If you’re thinking of doing boudoir, I’d love to hear from you!

Considering a gift for your gentleman? Get in touch!

When Gloria first contacted me, I knew it was a bit of an act of will. Like many of my clients, she’d been considering boudoir for a long time, and had finally come to the crux of the matter and made the call, or rather, in this case, the email. I find that email helps ladies preserve that sense of safety, especially in the beginning, so most of my clients approach me that way. Little did I know just how much she’d had to work through to get here.

Gloria told me in her initial email, “I have been through some amazing experiences which has brought me to where I am today.” And when I asked her on our session day about her reasons for doing a session – a standard question of mine on meeting a new client – she had a more unique story than most. After many years in a truly awful abusive relationship – she told me some stories that made me really angry, my usual response to abusive situations – she finally had the courage to leave the guy and find a better life. That definitely gets a cheer from me because it takes so much courage to do something like that. More courage than most of us can muster – and I immediately understood that Gloria was an extraordinary woman.

In real life, though, the part that takes even more courage than leaving is the long term recovery process from the deep scars that abuse causes. I was touched watching her sing along to Pink’s Perfect, a song I myself am pretty partial to, near the end of our session. She sang like a believer in the message that we should see something better in ourselves, for ourselves. This is one of the more extreme examples I’ve come across so far of someone doing boudoir for themselves and their own self esteem. Gloria is also one of the ladies I’ve worked with who isn’t a 20-something. I don’t think, and I never have, that the prime of your life is defined by your age. Part of that is that I grew up in the same home with my wonderful Grandma, whose vivacity and uniqueness (who am I kidding, a little bit of healthy eccentricity that I may or may not have inherited) helped me to see aging as a glorious blooming of a person after a hard life. Gloria was obviously in the prime of her life – in a place of emotional recovery from the brokenness of being mistreated, in a place where she could finally see some of her own beauty that had been torn down by someone’s meanness. She’s obviously found the road to a place of happiness and inner peace that she’s living life from these days, and it’s amazing to see. She’s definitely come a long way, and I’m happy to have been a step on that journey… And maybe more than one step – she was saying she might want to do another session next spring!

You’re so mean when you talk about yourself,
You are wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead 

There’s a couple of misconceptions about boudoir photography that I don’t want my business to be a part of if I can help it. First off, boudoir is certainly not only for 20-somethings. It’s one thing to celebrate youth, and another thing to celebrate life, and I hope that my sessions will encourage the latter. I hope that more people will decide to celebrate life, at any time. Whenever they are ready, or even if they’re not. A lot of people think that boudoir is something people really only do as a gift for a partner, but it can be so much more than that if you do it for yourself. And heck, if you’re with someone or you want to be, sometimes doing something for yourself is doing something for your partner or future partner, at least I’ve found that myself in the past few years as I’ve been on the road to recovery from an eating disorder. Partly, for me, working with other women on their journey is helping me to heal, to see the beauty in myself as I look for it in the ladies and gents I work with. Partly, I’d like to help others to heal because life isn’t easy. Few people in our lives make it easier for us to see the beauty in ourselves. I hope I can be one of the few for some people at least.

Due to her past, Gloria – not her real name – requested that her name be changed and her images not be entirely public with my Partial Privacy contract option, so a selection of her photos are in my “Private Show Gallery” which is password protected for Interested Ladies Only. If you are serious about working with Seven Deadly Sins, but you’d like to see a few more images, please give me a call and I will happily allow you a glimpse into the private gallery.

P.S. The image thumbnail with this post is some artwork I did for a friend several years ago while I was in art school, and for me the emotion of it was a bit about abuse history in my family, so I’ve included it here.

Some people have already found that trust in themselves, and they come to boudoir ready to embrace themselves, ready for that joy. Others, like April, are a little earlier in the process of self-acceptance. You can see the courage and its counterpart, the fear, behind their eyes as they are embarking on the journey of boudoir photos with me. I can also tell these people when they say, “I’m just not the kind of person who would ever do this!”

Ironically, about 90% of my clients say that. I think I’d be out of business if only ladies who were the kind of person to immediately be attracted to getting a boudoir session signed up with me! I also think it’s a sign I’m doing this right. I set out to do boudoir because I wanted it to matter.

This particular client was the largest lady I’ve worked with so far. I almost never know what someone is going to look like when they open their door. It’s rare for me to meet the people I work with in advance except in cases of pretty bad anxiety about the session, and I confess I actually enjoy the challenge of finding the beauty in a person through my lens when I see them for the first time. It wasn’t hard to find the beauty in April, really. Her smiles lit up the room, and her story about the love of her life changing her feelings about how she looked really resonated with me, because that’s my story too. It made me feel kind of melty inside actually, hearing my story in someone else’s life. There’s some pretty awesome men out there, ladies, don’t you deny it!

I was nervous at first, knowing that I was being trusted with a relatively new and fragile self-esteem, but when I got home and saw that the photos had actually turned out very well, I was hopeful. Maybe they would really mean something. Maybe, as almost every artist and dreamer I know hopes from time to time, I am doing something that makes a difference.

April had decided to do this session as a gift for her fiance on their upcoming destination wedding and honeymoon, something she said she’d never have done without his supportive words about her loveliness  and those of her friends. Her maid of honor for her upcoming wedding was apparently very encouraging, and she ended up showing her the images as well, and getting a really positive response. In two weeks, her fiance will see them, and I suspect given what she was saying about how lovely he finds her that he will find them quite precious.

April – not her real name – has a job in a sensitive field and was really happy that my contract provided a Fully Private option. (You can find out more about my three contractual options at my FAQ. Clients who take the time to read through it often find it helps prepare them to have a session.)  I have never heard of a case of someone being stalked because of their photos being posted on a boudoir site (and trust me, it would be news) and I swear it’s not something anyone should worry about, but there’s definitely some people out there who wouldn’t necessarily understand boudoir for the self-esteem enhancer side so much, and I understand why some families and workplaces may be intolerant of any deviation from what is considered normal. When I asked if I could share her story and deviate from our contract with this one image that couldn’t identify her, she graciously agreed, and said “If it means more ladies can work with you like I did, whether for them or their partners, I’m all for that.” I remember taking this photo actually, and telling her sometimes the beauty is really found in the details.

I hope that if you are coming here on the fence about getting boudoir because your self-esteem isn’t great, you’ll consider that maybe this could help you. And for me – maybe I can make a difference. Here and there, maybe I can help someone find a way to love themselves more. If that’s something I am remembered for, I will be grateful to have had the chance to be a force for good. Self-worth and self-esteem for everyone!

Something that happens to me probably once or twice a month is that I see a woman who probably doesn’t think much of herself – and I’m always guessing at that by how she carries herself or if she’s wearing something baggy and it doesn’t look like it’s just because she wants to be comfortable. I look at that woman and I have a moment of true appreciation of the human form and I think, “She probably doesn’t realize that she’s beautiful!” And I wish I could tell her, but I’m afraid that people will think I’m a super creepy person or something if I say things like that, no matter how well meaning they are. I’ve only managed to actually say it twice, and I got slightly strange looks each time. Sometimes I merely compliment them on their choice of earrings or handbag to be able to say something that might improve their day, though I can’t say with the depth of feeling I have how beautiful they look to me. And due to societal constraints I can pretty much never consider saying it to a man without it being seen as some sort of come-on. I see a lot of beauty in men, too. Men’s hands, for instance, are often beautiful or special in some way. They often show a lot about who the man is, or who he’s chosen to be.

Nearly always, during photo sessions and especially boudoir sessions, I feel that spike of beauty recognition for a moment, and later I see it in a photo again. Sometimes those are photos that the person doesn’t like. They will tell me, “My arm looks fat,” or “I have big teeth.” Or some such non-sense.

There are some photographers who see real beauty, and others who see possible beauty with some help, and others who see something a little deeper – beauty that shines out from beneath the surface and shows on the surface too. I’ve been privileged to meet some photographers and people who see that way, and I am continuing to develop that side of myself.

Every woman I have ever worked with as a family, wedding, and boudoir photographer has been beautiful. Every single Mom, every single little girl, every single teenager. Some people’s eyes are so stunning they take your breath away. Some people have gorgeous dimples. Some people have incredible bodies with amazing hips or cute butts. And gents, I’m not leaving you out either – but if I were to say I was looking at your butt I might scare some people away from family sessions – even though the truth is that I look at all of you, and I evaluate you all to find your assets. And everyone has some amazing assets, and never just one.

So what is ugly in this world, if not us? Is there a size by itself that is ugly? No. Fat is not ugly – there are many beautiful people – and I do mean beautiful on the outside – that are much larger than the status quo. Is skinny ugly? No, it’s not ugly by itself. There are many people who are very small with sweet faces and happy smiles that we adore. Size is not a standard we can judge beauty with.

But I can point out some things that make us ugly. Condemnation – even self-condemnation. Judgement of ourselves and of others. Tiredness because we don’t let ourselves rest. Hatred of ourselves or others. These things make people ugly, often on the outside as well as the inside. It’s all in the lens we look through. My camera can’t see anything beyond it’s lens without my help. It’s limited, and so are we. If we try to see ourselves and others through lenses that allow ourselves to track down any bit of ugliness we can find, we will end up hating something that may not be ugly in truth. Sure, there’s ugliness in the world, but I don’t believe it’s natural. We make choices that encourage it, or allow it to stay rooted in us.

So the next time you see someone whose face or body doesn’t look the way you’d expect a beautiful person to look, stop to consider. Look at their eyes, their smile, their hands, maybe even the small of their back. See if there’s something you can do to make them beautiful in your eyes.

This post is part of a series called Definition. Check out the original post.

If you’re considering a boudoir session,
I’d love to hear from you! 

Are you considering boudoir as a gift for that special someone?
I’d love to talk to you about it!

Ladies (and only ladies), if you’re interested in getting some boudoir images done and want to see some more images, I’d highly recommend contacting me for the gallery password – there are nearly forty images in there now, and more coming all the time as I do more private sessions.

There’s a few more photos in the password-protected folder – ladies, if you want to see more, please let me know and I can send you the link!

Are you thinking of having a Boudoir Stagette?
Seven Deadly Sins can spice it up!

Do you love these boudoir images?  Want boudoir photos done?
This session is an example of the Smokin’ Boudoir package.

Seven Deadly Sins has you covered.
Or maybe not so covered!