the following one, my social involvement must have been something like 15% or lesss, only getting a few notches above that figure in late 2012 and in 2013.

In these years, as my social involvement decreased, my mental ways slowly started to grow, fuelled by a constant internet use that, on seeing how people is, made me even more anti-social and reclusive.

I must record something marvelous, and it was that somewhere in this span of years I’ve listened to, what I think was, God’s voice telling me something totally crazy in its self-explaining and self-containing simplicity.

The explanation of what I think God told me was something very personal that someone else couldn’t know and piece together to make a show of power blowing my mind like that.

The Third Lustrum (2008-2013)

This season found me living a double life. Pretty much at ease with the seemingly unchangeable fact of me being mental, and more mentally talkative than ever before. I think that not just the time I told in the above paragraphs, but several times up to now I have had what I’d call personal mystic experiences.

Personal not just because they were related to things personal, but mainly because I felt God acting in a direct and personal way with me. Ways that couldn’t have been possibly replicated by a human awareness by means of telepathy.

I think that those experiences did let me in a state of fascination, and decidely willing to talk in the mind for the underlying, most of the time subconscious, fact of having been deeply impressed by the times when I felt that God talked to me dierctly.

The Forth Lustrum (2013-Present)

The year 2013 was the year in which I stopped trusting others completely. It’s kind of sad that it took me thirty-five years in this planet to be able to live without the the preemtive trust and confidence in others I always lived.

To trust persons who you don’t profoundly know is not good anymore. It may have been okay to be like that a quarter of a century ago, and before that time, but now everyone seems to be so morally bankrupt that I don’t think trusting others is a smart way of approaching life.

If the laws and the legal system aren’t involved in my dealing with others, I’m not trusting them, and even in the case of interactions where laws are enforceable, I’m not bringing 100% of my trust to the table until I get convincing proof that the other is trustable.

I think that an excelent way to deal with others is first stuying and then applying game theory to the interactions. It’s a greatly optimized system of interaction that gives the opportunity of having an edge over others who don’t know it, and it’s guaranteed to minimize losses and maximize profits derived from said interactions.

But at the mental plane, for the last four-plus years I’ve been greatly fallen. I came to a point in my life where I felt that nobody that reaches me mentally deserves any respect from me anymore, and this reflexed in the ways I started to act mentally.

What before was a broadcasting telepathy of phenomena, friendship and love, for me degenerated into a constant mental fight to tool down the entities that I don’t like.

I somewhere read that a way to take rob others of their energy is to insult them. Since then, I’ve been insulting in the mind all those entities that tresspass into mine, all those that I don’t like, and those that I downright hate.

Still, the other day, like three weeks ago, I was walking by the street, and it suddenly hit me: I deserve better. I mustn’t let three lustrums of this way of life of being mental, and lately insulting, pass. It’s difficult when you live in a world of repulsive assholes that live because air is free. Besides, I have ways to sublimate my hatred for others, when I feel that need to vent it out.

To vent out the hate of the stupidity of evil, in my personal case, is one of the essential requirements of day to day life, and everyday I think what I’ll do the day that I go somewhere else, and don’t have to deal with the mental and corporal ugliness of angry jerks.

Pic creds: new 1lluminati

Re-invention of The Computer Wheel

2017-09-01T16:33:00.001+01:00

Somewhere in the late 1990s I read an extensive article on the web of which the main premise was that Windows95 was Satanic.

The article went to great lenghts to demonstrate, by means of a comparision between numerology and Win95’s technology, that everything in Win95 was done as factual mimicking and a relationship between the software and Satanic numerology and Satanic geometry.

I could never forget this. It even was one of the reasons I always thought that I deserved better than Windows, and why I always sought to replace it with a version of Linux.

Like it’s exposed in other parts of this blog, I never could supplant Windows with Linux.

In the end, I ended up hating Linux (and everything *nix) for the steep learning curve involved, but more than for the inherent required learning, because of the big lie that it is.

Like I said in a previous post, every free distro advertising itself as an alternative to Windows is a scam, because there’s no Linux that is an alternative to Windows.

I’ve been pushed this lie since late ‘95, by persons who I called friends, that the difference is totally passable by means of *nix comprehension of Windows with Wine and, in those years, of DOS with dosemu.

The lie continued as they years passed and Linux went mainstream, mainly with Knoppix in or around 2003-2004, what followed is a story I won’t live again and that I already touched in a previous post.

But with Windows, I never could get around what I was fed in the late 1990s, and even if it was a hoax, that article made me extremely rancorous against Microsoft from then up to now.

To give an example, Windows 7 kicked my a** for a good month and half to two months until I could tame it. My hardware was right, but many of the so called features and holes made it unusable.

This is just a mild example of the big bag of annoyances that my 22 years of using Windows contains. I rather not elaborate.

I rather share a dream I had in the past, a dream of creating the ultimate operating system. It would necessarily be a reinvention of the wheel, and a venture capital operation requiring funds in the billion dollar order.

The ASTRA Operating System

To begin with, ASTRA would be developed by a startup with actives in the billion dollar range. Having the funds that MS didn’t have as a startup would give it the power to reinvent the wheel based on contemporary PC hardware.

Propietary, it would have vedic numerology and geometry, and would promote those standards to third party development.

It would be developed somewhere near Los Angeles, to make it related to the motion picture industry and its technological advances.

The graphic capabilities of it would be movie-like, not like the marzipan, half-baked graphics of Windows’ DirectX.

It would be, to a great extent, distributed, so it won’t be possible to duplicate or crack.

A Roundup on "ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY”

2017-08-15T00:02:00.001+01:00

It’s been nine years since I’ve read ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY.

That book was like the epitome of literary conspiracy theory madness. It’s a very neurotic, but very specialized book, and it’s going to blow the mind of everyone who reads it, that’s for sure.

When I read it, I was studying aliens and UFOs for one year. By study I mean reading a book on aliens and/or UFOs constantly, and picking up a new one as soon as the one I was reading was finished.

This kind of pedestrian study on aliens and UFOs went on for like seven or eight years. Pedestrian in the sense that I didn’t take it seriously at any level.

I didn’t highlit, take notes, or memorize any of that stuff. To have a list of the books I’ve read was enough to satisfy me as a reminder of what I’ve “studied.”

Somewhere after 2013, at this moment I don’t remember when, I stopped reading those kind of books. I felt that I had enough.

I didn’t dare flirting with the idea of being faced with the mistake of wearing a crown of false knowledge; like an unknown percentage of the things put forth as true in those books might put those who read them.

The disinformation in some of those books, for instance the industrial-military complex sponsored material, like PJ Corso’s, might be a disadvantage for those that read it. I guess they were created as a way of weaponizing the curiosity of people.

I don’t want to wane explorative in this subject, at least in this post, beause this post, like I said is about the piece_of_nothing + Less Than Zero + dissahc material.
As it’s evident in this blog, I’ve read (and commented) the book/site in 2008, almost ten years ago. It never stopped intriguing me and it’s very satisfying to see that after sixteen years, the readers of the book/site are surfacing.

In 2014 I found a long, long thread in Dave Icke’s forum about the book/site, and wanted to read and digest it all, and then post to that thread, but time passed, I forgot about it, and now that thread is dead.

This post aim is at bringing a comprehensive list of the book ramifications on the web with links.

I will revisit this post and update it in the future, and I hope someday this post will be a post of at least 4000 words with an exhaustive list of all the echos that their book/site generated on the web.

The Versions List

http://freeyourbrain.tripod.com/: The original site, not sure if it’s the frist place where the material was posted, but it was the first place from where I read it.

http://www.oocities.org/freeyourbrain/: Oocities copy of the original geocities mirror of the above one, or vice-versa. I knew which one was the main and which other the mirror, but I forgot.

http://www.bibliotecapleyades.net/ciencia/matrix_brainwashing/index.htm: Copy at the Pleyades Library, this version has a section at the bottom called “Additional Information”, with related material.

https://www.scribd.com/document/305467964/FYB-COMPLETE-PDF-Freeyourbrain-website-Dissahc-1: The book, complete, in PDF form.

https://dissahc.wordpress.com/: Someone did a great job of duplicating the David Icke Forum thread in a wordpress site. It works strangely, redirecting some links to Archive.org, but I guess this site has a great potential of continuing the discussion created in the thread.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hnJq2OZtho: A series of YouTube videos called “Deconstructing the Matrix” that builds upon the piece_of_nothing + Less Than Zero + dissahc material.

http://www.geocities.ws/m_mountre/dissahc/: incomplete version of the work.

Related Material

https://kritterbox.com/Topic-DISSAHC-Do-you-really-wanna-know: A relatively new thread on the dissahc subject.

https://web.archive.org/web/20150919061524/http://forum.davidicke.com/showthread.php?t=173712: Archive.org version of the David Icke Forum thread that I wanted to participate. It’s 70+ pages of discussion on the material with petty ego-wars and trolling but worth a reading anyway.

http://freeyourbrain.livejournal.com/: seemingly abandoned blog with the notice about the formation of the red of survivors.

http://montalk.net/synchronicity/synchronicity.html: unrelated to their work, but still a good read.

Things Can Only Get Worse

2017-07-24T00:00:00.001+01:00

Things were always better in the good old days.

It’s a law of life on earth and of human civilization, not an idiom or a relative idelogy that is waiting to be debated/debunked.

I wonder how much of an advantage do I have knowing that the degrading of reality as time goes by is an inevitable fact and not a possibility that can be averted. Knowking that is also saddening, a heavy load.

A Few Rants on Technology

I’m sad that technology has taken over the world.

I don’t mean to ruin the happiness of those who are in love with it, but while the good sides to it are certainly evident, the ideal Earth is a low-tech, agrarian society, certainly not what it has become.

Once you have a knowledge like that, technology stops being the source of bliss it is without that knowledge.

At least that was my experience, and thinking other far-fetched things I’ve read or have been told about the Earth and its future, and having had a lifetime or two of experience with computers, technology makes me sad because how it will de-humanize others in the future, seeing how it de-humanizes people at present.

I mean, it’s very demoralizing to see how people aren’t themselves anymore, not even in public places. I’m talking about what is transpiring in public places in big cities of the world, the invasion of the streets and other public places by computers and the internet by means of smart phone computing.

You won’t see me computing or using a cell phone outside my home. That’s because I’m an educated person and

A) I don’t like to be a human antenna, that’s what they become when they go in the streets with a cellphone

B) I don’t want to suffer the health conditions that may arise due to A)

and

C) I’m not shallow enough to need to be connected to the internet 24/7/365, like the nervous smilers seem to be.

A friend and I, we have a special name for the people that lives hanging from their phone (and with their heads up their asses) we call them tele-phonies…

I, personally, call them nervous smilers, because that’s what they are. They have a mental condition, I couldn’t find the article were it was explained, but it said something to the effect of their smiles not being an authentic expression of joy but more of an outlet to their nerves.

Didn’t you notice when someone is using a smartphone in a public place how they smile to it like idiots?

What I think is that using them in public should be banned, and that they should be treated pretty much like a pollutant in the order of tobacco smoke. As far as I know, there is no proof of the carcinogenic effect of electromagnetic waves, if there is info on it, it’s hard to find.

I think it’s totally wrong that urban centers are a giant pool of electromagnetic radiation due to cell phones and other technology and I’m grateful I won’t be reborn on Earth and have to take a body mutated by it.

Anti-social+reclusiveness

What I’m going to write will grant me power, prosperity and recognition. I consider myself, as a jivanmukta, the salt of the Earth, and the position comes with a great detachment for others and a love of solitude and longing for that God feeling that moksha is.

I have been a very damaged guy from childhood, someday I’ll elaborate/link to other content to explain this facet of my personality, and from late adolescence a feeling overtook me and made me a certain way for many happy and thrilling subsequent years.

Before experiencing Nirvana I transitioned from an extroverted and gregarious personality (mostly homo-socia) in puberty and my early teens to a taciturn and lonely way of being.

I had already had too many disillusions in life in my late teens and I saw myself as a peon of sin. It came to a head a day in a meeting.

It was enough for me to see one of the friends I’ve made with a modem in the mid-nineties. To see him and just to realize, to know in my heart by the way he looked and acted, that his way of being was a way sweeter way of being than the social beast I was from puberty, and which lately, I was aprehensive to embrace with the persons I was knowing.

In those years, I mixed with persons that are highly questionable at the personal, cultural and moral level. It was never clearly defined who were real friends and who weren’t.

I think that to mix with that kind of company was enough for me to lose faith in friendship and become the lone wolf I am.

I just couldn’t feel I was among friends anymore, when I was with people in my late teens and early twenties. Also, something that made me embrace was the lonely and generally reserved way of being.

This, in addition to something very annoying I thought since around puberty, when associating with persons of both sexes. Sometimes I felt that my friends weren’t at my level, and that made feel like shit, to think myself higher than my friends, and at the same time, to feel that I was wasting my time with people far inferior to me in certain aspects.

Because of my disappointing experiences with people I decided, around 1997 or so, that I was better off being a loner, except for my girlfriends.

Not long ago, like a month ago I finally could make an accurate vedic birth chart for myself (with the help of a community), and it said in it that I was by nature extroverted and social, like I was when I was a kid, not how I have been for the last twenty years. It lets me thinking…

I’m thinking on changing my way of being. It certainly is a golden era, a time to shine in that department, due to the internet demographic explosion.

A Handful of Thoughts on Religion

I was for a long time interested in the future of the Earth. I always wanted to know what will happen with the present civilization.

When I read The Bhagavad-Gita As It Is, in the year 2000, I’ve read a certain figure of years, that the age in which the Earth is will last, it was in the hundred of thousands, now, I’ve read that it was just an obfuscation of the real figure, which is in the order of a few more centuries only.

While I won’t be born again, it’s quite a load to see the people one loves, and think that the few lives left they hypotetically have available on this Earth might not be enough for them to transcend samsara.

This kind of knowledge is so useful and nice to have, it’s a pity that the road to knowledge acquisition is so fraught with dangers and so envied by those without a culture of knowledge, that it takes great determination and will.

I dare say that to commit to a schedule of knowledge cultivation and to actually fulfill it, especially if the environment is unfavorable, is as hard as it is to kick a biological habit like substance addiction, like my case with cigarettes.

I’m ashamed of how I was in the early 2000s… I felt that I couldn’t carry on with a schedule of knowledge cultivation and I fell to the congregational platform.

Even if I went to the temple with the intention of having a meeting with the deity, and didn’t care about association with devotees, I was putting myself in front of them, and my mind and soul in a regretable situation.

It took me time to accept that tantrism and vaisnavism are like water and oil, and that even though I didn’t care what vaisnavas could think of me, it was a bad influence for me, because our lifestyles are a great deal different.

A Little Musing on Anti-Education Feelings

Religion made me hate conventional education. If I show to you the chunks of wisdom that made me like that you’ll hate it too.

If one takes AC Bhaktivedanta’s Swami extreme condemnation of Occidental tertiary education seriously, like I did, one will end up hating tertiary education with a passion.

In a few words, what AC says is that universities are soul slaughterhouses and that all the trash crammed into those that study at those establishments makes them unfit for any kind of spiritual practice.

So, what would be an alternative to mainstream education for me , if it’s final that I’d never fit inside a conventional educational system?

There isn’t just one, but dozens of alternatives to the mainstream educational system, this are the ones I’ve used so far:

1) Any kind of ebooks downloaded from internet, specially P2P networks, that cut to the chase and train one in a menagerie of useful skills

2) Coursewares, that someone kindly took the time to share, findable on the web or P2P networks. Also on pay2use services like Usenet, sadly enough.

3) Internet mentors whom have a valuable educational agenda to pre-sell to their audience and/or potential customers. While not their whole acquis, some pre-sell-type free education materials are impressively worthy, I dare say some are courses above the thousands of dollars value.

4) Official distance courses, study at home but endure the pathetic state sponsored study materials, enough said.

One Month off Fags

2017-07-03T11:51:00.001+01:00

Three days ago, on Friday the 30th, 2017, it was one month since I smoked a cigarette for the last time.

With my old vape pen and my new RTA and mod I am managing and devolving a vice that I was slave to for a quarter century.

I confess that I think that cigarettes are okay, but I’m not really jonesing for them anymore. I’m disregarding any thoughts about them since the first week.

In the first week after kicking them, a friend came to my home and lighted up a Marlboro red. I could bum one, like I ALWAYS did all the time, before quitting, but I didn’t do it.

It’s just that: thoughts, not actual biological cravings that disable me, like it used to be the times I’ve quit before.

In the past, each time quitting, I had to deal with wild cravings. They weren’t just biologic, like the creepy feeling of my body’s cell’s hunger for whatever it was—besides nicotine—that they were addicted to. No… there was more dark stuff to deal with, like a feeling of desperation and a—illusory—certainty that a life of happines wouldn’t be possible without cigs.

I hate myself for loving cigarettes the way I loved them. It was an obsession since my mid-teens, but at the same time it was always a shock to me, how I wasn’t able to live without them. I’m sure it’s because of the environment.

The industrial mixed with residential, noise-contaminated, laborer-filled, eldered and polluted environment in which I grew up made me feel cigarettes as medicine, and not as some kind of horrible vice in the grade of hard drugs like pills of speed, heroine, crack/cocaine or methamphetamine, something which they probably are, due to the freebasing of nicotine that big tobacco corps use in their products.

But to my naive conscience, to pull the top cover of a package of reds in my teens and in adulthood was always a moment in which I thoght that the augmentation of my capacity for well-being and stimulation meant everything if I was to have fun.

I’ve lost many days with the puerile worry of what if I ran out of cigs before the time of going to sleep came, and feeling like that, I’ve prostituted my circadian rhythm to a life living in the night, because they most of the times lasted till around midnight, and sadly enough, they wired me in a way that I wasn’t, almost never, in a mood of going to sleep.

Twenty five years later is great to have stopped, and to feel every day a little more hate for them and for what I was when I smoked them; someone that would beg, bum and even steal for those damned deathsticks.

In the last times, I was even falling asleep with a red in my mouth, only to be awakened by the cherry burning my chest. This totally idiotic thing happend two or three times, like one year ago… I was in the last dire straits of a vice that I fostered into its adulthood for twenty five years.

I loved cigs and saw them not as a vice, but as a remedy. I knew that they were a stimulant, and of course that I valued that quality, but I also saw other properties in them, like their devilish ability to temporarily make hunger disappear. Also, it’s hard to beat them as diuretic and laxatives, at least with something that you can buy in a gas station.

To smoke for twenty-five years, was not just something stupid to do at the health level, it was also something stupid to do at the economic level, roughly I payed around 20000 dollars for almost 7000 packs of cigarettes totalling almost 140000 cigarettes in 25 years.

This was a calculation done on the web, but is not my case since isn’t accurate, taking on account that I consumed other tobacco products in those 25 years, like

Cigars
Pipe tobacco,
Snuz,
Gutka/supari,
Indian beedi,
Patches,
Gum
RYO tobacco with MYO tubes…

but it serves to see how much a quarter century vice can take from one’s wallet and, sadly, from one’s personality…

Three Weeks Off Fags

2017-06-26T14:12:00.002+01:00

Three days ago, on Friday 24, it was three weeks since I’ve quitted cigarettes. After 24 years smoking, I couldn’t possibly have done it without the help of vapes.

It wasn’t a permutation of one habit for the other. It took me more than four years to come to terms with the double effect. The double effect is what you call your habit when you vape but still smoke analogs.

Somewhat, to vape with a cigar-sized vape pen never was satisfactory for me at 16 or 12% of nicotine and about 3.6 wattage. It only became 100% able to make me forget cigarettes when it was 18%…

That must be because every time I was going to kick the cigarettes habit, I ended up smoking more than at other times, I think because of the anxiety.

I loved cigarettes so much, that I couldn’t envision a life without them for me. But for me it was more important to liberate myself of the slavery they represented, than to continue licking what has been licked a petazillion times already.

For me the worst part was having to go to the supermarket every day to buy them. That was a bummer. But actually paying money to negatively condition one’s health, is downright stupid.

The 3.6 wattage vaping of 16% e-juice wasn’t satisfactory for me, and I couldn’t kick the analogs. I’d have bought stronger nic juices, but they weren’t available in my city or the places I went.

To have been a relatively early adopter of vaping did have its benefits, specially in the last half year when I become more acquainted with mod vaping.

Around six months ago I was in the house of a friend, and I told a friend of my friend that I vaped. He asked me what kind of vape I had. I told him I had a cigar-sized vape pen.

He reacted at once and told me that vape pens were pretty much in the past, and that if you really cared for vapping you did it with a vaporizer.

I think he didn’t know what he was talking about, because the example of vaporizer her gave me was the Iolite, and that’s a herbs vape, not an e-juice one. It does look like a mod, but it’s actually for plant material and butane-powered. But I was almost as confused as him back then.

I tought all mods were for dripping, when that’s not exactly the case. It was that I knew drippers/RDAs before knowing sub ohm tanks. That, along my lack of interest and the poor market in my area made me take long to learn the varieties of e-juice vaping devices.

Two weeks ago I bough a mod with a tank, I smoked 6% juice for one week, and now I’m on 3%. t’s a totally different experience. I think that nothing beats a mod for someone that want to give up cigarettes.

I highly recomend them, even if not’s a mod, a vape pen, of any of the models that don’t explode, with a tobacco flavored juice at 18% nicotine will work.

After all, the first week off I didn’t have the mod yet, but the 18% juice made me kick the analogs without any kind of discomfort, except for the first 2-3 days (extremely fatigued).

Good luck if you’re trying to quit cigarettes, and if you want to quit, take heed of my advice, it will really help you.

A Lifetime of Pain

2017-06-14T18:39:00.001+01:00

Like I said in my previous post, something happened to me when I started using a computer in India in early 2004. I lost something, some grade of spontaneity that I previously had.

I think that it was all product of the bad influence of the hopeless, homosexual imbeciles of the software, hardware and Internet (and technology in general) industries.

I’m going to create a time-line of my romantic suffering. But before I’m going to give a little background on how I was in the love aspect when this long sad story started.

In 2003 I bedded the girl of my dreams, we lived together for around three days. She treated me bad, and I abandoned her.

The bad treatment was simply putting the world before me, something I can’t deal with, and it wasn’t the first time I experienced it. But to experience that with a dream girl like her was traumatizing.

I knew that girl (she was Welsh) in the street, in Katmandu, in 2002, and then I found her in the street again, six months later, after we both have went away and returned to Katmandu.

Another young woman that I met in Katmandu abused me, this one was a Canadian. But we both were in the west already when we interacted and she cheapened my love for her.

After the headache of the teenage slut I talked in the previous post, adding the bad experiences with the Welsh and the Canadian I was left in a state of lack of faith in females in general, and young women in particular.

I have let pass more than a dozen of young women I’d have liked to talk to. I’d have liked to talk to them, because they embody everything that I expect from a woman, at least in the looks department.

I do think this lack of interest in approaching the girls of my dreams was due—the greatest part of it—to the ugliness that surrounded us when we met.

Other reasons surely played their part, but I’ll examine each one separately.

It all started with a girl I knew in a dream before knowing her in the waking world. It was in Kolkata, and I already wrote about it in the previous post.

Three Lustrums of Loneliness

2002

I began to feel alienated… I told that story already in the previous post.

2004

In late 2004, when back in the west, I went to buy a hard disk for my PC and I saw a girl similar to the one I saw in Kolkata the previous year. But I couldn't walk to her and talk to her like I could In India and Nepal.

2005 to 2009

Somewhere in the four years from 2005 to 2009, I saw in a bus a girl that resembled the one I saw in Kolkata in 2003, again. Of course I talked to her, and she told me her name and that she had never been to India. I wonder still today if the name she told me was her real name, because it was one of the most generic names you could have, think a name on par with a name like, say, Mary Smith.

Also, somewhere in this span of years I saw a beautiful brunette punkette or skater babe standing in a bus stand. But the place was full of people and I preferred to let it pass. I remembered she had checkered All Stars…

In this span of years was when I felt alienated the most by women in my city… the worst moment was when I saw the girl of my dreams when she was enthralled in a dead end job.

I saw that Burger King had a few vegan goodies, so I decided to try them. I entered the Burger King and what did I see? A brunette who looked like one of my favorite Hollywood stars as a menial fast food worker. I needed to rationalize it, and what I saw for me was just that, a young woman prostituting herself by means misusing her right of choice.

2010

I knew a beauty in the home of her mother, who was a tutor I went when I needed tutoring to finish high-school. Like the brunette Burger King employee, She looked like my favorite actress, but she was full of freckles. I guess that If I would have been let 100% alone with her, I would have told her what I thought and felt for her. But I didn't have the opportunity, not at least with someone else (not her mother, though) witnessing the approach.

2012

There was a model in some ads of my city, around 2012, that had a face resembling the face of my first muse. When we were in our late teenage years she was a model already, so I wonder if that was her.

Another girl that shocked me was a skater babe with dreadlocks I saw in the skate park of my neighborhood. She stood in the skate park in a position at the edge of the bowls in which it was very difficult to start a conversation with her, so I didn’t talk to her.

2013

I used to go every night to drink a Barista cup of coffee while I enjoyed one or two Silk Cuts outside the Empire Cinema in Kolkata central. I did that every night before spending the last two hours (before going to sleep at midnight) working in a horror conversion I was developing on spec.

There came a night when after putting the coffee cup over the fence I usually placed it, and after I lighted a Silk Cut, when I looked up, to the tropical summer crowds standing by the food stands outside the Empire Cinema, I saw her.

It was the dream doll that I knew some day I’ll found in Kolkata, due to being Kolkata the city that rebooted me in my feelings towards women. I watched her generously and I was suddenly moved to find out that she was a Muslim, at least she did give that image, because she and the girls that were with her had Muslim clothes.

I was going to go to talk to her, and I realized that an old woman was with them. But the strange thing of the situation was that the old woman that was with them was dressed in Hindu national attire.

I did let her pass, and I regretted it days later… because she never returned. In subsequent days I was thinking that if she came again I wouldn’t care about their mother/aunt/whatever, and talk to her.

She was an actual girl, it's not a figure of speech, I said she look in her late teens or early twenties... I don't dare call that one a young woman, because, to me she didn't qualify as one, but India being what it is, I was confident enough to talk to her if I saw her again, because it wouldn't have been out of place to talk to a young girl like her.

In 2013 I think I also saw the brunette punkette of the checkered all-stars of the past, but now she was wearing dressing outfits, damn!

In Kolkata, one day I winded up by a slum-like area of the downtown, the crowds were mechanical schools of commuters, suddenly I spotted her, another one who looked like my favorite Hollywood star.

2014
This was the most devastating year of my life in what pertains to deeply felt girl pressure.

Now that I dig deep into this vice of not talking to my darling muses, I realize that not only I’m forgetting ramifications of my state of alienation, but also I didn’t outline my journey of female lionization.

I lionize women since the first moment I felt the pain of the loss of their association, in late ‘94, when I was seventeen years.

The girl that caused those feelings was my first muse, since that moment, and still is. Her, and a gang of dozens of her sisters, as I see it.

Like I said, I was rebooted in my way with women by a reminiscence of that girl in 2002 in India, and by the bad experiences I told before seeing that picture of a model in 2002, for which I felt love for at once.

That model looked similar to the girl of late ‘94, and the love I felt was because she was remembering that lost love of my late teens.

One day in 2014, walking to a park to imbibe a considerable quantity of beer I was carrying in my backpack, I passed by a girl that remembered that primordial muse of ‘94.

It was paralyzing to realize that I was seeing who I thought was her, but BY THE STREETS OF HER OWN NEIGHBORHOOD! (or at least by the streets of the district I knew she used to live.

But she was wearing big black shades, and I couldn’t be 100% sure without seeing her (beautiful) eyes… I should at least have yelled her name at her, if she turned around I'd run to her and talk to her, and if she were who I thought, I could have talked to her and told her, right there, that she was the love of my life.

It's important to talk about this muse, because being the first, is someone that, for me, kind of spawned my love for a whole slew of subsequent beauties that I want to know, who essentially are, phenotypically, all similar at the level of their facial features.

About the actress I talked, that I liked her. I saw her for this first time in the preview shots of a movie in the Empire Cinema of Kolkata's downtown in 2002.

But only around 2006 I knew her name and watched that movie, and I liked her because she not just had the same last name of my first muse, but she also looked similar.

Point is, that I wrote to this actress for years. I sent her my letters (which weren’t too long) through Facebook. She never replied, and I’m not sure those messages reached her, I mean, she ~~has~~ had like three Facebook accounts that one can send messages.

It was an unhealthy relationship. I shouldn’t have sent her the messages I sent her, they were around a dozen in the span of x years (I don’t know for how long I tried to elicit a response from her without any result).

The day in mid 2014 when I decided I had enough of her coldness. I was drinking, I had a flask of whiskey and it was a day of early winter that wasn’t for sitting in a park bench and writing, like I sat that day.

When I finished jotting down my farewell in my pocket notepad, I decided to walk, finish the flask and forget everything about her. I walked and walked for like one hour.

Two districts later, almost arriving to the bus terminal where I was to take the one I needed. I turn in a corner and right there, one meter from me, walking in the same direction there was she again, a super-cute rendition of my muse with all the female facial features I worship.

This one looked more like the model that reminded me of my western muse in 2002 India, she wore dressing clothes, but she did look extremely dainty. She had a protruding brow, typical of a heart-breaker.

The kind of girl that, if I saw her by the streets of Katmandu, or (in the extremely rare case of) Kolkata, I’d stop her and talk to her. Like I did in my years of donjuanism, ere my return to the PC.

I said that 2014 was the year I felt the most pressure, because I saw many beautiful girls, the kind I’d like to make my significant others.

Others were a blonde, that looked like the British actress Natalie Dormer… more or less all of these girls look like that phenotype… I let her pass, but not before touching her hand with mine in the bus, to have a modicum of connection to her.

Soon after that devastating blonde I did let pass another of the same looks but this one had curly chestnut hair and that beautiful protruding brow that I love. This one shocked me not just because of her stocky, yet not fat in the least, form, but also because I saw her going down the bus around one kilometer from my house.

I could have gone out of the bus with her (like I did with the blonde that looked like Natalie Dormer, that I touched in the hand), and talk to her in the street. But noon’s rush hour didn’t make me feel like I could have talked to her how I’d have liked.

2015

I think that I saw the blonde I touched the hand in the bus again, but it wasn’t the same shape. If it was the same, she was kind of fatter, but all the better for wear. It was in a situation and in a place I rather forget, and also during the chaos of the rush hour.

I think that the curly chestnut of late 2014 returned. I saw her again in the bus. We were in a bus that was going to let us in our area of the city, but she went down like four districts before.

I didn’t know what to think of this… maybe that a mere six months later she had moved to that area of the city.

2016

I went to a punk club in Easter 2016 because it was a punkettes bands festival, and as I was enjoying myself, reclining against the bar, watching the girls’ bands, guess who appeared by my side with a friend? Yes! She, the girl that I was longing for, for a lifetime.

I thought, this time is the time I finally get to talk to her, she is a punkette and that face, that hair, that skin and specially those eyes… then I realized that supposing that I got interest from her, what did I have to offer her?

She looked like the kind of girl you take to your fitting place, even if it’s not yours, the place you call yours, and bed her, or at least take her somewhere up to third base.

But to live in a slum is having nowhere to take a girl, for the simple reason that the super-cute vixens that I love don’t fit in a slum of laborers, poor people, elders and racial degenerates like in the slum I live.

To realize that, and to have the modesty of not talking to the girls of one’s dreams, is something that gets to the heart of whoever arranges for those kind of girls to appear in my path, because…

Soon after seeing the punkette at the club, I was traveling by bus, and a girl came and sat in front of me. She looked like the twenty years old version of a girlfriend I had when I was 15-17 years old.

She was super dainty and even more beautiful than my teens' girlfriend. That girlfriend, was a dream of childhood and puberty come true, she was a beautiful person and looked exactly like the girl of my dreams.

Now the slightly cuter, twenty years old version of that old girlfriend just made me happy of seeing her, knowing that it was the kind of beauty that I loved, that loved me and that I considered like a past phase, it made me sing in my heart as I saw her, but…

Guess what transpired, barely two minutes after what I told in the last paragraph happened? Yes, she again, the girl of doe eyes appeared again, this was a very young, red haired version, of the Natalie Dormer type of beauty, and she walked to me and stood beside me until her bus journey ended.

This time, I wasn’t going to do anything. I was just going to speak to her with me eyes. If I was madly in love with this kind of girl, the moment our eyes met and started to converse with each other I knew I’d end up a thousand times madder about her.

We watched each other in the eyes for all of her journey (that wasn’t very long) and I even got a smile from her. At least I know around which streets to be to try my luck in finding her again, in this city of more than two millions persons.

2017

To see an aboriginal, stocky girl of brown skin and clear eyes with the same form of face wasn’t a cause for alarm, since I decided that brown or tan women are a thing of the past for me, and I don’t want to have anything else to do with them.

They can be like that one I saw, but that kind of girl, I’m not gonna talk to, I rather let her for the brown-skinned versions of myself.

When I thought that I had somewhat pacified the girl shocks of the last years, two months ago, I was entering a shop, and a girl was going out. She looked like that primeval of my muses, the original one, but as if she had grown and changed her hairdo since the last time I think I saw her.

I knew by this moment, since my ruminations in how I wanted to yell at her her name, to see if she reacted, jumped to the top of my consciousness as soon as she walked away.

I tried to get a good look on her, but I didn’t talk to her an let her walk away… I wasn’t sure she was who I thought she was, but she certainly looked like…

I deeply do regret not, at least, yelling at her her name, a emotional response of this kind from my part, even if it’s histrionic for the street or another similar unbecoming place, is what I will strive for from now.

The final annoyance, what should have been a celebration of a decade and a half trance (without counting from the years of the start) came out of the blue and not expecting it, I simply ran away from the situation.

The situation was awkward, it was in a crowded hospital and I missed the opportunity to sit in a free sit, beside her and talk to her…

The hard pain of having let an opportunity like that pass was what decided me to write this, to see how much damage in this sense I have been perpetrating on myself.

Conclusion

This can’t continue… I must make up my mind, that I don’t have all the time in the world to begin loving them and suffering for knowing them.

At this moment I think that the pain I feel for them is enough; the suffering of not knowing them. Enough is enough is enough.

I will make my life a celebration of my loyalty to certain kinds of beauty, and not let any other opportunity like these pass. I will do my best to approach every female that I see, that I think was made for me to love her.

I don’t know what got into me since that day in 2002, in Kolkata. But is time I took some care of myself, they are pressuring me into responding to their beauty and I will oblige.

Kill Vice If, You Hate It

2017-06-04T12:00:00.000+01:00

I’m A Fountain of Pain

Before another year without an entry, or with a single entry for the whole year, passes I came to this blog to begin a new season of me writing in it.

I’m fighting to kick the cigarette habit for sixteen years now; and smoking everyday for twenty-four.

Maybe I never took the fight hundred percent seriously, maybe I’m lacking in aspects of my personality that make quitting something easy.
Point is, I never could completely kick them.

What I know is that I have, the last year, tasted a sample of what life will be without analogs.

I’ll write long and deep on this new vice involution; about how this time, my definitive ditching of packaged analog death-sticks, after more than a generation loving them, goes.

Now, this post, is not just about vice involution, it’s also a way to officially stop putting up with whatever I’m constantly mentally prosecuted, that prevents me from living the way that I really am and the way I want to live.

The last fourteen years, while productive and useful in the work and study department, were of hardcore pain in the “my romance” department. I haven’t had the enthusiasm about women I always previously had.

It all started in India, when I, after three and a half years without a computer, bought and started using one… now I think it’s time for me to consider otherwise.

I must consider otherwise because I think I always considered the lack of drive to speak to girls and young women due to the envy, jealousy and social resentment of the environment attempting to dominate me.

But I have meditated this story long and thought that maybe in the state I was when this begun I wasn’t in no condition of developing a relationship to anyone.

The first time it happened to me, it was in a cybercafe that was in an alley in front of the door of a Mother Theresa of Calcutta’s Mission in Kolkata.

I was designing (for the scene) there, I heard girls talking and I turned around, there were a couple of girls there and one of them, was watching me straight into the eyes, she was a dream of beauty, she was a girl that I dreamed of in Occident a dead forgotten night of the mid-to-late nineties.

I didn’t talk to them, and only reacted about having let pass a dream, like a stupid, one hour later in my dump at North Purvachal in North Kolkata.

The road of trials I’ve experienced since then was something that lets 1984 of Orwell looking like the Red Riding Hood…

And around 2005 I had a bad experience, a bad sequence with a girl that I stalked, and she was a minor.

I shouldn’t call that little slut a girl, she was a confirmed slut known for masturbating two boys at once in the high-school were she went, a catholic parish one.

I don’t know why that skunk attracted me, must have been just projecting real love into anyone random by means of believing she was someone that she wasn’t.

What I mean to tell here is that it was a scarring experience because that skunk called the police, and the police called her parents. I just wish she, her family and everyone like them burn in hell, because they took advantage of my innocent love to insult me.

By the way of this I’ve learned that most poor people are mentally deficient social-resented crabs that are best avoided.

A dehumanized Life is a Life of Loneliness

After that sequence I haven’t seen anybody that I thought looked worth of my company, until mid-late 2014, when the girls that look like the girl of my dreams started to appear in my path. From then to now more than half a dozen are making me crazy.

The first event, the false start of what I’m experiencing now, occurred when I was in India in 2013… more on this below.

When this really started, in late 2014, they took me with my guard down from the first girl. I never expected to find the girls of my dreams in this city, I thought the search of the girl of my dreams, that started in Asia would end there.

In 2013 when I went to India again, I saw an Indian girl that had the face of the girl I know is for me, but she was a Muslim. I knew that talking to her would be just putting her in an awkward social situation.
I also tried to rationalize that I could never woo a Muslim girl, the social-cultural differences felt way too much pressure, and I bet our realities are widely apart.

I think that since January 2004, when my life started to be influenced by technology, a change was produced in my mind and soul that severely handicapped me for the following thirteen years.
What I really think was, like I said before, is that technology was a factor that, added to my already faulty personality, made me in many ways unfit for romance.

To love someone genuinely, one must have a life of balance between the love and the hate one has for oneself first.

What I mean by this? I mean that a balance must be achieved between the things one does that make one good and the things one does that are degrading.

If one can’t achieve a surfeit of goodness by means of self-love, then what hope there is for a life of love sharing?
Outcomes are blurry at best in a situation like this, because there is not manifest the basic capacity for love one needs to have: a confirmed, intelligent and also forgiving self-love.

After a childhood and teenage years of nicotinic computation, I felt I could use a long vacation away from computers, that computers were eating up my life.

At twenty-three, when I went to India alone for the first time, and as I stood without owning any technology except for a Casio clock, a disc man and several walk-mans, while I knew the kind of girls that will haunt me for life, I also experienced the happiest years of my life.

I realized that to live without technology dignified me.

At the spiritual level, no period of my life compares to it, and how I learned and progressed at the personality level…

But buying a computer—and a crappy one at that—added an element of slavery and masochism to my life that threw my personality off-balance right back then and in the years that came after it.

My personality had already many faults, for instance:

· A. Having kicked cigarettes, but not hundred percent, make-doing with biddies all day, and also getting excited every day, at sunset, when the hour of going out to buy two or three traditional sticks came; they sold them loose.

· B. Also the return to alcoholism and actual whole packs of sticks in my visa runs to Katmandu,

· C. Dressing gaudily without a care in life for doing so…

· D. Conditioned to fight sloth everyday with all study and all work, and not allowing myself a time for relaxing and playing

· E. An ever present, ever increasing tendency to seclusion and loneliness for specious, picky want of a significant other

· F. The aberrant desire to love women that wear f*-clothes

I wish I’ll never have to go through a teaching of this kind, of realizing how, at the end of the day, for lack of knowledge one’s life can be easily messed up and degraded, while one still feels in control.

The Scam of Fags

To be honest I always loved to smoke cigarettes, for reasons of personal style and appetites.

I smoked pipe for many years too, and I loved each step of the way of being addicted to tobacco, but with the years came the wisdom that a thing that kills so many people can’t possibly be good, and needs to be killed, in this case, with water… thrown down the toilet.

Understand that for the enlightened, one of the perks of Buddha-hood is to have the choice of personally deciding the date of one’s death.

To have a power like this for me had a negative connotation, it always reminded me how I fantasized that I’d like to be a vampire to be immortal and smoke reds all day like a human chimney.

I never really cared that cigarettes smelled and tasted of anything but tobacco, more like chocolate, powder, sulfur or butter, or more like a smoldering supermarket rack… no, I actually liked them.

Maybe there is a mystic explanation to the human race’s addiction to cigarettes. Since they smell and taste like a burning supermarket aisle, maybe there is a hidden human emotion tied to them.

Maybe it’s the anxiety of growing up in an egoist technological world where abundance is flaunted in the faces of the masses, but only lending one’s time—or prostituting it—to the greater good, one is trusted to partake in the feast of nourishment with that luring thing called money. Well not just for nourishment, but you need it for most everything of value, sadly enough.

In a reality like this, maybe an unconscious part of the mind of smokers believes that inhaling four thousand chemicals is a way of fulfilling the dietary lacks they have, for lacking the aforesaid nourishment and other things.

So it follows that having a resented view on the world and a stupid idea of what cigarettes really are, cigarettes wanting to pass as merely a quirk of one’s personality for the outside, and a friend of delight personally, can become a maddening obstacle to live the reality one really wants for oneself…

In my case it’s the reality of not being dominated by any kind of slavery. Plus the informed view that cigarettes are simply a demonic plot to rob earth humans of their health.

Someone Beautiful had to Enlighten Me

When I was giving my first steps in Dharma one time I asked a person who can be considered good company, name was Gopal Vrinda, what did he think about cigarettes.

He said something way generic in the lines of “smoke is an alien introduction, it didn’t exist in this planet until extraterrestrials brought it.” And I never could forget that ever, thus my attempts since 2001 at quitting.

I didn’t believe nor did I not believe in what he told me, I just didn’t have enough information right there nor in subsequent years on the subject. It’s by no means something easy to find information about.

But not long ago I’ve read a book by one of the greatest writers in ufology I had the luck to come by. I don’t remember which book it was right now, but it was one by Dr Barbara Marciniak, that said that something to the effect of most drugs are reptilian, specially alcohol and smokeables.

She didn’t mean that they exacerbate the reptilian area of the brain, she meant it literally, that they were introduced and are used on us by reptilian extraterrestrials, to dominate us.

After reading that I see myself as a hypocrite if I continue smoking, so today I’m just experiencing the last hours of the deadline I put myself around six months ago when I started to savor the benefits of quitting.

I’m not putting up with the reptilians if that’s the hidden meaning of smoking industrial tobacco.

Somewhere I’ve read a guy ranting that coca was also introduced by reptilians and is one of their warhorses in their stealth war against us. Not only that, this guy went as long as to tell that reptilians themselves love and consume consume cocaine.

All this on cocaine to point that it’s not a thing of UFO buffs only, now anyone can find out how big cigarette firms were engineering the tobacco in cigarettes for years, as a way to make them addictive, freebasing the alkalies, the process that is done to coca to make cocaine chlorhydrate.

If one believes contemporary UFO lore, it’s a culture of selling the rest of humanity, in the case of the government for technology, in the case of big cigarette brands, for money.

It’s All About Young Women and Mature Ladies

Young women of the face I love pulled me out of the hole of my alcohol, I was going to become a professional alcoholic if I continued drinking. I was drinking like there was no tomorrow, and drank for the sake of a more flowing capacity of redaction.

To be cured by the love that produces me the contemplation of beauty, I can’t say it was my willpower, because my will was to drink until I forgot everything about India.

Everything, except the certainty that come what might, I’ll find my significant other how I like her, roughly based in the infatuations of my teenage years and my early twenties in India.

She, a girl with around a dozen heads, is around here and, I can’t continue acting like a stupid with myself falling to the feet of the enemy and chewing the stocks of their rifles, as Rimbaud would have put it. I couldn’t have make it out of alcohol if it weren’t to predicate a girl to me, like for instance saying “I did it for Her.”

How may I be of Service? Is there anything you would like for me to write? What about THEY walk among us?

2016-07-10T15:11:00.000+01:00

I’ve been off for two years because I’ve been researching and writing. Somewhat, I got too deep into the rabbit hole, I think.

The last three years have been a study in the non-organic humanoid life-forms, and the demonic existences for me. As a matter of fact, this trip down the rabbit hole started in early 2013, when I started writing, and when I acquired a benzodiazepines habit.

In 2013, I pretty much went out of my personal lifestyle. I was in a place where I literally couldn’t live. I was disturbed from eight in the morning up to 10 PM or midnight almost everyday I was there.

It wasn’t a mental disturbance, though. It was noise and vibrations for the floor below everyday. I couldn’t do anything, I had to be all day out to have a life.

I couldn’t cope with this and started taking tranquilizers. Benzodiazepines are for taking them for two months at maximum. I took them for about four months.

It took me two full years to heal. For the last ten months I feel I’m cured, but the two years up to then were no walk in the park.

My new writings openly attack the demons and the demonic, and I think that because of it, my life has become a lot more difficult. I’m having a hard time living how I want to live. It takes constant vigilance and focus, and I never had to live this way, so life is becoming much a toil for me.

I haven’t written in this blog for the last two years for another reason. I wanted to try Val Valerian’s advice. I wanted to live without playing “their game.” Read for ‘them’ demons, ghosts, negative extraterrestrial and their sub-human pawns on earth.

So far, I have achieved breaking free from an eighteen years habit: alcoholism. If I should calculate how long my alcohol habit lasted from the first time I drank, then it lasted for twenty three years.

But I became an alcoholic in 1998, only to stop drinking in 2000. I stood dry for one or two years, but soon I started drinking again to deal with the anxiety and paranoia of having to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, in Asia.

Having to compulsively go out every weekend to have two and a half liters of beer or more, just to get plastered and lie to myself that I was doing it for my writing, was slavery, and I’m glad I have stopped.

Now I realize I have grown old. I hate to, because I’m supposed to stay young, always looking and being like I was when I was twenty-one when I achieved moksha, maybe if I revised my attitude, stopped tarrying in the race of spiritual warfare and made my life a highly regulated, highly organized job of bringing God into it, every second of it, I would be able to get out of the hole.

So far, I have intermittently been giving the demons what they deserve, to the best of my abilities, but haven’t have put enough emphasis in a consistently periodic armor plan, or just in a simple way of living, which wouldn’t be the same as wearing armor but a way of not recklessly inciting interactions with them, like I love to do.

God is my armor, I feel that if I ask Him to protect me, I don’t need to technically wear a tantric armor, but everything related to protection puts the demons out of themselves with envy and jealousy, maybe I should get heavier in the armor department as a way of frustrating the demons and their constant attempt to tamper with one and one’s life.

Having ditched alcohol after a generation drinking has to be the model for me ditching other stupid things like tobacco and even stupider things, like checking for news in my local video-arcade, when everybody knows arcades died in the early two-thousands.

Nowadays you have to go to the pleasure lane of your local mall to see news, I found out that. Funny that that modality was going on here in South America since the late 1990s.

I took to heart the words of Val Valerian, of spiraling out of their game by not playing it, but I conclude that of the millions of persons of the Earth, if there is one that should play their game to geld them and their spawn and obliterate their possibilities of spreading their unreal kind further, that one is myself.

Linux Sucks And It Died a Long Time Ago

2014-04-08T23:27:00.000+01:00

Get prepared for some thoughts that I know dweebs, geeks and servile benders with aspirations of social mobility in the IT world will qualify as relentless trolling, but I can't help my feelings on this...

"It's like the Spanish Inquisition, a mental one. It's like if you had to report your life to them, like a slave, over and over, in such a way that your brain subliminally will have to ask them for permission to do anything in the Stage World, or wait to see what their sentences will say about what you have in mind, through their sick second-meaning "vocabulary". Realize that your linguistic prison is a mathematical Nazism ! Can you see now how deep the rabbit-hole goes ?"

---PieceOfNothing

Code-illiterates, Windows power-users, gamers shouldn't give a chance to anything *nix for they are developers' operating systems.

It's not simply a categories (user as opposed to developer) matter, for the way Windows users are used to use a pc computer, migrating even a single power user task from Windows to Linux or any other *nix might prove a total drag and a true digital nightmare.

Yet it's not a matter of difficult configurations or complicated uneasy practices at all, there is also an intrinsic bad, sub-cottage industry quality plaguing all FOSS available for these OSes (and these OSes themselves) that makes any slick-and-shine distro out there an unusable piece of trash destined for the compost bin since its very inception.

Power users and windows gamers shouldn't even lose time in trying out a real installation in their hard disk drives because of many reasons, one important: the ultimate futility of one of this kind of OSes most attracting features, the possibility of managing the OS' software by means of a package system where one boots a freshly installed OS' with applications preinstalled and has a catalog of applications, utilities and tools at one's disposition where also there is the capability of bulk-updating what's already installed.

It is not a question of non-user intuitiveness, that is granted in every *nix, it is more of a generalized negligence by the developers and also by all others who purportedly, and I would add even in a pamphleteer's way, are supposed to facilitate this beneficial world to computer users at large.

Now that UNIX-like OSes have massive worldwide acceptance, it is disheartening to see how the geek world of hackers, universities, dorks, twerps, (bs)coders, deluded savants, digital nutsos, paranoid cyber-activists, and the like, armors itself up while pretending to be the good guys, the last standing Davids against commercial, corporative conglomerates like M$... hence now I see them only as mere geeks or dweebs; not even deserving compassion for their psychopathic digital prison of devices of deception transvestized as applications highly esoteric but ultimately strict and punishing.

In a situation like that, trust can't stand. And what hurts me the most is that I am trying to learn Unix-like operating systems and the Internet for the last eighteen and a half years.

So it is obvious that I need to vent the frustrating disappointment for the buggard lie that FOSS, liveCD distros and the whole circus of Open Source, GNU, FOSS, Creative Commons and (socio-economically) upstart milquetoast geeks and nerds or academic tits... just a world of frustration and an arena for the geeks/dweebs that ate up farts confined in an, often tax-payer funded, university or college---slaughterhouse for the soul--- for tens of thousands of hours of punishment on-site, sidetracked by the society they think they're cleverly using to make themselves whatever they want to become.

"These ideas were purposely created with the intention of putting the human species to sleep, to blind them from the truth. And with the intention of transforming the linguistic prisoners in particular into slaves that should conform themselves to the speculation, to the brainwashing and to the idea of marching into a slaughterhouse like cattle in order to make their auric payment."

It is infuriating to see the editors, touts, shills and PRs of these products/NGOs/corps/whatever lie, saying that their distros or soft or products are for everyone, and friendly to those coming from Windows, when that is not really true but a piebald lie.

I wanted to go about having a Linux box without forming part of any Linux community; to be self-sufficient and not relying on anyone, nor having to sell my soul to the devil, as I did with Windows from the beginning in mid-adolescence on Win3.11.

I will never forget the first time excitement, and then messing up my MBR with Baby Linux back then in 1996.

From that day the sour frustrating experiences have been the greater part of my experience with everything *nix, even though I studied and used Windows, I always had spare time and resources for my Linux attempts.

So far I've tried

Baby Linux

Mini Linux

Lucent's Inferno

Mandrake Linux

Knoppix

FreeBSD

Knoppix Games

Zenwalk

Mint

Jollycloud

PCLinuxOS

Puppy Linux

Wary Puppy

Tinycore

Slitaz

Puppy Arcade

OpenSUSE

But is not only this, I can't stress this enough, the gnu and foss applications are shovel-ware, even in their Windows versions. Take Inkscape for instance, which is supposed to be the free alternative to Adobe Illustrator.

I take this program just to be somewhat fair because were I to pick something like the gimp, this article will become just a time-wasting catalog of vitriol, a trolling in flames, and total contempt for how dweeb and twerpishly cheating the gnu/foss scene is.

Calling this piece of crap 'Illustrator substitute' is an insult to Adobe despite what adobe means for a person who can see beyond the veil and call things for their name, like Adobe being a terrible peace of pay-to-win bloatware.

Is not that I try to use gnu soft as substitute because I don't have money to buy me a complete Adobe production suit.

It's because I simply don't like Adobe, for me it's bloatware. Now, Inkscape is bloatware, but highly dysfunctional and made by socially resented twerps, it shows in its complete un-usability.

It's totally jerky denoting the shovel-ware approach to software developing: the lack of regard for releasing an optimized piece of soft. The same goes for another FOSS-world application that also runs on Windows: Scribus, only Scribus is 1000% more cheating than Inkscape, and it’s supposed to be the free alternative to Adobe Acrobat.

They showed their real faces in the early two-thousands anyway, you know what I mean…

Knoppinx, anyone? Or… a FreeBSD (Berkley fart-central) co-opting (or actually building up, as a sting operation I don’t know which) an organization called unixpunx.org!

WHO DO YOU WANT TO FOOL, YOU COZY ACADEMIC NICHE PUNKS, ROT-GUT, COLLECTIVIZED, DESPICABLE CHAMPAGNE MARXISTS?

"Can you see how deep the rabbit-hole goes ?

These ideas were created to reinforce the false notion that you're not the owner of your destiny. By accepting these ideas, the brain of a linguistic prisoner is encouraged to follow the external signs of guidance, whether through their sentences, through the orchestrated movements of their characters artificially creating "coincidences" around him or her, or through the "signs" that appear in a nightly dream."

---PieceOfNothing

This article was brewing since December 2011, when I begun to give my first steps in home-networking and self-hosting.

I have lived approximately two weeks of hell in late 2011, when trying to make use of Slitaz, Multicore, Clarkconnect, Liberte and Puppy Arcade to build something so simple as a self-hosted web server.

Finally I ended up setting up for Windows 2000 and XAMPP, because those server-oriented (Except Puppy Arcade) Linuxes where just crap in the form of an ISO.

Sometimes I think that in the state that those operating systems are, is in the state the souls, social skills, and conditioned realities of those which make them are, the perfunctory state of a non-entity’s lifestyle, conditionings and continual piss-drinking.

Now, I’m just unwinding from two days of frustration trying to make an OpenSUSE, in a laptop with broken display, act as a remote access server to use it with my Windows PC.

It was a hurdle after the other and had to reinstall one time, but finally I realized I should stop losing time with this crap and there is nothing worse than the reinforcement of one miser with the other… all the trouble of having to connect the laptop to my desktop monitor, plus the pathetic lack of functionality of OpenSUSE made me crazy.

It was a hurdle after another to do a thing that in a Windows machine with a monitor should take no more than fifteen minutes to set up. Well the fight lasted for almost two whole days and finally I decided to give up.

Why insist in something that is designed only with the purpose of making fun out of the user.

I repeat, I have eighteen+ years of experience with *nixes, but this time the offenses were very crude: fix one thing, break three, fix the three broken, the one you fixed at first magically/mysteriously/esoterically stops working.

I remember trying to implement Drupal (a blogging platform for dweebs without a life) once, well the experience of the past two days with OpenSUSE was similar to it: hell. Modify one thing and ten go down. Or accept the locks and lumps of hurdles BECAUSE THE SOFTWARE THINKS/SAYS SO, you lame-o.

When the lameness it’s evident that is coming from the developer side. Or take OpenSUSE‘s tones of green everywhere in the KDE environment, that should give you a clue: Linux in general is a piss-drinking scene where the bottom of the barrel of digital society discharges all the degradations, disparages, humiliations and conditionings imposed on them by their schools/peers, on a global scale… it’s on us not to feed the giant piss monster; or daemon more in this case of *nixes.

I felt so silly about forgetting not to trust Linux anymore, that I went to read forums of people crazy of hatred for Linux and finally, reading the horror stories of others there and feeling compassion I got the inspiration to finish this article which actually was ready to be published more than two years ago; adding the OpenSUSE story to it.

Then I went to my directory \!Rigs'\!OSes\nixes and deleted all this:

Knoppix_dsl-4.4.10.iso

liberte-2012.1.iso

linuxmint-16-cinnamon-dvd-32bit.iso

multicore-current.iso

pclinuxos-enlightenment-light-2010.12.iso

puppy-arcade-10.iso

slitaz-3.0-xvesa.iso

slitaz-3.0.iso

tails-i386-0.11

ubuntu-9.04-desktop-i386.iso

ubuntustudio-11.04-alternate-amd64.iso

As we demonize ourselves doing what they want: prosecuting them with rants like these and feeding the GPM/GPD, I leave you with a thought and a question for you to answer it personally, if you share my view on these topics: do they victimize the "not-so-brilliant" (just the users, as opposed to them the developers) because in that segment of computer users there are the ones that are non-college educated, and could they feel with a greater right for the suffering they have been put through in that world where Internet was available before it became commercial, as to make those who don’t give a toad’s ass about academia pass, by means of their dysfunctional crapware, by all the humiliations they lived in their college/internships/jobs?

Hello Again

2013-11-23T05:59:00.002+00:00

My personal singularity: getting rid of the last knots of lack of organization in my life, it took me more than one year and only now I feel able to return to blogging.

In the personal war for organizing more than one decade of compulsive hoarding, a war that even took me around the world to complete, I have forgotten to post, the last year, what I thought it would happen in 2012, which of course was nothing like what all doomsayers had to say, this was written in march 2010, and I was planning to post it before 12/24/12:

After researching theories and predictions (most of them cataclismic) for 2012 and many other related subjects (anti-christ, second coming of Christ, false prophet, aliens, etc) I developed a personal view on what will happen in 2012. This view has no scientific nor theological basis whatsoever, but it resulted good to me for speculating with what will happen and to answer to myself the question if the future is going to be dangerous or not.

What I personally think may happen in 2012 is that the inhabitants of the earth will come to terms with the mental, moral, corporal, spiritual and social conditioning imposed on them for the last two-thousand years. For what I have read, there are secret societies that plan to play a false theological drama in a global scale. Note that I say "plan (or planned) to play" and not "will play"... the idea, more or less, is (was) of these secret societies bilderbergerz, Illuminati et al) presenting the people of the earth with their chosen "antichrist, new Christ and false prophet"... but my personal view consists precisely in the possibility of the people of this planet taking consciousness about the scam and then seeing things as they really are. Personally, I think that the christians and catholics religion are just a false belief and so are their archetypes of "second coming of Christ, Anti-Christ and False Prophet."

I have discussed this theory with some people on the net and couldn't do other thing than revealing to them some of the sources of the knowledge that enabled me to arrive to my own conclusions. Most of the occasions I was disparaged. Yeah, I know that many (who have read the same books that I) will think that I am very much influenced by Icke. Others may try to debunk all my speculations based on the sole fact that I am revealing that Icke is one of the principal sources and tools I used to sort out a lot of research on the same subjects that he touches that I was already doing for the last few years. No problem with that, if you want to oppose me for knowing what I used to think what I think you are invited to do so... me too, I reserve to myself all the rights to believe ALL of Icke... Now for my personal view:

What I think is the following, after thousands of years of stories of Christ and the Devil, as Icke puts it, a great percentage of people on this planet is morbidly obsessed with myths that are simply not true and even childish, like the existence of a second Christ that will come (again, Professor Icke, did the historic Jesus existed at all? "No he didn't") and of an anti-christ to led humanity astray... the difficult fact with this 'singularity' is that even though the anti-christ is an invention, the possibilities for somebody to be born on earth to give others the impression of being the anti-christ and

to feel himself as the anti-christ were clearly prepared by the church and secret societies in collaboration; in a secret work spanning centuries. I say clearly because it is so for me after my research, the important point is that this thirst of knowledge about this topic was a consequence of knowing a person, a friend, who fits in the archetype of an incarnate Satan, he does it in his persona in general and even in his looks, having a face reminiscent of the Satan of William Blake.

But What can you expect of a religion that intends to rule the earth based in a doctrine of lies worshiping a stolen god? Simply that, the (frustrated) attempt to start a new dark age based in a world-wide armed conflict using this invention of the anti-christ as a guideline! Or just the fear of such global conflict as cause for the imposition of a one-world dictatorship... Concluding, what the religions and the secret societies think? Do they believe that whoever they choose to act their degenerate characters are stupid? That they are incapacitated to go deep into the knowledge they always tried to supress? I do not know if they choose a single anti-christ, 2nd christ and false-prophet or if they have many alternative versions of the same. I, for one, I recognize myself as being one along with one of my best friends, poor pseudo-Satan incarnate that was always shown to me as my worst enemy... why?

I do not know the psychological state of other persons who are led to believe that they are Satan or Christ in the flesh, but some of us are sound mentally and we may let you thinking in the unseen sides of this question, so I tell you what I think, in 2012 many persons on this planet will be acquainted with this attempt to structure their minds with the puerile gospel of christ's 2nd coming, and it may turn out quite unfavorably for the promoters of the scam because the people will realize all the defects and aberrations of prison-religions in general if they understand the persons that fit these archetypes that have the consciousness necessary to communicate this delusional mental structuring because they searched for answers very deep, not being able to buy the legend of 2nd Christ-Satan and found that not only the anti-christ, but Jesus and the church itself are all inventions. So the singularity of 2012 will be that the people of the earth will accept with love and comprehension all the pseudo Satans and pseudo Second Christs that are awakened and do not agree to act the characters imposed on them. Moreover, the church will lose its power, many churches will end up being sold for any other purpose and

the westerners will adopt eastern religions.

I Want You To Activate Your Crystals… NOW!

2012-09-24T16:59:00.001+01:00

It's almost incredible for me, after four years how I integrated into my day to day thinking and how I continue returning time and again to read the vedette of Alien/UFO interaction with humans Internet rarity, the neurolinguistic study called 'ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY'...

I wanted to make this post about something I discovered pertaining a topic touched in the aformentioned ebook as related to MMORPG gaming, but I think that if I wait some months and learn more about what I want to communicate I will be able to give a greater picture of what I am seeing in certain MMORPGS.

Instead of that I reminded something weird that happened to me and I fancied to share it.

It was in early fall, I was toying with the idea of planning a semi-professional research project about Aliens/UFO from a spiritual point of view. I was drinking in a lonely, secluded spot of my city. Weighing the pros and cons of the endeavor and thinking what would be the point of it all.

For one, I thought of my unfinished attempt at a commentary on 'ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY', and thought that I should make something out of it, finish it, but discarded the idea thinking of what would be the point, since 'ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY' never was finished itself.

Then I thought, in which vein or making a tribute to which style of Alien/UFO research I would like to make a new project, unrelated to my commentary of 'ARTIFICIAL SYNCHRONICITY, LANGUAGE MANIPULATION, KUNDALINI AND THE CORNERS OF REALITY', and, as I was getting drunk I started to get emotional, like... I was considering Piece Of Nothing as a potential soul brother, for I thought I never found anything like this book, and Piece Of Nothing would be probably the only person I would be interested to have endorsing my book in the event of publishing a book on the subject.

The point of this story is the irony of how, as I was entertaining this far-fetched thoughts, a storm started to build up and, one and a half hour later, a hurricane hits my district and a couple of adjacent ones in a city of 30+ districts... it didn't hit the whole city, it just built up and exploded in my district and traveled not very far away, destroying everything, specially cable lines, trees, lamp posts and roofs.

Where I was only the storm catched me, but when I returned to my district the destruction was great and the hurricane changed many spots of my district for the worse.

May I have been being seized by mental waves of the masses of people that already knew about the meterologic alert before it arrived and that's why I started thinking of Piece of Nothing and his book?

Anyhow, some days ago, still annoyed and disgusted by the computational deceptions I told about in this past post, I made a Google Search query about how I was feeling, which was “disconnection from higher self” and I found out a blogged book by a woman named Jana Dixon, who, as I am reading her book “Biology Of Kundalini”, it seems more and more like she’s the kind of person Piece of Nothing, Less than Zero and I are, or would like to be!

Well the book is great, when I sampled it, opening the chapters that had the more sensational titles, and on seeing how she approached the subject of kundalini arousal (a biologist approach) I couldn’t more than be excited to read it, when at the same time thinking how cooler of it compared to the pop-philo approach I took with the few chapters I wrote of “Kundalini Unleashed.”

I also feeling thankful to myself for following the instinct of not continuing KU, because in this way I prevented making a total ass of myself, when touching the subject of kundalini from a popular, exoteric, almost fanatic point of view.

I was keeping all I had to say about it for the core of the book, the musings in what I published (here on this blog) are just speculative stuff, like mind-rinses without any sort of serious preliminary research (I was writing based on previous research, like stuff I learn from AC Bhaktivedanta Swami, Thompson and Sivananda and personal experience) and are, most of them speculations on the aliens, demons and the demonic rather than anything about kundalini.

Back To Hatha (Second Try)

2012-09-20T18:18:00.001+01:00

I’m still trying to manage my time and make everything I want and need to do fit into the tight schedule of studying several things at once. The return to yoga I planned in August didn’t turn out as I expected, mainly because I started a four months course in a community college and had to readjust my schedule to having to go there 5 days a week three hours per day; but at least I didn’t forsake my weight lifting training.

Yesterday the last day of my most recent payment for one month at the gym ended and so today I am beginning a new hatha-yoga season.

It’s nice to have the muscles toned and to be feeling well for the weight lifting training, but I feel that not doing yoga and progressing in that endeavor too (like I have been doing for the last seventeen years) disconnects me from my higher self.

Weight lifting is so enlivening and fun to practice, that even when I put myself the limit of doing only mid-bore workouts I forget and sometimes one or two full-bore workouts slip in a month’s schedule, this has to be controlled because it really tires me.

Now I’m waiting one week to reboot my weight-lifting, and so, I am aiming now to at least 6 (aiming at 7 really) consecutive days of hatha after waking up, before I return to the gym.

Once returning I have to have the drive to combine the two practices; intertwining them. It’s not I can’t because my body is taxed (being tired is good because I sleep and that makes me grow), it’s because doing any of the two all the time, every day either of the two is quite a time sink against study and work.

I’m kind of ashamed that for many months now I’m going through a phase when I can’t keep up with yoga, while this isn’t the case with the gym, it’s disappointing anyhow.

2012 hatha fiasco:

Jan: 1 (session)

Feb: -

Mar: 4

Apr: 5

May: 1

Jun: -

Jul: 3

Aug: 2

Sep: (about to begin)

2012 gym workouts:

Jan: 9

Feb: 6

Mar: 5

Apr: 2

May: 6

Jun: 5

Jul: 2

Aug: 3

Sep: 6 + maybe another one or two

Overall except for January, all the other months I didn’t achieve the quota of combined 12 days per month exercise bare minimum, which sucks… I just needed to be presented with how uncaring I was, like now I took the work to record and see it for what it is.

Linux sucks,yeah… but Windows follows (lagging) not far behind!

2012-08-15T17:27:00.001+01:00

Well, I’d be damned… but last week I had a problem with Windows that, on retrospective, is food for thought as related to what I wrote here in the last days of July.

My point about Linux as opposed to Windows was about how solid and robust Windows seems to be in comparison to Linux; which in exchange seems to run faster than Windows. I still think it is, as long as one’s Windows is not screwed by M$ itself. Although primarily my rants where about software available for both operating systems and not so much at the operating system level.

Well I was wrong, because there is not much point in lionizing Windows as the cutting edge of consumer and/or power user computing for the simple fact that, while everything works well and doesn’t break unexpectedly like it does in Linux, in Windows, if you rely on M$ for receiving updates you are setting it up for trouble and your system is virtually at the mercy of corporate psychopathy. I’ll explain why.

There is a first time for everything and in the world of corporate abuse and negligence, I was yet to witness the same crap I accustomed to witness in Linux, but in Win$low!!! Updating Mint has let me without WiFi connection, and there is no, and I MEAN NO FIX for it.

To put a long story (one week) short, I’ll tell that, being the experienced PC user I am, I never run into major problems with my PC unless something external prompts them. But once the shit hits the fan I’m at a loss in a manner way worse than when illogic crap makes me suffer on the Unix-like world.

In Windows soft matters I am always well-informed and as pertaining the use and maintenance of the operating system itself, I am used to behave towards the operating system in a flowing and caring way that only makes use of best practices and I never do stupid things that can put the integrity and stability of the operating system in jeopardy.

What concisely happened: I didn’t update Win$low since mid-June, and in the 20-25 days without updates there were like half a dozen important updates wanting to be downloaded and installed.

Since I started going outside to do stuff, and taking on account the time drain it would mean I wanted to be sure Win$low was in a hardened condition that will prevent any damned cracker mess with my rig, and make me lose time.

I proceeded to download and install the updates and (I don’t want to make a narrative or give much detail about this) it simply destroyed my Windows 7 AMD64’s kernel!!!…

After the system rebooted to finish updating my 64 bits Windows simply stopped working… tasks will give a semblance of being working, but multiply the time each things takes to be done by 350 and you’ll have the slug-like lag everything ended up.

A couple of hours later and trying to see what was wrong I realized it was the updates… it was so obvious!!! I uninstalled them but it was too late, the damage to the kernel was done and I was with a new copy of Windows 7 rendered unusable and un-updatable, DAMN!

So… it’s time to think of it and think until which point makes sense to rely on Win$low circus of corporate socio-economical resentment, because being ripped off by them like I was… it sounds to me more like the attempts of traumatized dweebs that think the world owes them something for all the abuse in their “academic formation” they received; where their learnt to be… you know what.

For me this can mean only one thing: it’s done with being at Win$low’s mercy… If I have the knowledge to cope with the degenerate hate of crackers and cybercriminals, and with the corporate idiots’ backwardness it only can mean that I’m not going to be updating Windows anymore whatsoever, mistrust Windows (although I’m a user of it since 3.11) from now on, and do with cottage-industry security soft that has proven to have products that transcended the freetard barrier.

And no, I wasn’t able to manage my anxiety nor to do yoga or weight lifting while the whole deception lasted.

A New Start for Hatha

2012-07-27T16:38:00.001+01:00

In late 2011 I became acquainted with the state of things in the current, so-called, ‘free open source software’ world, AKA the GNU scene. I was in for a wild ride of constrained and diminished productivity, frustration, malevolently designed and prepackaged sidetracking and a nauseous deception.

I accept that in the early 2000s I bought into the baits of the free soft movement and thought that, when the moment of applying myself to knowing, learning and using FOSS came I will make the best use of it.

My motives were mainly inspired by foreseeing the added satisfaction and feeling of accomplishment of having risen from being an outsider with a lot of ideas to implement to the platform of a self-made Internet entrepreneur that became one without paying any kind of allegiance (and money$) to the corporate world (mainly M$ and Adob€/Macrom€dia), oh boy, how naïve I was!

Without going into much detail (I have content about this topic for an XL article about the dangers of trusting the FOSS/GNU worlds blindly) I can say that the (travesty of) software brands and (experiments of) development firms of the GNU scene are a hoax in the sense that they are publicized as a free alternative to paid, established operating systems, tools, applications and platforms when in fact that’s way far from the truth.

GNU and FOSS are a free alternative to mainstream soft, but for NERDS and DWEEBS, not a real state-of-the-art, power-user friendly alternative that can be considered by those Windows users that flowed with the times and are dependent on real computing.

I lack the means to express with words in what degraded, depressing and hopeless world I was thrown as soon as I begun giving my first baby steps in the world of self-made Internet entrepreneurship.

To put it bluntly, the most desirable, formerly even coveted, GNU and FOSS pieces of soft are a form of enslavement way worse than any sort of corporate abuse I ever got from Windows and its soft. I wanted to talk about this in this article in a prosaic way so I’m gonna try defining what I perceived in one paragraph:

It looked as if the open source disasters were crafted as a sort of resented, vengeful expression against the world perpetrated by the dorks, nerds, twerps and dweebs who wade in foss/gnu (aka FREETARDS) development; for the unsuspecting users to pay the dweebs back for so-much ass-kissing, depersonalization, de-individualization, repression, pressure to conform, ostracizing of errors, soul violation and social conditionings they were subjected to in their “formative” and “corpo-noob” years…

The months I fought with open source stuff (mostly platforms more than oses and tools/apps) and I still feel the taint of paying attention to something so little and stupid like it, a tragedy that disconnected me from my higher self for a despicable vomit, project of a lifestyle, that I wasn’t expecting.

Everything was broken, badly done or incredibly nerd-like, in a way that either I did a superhuman effort or the nightmare of having to deal with such a beheaded strata of thought would extended for months on end.

And thus, locked out from this blog and at the same time hardening my soul with the academic torture of the socio-economically resented of the freetards I was far from being living true to my ideals and I felt there was no point in progressing in the hatha-yoga self-discipline because I couldn’t share it openly as I tasted and then loved to do. I wanted to confess that: I love coming here and showing my life to others and it helps me greatly to get in the mood of this kind of things when I want to do them and feel like an effect deserves to be produced on society at large.

Nevertheless, I didn’t give up a life dedicated to physical evolution and perfection because though I wasn’t doing yoga I still had my weight-lifting training to compensate. Now after nine months, I realize that I did it again!!! As I wrote back in this blog that I burnt myself out in weight work outs, it happened AGAIN, and last week I was feeling my muscles like literal parasites craving for food, and fags and stuff: this is not good.

Never gonna give up iron weights training, when you have plenty of gyms near, it’s like a blessing and a total stupidity not making use of them. But if you have to commute I think one can give it a second thought. But when you can walk three minutes to a gym, if you don’t use it, you’re missing something for a life of sloth and sedentary couch potatery that is not mentally sane in my opinion.

I started being extra careful with my gym workouts. Like, I was going only 2 times per week to the gym, and doing far from full bore routines:

two staple exercises: abs and shoulders

three if feeling inspired but most of the time two specific muscle exercises

like, if it was a biceps’ day it will be: abs > biceps exercise 1 > biceps exercise 2 > shoulders and that’s it, on average 30 minutes of workout.

This went okay for several months, and coexisting with hatha-yoga, it works and I can attest to it. But returning to the subject of my baby steps in the commercial Internet fueled by gnu and foss, somewhat the anger I got out from being fighting with software translated to a blind fury in the gyms where I forgot about my preference for hatha-yoga over weight training and fell back into devastating full-bore work-outs, a subtle rejecting of the nerd world of corporal freaks.

Anyway, I’m not chronic fatigued like before, and this is good. I have found ways to cope with one of the intrinsic challenges of an athlete: chronic fatigue and I will be posting about that in the future.

Back in Business

2012-06-29T07:17:00.001+01:00

I have been disconnected from this blog for more than a year; a year and a half to be precise. In the first quarter of 2011 a blackout came when I had my passwords file open and it broke it fubar.

I had this blog tied to an obscure email because didn’t want to mix this identity with other identities I use on the web, and since I had all accounts that I lost bind together (for password resets and such), so it took me all this time to come to terms with deciding if I wanted to continue writing here or not, and finally yesterday I could contact the email provider for a password reset.

After reading about Nikola Tesla, one of the first things I wanted to do was to change my profile, and thought that Fritz’s book alone looked somewhat poor for an Albiorix… so, I also updated my books to the complete list of my alien/ufo studies library. I know some of these authors are considered hoaxers, but why not checking on them too. I’m told that Collier and Corso are hoaxes, even that Sitchin is a hoaxer… but haven’t had time to check on those arguments yet.

I have watched many documentaries, and read a lot of articles in fringe knowledge silo sites, but didn’t keep a log on those loose pieces of info. Moreover, the list below is my alien/ufo studies books since mid 2007, an endeavor that didn’t turn up quite as I expected.

I wanted to write folders and more folders of notes and bibliographies from these books, but somewhat I felt sunk in pit of delusion and at times disbelief, hate and more negative moods prevented me from doing so.

Not that I feel bad about that, though. I can return to their more ribald and interesting passages whenever I want to.

· The Cosmic Hierarchy (Anonymous)
· THE A-Z Of Alien Species (Anonymous)
· They Know Us Better Than We Know Ourselves (Brown)
· The Greys' Agenda (Collier)
· Defending Sacred Ground (Collier)
· Behold A Pale Horse (Cooper)
· Children of The Matrix (Icke)
· The Coming Battle (Icke)
· The Rothschild Dinasty (Icke)
· Case For The UFO (Jessup)
· The Mothman Prophecies (Keel)
· Flying Saucers Are Real (Keyhoe)
· The Alien Mind (LoBuono)
· Artificial Synchronicity, Language Manipulation, Kundalini and the Corners of Reality (Piece-Of-Nothing & Less Than Zero)
· Mind Control and Aliens - The Suppressed Knowledge (Sar)
· Alien Identities (Thompson)
· Matrix (Valerian)
· Matrix II (Valerian)
· The Branton Files (Branton)
· The Lost Book of Enki (Sitchin)
· The Book of the Damned (Fort)
· Lo! (Fort)
· The Day After Roswell (Corso)
· Into The Fringe (Turner)

Restarting Yoga, Again

2011-01-23T17:32:00.000+00:00

From July 2010 until November I was doing the best I could pertaining hatha-yoga practice. The method I devised to combine it with weight lifting workouts did work, at last.In the first week of December 2010 I had to attend a very important issue which prevented me for continuing the practice. Then, in mid december I retook gym workouts after two months without them, that I was neglecting for the same aforementioned issue.

But not coming to this blog I forgot how did I plan to combine hatha with weights. I was doing full bore weight workouts and so I decided not to pick up hatha again after the personal issue was solved.

The past sixteenth of January I ended one month of full bore weights training and taking on account the two months (October and November) which I forsook weight training it hasn't been a bad month at all...

I knew that I promised myself to take bodybuilding workouts lightly... but I thought that with good recovery time, not doing yoga and taking a creatine, glutamine, taurine and protein and fairly copious carbs I could return to after two months without workouts to it in a powerful way.

I succeeded. I did seven of the eight workouts I aimed for. They were full bore ones but didn't feel like.

Now that I am rebooting my hatha yoga I hope I will be able to take this two endeavours for ever and for never neglecting them anymore.

Anarthas in Action

2010-07-19T18:29:00.000+01:00

After almost a week since the previous post I wanna record that I am about to start my fifth hatha-yoga session since I started again six days ago. Today the inertia feelings attacked me again. They feel totally alien and even stupid to me and I am proud of having progressed so much psychically for the last fifteen years since the day I started doing hatha at eighteen, and specially for the last twelve years after realizing samadhi of the conciousness transposition (asamprajnata samadhi also known as dharma-megha-samadhi) type. I am proud of this because I note that the frequency of my real self is very different to the mind's and I always note when the thoughts I witness are impositions of the "this"... this is weird. Now I've learnt that when the "this" suggests idleness and sloth pertaining my sadhana, when I fall it's difficult not doing it because there is a sick psychologic/metaphysical game going on in me. The "this" (manas) suggest revelling in the inertia of ignorance and sloth, and the cue is picked up by the senses (indriyas) which """conditioned""" by the memory of sense gratification produce a volition in the self defeating any given quantity of will power for hatha-yoga practice I might treasure.

2010-07-14T20:03:00.001+01:00

It's been a bit more than a month since my last hatha-yoga sessions.

In June I have done hatha-yoga three times and zero workouts. The chronic fatigue wasn't easy to surmount. Not only I didn't have the drive nor the energy to do any physical activity, not only that, but my sleep patterns changed drastically. In the last month I've been sleeping for more than 10 hours everyday, even sleeping 12 hours a day for many days.

I was suffering in this fallen, downtrodden condition for around three weeks until ten days ago I couldn't bear it anymore and started to search on the web for remedies to this medical condition known as chronic fatigue. And what I've found is that one of the remedies used for this condition is ginseng.

Then, I started taking the ginseng (which I already had in my collection of mother tinctures) and things got a bit better. Such was the recovery produced by the ginseng that today I'm starting (mildly) to do hatha-yoga again. Concidentially, the ginseng is also helping me to recover the sharply constant 8 hourssleep pattern I am used to.

When I feel 100% recovered I will try to implement the schedule that I devised in June. I checked it out just now and I know that I won't be able to accomplish it this month. If in the second week of June I was feeling at 40% of my energy but I can say that today, and after taking the ginseng for around a week I am feeling more or less around 75-80% of my physical energy...But this isn't the only reason of my chronic fatigue attack, I am sexually debauching too.

2010-05-26T02:32:00.001+01:00

This month I have done eight full bore weight trainings and four mild sessions of hatha-yoga.

I did no less than three days per week without nutritional supplements nor an adequate diet. Worst of all, I did not recover fully after each workout.

This has proven good to a point as to test my limits but I don't plan in doing it anymore. At first I thought that after three years training I could do without supplements, a good diet and without taking time to recover. But I ended up exhaust.

If I have to choose between the two disciplines, I'd choose doing more hatha-yoga full bore per month than weight training.I have already projected and tried to follow this 12 full bore work outs and 14 mild hatha-yoga sessions per month but that has proven totally demanding and not satisfying at all.

Doing the 12 full bore weight and 14 mild yoga a month and 14 full bore yoga and 12 mild workouts every other month wouldn't be easy. It didn't work out with only 8 full bore weight workouts so I am trying the following routine for the next two months to see if I can endure it:

June

16 full bore yoga sessions and 8 mild work outs and 2 full bore. This, I will try to do with proper diet and proper recovery time.

July

14 full bore yoga sessions and 8 mild work outs and 4 full bore. This, I will try to do with proper diet and proper recovery time.

After this sudden attack of chronic fatigue for making the wrong choices I am keeping the last six days of May for mild hatha-yoga practice.

Progress In My Physical Edge

2010-05-11T18:04:00.002+01:00

In the last couple of months I've managed to change my diet to one more balanced pertaining acids and bases. Besides this I've also devised a plan to be able to be practicing weight lifting along hatha-yoga.

I changed my schedule and the approach I used to these two disciplines. My idea, once implemented, ended up being the following routine:

First training weight lifting in a mild manner, like doing only three different excercises, like abdominals, one specific exercise that can be arms or back and shoulders until I reach from fourteen to sixteen sessions of hatha-yoga at full throtle, that is no less than six asanas per session.

Then stopping the full throtle hatha-yoga sessions and starting to train weight lifting full throttle, meaning abdominals, three specific exercises (like preacher bicep curls, concentration bicep curls and wire bicep curls) and shoulders in each session, until I have ten of these full throttle weights sessions completed.

In the meantime doing short hatha-yoga sessions of only two or three asanas. I finished already one heavy hatha-yoga cycle and one light weight lifting cycle and, at the moment, I am by the fourth full fledged weight session and keeping up with the light hatha-yoga sessions.

So far, it is giving me results. Now that I have the diet bettered I need to better it even further, as being able to reduce carbs and increase fiber and proteins. This will be my next task pertaining physical evolution.

2010-05-05T18:21:00.002+01:00

THIS IS A 18th OF FEBRUARY POST that I couldn't post for security problems.

THE FALL

I come here around hundred days after my last uninspired flirtations with yogic culture.I do not know exactly why I felt, for the last hundred days a complete aversion to any sort of bettering and sobering up of the self, I don't know yet.

That is a third of a year, and it is somewhat alarming.I realize that it isn't easy for a yogui to be aiming to tread the path of yoga in an averse environment as an epicenter of meat industry is.

But on second thought, I mustn't be very much hard on myself for this fall of the last hundred days. I need to plan out my month of workouts in a better way. If I am going to have my stomach all upset for a bad planned diet and a fast metabolism that incites me to eat around six times per day it's just not funny, let alone healthy.

I must plan it in a way that the weight workouts days don't interfere with the hatha yoga's need for mitahara...I have all the workings of the jail-like, barbarian, western megalopolis figured out.

In its emasculation of a reallly healthy and transcendental culture and philosphy of life it tries to condition even the unconditionable. When the reasonings of the hive minds in one's head aren't bought anymore as own thoughts, the ways of the western systems of control and barbarian hive-minds are decidedly blunt and thoughly cohesive and forceful in its infusion of anxiety and impatience for extracting pleasures and benefits from material things.

Working out is not very much funny because of the uncleanliness of the place and of the rank-and-file sort of persons that go to the gym I go, that is on the same block where I'm living. The gym is so much full of germs that for the time being there it clogs my nose so deeply with particles and mucus denoting infection, that it changes my life in a very deep way and for the worst...

This of having the nose clogged for the germs living in the uncleanliness of the gym is a total downer. If I am unbalanced with a bad diet is quite obvious that I would have low defenses and get this kind of nose infections all the time. But I am not giving up.

I need to have the strength of designing a better diet and sticking to it for the sake of being able to continue lifting weights as a means of evolving physically.I have just had an idea, I will split the months in two. In one month, two weeks I'll eat six meals per day and do three full throtle workouts per week, while the other half of the month I'll revert to four meals per day and do yoga no less than four days per week and workouts two times per week, but not full steam like in the first half of the month, but mildly in comparison.

After a nonchalant summer, that is about to finish, of not doing nothing for evolving physically I am fed up with sloth and the intertia of the surrounding demons that live like hogs. I am not letting that interfere with my personal path anymore. I'm not giving up yoga nor weight lifting, NEVER!!!

2010-05-05T17:55:00.000+01:00

1, 2, 3.... THIS IS A TEST OF W.BLOGGER V4.02

2009-11-30T15:53:00.001+00:00

I resumed my bodybuilding training on 25th of November. I did it using the same weight I was using two months and a half before; when I stopped.

In the mornings of the 23th, 24th and in 25th's I got somewhat carried away by intertia and didn't do hatha. But the point is how I felt on Thursday 26th when I, theoretically, should do hatha in an attemp of getting nearer to the objective I've put to myself (no less than sixteen days of hatha per month). But I couldn't. I felt overwhelmed by the aching in the muscles I was feeling from the workout of the day before . Anyway, I am feeling nonchalant about it since, this time, the deception felt less frustrating than times before when I tried to coordinate the two disciplines and simply couldn't; out of feeling drained of my energy.

Maybe it had to do with resentment from the environment and its consequent tampering with my mind; from where psychic parasites can operate to feed on one's energy

I am noting that workout changes one's body very fast. I got quite surprised when I weighted myself on 25th and I was 151.8 pounds, because two days after I was weighting 158.4 pounds... this is just too difficult to accomodate to a hatha-yogic sadhana when one has to practice mitahara. The two are quite incompatible. I got proof of this in the subsequent weekend when I was feeling sick on the stomach after a lot of food as I started to take because my metabolism got accelerated after beginning working out.

I now will do my tenth hatha yoga session of this month. It doesn't matter at all that I didn't reach my objective of sixteen, but nevertheless, I will call it a month and see if I can achieve it on the upcoming month of December... without stopping weigh workouts, of course.

Weights and Hatha

2009-11-23T15:03:00.001+00:00

Today, on the 23rd of November I am writing this entry before starting my nineth hatha-yoga session for this month.

Minutes ago I was thinking that since I have put myself the objective of doing hatha no less than sixteen days per month, I have a challenge ahead: doing hatha everyday until the month finishes.

I thought on this better. After all, it isn't a great challenge by itself because in India I could do better than that; somewhere around the twenty or more days per month mark. But I rememberd also that today I am gonna start again with my weight training, so it does become a challenge.

Why? Simply because I've already tried it and it was difficult for me. I started lifting weights to build muscle since August 2007, two years and four months ago and when I was training with weights I simply lacked all sort of motivation and, actually, energy to be able to carry on with my hatha training.

This can't be, because hatha-yoga is ultimatly a very gentle practice exerting almost no strain on the body; unlike bodybuilding. It is more of a revitalizing, healing, energizing and rejuvenating deed. Essentially, this can't be because (to give a specific example) one of the great masters of yoga, Sri Parvti is also a weight lifter. I accept it, She's material nature's Godess and the sister of the Final Truth and everything, but if She exemplifies the two disciplines it is ultimately for one to take it as an example.

Not thinking much about it, it is obvious that to carry on with the two practices I have to turn inward a bit more of what I was turning in. Tapas are required, personally the moment of trying the two disciplines at once (months ago, and today) is the edge of a life of lustful obsession with intoxicants.

The best course of action I can think of is cutting my fag smoking a fag less each time I can until I develop a behaviour/style around the half a dozen per day... the energy squandered there will help me greatly in this objective.