It’s that latter duty that both my mother and my sister & her husband have been engaged in each for over 20 years now, each of them working at the Church of Scientology’s spiritual headquarters in Clearwater, Florida called Flag. I wrote a longer article about what Sea Org members do here, if you’re interested.

Seeing as my family just got back from yet another amazing trip to Flag (I’ve written on prior trips here and here), I wanted to use the opportunity to illustrate a bit of what my relationship is like with my family who are in the Sea Org. They lead extremely busy lives, and by-definition are extraordinarily passionate individuals who have dedicated themselves now and into the future toward helping others. But – it’s notable the volume to which they care about family, which I think makes this illustration of our inter-relationship pretty important to elaborate upon.

My wife and I are both second-generation Scientologists, and met while my wife was on church staff in Washington, DC where we both ended up working together for some time. My parents were already Scientologists when I was born, and were parishioners at churches in Boston and Portland, OR while I grew up. The year after my sister finished high school (at the same amazing boarding school I went to), she decided to join the Sea Organization. My sister always had just the kindest heart, so her decision (which very much originated from her) surprised precisely nobody. My mom decided to join the Sea Org shortly after this as well.

What are Sea Org Members and What Do They Do?

In the Scientology religion, local churches & missions around the world (like ones you’d see in Sydney or Budapest) are run by Scientology church staff members. These are the churches that provide training, ministerial and counseling services up to the State of Clear for their local areas. They also provide all of the various outreach activities that the Church of Scientology is known for including coordinating volunteer disaster response, doing drug education & human rights education, and vastly more. My dad has been a Scientology church staff member in DC for the last 24 years (at this writing). Scientology church staff are extremely dedicated folks, andalso have families, and live, commute, shop, etc.

Sea Org members, by contrast, are primarily engaged in the management of the Scientology religion, the execution of broad-scale communications (media & public relations) work, the production & distribution of the church’s religious materials themselves, as well as the administration and delivery of the higher levels of Scientology training & counseling.

Members of the Sea Org have dedicated their lives to voluntary service of the Scientology religion. They live communally in church-provided housing, and have their expenses, meals and uniforms cared for by the church. Originally, Scientology Founder L. Ron Hubbard‘s development & initial delivery of the higher-levels of Scientology auditing occurred off the crossroads of life on ships. So, the Sea Org’s initial function of management and delivery of Scientology worldwide was born as a nautical tradition. I heavily recommend watching this video on the Freewinds as it gives the background for this, and how that extends to present day:

The Scientology Network has a number of other amazing videos showing Sea Org members in action – as all of the staff of the International Dissemination Center, Bridge Publications, of Scientology Media Productions, and of the Freewinds motor vessel are all Sea Org members. Each one of the uniformed individuals you see in the videos linked above are all real Sea Org members, and they have AMAZING jobs.

The largest Sea Org-staffed organization in the world however is the Church of Scientology’s spiritual retreat in Clearwater, Florida known as “Flag”. Flag is simultaneously a number of things – being the only location where a number of higher-level counseling procedures are done (with facilities built expressly to accommodate such), as well as being far-and-away the largest and most comprehensive training center for both the delivery of Scientology Auditing, as well as the training of church executives (the Flag Executive Briefing Course, discussed here.) Scientologist both public & staff come from all over the world to Flag, delivery happens in something like 18 different languages and it’s a wild & multicultural place to be.

Please do watch this video as it goes very in-depth about what Flag is, who works there, and what happens inside the many beautiful buildings.

My mom, my sister and her husband are all Sea Org members at Flag.

What Exactly my Mom & Sister DO as Sea Org Members

The jobs they do there, I’d be happy to explain to any of you readers individually – but it’d take me a whole blog post apiece just to give the context for the part of the organization where they are, in order to get to a decent layperson’s description. But each of them has gone through quite-literally DECADES of training in the delivery and the precision-skill of SUPERVISION of Scientology auditing, including the delivery & supervision of the OT Levels (the highest levels of Scientology counseling). Whilst my mom’s job primarily involves the training & bettering the people who deliver those highest levels of auditing, my sister & her husband are supervising that auditing itself, making sure its delivery is laser-perfect at all times, and making sure everyone who comes to Flag does indeed get the results they should be getting from their auditing.

Scientology as a religion is only as valuable as it works, and as such the very existence of our religion rests on their shoulders. It’s pretty intense, and it’s never advertised as an easy job. The hours are long and they work quite hard.

I talk to my sister regularly though, and her life has a very sustainable balance for her. She gets as much or more-regular exercise time than I do, with time set aside for it in the evenings, and the food at Flag is really quite incredible. She lives with her husband in a nice apartment provided by the church, and life’s set up such that she can do what she’s fabulous at and what really amounts to her core purpose in life, and is able to focus on what she loves.

On their Relationship to my Family & Kids

My family has always been very close. My sister and I have always been particularly good buddies, and she’s always found ways to make family time a big part of her life, no matter her schedule. In my experience, even the most shiftless & sedentary of individuals can put on an act that they’re “too busy” to write-to, create-upon and be close to family. It’s a personal choice and a life priority that comes from the individual, and “being an awesome Auntie” or “awesome grandma” has clearly been part of their priorities.

Much of this relationship is very fresh-in-mind given that we just came back from a few weeks visiting at Flag with the family. My mom & sister made sure to take off all 3 weekends while my family was around and we had a blast despite the oppressive heat (I’m a northern boy, so Florida in July is particularly intense for me).

But we got multiple weekends at the beach, which was a revelation to my kids who are used to ice-cold Oregon water temps. The fact that the water temps were in the 80’s made it just lovely to swim & play in.

This trip, as well as my previous trip to Flag in May this year, I was also able to get literally dozens of walks, hikes, bike rides and dinners in with my sister – who’s just always been my best buddy.

This sort of thing has always been our thing. We’ve done a bunch of Christmases in Florida, but every time we don’t, my mom & sister go all-out on Christmas prep, in many cases far-out-doing the amount of physical creative work my wife and I put into it. My sister’s always had a calligraphy hobby, so she hand-makes these great super-artful birthday cards for each kid every year.

Lastly, just because it’s fun for me, here’s a photo of my mom with me as a baby, and then as a grandma, holding my son (we took the train down to FL when he was a month old so they could get baby snuggletime).

I wanted to give the above illustrations of their connection to our family. We’ve all met people who simply are so focused on one single area of their life that every other thing (their marriage, their hobbies, their family, their health even) just go to the wayside and they create a big set of excuses around how “they just don’t have time” for parts of life that are really important.

To me its indicative that someone’s doing something very healthy in life when they’re able to be massively, truly INTENSE about their core interests while also keeping themselves, their health, their family, and their friendships in great shape as well.

They key point here is not just what got my family and I to initially decide that Scientology was for us, but after decades of opportunities to decide and re-evaluate life, why still?

But first, if you’re reading this and aren’t positive what Scientology actually is, or the main things that Scientologists believe, have a look here first.

That said, here’s my list:

Scientology is My Own

For me, the first relevant point is that not everyone is the same person with the same life, the same needs, the same problems and the same goals. Therefore, the fact that Scientology is MEANT to be studied, evaluated, and employed by the individual as they best see fit is essential to why it’s such a good long-term fit for me.

Specifically, I’d like to bring up this quote from a chapter entitled “How to Study Scientology” in the book Scientology: A New Slant on Life:

“He should make up his mind about each thing that is taught – the procedure, techniques, mechanics and theory. He should ask himself these questions: Does this piece of data exist? Is it true? Does it work? Will it produce the best possible results in the shortest time? There is a way to answer these questions to his own satisfaction: find them himself. These are fundamentals and every student should undertake to discover them himself, thus raising Scientology above an authoritarian category.”

– L. Ron Hubbard, “How to Study Scientology” from the book Scientology: A New Slant on Life

This is key to the rest of the items on this list, and differentiates Scientology from many other schools of thought in that the interpretation of how this religious philosophy applies to my life is NOT forced down my throat. Whether or not something applies in a given scenario, whether or not I agree with something is UP TO ME. If “brainwashing” was real, Scientology would be the polar opposite of it – as one isn’t meant to unconditionally accept anything in Scientology. You’re meant to work it out for yourself.

Continuous Self-Improvement

If I were to try to sum up in one phrase why it is that I love Scientology so much, it’s the opportunity for continual self-improvement. Give me a sec to explain what I mean by that. But first, get a load of this guy:

This was me in 1994, just after graduating high school, mountain biking with the family up near Mt. Rainier. At the time, I had only heard the word “Internet” but didn’t know what it was, and was on my way to study Mechanical Engineering in college. What was important to me at that time was learning what I needed to know to start a career. I actually wanted to get married, but that wasn’t 100% my problem yet. What was a problem was studying technical subjects, which I sometimes struggled with. Sorting out WHERE I WAS GOING in a career was also a problem, as I hadn’t really settled on that.

Shortly afterward in Scientology, I did a course of study which vastly enhanced my ability to pick up new subjects, and then also helped massively-orient my life’s goals and purposes & set me on track. Within a matter of a month or so after that course of study, I ended up starting what has turned into an enjoyable and fulfilling life-long career in Internet systems.

But fast-forward to this, to the 2009 birth of my daughter. As any parent can tell you, this is a point in life that can define you or break you, and brings an entirely separate set of problems, goals and circumstances to life. I found myself in a life where juggling the urge to be the best parent I possibly could be would come into contact with wearing the hat of an engineer, the hat of a husband, and also a volunteer for my Church (something I’d come to love & cherish). How do I wear so many hats at once, and succeed at all of them?

That’s another area where I have found Scientology to be of invaluable help to constantly and reliably turn to for guidance and improvement. This website itself has been a catalog of much of that journey, from courses my wife & I have done to communicate better as spouses, to the Survival Rundown which helped in so many ways to attack life in the present, to the whole journey to the State of Clear which was fabulous in more ways than I can sum up in a paragraph.

It just keeps going too.

My oldest is now at boarding school (the same fabulous school I went to, and goodness I could go on and on about how she’s flourishing there), my kids are on teams and developing their many interests, and my wife and I have new business ventures, new skills to develop and new games to play. It never stops! So, again, Scientology is a huge part in how we tackle this changing set of variables together and with aplomb.

Practical Tools to Use Every Day

The other aspect to Scientology which really endears it to me is the sheer number of practical tools that my wife and I employ every single day to make life better.

These are things like the Administrative Scale – a tool that my wife and I have used over and over again to set and achieve goals for the family, and align our purposes and missions in life.

There are a number of tools in Scientology called “Assists” which are absolute magic when it comes to kids, and are used to help people recover more quickly from illnesses & injuries – and we use them constantly.

Another set of tools that we use constantly are known as Conditions formulas. At any point in time, any activity in life is either doing just fine, is doing screamingly well, is doing somewhat poorly, dangerously bad, or MUCH WORSE. These simple formulas we use all the time to take any activity we’re focusing on, and making it better.

These tools are numerous and extremely useful.

And further, a number of them have free online courses so that anyone can pick them up and use them.

Scientologists are Amazing and Inspiring Friends

So, I could go on and on about this (last time I counted, I’ve written over 200,000 words on this site alone on the subject) but the last subject I want to touch on is how much I love my Scientologist friends. They are, by and large, an inspiration.

I have so many friends in Scientology whom I love and respect. There are too many to count really, and as you can imagine now that I’ve been running this site for 12+ years I’ve made a LOT of friends from around the world in many different walks of life. The culture of volunteerism runs HARD in the Scientology community, and there are such a huge number of vibrant, wonderful, driven individuals that I couldn’t possibly name them all.

But just as an example of some of them, there’s my friend Kirstie (pictured above) who is a serial disaster response badass and after more than 20 individual disasters where she’s worked on the ground, she’s presently on site in Hatay, Turkey helping folks put their lives back together.

Then there’s my friend Stephanie and her family – who has lived through her daughter’s cancer treatment with the most remarkable poise, her kids are amazing, and she’s further devoted her life to counseling others. Her husband is the real-life most-interesting-man-in-the-world with just the most professional approach to his myriad hobbies as well as his career and his life as a parent.

There’s my friend Aaron who’s built, with his wife, and extremely successful e-commerce business on multiple platforms. But he’s spent SO MUCH of his time not just making his company successful, but trying in nearly every avenue he can to make others successful in their ventures as well.

I could just go on and on with my amazing physical therapist, the ultra-caring and wonderful Scientologists who ran our dental practice, my sister who is in the Sea Org in Clearwater, Florida, and my dad who’s a staff member in Washington DC. There are just so many successful people in my life who live to help others, and getting to be inspired by them is a big part of why I love this group.

Summary

Scientology is something you do. It’s not a belief or a title or a building. I’ve found it continually, again and again, to be a group that I love being around and a set of tools that make my life more fulfilling.

“Normal” life for the average kid these days is a virtual minefield of forces attempting to disassociate the individual from the reality of the world around them. Between the onslaught of network TV, video games, handheld devices of all shapes, and school pharmacologists pushing pills upon kids to further disassociate their feelings and observations from their own control, it’s never been more important for kids to learn to experience nature and to come to an understanding of how wonderful the outside world is.

I work with computers all day, and have for nearly all of my professional career – but I grew up on a farm, and didn’t own a computer until I was 18. The last thing I want for my own children is for them to grow to adulthood with the only thing “real” to them being what they can see on a screen.

I know that not everyone is the outdoorsy-type, but I’ve come up with a lot of reasons why keeping my kids outdoors is near the top of my list of parenting priorities.

Outdoors exercise & childhood sanity have a demonstrable relationship.

I know every child is different. However, just about every kid I know (myself included) starts to go a little loopy the more you coop them up inside. Any time I’ve had difficulty with my kids, times where they’ve been acting up for no particularly great reason (i.e. they’re fed & rested, but still acting crazy / destructively), there’s been a common denominator: they haven’t been outside.

Allowing the kids to stretch their legs and see how fast they can run, to explore the woods and see how many spiders and forest creatures they can find, to see if they can balance over that one scary log, etc – it means everything in terms of keeping them looking outward and perceiving & handling their environment.

There’s no playground like the great outdoors.

As a parent of small children, I do appreciate the ready availability of today’s over-engineered playgrounds – with their plastic slides, guardrails, and recycled-rubber-foam padding that make it statistically improbable for any child to have a serious injury while playing. That being said, though, manufactured playgrounds really don’t hold a candle to the real-world playground of the woods in terms of testing kids’ abilities to trust in themselves, to learn to balance or else, and to learn & explore their own limits.

Obviously, the benefit (and pitfall) of manufactured playgrounds is they require little parental oversight.  Parents can play video games on their phones while their kids whiz around the playground free of relative danger.  But in the woods, it takes plenty of (frankly glorious) parental participation.  For example – finding a big log that crosses a stream, and helping the kids to trust in their balance to cross it.   It’s something we all did as kids which can sometimes be missing in today’s controlled play areas.  “What if I fall, daddy?”  Well, what if you fall?  Get them to understand the consequences, but also their own strengths.  Get them to understand that moss is slippery when wet, that wood can rot and crumble, that some roots are better hand-holds than others for scrambling up a slippery slope, and that your little kid body can do a lot more crazy s–t than you think.

Every trip outside is an opportunity to learn.

A brilliant part of including copious amounts of time outside as part of the parenting regimen, is that you’re offered countless opportunities to teach kids about the world.   My oldest is only 7, yet I could probably fill a book with the number of learning opportunities I’ve already had with them.   There’s finding out about what bugs are poisonous and which aren’t, identifying animal prints and animal scat (+1 for the awesome book series, “Who Pooped in the Park“), identifying animals by their calls, and learning how to skip rocks. There’s learning to balance, climb and bike on natural (and sometimes treacherous) surfaces, and even learning to deal with the scrapes, cuts, punctures and thorns that come with outside play.

All of it is a big reason why I really don’t end up with a problem with my kids spending a bit of time on handheld devices – because my wife and I spend so much time with them outdoors, putting quality individual time with them getting them to understand their world and interaction with it.

I want them to have a responsibility for their planet.

A major tenet of my religion is the relationship of knowledge, responsibility and control.  You can’t expect someone to take responsibility for something they don’t know about and which they don’t feel they can influence.   If someone can control something, and has a deep and personal understanding of it, he will naturally be responsible for it.

You can’t expect someone to take responsibility for something they don’t know about, and on which they feel they can’t influence. If someone can control something, and has a deep and personal understanding of it, they will naturally be responsible for it.

I want my kids to have a profound personal connection to their environment.  I don’t want them to just be “told” about protecting our great forests, I want them to know what a forest looks, smells and feels like, and the wonderful tranquility of mountainous view untarnished by industry, pollution and over-harvesting.  Our next generation will be the ones that inherit our future, and we hope that they will be conscious of the environment and will be responsible stewards of our great natural resources.   I feel that only by exposing them directly to as much of it as possible will they be able to develop a personal connection to their environment that will benefit us all in the future.

Published 14 Nov 2016
Updated 13 Dec 2023

However, there’s one thing that can torpedo DECADES of otherwise-excellent parenting, and that can boil down to just one person that can permanently ruin their lives. The kid that covertly leads yours into drugs, the “respected” professor that kills the career your kid has worked their life to attain, the awful choice in boyfriends, there are so many crossroads in life that are defined by being able to accurately spot and deal with genuinely BAD PEOPLE.

But how do you spot the bad ones?

I feel like this is one of the singularly most-important skills one can make sure one’s kids have, and it’s tough to overstate that.

There are a few resources you can use which can help your kids rapidly get a handle on being able to know who to trust, and who their spidey-sense should be alarmed by. One of the single most amazing of such is this video, which I’d encourage you to watch yourself – and then watch with your kids.

This video very quickly became one of my oldest kids’ favorites, I think they’ve asked to watch it like 10 times. It became especially interesting as they transitioned from homeschool to an amazing outdoor school, and then to a public charter school. Middle School for kids can be brutal, and my daughter had her first taste of what a real died-in-the-wool bully was. Spotting where people are at, but also to be able to spot the really good ones is just so vital it’s hard to overstate.

I would also have kids watch this video here:

It’s an introduction to a subject which is, in my opinion, one of the most practical and vital areas of study available at Churches of Scientology.

There is a whole online course available to anyone for free here, that goes over the basics covered in the videos above, as well as the critical aspect of “OK, you spotted someone rotten – NOW WHAT?”

It’s too often that someone might have someone they know is toxic to their lives, but don’t know what to do about it. Fortunately, there is a lot of guidance to be had there from the course above. That course, also, is purely an introduction to the subject.

There is a whole 4-week course one does in a Church of Scientology or Mission called the PTS/SP Course – How to Confront and Shatter Suppression. In this case “PTS” stands for “Potential Trouble Source” and “SP” stands for “Suppressive Person”. If you’ve watched the videos above, I think you can get an idea of what a Suppressive Person is, but to better define each, here is this (from the glossary of the course):

Suppressive Person: A person who suppresses other people around him (treats them as if they have no value; prevents them from progressing, achieving or succeeding or makes them less certain, less confident or less effective in any possible way).

PTS: abbreviation for Potential Trouble Source, somebody who is connected with a Suppressive Person who is invalidating him, his beingness, his life. The person is a Potential Trouble Source because he is connected to a Suppressive Person. Potential Trouble Source means he is going to go up and fall down. And he is a trouble source because he is going to get upset and because he is going to make trouble.

Again – look at the first video above, and one can see that all manner of trouble can befall someone with an antisocial personality in their midst who is bent on suppressing the people around them.

But being able to accurately spot those around you who are well-intentioned people and conversely those who mean you (or your child) long or short-range harm and then knowing what to do about it is just critical.

But taking it a step further, I think this is an amazing piece of usable interpersonal technology to get up to speed on as a family, and then have a lot of family discussions about.

And it’s not overstating things, that such conversations could save a life.

On returning to the area, residents found near-complete destruction in many areas, with houses severely damaged or destroyed, belongings washed away or distributed across the entire neighborhood, with virtually no way to even get to your house unless you happen to own a D9 bulldozer or a hovercraft.

But this is where Kirstie and the volunteers that she and her team rallied to the cause come in, and where her boundless capacity for selfless volunteerism inspires me in ways I still struggle for English words to describe.

Here’s CBS Miami to give you a bit of an introduction:

Kirstie and her team were already organizing for this, more than a week before Ian made landfall. It was apparent that it was aiming for central Florida, given that she’s already been boots on the ground in over a dozen other disaster clean-up efforts, she was flat-out arranging supply lines, lining up volunteers, boarding up windows, and otherwise preparing for the hit of the storm, and for what comes after.

And since then – and for essentially the last month straight, she has been on the ground in Ft. Myers and the surrounding area, mucking out peoples’ back yards, chainsawing trees that had plowed into houses, clearing streets, bringing supplies and food, and most importantly, beating the drum to get volunteers down there to help out.

She’s had whole classrooms full of students there mucking out yards and cleaning up debris.

There’s so much that could be said about the heroism that so many have shown down there. But if there’s a thread that ties them together, it’s that feeling of personal responsibility that drives that manifestation of volunteerism that is so prevalent among Scientologists I know.

See, when some people see a disaster, there’s a tendency to run away from the confusion because it’s terrible and tough to confront. Folks like Kirstie, on the other hand, have already decided that handling that confusion is their job, and provide a real-life demonstration of the motto espoused by all Volunteer Ministers: SOMETHING CAN BE DONE ABOUT IT.

Kirstie has now been on the ground doing response & clean-up in the aftermath of over 20 different disasters. Since the last time I wrote about her work with the Volunteer Ministers corps, she’s additionally spent weeks dealing with the hellish aftermath of Hurricane Dorian in the Bahamas, was covered in soot dealing with the destruction from of the eruption of the La Soufrière volcano in St. Vincent, among others.

All this while also being a mom to two amazing kids who (unsurprisingly) have also picked up that volunteering spirit.

Her kids accompanied her to Ft. Myers last week to help pitch in. As this was their first time in a proper disaster area, her boy whispered in her ear an hour or so after getting there:

“I understand what you do better mommy and I see why you do it, these people needs loooots of help.”

So often in this spectator age of internet doomscrolling and political mudslinging, one can lose sight of those folks who are getting busy, getting effective, and are out there pitching.

Like Fred Rogers famously said:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

To Volunteer

There is still a lot of work to be done in Ft. Myers, so if you’d like to volunteer your time in any way, please contact the Volunteer Ministers coordinator at (727) 467-6965.

But I had two stable, guiding certainties that have acted as North Stars for me: 

• I’m going to do this fatherhood thing RIGHT, and not just phone it in. I want to give it everything I’ve got, and if I’m ever not doing it right, I want to fix it and do it right.
• I know for absolute certain that my church has my back on this, and that all the help I need to carry out point #1 can be found in Scientology.

Lucky for me, I was right on both counts. 

I seriously love being a dad. Yes, I work like crazy to provide for the family, but every instant I can spare, I’m out there creating the future with these kids. We do endless projects, have endless outdoor adventures, endless chats about the world we live in, geography quizzes at the dinner table, the list goes on and on.

That’s not to say that parenting is some blissful utopian unreality. With three kids, my wife and I have had a constant set of new problems both with the kids themselves and with dealing with life. It’s been more challenging than anything I’ve ever done. That’s where Scientology has proven utterly invaluable in our lives, in that for every problem or shortcoming we had as parents, there was always a solution, always a helping hand to be had at our church. The examples of all the places where our religion helped us be better parents abounded, such that I started a whole website just to catalog them all.

But here’s where the plot starts to thicken.

I’m very public about the fact that I am a Scientologist, and have been so ever since I created my very first web page over 25 years ago. As a result, I have received two very different types of reactions to my religion:

• Normal folks of every faith, who are respectful, kind, understanding and encouraging, and
• A very, very slim minority who are noisy, nasty, rude and have an unbelievable penchant for making up stories, creating false equivalencies, or otherwise being downright unpleasant despite never having met me.

It’s really quite startling to see the difference between those two types.

As a stark example, my kids very much enjoy outdoor mountain sports, specifically mountain biking and skiing. In online communities where I share what we’re up to and where religion isn’t mentioned, I get:

• “You are a good parent your kids sound like they’re living the dream!”
• “Good job parenting!”
• “Nicely done. These moments are among the best. You are setting up your kids to always have something healthy in their lives.”

And things of that sort continually.

I get a lot of people envious of the life we make for our kids, both inside and outside our religious community. People I meet and hang around with love our way of life, and love how bright, aware and not-glued-to-devices our kids are.

But on social media, I’m quite visible as a Scientologist, and in those circles I’ve come under coordinated, continual and entirely unreasonable attack from people who have never met me or my children.

I’ve been told every manner of made-up-ism, from made-up restrictions I evidently put onto my kids like “Scientologists can’t browse the Internet” (what?!), or “Scientologists can’t talk to their babies for a year after they’re born” (no idea).

I’ve been told my kids can’t make up their own minds about their religious beliefs, when personal choice in that matter is the VERY FOUNDATION of Scientology. In the essay “Personal Integrity” by Scientology Founder L. Ron Hubbard, he writes: “What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. And when you lose that, you have lost everything.”

One of the primary guiding principles I’ve applied in bringing up my kids stems from that. If I can expose my children to as much as I can in this world, and prepare them to study, learn and observe for themselves—teach them as well as I can to be understanding, kind and compassionate—then I’ll have done a good job as a dad.

And that, in and of itself, has been—and will continue to be—the most rewarding journey for me and my family, despite the pitiful squeaks of bigots I’ve never met. 

This post originally appeared on STAND – Scientologists Taking Action Against Discrimination.

Editorially, I try to always be uplifting on this site. However, the brutal reality of the addiction situation around us is really the only appropriate way to frame this issue. It’s never been as critical to ensure kids are armed with all the data they need to make good decisions when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Historically, in the United States, many mitigation strategies around curbing drug use were limited to things like the “SAY NO TO DRUGS” style of campaign, essentially telling someone what they should not do. Folks generally don’t like being told what to do, so it doesn’t surprise one too much that this campaign did not meet with success. You can go to “war” on drugs, and attempt to destroy the means of getting the drugs into your area, but if there’s demand for the product, enterprising drug lords will find a way to get it there. Witness the rise of shockingly-advanced “narco-subs” to sneak drugs into American cities.

But an approach that has proven to have workability in demand-reduction is education. Educate people (and especially young people) on what drugs are, what they’re made of, why people take them (what positive benefits they think they’re going to get from them), and then what actually happens when they become addicted, dependent, or heavy users of these substances. Then, presuming they’ve got all the data, they can make their own decisions about how they want to live.

This is the strategy centered around education is the one that we’re using with our kids. They vitally need to know exactly what’s out there, and should have tools & data to deal with the sadly extremely-well-funded misinformation campaigns that always swirl around recreational as well as prescription drugs (and around alcohol).

Now, my wife and I have been working with drug education campaigns since long before we had kids. For context, you should know that our church has produced and run the largest and most-successful non-government-funded anti-drug campaign in the world. Back in 2006, I started what would turn into years of extensive work on the design, launch and 20-language online rollout of drug education materials for the Foundation for a Drug-Free World at a time when hardly any websites were in more than one or two languages. I poured countless hours and many late nights into web properties for the organization, and since we were on a shoestring budget, my wife and I even posed for a photo shoot for one of the drug education booklets that we produced for the many drugs of choice tackled by the program. (You can see if you can find us in there – we have to keep reminding our kids that no, we’ve never dropped E don’t worry.)

It’s been something we’ve been pouring our souls into for quite a long time, and feel pretty strongly about.

With our kids are growing into the ages where they can tackle and understand complicated subjects, it’s finally really become time for them to dive into a lot of these materials that we spent so much time creating. The real, and unfortunate impetus for diving into drug education though is that we’ve increasingly had to field questions from them that stem from interactions they have in daily life with people who are quite-obviously addicts. It’s sadly not-uncommon to be cycling with the kids past an encampment on the bike trail, and see needles right there on the side of the trail. I’ve had to physically intervene between an addict and my son on one of our light-rail trains who was shouting at passengers and spitting on people’s seats and at my son directly.

“Why was he doing that, dad!?”

Yes, at times like that you, as a parent, have to give kids the full picture about what drugs are and what they do.

We’ve begun to include the kids too in our activism, mostly because they’re asking to be included. They want to do something about it. My wife has been volunteering with our local Drug Free World Oregon chapter, specifically working with School Resource Officers (police assigned to schools who are tasked with creating a safe environment for students) on their drug demand-reduction education.

The kids have asked to come along to events that we’ve hosted at our local Church of Scientology in Portland for like-minded groups to come together and tackle this subject. They’ve gotten to rub elbows with police officers, pastors and other community volunteers who are out there doing something about it, like the amazing Michael DeLeon, who is working heavily with our volunteers in Portland to get effective drug education in schools.

Right now the “war on drugs” we see around us is an information war. Extremely-well-funded parties are at work, busy promoting how “safe” many street drugs are, and how powerful drugs are acceptable to be used by everyone (and may even be “beneficial!”). Even official conflicts of interest need to be explained to our kids, where legalized recreational drug and alcohol vendors are re-framed as “essential business” for states to pull in tax revenue.

It’s never been more important to help get factual information into young peoples’ hands, and to ensure they know what these substances are, their nicknames, and how parties and “friends” and even mostly-good people can sucker one into a potentially-deadly chemical dependency.

Just like “the birds and the bees” is a talk all kids eventually should have with their parents, there’s a just-as-thorough and just-as-important education about drugs that is an inextricable part of making sure your kids grow up safe and successful.

But there’s a phrase that runs through my head when I start to get frustrated which serves to calm me down and keep me grounded, and that is: “Is it important?”. 

The full context and meaning here comes from the Dianetic Family Code in the book Child Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. Point #3 of that code is:

“Use the question, ‘Is it important?’ before taking any precipitate* action.”

L. Ron Hubbard, Child Dianetics

* Precipitate: happening very quickly or too quickly without enough thought or planning. [ref]

The term “mom guilt” is something I have seen on social media a lot lately and is a topic I am very well acquainted with.  Sometimes I have a hard day with my son and think afterward “I should have been more patient with him” or “I should have slowed down so it didn’t upset him”.  

Using this question of “Is it important?” has really changed my relationship with mom guilt. 

When I have just vacuumed the floor and my kid spills goldfish cracker dust all over the carpet I stop and think to myself “Is it important?”. The answer is no. He is 4 years old and the really important things are developing language skills, learning about dinosaurs and creating art together. Having to vacuum twice in one day is not at all important.  

Sometimes small viewpoint changes can have a huge impact on our kids and by extension the world around us. 

Try it out and see how your kid responds. 

P.S. this also works with spouses as well. Hehe.

An “Assist” is a simple process or procedure that can be used to relieve upset, physical pain or discomfort. In this case, the Locational Assist is used to bring someone’s attention back to the environment, as opposed to being concentrated on an injury or upset.

Let me give you a recent example of this in action from this evening, when I went out sledding with my 4 year old. 

We were going down the hill as the sun started to set and I noticed that my son started to get a bit banged up the more we stayed out.  I have noticed when he begins to get tired or hungry, he is apt to get small injuries more often and get extra upset about them.  He bonked his head on one trip down the hill.  After that, while doing the last sledding run of the day, he got hit in the face. Tears were flowing.  I knew it was getting to be dinner time and I had a kid about to go into full-on meltdown mode.  

I picked him up as he was crying and sniffling and walked over to a brick wall and had him look at it.  Then I pointed out some twinkling lights on a home in the distance and he protested “I don’t want to look at the lights” having already glanced up at them.

“I understand” and I said and carried on.  “Look at that tree” I said. 

Henry reached out and with a triumphant scream punched a clump of snow out of the center of the tree branches and started giggling.  

Happiness was restored and we were able to head home without any more upset.  

It really changed his emotional state completely with just 3 commands.

This simple tool can really save a parent from being the effect of these big emotions that kids can get into sometimes.

The Locational Assist is one of a host of various tools that you can learn about on the free on-line course available here.

Daddy’s Little Helper – Alex from Minnesota

Alex is taking on a pretty hefty project renovating his kitchen. But he’s not doing it alone. He’s got help from his baby daughter, Vivienne, who contributes just by being so very cute! Completing big tasks these days became a whole lot easier for Alex, thanks, he says, to the tools he learned in the book The Problems of Work.

New Mom Valentina from Los Angeles

Valentina’s a new mom, and along with the baby comes a whole new world of learning and caring. So, she turns to the information on assists from The Scientology Handbook to make sure she does all she can to keep her baby and the rest of her family happy and healthy.

Assists for Illnesses and Injuries is one of 19 free Scientology online courses based on principles from The Scientology Handbook. Find out more about Valentina Rendón. Watch her episode of Meet a Scientologist.

Family Farmers @home with Caitlin from Minneapolis, Minnesota

Caitlin enlists her two young sons to help grow and harvest the vegetables and fruits in their backyard. Her baby daughter contributes, too, as an eager taste-tester. Helping her kids grow into responsible individuals by having them contribute to the family is just one of the important lessons Caitlin learned from Scientology: A New Slant on Life.

Bonding over Bracelets with Cindy and Jaime – Sydney, Australia

Cindy and her daughter, Jaime, are switching roles as Jaime teaches her mom how to make loom-band bracelets. It’s how they create both a fashion accessory and some special mother-daughter time. Cindy values the lessons she can learn from Jaime, and that’s something any parent can learn from the chapter on children in The Scientology Handbook.

Not Just Baby Talk with Aika from Kawasaki City, Japan

Aika’s toddler doesn’t speak yet, but that doesn’t stop mother from communicating with her daughter. In fact, even this early in life, Aika interacts with her child as an individual, not just as a baby. And mom lets her little one know that her contribution to the family is important. Aika’s parenting skills are from the chapter on children in The Scientology Handbook.

Solving Cubes Quickly – Quentin from Sacramento, CA

Quentin’s a young wiz at solving a Rubik’s cube in the blink of an eye. In fact, he’s so quick to solve it, it’s hard to believe there was actually a time he thought he couldn’t. That all changed for him after reading a chapter called “Life as a Game” in the book The Problems of Work.

Discover Scientology tools for the workaday world and groundbreaking processes to return joy to life in the book The Problems of Work.

Art at Home with Zarina and Sara from Almaty, Kazakhstan

Young sisters Zarina and Sara love doing arts and crafts. The joy they find in creating jumps out from each of their drawings. What’s the secret behind their joyous art? The Way to Happiness, of course.

Read The Way to Happiness, the first moral code based wholly on common sense, one that can be followed by anyone, of any race, color or creed. Translated in more than 110 languages.

Clay Play Day with Makiko from Osaka, Japan

Makiko and her young daughter, Koko, play with clay, covering the tabletop with fun objects—from flowers to rice balls to shortcakes. But Makiko knows with this playtime, she’s molding more than just clay. By applying the technology of Dianetics, Makiko is helping shape a healthy, stable future for her daughter.

Shan-Yun Stacks Up Control @home – Tainan, Taiwan

Shan-Yun brings the fun indoors for her son and niece, playing games like Jenga. The game is a metaphor for finding balance in life even as the challenges keep stacking up. And in the game of life, Shan-Yun maintains her stability and control with the tools she learned in The Problems of Work.

Arts and Crafts and Slime with Adwen and Elora from Melbourne, Australia

Sisters Adwen and Elora are busily working on cool arts and crafts projects, including that coolest of projects—making slime! Doing arts and crafts, caring for their cat and tending vegetables in their garden are just some of the ways they put into play the “Be Industrious” precept from The Way to Happiness.

Zara’s Practicing Peace … and Punches – Sydney, Australia

Zara practices a form of martial arts called “Wing Chun.” With double punches, kicks and something called the “Dracula move,” nobody’s going to mess with Zara. But fear not, the young martial artist is also a fan of the peaceful teachings of precepts like “Respect the Religious Beliefs of Others” she found in The Way to Happiness.

Study Buddies with Jennifer from San Francisco, California

Jennifer’s making sure that even in lockdown her children keep on learning. Knowing how to effectively teach her daughter how to study is a lesson that can make any kid a lifelong learner. And that’s a lesson that can be found in The Scientology Handbook.

Generational Juicing with David and Benjamin from Melbourne, Australia

David and his trusty assistant, young son Benjamin, blend up a cornucopia of fresh fruits and vegetables for a juice drink to keep them healthy. And to maintain a healthy outlook on daily life in these trying times, David turns to the techniques in Dianetics.

Gabriel—Kid Computer Coder from Auckland, New Zealand

Gabriel isn’t even in his teens yet and he’s already doing computer coding online. With such an industrious attitude and The Way to Happiness to guide him, this preteen tech-whiz-in-the-making is off to an impressive start in life.

Leala Loves Lending a Hand – Sydney, Australia

Leala lends her mom a hand with baking and cooking whenever needed. And luckily, it’s needed now. So, Leala takes the lead, whipping up a batch of cupcakes. And while baking isn’t the only way Leala follows the “Be Industrious” precept from The Way to Happiness, it is definitely one of the more delicious ways.

Anime Artists Dai‑Yin and Da‑Yu – Taipei, Taiwan

During their time at home, Dai‑Yin and Da‑Yu have sharpened their skills as mother-daughter anime artists. While their imaginations take them into a fantasy world, Dai‑Yin learns some real-world advice on enhancing her relationship with her daughter from the booklet on children from The Scientology Handbook.

Autumn’s Art for All Seasons – Clearwater, Florida

Artistic crafts spring from young artist Autumn. She takes a can, some sticks and pine cones to create an awesome faux floral centerpiece. She finds inspiration in The Way to Happiness, passing her insight on to artists young and old alike with her encouraging words to “do as many art projects as you can.”

Yu-Fan—a Master in the Making from Kaohsiung, Taiwan

Young Yu-Fan might just be the next Leonardo da Vinci. His art is really impressive and his design and mechanical construction of a toy vending machine that dispenses toys he created is nothing short of awesome. The multitalented creator knows the secret to continued success is through constant practice—a lesson he learned from the “Be Competent” precept in The Way to Happiness.

Yu-Chi for the Win – Kaohsiung, Taiwan

These days, Yu-Chi, like a lot of kids, has to stay inside. But he’s turning confinement into a win by playing lots of indoor games with his family. And no matter who wins, Yu-Chi applies “Take Care of Your Own Area” from The Way to Happiness, helping him win at life!

Giving a Demonstration on Sanitizing Her Ride – Ellie from Silver Spring, Maryland

Ellie’s slamming the brakes on the spread of germs in her car by thoroughly cleaning and sanitizing its interior. She’s driven to create the safest environment possible. For Ellie, it’s just one way she stays on the metaphorical road that is The Way to Happiness.

Growing Great Gardeners with Charlotta from Clearwater, Florida

Charlotta’s been spending time with her children working on their backyard garden. But she’s planted more than wild coffee and big bell peppers. Charlotta is cultivating curiosity, cooperation and healthy relationships with her kids. The tools for any parent to do the same are ripe for the picking on the Children course from The Scientology Handbook.

Deana and Oceana Bring Fairy Tales to Life! – Sydney, Australia

Though being homebound is hardly a fairy tale, Deana and her young daughter, Oceana, are making a game out of it. Along with dancing and cooking, they’ve been playing dress-up, with Oceana walking the “runway” in a variety of Cinderella costumes. Deana takes the seriousness out of the situation by living “Life as a Game,” as described in the book The Problems of Work. As for how she and her daughter are doing—“they lived happily ever after.”

Growing Up a Grownup with Ping‑Jui from Tainan, Taiwan

For a five-year-old, Ping‑Jui’s life is all fun and games. But it’s not just about playing in his own personal Legoland—he’s also helping his mother and father. Even at this early age, he is one responsible fellow. And that’s reflected in his wish that everyone help make their world wonderful—something anyone can do by following The Way to Happiness.

Isla’s Flipping Brilliant – Melbourne, Australia

Isla’s discovered the secret to becoming a great gymnast in The Way to Happiness—PRACTICE. So, she does tons of roundoffs, front handsprings and trampoline flips. And if at first, second or even third she doesn’t succeed, she tries, tries and tries again to get good at it.

The Suite Life with Ryan from Sacramento, California

Although Ryan is working from home, he makes time for creative endeavors—like his lifelong love of cello. Practicing a challenging piece from Bach’s Cello Suite No. 1 shows just how serious he’s been about following the “Be Competent” precept from The Way to Happiness. Ryan, Bach and The Way to Happiness—it’s music to the ears.

Go Nuts for Donuts with Lana from McMinnville, Tennessee

How does a fresh-from-the-oven, warm apple cider donut sound? Well, when the treat is baked by a young baker like Lana, you can bet it’s going to be mouthwateringly delish. One of the keys to raising happy kids is helping them contribute to the family and be productive—as found in The Way to Happiness.

Toddler Talk with Tatsuya from Tokyo, Japan

For Tatsuya, the silver lining of this year is getting to spend more time with his young daughter. He uses essential communication skills he learned in the booklet on children from The Scientology Handbook to strengthen the bonds between them. And his daughter demonstrates how well it’s working with a hug.

Mommy Makeover with Chie from Osaka, Japan

Chie gets pampered with a makeover from her budding make-up artist daughter. The young one gets her talent from her mother, who by profession sells make-up. But, based on current conditions, Chie’s had to adapt new ways to run her business. She draws inspiration from the “Flourish and Prosper” precept in The Way to Happiness, and her future looks beautiful.

Toddling Along with Lexi from Jersey City, New Jersey

Lexi’s been locked down with her delightful toddler, Leila. But now that this mother-daughter duo isn’t confined within their own four walls, Lexi takes her toddler safely out for walks any chance she gets. The book The Problems of Work contains simple ways to recharge, refresh and take control of life.

It’s Child’s Play and Work with Maria Eugenia from Clearwater, Florida

Maria Eugenia is the mother of two very active kids. During this time, her main occupation has been keeping them busy and occupied. So, she got them working around the house, in the garden and even hosing down the dog. And by contributing, they feel very important. The map to guiding kids to a successful future is laid out in the pages of The Way to Happiness.

Florian’s Fresh-fruit Refreshment from Issaquah, Washington, USA

Florian and his family trek into the orchard to make some fresh-from-the-tree apple cider. They pick the apples and press ’em. Florian hopes this lesson in industriousness—a quality outlined in a precept in The Way to Happiness—will stick with his kids. And from the looks of how they pitch it, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Homemade Play Dough with Melissa from Miami, Florida

Over the last several months, Melissa’s had to constantly come up with new ways to keep her children busy and learning. That even included making homemade play dough for her kids to use in their lessons. Tools to help any “stay-at-home-homeschooler” are available in The Technology of Study course from The Scientology Handbook.

Lava Cake Erupts with Kya and Kiranmai from Johannesburg, South Africa

Kya and Kiranmai gather the ingredients to bake up a lava cake that will erupt with gooey, chocolaty goodness. The final product is a sweet force of nature, indeed. These young ladies bake away to stay industrious during this time. And that’s one of the 21 precepts from The Way to Happiness put into practice “explosively.”