I think I would have loved having YouTube and Facebook as a teenager. Instead, I had to rely on my skateboard to go find my friends or pick up the phone if I got up the courage.

The wonderful thing is . . .

You don’t have to be “cool” to find a place to hang out online.

The online social space is much different than the high school social scene. Almost anyone can find a place where they fit in, whether it is the Facebook page for Nike football, an online forum for anime lovers or the YouTube channel of some obscure internet celebrity. It really is a wonderful opportunity that technology has provided for teenagers.

73% of teens are on a social network and the average teen has 201 Facebook friends. According to my research, most teenagers hang out on Facebook, YouTube and various online forums. Of course, texting trumps many other forms of socializing.

Teens are always finding ways to connect with others

Even the introverts, the painfully shy and the socially awkward. Now these kids have much more opportunity to find a place to belong. I think this is one of the most positive things about the revolution of social networking.

Where did the cool kids hang out when you were young? What do you think about the social benefits of the internet for teens?

If you have questions about Social Media and Your Teenager
check out my upcoming no-cost teleseminar on this important topic.

Click HERE for more information.

The one thing that I am thinking about right now is this: What do you want to know? I am sure that you have some questions, concerns and/or struggles. Even if it is just, how do I get my son to stop watching YouTube videos all day long?

Please take a look at this preview video and fill out the short survey below. In case it is a concern, your questions will only be seen by me. You can always email your questions directly to me at uriah@helpthiskid.com as well.

Preview Video

For more information and to sign up click the link below.

In 2012 I am going to be even more committed to offering useful information to help you in parenting your teenager.

One way that I am going to do this is by offering free teleseminars on hot topics. You can easily join in on the phone or listen to the recordings at your convenience.

I also have a few free things to offer you for signing up.

My first one hour teleseminar on “Social Media and Your Teenager” will address many issues that you may be concerned about, such as . . .

    Setting limits on social media time
    Cyber bullying & harassment
    Health problems
    Teen depression
    Identity theft
    Privacy concerns
    Over sharing of personal information
    Inappropriate sexual posts
    Sexting
    Negative social relationships
    Mistakes that might affect his future

I will also include practical tips on how to protect your teen online and teach him how to be safe and smart. I don’t have to tell you that this is an increasingly important area for you to be informed about in order to support your teenager.

That is why I want to answer your questions.

For more information and to sign up click below.

I love this time of year. Christmas is over and mostly cleaned up. (Still have to get the tree out).

Now it is time to reflect on 2011 and plan for an even better year to come. This last year has been fantastic, for me personally as well as in my counseling practice.

I am excited about having even more time to do the work that I love and help more people in the process.

Take a glimpse into what I will be up to this year. Also, note some cool new features for my clients. (Yes, I love technology).

Free teleseminars on hot topics

Starting in January, I will be offering no-cost teleseminars on hot topics. This will definitely be worth checking out. The first one will be on “Social Media and Your Teenager.” Make sure you are on my email list to get notifications about these fun and informational teleseminars.

More book reviews

I plan on reading more books this year and sharing my thoughts and reviews with you. I have a stack of books already waiting for me, as well as a Kindle with several good titles. I am open to suggestions too. I hope to read at least one book each month and share it with you on the blog.

More helpful videos

I am a little shy in front of the camera, but I really want to use video to connect with you this year. I will do some video book reviews of course and some on other topics of interest. I would also like to make some videos for people’s frequently asked questions, especially for new clients and people who are taking a look at my services.

Appointment reminders by text message

This is a handy new feature that I have been wanting to offer for awhile. Some people just don’t check their email as often as they look at text messages. This year you will be able to get text as well as email reminders for appointments. You can also get an automated phone call to remind you if you prefer that. 

Online forms with digital signatures

This is a part of my new paperless office! Can you tell I’m excited? All of my forms will be viewable online and available for you to submit with a digital signature. No printing, writing or signing needed. This will be extremely easy and convenient for all my new clients and existing ones as well.

Client Portal for new and existing clients

Another feature of my new paperless office is a client portal, which basically means that you will have your own login info to access your health records. You will be able to look at past and future appointments, payments, fill out digital forms and schedule appointments online. You can even edit your contact information and customize your appointment reminders. It is very cool.

And of course I will continue the things I started in 2011, including:

• Teen Visioning summer program
• Help This Kid email newsletter
• Frequent blog posts
• Helping kids, teens and families with counseling

If you have any questions at all, please give me a call at (707) 520-4357 or send me an email at uriah@helpthiskid.com

In some ways the issues are the same, but the cultural landscape has changed. Parents have always been worried about the influence of sex, drugs and rock n’ roll.

You might be the type of parent that has to know everything. You ask all the questions, search his room, check out his friends and monitor his Facebook updates.

Or, you might be the type of parent that gives the benefit of doubt, expecting the best from your son and veering away from difficult topics of conversation. You could be a mixture of both.

It is safe to assume that your son has or will be exposed to marijuana, alcohol, pornography, violent/degrading music and other equally concerning influences.

Here are some important questions to ask your teenager, keeping in mind his relationship with technology and the internet.

What about sex?

• Do you or anyone you know use internet pornography?
• Have you or anyone you know ever been a part of sexting? (texting or emailing sexually explicit images)
• What are the messages you see about sex on the internet, TV and in movies?
• What would you like to know about sex, but have been afraid to ask?

What about drugs?

• Has anyone ever offered you drugs or alcohol? How did you handle that situation?
• Are you friends with people on Facebook that use marijuana or alcohol?
• Have you ever felt pressured by your friends to use drugs or alcohol?
• Would you feel comfortable talking to me if you were using drugs or alcohol?

What about rock n’ roll?

• What are the messages in your music about drugs, violence and women?
• Does your music bring your mood up or down?
• What does your music say about who you are as a person?
  

It is important to have regular conversations about these topics with your teenager. I guarantee that he is facing these issues every day at school and online as well.

Some of these topics might be uncomfortable for you, for a variety of reasons. Consider what might keep you from having open, honest conversations with your son.

These issues can bring wonderful opportunities for you and your son to connect on real life issues and grow closer together.

If you have concerns about your teenager in any of these areas, please consult a professional counselor for guidance and possibly individual or family counseling.

My short answer is yes.

But, it depends on a couple of things.

Parents have different approaches to dealing with their teens’ privacy. From full disclosure and password access to granting complete freedom.

Age matters

Some of this depends on your son’s age. With younger teenagers, it should not be an option not to friend you. They are likely not mature enough to manage the responsibility without oversight. If your son is older, it may be appropriate to trust him by not friending him with some reasonable agreements in place.

Has he been responsible?

Some of it depends on whether or not trust has been broken in your relationship. For example, if your son has been in trouble for sharing inappropriate things on Facebook, connecting with friends to drink or use drugs or anything else you decide is unacceptable. Of course your values and beliefs have an impact on how you approach this issue.

Sometimes I cringe when I hear about parents snooping through their son’s room, reading all of his text messages and tracking his phone’s GPS signal. Ok, maybe that last one is an exaggeration, but I’m sure someone is doing it.

Walking the line

There is a fine line between parental supervision, ensuring safety and respecting your son and his growing independence.

Here are some different ways to deal with this sticky situation.

1. Friend him, but don’t comment or like any of his posts. Be invisible, but keep track of his activity. You will learn a lot and still be able to respect his privacy.

2. Don’t friend him, but have him share his username and password with you. Set up an agreement that you can check on his account at any time. When you do check on the account, consider doing it with him present.

3. Have a trusted family member friend him. Preferably, someone he likes and is comfortable with. Maybe an aunt or uncle, older brother or even a family friend.

Of course your son needs privacy and personal space. However, he also needs to understand that the internet is not a safe place for sharing certain things.

There is a lot of room for differing opinions on this issue.

How do you handle this issue in your family?

It’s no secret. Most boys love video games. And they can play for hours and hours at a time.

You may be worried about the violent or sexual content in the games and also the sheer number of hours your son is glued to his video games.

How much is too much? I’m glad you asked.

I am pro gaming, meaning that I think video games have value on several levels. I will share the positive aspects of gaming in another post.

However, like anything in life, there must be limits to the time your son invests in gaming.

Here are a couple things to consider.

School work

I can’t tell you the amount of times that I hear about a teenage boy whose grades are suffering and he is spending crazy hours playing video games every day. You can set up the structure of your family to put a priority on school work. This might mean that your son can only play after his homework is finished or even only on the weekends.

Gaming is not a guaranteed privilege for your son and it can be based on meeting certain expectations. If this is out of balance in your home, take some time to thoughtfully consider how to approach changing the rules and communicating your expectations.

Hours of sleep

Teenagers need an average of 8 to 9 hours of sleep per night to function well. It could be a problem if video games are keeping your son up late at night. He may be irritable and on edge at times and his grades could suffer if he is losing sleep.

You may need to set up certain times for the weeknights and the weekend nights when the video games get turned off. This can be a difficult step for parents and teenagers to navigate. Your son might resist your efforts and push the limits, but it is important that he gets enough sleep.

Social interaction

How much time is your son spending interacting with the family? How about with his friends (offline)? While video games can be incredibly engaging and entertaining, your son still needs human interaction and to not lose sight of the important people in his life. It can be quite hard for teenagers to create (or even desire) balance in their lives.

Romantic relationships can be all consuming, texting overtakes their waking hours and video games can become an obsession. Your son may need your help to create some balance between fun and responsibility.

At the end of the day, it really isn’t about the number of hours your son plays video games. It is really about creating healthy limits for him and helping him to find a workable balance.

Photo Credit: Cory Schmitz

It impacts our thoughts, actions and our relationships. It certainly has influence on our teens, in both positive and negative ways.

There is cause for concern, but media reports often present skewed information and create fear in parents.

In the most recent issue of the Monitor on Psychology magazine, there are some fascinating articles on technology, social networking and how the web is changing us.

Should you be afraid?

Two ongoing studies being conducted by a non-profit research organization give evidence that some of these fears are not realistic. Researcher Michelle Ybarra, PhD thinks that it is time to calm our nerves, save perhaps for a small group of young people who report being distressed by bullying and an even smaller number who engage in sexual activity with technology, referred to as sexting.

The frequency of cyber-bullying is not increasing. Some concerns about the impact of technology are inflated. Bullying is still happening online and off, but it is not greatly affected by the use of technology.

What about sex?

“The newer technologies also don’t appear to be driving many more children and teens into accessing sexual content, Ybarra’s data shows.” Teenagers are being exposed to sex online and in video games, but the impact of sexual content on TV and in movies is potentially more influential.

Sexting refers to sending or showing someone sexual pictures of yourself where you are nude or nearly nude.

Adolescents are increasingly interested in sex as they get older. If your teen is viewing pornography or sexting these are certainly signs of concern for other more serious issues.

However, technology does not seem to be to blame. Teens will explore, experiment and take risks with or without access to technology.

The bright side

The bright side is that although technology poses some risks, it also offers a wealth of ways to promote teen’s mental, social and physical well-being.

The article mentions that “examples include exercise programs like Dance Dance Revolution and websites for young people with chronic illnesses that can help them understand and mange their conditions.”

Parental supervision and reasonable structure around technology will limit the downsides. As with many other risk factors, a strong, secure relationship with caring adults is one of the best ways to keep kids safe.

Consider how technology and the internet has been a positive influence on your teenager, allowing him to make friends and connect with others in healthy ways.

Life is busy, sometimes hectic. School is in full swing, sports schedules are intense, work is demanding, kids always need something and family life can be a whirlwind.

Quality time is an important ingredient for a healthy family. It is also an opportunity that can be missed, because time slips away when life is busy. Before you know it your kids will be grown up.

Here are some ideas to help you squeeze some quality time into your family life.

1. Make it a date. Schedule time and stick to the plan. Sometimes it is fun to split up the kids and have one-on-one time with your child. Often family time only happens when it is planned.

2. Before bed chats. The day is over and everyone is winding down. This can be a good time to talk or do something quiet together.

3. Family meal time. This one is amazingly simple, but often hard to pull off. During a family meal there is nothing to do, except eat, stare at each other and talk. As long as all the electronics are turned off it can be a perfect opportunity for quality time.

4. Family game night. I know there are families out there that still do this. Put down the iPad and tell your son to put away his iPod touch. Play some board games, card games or other interactive activities (remember charades).

5. Play video games. Sometimes you just have to enter your son’s world to get time with him. Consider joining him in his favorite activity. Play video games, film him skateboarding or try building a Lego spaceship.

6. Car ride talks. Take advantage of time spent in the car. Not for interrogation, but for quality conversation. Get curious about your son, ask questions and have fun.

7. Have a yes day. Take a day (or part of a day) and commit to saying yes to your kids as much as possible. Do the things they choose, within reason of course. Kids can be spontaneous and fun. Follow their lead.

8. Ask your kids for ideas. Sometimes our ideas of quality time do not line up with what our kids enjoy. Think of it as the light version of a “yes day.” Ask them what they would like to do for a family together time.

9. Take a vacation. It may be a serious challenge for you to focus on family time with the demands of work. It can be easy to forget about taking family vacations, whether it is financial concerns or the difficulty of taking time off. The idea of a staycation seems very attractive to me. When is your next planned vacation?

10. Watch less TV. It is amazing to me how much time I have when I just choose to watch less TV. As individuals and as families, we make time for the things that are important to us. If family time is important to you, consider cutting out some time spent on other activities. TV is just one example.

What are some of your favorite ways to make room for family time?