“I had the blues because I had no shoes until upon the street, I met a man who had no feet.”  ~Ancient Persian Saying

Love Nature by Nimo

Attitude is everything.

Circumstances are often out of our control, but one thing is for sure. We are ALWAYS in control of our attitude towards them.

Take a look around. There is something wonderful about your life.  There is much to love, admire, and appreciate.  Is that your primary focus?  Do you have an attitude of gratitude?

From this moment forth, choose to let the good things fuel your attitude. Only one person gets to choose to see your glass as half empty or half full.  That person is you. A positive attitude is always at the core of a positive life.

What does attitude mean to you?

With several people requesting a Self Improvement Saga blog post on positive affirmations, I decided to post a new and improved version of last year’s list of affirmations.

Positive affirmations work as a wonderful self improvement technique for self esteem, finances, daily living, relationships and much more.

Ready to get started?

Just find 5 or 10 affirming statements from the list below that you would like to truly believe.  The negative beliefs of your inner critic will not change overnight; however, if you continue using positive affirmations multiple times per day, you will begin to see manifestations of their reality in your life.

Positive Affirmations for Self Esteem

1. I deeply and completely love myself.
2. I believe in myself apart from others’ opinions.
3. I feel good about taking care of my own needs.
4. I am comfortable being myself around others.
5. I am a unique and valuable person just as I am.
6. I am becoming more and more confident.
7. I love myself just the way I am.
8. I like the way I handle challenges.
9. I feel good and good is attracted to me.
10. I openly express my needs and feelings.
11. I am my own unique self – special, creative and wonderful.
12. I love and accept myself.
13. I am healthy and happy.
14. I am inherently worthy as a person.
15. I accept and learn from my mistakes.

Positive Affirmations for Daily Living

16. I enjoy the adventure of life.
17. I’m responsible and in control of my life.
18. I’m in control of my attitude toward circumstances.
19. I learn and grow through every challenge.
20. I accept the natural ups and downs of life.
21. The Law of Attraction operates in my life for my highest good.
22. I am calm and relaxed in every situation.
23. I am discovering new meaning in my life.
24. I am improving one step at a time.
25. I am healthy, strong, and capable.
26. I am willing to trust others.
27. I forgive myself and others.
28. I am willing to relax, let go and have fun.
29. Everything is getting better every day.
30. There are beautiful things happening in my life daily.
31. I experience the excitement of growth daily.
32. I am at peace with the Universe.
33. I am safe and always feel protected.
34. I am willing to allow others to help me.
35. I am always in harmony with the Universe.
36. I am filled with the Love of the Universal Divine Truth.
37. All is well in my world.

Positive Affirmations for Health

38. I am healthy in every way.
39. Every cell in my body vibrates with energy and health.
40. I nourish my mind, body and soul.
41. My body heals quickly and easily.
42. I am in control of my health and wellness.
43. I have abundant energy, vitality and well-being.
44. I am healthy in all aspects of my being.
45. I love and care for my body and it cares for me.
46. My body is healthy, energized, and perfect in every way.
47. I am healthy, whole and complete.
48. The vibrant wellness in my body increases every day.
49. I am perfectly healthy in body, mind and spirit.
50. I sleep soundly and peacefully.
51. I am living a long and healthy Life.
52. I have a healthy heart and a strong set of lungs.
53. Healthy living ideas flow to me easily.

Positive Affirmations for Abundance, Wealth, and Prosperity

54. I am attracting the financial resources I need.
55. I am a prosperity magnet.
56. The more grateful I am, the more reasons I find to be grateful
57. I pay my bills with love as I know abundance flows freely through me.
58.  Money flows to me easily and frequently.
59.  I am eternally grateful for my abundance.
60.  Wealth is pouring into my life.
61.  I am getting wealthier each day.
62.  I travel whenever and wherever I please.
63.  I am successful in whatever I do.
64.  I always have more than I need.
65.  The universe brings me fulfillment and abundance.
66.  Everything I touch is a success.

List of Affirmations for Work

67. I work with people I love, and who love and respect me.
68. Great things just always have a way of coming into my life.
69. I have a wonderfully satisfying job.
70. I love and enjoy my work and I receive the perfect pay.
71. Divine Guidance causes me to do an exceptional job.
72. I am a success magnet at work.
73. I am an expert at what I am doing
74. My work now fulfills and enriches me
75. My work is deeply satisfying.
76. I am a magnet for creative ideas.
77. New opportunities are opening for me.

List of Affirmations for Success

78. I am winning in the race of life.
79. I am successful in whatever I do.
80. My possibilities are endless.
81. I enjoy more and more success because I am the best.
82. My intentions unfold with ease.
83. I am clearly pointed in the direction of my dreams.
84. The resources that I need come to me with ease.
85. I am so grateful to be realizing my intentions.
86. I am a success in all that I do.
87. Everything I touch returns riches to me.
88. I am always productive.

List of Affirmations for Love/Relationships

89. I am surrounded with loving, caring people in my life.
90. I easily attract love into my life.
91. The warmth of love fills my world.
92. I appreciate those who love me.
93. I radiate love and happiness.
94. I am loving and accepting of others.
95. Healthy relationships are a wonderful pattern for me.
96. All my relationships are loving and harmonious.
97. My life is filled with love, fun and friendship.
98. I am loving and lovable, and I find love everywhere.
99. I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know.
100. I love myself and I attract loving people into my life.
101. I am attracting emotionally available partners to my loving and giving spirit.

I’m eager to get feedback on this topic.

What are your thoughts on positive affirmations? Do you have a favorite from the affirmations listed above?

What methods have you tried to help make positive affirmations stick?

If you’re in a healthy relationship, you know it.  In fact, you and your mate likely worked hard to get to that point.  However, it’s not always a clear when we’re NOT in a healthy love relationship. Why? Well, we usually carry on relationships in ways that we learned from others—and to us it seems normal.

We may not realize that our parents’ 40 year marriage was the epitome of dysfunction. We may think Leave it to Beaver was the perfect example of what life, relationships, and family are all about.  We may not realize that smiling, happy couples have problems behind closed doors.

The 40 healthy relationship signs below are meant to open your eyes to what healthy relationships are all about.  It’s not all smiles and kissy-face; but it’s real.

1. You can be your true selves with each other.
2. You feel comfortable sharing your deepest thoughts, fears, and emotions with each other.
3. You rarely lie to each other, but you also refrain from being brutally honest.
4. You give each other space and/or “Me time.”
5. You make it through rough times as a couple without splitting up.
6. You agree (or genuinely agree to disagree) on financial matters.
7. You treat each other the way you would like to be treated, not necessarily the way you feel you’re being treated at the moment.
8. You and your mate completely deal with your problems, refusing to leave them unresolved until resentments form.
9. You forgive each other for mistakes.
10. You don’t tell each other what you should or shouldn’t think/feel.
11. You both listen without interrupting.
12. You respect each others’ privacy.
13. You speak each others’ Love Language, even if it’s different from your own.
14. You willingly make sacrifices for each other.
15. You share mutual interests and activities.
16. You respect each others’ individuality and make the most of your differences.
17. You act as each others’ backbone, providing loving support without guilt.
18. You share spiritual beliefs or a spiritual connection.
19. You show sensitivity to each others’ needs.
20. You discuss and negotiate instead of fighting.
21. Each partner takes responsibility for their own thoughts and feelings.
22. There is mutual trust and dedication.
23. You have a strong friendship.
24. In addition to loving each other, you genuinely like each other.
25. You don’t judge or force your opinions on each other.
26. You take quality time to nurture your relationship.
27. Both partners maintains his/her own set of boundaries and respects the boundaries of the other.
28. You are both attentive to the needs of yourself and the other.
29. You enjoy physical contact (hugs, kisses, cuddling, sex) together.
30. You show appreciation for each other.
31. Hardship, uncertainty, and disagreements are accepted as a part of life.
32. You communicate openly and meaningfully with each other.
33. There is equal power between you and your mate.
34. You keep your expectations of each other in check.
35. You genuinely apologize to one another when feelings are hurt.
36. You and your mate speak up assertively instead of expecting the other to read minds.
37. You both eliminate passive aggressive behavior (ignoring, silent treatment, eye rolling, stomping, hanging up the phone) as much as possible.
38. You have a strong sense of interdependence (mutual responsibility) to each other rather than dependence or co-dependence.
39. You avoid going to bed mad.
40. You CAN live without each other, but you choose each other over every alternative choice.

If all 40 of the above apply to you and your spouse/mate, you’re in better shape than most people in the world. However, every relationship has its challenges.

Instead of using the signs that you’re in a healthy relationship as a way to judge yourself and your mate, use them as a guide to growth. After all, relationship success is a part of self improvement success.

Relationship Goodies

Get Your Mate Back – Magic of Making Up

The Five Love Languages

What Love is Not

In the Self Improvement Saga blog post 30 Ways to Reduce Stress and Restore Balance, I addressed quick-fixes to relieve stress when life gets hectic.  However, many people suffer from chronic stress that keeps coming back over and over and over.

While busy jobs, restless children and marital problems are stressful; external factors are usually not the main culprit for chronic stress.  This type of recurring, ongoing stress is often self- induced.  Now, hold on a second!  That doesn’t mean you have an excuse to ridicule or blame yourself.  It simply means that, with a little behavior modification, you can take control of your stress level—and your level of happiness.

If you or someone you know is trapped in a seemingly endless stress loop, the self improvement techniques below may be the key to your escape.

Let’s look at how we create chronic stress and the path to permanent relief.

1. Grow Accustomed to Risk-Taking

Not everyone is a high stakes gambler, but we must learn to handle some risks in order to live with less stress.  Time after time in life, we don’t have the answer, we don’t know the outcome, or we aren’t sure of the right way to turn.  Nonetheless, we have to make a decision.

The less a person is able to accept uncertainty, the more likely they are to stress-out about life’s endless possibilities.  Instead of having a panic attack when faced with the unknown, build up your tolerance for risks by stepping outside of your comfort zone now.  It won’t take long before you realize that you can handle it, you will handle it, and there’s no reason to spend your life worrying about it.

2. Give Up On Perfectionism

In case you don’t know it yet, perfectionism is not a desirable trait.  It is unusually counterproductive and stressful.

Consider this: If you can’t step away from A until it is perfect, when will you get started on B?  If you can’t handle being imperfect, how will you ever stop obsessing over what others might say about you? In the quest for perfection, how will you ever get rest or a break?  These questions address the double edge sword that is perfectionism.  It may look like you’re busy doing your absolute best; but you’re really missing out on opportunities, losing productivity, and creating chronic stress.

The truth is that even the most successful people in the world make mistakes—big ones.  And that is okay!  Nobody is perfect and you can only harm yourself by chasing such an unachievable standard.

3. No More Polarized Thinking

“If I don’t get this promotion, I’m a failure.”  That’s a perfect example of polarized thinking.  This all-or-nothing outlook adds an enormous amount of pressure, thus it is a major cause of stress.

If you typically see everything as black or white, begin deliberately exploring the gray areas. Challenge yourself to disprove your polarized thoughts with real examples to the contrary.

4. Get Over the “No” Allergy

People who don’t speak up for themselves end up taking on much more than they should.  They may say yes to others despite feeling sick, emotionally drained, physically tired, or just uninterested.

Considering that they overlook their own needs, it’s not surprising that unassertive people suffer from chronic stress. There is no quick-fix for becoming assertive, but there are many resources available to help you develop assertiveness skills.

5. Replace Negative Self Talk With a Positive Outlook

The mere act of waking up to face a new day can be stressful if you engage in the common behavior of negative self-talk.  This doesn’t have anything to do with talking aloud; it’s regarding the things that you think about yourself.

If you constantly tell yourself that you can’t do it, you’re not smart enough, you’re not pretty enough, or you never do anything right; you will constantly feel overwhelmed.  After all, it’s impossible to relax when you doubt your ability to succeed in the game of life.

Positive affirmations and subliminal messages are 2 wonderful ways to overcome negative self talk, so start affirming yourself to be absolutely awesome.

6. Bye Bye Control Freak

Since we can’t control anything outside of ourselves, being a control freak is a recipe for emotional disaster.  You can’t help but feel stressed out when you’re trying to control the uncontrollable.  Giving up the control freak mentality is critical if you want to get off the self-triggered stress roller coaster.

Start by delegating a small task to someone and refusing to dictate how they accomplish the goal.  Make it known that you have faith in them and then WALK AWAY.  You’ll feel compelled to oversee the process, but self control must come into play at this point.  When it’s all over, even if the task wasn’t completed as you would’ve done it, show appreciation.  Realize that the world doesn’t come to an end when you stop attempting to control everything and everyone.

7. Flex Your Way Out of Rigidity

For some people, variation from the plan feels catastrophic.  In fact, the mere thought of detouring from a chosen path rouses anxiety and extreme stress in those who are inflexible.  This is unfortunate because there are times in life when we have no other choice.

You may be the best planner in the world, always careful to create a plan, a backup plan, and a backup for the backup plan; however, life can’t always be done “by the book.”  A rule may need to be broken, a plan may need to be tossed out, or there may be other needs for flexibility.

If you’re uncomfortable with change, start working toward being more flexible now.  Start by adding a little spontaneity to your life.  Take a sudden vacation with little or no planning.  Try an exotic food that you never thought you’d taste. These are fun, easy ways to loosen up and let stress pass you by.

Do you use any other techniques to relieve stress or prevent chronic stress?

If you’re a living and breathing human being, you’ve undoubtedly experienced stress.  It is a natural and unavoidable part of life.

Our body’s stress response is actually a benefit since it enables us to recognize and escape stressful situations. Prolonged or chronic stress, however, can be detrimental to our physical and emotional health.

If you don’t know how to effectively wind down after having a stressful day or facing a stressful situation, it’s time to get equipped with stress reducing self improvement techniques.

Below are 30 ways to quickly reduce stress, thereby restoring balance to your mind and body.   You may want to print this list and circle the stress busters that you will use.  Nothing beats stress like being prepared to deal with it!

1. Visualization
Close your eyes and enjoy the stress reducing benefits of visualizing.  Imagine yourself in the most relaxing place you can think of.  A quiet beach, a nature trail, a beautiful island.  See yourself there.  Feel every pleasing sensation of the environment—a cool breeze, sand between your toes.  Allow yourself to stay in this place for at least 10 minutes. You can run barefoot across the sand, relax in a hammock, or drink iced tea while lying in the sun.  When you’re ready, come back to the real world feeling relaxed and rejuvenated.

2.    Diaphragm breathing
Stressful situations generally lead us to take short, shallow breaths; however, this exasperates the effects of stress on the body. By breathing in deeply, feeling the diaphragm as it expands, you may immediately reduce stress and its side effects.

3.    Comedy
There may be no better stress buster in the world than a good hearty laugh.  Laughter reduces the levels of stress hormones (cortisol and epinephrine) and increases the level of endorphins.

4.    Relaxing massage
Treat yourself to a little pampering. It doesn’t matter if you opt for a professional massage or just have a friend to rub the tension from your neck and shoulders.  Either way, it’s unlikely you can remain stressed during the process.

5. Sexual Healing
Because sexual frustration is a major stressor, it’s healthy to have an active sex life.  If you’re not currently in a relationship that includes sex, masturbation is a great alternative. Orgasm dramatically increases the “happy chemicals” in your brain, so don’t hesitate to “get busy.”

6.    Rock-a-bye
If you’ve ever rocked a baby to sleep, you understand the comforting sensation of rocking back and forth.  If you don’t have a rocking chair, a swing in your local park may give the same stress-reducing effect.

7.    Pet Therapy
Few things compare to the unconditional love of a pet. Studies show that engaging in activities with pets is helpful for reducing stress and even controlling blood pressure spikes.

8.    Vitamin C
Vitamin C helps to prevent spikes in the stress hormone cortisol during stressful situations.   Fresh fruit is best, but a glass of orange juice is also a good option.

9.    Acupressure
Some of the best stress-reducing acupressure points are in the ears and forehead.  Try giving yourself an ear rub, starting by using slight pressure on the ear lobe with your thumb and index finger.  Move gently upward then downward to massage the entire ear.  A similar technique is to place your thumb directly between your eyebrows. Apply pressure for a few seconds and then slide the thumb across your forehead and over each brow.

10.    Lavender
This essential oil has an amazing calming effect.  A few drops in the bath tub may be all it takes to increase your level of feel-good brain chemicals and relieve stress.

11.    Affirmations
Telling yourself something positive is a wonderful way to take your mind off the things that are stressing you out. Use simple statements like, “All is well in my world” or “I deeply and completely love myself” to remind yourself that you are okay.

12.    Go to the gym
These days many gyms have group exercise and Olympic size swimming pools in addition to standard workout equipment.  Make use of it!  If you usually just get on the treadmill, consider trying for Pilates, Zumba, or water exercises instead.  Your stress level will subside as your body gets moving and your mind enjoys doing something new.

13.    Music
Studies show that certain types of music are great for relaxing tense muscles and winding down from stressful situations. Make sure to choose tunes that are soft, melodic and soothing. Classical guitar is a personal favorite.

14.    Hobbies
Gardening, collecting, fishing, and scrapbooking are a few of the many hobbies that aid in relaxation. The key is to find a hobby that’s enjoyable, thus your focus on it will naturally take your attention off your stress triggers.

15.    Volunteering
Many of us feel wonderful when we do volunteer work to help others.  As long as it doesn’t turn into an obsessive care-taking situation, helping other people or animals is a great way to reduce stress.

16.    Hypnosis
Hypnosis can help you to achieve a deeply relaxed state that you may not be able to reach under normal circumstances. It can also help you to focus on stress busting life goals that you’ve been trying unsuccessfully to apply. If you’re like most people you can’t pay thousands of dollars to have someone hypnotize you, but many do-it-yourself hypnosis programs guarantee instant success.

17.    Take a walk
Walking is a wonderful way to trigger the release of endorphins.  It’s also a great way to rid yourself of agitating pent up energy that’s left in the body as part of the stress response.

18. Yoga poses
Yoga is a wonderful way to reduce stress; however, some of the poses are extremely difficult for beginners.  If you’re feeling stressed, opt for a pose such as the Child’s Pose or the Corpse.  These allow the body and mind to relax without the difficulty of stretching into an awkward position.

19.    Progressive Relaxation/Deep Muscle Relaxation
This method of reducing stress is one of the most powerful. To try it out, get completely comfortable.  Now draw in the toes on your right foot. Feel the tension and hold it for about 10 seconds. Slowly release the tension by 50%, then another 50% as you concentrate on the tension flowing away as you relax.  Do this one body part at a time with every muscle you can flex, from your feet and thighs to your neck and eyes.

20.    Positive journaling
Although writing all of your feelings may be helpful, journaling about the positive aspects of your life is an even more impressive stress reducer. Look back over the course of your day and jot down at least 1 thing that you have to be thankful for.  If you can, write 10 or even 20 statements of gratitude each day.

21.    Prayer/Spirituality
Even if you don’t believe in God or the concept of prayer, you can opt to relieve stress by turning to a power higher than yourself. A spiritual connection is a wonderful reminder that you aren’t alone to deal with your stressors.

22.    Puzzles
Sometimes the best way to relieve stress is to distract yourself. Puzzles are a wonderful way to do this. For the best results, pick a puzzle that has soothing colors or images that feel relaxing.

23.    Go for the herbs
Kava Kava, Chamomile, Passionflower and other calming herbs can be ingested in tea form. These should be available at your local health food store.

24.    Reduce caffeine
There’s nothing wrong with having a cup of coffee each day, but don’t overdo it.  Excessive caffeine can raise your blood pressure and cause undue stress.  Drinking water instead of a caffeinated beverage may quickly create a noticeable difference in your body’s stress level.

25.    Warm Soak or Bath
Water is one of the most soothing elements for many people. Take at least 15 minutes to simply soak in warm water. The de-stressing effect may be intensified by using scented candles to light the bathroom.

26.    Support system
When you’re so stressed out that you can’t seem to handle it by yourself, turn to your support system. This should include people who listen to you without judging and help without taking over.

27.    Manicure/Pedicure
Your mind will release it’s responses to stress when you take the time to treat your body nice, so invest in a pampering session.  If manicures and pedicures are too expensive in local spas, consider going to a beauty school for the relaxing treatment. By the way, this works wonders for both women and men.

28.    Meditation or Chanting
Meditation is one of the most well-known relaxation techniques.  If you find it difficult to stop your mind from wondering, guided meditation or chanting may be more effective.  Holothink Deep Zen Meditation is my personal favorite.

29.    Watch the sunset or gaze at the stars
Nature is something that everyone has access to, so it is a simple way to reduce stress.  As you look into the sky to marvel at the magnificence of our world, it’s nearly impossible to maintain a high level of stress.

30.    Arts and Crafts
Arts and Crafts may include coloring, drawing, painting, etc. The activity isn’t nearly as important as the time that you’re spending focused on something positive and non-stressful, so choose whatever you enjoy.

Although these 30 solutions provide some quick ways to reduce stress, it is also helpful to apply long term, self improvement techniques that prevent chronic stress.  Check out How to Escape the Chronic Stress Loop for tips on how to do just that.

When you look at yourself in the mirror, what do you see?  I’m not talking about the image you get upon a quick glance at your reflection.

If you can, take a moment to try this self esteem exercise.  Stand in the mirror, looking at yourself intently for at least 5 minutes. Notice what thoughts come to mind.

Are you overcome with feelings of joy, appreciation and love for yourself?  Do you see a person of amazing value to this world?  I believe that’s what we should all see.

Your Value at Birth

When new parents first hold their baby, they fall in love.  They stare in amazement at their perfect little bundle of joy. Not because the baby has done anything special.  Not because the baby is the smartest, cutest, best dressed or most successful.  Just because.

For doing nothing at all, a new baby is embraced as a precious, wonderful expression of All-That-Is. People naturally treasure these little ones, eager to admire and welcome them into the world.  But why?

The baby is completely helpless.  He can’t do anything for himself or anyone else.  He’s not contributing anything to society.  He is needy and (only in the most literal sense of the word) useless.  Still, we see the immense value in this life.

Losing Sight of Your Value

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, we lose sight of who we are. We begin to define ourselves, and each other, based on factors that have nothing to do with the core of our being.  Do any of the following sound familiar?

- My hair is too frizzy
- I’m too fat
- I’m too skinny
- Her clothes are ugly
- His nose is too big
- She’s not smart enough
- He’s mediocre

There’s no need to feel guilty about this learned behavior.  We’ve all been there.  We sometimes get so stuck on the physical aspects of our lives that we forget how wonderful we truly are.

Wake Up & Value Yourself

The simple solution is to wake up.  Wake up and realize that each and every one of us is an extension of a beautiful, magnificent, amazing Source.  We are more significant to this Universe than any physical attribute may portray.

If you look in the mirror and you don’t see someone worthy of love, look again.  Remind yourself that the precious Soul that was within you as an infant is still there.  Nothing that happens (or doesn’t happen) in the physical determines your value.

You are not your nose size, body shape, or job title. You don’t have to be the smartest, richest or prettiest to be worthy of love.  Love yourself now. You don’t need to be the most famous or the best dressed in order to have value.  Value yourself now.  You were born with great value.

Remember Your Soul Self

As sure as you are a living being, you are a marvelous expression of All-That-Is.  At no point should you stop being aware of your Soul Self—the larger part of you, which outlives ever superficial factor that distracts from the truth.

The Source that sent you here, whether you call it God or some other name, surely adores you.  So, why not value yourself?  Why not deeply and genuinely love yourself?

Value Yourself and Others

As you go out into the world today, I challenge you to see through to the Soul of yourself and others.  Find it in your heart to look past the physical.

Instead of being self conscious about your imperfections and the goals you have not accomplished, see yourself as that little baby.  Helpless yet precious.  Needy yet valuable.  Powerless yet amazing.

Think about how the little you may have marveled at your toes, fingers, mouth, and ears—experiencing life from a place of joy and wonder despite having only your presence to offer the world.

Years later, the person staring back at you in the mirror is still deserving of your love.  Go ahead and stand in awe of your own presence.  Embrace yourself with the deepest love and appreciation.  Value yourself just because you are you.

Now share that warmth and love with everyone around you.  Instead of judging people for what they’ve done or how they look, see that which is like Source (or God) within them.

Love yourself; value yourself; and see yourself in everyone else.

Related Self Improvement Blog Posts

Top 6 Ways to Build Self Respect

Understanding Low Self Esteem

I’m joining in on the fun to take on the  7 links challenge for bloggers posted by Darren of Problogger. Although the Self Improvement Saga blog is still very new, looking back over the last several months is a lot of fun.

1. My First Blog Post

I must admit that it’s slightly painful to look back at the quality of my first post.  When I published Why No Means Yes for Law of Attraction, I was just getting a feel for blogging.  I had a love for writing and a mind full of ideas that I wanted to express, but I was otherwise clueless. Note the total lack of formatting.

2. The Post I Enjoyed Writing The Most

It felt awesome to write Positive Reflection and Appreciation for the Past.  I’d been harboring mixed emotions about my only daughter becoming a woman.  As a person who rarely puts her deepest feelings on display, sharing this post with my readers was like inhaling fresh oxygen after leaving a smoky building.  Relief!

3. A Post With Great Discussion

My blog was still very new, but the post Why You Shouldn’t Keep It Real managed to spark interesting discussion.  The post was actually a lesson on unrealistic living, something that is way outside of many people’s comfort zone.

In addition to the comments, I received messages on Facebook and StumbleUpon from people who either strongly agreed or strongly disagreed.

4. A Post On Someone Else’s Blog I Wish I’d Written

I’ll have to go with the post Planting Thought Seeds by Steven Aitchison.  This post is so in alignment with everything that I believe about how we can create the life of our dreams. I love the creativity and the amazing energy.

5. A Post With A Title I’m Proud Of

Coming up with titles for posts is definitely not my strong suit, but I stepped out with boldness in Why People Lie So Damn Much.  I’m proud of this daring title because it is outside of my personal comfort zone, yet I did it. Woo hoo!

6. A Post That I Wish More People Had Read

Because I believe understanding and love for each other (despite our differences) is the key for us all to live happier lives, I wish more people had read Take a Deeper Look. The post ties in a life lesson on understanding using the Disney movie Brother Bear.

7. My Most Visited Post

The popularity of 20 Argument Tactics to Avoid took me by surprise. People flocked to the site like crazy and this post still gets more views than any other post on the blog.

To my blogger friends: Don’t forget to take on this 7 links challenge if you haven’t already.

Has anyone ever told you to let your guard down?  If so, were you able to honor that request?  Are there certain situations or people that lead you to instinctively put your guard up?

In one way or another, we’ve all been hurt before.  However, many of us respond by attempting to shield ourselves from further hurt. This is the concept called putting your guard up.

Having your guard up is the equivalent of putting bars and chains on the windows of your house.  The intent is to keep the bad guys out, but what about the price you pay for this protection?

Like the house with bars loses curb appeal, people with their guard up appear emotionally unavailable. The bars around your heart obstruct your view of the world while subsequently blocking the loving sunshine that could pour light into your soul.  These bars may keep the bad guys out, but they equally hinder the good.  When you keep your guard up, you give in to fear and subscribe to living life in chains.

Is Your Guard Up?

For those that may not be conscious of having their guard up, consider answering the questions below. If you have 2 or more yeses, letting your guard down may be the next logical self improvement technique for you.

1)      Do you look for what’s wrong with people, excuses to not get close?
2)      Do you have difficulty maintaining friendships and relationships?
3)      Do you refuse to acknowledge or express feelings of hurt, love, fear, yearning, sorrow?
4)      Do you refuse the help of others and rely only on yourself?
5)      Do you try not to ever need anyone?
6)      Do you find it hard to trust others?
7)      Do you sabotage good relationships?
8)      Have you been told that it is difficult to get to know you or that you give mixed signals?
9)      Do you avoid having expectations of others (or expect the worse to avoid disappointment)?
10)   If you’re single, do you resist falling in love?
11)   Do you shy away from people or conversations when things get “mushy?”



In order to experience life to the fullest, you must understand why you’ve become emotionally unavailable.  You weren’t born that way.

As babies, we are completely open with our emotions.  We cry, laugh, or smile freely.  So, think back to when and why you changed.  With time, due diligence, and patience, you can slowly learn how to let your guard down.

Why Is Your Guard Up?

The most common excuse for keeping the guard up is to avoid getting hurt.  Well, guess what.  You’re already hurt.  That’s right…If you have your guard up, you likely have unresolved pain that is eating away at your ability to live life to the fullest.

The starting point for letting your guard down is to acknowledge your pain, accept that you are hurt, and give yourself permission to process those repressed feelings.  Emotional pain that was never properly dealt with continues to wreak havoc in your life. But you can stop it.

Ask yourself what you are afraid of and why.  You may not know the answer right away, but I challenge you to look deep within.

Honor your feelings. Face what hurt you in the past when you were vulnerable. Acknowledge how it felt at the time and how it feels today.  Go deep into the hurt, feeling it completely and crying if you need to.

Realize that you survived that hurt—you are a survivor, not a victim.  Now, decide to release past hurts rather than allowing the past to hurt you in subtle ways for the rest of your life.

As long as you are afraid to love, trust, and be vulnerable with others, your past pain controls your present life quality.

The Whys of Letting Your Guard Down

You may not realize it, but there is a price to pay for putting your guard up.  Relationships are bound to suffer when people sense that there’s a wall between you and them.  You may miss out on a beautiful friendship, a loving courtship, improved family relationships or rewarding business connections.

You may miss out on amazing opportunities that the Universe is sending to you through people you refuse to trust.  All of this out of fear.  Do you really want to miss out on life by trying to miss out on hurt?  Nobody wants to be hurt, but to completely avoid it is to avoid living.

Reassess Your Boundaries

Letting your guard down doesn’t mean you open yourself up to be stepped on by everyone.  If you’ve experienced an excessive amount of hurt in your adult life, it’s possible that you haven’t set appropriate boundaries for yourself.  The great thing about this is that you can change it.

Decide for yourself what you will and won’t accept in your life.  What is taking it too far for you?  What types of behavior or people just don’t fit into your life plan?  That is your boundary.  Set it and stick to it.  You don’t need to continue accepting hurts, particularly repeated hurt from the same people.

Instead of remaining emotionally unavailable to the world, establish your boundaries and use them to define the who, when, where, what, and how of your life.  Nobody will run you into the ground because, even though you’ve let your guard down, you’ll stand up for yourself, refusing to have your boundaries crossed.

If you or someone you know has been emotionally cut off from others, what do you think about the concept of letting your guard down?

Related Self Improvement Resources

Relationship Healer – The Magic of Making Up

7 Steps to Overcome Betrayal and Trust Again

There are tons of self improvement techniques available to us, but sometimes it’s hard to decide how (if at all) to apply that advice in your life.  An amazing starting point is to accept that your world is primarily shaped by you—not by other people, places, or situations.

Once you realize that it is you (and your vision of the world) that determine the way you experience life, you can successfully apply self improvement information to create your life anew. Let’s get started.

Your Vision of the World

How would you describe the world that we live in? Is there a lot to be afraid of? A lot to be angry about?  A lot to love?  A lot to improve?  A lot to appreciate?  We all see the world through different eyes, but one thing is certain: What you see is based on what you believe and, more importantly, who you are.  With that said, it’s helpful to distinctly define who you are, how you’re limiting yourself, and which self improvement techniques are best for your personal transformation.

The Worrier

Are you the worrier?  The worrier is a warmhearted person who lives in a world riddled with problems and sadness.  What she sees is that people don’t care about each other, animals are harmed each day, elderly people are mistreated, laws are broken, marriages don’t last, children are abused, people are starving to death, and schools aren’t educating children.

Every time you turn around she finds a new cause to support or a new problem to protest.  Heartbreaking news, events, and circumstances surround her.

The worrier feels guilty about enjoying a day in the park with her family or spending money on things that she loves.  After all, she could be spending that time or money fighting for the next big cause.

The worrier never stops worrying about what is going wrong or what may go wrong in the future.  She’s often overprotective of loved ones and disappointed with those who “waste” their time and money. She often experiences extreme anxiety and frustration—the remnants of her focus on what’s wrong in the world.

The worrier’s world is a big mess—one that keeps her eyes filled with tears.  Her world is one in which she is not safe, her loved ones are not safe, and life is one sad news broadcast after another.

But is that because the world is truly a sad, pitiful place?  Or is it because of who she is?  She is the worrier. 

Self improvement techniques for the worrier:

• Mediation and deep breathing
• Positive thinking
• Anxiety Management
• Replace mainstream news with inspirational stories
• The Placemat Process

The Royal

For the guys and gals who believe the Earth revolves around them—life appears to pan out that way.  Take a look at the royal. His world is filled with two types of people: those who see things his way and those who are wrong.

In the royal’s world, everyone either wants to be with him or to be like him.  You can’t convince him that there’s a girl on Earth who is uninterested.  When people lash out at the royal, he doesn’t wonder if they dislike his snobby attitude.  When people stare at him, he doesn’t feel self-conscious.  Snide remarks don’t bother him one bit.

As far as the royal is concerned, people just can’t help themselves.  They are watching, admiring, and envying his sheer awesomeness.  All attention from others feeds his vision of himself.

Is the royal in fact as awesome as he believes?  Well, that’s irrelevant when we’re looking at how he experiences life.  Like you and I, his thoughts are his reality. This is his world and he is at the center of it all.

If you’re wondering how life as a royal may be problematic, consider this:  The royal may be so blissfully unaware of people’s true feelings that he never resolves problems.  He may have trouble on the job because he won’t acknowledge (or improve) his limitations.  He may have a series of unsuccessful courtships or marriages because he’s unable to cater to anyone other than himself.

The royal’s world is completely self serving and every problem he experiences is (seemingly) the result of those who envy his greatness.

Depending on the degree of the royal’s narcissism, self improvement may be out of the question.  After all, you have to believe you’re a work-in-progress in order to do the work.

Self improvement techniques for the royal:

• Choose (at least) 3 imperfections to address with a trusted therapist
• Develop listening and communication skills
• Emotional intelligence exercises
• Relationship Repair

The Doubter

Convinced that trust in people leads to pain, the doubter approaches every situation with extreme caution—shield up to guard against hurt and pain.

She fears being hurt, deceived or made to look like a fool; so she’s skeptical of anyone who seeks a close relationship with her.  And guess what!  She experiences the hurts that she fears as if they are magnetically drawn to her.  She experiences deceit, betrayal and situations that rouse skepticism more than any other person.

The doubter’s world is a threatening one—a world that constantly feeds her anxious, fearful, doubtful mindset.  With so much energy poured into shielding against pain and heartache, there can’t be much room left to experience joyful, healthy relationships.

She hesitates so long that great opportunities pass her by.  Rather than putting up with accusations and distrust, trustworthy people find their way out of her life.  But guess who sticks around to showers her with proof of what she believes to be true about the world. That’s right—it’s the people who match her beliefs.  As is true of us all, she maintains relationships and situations that are in alignment with who she is.  She is the doubter.

Self improvement techniques for the doubter:

• Process past disappointments
• Anxiety Management
• Positive affirmations
• Forgive others and release resentment
• Positive thinking
• Lifestyle Hypnosis

The Fighter

He is convinced that everything is a conspiracy and that life is primarily about defending yourself.  This is the fighter. He sees malicious motives where others might argue they don’t exist.  He’s constantly on alert; convinced that trouble, hatred, malice, and deviance are around every corner.

In many cases, this person grew up in an abusive household or was raised by a militant parent.  In other cases, this person may have neglected by parents, thus forced to constantly protect himself, as a child.

Can you imagine what life is like for those who are always mentally and physically preparing to battle, defend, oppose, and protect?  It is exactly as they expect it.

The fighter’s mentality results in situation after situation that matches his beliefs about the world.  He may expend a lot of mental energy on resisting authority or making others accept his beliefs as right.  He may also be prone to physical fighting.

The fighter’s world is an angry one filled with the need to live as an attack dog—ready to strike.

Self improvement techniques for the fighter:

• Anger management and conflict resolution
• Look for new, more positive truths
• Mediation and deep breathing
• Create a gratitude journal

Today, as on most days, my answer to the standard greeting, “Hi, how are you?” was my truth: “I’m great. How are you?” Spoken with positive enthusiasm and a warm smile, I meant it.  I still mean it.

It is not just some auto response.  I say that I’m great because, no matter what is happening around me, life is inherently great.  Nonetheless, people respond with statements like, “No. Really. How are you?” or “How can you even say that?”

Along those same lines, I get asked the most ridiculous question of all: “What are you smiling about?”  Well guess what.  I’m smiling because l feel great.  That’s right. I’ll say it again—I feel great.

Smiling When Everything Ain’t So Great

How does it make you feel when everything seems to be falling apart yet there’s that one person who is still skipping along with a smile?  Does it piss you off?  Does it make you wonder if that person is on drugs?

Do you think that person is just not paying attention to the atrocities that you see?   Well, I’m usually that smiling person and I’ll tell you a little bit about what’s going on in my head.

For starters, I’m not blind or immune to the realities that leave people feeling down and out.  I’m not unaware of the unfairness at my place of employment, the extreme humidity outside today, or even this nagging pain in my back.

I know that my country’s financial system is in crisis, sea life is being killed by a reckless oil spill, and children are starving to death on a planet with more than enough for everyone.  Yes…I see it all and I don’t like it.

The Choice to Feel Great

There are negative things going on in my life and in our world as a whole, but each day I make a choice.  I choose to smile—a simple way of sharing joy with others instead of adding to their gloom.  I choose to have a positive outlook.

I choose to appreciate every negative as an opportunity to learn, evolve, and add more good to the world.  I choose to love my role as person who can help make life on Earth a better place for us all.

With a positive attitude and the strength of a woman who greets trials head on, I choose to live a joyful life.  I choose to feel great.  And when I feel great—I smile.  And when I smile—it is often contagious.

Everyone can find reasons to cry, pout, fight and complain.  In fact, a victim mentality is completely justified for anyone who wants to possess it.  Nobody will fault you for it.  But that doesn’t make it worthwhile.

There is so much more to life than the gloom and doom.  There are far more reasons to smile than there are to frown, but we all see what our hearts and eyes are open to.  What are you on the lookout for?  Reasons to smile?  Causes for feeling great?  Or are you more open to sad songs, bad news, and angry people?

If life’s struggles have caused you to lose sight of what there is to smile about, I’ll share a short version of my list with you in hopes that you’ll wake up to an alternative perspective on your own life.

What I’m Smiling About

• I’m breathing—my lungs effortlessly supply my cells with oxygen.
• I have a smart, beautiful, successful daughter who I’ve managed to raise on my own since her father’s death.
• I have 2 best friends who love and support me in times of great sorrow and great success.
• I conveniently drive on highways and paved streets, remembering to give thanks for the people who worked so hard to construct them.
• Unlike those who are deaf, I can hear my favorite song, the voice of my beloved, and the laughs of small children.
• I have two arms. I can’t imagine what it’s like for those who can’t hug, hold hands, or even pick up a fork to feed themselves.  How blessed I am to be able to do these things with very little thought and effort.
• Independence.  With all of my senses, organs, and body parts intact, I’m able to live totally independently. I can walk, run, talk, see, hear, cook, write, read, breathe, lift, jump, drive, dance, and so much more—totally unassisted.
• I have freedom.  I could be one of the many innocent people locked behind bars, but instead I am free to walk in the park, smell the roses, spend time with loved ones, and feel the sunshine on my skin.
• Money.  I am a long way from being rich but I’m financially able to feed and clothe my family. That alone is something smile about; but it gets better. I have enough to share with those less fortunate and it feels great to do so.  There is no better gift that the gift of giving.
• Flowers. I believe that one of the most beautiful things in nature is a newly bloomed flower.  My eyes light up and a smile crosses my face each time I’m lucky enough to see colorful flowers in full bloom.
• My health is great.  Instead of struggling with disease or disorder, I am in near perfect health. I get an ache or pain now and then, but I’m excellent at healing myself naturally. How awesome!

Smiling as a Display of Love and Appreciation

Like everyone else, I have challenges.  I see things in my life and in this world that I would love to change, but none of it takes away from the fact that there is much to smile about.  A smile is the ultimate display of love and appreciation. It is a way of showing everyone that we are not all a bunch of miserable people barely making it along a dead-end road called Life.

Life is beautiful!  Every challenge creates an opportunity.  As I give thanks for those opportunities to show myself, to better myself, to create myself anew—it is impossible to hate the challenges.

From my brain to my feet, from where I stand to the very end of the Universe, there are endless reasons to smile.  I am overjoyed right now with the feeling of awareness and appreciation for all that I am.  This, and so much more, is why I smile.

Why are you smiling (or not smiling)?

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