First, I want to recap what I’ve been doing over the last year and a half. In December 2009, the company I worked for as a computer security engineer (AOL) decided to institute a voluntary layoff program. Basically, the company wanted to shed some staff but decided to do it voluntarily. Those who volunteered would get a respectable severance package. I decided that this was my chance to launch into full-time photography. I had already planned on a trip to the Middle East shortly after Christmas 2009 so I decided to expand it. I originally planned on spending a few days in Cairo, two weeks in the Gaza Strip (where I would work with a local NGO) and then spend about 4 or 5 weeks in the West Bank. The goal was to turn international freelance photojournalism into a sustainable living.

So I headed to the Middle East and spent two weeks in Cairo. The trip to Gaza fell through since the Egyptian government would not permit us to enter Gaza. I could have reapplied for entrance on my own but that would have taken at least another two to three weeks which would have destroyed any hope of doing the work I wanted to do in the West Bank.

After two weeks, I flew to Amman, Jordan and ultimately crossed into Palestine by land. I spent just about 4 weeks in the West Bank reconnecting with friends and covering the various weekly protests throughout Palestine. It was an incredible experience I’ll never forget.

Upon returning to the US, I did my best to solicit other photo assignments and submitted my portfolio to as many agencies and media outlets I could. Nothing happened.

In the meantime, I had received a few inquiries for doing other types of photography work, including a couple weddings and a few corporate events. I shot a few corporate events and ultimately decided to turn down the weddings. More on that later.

After a few months, it looked like I was going to have to start looking for a regular job. The severance package had run out, my savings was almost depleted, unemployment wasn’t quite paying the bills, and the little bit of money I was making from other photography assignments just wasn’t sustainable.

Luckily, I still had some time to look for the job that was right for me and I ultimately found it. Again, more on that later.

The short story is: I failed.

But Why?

First and foremost among the reasons why this great experiment didn’t work is that my work simply wasn’t strong enough. It isn’t. I’m not saying it’s not any good at all. I still and will always love a lot of the work I’ve already done and I’m in no way ashamed of it. But, I have to concede that it simply wasn’t good enough to get to the next level. The interesting thing, though, is that this revelation didn’t depress me, really. OK, maybe for a very short time. But, in a way, it’s somewhat liberating to know where you really stand and I’m really, truly OK with it.

Second, the field that I wanted to go into, international photojournalism, simply isn’t what it used to be. Sure, there are plenty of amazing photographers making a sustainable living by working internationally. But the field is much smaller than it used to be. For example, I’ve spent a lot of time in Palestine. Why would a photo agency or media outlet pay to send me to Palestine to cover some event when there are a ton of very talented photographers who already live there who can cover something at a moment’s notice? I know plenty of them. That’s not to say that there aren’t opportunities for international photographers. They’re obviously out there. It’s just not as large a field as it used to be. And to get to that level, the standard has been raised even higher.

Finally, and this actually came as somewhat of a shock to me, I discovered that I didn’t really like shooting for other people. It’s true. As it turns out, there is a very narrow area of photography that I’d gladly do on an assignment basis. If The New York Times were to call me tomorrow and asked me to cover the war in Afghanistan, I’d jump on a plane tomorrow. But, outside of that, my enthusiasm for shooting other things that other people want just isn’t there.

I mentioned that I turned down a few weddings in those few months. I thought long and hard about it. On the one hand, it’s money. And wedding photography (if done well) can be extremely lucrative. And, money notwithstanding, there are some amazing photo opportunities at weddings and there are some incredible wedding photographers out there who I will always admire. But, they obviously have a passion for it. I don’t. Sure, I could have taken the wedding opportunities and made some cash. Hell, it’s possible I could still be shooting full-time by filling my weekends with weddings. But the passion isn’t there for that type of work for me. The whole idea of doing this in the first place was to follow my passion. If the passion wasn’t there, not only would it not be fair to my potential clients, but I wouldn’t be staying true to myself.

The same could be said of other readily available photography gigs… corporate event photography, family portraits, and so on. I shot a couple corporate events during my time off and they were reasonably lucrative. But, I found, as time went on, that I simply wasn’t interested in doing them.

So What Now?

The short answer is: I don’t know. I still love photography. I do. But, I also feel like I’ve been in a creative funk. The idea of simply walking around taking photos of random things isn’t appealing to me right now. I’m sure that will change. But I’m also discovering that photography, for me, has become a very personal endeavor. Sure, I enjoy sharing my images but the actual act of taking photos is something that, for me, is best done alone.

I’m also still very intrigued by doing themed photo shoots. Let me explain. I’m not really interested in simply hiring a model and having her pose in pretty dresses or sexy clothes. That’s been done to death. I’m more interested in focusing on a specific theme or specific statement and expressing it through a cohesive set of photographs. It doesn’t have to be shocking or controversial, it just has to be personal and original. Ultimately, perhaps it can best be stated as follows: I’m not interested in taking a photograph just to take a photograph. I want photography to be a means to end rather than an end in and of itself. Does that mean I won’t go out and just take nice photos of whatever I happen to be around? Of course not. I still enjoy photography for photography’s sake and taking nice photos. But what really interests me is using photography as a way of expressing something else.

As for my current job, to be honest, I actually really, really enjoy it. For those of you that don’t know me personally, I am a senior computer security consultant for a small consulting firm in the DC area. Essentially, my job is to break into networks, computers, and websites so that the companies that hire us know how to better secure them. I’m loving it. I count myself to be truly fortunate to have a “regular” job that I enjoy so much. It has certainly softened the blow of not being able to follow my “dream” job.

In short, I haven’t given up on photography. Not by a long shot. I may just be a little more selective in the photos I take and the photos that I share.

This blog will remain here, of course. I’m sure I’ll be posting to it a little more frequently than once per year but perhaps less than I used to.

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Stay tuned because I’ll be writing soon about some of the lessons learned while shooting my first big video project!

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The final video is only about 4 minutes long and I’ve included it below. This was my first attempt to produce a video with the 5D Mark II and Final Cut Express but I’m pretty happy with the result. Obviously, I have a long way to go before I shoot the sequel to Avatar but, if you stick around, I’ll be sharing more and more videos over the next few months that will, hopefully, get progressively better.

Anyway, on to the video…

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“Pictory is a showcase for people around the world to document their lives and cultures. Anyone can submit one large, captioned image to each of Pictory’s editorial themes. I’m editor, designer, and founder Laura Brunow Miner, and I will select a few dozen of the best items from each theme to appear in each showcase.

“Why just one photo? I want you to pick your best image — and, it’s really interesting to compare work from different contributors on the same topic. Other sites offer photo essays and bodies of work from one photographer, but I want to help a diverse group of people put together collaborative photo essays.”

I was lucky enough to have one of my photos selected in their most recent showcase Danger. My selected photo and caption below…

“Every Friday in the Palestinian village of Bil’in, activists demonstrate against the construction of Israel’s “security/separation” wall. Often, these demonstrations turn violent. The Israeli army fires tear gas, rubber bullets, and occasionally live rounds while Palestinian demonstrators respond with rocks and slingshots.”

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The Brooklyn Bridge

In all my visits to New York, I’ve never actually visited the Brooklyn Bridge. I don’t know why, really. It was just never on the itinerary. This time, though, I made sure to get down there on a particularly beautiful day. I’ve included a few shots, three of which are panoramas, below:

Click on each photo for a larger version…

New York Subways

One of the things that I can never resist taking photos of is the New York subway system. There’s something about them that is distinctly New York. So I started a project that I hope to complete over my next few visits to New York. I want to photograph every subway entrance/station in Manhattan, perhaps even branching out to the other boros. I’ve embedded a Cooliris wall where you can browse the progress of the project thus far. You will need Flash enabled in order to view the wall below.

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You can see the entire set, including a few photos that are Not Safe For Work over at Flickr…

Click on each image for a larger version…

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I’ve barely started editing the shots from yesterday and I’ll probably be editing photos for most of this week but I wanted to grab a couple shots, edit them a bit, and get them up. I’ve included a couple below.

By the end of the week, I’ll be uploading all of the final edits.

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Right now, the attendee list is looking pretty great! I’m looking forward to dusting off some of my lighting equipment and shooting with a bunch of fellow photogs and working with some great local models. Please note: Some of the images in the attendee list may not be appropriate for viewing in an office environment.

If you’re a member of Model Mayhem, you can get more info and see the attendee list for the event by clicking the image above. You can also find me on Model Mayhem by clicking here.

You can also RSVP to the Facebook event here.

I look forward to seeing you there!!

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Shiny Object Syndrome

Shiny Object Syndrome is the desire many of us feel when we see something new or really cool that we weren’t aware of before and, now, we simply must have it. I don’t know of many professions that suffer from Shiny Object Syndrome more than photographers. There’s always a new camera or a new lens that we want. Given the cost of many of these items, we’re not likely to ever get to the point where we have everything we could possibly want. There’s always something cool we can throw our money at, right? How many times have you spent money on something (usually as a result of Spontaneous Shiny Object Syndrome) only to remember shortly afterward that there was something else you’ve been wanting to get as well that may have been more useful or more important? It may have been a workshop you’ve wanted to sign up for or it may have been a new lens that you were saving for. But in that moment of vulnerability, you forgot all about what you really needed and threw some cash at something that, while cool, isn’t as important. I know this has happened to me quite a few times. That’s when I started keeping a Wish List.

What Should be on the Wish List

In my opinion, anything over $100 or $200 should be eligible for the Wish List. Established photographers with larger budgets may want to adjust this but, for most of us, I think $100-200 is a good number to start with. This will allow us to pick up small things that we may want from day to day but will keep us from impulsively buying a new iPad even though we don’t really need one. This shouldn’t just be new gear you want, though that might be the most common Wish List item. It should include anything you want to spend money on. It could be workshops and training, membership fees to professional organizations, or even money you might spend on a personal project.

Working the List

When you come across something that activates your Shiny Object Syndrome, put it on the list, along with the cost and maybe a URL where you can get it. Then look at that item alongside the list of things that are already there and prioritize appropriately. Then, most importantly, sleep on it! Give yourself at least one day between adding it to the list and actually spending money on it. If the item is fairly expensive, extend this to two days, a week, or as long as you can. It’s remarkable how things tend to lose their shine after a day or two when they’re placed in a list alongside other things you’ve been wanting as well. After a few days, you may discover that the item should really be at the bottom of the list rather than the top. Or, as I’m almost ashamed to admit, you find out that the item really shouldn’t be on the list at all!

It’s also a good idea to keep the list on you in some way. This could be a small piece of paper in your wallet or something kept on your phone. Remember, the very nature of Shiny Object Syndrome is that it can strike without warning! You need to have your list on you or it may end up being useless. Personally, I use Evernote to keep my Wish List with me on my iPhone. That way when I come across something I think I need, I can simply add it to the list (and even take a photo of it) no matter where I am. Then, later on, I can review it and re-order the list on my computer when I get home.

Reviewing the List

Of course, you’ll want to review the list any time Shiny Object Syndrome sneaks up on you and you feel compelled to buy something but I would also advise taking the time to re-evaluate the list at least once every month. Over time, your priorities and needs will change and your Wish List should reflect that. The “cool new thing” inevitably isn’t going to be as “cool” or “new” one month from now. Or, your photography business may change and you may find yourself not needing that new macro lens as much as you thought. On the flip side, if something has managed to retain a top spot on your Wish List over the course of a month or two, chances are, it really may be something you could really use!

Conclusion

Hopefully, you’ll find that keeping a thoroughly vetted and reviewed Wish List will keep you from making stupid, impulse purchases and will really focus your expenses when you actually do have a few extra bucks to throw around.

By the way, I ended up buying the “Stills in Motion” training DVDs this morning… Hey! It didn’t hit my $100 threshold, right?

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As you may have noticed already, I am in the process of redesigning my blog completely! I’m mostly done but I’ll be making some changes and tweaks over the next few days. As of right now, I’ve had to disable the Disqus comment system since it was causing some problems with the new theme. I’m currently looking into it and hope to have a solution soon. Other than that, if you see something that doesn’t quite look right or you find something that’s broken, drop me a line!

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