BLOG

ANNOUNCEMENT

2010-09-14T16:08:00.000Z

One thing I’ve always hated are the obligatory “sorry I haven’t posted in a while” posts that every sporadic blog seems to have. This won’t be one of them.

There comes a point in your life where you realize the limits of your talent. God gives talent, but he can also give us the perception to see the limit of that talent. One day, you wake up and realize that limit. It can keep you from frustration and spinning your wheels fruitlessly, but it can also be a very hard thing to accept.

For a very long time, I wanted nothing more than to be a writer. This blog was one of the ways I tried to follow that. But simply put, I’m tired of slamming my head up against the wall and getting nowhere. There’s something to be said for perseverance, but there’s also something to be said for knowing when to pack it in.

I don’t feel that in the long run, I can keep this blog up with the sort of quality I want from it. A lot of that is just realizing the limits of my own talent. Some of it is personal/family-related, but ultimately I’d rather do no blog at all than a poor one. This isn’t spur-of-the-moment, and I’ve taken the time to think it over. But I’m tired of trying to mold my life on a dream that isn’t going to happen. Too much frustration, too much mediocrity, and too much time put into it all. My family deserves more than that, and maybe in the end, I do, too.

I’ll be doing some articles up through Gen Con Indy, in large part because I have a number of obligations I need to meet, including another year of liveblogging Gen Con (I have to think that will continue in some form, somewhere, for a while yet). Once that’s over, I’ll either be stepping aside or fading into the background, possibly as a minor contributor with another blogger taking over day-to-day things. I still plan to be involved in a few online communities, as well as with RPG Circus, so that won’t stop. There may be other projects, but I don’t just don’t know.

We still have a while before the road ends, but I wanted to tell you now. Thanks for reading, and I hope you join me for the rest of the trip, wherever that leads. So many of you have been so kind, I can’t begin to thank you enough for what your words of encouragement have meant. I wish that alone was enough to give you quality content, but at the end of the day, it just isn’t there.

Inception was a Bad Movie

2010-07-25T23:13:00.004Z

When Memento came out in 2000, it was something of a sleeper hit and everyone had to see it. "You've got to see this," said my friends. It looked dumb to me. The premise was boring. Guy has amnesia and tries to find the person who killed his wife. Wow, what an original concept. Amnesia and wife killing? This must be the work of a cliché artist I thought to myself. I didn't see the film until five years later when I was looking for something to watch with my boyfriend. It was a bad movie. I wasn't disappointed and I wasn't surprised. The characters were one-dimensional, the plot and "twists" were predictable, the action scenes lacked finesse, and everything else about the poorly paced film was boring. I didn't care that his wife was killed and I didn't care that he had amnesia. This is what I like to call the Phantom Menace effect.

One of my primary gripes with Star Wars: Episode I, alongside the fact that its just plain terrible, is that I couldn't care less about any of the characters. Qui-gon Gin or whatever was just a dude and when Darth Maul stabbed him nobody cared. Darth Maul wasn't even cool because he just looked like a goth kid and had no history or motivation. The only reason we care at all about Obi-wan is that we've seen him for 5 seconds in a previous film. We're treated to many great special effects and lots of people we don't care about running around doing nothing. The "Phantom Menace" subtitle isn't describing Palpatine's plot to take over the galaxy, it's describing the feeling I get from all the characters: vague shadows of people cloaked and lurking around the set. It just gets worse with the next two prequels but we're not here for StarWars talk.

The one thing that was kind of novel about Memento was the play with time; how you simultaneously go forward and backward in time as whatever-the-main-character's-name-was is trying to find out what happened to him. But the effect was interesting for about the first 10 minutes of the 113 minute film, and was really nothing more than some art house shtick, which is probably exactly where our illustrious director lifted it from. The whole movie was basically a single gimmick that I could have understood in about a minute and been satisfied with.

When I first saw Batman Begins I was so thrilled that it wasn't a horrible and cartoony Tim Burton abortion that I failed to see Christopher Nolan's name and thought it was a good movie. After I saw The Dark Knight, however, I paused. Something was wrong here. How could The Dark Night be so terrible yet I loved Batman Begins? Well I re-watched it and it turns out Batman Begins was also a bad movie. I could go on with why exactly I feel this way about the Batman movies, but my following appraisal of Inception will work well for any Nolan film. In fact, one word describes how I feel about Christopher Nolan's movies: porridge.

Written and directed by Christopher Nolan.

Sometimes he stirs the porridge and there are some scene changes. Sometimes he pours some syrup on the porridge and its a bit sweet, other times he goes for the cinnamon spice. But at the end of the day you have a bowl of processed grain in milk and no matter what you do to it, it's going to look the same, taste the same, and have the same gooey texture in your mouth. Christopher Nolan knows this and he also knows that the sheltered and philistine American audience loves porridge. Every few years he cooks up a big batch for everyone and dishes it out at Cinemark. He slops it into your tray for around $9. "Please, sir. I want some more!" shout the American audiences, all too eager to recruit their friends for indentured servitude under the MPAA. Thus a summer blockbuster is born.

Inception starts out innocently enough: a Bond-esque opener with asian dudes and some neat architecture. Oh but wait a minute, this is actually a dream. Ahh, the thread is unwound. But it's a dream within a dream! Oh my. Then some guy gets dragged off. And Leonardo (I honestly can't remember his character's name) is working for the asian guy or something. And he's the best. Maybe. There's lots of stuff happening but the pacing is such that Nolan hopes you won't notice how shoddy the scenes are. What's in the dream box? Why are they giving each other blood transfusions? Are we in the future or an alternate reality? Well I don't really care about any of that anyway so I will just keep watching.

Ok so he has to assemble a team so he can work for the asian dude but he's wanted for murder and stuff. Some cute indie college girl who is from France but speaks perfect English decides to follow Leo on his highly dangerous and illegal escapades for no reason at all. Michael Caine makes a cameo. Girl starts to learn about Leo's secret which is that he's a sparkly vampire and also feels responsible for his idiot wife's death and that interferes with his ability to work somehow. They go to Africa and there's a dude, then there's two dudes and a chase scene or two for some reason. Most of the one-liners that will be repeated ad nausem have been said at least once at this point. Gems like, "you see a train but you want to get on the train but you can't." Pseudo-intellectual stuff. (Nolan just added some apple slices to the porridge, hope you enjoy.)

Then more stuff happens and they have to abduct this guy so Leo can get home, whatever. They enter his dreams and about one hour into the movie, the actual movie that everyone came to see starts. So they're in his mind now and everything is paced oddly and doesn't make sense (and I don't mean the time-domain-multiplication effect or whatever nonsense) but that's because they're in a dream dummy! It's not lazy film-making! There some special effects and fight scenes (sugar & spice) and some pathetically visible twists and turns and eventually they get out of his mind maybe except the editor forgot to put in the part where they're all back on the plane. And then maybe we're still in Leo's dream? Wow what a cliffhanger, Nolan. I'm on the edge of my seat, except not because I almost fell asleep during this two-and-a-half-hour-long snooze fest.

Leo's character never changes. A bunch of people I don't care about run around doing nothing. Except this time they're dreaming. It was all a dream! The king of cliché has done it again. The only reason I'm bothering to review this movie is because I'm tired of movies like this. It's irritating. I saw it because everyone said it was great. Nolan fooled me once more into grasping the ladle and sucking down his broth, and of course it was once again a boring waste of time. I'm mad about it in the same way that one gets mad at a pro opponent in a video game. Nolan is a pro at churning out crap that anyone is apparently ready to lick from his asshole, and it makes me mad because I wish I was that good.

Best dad blog 7/25/10:

2010-07-25T09:18:00.003Z

All and all had a great weekend, nothing major happend on friday just watched my dodgers lose (again) and saw that we got barnes and Ratliff with the mothat fuckin LAKERS BITCH THREEE-PEAT
Excited. I can't wait till

Sorry phone haha I type like i am doing stuff in rea
Ugh suprised I got the kids tonight! not so much suprise, as in I had other things to do and they were dumped on me. lol, I love my kids though, no big thing. They are getting so big, my oldest can ardictulate words since he's in first grade and knows the beer from soda atleast now.
Haha, you should've seen frankies face when I told him to get me a beer. Frank came back all pussy footing around and i was like " noo bitch i asked my son, you retard, double tf isting keeps you interesting"

It was coke classic, an mirror status. Anyways sporscenter is on dun an dun dun a dunahah kids are sleepin and i'm about to be nintendo wii'n after the top 10 plays

The best DAD!

2010-07-23T10:40:00.002Z

Diary of the best dad
A little bit about me:
Yeah, I'm that guy you know... I work for the city, I'm divorsed and I raise my kids properly 2-3 days that I have them.
Sure, you could have a beer with me, always down for that.
I'm the best dad you know!
I work all day, pay the bills, and still have time to play with my kids (if the dodgers, raiders or lakers are playing GO RAIDERS!)
Can cook like my life depended on it, BBQ hamburgers, hot dogs, mac n cheez' and my rice cooker makes bomb ass sweet rice.
My divorce is still pending..
I don't give a fuck about that bitch and how she lies to my kids
sure I don't have a drivers licences but that doesn't get me down, I still pay my rent when I get paid and make sure my kids play quietly in their room while i watch the game. :D
I own 2 dogs that i treat almost as good as my kids but they'll kill each other if i don't have them in crates while i'm at work o
This blog is my blog and I plan keep my chronic and my day to day life here when I can.

Alvin Greene for Senator Rap Video

2010-07-22T19:24:00.007Z

Alvin Greene, South Carolina Democratic nominee for the U.S. Senate and official friend of BLOG released his first campaign ad today, a rap video personally written and directed by Greene:

The video highlights Greene's positions on justice and education and includes a "diss" against Greene's opponent, incumbent republican Sen. Jim DeMint. Will the momentum generated by Alvin Greene's daring viral video be enough to put him over the top in November? Some sources say yes.

Follow Alvin Greene on Twitter.

(Personal note about my long absence: I haven't been fired, trust me! I've just been abusing labor laws that for some reason allow me to smoke pot all day without doing any work and still get paid if I have a doctor's note. Thanks Obama!)

did ya'll see another white guy done shot at the police

2010-07-20T22:28:00.007Z

hello welcome to this blog. do not tell the police about this blog. if you are a cop do not read this blog. if you are a cop and you read this blog that is entrapment and i'll have your badge for this. your career is over, because you read this blog. onlyi f you're a cop. this blog will not destroy career unless you are police.

hi i'm writing for BLOG, maybe. my interests include drugs, politics, video game, and drugs. i hate the fucking police.

so this guy got all mad about "left-wing policies" and decided to go get pulled over on purpose and shoot at the police. i'm not sure if he thinks its a left-wing policy that caused him to be unable to get a job because he's an ex-felon, causing him to live with his mother, because he's an old white guy so he can't just sell drugs like a reasonable ex-felon. since that article doesn't say what his previous felony(s) were, i'm going to assume they're bestiality and taping major league baseball without consent.

at first glance conservatives shooting at the police seems like a win/win. the police are being shot at and a conservative gets shot or at least goes to prison. there is a dark side, however, to shooting at authority figures for no particular reason. and that's that people who make decisions about things love the police, even more than they love old white people. when you shoot at the police they give them new powers. did you know that in england it is illegal to look at the police. its true.

when should you shoot at the police, then? most people, when asked, will say "all the time" or "whenever they get in my way" (this one especially if they're action heroes) but the answer is that you should only shoot at the police if you see them committing an injustice, like shooting a handcuffed guy, or giving me a ticket. or maybe you shouldn't shoot them at all. to be honest its probably not a good idea.

but if you have to shoot at someone, why not consider wall street? it might be a bit of a drive, sure. but its not like you have anything else to do, clearly, and the worst case scenario is that you get pulled over and get that police shoot out you were aiming for anyway. and, if you're lucky, you just might manage to shoot someone who really is responsible for your country's problems.

or just shoot yourself. w/e

April's Hot Hot Spot #3: Female priests are bad!

2010-07-20T14:52:00.009Z

Female priests are as bad as pedophiles?

Since I'm not a catholic you would think this issue would not bother me.

How wrong you are!

This clown with the stupid hat who runs the world's largest sausage party

thinks that he is funny?

This girl doesn't.

Look, if they want to run around raping little boys and then cover it up

then that's their thing.

I don't agree with sexually molesting young people - but I don't wear a stupid hat.

I guess for these jerks it's just all a bit of fun.

Which reminds me so much of good old Rick "Man On Dog" Santorum:

"Santorum described the ability to regulate consensual homosexual acts as

comparable to the states' ability to regulate other consensual and non-consensual

sexual behaviors, such as adultery, polygamy, child molestation, incest, sodomy and

zoophilia (bestiality), whose decriminalization he believed would threaten society

and the family, as they are not monogamous and heterosexual."

Don't these goofs understand anything? Let's take the case of the most

talented and lovely Princess Victoria of Sweden:

We all know she wouldn't condone these silly and despicable

sorts of things.

Diane, I have uncovered BLOGcast #3.

2010-07-13T02:19:00.001Z

(Click above for download)

I've been deep undercover for weeks now. Today I came the closest I expect I ever will to meeting one of my new online acquaintances. He refers to himself only as "The Rev. Gay Chromes", although I suspect this to be a pseudonym of sorts.

He knew my investigations into the dark underbelly of the World Wide Web involve an association with an extremely popular "blog", and promised to provide me with useful information in the form of an audio recording as long as I promise it be posted online, presumably in order to further his career.

As suspected, finding the dropoff location was going to be an issue. I suggested he share the audio file using some sort of proxy to conceal his identity, but I suppose the old ways are sometimes the best.

Eventually I located the tree stump in which the tape was to be hidden. What would I find therein?

Aha! I spy a snaplock bag. Note to field agents: always make sure your dropoffs are weatherproof!

And here lay my prize. I'm sending the original to head office for analysis, of course, but I also attach a digitization of the contents for easy analysis.

All Black

2010-07-09T01:36:00.003Z

All Black lyrics

Share

Send "All Black" Ringtone to your Cell

I'm on some other shit
I'm dress in all black
I'm wit my niggas them
And all of us strapped
We on dat killing shit
Somebody getting wacked
You know I mean business
When I'm in all black
(REPEAT)

It ain't no faking nigga
You see the gear I'm in
Baby 9 on me
He feeling confident
I feel invisible
I'm on dat cup of Hen
Extended clip in dis bitch
Is you more than 10
Put on that black tee
Took off that polo man
Try to slide on me
And I'ma spray your ass
And in my back pocket
I keep that black mask
And let him run down
I bet I flip his ass
I'm riding tinted windows
No more clear glass
One thing about me nigga
You know I don't flag
I keep one in the head
No time to cock it back
You know I mean business
When I'm in all black

I'm on some other shit
I'm dress in all black
I'm wit my niggas them
And all of us strapped
We on dat killing shit
Somebody getting wacked
You know I mean business
When I'm in all black
(REPEAT)

Heard it's some pussy niggas
Round here who talking stupid
You niggas playing gangsta
Who you think you fooling
You must not know me nigga
You did you know I'll pull it
Murk something on site you know I'll fuckin do it
Put stacks on niggas heads
You know ain't nothing to it
I got some young niggas
Who love Jordans stupid
And for a stack nigga
They'll lick your body fluid
For 25 hundred they'll get real stupid
Shoot edges for 30 days
Nigga with that fuckin oozie
These niggas terrorize
Until I tell em cool it
Thanks to you fuck niggas
You know I keep that toolie
I'm dressed in all balck
Just like a scary movie

I'm on some other shit
I'm dress in all black
I'm wit my niggas them
And all of us strapped
We on dat killing shit
Somebody getting wacked
You know I mean business
When I'm in all black
(REPEAT)

Just had a dream dog
Killed my first rap nigga
I hit em wit that yappa
Such a sad picture
I let that yappa go
Hit him wit 5
All head shots
Shoot nothing but missiles
R.I.P dog
Rest in peace pussy nigga
I prefer yappas
The bullets get there quicker
I been attracted to em
Ever since I was little
I'm dressed in all black
Just like a fucking killer

I'm on some other shit
I'm dress in all black
I'm wit my niggas them
And all of us strapped
We on dat killing shit
Somebody getting wacked
You know I mean business
When I'm in all black
(REPEAT)

Send "All Black" Ringtone to your Cell

COMMENTS AND MEANINGS
by b345tmxd3		23 Apr 2010
This song means basically... He's on not playing games and when hes dressed in allblack he's a different person and dont care to kill someone who crosses him. He's saying you'r dumb to mess with him.

BLOGWARS IS OVAH NIGGAH

2010-07-08T01:25:00.003Z

sheesh one whiff o blood n the lot o you act like craze beasts. niccy own up u like eptitititititous lee we all do and ur jus jealouse u miss the whole puma jones thing yeah? now lets all play nice
& fuck those ~~gawker~~ bitches the fuck up

Raoul Moat: Sexxxy beast

2010-07-07T20:25:00.009Z

TODAY in the NEWS OF THE WORLD, a giant hulking body-building roid-raged (chubby) baby-man is cold shootin' people on a mad rampage. Here we have exclusive SEXXXY stories we grabbed from his letters in jail to his beau, 22-year old Samantha Stobbart!

These letters indicate a man both furious and passionate and fully in love with his young beau. We have transcribed several of his letters for your perusal and arousal. We have not corrected for spelling or grammar as we feel it would only dilute his passion.

Letter 1:

This letter was dated June 3, 2010.

Oi luv,

Got me a shiv today from some bugger in the showrs, fat cunt tried t'take me inna ponce an I shoved 'im in the wall an took is shiv while 'e cried like a week little sod. Nw i got me a weapin an no one aint messing with me affer seeing how I done'im up.

I took him from behin ta show 'im whose boss and thought of u the whole time. my dearest farter, oh how I fucked the farts outta the little ginger bitch as I thoughta u. Can't wait to plug yr old boilhole when I get outta 'ere. Hope the wee tyke is holding up well and enjoying that box of fags I sent.

luv to u, my sexy Sam, from yr sexy bulldog,

-R

Letter 2:

Dated June 15 2010

U filthy rotten whore,

Sam you fuckd a pig! U fucked a fuckin pig and I am gonna get u pissfuck. Dirty little rotter o how I an gonna get in there and win u back you cheating cunt. Gonna shot the pig copper inis fuckface an then I gonna roll im over an roger is asshole good while I show u who is the real man 'ere. I wil fuck alla the dead farts outta his arsehole while I make you watch so u know what u have comin to u. U are my life and I will fuck every copper in Briton fore u .

I still luv u bitch,

-R

Letter 3:

Dated June 30, 2010

Oi!

Git yr farts ready u traiterous little cunt, and make sure your copper friend is lubed up so I kin roger his dead ass silly. Imma get me a gun or three anna make right sure no fart is unfucked in the goddamn country. I will show u what happens when u betray me my filthy whore love.

-your dearest farter

Blog Post to Faggot

2010-07-07T07:52:00.003Z

All Bruce Wayne, no Batman

Nicky Burns believed

That he could bring the fire,

A swert Prometheus

Astride a crumbling spire,

But little did he know

And poorly judged his leap

And crashed a mile below,

A broken jangled heap

His face hidden by snow

And the dung of mountain sheep.

#owned

Posts by Sir Eptitious Lee are for a gay faggot indeed

2010-07-07T06:56:00.003Z

I don't want to be seen as causing a ruckus or a drama or anything because I don't expect that useless fucking diphtheria-cradler to really care to read my shining golden comedy bulllets because he is so barren of good taste and happy times. It doesn't help his mother abused him and he will be the biggest crying man person ever in the world, god do I not like him. No one likes him. Fuck I hate him and you should to- if you're worth knowing you already do hate him and if you like him you shouldn't be reading this blog I hate you. If you haven't made your mind up I will give you two choices- hate Sir Eptitious Lee for the useless faggot he is, or kill yourself.

he slanders beautiful woman with amazing steps Lindsay Lohan, who is a golden lagoon of tremendous talent. did he not ever see award-winning smash "I know who killed me" where she played two people at once? no actor not even marlon brando could do that but she could without a computer because she is two people and who is Sir Eptitious Lee? one big faggot that's for sure fuck I hate you too much.

I bet you like to go out to really bad parties and then complain then when your sympathy friend says "if you aren't enjoying yourself then why don't you go?" and then you get all stuffy and huffy and say "no, I'm not trapped with them, THEYRE ALL TRAPPED WITH ME" and think because you quoted the Watchman blue penis movie that you're really witty. you're just a cunt, you dog-snatcher.

If i saw you in the street I wouldn't run you over I would just jump out and kick your ass then my dog would pee on your butt and if you were on fire I wouldn't let the dog pee on you but at the same time I would only put water on you to keep you alive but as a serious burns victim.

Go to hell, Sir Eptitious Lee. Get some fucking therapy because I don't want to listen to your boring teenage-ass whine-fests anymore. If you think you've got what it takes to take me on then you're fucking full of shit- you're a puny bitch-ass and you can't take me on. I am the sunshine out of my own ass. You're nothing but a horrible poo fart. Fuck you

Diary of a Twee Gay Teen

2010-07-06T23:39:00.009Z

Today,

I practiced being willowy.

A supple bowing at the neck, a gentle slope at the shoulder—

it's hard to wear all-corduroy during summertime, but

my skin breathes through my flannel elbow-patches.

A respite from the stifling cords encircling my tortured soul.

My spirit animal is regal & brindled, a mutt made from proud

Mastiff & Greyhound forebears, forgotten

hovering between hulk & wisp,

the willow & the oak.

Mayhap D'Artagnan will stop by today.

We can try on mum's lipstick, neck & cry

as our pert little lovelust

groans on unconsummated, furtive boners chafing

against ridged corduroy constrictors.

When I grow up,

I'm going to wear a kilt everyday.

Hideous Ginger Mong Lohan Off to Gaol

2010-07-06T23:14:00.006Z

Thick-legged coke-addled ginger retard Lindsay Lohan, gross slut division, was sentenced to 90 days in gaol today for having a gross ass vagina even a really skeevy bloke with a feathery moustache wouldn't want to tongue-bang. She is a horrendous alcoholic bitch who made a number of middling films as a vague cloud of freckles & squeals before growing into an orange-tinged embarrassment with a voice like a vuvuzela full of crocodile cum. She was kicked out of dykedom for being too brutish & running over a friend in her haste to snort a lane divider. Somebody euthanise this tremendous monster before she squirts AIDS at the President or shits up the Pope.

When reached for comment, Lindsay's publicist Rapefiend Cokewhore von Mengele-Goebbels shrugged and muttered, "Meh, at least it'll keep the monstrous cunt off the highways." Pithy bloke, that Rapefiend!

Most of Lindsay's problems stem from her reprehensible parents, Satan & Facecunt Lohan. These people are awful & have died in a fire numerous times but been rejected from hell by an incensed Satan. Michael literally eats babies, gnawing at their very spines as a pygmy plays his butt like a soggy tuba. Dina is just an egret possessed by the ghost of Elisabeth Bathory. She will peck your fucking eyes out. They also have some other kids who singlehandedly use up all the heroin from Afghanistan.

Lohan is the first person to ever be cured of herpes, as the chronic virus has fled her body, describing it as "a blasted hellscape of total dysfunction & deformity...uninhabitable...like Klaus Kinski starring in the LAst Airbender." She still has syphilis & gonorrhea up her butt.

She earned an oscar nomination for her role in Cloverfield as the monster. Thanks bitch I barfed in my popcorn.

The World Cries Out for Puma Jones

2010-07-06T22:57:00.005Z

The internet is dead, so stricken by hobbling pink midget Prince, a marginally black transsexual from Venus by way of Lake Minnetonka. He crash-landed in a buttcomet into the seaweedy depths of the gay lake & emerged moments later, clad in some pink shit armour only a toatle pooft-waffe would wear I mean OMG blarf.

It is in dire times like these we need a leader to rise up, take us in his tastefully calloused hands, cup our tender scrotum, and whisper truths to our unborn kidlets: "SPERMATOA OF TOMORROW, THIS IS A LAND OF MILK & HONEY, BITCHES BENZES BLOW & MONEY, WHERE NIGGAS GET CAPPED IF THEY LOOK AT YA FUNNY &c." But ALAS, Puma Jones is no longer with us to throatily launch into a solo chorus of benign faggotry all over our sweaty ballsacks as we wait to impregnate some likely maiden we plucked out of the midden heap of all-girls community college somewhere nestled in a matronly bosom of gay pink hills.

"Come here," he'd type, "sit on my knee." Then vaguely racist, unfunny, nonsensical rubbish would pour forth from betwixt his charmingly ruddy cheeks, bewhiskered with the gay faggot pink whiskers of homoshit. And Prince would pronounce the internet dead yet again, play the guitar with his dexterous sphincter, let loose a righteous unmedicated fart, & dart into oncoming traffic to pray for a particularly phallic semi to ram him up his bespangled arse.

What's the point? you cry, rending asunder your credit cards, coupons for free sprays, & student IDs. There is none. The white whale is black with effluvium, the President is bright brown with shame; the lightbulbs of penury blink on unchanged, FUCK THIS GAY EARTH TO DEATH WITH AN ACID FILLED ECLAIR.

BLOGcast #2

2010-07-05T17:25:00.001Z

click above for your second round of BLOGs brand of aural pleasure

i'll hand this straight over to this week's guest DJ to introduce himself:

BLOGcast #2 by DJ California Games a.k.a Bronx Kill
Notes: Totally jacked fsck's orchestral intro steez. I shit 'im!!!

TRACKLIST

Koichi Sugiyama - Cantata Orbis
Red Hot Entertainment - Junior Spesh
Original Sin - Danger Danger (Rough)
El-P - Whores: The Movie
Birdy Nam Nam - Body, Mind, Spirit...
Hudson Mohawke - Star Crackout
Les Rythmes Digitales - Take A Little Time
Mantronix - Got To Have Your Love
William H. Nutsack - This Is For My Baby
Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti - Fright Night
First Light - Time Machine
Paul Hardcastle - Rainforest
LFO - LFO
Primal Scream - Medication
This Heat - S.P.Q.R
Third World War - Teddy Teeth Goes Sailing
Stevie Wonder - Jesus Children Of America

its a killer. thx cali games!!

1LessLonelyTin

2010-07-05T15:25:00.002Z

The Singularity Is Gay

2010-07-05T07:09:00.007Z

I started reading Ray Kurzweil's book, "The Singularity Is Near" about a year ago and never picked it back up. His argument boils down to the fact that technological progress over the course of human history has increased at an exponential rate. I got real excited about this, as did a lot of other nerds and mouth breathers.

What they failed to realize is that Ray Kurzweil is an enterprising boner who has basically sold the same book 3 or 4 times, as well as a volume on his ridiculous nutrient plan that he wants to use to live forever. He also cryogenically preserved his father's head so that one day he can resurrect his dad.

I'm all in favor of technological progress, but where are we headed, really? That's what nobody actually knows or cares about because they're too busy jacking off over the nerd rapture. (Yes they use that term endearingly.) Well first, the top 2% richest people control over half the wealth on earth. Who do you think is going to benefit from these advances? Second, in a society that is still actively hateful toward dudes who want to touch other dudes' dicks, what happens when technological progress outstrips social progress? Some would argue that it already has. One of those people would be me.

The problem is that when all this shit does eventually happen, like enhanced minds and penises, I can guarantee that either everything will go to hell really quick or everyone will be just as dumb as they are now, only better at it. What's the scenario they're looking for? Where they are gods over the quarterback that pissed in their lunchbox? Immortality? I mean in the end they will probably create some kind of superior intelligence, man or machine, that thinks everyone else is dumb and should be wiped out, just like the "singularitarians" think today. I don't see why there is a rush toward annihilation.

It's a little bit like the LGBT rights movement. Once everyone has the right to be whatever sexuality and whatever gender they want, what happens? New genders? The transhumanists should be happy that there are people dumber than them, just like gays should be glad that they are hated so then they have something to lord over others. Being slightly "oppressed" has never looked more attractive than it does today. Think about it: you get to play the victim, you get to do whatever you want on gay pride day, and you get as much dick as you want. Same if you're a transhumanist, as I assume the first thing that we will develop is enhanced sexual organs.

As 'AM' from I Have No Mouth laughs to itself for eternity, I'm sure we can be proud of the many men and women who have sacrificed their time and tears over the "who can touch a penis" argument. As we run blindly and blissfully into the brilliant future, giving all our wealth to criminals who mock us while we do so, I'm sure we'll find some time to make that Gundam you always wanted and kick the study hall monitor in the nads. I am reminded of Christopher Hitchens getting throat cancer: a loudmouth douche gets his comeuppance even though he was ultimately correct. Truth matters very little, and in Kurzweil's future I doubt it will be much different. Cheers.

Disclaimer: I am gay.

♥ EXCLUSIVE BIEBNEWS!!! ♥

2010-07-04T09:26:00.041Z

UPDATE: THE BEEB is reporting the Bieb may indeed have to follow through on the results of a vote cast on a website on the internet! Stay tuned...!!

ok this is real exciting i set my pvr to record some music videos to see whats new and i got... go on guess!!

thats right lol the NEW JUSTIN BIEBER VID!!!

cant wait to see the lok on tracys face that i got this first haha

oh yeah bad recetion sometime but stick with it for some great new footage of teh beib doin what he does best!!!!!!!

in other BIEBnews: join the campain now to get JB to bring real american values where they needed most. Send Justin Bieber to North Korea!!

YouTube Channel To Watch: thefourthcumming

2010-07-04T03:30:00.005Z

Name: Jamie

Age: 22

About Me: My name's Jamie Stroud (nom de porn Chip Tanner). I'm the fourth coming of mankind. I used to have an account before this but Youtube permanently suspended it. I'll try to be tamer this time around and hopefully Youtube will allow my freedom of speech even if some of it's offensive and controversial.

I get too many messages and friend requests so I disabled messages and ignore friend requests, it's nothing personal. I do read comments though.

My Gloryhood site will be released publicly in the future, whenever it's ready, and I don't know when that will be. I put the link at the end of the videos just to get prepare.

Country: United States

Hugs for Trolls

2010-07-02T22:51:00.009Z

It saddens me to see how everyone is fighting! So much sadness in this world, and even the trolls can't get along? It breaks my blackened, puss-filled heart to witness such internecine rage.

Why can't we all just get along? Why can't we all find comfort in the little things in life? Like basketball, Bort, and mameshiba?

Oh, why, there is one thing everyone can agree on. Japanese bean dogs rule, as seen in the avatars of many rude and funny people on Twitter.

Remembering Puma Jones

2010-06-30T18:47:00.006Z

QQ, two magical letters that look like buoyant balloons or spunky sperm if your mood is right, or fear-inducing forebodings of death if you're trippin' on some real bad shit. Two crying cat eyes from a cat egg, the whiny babby who sits at desk sobbing when big bad internet bullies say mean things from their glistening cubes, coated in Funnyun grease & the lube of a million surreptitious sub-desk wanks.

My point is, whiny bitches nigga, what up with that? Why so serious? We all just trying to have fun, be clever. Go out there with joy & aggression, seize this miracle life by both danglesome jesticles, & fuck the shit outta that sour smellin ass til you die of crotchrot. Cos that's all we got.

"I feel a broken man, completely disconsolate, frustrated and an unimaginable sadness," wept a bitch. Suck it up, big boy. Your eyebrows will grow back one day. FAG

[This article is part of BLOG's exclusive coverage of the Puma Jones resignation controversy, a series entitled U Mad? 2010. The full series: 1 2 3 4.]

▲ E3 2010 Recap ▲

2010-06-30T06:54:00.000Z

the idea of converting an xbox controller into a sensory deprivation chamber started as a joke for the posters on gaming forums, everyone would get a good laugh out of that, lol, good thread, a joke at the xbox's expense again (big system), cliche&true. but at this stage the project is very real.

it's important to me to not come off as a nintendo fangirl. i can enjoy any system and i want to say that right off the bat. the console wars are a big deal in my family.

i have all these senses and i'm trying to lose them, which may be selfish, my beanie babies have none. i feel obligated to share with them and i am looking into animating them and blessing them with awareness of their environment. people on yahoo answers are jerks and at best i only know how to magickally endow one of my beanie babies with one sense at a time.

his name is iggy. he has a poem attached to his leg:

"Sitting on a rock, basking in the sun

Is this Iguana's idea of fun

Towel and glasses, book and beach chair

His life is so perfect without a care!"

"but what does it mean," i ask iggy, he can't hear. we lie in the chamber together, on the floor, looking up at the glow-in-the-dark stars i've stuck to the ceiling. dad, the reason why my nintendo power issues smell like cigarettes, says i don't know the first thing about sensory deprivation chambers. when i grow up i want my house to smell like a video game instruction manual when you open it for the first time.

so far the only sense i've figured out how to deprive myself of in there is taste. you have to pour enough water in your mouth (water has no taste) to fill it up. remember to turn off vibration on the xbox controller if you haven't already. i think that, to iggy, it looks like i'm losing input from all my senses, he can't tell the difference, and i feel good seeming so in control of everything, and it's funny how big the xbox is. i laugh and tell my beanie babies that one day i'll give them life and they'll be able to laugh too. if it's possible for a stuffed animal to wear fake fingernails (thanks yahoo answers, for once) then they must be able to come to life too. as always, submission of spells/rituals is welcome via email :) ldl

BLOG SPECIAL REPORT

2010-06-30T06:53:00.008Z

we have just lost writer Puma Jones (aka @Charming_Turd, account now sadly deleted) over some sort of drama. i think its cos i hid a post of his that i was getin some bad feedback about.

in the interest of fairness, here is the delete post, undeited. u be the judge!

Some things I've learned over the years by Puma Jones

Hey there, young snaps. Come sit on my front porch and let me lay some good old 50's style knowledge on your pert little ass. I've eaten out of my share of chum buckets, and been around the old carousel enough to have picked up some real gems over the years. You want some Werthers? Sit tight while I give you codgers a little knowledge worth more than any handjob or car stereo you can whip up.

Skeletons do not have butts. Odds are, if it has no butt, it is a skeleton.

Don't answer stupid questions. You'll only invite more. It's like pulling handkerchiefs out of a clown's asshole, and believe me, in the war, I did my share of that on both ends.

Generally, if everyone else is scared, it's OK to be scared too, unless you're the one with the gun in your hands and the stocking on your head.

A good chunk of humanity's innate majesty died when ol' Chuck Heston did.

In an average day your hands will have come into indirect contact with 15 penises (touching door handles etc.). Remember how lucky that makes you that you live in America... the dickest country ever.

I know you kids all think you're DJs these days, and you think your music is really the cat's meow, but I'll let you in on a little golden secret: You're not. You're just pink little worms with piercings in unsightly places.

On July the 4th, go on out and lynch yourself a brown child. It's as American as apple pie and refusing to die despite old age and bad life choices.

Be careful who you split hairs with. They could be one of those Atheists, and my pastor says they get all big and angry and green when you pique them, like that feller in the comic books.

When you're curious about something, look into it. That includes the midday sun.

Don't ever try to build a house on top of two other houses. Apparently, that's apartments.

It's easier for most people to forget your very good qualities when they are mildly inconvenienced by one of the bad ones. All you have to do is shit in one kitchen...

Vegetarian = homosexual. We saw it all the time in Da Nang. If you can't kill a baby animal in your hands and nourish yourself on the teat of its death, you're not a man and if I catch you eating salad and only salad I will fuck you with the business end of an M1 Garand until you see things the way The Lord intended.

The Chinese. Don't look 'em in the eye. Ever.

Well, kids, it's time for me to take 12 fucking pills for being too old to matter and lay down for a while. I think Matlock's coming on, and besides, don't you kids have paper routes?

You work where? Hot Topic? I'll tell you a hot topic, son... my wife, back when I met her in '47.

[This article is part of BLOG's exclusive coverage of the Puma Jones resignation controversy, a series entitled U Mad? 2010. The full series: 1 2 3 4.]