“What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?” she asked. Her young eyes read mine as if searching for the lines of lyrics.

“Well, I suppose ‘Beloved Wife‘ by Natalie Merchant. It’s about an elderly man trying to navigate life without his beautiful bride of 50 years. Like Grampy Arnold.” She nods knowingly, because who could forget his silhouette against the bedroom window that day?

Stooped over in that straight-back chair, he held his ragged tissue in one hand and his beloved wife’s pale hand in the other. That holey tissue dabbed the end of his nose for the umptenth time in as many hours. Though offered a new one, he wouldn’t let go of this one. Or my Nanny. No, he fought in WW2; this solider surely could fight the time that was quickly taking his wife away.

The truth is though, no man is a match against time. But we can all go up against ourselves. And so he played the tug-of-war game that day: to let his wife go -or- to hold on to her.

From the other side of the bed my aunt gave the gentle tug that swayed the outcome of his internal war. Her whisper rose and fell in harmony with my grandmother’s raspy breaths. “It’s time, Dad. You have to give her permission and let her go.”

{Nanny Sylvia and Grampy Arnold}

Long after Nanny released her last breath. Long after his children and grandchildren shuffled out of the room. Long after the gurney was wheeled in. He gripped her hand and the fragmented pieces of damp Kleenex. As the day drew to a close, the silhouette of this grief-bearing man grew darker in the cavity of that bedroom window.

And I knew then, that truly, the saddest song ever heard is that of a lover-less heart.

Not just the dirges that rise from dear widowers’ hearts. No. The melodies lamented by those who are far from Christ are the most wrought with grief.

I know. I sang that song for years while I wandered away from Him and broke my covenant. Runaway brides have their own unique tunes. And though many aren’t even aware what is driving the lonesome song, they each sound the same.

Our hearts are created to love One: the Christ. And while those who have never fallen in love with Him sing a different type of song, we who have committed our lives to Him and yet don’t cling to those vows have a dirge of sort. Oftentimes depression, stress, sleeplessness (or over-sleeping), anger, irritation and apathy are common. Why? Because our hearts begin to wither without the presence and peace of our true love.

{Picture source: unfound}

I don’t know where you are or what song you’re singing, but I do know this. No matter how close to spiritual death you may feel, He remains. Long after others shuffle out. Long after the day is done. His silhouette fills the window, holding on. Singing His own song over you. “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” {Zeph. 3:17}

“Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.” {James 4:8}

To enter to win “His Revolutionary Love” by Lynn Cowell, please leave a comment below with your favorite song title and/or a version of your “vows” to Jesus (it can be one line or 20 … it’s up to you!}. Thanks so much.

I’d never been yelled at by an adult before. At least, not one I didn’t know well or wasn’t related to.  Yet here my roommate’s mother was, firing off accusations, lighting up our conversation with anger, hurt and condemnation.

And isn’t that what assumptions actually are? Little firecrackers making loud noises and large pains.

Gripping them in our hands too long sears us, burning our emotions. Yet it can be awkward to communicate what we’re thinking. “Did you really mean XYZ … or did I misunderstand?” But holding on to these hot ideas we’ve conjured up is hurtful.

We gotta let them go, recognizing what we read between the lines isn’t what that person meant. Because if we keep holding on, that thought is going to eventually explode: on us and our friend.

I know. I’ve been there. On that phone call with my roommate’s mom. She ranted, raved, hissed and booed. Knocked my religion, my morals and my character. All because she thought I’d snubbed her daughter during Spring Break.

Here’s the wild thing: we weren’t even in the same country during Spring Break. Not. In. The. Same. Country. As in, I had no contact with her daughter. None. Zero. Zilch.

Yet this mama’s emotions had been lit up, fired up, and she refused to put up her misguided assumptions. She blew up without knowing the facts. And was a big part in breaking up our living situation and friendship.

What an even small dose of cool Water would have done for our conversation. It would have cooled her heels and soothed my burns.

Before I light the next firecracker of assumption, I’m planning on dousing it with this: Proverbs 19:11, “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.” Instead of reading between the lines, I’ll read the Word and let it defuse my fuse. I’m leaving the fireworks for the 4th of July. How about you?

{A Special Thanks to my sister, Rebecca — Grace Interiors & Design — for the use of her fireworks photographs!}

There are so many ways to know the Lord is present with us, ever near. But sometimes we just need a reminder. Something to lay our eyes on and to tuck away in our hearts.

That’s why I’m excited to share this easy reminder with you.

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit.

 

#1: Write “Jesus” on small paper

I will remain in you. 

 

She’d been unfair, untrustworthy, and stolen from me. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. At least, not without lava bubbling up inside my heart. And that’s a dangerous place for Christ-followers.

The fine line between human anger and righteous anger. Condemnation of another and sharing godly conviction with them.

Maybe there is someone in your life who has sinned against you. Acted cruel. Treated you with contempt.

Maybe that someone is … you.

Maybe you can’t look yourself in the eye for the things you’ve done against yourself … against others. You may be so angry or disappointed with yourself for choices you’ve made. Perhaps a churning and burning lava flare within your heart.

That’s a dangerous place for Christ-followers. Instead of believing the nagging voice of condemnation telling you that you don’t deserve a second chance, you shall always live with shame or regret, that you are evil and wicked and no good …

Instead, tap into the truth the Holy Spirit is speaking; His conviction that leads to life. He offers “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness” (Gal. 5:22} But only if we allow Him to.

Start today by disputing the condemnation with conviction. Acknowledge your sin, then acknowledge Jesus. His death on the cross means new life for us. Ask Him for forgiveness and  ask Him for strength to stop that pattern of sin if you haven’t already.

Next, ask for love, joy, peace, patience, goodness and faithfulness. Pray to be filled with all the Holy Spirit offers. His cooling water will squelch the hot lava bubbling up. It may take time… but it will happen.

Please leave a comment with your name and email address to enter to win Proverbs 31 Ministries’ new NIV Real-Life Devotional Bible for Women!

Weary hearts need a hushed place to rest from the self-preserving fetal position, away from the battle.

Long seasons on the front line can be exhausting and rob us of peace. We need seasons of rest and refreshment. And so, I pray. For you. For me.

Familiar thoughts?
I can’t do this another day
I don’t want to fight anymore
This is too much to bear

Yes? And so, I pray-

Refresh Lord …

I wonder, friend, what would a snapshot of your soul tell? A thousand words of peace, trust, and security? Or a thousand words of doubt, fear, pain? Has this become your battle hymn; your war cry?

Oh that I had wings like a dove! I would fly away and be at rest; yes, I would wander far away; I would lodge in the wilderness; I would hurry to find a shelter from the raging wind and tempest. {Psalm 55:6-8}

Lack of peace volleys to isolate and hold us captive in the battle, feeding us lies …

Poisons require antidotes. Wounds require balm. Freedom requires a victor. {Tim Hansel, Through the Wilderness of Loneliness}

Even the darkest night is chased by the dawn. Refreshment is yours. Peace is found only in one place: the Lord. Turn to Him today and rest in Him. Sing a new battle hymn to Him who says

 fear not; you are mine
when you pass through the waters, I will be with you
when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you
when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned
for I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior
since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you
do not be afraid, for I am with you
Isaiah 43

Mindful prayers are the most, not the least we can do. Let’s join ranks and lift each other up in prayer. Leave your prayer request for the person who comments ahead of you to pray over and if you have a favorite scripture on peace, please leave that too. Thanks!

We’d talked once already, so I was surprised when he called a second time 20 minutes later.

“Honey, I can’t stay here,” he said. “I’m bundled up, getting ready for bed, but the blankets, hats, scarves, gloves we got together for the homeless … they’re here, in my warm home. I can’t stay. They can’t stay.”

The sleet hits my bedroom window, as I listen to what breaks his heart, what moves him. He asks, “Can I go to the store and buy tarps, hats and gloves? I want to go downtown and give them out.”

We’re not yet married, but are treating our finances as if we are. Making our decisions as if we are.

And so I say yes. Yes, bundle up in your coat. Bundle up the blankets and hats and scarves. But please, be careful, my anxious heart tweaks. Because it’s one thing to serve the homeless with a group of friends on a bright sunny afternoon. It’s another to approach them alone on a dark, freezing night.

He calls me back for the long-awaited third phone call, over an hour later. This time I hear his heart bundled up in joy, relief, gladness. He helped fit swollen, chapped hands with just the right pair of gloves. Picked the Carolina blue hat out for the man wearing a sky colored jacket. Wrapped blankets up in tarps for the homeless to wrap up in against the bracing wind, against the bracing world.

Though he delivered warmth to others living on the frigid benches and underpasses in downtown, he’s warmed my heart. And showed me once again what an amazing and good man he is. One I can trust to put God first …. others above himself, including me.

And this is exactly what Joshua vowed to me at our wedding. What a man. An amazing, loving, God-honoring man. So thankful to call him my husband!

As soon as the opening prayer ended, I knew I had to leave.

I ran as fast as my beige patent leather heels would allow, leaving my soon-to-be groom at the altar. Fast up the aisle my father had just walked me down. Past the wedding guests. Through the small hallway and into the powder room where my purse and coat were.

There they were, waiting for me.

My vows.

In true form, I’d forgotten them in the powder room.

I hurried back to Joshua waiting patiently for me at the altar where we exchanged our vows.

It’s not every day that a girl makes a lifelong commitment. But it is every day that I get to carry one out. Not just to my husband, but to my God.

At times I’ve been a run-away bride from God. The altar, Jesus and my vows have been left in the dust as I took off for what I thought were greener pastures. All along, He waited patiently. Waited for me to return to pick up my vows and come back to the altar … to Him. The very place my heart belongs.

We can run all our lives, but we’re never truly settled until we make a lifelong commitment to the One. In Him, we have all good things, including the gift of love: God’s love and the love of a husband. And so I share my wedding vows to Joshua with you to show my commitment to my husband that are similar to my vows to Jesus.

Dear Joshua,

There really is no place like home. I’ve come to know this with great certainty as we’ve fallen in love and decided it was right and good to get married. I tell you all the time, “You’re my favorite place to be.” And mostly that’s because you are where I am most at home … you are where my heart is settled, comforted and loved.

I vow to always keep you as my home base. To never stray emotionally, physically, or in my thoughts from our marriage covenant.

I vow to keep Christ as the center of our home. To seek Him every day with all my heart, mind and soul, and serve Him with all that’s within me.

I vow to keep our home clean from doubt, strife and unnecessary cares, and will aim to fill it with believing the best about you, humility, and prayerfulness.

I vow to willingly submit to you as head of our household, to lean on you, and not be stubborn. And to allow you to serve me.

I vow to hear you out, compromise, be totally honest with you, and value your strengths as well as balance out your weaknesses.

I vow to stay healthy and keep active doing fun stuff together.

I vow to always make silly puns and to laugh and have fun with you. To bring a cheerful, playful warmth to our home. Because laughter is ‘gouda’ for the heart!

I vow to dream and plan and pray for our future with you.

I vow to fulfill your needs and wants to the best of my ability, including making awesome sandwiches

I vow to love mercy, act justly, and to walk humbly with our God.

I vow to let you know every day just how very much I love you, respect you, care about and cherish you. And to thank God for all the wonderful things about you that make you … YOU!

If home is where the heart is, then my heart will always be with you. And I vow to be the best wife for you with the strength and wisdom and love God gives me for all the days of our lives.

Because whether in good times or bad, whether everything hits the fan or life is a breeze, we should always be able to count on our home being a soft place to land, a warm place of acceptance, and a place of peace and calm. So know this, you can count on the way I’ll love you, honor you, server you and I’ll always make my heart, your home.

COMPASSION INTERNATIONAL

Compassion International (CI) literally opened up their accounts ledger and showed me line-by-line where each penny is spent. Later that day I saw firsthand where my dollars were going.

It was in the gratitude of the mother who no longer has to prostitute herself for $3 a night. $3 is just enough for a few meals to feed her two children. Her kids are fed through CI now.

The bright smiles of teenage boys learning algebra and computers by CI , instead of how to rob or murder with the street gangs, showed me too.

Pages … books… could be filled with the remarkable life-change I witnessed in both my international trips with Compassion International. Birthed 50 years ago in the heart of a man who saw starving Korean children literally thrown away in garbage bags, CI is now a mainstay in 26 countries. The foundation and core of CI is to provide food, shelter, education, medical care and Christian training, with the goal of breaking the cycle of poverty in children’s lives.

Joshua and I have partnered with Compassion International for our wedding ‘registry.’ They graciously custom created a special page just for us that lands on their Gift Catalog page. If you feel so inclined, you may choose from any of the gifts (seeds, livestock, immunizations, etc…. we didn’t actually pick out gifts per se), or there is also the option to sponsor a child. We sponsor Diego and he is an absolute delight and adds oh so much to our lives.

CAMP JOY

My sweet friend Joni has told me countless stories of her dear grandfather, Charles Keyes. Over 50 years ago he established Parson of the Hills Foundation to  provide ministry to the less fortunate. He used to load up Joni, her grandmother, and donated toys in a van and deliver Christmas presents to families living in dirt floor shacks in the hills of the Appalachian Mountains.

Sometimes it’s hard to imagine that depth of poverty is in our own backyard. And it can be easy to ignore. But Charles Keyes couldn’t ignore it … and didn’t. He went on to build Camp Joy, located in Hickory, NC. Each summer, those same children who received Christmas presents could come for camp, free of charge.

This amazing camp is running still, and delivers much more than a fun week in the sun. Kids receive hot showers (which includes delousing for many), nutritious meals, plenty of hysterical stories and hugs from Joni’s mom (the amazing Finley), 1:1 attention from camp counselors, Bible teaching, and a week to just be a kid. Many of the kids come back as counselors when they’re old enough… that’s how much Camp Joy has an impact on them. Wow!

Helping those in poverty is something Joshua and I are passionate about. And, should we be blessed with kids, we really want them to have a childhood…to not have to grow up so fast, but to just be a kid. That’s what we love about Camp Joy and why it’s on our wedding registry. To make a donation to them, please send make a check out to Valley Haven Camp and Retreat and send it to:
Valley Haven Camp and Retreat
Sam/Josh Wedding
7655 Valley Haven Dr.
Hickory, NC 28602

Thank you so much for investing in others’ lives with us! We’re oh so excited for the lives that will be changed through your gracious generosity.

With gratitude and love,

Joshua and Samantha

A little over 7 weeks ago we promised each other a lifetime together when Joshua proposed and Samantha said YES! To weather and enjoy anything and everything to come our way.

24/7 we marvel at God’s good plan in bringing us together. And we’re thrilled to announce we’re celebrating at our wedding on February 2, 2013!

We realize if this is the first time you’re hearing our news, it may come as a surprise. Our timeline has been quick, but oh so sweet. Many of you have already shared your cheer, joy, and prayers, as we embark on this new journey together. Thank you!

The most important things to us are family, friends and our faith. As we’ve planned our wedding, we’ve had one main goal: to honor all three.

In particular, our heart is to bring glory to God. Through a lot of prayer and much study of Scripture, we feel we’ll best honor Him by spending minimally on our wedding, which makes a small ceremony and reception necessary. Our immediate family will celebrate on our wedding day with us. And our hope is to get together with our friends and extended family over the next few months to continue celebrating, whether with dinner at our home, game night at yours, or maybe just a walk at the greenway.

Thank you for understanding our limited guest list. Our desire is to share what we would have spent on a larger wedding with others. In particular, God has given both of us a passion to serve the homeless and impoverished.

As a wedding gift to each other, we’re investing in the lives of those in poverty, particularly children, through several non-profit organizations. The Lord has blessed both of us, so much so that we have two full households.  In fact, we’re downsizing one whole home! So in lieu of a traditional wedding registry, we welcome you to join us in giving to either Compassion International or Camp Joy.

We’re sharing more about each place, and our admiration for the work they’re doing, on the next blog post.

From the bottom of our hearts … thank you! We’d cherish your prayers as we get closer to our wedding day. And we’d especially treasure them on February 2 as we make our vows before the Lord.

With love,

Joshua and Samantha

Blessed are the peacemakers, I read. Blessed are those “who love, and desire, and delight in peace.”* “For they shall be called children of God.” {Matt. 5:9}

This peace-making is hard at times, especially when it’s me I have to reconcile with. Especially with the many opportunities to argue with my own self that wedding planning affords. When I have a choice between a $50 wedding bouquet of favorite peonies or a $4 bouquet of baby’s breath. A decision to purchase a $400 long, lace {much admired} wedding gown or $45 knee-length, simple dress.

The conflict within begins. I can rationalize there are waaaay more lavishly expensive bouquets and gowns than peonies and lace. But on the other hand, baby’s breath and simple dresses are still quite lovely.

Then again, I’m not asking for the moon: no bridesmaids, a rehearsal dinner, or band. And it is my one special day.
Then again, simple and sweet would save $351. Money that should be spent wisely. Money that could save a life.

And therein lies the crux. It’s not only myself I have to make peace with; it’s also the Word of God. And this isn’t always easy. Or dream-fulfilling. Or gorgeous gown allowing. It’s refining. Can I be honest? It’s kind of disappointing … unless I take my focus off what isn’t and shift it to what is. When I make peace with what the Bible instructs, what could seem like a loss in reality is pure gain.

When I love, desire and delight in the Word, I love others well. And desire to store my treasures in heaven instead of here on earth. I delight in taking less in order to share more with those in true need: babies lacking immunization, children needing even just one square meal a day, mothers praying for clean water, fathers longing to provide food.

In letting go of the more costly wedding things, I gain peace and maybe even a new brother or sister in Christ. Because when I give our wedding savings of $351 to non-profits like Compassion International or Camp Joy, it’s a gift of peace to children and parents. Their bodies are healthy, bellies fed, thirst quenched and tables full.

Even more, they hear about the Lord, which could lead to them becoming peacemakers themselves. Being a peacemaker comes with a promise: we become children of God.

And that is something you can’t put a price tag on.

*Opening quote by Matthew Henry