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Retro Repost: 2nd Annual Blog Project “Now You Can See”

Scott Neumyer — Sun, 18 May 2008 19:18:35 +0000

I figured, since my very old blog is no longer up and running, that it was time to repost this short story I wrote for the site. Reading it again, now… I actually still really dig it. Let me know what you think.

A few weeks ago, the incredibly talented Dave White invited me to participate in the 2nd Annual Blog Project. The basic idea is that me (and a ton of other talented writers) get a “story starter” and have to create a story based on that starter. We get to see how many different stories can come from the same basic starting idea. This year’s story starter: to come up with a story that involved an item that was at one point in a police auction or tell the story of how that item got to the police auction. So, there you have it. Please take a few minutes to check out my story below, take a few more minutes to check out all the other wonderful writer’s stories, and let us know what you think.

“Now You Can See”

This past evening, at the dinner table, Sonya stuck her fork into my eye, and as she released the fork protruding from my face and plopped back down in her chair she said, “Now you can see how I see, bitch!” I had no idea, at the time, what she could have meant by that line, but it was enough for me to ask her to leave.

“Fuck, yeah, I’ll leave,” she says. “I’ve been waiting for a reason to bolt on your sorry ass for weeks now.” She pushes away from the table and tosses her chair to the floor. The fork in my eye is pulsing now and I can feel a headache coming on. “Where the fuck have you been?”

I wonder where the fuck I’ve been and imagine that she’s probably right. I have no clue where I’ve been and I’m not quite sure what we’re doing together anyway.

I get up from the table, grab a dishtowel from the kitchen sink, and wrap it around the fork to apply pressure, trying to slow the bleeding. I can’t see worth shit with one eye and I stumble toward the bedroom where she’s already packing.

“Probably best this way,” I say as I fall through the door. I push myself off the floor with one hand (the other is, obviously, holding the towel in place over the fork that’s poked out my eye) and sit against the wall. “I mean, you leaving and all.”

She drops some clothes into her suitcase, open on the bed, turns for a second, and shoots me a cockeyed glance. “Who the fuck are you?” she asks and resumes packing. A cheap chuckle seeps out the corner of her mouth and, though I can’t see her face from where I’m sitting (especially with one good eye), I know she’s wearing that “you’re so fucking stupid” smirk.

“Yeah,” I say as if I know exactly what she’s thinking. “I really don’t have a clue.”

The towel is soaked now and my hand is covered in blood. I’m starting to feel a little weak and could use some help getting to the bathroom. I could use a little assistance grabbing another towel for my eye. Maybe even some help dialing 911, but I’m not sure the hospital is really where I want to go at the moment.

I toss the bloody towel across the room toward Sonya and it lands on the floor by her feet.

“You think…”

“Don’t even fucking bother asking for help.” She keeps packing and kicks the blood soaked rag across the floor, back at me. “You deserved that fucking fork in your eye and you can’t expect me to help you remove it, clean it, or stop the pain.”

“But I can’t…”

She throws the last bit of clothes into her suitcase, zips it up, stands up to stretch, and laughs hard, her back arched and her arms stretched far out to the side. “Did you really think I’d help you?” She laughs again. “You’ve really got a fucking problem, Steven. You know that?”

“My problem,” I say, growing angrier as she inches toward actually leaving, “is that I have a fork stuck in my fucking eye.” I grab the bedroom door’s handle and pull myself up, careful not to fall right back down in my spot on the floor. “Is it so much to ask for a little medical help before you leave me for good?”

“Yes,” she says and picks up the suitcase. “It is.” She steps around me, careful not to get any of my blood on her black boots, and stomps through the hallway. “It’s more than I can do. I can’t believe I’m even having this conversation with you.”

“So don’t,” I say as I stumble into the bathroom.

“Don’t what?”

“Have this conversation with me.”

I slam the bathroom door and fall over, grabbing the side of the toilet before I hit the floor with a thud. The linoleum is cold against my cheek and, with my one good eye, I can see her feet pacing back and forth outside the door.

“What the fuck are you waiting for?” I ask her. My jaw is starting to tighten and the salty taste of my own blood is creeping into my mouth. “If you’re not going to help me, then why don’t you just get the fuck out?”

“Are you fucking crazy, Steven?” I wonder if she’s just explained this entire situation in five words. “Did you really think I’d take off without it?”

I’m beginning to lose feeling in the right side of my face, and the idea of her leaving at all stings. My teeth chatter as the blood begins to paint them red, like I’d just eaten a lollipop. I honestly have no clue what she’s talking about.

“Sonya, sweetie, I have no…”

“The fucking fork, Steven.” Her head makes a thump as she leans into the door. “It’s part of the set we spent years trying to track down, remember?”

Vaguely, but now that my head is spinning, I’m having trouble remembering my fucking name.

“Listen,” I mumble through the bubbles of blood forming in my mouth, “I’m really getting woozy in here. Do you think…”

“The set your mother had in the trunk of her car the night she decided that another sip wouldn’t kill her.” She jiggles the handle of the door, trying to pry her way in. My head’s in the way and I don’t think I can actually move it at this point. “The set that got impounded right along with the car and everything else in it.”

“I remember now, Sonya. Thank you for the painful trip down memory lane. I appreciate it.” I look up at her with my good eye, her head peaking through the door. “Now, do you think you can help me out here so you can have your precious fucking fork back?”

She helps me up from the floor, sits me against the wall, and hands me a dirty pair of underwear to hold over the forked eye.

“That set was the first thing we owned in this house,” I tell her. “I didn’t care what I had to pay to get it back.”

“You were worried though,” she says. “That old bluehair looked like she might go all the way. Her whole life savings at a fucking police auction.”

“On a stupid, fucking silverware set,” I say.

“On a stupid, fucking silverware set,” she repeats and tilts my head back.

She pulls the hair out of her eyes and looks at me, worried for the first time since she’d plunged the fork into my face. She puts her hands over mine and pushes down on the bloody underwear. “You just sit there and put pressure on your eye. I’ll go call 911.”

“You’re not leaving, are you?”

“No,” she tells me without even bothering to look back.

I never even cared about the car. They could have the pile of shit. Let old bluehair and her bingo gals pool their money and buy it. I only wanted that silverware. The same set we bought when we first moved here. The same fucking set my mother loaded into the trunk of her car after another completely fucked Thanksgiving dinner. The same exact motherfucking set that ended up scattered all over the trunk when the car eventually came to a stop after crossing the median and ruining someone’s life.

When it eventually came up for auction, along with my mother’s blue Dodge murder weapon, the set had been completely reassembled. The knives were spotless, the spoons were shining, and the forks gleamed across the auction hall. It was perfect, and it was ours, but the Pine’s Valley Police Department didn’t care. It was in the car so it belonged to them. I’d have paid anything to get it back.

I’m still leaning against the bathroom wall, my feet hugging the toilet bowl to keep my balance, and across the hall I can hear Sonya explaining the situation to the dispatcher.

“Yes,” she says slowly for the third time, “a fork in his eye.”

I hear the phone beep off as she pads across the floor. My head is pounding and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold it up on my own.

“They said they’ll be here in a few minutes.” Sonya drops the toilet seat cover and sits down. She takes the bloody underwear out of my hands and replaces them with another dishtowel. “It’s okay,” she says as she puts pressure on the wound and I let my hands drop to my sides.

“I’m sorry,” I tell her.

“For what?” she asks. “You don’t even know what I was pissed about.” She tilts her head to clear the hair from her eyes. “You don’t even know why I stuck this fucking fork in your face.”

“I know,” I say.

“Where were you, Steven?” She’s slipping off the toilet and decides to sit next to me on the floor. “I’m not fucking stupid, you know. I could smell you and I could just fucking see it when you came home.” She pushes the towel down even harder, digging the fork deeper into my eye socket. “You’re just fucking like her, Steven. Just fucking like her.”

And this floors me because she’s right. She knew exactly where I was and exactly how I got home, and I know instantly, as those words come out of her mouth, that I deserved that fork in my eye. If we’d been in the kitchen as she said them, I would have shoved every fucking fork we own into my face.

“I got off easy this time,” I say as I struggle to keep my one good eye open. The ambulance should be here soon, but I’m just about done for. “You did the right thing.”

“I know,” she says as the doorbell rings over and over again. “I couldn’t help it.”

She takes my hands and places them over the bloody dishtowel. “That should be them. Hold this while I get the door.”

My hands are soaked with blood and I’m freezing on that damned linoleum floor. I can only hold on tight and hope they can save the right side of my face. I don’t expect to see out of that eye anymore, but I’m okay with that. I’ve got all the sight I’ll ever need.

The last things I hear before my good eye closes, and I start to drift off, are the sounds of boots trampling across the hallway, the slow, solid rhythm of my breathing, and Sonya’s muffled voice telling them not to lose that fucking fork.

New on DVD Today: Compasses of Gold!!

Scott Lecter — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 22:07:38 +0000

Slim pickings this week on DVD, but there are a couple goodies in the bunch. *Note: If available, I usually link to the Blu-ray version of the film, as that’s my format of choice.

This Week’s Must Have: The Golden Compass - Ah… They say this is the movie that singlehandedly brought down New Line. I don’t believe it. Sure, it didn’t make Narnia numbers like they’d hoped, but I still don’t see it sinking the entire ship. Nevertheless, I actually enjoyed The Golden Compass a lot more than I had expected. The ending is weak and the whole thing is way too complicated for the kiddies to grasp, but it’s an absolutely gorgeous looking film with some really great visual effects. While the film may not live up to Pullman’s original novels, I still would have liked to see how the rest of series played out on the big screen. Unfortunately, at this point, I don’t think that’s going to happen. Well worth checking out on Blu-ray and DVD.

* 27 Dresses - This flick may be mostly fluff, but it’s Katherine Heigl fluff, and I’ll take that kind of fluff any day of the week. Flanked by Malin Akerman and Edward Burns, Heigl holds her own here and soaks up most of the charm to be found in the film. It’s a silly, little romantic comedy, but it’s not horrible. Save this one for a night alone with your favorite lady.

* The Red Balloon: Criterion Collection - If you judge this one by the title alone, you might simply pass it by. Take a closer look, however, at the cover art and maybe a few stills from the film and you might just realize that you’ve seen this little treasure before. It’s a mesmerizing and beautiful little film that’s about as simple as they come. I remember, vividly, watching this film when I was just a little guy in elementary school and being completely sucked in by that wandering red balloon.

* The Diving Bell and the Butterfly is easily the most critically-acclaimed title on this week’s release list. It garnered several Oscar nominations and earns every single one. The performances are fantastic, the direction is nearly perfect, and the film is a genius work of cinema that will probably go quietly without many people seeing it. I think it’s the subtitles thing… Some people just can’t handle it. If you can, please rush out and grab a copy.

* The Beast in Space: Unrated - Leave it to Severin films to bring this little baddy back into circulation. A wild ride in just about every way, The Beast in Space is one that you really do need to see to believe. It’s some crazy filmmaking.

* The Waltons: The Complete Seventh Season - Who can resist some old school TV, Waltons-style? Not me. I ripped through this set in a matter of about 2 days. If this is your kind of television, there’s no reason why you won’t love this collection of season seven episodes. It picks up right where WB left off with their last collection and is worth a spot in every discerning TV collector’s shelf.

- A Few From Last Tuesday -

* The Orphanage - People have been calling Juan Antonio Bayona’s El Orfanato (The Orphanage) this year’s Pan’s Labyrinth, but I think that’s an unfair comparison. They’re, clearly, very different films. Pan’s Labyrinth is a modern day fairy tale. A fantastic film (and probably my favorite of its year). The Orphanage, however, is one of the best supernatural thrillers that I’ve seen in a long time. It’s certainly not a perfect film - the plot is a bit thin and the pacing is slow going at first, but sticking with this one is well worth it for the sheer atmosphere of the production. There are a few jump-worthy moments, but the real scares here come in just what’s happened to these characters. The Orphanage is one that I’ll remember for a long time coming, and probably a disc that I’ll revisit often.

* My Boy Jack - What’s this? Harry Potter in a war film? Say that again, please. Ok, now that you’re past all that, this is a damn fine film. A thought-provoking production from ITV, My Boy Jack casts Daniel Radcliffe as Rudyard Kipling’s 17-year-old son alongside Kim Cattrall, David Haig, and Carey Mulligan. It’s an excellent little picture with some great performances. Check it out. Even you Potter-freaks. Natch.

* One Missed Call really should have been One Missed Movie. Yeah, yeah… I know. I’m no comedian, but nearly everything about this horror flick is laughable. There are a few neat jump scares, but the plot is completely incomprehensible, the ending is atrocious, and Shannyn Sossamon must really be hurting for a paycheck because she’s definitely slumming it here. Not only that, but we’re also apparently “missing” some extra features. This disc is completely barebones. I’m talking… not even a main menu on the Blu-ray disc… just a pop-up menu. Weak sauce. Only for the hardcore horror folks who can sit through this junk.

Check back next Tuesday for a look at some more great DVD releases.

I Heart You Guys (And Gals)!

Scott Neumyer — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 21:17:17 +0000

Since I’ve posted the “tough decisions” post a few days ago, I’ve gotten an overwhelming amount of support via email, calls, IMs, and the like. That really does a few things for a guy like me.

1) It shows me that the decision I made was the right one. It was a hard one (as, I guess, the “right” ones usually are), but it’s one that will be a positive move. It’s the right move for me, my family, and my sanity. Sometimes you just have to let things go, and now was the right time. Thanks to everyone for reinforcing that.

2) I have the best group of friends that anyone could ever want. The kind words, encouragement, and just general niceties are more appreciated than all of you could ever know. I really do mean that.

So, now that that’s all out of the way, I want to recommend a book that did a lot to help me make that very tough decision.

I’ve been a fan of Seth Godin for a long time. He’s easily one of the most knowledgeable writers around when it comes to marketing, business, and the ability to reach a certain audience. If you’ve never checked out his blog, now’s the time to add it to your RSS reader. It’s a treasure trove of really cool (and useful) information.

One of his latest books, The Dip: A Little Book That Teaches You When to Quit (And When to Stick) is a quick read. You could probably even finish it in a few hours. Don’t let the quantity fool you, though, as this tiny book is full of essential information about your business when things just don’t seem to be working. It’s not so much a book to tell you that it’s time to quit, but more a guide to see the warning signs that your idea/business/etc might not be working as well as it should be.

The Dip was an essential part of my coming to grips with my photography situation and really helped me see all the reasons why I should make that “tough decision.” I’d easily recommend it to anyone (even those who aren’t business owners). It’s a smart, little book that can help steer you in the right direction.

Funny thing is… The Dip isn’t even my favorite Seth Godin book. That honor goes to All Marketers Are Liars: The Power of Telling Authentic Stories in a Low-Trust World. Such a great book. Especially for PR/Marketing geeks like me.

More positive and fun posts this weekend. I promise!

Making Tough Decisions Is… Tough!

Scott Neumyer — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 18:54:42 +0000

Sometimes, you just have to realize that it’s time to make a tough decision. Today, I made one of the toughest decisions that I’ve had to make in a long time.

I’ve decided that it’s time to sell nearly all of my photography gear. Yup, that’s right. Camera, lenses, lights, etc etc. Just about everything (I’ll hang onto my backup camera and maybe a lens or two).

Why did I decide, today, to make this decision? Well, for one, we could certainly use the money. It’s not we’re destitute, but the thought of having about $3,500 worth of photography equipment in the house when that money could go a long way towards bills makes me a little queasy. The gear definitely isn’t bringing in that much (or much at all) money, so they’ve essentially become “toys” at this point. Very expensive toys.

Now, don’t get me wrong… I love photography. I love making photographs and I love seeing people’s faces after I’ve captured something really great. I loved it enough to try and make a go of it as a business. I won’t say I failed. I mean, I managed to get a few good jobs, make a bit of dough, and have a lot of fun doing it, but it never broke into another area. It never felt solid enough to build a real business model on. So now I just happen to have a very expensive hobby, which isn’t a good thing to have when you have debts that you’d rather have paid off.

I’ll still make photos for fun. Maybe not with the fancy, expensive camera and gear that I’ve been using, but with a much more simple setup. In the end, I couldn’t fathom holding onto that much gear when the money could be used elsewhere.

This was, I must admit, one of the most difficult decisions that I’ve had to make in a very long time. It’s not one I wanted to make (and it’s probably one that I’ve actually been putting off), but it’s one that needed to be made now.

When faced with tough decisions, attack them. Make them like you’re ripping off a Band-Aid. It makes it hurt less… or at least for a few minutes, it does. It’s going to hurt, and it’s going to be an unpleasant experience, but the only way to do it successfully is to make that decision and stick to it. What’s done is done, they say, right?

So, with that, I say goodbye to most of my gear. It was fun while it lasted. If anyone wants to see what all that gear created in the past few years, feel free to head on over to Scott Shoots and check out some of my work. The best part of it all is that, in the end, I made some really great friends doing the photography thing and I plan to keep them. At least I got something out of it, right?

New on DVD Today: Grab Your Juno, Homeskillet!

Scott Lecter — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 16:31:38 +0000

A sweet, little collection of titles this week as one of the year’s biggest surprises comes home to DVD. *Note: If available, I usually link to the Blu-ray version of the film, as that’s my format of choice.

This Week’s Must Have: Juno: Digital Copy Special Edition - Forget all the endless babble about how “people just don’t talk like that,” and realize that Juno is not only one of 2007’s best films (I had it in my personal top three), but it’s also one of the best (and most heartfelt and endearing) comedies in years. The characters may drop the pop culture references like they’re in some alternate product-placement universe, but it just works. Juno and her pals (and family) are people you want to hang out with even after the film is over, and that means something.

* Lars and the Real Girl - Ryan Gosling gets better with every single performance, and this one is no exception. A twisted little tale of miserable guy and his new Real Doll girlfriend Bianca. Gosling plays it straight and it’s hard to tell whether this flick’s truly a comedy or a tragedy. Either way, it’s well worth checking out.

* Inside: Unrated - This one’s definitely not for everyone, but there is definitely something about Inside that sticks in your brain, rattles around, and doesn’t let go. It’s brutal. It’s filled with gore. And it’s not just the same gore you’ve seen over and over again. This is crazy, pregnant-lady-getting-cut-open gore from beginning to end. I didn’t love it, but Inside definitely has some really high points and is worth taking a look at, if insane horror is your cup o’ tea.

* Alien vs. Predator: Requiem - I’m all for popcorn flicks, silly sequels, and just a fun shut-your-brain-off experience, but these AvP films are none of the above. They’re boring retreads that fail to contain anything remotely scary. Do yourself a favor and grab the original Alien or, better, yet read on for a look at the Blu-ray release of the original Predator.

* Blast of Silence: Criterion Collection is one of those “lost” Noir films that is finally getting its due on DVD thanks to the wonderful people at Criterion. Allen Baron’s low-budget NYC Noir is just about a perfect, little specimen of darkness, brutality, and downright Noir goodness. This one nearly grabbed this week’s must have spot.

* Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead - I’m convinced that Sidney Lumet gets better with age and Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead is proof that he’s not slowing down any time soon. Filled with fantastic performances from Philip Seymour Hoffman, Marisa Tomei (yeah, yeah… she gets nekkid…), and Ethan Hawke, the film is a great, dark story about a crime gone all wrong. Check it out.

* Woody Woodpecker and Friends: Classic Cartoon Collection, Volume 2 is just another treat from childhood. Woody was always one of my favorite characters and this collection simply picks up where the previous volume left off. Great stuff for the kid in all of us.

* Predator: Blu-ray - Probably my favorite Schwarzenegger flick (though Kindergarten Cop comes is a close second… natch…), Predator comes home in full 1080p goodness. There’s not a whole lot more on the disc, but having this underrated, endlessly cool Sci-Fi thriller in high-definition is enough to make anyone smile.

* Commando: Blu-ray - Another Schwarzenegger film that usually slips under the radar, Commando caps off this week’s list of new, notable releases. This one’s actually inferior to Predator in my book, but it still packs some really killer action scenes. Easily worth pairing with Predator for a great 1080p Schwarzenegger double feature.

Check back next Tuesday for a look at some more great DVD releases.

There Will Be Links!

Scott Neumyer — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 23:31:41 +0000

Not a whole lot of time for posting today, so I’m going to just drop a few of the cooler links I’ve found lately on you guys and gals.

There Will Be Blood: Sculpting in Time - Jim Emerson makes a few great points about one of 2007’s best films (There Will Be Blood) while referencing David Bordwell’s “Hands (and faces) across the table” article. Some actual film analysis on the net (not something you see every day, huh?) and some really well constructed points about how Paul Thomas Anderson uses his characters to create motion in his scenes.
Tom Blunt mentions the Martijn Hendriks artistic project of removing all the birds from Hitchcock’s The Birds. I guess it’s an interesting idea, but really…why bother? Leave Hitchcock alone already. Gus Van Sant already screwed up one of his flicks.
Mac rocks the house by reminding us that Casey Weldon has some killer art on sale for the insanely low price of $15!! Get it now!

That’s it for now. Getting ready to hit the diner with wifesnake. And, as we all know, NJ + Diner = Mmmmm!

Currently Reading: The Evil That Men Do

Scott Neumyer — Sun, 23 Mar 2008 18:31:49 +0000

If you read Dave White’s first novel, When One Man Dies, then you’re in for a treat with his forthcoming Jackson Donne novel, The Evil That Men Do. It’s a hell of a ride so far and it’s only getting better.

I was lucky enough to grab an Advance Reader’s Copy of the book from Dave and have been tearing through it in the twenty-four hours since it arrived on my doorstep.

This is classic Jackson Donne. Compelling and brutal. I can’t wait to see where it all goes.

publicity animations | dave white + duane swierczynski

Scott Neumyer — Sun, 16 Mar 2008 18:34:42 +0000

These are the two latest publicity animations I’ve whipped up for a couple of author buddies of mine. The first is for Duane Swierczynski’s forthcoming book Severance Package (in bookstores May 27), and the second is for Dave White’s forthcoming Jackson Donne novel The Evil That Men Do (in bookstores June 17).

I’ve always thought these little things are a great way for authors to get the word out about their books. I create them in several sizes (including one optimized for your instant messenger icon) so you can show them off to everyone. You can even post them on your website and make them available for download. Your fans download the AIM icon, use it, and there’s all the free publicity you could hope for!

If you’re an author, and you’d like one of these animations made for your book, just drop me a line and I’d be happy to discuss it with you.

i’ve been interviewed!!

Scott Neumyer — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 23:06:29 +0000

How cool is that?! I’ve been a fan of Jen Miller’s popular “Down the Shore with Jen” blog and when she asked if I’d like to be one of her weekly interviewees, I was thrilled and honored. Click on the picture above (or here) to read the whole interview. And, while you’re there, take a minute to check out Jen’s upcoming book about the Jersey Shore. I’m sure it’s going to be a great read.

Thanks again, Jen!

DVD Giveaway of the Week: Led Zeppelin:The Song Remains the Same: 2-Disc Special Edition

Scott Lecter — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 17:01:57 +0000

What DVD are we giving away? Two (2) DVD copies of Led Zeppelin: The Song Remains the Same: 2-Disc Special Edition courtesy of Warner Bros.

How about a synopsis? “The line forms - and ends - here for the world’s greatest, most influential rock band. With Rock And Roll, Stairway To Heaven, Whole Lotta Love and more signature songs, this mesmerizing movie built around Led Zeppelin’s famed ‘73 NYC concerts is convincing proof why. Band members supervised the remastering and Dolby 5.1 remixing of the film’s soundtrack. Augmenting the performances, fantasy sequences and at-home glimpses of Jimmy Page, Robert Plant, John Paul Jones and the late John Bonham are rare extras including additional songs. It all adds up to the complete Madison Square Garden Concert experience. The Song Remains The Same. So does the group’s power and place in rock lore. This is the version fans have been waiting for.”

How do I win? Simply answer this week’s giveaway question in this post’s comments below. Two (2) winners will be selected at random from the comments. Be sure to include your email address when leaving a comment, so we can contact you for a shipping address.

What is this week’s giveaway question? Name your favorite Zeppelin song.

When does the giveaway end? Comments will be closed at 11:59 PM EST on Monday, December 10, 2007. That is when the contest ends and we will draw our winners.

What are the Giveaway Rules?
*Only one entry per person. You must be 18 years old to enter.
*You must live in the United States or Canada.
*Two (2) winners will be selected at random and contacted by email.
*Please allow 4-6 weeks to receive the prize.

Best of luck to everyone who enters!

Congratulations to our winners: Megan and Angela! I’ll be emailing you today to get your mailing addresses. Thanks to everyone for entering.