Aoi Hana features, as Arudoc noted, Perky (Akira) and Pouty (Fumi), what I would imagine is a fairly standard pairing in these kinds of shoujo-cum-yuri series. They are, so far, not the most winsome characters ever. As is often the case with anime characters, assumptions are made and we’re encouraged to stick to them. The assumption here is that Fumi has something to offer as a friend, but in two episodes she’s really just whiny and needy. She cries constantly, she changes her mind quickly based on what she thinks a cute girl will be doing, and she puts ridiculous expectations on people like her cousin Chizu-chan. Akira is her foil — a reasonably genki-girl, at least within the slow and breezy pace of the series thus far (Minorin would be, obviously, out of place).

Character designs are nice, with a bent towards the plain you might see in less “sparkly” shoujo (if you know what I mean) such as Itazura Na Kiss. There’s nothing as exciting as the dynamic always-in-motion style of Toradora! or Hatsukoi Limited’s refined eye candy. There’s nothing particularly exotic about any of the characters, even the ones that I get the impression are supposed to seem slightly exotic. But there certainly isn’t anything terribly ugly either, and I never really worry about JC Staff making animation foibles so consistency is a plus too.

Everything here seems to be executed with soft focus — I suppose that’s the style, and even more than usual, the studio’s backgrounds are watercolored and pastel.

But even amidst all this, details of immersion are done really well: you can easily feel what it’s like to be at the train station, slump in defeated envy at Akira’s beautiful school, or climb under the downy covers of Fumi’s bed with her.

Now, maybe that’s not done quite as well as Bones has done it with their Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, which despite its cartoony style really has an eye for realistic body language and scenery. But Magnitude absolutely depends on a feeling of immersion — however interesting the characters might be, the earthquake and the world are the main characters here, or at least the main attraction.

Aoi Hana, on the other hand, is probably a simple love story and doesn’t require a level of believability beyond what any other basic anime might have. It only does what it does out of sheer devotion to a quality product, and here’s the kicker for me: if you’re not ready to dedicate yourself to an immersive, visual experience, what are you doing telling stories in a visual medium? Aoi Hana is proof that you can do that without action, mecha, fanservice, or psychedelic Shinbo-isms.

Also, another long overdue update: Spoiler tags work in comments now too. I think Kabitzin told me how to fix this about a year ago, but I am quite the lazy ass. Anyways. There ya go.

Does Pokemon count?

Regardless, I think I could probably write a script for one. Let’s give it a shot. I don’t really know the script format, though, so we’ll call this the novelization.

And now, OTOU-SAN VS. NEEDLESS, episode 1. Read it after the JUUUUUUUMP!

The Year is 200X

Otou-san stepped into the ruined city, which was somehow reminiscent of Fist of the North Star but also somehow kind of lame. NEEDLESS appeared before him in a flash of pencilly speed lines and economic movement ripped straight out of Gurren Lagann. He briefly grated a hard Parmigiano on his abs.

“A ha, SHIRTLESS,” said the cynical Otou-san, “When I saw a guy who looks like a poorly-drawn Kamina fan art, I knew it’d be you. Your reputation precedes you, and shames your studio, Madhouse.”

“That’s NEEDLESS!” shouted the bulky, pointy anime, who was adapted from a manga in Ultra Jump magazine. He dropped the cheese and flexed his giant arms as the camera dove low and some sort of artifical thunder boomed behind him.

Otou-san chuckled to himself because he knew that the viewers would love his humor — after all, calling someone something that isn’t their name is the near-pinnacle of sophisticated jokedom. If he could perhaps misunderstand some of NEEDLESS’s words that didn’t actually sound alike, he would secure a victory for sure. Only falling with your face in a character’s boobies can possibly compete, and he knew NEEDLESS didn’t have it in him — at least not yet.

“Maybe we should get started with this fighting thing,” Otou-san mused, or rather, shouted boldy as if challenging the stars. Perhaps he could in fact challenge the stars, since he was inexplicably flying through the air. But NEEDLESS only laughed a fake-ass belly laugh with his hands planted on his hips.

“I intend to do just that,” said the anime with increasing intensity as the camera zoomed closer over the rough terrain until finally it was in his eye. “But first, I must talk some more!!!”

Otou-san countered. “I don’t think so, cartoon show! EXPOSURE OF YOUR BIBLICAL NAMING SCHEME AS NOTHING BUT A WEAK EXCUSE FOR IMPLIED DEPTH!!” The attack rumbled forth from Otou-san’s stubby claws, and though no one could see — the name of the attack had taken up everyone’s entire field of vision — it cut a huge swath through the urban wreckage. There was no way it couldn’t crush NEEDLESS. Arudoc may be mean, but his assesment here was right. There’s nothing behind the names Adam, Eve, and Cruz. Not to mention, if Cruz’s elder sister didn’t turn out to actually be his mother, Otou-san pledged to himself right there to eat an ATM receipt he found.

But at the last second, NEEDLESS dodged.

“HAHA! KISAMA etc! No one watches these kinds of shows expecting depth anyway, so Adam, Eve, and Cruzchrist are already a step ahead of the competition!”

“NANI?” Otou-san’s eyes widened in fear and surprise.

“But… at your power level? This should —”

Before he could complete his admittedly banal thought process, NEEDLESS was upon him.

“POWER OF QUALITY SEIYUU VOICE!!”

Though again, only the attack’s name could be seen, it was briefly damaging to Otou-san. Indeed, Takehito Koyasu, Adam’s voice actor, is one of anime’s greats, with a leading role in Macross 7 (Gamlin) to boot. Add to that Initial D, Evangelion, Crest of the Stars, and of course his role as Excalibur in Soul Eater, and he’s a mighty force.

The attack was brief and the damage small, though: The rest of the cast is so highly annoying, especially Eve, that Otou-san was nearly unscathed. Besides, Koyasu was in To Love-Ru, and that was just plain shit.

[OK, maybe I can’t write this shit. So monotonous.]

CUT TO THE FINAL SCENE!!!!

NEEDLESS stumbled backward, pummeled from the force of the mighty blogger’s onslaught, though somehow his cape did not move in the huge wind.

But Otou-san’s eyes widened in fear yet again as a sweeping 2880-degree camera pan landed upon NEEDLESS’s lips, which curled slightly into a menacing sneer.

“This time,” the unrepentant anime said contemptuously, “you won’t escape.”

He raised his hands high, fingers curled into a mangled thorn bush.

“LITERAL INSULT ADDED TO FIGURATIVE INJURY!!!!!!”

The words stamped on the screen with a huge noise, and when they cleared, Otou-san was nearly destroyed.

“You bloggers think you know pandering. You know NOTHING! I would kill you, but I’d rather taunt you for at least 50 episodes and leave a burned scar on your mind, forcing you to re-evaluate everything you’ve ever called ‘pandering,’ ‘cancer,’ and ‘fanservice!’ I WILL TAKE YOUR EYEBALLSS TO SCHOOL AND BEAT THEM SENSELESS OUT BEHIND THE SHED!!!”

Otou-san cowered, for he had heard of this devastating attack. But it was too late.

“ENDING CREDITS BUUUUUREEEEEAAAKAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

And if you don’t know what happens next, read this tweet, then read this tweet, then go watch this if you think you have the stones and are not at work or in the presence of a lady.

And since any good American cartoon always had a moral, here’s mine: Watch that ED. Enjoy it. Replay it. Take your laptop to the bathroom if you must, but I plead: Don’t let it be the reason you come back next week. If you do, the terrorists win.

At least, that’s what happened in the animated world.

In the third dimension, something somewhat less earth-shattering happened: I was born.

Fast forward thirty years. Gundam celebrates its anniversary with a new series announcement, international Tomino appearances, and of course a giant life-size Gundam in Tokyo, while my birthday goes by without so much as an whining post.

I have, however, set out to celebrate my thirtieth year in a truly Gundam-tastic way by finally starting my journey into the grandaddy real robot franchise. I am beginning, appropriately, with the 0079 movies.

Fifty episodes for the series is a bit of a stretch for me these days, and besides — mechafetish and ghostlightning pointed me to the movies with their helpful Gateway Gundam Chooser®.

I’m partially through the second movie, but rather than keep waiting to post, I thought I’d get out my impressions of the first.

War Sucks

The big thing that sticks out in my mind is the grim, unending portrait of war: Even in the spacefaring future, war is a bleak proposition that kills families, keeps you from sleep, and conscripts unwilling civilians by virtue of the the simple fact that everyone else is fucking dead.

Kawamori, as big a hippie as he is, has always been just goofy enough in Macross’s execution that he couldn’t dream of getting his anti-war message across as effectively as Tomino (I’m thinking of Super Dimension Fortress’s portrait of the scorched earth and Macross Zero’s valkyrie attack on Mayan island). Then again, that’s likely the intent — it’s understandable that he’d want to make something of an antidote to Gundam’s incessant darkness.

The power behind Gundam’s “war is hell” message is in how it tests of your endurance. Like Amuro, you’re never given a break from White Base’s endless assault. It is a tiring, interminable thing. That’s not to say it’s repetitious, like a monster-of-the-week thing. The monotony of the fight actually adds to the intensity of viewing.

Sound effects (of war sucking)

Have you ever paid attention to the sound effects in Gundam?

The grinding and creaking of metal on metal, the clink of spent shells falling to the ground, the endless sounds of gunfire and cannon explosions: this too contributes to the grimness of the viewer’s insertion into the middle of a war. Sound effects are an aspect of anime that’s often pushed aside in favor of the more “glamorous” parts of audio, like voice acting or background score. But here, the reality of the sounds (exact opposite would be Macross 7’s awful sound effects which were obviously created on a single synthesizer by a drunken panda, or any anime that uses energy weapons instead of rattling bullets) immerses you further, and helps put the “real” in “real robot.”

Sophistication (with caveats)

Those are only two of Gundam’s traits that, along with superior script, animation, and acting, lead to its status as a truly sophisticated anime. Take a step back: what does sci-fi anime mean pre-Gundam? It means super robots and Leiji Matusumoto. I love both of these, but at their heart they are simple boyish fantasies of running around with pirates or giant robots and saving the world. Sunrise’s animation (which still tends to rise above most others) brings Tomino’s story to life in a way that Yamato and Harlock couldn’t have dreamed of, and when you plop the hard-ass script in there, you have a new generation of animation.

That said, it still feels transitional in a lot of ways, and the biggest is Char. The Red Comet, brilliant as he is in his Don Johnson leisure suit and shades, is basically a super villain, and as a result he undermines the “realities of war” aspect. He’s less one-dimensional than say, Dr. Hell or the Burning Legion of Matsumoto’s Misogyny, but he remains a single Cobra Commander-like target when a more appropriate message would be that there is no head to the beast you fight in a war.

Scope of influence

Well, duh. I knew. To say Gundam is influential is probably the understatement of thirty years. But to really see it in action — the real robots, the unwilling mecha pilot, the works — is to know where the things you love came from.

SLAP

I don’t think there’s much I need to say about Gundam’s face-slap fetish, either. It’s not just the legendary Brightslap. It starts with Amuro backhanding Fraw Bow and doesn’t stop until war suddenly becomes pleasant.

Here’s a further visual aid (courtesy ghostlightning).

Moving on

Complaints aside, the first movie was a riveting watch, and I’ve been more than pleased that I don’t have to watch it as a “well, that’s cool for its time” academic exercise. It’s well-animated (not exactly Do You Remember Love?, but what is?) and sufficiently exciting to watch on its own merits nowadays. I’m stoked to continue on with these movies, and from there, who knows?

Apologies (esp. to zaitcev) if I overstated the cheesecakey nature of the pictures that go with the post.

Noisy girl (Asuka)

She’s bossy, annoying, and/or tsundere. You can’t do anything right around her, and she’s probably more likely to punch you than give you the time of day. Take a look back to Tenchi’s Ryoko for a classic example, or another #1 Haremette, Love Hina’s Naru Narusegawa. The modern day goddess of anime, Haruhi Suzumiya, may not be the most stereotypical version but she sure fits the bill. Most of these characters don’t lack charm. Naru’s downright wonderful. 
So what’s the problem?

Noisy. Bad trait for a woman in Japanese culture, probably in western too when you get down to it. She doesn’t have to be barefoot in the kitchen all the time, but damn a woman’s should know her place! Besides, these days tsundere’s just another fetish (see the entire cast of Shakugan no Shana).

Frontin’ (Misato)

She is in over her head. She acts like she’s got it all together, but it’s all a facade for a scared little girl. Misato seemed like such the onee-sama, but she was an unstable house of cards.

Maybe it’s unfair to bring RahXephon into a conversation when Eva is your yardstick, but Haruka is another prime version of the Misato quasi-archetype. And though it takes her a long time to reveal it (and arguably it’s one of the main points of the series), Saya from Blood+ turns out to be just this. Kallen from Code Geass, though willing to don a bunny suit or ride ass-up for the Elevens’ cause, was kept going through the last days by her silly, girly attraction to Ledouche.

Why is this not really a strong archetype? She gets things done, no? Because underneath the front, she’s just another yamato nadeshiko.

Dr. Frankenstein (Ritsuko)

The Frankenstein character is consumed by her ambitions, never thinking to shout to the sky “My God, what have I done?” until it’s far too late. This is one of the few roles that gets equal billing on both the male and female side — but too often the female version reads like a morality play about how women really shouldn’t have too much ambition. Also, like Ritsuko, this character may have ulterior motives including maintaining an abusive relationship with her male counterpart — take Elfen Lied’s Shirakawa for instance.

Mix ‘n’ Match

Often times, there’s a mix of these going on, especially in the first two. After all, that extreme bossiness probably hides a deep desire for deep dicking to be loved and protected by a man. Macross’s Misa Hayase could lead the fleet into battle and stand firm in the face of the Zentraedi, but she was really just a waifu-in-army-clothing who needed the love of a hot-blooded pilot to be a complete person.

In the end, so many anime females are just fodder for your imaginary harem. Is your faith being shaken in the strength of anime women? Don’t worry, this post was written with inspiration from some of the medium’s true Women.

Where’s the real girl power?

Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop). What can you say about Faye? Sure, she thinks pretty highly of herself, but her often humorously irritating ways never devolve into the “noisy” archetype. Also, she kicks lots of ass.

Re-L Mayer (Ergo Proxy). Though she reveals her weaknesses often, Re-L gets the benefit of true character growth without reliance on archetypes. She goes from over-privileged and under-appreciative to someone truly willing to devote herself to a cause. And through it all, she maintains both vulnerability (in a so non-moe way) and strength. Because of that, she gets a gold star. (Though quite the modern woman, she’s fond of makeup).

Talho (Eureka 7). In an anime that’s all about growing up, even the girl who takes care of Holland had to do a little growing up herself. And in her “true” adulthood, she went from strong to really empowered. Even if she had to go through the stereotypical haircutting.

click for full neato image by the artist "kei"

Lafiel (Crest of the Stars). Ahhh. I get it now, why so many of you consider Lafiel to be the ultimate “mai waifu.” She’s got a sharp mind, most often evidenced by one of anime’s sharpest tongues. And while she’s not going to let her status afford her any special treatment, she never acts like a princess who’s denying her station either. Somehow, her sideways insults are a cut above those of the unoriginal hot-and-cold tsunderes.

Kaname Chidori (Full Metal Panic!). What, you say? She’s so bossy! And didn’t she prove in The Second Raid that she’s just a helpless girl? No! I tell you. She’s bossy but she cares, and she isn’t even afraid to show it. And her dramatic home-alone moment of weakness in TSR came less as the result of her being a girl and more because she was a normal girl, not a killing machine like Sousuke. In the end, Kaname has to stand on her own, and she does.

Click for full size "zaitcev edition"

What’s the connection?

I sense a theme. Really what I may be saying here is that we don’t find great female characters in anime unless we find great characters in general. Shows that don’t resort to the usual anime archetypes can find gold living inside their characters. [update: my point isn't just about realism, though, it's about marginalizing — see Joe's comment and my response underneath.]

So who’d I miss? Can anyone else here compete with the likes of Faye and Lafiel?

Re-watching anime, like any visual entertainment, can give you new perspective on it just from the plain and simple value of seeing things again. We tend to see plot, character development, and visuals the first time around (and considering anime means watching with subtitles for most of us, even the visuals can be secondary at times). But that second viewing can reveal details of reference, symbolism, and detail. If you only watched The Holy Mountain or, yeah I’ll say it, FLCL just once, you missed something.

But more than that, a re-watch is a reflection of where you, the viewer, are in that particular point in your life. That means it’s also a reflection of a few different factors:

I view the world through BOMBER colored glasses

Sum Total of experience

This is obvious, and especially obvious when re-watching (as I am) a series like Martian Successor Nadesico (or say, Lucky Star) that’s full of references. But it doesn’t have to be a situation where you say “Hey! I know why they said no smoking on the bridge!” during Eureka 7.

My experience as an anime fan was pretty limited when I first saw Nadesico. In fact, when it comes to sci-fi non-super robot stuff, nearly everything at that point in my life was viewed through the filter of Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Since then, I’ve seen a whole lot of other anime, including those outside the mecha and guro genres that I was big on in the 90s. Having seen the later Love Hina helped me appreciate the “harem-esque” aspects of Nadesico’s bizarre romantic story (see fig. 1).

Changing values and perspectives

This is tied in, but relates to the rest of your life as well. As we grow older, and our interests change, we desire different things out of our entertainment. Back in the day I never really desired escapism — sure, fantasy is fun, but I would gladly have watched something resembling 5cm per Second daily. Now, life is a little harder, extreme and “real” emotional impact is something I can still get great value out of, but in smaller doses. Jading and cynicism color your outlook despite your best efforts.

For some people, it may even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re sick of the empty escapism of your average anime, and crave something with a little more meaning. Of course, we should all try to keep a balanced diet going, but the point is that tastes change — and you might find yourself enjoying something far more (or less) than you did the first time you tried.

It can even be much simpler than that. Tastes change. Maybe you didn’t even like comedy anime the first time you saw Tenchi Muyo. And now, you do. It’s still dumb, but that’s beside the point.

Slice of your life

Something that you might rarely think about, but has a very direct effect on your opinion, is where you are at this particular moment in time. On a Wednesday, in June, in 2009, what direct circumstances are painting your life differently than in 1999?

Maybe you’re watching on an HDTV instead of a 13” TV/VCR combo with bunny ears. You’re living in a different city, watching with different people (in my case, different city and same person). Maybe that bit about escapism is particularly important right now because you’re in a draining job that makes you tired and unwilling to devote a lot of brainpower to anime. Perhaps you just talked to ghostlightning and your positivity quotient is doing better than most days.

Whatever it is, the circumstances at that very moment are important.

Your mileage should vary

When you’re watching something for the second, or third, or whatever, time, take these things into account. Sometimes the old George Costanza adage “It’s not you, it’s me” is totally applicable.

Did you ever have an experience where you went back months or even years later to something, only to find that you’ve changed or even done a 180 on your opinion?

It really has everything you need from an anime:  Mecha, angst, a girl in a China dress, exploding heads, amnesia, revenge, Masumune-Shirowism, an Itano circus… Moe.

Don't say it... Don't say it...

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuck

Did you ever hear the phrase “greater than the sum of its parts?” Probably have.

How about “lesser than the sum of its parts?”

There you go.

That about sums up Baldr Force EXE, a 2007 4-episode OVA by Satelight (no Kawamori connection here). It’s a somewhat generic story about a future where people spend most of their time living inside the virtual internet world of the Wired while somehow mysteriously not degenerating into fat slobs in the real world (thus the Shirow-ism). Hackers and security professionals drive around virtual mechas called Simulacrum, and for some reason dying in the Wired kills you in the real world. Not sure what the upside is.

Hacker Tohru is recruited by the other side, as will occasionally happen to hackers. He accepts the job to exact revenge for his slain bro, but of course everything isn’t quite what it seems.

The animation is typical of Satelight (Noein, Macross Zero and Frontier): well executed and computer assisted, but with massive failures of anatomy and off-model characters occasionally presenting themselves. The exploding heads, mecha battles, and one motorcycle chase are easily the highlights here.

The characters are totally forgettable, and the story mostly so, but while you’re watching it’s good fun. Somewhat 90s-esque, (also somewhat Gonzo-like, but the two go hand in hand), overall not a bad way to spend about 80 minutes.

OH YEAH — it does have one horrible plot device in it, though.

horrible.

11 virtual rapes a second. Anyway, go check it out, the internet security experts over at Funimation have it up for free on YouTube shows.

Shin Mazinger Z

A couple seasons ago, Madhouse breathed new life into an old franchise as well with Casshern Sins. That one was done in a very western-comic-book fashion though: He’s back, and this time he’s dark! Go Nagai’s Shin Mazinger, however, directly channels the spirit of the original and consequently transports you back to childhood — to a time when a Rocket Punch was a supremely cool thing. Hot-blooded pilot Kouji’s angst is a little overplayed in the past couple episodes, but retro robots maintain. The brick-shitting may be over, but the adrenaline rush that brought it on is still in effect.

Haruhi

What hasn’t been said? Despite my last post, this is at least partially true: For most people who enjoyed the first show, it’s requisite viewing. For the rest, it’s not.

Eden of the East

I’ve fallen really far behind on this one. It remains strong in my head, and it’s the kind of show that when I do get back to it (probably this week) I won’t be able to stop until I’m caught up. Sci-fi, mystery, a hint of romance — it’s the kind of thing that doesn’t come along every season.

FMA:Brotherhood

Funimation has not made it easy to watch (their streaming site is sorely unable to handle the traffic that FMA brought), but I’m officially caught up. The waifu and I both agree that the hyper-ramped-up pace is a lot of fun to watch. The sense of scope in the Elric Brothers’ quest is lost almost completely, but that sacrifice is made in the name of pure watchability. I might not have a lot of company in this, but I’m a fan.

Hatsukoi Limited

Talk about your dark horses. A JC-Staff-animated romance series just after the very good Toradora seemed too soon, but this one has delivered. You might even say it’s got a little something for everyone. Kei’s internal monologues give fascinating insight into the mind of the tsundere, Misaki provides cool and spicy, and the whole thing is just exploding with cute, engaging romantic story threads. And panties. Which helps.

Unlike the best shows of its genre, Hatsukoi doesn’t look like it’ll transcend the anime medium, but the series is doing a fantastic job within it. What I’m most thankful for is consistent payoffs. I think 12-26 episodes without a hand-hold or a kiss is a lazy trick employed by anime writers to keep people watching their poorly-conceived romantic series in anticipation of something happening; Hatsukoi keeps rewarding its characters and viewers with romantic payoff while still stringing us along brilliantly.

Noein

This isn’t current, but I recently started it, in dub, from the iTunes store. Sadly, I’m not very pumped about it. The animation is an example of Satelight’s worst offenses: a beautifully crisp, modern, computer-aided look marred by horrible anatomy and a near-perfect lack of character consistency. These are really distracting to me, but if the story picks up soon I’ll be happy to ignore them. One thing I probably won’t be able to, though: American dubs’ tendency to pronounce character names with second syllable accents, e.g., hah-ROO-ka.

Anything I’m missing? I fell off the Saki and Shangri-La wagons a while back, might try the latter again though. And I never did pick up Sengoku Basara, but I hear it’s pretty manly.

Allow me to work my way towards my point step-by-step:

What is a parody?

There are a lot of anime adaptations of light novel series. Like manga, they seem tailor-made for it narrative-wise. Unlike manga, they leave a lot more room for interpretation. A great adaptation, whether it’s TV, theater, animation, or cinema, is like a great cover song in the musical world: It stays true to the intent or spirit of the original, but it adds something that makes the adaptation viable as an original work.

Tatsuya Ishihara and Kyoto Animation added plenty of well-realized visuals and clever directing, but more than that, the anime crew gave us the idea of Haruhi Suzumiya as a smart, tongue-in-cheek meta-anime — a commentary on the medium and a very sly parody of some of its tropes. The last time I can remember something similar so masterfully executed was the king of the meta-anime-parody Martian Successor Nadesico. And the parallels are there, to be sure: like her counterpart and equivalent Ruri, Yuki Nagato became more than just a thinly-disguised spoof of anime’s light-blue-haired monotone heroines.

Since I came at Haruhi from the anime angle first, and Tanigawa’s books later, the crafty little parody aspects of the show hit me harder than some of the story or character elements. Think of episode zero for a minute. How often do you groan and hear Kyon’s voiceover in your head when you see an anime pan up to the sky?

What is moe?

ANN defines moe as:

A Japanese term used in connection with manga or anime to describe something precious, usually (but not always) the ideal of youthful and innocent femininity. Written with the kanji for “to bud or sprout” (萌), the concept covers a range of ideal behaviour for youthful female characters in manga or anime. To be moe, a character can be eager or perky, not overly independent, and call forth a desire in the viewer to protect them and nurture them.

I would have also accepted “the cancer that’s killing anime.”

The issue of moe-ness is in itself contentious enough, since people seem to get their moe on for everything from lolis to Valkyries, but far worse is the accusation of “moe pandering.”

That term is generally used by mouth-breathers who learned the definition of “pandering” yesterday to try to invalidate the target at which it’s aimed, e.g.:

“There’s really no merit in [K-ON/Saki/Ranka/Kanon/Strike Witches/Mazinger Z], because it’s moe pandering.”

There’s no doubt that moe sells DVDs (and oppai mousepads and castoff figures and doujins and maid cafes and…), so the Uguu Menace finds its way into even the most unlikely anime these days. But the anihedron has become a dangerously thoughtless place because we see a couple characteristics of female characters and instantly accuse a show of “moe pandering.”

It can be a really harmful charge to level at an otherwise competently put together series, but more importantly it’s a reactionary judgment that arrives at the expense of real critical thinking. And while you’re having your knee-jerk, something else might be going on.

In Haruhi’s case, that something else is a walking piss-take on moe. Its name is Mikuru Asahina.

What is Mikuru?

It wasn’t always obvious what Mikuru was. I suppose I first noticed when, I dunno, I was told fairly blatantly. Haruhi’s original molestation of Mikuru included an announcement of just how moe she was, and while I guess some people see the interaction as “pandering” (an accusation that continued to get lobbed at Lucky Star’s self-referential humor), it sounded to me like the fourth wall breaking down. They even put her in a maid costume for no fucking reason. Come on.

To me, the more blobby and cowering she gets, the funnier it is. To me, the creators’ smirks are as obvious as Koizumi’s. To me, it’s a great way to make your detractors look more idiotic, even as  — here’s the rub — on one level, they might be right. For the parody to work really well, it has to be effective on its own level, and to a certain viewer class I suppose it is. But Mikuru’s a long way removed from Makoto, Misuzu, or the perpetually sickly Nagisa.

I suppose there’s always ghostlightning’s old argument that intent is irrelevant because the only thing that matters to a final product is whatever inference the viewer/reader puts into a work. That angle would say that it’s a parody because I see it that way, while it’s pandering because someone else sees it that way.

As he knows, I don’t really buy that to any large extent — in fact, I’m willing to just say that you’re wrong and you’ve missed the point entirely. It seems as clear as the furrows on Kyon’s brow. It’s like listening to Weird Al’s “Eat It” in the 80s and saying to yourself, “I don’t get why that guy is trying so hard to cash in on Michael Jackson’s stardom by covering one of his songs.”

But. My primary point renders the argument of “Am I right about parody?” irrelevant.

What is my point?

I think when Owen S. calls people “memeparrots,” he’s referring to certain parties on either side. That means easy bandwagoning or mindless echoing of popular bloggers’ forced memes. It also means tossing unsupported accusations like “moe pandering” out there. As I like to say, absolutes are always wrong.

While Haruhi is quite clever, it can do wrong. Lone Island Syndrome? Kinda lame, and I hope they don’t animate its ski-trip counterpart. On the flipside, pandering does exist, but I doubt it’s the basis of everything Kyoto Animation does. I’ll give haters this: Fumoffu?! seriously pandered to my machine gun teddy-bear moe.

Dig? All coins have two sides, including Haruhi, who is at turns both God and the Devil.

This isn’t just about Mikuru, and it isn’t just about “Bamboo Leaf Rhapsody,” or Haruhi Suzumiya. It’s about seeing things as a little more than their topmost dimension. It’s also about thinking, viewing, judging and most of all enjoying or disliking for yourself rather than sheeping your way to one side or another of an internet argument.

I won’t be watching until subs exist, but I’m not gonna lie: I’m ready. I want to see it, and I have high hopes.

For those who don’t get the title reference…