Schmutzie.com

What's Wrong With Me

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Sat, 14 Nov 2009 18:53:00 PST

I accidentally poured drain cleaner all over my face and permanently scarred myself. At two years old, I saved my toast for later, but when I touched it, it was hard and rough and cold, and it horrified me to know that things changed when I was not...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 356 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 18:26:00 PST

1. Finding skinny jeans I look good in 2. New black patent leather shoes 3. Paychecks 4. Greasy hamburgers with bacon 5. Overhearing one guy say to another "hey, brotha from anotha motha!" Wage a battle against embitterment and take part...

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Five Star Friday's Edition #79

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 08:49:00 PST

Check out the majorly butt-kicking "Five Star Friday's Edition #79": This week's roundup is brought to you by Down Syndrome, gratitude, neglect, gift giving, cancer, fathers and sons, Scrabble, grief, rape, getting someone to switch, pouring love...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 355 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 21:59:00 PST

1. Avocado rolls with excessive amounts of wasabi and ginger 2. Remembering to bring an extra pair of flat shoes to work to stave off torturous foot pain 3. Hickory Farms 4. Managing to keep up, if minimally, with my 2200-words-a-day...

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Me at MamaPop: Great Lagomorph Lingams! That Rabbit's Got a Brand New Penis!

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 10:05:00 PST

"Great Lagomorph Lingams! That Rabbit's Got a Brand New Penis!": If my e-mail spam folder is any indication, humans are obsessed with the length, girth, and efficacy (see also: the ability to "subdue se7ven w0men w 1 blow") of the male penis....

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Grace in Small Things: Part 354 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 21:15:00 PST

1. Pomegranates 2. Vintage board games 3. Finding myself on a 1000-word long writing roll 4. That when I throw a mini-tantrum on the internet, people are pretty nice about it 5. Sheepskin anything Wage a battle against embitterment and...

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CBC Radio Is Making Me Write A Novel In 30 Days

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 13:15:00 PST

I haven't made too much of this here, but I'm working on NaNoWriMo (aka National Novel Writing Month) throughout November. The goal of NaNoWriMo is to write 50,000 words in 30 days, which means that my original goal was to write 1,667 words every...

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Me at MamaPop: Céline Dion's In Vitro Second Pregnancy Did Not Take

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 10:15:00 PST

"Céline Dion's In Vitro Second Pregnancy Did Not Take": Being one of the Canadian minority here on MamaPop, I feel that I am uniquely suited to talk about Céline Dion and how deeply apologetic a good number of us northerners feel that we allowed her...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 353 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 20:47:00 PST

1. Sicilian cannoli 2. The feel of writing with a grease pencil on meatpacking paper 3. When the Palinode surprises me by coming home early from work 4. The Tilt-A-Whirl 5. The girl with the funky hair who stopped us in the street to ask...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 352 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 19:52:00 PST

1. Butterscotch ripple ice cream with chocolate sauce 2. That Chibi helped me find my iPhone by calling it for me 3. That Chibi also tweeted that I have a lovely voice 4. Marching bands 5. Ellen DeGeneres Wage a battle against embitterment...

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An Ignored Pot Boils All Damn Day

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:15:00 PST

I woke up with the worst hangover I have had in ages (okay, since Halloween, then) due to hanging out for the first time with Mrs. Wilson last night, so I popped two ibuprofen (which I love to spell, because it all looks like some over-simplified...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 351 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 21:49:00 PST

1. Meeting Mrs. Wilson in the flesh! 2. Sweet potato fries with mustard mayonnaise 3. Motrin, which makes all things possible some days 4. St. John's wort 5. Bermuda Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in Grace in Small...

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Who Will Speak For The Glittens?

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 06:43:00 PST

I have taken a job as a part-time salesperson in a mall for Christmas money, which means that one of my jobs has me out on the retail floor for the first time since 2004. Enough time has passed that I had nearly forgotten the strange intimacy that...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 350 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 20:39:00 PST

1. Spicy chili sauce 2. A waiter honest enough to tell us that his boss doesn't respect his customers so that I no longer have to unwittingly support his business 3. Playing around with Typekit 4. Walking to work 5. Short tables set deep...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 349 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 21:39:00 PST

1. Ciabatta loaf 2. Spewing out a couple thousand words for NaNoWriMo and liking it 3. Singing 1980s tv show theme songs in the car, which devolved into a limping rendition of "Ebony and Ivory" 4. Power tools 5. Husbands what can do the...

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Five Star Friday's Edition #78

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 07:50:00 PST

"Five Star Friday's Edition #78": Today's roundup of good weblog entries is brought to you by growing up, a small kitchen, awol marriage counsellors, therapy, divorce, gravity, dogs, pediatric blood pressure, Canadian heavy metal music, a joke gone...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 348 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 21:31:00 PST

1. Mall security 2. That one of my cats hates my singing so much he bites my arms whenever I do it 3. Famous people following me out of the blue on Twitter 4. Finding my voice in a narrative 5. Waiting for that first paycheck from a new...

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More iPhone Photography, Featuring ColorSplash

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:56:00 PST

As you may already know, I have been getting into iPhone photography lately. The camera apps I collect on my iPhone have become go-to tools for me when I find myself without my usual camera, and I have not been disappointed with the results. In...

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Me at MamaPop: Former *NSYNC Member, Joey Fatone, Has a Sense of Humor About Himself

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 08:03:00 PST

"Former *NSYNC Member, Joey Fatone, Has a Sense of Humor About Himself": Former baritone member of the famous boy band *NSYNC, Joey Fatone, 32, has a sense of humor about himself. This is brilliant, especially when so many once-wildly-popular people...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 347 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:18:00 PST

1. The sharp flavour of raw onions 2. The sound of wind through tall grass when you are lying beneath it 3. Sea glass 4. Someone else doing the dishes 5. Extra thin cut deli meat slices Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in...

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I Am November's Bitch

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:19:00 PST

It is 8:27 a.m., and I have already made coffee, blipped some Lou Reed, read and put together some material ahead of time for Five Star Friday, written a couple of paragraphs for National Novel Writing Month, worked on the beginnings of my article...

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Me at MamaPop: Speidi Transmogrify Themselves Into Jon and Kate Gosselin: How to Make Me Lose My Faith in Humanity in One Easy Step

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 07:17:00 PST

"Speidi Transmogrify Themselves Into Jon and Kate Gosselin: How to Make Me Lose My Faith in Humanity in One Easy Step": Heidi and Spencer Pratt, aka Speidi, are one of two of the greatest traffic accidents going on reality television these days, and...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 346 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 21:21:00 PST

1. Nice insurance company nurses who don't mind three cats crawling through all of her stuff 2. Baking soda's amazing ability to de-stinkify cat litter 3. Orange shoes 4. A surprise gift of a painting 5. Whammy bars Wage a battle against...

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Grace in Small Things: Part 345 of 365

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 20:50:00 PST

1. The staff at CBC Radio, who were so nice to a radio newbie such as me 2. Finding the impetus to keep at NaNoWriMo 3. A clean kitchen 4. New socks 5. Peanut butter and honey sandwiches Wage a battle against embitterment and take part in...

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I'll Be The One On CBC Radio Giving Up Her Anonymity And Dreaming About Tequila

schmutzie@gmail.com (Schmutzie) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 10:35:00 PST

Do you want to know what I'm panicking about today? I AM GOING TO BE ON CBC RADIO THIS AFTERNOON. Do you want to know what else I'm panicking about? THEY ARE GOING TO USE MY REAL NAME. I am going down to the CBC studios at 4:30 p.m. to be...

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