Ever since I bought What the Bleep Do We Know, the book, I have really enjoyed that I was able to find and watch the movie online. In fact, I think I began reading What the Bleep, then found the movie, and then continued reading What the Bleep.

The book [non-fiction] is a lot different than the movie where the movie has a paralleling side story of a woman who is experiencing the concepts of the book, while real life experts offer their perceptions of the quantum mechanics. The book actually goes into detail and marries the quantum universe with the physical manifestation, offering examples anyone can understand.

I would highly suggest the book where, to me, the movie was really an introduction to the book.

And of course, you can also purchase the movie (What the Bleep DVD). But if you need to spend money on something, I would spend it on the book as there is so much more in the book. Also, there is no narrative of a woman going through her quantum-manifesting-into-material life in case that kind of thing does not appeal to you. The truth is, if you read and love the book like I did, you will see that the only person involved in any of this drama called life is you. And if you have a problem with this paradoxical metaphor, do not worry. The book will explain it. :)

Who would love this book

• If you love the thought that God and Science can merge and not be divided, you would love this book.
• If you are a Highly Sensitive Person you would definitely love this book. It will fire your imagination and pave the way for even more manifestation and metaphysical magic in your life.
• If you have an open mind and know that God and Science are not as divided as (some?) religion/s would have you believe.

Source: Living Within Samsara

I made a 5 part in depth HSP Quiz for you to determine if you are a Highly Sensitive Person. It is an in-depth quiz asking all sorts of questions as it pertains to HSPness and what I have determined or suspected to be characteristics or qualities of the HSP.

From between moving my blog, turning it into a ‘website’ and engaging in other websites and building still others, I found out that the forum for HSP on StumbleUpon will be gone by October 24, 2011. So. If you’d like to get notified for when I build the new forum where Highly Sensitives can congregate, let me know in one of several ways. Like me on Facebook, follow me on Twitter, fill out this NON-SPAM form or all of the above.

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Source: Living Within Samsara

Newcomers to Alcoholics Anonymous will end up asking this question of A.A. members, their sponsor, or of themselves. It’s an important question so let’s explore it. Or if you want the nitty gritty answer in a hurry, here it is: “No.”

This is an exploration, really, rather than an answer. Oh. You want an answer? Is that why you are here? Okay. Yes. You have to go to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings forever if you want continued sobriety. No. Just kidding. I don’t know your answer but with a little reading of some of the articles here, you can get to your truth of it, I bet.

I can only speak from my own experience, strength, or hope. Okay. So for me, “Do I have to go to A.A. meetings in order to stay sober?” No. I don’t. Not now; not daily or weekly. But this doesn’t mean I will not find a meeting when I need one, want one, or when a friend needs or wants one. All this means is that A.A. meetings, for me, are not compulsory in order that I have the optimal ‘feelings’ one associates with “good sobriety.”

Watch out for People who Love to Tell you what to do!

There will be A.A. Nazi’s who tell you you have to go. That meetings are mandatory for your sobriety. That if you do not go to meetings, you will relapse and that in your relapse it will be worse because …

• “A belly full of alcohol and a little A.A. is dangerous.”
• “Meeting makers make it.”
• “Isolation is dangerous.”
• “Only two times you go to a meeting: When you want to and when you don’t want to.”
• “90 meetings in 90 days.”
• “I asked the relapser what happened. She told me she quit going to meetings.”
• Can you think of other group-speak or table-talk slogans you have heard?

If you are prone to the effects of other people telling you what to do, like I was, please step over and into the realm of Copependent Recovery.

The fact is, for me, when I first decided to get sober a series of synchronicities propelled me to my first meeting that was completely unintentional. Coupled that with my new desire to quit drinking, it was a perfect alignment and I did go to 90 meetings in 90 days. I needed a total inculcation of a new way of thinking because how I was currently alcoholically thinking was killing me.

Stop Going to So Many Meetings She said!

After the first year of MY continued sobriety, my sponsor suggested I cut back on meetings. ["What are you hiding from?" she implied.] I had been going to meetings daily and I was miserable. I was associating with some of the sickest people those meetings were attracting and I wanted to drink so bad, I could taste it.

So. I did as she suggested. I stayed away from most meetings and began cleaning up those things and issues around me and my home and my life that I’d seemed to be avoiding. I began paying more attention to my relationships. I took care of the redecorating of the house I’d been putting off. I began Spring Cleaning. I re-engaged family members I’d been avoiding. And most importantly, I began to get to know myself.

What the Big Book Says:

“None of us makes a sole vocation of this work, nor do we think its effectiveness would be increased if we did. We feel that elimination of our drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations, and affairs.” ~ The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, Pg 19 (There is a Solution) [See it Online]

Instead of using my time to *hide* in meetings I began using more of my time to engage life. And what I learned in this process is that engaging my life was my end goal in sobriety when I first endeavored this new journey. Sometimes it was difficult and other times it was scary but mostly it was all just new.

I got sober to enjoy live; Not to enjoy being an alcoholic who no longer drinks.

When I engaged my life, I was able to USE the tools my experiences with A.A. had offered me. I still went to meetings once in a while but a few touchstones remained constant.

• I always kept in touch with other people who were attempting a similar path.
• I continually enlarged my Spiritual Life. [Which is what A.A. is ultimately about.]
• I struggled with internal honesty with where I was emotionally.
• I was able to heal my other issues (once alcoholism was addressed).
• I still maintained my open door policy when I felt like I needed to go to a meeting.

So don’t ask me. (In fact, don’t ask anyone unless you are testing them for sponsorship.) People will have their different opinions but only you and your Spirit will have your truth. You will know if you’re avoiding meetings simply to reserve a relapse. You will also know if you’re going to meetings to hide from something. Being a newcomer, however, who needed to learn a new way to live…going to a lot of meetings in the first several months worked for me; Gave me the tools and reorganization of my brain that I needed.

If you are an alcoholic or alcohol dependent, I hope that you get the same. Whether it’s from A.A. or (your version of) God or Rational Recovery or other secular sobriety based programs, the only thing a recovering alcoholic needs is a psychic change. Everything after that can be managed.

Until next time, Samsara

Edited October 21, 2011

Source: Living Within Samsara

These episodes reflect only a small glimpse into my alcoholic past as a kid; Episodes of drunken debauchery or alcoholic misconduct that jumped into my head as soon as I began writing. These are by no means my worst drunkenly imbibed feats of idiocy, just the ones I feel I can safely share without too much of a backlash on my self-esteem. See this if you think you or a loved one may have an alcohol problem.

Top 7 Drunk or Alcoholic Related Episodes as a Kid

#1. I stole my Mom’s car when I was 14 or 15 when I was in a semi blackout drunk.

Even worse, my sister was with me and so was my best friend.It was around 2:00 am and I thought it was a good idea to take a drive. Let’s see… I ran some red lights, stopped at some green ones, drove into a ditch and amazingly found my way back home anyway.

Mom thought she’d busted me the next morning when she collected my purse from the car. A hungover me came to and couldn’t find my purse. I drunkenly and hungover-edly [hungover-edly?] walked past her in the kitchen, out the front door – looking very deliberate like I knew what I was doing – and checked the car thoroughly. My purse was gone! I walked back inside and went straight to my Mom – having no idea how I was going to get out of this one…

“Have you seen my purse?” She looked mildly amused, “No. Why?” Me: “Well I left it in the car, it turns out, when you dropped us off at Christine’s last night.” She looked thoughtful for a second, “Now that you mention it, you didn’t take it with you did you?” Me. “No. I accidentally left it in the car.” Her. “Oh honey… I thought maybe you’d taken the car in the middle of the night or something…” She went and fetched my purse. Me. “God Mom. You’re so funny.”

#2. When I was a minor, my friends and I would steal beer from convenience stores.

I have never been a thief [by trade or hobby] or a kleptomaniac…you know “needing” to steal for the thrill or joy of it. I tried to buy my beer, wine coolers or liquor, but when 21 yr olds weren’t available or we didn’t feel like selling out to the perverted men who would have gladly done it, we resorted to stealing. Here’s how we did it. [Yeah. I'm telling all the secrets of the alcoholics in training aren't I? ]

We’d decide who was going to be the distraction before we went in. [It had to be a man behind the counter or we'd choose a different store.] I was usually the chosen distraction because I could flirt better and because I was a weenie when it came to shoplifting. [But sometimes I was the thief.]

Going in at different times so as to not look like we were together, the flirter/distractor would catch the attention of the clerk and make eye contact and ask stupid questions and hint as to what he was doing after work. The shoplifting friends would be in back shoveling beers into the over-sized bags they’d smuggle in. I wouldn’t quit flirting until my friends were safely back out the door…meantime insuring the clerk was not looking in that direction.

After maybe 3 or 5 more minutes, I’d either take his number, offer a fake number, or give some other vague promise, and leave.

#3. I was put into rehab at age 15.

Easily the worst 48 hours of my underage drinking, I got home and remember only bits and pieces of the entire day and night. I had blood on my arm and apparently – according to them – I told them I’d been hanging out with Don Johnson. They looked in the yearbook and there was no Don Johnson.

I don’t remember the trip to the E.R. but I do remember becoming combative. Flash forward an attempt to leave the hospital. Flash forward to waking up in my own bed the next morning.

Off to rehab I went and would stay for a few months. My BAL was apparently off the charts which is why this would be the #1 blackout episode of my life. Going to this place would be the worst episode – bar none – of my entire life.

#4. When I was 11, I drank screwdrivers [vodka and orange juice] and smoked the butts of my Mom’s discarded cigarettes as I practiced my mandatory piano lessons.

I actually started drinking – but not regularly – when I was in the 6th grade but didn’t get really drunk out of my mind and decided I liked it until I was 13. There was something so seemingly sophisticated about having a screwdriver and smoking stale butts from the ashtray as I practiced my piano lessons. After a long hard day at the 6th grade… well.

#5. I was 9 or 10 when I popped the top off a beer from the fridge.

The beer was my 1st step-dad’s beer and he drank a beer once in a blue moon. Back then the caps on the beer can were pull-offs. There was no un-doing it once you pulled it off. So here I am a little alcohol addict at 9 or 10 with a 9 or 10 year old brain that could not look past getting the top off. You think I’m making these things up. I assure you; No I’m not. Here’s what happened…

Parents weren’t home. That beer had been calling out to me for days. I remember. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I may have been practically a baby, but my alcoholic tendencies were already keeping up with every other growth spurt I was prone to.

So I’m thinking to myself and thinking hard. “I’ll only have one sip; I swear! No one will ever know.” I popped the top off. “Uh oh.” I remember at that moment knowing I was in big trouble! To this day, although I remember everything else, I still cannot remember if I had become so panic-stricken that I knew I better NOT drink it, or if I eventually did take a drink anyway, knowing I was doomed either way. I put the top back on top of the now-opened beer can and went about like nothing happened.

That would be the night, naturally, my Dad would want his beer. So he called me and my sister into the kitchen and asked who opened the beer. We both denied it. I denied it and had no problem lying because I knew if I ever admitted it, I was getting in big trouble! In the back of my mind I knew if I could just stick with the lie, he’d forget all about it.

I don’t remember how it came to be that my conscience started bothering me. I don’t remember if he began asking all the time and the more times he did, the more times I had to lie…or what. But one night I wrote a letter and told him I did it. I told him I was sorry I lied. I told him a lot of things I no longer remember but I do remember the sorrow for lying to him that had stayed with me in the pit of my stomach.

I called out, “Daddy! Here’s a note!” as I threw the note down the stairs to where he was. Then I promptly went to hide in my parents’ bedroom closet. [I just knew I was going to get a whipping!] Then I heard it! The creaking banisters that meant he was coming upstairs! “Oh God!” He was slow and deliberate and heavy.

After arriving up the stairs, he called me in his booming voice, “Samsara!” I didn’t move. No way. No way! I didn’t sign up for this. I just wanted to come clean so my conscience would leave me alone. Maybe he’ll go away if I squeeze my eyes shut! “Samsara!” He is not going to leave. The realization hit me and then I grew petrified. I had no choice. I was out of options. I had to go to him.

I walked down the hall slowly and he watched me. He was standing there, not moving and watching me walk slowly. As soon as I got to him, I looked up at him. For maybe 4 seconds he looked down at me and then he hugged me.

It’s been one of my best memories ever. I lied. He hugged me.

#6. I was so drunk I thought the stuff on the bathroom floor was Coke Slurpee.

Uh. Yeah. No, I didn’t drink it. Who drinks stuff from the bathroom floor? Anyway…I think it was the culmination of the events that I remember most. Naturally, it involved my being drunk. Here’s what happened…

My sister and I had been out to a party the night before the “coke slushee” incident. I wanted to stay and continue my drink on. Kshama did not. She wanted to go home. She implored me to come on. [We were sharing the car our Mom gave us.] I told her to go on and I’d get a ride. Long drunken Jerry Springer story made shorter, I wanted to fight. She kicked my drunken ass. I felt no pain so I kept trying to bring her back down. In the end, she got in the car and left.

I drank some more and got a ride home. When I got home, Mom and sis were gone. An hour or so later they got home. Turned out they went to go find me. My face looks like I’ve just had my behind kicked and Mom is telling me how Kshama’s hair is still coming out. [Am I seriously supposed to have sympathy for this? My boyfriend had started calling her Tyson as a result of the marks she put on my face!]

Feeling like dog-shit, once again, a feeling not unfamiliar in my drunken life, I decided to end it. I swallowed a lot of pills, attempted a suicide note but couldn’t decide on one that didn’t sound pathetic, got scared I actually would die and called 9-1-1. Got scared they’d send an ambulance and wake my family up, I hung up on them. They called back. “Shit!” I answered and whispered, “Hello?” But not before my 2nd step-dad answered at the same time. Then I hung up. My Mom came in the bedroom and told me to quit playing with the phone.

“I should die. Then she’d feel bad about telling me not to play with the phone!” Next thing I know…

When my Mom woke me up from a drunken stupor and asked me what that stuff was on the bathroom floor was the next morning, I was so drunk still that I really thought it was Coke Slushee so I told her, “Coke Slushee.” She told me, “Well get it cleaned up before I get home from work.” I passed back out.

When I woke up 8 hours or so later, I’d forgotten all about it until I had to go to the bathroom whereupon I would remember my Mom waking me up and showing me and telling me to clean it up. Because I was always the drunk one, it made sense I would have “made the mess” and therefore would have to clean it up. But my sister had problems keeping her butthole in check when she drank…so theoretically the chances are higher than average it was hers because on that particular night we’d both been out to a party. But there again, there is the theory that the reason I didn’t die that night is that by some miraculous event that did not leave my clothes soiled, or my feet for that matter…perhaps…perhaps it was my own expulsions.

I still don’t know whose it was or where it came from but two things are certain: It was not Coke Slushee [or Coke Slurpee] and cleaning it up was seriously nasty. For the record, I still do not know why I said, “Coke Slushee” or “Coke Slurpee” because to this day I have NEVER EVER had such a thing.

#7. I vomited beside myself in front of the entire line.

I was escorted outside from the underage club I hung out at because the rule was no drinking. They did not sell alcohol and if they thought you were drunk they would escort you outside and usually kick you out altogether. But I was a regular so I was “invited” to get some fresh air for a while.

It seemed like a good idea with my mini-skirt on to just go ahead and sit on the sidewalk up against the building. The line was maybe 15 people out and it did not occur to me to be embarrassed as I thought it might be a good idea to lay down on the sidewalk and have a little nap.

When I woke up from my little nap, the line had gotten much longer and so I thought it best if I tried to look like I knew what I was doing as I was sitting on the concrete up against the building. So there I am sitting up against the building and smiling up at the people who were looking at me and trying to look as sophisticated and together as I could look when…oh no…here it comes… I turned my head and yakked all beside the right side of myself onto the concrete.

I felt so much better. Like I said, it did not occur to me to feel embarrassed.

Kids have Alcoholism too

But if you do think you may have a drinking problem, you are not alone – even if you’re a kid. You don’t have to be 30, 40, or 50 to be an alcoholic. You can be 13 – like I was. You can be full on into fatal alcoholic progression by 14 – like I was. You are not alone. There is help available. You are never too young to be an alcoholic.

Do you know that there is an entire movement of young people in the alcoholic recovery community? Yep. Young people. Whether 15, 20, 25 or even 30…it’s a part of Alcoholics Anonymous especially congregated so young people can not feel alone; so young people can get and stay sober. [Young People and A.A.]

If you’re a kid, a minor, or a young person who thinks she may have a drinking problem, or you think you may know a young person who has a drinking problem, I have some resources at this site that may be able to help you figure out what to do as well as the following suggested websites, books, or articles:

• Alcoholics Anonymous Website
• Find an A.A. Meeting @ the AA website
• Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Online
• Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
• Alcohol Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used]
• Alcoholic Recovery Articles at Living Within Samsara
• Help an Alcoholic Stop Drinking Article
• Stop Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous Article

For Family and Friends…

• Al-Anon and Alateen Family Services Website
• Al-Anon Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used]
• Codependent Articles at Living within Samsara
• Recovery Articles at Living within Samsara
• Codependent Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used]
• Help an Alcoholic Stop Drinking Article

Since I’ve been sober, things like this don’t happen anymore.

Thanks for reading & take care of yourself.

Source: Living Within Samsara

What people think of me is none of my business. That either sounds like a truly noble statement made by a really emotionally healthy person or else it’s a prevaricating statement made by someone who wants you to think they are an emotionally healthy person. I want to show, in tandem with episodes from my real life, how this philosophy gets reconciled with truth, peace, spiritual growth, and integrity. And furthermore, how anyone can achieve this impeccable ideal.

Maybe you’ve noticed that I have filed this article under many Living Within Samsara topics: Alcoholic Recovery, Codependency, Dharma Journal, the Four Agreements, Highly Sensitive People, Karma, Manifesting, Metaphysical, Philosophy, Spiritual Growth, and Words can Harm. I have done this because in all of these topics, I can think of ways that attempting to make – or even knowing for certain – what someone thinks of me as my business, can hurt me. I want to have a good, happy, wholesome, productive, and spiritually fulfilling and sober life. I want to be free from the constraints other people place on me. I want to do my best and live with impeccable speech without taking things personally or making assumptions.

One caveat. Some people want to make it their business. There do exist people who believe that what I think about them is their business. I know for a fact they exist because it turns out I know some of these types. They exist from the low self-esteemer who thinks of herself as a burden on the world, to the egomaniac who considers everyone else the burden. Here’s how both types might supposedly crawl into the minds of others.

• Pride in Reverse: I know that they all think I’m stupid. I have no business going to that party. I know that woman hates me and is inviting me just to make fun of me once I’m there. One time she said, “What a nice dress.” But I SAW her roll her eyes! So what I had to get it from the Salvation Army. She thinks I’m a loser.
• Excessive Pride: I know they are all envious of my job position. After all I am still so young and good looking they probably think I slept my way to the top. They want me at this party just to network with me so I’ll put in a good word for them. God these people are piranhas. Have they no shame?

Still, others exist who want to make it their business what you think of them so they can “correct” the perception. A person’s thoughts are their thoughts. They are entitled to them. Whether the thought is generous toward you or the thought is a miserly one, every person on this planet has the divine right to her own thoughts – and feelings for that matter –  without intrusion and without exception. If you disagree and can’t rest unless you know everything going through someone’s mind about you, but yet you desire happiness, peace, and an integrity based life, I think you may just need to practice harder, the following strategies.

Most people, though, inadvertently get sucked in to what people think or feel about them and this is to whom this article is primarily directed.

Guidelines for Avoiding Thoughts not your Business

First of all, don’t ask! Has someone ever asked you, “Do you think I’m an idiot?” Do you think they really wanted to know, at that point in time what you thought about them?

Has someone ever asked you, “What do your parents think about me?” If your parents did not think too highly of the person asking, did that make you feel quite awkward? Did you feel like you were between a rock and a hard place? Well, the person was essentially asking you to divulge information that was not your business to divulge; aka Gossip.

In the future, if you feel compelled to ask someone what someone else thinks about you, a nice way to practice learning not to care what people think, would be to avoid learning what they think. Everyone will have an opinion of you that will not be quite up your alley; Therefore how is it beneficial for you to have this information? So that you can change your behavior? If this sounds reasonable to you, please run, do not walk, to the Codependency section. Browse the codependent recovery books. Please begin healing yourself. If you still need help, please use the *Contact* link and email me with “Codependent Recovery” as the subject.

Secondly, Don’t Look. Even if I feel like I need to. What is it about me that makes me want to look into the eyes of someone I either know dislikes me or who I think dislikes me? [Is it just an HSP thing or do you normal people do it too? Does anyone "normal" even read these articles?] I do quite a lot of ‘public’ speaking and I hate it! So what I do is, when I am feeling particularly insecure is avoid eye contact with members of the audience. I do this with much intention because invariably, when I am feeling insecure and make the mistake of making eye contact I will *read the person’s mind* and then, knowing that they hate me, I will start to stutter.

To not look also means to not go looking for trouble. This means that if I have a feeling someone is going to talk to someone about me, I don’t need to go *looking* and *poking* around trying to find out what’s going on. It’s just not my business! And be careful of what you go looking for, you may just find it.

I learned this one a long time ago based on a friend I had who could not, to save his life, allow anyone a private conversation. After the conversation he would ask, “Were you guys talking about me? What did so and so say? Does he think I’m being ______?” A certain amount of this could be curiosity but it passes a point and lands in obsession and controlling land which is a characteristic of codependency. Once again. Even if we had been talking about him, it was still none of his business.

Why was it none of his business if you were talking about him? Because they’re my words; my thoughts; my opinions; my statements that I have released into the universe. Who I choose to send them to concerns only me and the person to whom I am sending them. I did not send them to the subject of the conversation therefore they do not concern him. In 500 million years the words I spoke to a third party about my friend will NEVER affect him. [Now. If the person to whom I speak these words does something with them or I decide to do something else with them, it could affect him. But alone, those words in those moments will never affect him and they are my thoughts, opinions, words, and statements. This is why it's not his business.]

Thirdly, Hear no Evil. That’s right. See the pattern? Don’t speak by asking, soliciting, or inquiring and don’t go looking, snooping or eavesdropping for the pain. And now, don’t hear the pain. So when someone approaches you and begins with, “Oh my God, you won’t believe what so and so said about you!” My stand by to all sentences of this flavor is, “I don’t need to know. It is not my business.” Mouth drops agape style. “But…” Right. Your friend is not only spreading gossip [about you that is not your business] but if you continue on listening, you’ll be contributing to it. How so? Well now it’s time for one of my true life stories!

Two weeks ago I got an email from a familiar acquaintance. Since the Subject read: “Lottery Tickets” I thought it was some forwarded joke because he is a “forwarder”. For three days I ignored it; Didn’t open it. Then I saw him one night but was unable to speak with him. Feeling badly about that, I came home, opened his email with the intention of quickly hitting the reply button to tell him it was good to see him.

If you are familiar with The Four Agreements, can you see from the following real life example why these agreements are not only beneficial but practical as well? So I opened the email and, quickly skimming and noticing certain words and phrases, was floored to see a five paragraph email from this person I barely know asking basically why had I asked the clerk of some store his lottery purchasing habits? Then he goes on to explain why he purchased so many lottery tickets. Yeah. I felt like I’d left my body and entered some weird strange and unfamiliar place.

It turns out that my acquaintance’s name had been brought up by a third party to a clerk in a store. The clerk, after being questioned about my acquaintances gambling habits, made sure to convey this to her co-worker. Original clerk and now co-worker pounced upon my acquaintance upon his next entrance into said store and conveyed with much satisfaction and vigor, the scandal that he apparently was!

My acquaintance, therefore, having not much truth to go on - as is the nature of gossip – felt violated and betrayed. And in his being human, made not only an assumption that turned out to be inaccurate, but conveyed the assumption as truth to the person none of this had anything to do with – me. He erroneously assumed it was I and therefore brought me into this drama I had nothing to do with.

When we give people air time to gossip, we then lose much of our personal power. Haven’t you ever been trapped into listening to gossip only to have it come back in such a way like, “Amy said she told you that I said you were a cow and that you said I was ridiculous. I want to know, DID you say I was ridiculous?” The truth could be more like I said that her *calling* me a cow was ridiculous but Amy is a crazy-maker; a chaos junkie; a provocateur of drama, and Amy will take anything and twist it. Therefore. I don’t listen to gossip if I catch myself in the middle of it.

#4 Practice the Above. One serious aspect of my freedom comprises being released from the opinions of other people but it took practice.

• (1) First I quit asking.
• (2) Then I quit looking.
• (3) And then I quit listening.

With these small three tweaks, it seemed the rest came easily. Now, knowing I would not DIE if I didn’t know someone’s opinion of me – even if I wanted to know it -  it was as if invisible shackles began melting away. It’s amazing how my perceptions shifted! And metaphysically speaking, when my perceptions are amenable to myself, I am more likely to be in a state to manifest greatness! All of a sudden…Being transformed from a low self-esteemer who was chronically – and to my own detriment – worried about what others thought of me, to sitting in a room full of people saying, “On any average day, I do not care what anyone thinks of me.” And this is true. But what about on those days I do feel insecure; Less than up to par?

On these days I surround myself with people who I know think lovingly of me. On these days I spend time with people who have compassion and who are on similar paths. On these days, I do not venture out into the world in order to tackle some stupid gossip-mongering. On these days, I need the positive energy of someone who believes as I do and not those people who still feel comfortable living in the world where gossip and talking about other people is the mainstay of their existence.

#5 Align Myself with Myself. One reason I was so caught up with others opinions and perceptions of me is because I hadn’t yet discovered my own spirit; my own spiritual truth; my own voice; my own path. So, with compassion, I can see how some people are still caught up.

But this does not mean I let them reel me in. I come first; I am the most important person and I have to take care of myself because no one is going to do it for me! I am not going to let someone “just tell me one quick thing” because they have not recovered from dis-eased thinking if I feel that that “one quick thing” may hurt me.

Unlike some other people I imagine, I know I am capable of being hurt by words. I am very sensitive to unseen energy, paranormal or metaphysical happenings as well as sensitive to words. So if I already “feel” a negative energy from you, trust and know that I [as well as other Highly Sensitive People / HSP's or psychics or energy readers or whatever] already know how you feel about me. I really do not need for your words to try to send me any “subtle” message.

What if people make it my business what they think about me?

Sometimes all of our great efforts in keeping away from things not our business – and particularly those thoughts that others have of us – fail. Sometimes, in real life [unlike on the internet], arguments ensue and sarcasm, name-calling, or other harsh words prevail. Still, other times, Kings and Queens of confrontation – in my experience, often people addicted to prescribed drugs and/or control freaks - will address you and try to “correct” you. Or, like I did (above), you may find yourself in the middle of an assumption – or gossip – that someone wants to confront you with as truth. No matter which category “your person” or “your situation” falls in, there is a solution.

#1 Walk away and say nothing. [Before they start, during, or even after they have finished, it's never too late. As soon as you remember that you have the option to walk away, you have given yourself option to not be held captive.] You can respond with your feet doing the voting. You might kick yourself later for saying nothing and this will be one of the classic times you’ll massage in your head: “I wish I would have said _____!” But take heart. In walking away you really have accomplished some creative and worthy things.

1. The other person is left to reflect, all by herself, on what she did or said. [No need for her to necessarily reflect on what she thinks because, as I've already stated, we're all entitled to our thoughts or feelings; However, if my feelings or thoughts continue to hurt me I would want to change them but that's a different topic for a different day.] Because you gave her/him no ammunition, her ego can’t then justify why it was, therefore, okay for her to address you in the way she did in the first place.
2. You would not have said anything you may regret later. Every single person in this world is capable of a gut reaction in the midst of feeling attacked. Some people are inclined to speak these gut reactions or inclined to defend themselves. But why? In defending yourself or giving a response you’ve just told the person doing the “attacking” that their unsolicited opinion was acceptable to you. In walking away, therefore, you have given yourself permission to think things through if you need to, without being forced to make some statements you may really not want to make.
3. You’ve just set a boundary or at least a precedent. By walking away, you have just shown someone that you will not waste the precious moments of your life engaged in “their opinion of you.”

#2 If you feel yourself unable to walk away for whatever reason, respond with “okay” or some other benign phrase while staying neutral looking and neutral sounding. This one really works. I suggest this method when dealing with the sickest of the lot and when walking away doesn’t seem to be the best option. Either due to fear, safety, physical restraint [you're in a car] or when it may not be in your best interest to walk away such as dealing with your supervisor, you can still passively assert yourself.

A really emotionally and mentally disturbed woman took time out of her life to, unsolicitedly and without provocation, tell me all the things I did wrong in a meeting. She had a reputation for being a controlling woman as the tears of other women after being spoken to by her would testify. She also had a pill problem as her different arrests would appear on the internet and in the paper. I looked at her right in the eyes as she spoke and kept a neutral face and stance. [I did not nod or say, "Uh huh." I did not give her verbal affirmations to continue.] The more she spoke, the longer I kept eye contact. The longer I kept eye contact, the more uncomfortable she became. When it was wrapping up she began back-peddling. She walked away after offering some weak excuse for sharing her thoughts with me. Within two hours that sick twist of a controlling bitch had called my house and apologized into my answering machine.

By saying, “Okay” to this woman when she finished, I gave her implicit permission to leave; to finish; to stop. But by not giving her verbal clues to continue, I let her know I was not welcoming what she was saying. This is unique because we’re taught as a people to chronically be polite even in the face of our own detriment. Well. Politeness kept me drunk, emotionally dis-eased and self-loathing. But because I could not walk away [ I had responsibilities that prohibited my leaving ] I still took the position of putting up an invisible shield, which not only rendered essentially the same effects as the first suggestion, but also included the added benefit of facing, head on, my “zen master.”

1. The other person is left to reflect, all by herself, on what she did or said. Because you did not give their ego ammunition, when they finally walk away or hush up or finish, at most they will have a mirror. If they have any sort of wellness or kernel of conscience about themselves, they will at least half-heartedly view this mirror and may perhaps learn from it. [If they don't, they are probably either sociopathic, narcissistic, on psychotropics or they were drunk and simply don't remember.]
2. You would not have said anything you may regret later. By not defending yourself or attacking the person back or engaging them or even “politely” agreeing with what they think of you, you have no need to regret selling yourself out. Remember. No matter what a person’s opinion of you to you is, your truth – or lack of – is no one’s business unless you choose to involve someone [friends, counselors, advisers, etc.]
3. You’ve just set a boundary or at least a precedent. By acting neutral, facially dissembling, short words, no conversational tone, not walking away but facing them, you are giving off clear clues you do not welcome their unsolicited opinion.
4. No need to regret “running away” because you went face to face with it. And yet some people are on such a path that they need to face their fears and go face to face with these confrontational sorts and hence, why going toe to toe for some people is the best option.

If you have great fear about going toe to toe with a person like this, and you seek to continue enlarging spiritually and evolving emotionally then inevitably you will need to “not walk away” at some point. And hopefully these suggestions will prove valuable when this day happens.

#3 If you have softer boundaries with the person engaging you and/or are acquaintances to friends, just sometimes making a statement or even having a conversation might be helpful. Now, if it’s a friend who is addressing us, we may not want to be so cold as to walk away or to give them the *stink eye* so this is probably the most challenging: We’re going to have to enforce our beliefs and maintain our integrity with a friend! [Eeek? Oh yes. Eeek. After all. Quite easy to "stink eye" someone who we perceive as *trying* to be mean right?]

Boundaries. We all have boundaries whether we know it or not. Even if we don’t know what they really are offhand. Even if some of us lack the courage to enforce them, we still have them. Note the following circumstances and how you would FEEL were they to happen to you. Just take a moment and even if you cannot identify the feeling precisely, can you gauge whether it feels good, feels okay, or feels bad?

1. A person you do not know stands 3 inches behind you in line.
2. You and your mother touch elbows as you’re standing in line.
3. Your best friend wants to hug you after not seeing you for 6 months.
4. A man you have never seen asks if he can see your belly button.
5. Your professor tells you, you can do better with your writing.
6. Your pen pal critiques your sentence structure.
7. Your weight loss buddy criticizes your diet progress.
8. Your spouse criticizes your diet progress.
9. Your string bean sister criticizes your diet progress.
10. At a reunion, a former classmate tells you you have gained weight.

Boundaries are a healthy and natural part of our existence in this world and they are supposed to vary according to our relationships. It’s been my experience that people suffering from the most dis-ease often either lack the courage to define their boundaries – usually because they are surrounded by control freaks who feel entitled to have every single piece of them and they have never learned better – or else they do not think they are entitled to boundaries. I am giving you permission to begin establishing boundaries right now. God allows U-Turns and this means that starting with the end of this sentence you can make a decision to begin acknowledging that you have either a right to boundaries and you have the right AND responsibility to enforce them.

We owe it to our valued relationship to set our limits. So when people we have softer boundaries with don’t know that we don’t appreciate gossip, for example, we either share it with them or we grow resentful and angry in the relationship as it continues, or we begin the process [sabotage] of ending or ”running away” from the relationship.

This was how I operated. If a friend began crossing boundaries, I started plans of sabatoge because I lacked tools in knowing how to take care of myself within the context of my friendships. Pretty soon it got to be that I preferred to be alone because I lacked courage and people seemed to lack the ability to read my mind or lacked knowing enough about me to *not* engage in violations of my integrity.

After years of staying drunk or reaching for alcohol, anorexia, self-mutilation or whatever method I could find in order to deal with the feelings of violations – again, because I lacked courage and tools at the same time – I reached my bottom when I feared going out into the world at all. So when I began my process of sobering up I quickly had to first contend with my fear of people because they certainly were not going to disappear and “leave me alone until I got better” were they?

The book I first read, When I say No I Feel Guilty, is what began my process of setting boundaries. I recommend it to you, as a friend recommended it for me, if you have deeply rooted and similar issues. The second book was Boundaries: Where You End and I Begin. I highly suggest these two books. Enough about me. Let’s get back to some examples of statements you could say [and that I have used] to friends who want to come at me with gossip or their thoughts that I do not want to be my business.

Make Boundaries on your Acquaintances or Friends

Just because we have softer boundaries with our friends does not mean we have no boundaries with our friends. Here are some ideas and exact phrasings on how to address aquaintances or close friends who feel as if they need to share with you their thoughts, their opinions or knowledge, or gossip about you that you would prefer they keep to themselves…

1. “Your opinion about me is none of my business.”
2. “I don’t appreciate hearing gossip about myself.”
3. “I don’t allow my female friends to address me as ‘Hey bitch!’”
4. “Please do not share gossip with me. It makes me uncomfortable.”
5. “Do you think that was impeccable telling me that my ass looks skinny? I don’t.”
6. “I would say, ‘Thank you for your unsolicited opinion’ but I didn’t want it.”
7. “I value our relationship. This is why I need to tell you that I don’t like _____.”
8. “Someone told you something about me? It’s not my business.”
9. “If Sarah had wanted me to know I was a cheap slut, she would have told me. As it is, I would like it if, in the future, you refrain from sharing gossip with me.”
10. For other situational responses please see “Words can Harm. Words can Heal.” series.

Hurt Feelings

Of course we will have our feelings hurt when people share with us negative or less than honoring sentiments, ideas, gossip, rumors, labels, or opinions! This is completely normal and natural! Do NOT fall for the veracity of the “Sticks and Stones” nursery lie if you’re like me and are sensitive to verbal misconduct. But once the horse has let the gate the only thing to do is to draw a boundary with your friend for later observation.

If you need to talk about your hurt feelings, discuss your feelings with an understanding friend; a friend who is your advocate; a friend who will understand and empathize and sympathize with you. Then put it in perspective and abide Agreement #2 by Not Taking Anything Personally. How to do that? Well, read ”Release from Opinions” that goes in-depth, buy The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom, A Toltec Wisdom Book and it will go in-depth, or you can absorb the next paragraph.

No matter what anyone says to us or about us, they are coming from their own mitote; their own reality or version of the world. No matter what it is. If someone want to let me know they think I am irresponsible, that’s coming from their idea of responsibility. If someone tells me I am beautiful, even that is coming from their perception of beauty. But we seem to want to take the positive views and hold them close don’t we? It’s the negative ones we want to discard and now you can! Once you realize that what I say about you actually has not one thing to do with you, but has everything to do with me and MY view of the world, you will be free. Go in depth on how to not have feelings hurt with the article, “Release from the Opinions of Other People.”

Conclusion

And that is the crux of the matter as to why it’s not my business what a person thinks about me. Because once I understand that their opinions, viewpoints, thoughts, and words are simply a manifestation of their perception of this world, then I will understand they have nothing to do with me. Therefore, why do I need to risk having hurt feelings or insecurities exploited by allowing someone to hold me hostage so they can tell me what they think about me?

I’ve always felt that a person who gossips about someone reveals more about themselves than they could ever reveal about the person they are gossiping about. Maybe this is why I have never jumped on the gossip wagon; You know those people who sit around ooh-ing and aah-ing and believing wholesale what anyone is saying? I have never been one and have quite frankly never understood the mindset.

Hopefully now, though, you maybe understand a little more why it is you feel uncomfortable when someone decides they want to share with you their less than flattering and less than loving thoughts about you; or share with you someone else’s thoughts about you.

It is because it’s just not your business. It has nothing to do with you. But if you are of the mind that it is your business then I would suggest you have control issues because think about this: If what everyone says about you – if everytime your name is invoked – it is your business then not only is your entire life going to be spent keeping up with what people say and think about you, but then, by extension, you have just given everybody else the right to follow up on you with what you say, gossip, and think about them. What a life of drama, chaos and non-peace that would be!

So if you’re seeking peace, drama-free healthy relationships, the sunlight of the spirit and a life guided by integrity I would suggest working on not letting people bring less than honorable situations into your world. If they accidentally do enter, however, because we cannot control peoples’ tongues, [no more than anyone can control ours] I would then suggest working on learning how to take care of yourself when these things happen. It was not easy for me to practice and I can still run into a snag today. But the freedom I have gained in just knowing that no, I do not have to listen to you tell me what someone said about me. Yes, I can walk away. Yes, I can stand right there and make eye contact without saying a word. The main idea is that I have choices; you have choices.

I am no longer a victim of anyone’s words, thoughts, or opinions of me. Crazy-makers, chaos junkies, provocateurs of drama, and gossip-mongerers no longer have power over my life. You don’t have to be a victim, either. Resources are available right here and you just have to be mindful and practice. Because if I can heal, anyone can. So next time, just remember: “I don’t want to know what you think about me. It’s just not my business.”

Until next time, friends. Namaste.

Source: Living Within Samsara

The Law of Attraction is a buzz word these days isn’t it? So is the book name, The Secret. And although I have vaguely discussed how this seemingly relatively new and popular theosophy has come into being, I have also discussed and shared that The Secret was by no means the first to introduce the concept of metaphysical attraction or the Law of Attraction, or attracting abundance, or whatever new meme-speak you want to call it.

The Secret is not New
Just to some in the recent years of 2K

I am also not the only person to openly notice and comment on the strange way The Secret has taken off, when spiritualists and theosophists long before have known the power of our thinking.

Are you a theosophist? Theosophy is a doctrine of religious philosophy and metaphysics. See the wikipedia article on theosophy.

Not that I need proof or okey-dokeying but since I’d been working on this article for a while and in the interim ran across the lovely and intelligent Allison from Ask Allison, I understand what synchronicity is – another metaphysical “god wink” – and felt obliged to plug her article here from “The Real Secrets of the Secret“…

Most of you have heard about The Secret. Haven’t you? You know. That slickly produced and marketed, ‘Raiders of the Lost Ark’/History Channel looking, prosperity promising book and DVD that was all the rage a year or two ago?

Don’t get me wrong. While I sound a little disdainful, it’s only because I’m jealous that Rhonda Byrne made a bazillion dollars re-packaging a concept that can be found in no fewer than 257 (I made that number up) self-help books and seminars. It’s the Law of Attraction which says that you attract to yourself people, situations and experiences that match how you think and what you think about.

Allison claims she’s jealous. I think she’s tongue in cheek about it. Because Allison strikes me as an intelligent and happy woman. Happy people typically don’t “do” jealous. But all that aside, Allison knows that The Secret wasn’t the first. And all that is important on a level in this context I am about to go into.

Law of Attraction
Cycle and Patterns of Time

Like everything else I have noticed in this world, change is cyclic. Right now we’re in the flow of the Law of Attraction but it’s not the first time. So, if these commercial “programs” or books don’t seem to be doing it for you, take heart. I think I can help!

I think this is important for me to continually reiterate so that for those folks [like me] to whom The Secret does not necessarily reverberate, we do have other resources. And, dare I say it? More authentic and less “commercial” resources?

I have read The Secret but it was not necessary. It’s also not necessary to spend hundreds of dollars on courses teaching you how to manifest episodes or changes into your life. I know this because as a friend recently wrote, The Law of Attraction works whether you know it’s a law or not! From a friend’s article, Law of Attraction in Action…

A friend of mine had the Law of Attraction work for her—and she didn’t even know about it as a subject. That just goes to show that laws are laws. The law of gravity works whether we know about it as a law or not.

I just loved how he phrased it because I have said this very same thing countless times to friends who were disbelievers, using gravity as the same example! This could be construed – metaphysically speaking – as synchronicity. Synchronicity is another “god wink” or “hint” that we’re on the correct path of a certain way of thinking.

And the Law of Attraction or metaphysical manifestation is a truth; it is natural. We have all done it, whether we realize it or not. Realization of truth does not mean, therefore, it exists. It existed before realization. And this is even a metaphysical concept: What exists in the spiritual [for lack of a better term] realm, we call forth and manifest into the physical.

So. Inadvertent manifestations aside; Imagine realization coupled with intention and attention! Can you imagine the power over your life then?

Jesus was a Metaphysical Master
Gnosticism from Gnosis [Knowledge] or the ”Secret Teachings of Jesus”

Think back to the Bible. Ask and Ye Shall Receive was a phrasing we understand as coming from the Bible  – which is still a very popular book and has been for several centuries now!

I just believe we need to begin looking at Jesus as the metaphysical master that he was rather than the weird labels ecclesiasticism has attached to him. And this is where learning about Gnosticism comes in.

But if you’re like me and do not want to pull out your Bible or your gnostic texts and dissect everything Jesus said with this new spiritual key as your new tool of understanding, Emmet Fox can help with that with his book, Sermon on the Mount!

The Spiritual Key of understanding is that new metaphysical approach we need to have in order to understand the teachings of Jesus as metaphysical concepts rather than various church’s implications of him. Ecclesiastical undertakings have bastardized the true Jesus in my educated opinion and I say this with no disrespect intended for people who are churchgoers. I say this with my anger well-placed into history. BUT. Blaming history and various sects and churches do no good does it? Therefore, I beg upon every person to do as the Bible suggested and to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.

I believe the only difference between a gnostic and an ecclesiastical follower is that the gnostic undertaker utilizes the spiritual key of understanding which, on its merit, is metaphysical in nature. Hence, why the finding and discovery of the lost gnostic gospels is such a revelatory discovery! It goes to proving that Emmet Fox, as well as ancient religions and other spiritual advisors, seekers and scholars had it right all along regarding the mystic – not hellfire and brimstone – Christ!

Sermon on the Mount has the Secret
It’s not the only one either, but it’s been my personal handbook!

Emmet Fox takes Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount” that is characterized in the gospels of the Bible, and brings the sermon to life with, something Mr. Fox calls, the spiritual key.

He claims that ecclesiastical christianity has failed to utilize the spiritual key when discussing Jesus’ good works, lessons, and teachings; most notably his “Sermon of the Mount”.

I have discussed this elsewhere under the categories of manifesting, spiritual growth, or metaphysical but I’ll bring up a few key points for the uninitiated so as not to leave a first time reader confused. :) But please keep in mind that these are just going to be a couple of examples. In Sermon on the Mount, Emmet Fox goes through the Sermon piece by piece, extrapolating the metaphysical or spiritual concepts in each.

Examples of Using the Spiritual Key
Refer to the actual Bible based Sermon on the Mount

1. Matthew 7:1 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 7:2. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” [Spiritual Key Interpretation: Forget the entire heaven/hell business. This phrase means karma. To the extent that we judge others will we have the same judgement bestowed upon ourselves. This is the law of attraction at work here. How we manifest our misery. Therefore, Jesus wisely says, "So don't do it unless you want to fall under the same barometer." How many people do you know who have turned into the very thing they judged mercilessly? I certainly know many!]
2. Matthew 7:7 – “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 7:8. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened. ” [Spiritual Key Interpretation: This is where Emmet Fox, for example, would combine the science and art of prayer for manifesting through our life problems. We simply ask for resolution. But, yes, the tricky part of the rules is why I call it "practicing metaphysical manifestations" or "practicing the Law of Attraction." Since we are still human we must practice and E. Fox gives clear instructions on how to ask. Yes it works. EVERY time I have practiced it has come to pass. EVERY time.]

To begin with, how about trying on for size, the four easy lessons to manifesting, “Manifesting into Physical Existence” I wrote about? Or even better yet? Have a gander at Sermon on the Mount and consider investing in the small bit of money for the book. If you want to enlarge and enrich your spiritual outlook on life, this is the book to do it. Emmet Fox never says, “This is the Secret” but he makes liberal use of the terms “metaphysical” and “scientific christianity” feeling that manifesting is a balance of art and science. [Of which I believe also.]

Conclusion

I have been having some lessons in life I have had to deal with lately which just means I am very much behind on my writing and my moving servers and other issues I won’t bore you with. This article is all over the place. Please forgive it. Please try to extract the principles and points I am trying to share with you by using your own evolved version of the “Spiritual Key.” That “The Secret” is not the only way to salvation. And that even commercial interests of “The Law of Attraction” can even be damaging.

Damaging because everyone should have access to this information since it is a truth. It is not a *get rich quick scheme* and I could even argue how trying to use it for such would be no good and could, in fact, damage people. But let’s say you spent $1,000 on a course. Then it does not work for you. Then you have anger and resentment. Then you are no longer are open to the *truthful interpretations.* [Thereby rendering Lesson #2  - which is imperative to manifesting - null and void!] Or let’s say you don’t have the money but bought “The Secret” and again it does not work for you. You, again, think it must be a hoax or that you’re too stupid to get it, or that it might work for some people but not you because you’ve always had lousy luck. So, again, you lose faith in the principles when all it would have taken was a gentle hand, perhaps a different explanation for you, and some practice.

Nevertheless, marketers are flocking about to sell you packages and videos and other books and lessons and courses all for some kind of money when it’s really just a matter of getting back in touch with who you were to begin with, in my humble opinion. That was how it was for me anyway! Maybe a few books to remind you of your natural born truths…or even just a few inspirational and faith-filled readings. [See related articles below.]

Until next time,
Samsara

Source: Living Within Samsara

Yes! You Can Quit Drinking without Alcoholics Anonymous

Alcoholics Anonymous is where judges or intervention programs conditionally send some people in order to avoid jail or other unpleasant penalty when the alleged crime involves alcohol or drugs. Alcoholics Anonymous is also where hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of people have learned to stay sober from alcohol for either a significant period of time, substantial periods of time, or for forever. “Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other and help others to recover from alcoholism.”

And because I am an A.A. member and practice the 12 steps daily and particularly the 12th step [12th Step - Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.] on a daily basis in some fashion – or try to – I am here now to try to carry the message of recovery to people in search of it. With this message of recovery, I also hope to share some truths about A.A., recovery, or alcoholics.

So here is some experience, strength, and hope I want to share with you with regard to the following questions…

1. Is Alcoholics Anonymous the only way to get sober or stay sober?
2. Will you really die (an alcoholic death) if you choose another way to stay sober?
3. Will you die an alcoholic death if you keep drinking and don’t stop?
4. Does A.A. have a monopoly on sobriety?
5. Is A.A. religious?
6. What is an alcoholic?
7. Can’t alcoholics just stop anyway?

These are questions I am going to answer emphatically and without hesitation. However, any information you receive here will of course be up to you to use as you wish. As a matter of ethics, I have to say that these are my own opinions based on my own research, education, knowledge or experience. I am not speaking on behalf of anyone or any institution or company and I do not get paid for anything I share with you. EVER. Thanks.

#1 – Is Alcoholics Anonymous the only Way to Get Sober or Stay Sober?

No, Alcoholics Anonymous is not the only way to get or stay sober. Period. And yes it’s that simple. For some A.A. members, they will say A.A. was the only thing that worked for them. But it’s because they were at that point to want to stay stopped drinking. So they looked for a support system and tools to help them stay stopped and found them in A.A. [The Twelve Steps are a tool. A network of people who understand and who are trying to recover are a tool. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous is a tool. Sponsorship is a tool.]

In 2002 when I wanted to stop this last time [again], a series of synchronicities happened in my life that led me to Alcoholics Anonymous [again]. At that time I, too, believe that A.A. is what enabled me to stay stopped from January 04, 2003 til today. And even while continuing to attribute my sobriety in part to what Alcoholics Anonymous taught me, I need to share how it was I stayed stopped at an earlier time in my life without A.A.

#1A – My Experience on Getting Sober without Alcoholics Anonymous

I worked on an article recently discussing manifesting our reality and I referenced an incident in 1996 where I needed this this “miracle” more than anything I had ever needed. The miracle I needed was to quit drinking.

From my article, “Manifesting Reality“:

When I had done everything I could do. When I had tried to fix, manage, control, or even suffer enough. When I had tried every trick to manage something well and it was still a walking cumulative disaster. When I had clung, justified, re-arranged, explained When I had gone through every last resource known to humanity; From willpower to magic, from bargaining with God to the Devil, from self-knowledge to psychic mediums and collegiate academics. When I had exhausted all of it – every single last one my limited brain was capable of discovering; Only then was I finally at that place where I was left trembling and humbly before my Divine Creator whispering, “It’s up to you.”

That night I went out and ordered my usual, but for some reason I had no desire to drink it. It seemed almost as if I’d lost the taste. I drank it anyway. I ordered another one. I left half of it. This was around March of 1996.

For the next almost year and a half, I discovered myself. I was happier than I had ever been. I had regained my integrity. I was making healthy decisions. I was self-supporting. I was growing into my own and life was grand. I knew a peace I had never known and it was called heaven. Spiritually, I had never known such fulfillment and [the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous talks about the "Fourth Dimension"] I was in the Fourth Dimension , without even necessarily having the term for it.

Everything I would later discover as being “9th Step Promises” from Alcoholics Anonymous was occurring in my life without the need of A.A. I was on my path and I was whole and complete and…

Phenomenon of Craving. Huh?

I wouldn’t have another drink until August 1997 to celebrate my birthday with friends. Because I’d had no “A.A” at this point – a couple of meetings years before excluded – I had no idea that this drink was going to prime me for another bout of hell.

The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous by way of Dr. Silkworth’s “Doctor’s Opinion” calls it the “phenomenon of craving.” That “thing” that makes a so-called alcoholic [I say so-called because some people dislike labels] or alcohol dependent need to drink after the first bit of alcohol is ingested.

Later in my eating disorder recovery I would understand that I am also, as well as alcohol sensitive, sugar sensitive, so that when I ingest the smallest amount of pure sugar [candy to simple carbohydrates] I lose all interest in regular food and go anorexic save for sugar at night when no one is watching. So, I don’t eat sugar either.

So it did prime me and less than five months later I was drinking daily again, whereupon I wouldn’t get to the next “surrender point” until January 2003. That’s five years!

How I quit drinking in 2003 was much the same way I’d quit in 1996: New bottoms and new lows and finally with being at the end of my rope after countless humiliation I, again, had a conversation with God. This time it wasn’t a whisper. This time it was my going out to my back porch and looking at the moon and almost screaming, “Well you’re going to have to do something now because I am done! I can’t do it!” This time I was a lot angrier than before.

#1B – Getting Sober Again with Alcoholics Anonymous

The Synchronicity: Manifesting the Release of Alcohol Abuse

About two days later, a couple happened to be walking by my house and we somehow felt inclined to chit chat; Talking about my landscaping and my flowers when it began to rain. I apologized for holding them up and could I offer them a ride somewhere? “We’re going to a meeting on such and such street.” I had remembered it from years earlier that an A.A. meeting was there when it all came to me that I was in the middle of a most Divinely synchronized event. It flashed in my mind that they were going to an A.A. meeting – just like that! So I said, “An A.A. meeting?” They said, “Yes!” I gave them a ride and I stuck around too.

So which is better? Without A.A. or With A.A.?

That’s like asking if a wool jacket is better or a windbreaker. It depends on who you are, where you are, and what you ultimately need. At the core of both processes is the “sick and tired of being sick and tired.” Even Alcoholics Anonymous literature states that A.A. does not provide initial motivation. The common denominator with all people who stay stopped drinking, irrespective of how, is that they want to quit more than they want to continue feeding their addiction. They have had a moment of clarity; of sanity; and realize in one instant that this is do or die time. They are at a crossroads and this happens in a flash. So, in this window of opportunity, is when some psychic shifts can occur.

At the core of myself recovery was dependence on a Higher Power. Personally, I call this higher power God. I had always had a connection [a feeling] with this higher spirit; ever since I was about 5. [That's one of my HSP characteristics.] So, it was not hard for me to get sober and stay that way for a period of time without anyone’s help. I was happy, peaceful, and serene. I made some life-changing decisions that were positive for me and it was all good. Again. The reason I would have a drink that would start me off for another five years again, is because I did not know of the phenomenon of craving. I did not know that alcohol triggered me. I guess that at the core I did not know I was chronically allergic to alcohol. [See #8's "Can't alcoholics just stop anyway" for more information on this.]

At the core of A.A. recovery is dependence on a Higher Power. The Twelve Steps are simply tools to help you effectively get past the garbage of hating yourself so you can stay in touch with the “sunlight of the spirit” the Big Book calls it. Staying in touch with God would enable you to stay away from the first drink. This is the foundation of A.A.’s message.

What I didn’t know before joining A.A. and reading the textbook of Alcoholics Anonymous referred to as the “Big Book” is that alcohol, once ingested by the former alcohol dependent, sets up a term I’ve referenced in this article as the “phenomenon of craving.” This was my folly in 1996. I didn’t know that that would happen. It’s not like I had just started desiring alcohol again and [contrary to A.A. ramblings from some members] “was on a dry drunk and then just had to have the drink!” No, I really thought that because I had “broken my past alcoholic habit” that I would be fine this time. And I wasn’t. It may have taken a few months to get back to where I was a year and half earlier but the fact that it happened tells me I am of the “alcohol dependent” variety. So, for me personally, I needed to understand this so I would internalize and get that, for me, there is no such thing as a nice friendly one drink in a blue moon. A.A. taught me that and I am grateful.

#2 Will You Die (an Alcoholic Death) if you Choose Another Way to Stay Sober?

That doesn’t even make sense does it? But being an A.A. member, I hear it all the time. I hear members shooting their mouth off, contributing to the idea that A.A. is a cult by espousing lies that are not in the Big Book or even in their own truthful experience!

This is when I get angry. I get angry when rational common sense flies right on out the window and cult-speak takes over. First of all, we’re all going to [probably] die. :) Second of all, if you are sober, how can you “die an alcoholic death”?

What they’re meaning to imply with this statement is that if you leave A.A. you will relapse and die. These morons do not tell you this based on their experience because they are alive. These morons do not tell you this based on the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous because it’s not in there. No. They are using scare tactics because they want to look like the *powerful oldtimer* who “knows everything.*

Want to know some REAL stories? I have known people who have voluntarily KILLED themselves WHILE in Alcoholics Anonymous! Yep. Died sober. Killed themselves sober! Alcoholics Anonymous egomaniacs won’t tell you that though. I have also known people who went to meetings every single day and would STILL relapse. STILL relapse on alcohol or drugs but yet they “stayed in the rooms” and pretended all was well. These folks died an “alcoholic death” but were yet “still in the rooms” as these A.A. self-appointed gurus put it.

What A.A. Nazi’s May Tell you on the Other Hand

What I really have never appreciated about Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are the jabbers who tell you that if you don’t do A.A. you’ll not get sober. They also seem to cover their asses well when they add:

“But if you do get sober then you weren’t really an alcoholic!” [or] “You’ll be on a dry drunk if you quit going to A.A. meetings!” [or] “Well they’ll either go to jail, an institution, or die.”

Well with logic like that, A.A. seems to be the Higher Power doesn’t it? And these statements here are part of the reason that dissidents call Alcoholics Anonymous a cult. [Nevermind the opposite message is in the actual Big Book.] But because A.A. does not censor its members, those people who twist the message are as free to twist it, just as people who share the authentic message. And that is that A.A. has no monopoly on sobriety. [Secular Organizations for Sobriety or SMART Recovery or Rational Recovery are three examples of abstaining programs, not 12 step related! These links will appear, again, at the bottom of the article as resources.]

Contrary to the message in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, some people in A.A. will continue to try to put forth that A.A. is the only way to get sober. I say some because I am a member and fight these misconceptions often.

But think on this for a moment: A room full of the sickest functional people in society infamous for their ego’s [the Big Book discusses at length the ego that needs deflating and the grandiosity that resides in the mind of the alcoholic] are really going to tell you that the organization they belong to may not be the alpha-omega? Well. You can truly separate the humble [recovering] people from the conceited [the ones holding on or not at all] people by asking them that one question, can’t you? :) “Is A.A. the only way I can get sober?” Check their answer. If they say, “That’s not what the Big Book says” or if they say, “Well for me it works.” or “I don’t know, my experience is only A.A.” then ask that person to be your sponsor if you’re thinking of sticking around! :)

#3 Will You Die an Alcoholic Death if you Keep Drinking and Don’t Stop?

It’s absolutely not a given. That’s another “scare tactic.” This depends on how much you drink, what you drink, what your lifestyle is and genetics and a slew of other factors. [Do you smoke, drive fast, have a lot of stress or skydive? Well, take heart then!] ;)

What, with heart disease being #1, and cancer and freak tsunamis and hurricanes and earthquakes and boats capsizing 50 miles offshore, drive-bys and bar brawls…heck. I can see many more ways to die rather than liver failure or anything else associated with daily alcohol imbibement. [PS. If you're still or currently drinking, you know not to take acetaminophen right? Take ibuprofin for headaches or pain instead.]

But I can imagine a worse hell: NOT dying and living to 300 yrs old while drunk; which had always been my fear. I used to pray for death and it never came. I knew for a fact I would probably live well past the average age of death and drunk at that. I knew it and I felt it. I could imagine nothing worse but I knew it. I would sit there, drunk, and know for a fact I was going to die drunk.

Besides all that. Does death REALLY “scare” an alcoholic? Not this one. Life is what scared me. So if you’re currently alcohol dependent, rest assured you may have a very very very long life still ahead of you.

#4 Does Alcoholics Anonymous have a Monopoly on Sobriety?

First, let’s define monopoly so we’re clear on what that means. From the FreeDictionary, monopoly means “exclusive possession or control” or “Exclusive control by one group of the means of producing or selling a commodity or service” and in this case, sobriety.

Although the government is wrongly trying to make A.A. a monopoly by sending DUI offenders or other people to A.A. in exchange for no points or in lieu of jail time, I am glad to see the American Humanists challenging the government on this. And from the Alcoholics Anonymous 12 Traditions, “Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy”. [Tradition 10] This nonsense is the government’s doing. In my opinion, a person should be able to choose whatever recovery modality he wants in lieu of jail time.

The answer to the original question is no, A.A. does not have the monoply on sobriety OR GOD or else no other ways would exist. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous even says on Page 95, last two paragraphs, within the context of speaking with someone who has a drinking problem and in trying to help…

“If he is sincerely interested and wants to see you again, ask him to read this book in the interval. After doing that, he must decide for himself whether he wants to go on. He should not be pushed or prodded by you, his wife, or his friends. If he is to find God, the desire must come from within.

If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience. We have no monopoly on God; we merely have an approach that worked with us. But point out that we alcoholics have much in common and that you would like, in any case, to be friendly. Let it go at that.” [Pg. 95, Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. Read it online.]

I feel safe in drawing from just these two paragraphs that the A.A. Big Book is emphatically asserting here that A.A. no monopoly on sobriety and neither is interested in forcing A.A. on anyone; much less being interested in using scare tactics. “We merely have an approach that worked with us.”

#5 Is A.A. Religious?

Alcoholics Anonymous is not religious. But first we have to define religion because to some people, and particularly those antagonistic to any *God* idea, this program will be viewed as religious. From the FreeDictionary and their definition of religion:

1.a. Belief in and reverence for a supernatural power or powers regarded as creator and governor of the universe. 1.b. A personal or institutionalized system grounded in such belief and worship. 2. The life or condition of a person in a religious order. 3. A set of beliefs, values, and practices based on the teachings of a spiritual leader. 4. A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.

Pertaining to #1A. Step #3 in Alcoholics Anonymous suggests that we, “Make a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, as we understand God.” [The emphasis is in the actual step.] This means that since I understand God to be natural order and following my conscience for my highest good, that is my version of God. There is nothing supernatural about that. I know plenty of A.A.’s who hold great disdain for religion – as I do. I even know plenty of atheists and agnostics in A.A. and who are successfully sober. A.A. makes no claim that our personal God be supernatural, creator of the universe or governor of the universe. What good would that do an alcoholic anyway? Seriously. If religion worked, I’d have found a church to get me sober. :)

Pertaining to #1B. Therefore, A.A. does not fit the criteria for #1B and especially with the “worship” idea. We worship nothing in A.A. [Some people worship A.A. and others do worship God, but it's against the A.A. Traditions to bring that into meetings.] Although, I remember that as an active alcoholic, I worshiped alcohol. ;)

Pertaining to #2. Nothing here.

Pertaining to #3. We have no leaders in A.A. and in accordance with our Tradition #2: “For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority– a loving God as God’s expression may be found in our group conscious. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern.” [See the Traditions on A.A.'s website.] Seriously. There are not even “Rules” in A.A. much less leaders to tell anyone what to do.

Pertaining to #4. “A cause, principle, or activity pursued with zeal or conscientious devotion.” Like when I hear people joke and say, “Alcohol used to be my religion” or “Work is my religion” or “She’s religious about her studies.” I suppose, then, in this way A.A. could be construed as a “religion” if people chose to worship A.A. [as some do]. But that’s as close to religion as A.A. gets.

#6 What is an Alcoholic?

An alcoholic is a person addicted to alcohol. An alcoholic is a person who cannot stop drinking and even against her/his own will s/he drinks. An “alcohol dependent” suffers from what the “Doctor’s Opinion” calls the phenomenon of craving, that after the first drink is imbibed, a cycle of craving is spurred which leads the alcoholic to desire and crave more alcohol. The only way this craving is quieted is to feed it. An alcoholic suffers from a body that is different than social drinkers. Read more about the mind of an alcoholic in “Help an Alcoholic to Stop Drinking.”

I have heard social drinkers say that when they have a drink and get to that “I’m starting to feel out of control point,” they dislike it and so stop drinking for the evening. An alcoholic cannot relate with that mindset. An alcoholic drinks to feel that “out of control” feeling, and usually will then continue drinking with even more fervor!

#6A – My Own Feelings as an Active Alcoholic

If you don’t know of my drinking story, I’ll briefly share it here for the sake of understanding and brevity. My complete story can be found at the above link and the below will not be a reprint so I may emphasize certain features or divulge information I had not emphasized or divulged before.

I was always an outgoing kid with my family and friends but in front of strangers I was painfully shy. We moved to another state at a critical time in my life and my parents would divorce at this time also. I started running with “cool kids” and smoking pot and drinking and skipping school at 13 years of age and that’s the 8th grade where I come from.

A Double Life at 13 to 15 years of age

I was the “nice girl.” I was the girl that parents would approve of their sons “liking’ because I was pretty to look at, subtly fashionable, wore only little make-up and quiet. This secret life of skipping, pot, and drinking was something even my parents had no idea of! Speeding this along that by the time I got to High School and in the 9th grade I was smoking pot every weekend with other *girls who looked like me.* By the 10th grade I discovered the easy access to alcohol and discovered I liked this more! To the exclusion of everything else I would drink alcohol regularly on the weekends.

I did this because it helped me to feel not so shy. I felt confident and secure. I could talk to anybody and be okay in my own skin. Alcohol did for me what I could not do for myself! There was only one problem that was happening at even 15 years of age; Once I had my first alcoholic beverage for the night, I could not stop. I noticed this straight-away and begin bribing my sister to not let me have more than 3 beers or more than 3 drinks. She was never successful and this point is important.

After three beers or drinks, for me, is when the now-known physical craving would set in. Although I would ask “whoever I appointed in charge of me” to stop me at three at whatever cost, they never could. I would become inordinately “sober-sounding” or “normal acting” or bribe them or, if all else failed, threaten violence if I was in such a mood. I did whatever it took to feed that crave.

It was becoming a serious problem because I quickly degraded into the “not so nice girl.”

Alcohol was Solving Problems and Causing Problems

I would stay out all night, meet guys, shoplift for fun, throw up on myself, threaten fights, fight, and engage in other actions that was normally the opposite of who I really was.

I degraded quickly into full dependence on alcohol. It began solving problems I did not know it could solve! It began solving not just my shy problem, but my “fear” problem. It solved my “anxieties.” It solved my “scared of responsibility” problem. It solved my “bored” problem. It solved my “Mom’s new marriage problem” and “Missing my other dad’s” problem. It solved so many problems for me and yet it was beginning to cause bigger ones. Still.

The Downward Unstoppable Spiral I Suffered

I felt like I was on a wild and crazy spiral downward and I was out of control but knew not how to stop. This is the truth. It’s not like I knew I could get off at any time and chose not to. I really knew nothing else to do but to continue on how I was going! This is part of the insanity of alcoholism. “Non-Alcoholics” stop drinking if they realize it’s causing them problems. Not alcoholics. Alcoholics continue on. Alcoholics may *try* to stop drinking if they see the problems occurring because of drinking, but without a psychic change, they will inevitably drink again, start the cycle again, and spiral downward again as if they had never stopped.

Parental Intervention - The Rehabilitation Program called “Straight”

Straight, Inc is what my parents did to me when I didn’t show up after school one day at aged 15. Straight, Inc was supposedly a rehabiliatation center for kids. I won’t get into it here because it’s not germane to this article, but if you’d like to read the abuses that founder Mel Sembler’s Straight, Inc inflicted on me and other kids, read my Newsvine article. But the immediate point here is that my parents took me to the emergency room at the hospital after I showed up several hours later than expected with blood on me and talking out of my mind. This scared them. So when the kind doctor – in believing he was doing a good thing – told my parents about Straight, my Mom had an appointment for me the next morning.

After 3 or 4 months of in-house “Straight’s version of therapy” I escaped. I would now engage in anorexia and self-mutilation. Yay! BUT. What Straight did do, besides bestowing Post Traumatic Stress onto me, is introduce me to the 12 Steps. They also introduced to me the concept that there *was* a way to stop.

The fact my parents were so scared for me and probably so sick of my actions too that they would spend money out of pocket [it was not covered by our insurance] and rumors are insane on those figures; That alone told me they were genuinely noticing my problem.

From all of this, I hope you’re starting to see, then, the answer to #7…

#7 Can’t Alcoholics Just Stop?

No, alcoholics or the alcohol dependent cannot “just stop” [short of physical restraint naturally]. I don’t mean to argue the disease concept of alcoholism here, because although the American Medical Association does classify alcoholism as a disease, some people just don’t believe it and I can understand that. An alcoholic – once again, you can read about it in the “Doctor’s Opinion” which is in the in the A.A. Big Book – suffers from an allergic reaction to alcohol that sets off a craving once the first drink is taken.

The way to satisfy, then, the craving is to drink more.

From there, due to more and more alcohol and more and more tolerance building up, all sorts of things in the life of an alcoholic can begin to go terribly awry. OR, like some poor people, they can remain quite functional in day to day living.

If alcoholics weren’t suffering from a real malady then it seems that all the negative consequences in the world that many alcoholics go through would be sufficient reason to quit wouldn’t it? Think of these examples from the weirdities of my mind…

You’re fond of breathing. But every time you exhale, someone hits you over the head. Why don’t you just stop breathing? Because you can’t.

You LOVE to eat ______ [chocolate?]. You love it so much that when you get a Whitman’s Sampler, you can’t just eat one. You must eat until you have satisfied the sweet tooth. Now, if your teeth were rotting from your head and you gained a pound every time you had three pieces, could you stop? If not, you would be an addict because you would be dependent upon the _____ . [What if you always told yourself you would just have 1 today, brush your teeth and also work out for 30 minutes? But then found you could not?]

If you’re a smoker and if you’ve tried to quit, you know that if you never have that first cigarette you’d never go back to smoking right? Well. Something eventually may trigger you to smoke that one cigarette again. Then you’re back to puffin’ a pack a day in no time. Same theory for the alcohol dependent.

It’s very easy and ignorant for people to say “Just stop drinking” because they just don’t know. They are coming from the only place they know how – their own perception and experience. To them, drinking is no big deal; they could take it or leave it. For the non-alcoholic, just stopping is a good prospect once she figures out her life would be better without alcohol in it.

For me though, I had to get thoroughly and completely demoralized. I had to first try every conceivable way in order to moderate. When all methods failed and I was truly at my bottom and sick and tired of being sick and tired; That was when all would change.

Conclusion

Alcoholics Anonymous has helped me stay sober. Often, too, I have gotten fed up with the propaganda and lies that some members espouse regarding A.A. Yes, it can be treated like a cult by some members, but so can any religion or social organization for that matter. A.A. is not a cult. A.A. is not religious. A.A. makes no demands. A.A. has no monopoly on sobriety or spirituality or God. Yes, it can help some people get sober just as it can not help some people get sober.

The main message I hope to share in this article is that whatever it takes for you to get your life back from the grips of alcoholism, every solid A.A. member would be for; and that is the message of Alcoholics Anonymous.

Whether it’s A.A.’s fellowship, the A.A. program itself (12 Steps), religion, Buddhism, a spiritual strength, Secular Sobriety, Self Management and Recovery Training (SMART) therapy, Rational Recovery, or praying to the noodly appendage of the flying spaghetti monster, as long as it suits what your internal consciousness needs in order to stay away from drinking, Alcoholics Anonymous is for it. All that and you can still be considered an A.A. member because all you need in order to be an “A.A. member” is a desire to stop drinking. That’s the only membership requirement. Meeting attendance is not mandatory or required. Reading the Big Book is not even required. In fact, even the 12 Steps are just suggestions! ALL that is required is ”a desire to stop drinking.” [Third Tradition of the Twelve Traditions.]

And that concludes my 12th Step work at this time.

If I can help in any other way, please leave a comment at the bottom of this article.

Alcoholics Anonymous Resources

• Alcoholics Anonymous Website
• Find an A.A. Meeting @ the AA website
• Buy Alcoholics Anonymous Literature Online – Big Book hard or Big Book soft or the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions
• A.A. or other 12 Step Related Literature at my Bookstore
• Read the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous Online

Non- A.A. Resources

• Alcohol Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used/A.A. and Non A.A.]
• Secular Organizations for Sobriety : “SOS respects recovery in any form, regardless of the path by which it is achieved. It is not opposed to or in competition with any other recovery programs.” Suggested Readings on their website at my bookstore.
• SMART Website [Self Management and Recovery Training] – Non 12 Step Approach
• Rational Recovery Website – Antagonistic toward A.A. & 12 Steps
• Rational Recovery Book – Or visit the Rational Recovery section @ my bookstore.

Source: Living Within Samsara

Reconstructing Rick is a blog told from the mind of a newly recovering drug addict who’s been through the trenches of hell itself and has managed to escape.

Rick is a friend I met here online [through Entrecard] and became a friend when I saw a kindred spirit of light and honesty in his writings. His story is amazing, with his site’s byline reading, “An Addict Trying to Recover.” He doesn’t have a clue I am reviewing his site, but he will. :)

In a simple to read format with plain language, Rick shares his experiences from the past – Why he got into drugs, how he got into drugs, what kind of drugs, and with some sexual exploitation and harsh abuses thrown in for extra heartache for the reader – as well as the current goings on in his mind and world as he searches for his reconstruction through recovery.

Whether you’re an addict or alcoholic or eating disordered or sex addict or simply a *normie,* reading Reconstructing Rick will definitely be a practice in empathy and compassion as you follow along with his words for a glimpse into his former life as well as how he is attempting a reconstruction of himself today…

From Memories of Being Sold (Clean Time: 25 days)…

I’ll never forget the day I decided to run away from home. I was 15 years old and a pretty good looking kid.  It was in chicago and I was home alone. I knew that my father would be home in a few hours. I stood looking out the window and although I was not crying, tears was rolling down my cheeks. I feared yet again being abused and the thought that in a few hours I would again suffer was simply too heavy on my heart. This time, I decided to run instead of take it once more.

From I Still Miss My Abuser (Clean Time: 23 Days)…

It was me. I am attracted to people that like weak people like me. I just hope that I can find some wonderful woman or man that is truly wonderful and not like the above that I could spend the rest of my days with. I promise what you will get is someone who will love you beyond your wildest imagination. That was not an invitation for more people to victimize me…so please don’t because I simply cannot tell the good apples from the bad.

From I am my Own Anti-Christ (Clean Time: 22 Days)…

Now let’s get something clear from the beginning, this blog is not about religion or talking about God all the time. NA is not about religion… all they ask is that you have a desire to stay clean. Not that you are not using, that you just have the desire to stop. Then at some point they want you to think that there is a power greater then you that can help you. That’s not hard actually because being jailed is a power greater than me and could help me stop. So a higher Power does not mean God to all people. For me it does but not to others so don’t get all freaky on me okay?

These are just a few snippets of his blog, but enough I hope you would want to visit and offer your support to my new friend Rick. He is in a 12 step program, as he alludes to in the recent snippet [Narcotics Anonymous] so invariably he will share some 12 step related principles and modalities. This should be no problem for those of you who don’t care for 12 step ideology because, from what I have read, Rick is simply sharing his own experience, his strength, and his hope.

I don’t review a lot of blogs because not so many fit in with what I share and write about and not very many touch me in that deep place but this one did. Rick speaks of truth to me; From one recovering person to another I understand his pain, I understand his hope.

Identification

I may not be able to identify the depths of hell his life seemed to collide and intertwine with, because I never travelled to those depths – being an alcoholic – myself BUT. As we say in Alcoholics Anonymous, “Identify. Don’t Compare.” and this means I look for identification with those parts I do relate to, instead of looking for those items that somehow make me *better or higher or different.*

What I identify with is the slave mentality. The victimization. The being owned by the power of an external substance. I identify with having to make choices between misery or depravity and choosing depravity using a substance as the crutch…Somehow feeling vindicated that at least I was not *in misery.* But then I identify with the depravity turning into misery when the crutch of an external substance [mine was alcohol and Rick's was cocaine & meth] was no longer working for me but instead, colluding against me.

Conclusion

A first-hand accounting of anyone’s experiences that brought them into hell and then an escape from it, inspires me. It inspires me because I have been there. It inspires me because I continually look for the denominator that all of us “escapees” must possess in order to escape. I am intrigued because not all people escape; Some physically die in the grips of it, while others wish for death in the grips of it.

Drug addiction or alcoholism - as well as any other dis-ease, “ism,” or addiction that has a stronghold over our spirits, minds, emotions, or bodies – is often a one-way ticket to hell for many people. Yet, there is a way out that has worked for hundreds and thousands of others in the form of 12 Step Recovery.  Rick shares his story. I share mine. And in the middle of them both – there is one central idea: You, too, can recover from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body.

I’ll be following Rick’s journey. I hope you do too.

Reconstructing Rick: An Addict Trying to Recover

Source: Living Within Samsara

I remember walking on eggshells. I remember the fear of saying the wrong thing that may begin another spiral of nightly drinking.

I wore a wrinkled shirt to the hospital for a surgery I would have. I was scared but I said nothing. Because my oversized t-shirt that I would be taking off in less than the 5 minutes it would take us to get to the hospital, was wrinkled, I looked like a whore. She said so. I was self-centered. I was spoiled and selfish. Why would I choose, of all shirts, that one? Didn’t I know that I looked like a whore? And what was wrong with my hair? Why didn’t I curl it?

This was just one instance that remains in my memory. My female relative was an alcoholic and she loved me. She proved it often enough. I loved her too. But with the love I held for her, there was fear and misunderstanding. And with the love she had for me, there was the interference of alcoholism.

I thought if I could behave well, she would quit the drinking she often promised to quit.

One night, another typical night of close to being at the end of another attempt to stop, she called me a whore because I said “No thanks” to iced tea. Secretly calling my Mom to cry, my Mom tried soothing me and using phrases she had learned in recovery. The next morning, my relative apologized in the blanketed fashion she often did. Her memory never proved it could actually recall the hurtful words and actions she partook and, in my shame, I was never able to tell her. Until that morning.

That morning I finally told her. I told her of her actions the night before. I told her of how she usually behaved and the words she would typically use to characterize me. How she would get angry when I refused food or drink. How she would get angry when I was studying. How my mere existence seemed to drive her into a strange place. How I often would retire to my room once she started and didn’t she see that?

I remember that morning almost as clear as I remember the hurtful memories of her drinking. I remember her looking at me and my feeling as if she was really absorbing what I was saying. I remember her, in instances, glancing out the window as I was talking almost as if she couldn’t bear to listen anymore. Then she would look back at me and hold my eyes. During this conversation she asked questions about her behavior – but not too many. I think she did not really want to know the true ugliness and I obliged. I held back the more humiliating experiences because, at the time, I did have low self-esteem and felt there to be truth in some of the things she would say to me.

At the end of this conversation she said, in only few words, typical of her when she was embarrassed, “Well I need to stop that. ”

The next night, I’d checked her liquor supply. She had none left, I reasoned, so if she does not go to the liquor store tonight, I’ll be okay. She didn’t go to the liquor store or drink that night. Or the next night. Or the next night. or even the next night. I remember, still, as happy as I was, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I remember walking on eggshells. I remember trying to help her as much as I could around the house. I showed her my A’s. I shared with her my instructor’s opinions on my papers. I spent time with her thinking if she was not lonely, she would not drink. We never argued so I never really had to worry about “making her mad.” I remember taking the dog for rides happily, when she asked. I would go to the store for her. I would have gladly continued being at her beck and call but the other shoe dropping was still a pre-existing echo of the future.

The night she finally asked me to go to the liquor store for her, I remember thinking back to what I may have done to provoke her desire to drink. I remember even saying, “But I thought you were going to quit? I thought everything was going well?” She assured me it was but she just needed something after the day she’d had. So it started again.

Not long after, circumstances would have my moving out, when my own alcoholism began rearing its head. I chose to feed my own alcoholism because I’d not had any other tools to combat my feelings of low self-esteem, failure at getting my relative sober, failure at being a human being…One may think that after seeing what happened to my relative when she drank, that it would prohibit me. Well, I guess if one isn’t prone to alcoholism that would have worked. But alcohol was effectively my only solution at the time.

And after being in recovery, now for a few years, from alcoholism as well as codependency, I realized it was effectively her only solution too. It was only in addressing my own alcoholism, that I was able to see hers for what it was. This does not mean I did not have a right to my feelings about the harm she caused me. This just means I am able to understand that I did not “cause” her alcoholism anymore than someone else “caused” mine.

And thanks to Al-Anon [a specific subset of Codependent recovery where we address ourselves as we relate to others' alcoholism] existing, friends and family members do not have to actually *be* alcoholic in order to understand someone else’s alcoholism. There is actually a solution for people who are victimized by alcohol but not through their own drinking, but by someone else’s. And this is good news.

This means you do not have to “turn alcoholic” in order to reap the benefits of recovery. This means you, too, can find the same peace, serenity, and best life that millions of recovering alcoholics, recovering al-anon’s, and recovering codependent’s have enjoyed. Whether it’s through many of the subsets of codependent recovery geared toward friends or family who used alcohol [or drugs] – like Adult Children of Alcoholics, Al-Anon or Alateen, Nar-Anon – or straight to Codependents Anonymous, or even codependent literature, peace can be achieved.

However. If you are currently using alcohol as your solution, I will share with you what my A.A. sponsor first shared with me. “After a year of A.A., I’d like for you to get to Al-Anon.” Then I did. The reason is because I needed to deal with my immediate problem first. I needed to get my own brain, mind, and spirit straightened out first, lest I go into Al-Anon backwards. [In effect, while I am on fire, going into another type of recovery to try to deal with the heat of someone else's own fire!]

Adapted from my original article, “A Relatives Alcoholic Drinking – A Memoir” at my Newsvine column and was written in response to comments from my Newsvine article: How to Help an Alcoholic Stop Drinking although that same article originated at Living within Samsara entitled Help an Alcoholic to Stop Drinking .

10 Years Later

The above was happening around 1991. I would not get real help for my own drinking problem until about 10 years later. So that when my beloved relative was now in a nursing home for failing health and I went to see her, I told her of my joining a 12 Step program dealing with alcoholism. I’ll never forget what she said.

“So you had to go get help for my drinking? I’m so sorry about that.” It was so precious; the forlorn look she had on her face and the confusion she was exhibiting about what A.A. was. All these years, she was so engrossed in her own demon battles that she never even noticed I had my own alcoholic demons to fight. I did quickly correct her perception by telling her it was for *mY* own problem, but I don’t think she ever really understood.

I was like her for the most part. I would shut my door at night, lock it, and go to town with my drinking. I, too, like her, had a double life going on. It tells me I must have been successful, that she never knew the extent of my drinking. Sure she saw me drinking beers and vodka tonics, but I didn’t binge like she did, so when she would pass out, I was still getting my drunk on. :) And of course, when I’d finally moved out, I had the freedom to drink whenever and however I wanted, without her gaining any sort of knowledge about it.

My conclusion about our lives intertwining the way they did, manifesting the alcoholic helix that seemed to curse my generational line, I can finally draw several conclusions that have led me to peace.

Alcoholism or problem drinking is an illness. The person inflicted with that illness can NOT “just stop” [The AMA classifies it as a disease.] so it is not a matter of willpower.

What it took, for me, was a final five year staying drunk more or less every single night and an increasing evergrowing inability in contending with life on life’s terms. I hit the wall and I finally got sick and tired of being sick and tired. My poor relative never got to that point and some people don’t. [See here for how to help an alcoholic stop drinking.]

Because of my own battles with alcoholism, I was finally able to love my relative completely and wholly without even expecting her to stop drinking. Because I found a solution for my problem, it also helped me to find a solution for “life’s problem.” I am so grateful I did have a second chance at life because it got me to a place of accepting my beloved’s illness along with accepting her. I credit this acceptance with my Codependent recovery after I got sober – that I never could have understood UNTIL I got sober.

I wish you love, sanity, and peace.

Namaste.

Suggested Links :

• Al-Anon and Alateen Family Services Website
• Al-Anon Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used]
• Codependent Articles at Living within Samsara
• Recovery Articles at Living within Samsara
• Codependent Recovery Books from my Bookstore [New and Used]
• My Autobiography – My Recovery Story

Source: Living Within Samsara

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength, and hope as it relates to recovery from alcoholism. Thousands and thousands of meeting are held daily worldwide. The Alcoholics Anonymous text book has been translated into several languages. And as for recovery rates? “Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path…” [Big Book online in its entirety.]

As for my story and how A.A. relates to it; I wouldn’t be here today were it not for the Twelve Steps and Traditions and even the fellowship of A.A.

Alcoholics Anonymous meetings are for alcoholics. Increasingly, though, more and more addicts-only as well as the dual-addicted person is showing up to meetings.

How does A.A. address this? Does A.A. address this? Are “addicts only” welcome? Is it conducive to the group purpose to introduce yourself as an addict or alcoholic/addict? How about if you have no problem with alcohol? Can A.A. still help you? And who enforces the Traditions anyway? These are questions I hope to answer with extensive clarity. 

Here is the A.A. preamble to begin with:

Alcoholics Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. There are no dues or fees for A.A. membership; we are self-supporting through our own contributions. A.A. is not allied with any sect, denomination, politics, organization or institution; does not wish to engage in any controversy; neither endorses nor opposes any causes. Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics achieve sobriety. [Read more at the Alcoholics Anonymous website.]

Twelve Steps help the Alcoholic 

It’s been said that the steps are there to keep me from killing myself as I journey onward to sobriety and jokingly said that the Traditions keep me from killing you, another member. Although this is a weak illustration, I think it proves the point rather well. When I came into A.A. I had no idea the Traditions had anything to do with me. I thought they were for people who were in there and knew what they were doing.

Since then, it’s been my experience that #1, no one hardly knows what they are doing in the first place and #2, if “they” [others in A.A.] are not following the Traditions, where is my responsibility in that?

My responsibility in that is clear. Since then, I have been led through the Traditions, I have studied them, I have sought their truth. Alcoholics Anonymous – the program itself, as well as the good people in the fellowship itself who were sober -  saved my miserable life and now, as one who knows better, it is my responsibility to pass that on.

And I did something last night that, for me, required a great deal of courage. I chair a Beginner’s meeting and I have never heard of a Beginner’s meeting turning into a Tradition meeting with a Group Conscience flavor. But that’s what I did. By God. or By Bill. Whichever. 

Twelve Traditions help the Group [to help the Alcoholic] 

The Twelve Traditions of Alcoholics Anonymous are a set of guidelines that insure the meetings we have, although perhaps full of the sickest alcoholics in the lot, remain sane and healthy. This, I believe. I have spent years looking at this theory. And every time I see – even “well-adjusted” A.A.’s in a meeting – Traditions going overlooked, denied, or excused, it ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS turns into a very sick “spreading your disease around” point of time. I can be as *healthy* as I pretend to be when I walk into a meeting. But if I sit there and overlook broken Traditions or even contribute to broken Traditions, I am going to walk away either with nothing good from the meeting or “sicker” than when I went in.

When I meet someone through my A.A. meetings, I need to be mindful of Tradition 1 that states: “Our common welfare should come first; personal recovery depends upon A.A. unity.” as well as Tradition 5 that states: “Each group has but one primary purpose — to carry its message to the alcoholic who still suffers.” 

So with our common welfare coming first and with our recovery depending upon A.A. unity, it makes sense to me that we keep our primary purpose in mind lest we deviate into the realm of cursed “sickest group in town” status! 

Are you an Alcoholic? Are you an Addict? Are you a Purple Giraffe?

So with all that said, what about the people who come into an A.A. meeting and call themselves addicts? Frankly, I do not care. As I shared with a newcomer, who was loathe to label herself as an alcoholic (but had decided to try to stop drinking),

“You can introduce yourself as a purple green giraffe. The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking; Not ‘to introduce yourself as an alcoholic.’” [From Tradition 3, if you please, that states: "The only requirement for A.A. membership is a desire to stop drinking."]

With that said, at my personal core, if asked, I discourage people from saying, “My name is ____ and I’m an alcoholic and addict.” It’s because it dilutes the A.A. message. It dilutes our purpose from being there. What if I introduced myself as an alcoholic and a sugar addict and an approval addict and everything else I am trying to improve upon? And more than that, what’s the point?

Over here at An Alcoholics Story in his article “Alcoholic/Addict“, the author asks “Why?” to the thought, “Why do some people in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting say, ’I'm an alcoholic and addict’?”

I responded (and with much fervor at that!) to the article because it’s been coming around for me lately.

I have a sponsee and we talked about this last week. She began introducing herself as an addict, not knowing she was an alcoholic til her 4th step. Discovering she was an alcoholic she added “and alcoholic” into her introduction.

So then I began wondering about our singleness of purpose and my responsibility to the 12 Traditions.

Ergo, we had a conversation that went along the lines of, “I don’t say I am an alcoholic and a sugar addict do I?” or “I am an alcoholic and a codependent in recovery.” …and on it went.

The point being that alcoholism comes with it – by it’s nature – many other manifestations and to scramble to the bottom or to the top of the heap, what am I trying to prove? Am I *more* special by being *more screwed up?* or am I trying to deviate from the AA singleness of purpose by *warning you AA people* that my story may involve drugs?

Listen. I am a Traditions person and people who introduce themselves as addicts AND alcoholics are not aligning their spirits to the Traditions. That’s exactly how I look at it. … I have been in a meeting of 15 people where 12 of them introduced themselves as both. Had I been a newcomer I would have felt like I did not belong.

So then…where DOES an alcoholic go who wants to save her life when AA begins not acknowledging the repercussions of overlooking the Traditions? The Traditions are what keep us Alcoholics Anonymous.

I’ve worked with – and been worked on – by all sorts in the 12 Step Recovering Community because after getting sober is when my manifested “other symptoms” became prominent – such as anorexia, self-injuring, people-pleasing, and even sugar addiction. Does this mean that I should have begun sharing all these other labels at my A.A. meeting? No. Vehemently, no.

Are some addicts really saying that for implicit permission to discuss their drug use; to turn our A.A. meeting into an N.A. one? You betcha! [Check out that pamphlet to the lower left.]

So did you catch my truth on that? Let me specify with another story because you know – that’s what I do best. 

Are you an Addict at an A.A. Meeting? 

Last Tuesday I needed an A.A. meeting. I wanted to connect with some friends and needed some recovery talk with “my people.” Maybe a third of the people in the room introduced themselves as addicts and maybe a third introduced themselves as alcoholics and another third as alcoholic and addict. It was a Closed meeting [meaning not just anyone is welcome. People with a desire to stop drinking were the only ones welcome and this means people who usually call themselves alcoholics.]

But before the meeting got underway, when the chairperson asked if any newcomers in the room, a woman spoke up as an addict and told a room full of recovering drunks that she’s never had a problem with alcohol; that her *thing* was cocaine [although it was crack and this became pertinent later] but she did not want to go to an N.A. meeting because “more people came to this one”.

So this woman was basically – introducing herself as an addict aside – sharing with us that she did not have a desire to stop drinking and that her plan was to become a member here because she did not like the N.A. [Narcotics Anonymous] meetings. This next part may confuse non A.A. Members so if you’re reading this just for kicks and giggles, skip on over til you get to the next blue sub-heading. But it didn’t stop there.

Then when we went around the room to introduce ourselves when it came back to almost her, instead of letting the man speak beside her, she said, “Oh and he’s nothing. He doesn’t drink or do drugs or anything. He’s a really good friend who just drove me to this meeting.” So crackhead lady speaks on this man’s behalf, which I personally thought was emasculating – and then hushed him up [ssssh! it's okay] when he tried to speak on his own behalf. Talk about from sick to sicker. I watched this in slight amusement which would have been even more amusing, had I not felt like I needed this meeting; This CLOSED meeting.

Open Meeting versus Closed: Opening a Closed Meeting? 

I wondered what my friend – who was chairing the meeting – was going to do.

1. Would she be brave and courageous and do the hard thing and explain to them what a CLOSED meeting was, thereby inviting them to leave?
2. Would she be brave and courageous – kinda – and explain what a CLOSED meeting was and *overlook* that they were BOTH not there for A.A. recovery?
3. Or would she pretend there was no difference and keep going? Or maybe she really didn’t know the difference? [And keep going.] Because yes, friends, some chairpeople do not know.
4. OR would she completely wimp out and – ignoring the needs of the alcoholics who may have travelled long distances to get there for a CLOSED meeting – “OPEN the meeting with an-in-name-only ‘mini-group conscience’” so that she would not have to make the hard-yet-Tradition-aligning decision of #1?

She did #4. I thought she’d pull a number 1 because she’s *my* friend and she’s a hard-ass. Let me clarify. She’s a hard-ass when it comes to working with people and their steps but this example has shown me that she is a softy marshmallow when it comes to invoking the Traditions.

So when she announced the meeting as OPEN I raised my hand to speak. She called on me in a room full of quiet.

I took a deep breath because I don’t care what I may *look* like when I am “being” a hard ass in an A.A. meeting but trust that my insides are not matching my outsides. It is hard for me to step out of my ‘people-pleasing’ role to invoke Traditions. But I do it because I am responsible. I, as one person, am responsible for sharing what I know to be true. Even if I am the only one who has this truth inside me, if I do not share it, I will have regret. Enough regrets, friends, and I will drink again – or cut or starve or…

“I want to share that although this has now become an OPEN meeting from a CLOSED that there is only one difference; Anyone can be in attendance at an OPEN meeting. In both cases, however, we still abide the Traditions and abide our singleness of purpose. This means that we still discuss our problems as they relate to alcohol.” 

That was about it. That was me being a hard-ass. I do think it’s unfair and not wholly correct to “open” a closed meeting and no one would ever see me doing it. What if every chairperson open a closed meeting every time a visitor showed up? Again. It takes away from the alcoholic who has travelled there for a closed meeting. Not to mention, the group who decided it would be a closed meeting already decided it was a closed meeting. Opening it up the moment it begins, defers to visitors and usurps the Group Conscience who, for all we know, had unanimity with the decision to make it a Closed Meeting in the first place. It’s just wrong on many levels, in my opinion.

Toward the end of that meeting, drug addict woman shared that she had not felt comfortable sharing about her addiction and then nodded over at me and said, “Because you know…” I nearly laughed out loud so I stifled a personal smile instead. So all in all, the fact I needed a meeting turned out to be I think I needed comic relief. :) My group got 10 bonus points from me that night in not back-peddling with, “Oh you can share about your crackhead experience!” due to her transparent manipulation. [Yes, she was manipulative with that statement. Hence....good segue into the next section.]

Alcoholics Anonymous does not serve the Addict 

Alcoholics are different than Addicts and even if they are exactly the same – watch this. In an A.A. meeting, I share my experience, strength, and hope as it relates to recovery from alcohol. How is a crackhead going to feel as if she fits in? Let’s get honest here. This poor woman has done things for her drugs I couldn’t imagine doing unless *I* too had suffered the same addiction. She probably looks at me like a goody goody quite honestly and I can see how.

There is either a newer and deeper level of manipulation or even up into a criminal element going on with drug addicts that pure alcoholics can not relate to. I did not have to hit the streets and develop a thicker skin in order to survive to get my liquor. The lowest I ever went was going to a crummy ABC store in a rancid part of town. My *addiction* did not rely on really low levels of manipulation; Sure I lied to people who questioned about how much I drank but I would hardly have called myself a “con-artist” or a “thief” which is what I hear when I visit the N.A. meetings. My friends were not people who were familiar with jail or street drugs and how to get them. Now I did have friends – I found out – who doctor shopped which is still an addict but maybe the deep criminal element is missing here.

A true difference is that there are people who drink alcohol and who do not “turn” alcoholic. They suffer no weird phenomenon of craving that the A.A. Big Book talks about and specifically in the Doctor’s Opinion. I have never had a former crackhead friend explain to me he kept crack on the coffee table and offered it up when guests came to visit. Have you ever heard of someone socially shooting heroin? Besides. Even “normal” people – not having a problem with alcohol in the past – can develop addiction through prescribed pain medicine; My point being that you don’t have to be “chemically different” in order to be an addict. You DO have to be chemically different than *normal* people to be an alcoholic.

See the Doctor’s Opinion in the Big Book regarding this chemical difference. Or try to understand- for you non-alcoholics- what it must be like to have one beer only… to then crave the next one. Once an alcoholic inputs alcohol into her system, this weird phenomena of craving starts and nothing can assuage that intense craving other than more alcohol. If we never picked up the first drink, we’d be cherry. Alcoholics Anonymous gave me the tools to learn how to stay away from the first drink. It’s really that easy. Some tools may work for others that is not A.A., but A.A. worked for me. Maybe something else would have worked for me instead, but this is what did it. So I tend to stick with what works. Not to mention, I am happy. [Small detail? Nah. :)]

But all this talk of addicts differing from alcoholics…? Not pertinent as it relates to A.A. meetings. These are just my thoughts on the differences. A.A. has another pamphlet I cannot find online, but it’s a shorter version of the pamphlet above that actually has the questions answered as they pertain to addicts in A.A. I guess G.S.O. had to answer them point blank, finally, because people in A.A. seem to be so wary of excluding anyone. That, or ignorant of the Twelve Traditions.

Alcoholics Anonymous Traditions Exclude the Addict from Membership

When I chaired my Newcomers – or Beginners – Meeting last night and read the short pamphlet still entitled, “Problems other than Alcohol” that I took from our very own pamphlet kiosk, can you believe that people with 10 plus years of claimed sobriety via A.A.; via Alcoholics Anonymous [I say this because it's important to differentiate that people who are sober not through A.A. should and would have no reason to know of the A.A. Traditions], really did say, “I think we might have to call New York and ask them the official response.”

Thank goodness someone who was there referred back to what I’d just read after saying, “It doesn’t get any more clear than this…”

(1) Can a nonalcoholic pill or drug addict become an A.A. member? No.

(2) Can such a person be brought, as a visitor, to an open A.A. meeting for help and inspiration? Yes.

(3) Can a pill or drug taker, who also has a genuine alcoholic history, become a member of A.A.? Yes.

(4) Should these nonalcoholic pill or drug users be led to believe that they have become A.A. members? No.

These questions – AND answers – came straight from the shorter version pamphlet like the one above entitled, “Problems other than Alcohol” and it’s straight from A.A. World Service; ie, New York. So you see? I read it straight out the little short pamphlet, emphasized the answers, and still there was a comment of confusion deviating from the truth.

One more time: “Nonalcoholics are not A.A. members because there is only one requirement for membership and that is a desire to stop drinking.” If there is a desire to stop smoking crack, wonderful. Has nothing to do with A.A., though because that is an outside issue. [Tradition 10. Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues; hence the A.A. name ought never be drawn into public controversy.]

Alcoholics Anonymous Traditions Enforcement Police

I was a member of the ever-elusive A.A. Traditions police. We don’t wear badges and we’re a secret society in that we never actually tell anyone we’re the Traditions Police.

If you currently have about a  year sober in Alcoholics Anonymous and find yourself pointing out how groups are doing it wrong or how someone broke a *rule* or still use “she should have…” or are often blaming people or groups or situations for why you could not so and so, then you’re a member of the Traditions Police now, too. Welcome aboard control freak! [Just Kidding. We've all been there.] :p

To avoid being a member of the Traditions Police - because the most miserable member in a group will always belong to the Traditions Police Force -  it may help to remember some sayings…

1. Live and let Live. Easy Does it. First things First. [Let people be where they are.]
2. A good bad example. [When all else fails I just think that maybe I need to see this.]
3. I am responsible. [If I think YOU need to be responsible but not me, that's backwards.]
4. Love and tolerance is our code. [Straight from the Big Book right here (Pg. 84).]
5. The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. [NOT "do it right."]

But Seriously. What about Alcoholics Anonymous Tradition Breaks in Groups?

Alcoholics Anonymous is about as anarchy as it gets but, for an institution with no rules of any kind, the Traditions are there so that we insure A.A.’s survival. It’s that easy. If A.A. does not survive, the alcoholic who wants recovery will not have A.A. to turn to.

Jokingly I reference the term, “Traditions Police” to those people who have been where I am talking about. The miserable people who see the harm over the help. Who see the bad over the good. Who see the error rather than the forgiveness. Who see the pill poppers over the recovering examples. But in real life, there really *are* groups who break Traditions to such an extent that it’s a goddamned miracle when there is any kind of sobriety to be had by any individual. [I came from one such group and yes my sobriety was and is a miracle.]

I am well aware that people say A.A. is a cult. I address that in several posts already with basically the same sentiment that anything can turn into a cult when you get control freaks involved. [I would suggest codependent recovery if control freaks control you in A.A. or outside A.A.]

Here is how I explained it to a friend. In keeping with Tradition 2 which states For our group purpose there is but one ultimate authority- a loving God as He may express Himself in our group conscience. Our leaders are but trusted servants; they do not govern how is that we “enforce” these traditions?

We Become the Walking Example of the Traditions   

Non-complicated answer: By being the example.

We are the example. We learn the Traditions. We ask to go over them with our sponsor or someone who knows them. We study them. We live them and particularly in meetings. We, in effect, become “armed with the facts about ourselves” as those facts relate to the group. You know how in the Big Book it says we cannot transmit something we do not have? Well, if we have legitimate complaints about the group or problems with the group, let’s get to the reasons why.

What Traditions are going unobserved? How could the meetings improve in carrying the message to alcoholics? Perhaps our group needs a “Group Inventory?” We take time to learn these things while also realizing it “takes time to learn these things.” :) 

We study the Traditions in the Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions for example. We grow to understand terms like “Group Conscience” and the “Twelve Concepts.” We take advantage of the internet in looking up other Group experiences. :) We read the literature from G.S.O. that is often in any A.A. kiosk at a meeting clubhouse. [If we cannot read we get what we can on tape or ask someone to read the literature to us and we discuss it with someone who has experience with the service structure.] 

Conclusion

The program of Alcoholics Anonymous is the Twelve Steps, found in the Big Book. The group purpose of Alcoholics Anonymous as shared in the Traditions, is to carry the message to alcoholics. The message being how we got sober, get sober, stay sober, and so forth. The Twelve Traditions are to guide the groups so that we can best serve the alcoholics. They are not meant to be mean, elitist or exclusionary but are meant to be necessary for the welfare of the group. If we do not carry this message, who will? The onus is upon each of us who know better and this often requires – for me at least – courage.

But courage to speak up or do the next right thing should not be insurmountable when you understand that you do have the Traditions on your side. Remember. This is not your “best thinking” that you’re sharing and striving toward. They are principles founded and based upon the Twelve Traditions [and even Steps sometimes], and in that, how can you go wrong?

Here’s to your courage.

Namaste. 

Source: Living Within Samsara