Sassle's Journey!

Learning Balance on the South Beach Diet

2011-09-05T12:13:00.000-05:00

I started my new job last Wednesday, so far so good, I love it, I'm down 17.5 lbs in less than a month. Today I went shopping with my Mom, I was in need of nice clothes for work that fit. I had a bunch of summer tops but they don't really give you that professional feeling plus they weren't flattering on me.

So I bought a nice fall coat, a blazer and about 6 or 7 blouses. Everytime I tried pants on they were too long, I didn't realize how short I am until today. I need to shop in the Petites section for women 5'4" or smaller (I'm not quite 5'4").

Aside from that all is going well, I'm sticking to the plan, trying to go out every day at every chance I can get. I need to up my exercise quota but I also need to learn some balance. How do I balance work, cooking 3 square meals a day, exercise, pets and finding me time. I know its doable, women do it all the time, I just have to learn how.

I made a delicious dinner tonight, I made South Beach Friendly Tacos and they were a hit! I've started looking up recipes because even though I can eat the same thing over and over again without complaining too much, I'm not the only one eating this way. Also I'm trying to find quick South Beach Diet Phase 2 ideas (thank goodness for Katlyn's website).

I have a family dinner to go to today, not really looking forward to it, simply because it means I have to eat something that I don't know if its SBD friendly or not. We're going to my stepsisters house, so I will need to watch my portions, remember no dessert, try to get out of there at a decent hour and chill a bit before bedtime.

I've already made breakfast for the week, I had ran out of skim milk mozzarella cheese so I put low-fat feta cheese, I think it'll taste great. I even managed to iron all my clothes and now all I need to do is cut up some lettuce (with the lettuce knife) and other salad treats for lunch and dinner for the week, I think if I have everything prepared ahead of time it should leave me with more time for myself.

I have to go, thanks for stopping by!

Have a glorious Labor Day!

Sassle!

South Beach Lifestyle still going strong

2011-08-22T18:30:00.000-05:00

I spent all day Saturday and Sunday sending about 30 plus resumes to potential employers. On Sunday I received an email asking for an interview, I went today, it went very well, I think I have the job, keep your fingers and toes crossed.

In the meantime, I'm still on plan, I've down 12 pounds since August 10 (wow times flies) which is pretty darn good, I guess I'll never lose the 20 I envisioned for myself in the first two weeks but I'll let these 12 go, plus Wednesday is the 2 week deadline. Today we had a busy day, hubby & I both had appointments and had to grab a bite in between, he had the fettuccine alfredo, chocolate cake, white bread and my cheat was a Cesar salad with croutons. So I feel as though I haven't done nearly as bad as he and have stayed more on plan than he, not that it matters, it's my body I'm trying to heal.

I had gone to the Doctors this a.m. as well, found out I had high blood pressure, next week they'll put me on some MAP thing for 24 hours to see how it does in order to decide if I need meds or not.

Overall I'm in a good place, when I put on my clothes for the interview, I felt good, I still wore my Kymora Body Shaper and my stomach did look flatter (not flat, but flatter) maybe it's the 12 pounds, I have definitely debloated. Weird how one can feel sexy at my weight, but that's how I felt today pretty darn sexy, though it was a bit awkward when the Doctor was checking my breathing with his stethoscope and he had to push my Kymora. Though he was gentleman enough not to say anything about it.

The mentioning of the Kymora reminds me that I have yet to wear my Body Wrap from Shapewear I might try it on this week for my next interview, I think it might feel more comfortable than the day I bought it, where it was over 100F outside, I was 12 pounds heavier and had just ate lunch.

Well that's it for today, wish me luck that one of those jobs come thru, I have agencies that have called, I have another interview, who knows I might actually get hired for a regular 9 to 5 job.

Thanks again for visiting!

Sassle

Walking, Burpees, Tabata... Have I found my dream exercise?

2011-08-13T13:32:00.001-05:00

Burpees

I love the internet! Yesterday while searching for other SBD blogs, I came upon this Log My Loss which is an inspiring blog. I was reading about his program and saw that he did this form of exercise called Tabata so being the curious girl that I am I had to research it and that brought me to burpees.

I think burpees are the exercise I've been waiting for my whole life. For beginners like myself there are different ways of starting out, I did a search on youtube and the one that impressed me most, or made it seem doable for a woman my size was this one.

After watching it I felt as though I can at least do what she's doing and then when you see how far she's come in three weeks well heck that just encouraged me more. Burpees work the whole body, you need no equipment, just enough space to do them and they burn a ton of calories. I'm starting the burpees today, the beginner ones, I'm still looking in on if I should do them 2x or 3x or more a week and for how long, but my goal is to do them tabata style (that's a whole other post) where I would do 20 secs of burpees, 10 sec rest, 20 sec burpees you repeat this up to 8 times which totals about 4 mins of exercise and apparently is the longest 4 minutes of your life. I am still studying as much as I can on the topic and will share as I learn.

Now if you want to know more about Tabata or Burpees, you can click on the links. I think they'll explain it way better than I can.

Now before I go, I'd like to add that hubby, myself and our mini doxie went for an 8 block walk, I found a site called Gmap Pedometer that helped me figure out based on the route hubby and I took the almost exact amount of distance we walked and calories spent. So according to Gmap I walked 0.87 miles that's 1.4 km in Canadian :) and I burned 180 calories (based on today's weight).

Also since starting on Wednesday I have dropped 7 lbs and I believe it was all water because I've had to pee endlessly since I started this lifestyle. I don't remember peeing like this the two other times I followed this plan (February 2009, January 2011), but I'm not complaining. Though it's a pain in the butt to wake up every hour to pee, but in time It'll stop and normalize itself.

On Aug 22 I have an appointment with my family doctor, I've had him since 1990 and well I haven't been to a doctor in over 4 years so I will request some blood work etc since I have no idea if I'm diabetic or not or how my heart is doing or anything. Keep your fingers crossed please, I think I'm doing ok, I believe I'm blessed but I guess I won't know till he tests me.

Well I guess that's it for now... I'm still on plan, still going strong, still feeling good and still reaching out...

Have a blessed day everyone!

Sassle!

Sassle in Canada!

2011-08-10T16:20:00.000-05:00

There's something about coming back to Sassle that always make me feel at home. Speaking of home, the reason I've been off the blogsphere world is that hubby & I packed our things and moved to Canada. It's been a wild, crazy and fun journey. I got to meet my nephew, see most of my family and the odd friend. We are renting a nice home and trying to acclimate to our new lives. We live in the province of Quebec which means it's French which poses no problems for me whatsoever, my husband on the other hand does not speak the language. Since we got here, he has learned polite phrases, we have found an AA home group and I started a new job and quit it within the month (long story) oh and I gained 5 pounds.

So all in all since I first started this journey with you in January I believe my 30 to 35 lb loss is now a 15 lb loss (insert sad face).

But yesterday I went to the store and stocked up on my South Beach Diet foods and today is day 1. I'd write how much I way but hubby is beside me and well that's the kind of information one keeps from one's hubby, at least till I've down 50 more pounds lol.

The latest 5lb gain I believe stems from my old new job, I worked 12 to 13 hour days without a break so what I did was eat at my desk and they had a wonderful vending machine with cookies, pop and chocolate bars. So I ate my emotions and found the weight fast.

When we first moved here in April I have gained 15 pounds (Oh my God) and my stomach is bloated and huge. It's hard, I have a headache right now as I type this but I want to lose weight. I keep telling hubby at least we're trying and only quitters don't try. I always want to go back to the Weight Watchers route, you know where I can eat what I want while counting my points, that worked for me in the past, yet for some reason South Beach is what motivates me. Why fight it, the eating plan is delicious, I always lose weight so I might as well just accept it and go with the flow.

Now what am I going to do different this time? Not much, it works if you work it, though I am going to incorporate walks in my day and maybe throw in Lesley Sansone's Walk away the pounds and Strength Training for Dummies. I need a schedule or else I get overwhelmed.

Thanks for stopping by!
Sassle

10% Loss Plus Learning How to Cheat

2011-03-08T09:00:00.000-06:00

Weird title but it's true, there have been days on the South Beach Diet where I was hungrier than usual and instead of going all ape sh!t over cake, cookies and chocolate, I'd eat an extra portion of nuts or string cheese. I'd eat 2 oranges instead of one or maybe a bigger plate of pasta than usual. This is good, because even though I did not follow the instructions to the tee I am not going crazy.

I've been weighing in every day for the last 2 weeks, I seemed to maintain a 26 pound loss which is good but today I got on the scale and have officially lost 30 pounds. I weighed myself 3 times before I believed it. That's a 30 lb loss, that is so amazing and what is even better than it being a 30 lb loss is I've officially lost 10% of my weight!! So I'm sure that's made the world of difference on my blood pressure, heart, blood sugar etc. Though I don't officially know this since I can't afford to see a doctor. But I have faith.

I started fitting in some of my old jeans and this time I'm throwing out my fatty clothes, I think as long as I held on to my size 26 pants, I was reserving the right to get fat again. This time they are going in the garbage. I am not reserving the right to get fat again, I am reserving the right to get healthy again at a healthy weight.

Today I plan on tackling my closet, hubby & I are moving next month, we are putting our Ebay store on hold and are decluttering our lives. Anything that is too big or too ratty looking goes in our dumpster. I'm hoping by the time we leave next month that the size 20 jeans I have will fit nice and I can get rid of my 22's. Yes I'm wearing 22's. I can't wait to be a proper size 10-12 but I'll have to, one day at a time as we say in AA.

So I'll be getting together with my family next month, I'd like to lose at least 10 more pounds by then but ideally 20 pounds. Is it doable 20 pounds in 38 days? Probably if I go back to Phase 1 which I'm considering, but we'll see...

That's it for now, I have 2 topics I'll be writing on later today, one on exercise and the other on bread.

Thanks for visiting!

Cardio Alone Won't Help Me

2011-02-19T11:44:00.000-06:00

I'm down 25 lbs. I took this week off from exercise, I started feeling as though I had no energy in my legs and thought I'd just do myself a favor and take a break for one week only. I was also struggling with the fact that I want to tone up at the same time, yes I need to burn calories but I don't want to be flabbier than necessary.

So I was on Facebook the other day and a friend shared this article on Why Cardio Alone Doesn't Cut Fat it's a great read and only reinforced my desire to want to incorporate strength training into my life and this healthy eating lifestyle.

Now for the last three days (if not longer) I've been trying to find a strength training routine for the obese or morbidly obese online and aside from multiple articles on why it's a great idea I'm coming up with squat (no pun intended). What I'm going to do is check out some of my followers blogs and some of the blogs I'm following, I'm sure there's a routine in there somewhere.

If anyone has a recommendations please include a link for me in the comments...

I saw these 4 tips on a website:

There are four ways to achieve a caloric deficit:

1. Eat less.
2. Increase your activity.
3. Elevate your basal metabolic rate.
4. All of the above - also known as "Cardio Alone Won't Work".

Thanks for stopping by!

Still On Plan and Still Feeling Good...

2011-02-09T12:30:00.001-06:00

I've lost 23 pounds as of this a.m., two days short of a month on plan. This has been quite the adventure for me. When I first weighed in this morning I was a tiny bit disappointed, I thought great 2 more pounds but that's only 23 pounds that I've lost, then I realized I had not been on this plan for one month yet and that I had accomplished quite a bit!

I've also started doing things a bit different this time, yes the way I did it before worked but I realize that my mental and spiritual health are as important as my physical health. So I've tried to incorporate different aspects of this to my new South Beach lifestyle.

Exercise
I've been doing Leslie Sansone's Walk Away the Pounds for Abs 1 Mile for the last 10+ days. I'm trying to do it 6 days a week and i'm thinking of starting the 2 mile probably on Sunday. I try my best to do it before 10am so that it's out of my way, yes that's how I feel about it because if I wait too long I'll have figured out some great excuses on why I can't do it. As I'm typing this it's 9:40am, my usual routine is to start my omelet, cook it on low and start walking away the pounds, so this will go into draft until I'm done...

Meetings

I started attending 12 step meetings, helps me a lot, I work the steps or at the very least try to and do my best to try and do the next right thing. Which believe me isn't as easy as it sounds.

Prayer & Mediation

I try to connect with my higher power on a daily basis thru prayer and meditation. I don't always "pray" in the traditional sense but I reach out more now than ever, but I still feel as though there is much room for improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power who I call God but some may refer to him/her as Goddess, Source, the Creator etc...

Sleep
This is a big one for me. I've never been much of a sleeper from childhood into adulthood. There's too much to do in order to sleep. I don't suffer from insomnia (touch wood) I'm one of those lucky ones that once I hit the pillow its night night for me. But I used to live off of 6 or less hours a night for years and years. When I was an active alcoholic I even had less sleep than that (or shall I say pass out time).

About 2 months ago I woke up feeling hungover, I haven't had a drink in over 11 years so I couldn't understand what happened (did I tell you this story before) anyway that's when I decided sleep was going to be an integral part of my life. I now sleep 7 to 9 hours a night and if I don't get that for whatever reasons, I will nap. Sleep is part of me taking care of me, to think it took me 30 plus years to figure that out.

I have big news coming soon, I'll be writing about it in the next few days, it's big news to me anyway.

Thanks for stopping by!

Being Kind... to myself.

2011-01-29T10:22:00.000-06:00

It's been a week since my last post and a great week at that.

On Monday I started Alanon, which is a fellowship of relatives and friends of alcoholics who share their experience, strength, and hope in order to solve their common problems. I got that from their site. My husband is a recovering alcoholic with over 10 years sobriety and I am happily married, however, a fellowship like Alanon can only help me be a better wife, be a better human being.
So Monday I went to Alanon and heard something, you know that little voice that speaks to us, well mine says stuff like "you're fat, you're ugly, they're talking about you, they don't like you, you're stupid, you won't succeed, you're scared and the list goes on... that little voice known as my ego does not like me in the least, so a gentleman from the group was saying that he has learned that he should just shut that voice off no matter what it says. So the minute my little voice says to me "you're fat" I just take that information and ignore it, it's a liar, it hates me. Now at first I thought, this is too easy, how can I just shut a voice off, but I've been doing it and it's working. Sort of like "uh oh, you go bye bye voice" and poof it's gone. Yes it tries to sneak back in but I'm trying to be persistent in being kind to myself...

That's another thing, being kind, being good, being loving to myself... I owe myself that, like I said, I'm the meanest person I've ever known when it comes to how I'm treated (did that make sense?). So with the wise words from my cousin, Alanon and other hints and clues here and there I keep hearing, Be good and kind to yourself. So that's my mission for 2011.

Thanks for stopping by...

2011-01-22T10:14:00.000-06:00

Weighed in this morning with t-shirt and panties on and I lost what appears to be 4 more pounds for a total of 16lbs since 1/11/11. Not bad for 11 days on Phase 1 of the SBD. You'd think I'd be more excited but maybe I'm just tired, though I think it's because I don't "feel" 16lbs less. I think there lies a huge problem with my whole being, I need to change that thinking, "feeling" is very important when one wants to succeed in anything in life. I won't be too hard on myself though, I think I'll listen to my Abraham Hicks mediation CD Physical Well Being Mediation. I'll be back...

========

I'm finding it too hard to concentrate, so maybe meditation isn't the solution right now, I have the tools though so I'll get back to it later today. I also think it's time to incorporate exercise into my life, more than walking the dogs around a path my hubby built us with the snow blower. It's a good size path, I walk it up to 10 times a day on most days unless it gets cold like it has been lately -24F yesterday.

I need to tone my arms and legs and squish my gut and butt. I also need to bring my cardio levels up, this whole thing is about my poor heart. The older men in my family have all had heart disease and I know nothing about my fathers side of the family so I need to take care of myself because heart disease is the number one killer amongst women. So I have lots going against me, my weight, the diet I ate, the fact that I can't afford medical care so no doctor visits etc... So I must take care of myself and make it a priority. I guess I'm doing that while following the SBD and I have to say, I love it. Yes it takes planning and work i.e. having to make salads etc. but I'm ok with that. I am not craving anything, habits are just that, yes at midnight I'd love to munch on some chips but that's not a craving that's just a habit that I am learning to change.

I just thought of something, maybe I'm not "feeling" 16 lbs lighter because I know in the past I lost more weight and I'm measuring my success with that. I should stop that right now, appreciate how well I'm doing on this and move forward.

Are there any strength training exercises for the morbidly obese? It's time for a Google search, I figure if I incorporate some strength training and Lesley Sansone plus walking with my dogs I should feel real good when I head to Canada this May. Yes I'm moving back to Canada (that's a whole other blog post) and I already have a nice home waiting for me and my family to move into (thank you God).

Well I've been all over the place with this post so I'll say goodbye for now and update my stats.

Thanks for coming by!

South Beach! I knew you would NOT let me down...

2011-01-17T15:10:00.000-06:00

Let's see where to start...

NSV

Yesterday hubby and I went to buy more food since we were running out of our staple South Beach foods and I wanted to try some new things too. I bought some turkey burger, turkey sausages, chicken breasts and natural peanut butter and more...

We had breakfast and a snack but had yet to eat lunch, so we went grocery shopping on an empty stomach, but since I'm determined to lose weight, eat healthy and follow the South Beach Diet Plan I was not too worried, I knew I wouldn't cheat (sometimes you just know). By the time we got home we were famished, I had laundry to finish, work to do and cooking, for some reason I did not ask hubby to make dinner even though I was over extending myself. I'm sure had I asked he would have but I had clear ideas as to what I wanted to eat for dinner.

I made all 5 turkey sausages figuring that we'd each have 2 and one would be enough to break off tomorrow in our omelets for breaky. I made a cauliflower/mashed potatoes dish but I added some low fat cheese to flavor it up even more (it was delicious). So I sat down with 2 sausages and lots of cauliflower/mashed potatoes. I couldn't eat the second sausage, I was full. I had to stop and listen to my body and thought yes I could eat this but I won't. For a split second the food hoarder in me panicked, it was like I had to eat it, this was my last chance. But I tossed that voice aside and went about my business of feeling proud of myself for recognizing that I feel full.

Weight Loss Victory

I decided the other day to weigh myself (yeah I know) but I did so with all my clothes, socks and shoes on and the scale showed a loss of 5 pounds. I was happy with that, I knew I was losing some weight. Then today I went back on the scale, I've been following the program since last Tuesday, this is technically 7 days on plan so I went about weighing myself again fully clothed. It showed 5 pounds loss. I thought well that's ok I guess, then I figured screw it, I undressed myself down to my skivies and weighed in at an 11lb loss.

So yay for me...

That's all for now!

Thanks for visiting!

Feeling Good...

2011-01-13T16:05:00.002-06:00

I've been reading the SBD book with as much interest as a historical romance novel. It is very fascinating and what is weird is that I did NOT read it the last time I followed the plan. What I am enjoying about it this time is that I'm learning how food and the body work together.

I've kept my promise to myself and have yet to weigh myself since day 1 of the plan. I'm thinking I'll weigh myself either next Tuesday when it makes it a full week or maybe after week 2 is completed. I just don't want to focus too much on what the scale says. Yet, I'm hearing a lot of people do better weighing in every day. I'm really doing this for my mental health. I beat myself up ALOT and feel that it's in my best interest for the moment.

I've been searching out recipes to make the SBD more tasty and fun. There are so many great sites out there with some delicious recipes I'm really impressed. You see that's what makes this fun for me, it's a healthy way of living and tastes good too.

I'm on another deadline so this will be short, I just wanted to keep up with my blogging and let everyone know that day 2 of Phase 1 was wonderful and tasty. I'm still on track, feeling good and happy to be on this new journey. It just feels right.

Thanks for stopping by!

2011-01-12T14:04:00.000-06:00

Day 1 of the South Beach Diet... A Success!

Did I mention yesterday that I loved that we started this new way of living on 1/11/11... First of all the number one (1) has always been my favorite number, it's my numerology number and all those ones resemble very much my sobriety date which is 11/11/99. Now enough with the nerd talk, let's get down to business...

I was up till 3:30am working on a deadline, so yesterday hubby was in charge of preparing our food. He's so excited that we are doing this, I swear he must have told me that 5 times yesterday alone.

I didn't keep a journal but I stayed on plan yesterday and I figured since I have a 3 months subscription with WW I will journal my food there.

You know my neighbor just sent me a message thru facebook about wanting to change how she'll pay me some of the money for utilities that she owes us. She upset me and my first reaction was to get me some food. I actually felt the need for the food, it was a physical reaction. I had to remind myself that I am following the SBD and am not to let her or anyone else make me feel bad to the point that I have to eat. I can't control her but I can control my attitude.

I have an oral fixation, I must throw something in my mouth. I'm also confrontational which is not one of my most flattering qualities. I answered her a big fat no and was a bit direct but felt that her sneak attack was just that sneaky... I know I'm getting off topic, but my feelings affect how I eat. I am an emotional eater and this is the first obstacle I have to face since I started this diet (yesterday). Gee suddenly I'm a bit scared.

That's it for today...

Thanks for stopping by!

South Beach Diet! Here I come...

2011-01-11T14:58:00.005-06:00

A week or so ago I read a comment my cousin Faye left me on one of my posts and it was exactly what I needed to hear. I know SB works, I know when I follow the program, I lose weight, I feel good and sleep well. Why do anything else. Why? Because I like to complicate my life is why, but her comment stuck in my head, sort of like a little voice that I kept hearing:

::YOU KNOW South Beach works, you have the info, do it. It won't cost you anymore than buying your regular groceries, and maybe it will cost you less because you won't be buying processed food.::

Be good to yourself.

Hmm.. wise words... Yet! I still went back and forth trying to decide if I wanted to go the SBD way or the Weight Watchers way... I finally decided to go with SBD because it stops my sugar cravings, brought me to a weight that I was thrilled with, made me feel good and make my body work the way it was supposed to and so much more.

Yesterday hubby & I went and bought our groceries, I joined two online SBD groups and found some great recipes, I got out my trusty SBD book and started reading it from the beginning and so far so good.

Today was rough, I weighed myself and hit an all time high, haven't weighed this much since '07 so needless to say I was not pleased, but I need to move on and not kick myself in the butt over it.

I've been suffering from chest pain for the last 3 days, I really think it has more to do with the fact that I went bowling with family and friends to celebrate hubby's 50th birthday on Saturday than my heart. I had a good time but lets face it, at my weight it's hard work to have fun, hard on the body that is. The pain is on the left side but it seems to hurt more during certain moves. Plus I don't have any of the other heart attack symptoms attributed for women.

Had breakfast way late today, I have a deadline for work and was not able to prepare as I would like to, but that didn't stop me, we had an omelet (hubby is following the program with me) vegetable juice and a bottle of water. I'm finding all kinds of Phase 1 recipes online so once this work deadline is complete (I already have another one in the works) I will at least get somewhat organized the SBD way.

I'm trying to keep up with the blogging, it's been my salvation in the past when I followed the SBD, reading comments from readers, your support has meant so much to me.

So that's it for now... I'll be back soon, I swear, either later or tomorrow...

Thanks for visiting!

Catching up with old friends...

2011-01-03T20:28:00.000-06:00

I decided to play catch up today and read a few weight loss blogs that I am currently following. I noticed there were others like me, who haven't posted in either months and a few hadn't posted in 2 years. It made me feel sad, I wanted to say hey why didn't you tell us you were leaving, but then again I certainly made no announcements when I stopped writing. So I do understand but I feel a sense of loss, as though I lost a dear friend. The good news is that there are many bloggers who have continued sharing their journeys with us and I'm grateful for them, they continue to inspire me, show me that if they can do it, I can do it too!

So here's to a great 2011 may we all find success in what we are seeking!

Thanks for stopping by!

Sassle

Decisions, Decisions...

2010-12-06T09:10:00.006-06:00

I've gotten myself in quite the mess, or at least that's my interpretation of the situation. Next month I am throwing my husband a party to celebrate his 50th birthday. I am excited for him, he deserves to be honored and cherished by his family and friends. Now being the self-involved ego minded person that I am is dreading the part where his family comes and visits and sees fat me. Now even if I were to diet successfully for the next 30 days and drop 20 or 25 pounds for that matter (I'm that big) I still would not be his skinny wife (I'll take healthy wife for $500 Alex).

Now I know better, I really do, I'm a firm believer in the Law of the Universe. If I think that I will fail, well darn it I will and if I feel that I will succeed I will. So it's time to change my frame of mind again.

Since stopping the ever successful South Beach Diet which was probably the most successful plan of my life except for the Weight Watchers point system, I have put on all my weight back *hangs head down in shame* but I need to refocus on what's important.

Right now I'm working on my ebay store (I will not share the link here) I am writing an ebook (I might share the link here) and planning a 50th birthday party, creating a video for my husbands party a sort of this is your life theme (I run a business creating photo montages) and fighting temptation to eat easy fatty foods.

I finally have my husband off my back when I choose to buy cake and you know what he doesn't say anything other than snide "jokes" as he calls them. Or he gives me a look, you know the one, he has a smile on his face but a sad smile like you could be so much if only you'd beat this stupid monkey off your back kind of smile. This of course is my projection of his smile, it might just be nothing.

I'm thinking of starting the new Weight Watchers Points Plus program, 3 months will cost me $65 and I'm really tempted to give it a go, but will I do it? Do I want to invest in $165 right now ($100 for food) when I need better winter boots (saw some at $25) and more thermal underwear ($10) hmm... for $200 I could have it all!! haha

Winter expenses on the farm are more expensive, we now have higher bills because someone moved out, oil needs to be bought soon, electric is high and I want to join Weight Watchers. Ok I'll stop whining.

Thanks for listening!

Please come back for more...

Sassle!

Where I am headed...

2010-04-25T14:02:00.004-05:00

“You must not under any pretense allow your mind to dwell on any thought that is not positive, constructive, optimistic, kind.” ~Emmet Fox

Well it's been a really fun ride for the last 4 months since my last post. I'm quite surprised I have any followers left and for those of you who still come to visit to make sure I'm alright, thank you very much.

So far I've managed to keep 15 pounds off from last year. Yes I ate my feelings and a few other people's feelings as well. I'm back and I'm ok. I'm growing in new ways as well, I have found a spirituality that I lacked for so long. I've always had faith in a power greater then myself but not like I have now. But that's for another day, another time because I will share with you the journey.

Hubby and I have decided to go back to the South Beach Diet. It's just the way it should be, at least for us it is. I admit to do comparison reports between the SBD, Flat Belly Diet and Weight Watcher's core. I think SBD is it for me. I just don't like Phase 1 which is the first two weeks, and that is total BS because when I was on it, I didn't want to stop Phase 1, I loved it, felt safe following it, lost weight and felt great. So what's the big deal. Bad habits die hard, but alas I will not let me ego get in the way of what works for me which is the South Beach Diet.

I'll be posting again, I need to find the list of foods that we need and go to the grocers sometime today to pick up the food. Hubby is all gung ho too so it should do both our body and souls good.

Thanks for stopping by!
Sassle!

Has it been that long already...

2009-12-02T12:23:00.006-06:00

I'm stressed, our living conditions are stressful which is causing me stress. Now I am responsible for my own feelings, how I react to things, my attitude and I know I'm to be grateful but gosh darn it I'm feeling very stressed over everything.

Now for the good stuff, I just got my 10 year AA chip last month (yayness!) yes I celebrated 10 years of continuous sobriety and I am very proud of myself which is why I don't get why on earth I am acting like a newcomer and a spoiled brat. Oh I know why it because I'm scared; good ole fear does me in every single time.

Now let me back up a bit...

Current weight with clothes on (sweatshirt, sweat pants, socks et al) 270lbs (good God I know, I know).

I am selling my 2 horses because of our current living arrangement (long story).

I'm in a major distrust mode because of our current living arrangement, you see I live on a beautiful farm, I rent and my landlord well lets just say he's not someone we trust, we have no lease and well he's not an honest man by any means. Things are coming to a head because of the new tenant that lives downstairs who goes way back with the landlord and wants our place... time will tell... Now please note I am an alcoholic so all this thought activity is going on in my head which means, a lot of this is projection on my part (I have a magnifying mind) however, my little voice (intuition) tells me it is so.

I'm addicted to sugar, yes I know we've already covered this but I am seriously addicted to the stuff as I am addicted to alcohol, I have to leave the sugar and certain carbs behind. I'm considering doing some online OA meetings (Overeater's Anonymous) because meetings and the 12 steps of AA help me with my drinking so I'm thinking meetings and the 12 steps of OA will help me with my binging.

I do apologize for being all over the place with this post, it's not intentional it's the way my brain has been working as of late.

Thanks for coming by!

God Bless

Sassle!

At least I'm maintaining!

2009-10-20T09:30:00.007-05:00

This is how I feel as of late though I'm getting much better at it. Ok let's start with the weight of the issue, I've maintained my 258 which is ok but scary because I maintained 245 forever and well we know how that worked out for me.

I've been working extra hard these days; hubby hates his job and that's with a capital H. I'm doing some online work and have been making it a success for approximately give or take one year. I've stepped things up on that forefront and honestly believe I can make a success at this venture, all I need is time. Who doesn't need time?!

I am the proud owner of 2 dogs, a black lab/chessie mix who will soon be one years old and a six month old mini dachshund, oh did I mention I have 2 cats who hate the dogs. So I being the chicken sh!t that I am and not wanting my lab to hurt the cats have been taking said animals out but first I must gate the cats then get the dogs outside, spend time with them, bring them back up and bla bla bla. I Sassle complicate my life but I really don't know a better way to acclimate them to each other. I'm told it takes time so time I'll take.

Now let's talk diet/health plan/exercise hmm I've not dieted, I appreciate all the kind words of support from everyone. I tell you this has been harder then I thought it would be which is why I don't like to permit myself little extras when I'm following a plan because I go berserk when I do so. I'm considering following Weight Watchers again or just sticking with what I know which is counting calories and eating the South Beach way. How many calories would I be allowed? Let me go see; according to Myfitness Pal I should consume 1500 calories/day and according to Sparke People I should consume anywhere in between 1230 to 1580 calories/day. So I'll stick with what Spark People tell me because it seems doable and will keep my body guessing a la calorie cycling way.

Ok so when do I start this wonderful plan? Um... Tomorrow?!

Dang it! I know, I know I should start it now... but I'm not ready. How do I know I'll be ready tomorrow? Well I'll tell you what, I will (not try) I will blog what I plan on eating tomorrow sometime today. I have to, I must at the very least attempt to. Some how I don't feel very honest with myself but I'll try to prove myself wrong.

That's it for now! I'll be back...

Thanks for coming back!

Sassle!

Spiritual Awakening and what am I going to do with it?

2009-10-08T09:27:00.006-05:00

Growth, yes I'm growing in all ways; spiritually, weight wise and in family size. NO I'm not pregnant, but we have a new puppy, a beautiful miniature dachshund and his name is Harley.

Yesterday was a turning point for me since I"ve relapsed on my health plan. You see I bought a cake, a Sara Lee Vanilla Bean Cake and I ate the whole thing in 2 sittings. But the thing that shook me up the most was the craving that I had, it reminded me of when I used to drink (going on 10 years sobriety this November) the urge to eat that cake and everything else was unimportant. It was scary, it reminded me of an article I read about Transference of Addictions. Now I can say that's what I did, I think I never wanted to admit it because it sort of represents that I failed. I mean I have close to 10 years sobriety and yet if I"m transferring my addiction I haven't healed at all or I"m not dealing with the real issues at hand. What are they? I don't know. Am I working the 12 steps like I should? I believe I have to speak to my sponsor about this so I can get back on track. Come to think of it I must take away my original comment above about growing spiritually, I can't possibly be growing spiritually if I'm transferring my addiction. Sheesh I'm coming clean with myself aren't I? I think this is what they mean by having a spiritual awakening because something clicked inside of me when I woke up and when I decided to share this with my Sassle world.

The questions are the same though, what will I do with this "knowledge" and why am I still struggling even though I'm "working" a 12 step program. What am I missing? What have I not worked on?

Sorry for the confused writing, I'm all over the place with this as my mind is full of clutter.

Thanks for stopping by!

Sassle

Sassle Update!

2009-09-13T10:03:00.007-05:00

I want to start by thanking all of you who have checked up on me. I'm fine, really I am. I've put on weight, see the association? I stopped blogging I started gaining, imagine if that was the solution, I think it is because this blog makes me accountable when I'm not accountable well the results are there. Another thing this blog does it gives me the opportunity to vent about my feelings. Feelings of failure, feelings of disgust towards myself, feelings of confusion as to how with all that I know did I allow myself to get back up to 258 pounds!!!

As I write this I already feel better, I'm amongst friends, I can share my thoughts and feelings towards weight loss and know that I'm not alone. So why did I leave? I work long hours, summer brought me out of doors and life happened, all the while knowing Sassle was being neglected but knew deep down inside I would go back to her because she is my alter ego.

I turned 44 years old 2.5 weeks ago, it was a wonderful birthday, I had managed up until last week to maintain 248 lbs no matter what I did then suddenly I passed the 250 then the 255 and well I'm 258 who knows if this keeps up when I'll hit 260 and up.

So I'm back, I need to be back, I need to come back to this blog where I feel most at home. I have lots to share, lots to tell but that will take some time. I missed reading your blogs, seeing how your lives, successes and struggles are going. I"ll catch up and keep you posted on a regular basis.

Thanks for caring, thanks for stopping by! I missed you all!

Sassle :)

Yes I'm home and good too!

2009-09-12T16:37:00.003-05:00

I promise to write tonight! I'm back, I've got stuff to say! I will write!

I'm back and here to stay...

2009-07-30T11:19:00.009-05:00

To say I'm back seems a bit premature. I went on an unplanned hiatus. It started small, skipped one day, skipped a week, thought about the blog, thought about updating every time something major/minor happened and next thing you know it's been weeks since I last updated you all on my victories, struggles and weight.

Today I asked myself "Am I doing the best I can for today?" and realized the answer was no. Now I'm being a little harsh on myself simply because I haven't been awake for 1.5 hours just yet but there are steps I could take to make sure I am doing the best I can for today.

Things are good, my life is good, so why do I feel empty inside?

Hubby's schedule at work changed so his hours were from 4:00pm to 1:00am and now as of the second week in august he's 2:00pm to 11:00pm for the next 2.5 months. I don't sleep much, it's not that I don't want to, it's because my mind races about all the possibilities of the day or I'm thinking too much of what needs to be done, or worse I'm having a hate on for myself. So sleep is good but ever since I was a child I've never been a sleeper, I get some rest and I'm off to my wiles.

Now as for my weight, I went down to 239, back up and maintained to 245 but went on a bread binge (and salami) yesterday so I'm 250 this morning. Ugh not good. But I don't hate myself for that. Which brings to mind what I realized yesterday. If I'm not eating well, I'm not feeling good about my life (or vice versa) it's all connected. So I need to fix my soul STAT. I'm praying, I've been praying to God for the last 2-3 days to help me and take the ick nast out of my soul.

My mother-in-law is coming this Sunday for a week, we've never met before though we've spoken on the phone a lot since I've been with hubby which is just short of 3 years. I think/hope we'll get along. She arrives Sunday while hubby is at work so we'll have 8 hours to get to know each other.

If I can get a ride tomorrow I will be doing groceries and going back to buying South Beach Food so I can find my mojo and continue down the losing path. Hubby takes the car to work so I'm without one which is OK I guess, it saves me money and calories that I don't have access to a car.

I feel yukky today, spiritually and emotionally that is which is why I guess I'm posting because I need to get it out. Thanks to those of you who have wondered where I've been in the last while, my family is OK, I'm OK, life is good, I'm just a recovering alcoholic who needs to constantly work on her spiritual self in order to feel good. I've got 9 years and 9 months of sobriety, you'd think I'd get the hang of it by now but no, it's a daily process.

Oh and no I haven't been taking my Optivite so I must get back to that too. I hate pills, just the smell of them makes me cringe but I've noticed a difference in myself since I stopped taking them, I'm more emotional, more sensitive, more everything that is not positive.

Oh and as a side note, I have NOT gone back to sugar (yay) in spite of any binges I've had, sugar has not won, it's like I know if I do the sugar binge I'm f*cked so I stay away from it like I stay away from alcohol.

Thanks for stopping by!

Sassle

As the Governor would say... I'll be back!

2009-07-06T18:54:00.002-05:00

I'll be posting tomorrow... sorry for the delay... been busy and sort of not much to say (don't laugh it's true)...

Hugs to you all and thanks for caring :)

Sassle

I Love

2009-06-28T09:20:00.005-05:00

I Love!

I Love that it's Sunday and there's a slight breeze outside
I Love my Mother
I Love my Husband
I Love my Stepchildren
I Love my Grandchildren
I Love my Brother
I Love my nephew
I Love all my family and friends
I Love being able to fit inside Hubby's shorts
I Love the color of my eyes
I Love that I look like my mother
I Love my real name which is Robyn
I Love my puppy
I Love my 2 cats
I Love my 2 horses
I Love that my puppy thinks Hubby and I are the best thing in the world next to a fresh bone
I Love that my kitties think I rock especially when I feed them some wet food
I Love Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love my sponsor and all she has taught me
I Love that I have a blog where I can share my thoughts and feelings
I Love the colors of the sky here in Wisconsin
I Love that Hubby & I are house hunting
I Love that I am a capable independent woman
I Love that I'm growing as a human being
I Love my son-in-law
I Love our soldiers who are fighting to keep us safe
I Love all of God's creatures
I Love that I'm shrinking size wise
I Love my body and all it can do
I Love manicures and pedicures
I Love the sound of a child's laughter
I Love that I have followers to my blog
I Love getting my bi-weekly paycheque
I Love the faith I have in myself
I Love God
I Love Faith in God
I Love the sound my little kitten makes when she's looking for me
I Love the fact that my eldest cat is a demanding kitty and feels he deserves respect
I Love that my puppy is a true farm dog who will hunt anything and everything in her path
I Love the sound of a stream
I Love the idea of fishing
I Love the South Beach Diet
I Love a cold bottle of water
I Love a cold bottle of diet cola
I Love Leslie Sansone and her walk program
I Love knowing how to feel better and better
I Love how easy it is to love when I choose to focus there on purpose
I Love feeling good about myself
I Love feeling eager for this day
I Love feeling eager
I Love laughing and having fun
I Love playing
I Love feeling childlike and anticipating good
I Love feeling joyful
I Love being touched to the heart
I Love feeling good because I choose to focus on what feels good
I Love feeling empowered by my decision to focus
I Love walks with my MP3 player
I Love choosing time for myself to read and relax
I Love my home
I Love the sound of the trees with the breezy wind blowing through them
I Love meeting like-minded people
I Love getting puppy kisses
I Love seeing my kitties play
I Love feeling ALIVE!
I Love being ALIVE!
I Love having the best tool for the job
I Love being on top of my game
I Love the way our pets Love my husband
I Love the way my husband treats our pets
I Love feeling like a million bucks
I Love feeling rich and filled with well being
I Love knowing the resources of this beautiful Universe are here for me to enjoy
I Love amplifying beauty
I Love amplifying wisdom and joy
I Love grapes
I Love strawberries
I Love bananas
I Love garlic
I Love onions
I Love the relationship I have with my stepchildren
I Love Life
I Love showing my grandchildren something for the first time
I Love treating others with extraordinary respect and unconditional love
I Love being treated with extraordinary respect and unconditional love
I Love getting a great return on my investments
I Love my grandson's laughter
I Love my granddaughter's beauty and determination
I Love that both grandchildren have huge hearts filled with love
I Love that my stepdaughter teaches her children about love and respect
I Love my stepson's sense of fun and adventure
I Love a warm, affectionate touch
I Love hugs
I Love great massages
I Love giving my husband massages
I Love swimming in the pool
I Love reading a good book on our reading couch with no interruptions
I Love talking with my friends
I Love living a free life
I Love watching my horses play
I Love watching my pony try to get his groove on with the Quarter horse mare
I Love being spontaneous
I Love paying more attention to how I feel than what other people want from me
I Love focusing on my joy
I Love finding something to appreciate in this now moment
I Love seeing just how much there is to appreciate
I Love finding old friends on Facebook
I Love knowing I'm stronger then I have ever been
I Love focusing on what is already working in my life
I Love the saying Live and Let Live
I Love the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love how long this list is
I Love smiling
I Love that my husband thinks I'm wonderful
I Love pretty things
I Love pink
I Love green
I Love feeling relaxed and trusting
I Love lasagna
I Love cooking food on the grill
I Love corn on the cob
I Love cheeseburgers
I Love hotdogs
I Love eating healthy
I Love that I don't expect anyone to read this whole list
I Love knowing I was born to be free
I Love knowing that I am light and light I shall remain
I Love appreciating my body
I Love my Husband's laughter
I Love the way my husband invents words
I Love the way my husband touches me
I Love listening to music that opens my heart
I Love finding new music that celebrates life and how I feel
I Love being in love with my husband
I Love living in love
I Love laughing so hard no sound comes out
I Love laughing at myself for taking life so very seriously sometimes
I Love seeing that I am really quite beautiful
I Love the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous
I Love feeling my body relax
I Love feeling my core muscles get stronger and stronger
I Love feeling strong and fit and flexible
I Love feeling my imagination blossoming
I Love having inspired thoughts
I Love feeling my heart sing
I Love recognizing that this could go on forever
I Love recognizing that love continues to expand
I Love knowing that what I focus on expands
I Love being open to more love
I Love being more loving
I Love remembering that my Inner Being is always guiding me
I Love following that guidance
I Love remembering that I just have to choose to focus
I Love loving to focus on joy, freedom, prosperity, peace, wonder
I Love being happy
I Love celebrating my freedom
I Love that joy is contagious
I Love hearing a positive, uplifting story
I Love all types of success stories
I Love losing over 50 pounds
I Love feeling more attractive then I ever have
I Love celebrating just how good life can be
I Love making peace with anything that bothers me
I Love knowing that the prime of my life is always NOW!
I Love that this is to be continued...

Calling in on some NSV's

2009-06-28T00:54:00.001-05:00

Still on plan, I feel good all around, my house is a mess, I'm a bit behind on one of my jobs but aside from that I feel a slight burden lifted and I feel good about myself.

Here are some NSV's

I was told my face is really losing weight LOL I'll take it thank you very much
I've followed the plan since Monday without messing up.
I now fit in hubby's shorts. They are a men's 42, hey I'll take it, I couldn't fit in them before.
I can now comfortably buy a size 20 and know they will fit, hey I'll take it LOL.
I feel pretty these days which is shocking for me since I am my number one worse enemy, I'm always doubting my looks.
I got into my size 18 jeans that I bought a month or so ago, I can put them on, zip and button them too.

That's it for today!

Thanks

Sassle :)