marriage

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Why Are Marriages Failing

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 13 Jan 2016 11:53:00 +0100

Marriage should be a sacred institution in any society but the reverse is the case this days why? There are factors responsible for this anomaly there are as follows; 1.The society norms. 2. Lost values of marital arrangement 3. The quest for independent 4. Me first attitude etc.

Why is My Marriage in a State of Conflict?

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 2 Aug 2011 13:45:00 +0100

Two Keys to a Happy Marriage by Kevin Miller

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 2 Aug 2011 13:40:00 +0100

Dealing with Anger In Your Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 23 May 2011 15:12:00 +0100

Everywhere you look in today’s world, we are hearing about people expressing anger, often in a destructive, inappropriate way. "Rage" used to be a term reserved for strange, out-of-control people, but now we have road rage, workplace rage and even airplane rage. Violent outbursts are commonplace on TV talk shows. Gun rampages in public places have become a typical news event. What’s going on?

American culture has a bizarre relationship with the energy of anger and its inappropriate expression as violence. In our consumer lifestyle, we know that violence sells. The promotion of violence is a multi-billion dollar business, affecting virtually every aspect of our lives. Think for a moment about the expressions of violence on TV, movies, video games, professional sports, and many forms of recreation. We dare not show a single naked breast or penis on TV, but we can show hundreds of horrible, bloody murders every day of the week. A startling statistic is that by the time they finish elementary school, the average American child (who watches just 3.5 hours of TV a week) will have witnessed 12,000 murders and more than 150,000 other acts of violence on TV.

We teach our children to not hit their siblings and then roar in delight at the vicious fight at the hockey game or the bone-crushing tackle at the football game. The top stories on our local news are often nothing more than a review of the most sensationally violent acts in our community in the past day. By virtually any measure you use, American society is the most violent society in the history of recorded civilization.

This is some evidence that we are modeling what we learn through the media, where violence is often presented with few realistic consequences. The National Television Violence Study in 1995 found that 47% of the violent acts shown resulted in no observable harm to the victim; only 16% of violent shows contained a message about the long term negative repercussions of violence; and in a whopping 73% of all violent scenes, the perpetrator went unpunished. The study found 44% of the shows on network stations contained at least some violence, compared with 59% on basic cable and 85% on premium channels. It’s interesting to note that the more money people pay for a television service, the more violence it contains! Studies by George Gerbner, Ph.D. at the University of Pennsylvania have shown that children who watch a lot of television are more likely to think that the world is a mean and dangerous place; they become less sensitive to the pain and suffering of others; and they are more likely to behave in aggressive or harmful ways toward others.

With adults, people who cannot deal appropriately with their anger teach their children that violence is an acceptable way to deal with conflict. Men who have witnessed their parents' domestic violence are three times more likely to abuse their own wives than children of non violent parents, with the sons of the most violent parents being 1000 times more likely to become perpetrators of violent acts toward women. During each year women were the victims of more than 4.5 million violent crimes, including approximately 500,000 rapes or other sexual assaults. In 29 percent of the violent crimes against women by lone offenders the perpetrators were husbands, former husbands, boyfriends or former boyfriends.

So why as a culture do we teach, promote, and model destructive, inappropriate, unrealistic expressions of anger? We are fascinated with anger and violence because we are terrified of and uncomfortable with our own power. As a culture, we try to make nice, to make believe that we are not angry people, and harshly judge others that are. Our anger is the shadow side of the positive, upbeat, prosperous American psyche. Violence sells because it is tapping into a deeply repressed aspect of the American psyche. We tuck our anger away in the darkest, most shameful recesses of our minds and hearts, and then are horrified and surprised when it comes blasting out. Yet it is a fundamental principle of psychology that whatever we disown, cut off or otherwise repress in our psyche becomes stronger than it actually is, and eventually will force us to recognize its existence by coming to the surface in a distorted, exaggerated or impulsive manner.

So if there is an answer to this issue of anger and violence, it is that we all must recognize, befriend and own our own power, our own potential for anger and even violence, and come to terms with that energy. Anger is an energy that can be harnessed and channeled in any number of ways, some of them very constructive. But that can only happen if we’re willing to look our own anger straight in the eye without fear, denial or minimization. Anger is the elephant in our collective living rooms that no one wants to talk about other than in harsh, judgmental terms about other people.

Anger Management

Anger is a natural, adaptive response to threats; it inspires powerful, often aggressive, feelings and behaviors, which allow us to fight and to defend ourselves when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger, therefore, is necessary for our survival. On the other hand, we obviously can't lash out at every person or object that irritates or annoys us. So expressing your angry feelings in an assertive, not aggressive manner is the healthiest way to express anger. To do this, you have to learn how to make clear what your needs are, and how to get them met without hurting others. Being assertive doesn't mean being pushy or demanding; it means being respectful of yourself and others.

The goal of any type of anger management is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physical arousal that anger causes. While you can’t always change the situations or people that upset you, you can learn to control your reactions. Here are some great tools to try:

1. Relaxation - simple relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and relaxing imagery, can help calm down angry feelings. Books such as The Relaxation Response by Herbert Benson and Full Catastrophe Living by Jon Kabatt-Zinn are excellent sources for instruction in meditation and relaxation. Once you learn the techniques, you can use them in anywhere to quickly calm down.

For additional help with relaxation, practice breathing deeply from your diaphragm; breathing from your chest doesn’t tend to elicit nearly as deep a sensation of relaxation. Picture your breath coming up from your diaphragm while you slowly repeat a calm word or phrase such as "relax," "take it easy." Repeat it to yourself while breathing deeply and putting attention on your breath. Use imagery: visualize a relaxing experience, from either your memory or your imagination, with as many senses involved in the visualization as possible. Hatha yoga is also a great method for relaxing your muscles and making you feel much calmer.

2. Change Your Thoughts - Angry people tend to think negative, critical thoughts about themselves or others. When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated, overly dramatic and irrational. Try replacing these thoughts with more positive and rational ones. Remind yourself that getting angry is not going to fix anything, that it won't make you feel better (and may actually make you feel worse). Also, when angry, people often feel victimized. So it’s helpful to reflect on what’s happening and take responsibility for whatever you are doing to partially create the situation that frustrates you.

3. Communicate Directly After you Calm Down - when angry, people make assumptions that may not be true about others’ intentions. So slow down, calm down, and speak clearly about whatever it is that is frustrating you to the person(s) involved. Talk about your feelings and perceptions rather than blaming others. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.

4. Take Time for Yourself - make sure you have some "personal time" scheduled for times of the day or days of the week that you know are particularly stressful. One example is the woman who has a standing rule that when she comes home from work, for the first 15 minutes "nobody talks to me unless the house is on fire." After this brief quiet time, she feels better prepared to handle demands from her kids and husband without yelling at them.

There are some excellent self-help books available on the topic of dealing with anger. Two of our favorites address specific gender issues that men and women face: The Dance of Anger: A Women’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships, by Harriet Lerner and Beyond Anger, A Guide for Men: How to Free Yourself from the Grip of Anger and Get More Out of Life, by Thomas Harbin.

Anger is an expression of our life force. When manifest in an appropriate manner, it can be an intelligent expression and reaction to the circumstances of our lives. When we befriend our anger, we tame its impulsive expression and give ourselves a valuable tool to create constructive change for ourselves and the world. We encourage you to start wherever you are, with compassion and love for all parts of yourself, and begin to explore your own relationship with this powerful and necessary life energy. And be honest with yourself in the process: if you cannot understand this energy, if it feels like a wild beast or a scary monster, seek out help from those who can guide your journey of healing and discovery in a safe and constructive manner.

Emotional Affairs

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 16:13:00 +0100

The topic of infidelity is a frequent topic with couples experiencing problems. When most people hear the terms 'infidelity' or 'affair', they almost always think of a passionate, romantic, physical relationship. Certainly many people engage in physical affairs borne out of immaturity, acting out of hostility and even sexual addiction.

What is less understood however, and at times can be even more threatening to a long-term relationship than a physical affair, is an emotional affair. An emotional affair occurs when one member of a relationship consistently turns to someone else for their core, primary emotional support in life. It often develops slowly, even innocently, as a friendship with a co-worker or friend. There may or may not be a romantic/sexual attraction initially accompanying this budding friendship. But when the primary relationship is experiencing ongoing hostility, conflict and/or distance, and one member of the relationship pulls away from their partner and consistently turns to their 'friend' for companionship, support and sharing of deep personal material, an emotional affair has begun.

For many people, the emotional affair is a great source of relief and comfort during relationship difficulties. But the danger is that there is a finite amount of intimate emotional energy to go around, and when one begins to regularly invest significant amounts of their emotional energy in someone outside the primary committed relationship, the primary relationship can be seriously compromised.

Frequently, an emotional affair will deepen through consistent contact through in-person discussion and/or numerous email and voice mail messages. There becomes an excitement and ease in hearing from the person. And when this type of relationship does lead to physical intimacy, it's often a little sex and a lot of talking. The sex may be intense and passionate, but it is the feeling of emotional safety and companionship that really fuels the bond at the deepest level.

This companionship can doom the primary relationship. Once the door of emotional intimacy has been opened and the bond deepens, the person having the emotional affair cannot help but compare. "It's so easy to talk to her, and so hard to talk to my spouse" is the common refrain. "My husband always complains and criticizes, but my friend is always there, always in a good mood, and always understands and listens to me." It is much easier to open up and feel safe in a superficial new friendship compared to a long-term committed relationship.

How do you know if you are developing an emotional affair? Ask yourself these questions:

*

do I feel like it's easier to talk to my friend than my partner?
*

does my friend seem to understand me in a deeper way than my partner?
*

have I stopped confiding my deepest feelings and concerns with my partner and now turn to my friend for these needs?

If you find yourself or your partner developing an emotional affair, you need to put your attention on your primary relationship as soon as possible. Get help to understand why you drifted to this other person in the first place. Begin the work of re-investing emotional energy in your primary relationship. Turning to someone else during a time of conflict or distance often is merely escaping and avoiding other issues which won't go away. And don't kid yourself: these same issues will resurface again should you develop a real relationship with your emotional affair partner. You may as well learn to deal with them now, before putting yourself and your partner through a terrible crisis.

ONLINE AFFAIRS - Emotional and Physical

Some emotional affairs occur online, with someone you've never actually met in person. Here are seven signs that your significant other may be having a cyberaffair:

*
Change in sleep patterns
*
Demand for privacy
*
Household chores ignored
*
Evidence of lying
*
Personality changes
*
Loss of interest in sex
*
Declining relationship investment

Chat rooms and meeting places for cybersex don't heat up until late at night, so the cheating partner tends to stay up later and later to be part of the action. Often, the partner suddenly begins coming to bed in the early-morning hours, may leap out of bed an hour or two earlier and bolt to the computer for a pre-work e-mail exchange with a new romantic partner may explain things.

The computer may be moved from the visible den to a secluded corner of a locked study, the spouse may change the password, or cloak his or her online activities in secrecy. If disturbed or interrupted when online, the cheating spouse may react with anger or defensiveness.

In an intimate relationship, sharing chores often is regarded as an integral part of a basic commitment. So when a spouse begins to invest more time and energy online and fails to keep up his or her end of the household bargain, it could signal a lesser commitment to the relationship itself -- because another relationship has come between your marriage.

The cheating spouse may hide credit-card bills for online services, telephone bills to calls made to a cyberlover, and lie about the reason for such extensive net use. They also may tell you they will quit.

A once warm and sensitive wife becomes cold and withdrawn. A formerly jovial husband turns quiet and serious. If questioned about these changes in connection with their Internet habit, the spouse engaging in a cyberaffair responds with heated denials, blaming and rationalization. Often times, the blame is shifted to the spouse.

Some cyberaffairs evolve into phone sex or an actual rendezvous, but cybersex can include mutual masturbation from the confines of each person's computer room. When a spouse suddenly shows a lesser interest in sex, it may be an indicator that he or she has found another sexual outlet.

Those engaged in a cyberaffair no longer want to participate in the marital relationship - even when their busy Internet schedule allows. They shun those familiar rituals like a shared bath, talking over the dishes after dinner or renting a video on Saturday night. They don't get as excited about taking vacations together and they avoid talk about long-range plans in the family or relationship.

Discover this definition of marriage and watch your relationship soar!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 9 Mar 2011 12:33:00 +0100

He flew to his feet, and with one fluid motion launched towards her with a bound. With great determination etched across his face the relentless pursuit continued, and it was obvious nothing was going to stand in his way.

"Stop right now!" shouted his mom.

His dad echoing the charge added, "Stop immediately!"

Didn't even slow him down!

The obstacles lying on the floor blocking his path didn't even faze him, and the hands of his mom and dad reaching for him might just as well have been invisible. He just blew right by them continuing his relentless pursuit.

What I just described for you is a natural occurrence around our house lately. It seems our son is serious about his younger sister not picking up something that belongs to him.

Perhaps you have seen it, too!

Many of you reading this probably remember the helicopter video of a chase scene involving, what seemed like, every police officer in Los Angeles and a certain white Ford Bronco. I know I will never forget this example of relentless pursuit that ultimately led to the trial of the century.

There are multiple examples of relentless pursuit one can think of, but I would like to turn our attention to why the definition of marriage is a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another for life.

I. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily disengaged

Like my son in the story above, it is hard to disengage them from their passionate and relentless pursuit. They embrace a life lived for the enrichment of their spouse, and nothing is going to detour them from that focus. They establish a set of boundaries that govern their commitment to relentless pursuit of one another and then wisely maintain those boundaries.

Neglecting boundaries has been the ally of many an affair.

You know the progression! The conversation at the water fountain at work becomes the laugh by the lockers becomes the lunch by the lake becomes LEG-A-CY replaced for how much LEG-I-SEE.

You're skimming Facebook looking for "Friends" and come across you-know-who. "Should I or Shouldn't I," you question yourself. You shouldn't....you do....and the "I do" promise of your marriage is soon challenged. Sure, there's more going on in this example than Facebook, but we are talking about respecting the boundaries.

The first boundary crossed makes stepping over the next one easier, and before long, the boundary lines become less and less defined. How many affairs could have been prevented with proper respect for the boundaries?

II. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily distracted

My wife and I were grabbing a bite of food at the Mall one night and noticed a young couple coming towards us. The young girl clasped his hand in true vice-grip fashion, and the look of satisfaction on her face was evident. They couldn’t have been more than sixteen, but you could just tell she took pride in being his one-and-only.

As this young couple passed by our table, we almost fell out of our seats laughing about the irony. On the back of the young man's black t-shirt he sported where these words in bold white letters:

EASILY DISTRACTED!

Couples in relentless pursuit of one another may have t-shirts with cute sayings on them, but EASILY DISTRACTED is usually not one of them.

A man in relentless pursuit of his wife discovers that Vivacious Veronica caressing her curves by his cubicle doesn't cast the same spell on him as it does others. A woman in relentless pursuit of her husband hardly notices Ted the Terrific turning his teasing talents of temptations her direction.

III. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily disenchanted

Stan-Land is a place my wife was often accused of going while we were dating. She would be in deep thought about something and someone would tease her about being in Stan-Land. More often than not, by her own admittance, that is exactly where she would be.

Over a decade of marriage later, and with a wiser definition of marriage, guess what? My wife still goes to Stan-Land. I have a confession of my own. I am enchanted by my wife, and practically every day of my life, I go to Jessica-Land. In our marriage, both of us get more and more enchanted with one another as the years go by. Being in relentless pursuit of each other has this magical effect. You see…

…WHAT WE ELEVATE BECOMES WHAT WE CELEBRATE!

When you are a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another, you can't help but elevate that person's value in your world. As you do this, prepare to be enchanted!

In the book of the Bible "Song of Songs (Song of Solomon)" there is a great example of what relentless pursuit looks like and why it makes for a great definition of marriage.

1 I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.

2 I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.

3 The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"

4 Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go…

So, how about it! Is your definition of marriage a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another for life? If not, start relentlessly pursuing your spouse and see if you don't find yourself echoing this same sentiment;

Discovering the definition of marriage and watch your relationship soar!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 25 Feb 2011 11:18:00 +0100

He flew to his feet, and with one fluid motion launched towards her with a bound. With great determination etched across his face the relentless pursuit continued, and it was obvious nothing was going to stand in his way.

"Stop right now!" shouted his mom.

His dad echoing the charge added, "Stop immediately!"

Didn't even slow him down!

The obstacles lying on the floor blocking his path didn't even faze him, and the hands of his mom and dad reaching for him might just as well have been invisible. He just blew right by them continuing his relentless pursuit.

What I just described for you is a natural occurrence around our house lately. It seems our son is serious about his younger sister not picking up something that belongs to him.

Perhaps you have seen it, too!

Many of you reading this probably remember the helicopter video of a chase scene involving, what seemed like, every police officer in Los Angeles and a certain white Ford Bronco. I know I will never forget this example of relentless pursuit that ultimately led to the trial of the century.

There are multiple examples of relentless pursuit one can think of, but I would like to turn our attention to why the definition of marriage is a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another for life.

I. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily disengaged

Like my son in the story above, it is hard to disengage them from their passionate and relentless pursuit. They embrace a life lived for the enrichment of their spouse, and nothing is going to detour them from that focus. They establish a set of boundaries that govern their commitment to relentless pursuit of one another and then wisely maintain those boundaries.

Neglecting boundaries has been the ally of many an affair.

You know the progression! The conversation at the water fountain at work becomes the laugh by the lockers becomes the lunch by the lake becomes LEG-A-CY replaced for how much LEG-I-SEE.

You're skimming Facebook looking for "Friends" and come across you-know-who. "Should I or Shouldn't I," you question yourself. You shouldn't....you do....and the "I do" promise of your marriage is soon challenged. Sure, there's more going on in this example than Facebook, but we are talking about respecting the boundaries.

The first boundary crossed makes stepping over the next one easier, and before long, the boundary lines become less and less defined. How many affairs could have been prevented with proper respect for the boundaries?

II. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily distracted

My wife and I were grabbing a bite of food at the Mall one night and noticed a young couple coming towards us. The young girl clasped his hand in true vice-grip fashion, and the look of satisfaction on her face was evident. They couldn’t have been more than sixteen, but you could just tell she took pride in being his one-and-only.

As this young couple passed by our table, we almost fell out of our seats laughing about the irony. On the back of the young man's black t-shirt he sported where these words in bold white letters:

EASILY DISTRACTED!

Couples in relentless pursuit of one another may have t-shirts with cute sayings on them, but EASILY DISTRACTED is usually not one of them.

A man in relentless pursuit of his wife discovers that Vivacious Veronica caressing her curves by his cubicle doesn't cast the same spell on him as it does others. A woman in relentless pursuit of her husband hardly notices Ted the Terrific turning his teasing talents of temptations her direction.

III. Couples committed to relentless pursuit of one another are not easily disenchanted

Stan-Land is a place my wife was often accused of going while we were dating. She would be in deep thought about something and someone would tease her about being in Stan-Land. More often than not, by her own admittance, that is exactly where she would be.

Over a decade of marriage later, and with a wiser definition of marriage, guess what? My wife still goes to Stan-Land. I have a confession of my own. I am enchanted by my wife, and practically every day of my life, I go to Jessica-Land. In our marriage, both of us get more and more enchanted with one another as the years go by. Being in relentless pursuit of each other has this magical effect. You see…

…WHAT WE ELEVATE BECOMES WHAT WE CELEBRATE!

When you are a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another, you can't help but elevate that person's value in your world. As you do this, prepare to be enchanted!

In the book of the Bible "Song of Songs (Song of Solomon)" there is a great example of what relentless pursuit looks like and why it makes for a great definition of marriage.

1 I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.

2 I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.

3 The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
"Have you seen the one my heart loves?"

4 Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/01/12/article-1113623-0046AD750000044C-353_468x304.jpg
I held him and would not let him go…

So, how about it! Is your definition of marriage a couple committed to relentless pursuit of one another for life? If not, start relentlessly pursuing your spouse and see if you don't find yourself echoing this same sentiment;

"I found the one my heart loves
and I will not let him/her go."
by Stanley J. Leffew

Keep The Passion Alive: - Bring Back The Loving Romance!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:09:00 +0100

The honeymoon is over. Maybe you’ve been together a few months, a few years,
or even a lot of years. At some point, though, the early flames of passion will
fade and you’ll start looking for ways to Spark the passion...
Take a moment to read all of this article and share it with your partner...

1. Have Fun Together - Humor can be very intoxicating!
Remember the fun times you had when you first started dating? You
laughed, you played, and you spent time enjoying each other’s company.
There’s no reason for the fun to stop just because you’ve been together
for a while. Share Jokes and Cartoons - watch comedy - Just Laugh More!

Think about some of these options:
·Collect cartoons or jokes that your spouse will enjoy
·Play a game together, like checkers or backgammon
·Do something unexpected to surprise your spouse
·Do a puzzle together
·Make popcorn and watch a favorite movie

Remember: Keep the Relationship built on Trust!
·
2. Be A Fun & Happy Romantic
What did you used to do when the two of you were romancing each other?
Jump start the romance by going back to some of those previous activities
that generated warm feelings. Maybe you used to:
·Eat dinner by candlelight
·Hide a love note in your spouse’s lunch
·Build a fire and relax in front of it
·Take a walk in the moonlight
Read Poetry to each other in the Park on a blanket
·
3. Go Back To Dating like it was! - Remember ?
One way to jump start your relationship is to “date” each other again. Add
to the fun by calling to ask each other out, and the one doing the asking
then plans the date. To make it more challenging, set a budget limit for
the date. You’d be amazed at how much fun it is to be creative and plan
a date for $40 or less.
Once you’re on the date, treat each other as you did when you were first
getting acquainted. Men, open the car door for your lady. Women, put
on a special dress and flirt with your gentleman.

Remember: You deserve to be in a Healthy relationship!

4. Do The Little Things - & it is okay to Be Sensitive
The day-to-day grind of life can really wear you down, and at those times
paying attention to the little things gets harder. It’s more important then
ever, though, that you make the extra effort to do the little things that
your spouse will really appreciate.
You could:
Make a point to give your partner a hug and a kiss each morning
before you leave and each evening when you get home.
Remember to say please and thank you on a regular basis.
Pick the chore your spouse dislikes the most, and do it for him or her
without being asked - wow - what a unique idea!

Say “I love you” often, not just when you think it’s expected...
Being Spontaneous is exciting!

5. Be Physical -Starting with the Brain!

Being physical means touching her arm, a foot massage, a scalp massage,
holding his hand, offering a gentle caress or neck rub after a tough day. And
when the two of you do move towards having sex, don’t just turn out the lights
and get on with it every time. Seduce each other a bit, light some candles and
take a bubble bath together. As pleasurable as sex is, doing the same thing
the same way every time gets boring so spice things up a bit and you’ll be
amazed at what will happen.

Two Keys to a Happy Marriage by Kevin Miller

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:05:00 +0100

Almost every marriage starts out as a huge celebration. Together with their family and friends, each couple is full of hopes and dreams for their future life together. But the road to a happy marriage is far from easy. And as today’s divorce statistics demonstrate all too well, many couples opt not to complete the journey.

It would be easy to blame our high rate of marital failure on things like not spending enough quality time together, allowing bitterness and resentment to build in our hearts and failing to keep communication lines open. There’s no end to books, articles and seminars that tell you how to improve these and many other aspects of your relationship. But while quality time, forgiveness and communication are vitally important to creating a happy marriage, if such things aren’t happening, it’s usually a sign of a much deeper problem. And until this problem is addressed, no amount of external behavior modification will work.

To get a hint of what this deeper issue might be, let’s take a look at the following Scripture passage:

One of them, an expert in the law, tested him [Jesus] with this question: "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?"
Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." (Matthew 22:35-40)

I believe that virtually every marital problem can be traced back to one or both partners failing to abide by these two laws. The same is true of any relationship. The minute we begin to focus on our own wants and needs over those of God or our partner; we’re destined for trouble.

Experiencing communication problems in your marriage? How often do you really focus on listening to what your partner (or God) has to say instead of insisting on more airtime? Feeling bitterness and resentment growing toward your partner? When was the last time you brought him or her before the Lord in prayer and truly thanked God for your relationship? Struggling to find quality time together? How about praying with your partner and asking God how he would like you to use your time?

As you begin to do these things, you’ll notice that your focus automatically starts to shift away from you and your desires and over to God and your partner. As a result, communication problems begin to improve, anger and resentment fade away and you naturally want to spend more time together. Of course, you can’t expect such changes to happen overnight. Your relationship is also bound to face financial pressures, childrearing issues and other problems that are beyond your control. But if you commit your relationship to God and make a conscious decision each day to put God and your partner first, your marriage will be able to weather any storm. Not only that; you’ll also have plenty of fun together along the way!

Have you struggled to find happiness in your marriage? Perhaps it’s time you and your spouse invited God to direct your relationship. If you would like to do so, we encourage you to pray the following:

"Dear God, thank you so much for bringing us together as a couple. We know that you have a plan and a purpose for our marriage, and we invite you to forgive the past self-centeredness, come into our lives and relationship and direct our steps from now on. Please give us the grace to put you and each other first every day. Make our relationship a blessing to others. But most of all; make it a blessing to you. Amen."

Arranged Marriage Funny Commercial

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 17:00:00 +0100

Cultivating Gratitude In Your Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:32:00 +0100

"To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven." -Johannes A. Gaertner

Most spiritual and psychological traditions speak of the importance of cultivating a sense of gratitude in life, if one is to evolve into higher realms of human existence and consistently experience joy, aliveness and meaning in one’s life. This is especially true here in the Western world, where we are bombarded with the lure and illusory promise of material things from the moment we are born. Our entire consumer-oriented culture is based on convincing people that the real solution to their unhappiness and dissatisfaction in life is that they need to buy something they do not yet have (and often really do not need), and then making them feel even worse if they can’t or won’t buy it. All of our major indices of prosperity and success are based on the idea that consumption is good, and more consumption is better. Consequently, even if we do buy the latest thing, our satisfaction is short-lived and fades as soon as the next new gizmo comes out. As a result, people feel badly if their house "only" has 2000 square feet and their car has not grown to tank-size proportions like the ones they see in their neighbor’s driveway and their boat is only twenty feet long.

But what inner qualities does this entire industry of induced consumption breed in us? Unfortunately, it has created a nation of greedy, envious, self-serving, worried, competitive people who tend to put more attention on what they don’t have then what they have, creating more craving, more desire, more emptiness, and more longing. Compare this attitude with that of the philosopher Epictetus, who said, "He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has."

And this attitude of dissatisfaction exists in a country which has more material prosperity than any country in history. Just how fortunate are we in the United States? According to recent estimates by the United Nations, worldwide, about 24,000 people die every day from hunger or hunger-related causes; some 800 million people in the world suffer from hunger and malnutrition; and 1.6 billion people still live in absolute poverty. If one includes those living in "relative poverty", the poor population across the globe amounts to 3.3 billion, more than half of the entire world. In other words, over 50% of the population on Earth would be thrilled beyond belief to live at the standard of most Americans. And yet for so many of us, it’s still not enough.

Which is where gratitude comes in. We need a major attitude shift if we are to create healthier relationships, more inner serenity, fulfillment and meaningful lives. Cicero once wrote, "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others." Gratitude paves the way for a host of other very positive qualities to emerge.

How we can cultivate more of this wonderful quality within ourselves and others? We can begin by starting a Gratitude Journal, writing down all things, both great and small, that we are grateful for in our life. Nothing is too small or insignificant to be included, because the scale of gratitude knows no bounds. You can be as grateful for the flower that bloomed today as for the home you live in, the health of your family, and the look in your dog’s eye when you come home. Review your list daily.

In terms of our relationships, we tend to take our spouses, lovers, significant others and friends for granted. There is no greater gift than to tell a loved one how much you appreciate their presence in your life. Countless times while working with couples we have seen resentment and anger melt away in the presence of sincere gratitude and appreciation. Call a friend or relative, or write a letter to let someone know what they mean to you, even if they are healthy and not in crisis. It’s also a wonderful practice to have an entire family express gratitude together on a regular basis; the earlier children start the greater their capacity for gratitude becomes.

The consistent practice of expressing gratitude also reminds us that we do not live alone; we survive only because we are constantly receiving goods from people, from nature, and from spirit. Gratitude helps us to be more aware of the many things that we receive from other people, and realize that our lives depend on the perpetual giving of others, and we feel a deeper responsibility to give more of ourselves. Albert Einstein said, "A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life depends on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the measure as I have received and am still receiving".

In closing, here's a wonderful quote by Melody Beattie:

"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.
It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity.
It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.
Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today,
and creates a vision for tomorrow".

Creating an Honest, Truthful Relationship That Last

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 24 Jan 2011 16:25:00 +0100

One of the greatest joys and challenges of conscious, intimate relationships is that when we answer the call to love, we are invited to expand upon who we think we are, who we have been and what we feel and think we are capable of. We are invited by forces larger than ourselves to become a more complete, fuller, more loving human being. We are asked to participate in a process that is at once mysterious, exhilarating and terrifying.

When we answer this most compelling call, a part of us dives headlong into the fray, eager for the possibility of a deeper, more intimate connection than we have experienced before. Recent research indicates that during the early stages of being in love, our brains may secrete a powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitter called phenylethylamine, bathing our central nervous system with an overdose of nature's most potent love cocktail. We are filled with ecstasy and vision and all our circuits are brilliantly lit up. In this heavenly state we are capable of extraordinary acts of unselfish love and caring that occur almost effortlessly.

When we return to earth, however, we are left with our vision of who we can be and the reality of who we think we are. The call to love is always to go deeper and farther than before and if we choose to answer the call, we will inevitably be confronted with a series of choices. One choice is to make a conscious decision of how committed we are to the truth. Have you been committed to truth in your previous relationships? If not, what was the consequence of not committing to truth? And now that you re in a new relationship, are you going to make a conscious commitment for the fullest, deepest, most honest connection you can or are you going to settle for less than that? How far do you want to try to go together? We encourage couples to discuss this openly and consciously, rather than let it play out unconsciously and indirectly as it so often does.

Every time we act and speak from truth, we invite our partner to do the same. Our journey continues to expand and deepen. The equation is simple: Truth = Love = Deeper Connection = Expansion = Greater Opening to Spirit. But if commitment to truth brings such wonderful things to our lives, why is it so rare and so hard? Why are there so many lies, so many affairs, so much hurt and anger being acted out indirectly? Whenever we consider lying to ourselves or our partners, we generally do so to protect some part of ourselves which feels afraid or inadequate. We want to appear better than we are and a little white lie won't hurt anyway, we tell ourselves. It's not really a big deal. What they don't know won't hurt them. We believe it IS a big deal if you compromise and limit the vision of love that the two of you have been called to create. It IS a big deal if you damage the foundation of trust which underlies any successful partnership. It IS a big deal if you re-create patterns of secrets and hiding that you learned in your families of origin. It IS a big deal if you set a precedent of withholding or distorting the honest reality that you experience individually and together. Each time that we distort the truth, we constrict and limit our original call to love and restrict the depth of what we can become. We slip back into the cocoon of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of as human beings.

When we work with couples and encourage them to make a solid commitment to the truth, they often say things like, ''Well I'm afraid to tell her what I really feel... she might leave me'' or ''If he knew that I had done that, he'll hate me forever, so I can't tell him'' or ''If she knew that I wanted to do X, Y and Z sexually, she'd think I was sick.'' At the core, it's always a fear that the truth will not set you free but will unleash a torrent of anger or rejection. But if your relationship cannot handle the truth, then what do you have anyway? If you and your partner are merely colluding with each other to stay in safe territory and avoid difficult issues, then you are settling for much less than what your call to love has invited you to experience.

Commitment to the truth can be uncomfortable and scary at times, but it is also the surest path to ongoing growth and deepening connection available to conscious relationship partners. We encourage everyone to make that commitment and pass it on through words and deeds to your children. If you have struggled with this in the past, be honest about that. And take steps to understand why you might have been less than honest. What healing needs to take place within you so that you no longer need to hide or appear different than who you really are? And remember, the commitment to the truth is not a commitment to always talking about something negative! The truth can be how grateful you feel to be in this relationship or how wonderful it feels to be with someone who shares your vision of an intimate relationship.

We are all capable of greater acts of love and truth than we may believe. We are all capable of being more honest, more clear, more loving, more unselfish. By honoring the original vision that called us to love at this time, we can commit to the truth of what we are experiencing and commit to communicating it to our partners on a regular basis. That is the process that truly will set you and your partner free - to experience the deepest and highest connection possible.

If you or your partner are having difficulty manifesting truth and honesty in your relationship, or there has been a betrayal of trust in the past or present, call us at (248) 546-0407 and let us show you how you can heal the hurts and resentments from the past and create a healthy, loving relationship that will last a lifetime.

Easy Steps for Nurturing Your Marriage By: Jacey Reynolds

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 7 Jan 2011 13:23:00 +0100

Admit it. You've done it before and you'll do it again. You may even be doing it right now as you're reading this article. The "it" I'm talking about? Ignoring your husband! You remember him—that guy who schleps off to work every day, checks the fluids in your car, and has a key to your house?
I confess, as a busy woman, I too am guilty of this offense. Just last night my husband asked me to do him a small favor, and I sarcastically told him I'd "get right on it," as if I had nothing else on my schedule. So without a conscious effort, I made sure he knew just where he fell on my list of priorities. You guessed it—right at the bottom. After paying some bills, checking my email, and wiping down the kitchen counters, I was exhausted and ready to end my day. I eventually got around to helping my husband the next morning, and that's what's important, right?
Well, not quite. I know I could have handled the situation better by giving my husband the help he needed when he needed it—or at least avoided the sarcastic tone and bad attitude when I told him it would have to wait. How many other moms have found themselves in similar situations?
Busy women, I have a challenge for us all! A proposal that we resume paying some attention to those men who were once, however briefly, the focal point of our existence.
So how can we care for our husbands more when our daily lives are already crammed full of to-dos? My solution comes in the form of a little list I compiled and hung on my refrigerator. It suggests small yet powerful ways that we can show love to our mates:
# Put your arm around your husband. Hug him and kiss him for no reason at all—he may wonder what you're up to!

# Hold his hand when you go places together. Did you know touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love and can actually alter our physical and emotional states?

# Show extra compassion when he is sick. Fluff his pillow and tuck him in bed. Offer to make him tea or run a bath for him. Warm his towel in the dryer when he's ready to get out of the water.

# Write him a note or buy him a card and leave it in his shirt pocket, his briefcase, his lunchbox, or on the dashboard in his car. My husband loves this one!

# Don't forget to spend some time alone together. Plan a date night! Make the dinner reservations, buy tickets to the game, hire the babysitter, and enjoy time as a couple.
# Massage his back, neck, or feet for 20 minutes. What a simple way to help him relax and show you care. (And while you're doing this unselfishly, there's always a chance he'll return the favor some time!)

# Without mentioning it to your husband, do a household chore that is normally his responsibility.

# The next time you start to spend five dollars on yourself, spend it on him instead. He'll enjoy the gift and the realization that you were thinking about him.

# Make it a point to say something kind about your husband to someone else. He probably won't even know you've done this, but it will make you feel good and can change the way you look at him. You may be surprised at how well this works!

# Thank him for the everyday things: being a good provider, a good husband, taking out the trash, or making dinner after a busy day.
# Surprise him with his favorite meal for no reason.

# Talk to him about current events (yes, even sports!) that interest him, even if they don't interest you.

# If you pray together, be sure to vocalize thanks for him in your prayers. It will mean a lot to him to hear your gratefulness. You'll be amazed at the closeness this can create between two people.

# You and your husband probably work hard to earn money. Spend that money wisely. Excessive debt and shortage of money puts unnecessary strain on a marriage and will stress you both out, making everyone grouchy.

# When you run errands, be sure to ask him if he needs or wants anything. In other words, be thoughtful.
# Be sociable and friendly with his friends, work associates, and family, no matter how you really feel about them.

# Be polite. Say "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome." We often have a tendency to be more polite to strangers and mere acquaintances than we are to the ones we love most.

# Praise him sincerely for a job well done. Tell him how great the newly painted nursery looks or that the landscaping he put in is terrific.

# Spend time talking about his dreams and goals—and yours. Communication is key to a healthy marriage.

# Say "I love you!"

This list may not work miracles, but doing just one of the suggested items each day can help you rekindle some of the spark that you once had with the man in your life. Try it every day for a week. You're sure to see a difference, not only in your marriage, but in your entire family as well. Remember, happy couples are the foundation for happy families!

5 Ways to Make Your Woman Deliriously Happy By Otto Collins

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 8 Dec 2010 15:25:00 +0100

Steven is looking for advice. He wants to make his wife happy and keep her satisfied. No, he wants her to be deliriously happy!

He knows too many people whose marriages have ended lately. Whether it was from cheating, incessant arguing or unsolvable differences of opinion on major issues, these people just couldn't make one another happy and so their relationships ended-- often in very painful ways.

It's not just that Steven wants to avoid the emotional pain that usually accompanies divorce, he also loves his wife deeply. He truly cares about her happiness and wants to be a source of joy for her and not one of irritation or worse

Your reasons for wanting to make your woman happy (maybe even deliriously happy) could be different from Steven's reasons. Perhaps you would like to have a more enjoyable experience of your relationship too. You know that helping make your partner happy will ultimately help you too.

There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that keeping your woman happy also benefits you too! Let's face it. A happier partner inevitably means a more harmonious, fun and passionate relationship for both of you.

It's a win-win.

If you're looking for ways to make your woman happy, try these 5 tips...

#1: Be present.

It's nearly impossible for your woman to be happy with you and your relationship if you spend most of the time when you're interacting with her thinking about something else or otherwise distracted. Catch yourself when your attention wanders and then consciously bring it back.

Be willing to ask your partner to wait until you finish up a project so that you can make her your primary focus-- even if it's only for a limited period of time. The importance of doing this cannot be understated.

#2: Follow through.

Keep your word. Yes, there are things that come up that you might not have anticipated. Do your best to follow through on agreements you have with your woman and on promises you've made. If, for some reason, you can't follow through, be honest about it and let her know you are willing to make a different agreement that will meet her needs and yours too.

If you find that you are regularly having to renegotiate agreements because you can't seem to follow through, take this as a wake-up call. You might be saying "Yes" when you haven't fully thought things through. Or, you might need to shift some of your priorities around so that you CAN keep your word more of the time.

#3: Show her that she's special to you.

When you feel inspired by how much you love your partner and how special she is to you, let it show. Whether you choose to buy her a gift, treat her to something extra-ordinary or just speak to her about how you are feeling, let her know how important she is to you and how much you adore her.

When your words or gestures are genuine and heart-felt she will feel it too. This is bound to bring a smile to her face.

#4: Share with her.

There's nothing connecting or happy about feeling shut out of your partner's life. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to withhold from your woman important information. Even if your intention is to shield her from some difficulty you are having, think again.

You can share honestly with your partner about whatever you are going through in ways that won't amount to dumping on her or showing weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to be real with the one you love about not only the easy and joyful stuff of life, but the challenges too.

#5: Really listen to her.

Too many men don't fully listen to their woman. It might be that you assume you already know what she's going to say about a particular topic. It could be that you've made up your mind and you aren't open to hearing a different point of view. It might also be that you are used to not listening in an engaged way to your partner and so you continue that habit (possibly without even knowing you are doing it).

Just about everyone enjoys feeling listened to and understood. Even if you assume that you and your partner won't agree about the subject, listen anyway. You can still maintain your position and also connect with your woman and make her happy.

I know, you probably already knew all of these tips. The power is not so much in knowing what to do, but in actually doing it-- as consistently and with as much heart as you can. Take this list as a reminder and challenge yourself to do at least one of these things with your woman today.

That's the true secret to making your woman deliriously happy.
(ArticlesBase SC #3804505)

How You Can Find Happiness In Your Marriage And To Keep It

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 7 Dec 2010 11:23:00 +0100

Finding happiness in your marriage and keeping It is an act that none of us was born with, we only need to cultivate it nurture it and make it grow so that our homes could be a haven of peace and tranquility. For that we need to adhere to these simple tips.

1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.

2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.

3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.

Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!

The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.

Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!

There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!

Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!

7 Ways To A Successful Marriage by Angie Lewis

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 3 Dec 2010 15:26:00 +0100

What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.

1. Proper Communication

In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.

2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)

Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.

3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)

Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?

4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)

All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.

5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)

If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.

6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self

You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.

7. Spiritual Foundation

If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.

Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)

Help for Couples Drifting Apart – How to Build a Stronger Marriage and Stay Connected

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 3 Dec 2010 14:56:00 +0100

Marriage is bound to change from year-to-year. When a couple first walks down the aisle they can expect things to be rosy for a time. Hence, the honeymoon phase we all hear about. It's the time when a couple celebrates their love and discovers many new and exciting things about each other. That phase slowly morphs into real life and the small pressures that impact every married couple will begin to pop up. For some couples, drifting apart during this time feels inevitable. The emotional connection that was once there starts to feel weaker and unless something is done, the marriage will eventually be so strained it will be at risk of falling apart. If you're beginning to feel some distance between you and your spouse now, you have to take measures to change it.

Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.

Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.

If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
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Healing After an Affair - Why Is It So Painful to Rebuild Your Relationship After Cheating? By Coleta Stewart Platinum Quality Author

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 2 Dec 2010 12:59:00 +0100

When you first find out about your spouse's affair, you are completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. But after going through so much pain and the worst time of your life, after knowing that your spouse was with another person, you still choose to stay in your marriage. But the difficult work of rebuilding your marriage and healing after an affair is not going to be without its share of hurt and pain.

There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.

The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.

If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.

Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.

Healing After An Affair - Where Do I Begin? Submitted By: Coleta Stewart

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 1 Dec 2010 13:38:00 +0100

When you find out that your spouse broke your marital vows and went outside your marriage, the betrayal you experience runs so deep that it shakes the very foundations of your relationship. You experience an overwhelming sense of confusion, sadness, hurt, anger and grief. You may even be afraid that it is all over between the two of you. But it doesn't have to be. Healing after an affair is not hopeless, you can still repair the damage done to your marriage even if you are now feeling lost and don't know what to do, where to begin or what should you do first.

There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.

Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair

Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.

Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.

Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.

Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.

Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.

After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.

Healing after an affair for the injured spouse

As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.

Give yourself top priority

In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.

Boost your self-esteem

Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.

Write down what you are feeling

Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.

There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.

Save Marriage Guide For Those Who Desire To Succeed

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 1 Dec 2010 13:35:00 +0100

There is hundreds of different guides available claiming to be able to help you save your marriage and stop your divorce. However most of them are pure fluff, or offering techniques which requires both partner to work on it. We took the trouble of weeding them out and review the most popular guides for you. You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the best information now. If you’re willing to give the methods laid out in the guides a chance, you’ll be amazed at where your marriage is in a relatively short time from now. Below are our best pick:

1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce

Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.

2. Save My Marriage Today

Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.

3. Keep Your Marriage

Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.

4. Save the Marriage

In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.

How To Save My Marriage - 5 Tips On Making Things Better

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 24 Nov 2010 13:52:00 +0100

Marriages can run into serious problems for a whole slew of reasons. In fact, the specific type of problem that each marriage faces has subtle nuances all its own. This is due in part to the fact that each marriage is made up of two unique individuals who are acting and interacting in their own, special ways.

Regardless of the complex causes of dissatisfaction in each particular marriage, the types of complaints that one generally hears from married people about why their marriage is not satisfying tend to sound pretty similar. They usually boil down to: one or both individuals feeling neglected, having lost the attraction they used to feel for their mate, having trouble finding the time to spend quality time together, or just being bored with themselves or each other.

It is these similarities among the symptoms of most unhappy marriages that provide a useful point of departure for helping couples figure out just what exactly is wrong and how they can potentially save the marriage.

If you wondering, "Where can I find free advice on how to save my marriage?", here are 5 tips on making things better:

1. Recognize that your marriage is not doomed to fail or succeed:

When your marriage is going poorly, it can be easy to develop a complex in your own head, as if to say, "My marriage is doomed - nothing can help us now." This is simply not the case. While some marriages seem to go more smoothly than others, the vast majority of them have the chance to fail or succeed. They are not doomed by fate.

2. The power to change your marriage is within both of you:

It is important to recognize that both you and your spouse have the ability to influence your marriage for the better. The powerlessness that comes with a marriage-gone-sour can be self-defeating. You can turn around this feeling by recognizing in each other the power to change the course of the marriage.

3. Start by establishing some common ground between you:

The first step in fixing any trouble human relationship, including marriage, is to find some common ground. Remember that at some point in the past, the two of you saw eye-to-eye on enough things in life that you committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Try to work your way back to that point of commonality. That is where you will find your power to make a difference.

4. Each of you needs to recognize that you are part of the problem:

When your spouse is annoying you or worse, it is very easy to think thoughts such as, "If only they would change, we could have the chance to be happy." Recognize that it is always the case that both of you had a part to play in bringing your marriage to where you are now.

5. Agree to do whatever it takes to find the right solution:

Now, talk with your spouse and get each other's buy-in that you will do whatever you can to find the right solution to save your marriage.

Consider these 5 free tips on how to save your marriage.
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Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 13:30:00 +0100

Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage@ from the Smart Marriages Conferences:
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.

2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.

3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.

4. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.

5 Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.

6. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.

7. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.

8. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!

9. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the Compromising Positions

DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 22 Mar 2010 16:13:00 +0100

DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
Dating could be described as the start of marital arrangement by a man and a woman that are of marriageable age. But we should look at dating with view to marriage when the two have agreed to that and when they have confirmed their love for each other. It is advisable to want to know each other well. Dating can afford the two the opportunity of knowing even better, if they are sincere to themselves. There is problem for many who have chosen to concentrate on the negatives leaving shoving the positives aside and these should be the main points that will be watched on.

Dating could be a time of seeing each other more often and spending quality time together, also exploring to know the interest and the dispositions of your intending mate more fully. This should be a time for serious reflections on the ideals of the kind of marriage one wants.

The question of chosen the suitable mate is answered within the framework of dating, but the big question is on what should one focus his or her attention while dating? I would answer to the affirmative that focusing on the inner-person is better; it will give you a better result. Why? The words of the originator of marriage gives an insight as to this, it says “and do not let your adornment be that of external braiding of the hair and of putting on of Gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garment, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quit and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God”. It went further to state “charms may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman or man that fears God is the one that procures praise for him or her self”. From those words of the originator of marriage, we can see that most men and women do make mistake while dating with view to marriage.

For lasting marriage relationship, why not make it your aim to choose a man or woman that meets with the grand purpose of marriage according to Gods principles. Do not focus on those things that are everlasting and not on transients which will fade very fast.

You ought to select a mate based not on beauty, physical appearances and sentiments, but on facts and secrete person of the heart. Not on racial, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but on LOVE that is based on principles that harmonizes with God’s.

Let us veer into some of the principles of God that we should not ignore even while dating with view to marriage. To please God, we should keep our relationship with the opposite sex honorable and date with view to marriage not on selfish reasons or to hurt the feelings of another. DO NOT DELIBRATELY BREAK ANY BODY’S HEART.

How can you keep your relationship clean and undefiled in God’s eyes especially in view of the tremendous pressure on intending couples to throw moral restrain aside? First you should recognize that God’s standards were set down with our very best interest in mind. For example, God’s word says “I God am your God, the one teaching you to benefit your self, the one causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O! if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments. Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves if the sea.” Yes, the commandment and principles set down in God’s inspired word the Holy Bible are for our benefit. Those words show the depth of our creators care for us and that he wants us to be happy and successful in all aspects of our lives including dating and marriage.

Accept the truth about yourself and do not deceive your intending marriage mate. You will not benefit yourself by hiding what you are to your intending marriage mate. Tell him or her whole truth about you. Why? Honesty pays better dividends than falsehood. By imitating our God by been honest will endear you to the heart of your intending mate. DO NOT ALLOW DECIET TO RULE YOUR DATE WITH ANY ONE. Try to heed the admonition of the originator of marriage it says “The heart is treacherous than anything else and is desperate, who can know it” it went further to say “ He or she that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he or she that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.

Since dating is a serious business allow the wisdom from above to guide you, never to fall into the trap of those who want to satisfy their lust. Why this is germane is that if you are not guided by Godly wisdom you may allow sexual feelings to becloud your sense of reasoning. For true guidance, why not confide in your parents if they have good virtues or better still those matured spouses who had exemplary marriages, these ones would be of immense help. For ultimate result LISTEN TO God’s word about marriage, you will be happy you did.

YOUR BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE CLEARLY DEFINED DURING DATING OR CUORTSHIP. Your behaviors during courtship or dating period should be well understood by your intending mate, for example, if your partner is asked about your behavior would he or she give a straight forward answer to such question. When you are not invincible as to your behavior you will be building your marriage foundation on solid rock like the one you will find in God’s word which says “the wise man build his house on a rock and the rain fall and the wind blew and the Sun shown against the house and it did not shake or cave in because the house is built on solid rock. But to the contrary if you start you date with false you will be liken to that foolish man described in God’s word which says “the foolish man that build his house on sandy soil and the wind blew and the Sun shown and the rain fall against the house and the collapse of the house was great because it has its foundation on sand. Of the two which would you prefer? The choice is yours.

The Basics Of Marriage

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 15:31:00 +0100

FUNDAMENTALS OF MARRIAGE

The basics of marriage must be taken into consideration, for example, if you want to construct a building, it will not be ideal to start it without first having a careful preparations which includes the following; before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up , the cost should be counted so as to meet the requirement set out in the holy Book the Bible which says “Who of you that want to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it? In a similar vain, marriage could be likened to constructing a building. A for the success of it, any who wants to get married should ask or consider the cost of getting married in terms of physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of it. Therefore, those contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessing and the cost of being married.

From the outset, one need to stop and ask, am I ready for marriage? As was said of constructing a building, yes! Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long – term maintenance is costly as well. The same could be seen in marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough, however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must be considered. The big question is, what does maintaining such a relationship entail?

If you could follow the words of the originator of marriage which states “A man will leave his mother and father and “MUST” stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. By analyzing those words, it showed the kind of commitment that is to be shown between the couples. One sticking to the other in a mutual understanding of what marriage is all about, forming a bond. So if you are contemplating marriage you ought to bear those words in mind, if you are already married you should reevaluate your priorities in your marriage based on those words, to see if you are in line with those words of wisdom an this shows whether you value your solemn commitment.

Are you one of those who feels that the idea of a solemn commitment frightens you? For example, a young man confesses “knowing that the two of us ( himself and the wife) were stuck together for life made me feel pushed into Corner and closed totally confined”. To the contrary if you really love the person you intend to marry or have married to, commitment will not seem like a burden instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. Do not be carried away, the sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive to each other come what may. Do you know that the commitment of marriage makes one to feel more secure? The security here is total and refreshing enabling each of the mates to want to see the other every minute of the day.