A Lifetime Saga

12 APRIL 2012

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 14:23:00 +0000

I haven't been here for quite some time. I lost interest in blogging for almost a year. Not that I would be back but I just have to let things out here.

What would you do if someone you love lie to you? Despite what you give and what you sacrifice to ensure that this love last forever but somehow, that someone keeps repeating the same mistakes?

Well, I admit that I did fight for this love. Fighting and sacrificing what I have and what I could to keep hold on to that someone. But then again, that someone just never cares.

I was there when that person was having the greatest pain of its life. Yes, I was there giving all the support and the care in the world. But I was paid with infidelity and lies.

I still remember when I saw those pictures. It was like someone has "slapped" me on my face. It felt like that all these years, my heart didn't matter coz all that someone cares is to have fun with whoever it wants. Tasting all the worldly heaven on earth.

I believe in second chance and I forgave. Not long after that, that someone was diagnosed with something that I called an "eye opener". The truth revealing the infidelity and lies that it did behind me. Yes!!! That someone was devastated. I was also devastated. It felt like the whole world was turning around. But I kept myself strong for that someone. Hoping that one day, it will heal and things are gonna better.

But now, things weren't the same anymore. I didn't know where my heart is. I didn't know where my mind is. I'm LOST!!! Lost because I am now not sure how I feel towards that someone.

Should I let go or should I keep holding on?

But the pain of holding on is greater than the pain of letting go...

And I am not sure whether 12th April this year means anything to me or not....

God, please show me the way....

CLOSURE

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Thu, 10 Nov 2011 02:58:00 +0000

Tadi aku teringat....

Teringat dengan nasihat aku dekat seorang blogger yang hina Sarawak aritu...

Instead of bitching to her, I took a different approach.

And I told her,

"Dik, kita hidup kat dunia ni nak carik redha Allah. Bukan nak carik musuh atau nak benci orang. Rasanya tak salah kalo adik minta maaf."

And she DID minta maaf kat semua orang Sarawak.

Dan tadi, aku teringat dengan situasi aku sendiri.

Kadang-kadang kite pandai nasihat orang tapi tak pandai apply kat diri sendiri.

Tapi aku tak hina orang mana-mana. It's just that aku teringat dengan ayat:

"Kita hidup kat dunia ni nak cari redha Allah"

Aku kecik hati dengan seseorang sekarang. Kecik hati yang membuatkan aku kurang tenang beberapa hari ini.

Sebelum tido malam, aku teringat dan selepas bangun pagi tadi aku teringat.

Kecik ati ngan orang memang menyakitkan. Boleh makan diri.

Penyelesaiannya ialah biarlah dia nak buat apa yang dia nak buat.

Aku dah buat apa yang aku patut buat.

Tapi kita niat apa yang kita buat adalah kerana kita mencari keredhaan Allah.

Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Mengetahui.

Tapi untuk orang yang aku kecik ati tu, aku dah mula tawar hati.

NOTHING LASTS FOREVER...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 03:59:00 +0000

Tadi aku dok stalk profile seseorang ni...

Saje je coz tension ngan keje banyak kat ofis.

Aku terkejut giler biler aku nampak status dia:

SINGLE?!!!

Bile dah diaorang ni putus? No wonder aku tak nampak updates diaorang.

Bf orang yang aku stalk ni leh kata macam member baik aku jugak la coz kisah kitaorang hampir sama.

Masa bf dia jumpa buah hati dia, time tu jugak aku ada kenal seseorang ni.

Sebelom tu, bf dia pun merana macam aku gak...

Meroyan tak tentu pasal kat blog. Buat statement sedey...

Sedih jugak bile aku dapat tau diaorang dah tak bersama coz diaorang memang such a sweet and loving couple.

I wish nothing but the best for them.

p/s: Di mana ada pertemuan, di situ ada perpisahan.

VLOGGER

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 04:24:00 +0000

It has been quite some time I didn't post anything on my blog.

I'm not busy but I was pretending to be busy. Hahahahahahaha...

So, nothing much that I can write here.

I spent my night watching some Youtubers. (or is it Vlogger? Whatever then..)

I found some of them are really good in their video.

And one of them is AmanWan.

This guy is a new vlogger. Some bloggers claimed him to be the next TOP VLOGGER.

Well, we'll see on that. But his videos are cool!!!

Another top vlogger is Anwar Hadi.

He won the award from Digi.

Believe it or not, he's one of my junior way back in Institut Perguruan Kampus Pulau Pinang.

His batch are the lucky ones coz they get to go to Sydney, Australia for their twinning programme.

Jealous jugak but rezki masing-masing kan?

And his videos are SUPER COOL!!!!

Lastly, this AimanAzlan.

The Islamic Vlogger.

I even followed him on Twitter coz I'm impressed of how he made me think about being a Muslim.

*If you want to be a Vlogger, make sure you are creative and ORIGINAL.

p/s: Another 15 minutes left. I will be on my way to the airport. Convocation would be next week. Alhamdulillah coz 6 years of studying has officially ended with this wonderful occasion.

ALL I WANT...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 02:17:00 +0000

I never tell this to anyone.

My birthday is getting closer.

And all I want on that day is....

YOU.

But it might only be a dream for now....

MYSELF

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sat, 23 Jul 2011 19:35:00 +0000

Seriously, I have been questioning myself of my action and decision towards things that have been happening to me.

Sometimes, I feel like a real LOSER.

Just forgiving and accepting those things that happened to me when I know one day, it's gonna happen again and by that time, it would be too late to regret.

And sometimes, I feel like I would only be treated nicely when something is needed from me.

After that, nothing...

I guess that is how things are when you let things uncontrolled.

I hope one day when I'm not around, you will realize how wonderful it would feel to have a companion that cares for you and how it feels to lose someone you truly took for granted.

-I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT I STAYED TILL TODAY-

BROKEN

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sat, 02 Jul 2011 17:33:00 +0000

"Cinta Luar Biasa" has been playing in my head for quite some time today.

I'm a stupid guy.

Really... I am stupid.

What the fuck am I doing here?

Waiting for another betrayal?

Waiting for another broken pieces to be broken?

I'm naive and stupid...

That's the real me...

Thanks to you...

TORN

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 17 Jun 2011 16:17:00 +0000

Dear Saga,

Would u listen to what I’m gonna say to them?

I hope u would coz I could not tell them what I feel.

And this is what I’m gonna say…

Dear To What I Need:

You’ll be very wonderful to have.
You bring joy and happiness.
You make me happy when I’m down.
You can help me to get all the things I want.
But even with you, I am not feeling contented..
With you around, things are easier but loneliness would be a good friend of mine.

Dear To What I Have:

You make me the happiest person on earth.
Some days are difficult but I know you would make it easier for me.
It feels good when you are around.
But I’m not sure till up to which point u would be there.
Coz it would hurt me deep if one day you are not around.
With you around, things might be a bit harder but at least I’m not alone.

(p/s: Life is about choices...)

MONDAY SURPRISE!!!

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Mon, 06 Jun 2011 02:27:00 +0000

Kalo ari Isnin, kite biasa akan dengar "Monday Blues".

Tapi untuk hari ni, orang kat office aku tengah "Monday Surprise".

Tau sebab ape?

Sebab ada dua makhluk Tuhan yang pandai membaca tapi tak reti nak memahami.

Two of my colleagues resigned immediately.

HAMPEH SIOT!!!!

At least bagitau la kalo nak resign pun.

Ni ko blah mengejut pasai pa?

Bos aku tengah pregnant.

Mati la kami yang kena BOMB!!!

BODOHNYER BABI!!!!!

One of these places will be emptied...

ALONE...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 03 Jun 2011 05:37:00 +0000

Aku sorang-sorang dok dalam ofis. The other workers are in today.

So, I'm left alone to do my own stuff.

Internet punyer laju but I dunno what to download.

Facebook is on but no new notifications.

Call orang sana sini, haram tak reply ape...

Turn on my YM, tegur orang tapi cuma Papa sorang je yang reply.

Kalo aku tau orang lain tak datang, aku pun taknak datang.

Boredom could kill me easily.

Dahlah emosi tak betol sangat sekarang.

I just need a companion to sembang.

Oh God!!!

THE SWEETEST THING TO SAY IS...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sat, 28 May 2011 21:12:00 +0000

You had a relationship with that person, you broke up and never contacted each other.

One day, you are sick with God knows what disease it could be.

That special person of yours suddenly showed up despite his attachment to other commitments.

You are confused, feeling vulnerable and you want him to go away.

And you ask that person:

Why did you come?

And softly, he answered:

"How could I not?"

And I think that is the sweetest thing to say...

OVERNIGHT...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 27 May 2011 05:09:00 +0000

Overnight?

Wat the FUCK were you thinking?

MOVIE REVIEW: INSIDIOUS

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sat, 21 May 2011 12:33:00 +0000

Orang lain dok sebok tengok cite Nur Kasih tapi aku malas la... Coz i feel stupid when I watch Malay movies. (mati la kena kutuk lepas ni... hahahahahaha..)

Sebenarnya takde choice coz majoriti voters voted for this movie. Aku bukan taknak tengok tapi nak jimat bajet. Tapi terpaksa gak tengok. Thanks kat Zul for that night.

So, cite Insidious ni bole kata best gak la... Korang tengok wallpaper dia, cam haram je...

Cite ni pasal family yang bernama The Lambert. Diaorang ni baru pindah umah. Umah besar siot!!! Teringat cite Emily Rose ngan Amitevil Horror (ejaan tak betol..)

Then entah macam mana, anak sulung diaorang, si Dalton koma tetiber.. Lepas koma tu, jadik la macam-macam gangguan kat umah tu...

Cite ni macam haram coz efek muzik dengan grafik yang boleh membuatkan mak-mak mengandung terberanak. Salah satu scene yang sangat menyakitkan jiwa ialah bila hantu ni muncul tetibe belakang mamat Josh nih... Siang-siang plak tu.. Tak reti nak tido ke hantu sekor ni?

Kawan aku tanya, "Nape muka hantu tu macam avatar?"

After that, diaorang mintak tolong pompuan tua ni. So, orang tua ni pun tolong la.. Then apa yang jadik seterusnya, korang kena tengok movie nih...

Kalo korang nak tahu, tagline cite ni ialah:

"It's not the house that's haunted, but it's the boy"

That's why wallpaper dia macam kat bawah ni.

Pendapat aku:

~ Cite ni boleh tahan. Jenuh gak aku menjerit bila hantu2 tu kuar.

~ Yang bestnyer, cite ni explain apa yang terjadi dengan jelas. Ada cite hantu yang suh ko pikir sendiri. So, cite ni sesuai untuk aku yang malas berpikir.

~ Muka hantu dia takdelah seram mana pun tapi cara hantu tu ditimbulkan memang best.

~ Part yang tak logik dalam cite ni banyak gak tapi takpelah, aku maafkan.

~ Overall, kalo nak feeling2 seram, carik member yang penakut untuk tengok cite ni ngan tengok cite ni waktu malam. Aku confirm korang trauma...

Rating: 4/5

(p/s: Thanks pada yang follow blog ni walaupun aku dah kurang aktif blog. Insya-Allah aku akan folo balik..)

LAST CLASS OF 2011

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 20 May 2011 01:43:00 +0000

Today is my last class. So I had to drag my feet to the class after a sleepless night. We had this talk from Dr. Fadzil and the final session was conducted by Madam Mariah. When the class was about to end, she asked all of us to sing ‘The Climb’ from Miley Cyrus. So we were singing happily when in the middle of the song, Ainul said to me,

“Shah, this is our last class.”

Believe it or not, her statement plus the song caused a pang of sadness inside me. Who would have thought that six years have passed so fast. We were already at the end of our chapter as students. Ainul was crying. I felt sad but I was holding back the tears. Didn’t wanna show her my tears.

I realized that apart from things that happened, Looi, Ainul and I still stick to each other no matter what. We love each other. Only God knows how much I’m gonna miss them.

But the most important thing is I have learnt many things throughout the six years time. The good, the bad, the sad, the funny and so much more. We’ll be on our own and I would not be able to see those familiar faces anymore. Not only Looi and Ainul but also Zul, Fami, Sham, Udin, Tipah, Syirah, Wani, Siti, and the others as well.

Believe it or not, this is just the beginning of everything, not an ending. We'll be climbing another mountain...

(p/s: This entry is supposed to be posted two weeks ago but I was just too lazy to do it. Hehehehehe...)

PENEMAN

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Wed, 11 May 2011 19:18:00 +0000

Aku pikir banyak kali gak nak tulis bende ni...

Malas nak banyak songeh sebenarnya.

Tapi...

...ada suatu ketika yang aku rasa aku hanya peneman.

Aku hanya seorang peneman.

Tau peneman tu ape?

Peneman tu orang yang teman orang. Itulah tugas peneman.

Aku paham ko letih keje.

Aku pun taknak ganggu.

Tapi kekadang, hari aku tak sebagus mana.

Jadi aku perlukan orang nak sembang.

Tapi bile nampak muka toye, tak jadi nak bagitau.

Takut kena marah ngan sindir.

Terpaksa pujuk diri sendiri.

Sedih?

Pandai-pandailah gembirakan hati sendiri.

Merajuk?

Pandai-landailah hati sendiri pujuk.

Aku tak kata ko jahat.

Ko baik sangat.

Cuma kekadang, a simple hug is needed.

To know yang aku ni bukan hanya....

PENEMAN.

IN MY LAZINESS WORLD...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 15:50:00 +0000

I'm lazy.. Like super seriously LAZY...

I was doing my AR but ended up doing it half way. (u know what is AR?)

I'm tired.. Tired of everything...

How nice if I could just lock myself and never come out in a day or two?

That would be such a heaven.

There are things stuck in my mind.

Not sure whether I should let it out here.

But I'm bothered by a lot of things.

Hate it when I felt that I'm not needed.

It sucks!!!

Sucks when you are needed for only certain things.

HATE IT THOUGH!!!

Oh practicum time...

There are some people who tried to take advantage of us.

To that person.. No wonder your students hate you..

You are such a lazy ass..

Haahahahahaa...

I think I better go and sleep.

Go fucking way of my AR.

Lantaklah!!!

(p/s: AR is action research...)

ME.. ME.. ME..

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Mon, 18 Apr 2011 12:23:00 +0000

Bile aku baca balik entry-entry yang lepas, aku sedar betapa emo nya seorang lelaki yang bernama Shah Drahman.

Dah memang perangai aku luah kat sini tanpa pikir perasaan orang lain kot...

Tapi dia tetap sabar ngan kerenah dan perangai aku...

Kalo orang lain, dah lama aku kena tinggal kot...

To Muncet,

"Saya mintak maaf kalo suke buat awak sakit ati. Awak tau kan yang saya ni macam budak-budak? Terima kasih sebab tahan ngan perangai huduh saya selama ni. I LOVE U!!!!"

By the way, aku nak dedicate this song to Muncet.

I'll stay with you here a little while. Won't say good bye until I have to say good bye...

YOU'RE THE ONLY PERSON WITH FAMILY!!!

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 16:21:00 +0000

"Sape nak ajak awak besok??? Booooooooo!!!!"

Fine!!!

Go spend your time with your family!!!

I'm just here to accompany you when you're bored.

Don't bother asking me anymore.

I'm not interested since you're not interested also!!!

Macamlah aku ni yang terhegeh-hegeh nak pegi.

Kalo aku takmo pegi, ko buat muka 'toyol' ko tu!!!

Takpelah.. Tak lama dah pun.

Aku pun dah nak pergi jumpe family aku.

Ko spend la masa ngan family ko tu pepuas...

Toksah ajak aku...

TAK HERAN!!!!!

(p/s: Bajet aku tak tahu ko dok mesej orang lain sekarang..)

THANKS FOR ALL THOSE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Fri, 15 Apr 2011 11:54:00 +0000

It has been a year...

Thanks for your love and care...

We may not always be together but you will always be in my heart.

I LOVE YOU FOREVER...

LECTURER AKU KATA AKU BEST!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Thu, 14 Apr 2011 09:44:00 +0000

Ermmm... Sebenarnya lecturer aku tak kata pun yang aku ni best...

Jauh sama sekali nak puji aku punye pengajaran tu excellent.

Tapi dia kata:

"I believe one day you are going to be a dedicated teacher."

Aku pun rasa terapung-apung bagai...

Walhal, takde pe pun...

Biasa la cikgu-cikgu baru...

Penuh ngan idea dan perancangan tapi bile dah beberapa tahun, ada yang menyerah kalah jadik cikgu.

Tapi bagi aku, ada beberapa penting yang aku selalu letak dalam otak:

1) Awok ngajo kena ikhlas, baru budak dapat terima English Education...

2) Awok kena blaja sayang anak orang, baru boleh ngajo dengan elok.

3) Awok kena ikhlas, baru duit berkat.

4) Awok kena sabor banyak, jangan dok sebok nak membakor... Paham?!

Tu pesanan guru pembimbing aku yang dah 30 tahun ngajar. Bunyik macam si Usop Wilcha ja...

Tinggal 2 minggu lagi..

Pastu babai...

Excited dapat ABM!!! Tau ABM tu aper?

(p/s: Cepat la abes... Takde duit dah ni..)

IKAN BANYAK GILER KAT PANTAI MEXICO BEFORE TSUNAMI JEPUN!!!!!

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Wed, 13 Apr 2011 10:17:00 +0000

Aku dapat gambar ni daripada kawan aku. Mr Azrul Burn yang hensem macam aku cuma aku hensem lebey sikit daripada dia.(sempat plak merapu...)

Katanya, ni gambar-gambar ikan kat tepi pantai Mexico sebelom jadik tsunami.

Teringat ce cite member-member pasal tsunami kat Kedah dulu.

Kat tepi pantai, ikan dok naik sampai leh tangkap guna tangan. Masya-Allah...

Korang tengok sendiri lah ye..

Banyak giler!!!

Mandi ngan ikan ye bang? Leh wat terapi ikan nih..

Mesti syok giler dapat tengok ikan macam ni...

Yea!!! yea!!! Makan ikan bakor!!!

Terliur plak aku tengok ikan-ikan yang fresh nih.. Hahahaha...

(p/s: Kepada empunye gambo ni, pinjam ye..)

WHY AM I NOT EXCITED ABOUT TOMORROW????

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sun, 10 Apr 2011 13:46:00 +0000

Why am I not excited about tomorrow?

It's not because tomorrow is a school day.

It's not because tomorrow is Language Carnival Day.

Or....

...it's not because tomorrow is Monday.

But TOMORROW marks our 1st anniversary.

I'm not sure whether you remember it.

I bet that you might have forgotten it.

You're supposed to be here tonight but you're not...

You left with no calls or SMS.

Maybe... maybe...

Tomorrow is not important for you.

Maybe.. who knows???

All I can do here is wait.

Wait for you to come back before I say good bye.

Thanks to you...

...coz YOU MADE IT EASIER FOR ME TO FACE "THAT" DAY.

PRIVATE..

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 15:23:00 +0000

Gonna make this blog private for a while..

Sorry for the readers...

Just need time to let things out...

Thanks for your support...

JANGAN BUAT BARANG SENDIRI LEH TAK?

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Wed, 02 Mar 2011 05:02:00 +0000

Ada sesetengah makhluk kat tempat praktikum ni yang buat barang sekolah macam sekolah sendiri.

Nak pinjam laminating machine pun kedekot.

Korang sedar tak barang tu bukan hak korang?

HARTA SEKOLAH DAN KERAJAAN.

Ada paham?

Kalo nak buat macam barang sendiri, beli sendiri la...

Aku dah mintak kebenaran Guru Besar dengan PK HEM.

Itu pun still tak dapat lagi.

Aku tak mintak korang sediakan plastik. Aku MINTAK MACHINE tu je..

Korang dengan selamba boleh kata machine tu rosak dan hantar kedai?

Aku doakan machine rosak time korang sesak nak pakai.

Baru padan muka!!!

Nilah perangai SESETENGAH orang MELAYU kiter.. Bukan nak tolong sesama Melayu...

Baik aku mintak tolong kat Cina ngan India. Diaorang sanggup susah payah tolong aku.

Ko makan la machine tu... Pasni aku tak mintak dah...

PEGI MAMPOS!!!!

NOT MY DAY...

noreply@blogger.com (sHaH) — Mon, 28 Feb 2011 04:17:00 +0000

Third week in school and it did not start nicely.

Went into a class today and ended up making the students blurred.

Gotta learn more of giving better instruction and proper time management.

I need a hug... Please...