We are busy preparing for Esther’s 7th birthday celebration on Sunday. She’s having a ‘Butterfly Birthday Party” in a bowling alley.

Don’t ask.

Honestly I’m a big fan of fancy home parties but the fact that I don’t have to clean my house today does kind of make me very, very happy.

So I’m trying to make the butterfly items that I bring to the party as fancy as possible.

Of course. We are doing lots of baking today.

Speaking of butterflies – in my week of pictures I found a pair of Manolo Blahnik’s that I need. Or maybe Carrie should have them as I would kill myself.  But could you just imagine how amazing it would be to own one pair of butterfly shoes in your life? Just one? And if you have just one that really should be Manolo’s, right?

Speaking of shopping – I wrote about the big DVF release at GapKids and BabyGap on March 15th.  I had two DVF’s wrap dresses when I was pregnant with Eloise. Two of the best splurges EVER in my life.  I’m worried though that once I buy Astrid and Esther at least one dress each from the DVF for Gap collection I will THEN need a coordinating dress for myself, right? It’s truly a slippery slope.

And if a $375 dress is not in my budget(and DVF is unable to adopt me), how about a $1.50 donut?  If you live in the Twin Cities you must get your skinny ass to Mojo Monkey donuts.  THE best donuts ever. Astrid gives them five thumbs up(you know because a finger and a thumb…same difference).

Furthermore, if I cannot swing a $375 dress – make one! We spent all last weekend sewing our own Barbie clothes. My eyes are getting too old for that past time and I evidently have really big hands.

I told Esther she could have anything she wanted for her birthday(within reason) and she said all she ever wanted was her own Build A Bear..so I took there this week(before the hand-washing incident).  She also rubbed in what a bad parent I am as she said “we walk by there all the time, year after year, and you NEVER let us go in there so I must make one just this ONE time.”   Hopefully it lived up to her expectations.

Honestly, I think the satisfaction of doing your best is better than any bear any day. But what do I know.

The highlight of the pictures this week though is truly a good depiction of the Mommy’s Mad Face that will turn you to stone. Hopefully.

If that doesn’t work may I suggest doing your homework in a swimsuit to turn my frown upside down.

Happy Weekend.

I live by the Golden Rule of respectful parenting – and that rule is “I’m doing what I need to do to parent my kids and I believe that you are doing what you need to do to parent your kids so let’s just stay out of each others business.”

Now there are many parenting moments I hear and see and I just walk on by just as I would expect someone else to do for me – unless I believe grave harm is/could be done. That is not what I’m talking about here. I’m talking about the basic things – like eating organic vs. McDonald’s or discipline or spoiling or making bad fashion choices.

I do believe that we are all doing the best job we can for our kids. So keep your nose out of my business.

Well I jumped into somebody’s parenting business today at the mall and the words just spilled out of me before I could stop them from coming out and I had no idea who I was, who had taken over my body, nor if this other mom would let me live. Here I was taking on a complete stranger in the mall bathroom no less and with my three kids standing at my side.

********

We had all just finished going to the bathroom and I washed my hands and Astrid’s hands. After washing hands I stood with Astrid in my arms facing the row of stalls as I waited for Eloise and Esther to finish their washing.

Three stall doors opened as a mom and her two young kids finished going to the bathroom and they all started walking out of the bathroom and past the sinks and OUT OF NOWHERE I said(just like I would say to my kids) ‘aren’t you going to wash your hands?’

And then I wanted to die because I could not believe I just said that to complete strangers.

And the mom said “mind your own damn business” and the little boy said “we don’t have to wash our hands when we only pee.”

And they walked out.

Then Eloise said “I cannot believe you said something to them!”

And I said to my kids “You know – they are now going all around this mall touching things that WE are going to touch and other people are going to touch and I just feel it’s irresponsible. That is how people get sick…but maybe you’re right..I shouldn’t have said something.”

But now I wonder – because even though it’s really not my business what she chooses to teach her kids…isn’t it kind of my business as we are sharing public space with them and their non-washing could get my kids sick?

So what say you internets…was I wrong to say something? Should I get a potty police button to wear? Maybe I should just stop going to the mall?

I read a parenting book about nine years ago when I used to read parenting books..you know with my first child, and this book mentioned something about the cycle of temperaments in small children.  It said that usually they are the most calm, at ease, and go with the flow around their birthdays and then it said that basically everything goes to hell at their half-birthdays.  I’m sure it didn’t really say ‘go to hell’ and instead used some politically correct flowery parenting language…but that was the gist of the information.

I need to write my own parenting book with actual useful terms.

We are currently in the ‘everything has gone to hell’ stage with Astrid.

2 1/2 sucks in more ways than I can count.  It sucks even more for her sisters who are currently in their Winter birthday ‘happy and at ease’ modes.

And evidently I’m doing some awesome parenting with Astrid lately because by the time the day FINALLY ended today – Astrid’s last words to me were ‘please no more mad face at me, mama’ – to which I responded ‘I only make my mad face after you make your mad face ALL.DAY.LONG’  -which I know is super mature but my word let’s just simmer down now child.

She’s doing so many awesomely fun things right now – like asking for things to eat and then refusing to eat them and being potty trained and then deciding how awesome it is not to be potty trained.

Good times my friend.

But I know that in just a short time the upswing of happiness will occur again and I will put away my mad face until next Winter when she tries to again kill me when she is 3 1/2. Because I remember it being the same with my older kids.

But what generally pisses me off about the whole situation is the fact that the touchy-feely parenting book was right.

And I pretty much hate when that happens.

******

Linking up with Small Style

My urban and mostly angry toddler is wearing:

-Amazingly buttery soft cotton Odette dress from Neige(and it’s currently 1/2 price..you’re welcome)

-H&M Black Leggings

-Her Target purple boots which really haven’t left her feet since October

-Target checked scarf that she took from Eloise(don’t tell)

-Crewcuts headband

Glasses – check

Kitty Cat  – Check

Upside down pencil – Check

New swimsuit for Spring Break  – Check

Sooo big – Check

Too much homework – Check

Linking up with Wordful Wednesday with Parenting by Dummies.

I’ll tell you what hurts my mother heart the most.

It’s seeing one of my children being the worst at something in a group of kids.  Week after week after week watching in pain for an hour as the other kids leave my kid in the virtual dust. Watching my kid struggle and fall. Watching my kid not progress and move-on to the other levels. Watching my big kid look like a huge kid now that they are with the little kids who have moved up to their level. And now those little kids are even better than my big kid.

And I ask her weekly. ‘Do you still like it?’ ‘Do you want help?’ Do you want to continue?’ and mostly ‘Are you having fun?’

And weekly she says that she likes it and is doing fine and what am I talking about because she is having fun and is making new friends and truthfully she spends more time giggling than practicing, and she doesn’t even seem to notice the other big kids moving up and away.

She is just doing her own thing. And that makes her happy.

Which is enough.

So why should it pain me when she really doesn’t even care about all that doing better than or as well as everybody else stuff.

So tonight I sat in the stands again and watched for an hour. Tonight was THE night where they have the tests again to move kids up to the next levels…..and I held my breath and my heart and reminded myself of what she told me…that she loved it and was having fun.

So as I mom I needed to just let it go. Let her go.

But when I saw her skate like I had never seen her skate before and watched as her instructor gave her a hug and a ribbon and a patch and scooted her off to the next level with the other big kids…I sobbed. Like ugly sobbed in the stands.  Because that child owns my heart.

****

I ran down to the benches after the buzzer and waited for her with her boots in my hands. I picked her up immediately – skates and all wrapping around my middle – and squeezed her tight and told her how happy I was for her and how well she skated.

And she said to me ‘either way it went tonight it was still fun.’

I cried even harder then.

That wise child who owns my heart.

Sometimes I think about the treats my mother would give us when we were little.

And I would wonder why she could not just bake us a nice cookie maybe?

Oh right, she could not bake. Bless her heart.

So my mom would give us a spoon of Crisco dipped in granulated sugar.

40 years later I need to know if any of your mothers passed off Crisco and sugar as a treat to you?

Also I need to know if you ate it. Because we did. And by god we loved it.

Come to think of it, her second favorite treat to offer was a knife and a Dixie cup of white sugar as she told us to go cut some rhubarb stalks back by the garage.

And we would sit there and dip freshly cut rhubarb into sugar and take yummy sour bites.

Perhaps dreaming about cookies.

I tried to offer my girls rhubarb dipped in sugar and they thought I lost my mind.

They don’t know what they are missing.

But whenever I run across a very old recipe for cookies that is meant to be made with Crisco….I make it and it tastes just like my childhood.

And you bet I sneak a fingertip full of Crisco dipped in sugar when nobody is looking.

While I thank my mom for the simple things in life.

*****
Old Fashioned Oatmeal Crisp Cookies

6 T shortening

1/2 cup packed brown sugar

4 T granulated sugar

1 egg

1/2 t vanilla

1/2 cup flour

1/2 t salt

1/4 t soda

1 1/2 cups oatmeal

Typical instructions – cream the wets and add the dry and mix well. Drop by rounded teaspoon onto cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 12-15 until flat and crispy and melt in mouth delicious. Bound to remind you of the Summer of 1972.

Unless of course you were not born yet..that would be freaky for you to think about the Summer of 1972 if you were not alive. But trust me..it was good.

My camera rested this week. Michelle and I took a few pictures in Salt Lake last weekend and she even, maybe, got me over my fear of photo-editing and Photoshop. Someday. Someday I will feel I could actual edit a photo. Grow-up, Tracy.

So iPhone -o-matic again. I know – you’re sick of my phone. Me too. Also it makes me want an iPhone 4s as my picture quality sucks.

Oh well..it’s still life.

Valentine’s Day was a smashing success for the girls. Their cards were a hit and they shared their candy with Astrid. And Jed. I’m still mainly off of sugar. Kind of.

This past weekend was a good reminder for me of what’s really important in my role of mothering my kids. My distraction are big – some wanted..some not – but I hope to focus better on what I’m supposed to be doing.

Today we jumped rope. I pretty much kicked their asses. I also am trying to teach them the perfect round-off. They aren’t that coordinated.

After ‘extensive’ Mormon research during my weekend immersion program – I wrote MORMONS EXPOSED! It’s quite revealing. Or not.  I pretty much found out that I could totally be Mormon..except for the whole no-coffee thing. Or something like that.  After I wrote that article my friend Michelle wrote a TRACY EXPOSED post..except I was fully clothed for the whole thing.  She is way too kind with her words for me..and I’ve now sat here for five days and thought of all the thing that she and I never got to talk about. I guess that means I need to see her again soon.

I also gave some tips on buying nice clothing for kids when you are on a budget. You all know I love cute clothing for my kids – so this is very tough for me. I’m slowly letting go though and realizing I can still get ‘cute’ for less.  However, in my ‘personal therapy’ of letting my issues go on this subject – I decided not to pick-out/lay-out the kids clothing during the weekend I was gone. I told Jed to just let them pick out what they want.  Upon my return home and a day of laundry on Tuesday I could not for the life of me figure out what outfits they wore that matched. I was horrified to think about what my kids wore all weekend. Little tip Jed – raspberry and fuchsia do not match. EVER. But here I am letting go not saying a work about it…letting go. Do you feel the release? No?

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Did you enter the Shabby Apple Dress Giveaway? I hope so as I announced the winner on Facebook today.

We have two new giveaways on Pin Savvy Social site this week – if you love jewelry you will love this giveaway from Guy and Eva,  and if you love children’s boutique clothing we have a $100 gift card to Tyler and Tallulah! Come enter!

Happy weekend! xo

I admit that I can splurge on beautiful clothing for my kids.

I like pretty things. They like pretty things.  Our closets have exploded in dresses some seasons. I like quality clothing and fine fabrics. I’m a kids clothing snob. I know this. I own this.

I admit to my sins.

But I have reformed somewhat because while I like my kids to look nice and have a closet of pretties..I realize that perhaps paying for college one day should trump buying the finest dresses from France.

Damn.

Anyway – you can still dress your kids like a princess in the finest boutique fashions on a budget if you truly try harder. I’m trying.

Here are some tips.

1.  Buy used – we have a few great consignment and used clothing shops here. I have also found Oilily and Mini Boden and many other brands at the local thrift stores. Yes, it takes some time to dig but you will get name brand boutique merchandise for pennies on the dollar truly.   I go thrifting and to consignment shops about one per month.

2. Buy on eBay. Now you will not always get a bargain but many times you will be surprised at the deals you can get.  Also if you don’t care about what season an item is from you can score last years ‘must have’ Euro $200 dress for less than $50.

3.  Participate and shop at a local weekend kid clothing swap/sale. These have popped up everywhere over the last few years.

4.  Garage sales. I admittedly am not a huge fan of scouring garage sales as the boutique clothing is few and far between but if you are looking for some basics this is a great way to go.

5. Clothing co-ops – get a group of friends together with your own ‘issues’ with buying upscale kids clothing and organize a shop/buy night for you all to buy each other’s goodies. It’s new to you!

6.  Buy off-season.  Right now most Winter clothing is 50-70% off so you can buy ahead for next year.

7. Sell your kids gently used clothing on eBay. I find that consignment stores don’t pay enough to make it worth my time so I would rather just donate, but my finer items I sell on eBay and then just use those funds to buy next season’s new wardrobe. It’s kind of like free that way, right?

8. Buy quality to hand-down or sell.  As much as I love a cute Target top or cardigan – I also know it’s usually just like throwing money down the drain(don’t tell them I said that). I can usually find a similar(better) item at Crewcuts or Gap or Boden on sale that really doesn’t cost that much more but will last through wash after wash and still look awesome to resell or hand down thus costing less in the long-run.

9. Learn to sew! Upcycling is huge right now.

10. Keep current on store coupons and what will stack and only buy on sale. There are many times that you can stack coupons and sales. Always wait for a sale.

11. Host a party for a brand of clothing that you love. House parties are on the rise again. Brands like Matilda Jane Clothing have local trunk keepers – so invite your friends over and you can earn free clothing for yourself and your kids!

Have fun shopping!! Do you have any other tips you use to buy the best for less?

******

Linking up to Small Style:

Eloise came home from school one day very upset. A girl in school had asked her ‘what she was’ and by ‘what are you’ the girl meant ‘what religion’ – because as the girl made quite clear to Eloise ‘you have to be something – you can’t be just nothing’ and when Eloise responded again that ‘she was nothing’ – the girl made her feel bad because ‘everybody’s something!’

So I told Eloise she is ‘something’ – she belongs to the religion of being kind, considerate, accepting, loving, charitable, peace-loving, being a good friend, and an all around good person.

She told me that maybe those things didn’t count if she doesn’t have ‘a religion name’ as her friend pointed out.

So I sat there with her and we talked about people we know.

“What about our neighbor Karen – what religion is she, Eloise?”

Well I don’t know. I never asked her

“Does it matter to you?”

No, I love Karen and she’s a great neighbor.

“And what about Kristi..what religion is she?”

I don’t know. I never thought about it before.

“And you still like her and don’t feel differently about her because you don’t know her religion?”

I love Kristi and she is super fun and always thinks about us and does nice things. I don’t care about her religion.

“What about Grammy and Papa.  What religion are they?”

I don’t know. I guess I never asked them.

“Do you think you need to ask them?”

No, it really doesn’t matter to me. I love them no matter what.

“Exactly”

“If one day you feel you need a religion I hope that you find that…and if you need a religion to define you..I hope you can find that…but honestly Eloise…I’m not sure I would want to wear a religion as a label as much as I would want my character to speak for itself because of who I am.”

*******

I just spent the weekend in Utah with dear friends. With Mormons. I know. The beautiful people.  Why is that. Why are Mormons so dang gorgeous? And talented? And nice?

And because I know you are all wanting the dirt on Mormons – here is what I found out:

1.  Mormons can kick some serious butt on the running trails and also look better in tight hot running pants than I do.

2.  Mormons will stop and let you buy a double venti latte at Starbucks when you spot the Starbucks from the vehicle. You may also be yelling “OMG STARBUCKS STOP NOW” and they won’t use you as the ‘face of addiction’ to their children  – even though they rightly should.

3.  Mormons like Sprite. Hey – so does my nine year old!

4.  Mormons wear nylons. (female Mormons only) This is truly an unforgivable sin.  I didn’t even know stores still sold nylons. This is probably the deal-breaker of joining up for me.

5. Mormons play CandyLand. I know. I thought the NoMo’s had a monopoly on this ridiculous game.

6. Mormons tell really funny jokes. (The retired volunteer tour guides at the General Conference Center were awesomely funny!)

7. The men in the Book of Mormon were extremely stacked. Buff. Well built. Muscular. HOT! (well according the paintings I saw)

8. Mormons did not try to convert me, ask if I wanted to hear more, or even mention my religion really at all. They also did not mention my tattoos.(Okay one sweet lady asked me if I was LDS and when I said ‘no’ she said she was surprised as I dressed LDS..and I totally took that as a compliment because I did feel like I was ‘with my people’ because my word the gorgeous dresses and skirts the ladies wore..swoon!)

9. Mormons let me attend church with them for three hours and I did not wear nylons AND I even got a cookie!

10. Mormons are well…nice. And just like me. Except more beautiful.

**Disclosure: These Mormon truths are only based upon the small sampling size of the Mormons I encountered during my four day trip to Salt Lake City.  I was not able to meet all 14 million Mormons.  Individual results may vary.

******

So here is the thing. I am kind of ‘nothing’ when it comes to religion. Do I believe in something bigger than the both of us. Yes. Do I have a general faith in something. Yes.

I have spent time in Catholic Mass, Methodist and many other Protestant services, a Jewish synagogue, the Call to Prayer in a Muslim Mosque, to a Buddhist Temple, a Shinto Shrine, and I have hiked Mt Sinai and have toured the great churches of Europe.  And now I have attended a service at a Mormon ward.

I’ve left all of these experiences with a sense of peace and beauty and community.

Because mainly I want to just have a general faith that people are good and just and kind to each other no matter what they believe.

And that it is usually (always?) the outliers that ruin it for the rest of us.  Whether they take it through war or politics or protests or unkind words – none of it is nice. None of it is just and none of it is anything that Jesus would truly do if he were walking with us here on Earth – whether or not you(nor I) believe he is who maybe he is.

So sometimes I go back to what I try to teach my kids. About just being good neighbors and friends -  and I wonder how so many of us have lost this very simple message. Whether it’s the politicians of today polarizing our country with religion pontifications, or why Prop 8 even exists, or why a group that actually calls themselves mothers can embarrass our motherly name with their ugly hatred towards a person and a department store, or why two people can’t just be legally married even though they love each other and have for 22 years and have a family.

And I hope that no matter what religion you are. Or aren’t. That you will just teach your children about peace, love, kindness, equality and acceptance. Because I think they need a little bit more of that these days so that maybe their futures will shine a little brighter.

I need to remind myself whenever I feel overwhelmed with my life and the ‘things to do’ list in front of me.

I need to remind myself that I created most of it.  I created the work, the time on-line, the craft to do, the cake to bake.

The class to take, the volunteer schedule, the big meal to cook.

My children don’t ask for any of this. God won’t ask me for proof of my checked-off list and if I updated my Facebook today when my time comes.

I made a choice to be a stay at home mom. In my opinion I have the best job in the whole world.

And I do know that sometimes it’s okay to want to be more than ‘just’ a stay at home mom.   And my kids need to understand that.

As long as I understand that I still need to be there. And be present in the everyday.  And sometimes they just want me there just to be there.

And that they would rather have cereal and milk or pancakes for dinner then something that took me two hours to prepare.

And really they would rather play CandyLand with me than go to zoo.

Sometimes it takes watching another mother loving on her family to remind you what is truly important.

Thank you, Michelle. You’re a true inspiration to all moms. xo