Love like Crazy

The first time I saw you.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 15 Jan 2014 16:25:00 +0000

It has been one year since the first time I laid eyes on the two of you.

Medical records and pictures of two little boys made its way to my inbox two weeks after we received some devastating news about the little girl we thought would be joining our family.

Two was not our plan...

There were SO many pictures. I looked at every single one, hoping to find clues about you.

The first picture I saw of Abe was this little guy with stiff arms and clenched fists, and sad eyes. Eyes that had seen too much. Manye had an impossible smile. I wondered how a kid who had such a tough life could smile like that? It was the kind of smile that lights up a room.

You have been home now for 3 months (almost) and our love for each other grows everyday.

In many ways those photos were accurate.

Abe,

Your arms remained stiff for quite sometime. It took a while for you to accept my embrace---hugs were stiff and mechanical as you were learning about this "love" thing. I can't imagine the amount of bravery it has taken for you to loosen your grip. To hold my hand and step on to that airplane. I might not ever know, but I hope you will share with me one day. You held on to everything you were given so tightly, with such fear. You still pack your bags sometimes, as if you are preparing yourself for when we disappoint you.
I want you to know----I get it. I understand the clenched fist, and the fight you have inside of you. I hope you never lose that fight, but come to understand that you are not battling alone. You were never alone. God has always been with you, through the ugly and the pain----and HE has made a way for you. Your earthly father might have given you a name that means "Send him away from me" but Jesus will not send you away. We will not send you away. We will mourn with you, and pray fervently for all that has been broken to be restored.
When you unclench those fists it is such a beautiful thing, and we love watching you discover the joy of giving. Your laugh is infectious and I love to hear you experience new things with an "Oh, WOW!" This is a big world, and God has big plans for you---he created you with a purpose. Thanks for letting me be your mom. I understand that you didn't pick me---but you have made the decision to give me your heart, I don't take that decision lightly.

Manye,

That smile. You are a charmer. I love your smile, but I want you to know I can tell when it's genuine. You don't have to smile for me. No performance is necessary. You give me a run for my money sometimes, you are a tough nut to crack. That smile is so easy to hide behind--and I know you needed that to survive before. I want you to know that in our house, we cry. It's ok to cry.
A lot of people have hurt you, and disappointed you. I mourn your childhood. I get that you need to feel in control, and in charge because you can't get hurt that way.
I am trying to show you something better than being alone. So I will challenge you, I will teach you and we will fight because some lessons are worth a fight. We can learn from each other, and I am willing to learn all you have to teach me.
You need to know, that when the charm has melted away---we will still pick you, every time. We love you---and this love is not temporary. That is hard for you to grasp and I get that too.
You are so quick, and never give up. I love that about you. Your bravery is like nothing I have ever seen---but sometimes being brave means admitting we are weak. God's strength is made perfect in our weakness. You might not ever love me like your "real" mom, and thats ok. I am just going to keep on loving you....

Two was not our plan....but God had a greater plan.

Two weeks after we accepted your referral God confirmed our decision after our church raised $13,000 to help bring you home.

You were so loved before we even knew you......

Give them a front row seat..

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 23 Dec 2013 18:26:00 +0000

We went to church yesterday. Manye is generally uncomfortable and anxious at church so it has made weekly attendance a challenge since they got home.

We were excited for the boys to see the children's Christmas play, and thought they would really enjoy it.

In the first 5 minutes Manye started to squirm. "This no, good Mom. I no like." I watched both of the boys struggle to pay attention and look around uncomfortably for much of the show.

But then, something happened.

The nativity became present in the show---and this they recognized. They started moving to see better and leaning in.

I told them they could move up to the front row so they could see better, and I watched them as they paid perfect attention for the rest of the show.

In that moment I felt the Lord speak to my heart. " Give them a front row seat."

"Give them a front row seat to my grace, truth and peace. Give them a front row seat to my radical love. Everyday."

In that moment, it was like time stood still. I could feel HIS presence---and that gentle voice. "Give them a front row seat."

Sometimes we beat ourselves up about the small things, and question how we are supposed to parent these new additions. But we are called to show them Christ first and foremost--in the way we love.

I am so glad we got to hear those precious kids at church yesterday---it really was an amazing program, and I am so glad that my Heavenly Father used the opportunity to remind me of what he has tasked us with----because in the end, nothing else really matters.

Don't take it personal....we still love you.

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Fri, 06 Dec 2013 20:00:00 +0000

We have been so blessed to have so many wonderful people in our lives that are curious about our family.

Many people are naturally curious about the boys past. I think this generally comes from a good, and well meaning place. These children came to us with a past---and many people are interested in their story.

But here is the thing: It's their story. Not ours.

Tom and I are both pretty up front people. If you ask us a direct question we will give you a direct answer--- so if you ask a question about the boys or our family and we dodge it, you might find yourself a little confused.

Here's where we are at: Abe and Manye have been through so much ugly. Things that NO child should ever experience and it breaks our hearts. Part of our job as their parents is to provide them with a safe and loving atmosphere where they can heal---and we believe they will. God will restore and redeem all that has been broken, HE has a plan for them. No doubt about it.

One way we feel we can keep them safe is by making sure they do not find themselves under a microscope---feeling as if they have to share their story with the world.

Trauma is ugly. It's not dinner conversation...it is someone's pain.

So family and friends: If you are close to us---please to not push us to share and most importantly do not expect for the children to share. They do not owe it to anyone. Asking them to open up old wounds is not ok---just meet them where they are at, and do your best to love them. Please know that if we dodge a question it is not that we don't trust you......we just want to respect our children and this is the best way we know how. If you see us parenting in ways you think looks strange---please know there is probably a good reason.

We are dealing with these issues--and rest assured we are being proactive in the way we address the trauma. Trust that we are doing our best.

All that being said, we do need prayers and I need to feel like I can ask for prayers with out putting forth every single detail. We have seen your prayers working every step of the way....please don't stop lifting us up because this can be a heavy load to carry.

If you absolutely feel like you want to ask a question please do not ask the kids---or in front of the kids. Ask Tom or myself and give us a little grace if we dodge ya----it's nothing personal. We are just parents trying to protect our children the best we can.

Everything is so new.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 04 Dec 2013 22:47:00 +0000

My last post I shared some of the hard, and yes we still have those moments daily but I really want to tell you about the SWEET.

The bursting with joy moments.

I remember when Aidan and Mia were born---all their "firsts" were so sweet!

First smile, word, tooth, first favorite food, learning to crawl, walk, run, skip, hop.

Aidan and I had these dance parties that are forever sealed in my memory. Whenever Laurie Berkner would come on TV he would stop what he was doing and find me for a little dance party in the living room. We would shout "BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ!" to her song about bees. Or ramble the words to "Victor Vito" as fast as we could.

If you have preschoolers and you don't know Laurie Berkner--you are missing out! Look it up!

Anyhow--

Our boys came to us with mouthfuls of teeth. With scars. With many years of life, and experiences that I missed. I had this feeling for a while that I may never know how they got the scars, or how old they were when they lost their first tooth.

It kind of bummed me out. Moms love the "firsts." I am no exception.

But as I have been reflecting I realize we have had so many "firsts." They just look different than the path of a biological family. This doesn't make me any less of a mother---just a different kind. One who is trying my best to meet them where they are at.

So let me tell you....

Forks and spoons: New! They weren't used to using cutlery, but they have got it now!

Bikes: Neither of the boys had ever rode a bike before. They had learned after being home for less than a week. Manye learned in two days!

First Icecream, hamburger, fries.....all a hit!

They love our dog! They were terrified at first but now embrace him entirely.

First Thanksgiving: They loved the "Feast." We shared our traditions of giving thanks, and rejoiced in God's provision.

Can I just tell you for a second how my heart nearly burst giving Abiti a bath for the first time? It happened about a week ago. We have done showers up till this point and I thought---this kid needs to experience a bath.

So I tried to coax him. He looked at me like I was insane. You want me to SIT in there?!?!?! Mia suggested color change tablets and lots of bubbles, and Abiti jumped into his first ever PURPLE bath.

He screamed. He giggled. He dunked his face under water, over and over again. " Look Mom, Look!!! ".... "Oh, Wow! WATER!"

Sheer JOY.

That's when it happened. My heart almost burst. There is much to be learned from these kids.

Maybe I should throw a party every time the bath spits out warm water. Water is so precious....

How about that self control thing?

Well I am happy to report that the "punch first and ask questions later" is beginning to make an exit. We still have our moments, but they are learning they have a voice and words can be a powerful tool when we choose to use them. I think this has to be my favorite. Teaching a child from a hard place that THEY have a voice---and there are people who want to hear from them....

Which brings me to....

Favorite phrases:

"Stop it!!" Can't say this is always my favorite since I have heard it so frequently---but let me tell you the significance. These two little words keep them from punching each other constantly. They use it communicate " I am uncomfortable." So as you can imagine---these words mean alot to them.

"Me, I LOVE" is a Manye phrase. He is very vocal about his likes....and I am happy to tell you, that I have found myself on the "Me, I love list" a little more often these days.

"Oh, my goodness" Abiti loves to use this one all the time.

"Oh, WOW!" Another Abiti favorite....this kid finds joy in the little things and looks at the world with eyes of wonder. Mia absolutely loves hearing the "Oh, wow!"

"No." Again---not always my favorite....but an important word so I will thank God for it.

We have had a week of such amazing highs---looking at the world through the eyes of these children.

When we get a glimpse of who these little guys really are it makes the bad days easier to get through. The storms are still coming, but we are getting to know our boys as the walls come down.

I can't wait to see what the Lord does with these Abiti, Manye, Aidan and Mia who are all learning a growing together. They are a vocal bunch who just might make a big mark on this world one day----and I get to be their Mom.

How are we REALLy doing?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 20 Nov 2013 16:01:00 +0000

The boys have been home almost a month. I intended to post about a trip to get them, but honestly it was hard to find words. We just needed to live it.

Several people have seen the silly videos of the kids on FB and the happy shiny pictures, and several have been wise enough to know that the photos are just a moment in time that happened to be...well...happy. I snap a picture in these moments because I need so desperately to hold on to those happy moments. Things are not always so sweet.

So how are we "really" doing?

Expectations: Expectations can be a sneaky thing. I have learned that it is possible to have expectations and not even realize it. We had some expectations that were unfair---and we have had to adjust our way of thinking in a few areas. We didn't expect easy---or grateful, but when it comes down to it....there is still dissappointment when things don't go your way. I started having thoughts like "We have sacrificed so much, and drained our savings account to give these kids a chance.....and they act as if they hate us."

Yeah. It's true we did. It's hard. Rejection is no fun---and it doesn't feel fair when all you have done for over a year is pray for these kids and scrape together EVERY penny you can find to bring them home. And then there are no "warm and fuzzy" feelings! In fact, there have been some real ugly feelings. Some of them are my own, and I am not proud of that.

I WANTED WARM AND FUZZY PEOPLE!

But guess what? We were the ones being unfair.

Why would these children just hand us their hearts free of charge? They have learned to survive on their own because of the loss and betrayal of the adults in their lives. Adults they trusted and loved. Why now, would they ever just give all their trust to us? Because we say we are FOREVER?

Show me forever, Mom. What does it look like?

Sometimes it looks like the calm of a mothers touch after the 15th meltdown before lunch. Sometimes it looks like smiling at a child when you really want to scream or cry. Acting like it doesn't hurt when they call random people Mom---because, you see....I haven't earned that title yet.

It will be awhile before I have earned it, and I am learning to be ok with that. The life these children had before joining our family is nothing short of the word horrible. For now, I will be the consistent one. I will consistently respond with love when honestly I don't always want to. I will kiss boo-boos. I will teach with patience. I will meet needs with a cheerful heart.

Easier said than done....

Honestly, we mourn the loss of old routines. Of simple things. We are creatures of habit and our lives have been turned upside down and inside out.

The boys are mourning the loss of their country, culture, friends and family. They have expectations that were false, and we are working on that too.

We miss being a family of 4 sometimes. That doesn't mean that we don't love them-----it's just that things were simple then. Familiar. God has called us to something different, and we believe better.

Better than easy. Something beautiful and redemptive. Healing.

We are learning so much about the character of God. Christ died for us when we were STILL sinners and enemies of God. It was nothing we earned or deserved. We are trying to follow this example but we miss the mark daily. HIS grace is perfect, and his mercies are new every morning and I am so grateful for that-----because I need it! Our family needs it.

I needed to be adopted once, and Christ invited me into his family. Before I was ready to call Him Father, he gave up his life for me.....

This truth holds us together.

For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person--though perhaps for a good person one would even dare to die---but God shows his love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:6-8

It's a Beautiful Day......Everyday.

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 13:33:00 +0000

The sun is shining!

The birds are chirping!

My coffee is steamy and delicious, and it's a beautiful morning.

Mornings like this often bring my thoughts to someone very special in my life, my cousin Andrew. Andrew is a few years younger than me, and has been given many labels over the years. Some say he has a learning disability or call him disabled. I have also heard him called by much more demeaning labels....

If you know me, you know that I HATE labels. People are so beautiful, and when we label them we put them in a little box and limit who they are. That being said, there is one label that doesn't bother me so much when it comes to Andrew.

Special Needs.

Stay with me.....

Andrew is most definitely special,because he wakes up each and every day and calls the day beautiful. Andrew has encountered his share of ugly and mean people in this world but his perspective remains.

Each day is beautiful.

He has always known each day is a gift. That God created beauty.

When I was about 16, I remember Andrew coming outside with me and being so excited about the fresh cut grass in the yard.

"Cozy, look at this grass!!" He said, picking up a hand full. I laughed, but then I really looked.

It was beautiful....soft on my feet, with that fresh cut smell. I jumped up and grabbed his hand......"Grass! Look at this grass!!!"    I shouted.
I picked up a handful and tossed it in the air, and Andrew was happy to join me.

We danced, and sang---throwing handfuls of grass in the air.

I am sure the neighbors thought we were nuts, but it was a beautiful day.

Andrew is special because he can see the needs of people. I guess that's why the term special needs doesn't rub me quite as raw as the other labels.

On Easter, Andrew approached me and said: "Cozy, I cannot wait to meet your sons! He was looking at the pictures we had of them out on the table.   As he was looking at them he said: " They look just like you Cozy.....they have your eyes."

To Andrew,some of the hardest questions in life are the easiest to answer because he answers in love, and according to the needs of those around him.

I don't even know how he does it.

I believe it is a gift from the Lord.

He can see the needs of those around him.   He saw my need, and answered in love.

My two chocolate boys look just like me. They have my eyes.

Andrew is dreaming right now of going to Shepherds College. He has been accepted, and I couldn't be more proud. He is going to be a Chef. He needs some help getting there, so I hope you will join me in praying that the Lord will make a path to get him there.

This June, in Tiffin Ohio there will be a "Beautiful Day 5k" in his honor. All of the proceeds will go to his college fund.

I am out of shape, but I will be there! I will be there because EVERYDAY IS A BEAUTIFUL DAY! Andrew is so special to me, and to our family.....he is one of the greatest gifts our family has ever received.

I hope you will join us in celebrating this new chapter in his life!

One of those mornings.....we all have them!

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 26 Feb 2013 19:00:00 +0000

This morning was a rough one! The kids were both dragging their feet getting ready for school---doing just about anything to avoid actually getting dressed. You moms know what I am talking about!!!

My stress levels were rising, and the kids were complaining every step of the way.

Then, I notice that there was homework unfinished! Homework that a certain child ( I will not mention names) said was finished the day before.

I could feel my blood pressure rising!

Then I remembered I had washed their winter coats right before bed. But I forgot to dry them!!!!!

My head almost popped off---right then and there, in the middle of the kitchen and our morning messes!

I am certain that I am not going to win any mother of the year awards any time soon! It seems like on rushed morning like today I hear the voice of doubt loud and clear.

It says:
What are you going to do with two more kids? You think this is hectic? Just wait, you are going to fail---and your family will fall apart.......and everyone is going to be miserable.

Luckily, I know that I am not the glue that holds all this together.

Tom, isn't either. Although, I am so glad we are in this together.

My Heavenly Father is the glue that keeps all this together. We have stressed mornings, bad moods and messes.....but our life is not defined my them, or the lies that Satan tries to tell us about ourselves.

I know that the Lord did not bring us this far to abandon us now! He is the God who meets us in our messes, and loves us anyway.

Friends--if you are hearing that voice of doubt, I just want to encourage you to silence it! Stand firm in the knowledge of who God made you to be. He did not promise us perfection, or that everything in our lives would be easy---but He did promise to walk with us through our messes!

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don’t become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you.

Romans 12:1-2 The Message

God was with me this morning in my messs, and I am so thankful that his mercies are new every morning!

I am trusting that...

He will be with me as I learn to parent two children who are not my own.
He will sustain our marriage through it all.
He will give us the strength to meet the needs of ALLof our children.
He will not abandon us in our times of trouble.

He did not bring us this far to leave us alone now.

We will stand on His promises. We will trust in HIM and we will not listen to the voice of doubt.

Our God is the glue that holds all this together. Not me.....and I am OK with that. He's a better driver than me anyway!

Have you seen me parallel park? Yikes!

Update and Celebrate....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 13 Feb 2013 05:23:00 +0000

We getting closer to the end of our adoption journey and we are so blown away by the love and support that has been shown to us.

Many people have been asking how close we are to reaching our goal. This is a tricky one, because as soon as we think we have a good answer some unexpected cost comes to light and our goals take new shape.

This is the way with international adoption....

       For example: Our boys are staying in a foster home ran by our agency---not in the orphanage. They were actually living there when we accepted the referral. The other day I was looking over our contract and it says any family that chooses to have their children stay in the agency foster home are subject to a $250 a month charge per child.
        When we began this process with "G" that did not apply to us, and it was not something we made note of mentally.   Now we have two children living in the foster home, which means we are subject to that charge x's two!   Our options are, to make them move our children back into the orphanage, breaking their bonds with current care givers and move back to where they will potentially receive less care.

Or pay the fees.

We will pay the fees. And not because we think this is fair---but because we know it is in the best interests of our children. They should not have to face another loss. In the long run, when they will need to bond with our family this is the best choice.

But you get the idea---the numbers change. I don't like it. It's really hard to face all the financial uncertainty.

But one thing is for sure........God knows EXACTLY how much we need! There is no surprising him.

Which leads me to the celebrate....

Today, we got a call from Lifesong for Orphans. They said that they chose our family for one of their matching grants!!!!

We were so excited!!! We are so grateful that we were chosen.

Here's the details:

Between now and April 12th Lifesong for Orphans will match donations up to the amount of $2,500!!!
You can make a tax-deductible donation through Lifesong and we will get 100% of the proceeds. They will match each donation dollar for dollar up to $2,500! How amazing is that?!?!?!?!?!

How to make a donation:
Make checks payable to: Lifesong for Orphans put Schmidt #3375 Adoption on the memo line
                        Send to:             Lifesong for Orphans
                                              P.O. Box 40/202 N. Ford St.
                                                     Gridley, IL 61744

Thank you to everyone who has given, and prayed for us along the way. Thank you for your patience as we try to navigate the muddy waters of international adoption. We are almost there.....and this definitely will help!!!

God is not unjust; he will not forget your work and the love you have shown him as you have helped his people and continue to help them.
   -- Hebrews 6:10

Book worth the read......

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 31 Jan 2013 21:46:00 +0000

I recently read the book: The Ministry Of Motherhood--Following Christ's Example In Reaching the Hearts Of Our Children. By Sally Clarkson

It's a really great read!

Mother's so often get caught up in the hustle and bustle of everyday life that we forget that being a good mother is a ministry that makes an impact for generations to come. This book was such an encouragement to me as a mother of two biological children and soon to be 2 adopted boys.

This book has inspired me to be more intentional in my day to day routines and to appoach each day as if working for the Lord.

I especially loved the section on teaching your children the same way Jesus taught his disciples.

So if you are looking for some encouragment and inspiration, I highly recommend!

For family and friends....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 22:13:00 +0000

The Kitchen Is Not My Office: Supporting and Understanding the Adoptive Family

I just read this amazing blog post. I wanted to share it with our network of family and friends. Our family is going to be changing dramatically over the next few months. I know that there is no way I could ever put into words exactly what we will need our how you can help us through all the adjustments. The truth is----we just don't know.

Every child is different. We have gone through the all required trainings ( and some that weren't!) All we can do is pray that God is already preparing their hearts for our family, and preparing our hearts for their arrival.

We are so lucky to have such a supportive network of friends!

I know that many of you will be eager to meet them and help out once they are here. So check out this blog post on understanding and supporting adoptive families, it's a really good read!

Almost there....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 28 Jan 2013 04:17:00 +0000

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you"
                           -- Matthew 7:7

Pride often gets the best of us. No one likes to share their needs, and everyone likes to look like we have it all together.

When we began this process, it felt crazy to be sharing with people that we needed $31,000 that we did not have. But at the same time we knew we were called to adopt, despite all of the discouraging math! I expected people to assume we were insane and move on with their busy lives.

We decided to share our need anyway and a funny thing happened.

People that we didn't know that well a year ago, came forward and said: " You are called to adopt and we feel called to help you! What can we do?"

They started planning secret meetings ( that we weren't invited to! Ha!) They reminded us on a weekly basis that they were praying for us and they did! They mourned our losses with us, and rejoiced when we found new hope in two beautiful little boys. They had our backs!

I am not sure that we could have made it through this process without the love of good friends and family.

Fundraisers started happening! Kids had lemonade stands, friends planned rummage sales, bought coffee and kept praying!

    Most recently our church family planned a benefit dinner and silent auction on January 26th. We were floored when we found out that we had reached maximum capacity in the family life center! Over 260 people bough tickets and we were amazed when most of them showed up! It was such an amazing night. We couldn't believe all of the wonderful donations, and we were delighted to see new friends and old!

We left the dinner rejoicing! It was so amazing to see everyone come together to show love for our boys and for our family. Adoption can be such a lonely process but there was so much love in that room! Our cups were overflowing. We went home completely at peace with the feeling that God had given us a precious gift---love. We didn't talk about money when we went home that night, we just talked about all of the conversations we had with friends and family. We were so encouraged.

We went to church this morning knowing they would be announcing the total for the dinner during the service. We had no idea what to expect. We both agreed that we had such an amazing night that it didn't really matter.

But God decided to knock our socks off instead! We were told that the total for our adoption dinner was...........$11,327.18!!!!!!!!

We both melted into a pile of tears! It was like the Lord just gave us the biggest bear hug and said " Listen kids, I've got this!!!!" But that's not all........................................

Another friend had given us $750.00 that was not included in the total. She had shared our adoption story with everyone who got a Christmas card from their family. WOW! This pushed our total up to $12,077.18!!!

BUT THAT IS NOT ALL.....

When I was leaving church I checked our mailbox and found $500 cash from an anonymous giver with a note that only said: God Bless Your Family. Someone stopped us and asked to buy tshirts....another $100. Someone from the Methodist church wrote a check for $200......the list goes on.......

$13,000 is alot of money! The words "thank you" will never express all that we are feeling today. God is so trustworthy.

    A friend almost tackled us after the church service today!

    He was so excited for our family.

I looked right at him and saw the tears welling in his eyes and I started to realize the magnitude of this blessing. Not just for us, but for everyone involved. Our friends are experiencing the joy of caring for an orphan. They love these boys too!

They are invested.

If we wouldn't have shared our need we would have robbed them of the experience. I have had so many people look at me with tears in their eyes and say: " We just can't wait to meet these boys, we can't wait to hug them. " We just want to love them."

I believe it.

God is moving.

Hearts are changing.

Two orphans will have a forever home.

We are left to say again that we are blessed beyond measure. I wish we had a better word than thank you.....

Thank you seems so small.

We love you.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13: 34-35

What a ride....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 22 Jan 2013 02:00:00 +0000

Adoption is pretty crazy.

We had no idea when we began this journey that we were strapping ourselves in for a pretty LONG rollercoaster ride. There have been unpredictable twists and turns, and we have cried and wanted off this ride at times.

But, we are sensing more and more that every twist and turn was for a purpose. God has been present every step of the way. We can't pretend to understand everything that the Lord has done, but we do know that it is all for our good and it will all be for HIS glory in the end. We have had to seek Him constantly, and that is NEVER a bad thing.

For a year, we prayed for a little girl that we thought would become a part of our family. Getessa became a household name for many in our church, and circle of friends. This child was prayed for daily. The life of an orphan became real to us, our children and those closest to us.

Those prayers were not wasted. God only knows the protection that this afforded her. I can't wait to one day understand the fullness of His plans.

A friend of ours came to Christ after hearing about Getessa.

We made new friends, who wanted to follow us on this journey.

There were countless blessings along the way, all that point to a more perfect plan.

We were so sad when we knew that the door was closing for us to bring her home. We still pray for her daily. Her picture is still on our mantle and it will stay there.

We are more determined than ever to follow God wherever he is leading.

Our adoption agency asked us if we would consider TWO brothers. We were one of the few families on file that was open to adopting a child of either sex up to the age of 7. They had two brothers that they were trying to keep together, and thought it might be worth asking us to consider them.

We were intimidated at first. We had not thought of adopting siblings.

How much would it cost? Could we afford it? Could we parent 4 children?

We prayed, and prayed, and prayed........and prayed.

Our agency sent the complete referral, and we prayed some more.

We found that the only excuse not to do this was the additional $5,000 in costs it would add to our adoption.

A child's life is worth way more than $5,000. Money could not be the reason.

We prayed some more. We talked about it to our kids, and they were on board. Willing to share with two more.

As we talked, we felt that this was double the blessing. We could bring these boys into a loving home, where they will hear the name Jesus on a daily basis. They will be together, and they will be loved.

WE can love them. And we will....

We hope that you will continue with us on this journey as we follow the Lord's lead and prepare to welcome two more smiling faces into the Schmidt family.

We press on.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 02 Jan 2013 04:55:00 +0000

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4

Friends, we got devastating news today. The Ethiopian Government has placed a ban on adoptions from the southern tribal regions of Ethiopia. This means that Getessa is not available for us to adopt at this time. We are heartbroken, and mourning. We still intend to proceed and adopt another child from Ethiopia because we are committed 100% to orphan care. It is with a very heavy heart that we are moving on at this point. Our paperwork is in order and we will continue on this journey knowing that God has a perfect plan in all of this.

The process will continue but the Lord has closed the door for our family to bring Getessa home at this time.

While we are grieving the fact that the fate of this child seems so uncertain, we will press on. We will press on because as we grieve, we are able to do it as a family.

We think of all of the orphans in the world who will grieve their losses alone. With no one to care for them, or share in their grief. Children in desperate need of love. So we will press on through the pain---because it doesn't compare to what children all over the world go through everyday alone.

We are wounded but we are not destroyed.

We will press on. We will continue to trust in God's plan for our family.

Matthew 17:20

"For truly I say to you, if you have the faith like the grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.

BLACK FRIDAY MADNESS!!!

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sat, 24 Nov 2012 01:22:00 +0000

Today is Black Friday....

It is a day I normally look forward to. I usually go out with two of my besties, and we stand in line all night to score some deals. We drink Peppermint Mocha's from Starbucks and have breakfast together in the wee hours of the morning. I always tell myself I go for the "girl time" more than anything.

This year I decided to skip it.

It just is hard to stomach when I start thinking of my friends on the other side of the world who are struggling to just survive. When I think of our daughter in Ethiopia who probably didn't have anything to eat while we were enjoying our Thanksgiving feast.

I just couldn't get into it. Please don't get me wrong----I am not saying that any of you should feel bad for your shopping trips. But I felt personally convicted.

Being home today felt strange. I was reading everyone's FB posts about all of their deals and I started to feel like I should have went shopping.

The truth is--I only by junk on Black Friday. Silly things that I don't need and I am pretty sure everyone could live without. But for some reason I still wanted to shop---it made me really pause and do a heart check.

Where is my treasure? I know it's not here. I have so much---and for some reason, I always seem to find a need for more.

I want my life and my checkbook to reflect my values. I don't need the next best thing. Possessions cannot replace community, friendship and family. I love to give gifts--but I want to be intentional. I want to give gifts with meaning.

I needed to stay home today. I needed to continue to focus on what I am thankful for. I have alot to be thankful for.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:19-21

Just a normal(?) day...

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 31 Oct 2012 19:03:00 +0000

I am not sure what happened.

I was having a pretty good day, and I was getting alot done.

But then my mind started to wander to our adoption paperwork, and all that I needed to do.

Suddenly like a wave, this sadness hit me.

I don't want to wait anymore. I don't want to fill out these papers, and write these checks. I just want to love this child. I want to bring her home.

When you are pregnant, you know the waiting is going to be over after 9 months. You will hold your child, and kiss her face in just 9 months. With adoption---I don't know how long we will wait.

Waiting is the worst. I am not known for being good at waiting on anything. I like progress. I like timelines. If things aren't getting done fast enough, I find a way to speed things up.

Not so with adoption. I can push, but it doesn't mean things will speed up.

I have to wait.
I have to be patient.
I need to trust God's timing.

I am trying.
Today is harder than usual.

I found out recently that "G" was not born in a hospital. She was born in her village, and doesn't have a birth certificate.

You should see her village.

It's hard for me to wrap my head around a child being born in those conditions. I know it happens everyday.

But, if only you could see her village......

We will never know her exact birthday or any details about her birth.

That makes me sad.

Mia has been saying since day 1 that they are "twins" so when I shared with Mia that we won't be able to find out "G's" birthday, she just shrugged and said " Mom, I told you we are twins! We have the same birthday!" Then she promptly walked away.

I love that girl. She has such a sweet faith.

As for me....I am hanging on this promise today.

Matthew 18:1-5

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, “Who, then, is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?”
2 He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. 3 And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 And whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me.

I am trying to have a faith like sweet little Mia as we prepare to welcome this child into our home.

Some days are easier than others.

Keepin' myself on track.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 15:50:00 +0000

I have really come to realize how important it is to have goals....

Not just for big things, but even for simple everyday things.

I am not even sure if anyone reads this blog or not. But putting some goals on here will make me feel more accountable so here it goes.....

Mom stuff:

~~Read for at least 15 minutes each night with both kids.~~
Get at least 3 forms completed and notarized for our dossier. ( By far the hardest for me, because paperwork is my nemesis!)
~~Bake with the kids once this week.~~
~~Paint with Mia this week.~~
~~Help Aidan cook dinner one night this week~~

~~Home Stuff:~~

~~Bake Banana Bread (some to eat and some to freeze)~~
~~Bake something yummy for our new neighbors~~
~~Make a weekly meal plan, cut coupons....and save some darn money!~~
~~Homemade Breadsticks ( some to eat and some to freeze)~~
Clean out Mia's closet
~~Call Dish--to cancel or lower bill.....~~
Dinner Devotions everyday!

Wifey stuff:

Make Tom an anniversary gift
~~Plan a date night~~
Read the bible with my hubby each night.
~~Find a way to encourage Tom daily.~~

Me stuff:

Finish reading: Red Letter Revolution by Shane Claibourne
Clean out my closet---donate half.
~~Paint magnets to sell as an adoption fundraiser~~
~~Spend more time in God's Word~~
~~Find someone to encourage~~
Visit homeless shelter in Sandusky
Get a haircut----because I am starting to look a little crazy!
Update blog at least 5 times this week... ( this post counts!)

Well---this doesn't include work goals. But I know I need to be more intentional at home---so this is my attempt to stay focused.

Not too exciting I know....

Do you have any goals this week? I would love to hear about them! Feel free to leave a comment ( as long as it is friendly!)

Here is to a more productive week! ( Crossing them out as I go!)

Not very pregnant.....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Mon, 29 Oct 2012 14:13:00 +0000

When you have a bun in the oven, people excuse the fact that all you seem to be able to talk about is the little baby growing inside of you.

I get it. I had two. It is such a precious time in a mother's life. So much anticipation.

I am not very pregnant.

But, we are expecting a child.

We are so excited to bring this child into our family, even with the challenges she is sure to bring. Sometimes, I want to talk about her all the time.

I want to daydream. I want to picture our lives with this little girl in it. I want to figure out how I am going to deal with her hair, and I want to picture my two girls in matching pajamas.

The only thing is.....I am not very pregnant.

People don't get it. They can't understand my excitement over a child I "don't really know." She is a child of God, and she is precious in his sight. She matters.

The strangest thing happens when you decide to adopt.

Your heart changes. It stretches, and is forced to grow.

The day I met G, it was like God tied a little thread to her heart and attached it to mine. Even though we are a world apart, I can feel the tug of her on my heart. Sometimes she pulls, and I can feel the heavy weight of her burdens.

Sometimes, it feels like my heart might rip out of my chest.

I have seen the same changes in the hearts of everyone in our family.

Especially Mia.

She prays for her sister constantly. She dreams of her sister, colors pictures of her and is always talking about getting a bunk bed for the two of them ( this detail has yet to be determined!)

We have had alot of ups and downs.

There have been days when I have thought adopting G was "too much of a long shot" because the circumstances of our adoption are so unique.

Tom is always so steady.

He just says: "Its going to be ok....because she is ours." For him it is really that simple. He doesn't even seem to waiver in his faith about this.

She is ours.

Jen Hatmaker - The Election: Thoughts From a Christian Independent

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 16 Oct 2012 21:11:00 +0000

During this election season, I, like many of you are struggling with the non-stop political banter.

And this is coming from me---a self declared political junkie.

I am watching my Christian friends act as if the world depends solely on this current election alone.

I struggle to find a balance between being an advocate for issues that I think are important, while at the same time remembering not to take all of the politics too seriously.

Afterall, there is only one power that really matters in the end, and it is the power of our Lord Jesus Christ. Whoever wins---God already knew they would. It is not beyond HIS control and all things will work according to HIS purposes.

I have had many friends question me for not swearing alligence to any particular party. I struggle with a way to answer them without sounding too harsh. The truth is--it doesn't matter. And while I do vote, and also advocate for many issues, I do not believe our government is the answer to every problem we have.

But today, I came across this article and it was so great I had to share. It really articulates alot of my same feelings about politics and Christians.

Check it out! I hope you read it with an open heart.

Jen Hatmaker - The Election: Thoughts From a Christian Independent

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 13:19:00 +0000

Anyone that knows me knows that I love art!

I love thick textured paint on canvas. The way a painting or a sculpture can evoke emotion, or stir us to action. I love art galleries, and almost anything homemade.

I do not like to shop. Why am I telling you this?

Because

View this collection on Polyvore

Art Inspired Outfits III by georgina-m on polyvore.com

I found this really cool site that makes clothing inspired by famous art. It is too cool not to share! So enjoy!!!!!

Why Ethiopia...

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Sun, 09 Sep 2012 15:44:00 +0000

We realize that there are many people who will never understand why we have chosen to adopt a child from a foreign country. Many have commented that there are lots of American kids who need homes.

Yes, we know. But we feel called to adopt from Ethiopia. We encourage people who have such a strong opinions about our adoption to keep their comments to themselves---or go adopt an American child if you feel that strongly about it. We believe that no child should grow up without a parents. We would love to see every orphan in a home. But if you aren't going to be a part of the solution yourself, then please don't critique our choice.

We do realize that this is going to be a major undertaking. We are bringing home a 6 year old child who has lived in extreme poverty for her entire life. No water. No food. No parents. We understand that we will be dealing with some major trauma. There will be a language barrier. Cultural differences to overcome. And let's not forget the non-stop opinions that will be offered by on lookers.

But we believe that LOVE is a universal language. We speak LOVE. We believe that God cares for orphans and he commands us to care for them too. We have seen a need, and chosen to respond. Orphans are so easy to ignore when you don't know their names.

We know alot of their names. We HAD to respond.

If you say, “But we knew nothing about this,”
does not he who weighs the heart perceive it?
Does not he who guards your life know it?
Will he not repay everyone according to what they have done?

-- Proverbs 24:12

Here's what else we know......

Struggling to survive on an average annual income of $280, many families in Ethiopia lack access to nutritious food and clean water*

5 million children in Ethiopia are orphans or have lost one parent.

More than half of Ethiopians lack access to clean drinking water.

More than two in five children who start primary school in Ethiopia do not complete fifth grade.

Approximately half of children under age 5 in Ethiopia suffer from stunting as a result of malnutrition.

1 in 5 girls in Ethiopia are married before the age of 15. Some as young as 7. Average age of husband, 25

Leading cause of child death in Ethiopia--diarrhea due to poor sanitation.

We cannot ignore these facts...or the children that we have met living in these conditions. We chose to make a difference for one child.

Can you imagine if everyone else did too?

Meet Ohio’s ServeNext Organizer | ServiceNation

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 01:16:00 +0000

Meet Ohio’s ServeNext Organizer | ServiceNation

Here is the interview I did recently for ServiceNation. Check it out! I am so excited about the work I am doing with ServeNext/ ServiceNation!

Advocacy Is For Everybody! | ServiceNation

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Wed, 05 Sep 2012 01:13:00 +0000

Advocacy Is For Everybody! | ServiceNation

Check out the blog post I wrote for the ServiceNation Blog! I am really proud of the great work being done in Ohio by Americorps Members.http://www.servicenation.org/blog/entry/advocacy-is-for-everybody

Why Africa?

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 13:44:00 +0000

I love Africa.....

Not because I feel like I saved the world after a visit.

But because I feel like Africa saved me.

For many of you wondering why we have chosen to adopt from Africa, the truth is Africa chose us. The people in Ethiopia are so warm, and so generous. All of the education in the world could not have taught me the simple lessons I have learned there.

Material possessions mean nothing without community, without love, and without the joy that comes from knowing the Lord.

I want to dance like them.

I want to love my neighbor like them.

I want to worship like them.

I want to partner with them.

And most of all---I want you to know about the Africa that you won't see on CNN.

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 03:46:00 +0000

I love this video!

This summer I began work with World Vision as a Child Ambassador! My goal is to find sponsors for 100 children this year! If you are interested in making a difference in the life of a child, please email me for more information! Our family sponsors a little boy in Kenya, who is Aidan's age and a little girl in India who is Mia's age. We just love the updates and letters we get from our sponsored children!

When I grow up....

noreply@blogger.com (Nicole) — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 03:08:00 +0000

When I grow up.....

I want to be more like my kids.

They see beauty in everything.

They laugh non-stop.

They accept others with open arms, hugs and high fives.

They dance.

They wake up singing.

They make art.

They find treasures.

They love with reckless abandon.

They never stop learning.

They are always exploring.

They make me smile.

They play with cardboard boxes.

They make mud pies.

They skip.

They love the Lord.

They are mine.

I will love them always.