Sarcastic Bite.com

Get Your Stinking Paws Off Me, You Damn Dirty Ape

Geppetto Jones — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 09:00:17 +0000

One day certified nursing assistant Brenda Chaney was on duty in an Indiana nursing when she discovered a patient lying on the floor, unable to stand. But Chaney couldn’t help the woman. She had to search for a white nursing aide because the woman on the floor had left instructions that she did not want [...]

Lovesick Doctor Dies In Chimney

Geppetto Jones — Thu, 02 Sep 2010 16:19:55 +0000

The body of a prominent Bakersfield physician has been found wedged in her estranged boyfriend’s chimney. Chim chiminey, Chim chim cher-ee the doc was not as lucky as luck can be. Jacquelyn Kotarac, a 49-year old doctor, had been in a troubled on-again, off-again relationship with William Moodie. On Aug. 26 Kotorac who had been [...]

Betty Draper Is No Emma Frost, while Superman’s Boots Are For Walking

Geppetto Jones — Wed, 01 Sep 2010 07:07:51 +0000

Its a shame that the casting director on X-Men: First Class is blind. How on earth could anyone cast January Jones to play everyone’s favorite bad girl X-Man gone good Emma Frost? In the words of Stephen Strucker better known as Johnny from Airplane, “Where did you get that dress, it’s awful, and those shoes [...]

Persons Unknown, Pointlessly Bad TV

Holly Comesoftly — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 22:59:51 +0000

I really must remember to write a note to myself reminding me to not watch ANY shows that are basically knock offs of The Prisoner. They are ALL shit with no real endings except for the original Prisoner because Patrick McGoohan was dreamy. For the better part of the summer I have been watching Persons [...]

Ben Quayle Chip Off The Old Blockhead

Geppetto Jones — Fri, 27 Aug 2010 20:11:47 +0000

I thought that Eric Massa from New York took the cake for weird politicians. But now we have a new contender, one with a serious pedigree. Meet Former Vice President Dan Quayle’s son, Ben, who is running for Congress in Arizona. For those of you to young to remember Dan Quayle combined the media savvy [...]

Heidi Montag Desperate for Relevance, Chats About Her Boobs

Geppetto Jones — Wed, 25 Aug 2010 18:28:01 +0000

Heidi Montag thinks talking about her breasts will get our attention. I’ll admit, that did put her back on the radar. The 23-year-old reality TV personality is desperate to remove the ludicrous G size breast implants that she had fitted last November. This despite shortly after the operation saying that she wanted to go still [...]

Weird X-Rays, Indicate Gene Pool Needs Cleaning

Geppetto Jones — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 19:47:14 +0000

Medical science can show us x-rays featuring objects not considered normal to show up when going in for that check-up. And if you are unfortunate enough to personally have x-rays like this, they aren’t the kind of photos to post on your Facebook page, showing all of your friends and co-workers how: (1) Stupid you [...]

Corpulent Canadian Criminal Clashes with Cops

Geppetto Jones — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 05:00:46 +0000

Canadian scales of justice were strained last Friday when it took 15 minutes for an extremely large Edmonton man to plead guilty to charges stemming from a bizarre and violent police standoff. The challenge was getting the man – who weighs between 400 and 500 pounds – in and out of the courthouse. Troy McMath, [...]