Sex and relationship

Decode Her

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 03:32:00 +0000

One recent weekend on Telegraph Avenue, near the University of California at Berkeley, I threaded my way past white people in dreadlocks selling macrame and a man doing crunches on the sidewalk. And I made a point of not looking anybody in the face. Call it self-defense.

Or maybe it was dereliction of duty, because looking at faces was the reason I had come to California.

Facial expressions are the universal language of the human soul. Understanding what they mean can determine whether you land the job, close the deal, make friends, win fights, talk her into dinner at your place, charm her pants off, charm her parents, live surrounded by people you love -- or die alone listening to an $8-an-hour orderly crack rude jokes outside the door. But it had lately dawned on me that in my own life, looking at faces was something I generally avoided.

So now I would take faces, well, head-on. I'd signed up for a weeklong course in the Facial Action Coding System, or FACS, which breaks down human facial expressions into a series of muscle movements called action units, or AUs. The teacher, psychologist Erika Rosenberg, Ph.D., had warned me that she wouldn't be teaching us how to read emotions. Instead, we would be going back to basics, charting the bulges, knots, furrows, wrinkles, stretching, bagging, and pouching of facial flesh -- the moving parts of human emotion. Rosenberg added, "Your life is going to change as a result of learning FACS. You will never look at people the same way again."

And I figured I needed to change, for reasons I blamed partly on harried modern life: Putting on a bland and inoffensive airport face is how we go from point A to point B (or from Telegraph Avenue to the hotel) with the least possible hassle. But we end up avoiding other people's facial expressions for roughly the same reason -- and the result is that most of us are dismal at reading faces. On a standard test we typically mistake half of the facial expressions we see, transposing basic emotions like fear and surprise, or calling it anger when it's really disgust. Even CIA polygraphists do no better than guesswork at the trickier business of using facial expressions to separate straight talk from lies.

Doctors and nurses do worse than family members at recognizing pain in a patient's face. In the workplace, bosses often seem oblivious to all facial expressions. Imagine being a zookeeper and not understanding that when the leopard pricks up its ears and bends them back, it's thinking about having you for dinner. Small wonder that romantic partners have so much trouble figuring each other out.

Words are part of the problem. They distract us from what faces would tell us if we paid attention. So your girlfriend says, "I'm fine," and you say, "Okay, cool," without noticing the irritated little tightening at one corner of her mouth. Or you fail to pick up the disappointed arch of her eyebrows when she unwraps her birthday present. In one lie-detection study, patients whose cerebral damage made them less attentive to speech became better at reading facial expressions. They picked out the liars 73 percent of the time -- an astonishing accuracy rate. Shutting off the words helped them focus on what faces revealed.

And the solution to this word problem? Given the alternatives (have a stroke or remain oblivious), I was hoping a course in facial expressions might be a better way.

The next morning, 15 fellow face watchers and I assembled around a horseshoe of tables with our laptops open in front of us. Rosenberg soon had us scrunching up our noses in pig-snout disgust (that's an AU 9), or puckering up like kids making kissy-face for the camera (that's an AU 18). We used hand mirrors to see if we'd gotten it right, and it was a little unsettling to look up now and then and see the people around me randomly expressing what seemed like anger or contempt or delight at their own reflections.

Improve Your Sex Life with One Kiss

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 16:56:00 +0000

(Part 1) -Overview

Perhaps you've been somebody's best kiss. you won her over and made her swoon. You've probably also had your share of makeout disasters—either you didn't put in the effort, or your mouth tasted like beer. The difference between the two? Chemistry—both literal and figurative. "A whole host of parameters converge at the moment your lips come together," says Gordon Gallup, Ph. D., a psychologist at the University at Albany. "We subconsciously decipher this information in terms of the health and compatibility of the other person. Kissing has a lot of power—it can either promote or negate the continuation of that relationship."

If you don't respect this power, your subpar canoodling around the campfire can earn you an unequivocal kiss-off from her. In Gallup's 2007 study of 1,041 college students, 66 percent of the women reported being so turned off by kisses that their interest in the men evaporated. On the other hand, being a great kisser—mastering those lingering, luxuriant lip-locks that she loves but that men tend to shun—can dramatically boost the frequency and quality of your bedroom action, studies suggest.

Clearly, you can't afford to take chances. So spend the summer honing this vital mating skill, whether you're targeting the ruby reds of a promising vacation fling or sidling up to your long-term mate. What follows is our guide to the many things a little lip can do.

(Part2) - Make Her Yours

When she's sizing up your potential as a suitable and genetically compatible mate, her attention will linger on your mouth. The University at Albany study showed that the appearance of a man's teeth helps determine his kissability. Women in the study were also more likely than men to factor in chemical cues—his breath, for example, and the taste of his mouth. Gallup argues that this is because kissing provides information about a person's health and hormonal status, because the sebaceous glands (which are densely concentrated on the face) are regulated by sex hormones.

Lip Service
Don't try to telegraph your genetic suitability right away. Instead, wait until the second or third date. "I love it when the tension builds up so much that it feels like we've been waiting ages for the kiss, and then we can't stop for hours," says Laura, 29, a brand manager in New York. "If you kiss on the first date, it's usually a boring peck and there's no tension behind it. The best ones are worth waiting for."

When it is go time, a little preparedness will pay off. Consider packing one of the new single-use micro-toothbrushes, such as the Colgate Wisp. It has a liquid-filled "breath bead" and doesn't require water to rinse ($2.50 for a pack of four,colgate.com). Duck into the restroom after dinner to use it. Then take the initiative. "If a man is coming off as self-assured, this will make him appear more attractive at the moment of the kiss," says Kandi Walker, Ph. D., an interpersonal communication expert at the University of Louisville. Most important, start off easy. "Kiss lightly around her mouth, on her cheeks, or on her neck—that's a very sensual thing to do," says Andrea Demirjian, who interviewed 250 women and men for her bookKissing: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About One of Life's Sweetest Pleasures. "Then when you reach her mouth, kiss her very softly on the lips—no insert-tongue-here kisses. Going slowly is sure to entice her."

(Part3) - Keep Her Happy and Enthusiastic

Once she's yours, going face-to-face on a regular basis is vital for the health of a long-term union. "The frequency of a couple's kissing has implications about issues like abandonment, divorce, and infidelity," Gallup says. "If you kiss her often, it telegraphs your commitment."

But according to the women surveyed, men aren't delivering the goods as often as they should. Gallup's study found that men use kissing primarily as a means to an end—to advance sexual relations. Yet women mainly use kissing as a way to monitor the status of the relationship, and especially a partner's commitment level.

Lip Service
"Make an effort to kiss her even when sex isn't in the cards," suggests Gallup. "That way there's an affectionate and a sexual component to kissing." After sex, he says, is another key time: Women usually initiate post-romp kissing, the study showed. And in the long run, the more persistent you are with the kisses, the more sex you'll have. "Male saliva has trace amounts of testosterone—and testosterone is an aphrodisiac," Gallup says. "So passing saliva during open-mouth kissing over extended periods might help raise her testosterone levels and affect her sex drive."

(Part 4) - Reduce Her Stress

Kissing can help melt tension away. When researchers from Lafayette College studied couples who either kissed, held hands, or talked for 15 minutes, they found that the kissers had the lowest blood levels of cortisol, a hormone that contributes to feelings of stress and anxiety. Additionally, there was a rise in oxytocin—the "cuddle drug" associated with attachment and the sense of calm and security we feel in relationships—in the men.

Lip Service
To make sure your partner harnesses the same positive effects from a makeout session as you do, jack up the romance. "The setting of a kiss can affect how women perceive it," says Walker. In fact, in the Lafayette College study, women's oxytocin levelsdecreasedduring kissing when the environment was clinical. When the researchers switched to a more attractive environment, the women reported feeling greater intimacy with their partner.

(Part 5) - Send Problems Packing

When things go awry in a relationship, kissing can be your cavalry. A study published in theAmerican Journal of Family Therapyshowed that kissing her on the lips can make resolving conflict easier. "It's much more powerful than we realize," says Gallup.

Lip Service
Punctuate your impassioned mea culpa with kisses elsewhere on her face, as well as on her hands, neck, and stomach. When Princeton University psychologist Michael Graziano, Ph. D., conducted research on our defensive flinching and blocking mechanisms, these areas proved to be the most heavily defended parts of our bodies and the most erotic to kiss. A lot of mating behavior, he argues, is an exaggerated way to show the status of your defensive radar.

"By allowing her partner's teeth near her throat, she is in effect communicating that she's turning her radar down, and that she's doing it intentionally for him," Graziano says. "That is a very encouraging message."

He adds, "There's nothing more vulnerable and more erotic than kissing someone's eyelid—you have to really trust someone to let them kiss your eye."

7 Characteristics Women Look for in a Man

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 16:30:00 +0000

Whenever my single friends get the urge to mingle, flirt, and maybe more, we hit the big, noisy bars, where we know we'll find dozens of men with an agenda similar to ours. But it's not that easy. We end up ordering cocktails and standing around, scanning a sea of suits. It's not that we're shy, we're just waiting to spot a cutie who we hope will be a little different—a little better—than the rest.

What are we looking for? Not what you might think. Yeah, good hair and an easy smile are eye-catching, but they're too common to pique our curiosity. Here's a list of the more rare characteristics that won't just turn our heads—they'll also get our butts moving across the room to say hello.

(Part 1) - Bend Fashion to Your Will

The strategy: Demonstrate you're a leader, not a lemming. Add an irreverent, original element to your outfit that hints (not screams) that you don't break the rules, you make them.

How to pull it off: Keep 90 percent of your look appropriate to the occasion—you're fashionably astute, after all. Then throw on something ballsy. Suede New Balances with a designer suit (no tie) for an event at a swank lounge; a classic tweed jacket over a retro T-shirt for a dinner party; plaid wool pants with a hooded sweatshirt and Chuck T's for a concert.

What she'll think: You have the confidence to do things your way, and the savvy to do them well. You're witty, hip, and a bit of a troublemaker. (That's hot.)

What she'll say: "Nice pants."

(Part 2) - Hang with Slobs

The strategy: Look appealing by surrounding yourself with your loudest, sloppiest friends—guys who emit female repellent. This can make you look, sound, and smell like Prince Charming. On this night, your goal is to attract women, not bond with the boys.

How to pull it off: Sip while they chug, talk while they scream, smile sanely when they're laughing so hard Sam Adams is streaming out of their noses. And be the one to deal politely with the waitress and bartender.

What she'll think: You're not swayed by peer pressure, and you're in control enough to be a gentleman on a boys' night out. Plus, her maternal instincts will kick in, making her want to rescue you from those animals.

What she'll say: "Always so well behaved?"

(part 3) - Read, Watch, Listen

The strategy: Know something about everything, so you'll have something to talk about. Party talk ping-pongs between politics, film, music, and celebrities, so the more you've seen, heard, and read, the more seductive your banter will be. It takes just one hit—"I love Fountains of Wayne!"—and she'll want to spend more time with you.

How to pull it off:It's not often that a man who readsThe Economistand owns a Fellini box set ends up with a girl at each elbow. We like a guy who's seen last night'sDaily Show, readsRadar, and knows which blogs deliver the best dirt. Do a quick late-breaking-news-and-gossip check before heading out for the night and then drop what you know when a beautiful woman can overhear it. (And it's okay to readThe Economist; that strategy works wonders with educated Euro babes.)

What she'll think:Finally, here's a guy who can tell her something she doesn't already know, something she'll want to repeat to her friends in the morning.

What she'll say: "I'm sorry, did you just say that Katie is having Tom's baby?"

(Part 4) - Barely Notice the Überbabe

The strategy: Remain calm when a decked-out bombshell strolls by and you'll be sending the message that you're too smart to be wowed by a Wonderbra and red lipstick.

How to pull it off: We don't blame you for looking. But it makes us cringe when one male head after another swivels in her direction. What we love to see is a man who raises his eyes to see what the commotion is about, nonchalantly registers the hottie, then doesn't seem to give her another thought.

What she'll think:You've had too much experience with high-maintenance women to become excited by yet another would-be model. Or, even better, you prefer women who look as if they have more interesting things to do than primp in front of a mirror.

What she'll say:"I hope you're not gay."

(Part 5) - Go Deep

The strategy:Appear thoughtful by focusing intently on something unobtrusive.

How to pull it off:Wander away from the crowd, take in the scene, then find a painting, book, view out a window, whatever—not the jukebox—and pore over the details. You're oblivious to the commotion.

What she'll think:You're sensitive and smart and, if you furrow your brow, intense. Women love intense. It's very mysterious, very sexy, very Benicio Del Toro. She'll want to plumb the depths of your brooding mind.

What she'll say:"What's so fascinating?"

(Part 6) - Give Someone a Hand

The strategy:Loud, crowded places foster an "every man for himself" attitude. To rise above it, go out of your way to be helpful.

How to pull it off:Help a girl who's trying to reach over people to get her drink from the bartender. Give your place in the unisex bathroom line to an anxious-looking woman.

What she'll think:You're so thoughtful . . . Could such a great guy still be single?

What she'll say:"So chivalry isn't dead."

(Part 7)- Get Some Air

The strategy:Establish a thoughtful-loner vibe, and facilitate conversation.

How to pull it off:Stepping out for a cell call or smoke is off-putting, not alluring. Going out for some air is romantic. Make like Bogart, sans cigarette, and lean against the wall, hands in your pockets, gazing into the middle distance. If a conversation starts, great. If not, women will notice you as an individual before you rejoin the faceless mob.

What she'll think:We're out here; everyone else is in there. Maybe it was meant to be.

What she'll say:"Hey there."

16 Ways to Save Your Relationship

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 21:48:00 +0000

1. After your next screaming match, right before the makeup sex, don't bother with the "I love you" cliché. Just tell her, "You know, you're the only person I'd ever tolerate talking to me like that. You're that amazing."

2. No screaming matches lately? Have one, fast. If she's screaming at you, she still gives a damn. Silence from a woman means something has died. (Or will die. Tonight. In his sleep.)

3. Drop this bomb: "You remember the time we [insert personal-best sex saga here]? I bet we could do even better."

4. Thinking about leaving her? Think about this first: No woman is perfect. The next one you pick up could indeed be cooler, hornier, and wealthier. But you'll soon grow tired of her crap, too.

5. Maul her for 10 seconds when she least expects it. A mini-maul here, a mini-maul there. Next thing you know, you'll have a strip-maul.

6. All the stuff you'd want after a breakup—nights on the town, drop-of-a-hat vacations, those long-put-off season tickets—you can enjoy right now. With a built-in date. So pick something fun and do it.

7. Learn a new sport together—like golf or fencing—that encourages you to admire each other's form.

8. As you ask your buddy for counsel on your girl's dropping temperature and increasing distance, did it ever occur to you to ask her?

9. Go Gomez Addams on her. Speak Spanish. Dance the Mamushka. Kiss her from her wrist to her armpit. Blow up a train set together. Cara mia!

10. Commit an unsolicited act of cleanliness.

11. This weekend, take her to the grocery store to buy ingredients for a great dinner. Also pick up food specifically earmarked as body paint.

12. You're both 10 excess pounds away from feeling good about yourselves again. Drop 'em together. It'll be you and her against the world, just like old times.

13. You haven't offered up a late-night postcoital confession in a very long time. Surprise her.

14. Reinstate one courtesy toward her that's been lost since your courtship: opening the car door for her, bringing her flowers, holding in your gas.

15. Organize a cheesy diamond-commercial moment—like reproposing to her at Trafalgar Square in front of family. Overwrought? Yeah, but do the math: jewelry + effort + pigeons + her parents = months of rough sex.

16. Tried everything on this list and she's still unresponsive? It's time to smile, hold her hand, and offer her these five risky words: "Now it's up to you."

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 7)-Test-Drive a Hot Foreign Import

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 19:21:00 +0000

The least-pleasing position for women—missionary—is still the go-to move for 48 percent of American men and 42 percent of men worldwide. You can do better. These sex positions span the earth, and might just make it move.

Spain: The Downward Dog

Ask her to rest her chest on the bed while lifting her rear in the air. From your knees, enter her from behind. Thrust downward slightly and the bottom of your penis will massage her vaginal wall where her G-spot is located.

"This position lengthens her vaginal wall," says Pedro Otero, a sexologist in Spain, "which tightens her and makes you feel bigger."

India: The Fusion

Sit on the bed or floor with your legs extended out in front of you. Lean back about 15 degrees, supporting yourself with your arms. Ask her to sit facing you, and help her lower herself on your penis while she leans back and supports her body with her arms behind her. Her knees should be bent and near your shoulders.

"This is one of the few positions in which the union of sexual organs is visible for both partners," says Mahinder Watsa, M.D., a sex therapist in India. "That translates into an increase in sexual excitement."

Brazil: The Amazon

Lie on your back with your knees to your chest. Ask her to squat on your erection, facing you, one foot on each side of your abdomen and her thighs resting on yours. Wrap your legs around her waist and hold hands to help her balance.

"This is perfect for women who aren't strong enough to be on top for a long time," says Laura Muller, a sex advisor in Brazil and the author of 500 Questions on Sex. "It lets her control penetration and leaves one of your hands free to caress her clitoris."

Hungary: The Lazy Lady

In a spooning position (you're on the outside, holding yourself up by your elbow), ask her to raise her top knee; then enter her from behind. The angle of penetration will stimulate her G-spot while your hand plays gently with her clitoris.

"Your chest will be hugging her back," says Beregszászi, "so you can match your breathing and rhythm, and thus be lulled into a very gentle, intimate togetherness." And what woman could say no to that?

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 6)-Last Longer in Bed

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Fri, 03 Jul 2009 15:21:00 +0000

"There's a Hungarian proverb that says, 'Do not paint the devil on the wall, for it will appear,' " says Agnes Beregszászi, a sex columnist in Hungary. Translation: The area of the brain responsible for triggering orgasm is engaged whether you're trying to have one or halt one.

The more attention you pay to your orgasm, the more likely it is to arrive. So concentrate on gauging your partner's response to each move instead—did she "oooh" or "ehh"?—until you find her sweet spot.

"Good sex is like driving to a faraway city," says Beregszászi. "You know your destination, but you need to concentrate on the road ahead of you—turn left here, turn right there. If you focus on what's happening now—her silky thighs on your hips, say—you can diffuse your pleasure throughout your whole body."

Oh, and she'll love it: "When my boyfriend slows down, I feel every bit of him," says Petra, a 30-year-old receptionist in Belgium. "It helps me focus on the sensation, and really puts me over the top when he begins to speed up again."

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 5)- Awaken All Her Senses

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 17:59:00 +0000

Nearly 30 percent of the men we surveyed wish they were better—and quicker—at seducing women. Here's the secret: Because arousal has a cumulative effect, try to engage at least three of her senses at a time. As Marta, a 27-year-old Italian lawyer told us, "It takes time and lots of ingredients—smells, tastes, sounds—to heat us up."

The next time you're near a mirror, pull her close and let her have the full view as you kiss her neck and caress her body, suggests Sonia Parreira Duque, a clinical psychologist in Lisbon. "Or play her favorite record, spritz her favorite fragrance around the bedroom, and leave some small pieces of fruit and chocolate beside the bed."

One no-fail move: Give her the spa treatment. "Choose a fragrant shampoo and swirl your fingertips around her scalp with the warm, sudsy water," says Spurr. "The massage and fragrance will help her relax, unleashing oxytocin, a feel-good hormone that promotes emotional bonding." Next step: physical bonding

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 4)-Seduce Her Early and Often

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Wed, 01 Jul 2009 09:26:00 +0000

Foreplay is like an investment. Start early—way before her clothes come off—and you'll reap greater rewards. "The longer we wait, the better our orgasm," says Spurr.

Begin your wooing when she's unattainable—you're both at work; she's stuck in traffic; her father just asked you to pass the salt. "It could be a sexy e-mail or a voice mail or just a smile," says Birgit Ehrenberg, a sex columnist in Germany. "The important thing is that you're building the tension."

Once you're together, pay attention to the details. "Instead of making a beeline for her breasts, try tugging on her hair while you kiss her, exhaling near her ear, or just gently kissing her eyelids," says Caroline Hurry, a sex writer in South Africa. "For women, a combination of boldness and tenderness is crucial."

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 3)- Craft an Invitation that Works

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Mon, 29 Jun 2009 18:10:00 +0000

"A woman who's dressed to thrill is less likely to go home with you," says Emily Dubberley, a British sex expert and the author of Brief Encounters: The Woman's Guide to Casual Sex. "You don't want to be the third of 25 guys to approach her that evening."

Instead, go for the woman in the background. "She's with a friend or two, both of whom are brighter, brasher, and louder than she is," says Dubberley.

And remember: "A woman needs to feel as though it's a passionate one-off, not planned," says Pam Spurr, a United Kingdom–based sex expert and the author of Sinful Sex: The Uninhibited Guide to Erotic Pleasure.

This depends on how you ask her to come home with you. "Coffee at my place?" is too stark a transition, because it suggests the party's ending. Instead, try "I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge at home—could we carry on this conversation back there?" This suggests a continuation of the fun.

"It's honest and exciting, and the notion of a man with wine in the fridge is encouraging," says Spurr. "Make sure you have fresh towels in the bathroom and clean sheets on your bed, too.

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 2)- Make It Easy for Her.

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:32:00 +0000

You catch her eye from across the room. Now what? "Playing games wastes everyone's time," says Nikki Hayia, sex editor at Men's Health Greece. "Women prefer a man who knows what he wants, especially if what he wants is us."

Use body positioning to advertise your confidence, suggests Helen Fisher, a research professor in the anthropology department at Rutgers University, in New Jersey. If you're sitting, keep an open position—legs apart, head up, chest out, back straight. If you're standing, position your shoulders toward her while turning your head toward your conversational partner.

Mirror her actions to signal your attention—when she drinks, you drink. When she changes her body position, so do you. If you see that you and she are moving in tandem, to a beat, then it's time to make your move. "I know whether I'm attracted to you, so I don't need a pickup line," says Sara, a 28-year-old bartender in South Africa. "Just introduce yourself."

The World's Best Sex Tips (Part 1)- overview

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 13:29:00 +0000

When it comes to wooing women, men aren't perfect. But perhaps guys are more selfless than their rep suggests.

Men's Health asked readers from all 35 international editions—our largest global survey ever—what sexual skills they'd most like to improve. The most common answers: seducing a woman more effectively and bringing her to orgasm every time.

Of course, there's another way to read this. It could be that men from Argentina to Ukraine simply realize that our pleasure rises and falls with hers—that by stoking her fires, they'll have hotter sex more often.

To that end, we interviewed hundreds of women and sex experts from around the globe. The result is what follows: an expert lesson in the universal language of lust.

Date the Girl You Think You Can't Have – Part 1

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 10:31:00 +0000

A Friend's Ex

Resist the urge. Date these women at your own risk.

Number who have indulged:25 percent of men, 23 percent of women

Why you want her:Your buddy has extolled her virtues so relentlessly, she's become the woman of your dreams, too. "He's basically given you a sales pitch for his girlfriend," says Amy Bippus, Ph.D., a professor of communication studies at California State University at Long Beach.

What to consider:If the separation wasn't mutual, beware. "There's no bigger blow to a man's self-esteem than to be rejected in favor of a friend," says Judy Kuriansky, Ph.D., author ofThe Complete Idiot's Guide to Dating.

What to do:If you must act, stay away until he has moved on to another love interest. "There's a psychological threshold that's crossed when a person takes up a new relationship," says Kerner. "Plus, you don't want to look like a scavenger."

23 Ways to Be the Man She Wants

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 07:48:00 +0000

1.You can put down the weights and the protein shakes. You might want us to be perfect looking; we simply want you not to be fat.

2.Replace all of those hideous size-extra-large T-shirts with something that actually sort of fits. We think you might be a medium.

3.Never allow anyone who listens to baseball on the radio to cut your hair.

4.Purchase sheets that don't contain polyester and that are white.

5.Blue Book value isn't everything. Take the money you were going to spend putting the backseat DVD theater in your Honda and buy a nice pair of shoes.

6.We don't care what the plan is. Just have one.

7.Candles. They are so cheap and they are so effective.

8.When you give her a gift, include a card. You can spend less on the gift if you write something nice. Don't buy a card with a message in it, unless you're dating Danielle Steele.

9.She arrives home from work eager for attention. You arrive home from work eager for several beers and theSimpsons-King of the Hillhour. The moment you come home, hug her, look into her eyes, and say that you're happy to see her. This simple gesture, done with sincerity, will earn you lots of time on the couch.

10.Buy covered garbage cans for your kitchen and bathroom. They hide stuff we don't want to know about anyway.

11.Make a list entitled "Intolerable Behavior from Women," and when you see it happening, speak up. Let us know you won't be around no matter what, and we'll want to keep you.

12.Drive a stick shift. Men look ineffectual driving automatics

13.Never utter the phrase, "I know I'm no Brad Pitt/Denzel Washington." You're a guy. Merely acting like you think you're hot makes you hot. Be grateful, because women actually have to be hot to be hot.

14.Short sleeves are for golf only; sandals are for Jesus only.

15.When a woman asks you to accompany her to a wedding or a family event, R.S.V.P. within 24 hours. If you find that you can't commit, do everyone a favor and break it off.

16.Stop operating on the in-trouble/not-in-trouble paradigm. Just because we're not yelling at you doesn't mean everything is okay.

17.If you're late, call.

18.Brush your teeth a lot.

19.Realize that if you "keep forgetting" to trim your nose hairs, we will "keep forgetting" to initiate sex.

20.If your television is of a size such that it is regularly commented on, hide it in a cabinet. You might have a penchant for a) sloth, b) passivity, or c) tuning out the world, but she need not be reminded of this every time she walks into your living room.

21.You might not know what she wants you to get her for her birthday, but her friends do. Ask them.

22.When we are together, sometimes we are occupied with tasks—closing a window, putting on a new CD, petting the cat—that cause us to focus our gaze elsewhere. May we suggest these windows of time as the most favorable for scratching your balls.

23.Buy a Swiffer and use it. They come in dry (living room) and wet (kitchen and bathroom). Wash your dishes. Pick up your clothes. Swiff. She'll think you're a responsible adult.

Abusive Relationships Are Like An Ice Cream Sundae...

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Wed, 24 Jun 2009 07:55:00 +0000

One thing I tend to do is to think in big pictures. When people are being grossed out by a specific event, I marvel at how it relates and contributes to the rest of society.
For example, let's look at the classic ice cream sundae. Even when I was a kid, I never understood the point of those colorful sprinkles that everybody always put on their sundae. Sure they were colorful. Sure it made your dessert extra pretty. However, looking at the bigger picture; no matter how many sprinkles you put on that sundae, the sundae won't get any tastier, it won't get any less fattening, and you will still regret eating it afterward.
In short, it's still a sundae. Yum!

Correct Your Mistakes and Be a Better Lover

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 10:57:00 +0000

You know how public pools post lists of unacceptable behavior? Don't run, don't dive, don't vomit a New York strip steak and a bottle of cabernet franc into our brand-new filtration system. Be assured that this is the last time I will ever liken my vagina to a public pool, but I've always thought how great it would be to post something similar in my own bedroom.
Look, we love that you love having sex with us, and we love having sex with you, too. But sometimes you do things that we don't like. Weird things. Things that you think are going to make us groan with gratitude and pleasure but really make us want to roll over and turn on the TV.
Luckily, these mistakes generally result not from lack of skill but from wrong information. You can easily unlearn them. Remember: I probably know what I like better than you do.
And if I had a bedroom sign, this is how it might read.

4 Love Lessons from Romantic Comedies

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 18:25:00 +0000

Romantic comedies spread misconceptions, according to a new study. Here's what your girlfriend may have mislearned, and how you can write a happier ending.
1. False message: Bad behavior has no long-term consequences
In My Best Friend's Girl, Dane Cook and Kate Hudson split after he intentionally pukes at a wedding and propositions her mom. But they're soon back together.
In real life: Here's when to build forgiveness: long before you screw up. Compliment her often. Show her you're trustworthy. She'll be quicker to forgive you if she has high self-esteem and trusts that you mean well, according to a study in the journal Personal Relationships. And you can affect those things.

2. False message: Gratuitous public displays of affection are proof of a strong relationship
In Must Love Dogs, John Cusack and Diane Lane suddenly kiss in the middle of a chat with a supermarket employee. Passionately. It's love!
In real life: According to a poll we took of 500 women, 67 percent said PDA is important—and over half said that if you were to shy away from them in public, they'd take it personally. Sound like high expectations? It isn't. Just hold her hand and give quick, public kisses. That's all 98 percent of women said they want.

3. False message: Arguing is destructive and almost always leads to a breakup
In Knocked Up, Seth Rogen and Katherine Heigl argue in a car. She kicks him out. They argue again a few minutes later, and then break up. Cue the crying.
In real life: Expressing negative emotions can heighten intimacy, according to a study in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. But if you're mad at her, hit the Xbox first. An Iowa State University study found that people who distract themselves before an argument end up less angry.

4. False message: Early love is true, lasting love
In The Holiday, Jude Law professes his love for Cameron Diaz 2 weeks after they meet. She almost leaves him, but abandons her future plans for herself in order to stay with him. Cue audience crying. Or groaning.
In real life: Wrap your head around this: 42 percent of the women we surveyed believe a couple can be in love after 2 weeks, but almost none of them want a guy to say, "I love you" that soon. They prefer you to say it at around 6 months—about when they said their sex drives return to normal. Coincidence? Perhaps.

Seduce Her in 10 Minutes

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:35:00 +0000

Many things run through a woman's mind when you meet. Here's how to go from "hello" to "oh my."

1. Your Approach
Her brain quickly vets your height and facial symmetry the moment you meet. Now convince her of your character. Approach confidently; don't pretend to bump into her. "Men tend to talk to each other at angles to avoid confrontation," says Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D., author ofWhy We Love. "But women face each other head-on and maintain eye contact."

2. Your Introduction
A good handshake isn't a shortcut to her bed, but a bad one can doom you. Hands are loaded with tactile nerves, and people with weak, clammy handshakes were perceived as shy and neurotic in a recent University of Alabama study. So hold your drink in your left hand and give her a firm but not bone-crushing grasp. Pay attention to her grip as well: The same study showed that women who give firmer handshakes tend to be more adventurous.

3. Your Voice
The most attractive women prefer deep-voiced men, according to a recent study by Scottish researchers. It suggests high testosterone levels, a sign of strength and reproductive prowess. Push out air with your diaphragm, not your throat. This lengthens the column of air moving past your vocal cords. "It's like a built-in subwoofer," says voice coach Joanne Joella.

4. Your Icebreaker
Say something that will draw out details about her. "Your friends seem nice—how did you get to know them?" is a compliment and a window into her past. Forming a bond will release dopamine, a mood booster in her brain. Show off your interest with verbal nods of agreement ("uh-huh," "go on"), adds Alex Pentland, Ph.D., an MIT professor who designed software that assesses whether speed daters are feeling sparks.

5. Your Conversation
We all know to ask lots of questions and to avoid flat-out boasting. But don't sell yourself short. "Women listen very carefully for signs of status and wealth," says Fisher. Keep any references to financial or personal success oblique, though—let her curiosity draw out the details. Another crucial conversation tip: Talk at the same pace she does and she'll consider you intelligent, kind, con-fident, and ambitious, according to a University of Maryland study.

6. Your Body Language
Attraction causes couples to mirror each other's body language. But don't be overeager to connect. Stay relaxed and let her set the tone, says Lisa Clampett, founder of the Matchmaking Institute. Fidgeting conveys nervousness and triggers the empathetic release of stress chemicals in her brain. "Once she brushes your shoulder or thigh, reciprocate within a minute or two," Fisher says. Or touch her inner forearm, a nerve-rich zone that will create sparks.

7. Your Deal Closer
If you've made the right sort of first impression, she might be wondering how you are in bed. "Consciously or not," says Fisher, "she's looking for signs that you're patient and sensitive to the ways her body finds pleasure." So talk her through the jukebox options. Handle the darts delicately. Call out the scent notes of a bottle of wine. Show refined tastes in these areas and she'll suspect you have others worth exploring—back at her place.

The Top 10 Signs She's Interested in You

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:29:00 +0000

Some women go out looking for sex. Here's how to find them and make it happen.

1. She's Chatting Up the Bartender
A flirtatious woman can hardly contain herself. She won't let a male waiter or bartender take her order without flashing a smile and saying something silly, like, "What can you make me that would be really yummy?"

2. She's Scanning the Room
When women go out to bond with friends, they have blinders on. If they're not looking around, don't bug them. But when they want to mingle, they'll be scanning for cute men. They may even sit facing the room instead of each other.

3. She's Playing Games
Darts, pool, pinball—women know this makes them easier to approach. That's why they do it. It's easy to get a man's attention when you're about to jab him in the ribs with a pool cue.

4. Her Drink is Big, Frozen, and Blue
She's ready to party, which means meeting new people and having a good time, not getting naked with the first guy who buys her another round. But sometimes it does mean getting naked with the first hot, cool guy who buys her another round.

5. She Sends You a Zoolander Eye Lock
And the eyebrow raise, and/or at least two smiles (full, open-lipped, teeth smiles). Go over there and talk to her already. Caveat: There's a small chance she just thinks you're funny looking, but go ahead, have some balls. She's worth it.

6. Her Pupils are Dilated
If she's feeling stimulated by you (not just sexually), her pupils will dilate. That's because her body is programmed to want to see more of whatever's exciting her, so her brain tells her irises to let in more light. Time to make your move.

7. She Lets You Get Close
As you flirt, stand or sit within 6 inches of her. If she seems unruffled, move closer. Eventually you want your thigh to be pressed against hers, whether you're standing or sitting. If she's into it, she won't back off.

8. She's a Chatterbox
If she leans forward when you're talking or asks you endless questions, the only way to shut her up is to kiss her.

9. She Uses Her Tongue
A make-out session is a prerequisite to any sexual proposition. Kiss her lips softly and note how intensely she's kissing back. You want the "I want to eat you alive" kind of kiss, not the sweet "I'm not a dirty girl" kind of kiss.

10. She's Wearing Thigh-High Stockings
Women only wear sexy underthings when they're expecting a man to see them. If she's wearing a thong, she's trying to avoid panty lines, but sex is on her mind, too. Anything black, red, pink, leopard print, or lace equals "I want you."

What to Tell Her During Difficult Conversations

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 02:21:00 +0000

Tricky moments in any relationship can leave you at a loss for words, but sometimes you have to speak up. "Silence is deadly," says Howard Markman, Ph.D., who runs workshops and retreats for couples as vice president of Love Your Relationship, Inc. "A man has to take responsibility when his silence is troublesome."
To make matters worse, men who say less than their wives actually become more stressed when she gets upset, according to a recent study.
In the following situations, talking isn't negotiable. Use these scripts and start the dialogue.

Touch Her Here to Increase Her Pleasure

noreply@blogger.com (Engineer on site is Ir Mohd Fahmie) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 01:55:00 +0000

1. That Face
A woman's brain shuts down for orgasm. Commence the shutdown sequence by holding her head in your lap and massaging the area above her eyebrows with your thumbs. "People carry a lot of tension in the face, and this helps them release and become more receptive to arousal," says David Givens, Ph.D., author ofLove Signals. Look for her lips to part, he says: "When a person is aroused, he or she will relax the muscles that keep the jaw shut."

2. Those Ears
These are portals to two forms of arousal: physical (reflexogenic) and mental (psychogenic), says Emily Nagoski, Ph.D., a sex researcher at Indiana University. Touch or massage the rim of her ear between your thumb and forefinger while cradling the back of her head with your fingers. (Ignore the insensitive earlobe.) As she responds, graze the ridge of her outer ear with the tip of your nose, says Anne Hooper, coauthor of 269 Amazing Sex Tips and Tricks for Men. "Just hearing you breathe will turn her on," she says.

3. That Neck
Brush your lips between her throat and chin, says Sandor Gardos, Ph.D., founder of mypleasure.com. "The skin is thinner where the body flexes. The nerves and blood vessels are closer to the surface—that's why it's also a perfume point." You'll engage sensory receptors and trigger an emotional response. "It feels very intimate to let a person that close," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a sex researcher with the Kinsey Institute, in Indiana.

4. Those Lips
Kissing is your entrance exam for the rest of her body. "It tells her that you understand how to be subtle, no matter where you are on her body," says Hooper. You're also giving her a hormonal hors d'oeuvre, flooding her hypothalamus (the brain's arousal center) with pheromone-laden smells and tastes. Softly lick her upper lip or tug it gently between your lips. Deep red lips indicate arousal.

5. Her Fingers
During a movie or long flight, tease her palm; hands are dense with sensory receptors. Spread your fingers outward from the upper part of her palm, slowly moving them up her fingers. Do it lightly—touch-sensitive receptors in the skin respond better than the pressure-sensitive receptors inside (whose job is grabbing). "It's discreet enough for no one to notice, but enticing enough to awaken other parts of her body," says Lauren Slade, founder of the Universal College of Reflexology.

6. Her Forearms
"The inner part of the wrist is extremely sensitive to temperature," says Herbenick. Try licking her wrist and blowing softly to create a cooling sensation—special receptors there are tuned to detect differences in temperature. (It's the site that moms and dads use to check heated baby formula.) And there are sensitive receptors in hair follicles: "Any area with fine, downy hair is going to respond best to a light, almost nonexistent touch," says Gardos. "Just stimulate the hairs and you'll give her shivers."

7. Those Breasts
Pay respects to the nerve-rich erogenous tissue at the top and underside of the breast before touching the nipple. "Your technique should be so light that it barely indents the skin," says Kerrie Grow McLean, a sex therapist at the Berman Center, in Chicago. The nipple (which, like the clitoris, feeds into orgasm-inducing neurons in the brain) contains receptors called Meissner's corpuscles, cells that adjust to varied stimuli, like the friction of a shirt or the moisture of a tongue. The longer you tease around the nipple, the more intense direct stimulation will be.

8. The Back of Her Knees
Many women find this spot ticklish at first. Just wait. "She probably is not aroused enough," says Gardos. Work on erogenous zones first. Cover the entire back of her leg, then trace your fingers down her thigh and calf and graze the back of her knee, using the full length of three fingers. A firmer touch can stimulate the pressure-sensitive nerve endings, or Pacini's corpuscles, in the skin as well, taking away the tickle.

9. Her Back
Knead the muscles between her shoulder blades and spine, and follow with light fingertip strokes. "As you get lower and lower down the back, the nerves become more sensitive," says Gardos. Let your fingers drift to her sides, gently touching the sides of her breasts. During sex, take a back-rub break to delay ejaculation. "Switching to a back rub is like, 'Wow, he's caring and considerate and not just all about sex,' " Herbenick says. "Little does she know he's also using the technique to last longer."

10. Those Legs
Dutch researchers found that the mere expectation of touch triggers activity in the planning and motivation centers of the brain, crucial for building arousal. "Women want to wonder, What is he going to do next?"says Herbenick. "That mindset is crucial for psychological arousal and orgasm." Stroke her thighs in the direction of her vagina, but pull away before you reach it. Breathe on her or brush your fingers very close, awakening the skin, Gardos says. "This will transmit a very different sort of sensation than if you're actually making contact."