Secretin Life Line

Joe Johnston is a Genius!!

2012-01-26T08:44:00.000-08:00

Hey Secretins, I've been listening to a super secret rough mix of the live recording of the Secretions' 11/26/2011 Boardwalk show, and it sounds amazing! We sound like the f'n Ramones on Loco Live or something!! Maybe it's dumb to be excited about a live recording of your own band, but I've never claimed to be anything but nerdy like that. Hopefully we should have something ready to go by summer, so be patient.

In other recording news, we are still not finished with the new EP that we are recording at Dutch Oven Studio in Oakland. Master Engineer Craigums is expecting a new addition to the family soon and might have to take some time off to be with the lil' bugger so work may be delayed until May or so, but I think it will be ready in time for Summer tour 2011, so get excited! If all goes as planned you will have TWO new Secretions recordings to assault your ears! Stay tuned Secretins, and Keep On Suckin! <--- I came up with that just now, and I'll be snickering nerdily to myself for the rest of the day about it. mickierat out!

My Halloween Costume

2011-10-11T08:42:00.000-07:00

I always pick halloween costumes that are awesome to be but no one else gets them. Philip J. Fry, Booga, random space bounty hunter, etc. I usually like it to be a surprise so I can see who gets it, but that gets frustrating. So this year, I'll explain it in advance so that I don't have to explain it 452304958 times during the night. Some of you cool punx will get it, some won't, I'm not gonna think less of you if you don't, just don't ask me and say, OH MAN THAT'S A COOL COSTUME!, then be done with the discussion. Okay, here's some hints:

I'll be the guy in the red shirt whose first name rhymes with sitar and last name rhymes with gulf. Paste that shit into google and figure it out, k?

Secretions at Callson Manor Friday October 14!

2011-10-11T08:31:00.000-07:00

Secretions are playing at Callson Manor Haunted House this Friday, October 14! We will be playing on the Living Dead stage with a few of our friends' bands! Check it out:

Rock It: To Italy!

2011-03-30T09:05:00.000-07:00

Here is our final tour itinerary for Italy, eight crazy days of rock. We're basically getting off the plane at 5PM and being driven directly to the first show. It’s going to be the hardest working fun we’ve ever had!

4/14 THU - Fly to Pisa, Italy
4/15 FRI – @Skaletta Rock Club – La Spezia
4/16 SAT - @Taun - Fidenza (PR)
4/17 SUN-@TBC- Forli
4/18 MON - @Titty Twister - Villadossola (VB)
4/19 TUE - @Lucrezia - Genova
4/20 WED – @Blue Rose – Bresso (MI)
4/21 THU - @Lab 16 - Bologna
4/22 FRI - @MP3 - Monticelli (PC)
4/23 SAT- Fly to U.S.A.

In other amazing news, we just found out that we got added to some dates on the Queers/Apers tour for June, which is huge for us. For those of you who don’t know, the Queers are a legendary Boston punk rock band and the Apers are a legendary punk rock band from the Netherlands. Here's the dates we are playing on.

6/17 FRI - Sacramento CA @ The Blue Lamp
6/19 SUN - Stockton CA @ Plea For Peace
6/20 MON -San Luis Obispo CA @ Downtown Brew
6/22 WED - Las Vegas NV @ The Divebar
6/23 THU - Scottsdale AZ @ Chaser's
6/24 FRI - Long Beach CA @ Alex's Bar
6/25 SAT - San Diego CA @ Shakedown

The year looks full of adventure for The Secretions, which is just fine with me. I’ve never been to Europe, so I’m a bit nervous that everyone will hate Americans or all the food will be full of meat or something irrelevantly terrible like that. No matter what it’s going to be fun, because it’s happening in a place we have never been to before, which is pretty much the definition of adventure for me. Wish us luck and stay tuned for more posts from the road. I’m paying the extra fees to be able to use my EyePhone over in Italy so I can blog about all the craziness.

Also, if you still have a buck or two to donate to the money-sucking venture that is our Italian tour, you can do so here. Thanks for all your support and everything you do for us, our fans are the best!

Post: Apocalypse

2011-03-14T12:56:00.001-07:00

The bicycle that I have ridden for the last fifteen years is named Apocalypse, and it is my most favorite mode of transport that I have ever owned. It is a black and blue 1957 Schwinn Spitfire ladies’ step-thru cruiser, and it looks like it barely survived a nuclear blast, which is only one of the reasons I love it. I got it in 1994 from my then-girlfriend Julie The Bruce’s mom Susan. Susan lived in Red Bluff, CA and the bike had been mouldering in her garage for who knows how long. She told me she used it to ride to her college classes in Weed in the late 1960s so I knew the bike was old, plus just looking at it, you can tell.

When I first saw my beloved Schwinn, there was an old grouchy cat perched on the ancient wide cruiser seat. The hateful feline hissed at me as I shooed it away and I was disgusted to find about five years worth of matted cat hair caked on the seat. Apparently this was the cat’s favorite sleeping spot and it was pissed at me for interrupting its quiet time. I expressed admiration for the grand old piece of machinery and Susan promptly offered it to me, saying she hadn’t ridden it in at least ten years. I loaded it into my old Chevy tour van and took it home to fix it up.

The bike had definitely seen its share of wear. It had a million little dings and dents, but every piece on it was of original stock. It looked like it had been blue originally, but someone had spray painted it black. Perhaps Susan had gone through a bohemian phase in college and hated the bright robin’s-egg-blue original Schwinn paint job, who knows, I never found out why. The black paint job was starting to chip and flake away, making the bicycle mostly black with blue specks. This was fine with me because it made me think of my favorite album of the time, GI by the Germs. I scraped all the gross cat hair off the seat to find a badly decayed seat cover. The foam was old and dry but still there, so I just wrapped an old punk t-shirt around it and called it good. Both tires were flat but in good shape with original 1957 pinstriping on the time-yellowed white painted rims. I replaced the tubes and pumped up the tires and it was good to go.

The bicycle was a little small for me, being a ladies bike, but I made it work. I preferred the ladies step-thru style crossbars because honestly, who wants to bust your balls on a cross bar every time you have to slam on your brakes to keep from getting hit by some ignorant driver? The stock handlebars were a little low as well, even though I had raised the stem all the way up. This soon became a non-issue, as the stock handlebars broke in half about four months later. I was kind of screwed, because at this point I was practically homeless, paying $38 a month to live in a closet inside a barn on 24th and J and I didn’t have any extra money. Luckily, I was dumpster diving a few days later and found a pair of apehanger handlebars in a dumpster behind a bike shop. I put them on and they fit perfectly, plus they allowed me to raise the seat up even more, making the bike the actual proper height for my 6 foot 4 frame. I know it looked a bit silly, but I really didn’t give a shit, still don’t. I hadn’t given the bike a name yet, so I decided to name it Apocalypse, because it looked like it had been through one, plus it was hilarious to me in a really geeky sort of way. I’ll let you figure that one out.

Apocalypse has served me well for many years despite the many times I’ve wrecked on it, jumped it off of curbs and launched it off of makeshift ramps in my idiotic attempts to emulate Evel Knievel. We have gone on many adventures together. She has helped me block the streets of Midtown Sacramento in Critical Mass rides, rocket down the hills of San Diego during Comicon 2008, and we may have even appeared on the cover of a legendary punk rock band's CD together. She’s broken a few of my bones and I’ve broken her pedals, dented her fenders and snapped a few of her chains, but we’re still together and hopefully always will be.

You can still occasionally see me flying down the streets of Midtown Sacto on my way to or from work on my trusty steed Apocalypse. If you do, honk and wave and try not to run us over.

Send The Secretions to Italy!

2011-03-10T10:18:00.000-08:00

2011-02-28T08:05:00.000-08:00

In less cryptic news, here's the crazy party we have planned for this weekend. I'll be back next monday to answer the question: WHO WILL SURVIVE?!!

More later as news develops.

2011-02-28T07:58:00.000-08:00

Big news coming soon, that may or may not have something to do with this.

2010-12-22T08:21:00.000-08:00

2010-11-24T12:27:00.000-08:00

Seattle at night.

2010-07-13T00:38:00.001-07:00

We had a fun show in Bremerton (not Bellingham sorry) and caught the last shuttle back. We're almost at the dock now.

Sent from my cybernetic implant

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On the ferry to Bellingham

2010-07-12T17:26:00.001-07:00

Sent from my cybernetic implant

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Greetings from Bellingham WA!

2010-07-11T21:24:00.001-07:00

Sent from my cybernetic implant

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Our name in lights!

2010-07-10T17:12:00.001-07:00

Sent from my cybernetic implant

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Day Nine: Feelin not so fine.

2010-07-09T18:56:00.001-07:00

We have been driving to Portland since 9 this morning and I am about to get some serious Space Madness going on. I will go mad if I don't get more space!

Tour has been fun so far. Getting to see Bastards Of Young every night is making me like them more and more. They played a great sounding set in Fresno last night. Check the Secretions Flickr for a picture.

The most fun show of tour so far has been Flagstaff. Jeremy, formerly of the F-Holes, now in the Acousticks, set us up with a show at a local punk house that rivaled the best times I've had at my own beloved Casa De Chaos back in Sacramento. The show was in the front room which was pretty small. The place was packed for our set and everyone was rocking out so hard that Paul and I almost got clobbered a few times. There was even crowd surfing! Everyone was drinking and having a great time and no one was being a drunk asshole or hurting anyone else. For me, it was about as perfect as a show can get on tour.

As fun as tour has been though, there have been a few "casualties." Patrick from Bastards Of Young found out that the speakers on his rare vintage '68 Fender Twin guitar amp were blown a few days ago. Tour can be tough on amps, and people too. After our evening of partying in Las Vegas, Danny came down with a cold and has been hibernating in the back of the van trying to kick it for the last two days. At the show the other night in Long Beach, I was watching Gruk from the edge of the pit when someone fell on my bad knee with their full weight and hyperextended it a bit, so it hurts a bit to walk.

For many people these things would be tour-ending, but we Secretions are of the old school mindset of show business that "the show MUST go on" no matter what. Hopefully we all recover swiftly and are back to full rockness soon. Don't worry folks, just send us your good thoughts for a speedy recovery.

As I write this, the long drive continues with Paul Filthy at the wheel. Luckily we are hanging out in the great Northwest for the next five days, so the rest of our drives will be relatively short.

Wish us luck, wish us well, and if you know anyone in this neck of the woods, tell them to come check us out and buy us a beer (or possibly some chicken soup?). Until the next hellishly long drive, this is Mickie Rat, signing off, and possibly trying to fall asleep until we get to Portland.

Sent from my cybernetic implant

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Tour journal, day five.

2010-07-05T17:40:00.001-07:00

It's day five of tour and this is the first day I've had some spare time where I'm not driving, recovering, playing shows, or just plain too hung over to sit and write. We played a fun show in Glendale, Arizona last night and are now headed to Flagstaff for a house party show that promises to be amazing.

So far the show that was the most fun was the show at the Radio Room in San Diego. It was unfortunately the last show there as the bar was changing ownership. There were eleven bands on the show and it was just starting when we pulled into the parking lot of the club. All of the bands were great, but our favorites were Revenge Club, Accoutrements, Save Amos and Breaker Breaker One Niner. Check these bands out if you get a chance.

It's been nice traveling in a rental van for this tour, especially since it's been upwards of 100 degrees here in Arizona every day. I miss our van Lemmy a bit, but I won't deny it's nice to have air conditioning. It's definitely the way to go when you tour, there is a lot less to worry about on the trip.
No checking oil constantly, no wondering when (not if) the alternators going to fail, no overheating in the way to Vegas. It's costing quite a bit but it's worth it. I'll try to post more regularly to help you all share in the adventure, but if I don't, just know it's because I'm having a blast. Flagstaff here we come!

Sent from Mickie Rat's cybernetic implant.

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Ramen And A 40 - Trader Joe's Rice Noodle Bowl

2010-06-09T09:29:00.000-07:00

I am known by my friends as someone who HATES spending a lot of money on food. I also don’t like cooking, because I’m impatient and when I’m hungry I’m hungry NOW and I don’t want to have to stare at food for 45 minutes while I’m making it. My favorite food is food that is tasty and yet can be made in five minutes or less. Today’s dish beats that requirement by about two minutes.

What I’m talking about is Trader Joe’s Garlic Rice Noodle Soup Bowl. This little beauty costs only 99 cents at Trader Joe’s market, which is the main place I get most of my food these days. It also comes in Spring Onion and Mushroom flavors, but I don’t like those as much. Basically this soup consists of exactly one cup of rice noodles packaged in a plastic bowl that comes with three little packets. One packet has dried green onions in it, another has some kind of funky orange colored oil, and the largest packet has powdered garlic seasoning in it. What you do is crack open the sealed top of the plastic bowl, empty the three packets into it, and fill it to just below the brim with boiling water. Let it sit for three minutes and it’s done! The instructions say you can microwave it but that never works well for me because you have to let it sit for an extra minute if you want the noodles to soften up. Luckily, at my work they have one of those water coolers that dispenses hot water that is exactly the proper temperature to cook this soup in a little less than three minutes.

I eat these at work every day, and I have yet to get sick of them. It’s nice because I’m saving up for tour right now and I only end up spending $4.00 for an entire week of lunches. This dumb tiny bowl does not look like it would fill you up, but rice noodles are surprisingly filling. The only drawback I can see is that this tiny bowl of soup has over 1300mg of sodium, which is over half of the recommended US RDA, but I don’t care because I love salty things! On the plus side though, it's gluten-free and Vegan, and it only has 260 calories and 4 grams of fat, which is important if you’re over 40 and in constant danger of your beer gut getting out of control. I wouldn’t know anyone like that though.

I love this soup bowl because it is intensely garlicky (which I love) and it keeps me from starving without making me feel over full. Plus it goes great with a tallboy of PBR occasionally (no I don’t have those at work, but I would if I could). For some reason PBR+extra salty things = YUM FTW! I plan on taking some of these soups on tour and pairing it with some PBR tallboys as an alternative to crappy gas station cuisine. What’s nice is that most gas stations have a hot water dispenser on their coffee makers that you can usually mooch from for this sort of thing. Also, the noodles get so soft that you can basically drink this soup straight from the bowl if there are no utensils around. Totally Punk Rock food! I love noodles!!
How much do YOU love noodles?

MICKIE RAT IS HAVING A YARD SALE!!

2010-06-09T08:02:00.001-07:00

YARD SALE SATURDAY JUNE 12 STARTS AT 9:00AM

2719 P Street

On P Street between 27^th and 28^thacross from Winn Park

Heya kids! Mickie Rat here, telling you that you should come to my yard sale this Saturday!

Collectors items going for cheap! Items include Star Wars toys in original unopened packaging, books, records, rare local band T-Shirts, household furniture items, movie posters, Comic books, assorted vintage bicycle parts, analog television sets and rare retail VHS movies. Show up early to get the best stuff! Everything will be priced to move quickly, I don’t have any more room for this stuff so get it while it’s cheap! Tons of stuff will be priced at one dollar only! The rest of the stuff, just name your price and its yours!! If you can find lower prices at any yard sale anywhere, I’ll eat a bug!

STARTS AT 9:00 AM, goes until 2PM.

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HELLO SECRETINS!

2010-05-26T13:00:00.001-07:00

Hello Secretins! This is Mickie Rat testing a new mobile way to post to the lifeline, Posterous dot com. This is going to let me blog from my phone on tour. Sweet!

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Ask Paul

2010-05-25T10:35:00.000-07:00

Wow, I totally have been spacing out... err... I mean... on a top secret mission... and have neglected my duties to answer the "Ask Paul" questions.

So, in a highly efficient manner (efficient is the fancy term for lazy) I will do a very exciting speed-round to the questions that have been floating in the queue;

Travis Latrine said...

Dear Monsuer Filthy, Whats it like to be a Secretion, was it more than you thought it would be or were your expectations too high? And were you a Secretin before you were a Secretion?

A: To be a Secretion is to be devoid of expectations. It's kind of a duality thing. Rather than getting "good" or "bad" presents for your birthday, just imagine not having a birthday at all. Secondly, I was a Secretin before the term even existed. (yes, I'm old)

otter of no way out said...

i have to ask two of the most important questions ever
1) what is the meaning of life? Are we just simple spiraling coils of DNA, or is there a purpose are we just a speck of dust in an atom under the nail of a bigger person in a simmilat universe
the second is
is there a god? and if so why do bad things happen to good people and good things happen to bad people
is there a just and loveing god?

A: 1) The meaning of life is 42. Haven't you read Hitchiker's Guide to The Galaxy? Also, always bring your towel.

2) Yes, there is a god, and he is Lemmy from Motorhead, and he doesnt have to do things for any sort of reason. I mean really, would you like be the one to tell him he's being a dick? I don't. Nose goes! *touches nose*....ha! sucker!

Anonymous said...

Do you have a younger brother?

A: Yes, and I embarrass him by just existing. I'll point him out to everyone at the next show he comes to.

DADOO said...

What is the atomic weight of cobalt?

A: 58.9. Why does everyone ask me this?!

Anonymous said...

Hey Paul, if you werent called the Secretions, what would you guys be called? Just so we all know "what could have been".

A: I believe the four runners up from the Secretions were as follows:

1. Mickie Rat and his Magical Sun-Shine Orchestra

2. Zed Lepplin

3. the Phenomenalnauts (man, that would have been awkward!)

4. Paul Filthy Will Join This Band and Ruin His Social Life

Honestly, I think Danny and Mickie shoulda voted on the first one, but I woulda been cool with any of them...except maybe number 4.

Thanks for listening! Thats all I got at the moment!

Send in those questions, kiddies!

Adventure is just around the corner! Getting some smokes. It'll be back in a minute.

2010-05-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Summer’s so close! And that always means: TOUR!!!

Tour is the time that I recharge my batteries, blow off steam, and all those other mechanical analogies for getting the pent-up crazy out of your system. Sometimes, you just need to get the fuck out of town and do nothing but play rocknroll, party, and have a good time. Nothing clears my head more than staring out at the passing landscape of America (and occasionally Mexico) on a long tour drive.

Specifically, the time I like best in the world, the time when I’m happiest, is when I’m in the van on the way to a show. So much potential lies in that moment: it’s either going to be the best of times or the worst. Occasionally there is some middle ground, but most of the time it’s going to be one or the other. You’re either going to come away from the show saying “That was so much fucking fun!” or “Ungrateful bastards! Why did we even bother!” The anticipation of which one it’s going to be is sweeter than almost any other feeling I know. It’s my favorite moment of all the moments that could be in my life.

Usually for me, that moment happens about three times a month, or if we’re busy, four or five. On tour, that moment happens EVERY SINGLE DAY. This is why I love tour. The shows are fun, partying with my friends is fun, meeting new people and making new friends is fun, but that moment is what I live for. The promise of what could be in the pre-dawn moment of rock and roll.

The fame? Practically nonexistent outside of Sacramento. The money? I don’t have a font size big enough in which to convey the word “HA!” in large enough letters to reveal the reality of always being a broke musician. When you are a DIY band like The Secretions, tour is prohibitively expensive. We are lucky if we come out of the whole ridiculous thing with $100 in profit after it’s all over. Sometimes we don’t even break even. Why do we do it then?

What it’s all about for me, besides the sweet anticipatory moment, is Adventure. I capitalize it because it’s an important thing in my life. Life, in general, is BORING. Wake up, go to work, come home, go to bed. Have a bit of fun in between. As a kid, I always watched movies and said to myself, “Why isn’t MY life this exciting ALL THE TIME?” I didn’t have any good answer for this, so I made a promise to myself when I was young that I would increase the amount of Adventure in my life. This is one of the reasons I became a performer.

Adventure can be found in the simplest things, from getting over-caffeinated and riding bicycles like mad all over town or being stranded on the side of the road in the middle of the desert with no air conditioning. It doesn’t have to be all barroom brawls and car chases, although I can say from personal experience (in hindsight) that those can also be occasionally fun. Adventure is what you make it. Adventure is NOT sitting at home watching movies and playing videogames and not interacting with the world in general. Adventure can not be had on the internet. It is real world stuff, kids. Adventure only happens with interaction. Your life is only boring if you don’t take the steps yourself to make it interesting.

That being said, I can’t wait for the Adventure that is late June and early July. Tour dates for the Secretions / Bastards of Young tour are being finalized very soon and will be posted here and everywhere.

Until then, go out and make yourself some Adventure. You deserve it.

28 Songs 2001-2004

2010-05-18T00:42:00.001-07:00

You may see a "new" CD at The Secretions merchandise table within the next few weeks. The fine folks over at Drool City Music are releasing "28 Songs 2001-2004". This release is basically a "2 for the price of 1" deal. It features all of the songs from the 2001 release "Til Death" including the songs "Baby, You Make Me Pop A Boner" and "Fuckin' Zombies" and all of the songs on the 2004 release "Coming To Save The World" including the songs "Cemetery Pogo" and "Computerhead". "Til Death" and "Coming To Save The World" were originally released on Springman Records (now Silver Sprocket) but are now officially out of print. If you find any available copies, snag them up! Sometimes you can find copies of these CDs on Ebay going for up to $30 each! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!! Interpunk.com has a few copies of "Coming", so get yourself all the remaining copies and make yourself a millionaire! If you tried downloading these 28 tracks, it would cost you $30. If you are one of the lucky few (this is a limited release) to purchase "28 Songs" you won't pay more than $10. Expect more "short run" releases throughout the year.

The Secretions: Music to make Science to.

2010-05-13T09:56:00.000-07:00

This just in: The Black Blood of the Earth creator and Mad Scientist Extraordinaire has checked out the music of The Secretions and has this to say:

"This is definitely music to do math & paperwork by as I need to pound on the keyboard with some fury."
-- Herr Direktor, Funranium Labs

Sweet! We are Science Approved.

I Need Caffeine: Mickie Rat's quest for The Black Blood Of The Earth

2010-05-12T14:19:00.000-07:00

I pedaled home from work as fast as I possibly could on Apocalypse, my aptly-named weather-worn single speed 1960s Schwinn cruiser. I was excited to finally get to try the supercharged coffee I had been reading so much about ever since Warren Ellis started mentioning it on his site. “Coffee that breaks science itself” is what he called it, and I was going to get some. The Black Blood of the Earth is the name that was given it by Funranium Labs, the creators of this unholy concoction. My main concern of this particular Thursday was that I needed to meet Herr Direktor, head honcho of Funranium Labs, before he left the Hangar One Distillery in Alameda. I needed to pick up my bottle of BBotE, as they called it for short, and the only way to currently get the stuff is by direct handoff. For some reason they have yet to figure out a way to safely ship this potent brew, but methods are currently being investigated.

I changed out of my office monkeysuit into my normal streetwear and quickly made my way out to the battered red convertible that I drive. It was 4:47 and I somehow needed to make it to Alameda by 6:30. The car was fast enough if the roads were clear, but unfortunately at 5PM on a Thursday the road into SF was as clogged as ever. Still, I made it to the abandoned air force hangar that now housed the distillery by 6:37. Luckily Herr Direktor was still there and I handed over my 40 bucks for the 750ml bottle of none-more-blackness that was The Black Blood Of The Earth. I popped the cork out and took a sniff. It smelled amazing. I had decided to get the Kona blend, as I had never tried Kona before because it’s so damned expensive. I actually had the willpower to not chug a huge swig right then and there. I decided to wait until the next morning, because I had the day off and I had a busy list of things to do.

I woke up the Friday morning, fiending for caffeine as I usually do. It was time. Time to ingest this unholy elixir. Herr Direktor told me that one shotglass worth of BBotE would be enough to get me wired for most of the day. One option he told me about was mixing it with vodka, another one was just mixing into a cup of hot water as regular coffee. I decided I would just pour it into a shotglass and take a shot of the stuff straight. I pored it into the shotglass and held it up to the kitchen light to examine the color. This was difficult, since only a tiny dot of light was visible through the none-more-blackness of the evil coffee concoction! Now that’s a coffee that lives up to its name. I downed the shot, and in true nerdy science fashion, set my phone timer for 45 minutes, which should be about when it kicked in.

About 45 minutes later, I noticed a nice caffeine high settling in. It wasn’t anything spectacularly amazing, but I was appropriately caffeinated. I had been warned by several people to take it easy on the BBotE, but I’m fully aware that moderation really isn’t my style. I had decided that if I wasn’t hopping like a one-legged man in a marathon in another hour or so, I was going to have another shot.

Sure enough, another hour went by, and I was feeling properly caffeinated, but also quite normal. I needed another shot of The Black Blood Of The Earth. This time I decided I would try to mix it with hot water and drink it as a cup of coffee. I nuked some water in the microwave and mixed it with another shot of BBotE according to the recommended 3:1 ratio. It made one of the best cups of Kona coffee I have ever had in my life. No bitterness, no acidity, just a damn fine cuppa joe. I waited a while longer to see what the effect would be. It was around a quarter to four when I realized that HOLY CRAP WAS I EVER WIRED. I drove to my mother in law’s house to pick up some furniture she was getting rid of and it was all I could do to not yell at everyone who wasn’t driving at supersonic speeds down Broadway. Stoked with energy, I quickly packed up the heavy furniture by myself and took it back to the house. At this point I was getting ready to leave for the Friday night free concert in Cesar Chavez Plaza. My friends in Kepi The Band were playing that night. Suddenly it occurred to me, KEPI NEEDS THIS COFFEE.

Kepi, formerly of Sacramento legendary pop-punk band The Groovie Ghoulies, is one of the only people I know who is as coffee-crazy and caffeine addicted as I am. Who better to test the equally as legendary BBotE on? I quickly mixed up a batch of a shot and a half of BBotE in hot water, put it in a mason jar, and sped off to Cesar Chavez Plaza on my trusty steed Apocalypse. In the middle of my twenty block ride the caffeine really started to kick in. Colors were so vibrant to my eyes they were practically bleeding off of whatever I looked at. I became hyper aware of my surroundings. I could instantly see an imaginary predictive vector line path of every vehicle, pedestrian, or other mobile object that might get in my way and was able to instantly plot a course around them. Red lights did not have the power to stop me as I blew through traffic like a madman. My leg muscles were burning by the time I skidded to a stop in front of City Hall. I bounded up the steps, found Kepi and quickly told him about The Best Coffee Ever. He was intrigued and took a sip. He passed it around to a few other people and everyone agreed that it was amazing coffee. Not surprisingly, it was quite the energetic show that night. I managed to burn off a lot of my excess energy by dressing up in a banana costume and chasing costumed monkeys around the stage during the Kepi set. By the time I got home I was pleasantly tired, and the horrendous post-caffeine crash that I expected never came.

Over the next few days as I continued to drink various doses of BBotE, I found out a few things. The first was that taking a shot of concentrated BBotE does not get me as wired as mixing it into water and drinking it as coffee does. I’m not any kind of scientist so I couldn’t tell you why. The second discovery I made was that there is no crazy post-caffeine crash like you get with energy drinks or regular coffee. Again, I have no idea why. The third and saddest discovery is that I usually need at least two shots of it at once to feel super wired. I wouldn’t know what dosage to recommend for other folks, because my body chemistry is a bit strange and I have a weird resistance to caffeine, probably from drinking Jolt and various forms of coffee for 20 years.

One thing I will say is this, if you live anywhere near San Francisco, you need to drive your ass down to the bay and pick up a bottle of this stuff. It’s a fun time if you like good coffee and getting wired. I haven’t tried mixing it with alcohol yet, that’s another experiment for another time. If you want to try this amazing stuff, go to http://store.funraniumlabs.com/ and click on the tab that says “The Black Blood Of The Earth.”

Touring Touring, It's never boring

2010-04-08T08:41:00.000-07:00

It's that time of year again kids! Secretions are going on tour in July with our friends in Bastards Of Young, hitting the road for a limited west coast tour since we all have jobs that we have to work to fund the band. Such is the life of us working class shmucks. To make ourselves feel more world-traveled, we're including some local shows in the "tour schedule" so it looks more impressive.

I apologize in advance if we can't make it out to your town this year, we will eventually when we have more time off. If we are coming to your town, please help us out by spreading the word and getting all your friends to come so we can make it a party. Punck Rahwk!

The confirmed shows are the ones that have venues listed, the ones that don't have venues listed, we are still working on. Drop me a line at mickierat429 @ hotmail.com if you have any tips for awesome places to play. --Rat.

SECRETIONS SUMMER TOUR 2010

Friday June 25...Stockton CA @ The Plea For Peace Center
Saturday June 26th...Sacramento CA @ Casa De Chaos
Sunday June 27…Davis CA @ house show TBA
Wednesday June 30th...Folsom CA @ The Powerhouse Pub
Thursday July 1st...Santa Cruz CA @ The Parish Publick House
Friday July 2nd...Bakersfield CA @ Sandrini's
Saturday July 3rd...San Diego CA @ The Radio Room
Sunday July 4th...Phoenix-area AZ
Monday July 5th...Flagstaff AZ
Tuesday July 6th...Las Vegas NV or Orange County
Wednesday July 7th...Long Beach CA @ Dipiazza's
Thursday July 8th...Fresno
Friday July 9th...Portland OR @ Zombie House
Saturday July 10th...Seattle WA
Sunday July 11th...Spokane WA @ The BLVD.
Monday July 12th...Tacoma WA
Tuesday July 13th...Bend OR
Wednesday July 14th...Eugene OR @ Tiny's Tavern
Thursday July 15th...Medford OR
Friday July 16th...Chico CA
Saturday July 17th...Sacramento CA @ Shire Road Club
Sunday July 18th...San Francisco CA