Sorrow is an emotion, feeling, or sentiment. Sorrow ‘is more “intense” than sadness…it implies a long-term state’.At the same time ‘sorrow – but not unhappiness – suggests a degree of resignation…which lends sorrow its peculiar air of dignity’.

A feeling of deep distress caused by loss, disappointment, or other misfortune suffered by oneself or others.

Why do I feel this way? It’s hard to answer this question without you knowing who I am. I am not unhappy, but then I am not over flowing with happiness. I guess I am in the middle some where. I do want to be happy. Actually, I was almost there.

Then something happened.

Now my path towards happiness has a few pebbles in the way. Some of the pebbles have been kicked to the edges, but some rocks have appeared. They are a bit heavy and I am trying to remove them from my happy path. Just that some have moss growing on them and they are a bit slippery. I have found a good sturdy shovel to help me move them to the edge.

Some pebbles and rocks do get wedged into the path and that’s ok. I just step right over them and keep walking. As I walk, I hold my head high. I smile at the Sun and know that He is watching over me. I laugh and shake my head. I whisper to him, ” I’m taking the high road, just like you would want me to.”

I will keep on walking.

I made some simple beaded earrings and a bracelet. Now that I know how the design on the bracelet works, I have a few ideas of my own to try.

Any ways, I have been very careful with the food and drinks and it’s making a difference. I am 99% sure that what I have is an ulcer. I have been taking vitamin E and Evening Primrose to help heal the tummy. Now that I have cut out carbonated drinks, and past the craving and headache stage, I don’t even look at the pop in the fridge. Gregg has cut back too. The only problem for me is I get bored with drinking only water and tea. Gregg brought home some flavoured waters that are sweetened with Splenda.It’s a nice change. I have one bottle a day.

I have noticed that I am not really craving meat like I use to. Mostly I crave fresh fruit and bread.Instead of eating a lot of bread I have a bowl of Kashi cereal for breakfast and some fruit. Have some bread with dinner. I’m trying to cut out all the wheat products, but it’s not that easy. Wheat is everywhere!

So, the tummy is better, but there is still bloating below the tummy. Under the belly button. I guess that would be the bowels/intestines. By the end of the day that area feels like its going to burst open. I don’t notice the feeling if I wear tight pants. When I see the doctor I will talk to him about this.Maybe I will still need to get a colonoscopy.

Well, that’s my health update.

Since then I have been figuring out what is wrong with me. I did a lot of googling. I wondered why he gave me antacids so I started looking at that. Which lead me to look at ulcers. The more I googled the more I learned.

Last July I was having a lot of back pain. I was taking about 6-8 Advil pills to help with the pain.By September my tummy was hurting. I felt a burning pain that wouldn’t go away. I saw the Doctor and he told me to stop with the Advil and that I probably burned my gut. It just needed to heal. Well he didn’t tell me anything else. A month later I was back and he had retired. Long story short, The Doctor at the walk-in clinic didn’t know what he was doing. Guessing games and giving me pills that made me worse.

So here I am. Self diagnosing myself once again. I am 99% sure that I have an ulcer. I found out that Advil is the leading cause of ulcers. The antacids have helped so much. I’m also eating different. I have given up all carbonated drinks. Cut back on caffeine. Only have my coffee in the morning.(can’t give up coffee). No more fried foods. Low fat and almost no dairy products. Mostly I am eating Alkaline foods. which means cutting out acidic foods.

Since I started 2 weeks ago, about 80% of my symptoms are gone. So does this mean I am right and I do have an ulcer? Should I go back to that stupid walk in clinic doctor? Do I need to go see a gastrointestinal specialist? I do know that I still need to find a family doctor.

Image via Wikipedia

For the last 2 months I have been using oil to wash my face. Yes, oil. I seen a few posts and pins about using certain oils to clean your skin. So I started to reach it. I found out that it’s actually very good for the skin. What kind of oil do I use? Olive oil and castor oil. I did try Coconut instead of olive, but I found that it dried out my skin too much. I know, it sounds silly that the oil would do that.

Here is what you do… 1 tablespoon Extra Virgin Olive Oil and 1 tablespoon Castor Oil.That’s it! I also add a few drops of Jasmine Essential Oil so it smells better. Mix it in a small bottle. I shake it up before I use it. Take about a teaspoon of the mixture and massage it into your dry face. After a few minutes, use a wet hot wash cloth on your face. just place it on and let the heat soak up a bit of oil and it also opens the pores. When the clothes is cool, rise and repeat with wiping until your feel all the oil is off your face.

Your skin should feel clean and soft. I noticed that the blackheads I had on my nose were gone the first time I tried this. They do come back just from the days grime that is in the air plus when I wear make up. This is also a great way to remove your make up.

So there you have it. Oil Wash. You can also add some sugar to exfoliate your skin once a week. In the morning I just splash some water on my face and I’m good to go. If my face feels a bit dry I do put on some moisturizer. It’s simple and cheap. No need for all those expensive cleaners. The best part? No extra chemicals!

You can do a search on this topic and find other recipes that you might like. I just like it simple. No extra crap. It’s just not needed.

In January I started to scan all the photos I had from my life, Gregg’s life and his family and all of my Mom’s photos. It took me 6 months to scan just over 7000 photos and negatives. Since then I have only burned them to DVD. I had planned to edit them all, but I was so burnt out from all the scanning I left them alone. I guess they will get done next year.

In August I reconnected with an old friend. I never thought that I would ever see her again. We now talk and keep in touch on Facebook. I think that if we lived in the same town we would end up seeing each other every day like we use to.

Those are the hi-lights of my year. Not much else happened. I spent a lot of time sick this year. September was the worst. The pain my back had gotten to a point that I couldn’t even stand straight. I finally agreed to see a Chiropractor, (again). Over the years I have seen many and none have helped. Well, it’s been 4 months of going once a week and I can tell you that I am feeling 80% better! He knows of my neck injury and has worked around it, but now he is actually working on it. He wants to help me so that I am not so dizzy every day. There is no twisting on the neck or body. He only hits pressure points using a small tool(activator). I will keep seeing him. What ever he has been doing, is helping me.

So, what will the new year bring?

End of August we will be seeing Cirque De Soleil “Quidam”. I got tickets from Gregg for Christmas! 3 tickets. We are taking Mom with us. Very excited!

It will be our 10th anniversary in September. We are planning and hope that it will happen that we can go back to Playa Del Carmen. We try to go ever 5th year. It’s also my 45th birthday in October. So we want to be there for the end of October so I can have a drink on the beach for my birthday and we can celebrate Halloween and Day of the Dead.

Other than that, I really don’t think there is anything else so far. I do plan on getting in better shape now that my back is getting better. I guess I will just have to see how things go. Take each day as it comes. I won’t make any new years resolutions, it’s just a bit silly to make empty promises that you know you won’t be able to keep. I do want to try to blog more, but I’m not making any promise that I will do it! LOL

Happy New Year everyone!

As I was sitting and looking at the TV, I was reminded of my Dad. Listening to the roaring fire on the TV made me think of when I was a child and we were living in Vancouver at the time. We had a fireplace in the basement. Dad sitting there on a foot stool, poking at the fire and adding another piece of wood. During the Christmas season we always had a bowl of mixed nuts on the coffee table. Dad would take some and put them along the edge of the fire and roast them. When they were ready he would pull them out and crack them for us. I can see him in my mind like it was yesterday, grabbing the walnuts and tossing them from hand to hand blowing on it to cool it down. Then putting it on the brick hearth and hitting it with a hammer just enough to crack it open. I would then get the nut pick and pull all the tasty pieces out of the shell. Walnuts were always better when roasted.

As I get older my memories are fading, but every now and then some come back so clearly.

I miss you Dad. Happy Birthday. Today I have put my blue butterfly on my tree. You are with me….always.

This is the video…

And here are my nails. It’s my first try so it’s a bit messy on the edges. I think next time I will try purples.

Well here is our Tree.

As you can see my Grinch stocking and Gregg’s polar bear stocking are waiting to get fattened up.

This is part of my center piece

My Angel

Snow peeps

The table and chairs we inherited from Gregg’s grandparents. It opens to fit 8 people.

The Cabinet that Gregg’s grandparents made.

Displaying my antique ornaments.

You can see the full set on my flickr page or go directly to our Flickr

Gregg’s dad had to empty his storage unit. We have been helping him by taking all the stuff over here and then selling it. Sounds easy, but it’s not. We don’t have a truck to do it all in one load. Every weekend we have been picking up stuff and bringing it back here.  Mostly its been furniture. Antiques from the early 1940′s. We sold our own kitchen table and chairs plus 2 dressers so that we can keep a few of the antiques. I just couldn’t sell some of the items. They have been in Gregg’s family from before his Dad was born. Some of the items were made by his grand parents.

I didn’t really want to go with antique furniture in our home. Our original plan was to go with a beach/tropical theme. Now I feel that we will have to change it a bit. I think we will still be able to have the tropical look. Just need to pick the right flooring and wall colours. It will be a while before we make those changes.

My mom took the tea cart. It was made by the grandparents.

These are also homemade. Looks like we are going to keep them.

Homemade. Also keeping this one.

I have a few more pieces that I will post as soon as I can. I still don’t have enough room to actually set up everything the way I want.  Once I have everything set up I will post new pictures.

This is my before colour…. as you can see I had some purple streaks.

And now after….. The purple streaks are gone.

I like it! BUT…it took forever to wash it out. The water took about 15 minutes to run almost clear. I guess it will take a couple more washes. Its semi-permanent, so it washes out in about 6 weeks. Basically it just fades out. Good thing I bought another box!

So what do you think of the colour?

I gave up all my friends I had when I left my old life. So friends now can be counted on one hand. Which is fine with me. It’s quality not quantity that counts. Less friends means there is no gossip or back stabbing. I hate drama. It also means that my days are quiet, since most people work during the day. I find things to do at home. I also have Duncan to amuse me.

So what have I been doing? Well… I have started to see a new Chiropractor. My Mom is always trying to find a way to help me get better ever since my neck injury (my neck was snapped by a Chiropractor 10 years ago). Ever since then I have seen many Doctors and a few different chiropractor just to help with my lower back pain. No one has touched my neck since that last time all those years ago. Well, this new guy says he can help me (they all say that). I wasnt too sure, but I told Mom I will give him a try since I heard from a few people who see him that he has helped them. I have committed to 6 months with him. If there is no change in that time I quit.

I’ve been seeing him for 3 weeks now. The first 2 weeks were torture. I spent many days crying and about 10 days on the couch. But every time I saw him he would tell me that I need to feel the pain before I feel better. I guess he was right. I have been off the couch now for about 4 days. I can move around without wanting to scream from the pain and I have taken no pain killers. That is a huge plus for me. I have been on prescription pain meds for the last 10 years. I’ve been letting him work on my neck and head, but no adjustments. There is no twisting the head. He uses a toy called the Activator. Its more like doing acupressure points. Less stress to the body. It seems to be working so far.

I have been having more dizzy days but that could just be me having a bad week. So hard to tell when being dizzy is normal for me. I will keep going and hope that he will help me improve my mobility. At least now I can start walking and some light yoga stretches. I want to be in shape again and that means I have to start from scratch. My body has become so weak. baby steps!

What else? We gave up on the low carb eating plan. I gained from it and Gregg didnt lose anything. I wish we could afford to join a diet center somewhere. I know when Gregg was doing the L.A. Weight loss plan he did great. Lost a lot of weight. I think having to check in, makes a person more accountable. I want us both to be in shape. I don’t really need to lose weight, just need to tone up and strengthen the muscles. Would be nice to not be winded after walking a flight of stairs. Plus I want to be able to wear a bikini next time we are in Mexico.

So there, that’s all the exciting stuff around here. LOL…yeah its not much. Gregg is still doing his courses which will be at least another 18 months before he is done. Sure eats up the money, but it will be worth it in the long run. I guess now its time to start thinking about Christmas shopping…lol.

Anything Cookie Bars
2 sticks of butter
1 1/2 c. brown sugar
1/2 c. white sugar
2 eggs
1 t. vanilla
2 c. flour
3/4 t. baking soda
1/2 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
2 c. of add ins (chips, candies, raisins, etc.)
1 c. of nuts (optional)
Beat the butter and sugar until fluffy, for 3 or 4 minutes. Add in the eggs and vanilla and beat for 2 more minutes. Mix in the dry ingredients until just incorporated. Fold in the add ins. Bake in a greased 9 x 13 pan for 40 minutes. Let cool before cutting.

Image via Wikipedia

Why pay for a name brand exfoliator when you have it at home. I have been using my own home made scrub. It’s so simple and it leaves my skin smooth, soft and clean. What is it? SUGAR. That’s right. I add a spoonful of sugar to my cleanser a couple of times a week.  You can also mix sugar, honey and olive oil to make a paste. But I find it’s just a s easy to add it to my face wash. I use cetephil. Yes it has ingredients that I normally avoid, but its the only face wash I have been able to use without getting a reaction.

So, add a teaspoon of sugar and gently rub in circles on your face. Make sure you wet your skin first. Then Rinse. I have noticed that it clears up those tiny blackheads on my nose. Try it and I bet you will like how your skin feels. It also gets rid of dry dead skin on the body.

Have a great day!

There was one friend that I had a hard time leaving but I knew I had to. We had been friends since I was pregnant with Colby. We were so close that I thought of her as a sister, She was my family. When she and her family moved out of town, we followed 2 years later and lived a mile apart for 7 years. If we didn’t see each other each day we would at least call to see how our day went. We had some great times together. Taking the kids out or just sitting on the deck having a beer.

About a month ago when I was scanning the last few pics, I came across a photo of her daughter with Matthew. I made a quick decision and did a search on facebook and there she was. I then spent 3 days wondering if I should send her a message. I wasnt sure that she would want to hear from me. I did it anyways. Just letting her know that I have some pics of her and that I would send them to her if she wanted them.

A few weeks later I heard back from her. She was happy to hear from me and she quickly let her mom know. I then had 2 friends requests on my facebook. That was last week. Since then We have talked on the phone a few times and today She was at my door.

We hugged and hugged. We both teared up. Then looked at each other for a minute.  The feeling I had at that moment…I dont even know how to explain it. A broken bond now healed. After being apart for nearly 13 years we have found our way back to each other.

We sat out on the deck and talked. It was a short visit, only an hour. There is so much to talk about. So many things to say, but yet we talked about simple things. It was like we had never parted ways. There is no need to talk about our past. We both know those were crazy times. We lived them. Now its about what the future will hold. I can only hope for a friendship that will be  better than what we had back then.

We have both moved ahead in our lives. She has finally married her long time boyfriend. She also has grandchildren! Her hair is long and she has a few winkles but its still her. I was a bit of a shock for her…lol. I have changed my looks a lot (for the better).

After the hour was up, and it went so quickly, they had to go. Hopefully I will see her soon again. Maybe I will have to visit you next time.

Here’s to making new happy memories and that we never part again. It’s good to have you back, my old friend.

Well, I let some in. I let an old boyfriend back in. I know, big mistake, never let a boyfriend back in. This was different. He was my first, my puppy love. I was 13. I figured it wouldn’t be so bad. I was wrong. We talked, I added him to my facebook. Slowly the memories started to creep back into my head. It’s not that I have bad memories with him, but it was a time of teen turmoil. I was confused. I was running away from home. I ran from him and into a world of drugs and sex and not caring about anything.

Anyways, as we chatted I could feel all those memories creeping back into my head. I was starting to feel depressed and sad. I made the decision to disconnect from him. You have no idea how hard this was for me. I gave up my old life and all the friends connected to it, that was 15 years ago. Since then I have taken on only a couple of friends and even with them I barely talk to. My fear of closeness keeps me from attaching myself emotionally to anyone.

I spent a week just trying to figure out how to write a good-bye letter to him. I finally sent it last night. I felt relief in doing this but also sadness in the fact that I feel he needs a friend to talk to. I just can’t be that friend. I am truly sorry for that. On the good side, I slept through the night, in peace.

Ok so that was the first one.My second one is a bit more complicated. I think i will make a new post for this one.

BIG JOB!

I finished the last ones this morning. All together I have scanned over 7000 photos in 6 months. Like I said, I knew this was going to take time. I had been putting it off for a few years, but decided that it was time to get it done. I am so glad its over. Tho, scanning was the easy part. I now have to edit the photos. No, I wont be doing them all. I just want to do a few special ones.

Oh, I also took all our homemade VHS and 8mm tapes and captured them on to my computer. Now I need to edit them and burn them on to dvd.

I wonder what I will do with my free time?

I will be posting pics and vids as I edit and finish them.

This past week as I was scanning some old photos, I saw one of an old friend’s daughter. I smiled to myself and wondered how she is doing. She must be about 28 years old now. She was beautiful then and I bet she is beautiful now. She was the daughter I never had. She was family, just as her mom was family to me. I set the photo aside and continued with my day.

Both of these instances have been on my mind for over a week now. I go do other things, watch tv, clean the house, take Duncan out, but in the back of my mind I keep feeling this unsettled-ness. Like there is something I need to do, need to fix. Is it because of these two people? I”m not sure.

I have thought about this and I have tried to resolve my issues, but I cant come to a conclusion. Do I need closure from these people? Possibly. Or does it go deeper than just them?

I believe that people in my past should stay in my past. I admit that there are a few people that I would love to see again.I have lost some friends through out my life that I miss dearly. To bring them back into my new world could just end up ruining what I have now. The temptation to find people is always there for me. I want to talk to those that were so important to me.

I did reply to the facebook request and there is no need for me to go any farther, the next step is up to them. As for the little girl in that picture, I found her on facebook. I didnt ask to be her friend. I did send her a message. Just letting her know that I have a few photos from her childhood that I would be happy to send to her. She hasnt responded. I feel that she might never respond. I am ok with that.

So, what do I do with the moments in my life that haunt me? Some are sad, so sad that I get choked up and teary eyed with just one thought. Some make me so angry, but those I can handle. It’s the longing to be with certain friends that I will never see again. The ones that made such a difference in my life. The ones that were there through the tough times. The one that held out that hand that pulled you up and told you that it would be ok.

Do I find them and tell them I miss them?I dont know. Do I want to? Yes. Will I? Probably not.