So I’m creating a new self-talk radio station: “All love, all love the time”.  It’s like a spa for the soul, with the most comfy, perfectly textured fresh warm bathrobes, cucumber-infused water and orange-infused water, and perfect biscotti in glass bowls–maybe a couple of varieties.  And chocolates and crisp green apples.  And a little area to watch TV and listen to music.  To lounge…and lounge some more…  Luxuriate…

I think that we, in our emotional lives and spiritual development, are like streams.  Streams have their own energy, their own flow.  Their direction is guided by what we want for ourselves in our lives.  And just like in every stream, there are spots where the water moves quickly and unimpeded.  It’s a beautiful thing to witness the rush of water as it flows from its source to its new destination.  Then there are parts of the stream where there are rocks or stones and it’s harder for the water to pass through.  These rocks are like the negative judgments we have about ourselves, the feelings that make our bodies tense and tight, the limiting beliefs we hold onto.  In my experience, my approach to “bad” feelings is generally to want them to go away.  This approach would be like standing at the side of the stream and yelling at the rocks to move.  That would be pretty funny and kind of sweet, and the rocks would still be there.  In fact, in the emotional realm, “yelling at the rocks” actually makes it harder for them to move.  Whenever we have judgment about ourselves or about how we’re feeling, it’s much harder to change–it’s like adding more rocks.  It’s like throwing rocks at the first rocks to get them to move, and instead you’ve just got an even more crowded stream bed of rocks and even less movement of water–meaning even less flow in that area of your life, and a feeling of “stuckness” in whatever emotion or situation you’re unhappy about.  Instead, you need to make actual contact with the rock you want to move.  Not only do you need to make contact with the rock, (that is, the feeling you want to change) but you have to refrain from throwing other rocks at it–rocks that look like self-judgment, or thinking you’re bad to have that feeling or be in that situation, ideas about how you should feel or be, or just desperately wanting the feeling to go away.  If you can approach that rock with love and tenderness (and here the analogy breaks down a bit), the rock moves that much more easily and quickly.  As annoying as that rock (or feelings of anxiety, fear, anger, hopelessness) might be, that rock WILL move and the water WILL flow, it’s just that most of us don’t know a lot about tending streams.  There’s nothing wrong with having rocks in streams–every stream has them at some points–it’s about knowing how to approach them so that the stream can flow the way you want it to–the way that brings you the most joy.

That is exactly what I’m looking for and I’m so lucky to have such phenomenal role models close to home: both my best friend and my husband are brilliant at their jobs and love them.

I’m realizing that it’s sometimes been hard for me to trust in the love that lives between me and other people, be they partner, friend, family… It’s like my heart gets shy and insecure in the absence of reassurance or contact. And it’s because of this shyness that I think I haven’t reached out to others as much as I’d now like to. This was the “issue” that floated to the surface of my consciousness this morning and the pattern that emerged for me. This process was about me gently coaxing my heart to open to the love that I already know is there. As I allowed it to reveal itself in a very gentle way, and as it started to transform and soften inside me, this poem came to me…

Trust in the Love

Trust in the love even though it’s gone stale;

Trust in the love that in contrast seems pale;

Trust in the love that is bigger than you.

There are probably times when it doesn’t take two

to reveal what is there and not what is not,

so send her an email, just give it a shot!

You love her, you know, so let your love flow

and trust in the dark that there still is that spark

that was first kindled between you and her.

Don’t hold back your wishes, say “happy New Year”!