Then my stick figures would look much better!

Eggerichs (Love & Respect) speaks about the importance of love and respect in marriage. In your opinion, how does balancing work and family potentially complicate a couple’s ability to pursue these values?

Eggerichs teaches how men ought to show love to their wives, and women need to show respect to their husbands, in order to find the proper balance that G-d has for us in marriage today. I agree with this concept, and believe Eggerichs’ biblical beliefs on this are valid.

How do we show love to our wives? How do women show respect to their husbands? Saying it, or in this case writing it, makes it seem simple. The truth is, however, it isn’t. In Real Marriage, by Mark and Grace Driscoll, they talk about the love and respect. In their discussions, it comes down to an easy compromise.

Grace talks to the women, and asserts that wives need to show respect to their husbands. It’s hard business, but to show respect means removing disrespect. Wives shouldn’t look down or speak down to their husbands, but rather build them up and compliment them. Serve them. Make them feel validated and valued. Essentially, if a man feels disrespected, the man should not need to prove the disrespect, nor should the wive try to defend her attempts at respect. Rather, since it is the man receiving the respect, or lack thereof, his qualitative statement should be sufficient. Husband either admits feelings of respect or disrespect, and wife self-evaluates on how to improve, without thinking negatively or down on her husband.

Husbands need to show love to their wives. While men prefer shoulder-to-shoulder time, such as video games, bike riding, watching movies/sports, etc., women to not. Rather, they prefer face-to-face time. They aren’t after the friendship time, but the intimate time. Men ought to love their wives by showing them love they way they receive it. We need to cuddle, interact, join in conversation, dote affection, etc. We need to make our woman feel like a princess that is cherished. We need to make her feel loved. And if she says she doesn’t feel love, that is her qualitative statement that we need to self-evaluate and return with a way to help her feel loved, the way she interprets love.

Both parts require great sacrifice in and of themselves. However, it can be difficult to balance at times. For example, I work full time at my day job eight to five. During my time at home, I need to balance my love life, my family life (two boys, 3 years and 7 months), my school life (full time online), and my blog life (weekday posts plus reviews). This is very hard to do, and can cause grief. I may believe that I set up a time for me to work on homework or on my blog, only to find out that my wife needs attention. She reaches out to me and I feel disrespected by her because she is not recognizing my need to do my assignments and blog posts on time. She feels unloved because I’m so busy with all this work that isn’t cherishing her. It’s a hard balance.

How does one follow their dream, while working the field, while raising a family, while fostering a joyful marriage? Truthfully, only by G-d’s grace. My wife and I have learned that we need to be clear in communication with each other. Our forum for that is email. Email allows me to clearly tell her what I need to get done each night, and also permits us to respond to each other asynchronously. I indicate what work I need to get done, and she does as well. We try to work out our homework times around each other, and I often draft my blog posts the night prior after she has gone to bed. There are times when I can get it done while she is still at work, but it doesn’t always line up.

It may not seem romantic, but in the pursuit of showing each other love and respect, issues come up. How does one receive love? How does one receive respect? How can we balance these pursuits with work and family?

Truth is, there is much to family that I didn’t address. We need to recognize that family means us (husband and wife) and the kids. All other family members are extended family, and need to be treated as such. Focus first on you and your own. Trust G-d, foremost, and it will all work out. Just learn to communicate, and not take things personally or be offended as easily. Often times, being able to speak your mind, in the right environment, can help ease tension. Then it’s just a matter of scheduling. Just as parents need sexy date nights, so do husband and wife need love and respect. Without it, the marriage will die.

How do you incorporate love and respect into your relationship? What struggles do you experience in doing so?

This chapter is where things take a short turn for the ugly. As a result, please keep in mind that this chapter is necessary, but only recommended for adults (and adult behavior).

We need to address the topic of porn. Many Christians have written on the spiritual results of such addictions, but not so many on a complete perspective.

Mentally, porn creates neural pathways that are then used by the brain as a default pathway for future encounters with men/women. Yes, this week does address that porn is not just a problem among men, but also among women.

It has been shown that an orgasm affects the brain similarly as heroin and cocaine. Thus, individuals act as if they are addicted to sex. Additionally, our decision-making system is linked to this pathway. When one has an addiction, dopamine is released to cause desire and pursuit. As a result, porn is a trap, as well as sexual sins associated with porn. Essentially, porn + masturbation = neural pathways that cause addiction. The same as doing drugs.

This chemical combination, to a man, creates a mental binding to the object utilized. This is the reason that the same porn material is referred to, or the same prostitute used. Additionally, this is essentially the purpose of sex, theologically speaking. G-d created this binding process in the sex act to bind a husband and wife together. Essentially, in a positive manner, G-d designed sex to cause a husband and wife to be “addicted” to each other. This binding is to be complete, as in one flesh.

This gift for married couples can also be misused for dangerous travesty. If a husband or wife turns to porn or other partners, they will chemically (men more or less) be bound to that replacement. Each new attempt at a high causes a deeper addiction to the object. When this isn’t our wife, men, this is an issue – a serious one with major repercussions.

So what is porn? It is terribly difficult to define, but Driscoll does set some guidelines, such as nude art not being pornographic, as well as romantic movie scenes lacking nudity not being pornographic. While these items could be used for sinful lust, the purpose here isn’t legalism, but clear definition. For Driscoll, porn includes porn films, magazines, websites, sex chats, explicit movies, swimsuit editions, base magazines, romance novels (they encourage sexual behavior), lingeries catalogues, etc. Driscoll makes sure to remind us to not neglect the softer forms as porn, such as sex scenes in movies that involve full nudity (or partial). Movies displaying nudity are unfortunately mainstream, causing the porn trap to be ever so wider.

Heterosexual porn can be defined primarily in four basic aspects…

1. The message suggests that all women want sex, from all men, all the time, in bizarre ways.
2. The message suggests that women enjoy whatever a man does in the sex act.
3. The message suggests that if 1 or 2 don’t apply, the use of force can encourage them to participate.
4. The message suggests the woman is dominated, degraded, and exploited as a tool for pleasure and pleasure parts, and is not really a person.

What is porn not about?

• Love
• Covenant
• Empathy
• Respect
• Romance
• Fidelity
• Sacrifice

As a result, porn rarely includes dates, snuggling, kissing, holding hands, and the like. Pop culture is utilizing porn in their message more every day, desensitizing our youth and preparing them for sexual sin, and in some cases, abuse.

The world is ready for hurt. Forty years ago, a dirty magazine under the counter was commonplace. Today? Middle school boys are expected to have nude shots of their girlfriends. This is a sad state of affairs.

A primary purpose of porn is lust. G-d frequently condemns lust that is not spouse-centered. It isn’t what, but who. It is perfectly acceptable for me to lust after my wife. She is my other half, my partner and friend, my lover, and my keeper. But to lust after someone that is not her is wrong in every way. To lust after my wife is to live Song of Solomon. To lust after someone else is adultery in the heart and the sin of coveting.

Recently, the Twilight tragedy encouraged many an older woman to lust after younger actors. This encouragement to sexual behavior and lust is the problem with romance novels. Cosmo, for example, uses pornographic article headlines on its cover, and encourages lust.

Lust is never satisfied. If only grows more hungry, more dis-satisfied, more ravenous every day. And it won’t let go. The sin of sex is a highway to death. If you don’t get off immediately and turn around, you’ll be lost forever. It’ll get darker, dirtier, and more evil than you every imagined possible.

For example, Ted Bundy grew up in a nice family home. His trip down murder lane was the acting out of pornography, because his taste buds for the visual got bored and needed action. This is an extreme example, but a valid one nonetheless.

Porn hurts. There is no such thing as a victimless crime. Porn hurts G-d. Porn hurts those fantasized (it may not seem like it, but a mental crime is still a crime to Christ). Porn hurts those that view porn, destroying their souls and rewiring them to an addiction of paper instead of spouse. Porn hurts women. It ruins a marriage and sets up false standards for women to strive for.

So how can a believer break free from porn? Driscoll has some tips. Be honest with yourself. Admit your sin. Journal your entire sexual history. Do not minimize what happened. Do not normalize it. Do not rationalize or provide excuses. Do not celebrate it. Be honest with G-d. Pray to G-d about it, telling Him everything. Ask for specific help in specific areas. Be honest with your spouse. Schedule it in advance – don’t drop it like a bombshell. Don’t leave details out, but also don’t share unnecessary details.

The challenge is to submit to the Holy Spirit. Be convicted of sin, and use that conviction to feel temptation. You can do it – all things are possible through Christ (Philippians 4:13). Driscoll has many more tips, and goes much more in depth, in this chapter in the book. It is a recommended reading for those that struggle with porn and lust.

Why is a sense of history important for understanding marriage and family? How might a person’s view of homosexuality be shaped by historical perspectives?

Today’s style of marriage is a stark contrast from that of years ago, be it thirty, one hundred, or two thousand. Today’s concept is hook up, shack up, and break up, setting record rates of divorce and destroying the lives of children. Family has no standard nowadays, with separation of generations and grown children no longer regularly visiting with parental units. Not only is the concept of marriage slowly falling apart, but also the status of family and connection is being utterly destroyed. The cause? Perhaps a lack of historical appreciation…

History is important to learn from. While it tells tales of the past, learning from history helps us be less prone to repeat it. For example, recognizing the quick rise to power of charismatic figures like Hitler, and the damage caused from it, leaders today are less apt to tolerate “minor” offenses by rising stars, and hold them more accountable. Peace treaties are held in high regard, and violations of them could reopen the wars they closed. In the same token, it is important to remember the history of marriage and family, as well as how it influences people.

Back in the days of Moses, a man could divorce a woman with a written certificate. Y’shua arrives on scene, many years later, and points to the atrocities that have arrived: women being cast out and disgraced over cooking dinner improperly. Essentially, families could be destroyed over a man’s view of the marriage having irreconcilable differences.

Let’s compare it to the early 1900s. In the beginning, spouses couldn’t get divorced – it was practically illegal in all the States. As the century progressed, spouses could get a divorce for justifiable reasons. Currently, in the State of Oregon, divorces can occur over irreconcilable differences, and over 50% of marriages end in divorce, most of them being within the first two to three years of the marriage.

We need to look at history and watch where we are going. If we can see what has happened, perhaps we can avoid problems in the future. If we would have seen the state of things with Y’shua, we maybe could have avoided (in the Church, at least) such appalling ratios, especially considering that the divorce rate among Christians is no different than the divorce rate among non-Christians. Something needs to change, and this is where history can help us yet again. If we look back, we see that Y’shua addressed the matter as being unclean in G-d’s eyes, and a desecration of what He put together as an eternal thing. Perhaps therein lies the answer?

I am not a clean person instructing on how to be clean. Rather, I am dirty. I have sinned. I have been married before, going through a “irreconcilable differences” divorce, and have gotten remarried. My first marriage did not last three years. The second one? This one’s going to be eternal. There is more to marriage than “I do,” and the people hurt most in the separation are the kids. People – we need to really pray and think about where we are going in marriage, and for goodness sake, we need to actually treat premarital counseling as a worthy investment for our future spouse. If we can’t give them that, then how can we truly give them our lives, and everything from that moment on?

History is important, but historical perspective is tantamount. We need to have a biblical perspective, above it all. If we view history as being full of arcane atrocities and now as the chance to fix them, we may lose sight of what really needs to happen. If we view the past as full of good and bad to learn from, but remember G-d’s commands and don’t violate them, we will do fine.

For example, homosexuality has, historically speaking, always existed, been practiced, and condemned by G-d. If we view the history of the civilizations as immature and project an errant pride upon ourselves, we may falsely come to the decision that homosexuality should be tolerated and promoted. However, if we keep G-d’s unchanging word as our guide, we will see that homosexuality is never okay, has never been okay, and will never be okay. Should we tolerate it? Should we permit it? Of course not! To tolerate such horrid evil practices only condemns our nation and sets us aside for destruction. But relativism has taken over in our land, and cast out its Creator. So yes, history is important, but a biblical view is most important.

Do you think this is correct, or incorrect? Is homosexuality a problem in our country? Why/why not?

No trolls allowed…

Welcome to chapter seven of RealMarriage. This is part two of this chapter’s discussion and summary…

We just talked about overcoming abuse and past hurts in relationships. Now, we get to the actual part where Driscoll advises on how to overcome. Driscoll first started with a twelve-week course. For some, that’s a crash course compared to the years of hurts. For others, that seems like such a long time to learn how to move on.

It is about layers of junk being removed from our soul, more or less. It involves G-d completing the process, and is encouraged by accountability, prayer, and Scripture reading. For some of us, this issue will never go away. In my case, my ex also is the mother of 1.0, so there is constantly dealing with how she is and her menacing/threatening new toy. Nevertheless, we can get to a point where the pain is no longer there, but replaced by G-d’s wholeness and hope. If we can hold on to G-d’s love and truly recognize how much He loves us, we can remove yet another layer.

Bitterness cannot remain in us. It is an unrighteous anger that poisons the soul and prevents our pathway of communication with our Creator. We must seek forgiveness of this bitterness and have the Lord remove our hardened hearts. We also must remove our masks. We use masks to hide the pain, but it is a crutch and an idol. It prevents us from dealing with the pain, and never lets us heal.

Sometimes the pain comes from even farther back. Being a kid, growing in a broken house, there are all sorts of pains to experience and be set back by. My father was not peaceful and caused hell with my mom after the divorce. When she remarried, hell intensified its temperature, and I also encountered a step-dad that I still cannot connect with and struggle getting along with. I mention this as an example as sometimes our recovery is much more complex. Especially abuse situations. But back to the mask…G-d knows who we are and what has happened, so we are only really hiding from our fellow mankind, of which what’s the point?

Each mask is designed to help ourselves fit in to the crowd more and protect ourselves. We emotionally detach ourselves from everything to avoid the pain, and use the masks to prevent pain from getting entry. We need to be honest. Take the mask off. Let G-d reveal Himself to us. The first step to healing is to look at the damaging act. Disclose the secret, and the chains will be broken. As we continue to respond to the Holy Spirit’s prompting to heal, we will heal all the more. But we must be sensitive to His call.

G-d cannot reform our mold of clay until we are completely repaired. He has to mash down the current design, add fresh ingredients and take out stale ones, and rebuild. It is a painful but necessary process for healing. It makes us a new creation, through the loss of the old one. In marriage, we need to trust in our spouse to be our helping friend and hand. We need to confide in them and grow with them. It’s hard, opening up after hurt, but crucial to make marriage work. If it seems like it’s too hard, pray and keep on pushing.

We need to make G-d our “go to” as a first responder in this healing process. He is intimate with our needs and supernatural with his healing. In abuse, we believe we no longer have value. We need to realize that G-d watches over the sparrow, and that He finds more value in us than in the sparrow. Thus, He will watch after all our needs.

Open up. Discuss the past. Pull back the layers of shame, the feelings of dirtiness, the lack of self-worth. Pray. Invite G-d to heal and change you. Keep opening up. Read the Bible. Trust in your spouse and confide in them. Recognize that the Cross makes you clean, all the time, every time.

Pass it on. To your children. Teach them right and wrong. Teach them boundaries. Teach them about private parts, and healthy boundaries with those. Teach the difference between surprises and bad secrets. Instill in your children the principles for success.

It’s not an easy solution and needs to involve solid Christian counseling. But the first steps are the formational ones. But most of all, take what you’ve learned and use it as motivation by teaching our children right.

What specific lessons can you pass on to your kids? What did you learn about the healing process?

Photo Credit: Mutasim Billah via Compfight

One of my current courses I am taking at Liberty University is marriage counseling. Here is the question I was asked, which I felt would be good to share here, thanks to our RealMarriage series…

If a couple comes to you considering divorce, what strategies might you use to help them find hope?  What boundary issues need to be taken into consideration?

The concept of divorce has been historically, by tradition and teaching, discouraged, and at times forbidden, within the Christian community. Yet despite the teaching and preaching, popular statistics recently reveal that the divorce rate among Christians is at a whopping 50%. That is among believers who commit to each other before G-d, “until death do [they] part.”

Part of the issue is losing hope, that is true. There can be hurts, habits, or hangups in the way of a happy marriage. Nevertheless, the fault cannot fall on those items. When you combine two sinful people together, you do not get less sin. Rather, there is double the sin. (Driscoll, 2012). Recognizing that we are sinful beings, we can see that the issue is within us, and each other.

If a spouse feels safe, secure, and significant, then the marriage is doing well. When a spouse does not feel these things, or if even worse happens, such as abuse (emotional, psychological, or physical), spouses see the marriage as a danger and threat, and will separate themselves from it, as well as shut off means of communication. (Morris, 2006, 3197).

Communication is key in the marriage. When counseling a couple, I would first examine their communication. Are they fighting in a manner that uses the four horsemen of the marriage apocalypse, treating each other as enemies, or are they fighting for a resolution as closest friends? Often times, talking from personal experience, the point of divorce means that they no longer view each other as friends, but willing to counsel on the matter means that there is a shred of hope in each of them.

That hope needs to be discovered and encouraged for them to succeed. My initial steps would recommend that they connect mentally, emotionally, and physically. They need to respect and love each other, intentionally, by their thoughts, which controls their actions. They need to share experiences together not just as a spouse, but as each other’s best friend and confidant. They need to connect physically by holding hands, touching, kissing, and intimate (not forceful, but mutual loving) intercourse. The latter one may take time to arrive at, but is necessary for marriage to work. Couples need to embrace often.

Both spouses need to write down a list of what they like and love in their spouse. Both spouses will also make a list of things they dislike, negative thoughts they think, etc. Once both lists are done, the list of dislikes will be collected and burned in front of them, without the other partner knowing what was on it. Jewishly speaking, this symbolizes a clean plate, forgiveness. Both partners need to forgive what was on those lists and not bring them back up. The other list, the one of positive traits, will be shared with the other partner.

G-d needs to be involved as well. I would counsel the partners to pray together and attend church together. They need to become best friends and lovers again. By forgiving, reconciling any sins in their lives, and moving forward in a walk with arms linked, they can have success.

As far as boundaries, however, I am probably a bit looser. I don’t think there should be a waiting period before intercourse starts up again. In fact, I advise against it, lest temptation fall on either partner. I would, however, give Scriptural boundaries. I would advise that anything disrespectful or non-loving needs to be dismissed, not brought up, and purged. Even thinking those thoughts calls for repentance. I advise keeping Philippians 4:8 at heart. Think only on the good and pure things of your spouse.

When two people get married, they form a covenant between them and G-d. Just because it isn’t working out, that doesn’t give an excuse to break up. Instead, it shows the enemy is involved. Active prayer for the couple is necessary, as well as them keeping their commitment. It’s not one to be broken. They found each other as friends, and committed to love each other once already. They can certainly do so again. It’s not impossible, nor is it too difficult to expect them to work it out. After all, we can do all things through Christ who strengthens us (Philippians 4:8).

Sources:

Driscoll, M. & Driscoll, G. (2012). New marriage, same spouse. Real marriage: The truth about sex, friendship, and life together. (pp. 3-19). Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Morris, S. H. (2006). Love, sex, and marriage: Working out our most intimate relationship. In T. Clinton & G. Sibcy, Why you do the things you do: The secret to healthy relationships. (loc. 3154-3497). Kindle edition. Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers.

Welcome to chapter seven of RealMarriage. This is part one of this chapter’s discussion and summary…

Sexual assault happens to one in four women and one in six men. Being one of the more under-reported crimes, these numbers could be quite low, and realistically probably only 40% of the actual total. This is painful for the abused to face, and can range from minor to extreme. My past is indicative of experiencing sexual assault, and it has had its affect on my current relationship with my wife. We have had challenges to face with comfort. In many ways, I am still insecure with being sexual with her.

Emotional abuse hurts as well, and let’s add psychological abuse to the list too. These are brought up by Driscoll, along with her brushes with them, but I have my experiences with them too. My prior marriage included some of these issues, which is why I don’t like opening up to my wife or trusting her, and also why I prefer her to be totally dependent on me and unable to handle things on her own. These are issues I need to overcome for my marriage to be complete with joy. Until this occurs, I am holding back. Luckily, this week’s discussion is to help me, and those with experiences like me, heal and move on.

Another person completely controlling your life is a form of emotional abuse. Manipulative people are also emotional abusers in nature, playing off making you feel sad or guilty and using it to their benefit. Psychological abuse includes threats, stalking, or the hot/cold routine that some use to prevent you from feeling safe or comfortable. Sexual abuse, as in doing something during sex that the other person feels is violating, or forcing sex, affects you deeply, spiritually. These, and other, abuses, if present in your life, will prevent a happy future, and they must be dealt with.

Often times, sexual assault can cause the feeling of disgrace. While I am lucky that my wife has been able to help me feel valued and worth everything, not everyone is so lucky. Disgrace makes you feel worthless. It destroys. Causes pain. Isolates. Silences. The opposite of what G-d intends. Thus, G-d is the only answer for true healing here. While my wife has guided me, if I did not know G-d and trust in Him, I would have been lost for sure. After my separation from my first wife, I turned to G-d and leaned on Him heavily. He helped me heal emotionally and brought me to a place where I could benefit from a healthy relationship. There are still issues that I am working out, but it does take time.

Without the Holy Spirit, grace can never replace disgrace. Without His forgiveness, we could never forgive. Without His love, we could never love, nor learn to love again. If you are in this pain, this disgrace, you need to stop shunning G-d, and run toward Him instead. Only He can help you overcome and heal. Only He contains true life. He will protect us. He will heal us. He will deliver and renew us. It’s true. While Driscoll has experienced this and written of it, so have I. I am still an “in progress” work, but that doesn’t lessen the fact that G-d heals, and only G-d heals.

Our past needs to be dismissed. We need to repent of believing the disgrace. We need to repent of not letting G-d in. We need to ask G-d to restore any forgotten memories so we can truly forgive and heal. We need to be cleansed and reformed through the righteousness of Christ. His righteousness needs to replace our dirty filth and rags. His worth replaces our worthlessness. It is a hard process, and doesn’t happen overnight. But it is worth it, every second of it.

Are you hurting? Do you need to heal? If so, feel free to share in the comments. If you would rather, tell a tale, write a poem, or even let me know that you’re listening…

Be sure to tune in for the other parts to this chapter’s discussion. If you need more follow-up, please contact me and either I can work with you, or connect you to someone that is better suited to the task.

Welcome to part two of chapter six in RealMarriage. We are starting off with the section, “Sex as [G-d].”

Obedience to G-d prevents an act of worship or submission to other people and things as functional gods. Sin, however, acts as an act not just of the particular sin committed, but also the transgression of idolatry. Our disobedience doesn’t prevent worship to G-d, but we treat other people or things as functional gods in our lives. Adultery, for example, is not just the sin of adultery, but also the sin of idolatry – placing sex in the worshipful role instead of our Creator. Essentially, taking the good thing (sex) and making it a god thing (adultery) is a very bad thing.

The considerations of idolatry begin on our hearts before our hands. We act based off our thought pattern. Just as we discussed this about the concept of respectful thoughts leading to respectful actions, it takes place here too. We must control our thoughts. Despite the modern church’s attempt to negate sex from the lives of believers, sex is very much a deeply spiritual activity.

This is a dangerous road to travel, one that leads to death. Inappropriate treatment of sexuality, such as adultery, porn, homosexuality, etc., drives marriages apart and demolishes the life G-d wants us to live and whole-fully enjoy. If you are stuck in this, repent. The longer you wait, the farther down the hole you are. In the porn trap, the only way out is a quick escape. All other ways lead to false hope and spiritual death.

So what if sex doesn’t play the role of a god in your life? What if instead, you view sex as gross? There are many out there who view sex as a disgusting but necessary evil for the purpose of procreation, and no pleasure permitted. This comes from Platonic thought that passion and sexuality were inherently sinful, and is wrong. This also maintains a low view of women, mainly because they were the cause of lusts.

This viewpoint only permits sex as long as it is not enjoyed, and used only for the purpose of creating offspring. This concept has been passed down since Plato, through a majority of church fathers that were responsibility for critical influences in theology. Even today, Catholicism has a main teaching on chastity. This skewed view on sexuality has even altered the interpretation of Scripture, taking a clearly-detailed course on sex (Song of Solomon) and transforming it into a ambiguous description of relation to Y’shua.

Scientifically speaking, G-d created sexual organs with extreme sensory overload capabilities to provide the sensation of pleasure and orgasm. This goes back to sex being a gift to the married. Proverbs 5:19 gives the man the enjoyment of the breasts.

Sometimes this position of sex as gross isn’t a result of doctrine, but of former abuse and sin. Those who don’t work through these issues see problems with sex, and need to overcome their history.

So if sex isn’t a god, and isn’t gross, then it must be a gift, right? In fact, the Bible indicates sex is a gift, and there are six specific benefits that Driscoll provides.

• Sex is pleasurable. Song of Songs talks about kissing, different types of sex, etc.
• Sex is for procreation. Birth control isn’t a sin, but abortion is. Nevertheless, children are considered a blessing.
• Sex is for unity. Sex is the spike of physical pleasure, and helps a couple bond together.
• Sex has knowledge. Sexual acts of a couple together teach them intimate things about each other.
• Sex protects. Frequent sex between husband and wife helps prevent sexual sin by one of the partners.
• Sex provides comfort. Sometimes a grieving couple need to be close together.

Viewing sex as a god or gross is dangerous for you and your marriage. RealMarriage views it as a gift, and will continue the study with such a view in mind. Your thinking pattern will determine your attitude and actions toward sex. It’s not okay to force your spouse to think your way, but rather the two of you should think G-d’s way.

Do you view sex as god, gross, or a gift? Why do you have that viewpoint?

Welcome to week six of RealMarriage. We are now getting into the nitty-gritty of the material, so please make sure you are caught up in your reading…

Sex was designed to be a gift from G-d to married couples, to be enjoyed (in my male opinion, frequently). Yet, it doesn’t seem like it is such. Within Christian circles, there are people addiction to porn (guys, gals, and in some cases, the couple watching it together), those who have been molested or raped, those who are married and still haven’t had sex (in some cases, over a year married together without intercourse ever), and a myriad more of issues regarding sexual nature.

What is okay in the Christian lifestyle? What isn’t? There seems to be an overwhelming lack of information on this topic for Christians, and a large percentage of those who struggle in this arena. This isn’t meant to be so, and with great relief, Mark & Grace have intentionally covered this topic in their book. So, as part of the RealMarriage series, we dive in to see what’s all the fuss that has so many fundamentalists upset over.

In the beginning, according to Driscoll, G-d established a threefold process not only as a pattern, but also as a precedent for marriage, that both Y’shua and Paul quote in the New Testament. What is it?

• Guy moves out of parent’s house. Pays own bills, worships G-d, and takes care of self.
• Guy pursues noble woman in noble way. Reality? Guy wants sex. Bible says sex is for men, not boys, calls guys to be a husband to have sex, with their wives.
• Marriage – husband and wife, now one flesh. Consummation of marriage occurs (a.k.a. sex). Completes Trinitarian concept within marriage (“echad”).

This concept does not match our current culture, being, as Driscoll puts it, “hook up, shack up, and break up.” Bible says that sex is very good, part of the naked and not ashamed concept. Sex being biblically good glorifies G-d. The Bible even opens up with the essentials of sex:

• Male & female, not male & male or female & female. Men & women are intentionally different to complement one another in every aspect.
• Love isn’t a math equation but rather a song. It’s not an equation to be numbered or calculated, but an elegant piece of art to participate in.
• Marriage is not for multiple times. It’s designed for one man and one women. That means heterosexual and monogamous.
• G-d created sex. He made us to have male and female parts to be pleasured from sex. G0d wasn’t surprised by sex. It wasn’t an “oh yeah.” He created it for us, to be enjoyable, fun, and wonderful. G-d designed sex as a gift to us.
• Sex outside of marriage is sin. This includes (in Driscoll’s listed order): homosexuality, erotica, bestiality, bisexuality, fornication, friends w/ benefits, adultery, swinging, prostitution, incest, rape, polygamy, polyandry, sinful lust, pornography, and pedophilia. Any sexual act performed with someone other than your spouse, even if only over the telephone or video cam, is sin. Essentially, it is all porneia, the root of pornography ( translated as sexual immorality).
• Sex should occur in a fashion that brings no shame.
• The standard of beauty should be your spouse. It’s not about tall or short, skinny or fat, pale or dark, etc. It’s about finding your spouse, instead of your opinion, as your standard of beauty. No one else should, or can, compare. Your spouse is the most beautiful. Skinny or formerly skinny, you are to be into whatever your spouse is, twenty or sixty.

Sex, in and of itself, is not sin. It was Adam, by omission, and Eve, by commission, that perverted it and literally everything else in this world by trying to be like G-d. Their sin was that of idolatry: placing themselves above the Creator. And since then, we have suffered as a result of our actions.

This concludes part one of this chapter’s study. Tune in next for “Sex as [G-d].”

The past week has been quite busy for me, still recovering from my tonsillectomy and having both kids in the house for the week (1.0 is usually at his other house during most weekdays). That, and I didn’t feel well at all. So at the end of the weekend, after investing in bicycles for the coming weather and rearranging the bedroom to put the baby in the closet (not a punishment, but to give him a more private place to encourage sleeping through the night), I was exhausted.

My exhaustion resulted in not being ready.

The RealMarriage series has been strenuous for me, as these chapters have made content for practically a whole week. In fact, by it being Tuesday and me not posting, I am acknowledging that RealMarriage won’t be here until Thursday at the earliest, and that I may very well be quite unprepared to provide a condensed one-day post. This is especially in the face of having several reviews needing to be posted this week, and facing new term start at work.

So, here is the deviation for the week: today’s post is my mini commentary, along with a work of art. Tomorrow is our scheduled Wordless Wednesday, with Thursday featuring RealMarriage. If I can’t make it fit in one day (I won’t exceed 1,000 words for a post), then I’ll just have to split it to Friday as well. Since the topic is sex, I fully expect that it’ll be two days. But I guess I’ll find out in a few short days on whether or not you’ll get two Friday posts in one week.

So, as a general Friday guideline, here is my stick figure drawing:

Photo Credit: Patrick via Compfight

RealMarriage will return shortly. I’m a little behind, so here is what this weekend’s prompt from my Marriage Counseling course was…Every marriage encounters problems at some point or another. What are some of the reasons marriages struggle as the years pass by? How might certain strategies safeguard the marriage when problems do surface?

It is human nature to become accustomed to those we live around. In this consideration, we can, some times, take advantage of the individuals we live with. It is not necessarily a pre-meditated attempt to manipulate or use (although some of these relationships do exist and need to be addressed). Some common ways that we take advantage of others would be the “if you really loved me, you would…,” or “can you do me a big favor,” or even applying the concept of honor amongst thieves to keeping family members silent or participatory in either illegal or sinful activities.

When we love someone, we want to watch out for them. But we also live with every little nuisance that is part of their character. While dating someone who doesn’t excuse themselves during flatulence could be considered being rare, it is often the opposite in marriage. A person will put on their best show for their potential other, and once married, they will often times “let down” or no longer prepare themselves as an attractive mate. This can occur in many different fashions, and also is frequent among both men and women.

When someone is calling out for a mate, they will put their best foot forward and present themselves in a groomed manner, as first appearances make the determination of future appearances. this is even true in business – an employee being interviewed will puff up their resume and references, and make themselves seem like the best candidate. Once a person has attained that mate, or in the business field, gotten the job, the less likeable traits start to emerge. As the person feels more secure in their relationship and environment, they will watch themselves less and “let loose,” to say, either not excusing themselves over passing gas, not saying “please” anymore, or showing anger more often (yelling, threatening, demanding).

From what I have seen and heard, one way a person reaches burnout on keeping up appearances and tolerating their spouse’s habits is the simple lack of zest in the marriage. Last time, I talked about the flour and water being necessary for bread, with love and respect being critical for a happy marriage. These ingredients need to be fresh. We cannot enjoy the same loaf of bread week on week – we must bake new bread together all the time in our marriages.

Additionally, if we make the same recipe every single time, there will be no life, or variation, in our bread and marriage. Add ingredients for an exciting marriage based off love and respect.

There are thus two necessary approaches to keeping our marriages healthy and safe. The first approach is to not eat stale bread. Just as year-old bread is bad for the health, relying on year-old memories of pursuit does not give life to a dead marriage. We need to bring in fresh measures of love and respect. We need, as spouses, to continue to pursue each other, fresh and anew.

The second approach, or rather second part to the first approach, is to make new types of bread. We have figured out the recipe to marriage together. Now, it’s time to add different spices and flavors, such as dates, vacations, romantic adventures, etc. For some, this may be dinner and a fine wine. Others, a night camping. Others still, adding a new move or accoutrement to the mating ritual (yes, sex is a necessary and beneficial part to marriage).

By keeping our marriages fresh and tasty with each other, within proper guidelines of “not sinning” or however you may personally phrase it, we can keep the life and vitality to the most critical life decision we have ever made, apart from salvation.

Thoughts?

If I were to add a new ingredient, I would add ginger. I like the taste of ginger and haven’t had it before in bread. I suppose this would appear as dancing with my spouse in public. We have not done that, and it reminds me of ginger because of the spice and heat involved, yet there’s a hint of classy romance (both in dancing and ginger).

What ingredient would you add? What, if you are comfortable sharing, would that represent in your marriage?

There are hobby bloggers, which would be similar to keeping an online diary. There are tentbloggers, which are those who strive to use blogging to help pay some bills. There are pro-bloggers, which depend on their blog for surviving.

I am a hobby blogger. My dream? I would like to be a tentblogger. I am focusing on obtaining more writing experience, and will be submitting some articles for editorial publishing with a national award-winning paper. When I have published articles, I will be sure to feature linking on this blog to direct you to my work. I’m looking forward to it…

But, alas, it’s Friday. So here is this week’s drawing (which happens to be about blogging):

PS – no one entered in last week’s contest for a free NLT Bible, so I had no one to award the book to. It seems that giveaways are not popular here yet, so I will need to work on my content more and interactions in blogging communities.

Nevertheless, I did look forward to seeing other’s attempts at stick drawings. I think I do pretty well given it’s on my iPad…

What are the ingredients that make for a happy marriage? What are the fundamental differences that separate happily and unhappily married couples?

A happy marriage is much more than a recipe. While one can come up with specific ingredients, as well as measurements, to help foster a happy marriage, it is nevertheless the responsibility of the married couple to follow through and “cook” their “dish.” There is the popular opinion today that marriage is founded off of love. In fact, it doesn’t matter if the love is appropriate (heterosexual) or inappropriate (homosexual). Our culture has adapted so much to the few that shout in the world to accept love in all forms, and persecute those who do not embrace their definition of love.

Guess what? It’s wrong. All of it. Love is a great ingredient, much like sugar, in marriage. But it is not the core ingredient, nor a necessary part. Love makes marriage sweeter, and without love, marriage can be a pain. But alas, I am speaking of the emotional love experienced by millions today, which is only a chemical reaction of hormones in the brain. This chemical does, unfortunately, run dry. So, according to what the world views as love, love is a useless part of marriage. It is a necessary component to forming romantic relationships, yes, but it generally does the covenant of marriage no good at all.

As humans, we are hardwired to depend on chemicals. As sons and daughters of G-d, however, we are called to rely on logic and faith. We can learn to love, of which this unique capability we possess makes arranged marriage so successful, despite its unpopular stance in the West.
So what are necessary ingredients to marriage? We know that “learned love” plays an instrumental position. If we were to bake a loaf of marriage bread, learned love would be the water. Without water, we cannot have a long-lasting and edible loaf. Without water, our loaf would not bake together. Much like water, learned love holds the marriage together.

Now I’m not a baker, but I know that we also need flour. Gluten isn’t necessary, and in many cases, sugar isn’t (as discussed above). Flour, to me, would be respect. Respect is a foundational aspect, off which love is built. The flour and water together gives us a bread with minimal form. We still have other ingredients to make this enjoyable bread, but love and respect, or water and flour, is the foundation for every loaf of bread.

From there, we add seasonings, for sure. But there’s one thing that I didn’t list as a necessary ingredient, and that is being based off and dedicated to G-d. Truthfully, though, this can’t be an ingredient, it must be a core concept. I have seen marriages outside of honoring G-d, and they have a partial success rate. And we’re talking about a happy marriage. I believe happiness, as an emotion, can survive off love and respect. Flavorings, such as spice, zest, and commitment to knead, help make it a better-tasting loaf. However, a happy marriage doesn’t need anything but learned love and intentional respect. They aren’t natural, and often learned from G-d, but available for marriage. A joyful marriage, however, can only come from the giver of joy, being G-d.

So the question is, do we want to seek a happy, or a joyful, marriage?

As far as differences between happily and unhappily married couples, the differences are clear: a void of learned love and intentional respect, compared to an abundance. Joy however, necessitates the involvement of the Creator.

Welcome to chapter five of RealMarriage. Due to the length of the chapter, it is divided into two parts. This is part two.

There is a difference between sin and temptation. Keep this in mind – when we are tempted but don’t give in, we have not sinned, but won the victory against that sin. If I think a harsh thought toward my wife, and choose to be silent and chide myself over it instead of verbally expressing it, I do not need the forgiveness of my wife, because I fought against that sin and won. Temptation is common to man and requires no repentance. A hard concept to grasp for some, such as myself, but truthful nonetheless. Even Y’shua was tempted, and He didn’t apologize for the temptation that He stood up against.

We all sin all the time, and so we need to repent often. The death of Christ for our sins allows us to repent, through the Holy Spirit. In marriage, we have to wage war against sin and kill it, or our marriages will be killed instead.

Repentance is not about getting caught. It is about coming clean. Repentance does not deny sin. Repentance is not about diminishing our sin, or minimizing our actions. We must tell our spouses everything, everything, without holding anything back. Repentance is not about managing our sin, it is about destroying it. Repentance is not about blame others, it is about accepting responsibility. Repentance does not excuse in – it holds us accountable for it.

Repentance is about the sins of someone else, it is about our own sin. Repentance is not using G-d or people to receive a blessing. Repentance is not worldly sorrow. It’s not about feeling bad about our sin (guilt). It’s about coming clean and stopping it in its tracks.

Repentance doesn’t grieve the consequence of the sin – it grieves the sin. Repentance is not just confession, it is action. To repent means to turn from. Yes, repentance includes confession (to G-d and those we have sinned against) both mentally and verbally. Repentance includes contrition (feeling the grief G-d feels over the sin itself). Repentance includes change (both intention and action). If we do not change, then the repentance is not real or heartfelt, but used as an excuse. It is not repentance.

Repentance is crucial in marriage, but so is forgiveness. Sinning against our spouses causes them to suffer. We thus need to ask for apologize (confess), ask for forgiveness, and make things right (repent). If we are sinned against, we must forgive, and we must forgive quickly. The Lord’s Prayer indicates that our forgiveness is dependent on our ability to practice forgiveness with others. Forgiveness is about the gospel. When we forgive, we must realize that G-d has been hurt the most, and if He is willing to forgive us, then we must surely be willing to dismiss the minor trifles (compared to G-d’s loss of His Son) that come before us.

Forgiveness is not denying, giving approval of, or minimizing the sin against us. Forgiveness is not being naive. Forgiveness does not enable sin, nor does it wait for one to admit their sin, apologize, and ask for said forgiveness. Forgiveness is not forgetting the sin committed. Forgiveness is not an isolated or rare event. Forgiveness is not reconciliation. Forgiveness does not ignore justice.

Forgiveness is loving. Forgiveness is about G-d. We forgive not for the other person, but for G-d. It is an act of worship. Where forgiveness is absent, bitterness is in abundance. Bitterness is not permissible in the life of a believer or spouse, and must be removed. Exchange harsh words for prayer that builds up, and evil thoughts for more happy ones. Bitter people express their bitterness toward everyone, not just the one in contempt. A bitter heart is the source of demonic drama.

Bitterness is the result of unforgiven sin, and often comes from one catastrophic one, such as abuse, or several smaller ones, such as gossip, or even one small sin from someone close to your heart. Essentially, bitterness takes up shop where there is unresolved betrayal of some sort. It doesn’t matter so much the ranking of the sin as it does the love toward the one who sinned. Bitterness is the responsibility of the one sinned against, as the person chose to be bitter instead of forgiving.

I have been bitter to many people before, ranging from friends to roommates, to my spouse to other family. Even now, there is reconciliation I must complete on my end, not as a result of sin from the other person so much as my offense at their decision.

We can be angry about the wrongs against us – even G-d displays anger throughout the Bible. Righteous anger is an appropriate response to sin, and is better than faking approval or happiness. Anger, according to Paul, is a legitimate answer to being sinned against, but we must not combine anger with bitterness. We need to deal urgently with our anger, by not even waiting a day to respond. Waiting even so much as after the setting sun permits bitterness to grow roots. And like a tree, once the roots are planted, it is difficult to unroot bitterness.

The longer one waits to resolve sin, the more time the Enemy has to wage war against reconciliation. So how does one change the status of a fight? How does one choose to fight as friends, toward reconciliation, instead of enemies, toward separation. We need to determine if our spouse has sinned, and if so, whether anything should be done about it. Sometimes handling it right away should be dismissed for prayer and reflection for a more appropriate time later. Many painful words are shared in the heat of the moment.

The question then is how to deal with the conflict. Should we attack, run from, or be scared? Attacking is harsh and escalates a situation to out of control status quickly. It is about control and punishment. Flight avoids the conversation altogether, allowing bitterness to develop. Fright results in freezing up in the discussion. Each method can be appropriately used, at the right time, and develop results, but when used at the wrong time, those results have been mentioned.

Don’t argue when under the influence, or even if there’s a hint of liquor in you. I am a believer that drinks, as are many others. Keep alcohol out of the conflict. Also be sure to pray for guidance and keeping things peaceable during the argument. Attack the problem, not the person. Don’t use fighting as the de-stressor. That should be done by exercise or a relaxing activity.

Realize that sometimes the discussion needs a mediator, and sometimes it just needs to be dismissed due to its unimportance and neither party being willing to back down. Mediation should be a rare occurrence, and couples should be able to reconcile without professional help.

This concludes the end of “part one” of RealMarriage. Be ready for more challenges next week.

What specific actions can you take to reconcile with your spouse today? How can pull the roots of any unresolved bitterness?

Welcome to chapter five of RealMarriage. Due to the length of the chapter, it is divided into two parts. This is part one.

Marriage involves sin, and marriage also involves conflict. Conflict is unavoidable, and doesn’t always result in sin, but sin is there. After all, putting two sinners together should result in twice the sin output, not less. As Driscoll puts it, “marriage is an unconditional commitment to an imperfect person.” So, as a spouse, we must take out the trash of sin, which causes much worse than a smelly kitchen.

Husband and wife will sin again – it is the nature of being human. Couples who don’t fight are either lying or just roommates, and not a couple. Fighting is thus inevitable, so the question is not how to avoid conflict, but rather how to use the conflict to grow closer to G-d and to each other.

There are essentially four “horsemen” of the marriage apocalypse to be considered. How the conflict starts will display whether the conflict will go toward war or peace.

The first horseman is criticism. Criticism runs deeper than a complaint. Whereas a complaint is pointing how something that you find annoying or frustrating about your partner, criticism attacks the person’s character or personality. A complaint attacks a problem, a criticism attacks a person.

The second horseman is contempt. Mocking, name-calling, belittling, demeaning, rolling your eyes, glaring, sneering, etc., are forms of contempt, or showing disgust for your spouse. It conflicts don’t resolve, contempt grows from them. This is why, as Scripture says, we should not let the sun set on our anger or disputes. Contempt guides us to slowly despise our spouse and create a file of “wrongs” and issues. Contempt encourages anger (which includes violent outbursts, either physical or verbal), and discourages reconciliation.

The third horseman is defensiveness. This is when the guilty party either refuses to apologize or back down from the conflict, sometimes even denying any wrongdoing on their part. Blaming the other party is a popular choice for those in this position, as well as excusing their own behavior. It is all an attempt to appear to be morally superior, and as a result, judge over the conflict. It’s about control and manipulation. This results with a standoff between enemies, where marriage should actually end with a truce between friends.

The fourth horseman is stonewalling. Couples stop working for each other, and work for themselves instead. This means separate finances, or separate social circles, or separate spiritual lives, and can even result in separate bedrooms or beds. Stonewalling is evident by tuning out, ignoring your spouse, turning our back to your spouse, walking away from a conversation (or hanging up during one), disengaging emotionally, verbally checking out, turning up the TV, surfing the web, etc. All these things can occur during conversation or conflict, and 85% of the time it is the husband that does this. Men…seriously? I know I’m guilty of this one a lot.

When criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling get involved in marriage, the statistics indicate a divorce will arrive shortly. How do we resolve this? How do we abort these sinful behaviors and go beyond coexistence to becoming one? How can we label our spouses as the partner and not the enemy? Through Y’shua. If sin is the problem, then the Christ is the answer.

Sin is twofold: omission and commission. Omission is not doing what we need to do (such as leaving out part of the story). Commission is doing what we should not do (such as lying). Sin includes thoughts, words, deeds, and motives. This means what you think, what you say, what you do, and what you intend. Sin includes godlessness, which is ignoring G-d and living as if He did not exist. Sin is, in its core, idolatry – replacing the position of G-d with something else, which is most often ourselves (this making selfishness a sin).

In marriage, couples should live for each other, and never themselves. We should live for the glory of G-d, and not our own glory. We should care for our spouses and constantly sacrifice for them – this goes to both sides. Men need to be respected how they receive respect, intentionally by their wives. It doesn’t matter if they “deserve it.” Women need to be loved how they receive love, intentionally by their husbands. It doesn’t matter if they “deserve it.” Both parties are at fault and need to reconcile. Both parties need to take the first step, and not watch the other’s moves.

In what ways have you sinned against your spouse, either by omission or commission? How can you repent of any unresolved sin today?

While I am doing better and have a voice, I’m not just ready to do a video monologue. That, and the sound of a crying baby in the background didn’t sound appealing. So instead, I wanted to share this week’s stick figure drawing. I hope you enjoy it. But before you “check out,” I have a giveaway announcement to make:

I have a certificate for a New Living Translation Bible to give away here on SG.
If you are interested in getting your name in the hat for the drawing, please do the following:

1. Comment at the end of this post, answering the prompt below.
2. Provide a link (or attach to your comment) to your own stick figure drawing. Just keep it clean.

That’s all you have to do to enter in the drawing. For a bonus entry, you can tweet a link to this post and @ mention me (@scriptedgenius).

It’s really that simple to enter to get a free copy of a NLT Life Application Study Bible. Just be sure to comment (and tweet) by next Wednesday, March 28th, 2012. I will cut off entries at midnight Pacific Standard Time that evening. This is to get the certificate mailed to the winner by March 30.

There’s a good chance that I may just do these on Fridays instead…they are a lot more fun than filming myself. But I would be remiss to never have a video post, so we’ll let Friday be more of an alternative post, I suppose. See you Monday…

Have you ever gone fishing? If so, did you find it peaceful? I always found it to be stressful, which clearly is a polar opposite from what movies portray…

PS – Don’t forget to enter in the giveaway!

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This chapter is mainly by Grace Driscoll, as we approach the woman’s role in marriage. Due to its length, it is broken into three parts. This is part three.

Sometimes the disrespect is incidental. Again, being in today’s culture, it’s easy. I would venture so far as to say that every wife is guilty of it at some point. If you haven’t honestly evaluated and “checked” yourself on how you think toward, feel toward, and act toward your husband, you’re most likely within the sin of disrespect. It doesn’t mean you intended it, as it can often be subtle and almost unnoticed. Ask your husband if he feels that you respect him. Ask him if you speak respectfully to him. Listen, without interrupting, and do not excuse your sin or shift the blame. Respect cannot grow if you disregard those who point out your disrespect.

Respect also with your hands. Use your hands to pray. Pray for G-d to work in both of you and make both of you teachable. Prayer reminds of dependence on G-d. Pray for his schedule that day – work, appointments, everything. If your husband is upset, stressed, or discourage, offer to pray out loud for him.

Physical affection is necessary. It’s the key to intimacy. Use your hands to touch. Hold hands, rub his neck, give meaningful kisses. Sex (to be one) doesn’t happen if it isn’t worked on throughout the day. Greet him at the door with affection when he gets home. Visit him for lunch. Text him during the day, not for issues, but to remind him of your love for him.

Plan the meals out. Plan a menu for a week or longer, so there’s no temptation to just “eat out” or put together unhealthy meals. Making healthy meals for your husband is an active way to show respect and love, by indicating your care for his health (and stomach). Sitting down for a family meal together is crucial – don’t get lost in front of the TV.

Be sure to participate in activities your husband enjoys. If he fishes, go fishing with him. Intentionally do something with your husband that he enjoys, and have fun while doing it.

Open the Bible. Personal repentance, prayer, and Bible reading are necessary to you as an individual and a wife. Without these spiritual practices, it is impossible to avoid the sin of disrespect. Respect is a biblical command, and the Bible is chock full of advice on it. Being connected to G-d is the only way to keep the husband a priority over everything else, including the kids. The order needs to be: godly (i) woman, (ii) wife, (iii) mother, and (iv) friend. Moving these into a different order is sin by idolatry.

The most important way to respect your husband is to ask him. Your husband should be able to identify how he receives and interprets respect, and it is then your responsibility to show respect how he receives it, just as it is his to show you love how you receive it. Be clear in expectations and specifics in this discussion.

Being respectful doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything the husband says or does. But the disagreement or frustration needs to be expressed respectfully. Fighting is okay, but as friends, not foes. Without fighting, there is no ability to change in marriage. Healthy conflict is necessary for growth, but individually as people, and closer together as a couple. Argue righteously – not by silence or contention. Also, a husband is not supposed to be submissive to the wife in the way a wife is supposed to be to a husband – it emasculates him. If you are a wife that complains that your husband won’t lead, is it because he refuses to, or because you won’t let him?

Calling your silence or contention-ready attitude as being who you are is a thinking error – G-d did not design you to be full of disrespect, so you can express yourself respectfully. Complete silence or argumentative behavior is not respectful. Remember that you’re on the same team, and respectfully remind your husband of that too.

There are three practical ways to find resolution, if you are struggling. First method, the husband prays about an issue, discusses it with wife, and either waits for wife to agree with him through prayer and processing, or G-d changes his mind and he sees her reason for disagreement. This is the primary method of resolution in marriages.

The second method is the husband appeals to a higher authority, such as a pastor (not a biased friend), and both parties use a mediator to find resolution. This should be uncommon, as common use of a mediator indicates serious issues within the marriage, either theologically or by personal distrust.

The third option is the husband making a decision and the wife following it. If the husband ends up being wrong, then he needs to admit his error with humility, and the wife not denigrating or disrespecting him (such as “I told you so”). If the husband is right, then the wife needs to admit her error.

A man views every action the wife makes as respectful or disrespectful. There are no other categories. Just as a woman views things as either loving or unloving, it really is a simple difference. Encouragement is a necessary part of respect, but it is not, and will never be, identified with nagging. If your husband feels you are nagging him, then your attempt to encourage is not born out of respect, but rather a disrespectful intention.

Ephesians 5:21 indicates that the husband is the sole decider on if he feels respected or disrespected, and it is the wife’s duty to honor his decision. The wife is the sole decider on if she feels loved or unloved, and the husband needs to recognize that as well.

Submitting to your husband does not mean that he is the ultimate authority in your life. If he asks you to sin, you must not, and he is in sin for asking you to do so. G-d is the first and foremost on authority and submission. The authority of the man only comes to him from G-d, and cannot cause things that would be a crime or sin. The wife can have her own thoughts, and the husband is not automatically correct. This is why it is a companionship, a covenant of equality together. It is the man’s responsibility to ensure the marriage glorifies G-d.

Respect is hard. What specific changes can you make today to better respect your husband? Details, again, are not necessary…

Be sure to read part one and part two to read the whole chapter review.

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This chapter is mainly by Grace Driscoll, as we approach the woman’s role in marriage. Due to its length, it is broken into three parts. This is part two.

This call to respect is not meant to demean women or make them feel less valued. Rather, it is the opposite. By the grace of G-d, a wife has been given the opportunity to be the most influential and important person in her husband’s life. It’s a privilege. To have a bitterness toward the word respect, as used in the Bible, is sinful and needs proper repentance. The sin of disrespect is a slippery slope and will grab hold of your life – refusing to ever let go. It will destroy a marriage, even a godly one.

The challenge is big. Stop focusing on the weaknesses and shortcomings of your man. Instead, cherish your husband’s strengths and his gifts. He may not seem like the same person you initially married, but there are traits there that you chose for a reason. Celebrate them once again. Differences between a couple are reasons to celebrate, not be divided. It allows each partner in the marriage to complement the other. For example, where I am gifted intellectually and able to excel in business scenarios, I am often unable to display compassion. My wife, however, is very compassionate, but not as skilled in organization or budgeting. This allows us to complement each other and strive to be one flesh – balancing the other.

How does the respect process begin? First, and foremost, confess your sin of disrespect to whom you have sinned against – G-d and your husband. Second, listen to the Holy Spirit for conviction, and use that to change. Watch your husband. Make a journal of what you appreciate about him, such as working hard, staying faithful, or dedicating time to the marriage, etc. Telling your husband about how you appreciate him, as well as writing notes to him on the matter, are a way to show respect. Think about how you feel when your husband encourages you. This isn’t overlooking sin, but teaching yourself to follow positive and pure thoughts instead of negative and disrespectful ones.

What you say and do is based off what is in your heart. If you are disrespectful, then you have disrespect toward your husband in you heart, and you are giving into the flesh, or the sin, nature. This must be corrected. A woman’s words, according to Driscoll, are often motivated by emotion. Do you respond with criticism? With silence? Do you tear him down in public, or when talking to others? Do you gossip about him (share your private marital issues with others)? This question includes prayer requests, Bible studies, and female accountability relationships.

The Bible, in Proverbs 31, shows how a woman can speak respect – with wisdom and kindness. This involves having healthy, not heated and challenging, discussions with your husband about your frustrations. Disrespect is often born out of an attempt to manipulate, one-up, or control the husband figure. If you do not like being spoken to harshly, then imagine how much your husband dislikes it and feels unappreciated when you do so. Remember, wives cannot change their husbands – only G-d can. Pray for him instead of belittling him, or instead pray for yourself for self control.

Our modern culture lives on disrespect and insult. It’s unavoidable in the world, but not welcome by G-d’s standards. The realm of marriage needs to be a sacred place of respect and honor. This battle goes back to the Garden of Eden, when Eve manipulated her husband into eating the fruit by which she had already partook. This wasn’t to bless him, but to make herself feel better by not being the only one in sin. Since then, the habit and addiction of disrespect is about tearing the husband down and destroying him. G-d does not welcome this, but rather hates it.

How can you better pray for your husband? Do you have a tendency to over-share (gossip)? If so, we don’t need an example here…

Be sure to read part one and part three to read the whole chapter review.

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This chapter is mainly by Grace Driscoll, as we approach the woman’s role in marriage. Due to its length, it is broken into three parts. This is part one.

Respect is a hot topic in my house. What I view as respect is often different than how my wife views it, and there are even times when she will opt to intentionally disrespect me out of anger. It’s true that I fall short, as I discussed last chapter, but it does not negate the responsibility my wife has in the marriage. Driscoll starts the chapter by addressing that many women already believe they respect their husbands plenty well, and indicates that this still needs to be discussed.

Men and women were created with equal worth but different roles. [G-d] created and called the man to lead and love his wife, and when he doesn’t do that in a holy way, he is sinning. [G-d] created the woman to help and respect her husband, and when she doesn’t do that in a holy way, she is sinning.

Ephesians 5:33 indicates that it is the man’s duty to love, and the woman’s duty to respect. Being a man, I can honestly indicate that when I receive true, holy respect from my wife, I feel truly loved by her. That is how I primarily receive love from her, regardless of love languages or methods of communication.

So what is respect? How should it be applied to marriage? Driscoll indicates that respect is honoring, noticing, preferring, encouraging, loving, and admiring. When it comes to respecting the husband, there is gender barrier to overcome: does your husband understand and receive the signals of respect that you are transmitting? Would you consider yourself respectful, and would your husband agree with your answer to that question? Where we need to get to is a yes and yes as an answer. Respect isn’t just a mental and emotional decision, but an active one as well.

If your husband is stating that you are disrespectful, the wrong answer is to state that you are respectful and challenge the opinion. Disregarding the rebuke is a failure to take responsibility. For example, when Grace challenged Mark, she considered it as sin, by not listening with the head, being prideful and believing herself fault-free with her heart, and failing to reach out lovingly, emotionally and physically, with her hands – a trifecta sin.

Respect begins in the head, with includes thoughts and the mind. It is also where disrespect (either anti-respect or omission of respect) begins. Here are some examples that Driscoll provides of disrespectful thoughts:

• That was a stupid decision he made.
• I can do better than that.
• I wish he were more like _____.
• I’ll just fix his mistakes.
• I hope the kids don’t grow up to be like him.
• When he’s gone, life is easier.
• I won’t ask him because he won’t understand.

Letting thoughts like those continue in the mind will result in not just sin in the mind (yes, those thoughts are disrespectful in nature, and thus, appropriately labeled as “sin”), but also sin in the heart, and sin by commission. There’s a reason that 2 Corinthians 10:6 calls us to bring our thoughts captive to obedience in Christ. It seems heard, but Philippians 4:8 reminds us to only think on what is good, pure, true, and just. Replacing negative thoughts with Scripture is just one, but albeit successful, method of surrender.

Do you have negative thoughts? What positive ones can you replace them with?

This is the end of part one, be sure to read part two and part three for the complete chapter review.

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]]> Today is supposed to be a video post.

It didn’t happen, of course. Still recovering from my tonsillectomy, so 5-10 minute discussions aren’t there yet. I hope I’m ready to return to work on Monday. It still hurts to eat and such. But I should be back next Friday for a video post.

And for Saturday, Happy Saint Patty’s. I’m sure there’ll be a Google Doodle for it…

So, in lieu of a video post, enjoy my artwork for you (please pardon the worse artwork compared to last time – it is exceptionally harder to draw on an iPad than it is to draw on paper)…

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]]> Life is full of mazes, I have no doubt of this.

I am not particularly fond of mazes, but am at the same time. Permit me to explain.

First off, I find mazes unnecessary. I believe in Ockham’s Razor, which is pluralitas non est ponenda sine necessitate (plurality should not be posited without necessity). This philosophical stance suggests that if there are many paths, or solutions, the simplest one is correct.

I believe this theory should be given heavy consideration with bureaucracies such as church and state. In the church, there is an unnecessary amount of politics. Group A doesn’t like dancing, but Group B feels dancing is worship. They argue and the loudest voice wins.

In the state, there are many steps and many forms to accomplish a simple process. For example, filing taxes needs software or professional training or money to hire a tax preparer. Another example is when the IRS has questions about taxes, there are a million different policies, each with their own form. You can’t get someone over the phone to help you much more than tell you what form you are after, which has its own special filing process.

Ockham’s Razor would suggest making a phone call, or better yet, sending an email, or even better, including 3-step instructions on all materials. Nevertheless, these don’t exist. Businesses that get this point excel because they can ditch useless regulation that doesn’t help, and focus on superior service instead.

On the second part of mazes, I do enjoy the challenge of finding the solution. The problem is when organizations have the mazes. Challenges, in and of themselves, present a short effort to the brain to think and logically deduce a solution. The solution can be tested, and the person challenged will almost immediately know the results. Examples of this would be IQ tests, Sudoku, Geocaching, and similar pursuits. When dealing with organizations using mazes for their own death, often times one will not know if their presented solution was correct.

Thus, evidence on why I do and do not like mazes. Perhaps we could change what it’s called. Let’s keep mazes (the fun type)called mazes, or brain teasers. But for the systems, let’s just call it junk work. We get junk mail all the time, and SPAM too. It’s necessary fluff that gets in the way of the real content. Paperwork for systems that doesn’t benefit the consumer is really just junk work. It gets in the way of excellent consumer experience.

Churches need to drop the junk work and the systems – they are getting smaller every day and have a message that needs to be heard. Bureaucratic systems should get rid of the junk work as well. Documenting items is crucial, no doubt. But why should person X have to fill out A, B, and C when it could be resolved by a click of the mouse by the employee?

I’m all for paperless. I’m all for ease. I’m all for documentation too, which is why I don’t conduct business over the phone, and typically respond to emails in less than one day (including weekends). I use an iPhone and have all the business apps I need to download pdfs, read them, sign them, and email them back. I even keep documents in the Cloud for reference. I scan my important reference mail and dispose of the rest. I pay bills online and get emails when they are due.

Why can’t we all adopt this? What’s holding us back?

Are you paperless? What specific processes in your routine could be eliminated? What junk work could you remove for both you and those you interact with?

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]]> Today’s image is a little more graphic, to be advised.

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]]> I have been out a week on blogging, thanks to my tonsillectomy. And now I’m back…

I came back yesterday with a RealMarriage post, but today’s the first post back that I didn’t have any assigned material for. I thought I would take today’s post to catch up on my status and to answer a creative writing prompt.

Before having a tonsillectomy, I had heard that it was very difficult for an adult to go through the procedure. My primary care physician said it was painful, a pulmonary specialist said it was medieval, and an Ear, Nose, and Throat specialist said it was to be avoided if at all possible. However, each doctor said that prior to examining my tonsils. And then they looked, and referred me for operation.

The ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) specialist wanted me to undergo a UPPP (or UP3), which is a long word to describe a uvulalectomy, in addition to a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy. The operation was scheduled and I went in, only to get sent home because insurance denied the request. A week later, after much debate and prayer, it seemed that my path was paved.

I was very stressed over the concept of having my uvula removed. Apparently it is standard procedure now, but that is after attempted CPAP therapy. There is a 60% chance that a tonsillectomy would solve obstructive sleep apnea, but an 80% for a UP3. However, my insurance stated that I would need to attempt CPAP and have that option fail. Such therapy would be highly expensive for testing and would take at least months. The ENT was hard-lined to a UP3, and believed a tonsillectomy alone would not be sufficient for me.

With all this information, I decided to do some digging. I read up on the uvula and how it makes guttural sounds, such as during Hebrew prayers. Being a Jew, it’s important to me to be able to pray in Hebrew. It is ritualistic, but it brings me a sense of peace. I was distraught over this. I scheduled a meeting with the ENT to talk to him some more about it – for the Thursday of that week (which is passed by some time now). That Thursday morning, before going it, I prayed to G-d. I asked Him to make His way clear. I had prayed before surgery that if He wanted to wait, to have it fall through, and it fell through. This time, I prayed that if I need to go through the UP3, that the ENT would still be hard-lined and insurance would ease up. I also prayed that if He wanted me to keep my uvula, that the ENT’s heart would be softened, and that He would recommend a tonsillectomy.

I arrived at the office for the ENT and took a seat. When he came in, he flat out said he had been thinking about me a lot, and despite the 60 versus 80 on percentage, felt that we needed to at least do a tonsillectomy. He said that waiting to go through the whole process could cause me harm, and it would not be a quick answer to jump through the hoops, and he was worried about me getting sick before a resolution (either pulmonary, heart, or cardiac disease). He suggested I come in right away to get the operation done, and go from there. So I scheduled it for the next day.

I don’t remember too much about the operation day itself. I remember that I went in, did the check in process, and got ready for operation. They put me in a gown that inflated with hot air. I had special socks to wear that would prevent blood clots. The anesthesiologist came in after I was connected to the IV. She put two vials of solution into my blood. She said the first one would feel like a beer and the second like a scotch. She was right. I felt the effects immediately. We rolled away and she said this next IV would knock me out. I think I was supposed to breath into a mask or something, and I may have even tried to count, but I honestly do not remember anything after the warning that she was going to hook it up.

I woke up to pain. It was 8 out of 10. They gave me liquid pain reliever to drink, and it went down to a 1. For the first few days, I had to regularly dose on the pain meds to keep pain at a 3 or 4. Being just after a week now (about 10 days), I still have some pain and discomfort, but I feel really ill if I don’t take a low dose of the pain meds at least semi-regularly. I know that I’ll need to be off it soon, but the pain is supposed to last for about two weeks for most adults, and I still have scabs next to my throat that have not yet recovered.

I have done a lot of sleeping and watching shows. I have been eating ice cream, macaroni and cheese (Kraft), and drinking juice, smoothies, and milkshakes. While I am about ready for this to be over with, I at the same time do appreciate the down time I have had to rest.

I finished up my Discipleship Counseling and Biblical Archeology courses last Friday. This week, I have blogging and book reviews. Next week, I return to my day job and start my next term of courses. Please pray that I will continue to recover well and be ready for the challenges that face me these coming weeks. It’s been weird not talking for a week, then mostly whispering/faint talking for a few days. I have learned some useful signs, but still write just as sloppy.

Last week for Wordless Wednesday, I posted what my tonsils looked like prior to operation.

Tomorrow I will post a picture of what it looks like without them, so keep tuned…

Have you ever had a major operation you were scared of? How did it go?

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Welcome back to RealMarriage. We are on to chapter three, “Men and Marriage.” This week is, as Driscoll puts it, “primarily for men.”

Driscoll gives the advisory warning that this chapter is written in a tone meant for men. It will be rougher as a result, and women are welcome to read it, but be advised of the masculine nature of this week’s content.

Men, as we work through this week’s content, also be advised that Driscoll admits that he is critiquing a caricature of men in his commentary. That is, the stereotype. We are encouraged to not take offense at anything, but to read and pray over what is given to learn from.

Historically, the transition from boy to man occurred within the context of five steps. They are:

1. Move out of your parent’s home.
2. Finish education (high school, college, vocational training).
3. Get a career, not a temporary job.
4. Find a woman and go through the marriage process.
5. Become a parent with your wife.

Unfortunately, modern society has added a third stage in a man’s life. Instead of boy to man, it is boy to adolescent to man (as Driscoll puts it, “boys who shave”). This middle stage begins in teen years and sometimes never ends. The problem is there is no pressure for guys to grow up. Now, guys are to be like Peter Pan, not knowing when, biologically, they should mature up and accomplish goals such as marriage and family. Even when guys do transition to men (if they do), some revert by way of midlife crisis. Sometimes this crisis results in divorce and remarriage, or a way to start over instead of renew.

The time to be a boy is during a boy’s years. If you missed out, then sorry, but you still need to act your age. Same for being a teen – if that age group attitude should even be considered. In Footloose, Ren MacCormack speaks to the City Council about how teens are supposed to act immature and be more than children but less than men. I would challenge that such an attitude is demonic at best (this is me speaking, not Driscoll).

The problem here is a man’s failure to take responsibility. To act mature, or heaven forbid, act their age. But it’s not just their fault, it is also the fault of girlfriends and parents who enable them by taking care of the “adult” things for them.

And the issue is this: this is not how G-d designed us men to be. He designed us to be children, then grow up. There is a transition from boy to man, and no middle ground. No rest stops. No backtracking. This is a call to man up, in the highest regard. As Driscoll points out, this call is Scriptural. Even Paul talks about being a boy and being a man. A man is made in the image of G-d, and despite the world’s tendencies to compare G-d to an angry kid, He simply isn’t. He is ageless.
It’s not a problem to play video games or collectibles (such as comic books). It is a problem to have an obsession with them, or allow them a primary spot in your life. For me, I do enjoy playing an occasional video game. This is uncommon that I do so, however. Instead, I do school work. I spend time with family. I blog. I do house chores. I rarely, if ever, play video games. The challenge is to recognize that responsibility comes first. There is personal time, but couldn’t that be spent better, more productively (this coming from me, not Driscoll)?

In this aspect, we are not addressing sin. Video games, in and of themselves, aren’t necessarily sinful (and no, commenting is not open on the the topic of what is and isn’t sinful). There are plenty of things the Christian man can do that are not sinful, but it doesn’t mean they are the smart thing to do either. Gambling isn’t evil, per se, but losing all your money on the slots is just stupid. Only working a part time job to play guitar or frisbee golf is just stupid as well. Hobbies are not designed to creep in to our work time or family time or G-d time, they are designed to be performed during our spare time. Now if your hobby has the potential to create income that is steady and livable, and that is your dream, then I’d recommend reading Quitter. I even did a chapter study here at SG.

Men are not supposed to choose the easiest route. They are not supposed to be consumers. They are not supposed to accept what’s already been done. Being made in G-d’s image, they are suppose to create, work hard, and cultivate. Create a family. Cultivate your family. Work hard. Give, don’t take. Produce, don’t just consume. Contribute to society, both in the church and outside of it. Find your dream and pursue it, hard, every day. Don’t stop to rest. Don’t listen to Godin’s “lizard brain.” Don’t allow fear to decide. Don’t hesitate. Take action. Be a man. Don’t live with your parents when you are a man – that is how a boy ought to live. What’s the comparison that Driscoll is pulling from here? Y’shua, a Real Man. Who am I pulling from here? Men I know, admire, and respect. People who get the picture.

We need to be both tough and tender. I’m still working on the latter in some respects. We need to be tough when defending others (weak, poor, oppressed, abused, etc.). When fighting for justice and mercy. When fighting for grace and forgiveness. Toughness needs to come with honor, however. We need to compete in business, both with strength and honor, to feed our families. When defending the truth. When fighting against falsehood and deceit. When facing men persuaded by evil. When creating safety for others and ourselves.

We need to be tender, soft, when comforting the hurting. When teaching the simple. When loving our wives and children. Love our wives as Christ loves the church. Kiss our children, affirm them verbally of our love, assure them we know they are gifts from G-d. When need to be tender when counseling those caught up in sin and needing help. Y’shua was so tough He didn’t cry on the way to the cross, but so tender that He wept over his friend’s death. That’s a great example to live up to.
The failure to be tender, to be soft, while maintaining all the toughness is called “chauvinism.” That’s dead wrong, and a failure to truly understand manhood. This can include lacking emotion, “no sissy stuff,” fearing signs of weakness, not opening up intimately to our wives, not being physically affectionate with our wives, believing in the “score,” etc. It’s not about status or success.

It’s not about what we have. It’s not always about what we do. It is about who we are. It is about how we serve. We are not to be of a short temper, full of anger. Our wives should not fear us.
The mistake usually comes when misreading Scripture. We, as men, are called to be the head of our families, as Christ is the head of the church. Being the head needs to involve repentance, love, becoming humble, friendship…essentially, being like Y’shua. After all, He is the Real Man, isn’t He?
There is also an opposite end of the spectrum, which also does not honor G-d: being a tender coward. Too effeminate. Too pleasing. Too soft. We have reached a point in society where there is an all-out nuclear war on the chauvinists, a cold war on the real men, and a sad system of rewards and prizes for the coward. Society today encourages men to be less manly and to act more like women instead. Just as G-d doesn’t want men to be abusers, He created men as men to be men, not women. Then again, we live in a society that no longer respects G-d. And we wonder why the world is falling apart…

Failing to grow up, failing to connect with our families (which includes often intimate emotional-sexual connection with our wives), being absent, being over-spiritual (making everything about spirituality, even when out of context), being undependable, etc., are all wrong, and quite frankly, sinful positions for men to occupy.

Being the head means being tough on evil, tender to family. Loving righteously. Taking responsibility for you and yours. Following G-d. Being a blessing to the family.

Men cannot be men without responsibility. It is the necessary load to bear to be worthwhile and able to accomplish anything, even the source of one’s own value. Taking on responsibility early is not skipping out on being a boy, it is righteous preparation. There is no “teenage” transition in life – we were not created for this. It is a gross deformation in society today. We are created to be boys, then grow up and be a man. Taking on responsibility in life doesn’t take anything away from our experience, but rather gives a head start in the marathon called life.

I know a thirty-something that I used to hang out with. He lives with his mom, only holds part-time jobs, is years overdue on educational bills for classes he never finished, and has no romantic prospects in his life. To further his immaturity, he is over-spiritual. He is still a boy, in a man’s body, or an adolescent. This is not what G-d created him to be or do. He has failed to be a man. But there’s hope. Starting late doesn’t mean you can’t finish right.

Every man has an area that they must repent (repent means to turn from entirely) over when it comes to man-ing up. Every man includes me. We can sin by commission and omission. Commission means acting out, such as lying or hitting. Omission means leaving out, such as being absent or not telling the whole truth.

Are you physically overwhelming or overpowering to your wife (by action, word, or look)? Repent.
Are you emotionally unavailable for your wife? Repent.
Do you speak of your wife in negative terms? Repent.
Do you (pardon my appropriate use of language here) half-ass your job or don’t provide financial security for your family? Repent.
Do you spend too much time on your cell, laptop, TV, or tablet while at home? Repent.

Marriage, while it may seem so civically, is not a contract. It is a covenant. Contracts involve negotiation and nullification. Contracts are business deals. A covenant does not have these aspects. The one whom safeguards the covenant is the head. G-d has labeled man as the head throughout Scripture, by the use of mankind, Adam naming Eve, G-d holding man responsible for woman’s original sin, original sin tracing through the seed of man, and calling wives to submit to their husbands. G-d is the final authority, but men are stewards responsible for His gifts, including women.

Everyone is held accountable for their own sin, but when married, the husband is held additionally accountable for his wife’s sin, since he is the head. It is his job to navigate and lead, to encourage and train.

Reading this chapter, there are areas I need to improve. While I can hit plenty well on the tough factor, I need to be more emotionally available and more gentle for my wife. My grace score is a little low, which shows I need to improve on being tender. I believe I can do this by praying intimately with my wife each day, and blessing my children each morning as well. I need to look forward to and embrace this challenge.

What did you learn from this chapter? Men – in which areas do you fall short? What specific ideas can you think of to raise the par in your life?

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]]> Today’s image is a little more graphic, to be advised.

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]]> I missed yesterday’s post on RealMarriage. My apologies. 

Friday, as I mentioned in my post, I went in for a tonsillectomy. They removed my tonsils but let me keep my adenoids. However, as a result from the anesthesia, I have been out of it the past few days. I am in a lot of pain (even after pain meds) and my throat isn’t strong enough for talking yet, but I am alive. I have also been in and out of sleep the past few days, and expect that to carry on the rest of this week.

It is finals week for me for my first subterm for Spring term at Liberty University. Since I have been out, I have not been on the computer really, and have been unable to focus my attention to even a simple blog post. That’s why I missed Monday (and realistically, today, Tuesday, as well). I have some catching up to do once I regain strength to focus and stay awake, so please pardon my unexpected absence this week.

If I catch up on my work earlier than expected, I look forward to blogging earlier, but for my sanity’s sake (and allowing me time to heal/recover), I am going to plan on being absent the rest of this week. I will return next Monday with RealMarriage, but until then I will use my efforts to finish my two archeology papers, exam, and two finals.

Today’s comment challenge: pray for me and just leave a comment letting me know that you did. I appreciate it…

I will be sure to post a picture for tomorrow’s Wordless Wednesday, but keep hope! I will be sure to come back with a surprise…

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]]> It’s Friday once again. I’m not sure about you, but for me it has been one exhausting week.
So let’s review the big stuff of the week and move forward to a restful weekend, shall we?

First up, on the web, we have a lovely doodle by Google:

Second up, I am finally going in for surgery today. Hopefully this doesn’t impact my ability to blog Monday morning too badly…

And lastly, here’s an attempt at a video-post for you:

Can't see the video in your RSS reader or email? Click Here!

What are your thoughts? Should I do more video posting on this blog?

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]]> Today’s post is a little shorter – simply because I don’t know how I could answer this any better…

In my counseling class that I am finishing up, I was asked this final question, after learning much about discipleship counseling: would you prefer working with adults, couples, families, or children, and why?

I gave it some thought. While initially I was unsure, I believe I came to a good stance on the  query. I would prefer to work with all of the groups. At first glance, I really cannot find a way to limit myself to only to one group, as each group is so vastly different. I believe that the hardest group for me to identify with would be children, simply because it’s been a while since I’ve been a child. My willingness to be there for children is a result of my experiences in a broken family as a kid. If I were to trace that back, I could focus on either families or couples.

Between the two, I feel that preventative is much easier to handle (even considering my past and present marriages), and couples counseling would fit well. I could seriously consider that to be a ministry I could do with my wife, simply because the drastic difference between how men and women interpret love and respect necessitates a complete (husband and wife) treatment (Eggerichs, 2004, 198).

After reviewing those connections, I believe I would prefer to work with adults. I would work with men of Christian faith, while also offering counseling opportunities for couples (with my wife as a partnership). I have only just started reading Real Marriage by Mark and Grace Driscoll, but their impact thus far by writing as one is the crucial part of couples counseling (Driscoll and Driscoll, 2012).

I have really enjoyed reviewing the first two chapters of Real Marriage, and I am looking forward to the rest of the book.

Sources:

Driscoll, M. & Driscoll, G. (2012) Real marriage: The truth about sex, friendship, and life together. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

Eggerichs, E. (2004). Love and respect. Nashville: Thomas Nelson.

Who would you prefer to counsel? What are your thoughts about my response? Would you break down the categories differently than me? 

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]]> My tonsillectomy and UPP(P?) did not go as planned.

I arrived Friday morning for the operation to find out that insurance had not approved the uvula-portion of the operation, but were okay with the tonsils and adenoids being removed. The tonsils are the bags at the back of my throat that are blocking most of my airway, causing obstructive sleep apnea for me, only a twenty-something.

The adenoids are higher up, in between the throat and nose, and block part of the passageway for my nose breathing. The uvula, according to the specialist, is larger than normal, and he recommends removal for it because he believes that it is part of the problem, and would help not just by breathing, but also greatly reduce the frequency of my illnesses.

This places me in a hard position. Friday morning I heard that insurance had not decided how to proceed and was praying about it. In no scenario did I wantmy uvula removed, but I was willing to go through with it if necessary. The uvula is the punching back at the back of the throat. While it was not something I stared at all the time, the purpose of a uvula kept me quite (and still literally) attached to it. The uvula, used for guttural sounds, is what permits me to prayer Hebrew prayers. For a Messianic (or completed) Jew, this is rather important. My salvation is not based off it, but it is part of my identity.

The doctor came out Friday, right before surgery, and told me he was forgoing the process altogether. He was not willing to operate on me if the uvula could not be removed as well, and said the expenses were too great to consider out of pocket for (upwards of $50,000). He sent me home with the plan to connect with insurance and argue on my behalf.

Yesterday I spoke with the billing specialist at the office, because I had not heard back. At this juncture, my insurance company wants me to be monitored on a sleep study and use a C-PAP machine (mechanical air breathing machine) at night for a while before shelling out for the uvula portion (being the UPP(P?)). I contacted my pulmonary doctor to have his referral for the operation sent to insurance, but never heard back from anyone regarding that.

My time off for recovery, at this point, has been greatly delayed. It could occur later this week, but I have yet to hear anything regarding it. Most of all, I feel that I may be responsible for it. Since learning the purpose of a uvula, I have been stressed out and prayed to G-d about it. I asked Him to spare me my uvula if He wanted me to keep it, and to let it be removed if it needed to be removed. Since then, the insurance issues and the delay have occurred.

Do I consider this G-d speaking to me on the matter? Should I keep the uvula and press for only the tonsillectomy? I just don’t know…while I believe G-d responds to prayer, I would have hoped that the doctor would have been on board as well. However, it seems that the doctor believes the operation is worthless without removing the uvula, all the while me still getting hardly any rest due to not breathing while I sleep (and not breathing well during the day either).

I wish life were simpler. More affordable. This evening my father-in-law sat me down to share some Bible verses with me about being a husband and a disciple. His heart was in the right place, but I just don’t know. I know that I’m not where I ought to be in regards to my relationship with G-d. I know that I should be out there, doing more. But I’m not. And the scary thing? I think I have grown to be okay with that. It unsettles me at times, thinking of who I once was.

G-d, I need you right now. I need Your guidance, Your hand, and Your peace. Show me what You want me to do. It’s hard trying to live for you and read the Bible, when life today is so much more complex and nonspiritual. I feel lost and alone most of the time and I just want to be set free.

Show me and my family how to pursue, love, and serve You together. Please. And tell me today what to do about the uvula – allow either the insurance to go through or the doctor to relent, because unless I’m to cause grief at my job over it, the operation needs to happen this week…

Thank You G-d, for loving and saving me. Please draw me close and let me see Your Glory again, like I used to. Amen.

That is where I honestly am.

Have you been there before? What does it look like to you, when G-d speaks to you? How do you know it’s G-d? Would you risk removing part of you that gives validates your identity to yourself?

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]]> We are in week two of our Real Marriage study, based off the book by Mark & Grace Driscoll. 

Are you in love with your spouse? Are they your best friend? For me, my wife is my lover and best friend. Together we celebrate the joys of marriage and the partnership of close friendship. While last week I wrote significantly on our past that has brought us shame for some time (and my fall from ministry that I still feel is too early to return to), this week is moving on from the past. My wife and I had the opportunity to become great friends, and it was our friendship that led to a romantic and sexual relationship. We are, as this week’s title would evidence, friends with benefits. I love her and spend time loving, but I also just get to “hang out” with my wife and do enjoyable things with her. Even when we bring the kids, we still have fun together (as a family) and that keeps the fire going.

Driscoll starts the chapter discussing Martin Luther, the famous reformer that lit fire to the stresses of the chism. His works led the protestant reformation into success, and formed Lutheranism. His wife and he wrote the German translation of the Bible, and ministered to many. Not many knew he was married, but he did father over a handful of children with joy, and had a trademark marriage. He didn’t marry out of passion or lust. He married out of duty and, it would seem, friendship. Martin and his wife Katherine were not in love, it would seem. They married out of a duty to each other, mostly Martin to take care of Katherine. They had known each other well for eight years – since the day Martin freed her from a covenant of nuns (punishable by death).

Their marriage together fostered a deep friendship that they learned to love each other through. Martin would dote upon Katherine, and she would care for his needs. They were both intellectuals on theology (while only the former was doctor), and would challenge each other spiritually in their discussions about their readings.

Driscoll comments that they discovered that friendship is a critical role in marriage, and that out over almost 200 books they read on the subject of Christian marriage, hardly any discussed the concept of friendship. Apparently, there is a study on friendship in marriage, and it was determined that by a 70% factor, friendship is the impact for sexual satisfaction, romance, and passion in marriage, for both men and women.

Driscoll also comments that true friendship – friendship that matters – involves conflict. Superficial friendship (only casual acquiantances) can avoid conflict, but it is nigh impossible for a married couple that are friends to not fight. My wife and I fight, and often times it seems like I appear as a dictator, though it is not my intention. Reading this chapter of Real Marriage indicates how the husband is not a dictator, but rather a considerate friend, whom is still the head of the family.

Friendship fights adultery – both physical and emotional. Physical adultery is the actual act of adultery, even as simple as a stolen glance or the short fantasy of one. Emotional adultery, according to Driscoll, is having your closest friend, or even close friends (in my personal opinion) being of the opposite sex and not your spouse. While the world today considers all sorts of people to be friends, Driscoll makes it clear that this is not the correct model – the correct model is where we are friendly to everyone, but really only have two or three true, close friends. Essentially, it would be your natural small group. The amount of energy it takes to maintain friends necessitates no more than three – as the marriage friendship continually requires attention and should be first priority, leaving time for three or less.

Driscoll uses an acronym to help state was it means to be married friends:

F – Fruitful. The goal of marriage should be the glory of G-d, and not to replace the role of G-d. Husband and wife should worship together and support one another in pursuit of G-d. A spouse would be the wise counsel and friend needed – to pray with (and for), attend church with, tell the truth, and incorporate Scripture into life.

R – Reciprocal. It should be an effort on both sides all the time. It is not “falling” out of love, but a failure to continue to love and make effort. We are not to follow our hearts, but to guard them, as they tend to be ready to sin (being of the flesh). Love comes from G-d, through us and our hearts, and into our spouse. If both sides continue to flow love to one another, both husband and wife will be filled and content.

I – Intimate. Men tend to enjoy shoulder-to-shoulder activity, or working together on things. For some, it is attending sports games, or doing chores, or working on the car. In younger generations, it would be playing video games together or getting homework accomplished (the video games is a rare luxury for me that I love to do with my wife – we make sure we have a game ready for us all the time). Women tend to enjoy face-to-face time, such as chit chat and intimate conversation. My wife likes to talk about the day and all sorts of stuff, just for the sake of talking. I need to be more loving in that way and talk with her more (which involves putting the phone and laptop away when she starts to talk to me, as well as holding the advice unless requested).

E – Enjoyable. Don’t just pray together, but play together.

N – Needed. It is not good to be alone. G-d made woman for man for a purpose, which is not celibacy. We must learn that we need our spouse and they need us.

D – Devoted. For rich or for poor. In sickness and in health. For better or for worse. Until death do we part.

S – Sanctifying. It is enabling to shower your spouse with praise and never challenge them when they are wrong (of course there may be a time and place, but iron needs to sharpen iron).

Pursuit of a good marriage, based on friendship, is intense and ever time-consuming. But it is worth it. There is a lot in marriage, but perhaps friendship is the focus, and all other things occur in due time. Don’t forget, our spouse should be our best and closest friend, and we really shouldn’t have any close friends (that 2-3 true friend circle) that is of the opposite sex…

Is your spouse your best friend? Why/why not? If not, what specific things can you do today to start the change to best and closest friend? 

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]]> Today’s post is brought on by a writing prompt in my Discipleship Counseling course at Liberty University…

Based on your life experience, what would you identify as the three most common causes of uncontrolled anger?

Anger is not a primary emotion, but rather a secondary. Thus, it can be caused by many issues (Oliver & Oliver, 2423, 2005). I also learned this from a counselor I know locally, Lamont Boileau. He is a believer, but his practice is not faith-based. He did an extensive discussion on anger that mirrored Oliver & Oliver’s lecture.

Essentially, secondary emotions are the result of primary emotions, such as frustration, grief, offense, etc. In my own life experiences, frustration is the ticker. For me, the easiest way to get me angry is via frustration. My wife and I get frustrated with each other a lot, and it does lead to angry fights. Sometimes those fights are resolved by giving each other time to cool off, other times not.
One thing to keep in consideration, however, is that we have the ability to not let frustration turn to anger. It is very hard but also very worthwhile. It requires a complete mindset change. It also requires humility. Anger stems from the flight or fight response that our bodies develop. For me, I can get flustered at times, and my instant response is to take charge brashly. That is the influx of adrenaline telling me to attack. Sometimes it isn’t anger, and it is useful, but when frustration is combined, it is a dangerous and explosive recipe (Oliver & Oliver, 2440, 2005).

While I have not experienced anger over grief as much, many people do. They blame G-d for their troubles and take it out on Him. Grief is simply an insecurity, a loss. Anger is used to cover our loss, to cover our insecurity, to cover our fear. When anger covers it, we become stronger and more resistant to harm and seemingly indestructible. (Oliver & Oliver, 2427, 2005). I have mentioned several possible precipitates to anger here. Let’s review:

1. Frustration
2. Grief
3. Fear
4. Offense, etc.

The offense part isn’t so much a primary emotion, but more of a frustration-related cause to the flight or fight response. When two people get in each other’s faces in a screaming match, it’s usually over an offense that got the adrenaline pumping.

Anger isn’t necessarily a bad thing, however. Anger can be good, and G-d gave us this emotion. Did you know that the first mention of anger in the Bible is in Genesis 4, and the last mention in Revelation 19? In the Old Testament, the only emotion mentioned more than anger is love. In fact, of the 455 times anger is mentioned in the Old Testament, 375 of those times it is G-d’s anger. (Oliver & Oliver, 2409, 2005). What does the Bible mention so much about anger? What does G-d experience anger? And if G-d experiences anger, then perhaps not all anger is bad?

Anger is a real and valid emotion. But there are different types of anger. There is the slow, “mount vesuvius” anger that builds and bursts. This isn’t a healthy anger. There is a “righteous” anger at wrongdoing, like what Y’shua displayed at the Temple courts. Lastly, there is the sudden outburst. This isn’t healthy either. The first leads to revenge, or premeditation, the second to accountability and call to action (flight or fight in a G-d given way), and the third to a “red ball” or rage-like scenario (explosive). (Oliver & Oliver, 2409-2418, 2005).

Getting back to the life question, I have experienced the frustration, the fear, and the offense. I have experienced slow-building anger, righteous anger, and explosive anger. And the truth is that only one was of benefit, briefly, and that was righteous anger. The other angers, they’re not worth it. And the frustration? I am learning how to not let it get to me. Some people read. Others pray. Others still have breathing exercises. I write. Whether it’s a discussion board, a blog post, or an e-mail that lines out the issues, I get the issue out and deal with it in a way that I can stare it down. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn’t. But it’s no good bottling it in.

What about you? What causes of anger have you experienced in your life? What happened, specifically, to cause an outburst?

Sources:

Oliver, G.J. & Oliver, C.E. (2005) Manage your anger. In T. Clinton, A. Hart, & G. Ohlschlager (Eds.), Caring for people God’s way (loc. 2387-2622). Kindle edition. Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson.

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]]> http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/writing-prompt-what-are-the-three-most-common-causes-of-anger/feed/ 0 http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/writing-prompt-what-are-the-three-most-common-causes-of-anger/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/scriptedgenius/~3/sfI1K3Jampo/ http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/winterfest-googledoodle-and-organizing/#comments Thu, 23 Feb 2012 14:30:37 +0000 me@scriptedgenius.com (JE, The Scripted Genius) http://scriptedgenius.com/?p=1922 more »

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]]> The Bend Winterfest occurred in the Old Mill District last weekend.

My wife and I attending Friday night and Saturday late afternoon. Friday night we participated in the wine walk. It was a lot of fun, but I noticed that since Winterfest transitioned to the Old Mill, the activities cost more and the benefits were less. For $15 we (I) tried ten different wines at the shops, braving the freezing cold between each stop. The reward? I found a School House Rock shirt for only four bucks at the Gap.

Saturday we went back to Winterfest to get in on some more of the action. We checked out the food vendors, and came across only one edible solution, which turned out to be amazingly delicious: Dump City Dumplings. I doubt I’ll be able to eat that goodness again, because he operates his shop at 9:30pm downtown. Sorry but since I’ve become a parent, I can’t stay out that late.

After eating a bushelful of DC’s dumplings, we (me, Tosh, and 2.0) checked out the market booths for any cool souveniers. Believe it or not, we found none. Apart from a raffle for a snowboard by OSU Cascades, most of the vendors were selling the same thing, had inapproprite T-Shirts on display, and burned Nag Champa incense as if it were their personal pot stash.

Overall, I have to give the Winterfest a D score for activities. When it was downtown it was fun, festive, and family friendly. Frankly speaking, those qualities evaporated this year. The wine walk was fun, but again, expensive. And entry to Winterfest showed off pathetic booths and only one food worth eating. I guess it’s not my style. I live in Central Oregon, but I don’t do the Winter, Spring, Summer, or Fall sports. I’m a techie in granola land, no offense.

In other news, Google had a sweet doodle yesterday to honor the inventor of radio, etc., leading to the wifi I am using to publish this post. Check out the pic, and click on it to read more:

This week has been particularly hard on the blogging front, as well as the school front, for me. Being unable to take Excedrin for migraines has limited my writing time, and I have it a rut on a paper that I am doing for my Discipleship Counseling class. Let’s hope I finish it well tonight, as tomorrow I’ll be having my UPP (tonsils etc.) and be out of commission for the week. I will have a nice post for you all tomorrow. Maybe even I’ll get inspired and give a comic each week, who knows…

One thing I have noticed is that I tend to bounce back and forth for rigidity with this blog. I have had seasons where I was very disciplined in what I wrote each day, and sometimes whatever goes. So far, I have been using this schedule:

Monday – Book Study
Tuesday – Wildcard
Wednesday – Wordless Wednesday (picture says it all)
Thursday – Wildcard
Friday – Wildcard

I would like to provide a weekly creative writing post, as well as a “news” post, and a theology post. There’s even the possiblity of a comic strip in the future. I don’t want to lock myself in to anything just yet, so while I am home for recovery, I will continue blogging, but work a bit more on the posts. Obviously SG News isn’t as traditional as other journalist outposts are, so it tends to get creative. I like to feature Google doodles on Wednesdays or News days, so here’s what I will test out next week:

Monday – RealMarriage
Tuesday – Creative Writing / Theology
Wednesday – Pic of the Week (Wordless Wednesday)
Thursday – SG News of the week (everything to report on past week, Google doodles, etc.)
Friday – Theology / Comic / Wildcard

Let’s test this for next week and perhaps the week after, and that should give me a feel for how it works and looks on my end. So I’ll see you all tomorrow with some sort of, say, comic…

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]]> http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/at-at-in-ice/feed/ 0 http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/at-at-in-ice/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/scriptedgenius/~3/ilWiq8PZrcc/ http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/why-im-not-an-art-major/#comments Tue, 21 Feb 2012 14:09:46 +0000 me@scriptedgenius.com (JE, The Scripted Genius) http://scriptedgenius.com/?p=1916 more »

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]]> I do not consider myself artistic. Not in the least. I do, however, consider myself capable of writing. I wanted to write up a SG News article on the Bend Winterfest that occurred this past week, but alas, I will have to save that for later this week. At the time of this writing, Monday night, I have a migraine that I have been unable to dismiss. I can’t take Excedrin because I have a tonsillectomy this Friday, and thus am stuck with the pain that prevents the flow of my brilliance. So, to entertain, here is a recent example of why I cannot do art:

Note the uneven connection of the arms and legs. Note the way too long neck. Note the messed up face of the security card. While XKCD has the art down, I am no where near. Who knows, though…maybe I’ll improve with practice. I’m doubtful, as this was not a five-minute operation, but more like a ten-minute one.

I return tomorrow with Wordless Wednesday, and we’ll see what Thursday and Friday brings. I did some more organizing on the site navigation, and I’m hoping to lock in a more planned schedule of posts.

See you later…and I surely do hope that my migraine ends soon. I am getting behind in homework…

Are you good at art, or not? If you are, what tips could you share to improve my stick figures? If not, join me in the contest for stick figure attempts…here in the comments!

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Last week, we finished the Quitter series. Today, we begin Real Marriage.

I was assigned this book to review by BookSneeze. I will post the review tomorrow, but to get the full deal and read the book with me, you will want to keep track of my Real Marriage series here at SG.

Today’s week is called “New Marriage, Same Spouse.” As I go through this book, written by Mark & Grace Driscoll, I will simply refer points and quotes to “Driscoll,” not differentiating which one I am commenting on. Read the chapters with me, one week per chapter, to keep on track.

This book is for anyone. If this is your first relationship, if you are dating, married, in sin, divorced, or not in a relationship at all. If it’s for your kids or grandkids, perhaps parents, or those you counsel. Driscoll has written this book with the intention of reaching to you. If you are reading this series here on SG, or just the review for the book, this book is for you. This book is written to serve you and your need. After all, you wouldn’t have looked at this book, or even this post by me regarding it, unless your interest was piqued somehow. That interest, that curiosity, is precisely the reason you need to not just read the book, but join me in studying it each week for the next eleven weeks.

In this book, the Driscolls intend to be honest. Honest about failures. Honest about mistakes. Honest about sins. Honest about grief. And honest about love. I will make the same pledge, and ask that you do as well. We’re not talking about a Bible study commitment or planning to quit your job – we’re talking about marriage, a covenant between man and woman, a covenant between people and G-d.

Driscoll starts the book with this pledge of honesty, and leads to telling a bit of context of their relationship. I don’t intend to write the details, so to learn of this, you’ll have to buy the book and follow with me. So let’s cut to later in their relationship…

We are now closer than ever and have a very healthy sex life. We work together as one. We repent and forgive quickly and well by [G-d's] grace. We are blessed to have been faithful to each other for the entirety of our marriage. Through it all, we’ve learned a lot. On a scale of 1 to 10, we’d say our marriage is somewhere around an 8+ or 9, where in years past it was a 3 or 4.

Driscoll states the rest of this book, and our studies, will include date night tips, how to fix a broken marriage, how to set up a marriage, and more. They’ll even answer the “can we do that” sex questions…

I am not just doing this book as a weekly study on my blog. My wife is joining me on it. For those who have already read chapter one, you know the past of the Driscolls, so I’d like to share some of mine as well. The details of my wife’s past that I am sharing here include only what she has given me permission to share.

I grew up in a mixed household when it came to religion. My parents divorced when I was seven years old, and my sister four. My mom remarried when I was nine, and my dad shortly thereafter. The angst between my mother and father resulted in me growing up between a manipulative shouting match. Both of them, to this day, view themselves as the protagonist. My father believes he made no errors, while my mother will admit to error, but still believes that she was the good guy in the battles. The truth is, though, when it comes to fighting with children, often times the child doesn’t care who was right or wrong, just that there was fighting around them that they’d prefer to avoid.

My mom attended church for a while, which my dad despised. He was Jewish by ethnicity, but not practicing, and had (still has) an enmity for any and all organized religion. Somehow, when pitted against the world, he believes that he’s right and more intelligent. So my parents fought about church. My mom finally quit when the pastor spoke against other religions. She had no tolerance for the doctrine of Christianity that states there is only one way, through Y’shua. As a result, I never came to accept G-d into my life until high school. I dated girls in high school, and came close to sexual immorality, but didn’t venture beyond the land of masturbation and porn.

I became a Christian at the end of my Sophomore year in high school, and tried to fight against the sexual temptations which once held me tight, with mediocre success (and mediocre failure). Fresh into college, I fell for a girl who faked being a Christian, and I refused to see the truth. A few years later, we ended up divorced with a child in the mix, 1.0. She does not follow G-d. When we split, I tried to get my life back on track with G-d. When I was with her, it was a constant struggle and stress. I eventually started a guys group and we helped each other, until I met Tosh.

Tosh was a pastor’s kid. She only wanted to do missions, and didn’t care about formal education or regular work. She was very naive. As I am doing this study with her, I have encouraged her to read what I write on here and comment, so we’ll see if that happens. We were interested in each other, vowed ourselves to each other very early on (even before my divorce was final – not even started – to my ex). We started sleeping together, or as the Bible puts it, fornicating. We slept together several times a week, and came to a point where it was every night.

This destroyed my witness in the mens group and it disbanded. Her witness was destroyed and she wore shame each day as she reported to work at the local Christian bookstore. After sleeping together for several months, she became pregnant, and moved in with me. My relationship with my roommate disintegrated at that point, and still has not been close to recovery (we don’t even speak to each other, and haven’t in about a year now). As I continued to fight for the divorce to go through, Tosh and I continued to fornicate. As I look back on it, I know that I should regret it, but then it feels like I would be rejecting her if I did so. What I have to come to realize is that we shouldn’t have been more than friends until after the divorce was finalized. While that would have placed us at dating status to this date (and we would have had to stand against fornication), it would have also saved our ministries and saved our respect for each other.

My divorce finally went through. The next business day we got married, and the day after that our child, 2.0, was born. Now it is about seven months later. We argue and fight over trifles. We are learning each other’s sexual rhythms and how to work with it. But the hard part is that we have been absent from ministry and from the church. In many cases I feel absent from G-d. Because of my relationship to this point with Tosh, I don’t know how to be with G-d and be with her. That’s what I am hoping to learn from this book. I want to have a fulfilling and blessed marriage. I want us to be friends and lovers, but also working together in ministry. Somewhere along the line I lost this dream, and I just need to learn how to get it back. I’m trying to live as a completed Jew, and I want to have a marriage that supports and fulfills this.

So what are you here for? What do you want to learn from this study? What’s your story? Share what you feel comfortable sharing, and don’t feel obligated to write an essay (but you can if you like)…

After all, we’re in this journey together…

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]]> http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/realmarriage-new-marriage-same-spouse/feed/ 2 http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/realmarriage-new-marriage-same-spouse/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/scriptedgenius/~3/D80q3nePN1o/ http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/writing-prompt-hey-doc/#comments Fri, 17 Feb 2012 14:15:00 +0000 me@scriptedgenius.com (JE, The Scripted Genius) http://scriptedgenius.com/?p=1866 more »

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]]> Today’s Friday post is extra special. I originally made it a goal to wrap up the week with a “review” post. Turns out that it’s harder than I planned, and not as glorious either.

So, while I figure out a better solution, I present a way to wrap up the week and answer a writing prompt at the same time. Behold, the prompt: blog about a recent doctor visit.

The most recent doctor visit I had was yesterday. For several months now, I have dealt with an abnormal exhaustion. This weariness queued me to see a doctor, and I have been passed from urgent care to internal med specialist. In January, I met with the specialist, and after he saw the results from my UP Band on sleeping, and discussed this apparent lack of sleeping with my wife, forwarded me to a pulmonary doc. I met the pulmonary doctor on Tuesday, a day that I stayed home ill from the exhaustion.

From what I have learned, I have obstructive sleep apnea. For kids, such as 1.0 experienced last year this time, the first method of treatment is a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy (remove the tonsils and scraping off the upper part of the back of the throat). For adults, however, this is considered an arcane and medieval practice, used as a last resort. I told the pulmonary doc about my enlarged tonsils, and that the internal med guy believed they might be the cause, but he continued to explain the importance of completing a sleep study.

After much discussion, he consented to looking at my tonsils. In addition to admitting defeat, referring me to an Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor, and saying he has never seen tonsils so large, he called in his office staff to look at my tonsils and “learn” what large tonsils look like. I was the circus show for the moment…

While it would have seemed that Tuesday’s visit would have been the most recent visit, I actually saw the ENT today. I told him what the internal med guy and pulmonary dude said, and he continued to explain that it is unusual practice to suggest a tonsillectomy prior to a sleep study. Much like the previous visit, this doctor too consented to examining my tonsils.

I see lots of tonsils every day, and you have large tonsils.

It was at this point that the doctor pulled out a spray and shot it up my nostrils, to numb them for a “proper” examination. Apparently, this medication doesn’t make them feel fat or lose feeling, but actually creates the deception that I can’t breath through my nose, because it isn’t there. That was quite creepy. After letting the meds set in for maximum effect, the then pulled out a long tube and what looked like a stainless steel frosting decorator that you could at none other than Williams-Sonoma.

This device had a long narrow end to it. Apparently it shines a light from the box, through the corded tube, through the nostril-invader. From there, the ENT can look at the back of my nostrils and determine if my adenoids should be removed as well. The machine got stuck and he couldn’t go any farther. He removed the stiff, metallic device and left. A moment later, he returned with the “fiber optic” edition, black, rubbery, and flexible. He then proceeded to shove the snake up my nostril and have me “suck it in” some by inhaling sharply through the nostrils I couldn’t feel. It was terrifying and creepy. I will never let anything up that far again if I can avoid it, and I have good reason to make sure my kids to shove crayons up their noses.

The end result? I’m on antibiotics for a upper respiratory infection. It looks bacterial in nature, thus the only reason for the drugs. I am forbidden from Excedrin, which means no migraine avoidance for the next week. Next Friday, the ENT will remove my tonsils, my uvula, suture some stuff together, and possibly scrape off part of the adenoids that would notmake me sound like a girl. He calls this process an UPP. I can’t retell what it means – I believe there were ten syllables per word.

The ENT is positive that I will be able to talk after this, very similar to how I do now. I am concerned, however. If G-d gave us this equipment, don’t we need it? I understand it going bad, part of the fallen world. The ENT seemed pretty sure that what he was removing I didn’t need. So I just did a quick search on Google. It turns out that the uvula is used for guttural sounds, found commonly throughout Semitic languages. This is a problem – I am a Jew, and love to learn Hebrew prayers. It seems possible, to me, that I could lose this blessing. It’s a scary concept, if I weren’t so tired and sick all the time.

So what to do? I will continue with the operation, and be out of commission for two weeks. Next Friday is the surgery. This next week, I will work hard to draft posts in advance. If it looks like I might miss a few days, I’ll post a notice next Friday to that sort. But until then, and afterward, please pray with me. Please pray that I will still sound manly after operation, and maintain the ability to be Jewish in great looks and imitated speech.

I appreciate your support. I really do. I am going to trust G-d that everything will work out. Trusting G-d is hard sometimes. Not because of trust, because He’s shown Himself to pull through, but because I like to so easily depend on myself. And through this operation, I will have to depend on my wife to care for me and on G-d to heal me and let me pray. Maybe this will be a breakthrough for me. Perhaps it will get me a step closer to being where I want to be in my relationship with Him. I guess we’ll see…

Thanks for praying for me. Today’s comment challenge? Comment that you prayed and forward this post to another person that will pray for me. If you and that person have web links, send them my way and I’ll check them out and leave a comment…

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]]> I watch a lot of television, but I don’t pay cable. That is correct. I watch Hulu on my iPad, on my Macbook Pro, on my PS3. Sometimes, even using my Blu Ray Player app for it. I watch all sorts of shows. When I get bored, I look for another show and watch that. Since joining Hulu Plus last September, I jumped my viewing from just a few current shows to the ad infinitum: access to almost every show in existence, all their seasons. As a result, I watch a lot of television.

I don’t watch based off the network schedules – I plan it on my own. I’ve seen more shows that don’t last a season or two than what I see on the networks today. One feature I have recently discovered, however, is that sometimes Hulu will have a preview feature. For example, Touch is available on Hulu right now, but doesn’t show on TV networks until March 16th. That’s a long time to wait until future episodes.

In Touch, a mute boy can see the connections between all of us. There is an ancient Chinese myth about a red string that ties everyone together, and that we all have a path of interaction. Through the Fibonacci sequence, this boy can see how everyone connects, and orchestrate a small event, such as a telephone ring, to save a bus of students or prevent a major catastrophe.

In the most recent episode of Castle, there was a mathematician who could see these things as well – he could narrow down an entire economic collapse to the purchase of a bond or sell of a car. It seems so fictional that it fits right within TV.

But what if it’s true? Could we really narrow things down by mathematics? How do we predict weather, other than through complex algorithms? After all, recent news breakthroughs suggest that the memory-binding method in The Matrix isn’t all that far off. But how am I to know? After all, I just watch a lot of television. My observations of TV shows provide a great fictional realm to live in, but it’s only an escape from this world – a world that I’m not impacting because I’m watching other people, fake people, live their lives and impact others. But what if I – what if we – changed the equation?

What if we applied what we saw? What if we paid it forward? What if we wrote a book? What if we saved someone? We can start with ourselves, as it were. What if we stepped away from the television, stepped away from Hulu, Netflix, streaming, Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, Spotify, and all the rest of the noise? What if we turned off our computers, tablets, and phones, and went outside? Back when I was a kid, and I’m not very old as it were, we had payphones. Not cell phones. We had pagers. Not active email. We had hangouts. Not video chats. We had interactive live face-to-face spontaneous time. We didn’t join an online dating site. Rather, we gave the hottie in class a chance.

As I’m typing this post on my iPad, my wife is sitting on the other side of the couch, completing a post for a scholarship application (yes, I did draft this ahead of time – called the night prior). Sometimes it’s homework. We will sit next to each other and play Words with Friends with each other, instead of playing a board game or spending eye time with each other.

Don’t get me wrong – technology is a great thing. I can connect with you by typing on a bluetooth keyboard to be wirelessly transmitted to your screen. It’s superb. But I think we’ve forgotten the simplicity of life. The intricacies of life. The romantic truth that pixels aren’t what matter – the person next to you is. So, I sign off.

Adieu.
Farewell.
Auf wiedersehen.
Ciao.
Hasta la vista.

I’ll see you all Friday morning. Well, actually, you’ll read this then. I’ll write it Thursday evening. But we won’t see each other. Unless you’re going to WinterFest in Bend this weekend. If so, maybe we can grab a beer together. But most likely you don’t live in Bend. After all, the web is a big place. Bigger than where I live. But I don’t feel any bit less lonely by it. What about you?

Yes, it’s true that there’s not so much a point to learn here, but more a rumination. So, just ask yourself…

How does the internet make me feel valued? Does it change my self-worth? Can I live with a little less of it, and find more time to give to those physically near to me? What would happen?

Let me know…

I’ll see you all

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]]> Today is Valentine’s Day.

My wife and I don’t have much planned. She wants to sit on the floor and eat a quaint dinner and watch a movie together. I’m not entirely sure what we’ll do at this juncture, being the typical guy, but I know I’ll figure it out just right for her.

Thus, being Hallmark…err…Valentine’s Day, I wish you well. Today’s written post is exceedingly smaller than usual, but paired with some media to give your eyes and ears a chance to work together.

First up is Google’s “video” logo for today. Catch it after the jump.

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Now on to the second part of today’s post. The first part is timely for holiday treatment and doodle recognition, but doesn’t, in itself, justify a shorter post. This second part does, however, as it took me time to put together. Below is an SG feature. As I engage in news more on this site, I want to keep a different style with it. Not the sarcasm that The Onion presents, but also not as dreary as your typical late evening channel. So, here is a sample video of the types of “news” videos I am looking to engage myself with in the future. Please let me know your thoughts…

Last Friday, COCC (my day job) closed campus for a two-hour “staff enrichment event” that we called a trivia challenge. I was on the team that set up the event, but did not know about the final part until it arrived, considered to be a surprise for everyone, including the judges (I was a judge, due to my genius ability to answer questions as if I know it all and be able to search Google before anyone knows I have a phone out). Thus, using my mad skills at iPhone-ry, I whipped it out to grab some footage and head to the production press. The result is 70 staff and faculty dancing without background music. And yes, I did get permission from COCC to make and publish the video, even though technically I didn’t need it (seeing that the school is public access and all).

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That’s all for today. Just over 400 words later and two videos (both luckily brief), I’ll see you tomorrow with Wordless Wednesday (or picture of the week) and Thursday with another wildcard. Until then, get engaged here at SG. Check out today’s comment challenge:

Share your favorite blog you read, as well as a link to what you feel is your best post. I’ll check out both and connect with you to share what I think about your content, both shared and original. 

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]]> http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/googledoodle-says-happy-valentines-cocc-goes-crazy-inbend/feed/ 0 http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/googledoodle-says-happy-valentines-cocc-goes-crazy-inbend/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/scriptedgenius/~3/MT7IPlc_-jc/ http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/quitter-quit-your-day-job/#comments Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:30:42 +0000 me@scriptedgenius.com (JE, The Scripted Genius) http://scriptedgenius.com/?p=1853 more »

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Welcome to week eight of Quitter. Today we take a turn from what we’ve learned to settle with, and move forward.

We have learned to appreciate the things our day job offers. At least I hope you have – I have.

We have learned to fall in like with a job we don’t love – it’s a necessity.

But now, at the point we are in the book, Jon Acuff is ready to ship some of us off. It was at this point that he quit his day job, and he comments that most bosses see it coming. It’s no surprise. And the boss should expect it. If we’ve done our part – being, as Acuff puts it, “smart about how and why you’re going to quit,” then everyone knows it is coming. But how do we know if we are ready to quit our day job? Are we ready to intentionally move on? Acuff provides a score card to help us determine this…

1) Have I patiently worked through my plan to quit? Have I been honing the dream I want to pursue for at least a month? (Worth 1 point).
2) Six months? (Worth 2 points).
3) At least a year? (Worth 3 points).
4) Worked on the plan to quit for a hour? Gave the weekend to dream? (Subtract 10 points).
5) Have you utilized mornings and nights, making the most of your time, to pursue your dream? (Worth 2 points).
6) Do you pursue your dream based off your moods, or pursue a dream that you were inspired by on reality TV? (Subtract 10 points).
7) Does your dream require an instant celebrity hit? (Subtract 5 points). You are doing this because you’ve seen it done and it seemed pretty easy. (Subtract 4 points).
9) You have gone through an apprenticeship for at least a few months. You know the dream isn’t easy, but possible. (Worth 4 points).
10) You have an emergency fund of 3 months built up. (Worth 1 point).
11) Your emergency fund can last 6 months. (Worth 2 points).
12) Your financial plan cannot afford your car to break down. (Subtract 1 point).
13) Rent cannot rise. (Subtract 2 points).
14) You can’t buy gifts. (Subtract 2 points).
15) Your financial plan depends on no illness or accident. (Subtract 5 points).
16) You have a blog and active community dedicated to helping you with your dream. (Worth 2 points).
17) You are considering joining Facebook or Twitter. (No points).
18) Your spouse supports your decision. (Worth 5 points).
…
52) You felt this scorecard was too long, so long that you skipped questions. It feels like hard work. All you want to do is dream. (Subtract 3 points).

Going through the entire quiz (even though my tired hands skipped recording most of them), my score is -8. The simple truth is that I’m not ready to quit my job. But perhaps some of you are. I know that some day, I will quit my job. Right now, I’m not financially secure enough. I’m still working on my education and raising my family – and I have placed those events as a higher priority than my dream. I can’t get to my dream, the one I’m still formulating, without these things. According to the score card, I’d be considered either a job lover or serial quitter, but neither apply to me. I have only written my notice twice ever. But I don’t love my job either. I’ve learned to like it, and learn to like it more each day. I just recognize that I’m not ready to step out with the financial security and complete dedication. I’m looking back, and that’s a sign to wait.

If you are at the point of quitting your day job, congratulations. Not in a quitter’s salute sort of way, but in a cheers for being ready to take the next hard step in achieving your dream. As you venture forth, don’t be bright-eyed and oblivious to the difficulty. If you have family, or even just yourself, set rules. What is work time? What time needs to be reserved for the family? For date night? For G-d? Write these rules down, and stick to them. It’s okay if they change or grow, but they need to be written down to guide and remind.

Find someone to hold you accountable to your rules, as well. A partner, friend, or family member. Also, write down your risk list. What risks will you face as your embark on your dream? Knowing these in advance will help ease the stress when you’re stuck in them.

We are the “I’m, but” generation. For those venturing into the dream, you no longer have to wear this title. And as we’ve finished our study on Quitter, it’s time to move on and pursue the dream a little more. Even if you’re like me and not quitting yet. Let’s close the gap between day job and dream job.

What did you learn from this study? Do you have any recommendations? How did you score on the Quitter Readiness Exam?

Next week we’ll start Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll. See you then, and tomorrow with a wildcard post…

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]]> It’s Friday, the end of an exhausting week.

This week has been busy on the home front for me, budgeting time between blogging, school, and work while fighting a cold. Sadly, however, my reserves to fight the cold are limited, and I’ve slowly succumbed to the illness, so I suspect this weekend will be lots of sleeping.

This week seems to have been another busy week in the tech universe as well. Let’s take a look at and see what went down:

• More iPad 3 rumors, including a March date, released.
• A proposed bill to Congress would limit FCC powers and give AT&T almost exclusive access to networks.
• SOPA & PIPA could exist internationally by side-stepping Congress and getting EU support.
• Jawbone announced that they are continuing to work on their UP Band and have released a major update to their iOS app.
• Waze for iOS, an Israeli start-up, created a method in their app to utilize the Siri data without Siri integration, which Apple has not released yet.

When I was Android, I used the Google Navigation to get turn by turn voice directions with ease. Since being on iOS, I have discovered that many apps that integrated with Android are just unavailable, or not integrated, on my iPhone. Waze, I have found, is the only real comparison for navigation. Mostly accurate and featuring turn by turn at the cost of free, this app beats the rip-off comparisons of TomTom and other GPS companies making a quick hundred bucks. What I do like about Waze, much more than Google Nav, is the live traffic updates and rerouting. Waze has made it to the top of my “trip” list, even for when I know where I’m going.

I loved the integration that Android featured with flashlight capability, transitions from one app to another, and my root access to hotspot. On my iPhone, I need an app for the flashlight, I have to manually transition between apps, and even using the rare apps that break into the store with hotspot capability, I have to work out the network coding to make it work. It took me about a hour Sunday night to code the wifi settings on my Mac and iPhone for tethering, but I was successful. Sadly, though, it only works ad-hoc, and doesn’t power my iPad or Kindle for on-the-go updates. I’ll have to wake a little longer for that, I suppose.

There are some things I definitely prefer on my iPhone, however. I have not jailbroken my iPhone, and do not intend to. On my Evo, I had to root it, install a custom mod, and install a custom kernel, with apps to monitor data usage, in order to get a decent battery. In comparison, I don’t have to do anything on my iPhone. The battery just works. I don’t need “antivirus” apps, and on my Mac, I don’t need all the bloatware that Windows needs to work. Switching from Windows to Mac was a hard jump, but convinced me of the iPad 2 last Summer. After playing with the iPad 2, I was able to transition fairly easily from Android to iPhone. It hurt, and I felt like I was betraying Google, but I have survived and still pull off my Google services on my iPhone.

I’m no Apple fanboy, however. They may have great products, but these products were not tailored to me. I’m fine with that, but Seth Godin made an excellent point this week when he said that Apple had only one customer, and that customer died last week. Makes me wonder the future of Apple and their tech. Will it stay the same or change radically? Will innovation occur in the same areas, or will new experimentations yield surprising results? There’s a lot to wonder there, and I’m excited to see what’s on the horizon.

Those are my thoughts after reading way too much tech news this week. I’m excited to see what’s coming, but I don’t plan on ditching my iPad or iPhone anytime soon.

What are your thoughts on hardware updates only a year after the prior release? Do you plan on getting the iPad 3? Why or why not? Do you already own an iPad, or do you have an Android tablet? What is your experience with tech and the Android/iOS war?

Yes, I am implying that Windows has no real chance in the smart phone arena…

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]]> http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/waze-ios-and-too-much-tech-news/feed/ 0 http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/waze-ios-and-too-much-tech-news/ http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/scriptedgenius/~3/BIbIIfbjfqM/ http://scriptedgenius.com/2012/02/patriarchal-historicity/#comments Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:17:26 +0000 me@scriptedgenius.com (JE, The Scripted Genius) http://scriptedgenius.com/?p=1841 more »

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]]> Today’s wildcard is a theology writing prompt:

Compose a response (in a new thread) which addresses the reasons why so little archaeological evidence has been found from the period of the Patriarchs. Provide the best arguments for the historicity of the Patriarchs.

After reading The Stones Cry Out, by Randall Price, I have concluded that there is not a lack of evidence to support the historicity of the Patriarchs. It seems that there is significant work done by Julius Wellhausen in attacking the Old Testament accounts.¹ It also seems that there was a history of criticism toward the OT texts.

After, however, learning about the vast amount of evidence that demands a verdict. It seems that when it comes to verifying the history of the Bible, opponents of biblical history refuse to accept what the Bible says about the events. For example, some scholars have issue with the Exodus because there is no Egyptian record of it. Additionally, there are no strewn bodies or clothing found in the desert that the Bible addresses forty years of wandering. What about these events?

Rabbi Gottlieb nails it, stating that when scholars attempt to prove or disprove Scripture, they fail to read the Scripture regarding it. Additionally, it seems that there is preference given against Jewish history in regards to records. Gottlieb indicates that the Egyptians were notorious for refusing to record failures or darker times in their history, to make their kingdom look mightier.² Secondly, the Bible indicates that the clothing of those in the desert did not wear out, which explains why no clothing can be found.³

While I could go through each accusation, line up the Biblical citation, and research the events, it seems that the “lack” of evidence for true Patriarchal historicity is simply a refusal by scholars to meet and investigate the Bible on its terms: being that of the Word of G-d, supernatural in nature. Scholars refuse to believe, and thus cannot find the evidence they seek.

There is much to prove that Patriarchal historicity exists: look at the customs of the day,⁴ the names of the Patriarchs,⁵ the evidence of their travels,⁶ and the archeological evidences.⁷ The events, being customs, names, travels, and lifestyles, are recording in detail in Scripture. The time that most scholars date for the writing of the Torah had a vastly different culture than Biblical times, and scholars rely on this to accuse nationalist Jews of painting a false, glorified history. Yet, despite the lack of archeological proof, evidence in the culture and its detailed recording show accuracy in the simple fact that backward-projection does not permit details in the Bible that only just recently have been proven to be factual.⁸

Simply put, the devil is not in the details. After all, it’s the details that have shown the Bible to be a foundation in historical documentation.

¹ Randall Price, The Stones Cry Out (Eugene: Harvest House Publishers, 1997), 93.
² Rabbi Dovid Gottlieb, “Archeology,” Living up to the Truth. http://www.ohr.edu/2053 (accessed 2/3/12).
³ See Deuteronomy 8:4.
⁴ Price, 93.
⁵ Ibid., 94.
⁶ Ibid., 95-98.
⁷ Gottlieb.
⁸ Price, 90-91.

What do you think? Are the events in the Bible accurate? If archeology proved an event to have not happened, how would it impact you? If archeology discovered that a supernatural event did occur, or discovered a find of impact (such as Noah’s Ark or the Ark of the Covenant), how would you react? Share in the comments..

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]]>

We are now in chapter seven of Quitter.

At this juncture, Jon Acuff is now challenging us in new ways. One area of challenge is success. Acuff views success as being more dangerous than failure. Why?

We believe, one, that success is a good thing. We fail to realize the new challenges and load that success brings. Our attitude changes, two, from humility to arrogance. We are successful. We are at the top of the world. We are the best, the brightest, that the world has to offer. And it’s all in our heads.

Success brings many opportunities, and we need to learn what’s appropriate and what isn’t appropriate. Decisions full-steam for our dreams will often result in negative impacts on relationships in our lives. Parents will not be dedicated to their children, husbands to their wives, and friends to each other. Without constant nurturing and attention, these relationships are quick and prone to die. Perhaps this is part of what’s wrong with the Christian lifestyle. We become so obsessed over our relationship with G-d or our dream that we ditch our spouse in the past, and find ourselves in divorce. After all, the divorce rate for Christians is no different than the divorce rate for non-Christians, and that says something.

Back to the attention, however. I am a father of two boys, 1.0 and 2.0. They need love, nurture, and attention. Love is spelled T-I-M-E to them. They need undivided, unapologetic time. Boys need to know that they are the apple of their father’s eye. It’s part of growing up from boy to man – a connection as deep and intimate as creation with its Creator. Thus, while I pursue my dream and blog and finish schooling, I devote my weekends to family time and don’t touch social media, my homework assignments, or my blogging tools. It does occasionally impact my adherence to assignment deadlines, or make this post done on a Tuesday instead of Monday, but it’s what is necessary to devote my heart to my family. My wife and kids are what really matter.

Acuff recommends a tool to use to help us keep perspective. It’s called futureme.org. At this site, you can send yourself an email in the future. One thing we must address is the definition of enough. What is enough to us? We need to be clear in our definition so that when we receive our email, we can be reminded and keep on track.

What’s my definition of success for this blog? Learning to write. Being honest, open, and transparent (yes, that’s HOT). Blogging regularly. Writing reviews. Finding ways to increase visits to my site. Transforming those visits into community members. I don’t need 500, 1,000, or 5,000. I just need enough to create a community of accountability. If that’s 100, great. If it’s 25 regular commenters and visitors, that’s great as well. So what is enough for this site? Enough, for me, is being the Scripted Genius, writing about who I am and want to be, and fostering a community of support for each other that is between 25 and 50 active users. That’s enough. Everything else is just a bonus.

What would I write about family and friends? Keep family close – it’s what matters most. G-d is with me wherever I go – don’t ever forget this. Love your wife dearly every day, and raise 1.0 and 2.0 to know love and respect and follow G-d in every way. That’s enough for me. Being happy with my family. Close and sincere. Never farther than a call away.

When pursuing a dream, Acuff mentions that there is risk of burnout. This is bad. Burning the candle at both ends will destroy the dream, transforming it into the burden of the day job we so disloved (but learned to like). Hustle is good. Hustle encourages, motivates, supplies, and renews. Burnout is not hustle. Burnout discourages, destroys, removes, and empties. Don’t sacrifice family time for work time. Don’t overwork yourself at every “opportunity.” Be real. Know thy limit.

Another good tip: don’t believe in the myth of later. Later never happens. If I worked my day job until I retired, I could potentially have enough retirement to enjoy retirement. But I would be sacrificing my dream for something that doesn’t exist: later. After all, Scripture tells us that we are foolish to plan everything out with certainty, for we don’t certainly know what tomorrow holds. Later destroys relationships, because it encourages burnout and not defining “enough.” Consider the true cost in every venture. Weight not just the financial benefit, but family time, moral impact, and personal impact.

Acuff finishes up the chapter discussing a platform, and how if it is built wrong it can destroy us. We don’t want to say yes to the wrong opportunities. For example, my blog is varied. I discuss faith, technology, book reviews, news media (new), and do studies like this. It’s spread pretty thin, but it all has a purpose. I learn to write more and better. I learn more about what I love: tech and the church. I read more because I review the works. I can report news without fear of lawsuit. And I get to learn to achieve my dream. I’m not scattered – I’m just blogging and reporting that which interests me.

Today’s Challenge:
1. Go to futureme.org and send yourself an email.
2. Share part of it here.

You’re done with regret. You’re done with fear of obstacles between you and your dream. You’re done with letting others define success for you. And we’ll see next week if you’re done with your day job that you like but don’t love. But until next week, I want to see how you are going to challenge yourself in defining enough and what matters to you.

Share the email…after all, I pour myself out in these posts to y’all…

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]]> Hey all. I didn’t have time to prep a Quitter post, so I’m swapping Monday and Tuesday this week. Quitter will return tomorrow, with my wildcard Tuesday being Monday, and addressing a developing issue in Rhode Island.

Semi-related, recently and Oregon Federal judge ruled that bloggers are not journalists. This removes the freedom of the press from bloggers and places them at risk of frivolous lawsuits that free speech should cover. SG has a recent history of reporting news that I find to be of interest to me and I wish to share with the readership. As I continue to share these finds via Google+ and Twitter, I will also have more posts regarding issues that matter to SG.

These posts will establish myself not just as a blogger, but part of SG in a blogger-journalism joint endeavor. I will revise the legal part of my site soon to incorporate press information and rights inherited from such status. However, being invited as a guest blogger to Women of Faith in the past, writing reviews on books, investigating technology, etc., best places SG as a media blog at this time. So, in response to the judge’s direct attack on bloggers, and a protection from similar legal attacks, SG will occasionally post news stories, either aggregated from other sources or investigated by yours truly, and maintain a freedom of the press status. Now, to today’s news…

Late January, The Bulletin (a Central Oregon newspaper) republished a New York Times News Service article regarding a lawsuit, Jessica Ahlquist v. Cranston High School West. Ahlquist, age 16, grew up in the Roman Catholic Church but is currently a self-proclaimed atheist. With assistance of the Rhode Island chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU), Ahlquist has sued the school and school district in an attempt to remove a prayer banner that was donated by a prior graduating class (written in 1963). The U.S. District Court ruled the banner unconstitutional and is requiring the school to remove the banner, of which they have yet to do. Currently, the banner is covered by a tarp, while the school district and community moves for an appeal. These are the facts represented by several major news corporations (The Bulletin, New York Times News Service, The Huffington Post).

In these news articles, there are mentions of the community’s harsh response to Ahlquist (primarily a Catholic town), as well as a snarky comment by Ahlquist herself. It appears that the community has generally refused Ahlquist service, ostracizing her from feeling welcome. In her attempt to remove an article that made her feel unwelcome at school, she has managed to feel unwelcome in the whole town. This town declares to know Christ as their Lord and Savior. Is persecution really the best form of response this town can muster?

Ahlquist was asked if she has any sympathy to those who want the banner to stay. Her answer?

“It’s almost like making a child get a shot even though they don’t want to. It’s for their own good. I feel like they might see it as a very negative thing right now, but I’m defending their Constitution, too.”

So the question goes to beat – what did Ahlquist mean by this? Did she intend to say that believing in G-d is a crutch that needs to be removed, or that she’s afraid of the local Catholic church becoming too powerful?

From my standpoint, as a news blogger for this topic, and a believer in Y’shua, I find both parties at fault. A school should be permitted to hang art. If secular art is permitted, so should religious part be. If an institution wishes to celebrate Dia de las Muerta, then the institution should also be expected to celebrate Hanukkah, Christmas, and other holidays. Instead of removing religion, what if by diversity, we embraced the richness that the cultures provide?

The community should not be hateful in their response. Hate begets hate, and leads to no satisfactory resolution. At the same time, Ahlquist lacks any empathy/sympathy for others, instead believing that they should lose their privilege of viewing the prayer so that she may be honored not to. What did the prayer say that was so offensive anyways? Beats me…

Our Heavenly Father,

Grant us each day the desire to do our best,
To grow mentally and morally as well as physically,
To be kind and helpful to our classmates and teachers,
To be honest with ourselves as well as with others,
Help us to be good sports and smile when we lose as well as when we win,
Teach us the value of true friendship,
Help us always to conduct ourselves so as to bring credit to Cranston High School West.

Amen

While it is definitely religious in connotation, and suggests that the deity is male (thus hardly limiting any religions), there are still plenty of groups that follow a “heavenly father.” While I view it differently than others, it doesn’t say “Dear YWHW” or “Dear Y’shua.” It says “Our Heavenly Father,” which thus allows an acceptance greater than prohibiting it altogether.

What do you think? Should the prayer banner come down? Is the community in the wrong for hateful retaliation? Should government overrule the desires of a local community and student population?

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]]> Yesterday was Groundhog Day.

From what I understand, the groundhog saw his shadow. We know this because he wiggled his whiskers and twitched his eyes in a particular fashion. For Americans, that means another six weeks of Winter, which I hope is not the case in my neck of the woods. Both me and my sons are getting antsy – we want to be out and about at the parks and playing hard. That, and the sunsets at nine at night were so much more lovelier than the sun being gone before I get off work.

I never understood the concept of Groundhog Day much. In fact, a coworker at my day job  grew up in a different culture, and was entirely unaware of this “ritual” that America seems to be obsessed with. Gone are the days of seeing the times and reacting – they have been replaced by entrusting our futures in the psychic powers of groundhogs. This may seem cynical, but it’s not.

Back in the days of Y’shua, He accused the Jews of predicting the weather based off cloud formations, sunrises, and sunsets. We call this modern meteorology. Back then, it was a fancy way to try to predict weather. However, the accusation wasn’t directed at the practice being wrong. Rather, it was directed at the fact that they miss the signs of the times. While being busy looking at the sky, the Jewish people were missing the sign that He was the Messiah. In the same fashion, we are told to watch the signs for the times. Not the 2012 apocalypse, but how people are, governmental operations, cash flows, etc., of when the end times would be nigh.

Nowadays, keeping an eye on that makes you a fool to the world, full of its own folly. You’re marked as an intolerant Christian and dismissed from logical thought. Instead, we look to the sky for signs, flame the scientific weatherman when they are wrong, and praise a groundhog for being on a man’s shoulder. After all, if the groundhog is wrong, it’s only a groundhog.

America is full of odd traditions. We celebrate the New Year with booze, Winter with shadows, Spring with cleaning, a slew of random days to take off, and decorate trees for Christmas. At what point will we have a tradition that matters to G-d? Rather, at what point will we look at the times and realize that there will soon be a reckoning? I know that I’m “getting all religious” here, but the question is valid. Not to get your weekend plans in a fuss, but perhaps this weekend would be a good time to be with family and learn about G-d. If you’re going to church, have the kids sit with you. If you’re not, maybe follow my lead and watch What’s in the Bible or VeggieTales. Maybe even the Gospel of John.

I got rather off-topic for trying to wrap-up the week, but it’s nice to make up for yesterday’s snooze. I’ll see y’all on Monday with Quitter…

What do you plan on doing this weekend? Do you have family traditions you adhere to (we light a candle for Shabbat, for example)?

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]]> Do you enjoy finding this in your morning inbox?

I hope so. Especially this one. For me, it’s after midnight on a long day…finishing with a blog post.

Almost…

…there…

…!

I’d love a longer post today, but I’m falling asleep with only this much. Consider today’s wildcard post an encouragement to sleep…

…zzZZzz…zzZZzz…

See you Friday morning…I hope I’m more awake to better participate, too. I just can’t resist the sleepies that have been nodding me off for the past hour.

…ZZzzZZ…ZZzzZZ…

Cheers…zzzzz…

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]]> In my counseling studies at Liberty University, last week’s discussion board inspired me to answer more in-depth on this blog. Scripture is a crucial part of a believer’s life. Bible verses are supposed to guide one and provide encouragement. So here’s the prompt: what are one or two scripture verses that have helped you face issues in your own life? 

Life can be tough. Some days are easier than others. I accepted Christ at the end of my Sophomore year of high school. Before then, I struggled with bouts of minor depression, feelings of hopelessness, and emotional insecurity. I grew up in a broken home (two households). It did have duct tape, however, that being a step-father. Nevertheless, I did not cope well.

So, when I accepted Christ at the end of that year, salvation came with the freedom from not feeling loved. I was finally loved, by G-d, and felt that love. It was overpowering and amazing. Yet when I accepted Christ, I still had a lot of emotional and psychological pain to deal with, and no tools to deal with it with. My resource was the Bible – I devoured it. I would read, sleep, read, eat, and read. In between classes I would read, after school, and in the morning. I wish I still had that hunger. Anyways, my reading took me to Ephesians, where G-d equipped me with healing power.

“Stand, therefore, with truth like a belt around your waist, righteousness like armor on your chest, and your feet sandaled with readiness for the gospel of peace. In every situation take the shield of faith, and with it you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is God’s word.” Ephesians 6:14-17, HSCB

I prayed the armor of G-d on every morning for over a year. My emotional insecurities were gone when I prayed it on. After a year, on a missions trip, G-d revealed through a group devotional that I did not need to pray it on, but that it was the Holy Spirit living in me. Scripture, and G-d’s Spirit, set me free inside. This Scripture verse helped me transition from a troubled teen to an aspiring young adult, and set me free from the turmoil of a life delivered from sin.

As an adult, years later from this formative times as a new Christian, I have found that we learn to overcome on area, only to be toppled by another. This is the continual process of sanctification – being cleansed and set apart. I spent sixteen years of my life as a nonbeliever. I doubt that G-d will have rid me of my bad experiences and entirely redirected my sin nature in less than a decade. So, more recently, I have another verse that encourages me to keep on pushing and keep on growing, regardless of what I come against:

“I am able to do all things through Him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13, HCSB

Life is not easy. Life can be tough. Very tough. And I believe that G-d intends it to be. He wants us to not be able to do it on our own. He wants us to need Him. If we don’t realize that need, then we will miss out on the opportunity of an eternity. I wrote about this briefly last week. I don’t believe that G-d needs us or anything like that. It’s more of a I want you to want Me type of thing. Regardless of our decision to want to be with G-d, we need G-d. His is independent – self-existence. We are existent from Him, interdependent on each other, and codependent on G-d. Without G-d, we would simple cease to be.

What are one or two scripture verses that have helped you face issues in your own life? 

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]]> Welcome to chapter 6 of Quitter. Be sure to catch up, and if you don’t have the book, you can find it at the SG Store…

For Jon Acuff, starting the dream was not easy. He begins this chapter with discussing how he had to spend lunchtimes doing radio interviews, vacation days speaking at conferences, and blog in the evening to avoid working on the dream while at his day job. Essentially, he had to hustle. Acuff mentions that this term, hustle, is the core element. The need to hustle, dreaming further and working harder than we allow ourselves to, is the key to using what we’ve learned so far to achieve our dream.

Hustle is simpler than we permit it to be. Hustle is as simple as asking ourselves, do we really want to achieve our dream, then doing the work that will get us there. It can be easy to complicate things or make it seem impossible. Acuff points out several examples, such as “I don’t know where to start,” or “I just don’t have the time.” But Acuff sees through these deceptions, and we should to. Complications are just our way of covering up fear and laziness.

Fear is what the lizard brain feeds off of. Checking our pocket to make sure our wallet is still there. Making sure that the hotel is booked right before booking, during booking, after booking, and right before the trip. Filling up the gas tank at every town in case the next town station may be closed due to holiday. These are things I do, and did on my last trip over Christmas. It seemed logical to me, but being an Oregonian, I failed to realize that most other states have self-service gasoline. Nevertheless, it wasn’t my ineptitude of interstate travel or my exceptional addiction to readiness that checked these things: it was my lizard brain. The fear of running on empty. The fear of not being prepared. The fear that leads to complications, such as thinking the weather will likely be too bad to go out.

Acuff destroys the concept of complication with a simple point: [i]f you write your blog every day, at the end of the year you will have more readers than when you started. He didn’t give a number or equation – just “more.” It could be a thousand, or in my case, less than ten. But for word of mouth and Google terms for SEO being my only marketing thus far, it’s not too bad. If we get up early and work on our dreams more, then we’ll get to our dream sooner. If we want a vacation, then work double shifts.

Hustle isn’t just doing, but also doing what we don’t necessarily like. For authors, it’s both writing and carrying the books from signing to signing. Here’s what the equation looks like:

Do I want ____? Then I have to ____.

We don’t necessarily need to wake up early. We just need to make time for it if it is important to us. Youth groups tend to teach congregants to spell love T-I-M-E. You do what you love. You spend time on what you love. Nevertheless, Acuff argues for the morning. His reason? The excuses haven’t really woken up yet. Waiting until night allows us to build arguments against the hustle. Interesting theory. For me, my brain tells me to not get up, that I have no reason to. After I wake up, I realize the importance of the time. Thus, I’m left with drafting in the evening, often times later than I would like since I refuse to write my posts or do homework while the kids are still up and I have time to be with them.

Acuff also talks about a “like versus love list.” When we have things fighting for our time, we need to make a list of what we like versus what we love. On this list, we hustle hard on what we love, and not so much for what we like. While TV fits on the list in some fashion, keeping the house clean probably does not. Unless you are a manic overboard cleaner, in which case a regular dosage of clean doesn’t, but the unhealthy addiction to cleaning does.  Fit on a list, that is.

Practicing the dream is also important, as we looked at last week. Without the practice, we are not ready for the perfection or accomplishment. Acuff wrote 500,000 words on his blog before penning 50,000 words for his first book. After that, he has written yet another 1,000,000 words for his blog with no second book finalized (for Stuff Christians Like). There is a lot of practice, a lot of work.

In regards to pricing, or on free, Acuff has a few lessons he has learned over the years:

1.   If it is somewhere for free, people won’t pay for it.

Making a reprint of your blog for sale doesn’t cut it. You need the “hits” from the blog, but also new exclusive content that you have to pay to get. For example, when I hit the pen to write and publish, it won’t be this book. It may be things I’ve learned that I will never blog about, or a fictional book. It will be an exclusive enhancement, not a print version.

2.   What are the long term benefits of doing something for free?

Can a future large gain by destroyed by charging? Is it better to do it for free and wait for the bigger payout? We need to consider this as well. For me, I am not undervaluing my blog. If I were offered a speaking gig, I would need to hustle and make it at no cost for the requestor, unless I was offered an honorarium. While I struggle with this because a paycheck would be nice, I have to recognize that to the larger crowd, I am an internet nobody. Why pay for me at this juncture? Acuff had selected not to charge Dave Ramsey for three times, which resulting in his dream job. He later found out that if he had decided to charge, he would have lost the speaking opportunities and had never had the chance for his dream job.

3.   Free pays dividends toward expertise.

Doing the free gig would lose me not getting paid. I’d be negative on the money aspect. But what do I gain? I would gain practice. I would gain exposure. I would gain audience. I would gain expertise. At least Acuff points these out, and I’m quick to agree with him on this. Having the day job allows us to be able to afford free gigs, and gain the experience we need. Free pays dividends toward the goal, the dream.

Acuff discusses quite a lot in this chapter. Sitting at my longest post that I can think of at this juncture (being at an exact twelve hundred words), we’re going to call it good for this week. If there’s something important you feel I overlooked, be sure to mention it in the comments. Otherwise, here’s today’s simple but important discussion prompt:

Fill in the blanks: 

Do I want ____? Then I have to ____.

Explain what this means to you…

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]]> Jan Ackerson, writer of the blog One Hundred Words, has a contest on her site that ends just after this weekend. She does an excellent job creating characters that would fill the pages of a novel, and it’s pretty cool to see how different each character is every day. The contest she has posted involves two decks of cards, gold and orange. I have drawn my two cards and have scripted my one hundred word tale as well. Please consider entering this contest, as well as sharing your insights in the comments. Also, enjoy the story…

The man ordered. She quickly looked beyond me with concern, then back at him. They are married. Their affection spoke volumes, and their rings confirmed. I guess people while they order. They tell me what they want to eat, and I observe who they are. I have pegged dozens in the past month alone. I jolted back to my senses when I heard her scream, in time to hear the bang and feel red splatter my chest. The shooter called her a whore. What is that smell? I couldn’t tell if it was the singed blood or the repugnant couple.

Love it? Hate it? What backstory could you give these characters? Do you have a different tale from these cards?

PS – hope you enjoyed a short but worthy read. Have a nice weekend and I’ll see you Monday for Quitter!

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]]> “It’s time we touched a different part of the elephant.”

Tuesday, I attended a committee meeting for what can be best coined as the “party planning committee” at my day job. The committee has a longer, less conspicuous name, but since the name doesn’t explain much, and no one at my place of employment recognizes the name, I just tell others that we plan the parties. We plan much more than parties: we plan working parties. That’s right…we plan awards ceremonies that involve trivia, cleaning up, and moving equipment. We plan blood drives that require you to pump the red ball of doom. We plan game nights where you actually need to remember your own game. We plan.

However, at this meeting, we started with one of the top admins presenting the “state of the workplace,” in the form of an eighteen-month improvement strategy. During his presentation, he attempted to “be cool” and tell the group that the purpose of this strategy is to learn to touch the elephant in a different place.

I don’t know what that means…

…Neither did the Director of HR, who was present at the meeting…

…but like everyone else, I wrote it down and remembered it. Not like everyone else, though, my purpose was to use it in this blog post. I have yet to figure out a witty way to utilize it, however. There’s so much about it I don’t understand. What or who does the elephant represent? Why is it in the room? Why are we touching it, and why do we need to change how are are touching it? I guess the latter part of the last question pends on the former part.

I believe the presenter to be a smart businessman. I don’t really think it was an effort to look “cool.” Rather, I think that he must have read something by a great author and it inspired his presentation. For example, Seth Godin talks about the lizard brain. Often. And I cited it just the other day. Great impact does this to us. Who leaves a mark on us? In regards to the elephant, I don’t know where it came from, but I believe that it means we can’t do business as usual anymore. This is true.

Business as usual is dead. We have to change, evolve, improve, to keep in the game. It is the bare necessity of business, even self-marketing. We can no longer succumb to the concept of noise and audacity. Images are everywhere, screaming is everywhere, and the platforms are being rebuilt. The book industry is changing with the advent of digital books and the ease to be published. The movie industry is changing with user-generated shorts, film festivals for low budget alternatives, YouTube, and the failure of SOPA and PIPA. The social industry has changed with social media replacing text messages, email replacing letters, and video chat the new conference room. In fact, Google+ Hangouts let the chatroom join the video chat, and has an easy connection interface.

What do we do in this big world of the internet, in this big world where we now have everything we want? While I am still learning, here is what I have learned so far:

• Be professional and personal. Be who you are, but well-groomed while doing so.
• Be creative, unique, and most of all, transparent. Even the most business-like blog has personal details.
• Blog often, even if you delete the draft and restart. It’s the experience of writing, and the failure in the drafts, that creates excellence.
• Have a personal business card. While the world is going digital, many people are not yet ready to abandon the traditional. Business cards give them the person to guide them. That’s you.
• Wear Star Wars shirts regularly. There’s nothing quite as awesome being geek.

You may not buy into the last one, and that’s okay. I’m willing to concede to superhero shirts (preferably Marvel) or other geeky and unoffensive alternatives. That’s right – even on our personal days, the evening at the supermarket, we still carry our brand. Do you really want to be caught in a Big Dogs shirt and have someone lose respect of you because of it?  Not me, not really. Dress in class, and for T-Shirts, the only way to go is to pretend you’re mild-mannered and using your shirt as a decoy for your awesomeness.

So, how have I touched the elephant differently? A year ago, I started Scripted Genius. I had artsy logos and all, and an iWeb presence. Six months later, I moved to WordPress. Now, a year after the start, I have a cleaning presentation on my site, minimalism on plugins, regular automated backups, and the duty to update my plugins when I need to. By streamlining my appearance and backstage efforts, I can dedicate more time to blogging. I also have changed my goals. I take the weekends off. I blog reviews each week. I make sure each regular blog post exceeds 500 words.

I’m sure there’s still much more I can do, especially in creating value, networking by connecting, and advertising my site more, and those are excellent goals for 2012. In fact, I would like to work on all of those right now…

• If you have a blog you would like me to read, share it in the comments. I will read it and comment.
• If you have a Twitter, Google+, or LinkedIn account, let me know and I will follow, circle, or connect with you.
• If you are in the Central Oregon area and would like to meet up, let me know and I’ll buy you a coffee.
• If you’re not in Central Oregon, I’d love to connect regardless, but the coffee will have to be sacrificed for the digital ease.

What tips work for you? What would you add? How can you touch the elephant in a different place?

Don’t forget to share your sites and networks in the comments…I will check it out…

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]]> This post is based off a discussion board response to a person in my class who experienced hardship involving death, abuse, and learning to trust G-d…

Recently I heard Alex Kendrick say that “death is no respecter” (in the film Courageous). That phrase is so very true. When I was two weeks old, my brother died. The funny thing, though, is that I was two weeks premature. He died on my due date. Not funny in a “ha ha” way, but more of an awkward way.

To this day, my grandmother believes that I am inhabited by my brother, and it was meant to be. Regardless of destiny, predestination, meant to be, ecetera, one thing is for certain: nothing could have changed his death, because it is the past. We dream of the past and the future, of time travel…but we fail to realize that the only real time is now. Even G-d states this in His own title, I AM…

That death forced my parents to relocate. They could not live in the house that claimed my brother’s life. In many ways, after having a daughter three years later, they still have not recovered. This was more than either of them could handle. Through grieving and much time, though, they have been able to bury the hurts of his death.

After a death of a child, many parents will separate because the pain is too great. Mine separated in 1994, but for different reasons. But the point still stands: death is no respecter. I’m not a Deist, but I do believe that G-d permits this world to operate as it is. After all, according to Job and Revelation, it is the devil’s stomping grounds.

Death is hard. It is probably the hardest thing we have to deal with. While there is triumph for the believer, it is still a period of extreme morning. How do we handle this? Does G-d every give us more than we can handle? If I answered that He does not, then I am indirectly stating that G-d knew we could handle our beloved dying without His support. This, I do not believe, and has changed how I view the issue.

For a while, I believed that He would never give us more than we can handle. It’s the whole “G-d never gives you more than you can handle” routine. Recently, though, I have come to the realization that it just isn’t true. The truth is that we can’t handle very much. I’m not just talking about the death scenario above, but everything else in life. Also, I look through Scripture and see people taking a stand in pride nonstop. Each time, they fail.

• The Tower of Babel
• Sodom & Gomorrah
• Samson
• The Babylonians
• The Israelites
• And Many, Many More…

They are given more than they can handle, often times by G-d Himself. Every time that I have more pride than humility, and I place more faith in myself than faith in G-d, I fail. I fail miserably. It rings to the tune of Proverbs 16:18…

Pride goes before destruction, and arrogant spirit before a fall.

I believe we have more than we can handle all the time – that’s one of many reasons why we need a relationship with the Creator. We are prideful creatures, and He is our balance, bringing us into humility. That’s why humility is considered a virtue, because it is godly. Only He, as Philippians 4:13 asserts, can get us through the stuff of life.

I can do all things through Y’shua who strengthens me.

Our humility is inversely proportional to our stance with G-d. The small the distance between us and the Creator, the larger our humility and ability to adapt and thrive. Each person, and their limits, is different, this is true. However, no matter one’s limits and capabilities, we all have a failing point. Sometimes G-d creates the struggles. Sometimes we do. Sometimes the devil does. All times, though, we find our delivery through Christ, not ourselves.

Pride buys into the lie that we can take on the world on our own. Humility recognizes it can happen, but only through the power of G-d. Thus, I believe He gives us more than we can handle on our own all the time. But in Christ, we can overcome anything…

What have you failed at recently that you took pride in? What did you learn from it?

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]]> Welcome to part five of our Quitter reading, now hosted on Mondays!

This chapter is about the main stage, our rush to get on it, and why we should wait. It’s fairly brief in content, but superb in what to learn from it. Jon Acuff starts by discussing his appearance at Catalyst as a lab speaker. His friends encourage him that he’ll be on the main stage very soon, and to step up his game, but he turns this to show that we need the time as a lab speaker, so to say, to perfect our game. The first attack is on the plan myth.

Plans are a necessary part of the endeavor. They are considered to be smart & logical, mature, wise, critical, and easily corrupted. Detailed plans can help guide us, but they never come as the first step. However, we tend to buy in to the plan myth. This myth states that we need the perfect plan, sometimes life plan, in advance in order to discover any success or try at all. This myth, thanks to the lizard brain that Seth Godin refers to, is a self-defense mechanism that prevents us from excellence. The truth is that the most successful people in the world do not have a detailed life plan. In fact, many planners are not more than four steps planned, as once you reach that fourth step, the landscape may appear to be entirely different.

While the plan myth is dangerous, plans are nonetheless a good thing. They just aren’t the first thing, but rather the third. We can’t plan success, but rather the steps to success. For example, we cannot plan the details of a perfect game. However, through planning, we can train for the perfect game. So here is how the dream is accomplished, in order:

1. Passion – this is the why to our efforts. What drives you?
2. Practice – researching, testing the waters. Visit stores, read blogs, ecetera. What does your dream look like in actuality? Learn to show up every day.
3. Plan – get the details going and the gameplan in action. Make it happen.

There are two common paths that are discussed. There is the Cinderella path and the David path. Cinderella lived through a figurative hell with stepsisters and a stepmother. When she attempts to actualize her dream, it is crushed. Then, by mere happenstance, she is saved by a fairy godmother. She becomes the hit sensation at a party overnight, and days later an inaugurated princess. Then there is David’s path. David has a hinge moment early on too. After being under the shadow of brothers for years, he is anointed King of Israel, then goes back to shepherding. Years later, he defeats Goliath in another hinge moment. Nevertheless, it isn’t until much later on that he serves as King, and even then, it is short-lived and difficult.

We want to be Cinderella. We are David. Cinderella is the dream story, a fictional tale. David is authentic history, an example from G-d.

Immediate success allows no room for error. This blog, Scripted Genius, has no immediate success. As a result, I have been able to try things out and see what works and what doesn’t work. I still get to test and tinker each day. However, if on my first day I had 400 impressions, I would be pressured and obligated to deliver the same post that initially brought the readership here. Jon’s first blog was not successful at all, but it gave him time to learn. I have this same opportunity here. This gift of invisibility, as Jon calls it, lets me perfect my craft and redefine my passion. I can draft, execute, learn, and draft again. I can try things out without causing a major rift with readers. Essentially, invisibility does not equal failure (as I have been considering it recently), but rather a gift (difficult change to make in my psyche).

Jon’s discussion point is simple: practice in the labs, in the background, and gain the expertise that will be needed when your invisibility wears off. I am glad for the past year I’ve had to learn how to blog better. I’m far from where I need to be, but I’m a year closer to learning how to write a solid book. It’s all research, and passion, and joy. That’s because I choose to, not obligated to.

What is your passion? Do you feel you are invisible? Feel free to share links to your work, I’ll be sure to check it out…

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]]> Welcome to Friday, the end of the work week (for me and hopefully you too)…

This week has been monumental on the web, with a blackout protest on Wednesday the 18th, which changed from 3 against SOPA/PIPA (senators/reps, that is) to over 20 against. #woot Also, I had the joy of a snow day at home on this day, and it was just rain and slush by the time I had to return to my day job. #woot #woot

I have realized that two boys can be a handful when you need to entertain them for your wife to finish her homework. I am definitely losing sleep from this. On the plus side, these playtime moments are irreplaceable, and can never be repeated. It’s moments like these one wished they had a Kodak camera. Wait…not right there…try again: an iPhone 4S. Luckily, I do, so as Kodak continues their bankruptcy this week, I get to continue taking wonderful pictures of my family that wirelessly make their way back to iPhoto. #sweet

This week I managed to reach “inbox zero.” My “to do” folder next to my inbox, however, still has items. So does my checklist, tracking sheets, and queue of reviews. Yikes! On the topic of reviews, did anyone manage to check out this week’s published reviews by yours truly? There’s three this week, one of them a very prominent audio book that was delivered to my home by Simon and Schuster. Well, actually, UPS, but I’m sure Simon or Schuster labeled it personally.

I still have a slew of reviews to tackle this next week, so be ready to get some feedback on what to read next. On that topic of reading, does anyone miss Quitter? I sure do, so we’ll be back in full force on Monday for our series. Also in reading, this week I have started Genesis and made it to chapter three. I hope to tackle that chapter tomorrow, and set forth in the timeline. Does anyone want to join me for discussion or study? I’m game, either digital or face to face…

Tonight marks the beginning of the Sabbath (or as I call it, Shabbat), which means fancy candles and kicking back to rest. Which also means “lights out” on the computer for the weekend, so you won’t be finding any posts again until Monday. Not that I’ve been doing much of posts for the weekends recently, but it’s nice to officially have it off instead of missing deadlines.

Surprisingly, I found a Christian for SOPA. Am I judging here, thinking that all Christians should oppose it? I’d think not, since I actually view it as everyone should oppose it. I wish I had the strength to boycott Disney and the mega-Corps over their lobbying for SOPA/PIPA, bu the truth is I just love their shows too much. Castle, Once Upon a Time, Chuck, etc. You get the picture…After reading about the 25 that thought SOPA was about Mexican soap, I do have the urge to take a bath. That sounds like a good Shabbat plan…

So, what are your weekend plans? Big? Small? I’d love to hear them…

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]]> Yesterday was Censorship Day across the web. 

Wikipedia blacked out. Reddit blacked out. Google even put up a “censored” logo for the day. Here at SG, we changed our SOPA black censorship bar to the PIPA header bar.

Being a blog, it would have been detrimental to black out for the day, but being against SOPA and PIPA, a statement needed to be made. In fact, the PIPA bar will remain until the fight is finished (being SOPA and PIPA banished, more or less).

Yesterday also ended up being a free day with family. Living in Central Oregon during the Winter can provide tumultuous weather at times. Having only hours of snow thus far this Winter, C.O. was side-swiped with a snow storm that closed the College I work at early on Tuesday, sending me home early, and continued the closure for Wednesday. While private sector employees would need to go to work regardless of weather, I had the opportunity to stay home with my wife and youngest for the day, with pay. It’s a nice perk that happens about once every year or two. I expect that I will be going to work shortly, however, because late last night it seemed the storm let up for rain and wind instead.

Being home for the day, I surprisingly did not accomplish much on the blogging frontier. I did update my backups of my posts, but that’s behind the scenes. Rather, I had the joy of seeing 2.0’s first attempt at crawling without assistance. Butt up, legs pushing, he managed to go backwards instead. Sadly, this frustrated him as he travelled away from his desired item of interest (the pacifier), and he then resorted to crying for it to travel to him instead. It is wonderful to have a family and spend time with them at every possible moment.

Fatherhood is important for both the dads and the sons. One of my Senior-level courses I started this week is on Christian Discipleship counseling and the need for it. In the texts to read, I learned that fatherlessness has a staggering effect on children and their success in life. To back this up, a local County Therapist for criminals (and staunch believer in Christ) believes that every person he is assigned to work with had a criminal lifestyle as a result of fatherlessness or poor relations with their father figure in their lives. After talking to many of them, and hearing their tales, I tend to agree.

Fatherlessness is an epidemic. Gratefully, it is one that my children will not have to experience. My childhood did not warrant excellent father experiences. To this day, I have a stepfather that I don’t see eye to eye with and a father that is just now trying to be more involved. Let me clear this up. With my stepfather, we didn’t agree on most things, and we had frustration, resentment, and anger between us as a result. In the past year we have really tried to be nicer to each other and communicate better, and it has been helping. It is still a marathon, though, not a sprint, and it’ll take time before this journey has reached its goal. In regards to my father, our communication is very minimal. We don’t involve each other in personal details much, so there are many barriers, but his interest to have a closer relation with my sons (1.0 and 2.0) seems to be a good motivation for him to be around when he’s in town. It’s a nice welcome, but even then there is still much to work out. The problem is being too similar and too different.

But now it’s time to get to the point of this talk about fatherlessness and my fatherhood, as well as sonhood, experiences. My point is this: during that early timeframe when 1.0 was there, and I had no father experiences to rely on, I had to rely on my heavenly Father. G-d, in short, taught me how to be a man and how to raise my son. While I have recently struggled spiritually, and seem to have forgotten how to grunt at times (and cry instead), He’s still there to teach me. Wild at Heart, by John Eldredge, guided me to understand the deep relationship between father and son. It’s time for me to pick that book up again and get back at it, but I do recommend this book for anyone with children or a dad. Read this book. You may disagree with some things, but it doesn’t prevent it from being right, and impacting.

To encourage your reading, and to help me with mine, Wild at Heart will be one of the featured books I will do a weekly study on here at SG. After we finish Quitter, we will do Real Marriage by Mark Driscoll, then Wild at Heart by John Eldredge. This will make an excellent season of reading for real-life implications here at SG. Please consider joining these book discussions, by reading and commenting. I’d love to have your input.

PS – if you’re near Central Oregon at all, drop me a line so we can grab coffee and discuss some material face to face. It’s nice to transform some digital connections to real life interactions.

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]]> I missed posting a MLK Jr. Google Doodle. Oh my! For those that wanted to see it, however, enjoy the image in full glory:
I also did not post the Saturday Share, nor did I post a Quitter post for Monday. Truth is that I took the weekend off. I’ve had a lot going on recently and a lot to ponder. Here are some of those ponderings…

• When I subscribed to Michael Hyatt’s email newsletter, the welcome email informed me that he posts only five times a week – being Monday through Friday. I thought about how I have the Saturday Share and Poetry Sunday, and realize that they just don’t fit here. The hits are low, and no one really cares about High School poetry but me. Thus, I have decided to discontinue these. While the idea of blogging every day was tantalizing, it isn’t realistic. I should be taking the weekends to spend time with family instead of worry about posts. So, I am removing the old poetry posts and adopting a new policy of not blogging on weekends. This includes holidays, generally speaking. I don’t foresee this being a risk to my site, and now is the time to establish patterns I can stick to for readers.
• Additionally, I tend to draft my posts at least the night prior and have them post in time for a delivery to the morning inbox. This is not necessary. I am no longer going to lock myself in to the “most read” time of the day for RSS and emails. Twitter helps being that way, but I suspect that it’ll be okay regardless. My goal is to have no more than one post and/or review per email digest. I am testing an auto-archive of posts instead of manually backing them up every time, so this will help me blog more efficiently.
• Seth Godin recently discussed on his blog the importance of value. So does Dale Carnegie in his book (the audio edition to be reviewed here soon). While I will aim for five posts per week, it may not happen, and I’m not going to worry myself over it. It’ll still be my goal to ship, but right now I need to hone my craft and ship higher quality. This doesn’t mean my posts will be a certain length or on only a particular topic, but that I’m going to work more diligently at providing value to readers.
• Seth also discussed how to start the week, being not with yesterday’s news, but making today’s news. So, with that in mind, I am going to pursue having book studies (such as Quitter) be on Mondays, keep Wordless Wednesdays for the moment, and have a week in review on Fridays. Tuesdays and Thursdays get to be wild cards.
• With these ideas in consideration, I am also going to have my reviews display on the main blog page in addition to being accessible on the Reviews page. The RSS feeds would still be separate, however. I am hoping this will increase the hits on reviews.
• I had an opportunity to go to Israel for a few weeks. Sadly, I am declining the chance. While I could get credit for a class I just started today (archeology) during the trip, it would be the class cost ($1,000) plus trip costs ($4,000+). I would be gone for a few weeks, of which I wouldn’t get paid at my job, and not be around family. While it would be fun, having a family means no longer having the opportunity to do such things. I trust that I’ll have a chance in the future that doesn’t separate me from my wonderful wife and sons.

So, with Monday gone for holiday, and Tuesday’s wildcard being a new plan of sorts, we get to look forward to Wordless Wednesday, Quitter on Thursday, and Wrap-up Friday.

What would create more value on my site for you? What do you want to see me blog about? What works on SG, and what doesn’t?

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]]> Today is Friday the 13th.

Now that everyone has shaked and shivered over the fear inspired by an unlucky number and a series of horror films, let’s wrap up the first two weeks of the new year…

• This morning I gave away the Night of the Living Dead Christian by Matt Mikalatos in a contest.
• Thanks to Matt, I had a record number of comments submitted on my site. I wish I had over twenty times the number of copies I could give away (only one), just to reward people for trying!
• CES is going on. I haven’t blogged about this yet. I just learned about it, and it seems pretty cool. I like new tech.
• Quitter will return. I’ve just been too busy to sit down for it. Let’s get excited about Monday!
• Monday’s a holiday. Have a nice day at home, reading my blog. I’d appreciate it.
• I learned that you receive by giving. Commenters mentioned this. Dale Carnegie mentioned this. It’s not about giveaways, but about community. See more below about this one.
• A blog I follow, One Hundred Words, has a contest to win $10 to Amazon. Check it out here. The deadline is 1/31/12.
• January 18 will result in massive internet blackouts in protest of SOPA and PIPA. We’ll still be live with our censorship bar, so there’s still a website you can visit that day.
• Senator Wyden from Oregon is one of the only senators against PIPA. He plans on visiting Central Oregon. Stop by and chat him up with me.
• Maybe stormtroopers aren’t that bad after all…

Lots of stuff going on. What’s your favorite article part? For those following CES, what are you most excited about?

Have a nice weekend, too…

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]]> As promised, here is the finale post of part one and part two on fear, failure, being unloved, and my personal experiences…

Some More to Share..

I have tended to avoid discussing myself on this blog. Today (and this year) is a different approach.

In my life, the only reason I’ve come so far and failed so much, learning and growing from it in love, not bitterness, is because of G-d (Y’shua). In English, or plainer terms, I’m talking about Jesus Christ. Neither my father, nor grandfather, accept Jesus as the Christ. Being Jewish ethnically, they have a stance against it, calling it heretical (and me a heretic in this regard), even though they have no current respect or following of the Jewish faith. I believe that is why they are still so insecure and bitter – in essence, afraid. My father has not approached a real opportunity to learn that love is hard and tough work, and that marriage is even harder.

If having a relationship with the Creator, who, in His essence loves us, is hard, imagine attempting a relationship with another flawed human being. No doubt it seems impossible. It is only by His grace that I have the opportunity I have now with my wife, and I’m truly grateful.

My grandfather has blamed G-d for everything bad and praised himself for everything good. One gift I got from my grandmother a few years back was a Jewish prayer book. What I noticed it it was that almost every prayer was a different prayer of thanks. There is a prayer of thanks for the morning, the evening, candles, holidays, meat, dairy, pareve, family, sons, daughters, rainbows, thunder and lightning, sunny days, etc. If followed properly, it would seem that the Jewish life would be one of thanks, gratitude, and praise. Yet I come across so many ethnic Jews that seem upset with their Creator and missing the bigger picture…

I’m at a loss. We are supposed to praise, yet we curse? I don’t understand. The very nature of G-d, according to the Bible, is love. G-d is love. So, if this is who G-d is, then we do we reject Him? Are we afraid of our own shortcomings? Are we too prideful? I have pride issues. I’m working on them, but humility is a hard fruit to bear. If we are so afraid of being rejected, unloved, by anyone, we do we reject the very one who promises to “never leave or forsake us?”

I could use some help with this one…

Do you believe in G-d? Why/why not? Why, do you think, people find G-d so offensive today?

I really believe this is the answer we are looking for. This week we’ve been discussing fear and failure. What if G-d is the solution? He has been for me, and millions of others. I’d love to carry this conversation on. If you’re in Central Oregon, let’s meet for coffee…if you’re elsewhere, let’s chat over some digital brew…

PS – Don’t forget about the Night of the Living Dead Christian giveaway!

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Scientist. Pioneer of geography. Priest. Nicolas Steno. Read more about his accomplishments and his accolades that earned the doodle here…

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]]> As promised, here is my follow-up post to yesterday’s discussion on fear and being loved…

One of the dreaded fears I had to overcome was the fear of being unloved. When I was in high school, I was not the greatest boyfriend. My fear of being unloved made me needy. After failed dating relationships, this only intensified. Early on in college I got married. My fear didn’t go away, however. Eventually, this marriage ended. My fear of being unloved came in full measure. I only survived because of G-d’s love for me, and how strongly I held on to that love. As I grew closer to G-d, my former partner rejected Him, which placed a wall between us for eternity. Years later, my insecurities still exist, but I choose not to let them rule over me. I am married once again, with boys. I have a happy family. One boy does travel in between households, but he is loved plenty. I guess that is the answer to me. Love.

The Bible says that “perfect love casts out fear.” In my life, that is the only thing that has worked. My fear of being unloved is cancelled by the love I receive from G-d and from family. My fear of heights is overruled by the loving jest of owning a photograph of our faces during the fall. I’m not up to kissing spiders, however, and I never will be.

That:

One of the commenters, Eric, talked about fear, particularly that of being unloved. This inspired yesterday’s and today’s posts. In addition to my response on the prior post, I wanted to share this with you, Eric:

My father has been married three times. He is currently going through his third divorce. For the past three years, he has been on nonspeaking terms with his youngest daughter, my direct sister. They are just now working on potentially repairing that patch. He survives off sales, and these past few years have been his worse years yet.

My grandfather almost lost his wife (my grandmother) to necessary surgery. She did the operation and recovered. During recovery, he started experiencing internal bleeding, which resulted in several near-death experiences. After almost a year of not knowing his medical situation, doctors determined he had a rare cancerous tumor between his nose and his brain. He went through six weeks of laser radiation treatment, which killed his sense of taste and smell. The treatment was temporarily successful: of all the patients ever treated for this type of cancer, this treatment was the only treatment to save lives past the one-year mark, but none have lived longer than five years afterward. My family travelled to visit him this past Hannukah, only to experience a very bitter, upset man. My grandfather has always been rough around the edges, but never this unhappy before. I hope that he makes it here this Summer, so that this last experience won’t be the last one ever.

Eric, and other readers, I’ve shared my own experiences with feeling unloved. I’ve shared my father’s relationship troubles, which were an impacting lesson on relationships to me, and I’ve shared my grandfather’s pain. In the past year, I have not been on loudspeakers about my faith, but mentioned it where it applied. Then again, I also have tended to avoid discussing myself.

Taking this discussion one day further, tune in Thursday for the “some more” that I didn’t get to. I’d rather break one long post into three smaller posts that are easily read than have most of this skipped out of length…

Don’t forget that tomorrow is Wordless Wednesday, so Thursday will finish the conversation…

Do you fear being unloved? Have you ever had a devastating experience where your worst fear actualized? What was it? How did you overcome?

PS – Don’t forget about the Night of the Living Dead Christian giveaway!

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]]> Last week, I wrote about failure. When I first wrote it, I had no idea the impact it would have. Then again, I didn’t realize that Matt Mikalatos would have tweeted the post, which garnered the most comments I’ve seen to date on any post. I do appreciate the support, Matt.

While reading and responding to comments, I realized that failure is deeper that me. I know that Jon Acuff and Seth Godin wrote about it, but for some reason, I didn’t recognize the widespread impact failure has. Even more so, I did not realize how much fear governs our lives. I’ve always seen the evidence, but never thought about the cause.

Quitter will be delayed only a few days more – my apologies – but I wanted to talk about this, that, and some more.

This:

As addressed above, fear is a big deal. For me, when I was a kid, I was afraid of heights (still am today). This fear of heights would cause me to go into shock after riding Splash Mountain. Every time, without fail. Time passed. I returned to Disneyland as an adult, and the trepidation of the fear was worse than what I actually experienced. While I’m still terrified of heights, it seems that over the past years I have learned to overcome that fear with trust in the equipment. So, when I revisited in 2007, a new world of more extreme rides was opened to me.

Less than weeks ago, I visited Disneyland again with my family. Since 2007, I have experienced some of my most personal and dreaded fears come true. As a result, I have finally grown to realize that my fear of heights is silly. While the flight instinct would protect me in apocalyptic scenarios, my visitation with fear itself, and spending a few years overcoming it (I still am in some ways), has taught me to not take it as seriously. I do have other silly fears: spiders, sharks, and the dark (physical, not figurative).

My spider fear keeps me from jungles, my shark fear from bodies of water that sometimes include indoor pools (thanks to Hollywood and Jaws, The Ride for that), and my fear of the dark keeps a nightlight on. Being a grown man, I was always under the impression that such fears were not okay. Now, I tend to disagree. Rather, I have decided that fear is okay. However, this does not approve the results of my fears. While fear is okay (it is a natural tendency), irrational fear that paralyzes us is not. I don’t need to swim shark-invested waters to deal with this, because that’s not rational. What I mean is that a fear of heights shouldn’t stop us from Splash Mountain, a fear of spiders shouldn’t prevent me from getting to work (no, I don’t live, nor work, in a jungle), a fear of failure shouldn’t stop us from trying, and a fear of being unloved shouldn’t stop us from loving.

Tomorrow, I’m going to finish up talking about the my experiences of being unloved and my fear related to it, as well as the “that” I referred to earlier. From there, we’ll see if there is more to blog about, or if it’s been covered.

What’s your deepest, darkest fear? Is it rational to you? If you were confronted by your fear, how would you respond? Would you fight? Would you run? Would you be scared stiff, with jelly legs?

When I was a kid, I got jelly legs all the time. Now, I tend to stick to running when my literal spidey sense starts tingling…

PS – Don’t forget about the Night of the Living Dead Christian giveaway!

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]]> It’s Shabbat!
For today’s Saturday Share, what are your resolutions for this year? What do you hope to change and/or accomplish?

See you Monday!

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]]> Today’s Quitter Friday has been substituted. Quitter will return on Monday. 

I have found that setting the most-focused post I have each week to be the end of the work week has been a downer for Fridays. That, and Offspring 1.0 arrives on Thursday evenings, making my reading more rushed. Moving Quitter to Mondays will place it with larger-traffic days, as well as give me additional time to work on it during daylight hours.

One key thing that I’ve been making sure that I do is separating my blogging from my work week. My blog post drafting occurs on evenings and weekends. When I am at work, it is a contract for me to work. For me to blog while at work would be the equivalent of, as Jon Acuff puts in Quitter, billing a customer for 2 hours of labor if I really only spent 30 minutes working on the case. By treating my day job with respect, and giving my employer the time requested, I am building work ethic and repoire with both readership and my employer, regardless if either see it.

Reading Quitter has been quite enjoyable. Acuff’s personal anecdotes and experiences help me see where he was and how he got to where he is now. Part of my struggle, however, is how seemingly easy it was for him. Then again, I don’t see the toil and the work. What I see is jumping on a humorous idea and having over 1,400 followers overnight. It has taken me years to get to over 900 true followers on Twitter (as in people that follow me that I don’t necessarily follow back), and a year to get 100 pageviews a week (most of which could be crawlers or bots). Then again, I’m new to the concept in that I’m trying to put out a little to everyone instead of invest in a few.

This concept, being intentional and quality over quantity, isn’t new in general, nor new to me. However, listening to How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, by Dale Carnegie (I will post a review about it in coming weeks), has reminded me of this. We have to balance our social networking responsibility wtih connecting with others and investing in them. We need to learn to make friends. I need to learn to make friends, and invest in them. I need to, as a commenter pointed out to me, not just skim other blogs in my RSS reader, but read the posts and comment. I can’t build community here without investing in community elsewhere. Giveaways don’t work. I’ve proven that. But if I build a loyal base, a community that I am invested in just as much as other members, then giveaways are not an incentive to join, but rather a reward based off community.

I obviously have much to learn and work on. I am still fresh in the blogging atmosphere. At one time, I had a friend tell me that they no longer read my blog because it was cluttered with reviews. As a result, I had created a Reviews section on the blog. While this answered part of the clutter, it only answered that one bit of feedback. I realize (more and more) that my blog is very cluttered. Categories do help narrow things down, but I have Theology, Technology, Social Media, News, etc., all on the main part of my blog. I write about what I am interested in – what motivates me to engage. For the time, I believe that I will still do this, but I need to hone in and specialize. In the future, I can see SG as a property that has different parts, but not right now. Whereas John Saddington made himself the Tentblogger, I don’t believe that is my path, or at least not right now. I am Scripted Genius.

But what does that mean? I’d love to hear from you and what that means to you. What do you imagine when you hear “Scripted Genius?” Perhaps that should be how I focus…

What does Scripted Genius mean to you? What is the first thing you think of? What does this site represent to you? What is good? What needs to be changed and/or improved? How? If you owned this site, what would you do?

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]]> How many times do I need to fail in order to succeed?

According to many surveys, the answer is 90%. Whether it be learning to grow up, driving, eating, trying something new, we are apt to fail about 90% of the time. Apparently, child psychologists also believe that a toddler will not attempt something if they believe that have over a 50% chance of failure.

Thus, we grow up not trying. This not trying leads to a habit and ritual of refusal to approach the difficult topics in life. I’d like to encourage you to try something new today. I could come up with all sorts of examples, but I’m pretty sure that you know what it is you need to do that’s new. And if you fail? Then try again. Fail nine times? Try again. After all, the odds say you’ll fail nine times out of ten.

If you’re not sure what it is that’s new that you need to try, or if you’d like an easier solution, I have a challenge that I need your help with:

Twice now I have attempted to give away a book, Night of the Living Dead Christian. Twice now I’ve failed. Each week I get over 100 pageviews on this site, and my Twitter links have been averaging 20-30 hits each. Yet, despite these visits, none of them last. How do I know? For the past month, I’ve tried to give away a book, and only asked for a comment in return. For the past month, only the author of the book commented (thanks Matt!).

So, let’s give this a third shot…

Want a free book? Looking for an easy challenge? Then comment on any post on this blog within the next week to be entered into the drawing! I’ll draw a name out of the hat January 12 at midnite, so watch to see if I contact you…

Seriously – enter to win!

Thanks to everyone who entered! The certificate has been awarded. Check out the comments for the winner…

 

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]]>

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]]> Tomorrow, my wife is having her gallbladder removed. When I launched this site (imported old posts from ILM) in January 2011, I had decided to be impersonal and focus on “genius” topics. On year later, and seeing the trends of visits and where my dream is, I have decided to try some new things in 2012. One of them is to give more of a “status” update, like in my newsletters, that give a feel of what’s going on and where I am.

One such update is that my wife, Tosha, needs prayer. After about a year of pain and flareups of gallbladder attacks, she is in a position where removal is the best decision. Her parents have taken a stance against this. They subscribe to the homeopathic, non-invasive approach, which brings me to an excellent query.

As a faith subscriber (Messianic Jew / Christian), is there an obligation regarding medical practices? I’ve seen the faith healing groups that stand against all practice whatsoever, the naturalistic approach that only uses diet, exercise, and vitamins, and the “G-d gave doctors” approach that favors traditional Western medicine. Eastern medicine, such as acupuncture, has a varied response within Christian circles (coming from the Chinese concept of medicine, the belief system behind the practice conflicts with traditional Christian views).

Personally, I believe that if it’s possible to choose a natural solution, including Eastern medicine, then to attempt it. And add prayer. After natural efforts and prayer, if the situation still exists, then select whatever Western medicine has to offer. It may not be “natural,” but I do believe that G-d would not have gifted the concept of healing and medicine if we weren’t to accept it.

So what do you think? If you believe a particular faith, what and why? Do you believe Western medicine is appropriate? Why/why not? Eastern medicine? Why/why not?

I’m curious to see what people believe on this. But back to the point here: my wife could use prayer for a speedy and healthful recovery. Her job of mother is not an easy one, and needs all the help she can get. For whatever reason, G-d has chosen to not heal her naturally, so we have opted for a medical procedure that will prevent any future dangers of gallbladder attacks. We are very hopeful that this simple and quick procedure will be precisely that…

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]]> Got back from the California trip last night.

It taught me a lot about family, commitment, Judaism, and following the dream. I know this post is extremely short, but for being writ on my iPhone while still in bed, it’ll have to do. I’ll resume full blogging tomorrow.
I will be posting what I’ve learned from this trip over the next few days. I left 75 degree weather to return to below freezing temp, and need the day of rest with my family.

Cheers!

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]]> It’s Shabbat!I’m taking every Saturday off from blogging in 2012 to try a new thing I learned from Churchmag: Saturday Share. Instead of me posting on Saturdays, I’d like readers of SG to carry the conversation.

Please comment with a response to one or both prompts:

• What is your favorite thing about Saturdays?
• Ask any question and I’ll answer in it next week’s posts…

We’ll see how this goes. After a month or so we’ll track and see if this increases interaction on SG. Currently, Saturdays are a lower traffic day and there is no interaction on the site, so any improvement is a great improvement at this time…

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]]> This is most likely the latest Doodle post I’ve made.That doesn’t, however, minimize how cool the doodle is. Interactive and festive, Google put together a wonderful jingle this time around. Hopefully it’s still up and running, since I’m on vacation right now.

In fact, check out this screencast I made of the doodle:

Can't see the video in your RSS reader or email? Click Here!

This week’s posts have been much lighter, it’s true. And I know people may have expected Quitter Friday today, but being out of town and thinking we all should enjoy the holidays, let’s stick with taking it easy instead.

Don’t forget the giveaway contest that ends Jan 4…

What’s your favorite Google Doodle? Do you prefer simple or animated?

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]]> Today is our planned Disneyland day.I will have to recap how this trip went when I return, but I hope that you are enjoying your pre-programmed posts. Don’t forget that I’m live and interactive in the comments, and that’ there’s a giveaway that ends Jan 4…

I love Disneyland. I love Mickey. I love Star Wars, Indiana Jones, Splash Mountain, Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain, etc. I hate SOPA, and Disney’s backing of it. Yet, I find I fail at even considering banning them personally.

My wife has never been to Disneyland. It’s been four years for me. Neither of my children have been there either. Offspring 1.0 is about 3.5 annual cycles old, and stands at 40″. I did some research, and it looks like he gets to go on more than I expected (but sadly, not Indiana Jones):

32″ (82 cm) or taller and accompanied by another rider 54″ or taller

• Autopia, presented by Chevron

35″ (89 cm) or taller

• Gadget’s Go Coaster, presented by Sparkle
• Matterhorn Bobsleds

40″ (102 cm) or taller

• Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
• Space Mountain
• Splash Mountain
• Star Tours

46″ (117 cm) or taller

• Indiana Jones Adventure

I’m excited that we get to do Pirates of the Caribbean, Star Tours, and Big Thunder together. At this point, though, I’m not convinced on Splash Mountain or Space Mountain. Who knows, though? They terrified me, but maybe 1.0 is more daring…

2.0 will have to enjoy the basic Disney tales, and have fun with It’s a Small World. Sing along with me!

What do you think? Should 1.0 go on those rides? What ride is your favorite? Your least favorite?

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