Bum rappers can’t eat and Will Smith’s daughter is about to be signed by Jay-Z. Lolz. Fevery1′sLife.

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That god this wasn’t a black chick, cause it’d be the Amazing Race riot! Hayoooooooooooo!

(hat tip: Liam)

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I am behind on my Howard Stern Shows by a day, so I missed this live, this morning. Artie Lange is apparently itching to get on the air and tell his “story”. I know this would be good fodder for the first day of Howard Stern’s next radio home (Sirius or an independently run, Howard Radio Online). Either way, whether we do hear Artie before Howard’s contractual run is over, it’s good to hear he must be doing better.

(h/t)

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Yawn… I hate milquetoast radio … let’s see, they had nothing to talk about *cough* Larry King’s life falling apart, so they had him do this dumb bit. Shitty radio — Ryan Seacrest (c).

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This one above was the nail in the coffin! Damn. It was a JOKE Samantha Ronson, sheesh. Dykey DJ’s (people who press play on their laptops) dunno how show-business works? ;)

I goof on you, you eat Lindsay’s box, your dog kills innocent show dogs, and we’re all happy.

So I am pretty sure the above one is the one that really pissed her off! Lolz! I am so proud of this.

Another screen-capped tweet below…

SONNED.

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Here’s best way I can introduce Shay Maria. She makes Salma Hayek look like a boy. I’ve seen her pictures on very influential blogs, and I thought to myself, damn that chick is hot, she must be one of those models that doesn’t speak a lick of English with questionable green-card status. But then I looked a little closer. I noticed her hipster sensibilities. There’s no way a chick wearing cute hipster glasses, is fresh off the boat!

As it turns out, my fantasy girl is a way hot and sweet Cali girl! What she brings to the modeling game isn’t apparent of her age. She looks like she’s a veteran when she’s just a baby! Her pictures are both stoical (calm, cool), yet at the same time, the exact opposite (warm, effusive). She’s also a professional hip-hop dancer… the talents are countless. I just hope she develops the dumping boyfriends talent, for the sake of single loner internet males a/k/a in-humanity. Shay isn’t what humans may describe as “hot,” she’s from another planet!

Shabooty: Do you only date one type of men/race? Haha.
Shay Maria: No, I went through my phases… my Black phase, my Asian phase, went through my Asian, now I’m in the Mexican phase.

Are you Bi-sexual?
No, I’m not. Only like the dudes.

But if you had to get with a famous chick, who’d be your type?
Oh nah, I’d probably go for Natalie Portman or Adriana Lima.

Do you have a boyfriend?
Yes, he is half Mexican and half White. But he doesn’t speak Spanish. I love men who speak Spanish. I’m a sucker for Spanish speaking men.

What’s your favorite brand of clothing?
I used to work at American Apparel. I used to love their clothes. I was getting them for free. Now, I don’t work there anymore and I now realized how ridiculous their prices are… So brands for me to wear – I’m not really brand type chick – I like thrift stores.

That’s the hipster in you, that likes the thrift stores.
Yeah, I guess so, plus it’s cheaper.

Who’s your favorite hip-hop artist?
I like DJ Quik and Kurupt.

Have you met any hip-hop artists that have subsequently turned you off to their music, due to their douchiness?
I was obsessed with J. Holiday for a minute. I did a video shoot for him. I expected him to be all sweet and he was all cocky and an asshole, like my shit don’t stink and that kinda killed it for me.

I keep dropping the h-word, but would you say you’re a hipster?
I dunno, I’d say I’m a mixture of like indie+hiphop+hippy.

Who are your contemporaries in the modeling game that have inspired you?
I’ve been a fan of Adriana Lima since before I can remember — and Kate Moss has a lot of raw shit that I love.

What about a chick you’ve already worked with on a shoot?
Rachel Metz — I worked with her on shooting the Primitive Summer Lookbook. She was really fun and chill to work with and easy going, so I like her.

Have any model chicks hit on you?
No, I don’t think I’ve had a model chick hit on me — of course the girls tell the girls, “oh my god, you’re so cute!” It’d be more like that… I’ve def been hit on by girls before, a lot. I dunno if it’s the vibe I send off but…

Would you ever do The Howard Stern Show?
Hell yeah.

A lot of my readers are Howard Stern fans…
Well there you go. Let’s do it, sign me up!

What city do you live in?
Buena Park, CA. Near Fullerton.

How did you get started modeling?
As you know, I’m a hip-hop dancer originally. The industry was really slow and people just approached me [saying] you have a really great look, you should try modeling. I was on my first t-shirt (Metro Park) — after that it took off.

Were you voluptuous at a young age?
Oh yeah, in 8th grade, I had C’s. I would get hated on — all the girls hated me.

For lack of a better term I guess you were ahead of the ‘curve’?
Oh yeah, I was ahead of everyone else.

You came out of the womb with B’s?
With C’s, lol.

Were you sexually active at a particularly young age?
No. Actually, I didn’t know what anything was — all I knew was making out until I was a junior in high school.

Back then you only knew about getting “motor-boated”?
No, I didn’t even know what that was (motor boating). I didn’t know who Britney Spears was until the 8th grade!

Do you give out your age?
I just turned twenty in April. I’m a baby.

Have you slept with any celebs? If so, feel free to name them now.
No, no, no, I’ve had the opportunity, but no [won't name].

What company would you dream to model/spokeswoman for?
I already know I’m too short to be a Victoria Secrets model. So Guess or BeBe, they’re on the top of my list.

How tall are you?
I’m only 5’2″, I’m a shrimp…

What are the biggest heels you wear?
As big as I could get. I can’t promise I could walk in them, but…

Are you a fan of Christian Louboutins?
If I could afford them, if I could get a nice pair from the Thrift Store, that hasn’t been used too much.

Would you pose for Playboy?
No, last year Playboy Magazine contacted me — but I’m not interested in doing any nude work like that. I’m still only 20, I have to pick and choose the projects I would do.

No porn in your future?
Nah, I don’t think that’s gonna happen.

What projects are you working on? What are your next gigs?
I just shot a new pilot for Comedy Central called Burr and Hart, for Bill Burr and Kevin Hart. I’m modeling for Barrage Clothing with Ron Artest. I have two shirts coming with The Hundreds next year. Background dancing for various people. I’m one of the choreographers for Chanel’s [MTV Show], Fantasy Factory. Since I’m not 21, I haven’t been doing club appearances. That’s it for dancing.

Which modeling gig has given you the most exposure?
Primitive gave me the most, got me on the map I think …I’ve got a lot of feedback from the Primitive shoot with Paul Rodriguez.

Do you watch Dancing With The Stars?
No, I don’t watch DWTS, no TV except for Family Guy and Jersey Shore.

Tell me what you think of my blog, shabooty.com
It’s pretty sweet, I mean I wouldn’t be doing the interview otherwise.

How much do you weigh?
116 lbs.

Back problems?
Oh yeah, boobs are heavy. Some of my older photos, I had some taken down, [because] oh my god, my boobs are just so ginormous, it doesn’t look right! I slimmed down so they went down a cup size, so now I’m the same but just a little smaller.

It’d be sacrilegious to get breast reduction surgery.
I was going to cause I had to go therapy for my back and the doctor told me you know you’re overweight for your age — lose weight. I wasn’t fat, like 130, he’s telling me to lose weight. I took it to heart and I started to workout hardcore and they went down by themselves.

What kind of guys do you go for? nerds, jocks?
Well, when I was younger, I always liked the rocker boys [who played] guitar. Now, I’m into more of the nerdy guys.

Guys with their own blogs?
Oh, hay!

Do you have any hot sisters?
I have no sisters, I only have a brother — I just met my birth mom and birth brother. I do have half-siblings out there somewhere. I have not seen them.

They should be hot too, right?
Probably!

Are you part Polish? And what is the exact make-up of your heritage?
I’m adopted, so my parents are Polish, but I am not. I’ve met my mom this year — my dad he lives in Chile, he’s from South America, he lives there, and my mom is Prussian, German and Irish.

Are you going to marry a millionaire?
No, def not… it’d be nice in a little fairy tale [kinda way], but nah…

So you said you watch Jersey Shore?
Oh yeah, I watch it every Thursday. They’re just hilarious. The Situation is just hilarious, but Vinny, I like Vinny too, he seems really down to earth.

Can you believe Vinny and Snooki had sex?
They’ve done it like three times already! I didn’t think they would bang any of them, or “smoosh”.

Would you “smoosh” with Drake?
If he’s sang to me and did alright.

How does a guy get a chance with a chick like you?
I dunno, [my b/f] just, I love to eat and he always gives me food! I love Mexican food, I’m obsessed with that stuff Pho [Vietnamese soup], he’s just really patient with me. I’m a handful, so you def have to be patient.

Fast fwd to :45 to see Shay Maria in action at the Primitive Shoot!

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This is part of the Kanye West “I’m Not A Douchebag,” here’s a new song every Friday, series.

Enjoy!

DOWNLOAD…

HERE [MP3]

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I haven’t seen this posted anywhere yet, as it just happened today. Pay attention to the :40 second mark. They bailed pretty quick, but you can hear Benjy saying, “I’m not doing the Sanjaya thing anymore” Lolz.

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The above is the news report on the crash. But I saw a blurry video of the actual crash, that is even more crazy… check that out:

here.

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DMX cracks me up and I don’ even know why? I do have an affinity for my crackheaded peoples.

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So much for getting Paris Hilton’s vote…

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(h/t)