Crazy Sam's Bloginess : The Straight - Friendly Gay Blog

Ask Sam: Entangled With A Married Guy

2009-12-03T17:57:00.008+05:30

Ola!!
I came across your blog through some site which listed top gay blogs. I must say, they were pretty spot on by placing your name on the list. I saw that run sort of an Uncle Agony section here as well, so here's my problem that I would like to get your opinion/advice on.

I met this guy online, we talked quite a good number of times at night. I casually flirted with him, NOT sex talk but just flirting. After a couple of nights I felt as if his replies are getting serious. More than that I got to know he's newly married. He told me that himself and asked me if it would be a problem. Not wanting to make him feel bad I replied in negative, saying it's not a problem. Now he's gotten really into me and I don't have any feelings for him. Moreover I'm feeling guilty like crazy ever since I got to know he's married. He's 22. I'm 19. I didn't expect a 22 year old dude to be married.
PLEASE HELP ME OUT!!

I haven't contacted him since five days and his offliners on yahoo are sounding delusional now.

Umair

Ola Umair! You said he asked whether his marital status would be a problem. But problem for what? When you guys chatted initially, what was that you both looked forward to, what did you guys want those night calls to transform into? So I’m assuming three possible scenarios – a relationship, a hook up or a platonic friendship.

It is obvious that you were not expecting a relationship from him. But I’m not sure whether he is looking for that. If he is, then you gotta let him know that you are not interested in having affair with a married guy.

If you guys had hit it off hoping to end up in bed (before he revealed his marital status), I think you should go forward. If the married guy is fine with it, why should you be feeling bad? It is his concern and even if you choose not to accept his invite, I’m sure he will find another guy and satisfy his needs. In most cases, this will be a onetime thingy and suppose if you both enter into ‘a friendship with benefit’ deal, even then I would say go for it. Again, it is his concern.

Now the third scenario i.e., a platonic friendship which I don’t think is that much of a possibility. Even then if that is indeed the situation, why should you run away from it? You might be a relief for him coz he finds you comfortable enough to open up and share his feelings. Even I think 22 is too early for a guy to get married (may be he was forced? I dunno. I’m just trying to imagine different possibilities.) But I definitely want you to respond to him. And if possible, try to have a meet with him. Often what we expect and what we get in real are quite different and puts things in a different perspective.

And please do let us know what you decided to do finally. Any readers wanna share their wisdom?

Check out these related posts too!
Ask Sam: Closeted But Acting Homophobic
Ask Sam: Gay Or Not
Ask Sam: 4th Time Unlucky?

The GayBombay Sunday Meet

2009-12-01T11:49:00.013+05:30

Most of us are so hung up on sending and getting – asls, stats, prefs, got place and not my type - messages, that it becomes vexing after a while and I wished to be in a zone where those criterion didn’t matter to meet another gay man. Although I had attended some gay parties after coming to Mumbai, this would be the first time where I would be interacting with a bunch of guys and discussing about homosexuality openly.

“I suppose it must have taken a lot of courage to come to a meet like this”, one of the guys asked me. I replied there was no question of courage since I badly wanted to attend one of these meets more than anything else. The group was of around twenty people and the meet happened at one of the GayBombay member’s house. His mother was also there and I thought it was indeed very brave and understanding of her to allow something like this at their place. After we all gave our intros, his mother was asked about how she was dealing with her son’s coming out and I listened to her with heavy heart as her words echoed the feelings of my mother. I just hope that at least starting from our generation, when couples become parents, they wake up to the fact that homosexuality is a reality and that their new born could be gay; so that they could be prepared and more tuned to accept the truth later on.

Then our discussion steered towards different scenarios of gay life – why do people find it difficult to be in relationship even when they long to be in one, how much of an issue is lack of sex in a relationship and how important is sex for a relationship to work, what pick up lines would one use to get a guy for a date and what was the cheesiest that one had to encounter, how would your friendship with your gay friend be affected if he marries a gal and what could be the best approach if one comes to know that his best friend’s guy is sleeping around. And lastly, it was heartening to hear when they shared their thoughts on how much GayBombay has helped each of them in becoming what they are now, in accepting their sexuality and also blessing them with some everlasting friendships.

Image copyright owned by: Pedro Virgil

I feel these kind of meets could be a great relief for many closeted gays if they dare to attend, coz this gives a platform to make themselves realize that they are not alone and a friendship is just a ‘hi’ away and also that meeting other gay guys doesn’t always have to be equated with sex. The organizers should definitely be commended for bringing out such initiations. Visit their website http://www.gaybombay.in/ to subscribe to the group and be aware of their upcoming events.

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Ask Sam: Closeted But Acting Homophobic

2009-11-28T09:53:00.003+05:30

I haven't come out of the closet and am pretty uptight about not letting anyone guess the truth unless I want them to. That's why I act a bit homophobic around my friends cause it feels like the ultimate safeguard to not let them suspect. But I feel terrible whenever I pass a comment like "That's so gay..." or calling a friend a fag when he wears a pink tee. What should I do?
Leo

Leo, I know how uncomfortable and insecure you feel about being gay. One of the greatest issues of us closeted gays are that we always feel we are being watched and constantly have the urge to protect ourselves and not let out even a single hint that we are gay. Our movements and thoughts become so constricted. Majority of us (closeted homosexuals) prefer not to react when subjected to something that relates to homosexuality. We are scared to raise our opinion thinking it would ultimately lead to outing ourselves. But then there are some, which is your case, who finds cover by acting homophobic. I’m glad that you realize what you are doing is wrong and wish to stop it. Because your actions are in a way helping to spread homophobia and also you may never know there may be someone getting hurt by your comments.

First thing you should do is to resist the itch to show people that you are a homophobe. You don’t need that false-safeguard. For the time being, the ideal approach could be to force yourself to keep mum when the situation makes you uneasy. Second, you need to be comfortable with your sexuality. However hard it might seem, try to accept and embrace your sexual orientation. Make yourself believe that here is nothing unmanly about being gay and you are as equal as your straight pals. And once you reach a stage where you don’t feel ashamed to tell yourself that you are gay, when a discussion or casual conversation regarding homosexuality happens among your peers, try to voice your genuine opinion. This is the age where straight people take courage to talk supportive about gays. So don’t be surprised to find some of your friends backing your point of view!

As usual, I request readers to put forward your thoughts at the comment section and help our Leo to overcome his dilemma.

I dedicate this post to a crazy fan of CSB whose birthday is falling on 2nd December. He was concerned about the lack of new posts appearing on this site. I hope he liked this early birthday gift! :-)

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Ask Sam: Gay Or Not
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CSB Promotion: Dan Skinner's Photography

2009-10-02T18:29:00.006+05:30

When Dan Skinner sent me an email saying I can feel free to use his photos for my blog, I was like.. Wow! Seriously? And then when I checked out his galleries, I knew his amazing talent deserves more than just few photos being displayed on my posts.

The US readers probably don't need an introduction about this (surprisingly) camera-shy guy. Dan has been in the cover art business for almost eight years. He has worked for over 400 companies internationally and has probably (coz he doesn't keep count) done two thousand covers. He has done every type of book genres and has worked in print, magazine, ebook and ezine. So there is a good chance that you might have come across his masterpieces at some point or the other.

The fashion industry came to know about Dan Skinner this year and he is now busy involved in doing projects for this venue. He told me that he discover and shoot his own models and tries to do one frame storyboard shots or tell a story through them.

The DNA Magazine recently bought pics of one of his models, Dave Wilkinson and will be featuring them on their next edition. Also, DNA's blog will be showcasing four pieces from Dan's "Study Break" series. And the latest edition of the online magazine, Blake did a five page feature on his "End Of Summer."

Dan Skinner claims that he is a self taught photographer and a pro at photoshopping. It's a no-brainer that this guy is a hardcore workaholic and a crazy perfectionist. He has his own studio called Cerberus Inc. based in Saint Louis, Missouri, USA, which he formed with his business partner and former model, Nick Fichter. I was absolutely delighted to know that he belongs to that rare category of photographers who wouldn't suggest the guys to shave off their chest hair for the shoot. As you can see from the pics below, Dan presents Nick in his all raw sexy hirsuteness! Woof!! :P

By the way, you can click on the photos to view their high resolution versions and you could be very well surprised by what some of them reveal! :D

Dan is a twitterholic as well and you guys can catch him at @cerberusinc. To see more of his work, visit his gallery.

Check out these related posts too!
CSB Promotion: Onir's Abhimanyu
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CSB Turns 2!

2009-09-12T01:39:00.005+05:30

It's been two years and I really can't believe this blog actually survived for this long! As cliched it may sound, this journey became all the more interesting only because I am fortunate to have you readers and I thank you all from the bottom of my heart. A special thanks to Vee for recommending CSB to his readers.

CSB had been running a poll for the past few weeks on "Invitations Of A Different Kind." I admit that the questions posed were quite quirky, but you guys dared to play along. The poll received 379 responses. Click here to get back to the post and see the results. (By the way, if you remember my earlier poll, I think it's time that I change my status! :D)

That's all for now. My present situation doesn't allow me to blog frequently or type long posts, but I hope that will all change soon. So don’t you dare to ditch CSB! :P

All For A Kiss! - A Crazy Confession From Sam

2009-08-09T00:28:00.003+05:30

"Oh my God! This is really stupid. I’m so gonna regret for agreeing to do this!" I thought to myself as we sneakily got ourselves crammed into one of the narrow lavatory stalls.

Sid had come to India during his semester break to be with his family. A dating site initiated our friendship. We exchanged numbers and from then on we didn’t forget to call each other every night. A week went by and both of us felt it was finally time to have the rendezvous. The next evening, we met - a meeting that was casual, just like two old pals. We sipped, ate, schmoozed (not smooched! :P) And then that night over phone, he asked me whether I felt anything special for him. I said, "Naah, but it felt good to finally meet you." I knew what his type was and clearly I was not one. And more importantly, why should I be allowing myself to feel anything "special" for a guy who's gonna be back to a foreign country in about three or four weeks? He too had similar reasons, but I guess he surprised himself when he defied all that. The first time he called me 'sweetheart', I remember it felt really weird and I couldn't stop laughing. But he made sure that I get used to hearing it and it reached to that point where I would crave to get that word out of his mouth whenever we were having talks. It was kinda getting addictive and yes, I was falling for him.

Another thing that was becoming an addiction (for both of us) was the need to see each other every single day. The evening traffic or the monsoon downpours didn't weaken our spirits; we made sure we had that one chance to be together even if it was for a short time. I used to anxiously wait for the evening to come, so that I can rush from my office to meet him. It was during one of these meets at a mall when he told me that he wanted to kiss me so badly and talked me in to getting inside the restroom. We got in, waited there, setting our hair, washing our hands and faces one too many times, until we found there was no one else other than the two of us. Then we opened the door to one of the stalls, got inside and shut it quickly before someone could walk in and see the sight of two guys getting in at the same time.

So there we stood face to face, both of us feeling really nervous and starting to sense that this was indeed a bad idea. We leaned forward for the kiss. But the helmets in our hands began to hit each other during the attempt, making knocking sounds which made both of us even more uneasy; for they could make the people outside curious. As obvious, the kiss didn't happen and we both now felt like escaping from the self-imposed trap. But how do we come out? We didn't want the situation to get any more embarrassing than what already was. Sid suggested that since it could be risky if we both got out together, he would go out first and I wait for sometime. So he opened the door when we felt the place was absolutely silent. After he left, I locked the door and I waited for like about 10 minutes before I finally had the courage to poke my head out. In the meantime, Sid was waiting outside the restroom wondering why I was taking this long to show up. Anyway, we both decided that we would never try to even think of doing such absurdities.

However absurdities happened even after that. On some other night, we tried to make out on an open field near a highway. That time we felt some one was watching and coming towards us and we had to run. But later one night, the kiss did finally happen.. right on the street where I live! Even though we had to break the kiss every time a vehicle passed by and had to pretend as if nothing was going on, as soon as it was out of site, we would soon be plunged into that passionate lip lock again. The kiss was so wild and powerful that the high lasted for hours and I truly discovered what it meant to feel happy from inside.

But that kiss also warned us of how far we had crossed the line. What that was going on between us wasn't supposed to turn into anything serious, but it was beginning to. And before we both reach a stage where it becomes excruciating to deal with the separation that was bound to happen, we agreed that it was better to cut the whole thing off. And thus we took different roads. Then a year later, we met one more time when he came for his semester vacation.

Now whenever I pass by all those places where we had our "attempts", those images flash in my mind and I smile to myself. I guess he gave me one of my firsts; he made me feel how it is like to fall in love. And it is an adventure nevertheless – magical, enlivening, exciting - making ordinary people do the craziest of things!

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Follow Sam's twitter-bloginess @ http://twitter.com/samsbloginess

CSB Xclusive! The Indian Hunk Piyush Walia

2009-08-01T03:32:00.015+05:30

Remember some 40 posts ago (43 to be exact! :D), I talked about a guy who won a body contest organized by a health magazine? (Click here to get a refresh.) Yes, I'm hinting about the perfectly toned and charmingly handsome Piyush Walia. That time I didn’t have any "evidence" to substantiate my infatuation towards him. But this time I do have, since Piyush accepted my offer to be featured on this blog and was kind to share his portfolio with me.

22 year old Piyush V Walia started his modeling career in January last year and pretty soon he bagged the title of Mr. Body Beautiful as announced by the May 2008 issue of Health & Nutrition - Yep, the same issue that got me hooked onto him! He then became the cover guy of Men's Health India in June 2008..

(Click on the photos to get the higher resolution versions.)

Appeared on the bike catalogues of Yamaha..

And walked the ramps at prestigious fashion shows.

Piyush was one among those sexy men in the promo-shots of MTV Splitsvilla 2.

Well.. lots more Piyush to feast your eyes! (Except the left most snap in the second row, the following are the works of the illustrious photographer, Sayan Sur Roy.)

And finally, two candid shots of this amazing guy before we end this post.

Thanks for this fantabulous treat, Piyush! Wishing you all the very best and hope your career will be giving us more and more to drool over!

'Yuva' Dares To Break Open The Closet

2009-07-27T00:05:00.009+05:30

No people, it's not the cover of a magazine targeted towards the gays or not of one which is published from a western nation (or not even a mock-up cover that I designed, for that matter), but that of one which is rapidly becoming popular among the youth of India. Yuva, with the tag, "The Magazine For Young India", have put the topic of homosexuality as the cover story in their latest issue. This is a very daring attempt, I must say, and that too for a mainstream magazine which is just three months old (the new format.) But even more daring is their homoerotic cover that shows a guy placing his hand over another one’s crotch.

The cover story throws light on the hardships faced by gay men and lesbians in India, their self-realizations about being gay, their experiences on coming out, the reaction they got from their parents and how the overthrowing of section 377 can bring a better change. It was heartening to read about a father and mother who, despite being religious and coming from a conservative background, helped their gay son to come out and encouraged him to bring his boyfriend to home. The article carries the voice of people from various fields raising their opinions on the need for putting anti-discrimination laws at public and workplaces, laws against homophobia, rights to fight against forced marriages, and the fight for gay marriage, inheritance laws and adoption rights. The poll conducted by Yuva reveals that 79% men and 86% women have no objection for the legal sanctioning of same-sex marriage. Yuva has listed a bunch of helplines for those who wish to come in terms with their homosexuality and also suggests a string of gay and lesbian movies to check out, gives a peek into the country’s popular gay hangouts without actually 'outing' them and enlightens us with a section on gay lexicon, in which some of them, I admit, even I was not aware of!

Yuva’s message to the young India is loud and clear - It’s about time that we all woke up, faced the reality and accepted this 'sweet' truth that India is no exception when it comes to people being gay. Even if the older group doesn’t get it, I’m sure the generation that is coming up and the future ones will embrace this fact of life and will be more tolerant and understanding towards the LGBT community. Also it is my wish that the division of straight and gay communities becomes blurred as years pass by.

CSB had recommended Yuva to its readers earlier this month and this could be the only magazine in India for the youth that is not just centered on fashion and lifestyle. Executive Editor, Diane Karen Pereira said during one of the pre-launch interviews, "The market has no such magazine that caters to the youth's needs. There are several lifestyle magazines, but there is no such magazine that can raise issues concerning the youth, who can provide the young reader with the information that he or she can use, who can tackle the issues and questions that are on top of the mind of todays young."

Indeed, they cover a spectrum of youth-centric topics. I reckon, especially their career section would be a lifesaver for many young Indians helping them to think and choose wisely when opting for courses and from where to pursue.

So head to the newsstands folks! This fortnight's issue is one which you definitely don't want to miss! I'm now eagerly waiting for their next issue to come out where they would be publishing responses from the readers (shoot emails to them, thank them!) and I feel we could also get to read about Bani, the cool MTV Wassup babe!

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CSB Promotion: Onir's Abhimanyu

2009-07-24T20:00:00.015+05:30

In India, one out of every five girls and one out of every ten boys face some form of abuse.

When you hear such statistics, you wonder about the people whom you have come across in life – were they too one among these victims? And isn’t it possible that a child is being abused right now? Yes, at this moment, when you are reading this!

The only solution I see for preventing such exploitation from happening is to help the children to help themselves. Parents should tell their children when they are as young as 5 years old, that they should be informed when an uncle or aunt tries or suggests to do something inappropriate with them. The young ones may not understand what and why it is being told time after time, but then it will cause a spark in them the moment that ugly face gets unveiled. And when they come running to you into your arms, it is your responsibility to believe them, stand by them, and disconnect the other person entirely from your life. That other person could be your sibling, your best friend, your neighbour, your driver, your domestic help, your priest - anyone whom you thought your child would be safe to be with. Because there is nothing more wrong that could happen in your world when your child’s innocence is being taken advantage of.

Abhimanyu is the story of a child abuse survivor inspired by the true story of Harish Iyer and his struggle to reclaim his own shattered identity after 11 long years of abuse.

Email subscribers will have to visit the blog site to watch the following video.

Director Onir Anirban (My Brother Nikhil, Bas Ek Pal and Sorry Bhai) and Anticlock Films wish to tackle important issues ignored by the mainstream Indian cinema and expects your (monetary contributions or otherwise) support to realize this goal.

Abhimanyu is one of the five short films that Onir is writing and directing. Omar will be a film that portrays the nexus between the police and male sex workers to harass gay men using article 377. Afia will tell the story of a girl working in an NGO discovering the misappropriation of funds and her entire life changes as she realizes how everyone is involved. In Megha, we will see a Kashmiri Pandit woman going back to Kashmir after 20 years and confronting her past – a past of losing trust and faith in humanity, a past that saw three lakh Kashmiri Hindus leaving Kashmir. Set In Kolkatta, Rudra will explore the Maoist conflict of ideology between a father and son.

"These topics are too important to let slide into the shadows," says Onir. For Anticlock Films, this is a movement towards cinema that has content and that entertains by way of enriching oneself.

To contribute money and read the deal, please visit the blogs of the respective films:

Abhimanyu - http://iamabhimanyu.blogspot.com/ [Facebook]
Omar - http://omarthefilm.blogspot.com/ [Facebook]
Afia - http://iamafia.blogspot.com/ [Facebook]
Megha - http://iammegha.blogspot.com/ *Under Construction*
Rudra - http://rudrathefilm.blogspot.com/ *Under Construction*

Each film lasting 20 minutes will be released for educational/awareness/festival purposes and eventually all the five short films will be compiled into one release for the general audience.

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The New Face Of Indian Homophobia

2009-07-17T00:17:00.013+05:30

Image courtesy: idahosydney.wordpress.com

We condemned Aussies when they unleashed racial attacks on Indians. We gasped in horror when we saw how inhumanely the assailers had brought injuries on the victims. Now what do we have to say when Indians themselves are proving that they are no different from those Aussie racists. Last week in Delhi, an openly homosexual man was slashed by a guy representing a religious group, in front of everyone at a gay party. (You can read the write up of the victim’s partner here.) Even though homophobia was rampant in Indian society, the recent advancements in the gay rights movement has angered many and in turn raised this hatred to an entirely new level. (Finally matching up to US standards, if I may say.)

While the Delhi High Court judgement decriminalizing gay sex between consenting adults garnered widespread positive response from within India and outside, it felt like a huge blow for a certain group who wishes to stay deaf and blind in the name of religion. This group tries hard to forget the age-old saying, "Live and let live." They make themselves believe that every nuisance they stimulate is justifiable if it is for a religious cause. And I’m afraid this could just be the beginning, and assault on homosexuals could become a trend for them to get media publicity and to spit their venomous thoughts. (Just like how a religious gang bashed women reasoning that the gals were violating traditional Indian norms. This group also created unnecessary hysteria over Valentine's Day.) Therefore all openly homosexuals in India should be alert.

Harish Iyer, one of the leading gay voices from Mumbai advices, "Keep someone informed when we travel to any place on a date or even otherwise. Keep SOS numbers (friends/parents/siblings etc.) on speed dial and train your mind for quick reflexes under the event of an attack. And at least for sometime don’t engage in PDA (public display of affection), even if the straight people do."

Weren't religions born to unite people and to bring love and compassion in us? Funny that it is now doing the exact opposite!

And as if religions were not enough, now yoga (coz every Tom, Dick and Harry is going after religion, it's time to try something new!) is used to substantiate the opinions terming that homosexuality is a disease and purely borrowed from western culture. While most of us know how ridiculous those statements are, this is just yet another application of, "Strike while the iron is hot." Anyone else wants to tell the world that we are perverts and make media appearances? Please do. Instant fame guaranteed coz our newspapers and TV channels are so dying to get your 'bites'.

We have every reason to rejoice on finally becoming non-criminals in the eyes of law. But the Delhi High Court has acknowledged our right only due to the continual and persistent efforts of Naz Foundation. They submitted the petition in 2001 and they were fighting a legal battle for eight long years to finally bring the judgement in our favour. Now that the Supreme Court has agreed to consider a petition seeking to repeal the High Court’s ruling, Naz Foundation is gearing up for the next battle. Let's hope and pray that the Supreme Court will uphold the High Court's decision.

Even if the law changes, the mindset of the people will not change overnight. For this to happen, we need the support of the straight community as well.

Blogosphere is a great medium to enlighten the public. Jo, even though straight, is always man enough to write about issues faced by gays in his blog whenever there happens an incident affecting homosexuals. He had also shared to his readers about the days when he and his friends used to make fun of homosexuals, what all misconceptions he had about gays, and finally realizing how wrong he was. (You can read his post here.)

The friends I came out to, are a huge support not just for me, but for the gay community as well. Phoebe and her group of friends have discussions about homosexuality in their college.

Monica tries to correct the false believes of her roommates. They were shocked when they learnt that she reads this blog and that she has a gay friend. They began to warn her about how dangerous gays are and how one should really be careful when befriending them. And these words are coming from the so-called educated IT professionals of the 21st century, residing in one of the Indian metropolitan cities.

And there is this another friend, who recently became aware of my sexual orientation. She was uber-excited hearing the Delhi High Court’s judgement. Later when I chatted with her, her words really touched me. "You are probably the only reason why I’m not against it (decriminalization of homosexuality)." She said, "I don’t think you are lying when you say you like a guy. So it’s not some mentally distorted thing, it is real. And to discriminate is like being a sexual racist."

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CSB Poll: Invitations Of A Different Kind

2009-07-12T00:17:00.017+05:30

On my pursuit of finding good company through internet, I have often got invites from straight dudes and married men to bed with them. For the straights and the married who don't mind getting carnal pleasure from another male, a quickie with gays could be the ultimate no strings attached deal for unleashing their wildest and craziest sexual fantasies. Also considering the fact that India is a country where 85 percent of gays are married (to women), it is no surprising that the married outnumber the straights when it comes to giving out such invitations.

So here comes the second poll from CSB which poses ~~four~~ five situations. You are not required to respond to all the ~~four~~ five. If you are a straight guy (and single), the first situation is for you. ~~If you are a married male (regardless of your sexual orientation), please consider the second situation.~~ If you are a married male (and straight), please consider the second situation. If you are a married male (but gay or bi), please consider the third situation. And finally, if you are gay (or bi), please mark your option for the last two situations.

Situation 1

If you are straight, have you ever wanted to give the invitation to a gay guy?(online surveys)

Situation 2

If you are married (and straight), have you ever wanted to give the invitation to a gay guy?(online surveys)

Situation 3

If you are married (but gay or bi), have you ever wanted to give the invitation to a gay guy?(polls)

Situation 4

If you are gay, would you be accepting the invite from a straight guy?(survey software)

Situation 5

If you are gay, would you be accepting the invite from a married guy?(survey software)

CSB subscribers reading this post from feed readers and inboxes will have to visit the blog site to access the polls. As usual, the results are not made public for the time being, but will be unveiled in a future post.

Update - Monday, July 13, 2009:

The earlier situation 2 which dealt with married men is now split to situation 2 and situation 3 to consider their sexual orientation.

Update - Monday, September 07, 2009:

The poll is closed. The results will be out soon!

Update - Saturday, September 12, 2009:

The poll results are unveiled.

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Have You Got Your Dose Of Samminess?

2009-07-06T01:14:00.013+05:30

Breaking News: A month thus goes by where CSB didn't see any new post, first time ever since its inception!

Haha, I know I'm announcing it as if it is some commendable achievement. Honestly speaking, I wanted at least one post to be up during June. Sadly, that didn't happen. And now I feel like I lost the touch to blog. Don't worry, this is not a good-bye post even though I did see a possibility of that happening. But you know what? I love blogging too damn much to do something terrible like that. Also I don't want my readers to realize how serene their life could be if they did not have their "irregular dose of samminess" (as Whippy puts it. :P)

Model: Kerry Degman Copyright: A|X Armani Exchange

At last I'm moving out from my city.. Yes! Finally! If you had been following (stalking) my blog for quite long, you would know how much I wanted something like this to come about. And I'm gonna be based in one of the happening metros of India - just what the doctor prescribed for spicing up my unfabulous social life. But as they say, I can't have the cake and eat it too. What I would be sacrificing are the luxury and the privacy that I am so used with at home. But then if it gets compensated with oodles of mind-blowing sex, I don't mind.

Naah! Just kidding! :D

Anyway, I should find some good internet cafes to satiate my online escapades. I recently discovered how convenient and feasible it is to post on twitter from mobile and the best part is I don't have to rely on the cafes.

I'm sure by now all must have heard about the recent Delhi High Court's judgement to amend Section 377 of the IPC and decriminalize private consensual sex between adults of the same sex. Even though the new rule cannot be implemented immediately, (coz the parliament now needs to take decision to amend the law and we can also expect religious fanatics and the so-called Indian-culture-saviours moving to the Supreme Court to revoke the High Court's judgement) with the debates and discussions happening in news channels and the editorials and features coming in newspapers and magazines, Indians are exposed to the topic of homosexuality like never before.

A shot from gay pride parade at Bengaluru on 28th June, 2009.
Photo credit: Lighttripper

By the way, India also gets a new national gay and lesbian magazine. Pink Pages is an online magazine which is free to subscribe. Without sounding too swellheaded, lemme also add that I was fortunate to have the opportunity to design the logo as well as the cover for this magazine. I thank the Editor-In-Chief of Pink Pages, Nipun Goyal for motivating and pushing, and for having complete faith in me. For those who haven't heard about Nipun, he is a writer and gay activist from India and it was he who wrote the article, "Love Me For Who I Am", which appeared last year in The Times Of India. He also maintains a blog called Rainbow Rays. Head over to http://www.pink-pages.co.in/ for the very first issue of Pink Pages!

From this month's Men's Health India: The NGO Humsafar Trust says the number of gays, lesbians and transgenders in India is close to 70 million.

Sam recommends: Check out the latest entry into print magazines targeted towards young India, Yuva - a fortnightly. You can also read the previous issues at their site.

Check out these related posts too!
How Out Is Your Underwear?
This Is Crazy Sam Reporting For CSB
The Blah!

CSB Promotion: Gress's Photography

2009-05-26T12:20:00.017+05:30

This blog is thankful to a numerous photographers and models, who without doubt, always give a fantastic visual treat to everyone who reaches here. To me, the pictures that appear here are not just mere magnets to draw visitors in (as one reader told me), they also speak for my admiration for those photographers and models.

So when Chicago-based photographer John Gress offered to showcase his work for CSB readers, it is obvious that I must have felt extremely honoured!

John Gress's photos regularly appear on the Reuters news wire and in major publications such as Time, The Washington Post, The New York Times, The Times of London, Sports Illustrated. He has worked with many of America's top companies on advertising and public relations campaigns which also includes the 2008 election of President Barack Obama. (reference)

By the way let me also add that seeing how fine-looking man he is, I think he should consider doing self photo shoots from time to time! :D

The pictures that appear on this post are all works of John Gress. Don't forget to click on them to see their enlarged versions.

As you can see, the way he uses colours to bring that exuberance in each shot is just awesome! You can enjoy more of John Gress's work at his site and blog.

Ask Sam: Gay Or Not

2009-05-12T20:20:00.010+05:30

Recently, I was chatting with a guy who had an issue about identifying his sexuality. He is 25 years old.

I'm really confused about my sexuality. If you ask me, I don't know whether I'm straight, gay or bisexual. Once I met a guy from online with the intention of having a relationship. We became very close. But when it came to sex, I started feeling hesitant. At last I agreed to do it, but I couldn't enjoy and I had to stop it in the middle. I had no such problems when I did it with a gal. But I do not understand why I keep searching for a guy, I'm so confused.

When I probed further, I came to know that he has no brothers or sisters. He has many friends but he couldn't find anyone suitable to be close with. I'm no psychologist, but I being the only child, I know how frustrating and lonely one can feel in his shoes. To tell you the truth, I always wished for a brother, an elder brother. So what I understand from this guy's situation is that since he was the only child and he didn't have any close buddy, he was trying to fill that void by searching for a guy with whom he can share some intimate feelings, like those straight guys feel for their best buds.

Last week I happened to see a beautiful sight. A guy came and hugged his friend from behind and both of them stood like that for some time. They were not at all feeling conscious of what the public might think (in fact, the people there didn't mind at all!), unlike gays who find even holding hands to be horrific. As usual, I started feeling jealous for the guy who was being hugged because I wanted to be that guy and also the other guy was looking so damn good! :P

In my opinion, we all yearn to be touched by people whom we care and love. It makes us feel wanted and important. And for guys, after their infancy, they count on siblings and close friends to give this. When they don't get that, there feel an emptiness, something missing in their lives. Girls usually don't feel the void because of the "sisterhood" they develop with their mothers. That's why I'm of the sentiment that if the firstborn is a male, you just gotta have to push down one more!

Coming back to this guy, I told him, instead of searching guys for relationships what he really should be doing is to find a guy for intimate friendship, with whom he could give and get all the attention and care. I also suggested to him not to be quick in labeling himself as gay or bisexual because as far as I can see, he is just like any other straight guy.

So I would love to know your opinion regarding this. What do you have to say about his situation?

By the way, there is this another guy who says he is not born or made gay, but he feels like he could be gay when he reads this blog. Hmm.. are you telling me this blog has the magic to convert straights now? :P

Check out these related posts too!
Ask Sam: Help Thy Gay Friend
Ask Sam: 4th Time Unlucky?

CSB Now Straight-Friendlier Than Ever!

2009-04-05T00:17:00.018+05:30

I may be taking this whole "straight-friendly" thing too seriously, but I gotta admit.. it's kinda overwhelming when I see people linking to this blog (thank you!) as "The Straight-Friendly Gay Blog". But I always had the doubt (and some have expressed their concerns), would any straight person care to read this blog when the first thing he or she sees as the page loads, is a close up shot of a guy's crotch? At a time when we are trying to make others understand that homosexuality is much more than having sex with the same gender, I felt the banner of this blog was sort of evincing the message of prurience. We tend to throw our sexuality on society's face with vulgarism and obscenity. Take for example, the gay parades. I know we need to make our voices heard, but do we really have to resort to those obtrusive and lewd exhibitionism that only make people cringe? I have never been to a gay pride parade and may be media likes to promote only those images, but why can't we have parades devoid of any "vulgar flaunting of sexual orientation"? How about marching by guys holding hands of guys and gals with gals? It is distinct and it sends out the message loud and clear, don't ya think so?

On that spirit, this month CSB rolls out its new blog banner. Simultaneously, new badge has also been put up for your linking pleasure. Please find it in the CSB badge area on the third column. Also I have added a link to an article under "Must-Reads" section (appearing in the middle column). Conny Van Dyke, the actress, writes an open letter to all mothers of gay and lesbian children instructing them to let go of their intolerance, not their loved ones. A must-read it is! [via Pop Max Now]

Finally.. During the whole month of March, CSB asked the readers what do they consider as their first sexual experience. Thanks to all the 234 individuals who took part in the poll. Here is the result:

7% (17) -> kissing
18% (41) -> mutual masturbation
25% (59) -> oral
50% (117) -> anal

Another question was regarding the age at which they first "got lucky".

5% (10) -> 5-9
9% (20) -> 25-29
18% (39) -> 10-14
33% (72) -> 20-24
35% (77) -> 15-19

I should have also added another option "30 and above", coz only 218 people responded to this one. Apologies to those 16. Anyways, I had fun doing this and hope you guys did too!

So going by the popular opinion, I'm still ehmm.. you know! :P

Disclaimer: Toni Sulankivi has no affiliation with Crazy Sam's Bloginess (CSB) in any way whatsoever.

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Opening That Closet Door

2009-03-28T23:51:00.031+05:30

As you all know, last week I came out to my mother. I and my mother are fine now. My mother may have a long way to go, to finally be comfortable with all this, but I for one have stopped feeling guilty. I wish to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your heartfelt responses and support. And especially to Nick for this sweet gesture. The following is a clubbing of dialogues that happened between my mother and I over the past few days.

She was in the kitchen.

"Ma, can you come to my room now? I need to tell you something."

"Yes, what is so secret about it that you want me to come to your room?"

"You will understand. I don't want father to know. Come fast!"

Also I figured, kitchen could be quite hazardous for what I was about to do. Once we got it into my room, I closed the door. She found it strange that I'm behaving unusual and was giving a half laugh.

"Ma, you may not like what I'm going to say now."

"Is it about your job?"

"No.. something personal."

"A love affair?"

"No Ma. I'm afraid when you hear it, you may even cry. But don't make a big scene and let father know."

Those smiles faded away. "Yes tell me, I won't cry."

"I know you will, but even then I have to say this to you. But before that let me ask you, are you stiff on wanting grandchildren?"

"Well.. There is no tenacity that I want grandchildren."

"Then what about my marriage?"

"Yes, on that I'm. You need to get married."

"Well.. that's the problem. I don't want to get married.. I'm gay."

She drew back in shock. I could see from her face that she didn't expect this at all. But then she found words to say, "You could be just feeling that. It must be nothing."

"No ma, this is not just a feeling. This is not something I'm doing on an impulse. I've been thinking about how to tell this to you for a long time."

"So what are you? A man or a woman?"

"I'm still a man. But it's that I don't feel attraction towards gals. I feel that only to guys."

"Is it because of watching all those Friends and Will & Grace?"

"No ma. I had known about this, way before watching those."

"When did you start to feel like this?"

"Well.. way before my teenage. But that time, I used to think that I could be the only one having this kind of feeling. But when I got internet, I realized that I'm not the only one and that I'm called gay."

"So is there someone?"

"No." (I didn't think it was good to reveal to her that I've slept with some men.)

"Are you sure marriage is not at all an option?"

"Ma even if I do marry a gal, I will not be able to fulfill all her desires. And that is just unfair to her, don't you think so? Since Indians are not open to talk about homosexuality, many guys will be afraid to tell to their parents. So they agree for the marriage and then without the knowledge of their wives, they continue sleeping with men. I don't want to betray someone like that. I can never imagine doing that to a person knowingly. There are many instances of failed marriages because of this. Not getting married is much better than ending up in divorce, right?"

"Yeah, that's true."

"You must be remembering that scene from Honeymoon Travels Pvt Ltd. where the husband confesses to his wife that he is gay."

She couldn't recollect and so I showed her the video that I posted here.

I wanted her to know that this i-am-so-cool-about-being-gay was not something that I achieved overnight. "I have always shared everything with you and Pa. But this is something I couldn't, even though I wanted to. When I began to feel attraction towards men, I was first confused. I didn't want to feel that way at all. I couldn't understand what was wrong with me because my friends were crazy about gals and I wasn't. There were times when I had been in serious depression. You and Pa must not have noticed it. But it took me several years to finally accept the fact that what I'm feeling is completely natural."

I then asked, "Did you ever feel even the slightest of indication that I could be gay?"

"No.. but when your that friend visited... "

"Who?"

"Jay."

"Yeah.. what happened when he visited."

"Well.. I thought he could be one."

"Haha! Jay? Not at all!! He even has a girlfriend. But he knows." (I guess his metrosexual appearance misled her. He is that same friend I was talking about in this post whose coin-slot I got to see. :P)

There was a pause. "Ma, how do you feel?"

"I don't know. But these people are always affected with AIDS."

"That is just a misconception. Not every gay person could be carrying AIDS. Then what about those who appear straight and married, but continue sleeping with men?"

"But how will you deal with our society?"

"Ma I'm not going on telling everyone that I'm gay. In fact, only very few friends know about this. But don't let Pa know."

"Then?"

"Next year, may be."

Her eyes began to fill up.

"I told you, you will cry. What were you thinking now?"

"Nothing."

"Tell me. I need to know."

"I was thinking about you becoming this way."

"Ma, it is not bad being gay. This is not some disease. It's very similar to some people being left-handed." I continued, "Anyways, my worst fears didn't come true. I thought I could be kicked out of the house, in which case I was planning to take refuge at Phoebe's place."

"Oh, I would not be doing all that!"

"Hmm.. I will show you another clip where an Indian guy film himself coming out to his mother."

And I put the video that I posted here.

My mother then asks me, "Do you get attracted to every man?"

"No Ma, let me put it this way. Did you feel attraction to every guy when you were young? No, right? And did you wake up one morning and decide to get attracted to men? No, coz it happened naturally for you. It is the same in my case too, I didn't choose to be attracted to men."

"Then what about your madness for actresses like Aishwarya, Preity?"

"I like their beauty, that's all. But straight guys will feel some other thoughts too."

I had read from one website that during the coming out session, the roles of the child and the parent gets reversed and it really did happen here. By the way, I came across the following video during my Orkut-surfing and I thought it would be great to feature this here. I should probably show this video too to my mother, which enlightens the viewers that being gay is as normal as being straight.

The following video is available in HQ (press to enable) which means, you can put it full-screen (press ) without losing much clarity!

I'm sorry this is in Hindi. For the non-Indian readers, let me give you an outline of what was happening in the video. The first guy, Manish Sharma, came out to the world during an earlier episode of this show, which is called Salaam Zindagi (Hello Life). He says a lot of gays contacted him after that, and he counseled a number of people who were not willing to have a proper life due to family and societal pressures. Manish's family was very supportive. Prior to his coming out, his aunt used to force him for marriage. But when she saw the show, she came to him, gave him a hug and very affectionately told him that she was proud of him for his courage and for not choosing to get entangled in relationships which he would not be able to carry forward.

The second guy is Deepak Kashyap. He is a gay rights activist from India. He quotes the words of Swami Dayanand Ji, "If any matter begins to trouble you, then it means that you don't know completely about it or you know the truth, but do not wish to accept it." Deepak says he used to go to temples and churches and scream to God that it was all God's fault. But later he realized that we cannot blame anyone for being gay when he knew that homosexuality was not a medical disorder and that 10 percent population of animal kingdom goes "the gay way" and there is nothing much you can do about it. So he personally believes that he found the truth and accepted it. His both parents too have accepted this truth. His father had told him earlier that, if one is not causing any harm to the environment, to oneself and to others, then we all have the full right to live the life, the way we want. Deepak reveals the saddening fact that 85 percent of Indian gays are married and in that 85 percent, 90 percent are still actively gay even after the marriage. He also feels lucky to find that each and every friend of his had no qualms in accepting him and his sexuality didn't matter to any of them at all.

Check out these related posts too!
And I Came Out To My Mother
The Safe First Step I Took To Come Out To My Mother
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And I Came Out To My Mother

2009-03-18T20:14:00.009+05:30

Why did I do it now? I don't know. But I knew I had to do it some time. And what if that becomes too late or if I didn't get a chance later? It's been quite a while I felt that I have the strength to uncover this truth to my mother. I was aware that she will be hurt, but then my inner voice told me that I should tell her. And that is what happened yesterday.

But why do I feel now that it was better if hadn't told her? I can see that she is completely devastated. She is slowly recovering from the numbness and now that everything is beginning to sink in to her and feeling the blow of the situation, she no longer can hide her tears from me. No matter what I say or how hard I try to console her, I know I'm not being helpful. She now has to deal with the harsh reality that the son she knew of, is no more. I asked her whether she thought it was better if I hadn't told her the truth and she nodded 'yes' amongst the tears. She doesn't think of me as a pervert or that I'm sick. In the end, she wants me to be happy with my life. But she is distressed that I would not have a marriage and about the reasons to come up with to handle our relatives when they start pushing proposals. What worries her most is that I may end up being alone and no one would be there to take care of me during my old age. Even though I see that as a probability, I didn't want to make her feel that I agree on that. It kills me to see that I have brought such infliction on her and I see myself going back to that phase when I used to feel guilty of being gay.

A word of advice to all who anticipate of coming out to your folks at some point - dare to take that road only when you are perfectly comfortable of your homosexuality. I thought I was, but now I'm starting to have doubts on that.

Check out these related posts too!
The Safe First Step I Took To Come Out To My Mother
Gays And Mothers
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When Music Wins You Over

2009-03-14T10:43:00.011+05:30

Many a times, I have found myself awed by certain background scores that not only enhance the effect of the scenes, but also makes you go through the emotions felt by the characters. In Mani Ratnam’s Guru, when Shyam proposes to Meenu, a beautiful song whispers by and you feel Meenu's hapless situation being a victim of multiple sclerosis and the true love Shyam has for Meenu. We can hear this song again in the movie during Meenu’s passing. But sadly, Guru's audio CDs didn’t have this soulful track and the web pages that time talked about a beautiful song sung by Soumya Rao and another one, failing to get released to the public. Why? Because Mani and Rahman decided not to include them in the CDs. (FYI, they did a similar thing with Alai Payuthey’s catchy number, "Enrendrum Punnagai" and it's slower version, "Mangalyam" in 2000. I hope they don't play this kinda game again in their upcoming Raavana.)

Now I know Soumya’s song is called "Shauk Hai", thanks to Jo. It seems, "Shauk Hai" was later released in an another album, "Greatest Hits Of A.R.Rahman."

Shauk Hai:

Press the play button to listen to this gem. (If you are reading this post from your inbox or feed reader, please access the site.)

Lyrics and translation can be found here.

Also, following are some Indian musical sites that you might want to try out:

For all Rahman fans out there, Serjas' Rahmanism, a blog (I can't believe that it is built from Blogger!) which features nearly anything and everything that Rahman has composed so far (even jingles for ads), will surely satisfy your appetite.

Suresh Kumar’s musical blog, Background Score is one of a kind where he gives an in-depth analysis on background tracks from Indian movies. He also maintains another musical blog, Yours Musically.

And at Songs Of Jo, our Jo, who is a blogger, singer, composer and podcaster, does covers for popular songs and comes up with his own creations.

PS: By the way, can anyone recognize this superb track?

If you can, please send me the details (title, album and composer) coz I'm absolutely in love with this one from the moment I heard it at a fashion show in our college five years ago and since then I’m trying to get its complete version. Thanks in advance.

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CSB Poll: Losing Virginity In Gay Terms

2009-03-02T00:42:00.011+05:30

I know, associating guys to virginity sounds so high school and fem. But even then I wonder what you guys think of losing virginity. So what made you feel that you are not virgin anymore.. or to put it in macho-terms, what do you consider as your first sex?

If you feel like bragging about your first time, the comment section is all yours!

Update - Thursday, April 2, 2009:
The poll is closed. The results will be out soon!

Update - Sunday, April 5, 2009:
The poll results are unveiled.

Image source: Exterface

An Equal Love

2009-02-26T17:26:00.007+05:30

Another Valentine’s Day is here. A day to honour love and lovers. A day when many couples exchange flowers, romantic notes, gifts and cards to each other. A day when many lucky ones go out and celebrate their love. It’s a nice feeling to love and be loved, to feel that you mean everything for someone, to feel that you can count on this one person to share your innermost feelings. And there are many of us who are still hanging on to that “single” – tag, waiting for love to happen or just enjoying being single. But even then no one can deny the fact, Valentine’s Day is that day of the year when love overshadows any other sentiment.

But this year’s Valentine’s Day is not just about love alone. Many of us are surprised and angered to hear from a bunch of narrow-minded goons that spending time with our lover in open places and celebrating Valentine’s Day is wrong, that it is against our “culture”. Many of us are raising questions about who are these people to decide on what we should or should not do and what right they have to interfere in our personal lives. It is so ridiculous for someone to dictate that we will not be allowed to celebrate our love on a Valentines Day! This all seems so absurd, right?

Now just think about a small percentage of population who always has felt this unfairness that you are all feeling right now, every single day! Yes I’m talking about gays. For us gays, we could never think of celebrating Valentine’s Day with our special person in open places because we never felt secure to express our love. There is this fear always echoing in our minds (and not on Valentine’s Day alone) about what others would think and react if they see us holding hands or sitting across a table looking into each others eyes or giving a peck on the cheeks. It is not a good feel to always search for a secluded place to exchange such small tokens of love.

What is it that makes gay love be considered second class by many? Why does it face so much scorn? Why do some feel the need to preach hate and pass judgments? Many of us enter into gay relationships knowing the bitter truth that this could be ephemeral because sooner or later, we will be forced to marry someone whom our folks have searched and found “suitable”. And that true love yields to parental and societal pressures. Many gays prefer one night stands because they know gay relationships do not stand a chance in our country. Why does it have to happen this way? Why do we have to forfeit our happiness for the sake of gratifying a society who by the way, doesn’t care a hoot about us?

I say it is high time to realize that the love between a man and a man, or a woman and a woman is equally sublime as the love between a man and a woman. Because we too nurture that concept of growing old together. We too dream of waking up beside our lover. We too enjoy walking on beaches and parks holding hands. We too desire on introducing our sweetheart to friends and families. But this all can happen only if you accept us; if you accept us in the same way we are accepting you. Love is not something that should be forced to hide. It deserves to be respected and acknowledged. And we should be able to express our love with no fear or shame because it is after all an emotion we feel for that special person whom our heart beats for.

This was the guest post I wrote for Blogbharti which was published on Valentine's Day. Click here to know more. Shaheryar Ali at Sherryx informed me that this article became the main inspiration for him to write this outstanding piece. I'm glad!

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That Hunk On The Men's Health Cover!

2009-02-23T01:51:00.004+05:30

Even though Farhan Khan was the cover guy on the November issue of Men's Health India last year, it seems now only his hunk-effect is spreading contagiously over the gay Orkutsphere when guys are busy adding his photo shoot video to their profiles.

The following video is available in HD (press to enable) which means, you can put it full-screen (press ) without losing much clarity!

I know with a body like that, it's kinda difficult to focus on his face.. which by the way, is equally worthy to get every ounce of our attention.

I especially liked his advice on quitting cigars to achieve a smoking body like his. In fact taking puffs is not only unhealthy, but also a mood-killer when you are passionately entangled in kissing. One time I was with a guy and during the whole make out session, the only thing I could think was how charred his tongue tasted! So that's it! Never again I'm gonna kiss a smoker!

By the way, the photographer fella is Subi Samuel and he is one of the busiest Indian photographers. They say he is a man of few words, but his photography is one that speaks for itself. The end result of this photo shoot as you can see below, is a testament for that.

Click on them to fill your screens with our yummy Farhan Khan!

Video and image source: Men's Health India.

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If Slumdog Millionaire Was Unfair To Mumbai

2009-02-17T14:05:00.005+05:30

Yes I saw Slumdog Millionaire. A good movie, but highly overrated. Although it had a Bollywood feel to it, I enjoyed a lot because unlike the usual Bollywood movies, it didn't overdramatize situations and had a punch of raw feel to it. An Oscar material? I don't think so. But then if all the hype helps in getting global recognition for few Indian talents, who am I to compain! But Slumdog Millionaire changed the way I think about myself. Whenever I grumble about my not-happening life, I should remind myself to thank God that I wasn't chosen to be born in those slums, and that I'm not one among those numerous unfortunate boys whose eyesight is taken away with red-hot spoons or whose limbs are cut off so that their masters can get more money.

But this post wants to talk about an entirely different topic. Recently, the director Priyadarshan was bashing Slumdog Millionaire as a mediocre trashy film. Although I do not agree to his views at all, I couldn't help relating his thoughts to what I once wrote about the movie Dostana. (I know! I need to move on, but this is the last attempt. So please bear with me!)

Priyadarshan's remarks about Slumdog Millionaire are put in quotes and my take regarding Dostana is explained after each quote.

"The West loves to see us as a wasteland, filled with horror stories of exploitation and degradation. But is that all there’s to our beautiful city of Mumbai?"

The Indians love to see a homosexual man as limp wristed foppish flamboyant weirdo who walks and talks like a woman having extraordinary penchant in fashion or dying of AIDS. But is that all there's to portray about gays?

"It should have been made by Mani Ratnam. Then you’d have seen what he would have done with Mumbai."

Dostana should have been made by some female director, like Reema Kagti (of Honeymoon Travels Pvt. Ltd. fame) or Parvati Balagopalan (of Rules: Pyaar Ka Superhit Formula fame). Then you'd have seen what they would have done with homosexuality and gays.

Priyadarshan is surprised that Mumbai is celebrating a film that shows only the city’s underbelly. "Why are we taking this treatment? Just because a white man has made Slumdog Millionaire, we’re so happy with it?"

And I was surprised about many Indian gays taking pride in getting homosexuality featured through Dostana. Just because homosexuality became the core-theme in a bollywood flick, why were many gays celebrating a film that only enforces every conceivable gay stereotype!

The angry director wonders why there isn’t a single shot in Slumdog Millionaire that shows the more aesthetic side of Mumbai?

And the angrier I wondered why there wasn't a single shot in Dostana that shows the more usual behaviour of gays?

If you feel Slumdog Millionaire makes Westerners think about India as "a wasteland filled with horror stories of exploitation and degradation", I say Dostana was equally destructive towards gays. I was then told that Dostana should not be taken as a documentary and it was just a fiction, so chill! Then why now are we not having the same attitude towards Slumdog Millionaire? At least Danny Boyle didn't exaggerate unlike many of our Indian directors do.

Rant: Anyways, since I brought up Priyadarshan to this discussion.. Man! He is just butchering all those beautiful Malayalam movies that we Keralites cherish in our hearts. His latest offering Billu Barber is just another remake of yet another Malayalam movie, Katha Parayumbol (translation: When Story Is Told). Although I haven't seen Billu Barber (Why should I?), I'm definitely sure that it will once again not be a match to the original. I was moved to tears seeing Mammooty's efficacious acting in the climax scene of Katha Parayumbol and here I guess going by the standards, Shah Rukh Khan must have got yet another wonderful opportunity to ham!

And to the Westerners.. Let not Slumdog Millionaire scare you from visiting India, especially Mumbai. What shown in the movie is one reality. But now, why don't we try to see Mumbai through the eyes of an eight-year-old to get a different perspective!

The following video is available in HD (press to enable) which means, you can put it full-screen (press ) without losing much clarity!

This song is from the film, Taare Zameen Par (translation: Stars On Earth) and you can find it's beautiful lyrics and translation at here.

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Valentine's Day Guest Post At Blogbharti!

2009-02-14T09:10:00.011+05:30

The guys at Blogbharti, Jo and Kuffir, thought it would be cool if I could write a guest post about Valentine's Day from an Indian gay's perspective. As much I considered it as an honour to write for a web space frequented by countless Indians, it was also that much scary to think of exhibiting my mediocre writing in front of that vast audience. But we felt, this time is the most appropriate to address the dilemma that every gay faces in our society. Because on Valentine's Day in India, straight couples are warned against hanging out in public - a synonymous situation that gays confront not just on Valentine's Day, but every day in this multicultural subcontinent. Since I'm always looking out for ways to cure homophobia, I realized Blogbharti is giving me yet another opportunity to do exactly that and I didn't want my diffident thoughts to stand in the way. Blogbharti has now put up my post, An Equal Love. [link] I request my readers to head to there and have a look at it. Hope you all like it!

Thanks Jo and Kuffir for bestowing me this privilege.

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Being Gay

2009-02-08T20:27:00.014+05:30

Many a times I have asked myself what if I were not born this way, what if I had only the usual feelings that a guy has to another. My life would have been different for sure, I would not have undergone many chapters of confusion and pain. I would not have felt the need to suppress my emotions. I would not have had to choose living a closeted life. In short, I could have been living a life much free of insecurities and confusions.

During my school days, there was this boy whom I used to find really weird. He always behaved as if he were a girl. I found his feminine conducts not befitting to a male. I guess he was ignored by most of the boys and he had only girls for company. I too used to think low of him, used to look at him with contempt, even finding difficult to give a smile. My eight year old mind didn't want to understand him. Many years later, I realized I'm gay and the path towards that realization was very trying. I found myself asking questions unable to find answers. I felt like I was the only one feeling this attraction towards men and I couldn't find anyone to ask for help. Then through the internet I understood there are many who feel the same way and I also became aware that most of the people do not see gays as equal to them, often gays are looked down upon. I read many instances of homophobic attacks. I felt this was all very unfair.

That's when my mind spoke to me, "Now how do you feel when you are on the receiving side of this hatred and contempt!" I then realized what I did to that guy was also unfair. It was not his fault that he became transgendered, but people like him too deserves to live a life with dignity. But I admit that I'm still not ready to befriend them.

Being gay is not easy path for most of us because of our social setup. But we still travel that road no matter how bumpy it is. Would anyone pick hardship over easiness if given a choice? No. But we continue to be gay because it is not a choice. Living a gay life was not supposed to be hard, it was not supposed to be kept closeted. But it became that way, only because many people didn't want to accept differences which sowed seeds of hatred in their minds.

And I feel there is nothing to be proud about for being gay, just like what it is for being straight. But I will say being gay broke open the mold of closed-mindedness I was living in, it taught me to accept differences, it made me tolerant. And I believe that in return, it made me a better person.

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How Out Is Your Underwear?

2009-01-17T20:00:00.011+05:30

The other day, Phoebe and her friend wanted to browse shoes just like that and they dragged me into a shop. After standing beside them for a minute, I realized I'm feeling weird looking at those shoes, some of which could shy even the most flamboyant gays. Wisdom kicked in and I moved towards the men's section.

As I was eyeing through the shelves, I saw this guy crouching and leaning forward to find something from the bottom-most rack. He wore baggy jeans and his underwear was pretty much flaunting by itself. And the more he leaned forward, the more his jeans got pulled down and I think if he tried harder, his jeans could have successfully ruptured that last bit of overlapping with the briefs. Aah! These are the moments where I wished I were invisible so I could intrepidly watch someone giving me a tease in public.

It's obvious that he loved flashing his undies. But to whom! Gals?

I asked Phoebe, the supreme judicious one whom I always turn to, if a situation needs me to decode the ever puzzling female mind. (Like, for instance.. if a gal is comfortable enough to tell you that she needs to pee, she most probably knows that you are gay.)

"Do gals find it sexy when a guy shows off his briefs?"

"No way! If guys believe chicks dig that, we are sorry. We do not find it even remotely enticing."

So if the female folk is clearly not interested to read our tighty whities and straight men generally don't have the tendency to look at male hips, which bunch could these guys be attracting? Yes, you guessed it right. Us! The ogling gay men!

I don't have any qualms when it comes to checking out guys, provided they are incognizant of where my eyes are aligned at. I personally feel that the concept of baggy trousers and low waist jeans is such a cool one and it definitely must have come from the makers of underwear who wanted to push the youth in believing that it is uber cool to show off our undies and in return be a walking billboard ourselves.

But when it comes to me wearing one, I find it embarrassing to imagine even a small part of my briefs sticking out. So I belt my trousers even if they hold tightly at my waist. Once I asked a friend, "You don't feel uncomfortable wearing those low waist jeans? I mean.. have it ever come across your mind that you could be flashing your underwear in public when you sit or bend down?"

"Naa! it's not a big deal. I know my undies will be seen and I'm cool with that."

And that's exactly what I got to see when he stooped down to put on his shoes. But this time, the jeans was pulling down his undies with it, now exposing his crack. I somehow felt it was wrong to see him that way and I adjusted my position such that his butt was no longer in my line of vision.

Anyways, back to that million dollar question - How out is YOUR underwear? And to all of you who are into showing off your undies, lemme assure you. If the chicks aren't checking you out, don't worry. You still have an unswerving audience.

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