Seen, But Not Heard...

Both Seen and Heard Now

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 10 Nov 2012 23:09:00 +0000

Back when I started this blog in December of 2008, I had no one to talk to, no one who wanted to listen to me, and the sneaking suspicion that I had no friends.

Then, eventually, I had one friend, the lovely Ms. Lockhart, who's now living her dream studying to be an even bigger bookworm on the East Coast. Alas, one friend isn't really enough when you've spent the good part of a decade locking all of your feelings and opinions up inside of your little 5'5" body, so hanging out sometimes turned into my brain dump.

I've spent the past four years slowly gaining friends, some semblance of local family, and very recently, filmmaking colleagues. Thinking recently about why I haven't written on this blog for so long, I realized that it's because I finally have several people that I can say these things to out loud. I have people to talk about film with. I have people to talk about writing with. I have people to talk about feelings with, even though, sometimes, "feelings is stupid" -- J. Baldwin. I have a therapist. I have people to talk about racism, sexism, and the variety of other isms with. I ... am missing a dude friend, though. I haven't had a good dude friend in years...

Anywho, I'm finally closing this blog down. I'll wax political on my Tumblog. I'll post about film and writing on denisejena.com. I will tweet way too much. Yes, I actually am an avid tweeter now. And and and, I discovered that Facebook is considerably less sucky when you have friends that interact with you on it! Imagine that...

If I ever have the need for another diary, which is what I've always considered this blog, I'll probably put it anonymously on Tumblr somewhere. Maybe you'll stumble upon it one day.

robdelaney: This sums up how I feel about a certain percentage...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 24 Oct 2012 02:48:00 +0000

robdelaney:

This sums up how I feel about a certain percentage of U.S. voters. If you agree, please share. Maybe it’ll motivate some people?

via Tumblr http://myliferenewed.tumblr.com/post/34207701394

Tumbld on October 23, 2012 at 09:33PM

My public acting debut!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 15 Oct 2012 10:55:00 +0000

NEUTRAL GROUNDS {Shrimp & Grits}

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Tumbld on October 15, 2012 at 05:41AM

The dog whisperer. (Taken with Instagram)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 27 Sep 2012 00:19:00 +0000

The dog whisperer. (Taken with Instagram)

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Tumbld on September 26, 2012 at 07:04PM

Can't wait!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 01:29:00 +0000

Watch Trailer for Jay-Z, Will and Jada Smith’s ‘Free Angela’ Doc - COLORLINES

Will & Jada Pinkett Smith’s Overbrook Entertainment and Jay-Z’s Roc Nation have officially come on-board as executive producers of Shola Lynch’s Angela Davis documentary, “Free Angela & All Po…

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Tumbld on September 06, 2012 at 08:18PM

I missed his moody ass. (Taken with Instagram)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sun, 02 Sep 2012 23:41:00 +0000

I missed his moody ass. (Taken with Instagram)

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Tumbld on September 02, 2012 at 06:28PM

Quick stop for the cat on the road back to #NOLA. (Taken with...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 31 Aug 2012 17:47:00 +0000

Quick stop for the cat on the road back to #NOLA. (Taken with Instagram at Daphne, AL)

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Tumbld on August 31, 2012 at 12:29PM

...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 30 Aug 2012 15:44:00 +0000

FBI Involved In Case Of Cheerleader Who Vanished From Bedroom

Although African Americans make up just 13 percent of the U.S. population, we account for 33 percent of the missing in the Federal Bureau of…

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Tumbld on August 30, 2012 at 10:28AM

Taken with Instagram

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 17:52:00 +0000

Taken with Instagram

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Tumbld on August 29, 2012 at 12:48PM

Taken with Instagram

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 17:52:00 +0000

Taken with Instagram

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Tumbld on August 29, 2012 at 12:47PM

Support this play by two extremely talented actors!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 29 Aug 2012 05:41:00 +0000

Support this play by two extremely talented actors!

Dispatches From Amended America: Ticket Supplement Initiative

A Black Man and a White Man interview 100 Southerners about President Obama’s 2008 election. This is the play they wrote about it.

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Tumbld on August 29, 2012 at 12:28AM

Gulf Breeze (Taken with Instagram)

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 28 Aug 2012 18:04:00 +0000

Gulf Breeze (Taken with Instagram)

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Tumbld on August 28, 2012 at 12:45PM

A movie I worked on for the 48hr film project in New Orleans!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 24 Aug 2012 15:55:00 +0000

A movie I worked on for the 48hr film project in New Orleans!

Beaucoup de Force {MOVIE}

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Tumbld on August 24, 2012 at 10:28AM

WHY DO YOU KNOW ME SO WELL!?!??

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 04:26:00 +0000

WHY DO YOU KNOW ME SO WELL!?!??

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Tumbld on July 31, 2012 at 11:16PM

Photo

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Wed, 01 Aug 2012 04:26:00 +0000

via Tumblr http://myliferenewed.tumblr.com/post/28462793725

Tumbld on July 31, 2012 at 11:15PM

Drops Smoke Pellet

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 12 Jul 2012 22:51:00 +0000

There was a thread that I read in the MCNO email listserv that I found increasingly insulting about how the answer to crime in New Orleans was to initiate a stop and frisk policy. Below was my response. I think I just walked into their house, told them all why and how to fuck themselves, and smoke pelleted out. Oh well. That was my first post, too.

I usually lurk in this group, especially avoiding the massive strings of debate/arguments that tend to develop in conversations about the NOPD or MCSD, but I really had to respond to the idea that stop and frisk is a policy that should be implemented in New Orleans, an idea that is based on little factual information. The reason why stop and frisk has recently been the topic of so much conversation is because studies have finally been released that find that it is an expensive policy that has not been effective, but has been racist and contributed to communities of color not trusting the police and, you know, generally feeling oppressed and criminalized for being Black or Brown.

Here are some facts for the factless, which can be found in your local Google search:

In 2011, 685,724 people were stopped, 84% of whom were Black and Latino.
Blacks and Latinos represent 23% and 29% percent of NYC's total population.
88% of 2011 stops did not result in an arrest or a summons being given.
Contraband was found in only 2% of all stops.
Weapons were recovered in only 1% of all stops.
Blacks and Latinos are more likely to have physical forced used against them.
Stops made of Whites were slightly more likely to yield contraband.
Whites were twice as likely to be found with a weapon.

Here's a list of "15 Shocking Facts About a Controversial Program" (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/13/nypd-stop-and-frisks-15-shocking-facts_n_1513362.html), which are not at all shocking if you have a degree in sociology or live in America with your head outside of your rear end.

Recently a judge granted a lawsuit against the NYPD class action status. The lawsuit states, among other things, that the police department concentrates its stop-and frisk activity on Black and Latino neighborhoods, and that officers are pressured to meet quotas and are punished if they do not. One of the reasons why judge Scheindlin granted the suit class action status is because she was disturbed that the city responded to the lawsuit by saying that a "court order to stop the practice would amount to judicial intrusion, and that no injunction could guarantee thatsuspicion-less stops would never occur or would only occur in a certain percentage of encounters". Because...cops aren't supposed to stop you without reasonable suspicion. In case you didn't know. I guess the NYPD doesn't.

If you actually care about how the victims of this NYPD policy feel, see this video here from the Melissa Harris-Perry show on MSNBC: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/46979745/vp/46843623#46843623

Hard data from the NYPD itself, that most of these articles and the lawsuit itself quote. (http://www.nyc.gov/html/nypd/html/analysis_and_planning/stop_question_and_frisk_report.shtml)

An article that weighs the pros and cons (http://www.recordonline.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20120519/OPINION/205190303/-1/SITEMAP). The author seems to conclude that the racial profiling is worth the lower murder rate, but:

1. The crime rate is lower than it was in the 80's, but I'm not sure if comparing current numbers to numbers that existed 3 decades ago is useful - surely stop and frisk is not the only policy that's changed about the NYPD or the city in general that could affect crime during all of that time?

2. As this article points out (http://www.dnainfo.com/new-york/20120605/new-york-city/stop-and-frisks-have-done-little-reduce-shootings-nypd-data-shows), compared to more recent years the stop and frisk stops have increased exponentially, but the number of victims of gunfire have remained stagnant for the most part.

3. It's really bad statistics for Bloomberg to think that he can predict how many lives have been saved because of stop and frisk. One of the few things that stuck in my head from my statistics classes at Cornell University is that correlation does not equal causation. Try saying "stop and frisk increased at the same time that gun violence decreased (but not really), so stop and frisk must be working!" That is a correlative statement. They could be related, but that does not mean that one caused the other to happen.

Another article about how stop and frisks have not decreased shootings in NYC (http://nymag.com/daily/intel/2012/06/stop-and-frisks-havent-stopped-shootings.html).

And a brand new petition from Color of Change (http://www.jackandjillpolitics.com/2012/07/colorofchange-org-tells-nyc-officials-time-to-unite-the-two-new-yorks/), which includes many more stats, and mentions that some of these stops include full-body searches and the NYPD demanding that victims hand over their valuables (sources are included at the link).

So, in short, the practice is racist and ineffective, but if you come to a different conclusion by actually looking up facts using resources that I'm sure you all have, I'd love to hear it. And I agree with Mrs. Wayman - bringing up the fact that most of NOLA's murderers are Black without mentioning that most of the murder victims are also Black is offensive, and I'll go even further - white murder victims are valued higher, which is why there are so many unsolved murders in any major city with a high Black or Brown populace. Why do I know the names of the white victims of murder from the past few years? It's not just because there are few - it's because even though I don't even watch the news, I heard their names everywhere and the little resources that the NOPD apparently has were focused on those people and finding their killers as quickly as possible. Since I just spent the past hour and a half doing research to fight someone else's ignorance, you (anyone) tell me how many white victims of murder there were in 2011, and whether or not their killers were caught?

Anecdote: A friend of mine recently did grand jury duty. He eventually had his therapist write him a note to get out of it because he was becoming depressed seeing all of the indictments that his fellow jurors were handing down on cases that had very circumstantial evidence. There were a couple of cases, though, where there was an immense amount of evidence, down to crossed T's and dotted I's. The difference? Not in the race of the accused, but the race of the victim.

So I find it massively insulting that it can be insisted on a forum that is made up of a class of people who are actually valued and protected by the NOPD that the answer to the issue of crime that mainly affects a community of people who are devalued, alienated, and criminalized by the police department is to further alienate, degrade, and insult those people.

The Other Side + A Debate:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/21/nypd-stop-and-frisk-ray-kelly-daily-news_n_1532930.html

http://www.blackyouthproject.com/2012/06/bloomberg-visits-black-church-stop-and-frisk/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mari-fagel/beyond-the-numbers-_b_1536589.html

Other Sources:

http://www.ccrjustice.org/stopandfrisk/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/16/ny-stop-and-frisk-lawsuit_n_1521081.html?ref=black-voices&ir=Black%20Voices

http://ccrjustice.org/files/CCR_Stop_and_Frisk_Fact_Sheet.pdf

http://www.nyclu.org/node/1598

White kids are old enough to face the consequences of their racism at the same age that black kids are old enough to be negatively affected by racism.

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 07 Jul 2012 20:55:00 +0000

dionthesocialist:

Pro tip: That’s birth.

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Tumbld on July 07, 2012 at 03:52PM

Live-ish Thoughts on MSNBC's "The Assassination of Dr. Tiller"

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 09 Jun 2012 04:01:00 +0000

Right out of the gate, let me say that I am pro choice. I think that in a society that does a terrible job of being honest to children and teenagers about sex and child bearing and rearing, where rape is still a tool used to put women in their place (at a ridiculous rate, still), where a woman's likelihood to live her life in poverty can be easily determined by whether she has children and how many, abortion is necessary. And I don't like the term that many other pro-choicers use - a necessary evil. It's a legal medical procedure that can save the lives and/or futures of women. Stop apologizing for it, it's not evil, but for a lot of women it is necessary.

That said, I've never been sure about late-term abortions. I don't consider a fetus to be a "baby" until it can survive outside of the womb on it's own, which depending on the situation is generally somewhere after 6 months. That's obviously not an optimal gestation period, but when I hear about premature births it seems like the infants are more likely to live if they're past the 6 month period. So by my own personal definition, a 3rd trimester abortion is "killing a baby"... except, as I have learned in the past year plus of personally studying race, gender, and class issues, the issue of late-term abortion is not that simple.

Thoughts

I did not know that he was shot and killed at his church.
There are only 3 (now two, I guess) physicians who specialize in 2nd and 3rd trimester abortions? I'm not surprised at 3rd trimester abortions, but I didn't realize that 2nd trimester abortions were also so contentious.
"Abortion is a matter of survival for women." - Dr. George Tiller, summarizing what the women who were patients of his father, who also performed abortions, taught him.
I love how determined, unafraid, and vehement he was that his services were necessary and he was not going to stop.
One of his colleagues points out that women just to pick up from all over the country, and some the world, and fly to Wichita, Kansas on a whim for an abortion - all of their cases were catastrophes.
Fetal Indications - late term abortions performed because something was wrong with the fetus. More and more often I've heard stories of women who were having miscarriages and were turned away from their OB/GYNs or the local hospital because "they don't do abortions". The fetus is literally dying or already dead inside of them. If there is no chance that it will survive, then how the hell is aiding a woman in expelling her fetus to make sure that she doesn't become ill equal performing an abortion? But this happens! It's so illogical that doctors are allowed to say no to a woman in need of such desperate assistance.
Maternal Indications - late term abortions performed because of issues that the mother was having, such as mental health issues, patients who were basically children themselves, etc.
I fucking hate this guy, Randall Terry, from Operation Rescue. "Don't let them murder your baby, mommy please don't kill me! We'll help you!" Really? Like these women are just having a fun little lunchtime abortion? Like they haven't thought of every option other than an abortion, especially in the case of the many women who were aborting because though they desperately wanted this child, but for whatever reason they cannot carry it to term.
Also, how exactly would they help these women? Does Operation Rescue have a fund set up to provide poor women with monetary support for their unwanted children, pay the medical bills or funeral costs of women who were going to abort because maintaining the pregnancy would be a danger to their health, pay for the funerals of babies born dead for women who were going to abort because their OB/GYN told them that their fetus would be unlikely to survive? A search on their website shows that donations go towards "exposing the sin of abortion" around the country, so no, they do not have such funds. Also, they apparently do not have 501c3 status. They should shut the fuck up and have a seat.
Oh O'Reilly. "Tiller has killed thousands of late-term fetuses without explanation". Explanation to who? He doesn't need to give any explanation to the general public. Or does he think that Tiller and his staff just let any woman who came in hop onto the table without asking them why they wanted to have an abortion?
It's such a simple-minded point of view to call an abortion provider a "baby killer" without wondering why so many women would choose to "kill our babies". 35% of all women of reproductive age will have had an abortion before they are 45 years old. Are more than a third of women just degenerate baby killers, too? Or maybe they have valid reasons to have made this decision.
"The ones who don't carry guns incite the ones who do carry guns." Yep. You can't spend years turning someone into a villain and then absolve yourself of responsibility when someone deems themselves the hero who will save all of the innocents from said villain.

Also, I don't like the assumption that women, their doctors, and abortion providers are all either so evil or so incompetent that they are all just eager to kill babies willy nilly, and it's the job of religious groups to show them the light. And I name religious groups because I don't think that I've ever heard an anti-abortion opinion that was not based in religion. I could not care less about what your religion says about abortion. Your religion is not mine, and it should not be allowed to dictate the laws and lives that affect my life. I'd love to hear a logical reason why abortion should be illegal that has nothing to do with religion.

Knowledge and empathy is what helped me decide that my support is completely pro-choice. There are so many reasons why a woman and her partner may choose to have a late term abortion, and often these reasons have to be supported by an outside physician. Rarely could someone have an abortion for "no reason" and really, is there such a thing as a frivolous reason to have an abortion? In my opinion, no. But if your's is yes, think up the most frivolous situation to have an abortion imaginable. Now would you want that woman and her partner to pass their genes on to, and raise, a child? Probably not.

Fixing Broken Things - Random Thoughts

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 01 May 2012 01:43:00 +0000

A recent visit with my therapist helped me realize that I have a tendency towards trying to fix broken people - our conversation was specific to the men that I've dated, and a man who I'm currently attracted to. She was asking me what my type is. I answered "tall, lean, broad shouldered, but funny outweighs all of that...um, and I have tended to date guys who are messed up..."

Of course the therapist wants to dig deeper into that. Why? My first answer would be that the fucked up men who I tend to want are usually also creative, passionate, interesting, and talented. But my therapist questioned whether I thought that fixing them would make them stay with me longer out of gratitude or loyalty. Maybe? But right now I'd rather have several casual relationships instead of one serious one. I don't know how much time I want to invest in "fixing" anyone, since right now I'm trying to work on myself and make my dreams come true.

But this extends past men. I'll probably exclusively own rescue animals, since I think it's silly to spend money on bred dogs when there are plenty of big cuddlies at the SPCA that need love, too.

And as I think about raising children more and more I realize that giving birth to a baby is something I'm curious about. But the thing that will fulfill me as an adult, a parent, a person is the idea of fostering and adopting children, particularly the children who tend to languish in the system like older children, Black and Latino children, troubled children. I want the kids that other people don't choose, and I want to make their lives better than they may have been if they grew to adulthood in the system, or stayed with their parents.

I think this is more related with my longtime interest in psychology. The reason I thought about becoming a psychologist was because I wanted to help people deal with their issues and "cure" them. But why?

On the flip side of this coin, though, unloved animals sometimes are put down. Unloved children sometimes grow to adulthood in a system that never showed them love and become unhealthy people. Unloved men? Usually find love somewhere eventually, or at least satisfaction.

Hmm. Now that I've said the word unloved, I realize that that was one of my major childhood problems - I wasn't sure that my mother loved me until I left for college and she started making me call her all of the time and would say it at the end of each conversation. Maybe I'm trying to keep people and creatures from feeling the way that I felt?

I can't really complete this train of thought. I don't know if I will ever know for sure why I like to "fix" things, but I don't think it's such a bad thing, especially with regards to animals and children. Men are the danger zone, and I'm not really sure what to do about that, since I tend to be attracted to men who are just as lonely as I have been in the past.

Email Winking

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 09:11:00 +0000

I totally "Hey boy, heyyyyy"'d someone via email earlier this evening. I was supposed to ask him out in person, I told my friends that I was going to do it, and then I chickened out. But the good thing about telling my friends that I was going to do it was that it forced me to do it anyway BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY. I think that term must always be written in all caps, even when it refers to something as unimportant as my dating life and not the revolution. Anyway, I don't expect a response until later tomorrow, but I'm obviously hoping for a yes, and eventual naked sexytimes.

Parting Clouds

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 00:00:00 +0000

After three days of torrential downpours and an upstairs neighbor who leaves her doors open in order for her barking rodent to roam about freely, a chunk of my wet ceiling collapsed into my bedroom at 5 this morning. Not near the bed, so I went back to sleep. Thank goodness my landlord is awesome and quick to respond to the issues that always pop up in old houses like the one I live in.

The sun is now shining, though, as I write this from my outdoor table at the Esplanade CCs, and I'm looking forward to a weekend full of sunshine and warm weather. I mentioned in my previous post that I might have sunken into an even deeper depth of depression over the past year. I finally started seeing a therapist regularly at the beginning of March, and I sucked it up and got prescribed an anti-depressant. The idea of being on prescription drugs has always made me very nervous because I don't like the idea of chemicals causing reactions in my body that I can't see and/or control, but I realized that saying "well I'm not suicidal, so it's not that bad" wasn't going to cut it anymore, since I was also: Not motivated to do anything to make my future happen the way I want it to; too socially anxious to develop or maintain friendships; not capable of concentrating on anything longer than a few minutes at a time; tired all of the time; not capable of remembering what being happy feels like. That's not living, so I might as well have been suicidal.

It's been about four weeks so far but I started seeing a difference in week two; the full difference won't be felt until weeks five or six. I feel like I'm quicker to smile, I'm more talkative in social situations, I don't put myself down as much, and I'm not as self-conscious as I used to be. I also find myself jittery with energy sometimes, which I thought was weird unti I remembered that when I was a kid I was always fidgety and full of energy and movement. Things like this are why I needed to finally get some help - I've been clinically depressed for over ten years, and it had gotten to the point that I couldn't remember the last time I had been genuinely happy, or what my actual personality was like. I don't even know if this is my full personality - when I went through puberty I was depressed and most of the knowledge I've gained and the experiences that I've had have been seen through the gray filter of depression.

I'm hoping that the next month or so will shed light on who I am and where I'm going, and I think that I'm excited to see what's ahead.

Once Again...

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Tue, 03 Apr 2012 22:07:00 +0000

Yikes! I have been a terrible blogger this past year. I'm not sure why - I've had many thoughts that I wanted to write down over the past year, but I could never get myself to do it. Perhaps I sunk into an even deeper level of hell/depression? It's always easier for me to see it in hindsight.

But I find myself having a lot of free time coming up - my last day at my job was on Friday. I should have severance coming so I can't really get into the specifics, but I'm not exactly upset about it and I'm looking at this year to be the start of my future, wherever it takes me. My goal is to get a part-time job while I work on writing - I started my first script a couple of weeks ago! I also want to leave my schedule open for any acting opportunities that pop up, and eventually go from working part-time for someone else to doing web design on my own for clients, so I can completely have control over my available time.

I can safely say that I am much happier unemployed than I would be if I were still at that job, and that means everything to me right now. I think that this might have then shove that I needed - gotta take risks to succeed in writing and acting.

Until tomorrow,

D

News Alert: Maryland House passes same-sex marriage bill

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Sat, 18 Feb 2012 00:14:00 +0000

Yay Maryland!!!

Denise

Sent from my iPhone!

Begin forwarded message:

From: "The Washington Post" <newsletters@email.washingtonpost.com>
Date: February 17, 2012 5:55:35 PM CST
To:
Subject: News Alert: Maryland House passes same-sex marriage bill
Reply-To: "The Washington Post" <newslettersLJ8QQN.1903432@email.washingtonpost.com>

Friday, February 17, 2012 6:54:47 PM

NEWS ALERT

Maryland House passes same-sex marriage bill

A bill to legalize same-sex marriage was approved Friday by the Maryland House of Delegates, all but assuring the measure will be sent to Gov. O'Malley for his promised signature.

Read more at:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/same-sex-marriage-bill-passes-maryland-house-of-delegates/2012/02/17/gIQARk7XKR_story.html

Or visit washingtonpost.com.

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To New Orleans police, innocent until proven guilty doesn't apply to victims: James Gill | NOLA.com

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 02:40:00 +0000

To New Orleans police, innocent until proven guilty doesn't apply to victims: James Gill | NOLA.com:

"But it can't be true either that 128 people deserved to have their names dragged through the mud last year before their deaths had even been investigated. Many of them had not even been convicted; a lousy arrest, even an ancient one, is enough to warrant a posthumous slur from the police department. Besides inflicting further hurt on the bereaved, it serves no purpose whatsoever.

Certainly, as Serpas pointed out, "criminal records predict victimization," and the stats do not mean New Orleans is dangerous for the law-abiding. But that point can be made without dredging up every penny-ante and unrelated offense of which a murder victim was ever accused, especially if the case was nol-prossed or ended in acquittal. Roughly one third of the charges that caused murder victims to be branded criminals were dropped."

'via Blog this'

I'm really glad to see that I'm not the only person who finds it really shitty that they list the victim's priors in those crime alerts. I don't, nor should anyone else, give a damn about what a murder victim did in their past. There's a definitive lack of concern when Black people, especially men, are victimized, and whether Serpas wants to admit it or not, listing their priors in an alert about something terrible that happened to them implies that they deserved what they got, that we shouldn't feel too bad because they were just criminals themselves - the killer did us a favor, right?

You know why the murder rate is so high here? Because most of the people killed are Black men, and no one important gives a damn. If it were white people killing each other on an average of 4 times a week, the NOPD would have been completely taken over by the feds within the first quarter and people throughout the New Orleans justice system would be replaced left and right. Psychologists would be flooding to the city, trying to figure out what went wrong? How could this happen? Is it our schools? The entertainment industry? I don't even need to imagine what would happen if Black people were killing white people at that rate. They find those murderers real quick already.

Oh, hi there!

noreply@blogger.com (Anonymous) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 09:29:00 +0000

So...it's been a while. About two in a half months, in fact. My posting had been waning for a while, but I don't think it's for lack of interest, but rather lack of time and motivation. I think about stuff to post here all of the time, but instead of writing these ideas down I let them rotate in my head over and over again until I'm tired of them and push them out of my head, still unresolved. I've also been experiencing varying levels of depression over the past few months, which is sort of an annoying situation. I find my mood happier when I write regularly, but being depressed keeps me from writing.

I've also been distracted by other social media formats. I joined Tumblr a few months ago, and like the microblogging format, although I do a lot more reblogging then I do original posting. I also joined Twitter maybe a month ago (see left sidebar), and I'm G+ing (also see left sidebar. I don't know why it says that no one is following me - I have more people following me on G+ then I do friends on Facebook!). I've been trying to figure out how to juggle all of these social media outlets, and doing a shitty job at all of them. I've decided that I'm going to break it down like this:

Blogger - this baby. I've disconnected the feed to my Facebook wall. I want this blog to go back to being my personal blog, like a public diary, a place for me to spill all of the random debates and conversations that float through my brain with no outlet (because I only have a couple of friends). I found myself more cautious about what I wrote once my posts were going to Facebook, and I still think I had a few unfriends because of it (oh well). My longer posts are going to go here, the stuff that involves forming my thoughts and future beliefs on complicated subjects. And stuff about New Orleans that doesn't fit into 140 characters, because I'm not impressed with the New Orleans showing on Tumblr. I like that both friends and people who I've never met in person read this, but I really like that the readers I haven't met in person are actually people who I would like to meet someday, and I hope to keep it that way.

Tumblr & Twitter - My tumblog feeds into my Twitter account, so both will be about the short spurts from my brain - "Movies I'm Looking Forward To" will move to Tumblr, anything about music, entertainment, etc. Basically, stuff meant for random people to discover via hashtags, retweets/reblogs, etc. I guess these will contain the parts of me that I'm willing to share with a broad group of people, many of whom I may never want to meet outside of the internets.

Google + - I think a lot of people are trying to figure out what to do with google plus. I think it's a little more ... grown up than Facebook, but that could be because most of my Facebook friends are people who I know from college and elementary/middle/high school classmates who hunted me down. I wasn't grown then, and I know I'm a lot different then I was even 4.5 years ago in college, so I'm moving a lot of the political/racial/social issue comments to G+, especially since most of my G+ people are listeners of Blacking It Up!, which is all about those topics and the best podcast EVER IN LIFE.

Facebook - Fuck Facebook. But seriously, I only use Facebook to interact with people who only interact via Facebook. It's so unimportant to me that I'm not even going to link to it (but feel free to friend me!). If there is ever a time when most of my friends are connected to me through some other (any other?) social media outlet, I WILL SHUT THAT SHIT DOWN. No seriously, fuck Facebook. I do like their events mechanism, though. My tweets are going there so people know I'm still alive.

So, there's that. I find that I'm better at doing things when I organize them into very neat piles.

Another thing that I'm doing? Re-arranging my body clock.

So, for as long as I can remember whenever I have had the opportunity to go to bed and wake up at whatever time I wanted, I have gone to bed between 4 - 6am, and woken up between 12 - 2pm. Obviously, I've had to force that inclination to fit my job, which means that I wake up at 7am and go to bed ... well, that's the problem. I should go to bed at 10 or 11pm, but it' really really hard because my body wants to stay up until at least 2am. As I write these words, it's 4:54am. I'm tired of this. But I can't really do what my body wants, which is to rule the night, so I'm going to try to force a compromise.

I'm going to sleep from between 7 - 9pm to 2 - 4am. The time that I have between wakey wakey and 5:30am will be for reading, writing, and catching up on my DVR. At 5:30am, I'll go jogging for about an hour and a half, then come back home to shower and get ready for work. Work is from 8am to 4pm. At 4, I'll go straight from work to the gym three times a week (the non-gym days will be for errands, or social stuff). I'll be done by 5 or 5:30pm on gym days, and then I'll do whatever the hell I want until bedtime, which will vary depending on if there is some sort of event that I want to go to. I don't do a lot of night events, though that may change since I'm getting a scooter very soon (Guys! I'm not posting about it until it's in the driveway!).

I do have to consider my stomach issues. I've managed, over the past year, to gain control over IBS by eating very small dinners (either a snack like peanut butter and honey at home, or an appetizer or soup at restaurants). My main big meal is lunch now. The only time I have an upset stomach is occasionally when I'm on my period, but my body is haywire anyway for those five days. I'm thinking my eating schedule will be like this:

Breakfast = about an hour after waking up. Toast + tea is the easiest thing for a sensitive stomach.
After the morning jog = fruit
work snack (around 9am) = oatmeal, quiche, bagel, something like that that I can make or heat up quick at work.
lunch (around 11am) = smaller. This is forcing me to give up big meals, which I should have already done anyway. I'm going to start making recipes again, so lunch will vary, but the portions will be much smaller.
work snack (around 2pm) = I've fallen in love with trail mix. or more fruit.
dinner (around 4:30ish or 5:30ish pm) = something safe on the tummy, like peanut butter and honey, pumpkin bread, etc.

I'm doing it like this because not only does this fit my 8 - 4 job better, but also if I'm successful at breaking into acting this coming year, I'm going to have to deal with a weird schedule like this anyway. Nothing that I want to do with my future involves working these 9 to 5-like jobs anymore past the next 8 months, so I need to get my body used to this now. I'll see how the trial period (the next two weeks) goes, and take it from there.

Whelp, I'm done for now. This is going to be a long day, since I haven't slept since 1pm on Sunday, but it'll make it very easy for me to go to sleep at 7pm today.

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...

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Oh, hi there!

Drops Smoke Pellet