Sex Doctor - Catherine Hood - Mirror.co.uk

I'm a big letdown in bed..

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I'm 28 and never really enjoyed sex.

I have a steady girlfriend and would like to make her happy but my anxiety means I don't last long in bed.

I didn't have many girlfriends when I was younger and I think I missed out on experimenting with girls.

Could this be why I find it so hard to perform?

Dear reader,

Your anxiety over your perceived lack of sexual experience could indeed explain why your performance isn't how you wish.

Being honest, most of our first sexual experiences aren't great.

We are often clumsy in bed and need to learn how to relax and be comfortable.

Often this happens at a time when there isn't too much pressure on a relationship or in the context of a committed partnership.

If you haven't had this opportunity to experiment and learn then I can see how sex may be a daunting task.

What makes a person a good lover is how they react to their partner's needs.

It's not about knowing loads of sexual techniques - although this can help with initial confidence.

To boost your sexual self-esteem take your love-making back to the beginning.

Treat your girlfriend to a few dates and learn to seduce her again.

Make love slowly. Spend plenty of time in foreplay and take the pressure off. There are many ways to make a woman climax that don't involve penetration.

Try to extend the time you can last by practising the stop-start technique.

You can do this while masturbating. When you feel you're about to ejaculate stop stimulating the penis and wait for the level of arousal to fall.

You can then start to stimulate again. With time, this technique can help you learn how to control ejaculation for longer.

You could also talk to a counsellor. See www.ipm.org.uk.

Issue of the week: Summertime and the living is sexy..

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Wimbledon's over, cricket's on the telly, schools break up soon... summer is well and
truly here.

If youwant to make it the season of love and fun, here are some tips on playing it cool and sexy as temperatures rise.

Personal health

Summer is a great time to take up exercise.

Boost your self-esteem and sex life by getting active. Riding a bike, going for a brisk walk or taking an exercise class will flood your body with feelgood endorphins and tone
up flabby muscles ready for sexual activity.

Dehydration can make you lethargic, cause headaches and bring on cystitis.

So drink plenty of fluid. Water is very good for you and can improve your complexion. Even a cup of tea is refreshing and hydrating in hot weather.

Sexual health

Some sexually transmitted infections can be a problem in hot weather.

Women may suffer more from the yeast infection thrush. Keep cool and comfortable in cotton skirts and underwear to stay symptom-free.

Sex inside

Nights can get pretty steamy in the summer, so stay cool by putting a fan in your room.

It's more comfortable to be naked in hot weather, so make the most of stripping off and enjoy your lover's body. ºChanging your sexual position can help you stay cool too.

Avoid positions where your two bodies are closely entwined as this can get sweaty.

Girl on top and doggy-style may be more comfortable.

Sex outside

If you fancy some al fresco sex, then make sure you are discreet.

And remember that suntan oil and the chlorine in swimming pools may affect condoms and make them split or come off.

I'm too nice to find love

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Dear Dr Cath,

Why am I so unlucky in love?

Everytime I meet a new man I fall head over heels.

I'm convinced he's the one. But I end up getting abandoned.

I'd do anything for a partner so I don't understand why I lose out. Is it true nice girls always get hurt?

Dear reader,

Nice girls can find happiness - you just need to find the right boy.

Men like a chase and having somebody fall at their feet is a huge responsibility many will run away from.

By being too keen you are making your boyfriends totally responsible for your happiness - and that's asking a lot of a man.

Next time try not to fall head first in love.

Make them chase you a little bit and try not to get lost in the passion.

Worried over bumps on my penis

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I'm 19 and have small smooth white bumps on my penis. When I have sex they get more
obvious. I'm worried.

Dear reader,

There are many lumps and bumps on the penis and most are totally harmless.

What you're describing sound like penile pearly papules - smooth lumps under the skin on the shaft of the penis.

If the skin gets inflamed the lumps can get more prominent but they are totally normal.

I fear my daughter is gay

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I think my 20-year-old daughter is gay.

One new female friend is particularly close to her and I'm sure there's something going on.

I've dreamed of the day my daughter would get married. Now I can't stop crying because I fear this will never happen.

Dear reader,

Being a parent isn't easy. You bring your child up and dream about the important events in their life.

Naturally you have a lot of expectations. But part of letting them grow up is to allow them to be who they truly are and sometimes this means letting go of these expectations and not being disappointed if they turn out to be different..

Whatever her sexuality, she is still your daughter and her happiness should be all that's important.

And now there are civil partnerships, you may still get to see her happy day

I love my wife and my mistress too

2009-07-11T12:08:10Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I've been having an affair with a girl I met at work for five years.

She has been very patient waiting for me to leave my wife.

The problem is, I love my wife too.

We have been together for 17 years and have three children.

I don't know what to do.

Dear reader,

You are caught in a mess of your own making.

While you've been enjoying the thrills of an affair you've probably been promising your mistress to leave your wife.

Yet you have no intention of doing so because you failed to mention that you also love your wife.

There's no easy way out of this - one woman is going to get hurt and you have to live with that.

Boyfriend's Princess Leia Star Wars fantasy makes me feel like his Jabba the Slut

2009-07-05T00:28:00Z

Dear Dr Cath,

My boyfriend wants me to dress up to spice up our sex life.

I agree it needs a boost, but he has bought me a skimpy bikini to look like Princess Leia in the Star Wars film Return of the Jedi.

I'm not the slimmest person and don't feel comfortable or sexy in it.

In fact I feel like an idiot.

I don't want to let him down as he looked so happy and hopeful when he handed me the costume.

What should I do? So far, I've pretended to be ill to avoid wearing it.

Dear reader,

There are many couples who enjoy roleplay. Dressing up can be a great way to add humour to love-making. Many men would get a thrill seeing their lover in a bikini like Princess Leia's.

Similarly, many women would get turned on by their lover giving them a fireman's lift in full kit.

Whatever your erotic fantasy character, getting into role can free you up to enjoy sex.

But for it to be a releasing and erotic experience, you have to feel comfortable in your costume. Obviously, your boyfriend thinks your body would look perfect in a bikini - you should be flattered.

But if you feel inhibited and awkward, getting into erotic swimwear isn't going to enhance your sexual experience. Avoiding sex as a way to escape your boyfriend's desires isn't going to work for long.

He will feel far more rejected and confused by this than if you were simply honest and told him you're not happy.

If I remember correctly, Princess Leia also wore a long white dress - perhaps this would be a compromise for you both. Don't dismiss the whole idea of roleplay, but find a character you feel comfortable with.

Or dare to bare all in the bikini if he wears the Borat mankini - it could be fun!

Issue of the week: Itching down below isn't always thrush

2009-07-05T00:28:00Z

thousands of women go to their GP every year complaining of thrush-like symptoms -
itching and soreness. But it could be something other than thrush if treatment doesn't work.

Vestibulodynia

The vestibule is the area of skin immediately surrounding the vagina.

Some women become very tender in this area, even to a light touch.

The symptoms can vary. Some women only get pain when they have sex, others get discomfort even using tampons.

The pain is thought to be caused by oversensitive nerve fibres in the skin and symptoms are made worse by pelvic muscle tension.

Treatment varies but anaesthetic gels can help sex be more comfortable and pelvic floor muscles can ease the tension.

Sometimes psychosexual counselling helps too, particularly if your relationship has suffered due to all the discomfort.

Vulvodynia

The symptoms include a constant burning sensation and vulval itching.

The pain is continuous and can stop you sleeping. The discomfort is also thought to be caused by hypersensitive nerve fibres.

Treatment is with medication that calms the nerve impulses from the vulval area. Creams and moisturisers like aqueous cream can be soothing.

Luckily, it isn't infectious.

Lichen Sclerosus

This is a skin condition that can cause intense itching and burning of the skin. It can affect women of any age but is more common as you get older.

Left untreated, it can cause distortion of the genital anatomy and can even prevent sex.
Get advice from a skin specialist or sexual health expert. Treatment involves using strong steroid cream that halts the progression of the disease.

For more information go to vulvalpainsociety.org

Hubby loves a good ride

2009-07-05T00:28:00Z

Dear Dr Cath,

My husband has just started cycling to work to get fit. I'm worried because we're trying to have a baby and have heard that cycling can make a man infertile. Would you advise him to stop and take the bus instead?

Dear reader,

A study of triathletes in Spain has suggested that they run the risk of infertility. It's thought the heat generated by tight shorts and pressure put on the testicles by the saddle damage sperm production.

But before you put the brakes on your husband's cycling, these men had been training for around nine times a week for eight years!

It is extremely unlikely that your husband's trip to work will have the same effect.

I had a three in a bed romp on my stag night, and my pal is threatening to tell my fiance

2009-06-28T00:24:34Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I'm getting married in three weeks but I recently had my stag weekend in Prague and it got a bit wild.

One drunken evening I got chatting with a girl and ended up having sex both with her and her friend while four of my pals looked on.

I've never cheated before and feel really bad.

Now one of my mates is really angry and is threatening to tell my fiancée.

He's always had a thing for her and I think he's trying to split us up. What should I do?

Dear reader,

There is no doubt what you did was a mistake - and now you need to minimise the consequences.

While in the old days you could rely on your best man to keep you out of trouble, there's now a culture of allowing the groom to go wild.

Fair enough, you might think, but a good friend should have taken you to one side and checked you knew what you were doing, not shout encouragement from the sidelines.

Some would say what you don't know can't hurt you. This might be a good reason not to tell your fiancée what happened. And you might get away with it if it wasn't for this love rival who's threatening to scupper your marriage.

The first step is to talk to him. Find out why he wants to tell your fiancée and what he hopes to achieve. Perhaps knowing how hurt it will make her and how sorry you genuinely are will change his mind.

If he continues with his threats then I think honesty is going to be the best policy. It's far better for your fiancée to hear the news from you rather than another person.

Perhaps she will forgive a moment of indiscretion, but don't expect to get an easy ride.

Regardless, get a check-up for sexually-transmitted diseases. The last thing you want is to give her an infection as a wedding present. Good luck.

Issue of the Week: It's time to unleash your inner sex god

2009-06-28T00:20:26Z

We all have times when we don't feel too glamorous and gorgeous. We've lost our mojo and don't know how to rekindle our sexual self- esteem. So if the sex god inside you needs a little confidence boost, here are some tips...

Prepare your body for some action

Pamper yourself a little. Take time out of your day to take a relaxing bath, get a haircut or buy some lingerie. Anything you enjoy and will boost your sense of well being.

Spruce up your body and get it ready for action. Eliminate unwanted hair and use some scented moisturiser to engage your sexual sense of smell.

Create atmosphere fit for a deity

Tidy your room. De-clutter and allow space back in. This will give a sense of freedom.

Treat yourself to new sheets or add a few candles to the bedroom to add a seductive feel.

Mentally prepare for the challenge

Use fantasy to visualise how you'd like to perform in bed. Imagine yourself in sexual positions, rehearse them in your head. Not only will this get you in the mood but it will make you feel more confident about what you're doing.

Rehearse a special signature move

Sexual technique alone doesn't make you a great lover but knowing a trick or two can certainly boost your confidence in bed. If you've always wondered how to perform a particular technique, look up how it's done in a sex manual or on the internet.

Don't expect it to work the first time but remember, practice makes perfect.

Converse with your fellow gods

When in bed, make sure you ask your lover what they like and speak your mind about their efforts too. If sex isn't going well then take responsibility.

Set your god free

To truly enjoy sex you have to feel comfortable enough to let go and be vulnerable. If you're nervous then get to know your partner before you sleep together.

I'm lusting after my best mate's girl

2009-06-28T00:14:06Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I'm falling for my best friend's girlfriend. We are both running a 15km race later in the year so started training together.

The more time I spend with her the more hooked I get. I feel disloyal but I know he's not good enough for her.

Dear reader,

You may not think he's good enough, but she obviously sees something in him.

It's common to develop an attachment to somebody when you spend so much time together but were you to betray your friend's trust, you could lose his friendship and hers too.

Concentrate on your running and try to put your lust on hold.

Stay in contact and maybe one day she'll be free to date.

I'm addicted to sex and cant' help cheating on my boyfriend

2009-06-21T00:26:31Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I think I'm addicted to risky sex.

I've been with my boyfriend for four years but I've cheated on him many times.

I love him but sex isn't as exciting as it is with the other men I meet for one-night stands.

Now he wants to marry me and I want to say yes but don't honestly think I can change my ways. I'm worried that when he finds out what I'm really like he's going to leave me.

Dear reader,

Sounds to me like you're hooked on the adrenaline rush that goes with having quick and passionate sex with men you don't know.

You experience the physical thrills but there is none of the emotional context that can get so complicated.

Sex this way is easy - right? Wrong! What you're doing through your behaviour is hurting yourself by preventing you from experiencing the more supportive love of a long-term relationship.

Sex in a long-term relationship is different to a one-night stand.

You can't sustain the passion-fuelled first few moments of a relationship, you have to develop deeper bonds of love that make sex more emotionally charged.

I am guessing this is what you really find difficult.

People who have trouble expressing their emotions may find being in a long-term relationship difficult because they have to be vulnerable and trust their partner.

Events in a person's life can make this trust very difficult. If you have been badly let down by a loved one, then talking your problems through with a psychosexual counsellor will help.

Changing your behaviour is not going to be easy but there's no future in repeated one-night stands.

With help you can bring out the real loving and caring you and banish the destructive and abusive you.

Then you'll be ready for marriage.

Issue of the week: Sun, sea, sand and summer loving

2009-06-21T00:26:31Z

Summer is a time for letting our hair down and enjoying the sunshine.

With the long days go many nights of drinking, eating and generally making merry.

But if you want to make the most of your sex life this summer, be careful not to take your enjoyment too far...

Drinking and sex

A little alcohol can lubricate a romantic night but binge-drinking and sex don't mix.

Many people drink more than the recommended levels of alcohol per week, but some drink all their allocation and more in one night - with the specific aim of getting wasted.

If you are man who suffers premature ejaculation, the odd drink can help you last longer.

And if you're nervous about a date it can make you feel more confident. But too much alcohol can get you into trouble.

It is a major cause of erectile dysfunction and too much drink can sap your sex drive.

Getting out of your head on drink can also make it easy to "forget" contraception and it's easy to take a risk and not use condoms for sex, even with new partners.

Finally there are the long-term effects, such as mouth cancers, stomach ulcers and liver disease. So enjoy a drink this summer - but don't take the enjoyment too far.

Drugs and sex

The list of prescription drugs that can affect your sex life is long and it's a good idea to discuss any treatment you're taking with your doctor if you find your sex life is flagging.

But in the heady summer months, many are also tempted to try illegal drugs to help boost their performance or enhance the sexual experience.

The reality is that people who use drugs are more likely to suffer from sexual problems and being high on drugs can make you take risks.

If you think you feel the need to take drugs to enjoy sex, you should seek help.

Talk to your GP or take a look at www.talktofrank.co.uk.

I'm such a flop in bed and don't know who to turn to

2009-06-21T00:26:31Z

Dear Dr Cath,

I am 46 and recently got married to a beautiful woman who's 35.

She's keen to have a baby and I'm desperate to give her what she desires but I've been finding it hard to get an erection.

My GP is a friend of her family so I don't want to talk to him. Where can I go?

Dear reader,

Erectile dysfunction is a common problem.

Physical and psycho-logical factors can influence a man's ability to have an erection.

Often there is a restriction to the blood supply to the penis but for others, the pressures of life and work can spark off the problems.

Your GP should treat your problem in confidence but you can visit a sex health clinic or see www.ipm.org.uk.