Serve at Once

For the First Time in a Long Time. . .

2011-07-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

I'm not living out of a suitcase.

I can go to the kitchen and create.

I'm sleeping on an actual bed.

I can go to the bathroom in peace.

I feel like I'm home.

Pictures to come. :)

The . . . Voice?

2011-06-07T20:21:00.000-07:00

Since my graduation, I have found myself with what could be referred to as "free time."

I have not had such a thing in four whole years.

Well. . . I was a super-nerd in high school. I did this program called Academic Decathlon. I shut myself in my room for hours as I pored over thick notebooks of minute detail in ten academic subjects. I could spout off the characteristics of a Chinese erhu and explain all the ins and outs of global warming while doing calculus without a graphing calculator (against the rules--I'm still bitter about that one). And my team won a national championship.

Explains a lot, yes?

So I have been turning on the TV a lot more than I have in recent memory--just because I can (take THAT, responsibility!). And tonight, when I put on the tube for some background noise, I came across on NBC program called The Voice.

And it is awkward. On steroids.

In theory, the format show is pretty cool idea. There are three rounds: a blind audition round, where the celebs/"coaches" choose their team based upon voice only. The coaches then mentor their flock, and set their team members off in pairs for a second round of battle whilst pairs sing the same song--and the coach picks whose performance advances. In the third round, the team members perform live (the phase of the show I watched) and garner votes. It's like American Idol, Oprah, and a musical gladiator battle all rolled into a couple hours.

However--fart jokes, innuendo, gratuitous love fests, and a pleasantly plump Christina Aguilera made for one interesting evening.

First of all, the panel of judges/life coaches/Richard Simmons-esque cheerleaders are comprised of the genre rainbow that is Adam Levine of Maroon 5, Cee Lo Green of Gnarls Barkley, Blake Shelton of the Nashville scene (and Mr. Miranda Lambert), and Xtina. Separately, these are all pretty cool people--I am fans of their music, and they are highly respected in their musical circles (even Blake, I guess? That statement is questionable). But together. . . the dynamic is just weird. Like when group members are trying to force a smile and play nice during a presentation to the class.

The contestants seemed better than your average American Idol contestants, I guess. There were a couple I'd buy a song off of iTunes for. But. . . the judges had NO criticism. At all. It was all one big love fest after each performance.

Cee Lo, on girl who sings Kanye's "Heartless" as a jazzy lounge singer: "I feel like. . . that was the best rendition of a song I've ever heard."

Blake Shelton, after EVERY performance: "Aww mayuhhn...Ahm just sew PERR-OWD of yooo!"

Xtina, on sub-Scotty McCreery cowboy: "Umm...I'm just waiting for you to take your pants off. Amiright, ladies?!"

Um...what?

. . .

I knew there was a reason I wasn't getting cable in the new house.

My Great Chain of Being (or...completely random concerns aired for all to see)

2011-06-06T21:46:00.000-07:00

Entertaining, yet unrelated to anything--much like this post

1. This "no homework forever!" thing . . . it's kinda the best thing ever. I was such a drilled student that I still chide myself for not busily writing a paper at 9 pm. It's like waking up from a nightmare and remembering that your life was much better than you thought it was 5 seconds ago.

2. It's ridiculously scorching here in Tennessee. So I decided to make a smoothie for breakfast.

New compulsive breakfast habit = found

3. Our official move-in date is FRIDAY. I am so ready to be an un-homeless-vagabond.

Someday, we'll talk about all the fun in acquiring this property.

Someday.

Now . . . it's just too soon.

4. I really like labeled containers.

5. What do you eat with mango salsa besides caribbean dishes?

6. I have decided to become more of a dress-wearer. I blame this on the EXTREME heat, but I think it's a wise fashion choice for me.

7. I'm 5'2. Have I ever told you that?

8. Here's where that fact comes in handy: I seriously can't reach the top shelf of my new kitchen cabinets. Not even close on the tip-toes. I'm going to have to find some real estate on the bottom ones before it's too late.

9. Justin Wright takes the prettiest wedding photos ever: http://justinwrightphoto.com/blog/.

10. *insert witty thought here*

What are you guys up to?

What do Grendel and a Jail Cell Have in Common?

2011-06-01T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have a place to live now.

This is the outside! It's a four-story townhouse in a developing part of Nashville perfect for young professionals (=me). While I was driving to the first showing, I couldn't keep my oohs and ahhs to myself--the neighborhood is just too cute! There are boutiques, froyo shops, cupcake stores, a dog park, and a beautiful creek that runs along the edge of the development. I cannot believe I actually have an address there.

The top floor is a loft and belongs to yours truly.

Can I get an amen?!

It's kinda huge. As in, 20x11 kinda huge.

And please don't laugh at me...but I have absolutely NO furniture to my name. Not even a bed.

And also don't laugh...but I have NO visual creativity in my body. I'm serious. When we read Beowulf in my senior English class in high school, our no-nonsense 75-year-old teacher decided we were going to make Grendel puppets out of brown paper bags. And she showed us her puppet first so we wouldn't feel bad about our lack of artistic ability. So I worked really, really hard on my Grendel puppet; I mean, how often do you get to break out little googly eyes your senior year of high school? I was so excited to turn mine in. When Mrs. Hardin went through our stack of heinous puppets, she laughed as each was more ridiculous than the next. When she got to mine, she paused. She cocked her eyebrow to the side...then she cocked the puppet to the side. She looked at me and said, "This. Is ugly." And she put it down without another word.

I can't make puppets of fictional monsters. The only thing I've ever had on my walls in the dorm is a plethora of "Happy Birthday!" signs in different languages a friend made for me and pasted on my wall. In March. My senior year. Many have compared my dwelling places to prison cells.

AND I REFUSE TO LET DOWN THIS BEAUTIFUL HOSUE.

I'd rather this cute little place, amidst cupcake shops and boutiques, to be compared to a prison.

Soooooo...I have decided to turn to YOU, my wonderful friends, for some guidance.

Where do you get design inspiration? What's been the best furniture deal you've found? Do you have any favorite Etsy dealers? Wanna come to Nashville and decorate my room in exchange for a hug and some cookies??!

5 Words

2011-05-31T17:19:00.000-07:00

We. Got. The. House.

Amen.

One Less HGTV Show That'll Never Have Me

2011-05-26T12:49:00.000-07:00

I have decided I NEVER want to be on House Hunters.

I'm in the midst of negotiations for this townhouse...and I'm already a nervous wreck.

I really don't need a camera crew to capture the way I incessantly twirl my hair when I'm nervous. Or chew my lip. Or bug out my eyeballs.

And I don't need Suzanne Whang to chirp about how the seller rejected my offer because of my dearth of credit. Seriously.

And this is what it's like to RENT something? How about going through actual negotiations, after you've stood naked with your finances in front of God and everyone, when you're trying to BUY a house?

Sheesh. No thanks.

Oh Bloggers, I'm Ho-oooooome!

2011-05-25T13:11:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody!

It's hard for me to believe that it's almost summer (and, subsequently, that no less than three cicadas have flown into my face today).

I mean, that picture below this post...it has snow in it.

I know, I know. Wayyyyyy to keep you updated.

Needless to say, it's been a very busy past couple of months.

I graduated from college! You can see here that I'm wearing no cap. In fact, I didn't take one single picture with my cap on after the ceremony. The day such such a blur and the culmination of 3 months of solid exhaustion. When I finally plopped myself on the couch that evening, my mom quietly said, "You know, you should've taken a picture with us."

You guys. I was so out of it I didn't even take a photo with my parents.

*Cue mortification*

So you know that whole thing where you're supposed to get a job after graduation? Well, I did. I graduated on May 9th and began working May 11. For those keeping score, I graduated on a Saturday and began work on that Monday.

Yep.

Oh, but I didn't even tell you the best part yet: I'm kinda homeless. As in, I have no address.

*Cue Mortification*

It's ok. I'm just glad I have friends who will take me in. Otherwise...well, I don't really like to go a day without showering anyway, so...you do the math. Please. I graduated with an English degree. But a couple of my friends and I are looking at an ADORABLE townhouse to rent. I'll keep you posted; I'm ~~probably~~ definitely going to need some decoration advice, as my dorm room last year looked like a prison.

Seriously. The only things I had up on my walls were signs that said "Happy Birthday!" in thirteen different languages. And I didn't even put them up. To top it off, my birthday is in March.

So did I tell you I work in publishing? It's kind of awesome. I work in corporate communications, so I get to talk to people about books. And then I'm also a freelance editor, so I kind of get to make them too. I love my job. Love love love. I'm really glad I get to do this for a while.

Shameless plug: if anybody wants to send me work, I'm more than willing to edit your things to death.

So as you could probably guess, there hasn't been as much cooking creativity as I'd like there to be. But once I get settled into a house within the next month, you better believe I'll be cooking up a storm. There's only so much Subway a girl can take, ya know?

How are YOU doing?!? I've missed you all!

Operation: Life Update

2011-01-20T23:25:00.000-08:00

Hello, my friends!

I have missed you. Greatly. Like, for serious.

I hope your January hasn't been too Januaryish and that all of your wildest dreams have come true.

I kinda like you guys a lot.

So, school started. And as much as I have told myself it wasn't going to be a crazy whirlwind and that I was going to keep my schedule under control and that I was going to cook and blog every day...

Well...

Life happens. Shock.

Let me give you a rough sketch of what I've got going on:

17 hours, including the most fulfilling, work-laden English classes offered by the university
Also including a Practicum in which I'm compiling a journal for a literary conference
Also including yoga. Thank goodness.
Two jobs.
Being President of our campus honor society
Serving as a mentor for younger students on campus
A blog

And to all of this mix, I have added...

An internship.

My dream internship.

Today, I learned that I'm going to be working at one of the publishing companies located in town.

!!!

Sorry. I'm a little giddy.

I don't care if I'm the coffee-mistress/goddess of the sandwiches/"that dumb intern." I'm just excited that someone would let me watch how books are made.

I've gone from a kid reading box while sitting inside a box full of books to learning how books are made. Seriously, how much cooler can it get?!

I know, I know. I'm a nerd.

But a very happy nerd, indeed.

Gettin' Schooled

2011-01-10T23:26:00.000-08:00

So today was my last first day of school.

Um...what?

Such virile, care-free little freshmen...

It's a funny thing, this school business. You compel a kid to be immersed in it for 17 years, then you send them off into the wild blue yonder with only their gumption and imaginations to sustain them.

Well, maybe it's not that extreme. They might have some 200 thread-count extra-long twin sheets to drag along. And that's about it.

Gone will be the experience of striving to find the right room number, to search a sea of faces until a familiar one rises to the surface. I will bid adieu to making small talk about the elapse of time where I will hear about 10,000 ways to convey that Christmas break was, indeed, a pleasant experience--or just "good." No longer will I rush through a syllabus to peruse the assignments and instantly gather my plan of attack in my head. I'll say farewell to the vows I make to myself every semester-- that I am a wise student who will not procrastinate on my assignments and essays and stay up til 4 am on deadline days yet again.

Well...maybe not that last one.

But now that I think about it, the "first day of school" experience is not something that will be leaving my life anytime soon. Anytime I launch into a new undertaking, I am consciously going through the motions of the first day of school: a desire of acclimation and a chance to prove my worth. This happens to me every time I get a new job, and I'm sure it'll happen when I go through other life transitions: getting married, having kids, getting a "real" job. I've got to remember that I wasn't born to be a student, as much as I'd like to think so. I have gone to school as preparation for doing something good for this world, and that is a comforting thought.

Also comforting: enough people love me that I know I won't starve in the next year.

As I was sitting through my lectures today, I couldn't help but think how blessed I am to have attended a university and have met the most knowledgeable but caring faculty I could've dreamed for. I am surrounded every day by educators who are not only passionate for their studies, but have an earnest desire to share that joy with fellow scholars. Teaching is one of the most noble professions because teachers shape the minds--and, consequently, the lives--of their students, which has a profound effect upon generations of people. However, most teachers do not get to see the fruits of their labor; they are only able to see their seed germinate. It's an awe-inspiring thought, if you try to wrap your brain around it.

Lately, I have been growing frustrated by the number of conversations I've been having with well-meaning, polite people about the status of my future plans. Observe:

Well-meaning, polite person: So I hear you're graduating in May! Congratulations! What are you majoring in?

Me: English!!! :D

Well-meaning, polite person: Oh! So you're going to teach?

Me: Well...no...

Well-meaning, polite person: ...

*crickets*

I want to shout from the rooftops that there's more to my major than being a teacher--that learning about the world I live in, the people who inhabit it, and those those people communicate with each other is one of the most valuable, marketable skills in the universe. There's not really a name for my passion or what I want to do with it--other than ~~saving the world~~ making the world a better place to live. Now I just need to find somewhere that I can write and talk about things that will make the world a better place...I think.

So here's to you, my last semester of school. May I stretch my brain to learn more about the world, how to better understand the people around me, and how best to meet their needs.

And if I end up a teacher, then I have some great models to follow.

Oh. You weren't expecting rambling? You wanted food?

Here you go.

I'm going through a pie phase. I can't help it. They're exceedingly delicious.

You'll get to learn how to make it soon. I'll teach you.

...

Maybe I'll end up a teacher after all.

How To: Beautifully Crimp Your Pie Crust

2011-01-07T23:54:00.000-08:00

This week, I haven't been around my laptop much.

I've actually been spending time with my family before I start my last semester of school...on Monday.

There has been much sleeping in, Mario Kart, late-night sweets, and giggly nonsense. I've gotten used to living at home again, and I'd rather not go back to the grind. In fact, I would say that I'd be a great professional hermit!

Any takers? Any at all??

...

In order to boost my portfolio in professional hermitism, I've decided to include a tutorial for making a pretty pie crust. I figure if I'm going to be a good hermit, I better make myself useful, right?

Right.

I've gotten many inquiries as to how I crimp my edges on my pies...which is completely ironic because I don't know anyone who crimps their edges like me. I just figured I was always doing it wrong.

Oh, irony. You never fail to impress me!

To take these photos, I ~~forced~~ enlisted the help of my amazingly talented twelve-year-old sister. She's the master behind the photography you'll see today.

Hi, Mariah! You're awesome, and I love you a lot.

First, you should have an unbaked pie crust in your possession. You can purchase one in the little red box at the store...but why do that when you can make this one? The items are in your pantry. Right now. Or my demon cat's name isn't Lucy.

You're right. It's Lucifer.

Kidding!

...

But only slightly.

Pick a place to start on your pie. It kinda doesn't matter because your pie will be a circle.

Unless you're my freshman geometry teacher and you make square pies to instill that the area of a circle is "pies are squared."

Pi * r 2. Get it?! Apparently, I did. I also remember that to teach us how to calculate sine, cosine, and tangent, she came up with this pneumonic: Old Hippies Are High On Acid.

She definitely should've gotten paid more.

...

We now return to our regularly scheduled program already in progress.

See what's going on here? All you have to do is take your two index fingers, press down on the dough, and push them together to make a little peak.

Once you continue around the circle, you'll begin to notice your fingers making a loop motion--almost like you're making a J.

I hope that's not as clear as mud. If it is, I'll say this: make it look like the picture.

How's that for helpful?

I have a way with words. I am an English major.

Seriously, repeating that motion around the crust will make a beautifully crimped edge. And the beauty of pattern repetition doesn't stop at pie crusts. Repeating patterns will take you big places when you're piping the edges on a cake or placing fruit in a tart. The human eye can't get enough of a nice pattern; the little things really do take us a long way.

And there you have it: a beautiful pie crust that will serve you well in a variety of mediums.

Like this one.

Or this one.

It only takes a few minutes to give your pie some class, so why not?

So...about that position as a professional hermit...

Still no?

...

Ok.

Peanut Butter Crunch Pie

2011-01-04T13:51:00.000-08:00

It is a sad day when I pout at the thought of getting out of my pj's.

Is this what the holidays have done to me? I scoff at the idea of going anywhere in favor of hibernation. Granted, it is the proper season to hibernate, but I'm not a forest creature...so I don't really have a good excuse to check out for the winter.

And it doesn't really help my productivity that my mom has a sweet tooth the size of Alaska and keeps goading me to stay in the kitchen and make her things. Then again...it doesn't take much pushing to get me to make desserts.

I'm hopeless.

And so, coupled with my extreme lethargy and inability to let go of holiday confections, I made this pie.

The filling has only FOUR ingredients. Four. That's it. And that's all it needs.

Four.

It's the perfect pie to make if you're in a bind and you need something sweet. This happens to me fairly often. I've come to terms with this.

This recipe is inspired by one from my sweet Granny, so you know it's gonna be good.

Let's make it!

Bake yourself a pie crust. For the record, this pie would also be fabulous with a graham cracker or an Oreo crust. Let it cool to room temperature.

You will need: cream cheese, whipped cream, powdered sugar, and peanut butter. That's it. Isn't life grand?

Plop the cream cheese into a large mixing bowl. I tried to make the cream cheese a little more photogenic...but I think I made it even worse.

I...I'm sorry.

Add your powdered sugar.

And beat them until they're well-combined.

There we go!

Add your peanut butter. Try not to swoon.

And, again, beat the mixture until everything is well-combined.

Relevant side-note: I use chunky peanut butter in my pie. I've used both crunchy and smooth, but I enjoy the crunch that the chunky provides. If chunky peanut butter isn't your thing (or you've got a little one who will help you eat it), go for the smooth. It'll be great!

Irrelevant side-note: I didn't know that chunky peanut butter existed until last year--seriously. My mom always used smooth. I ~~don't~~ didn't get out much.

And...back to the pie!

Oh...this is what I like to see.

It takes about all of me not to eat this entire bowl at this point. And I'm not even done yet.

Now add your whipped cream. Or Cool Whip. I don't care what you add, actually; I like them both. That might make me uncool...but I'm already a dork, so I don't have much to lose.

Start folding the whipped cream into the peanut butter mixture. I try to do this semi-carefully so I don't disturb the body of the whipped cream.

If you're unfamiliar with folding, take your spoon, wipe it along the sides of your bowl, and flip the mixture into the middle of the bowl. Repeat a billion times; that's the basic premise.

Keep folding!

You can do it!

You're almost there. I promise!

Mmm...hello there.

(I think you can stop folding now.)

Just spoon the mixture into your pie crust of choice. You can let it chill for a few hours to firm up the texture, buuuuuuuuut...

I don't do that.

Not that you should be like me or anything.

This is a tried-and-true that'll serve you well at potlucks, family functions, and whenever you need a quick-fix dessert recipe.

Unless you're allergic to peanuts. I never recommend anaphylactic shock to anyone.

Peanut Butter Crunch Pie

Print this recipe

1 9-inch pie crust, baked and cooled
8 oz. cream cheese, softened
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup chunky peanut butter (creamy works, too, if chunky isn't your thing)
3 cups whipped cream, or 1-8 oz. carton of Cool Whip

In a large mixing bowl, cream powdered sugar and cream cheese until well-combined. Add the peanut butter, and mix well. Fold in the whipped cream into the peanut butter mixture; this process will take around 3-5 minutes. Pour into pie shell of choice; serve at once or chill, if firmer texture is desired.

If you've been extra good lately, drizzle on your favorite chocolate sauce! Or...if you haven't been very good, maybe this will inspire you to do so.

It's just a thought.

2011: The Year of Courage

2011-01-01T23:11:00.000-08:00

Hello, friends.

So you know how everybody's been all pensive lately, recounting the year behind and facing the new one with resolve and determination?

Well...

All I have been doing is stuffing my face with this.

I count it as therapy for witnessing the Music City Bowl in person. Oh...my heart hurts as I think about it.

I'm sorry if you're not a Tennessee/college football fan/ESPN watcher.

Well maybe I'm not sorry. Then you'd know what I was talking about, and then your heart would be breaking too. And I wouldn't want that for you because I love you too much.

Sigh.

HOWEVER, I am determined to make the best of this year. This is going to be a year of change for me: my undergraduate career ends in May, I am (hopefully) going to find my first "real" job, and hopefully I'll have the skills to pay the bills--"hopefully" being the key word.

I'm not going to lie to you: I got a little teary at 11:45 last night thinking about the year that sits before me (I'm a live wire at parties, you know). I happen to be a worrier and a little bit of a control freak (thanks for those genes, Mom!), and I don't like looking into a cloudy, near-distant future that's going to impact how I'm going to live. However, I know that's pretty much how life is going to be--nothing in life is guaranteed, and each day is a precious gift. Lately, a dear friend has been been encouraging me to live in the moment, and I'm finding that there's so much beauty in simply appreciating each moment for what it is. And I'm consciously aware that life will not end if I don't end up with a job that I fully enjoy--or even get one right away. All I can do is work hard, pray, and make the most of what I have.

It's a good thing I enjoy beans and rice. Just sayin'.

So with all of the changes that I'm facing this year, I have deemed 2011 to be the year of courage and will strive to live by the mantra of, "The worst thing that ___________ can do is say no."

That is the very worst, right? Please don't tell me otherwise at this point. Please? I would rather just live in that comfort zone for a little while longer.

Despite my apprehension, I am excited about this year. While my brain is wrought with MAJOR CONSTERNATION at this point, my options (barring neurosurgery or rocket science) are conceptually limitless. I know I can survive living weeks at a time eating the same thing and getting minimal hours of sleep while still maintaining a fairly high level of productivity. I really like people, and I'm excited to actually put my education to use and feel like I'm actually doing something to help someone.

And...I'm ready to make more than minimum wage.

So here's to you, 2011. May I learn to adapt to new environments and unfamiliar situations, learn more about the world, and make my own whole wheat bread. I'm tired of staring at the bread aisle and debating on whether I'm going to spend $1 or $4 on edible or enjoyable starch.

And may I eat less of you.

...

Maybe.

A Culinary Christmas

2010-12-29T21:26:00.000-08:00

So here is my Christmas post. Five days after Christmas.

I never said I was punctual.

So here are a few things that Santa blessed me with for the coming year. He really knows how to hook a girl up!

Shiny new all-purpose tools with a pretty canister to hold them--a must for any kitchen. I am especially fond of the slotted spoon, as it has a long handle that has already prevented me from burning myself while cooking pasta. Score for you, slotted spoon!

A brand-new rolling pin--the better to make biscuits and pie crusts with, my dear.

Wait a minute...who's that lurking on my sweet new tool?

Well, it's none other than my BFF Paula! Hello! My hips and I love your work!

A sturdy, dark cookie sheet. Nothing has stuck to this bad boy yet.

Oh.

Oh my.

EEEEEEEEEEEP!

These were most definitely unsolicited--as were all my other gifts--but whoa. These babies took me by surprise.

I could hardly force myself to open the box because I wanted them to stay as pretty as their picture.

Finally, I managed to crack the lid.

I stared at this for approximately 5 minutes. No lie.

I psyched myself up to move off the lid.

And I decided to play it cool.

Oh. Hello, there.

Do you come around here often?

Maybeeeeeee I'll just see you in a few ~~years when I'm more responsible~~ days.

*Gulp*

Facebook and Twitter and Updates, Oh my!

2010-12-28T01:30:00.000-08:00

I am self-diagnosed sufferer of ADD.

It's true.

Every time I become exasperated with my inability to focus on one thing at a time, I make ADD my scapegoat.

It's hip. It's convenient. And it's the truth.

Maybe not that last one. I don't have to worry about being good til January 1 because my New Year's Resolution of behaving doesn't kick in til then.

I'm pretty sure one of the things that feeds my ADD is my penchant for social media. But I don't really care because I enjoy getting to know people on the internetz.

Exhibit A: this blog

So I have widened my parameters of communication so that I can get to know you, my friends, in your inner sanctums. Like Facebook and Twitter.

I am thoroughly convinced that Twitter is crack to my ADDness. I feel like I can embrace being random because I am confined to 140 characters. This simultaneously thrills and terrifies me. Signing into Twitter almost makes me feel like I'm playing virtual ping-pong.

Not Pong. I feel like Myspace is more like Pong. Sorry, Myspace.

Not that there's anything wrong with Pong. Sorry to group you in with Myspace, Pong.

You can follow my randomness here...if you're up for it.

For a more conventional (and who in 2006 thought Facebook would be considered "conventional?") means of communication, I have started a Facebook page. On Facebook, I feel a little safer, a little more streamlined, a little more cohesive. I feel like I can stop and smell the roses or have a leisurely chat with someone. It's all good in the Facebook world. To follow my page, you can click the "Like" button on the left sidebar. Or you can go here.

Also, my posts are available through RSS feeds (like in a Google Reader) or via email subscription. I'm just here to give you more and more options ~~until your head explodes~~ because variety is the spice of life.

FYI: I'm trying to figure out a way to make my sidebars a little more aesthetically pleasing. If anyone has any suggestions for improvement/coding already done for me, I'll give you all of my milk money.

Seriously.

Sidenote: has anyone finished off their holiday dessert buffets? My mom baked two batches of cookies today, and our supply of sugar has been replenished. This is why I'm never growing up and getting a real job.

Just kidding. Hopefully.

This post today was brought to you by the letters "A" and "D"...and "D."

Buttermilk Biscuits (AKA, Another Way to Serve Leftover Holiday Ham)

2010-12-26T23:21:00.000-08:00

Hello there!

Did you have a lovely holiday? I know I did.

There was family, food, and love all around. My mom played Mario Kart Wii with us, and she laughed til she cried. My brother taught my sister how to Dougie.

Oh yeah. I'd say it was a pretty good Christmas.

I was having so much fun...that I didn't document it in photos.

Oops.

I'm sorry. I just really enjoy experiencing the magic of the moment without being flustered at getting the right shot, you know?

I knew you'd understand. You're a precious soul!

But I did document something that's gonna help you out: how to get rid of your leftover holiday ham.

Let me let you in on something: the best way to quickly disseminate leftover ham is to tuck it inside of a piping hot buttermilk biscuit.

Down here, biscuit recipes are a dime a dozen; if you ask a hundred people how they make their biscuits, you'll get a hundred answers. However, if you're into warm, fluffy, and begging-to-be-split-and-filled-with-deliciousness, you have come to the right place.

Come, come...I will show you how I make them.

You will need these tools. I threw them on the table like this, and I was so impressed with the way they landed that I decided to show you too. You're welcome.

Your partners-in-crime include: shortening (preferably butter-flavored), buttermilk, sugar, flour, salt, baking soda, salt, and butter.

Oh yes. It's going to be a good morning.

First, get yourself some flour.

And dump it into your large mixing bowl.

Grab your measuring spoons, and and get some sugar--granulated, although I'm sure the other kind would also make your morning a little better.

If you don't know what the other kind is...you need to get out more.

I kid!

Now pop open your baking powder, and add a couple of teaspoons.

And don't forget to add that last half-teaspoon! You want these to be fluffy clouds of deliciousness.

Add some baking soda, and feel a tad ashamed of your imprecise measurements.

Oh. And you added salt. Did you forget? Because you did. Honest.

At this point, you could sift your dry ingredients together. But I neither have a sieve nor the patience to use one here, so I just settle for a fork.

This, my friends, is butter-flavored shortening. It's a staple in my pantry for its fat-content to add to breads and pie crusts, as well as a go-to for greasing pans. I've grown up with it. I've embraced it. If I die earlier because of it, I accept my punishment happily.

I'll blame it on my Southern upbringing. It happens.

Soapbox: now vacant

You're gonna want to use a paper towel to get the residuals out...unless you want slippery hands from now until next Christmas.

So with your dry ingredients well-combined and your shortening now in the bowl, your task is to cut the shortening into the dry mixture--that is, you need to combine your dry mix and shortening until your bowl seems to contain coarse cornmeal.

There are a few ways of cutting shortening into your mixture: using a pastry cutter, or using a fork. As I do not possess a pastry cutter, I decided to go the fork route because ~~I have no other choice~~ I'm economical like that.

This process takes fortitude and dedication, but I have complete faith in you!

Trust me: your reward is worth it.

Ok! You can be done now.

"Coarse cornmeal" can seem like an arbitrary term, so now you have a pictorial reference. This is what we're looking for: coarse little bits that'll contribute to the thick, puffy texture we are seeking.

Now here's the fun part: make a well in the center of the mixture.

We get to fill it in a second, like a swimming pool at the end of May.

I know the anticipation is killing you.

Grab your buttermilk, and conjure visions of kindergarten snack time.

Personally, my favorite part was opening up my milk carton.

Instant accomplishment = instant gratification

Ahh, buttermilk. You can add regular milk with good results...but this recipe isn't called "buttermilk biscuits" for nothin'.

I really enjoy the delicious richness and acidic tang buttermilk adds to this recipe. It's just delightful in your bread products.

Pour your buttermilk into the well.

Now take your trusty fork, and fold all of your ingredients together.

Keep mixing until the mixture is well-combined and follows the fork around the bowl.

That looks about right!

Now flour a flat surface reallllllllllllllly well.

And discard your doughy mass onto it.

Thou shalt knead thy dough five times hence.

And thou shalt flatten it into a disc.

And lose the King James English and roll out your dough.

Roll it out until it's about a half-inch thick. This is gonna make ya some good biscuits. Trust me.

To make uniform biscuits, you need a biscuit cutter. And mine...

...is a coke glass.

I'm just keepin' it real, y'all.

Don't scoff! It's 3-inches in diameter, and it works just as well as anything you'd get from anywhere.

Well. That was descriptive, wasn't it?

Get as close to the edges as your can, and gently press your ~~glass~~ cutter down. Repeat.

I actually squeezed out eight from the first roll out of dough. I feel accomplished.

Mmm...still more biscuits left to cut. Yes.

Ok. Now I'm getting excited.

Let's brush some melted butter on these beauties.

Gorgeous.

But it still needs some beauty sleep in the oven.

Yes. Mam.

I mean, look at him. He's begging to be split open and dressed up. And who am I to deny him that?

Strawberry preserves and butter. These are nice serving suggestions.

But I think I promised you an outlet for your holiday ham.

And...I think you just found it.

These might be my favorite breakfast. Ever.

Buttermilk Biscuits (makes 8-10 large biscuits)

Print this recipe

3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tablespoons sugar
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup shortening, preferably butter-flavored
1 cup buttermilk
2 tablespoons butter, melted

Preheat oven to 450 degrees Fahrenheit.

In a medium bowl, combine flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt; mix well. With a fork or pastry cutter, cut the shortening into the dry mixture until the mixture resembles coarse cornmeal. Make a well into the center of the bowl, and add the milk, stirring until the dough follows the fork around the bowl.

Flour a flat surface well, and place the dough on top of it. Sprinkle the flour on top of the dough, and knead five times. Form the dough into a flat disc. With a rolling pin, roll the dough until it is a half-inch thick. With the biscuit cutter of your choice (I use a three-inch to make large biscuits), cut out the biscuits.

Place the biscuits into a greased iron skillet or sheet pan. Brush the top of the biscuits with one tablespoon of melted butter. Pop the biscuits into the oven for 12-14 minutes, or until golden brown. Brush the biscuits with the remaining melted butter; serve at once with your favorite butter, jellies, preserves, or meats.

P.S. See these biscuits and other great breakfast treat over on Finding Joy In My Kitchen's Countdown to 2011:Breakfast.

'Twas the Night Before Christmas, and in Tennessee...

2010-12-24T01:40:00.000-08:00

...Amy whirled around the kitchen, busier than a bee.

Don't worry--I'm not going to heroic couplet you this entire post.

Thank goodness.

So it's Christmas Eve, which is probably the best day of the year.

But...why is Christmas Eve the best day of the year, you may ask?

Because I get to spend it leisurely in my kitchen--that's why!

I get to make things like this:

Which get filled and turn into things like this:

And while I'm making that, I get to munch on things like this:

Don't hate; it's always salsa season in this house.

Fact: my family are two quarts of a fresh batch I made today.

Just sayin'. Tis the season.

There will be even more pies made, and ingredients will be prepped for culinary ease tomorrow afternoon. A turkey will be dressed and sent to bed at approximately 11:30 pm for a 13 hour roast.

Oh yes. Low and slow=moist and delicious, my friends. My great-grandmother said so, and after eating the results for 21 years, I'm a believer. I'll make a believer out of you too. You'll see.

But perhaps my favorite part of Christmas Day is breakfast, when my family will eat this:

And I will make this tomorrow. And consume spoonfuls of batter.

Oh. Yes.

If I don't go into a sugar coma, I'll count that as my Christmas miracle.

I hope you and yours feel the joy and mirth of the season, and that you, too, do not lapse into a food-related coma.

I'm thankful to have met some of the nicest people on the internetz, and I want you to know that I'm thankful for each and every one of you.

Merry Christmas, y'all.

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies

2010-12-21T22:34:00.001-08:00

I have an interesting family dynamic.

I come from a family of four women, including myself, and two men.

Bet you can't guess who rules this roost!

Sometimes I feel bad for my dad and my brother. They are privy to many conversations that I'm sure ~~gross them out~~ don't interest them, and they're pretty good sports about it most of the time. We women understand their guy needs and try to delegate with them the best that we can.

But when it comes to desserts...chocolate is the KING of this house.

And this is no different when it comes to the subject of cookies.

About 99% of the time, the cooking baking that takes place in my parents' house falls under one category: chocolate chip. I mean, when you're outnumbered 2:1, and that majority is hormonal for the better part of a month, it's in your best male interest for chocolate chip cookies to be present in your household.

Fact.

And so the menfolk of the house defer to the women. However, sometimes the lightbulbs in the men's brains click on, and it finally dawns on them that the best way to manipulate women is to use their own language: subtlety.

Exhibit A:

Last weekend, my brother came home from his post in the Navy. He told me he missed my cookies--mostly ones of the "non-chocolate chip" variety.

He only likes oatmeal raisin cookies.

Exhibit B:

My father asked me what was on my holiday baking list. When I spouted off a laundry list of things, he began to pout and asked me if I knew how to make oatmeal raisin cookies.

Um. Did you miss the past 10 years of your life, Dad?

Exhibit C:

Today, my father went to the grocery store a grand total of three times in a two hour span. When coming home after the first two trips, Dad perused his purchases, muttered various frustrations to himself, proceeded to ask me if _______ was in oatmeal raisin cookies, and zoomed back to Kroger.

I'm a woman. I understand the nuances of subtlety. It didn't take me too long to figure out what the menfolk wanted. So I caved in and happily made them a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies.

So since it's the holidays, I decided I would give you, my dear friends, a Christmas miracle: a step-by-step tutorial of how to make these cookies. They're not too different from my favorite oatmeal chocolate chip variety, but this will help everyone refresh their brains in the way of cookie making.

So here's the lowdown:

Your helpers include: oats, all-purpose flour, brown sugar, cinnamon, butter (or butter-flavored shortening--welcome to the rural South, y'all!), salt, raisins, baking soda, nutmeg, vanilla, and eggs.

Baking powder photo-bombed the picture. He's not supposed to be there, but there he is--flauntin' his fine self. So I drew an X over him to ruffle his feathers.

Pfft. Baking powder.

So get yourself some Crisco (if you're an Amy), and grab a spoon because things are about to get messy. They sell Crisco by the stick now--thank goodness--but all I had was a tub. I lived.

Now get yourself some brown sugar.

By the way, you should've tossed that Crisco into your mixing bowl. But I didn't need to tell you that because you are a very intelligent person. Also, my thumb nail doesn't look half bad in this picture.

Ha! Made you look!

Cream your butter and sugar until light and fluffy--aka, well-blended.

Look! You cracked some eggs! And they're already up in the corner! And now you're measuring out your vanilla and lookin' like you're on-the-ball!

Good job!

So now we're going to beat the mixture some more...

...until everything is like so.

Put your finger in it right now; it's delicious.

Not that I would know or anything.

This is the blog debut of my flour canister! I like him because he's nice and sturdy and holds 5 lbs. of flour without any effort.

Plus he's nice and wide, and it's a lot easier to get my flour when I need it. Like right now.

Dump your flour into your mixing bowl.

And get distracted by crazy pictures of flour messes on your kitchen table.

Get your trusty oats.

And make it rain...

...OATS!

Now measure out your making soda, and make it more precise than me because you're baking and you need exact measurements for these things.

Oops.

Pour in some salt.

And pour in some glorious cinnamon that smells of all is good in the world.

Measure out some nutmeg, and add it to the mix.

Oooh.

Now mix it.

And mix some more.

And mix until you can mix no more!

...or until everything is combined.

Mmm...getting close.

Now add some raisins.

And fold them in!

Give your mixer a rest. She's worked really hard today, and you don't wanna burn her out from cooking, do you?

Now comes the fun part when you get to ~~eat~~ form your cookie dough balls into the size of a large walnut--a heaping tablespoon, I'd say. And place them 1-inch apart.

Pop them into the oven, and you'll take out this:

Oh. Hello there.

Nice weather we're having, huh?

You are a keeper, my friend!

Ahh, even the ones that don't have as many raisins are still delicious. Their crispy, buttery oatmeal flavor does not disappoint.

You know things continue cooking when you pull them out of the oven, right?

Right!

Well, these cookies need five minutes of rest right after they're pulled out of the oven. They need to set up and such. And then you can devour them--I promise!

My friends, I hope you enjoyed your tutorial. It takes a teesy bit longer than just snapping photos of the final product, but I really enjoyed walking you through this. Do you like this better than just plain text? Let me know!

And don't worry--I haven't forgotten about giving you the recipe; it's right here!

Oatmeal Raisin Cookies (makes about 40 cookies)

Print this recipe

1 cup (2 sicks) butter or butter-flavored shortening
1 1/2 cups brown sugar, firmly packed
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
2 1/3 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 1/2 cups raisins

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.

In a large bowl, cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Mix in flour, oats, baking soda, salt, cinnamon, and nutmeg until all ingredients are well-incorporated. Fold in raisins.

Form cookie dough into large walnut-sized balls (about a heaping tablespoon) and drop them one-inch apart on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 10-12 minutes, or until edges are lightly browned. Allow the cookies to cool for five minutes on the baking sheet, and then transfer them to a wire rack or parchment paper to cool. Serve at once or at room temperature. If kept in an airtight container, cookies will last about one week.

Zesty Mexican Rice

2010-12-19T21:17:00.000-08:00

BREAKING: I'm doing a guest blogger spot today on Heather's, aka The Menu Mama's, lovely site. Heather is a lovely lady with some fabulously delicious recipes--and two adorable kids. Check it out here!

My favorite food in the whole wide ~~world~~ universe is Mexican food.

Oh. Yes.

I must be upfront with you, my friends: many of the recipes that will appear on this blog over time will be of the Mexican/Tex-Mex/Southwestern culinary genre.

I'm just keepin' it real. I know you'd do the same for me.

I was born in the Rio Grande Valley in South Texas, and some of my first memories are of drinking--yes, drinking--salsa. My parents could take my siblings and me out to eat and feed us rice and beans, a cheap and filling meal for all. And we couldn't get enough! My parents say that people would come up to them at their favorite Mexican eatery and marvel at three small children scarfing down the smoky flavors of Mexican cuisine.

Fast forward twenty years. I still adore salsa, and if I ever have a bad day, all I have to do is pull out some cilantro, cumin, and lime and go to town!

As I don't have much disposable income (*ahem* as evidenced by the papasan chair in the background), I rely on rice for many a meal. And I don't even care; I have this rice recipe to tide me over. After I made this batch, I snapped a few photos and had to say a prayer for their quality because I couldn't help myself from devouring this rice.

I have problems. Like raging hunger. Sue me.

I can't stand bland rice, so the stuff I make has got a little zip. I find that this is a recipe that you have to adjust according to your love of zestiness, so don't be disappointed if it doesn't turn out the way you like it the first time. Give it a couple of shots, and you'll find your footing. Trust me: the rewards are sensationally delicious.

It's a great side dish for any Mexican-inspired dish. They're lovely paired with these Southwestern egg rolls.

Cheap, easy, and delicious: what's not to love?

Zesty Mexican Rice (makes about 2 cups, serves 4-6)

Print this recipe

1 cup white rice
2 cups chicken broth
1 tablespoon butter
1 tablespoon vegetable oil
1/2 onion, diced
3 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup tomato paste
1/2 teaspoon cumin
2 teaspoons lime juice
1/4 cup cilantro, chopped
salt, to taste

Combine the rice, chicken broth, and butter in a 3-quart saucepan over medium heat. When the mixture boils, stir it (making sure to scrape the bottom to prevent sticking) then cover. Turn the heat to low, and simmer for 15-20 minutes. When the rice is fully cooked, move the saucepan off the heat and keep it covered.

While the rice is cooking, saute the onions in the vegetable oil for ten minutes, or until translucent. Add the garlic, and cook for one minute, stirring constantly to prevent scorching. Add the tomato paste and cumin, cooking for one minute.

Add this mixture to the rice, and stir it well. Add the lime juice, cilantro, and salt as desired, and serve at once.

Y'all Are Nice

2010-12-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

Hey, you know what?

Y'all are really, really lovely people.

I daresay...y'all are really, really NICE people.

Thank you so much for your encouragement and kind words. They mean more to mean than you'll ever know!

And so, without further ado, I have MORE news!

The lovely surly kitchen has passed onto me the Stylish Blogger award. Trust me, I am truly humbled, as she is much more stylish than I will ever be capable of being! Her recipe index is out the wazoo (dark chocolate espresso bars...I say a prayer of thanks for you), and she chronicles her life with her adorable boyfriend and confronting the rare disease eosinophilic gastritis.

Basically, she does it all--and then some.

Thanks, surly kitchen! It's been an honor and privilege getting to know you through da internetz!

So here are my stipulations for accepting this award:

~~1. Thank the person who gave you the award.~~ (check!)
2. Share seven things about yourself
3. Pass the award on to bloggers you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic.
4. Contact the bloggers you picked and let them know about the award.

I guess my next item of business is to share seven things about myself. Alright, folks, just know is information was solicited. Here we go:

1. I really, really like cottage cheese and tomatoes. I don't know anyone else who does. I am consciously aware of how strange this is.

2. I think I'll be a little sad if I ever get a KitchenAid mixer because then it won't be my impossible dream anymore.

3. I have a black cat named Lucy. She is insane. I blame all of the missing objects in my house on her existence.

4. I am typing this in bed at 11:45 am... because I can. and I'm not ashamed. I know this is the last time for a long, long time I will have a straight month off, and I'm milking it for all it's worth.

5. I loathe cereal and milk (It's that soggy texture! It's disgusting!).

6. I really, really, really like football. No, really.

7. So last December, I went to P-Dub's cookbook signing. Because she's just kinda awesome, I felt like I owed it to her to give her something awesome. So I was going to make the honeybun cake for her, wrap it up really cutesy, and give her the recipe while she signed my book. She and Betsy and Hyacinth were going to munch on in later in the hotel, decide it was the best thing they had ever tasted, and P-Dub was going to adopt me and let me live in the Lodge where I could give Charlie baths and help homeschool the kids...but then I decided that would be super creepy. So I didn't. Lame.

So there you have it: seven ~~signs I'm a serial killer~~ facts about me. I know your life is completely changed.

Please come back? Please? I like you all very much.

*ahem*

So now I get to pick my stylish bloggees (Oh yes, it's a word--didn't you know?), and they are...

Heather of The Menu Mama, and Jenna of Jenna's Everything Blog! You ladies are fierce, fabulous, and fun. And I like ya.

I'll have a new recipe Monday! Y'all have a good weekend!

(I might get bored with my existence and post random things of the weekend. I'm an rebel. I can do that.)

Internet BFFs forever,

Amy

Somebody Pick Me Up Off the Floor

2010-12-15T16:59:00.000-08:00

So...remember that honeybun cake I made?

Well...it's the recipe that Ree, the Pioneer Woman herself, is recommending her readers to make on the Tasty Kitchen website.

Let's just say I can now die a happy woman.

*swoon*

My Obligation to Humanity

2010-12-14T23:58:00.001-08:00

Dear Everyone,

I just wanted to let you know that this exists:

You're welcome.

A source of sophistication,

Amy

P.S. Thank you, Funny Redneck Jokes via my dear friend, Nathan. The world would not be complete without this culinary delight.

Grilled Cheese's BFF: Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup

2010-12-13T21:57:00.000-08:00

It snowed in Nashville today.

I don't know if you've ever been privy to a snowstorm in the South, but it ain't pretty.

It doesn't ever REALLY snow THAT much--a couple of inches, tops. Nothing that any Yankee would even think twice about. And it's not like we don't have The Weather Channel down here; I had heard things about snow a few days prior, but since snow is finicky down here, Southerners don't like to get their hopes up about it. We think nothing of winter storm warnings.

But when snow actually comes...

Oh. Man.

PEOPLE RUSH TO THE STORE IN A MAD FRENZY AND ACT LIKE THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR BEFORE AND SLIDE AROUND LIKE MANIACS AND HONK THEIR HORNS INCESSANTLY AND FORGET THEIR BRAINS!

Henceforth, it is quite irritating to get out on the roads during Tennessee snow. Thus, many people consider themselves "snowed in." And when people are snowed in, their body's gut reaction is to, naturally, go into starvation mode, which kicks up their appetite notch to ravenously hungry. And those displaced end up congregating in apartments and litter the floors with sleeping bags. And while those people are preparing their make-shift beds, they cast pleading eyes to those who hold the keys to the food kingdom.

Who, in my apartment, just happens to be me. Shock and awe!

I'm one of those people who buys extra things at the grocery store, justifying that it needs to be a pantry item for "a ~~rainy~~ snowy day." One day in early fall, I happened to spot fire-roasted tomatoes, which I thought would add some zest to...a dish I would deem at a later point and time. Plus, the cans already had a "dollar-off two cans" coupon, so I couldn't not get them.

Right?

...

Right.

Thank you for justifying my extraneous purchases with me. I feel validated now. Too bad my bank account doesn't.

So before all of these hungry people showed up in my apartment, I had a random thought as I was watching the snow fall.

"Oh...I have fire-roasted tomatoes in my pantry. They would make an excellent soup today."

And then I kept furiously typing a paper for my final.

And then hungry people showed up. And they wanted soup. So, for once, my pantry was FULLY STOCKED, and I was able to produce something tasty from my own, two hands.

It was fate.

And behold, as necessity is the mother of invention, this soup was born.

This is not yo' mama's tomato soup.

It's zesty.

It's spicy.

It's good for grilled-cheese dipping.

It warms your belly on a cold winter day, which is what soup does best.

Stay warm, America! It's freezing outside!

*Props to my wonderfully creative and talented friend, Caitlin Galo, who braved the 0 degree wind chill with me to snap some pictures of this soup with her beautiful Nikon.

Fire-Roasted Tomato Soup (serves 4-6)

Print this recipe

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
1 medium yellow onion, diced
2 cloves garlic, finely diced
2 14oz cans chopped fire-roasted tomatoes (I use Muir Glen)
2 cups chicken stock
2 tablespoons fresh herbs (basil, cilantro, parsley etc), finely chopped
1 teaspoon sugar
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon black pepper
¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper
½-1 cup heavy cream (depending on your texture preference)

In a 3-quart saucepan, saute onions over medium heat until tender, about three minutes. Add garlic and saute til fragrant (about one minute), making sure to stir constantly to prevent the garlic from burning.

Stir in tomatoes, stock, 1 tablespoon of the herbs (I used cilantro because I had it on hand--the results were magnificent!), sugar, salt, black pepper, and crushed red pepper. Heat until boiling, stirring occasionally. When soup reaches a boil, cover and turn the heat to simmer for 15 minutes. Take soup off the burner and allow to cool slightly, about 15 minutes.

Pour the cooled soup into a blender; how much of the soup you blend depends on your texture preferences. Blend soup until desired consistency. Add the soup back to the saucepan and heat until desired temperature. Add cream and fresh herbs, and enjoy soup with grilled cheese or a crusty loaf of bread.

Adapted from Muir Glen

Baked Southwestern Egg Rolls with Creamy Cilantro Dipping Sauce

2010-12-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

This is the time of year I start into a panic.

This is the time of year to start breaking out your ULTIMATE appetizers, aka "finger foods."

Although, let's be honest--in the South, most of the time it ends up being "fanger foods." Don't believe me? Ask the residents of Finger, Tennessee; they'll set you straight on the pronunciation of their hometown.

Love you, Finger residents!

ANYWAY, for whatever reason during the holidays, my brain goes totally blank and I stare off into the distance while I plead with my brain to think of a recipe I'll deem acceptable.

I am a weird bird. I'm keep a strict "two-week-no-outfit-repeat" policy, and the same hold true for my recipes; I don't make things for social events that I've cooked in recent memory. What usually happens when I rack my brain for recipes is that I realize that I made sausage balls for the tailgate a couple of weeks ago, and I made pimento cheese spread for the Christmas party last week. I don't want to bring a fruit or veggie tray because I'm stubborn. And if an idea for an appetizer pops into my head, I get excited!

...

But then I realize that the person who inspired that dish will probably be there, and they will probably bring their version of that dish.And showing up with the same dish is like showing up to a party with the same dress on. People start comparing. And things can get ugly, and I shun confrontation.

Things like that don't end well for me.

And since my comfort food is filled with flavors of the southwest, I impose that upon other people. And if they don't like it, I just figure there's more food...for me!

What can I say? I'm a giver!

And so, without further ado, I give you...Southwestern "egg rolls."

They're warm, crispy, smoky, and delicious.

And they're filling...yes, indeed.

I bet if you even repeat this recipe as early as the Super Bowl, nobody would hate you.

You could even stick some spinach in these, and some people might kiss you.

You could pick up some "real" egg roll wrappers and fry these puppies...and give your cardiologist some Christmas cheer.

I'm just here to give you options!

These are scrumptious--and the sauce is the perfect, cool complement.

Just sayin'.

Baked Southwestern Egg Rolls (makes approx. 10 rolls)

Print this recipe

2 tablespoons vegetable oil
½ medium yellow onion, finely diced
1 cup chicken, cooked and shredded (about 2 breasts or 3 thighs)
¾ cup corn kernels
¾ cup black beans, drained and rinsed
1 jalapeno pepper, finely diced
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon ground cumin
½ teaspoon chili powder
⅛ teaspoon cayenne pepper (optional)
⅓ cup cilantro, chopped
1 cup Monterrey jack cheese, shredded
10 fajita-sized flour tortillas (about 6 inches in diameter)

Heat oven to 425 degrees.

In a saucepan on medium heat, allow the oil to heat and saute the onions for about five minutes, or until translucent. Add the chicken, corn, black beans, jalapeno, salt, cumin, chili powder, and cayenne (if using); stir until heated and fragrant, about five minutes. Add cilantro, then take the mixture off the heat. Add the cheese; stir until melted.

Place the tortillas on a plate, cover with a damp paper towel, and microwave them on high for approximately one minute, or until soft and pliable. Place one tortilla on a flat surface, and pour two tablespoons of the mixture into the center of the tortilla. Carefully fold the right and left edges of the tortilla until the folds touch the mixture, and roll the tortilla, tucking the edges under. Place each “eggroll” into a greased pan. With a basting brush, spread a thin layer of canola oil on each tortilla, adding chili powder to the top to add a splash of color.

Pop the rolls into the oven for 15-20 minutes, or until the tortillas are golden and crispy. Serve warm with cool cilantro dipping sauce.

Creamy Cilantro Dipping Sauce (makes about 2 cups)

Print this recipe

8 oz. cream cheese
3 tablespoons sour cream
1 cup tomatillo salsa
1 garlic clove
1 teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon ground cumin
1 tablespoon lime juice (about ½ of a lime)
⅓ cup fresh cilantro

Combine all ingredients into a blender or food processor. Blend ingredients until smooth, and serve cold. Can be used to dip southwestern egg rolls, chips, vegetables, or to top off your favorite spicy dishes, like tacos or enchiladas.

Cilantro is life.

Share these, kids. Or keep them to yourself. I don't really care; just make them soon!

Adapted from All Recipes.

Death Eaters & Other Unpleasant Things

2010-12-09T10:09:00.000-08:00

Today, I woke up with anger.

Fierce, white hot, rabid anger.

I dreamed I was in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows as myself--I wasn't projected as one of J.K.'s existing characters. I was running around with Harry and Ron (Ron, how have you gotten so attractive lately?), and I was pretty much loving life.

Then we got ambushed by some Death Eaters.

Then I pulled out my wand...and no spells came out of my mouth.

Time was suspended as I stood frozen in gaping horror, Death Eater slowly rising before me. And I knew I was a goner.

Then I gasped, and looked around. And I saw my alarm clock. I wasn't about to be killed by a Death Eater.

And I realized I didn't do anything. I stood there like a scared little child.

Like a Hufflepuff.

Not even a Ravenclaw.

Question: do people hate on Hufflepuffs too much? Why are there no awesome Ravenclaws? Shouldn't we be able to value other Houses?

Even still...I don't want to be a Hufflepuff.

What Happens to my Brain When I Homework Doesn't Occupy It

2010-12-08T16:20:00.000-08:00

Today, I had my last class of the semester.

Now I don't have class for a whole month.

Then I will have one more semester of classes.

Then I won't have classes for a long time.

Then I will have to find something else for me to do.

Something that will allow me to pay for things.

Things like rent.

Things like cable.

Things like toilet paper.

...

WHEN DID I GET OLD ENOUGH TO PURCHASE MY OWN TOILET PAPER?!?