.sarcasm.sin.strayings.sangkeertenan.

Roaring into Dragon Year

2012-01-02T18:09:00.001+08:00

Or so to speak.

This is the first year I had the most quality time on a new year eve that I could ever asked for. I came back to an empty house tired around 11 ish after work only to find there is no food. and worst, none of my house dwellers answered my call.

After shower and two packets of curried instant noodles (bless those who created these little wraps of joy), I slumped into my couch, feeling a bit lethargic but nevertheless the urge to go out and party the night away, and suddenly like an epiphany, the quietness and stillness of the night swept away. At that moment dawned upon me that I was about to begin my journey into a whole new year alone. the itch to kick start the idiot box was surging but I calmed it down by listening to some good jazz and eventually things that I was blessed to experience last year, buzzed from memory. the people I met, the bonds I made, the fun I had, the pain I got all surged into my sight, each one vivid and crystal clear.

The question of did I deserve those things and will it continue creped up and till one my good friend called me, Hdaran ‘s little chat was enough to pump the dwindling spirit. I geared up for the finale, as the clock kept ticking, in my own little way. chocolate, some berries and nuts, frozen yogurt and steered my self into he new year with gastronomic orgasms of the sinful delight. (ok I'm a dark chocolate fan!)

Called my sir boi, and couldn't get through. then it stroked me , he will be church praying. A smile crept about me, and I waited gingerly for his call, while calling the others whom i keep close to my little heart. Then I got the call i was waiting for and I was floating in sweet heavens. Bless him.

And then it rained. as with any other significant moment in my life, it rained for a good 20 minutes till I was soaked and tired form yelping and singing in the rain, playing about happily.

And with that I welcomed 2012 into my arms and embraced it.

Happy New Year People.

Sunday dreams

2011-10-22T11:45:00.001+08:00

Alex

the sound of the loud alarm ringing from one of the room permeates the whole shekar mansion with a notion that the day is about to begin and and get frantic. its Sunday, and that means the whole clan gets up to go to church and and later brunch together as a family. opening an eyelid and muttering foul under his breath, Alex stirs in his four corner post bed and blinks blankly at the ceiling. he scours around drinking in his surroundings. alexander asirvarthan shekar. that’s him. his family name itself is enough to get him comfortably around. he jet sets stylishly with his cousins, laughs while tinkling champagne flutes at parties around town, and changes shades when he spots just another paparazzi trying to get a shot at fame by having a shot of him.

only he knows how much he hates that.

getting up from the bed and dragging his feet to the washroom, he takes a long good look at him self before cleaning up. later after good hot shower, shaved and standing in just boxers in his wardrobe, he runs through his shirt rack for that shirt he bought 2 weeks ago. he hasn’t had the chance to wear it. call him retro but he loves things with quaint details. his room stands testament for it. with a eclectic but elegant color palette, the shades of hot flushing pink, mysterious black and energetic sea blue paints an enigmatic picture all over his room. his artsy side can only be proudly displayed without snickering and silent laughing at his room, his abode, his retirement, his sanctuary. getting hold of the shirt form the rack , he takes out a matching plain double pleated slacks to go with the shirt, and a dirty gold tie.

dressed and set, he comes down to be greeted by his elder sister who is already munching away on sandwiches prepared by aunty radha. aunty radha is the cook cum nanny who came to the house appointed as his playmate/caretaker. as he grew up, she was later delegated to the kitchen as the second cook. when the previous one has expired, she remains the sole woman who cooks in this house. with permanent crinkles around the eyes from her ever ready smile, dimples and wiry grey hair, she is the one where Alex is truly comfortable with when he comes home.

“ayya, have a seat, your coffee will be ready in a jiff”. ayya, the very word rings millions of bells in his heart. the word of comfort. the word of care. the word of knowing some is there. he gives her a peck in the cheek “ thanks nana” and sits down. the way he treats aunty radha never went down well within this household. this apparent as the look on his sisters face is enough to curdle the milk. before she began to say something nasty, her phone rang “ oooo Patrick is calling…….” she rhymes up and snakes away. whose Patrick, Alex wonders. must be yet another guy she is flirting with. sigh, and he gave a distant look at his sister playing with her hair and giggling over the phone, with the occasional glance at him.

drafted the first 4 paragraphs. watcha think?

coincidence of consequences. auscultation

2011-06-28T20:25:00.000+08:00

as the day approach to a near halt, ceasing activities to a dragging pace, i sit in my porch snugged with a mug of warm coffee enjoying the late evening breeze and enjoying the chirping of the birds on the bird, the scattering of the squirrels, and the calling of the mother hen to her chicks and the occasional cameo of the fruit bat. the sounds of nature, is at the full blast when the the day hits dusk, bursting a plethora of colours in the sky dotted with the swallows zooming through.
this perfect moment of innocence inspired me so much that i felt stimulated emotionally and a surge of uplifting creative energy numbed my veins. immediately i knew what i needed. i need to read. a good original piece of work. something heartfelt.

i put down my mug, went in and brought my laptop out and after settling in, i directed my browser to my mates blogs and some writers sites and and 2 hours later felt contented, and satiated.
as i put my laptop aside with some classical carnatic music on, i realized that dusk is just passing and the activities i noted earlier is nowhere to be found. no hurried feet disappearing up the tree leaving a trace of bushy tail, no stern call of the feathered brood's matriarch, not even the blind bats faithful visit. life just passed on.
in my excitement, i failed to see what was happening in front of my eyes. to contain my self and take in the wonders that intrigued me. the promise of something more enriching made me left the things i have in hand and jump inot the next wave of emotion and be temporarily highlighted, in the end left to be dry and wanting more.
this is not something new to many of us. more often this happens in a relationship with someone close and dear, be it romantic, casual, blood tie or platonic. we fail to acknowledge, we fail to ascertain, we fail to appreciate.

the nuances of comforting presence is undoubtedly taken for granted by almost every one we know, as the most often complimented complaint would be one has changed, and in the eye of the preacher, the negativity of it almost could be smelled. and the pairing defence of the supposedly changed person hasn't in fact grown a hair.and thus this contradiction would dwell a jarring gap that ultimately would take away the level of closeness between them.
this not only applies to relationships but almost any aspect of being for a self. one attitude, ones passions, ones aspirations, anything.
all because we simply don't listen. take the time to listen to ourselves, correctly. listen to our inner voice, our surroundings. and when things get heated up, slow down and listen again, and think. and then u may catch the beauty of the passing colours in the parade of the evening. the dusk and enjoy the fruits of ur patience int he most astounding starry night sky, with the bright moon shining alluringly above. listen. simple as that.

an unforgettable turn

2011-05-21T23:55:00.001+08:00

in our day to day endeavor, we go through many incidents that make us sit back and realize what the purpose of we reacting to it in such a manner that it affects us the way it does. some of these incidents carry forward to become scars that testify our character and some become our accolades the glorifies our pride. character and pride, things which have become synonymous with the males and the equal opposites of our species. what a guy does is acceptable just because of there is something hanging down south where else if a girl does it, its despicable. the gender discrimination is at its worst when the subject matter in question is a sensibly illogical behavior to anyone with a cent worth of common sense hidden anywhere in them. instead it will be blown up to alarming proportions and adjudicated much to the annoying optimisms of the elders that this will not be the last time this mater will occur.

I digress. I will only stand and watch this time. guess I learned not to tell them that they are wrong. after all some people just don’t learn, and besides who am I to say when I can even see where my own path Is heading? just finished with my degree, and am nut ecstatic about it as I thought I would. the presentation was brutal. enough said, I am not going to think about it again ever. those who don’t know how to respect the hard work and passion that went into making a piece of work, does not deserve to know about it either, call it ego, pride or any other name one may label it with, but I would not compromise my principles for someone who don’t have one. I walked out, with my integrity and dignity intact, tall and undeterred that I have done my part. its high time HE/SHE did HIS/HERS.

a new chapter has begun, a dragging chapter has ended. I took a turn on the crossroad. wish I know now it self, whether that’s a right turn or a left one.

i have an extra s

2011-05-04T02:37:00.000+08:00

arts has been a solace to me lately, with me indulging into proper singing aided with lessons from the internet. it has proven to be much joy as it comes with appreciation and acknowledgement from unexpected places. when i worked as a marketing executive post stpm, i have been told countless times, my voice is very sweet by those who really meant it, and those with other intentions. clients, have to be polite to them, so generally i would gush out a fake excitement and launch into thanking them profusely till the deal is signed. most of the time it worked, and i didn't see it being ethically wrong and i went along with it. until one faithful day, i had to speak to a local dude, who launched midway into other things during our telephony discussion. i was horrified , appalled, disgusted, shamed, scared and what not, as i cant end the call abruptly nor i can ask him why his voice is changing and what are the other extra noises he is making is f are. worst, the conversation is recorded to be reviewed later, by the quality assurance department. nevertheless, that was the last time i told to my self, no more using sweet voice.

as i resigned to continue my studies, i became back the reserved quiet person i am, resorting to only the occasional shower singing, or the hymns during gatherings where i would always be called upon to sing. i would proudly beam and do my best mesmerize them, always getting compliments on my singing and urgings to take singing lessons as soon as possible. singing eventually become my companion when i needed to let out steam, calm my self or cry away. yes, tears would be rolling out and i would be belting out. being alone most of the times at home helps, as i don't have to worry about being a possible source of noise pollution.

most of the times, i carried a sad tune, until someone came into my life and brighten it up. the world seem so perfect with that person in and i finally understood the meaning to live for others. the person was my light to the my darkness, the breeze to my suffocation, the love to my soul. the strength i derived from the person enable me to move on with life, to live life and to see life. the person was gift from god, my angel. my tune changed, i sang happy melodies, explore different singing styles, incorporating from choir days with my passion for carnatic. the person became my muse, my music,.

but i just had to screw things up.

now, all i have are memories of the person, and missing the person is like drinking water to satisfy an insatiable thirst. my tune is back to being a sad yearning one. tears have dried up. but the love, has only swelled more as each day passes by. i wish the person understands me, that what ever i did, it was not to meant to hurt , but it was the opposite. till when the tune is gonna be sad? till when will i be able to final earn the persons pardon? time will tell, and till then i shall wait..

feeling the void

2011-04-30T03:29:00.000+08:00

i for one, is a firm believer of true love. one does deserve some to grow old with no matter how much of a nuisance they can be. since my last morbid affair went down the drain, i haven't had the itch to see anyone else on a different manner, other then being friends. that was , until recently. this was largely due to the fact that, true to the words that old habits are hard to die, so does old flames. till i met nemicanu (of course its a nick name, hello, it weird and hard to pronounce...) and what ever sweet and sour memories i had with the-one-whoose-name-shall-never-be-mentioned-ever-again, went down the drain either.

meeting you was by chance, but falling for you, thats fate... missing you more the before..

enjoy. i know i am.

My birthday wish.

2011-04-12T11:45:00.001+08:00

It's not expensive. It's not elaborate. It's not shiny nor it's high technology. But this is the gift that touched my heart. It's a simple card, but with love, with care, with longing.. Thank you sir boi.. Love you more than life... My birthday wish? May our bond be eternal..

resonant of a soul : in E major

2011-03-09T01:15:00.000+08:00

curiosity kills the cat.

uncertainty kills the goal

ignorance kills the intellect

silence kills the soul.

its been more then 2 weeks since you kept away from me. i did something terrible and i don't even know what i did. wish you would tell me. hmmm, if this is the price i need to pay for hurting you, i will. but know one thing, you always will be my soul mate. my guide. my philosopher. my eternal bond. and nothing would keep me away from you.

on a different note, i have started my final year project cum thesis, albeit in a struggling mode. i was sick for quite some time, drained my self out.. sigh, feeling much better now, have to quicken the momentum to keep up the pace. suppose to meet my supervisor last week, but could not make it. will try to meet him this week.

right now, the only thing that is keeping me occupied, is my thesis work and volunteering. the ngo i'm involved with is kind enough to send me for various trainings for me to gain knowledge and exposure in order to serve accordingly and efficiently. i have a camp this coming weekend at my former school where i'll be a facilitator.

*mymindissohaywiredrightnow*

the estranged heart is longing for the familiar voice that healed the wounds and cradled the worries.

from me to you

2011-03-05T03:54:00.000+08:00

i'm bruised. battered.
but i guess you feel the same.
i drained my self thinking what i did.
wish u would tell me, as i don't know.
i'm that dumb.
sorry. thats what i can offer.
but if you want anything else, name it.
just don't ignore or hate me.
love you more then life.
before, now and always
miss you sir.
miss you a lot.

T_T

a trial

2011-02-08T00:26:00.000+08:00

i always wanted to write. a story. a fantasy. a dream. it has always been. but lately been feeling a little courageous, and so here is a little excerpt from one of d many imaginations i cook up in my mind.
presenting, i am dancing. the two different struggles faced by two different persona's, on one common ground, dance.

" he looks down at his feet. wearing them has always been his dream. he peeks through the curtains, as a wave of panic rushes, cruises through his body. he looks at his painted fingers, and increases the volume of his mp3 player, as valli kanavan pirai screams in his subconscious mind. he drifts back to the day he saw his first love on the screen at home. the movement, the beat, the expression captivated his innocence so much, he dropped down the lego toy and went to his mother and father and said, mum, i wanna dance. dad looked down at his son, horrifed, that he wanted to dance and mum in bewilderment, on what he was talking. suddenly he was jerked back to reality as his hand were pulled, "you are next, get prepared" he said " huns, been doin that all my life" and smiled. this is it, he thought. im ready he took off the player, , hands at his side, and strode out, at que music. in his mind and heart shouting estatically, i am dancing."

"she sighs as another jump played its impact on her sore feet.'concentrate gal! you have to be in top shape!!' her mum's less then encouraging banter, be-seated, with her jathi stick poised to strike again. the aunt on the veenai gave her a sharp but sympathetic look. ' maybe she needs a break, she has been dancing non stop for quite some time you know" she said giving a slight hope. ' nonsense, she is not tired, she is just not concentrating. if you are tired , you can take rest...' the aunt gave another look and her eyes spoke her emotions. sympathy flowed through it. 'its ok aunt, im not tired.... i can dance, no worries.. take a break if you are felling tired..' the aunt threw a faint smile, and nods.. the shakes her head. she smiles as she adjusts her sash into place, and gets into aramandi again. she nods. her mum begins, ' from the start sadhana!, no cutting in between when you stop... ' and she begins.. asai mugham maranthu poche.. ' she bends, slightly and twist her hips getting into position and begin her formation of mudras deftly. if only her mums voice was not loud, she would her heard her mind and heart groaning, i am dancing.."

watcha think?

attitude paradigm, in point blank.

2011-01-16T13:04:00.001+08:00

*omigosh! having a major crush on a lecturer!!!!! sigh… moving on*

people surrounding us have their own set of behavioral traits that makes or breaks their success on their social calendar. speaking of which, there is a huge difference on what is their social calendar like. some will have trashy local reality series grand finale as the event to go, while others may look forward to the annual malaysian tatler’s debutante ball. as crude as it may sound, status quo is not a new phenomenon, rising from schools to work places. they have it decided by them for them, so not one is to be blamed here (not that is a crime to have friends of different background!). and then we have the wannabe’s.

a major pain in the neck, these group of yuppies have always managed to irk the hair of almost every body who have came across them in their daily life. these people are in serious need of character building, cause they simply don’t have one! its like they are still stuck in time. quoting a dear friend, (thanks sammy!) even the rugrats have grown up( the series is called all grown up now), so can you! some may argue imitation is the best form of flattery, but it may not be the case with some of them as they only managed to make them look like needy of some desperate attention. in the end, they will end up like lindsay lohan, who claimed she forgot her actual hair color due to over dyeing it so many times with all the colors in the spectrum. ok maybe not all the color in the spectrum. but still the point here is, originality is always the best presentation to truly bring the best in oneself.

adjusting ones principles and character and adapting one’s character and principles are two different things. some may keep on adjusting and adjusting till they get lost in the transition and in the end, try their level best to become well just about every body they come in contact with. adaptation how ever is the same interpretation in a different perspective. the essence still carries the same weight, amid in a reformed context. you still project originality and at the same time you don’t annoy someone so much till the dedicate an entry in their blog, ranting try make their annoyance sound civilized and some sense *snorts!*

good day.

shades of purple

2010-11-15T23:06:00.001+08:00

the best story in your life is your own.

the only story you truly live and would die for.

the random blurt of an innocent child, the genuine smile of a fellow train passenger, the nod of thanks of the old lady at the queue, the sad puppy face of your dog in the morning asking for breakfast, the annoyance of your kid brother(no matter how old he gets, he is still a kid to you), the stay out of my room stance of your elder sister, the toothy smile of the aged granny across the street, the heartfelt care for a new acquaintance. something's just happen for reasons you don’t know, or question. and when they do, you don’t analyze it, you embrace it, taking it as it comes. sometimes you tend to question, but when you do, just remember, the little bit of joy you get when life gives you a brush with well goodness

life is either seen with shades of white , black and gray for many. I refuse to compute in this manner, for me life is the shade of what I want it to be. and for me it is shades of purple. a mixture of red hot experiences and cool blue dreams, mixing into the vibrantly serene purple. gather your memories and see what shades sits for you. bon voyage. or rather bonjour.

hiccups

2010-11-13T05:38:00.001+08:00

shall I or shall I not? im not going to loose this. not now, not in the future, not ever. a fighter I am, but a loosing battle is not an option I signed up for. shalli or shall I not?

dream

2010-11-13T04:51:00.001+08:00

its been quite a while since I penned down my self into this blog. apologies for that. now moving on, a lot of happened since the last entry. a person I’m super attached with has left the world with blessings for me, and his depart was certainly more then I could handle. may you rest in peace mr nadarajah, you’ll be always remembered by me for encouraging me to be me and teaching me to embrace others shortcomings as an opportunity to learn. I would love to dedicate an entry for him but thinking of him only makes me so emotional, I’m not wiling to go through another emotional rollercoaster again.

my belief in karma has been reinforced when a certain someone who caused me so much trouble by her attitude is paying for it now. as much as I felt sorry for her, a certain amount of me wished she had to face this adversity without making so much drama, and deliberately including me in it. she is not going to learn her lesson anytime soon,

speaking of that, I guess I’m paying for my karma as well. a precious someone whom i hold close to my heart is acting differently towards me. in the past I have hurt him unintentionally, by which it’s a complicated story I wish not to elaborate further, nevertheless it s sufficient to know I didn’t do it with any intention to hurt him nor without a reason. I regret every moment I make him sad, and he knows I’m more sad then he if I know he is sad, especially if its cause of me. I’m feeling he is drifting far away from me, but then he comes back and for a while its like nothing happened, then I feel the gap again. may be its just me or no I have no idea. but one thing for sure, I’m feeling it and as much as I want to say to him, I scared it would only make things worst. I just wish things would how they were before but that is not going to happened anytime soon. the care, love, attention I felt before is not present as strongly as it was, and any thoughts this might end is just way to scary to think. I never had it in my life till he showed up, and thus I had more yearning then pain of its absence, but now since I tasted it, the yearning for it and the pain that it might cause if I ever loose it, is just suicidal to even imagine. I might not survive it. I wish I can open my heart like hanuman (an well known hindu deity and an crucial character in the indian epic ramayana) and show what I have inside for him but alas, im just me, perhaps in my dream, I can only hope.

the return of self esteem

2010-10-26T15:46:00.001+08:00

alaya maniyaazh,, oosaiyum neeye..

arutchuvai nadagam aada vanthaiye……..

im back, with clear mind, clear heart and hopefully clear soul. have 2 overdue post, and plus another 2 on d making. will soon hang it up here. oh yeah baby, im back.

spectacles

2010-08-01T03:20:00.000+08:00

many things in life comes in packages as every action is followed suit by a reaction, which essentially lead us to being who we are now. reverting from this norm is next to impossible, as escaping from the impact of our deeds is a feat achieved by very few. so how do we go about, adjusting and adapting to every turn and tribulations, as well as triumph and tokens that life gives us?

an age old saying has the answer. beauty is in eyes of the beholder. perspective has been playing the all important role in giving us the identity that people associate us with. simply said, it how you see things as opposed to the other version of it, taking things. as much as we think that the two words don't really make any distinguishable differences to the phrase, take another look back and discover the impact of a simple word play.

viewing matter in an openly manner, withholding the urge to criticize and conforming to the thinking of the public is a trade that all of us should pick, sooner. not to say opinions of the mass doesn't matter, the inability to halt the saturation of it and analyse the situation consciously is what we seek to reform.

life, is beautiful. many claim to see it, many acknowledge the phrase. but how many do live with it? taking things for granted, is for some part of our community is boon. the capability to change views of the the large is not impossible, and saying such one of the first step is to change ourselves, radically to gain strength to pursue it relentlessly when the aches hit us.

doing our bits and parts to make the difference that seem to be on everyones lips but not heart is a take many refuse to do, and few give it a shot. and among those few, i was fortunate to breath some similar thoughts with them. they penned it down, and mine formed clouds above.

those who did write it for others to view, will always be praised in a most default manner. few questioned it and immediately will be labelled with a society traitor sticker. and these are the people who sit and watch tamil serials at home, religiously. how i know? the maturity of their perspective and augmentation of their argument is beyond funny. its just plain stupid, not ignorant, but just stupid. those things two things matches well.period
so for those aforementioned beholders, its time to get spectacles and see the spectacle of life and its beauty. and while you are at it, get a life as well. cheerios

clouds above

2010-07-18T00:47:00.000+08:00

thoughts. comes to you when your mind is relaxed for a even a second. floods your conscience with something as simple as whats for dinner or an appointment in your to do list. and then the fleet away. the ones that lingers on, is the one that has the aftertaste, a distinctive feeling that makes you go deep into your memory and search for the past. a thought of some one, an incident or simply something that caught your attention.

as you ponder on, trailing one after another, a train of thoughts will transform you into a different plane altogether.... emotions will be stirred together in a cocktails of expressions, all boiled down to remorse or contentment.

you know what, remorse kills, but it never leads to death.

dying each time, thinking of you, waiting for you, telling all will be alright. its painful to know that the one you love is hurting you unknowingly, but it's more painful to know that the one that hurts you, loves you just as much as you love them, if nut more. then the waiting induces thoughts about what made them to do this and and then when it hits you, that it's you that all this is happening, you just swallow the choke of tears and wait.

while above clouds of thoughts engulf your conscience for a another bumpy emotional road trip. rendering you to being subjected to scrutinizing by just about who ever you pour out. horror, just when you need it, in the form of a pinching reality check.

the saying idle mind is a devils workshop is so utterly overrated. its more of a poignant cloud releasing machine. clouds, which i digress. now, thats a first. above.

finale

2010-07-15T19:43:00.000+08:00

it has finally ended. a saga that started on the day i enrolled my self to do form 6 in 2006. what started out as a dare, then a genuine disliking, evolved into a true liking, matured on to become something more concrete, followed by silent suffering, overwhelming guilt and exaggerated remorse, aged today to become a memory that will serve a mark for me on my only and last attempt to embrace what i am not.

i tried to shake off a part of me that took 5 long miserable and painful years to accept it, to become what the society sees me as, but alas today i had a reality check that, no*pausing and LOLing to the way a character speaks in tv drama*matter how much i tried, it is not going to materialize. i fated to be who i am, albeit knowing that before, i tried. believe me, i tried and the pain is real as well, surprisingly.

this day also reminded me of a support which i treasure very much, and knowing that WE is impossible, being YOU and ME, is more than i can ask for. and to my saga, these last 3 years have only sowed in me the fact, true feelings will never die, it just changes its directions and for your own good, i hope our paths never cross again. your changed one to many times, really hope this time, it will last till where you want it and how you want it. sadly enough, i am not going to wait and see it with you and to me, a new beginning awaits me. i hope this will beginning will lead to a good ending, no matter how it is. bon voyage to me and you.

the coincidence of consequence. propagation

2010-07-03T16:12:00.000+08:00

principles. the rule we live by. things we believe in. faith. dictates the way we live our live. but what if there is a factor that looms ahead all the time, threatening to disrupt your equilibrium if you don't go their way. if you think any explaining should do any help. you should only try it if they are furnished with the science of reasoning. if not, simple. the answer, hypocrisy. yup, just be a hypocrite. cause you know what, they deserve it.

anguishing over unknown reasons or situations is never going to be the new black, hence why we waste our energy trying to sort things in where they belong? because the after taste of awkwardness, is nut at all sweet. running into people whom we discarded, trashed, stepped over or what not, is always a chance to put it into their face. but not all of us have the inner bitch in us to do the roll call once again, despite the many claims.

some say time and karma will pay back exactly what everyone deserves,i say time and karma is in a illegitimate affair. so, get hold of their little black book, wear your prada's, and get down and dirty. for folks, you live once, you dont have to screw your way to hell, just enough to get to know, how does it feels not to be at the bottom all time long. this should be our dirty little secret. bon voyage.

recent snaps

2010-06-08T15:45:00.001+08:00

been so long since i blogged. sigh. life is tiring. and i owe sumone internet. sigh. will do more next time.

You remembered!

2010-04-08T15:09:00.001+08:00

THANK YOU SIR! I DID NOT EXPECT THIS AT ALL! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME.. LOV YA A LOT! HUGGIES..

the coincidence of consequences. initialization

2010-04-06T17:32:00.002+08:00

the idea of living one's life stems from various sources. the source with the soundest impact comes from the well, entertainment industry. despite the many positive aspects of it, the shade that colours the lives of many from this palette, is the grey ones. the glitz and glamour rarely fails to attract anyone, and most of the times drenches them with the promise of a happy life.and even painful is the fact that most(or all?) of us know that that these people are PAID to do their act and impress us, the audience, who will lap up anything that our favourite idol throws at us(save for the rarely seen few!).

and where does this entertainment industry belongs too? another multi billion industry, the parent to this rebellious child, the media. from all its forms, it has the power to draw the interest of the general mass and shape civilizations by influencing the thinking, philosophy, ideology and inducing birth of a new and altering the old culture of life. the evolution of mankind has been and will always be close associated with is the evolution of the media.cause that's communication. expression of thoughts, intentions and opinions on a galaxy of matters, that matters and don't, and communication facilitates creation, continuation, and destruction of civilization, manifesting a whole new generation of people who don't necessarily learn from history. not adamant, but most of the times ignorance is never a bliss.

my relationship with this empire has never been a smooth one. some of the things loved by the mass, appals me. originality is something we hunger for, but how we know what is and what isn't? when i saw one shine, locally that really inspired me, and most importantly accessible, i become hooked. there was my beacon of hope. as all the other kids out there, out to prove something to their parents, i rediscovered the joy that was shut down cruelly by as dad that speaks from a primitive school of thought and an intentionally overbearing mother, albeit with good interests and intentions. i subjected to their authority without any question. i now realised i morphed into someone that is not me. how did that happen?? what shall i do?? its a war. a war i want to face. and for that, the first sign of rebellion. ironed the initial hiccups and i boldly step forward. the coincidence of consequence - karma to all awaits me. have i done the right thing? i don't know. but i'm about to find out.

trust.

2010-01-10T15:08:00.000+08:00

where shall i get this?

infant

2010-01-03T12:58:00.000+08:00

its the beginning of a new year and i am already in problem. still have one problem to be solved and tomorrow is the deadline. i know i can do it by tomorrow. but its supposed to be a team effort. sigh and i know i am the only one who is cracking my head, never mind the fact that i was sick and still am even though have recovered partially just needed to vent this off. back to work.

pixels

2009-12-31T20:57:00.000+08:00

31122009
its the end of a whole year. the climax of the whole intercourse. the time we reflect on what we have gone through. the things we did. the people we came across. the wrongs we have committed.matters that is left unspoken. all in a rhetorical manner, comes back to us, one by one, floating aimlessly till it strikes us.

all this daily endeavours revolves around our interaction with people. face it, unless you are a hermit living unattached from the modern world for the greater goodness, chances are you would have dealt and manoeuvred yourself out of situations too delicate to discuss in public. i know i have. dealing with people have always been the greater concern with the public generally, except those few blessed souls whom can get away with anything. it all boils down to what do you want. at one point of time all of us are guilty of using someone to get what we want or reach to a certain level.

carefulness, seriousness. two imposters that go well together in a minute scale, sneaking into us when we least need it. use them wisely and they will be the aide from heaven, otherwise the destruction they import will never be known the cause. remember karma is as real as you and me. as you hike the success hill, never look past people as mere objects. you may never know what lies beneath them.

for me this year has brought a lot of things to the light. more tears have been shed compared the previous years. enough said, it did bring a few surprises that makes me strive on the current of globalization.

next year, will i be the same person? or can i still believe in what i believe? 2010, will it shine in the same resolution or will the pixels change? happy new year. be safe.