Pro tip: any exercise you can do in heels probably isn't exercise.

Planning an exercise routine can seem pretty confusing. Do you lift weights or do cardio? Should you use machines or free weights?

If you think you have it rough with all the crazy looking machines and exercises out there, you might want to take a gander at these photos of oldtimey exercise machines, from Retronaut.

Some of them seem to just be really complicated ways to injure yourself. Others are simply so baffling I’m not sure I could figure out any way to use them, never mind the correct way.

For instance, this thing:

I can only assume it makes you thinner by physically grabbing your stomach paunch with those giant pinchers and squeezing until you swear to give up cookies forever.

And then there’s The Strangler. Perfect for uppity housewives:

That’s enough sass out of you, Agnes. Back to The Strangler!

Or the ever popular Bunk Bed of Torture. The most complicated way to dislocate your shoulder ever invented!

Don’t forget the Foot Massager. It might not do much for your waistline, but it sure looks soothing:

This woman appears to be riding a kid’s toy horse. I’m not really sure why.

Oh, maybe it’s a knock off version of this:

Wow, all the vital organs are brought into inspiriting action?!

And then there’s the Gentleman’s Bench. Exercise with all the dignity and ease of a gentleman. Unlike other machines, the Gentleman’s Bench never requires you to engage in ignoble pursuits like moving or sweating. Exercise with decorum and grace in the comfort of your living room:

There's no shame in buying one for yourself.

With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s time to talk about a subject near and dear to my heart: chocolate. Along with overpriced roses and giant, heart-wielding bears, chocolate is a staple of the holiday.

Whether you’re getting a box of chocolates from your sweetheart, or you’re drowning your loneliness in a vat of Rocky Road, chocolate’s an unavoidable part of the holiday.

So what’s a hapless dieter faced with a solid pound of heart-shaped chocolate to do?

Fortunately for your willpower, it turns out that chocolate isn’t nearly so terrible for you as you might think. Much like coffee, chocolate has a worse reputation than it deserves. In fact, both coffee and chocolate come from plants, so they’re full of nutrients. Recent studies have shown that chocolate can be a healthy addition to your diet, when used in moderation.

Health Benefits of Chocolate

Chocolate is made from cocoa beans, which are packed full of a special kind of antioxidant known as flavonoids.

Flavonoids are responsible for cocoa’s strong taste and are the same thing that make red wine, green tea, and berries so good for you. Just 2 tablespoons of cocoa has as many antioxidants as 3 and 1/2 cups of green tea, 3/4 cup of blueberries or 1 and 1/3 glasses of red wine.

The particular flavonoids in chocolate can provide all sorts of health benefits, including:

Because you only eat chocolate for your health, right?

Lower Blood Pressure: Recent studies have found that chocolate can lower blood pressure in people with hypertension. Eating chocolate raises the levels of nitric oxide in your blood, which causes your blood vessels to relax and lowers your blood pressure. Chocolate also has anti-clotting effects, similar to aspirin, which can help prevent heart problems.

Lower Risk of Heart Disease, Stroke and Diabetes: In an analysis of several recent studies, scientists found that people who ate the most chocolate were about 30% less likely to suffer from heart disease, stroke, or diabetes than those who ate the least amount of chocolate.

Mood Enhancement: There’s a reason chocolate makes you feel good. Eating chocolate triggers the release of mood enhancing brain chemicals, including endorphins and the neurotransmitter dopamine. It also contains a substance called anandamide, which bonds to the same receptor sites in the brain as cannabinoids (i.e. the active chemical in marijuana) and produces feelings of elation. Finally, chocolate boosts the production of serotonin in the brain. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression (and women on their menstrual cycle, which might explain those chocolate cravings).

Use With Caution

It’s not all hearts and chocolate roses, though. There are a number of reasons to be cautious with chocolate and only eat it in moderation.

First of all, the refining process used for chocolate often destroys much of the nutritional benefits. To get the most out of your chocolate, you should look for products with a high cocoa percentage (80% or more is best).

Chocolate is also often combined with high calorie foods, such as sugar and cream. Stick to dark chocolate or chocolate covered fruit to satisfy your cravings, without the calories. Just make sure it’s actual fruit, as most “fruit fillings” are actually pure sugar.

Finally, chocolate is high in fat. Happily, only a third of the fat in chocolate is the kind of saturated fat that raises LDL (“bad”) cholesterol, but it’s still not a good idea to try to drown yourself in the chocolate fountain.

Chocolate can be a delicious and healthy treat when eaten in moderation. It’s important to make sure you budget for the calories in chocolate and keep an eye on your saturated fat intake. However, as long as you’re using a little common sense, you should feel free to indulge your chocolate cravings. And your body might even thank you.

Trust me, this picture is better than the alternative.

Most people aren’t eating enough fiber. You know probably knew that, but do you know why it’s important?

Fiber is basically plant matter that your body can’t digest. It can be divided into two categories: soluble and insoluble.

Soluble fiber dissolves in water and forms a gel-like substance. It slows down digestion and makes you feel fuller, longer. That’s why high fiber foods are great when you’re restricting calories. It also helps regulate your blood sugar levels.

Insoluble fiber doesn’t dissolve and passes through your digestive tract largely intact. Insoluble fiber adds bulk to your stool and speeds up the elimination of wastes in your body. Basically it’s like pouring a bit of drain cleaner down your pipes to keep them nice and clean.

Fiber is essential to good health and disease prevention. And it helps you poop! Which ought to be reason enough to eat more of it. But if, for some reason, you’re not convinced, here are a few more reasons to eat fiber:

Health Benefits of Fiber

Regular Pooping: Fiber makes your poop into the nice solid logs you’re used to. Too little fiber and you’re looking at a bad case of constipation. It’s gross, but true: if you want to poop like a champ, you need to eat more fiber.

Healthy Heart: On a more sanitary note, soluble fiber helps to lower the amount of LDL or “bad” cholesterol in your body. In addition, some studies have found that increased fiber intake is associated with reduced blood pressure. Eating more fiber can help keep your heart in good working order.

Reduced Risk of Diabetes: A diet that includes soluble fiber can reduce your risk of type-2 diabetes. Soluble fiber slows the absorption of sugar into your body, which is a big deal if you have diabetes or are in danger of contracting it.

Maintain Bowel Health: Do you want hemorrhoids? How about something called “diverticular disease”? No? Then eat more fiber. Some fiber is fermented in the colon, which scientist think plays a role in preventing all sorts of colon diseases.

Aids in Weight Loss: Fiber slows digestion, which delays the amount of time before your stomach empties after you eat. A full stomach means you’re not hungry. Anyone on a diet can attest to the importance of your food lasting as long as possible. To feel fuller, longer, eat more fiber.

Foods with Fiber

I’ll assume you’re convinced now that fiber is awesome. So how much do you need and where do you get it?

It’s recommended that women eat at least 25 grams of fiber a day, and men need 30 grams. Unfortunately, the average American only eats 15 grams a day.

Packaged foods and refined flours have almost no fiber. The processing removes it. Since fiber is plant matter, you will find it easiest in things closer to nature. If you’re eating processed foods that claim to be high in fiber, you’re probably eating wood pulp.

Here are the best sources of fiber (both soluable and insoluable):

• Fruit
• Vegetables
• Whole Grains
• Beans
• Peas and Legumes
• Nuts and Seeds
• Flaxseed

Your scale is not very bright, so don't let it dictate your self-worth.

I have some bad news: your scale is lying to you.

Okay, it’s not precisely lying, but it’s answering a different question than the one you’re asking it.

When you step on the scale, you’re asking “have I made progress in my goals?” but your scale responds with “gravity is exerting this much force on your body right now.”

Your scale doesn’t have any idea how much fat you’re storing, (unless you have one of those fancy body fat measuring ones, but that’s a different story) it just knows how much you weigh.

The problem with living and dying by the numbers on your scale, is that your weight can fluctuate as much as 5 pounds from day to day.

These weight fluctuations are completely normal, and more importantly, not related to how fat you are.

Let’s look at some of the reasons your weight can fluctuate so much:

Reasons Your Weight Fluctuates

Water: Water retention is the biggest factor in weight fluctuations. Your body decides how much water to store based on how much you need to sweat, how hydrated you are, and your hormone levels. If you don’t drink enough water, you can actually cause your body to start retaining more water, which will make you heavier next time you weigh in.

Eating: This is pretty basic, but whatever you eat goes inside your body and stays there until you eliminate it. That means that anything still in your digestive tract is included in that little number the scale gives you, even though it’s not actually a part of your body.

Salt: Eating too much salt causes water to be stored in your tissues. This is what we call “bloating.” Humans need salt to survive, but only about 500 mg a day. Most Americans eat closer to 3400mg. When you eat more than you need, you’re going to bloat up, which will make you look fatter and weigh more than you really do.

Exercise: Ever gotten on a scale the day after strenuous exercise? You were probably rewarded for you hard work by watching the numbers go up a pound or two. Sore muscles are caused by microscopic tears in muscle fibers, which can also cause inflammation and fluid retention. This swelling is temporary and will go away once the body is finished repairing the muscle.

Glycogen: Glycogen is fuel for your body, made out of carbohydrates. Your body produces and stores glycogen in your liver and muscles. Stored glycogen can also contain up to 3 times its weight in water. The more physically active you are, the more glycogen your body will produce and store. This process is completely natural, but it can increase your weight slightly. One of the reasons low carb diets are so popular is that if you don’t eat enough carbohydrates, your body can’t produce enough glycogen and you will see a sudden loss of weight. Unfortunately, none of that weight is fat and you need glycogen, or your body will start burning muscles for energy.

Hormones: Your hormone levels can affect how much water your body decides to retain. Mostly this is random and unpredictable, but we do know that women tend to retain more water just before and during their periods.

Dealing with Weight Fluctuations

The best way to avoid going insane from these fluctuations is to stop weighing in every day. Minor weight fluctuations will occur and if you’re always staring at the scale, it’s hard not to get depressed on a “heavy” day.

I recommend either weighing in once a week or just picking one week a month to weigh in every day. Try keeping a chart of your weight. Looking at several months’ worth of weigh-ins is the best way to tell if you’ve actually made progress, without letting the scale dictate your self-worth.

Please don't say giving up cheese.

Trying to be healthy is pretty confusing. From diet and exercise, to sleep and stress levels; it seems like there are a billion things you should be worrying about for your health.

Wouldn’t it be nice if you knew what the most effective thing you could for yourself was?

Good news! Dr. Mike Evans from the Health Design Lab at the University of Toronto has the answer. According to him, the single most efficient way to turn your health around is 30 minutes a day of physical activity.

And it doesn’t have to be very strenuous! He claims that just a little movement can drastically reduce your risk of all sorts of diseases and mental health issues (including depression and anxiety). Physical activity (even at low intensities) apparently has a bigger impact on your health than any other single factor, including your weight!

In this completely fascinating video, Dr. Evans does a great job of explaining the dangers of a sedentary lifestyle and how moving (just walking is enough) for 30 minutes a day can make a world of difference. He really hits home when he asks the simple question: “Can you limit your sitting and sleeping to just 23.5 hours per day?”

I really encourage you to watch (it’s only about 10 minutes) and share it with your friends. If you don’t have time to do everything (and who does?) it’s nice to know which changes can make the biggest difference.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=aUaInS6HIGo

The real question is how anyone can diet without drinking?

You’ve heard a stomach paunch called a “beer gut” and it probably hasn’t escaped your notice that the first thing every diet book tells you to do is quit drinking.

Well, almost every diet book.

But there are plenty of slender beer-guzzlers out there and models and actors aren’t exactly known for their sobriety. Surely you can dip into the sauce a bit and still maintain a fantastic physique, right?

Of course you can. Alcohol no more has the magic power to make you instantly fat than acai berries can make you thin.

Like many things of questionable health benefit, alcohol just needs to be used with caution and moderation.

What all those diet books are really getting at is the fact that alcoholic drinks can have a lot of calories. And because they’re liquids, you won’t feel full after you’ve had a couple or twenty.* So if you’re not careful, you can take in a lot more calories than you realize.

Worse yet, alcohol also lowers your inhibition. You know, that thing that prevents you from telling your best friend’s husband that you’ve had a crush on him since high school, because it’s what we might call “socially unacceptable”?

Well, it turns out that inhibition and willpower are close bed fellows, so your determination to not eat that entire pie is going to seem a lot less important once you’ve had a few shots of tequila.

Throw into the mix the fact that part of your motivation to lose weight comes from a desire for social approval, (controlled by your inhibition), and suddenly your good intentions are going right out the window, along with your resolve against sending your ex “just one more” text.

But if you use a little common sense, and do your homework, you can drink safe in the knowledge that your waistline won’t suffer any ill-effects.

Drink Efficiently

Not all alcohol’s created equal. Some drinks are far more costly in terms of calories than others. Memorizing the low calorie way to get sloshed can really help you have an irresponsible evening without packing on the pounds.

Alternatively: "Wrathful Lemurs Battle Maurading Lions."

Repeat after me: “Wanda Left the Bar Madly in Love.”

Did you repeat it? Because if you memorize that little phrase, you have all you need to know about which beverages are most calorie-friendly.

It stands for Wine, Liquor, Beer, Malternative, Liqueur, going from lowest calorie to highest. Let’s take a more detailed look:

Wine: By far the most diet friendly drink. Your typical 5oz glass of red or white contains roughly 100 calories. Half a bottle is just 250 calories. With wine, you can get pretty sloshed for less than the caloric cost of a sandwich!

Liquor: While it doesn’t sound calorie-friendly, a shot of the hard stuff has just 32 (vermouth) to 80 (gin) calories. I don’t know about you, but most of my evenings don’t involve 10 or more shots of gin. Liquor only becomes dangerous when you add mixers, most of which are made of sugar. If you need to add a little pizazz to your drink, ask for tonic water or diet soda.

Beer: A mixed bag. If you stick with light beers, you’re only looking at 100 calories per 12oz bottle. But they’re pretty weak in both the taste and alcohol departments. Regular beers range from 150 (lagers) to 220 (stouts) calories. If you’re planning to have more than one or two, they can really start adding up.

Malternative: Okay, “malternative” is a made-up word. But it’s better than “alcopop.” Malternatives are those girly beer substitutes such as Smirnoff Ice, hard lemonades, and hard iced teas. Calorically, malternatives are basically beer with a bunch of sugar dumped in. They range from 200 to 270 calories per bottle.

Liqueur: Like liquor, a typical serving of liqueur is about 1.5oz. Unlike liquor, liqueurs average 155 calories per shot. They’re also very likely to come mixed into something else sweet and full of sugar. Basically, a tiny bit as an after-dinner treat is fine, but I wouldn’t recommend making any of these a drinking staple.

So there you have it: a survival guide to drinking on a diet.

Alcohol is dangerous to weight loss, but it doesn’t have to be fatal to your goals. Just like with anything else, there’s no need to give it up to improve your life.

But if you’re shooting peppermint schnapps six days a week, you might want to cut back.*

*Don’t drink twenty.
*Because seriously, that’s disgusting.

Who's hungry?

Yes. Yes you are.

How do I know? Because it’s so prevalent that unless you’ve gone out of your way to avoid it, you’ve eaten a mighty large pile of sawdust in your life.

As the price of real ingredients (like flour and oil) rise, food manufactures are turning to cheaper alternatives. Their current favorite is wood pulp.

You’ve probably seen it in the ingredients lists of tons of things, but never noticed. It’s called “cellulose” which is a generic name for all plant fiber.

The FDA has approved various forms of cellulose as a safe food additive and provides no limits on how much can used. It gives a smooth, creamy texture to salad dressings, sauces and ice cream and adds bulk and structure to baked goods. It’s even added to shredded cheese to keep it from sticking together.

You don’t need to spit out that muffin mid-chew, though. Cellulose is pretty harmless and even adds fiber to food. It also absorbs water, so it mimics fats. As a result, manufacturers can remove as much as 50% of the fats in baked goods and still have them taste good. This allows them to produce the low fat and fat free items that are in such high demand these days.

That said, wood pulp is also nutritionally void. Humans can’t even digest it. So if you thought you were eating real food made from things like flour and butter, you might want to look a little closer at those ingredients labels.

Guilty Parties

Pass the woodchip muffins, please!

So who’s adding wood pulp to your food and how can you avoid it? Well, the best way to avoid it is to cook everything yourself, from scratch.

I’ll wait until you’re done laughing.

Realistically, you’re going to end up eating some, and it’s not going to kill you. You just might want to keep track of how much of your diet is made up of things you don’t consider food.

Here are some companies that regularly use cellulose in their products:

• General Mills (includes the Pillsbury, Betty Crocker and Duncan Hines brands)
• Aunt Jemima (owned by Pepsi)
• Kellogg’s
• Weight Watchers (for shame!)
• KFC
• Nestle
• McDonalds
• Jimmy Dean
• Taco Bell
• Jack in the Box
• Kraft Foods
• Pizza Hut
• Wendy’s
• Arby’s
• Sonic
• Dole

I’m sure that doesn’t cover everyone, but you get the idea. With companies able to save as much as 30% in production costs by adding a little bit of wood, you can bet they’ll throw it in anywhere they can get away with it.

Next time you’re in the grocery store, think about all that sawdusty goodness when you’re filling your cart. You might find that those sale prices don’t seem like such a good deal when you realize they’re not selling you real food.

Fun Fact: neither option actually requires you to remove your shirt.

You know you should lift weights, but starting out can be confusing. One of the first choices you need to make is whether to use the weight machines or to stick with free weights.

A lot of people trying out weight training for the first time gravitate towards the machines. It’s pretty easy to see why: the machines have nice instructional pictures on them, they clearly inform you what muscle group they’re working, and it’s a lot less obvious how much weight you’re lifting when you’re safely hidden in a sea of similar devices.

The free weights section, on the other hand, can be pretty intimidating. It’s the domain of large, serious looking men who make odd grunting noises while hefting comically large piles of weights over their head.

That can make it pretty daunting for a beginner to waltz over there, grab the lightest weight on the rack and awkwardly swing it around for a bit.

Machines are a great way to ease into weight lifting gently, but they have some serious drawbacks. Once you’re comfortable with strength training, you might want to consider giving free weights a try.

Let’s look a bit at the pros and cons of each:

Machines

Pros

Easy to Use: As I mentioned, machines are easier to use without any experience. When you’re first starting out, you can hop on a machine and do your lifting with good form, without any real knowledge. Their little pictures of the muscle groups they target can really help you be certain you’re getting a well-rounded workout.

Machines are a quick and simple introduction to weight lifting that you can get started on today, without any preparation.

You'd never know it from the pictures, though.

Less Intimidating: Again, a lot of people don’t like having to stand in a weight room full of people who know what they’re doing and try and figure out what’s going on. It takes some experimentation to figure out proper form and the correct weight you should be lifting.

If you’re not ready to deal with feeling a bit silly while figuring it, machines might be a good place to start.

Lower Risk of Injury: Machines can reduce the risk of injury to novice weight lifters. They control your range of motion and stabilize the weights, so there’s no chance of dropping the weights or seriously pulling something from losing control. Because they control the motion and keep the weights stable, you don’t have to spend as much time mastering proper form before you can start lifting.

Cons

False Strength: The reason machines feel more comfortable and a little easier when you’re just starting out, is because they do all the stabilizing for you. That means they actually make performing the exercise easier than it would be in real life.

Thus, the weight you’re lifting on a machine will actually be higher than the amount you could lift by yourself. This can result in feeling like you’ve made more progress than you have and possibly even injury from believing you’re stronger than you are.

Unrealistic Movements: Machines also lock you into specific and unusual body movements. The movements might well target a specific muscle group effectively, but they don’t reflect the everyday movements you’ll want to use your new strength for. Repeating these rigid movements will build up a very specific strength that is not useful in real life.

Size and Weight Limitations: Machines also limit you in both the weight you can add and the range of motion they allow. If you’re built too large for a machine or have a larger range of motion than average, machines will prevent you from building strength for your full range of movement. On the other hand, if you’re built too small for a machine, as many women are, then they can be uncomfortable or even dangerous to use.

Free Weights

Pros

Stabilizing Muscles: Unlike with machines, you have to actually control and stabilize free weights by yourself.

Often for the first few weeks of weight lifting, you’ll find that the movements feel uncomfortable and it’s difficult to prevent the weight from shaking. That’s because your support muscles need time to get as strong as your main muscles.

Once they catch up, you’ll actually be stronger and find a whole range of activities easier than you would have if you’d just stuck to machines.

Enough already. Everyone go put a shirt on!

Improved Balance: Since you’re working on your stabilizing muscles, such as your abdominal and core muscles, you’ll experience an overall improved sense of balance.

Working with free weights involves your entire body in the process and as a result, you will see an improvement in total body strength and stability in your day to day activities.

Natural Movements: There are tons of different exercises that can be done with free weights, and many of them resemble movements you use in everyday life, such as picking things up from the ground, lifting something over your head, or ever starting a lawn mower. By using free weights you can lift in a way that resembles the way you will move and bend in real life, so you’re making your body better at doing the things you actually use it for.

Cons

More Preparation Required: Free weights take a little more work to get into. You will have to do some research or ask a trainer to show you what exercises are good for which muscle groups. It’s also more work to put together a total body workout when you can’t just march down the line of machines.

Increased Risk of Injury: Free weights can also be more dangerous (but they don’t have to be!). It’s essential to learn proper lifting form with free weight exercises or you risk hurting yourself as you go up in weight.

If you take your time and make sure you learn to do the exercises correctly before increasing weight though, you can have a safe and injury free experience.

Conclusion

Both options can help you get stronger and fitter. However, if you’re serious about improving your strength, health and overall quality of life, there’s no question that free weights are the right choice for almost everyone.

While they require more work at first, and seem a lot scarier, ultimately the benefits of training your body to gain strength through the synergistic cooperation of all your muscles leads to more strength, flexibility, balance and control over your body.

Gaining strength through natural movements will have a lot more real world benefits than focusing on the more controlled and unnatural tracks the machines restrict you to.

If you need to start out on machines to feel comfortable, by all means go for it. But ultimately you should aim for moving on to free weights.

Trust me, a few weeks over in the free weights part of the gym and you’ll fit right in with all those folks who seem to know what they’re doing. Before you know it, other people are going to be afraid to go over there because of how competent you look.