Sandra Beck Speaks

Introverts vs. Extroverts and the Use of Technology by Sandra Beck, Motherhood Incorporated

sandrabeck — Wed, 21 Mar 2012 16:46:47 +0000

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Introverts vs. Extroverts and the Use of Technology

I am a public extrovert and a personal introvert. Due to the nature of my career, I put on an extrovert personality to host my radio shows, run my company and interact with the public at large. When I am not the public version of me, I relax naturally into the introverted me preferring to read or write quietly, play silently with my dogs, swim laps, and cook fabulous meals with only music playing. I am extroverted with my close friends and family, but in public as me and not professional me I clam up in a nanosecond.

“We need to hear that catch in the voice, see the way the eyes glitter, and let them see and hear us. If you want to be more effective, stop hiding behind technology. Get out there and see someone. Pick up the phone. Have a real conversation. Stop pretending to take action.” Says Michael Wade in his article about How Introverts Hide behind Technology in US News and Money.

The subtleties of complex human behavior mean we need to understand both sides of the human condition with respect to introversion and extroversion. Wade in his amazingly one-sided view of the world, fails to understand that all introverts are not hiding through the use of technology any more than all extroverts avoiding technology because they can’t sit still and focus long enough to compose an email. Each one uses technology to their advantage and in accordance with their comfort level.

What I see from the cheap seats is extroverts show up in digital media in the form of videos, webinars, podcasts and technical elements that showcase their physical form of communication. Introverts show up in forums, chat rooms, email and texts that showcase their internal form of communication.

Extroverts form the success model for much of our society – politicians, celebrities, and noted personalities often convey to the public an extroverted personality when in reality like me in person they are an extrovert. However, what has made many of us truly successful is the ideas behind out work which stem from that introverted side of our personality. Introverted me created the ideas that extroverted me present to the public. The integration of those two personality type skill sets has made it possible for me to find my own success and glean an understanding of both sides.

Despite Wade’s assertion that we introverts would be more effective if we would just “pick up the phone and have a real conversation and stop pretending to take action”, I challenge him and others to see a different side of the use of technology from an introverted standpoint.

As a card carrying introvert I cringe when the phone rings. Public appearances drain me, as do parties where I don’t know many people and am forced to interact. Don’t get me wrong, I have many friends, but I need time alone to recharge. In interpersonal communication where my feelings are concerned or things take an emotional or heated turn I completely shut down. I can’t think. I can’t speak. A phone conversation or a face to face conversation would be complete torture and the extrovert who wants to be seen and heard would put me into complete overwhelm. The extrovert would talk and talk and talk and I would force myself to listen but in reality communication at this point has broken down.

I’m not saying the extrovert should whip out a smart phone and start texting the introvert but he or she should be aware that in dealing with an introvert that that person doesn’t process verbally, can’t respond in the manner or time frame the extrovert expects and might benefit from giving the introvert space to respond.

As an introvert I need to mull over the situation. I need to organize my facts and figures and think about what I think. I can’t just blurt it out on the phone or in person at the moment it happens. I need time. I also need quiet and space and when extroverts fills that space with words, and gestures and demands communication breaks down.

I have found that the process of writing and email or forming a text enables me to organize my thoughts better and clearly convey to the other party what I am thinking. Do I miss the glitter in someone’s eye or hear the catch in someone’s voice through technology yes. Do I get to express myself in a way that is reflective of what I am truly thinking and feeling yes. And what does the extrovert want – an immediate answer or an answer truly reflective of what their partner is thinking or feeling. From the introvert perspective its often both – but that just can’t happen.

Most times in interactions with extroverts we are not given time or the space to react and respond. Just because we don’t “do it on the fly” as most extroverts do, it doesn’t mean we are any less effective, intelligent, successful or emotional. It’s as difficult to get an extrovert to sit and write about their feelings as it is for an introvert to talk about their feelings.

Somewhere in friendships, relationships, marriages and parenting, extroverts and introverts need to work with each other to forms tools and strategies to communicate effectively. For me the introvert that means picking up the phone and talking about how I feel, and for my extrovert friends that means understand why I communicate something via text or email when I can’t otherwise.

Neither the extrovert or the introvert in my book is a barometer for success or the “right” way to live. Our brain chemistries are different. The blood flow to our brains are different. Out thought processes are different. So why would we communicate in the same way?

A friend of mine in a leadership position at a national defense contractor has opened my mind to the subtle complexities of human behavior and the beautiful, but equal difference in extroverts and introverts. As someone completely unlicensed in the practice of psychology I am going to challenge the public opinions on the web that criticize the use of technology as a inferior form of communication and welcome you to think of it as a communication aid in certain situations.

Some of us introverts have found a way to put on our extrovert coat when we go out the door. Some of us haven’t. Some extroverts extol the virtuous life of the outspoken glad hander, and some don’t. As someone who has spent her life surrounded by public extroverts and personal introverts I offer a different perspective on the use of technology and see the value in both.

Contributor: Sandra Beck is the owner of Motherhood Incorporated a virtual technology support company and the host of two popular radio shows Motherhood Talk Radio and Military Mom Talk Radio. A graduate of Northwestern University with both her Undergraduate in Journalism and Master’s Degree in Advertising, she also holds her CCPVE in Microcomputer and Technological Operations.

Military Mom Talk Radio welcomes Lisa Detres, Author Mary Lee, and Writer’s Corner with Joyce Faulkner and Leila Levinson

sandrabeck — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:00:52 +0000

Lisa Detres is a pastor’s wife, writer, and mother of four children who works as a customer service supervisor in Valencia, California. Her oldest son, Augustin, is currently serving in the Army and is stationed at Fort Drum, New York.

Lisa grew up in Denver, Colorado and followed her dreams of working in the garment industry to California. It is there where she met her husband, Al and earned a Bachelor’s degree in Fashion Design. She worked in the garment industry for several years and then went into business for herself so she could spend more time with her family. She earned an MBA while caring for her family, running her own business and home schooling three of her children.

She is currently writing her first book which deals with helping women get closer to God.

Author Mary Lee is a retired Air Force Master Sergeant and a Licensed Master Social Worker. When Grandma’s False Teeth Fly is author Mary Lee’s second book. Her first book, ‘My Air Force Mom’ is a picture book that explores customs and courtesies of military culture through a child’s eyes. My Air Force Mom was a winner in the Children’s Fiction Category of the 73rd Annual Writer’s Digest Writing Competition.

Mary and her husband Chuck reside in Columbia, South Carolina. You can find more about Mary at http://marylee.tateauthor.com

Today’s Writer’s Corner features Joyce Faulkner and Leila Levinson. Have you decided to write a book? How do you start? Listen to Joyce Faulkner, award-winning author of “In the Shadow of Suribachi,” “Username,” and “For Shrieking Out Loud!” and Leila Levinson, award-winning author of “Gated Grief: The Daughter of a GI Concentration Camp Liberator Discovers a Legacy of Trauma” who will discuss reasons for writing (History, Dealing with PTSD, etc.), creating the right environment, commitment, and journaling.

For more information visit either leilalevinson.com or veteranschildren.com

Life Leadership: Our Emotional Cycles by Sandra Beck

sandrabeck — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 18:12:42 +0000

sandra beck

By Sandra Beck

I am sure I am going to take a lot of flak for saying this but in my experience as a woman, and having women friends, working with women clients and being raised by a passionate loving mother and sister here is what I learned. I checked it out with my psychologist friend and she agreed so I can’t be that far off the mark.

I think we as women cycle through a set of high emotions in about 45 minutes and through a full emotional cycle in about 3 hours. I noticed this one day when I was really upset about the Commander I have been seeing and my friend reminded me of the 45 minute high emotion cycle. I went for a walk and true to form in about 45 minutes I started seeing things differently. In three hours from my initial freak out I saw the situation very differently. By the time I did communicate with him I was able to do so in a manner that treated us both with respect and allowed our friendship to flourish not be damaged.

I’m not a shrink or a doctor but I have spent so much time with women where I see this happening and find it to be true to myself. I hope the next time you are in high emotion think about the 45 minutes and the 3 hour rule. It made a difference for the better in my life. I hope it does in yours.

Empowerment, this is the through line through all of Sandra Beck’s work. Whether she is coaching a company owner to a million dollar commission goal, training a stay at home mom to perform SEO on web sites or speaking to a group of women who are in recovery, her message is about what is possible and how to create the circumstances of your choosing.

In a time when technology has the ability to transcend physical limitations, Sandra Beck teaches all of her clients how to maximize their lives by using the power of the internet coupled with the drive of their passions to create the lifestyle of their dreams. Her goal is to give all women the opportunity to reach their fullest potential with respect to their many different roles.

Sandra Beck is the president of Motherhood Incorporated. As an Author, Coach, Speaker, Radio Host, Entrepreneur and Philanthropist, Sandra Beck is as successful as she is busy. The single mother of two young boys has created a virtual empire of successful companies entirely staffed, managed and implemented using a host of virtual assistants and on-line resources. She is also the author of a wildly successful blog (www.motherhoodvoice.com.)

Author of Motherhood Incorporated, The Smart Woman’s Guide to Working From Home with Just a Computer and an Internet Connection and Blogphoria – How To Reach Millions of People without Spending a Dime, Sandra Beck is a powerful voice in the Social Media Arena as a popular Internet Brand Strategist.

Sandra Beck is the host of two Radio Shows: Military Mom Talk Radio and Motherhood Talk Radio. An active contributor and participant in many charities, Sandra Beck strives to make the world a better place for today’s and our future’s children. Near to her heart are Toys for Tots, World of Children and Children Uniting Nations. Sandra Beck was born in a small town outside ofBuffalo,New York. She attendedNorthwesternUniversityand earned both her Bachelor’s Degree in Journalism and her Master’s Degree in Advertising.

Check out all of Sandra’s sites at:

www.motherhoodincorporated.com

www.motherhoodinc.com

www.motherhoodvoice.com

www.militarymomtalkradio.com

www.motherhoodtalkradio.com

www.sandrabeck.com

Life Leadership: Innocence Lost and Found by Sandra Beck

sandrabeck — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 18:11:09 +0000

sandra beck

By Sandra Beck

One of the things I know about life is that over time we lose our innocence – especially after traumatic events or situations such as deployment or loss. It’s like you come back and you are in a plastic box where the whole world continues around you but you just observe it from inside that little bubble. You can feel completely detached and separate from the emotions, but little by little you start coming back.
This is where and when you have to really take stock of your experience and make a decision. Do you want that experience to make you hard, impenetrable, and unreachable? Do you want to take that experience and process it with a friend or professional and let it become the fabric of your life but not your whole life?

I vote for the latter. When I came out of my own darkness I made a choice not to be bitter, angry, and a fortress that kept everyone away. It was a choice and something that would have been very easy to do. But I didn’t and as a result found a very rich and fulfilling life. It could have easily gone the other way if I let it. I’m not saying that I don’t have bitter, angry feelings from time to time – but I have made a conscious effort to let them go and return to my original state of innocence where the world is a bright shiny place to explore.

Check out all of Sandra’s sites at:

www.motherhoodincorporated.com

www.motherhoodinc.com

www.motherhoodvoice.com

www.militarymomtalkradio.com

www.motherhoodtalkradio.com

www.sandrabeck.com

Life Leadership: Old Flour by Sandra Beck.

sandrabeck — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:09:10 +0000

sandra beck

By Sandra Beck

Recently I found this great brownie recipe online – the good kind from scratch where you shave the chocolate into bits and mix the ingredients from their original source, not from a boxed package.

I was so excited and since I had a lot of wonderful chocolate left over from the holidays I made a massive batch filling up 6 pans thinking I would share them with neighbors, family and friends. I used this huge 5 pound bag of flour that I had removed from my mom’s house after she died. I didn’t check the date. The flour was years old but I didn’t know that because the packaging was unopened.

The brownies came out like bricks. So bad I had to soak the pans just to clean them. They never rose to the occasion and the flour was stale. I stood there in the kitchen so frustrated until I thought about the lesson here. Sure, use fresh ingredients got that. But for us as women it goes deeper than that.

How can we expect to rise to the occasion when we are the same old stale self? I realized with the brownie bricks that I was stuck in some of my old ways and if I expected my life to rise to the occasion I would need to use a fresh me and not the same old stale me. I never did make any more brownies because the fresh me doesn’t want to get fat…lol…but I do show up fresh everyday so I can rise to the occasion.

Check out all of Sandra’s sites at: