“She said Pastry. He said Food”

You make me happy (best written card I have ever received two months ago)

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:55:00 +0000

J

I honestly can't believe the time has come for me to write this card- the summer has gone by so quickly, and I know that's due in huge part to how happy you have made me.

I would be remiss not to tell you the other ways you have improved my life -many of which you know, but I feel that I really have to thank you for it.

Thank you for openning my eyes to the amazing goodness a person can possess- you are the most generous person I have ever met. Thanks for sticking by me when I did my best to push you away. You opened me up when I was most determined to stay closed, and in so doing you opened my eyes to the prospect of a healthy relationship again.

Thank you for showing me that relationships like all good things in life don't have to be hard... They can just be. Most importantly, thank you for showing me what a good man is; how he treats women; how he lives his life; and how he can love me.

I am going to miss you more than words in a card can say - expect many many phone calls from New York.

Thank you for everything - especially for loving me.

Love,

Melissa.

I lost her since she moved. Then lost her again at the end of September when she broke up with me due to the pressure stemmed from her life and parents. Afterall, I have become the issue, an exit, and easy way out of stress she can't cope with life and inner struggle she has encountered. Then we were sort of back together for about a month. I did all the work being there for her. She could not stand up and tell her parents that she wanted me back. Never be that brave to do so. My parents would never be like that. If I say "guy, I met this girl. I want you to accept her as a daughter, sister, or nierce". Everyone in my family will learn to accept that woman. That's how much they respect me as a part of their family, a son, a brother, a nephew, and a cousin to them. It shoud not be this effing hard. Still can't believe that there are ignorance people living in this planet "My parents doesn't like Asian or minority". "I gave up hope n dream so you can date that Asian guy". WTF, right? This time, I lost her for good. And that was the only thing she has done for me beside fighting with her mom for a week. I told her not to fight with her and made a mend to her mom. Her psycho mom stopped talking to her so she broke down and broke up with me. I should have encouraged her to fight with her mom for her right and what's right. BUT I didn't. I just hope that when someone wrote something like that she has to learn to follow through. If not, it is meaningless. And this is another chapter in my life. A page in a book that won't be turned back to read again. Sad but true. I love this girl and could end up marrying her. After Pook, I never thought of it but going through thick and thin with me. I changed. Good luck with soul searching, kid. I hope u will be happy and learn about yourself. At 25 going 26, you should have known what you want and who you are. Never run away when you feel stress out. Alcohol isn't the answer. When u said doing drug is unacceptable (refering to Steve), alcohol abuse isn't as well.

Time to cook for me. My passion will only give me hope and dream. And I never give up on anything, except for this one and Pook. I will never give up on my cooking career.

Losing Mel?, New Cookbook(Stir), Best Friend Weddding, Sister in Coma, Tasting week at the restaurant

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 14:12:00 +0000

I have been reading Barbara Lynch's Stir since I received a pre-published copy which is a proof read copy. I can't put it down. The pre-published copy is pain in the butt to read because there is no index and no link page number. For example, this recipe requires chicken jus (see page 000) instead of actual page number. Who care? I read through it fast and go back to read it through again. It is such a well written book. I have been waiting for it to come out since last year (as expected). Anytime, I am on the bus or subway, you will find me reading Stir and underline what I can learn from it. Chef Lynch is one of the leading woman chef I long want to work for, even to trail for a day in her restaurant. Another would be Melissa Kelly and Anna Sortun. The story of her life has long inspired me. Almost got a stage set up last Tuesday when texting Tyler who is a fish cook there and a good friend I met at Radius. But it was his day off. I staged at Telepan on Monday when calling him and returned to Boston taking late night bus. Tuesday, I clashed in bed. And the fight started. This is the worse one between us since the expiration date incident.

This past week has been hell for me. Great new today, my one of the two childhood best friend finally got married at The Mandarin Oriental Bangkok. I am so happy for him. Here is the man who fell in love with my second girlfriend who I had a crush. It was awkward. I walked away and even set up dates for them. Finally she ended up dating me. He was sad but I am his best friend. We both will jump into the fire for one another. We are more like brother, than just friend. My parents love him as another son. He is good looking dude, loaded, and over 100% gentleman. I always wanted to blind date him with hot chicks. I was a match maker for friends because of my outgoing personality (actually pretty shy sometimes). We used to joke about who will get married first. He finally did it.

I called my sister, Cherry, two nights ago and found out that she isn't home as she sent me an email. Her condition got worse and placed in intensive care unit. She emailed me positive note to make me feel unwind about her situation. I can't imagine my life without her. She is one of the closest cousin I have.

Mine isn't too happy. Mel. refused to talk to me. One mistake I made, she just shut it down. For good? seems like it. I am struggling inside. Here is the girl I have been talking to almost every single days for over 5 months. I stuck around when she pushed me away twice. The result is she finally fell in love with me. At work, I am focusing on cooking. At home, I am totally lost. Mel. asked me to give her sometimes while once sent me a text that I have lost her for good, and she also lost me. She has not lost me a bit, actually. I wonder why can't she be the one working back into my life like I did for her. I am one against all her odds. Her friends, family and even herself has been dying to get rid of me. Last weekend, I knew for fact for the first time without a doubt that she totally love me. Then her action started to show mix up feeling again. I read her friend's previous message to me and went nuts. I was not too kind to her. She ended up crying for the next two days. It didn't matter how hard I try to talk to her. She wanted to go. Friends here are all busy with own life. I really have no one to share my day with anymore. I had pook talking to me for almost 6 years, then Mel. the past 5 months. Now, I am just home alone with cookbooks. I have not stopped thinking about her every other hours. I start waking up in the middle of the night again. And unconciously texted her the past couple morning.. I wake up thinking about people I love and care all the times. This has been my life, a devotion to close circle friend and family and my career. Cooking is my passion but I need someone I can just talk to. Someone who isn't my family and friends.

Pook called last night asking about my sister and wanted to visit. She found out about it. I told her not to because whatever she bring to her hospital room (even herself) can transmit any kind of germ and be the cause of potential illness. Her rare blood disease weaken her immune to a point where she isn't ok.

I have been working for Barry again. All the cooks at the restaurant have been working on dishes repeatedly. We are going to open for friend and family, then public. It has been incredible transition and experience. But my week has been hell. I hope I can get Mel. to openly talk to me for once in her life. She texted me "wish it could work out and hope when you move down here and we could try again". You could have told me that you have been expecting. Not to let me feel wanted and unwanted at the same time.

Here is a smart girl who is struggling inside. She moved into her folk house. Have one friend who just moved over a month ago to NYC. No permanent job and still doesn't know what to do with life after leaving Law School (master degree). Yet, she is taking a bar exam. We both are compatible as we live our life passionately. I enjoy arts, musuem, music, culture, food, film, wine, community work as much as she does. It is just her attitude of her way or no way driving me insane. I hope she realize that relationship takes two sides to make it work, any kind of relationship... She fighted with her parents who think I am a dumb ass cook eventhough I work in great places and aim to work at one of the world best one day. They still think I am stupid to them mainly because I am Asian. It doesn't matter what kind of education I have, degrees, and years of experience. "I gave up my hopes and dream for you so you could date an Asian guy!" her mom said. And that has been echoing in her mind ever since. She has been crying since hearing it. Here is a mom who doesn't work, married too fast to a prejudiced ex Westpoint alumni has lofty expectation for her daughter because she could not have the life she want or envision. They share nothing in common but they are loving parents to their children. I heard that from Mel. all the time. Any white man dating her, she is fine with Mel. Any men dating her, her dad never approve unless he wear uniform. And he is no longer serving army anymore. What the hell right?

The best weekend ever?

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 02:19:00 +0000

I wrote to friends on Facebook.

Ever walk down the busy street of New York and scream it out loud when u can't contain that kind of happiness and excitement? All I did this past weekend was writing to restaurants in NYC as much as possible to ask for trailing in their kitchen. With positive and negative results but positive side is I feel alive again. First time in almost 18 that my heart beat off my chest sitting in the bus 15 min before arriving in NYC (I had to stop reading, turned off my ipod, and started meditation), spent time with someone you care, trailed at one of the best restaurant in the world, trailed at a restaurant I wanted to go, ate at the restaurant I wanted to eat and set up another trailing after meal, did whatever I wanted.

Soul satisfied and fullfilled.

pushing myself to the limit,(-a friend's name), to do what I set my heart out to do, to kiss who I love, to spend time with who I care, and to make anything I can believe I can make it happen if granted opportunity, and not to wait for something to happen but go after it. And to hold on to someone I love as long as I can.

...........................................
She replied :

Your message moved me in ways I haven't been in quite some time ... Your words are beautiful and passionate and real ... You speak from your heart ...

I will tell you a story ...

A man is running and running and running .. He cannot catch his breathe or know where he is going ... He is running and running and running ... He turns back for a second and looks at the tiger that is chasing him .. He looks in his eyes .. He runs even faster ... Up ahead he sees the edge ... He runs and runs and runs .... He gets to the edge and takes a leap of faith ... But something breaks his fall ... A branch ... He looks up to safety but sees the tiger ... He looks into the branch .. Beneath a leaf and sees a succulent ripe red berry ... He delicately plucks the berry and tastes its necter ... He has experienced passion ... At that moment he let's go of the branch and falls in peace ... Happy ....

You will find your "one" ... The one that will love you forever ...

(Her name)

I believe I met one in Poo, my ex fiancee who still have not dated anyone since we called off engagement. I met one in Pook. She will always care about me but I lost her. But I know she will be there for me no matter what. As for Mel., she has said she has never loved anyone since her first love, 7 years with Steve. And I am the second man she has ever loved. It may be true. But premature to judge and believe. Her action will only speak louder.

Many mentioned that I am as real as a man can be when we came across in life or being associate with. I take that as a compliment. I guess I am honest with what I think, what I will say, and how I act. I was taught and raised that way to understand more about myself, understand more about others, and learning more about life everyday. They always turn to me for advice and the comfort when they struggle in life or trap in their own slumpy emotion.

It made me happy to see that Mel. really wanted to spend time with me even if it meant to upset her parents a bit or more. It was a big sacrifice and big change from a week before when she was afraid and tired of lying to her parents so she could see me.

I am blessed to be loved and cared by significant people, friends, and family. That's all I can say.

for the love of butchering

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 06:19:00 +0000

Butchery Lesson at Back Forty

Posted to New York Magazine on October 28, 2009

Click to Play | View Details

NYC, Meeting Thip, Korin, Life and Death of My Beloved Sister,

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 00:53:00 +0000

My kid cousin is in intensive care, life and death kinda condition. All of sudden, she has a rare blood disease. Her spirit is high but she is scared. She emailed to inform me about her illness. Largely, she needs support from me and everyone but she will not just call and show any kind of weakness. She is one of the most optimistic person I have met in life. I saw her from her first day openning her eyes to life to the world, hold her in my arms, and helped raising her. It is just hard not be able to show any kind of concern or emotion around her because she doesn't know how serious it is from her dad's mouth. He is one of the world leading cadiologist and King of Thailand's personal doctor for almost 3 decades.

Dear P. House,

It has been a few months since our previous conversation na ka, just to let you know that now I am a little sick and is in Chao Phya hospital since 13/10/09.The doctors think I have idiopathic thrombocytopenic purpura (ITP) disease or shortly "auto immune" disease which is a rare blood disease that 10% of population have. Since our 2 aunts and P. Jue already knew about this, I think it is better if I told you myself. The symptom of this illness is not critical,and of course, can be cured. The illness just causes blood platelets low count, usually normal people will have platelets around 200,000. Yesterday I have around 7,000 so doctors (including my father) don't want me to go out of hospital for fear of complication (risk of bleeding in stomach or brain). I have a little bleeding in stomach for a few days but now it is almost gone :-)
Good news is I still feel alive and kicking, can sleep and eat well. If platelets increases to at least 20,000; I can go back to work soon. So wish me luck na ka. How is your life now? please take care of yourself seriously na ka. I never think that suddenly I will be sick like this;the cause of this disease is still unclear. It may be sudden infection, or just occur from bad immunity within my body. It is good that mysuperior and colleagues are quite understanding so I can rest and relax as much as possible.
PS. Doctors still don't want many people visit me much because my immunity is not good now, they afraid I may catch cold or some infection; when I am stronger; I will let you know na ka.
Love and Miss you,

Cherry

___________________________

Cherry,

I am sorry to hear about all of this. I must say I am heart broken in both ways. 1. You are ill and I am not there for you. 2. I am So sad to hear u r not so well. You always remain positive no matter what. P'House always miss u though. I will call tonight...

officially heart broken twice this year. P'Pook and I broke up. You met her and you saw how great she really is as a human being. I was happy with her and never once being mistreated. I should have taken her back but didn't when I had a chance before my BD. I thought I made a decision following my heart. . I knew Pook was really lost because I was everything to her. If I was still with her, she would visit you as soon as she heard about this. That's how great Pook really is. I will never find one as great as her.

Then later, I met a person who I thought I have met for so long. We exchanged texts and emails weeks before we met. We hit off so fast and she backed down twice. The second time was the break up happened 11 days after my BD. long story short. I gave my best but didn't get the best effort in return. There were so many rules loving this girl. Probably the most frustrated relationship I ever had. And, She totally broke my heart and good soul. I thought that if you have met her, you will love her as a younger sister instantly. She is funny, likeable, upbeating, really stubborn, smart and etc. I love our chemistry when we really opened up and be vulnerable and such a powerful feeling when we are together. It is over now. She wants me to remain in her life, but just friend. I was not allowed to do anything. I never felt so heartbroken and shattered since P'Poo,my ex fiancee and college sweetheart.and i broke off our engagement. 15 years ago. I want to focus on cooking now. Perhaps, we are all cursed. Can't be loved and can't find one who will love you unconditionally and fight for the love we have. I just need to send her to Pook and learn from Pook about relationship and how to treat people. I did talk about you to her all the time as much as other cousin. BUt you are my most beloved one :) I will adopt an African kid one day... Got some exciting news. Moving to NYC soon? Job? we got to talk. You are my favorite sister and there is no way I will let u feel down. You will be fine...all right.. Just trust me.
Love,

P'House

________________________________

Dear P. House,
Sorry that yesterday night I could not pick up a call from you.I suddently developed a very high fever and have a leg pain from hell. It took nurses and doctors to 2-3 hours to lower my fever.I did not even have a strength to go to restroom myself. The doctors are examining the possibility for infection in my legs that causethis high fever. I hope there is nothing serious about it. My father haven't slept last night.Finally, I had to call my father on 4 AM. to put a heavy pain killer to relieve me from my leg pain so I can sleep. It is just one night, butI caught a very small glimpse of how our uncle Chai and Chaiyong had to endure for years (They died because of cancer) Please wish me a goodnight tonight na ka. I will write more soon. If you have good news on your job or your love life; please write more.
Warm regards,Cherry
_____________________________________

i am sorry for what u have to go through and endure. your dad love u and he will do his best to care for u even wheb u just get a minor cut. don't u worry. be strong and positive as always. i am sorry that i really can't b there. u know how much i do love you and would trade my space with you. don't u ever think about what our two uncle went through. they had cancer u do not. u saw what our grandpa did?. he survived cancer twice. be strong and be positive na ka. love, your bro.

______________________________________

Today after work, I went to Border's to read Momofuku book by David Chang, well written and fun story. It made me like David Chang a lot more.

Over the weekend, I went to NYC to buy new knife bag, new knife, and cooking tools. I finally met Namthip or Thip of www.namthip.com or a blog writer/pastry chef of her blog, Bonbini. Thip is a good friend I have met through the writing and share our common passion in life and cooking. She is immensely talent and genuine. I was happy to meet her as she spent the entire weeks in NYC out to eat dessert and shoot more great pictures. We met at Central park near Mel. house, on upperwest side, near Strawberry Field where John Lennon and Yoko Ono always hung out. The spot we met was the main fountain near the big field. We chatted a bit and took couple pictures as she left to Guggenheim Musuem. Mel. and I went to check in.

Recap (Aya and Tyler engagement, Vito's last day, Leaving Radiu.s, Trail requests, When two cooks hang out, Raining)

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 18:13:00 +0000

OMG, I just got a text 5 min into 11pm on Sunday, Oct 18.... Aya and Tyler got engaged !! AMAZING !! I love two of them. Just so perfect for each other. I remember how Tyler described the thought and feeling he has for Aya on Doug's last day at Radius while we drank at JJ Foley. I told him to save that and tell her personally. She was on vacation in Spain and UK.... I can't effing believe it. My heart pounded the hell of my chest when I spoke to them !!

I was really ill last week and continue to get better. I finally made a decision after speaking to Mel. and my family. It is probably one of the two hardest decisions I have ever made in my life. I am leaving Radi.us to be prepared to moving to NYC. I have always dreamed about living and cook there. I remember the time I packed and ready to go. I came home around 3am and saw job posting on Boston Chef dot com. Lumiere were looking for a cook. I did send in a long cover letter and got a phone call from Chef Leviton around 9am. I still got goosebum thinking about that moment til this day. Same as when I called Radius to ask for a stage, then I spent a day there. I still remembered every little detail of that day from when I arrived and greeted by Melika and later Megan walked me into the kitchen introduced me to Tino, Tyler, Kevin, Justin, John. Then I was given a bunch of chive to cut. I saw MK and Aya standing next to me in pastry watching me working. Then after it was shallot cut into Brunoise size. I did peel fava bean, shrimp, and other prep. I had staff meal and denied the chef tasting, probably the first and only one. I hate to eat while other cooking. Just unfair to them in my opionion. Kevin insisted of getting me a dish so I took the rib dish and dessert after. On Monday, I gave a notice to my chef de cuisine. I felt I let him and chef down by doing so. Matt was angry and disappointed. I knew I let him down by doing so and only hope that he would understand. Then prior to getting a job at Sel, I packed and ready to go to NYC but got a job in a place I wanted to work. One led to another kitchens I always had my sight on; such as, Aquitain.e and Radiu.s. I ended up being here. Originally, I wanted to work in Radiu.s for more than two years. I love this restaurant and everything about it. It was the same kind of love I had for Lumiere. I am excited to come to work here every single days regardless what happening in my life and what I have gone through. That thought even made me decide not to move back to Thailand and marry Pook as I promised to her parents. It is about cooking which I had to give up the best human being I met in my life. It led me to a saddest break up. Pook treated me better than any women I have been with. Her love for me and her goodness made me becoming a part of her family. I love her parents as if they were mine. I actually always treat any girl's parents like mine anyway. But they are just so amazing to me. Then led me into another woman's life who I fell for and had to let go which is the hardest as well as our chemistry was strong and powerful. I have never had that chemistry with any women I was with or dated with since my first girlfriend, the 5'10" picture perfect, rich, and smart model. I finally have no one but friends. Can I live with that? Yeah but better be with one you were so connected to. Now, we are just friend who still care and love each other.

Chef asked me into his office on Thursday. I anticipated that he would be angry with my decision. I felt totally ashamed that I had to tell him that I am leaving his restaurant when he opened his arm and welcomed me into his restaurant and opportunity to learn in one of the best kitchen in the country. He has been nothing but great to me in and out this so called my home for the past year. I always remember every dialogs of our conversation from the first time we met and how he came to introduce himself and address his staffs by their name. I love how we treat each other like family member by greeting each individually and thank individually at the end of our shift. I have met so many great friends that I will remain in touch with them for life. Doug, Vito, Foley, Alex, Aya, Tyler, Stef, Tim, and so on, even Matt. I want him to do well. Friends at Front of the House like Savanah, Jay, Kim, Nick, Carl, James, Daniel, Stella, Liz, Nelson, and etc... made it so hard to come to this decision. I spent all sunday thinking of how to write a letter to chef and Matt. My mom know how much this restaurant meant to me as much as Lumiere and Aquitaine. Pook knew how excited I was coming to this restaurant. Mel. know how much these friends meant to me and how hard I have been through. I love this restaurant and the city I have called home for the longest period of my life. Chef Schlow kept reminding me one thing "patience" that all great chef must possess. He felt that he could have talked to me earlier for what I have been through. He also shared his personal life with me. I knew he was married before. He said it was like a punch in a nose when getting divorced. I frankly told him how I felt about Radiu.s and handed him my letter. He read and thank me for it but wished I could have given 3 months notice. It was hard but I had to do what I have to do. I regularly met Adam Fuller, one of the coolest person I have met. He is now a lobster man. He was a chef at Great Bay before it closed. He used to cook along side Adam P, now Executive Souschef at Le Bernadin. All Radiu.s alumni have been doing well after leaving this restaurant. I hope I can be like one of them if I keep all the best advices I got from these great chefs I have worked for along with my ever give up and can do attitude. I think I will be ok as long as given opportunity to be part of it and support at work.

I have received an incredible phone call and email from chef Patrick.Connolly who I have long admired as a person and as a chef. I heard it all from everybody that worked for him. I have long thought that I have to meet him one day. And there is no better place to start my cooking experience in NYC than starting it with Pat. Pat had to be in Spain this whole week and he welcome me to come anytime. I am really excited about it. Here is a young chef who was nominated as one of the five finalist as rising star head to head with the mega young chefs like David Chang, Daniel Humm, Nate Appleman, and Graham Elliot. Then the following year, he won the best chef in Northeast over established chefs. This year, he is a rising star winner of NYC by Starchef. How these chefs rise to fame and success draw my attention. They all work so hard and dedicate themselve learning craft of cooking. I want to learn from them or see it with my eyes. I do not want to be as successful as they are or earn recognition. I just want to be as better as I can be. I am so excited about this opportunity. And I can feel how cool he really is as not just from people who worked for him but from his tone of voice and his email. It is gonna be great experience for me.

But my excitement could not been more contained when I received an email from a restaurant I have long dreamed to work for extending their invitation for me to come and trail. I admitted I almost had a tear in my eyes. I screamed. I jumped. I pumped my fist. It was loud and I called Doug, Mel., Foley, my mom, and texted Pook. Then I get a round of hug from Alex, Vito, Adrienne, Stef, and Tim. It was the same kinda happiness and feeling I had when hearing from great restaurants like Lumier.e and Radiu.s. I am really excited and felt weight lifted off my shoulder, mountain lift off my chest, and etc. But all of sudden, what about a chance to stage a day a week at TW food for 3 months, opportunity to learn meat fabrication in the morning before heading to work? I am going down there anyway. Chef Leviton gave me an advice to seize the opportunity. If it leads to me, take that too. I have planned to spend my last saving on this if any of these restaurant will take me in even as a commis for a year with an opportunity to be considered for a position there. One day I know I will spend 3 months a year in the country I want to travel and cook, whether it is a michelin star restaurant or not. I don't really care as long as it allows me to immense myself and learn the rich culture and cuisine of the country I want to be. I have long searched for a life long partner who is willing to travel and see the world with me. Two of them, Pook and Mel. are now gone. One is willing to do anything I want to do. One is rebel, liberate, passionate, and never bend a rule even for me. May be I will just travel with Doug and Foley when we discussed of a possibility to be roommate when travel to cook in another country. I need a hair cut again. This time, I consider do it myself again..shaving it out. What do I care when I do not have a girlfriend to tell me what hair cut she like or doesn't like? Just the cooking.

This week, I hang out with Doug. It was the best night. Doug told me that he would not talk to me if I didn't email Pat. And I did. I am thankful to have a great friend like him. I push and support him and he does the same to me. I stopped by Spike's getting two dogs. I had bloody mary, fried garlic confit with sriracha mayo, cheese pickle n cracker, and apple pie he made. F-me...I was so full going to bed at 430am. I gave me comfortable clothes to change. Doug really love Debra and I hope they can work out between them. I hope they end up getting married. They are just so perfect for each other. They are in the same situation like me and Mel. Only Mel. gave up on me for her better future she has envisioned. I am not figured in her life.

Vito's last day was Sat. I love Vito to death. I will write more about him. He has been another best pal. Best of luck to you.

Rain suck man. First snow storm in Oct? I spent sunday at home instead of taking commuter rail to Concord and ride bike to Verrill Farm to see chef Leviton and Gordon Hamesley. I mainly wanted to see Chef Leviton but the freezing rain and snow ruined that. There is an event at Charles Hotel part of Chef Collaborative featuring Tim W of TW food, Michael Leviton from Lumiere, and etc but ticket is 100 bucks so forget about it. Anyway, I hate people at work who do not recycle. Drive me nut seeing these kids throwing plastic, glass, and paper containers in the trash bin. Don't we see enough of global warmning effect to realize that every little action count. I saw the amount of food or fish sold each day, it shocks me. 10-20 years from now, we will have problem with diminished food and water source.

I am coming down to NYC next weekend. I hope to stage with Pat as well as the restaurant I wanted to go. I hope they replied. On top of that, I wish to hang out with Mel. for 1/2 day or more, going to Korin to get more knife and new carring bag, and hopefully see Meg who I have not contacted since last Jan when I stayed at her place and hangout with her on dinner and breakfast. Meg offered me a place to stay. I am excited to talk to her about her changing career to cooking. She is vegetarian and want to focus on vegetarian cooking. I am sure she will do well. We have been friend for over 2 years. On top of the fact that she is cute and super nice.
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Quotes of the day by Mark Twain

(on Value of Education)

"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge."

(On Why Racism is Silly)
"I have no race prejudices, and I think I have no color prejudices or caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. Indeed I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is that a man is a human being–that is enough for me; he can't be any worse."

(On Ambition)

"Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can somehow become great"

Book I have been reading for the past three weeks:

On the Line and Le Bernadin by Eric Ripert, Jean Louis Palladine's book, and Cooking through season by Joel Robuchon.

Song I love today : 1901 by Phoenix.

The meaning of the song is really about me, Mel., and the summer time.

Breaking Down Suckling Pig by April Broomfield of Spotted Pig

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 23:59:00 +0000

Michelin Guide, Inspector Interview, and The Book about Michelin Inspector.

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 16:59:00 +0000

A few days ago, I eagerly waited for the result of 2009 Michelin's NYC. Much anticipated, Daniel finally upgraded to 3 stars. Corton finally landed 2.

Today I came across articles all about Michelin Guide and Famously Anonymous,Michelin Inspector Website. I anticipate that Michelin will finally come to Northeast as some world famous or so called celebrity chefs have been scouting spots for their restaurant projects. Guy Martin's sensing is here. Market by JGV is opening in W Hotel. L'Espa.lier moved to better spot in Mandarin Oriental aiming for Michelin highest rating, and so on. Northeast has so many great potential Michelin star restaurants, such as, Clio, No.9, Radiu.s, L'Espa.lier, Al Forno, Arrows, White Barn Inn, Blantyre, Craigie on Main, and etc. Simply want to share. I watched the clip of anonymous interview with an inspector and how they come to a conclusion of giving a restaurant star rating. Pretty interesting. I wish I could have a job like that. When I was a child, I thought my dad would be the best food critic. He is more of a foodie than Business Law Consultant. In my life, I have known two food critics. First, my pookie's sister work as a food critic and writer for in flight magazine for Thai International Airline. And a friend's sister who is a famous food writer in Thailand. Her dad is also the school director of the king's boarding school where I spent 9 years of my childhood there til high school. I always envy them for that. You get to eat, write, and be happy. Ideal job, isn't it? Less stress, more filling.

They also published a book called "The Inspector, the secret history of the Michelin Guide. Click on the link to see what inside the book looks like. Pretty interesting, here is the Michelin inspector interview. Just check it out.

Chef on Jimmy Fallon show

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 07:00:00 +0000

I got phone call from Doug telling me at 1230am that Chef would be on late night show. I didn't have cable. Next day, Melissa called and told me that she watched Jimmy Fallon and chef was in it making meatball.

Check out this link

I had a great conversation with Mel. tonight. She cried again as she missed talking to me.

Recap of my two weeks (Break up, Phone, Meeting Eric Ripert, Flu,)

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 15:11:00 +0000

Two Saturdays ago, I went down to visit Mel. Phone died again. Bad sign. I had a hunch that something bad will happen. Later, Mel. broke up with me and cried for 9 hours. We met, became friend, started to like each other, and fell for one another but distance, age, race, and my career choice have became issues. Her parents dislike Asian. She has warned me that she didn't want to hurt me one day. I could see at times that she could just shut down emotionally which I thought was cold and sign of a problem stemmed from previous relationship?. But I risked for it. I could not say anything, just like what happened with Pook. All I did was just hugging her and went out to buy dinner. I walked into a Thai place called Toon Cafe on Madison Ave, near Les Halles. People there were so nice to me and urged me to contact them if I move to NYC. It was hard to spend a could be last night with someone you care so much. All you could do was to just pray for another chance to hold that person in your arm and hold on to that feeling and relationship. We woke up the next day, she still tear. I took her home. It was raining. It was sad. It was hard. We hugged and I walked away seeing her crying. It hit me when I had a bus ride back, home alone, and no phone. Monday, I called her to offer to be good friend and support her. She texted me & thanked me for being so amazing to her. How could I not? She fought with her mom about me for weeks and that something I can do for her. She is as sensitive as Pook but strangely like my sister. Last week was hell for me after when her friend sent me a message asking me to let her go and support her. I did try but it was unexpectedly shocking when it happened. Clearly, she has thought about it for a while. Here is someone I met in summer, shared thought, life and differences. I was struggling badly coping with the loss of Pook as she was with Chris. She always asked me not to burn bridge with Pook. August was our month as well as for Pook and I. It was strange to lose someone who you spent everyday with talking to. She said she could not imagine life without me. And the card she wrote me is by far the best thing someone wrote for me and how a woman views me as a man. Now, she seems to figure it out what best for her life. I am at time struggling inside. There was Pook who has been there for me every single day for 6 years, with 3 years apart. Now, she has gone. Here was a girl who has been growing into my life for the past few months and letting her go is my only option?. Just could not do it.

I went down to NYC last sat. I had to after speaking to her on Friday night hearing her crying over the phone. Earlier, she texted me that she passed out due to exhaustion and stress. I was the source of her stress. And she wanted to talk to me. It was good conversation we had. I spoke to my mom later. She said you always know what to do as a decent man. I called her again on my way down there and she said how proud she is having me as a son. I was raised to treat women as the way I treat women in my family. I went there for her solely, not for me. I could win her back as I felt the same with Pook if given a chance but this probably be the new found chapter in our life. I do not know where it will go from here but will try to help her getting life back on track. She vow to love and care for me as long as she can as she always say she will carry me with her wherever she goes = the end of it?. We met at Bouqueria by Semus Mullen, a chef I also admired, on Spring Street. It was awkward in the beginning but she reached out and hold my hand whenever she could even when she walked down the street with me. Last week, the owner of Bouqueria came to eat at Radius. Chef personally cooked all of their dishes. I had decent brunch here, sangria, bloodymary, and salted cod fritter. In Housing work, we chatted and had a great time with free flow of true emotion. We just grabbed two chairs sitting by a bookcase and just talked. We went to Chikalicious to have 3 courses dessert prix fixe. I spoke to Don, Chika's husband afterward. Later, we went to shop for her boots. The last taxi ride to her house was just the reenactment of the last Sunday morning ride to her house, she teared and kissed me like we would never see each other again. She has never done that before until last Saturday, especially holding hand whenever she could while we walked in the village. She probably didn't realize that she did it after all denying to do it all summer. It is a change I have never seen in her. She finally feel vulnerable around someone again who happen to be me. It just made me feel happy.

There is a change in the restaurant. I am sadden by the news as I have so much respect for other two as much as chef who has been so great to me from day one. I felt drained emotionally and burnt out as I saw almost 100% turnover in our kitchens over the past year. I tried to be positive influence to all and urged them to stay or even urge new breed to join the kitchen. Some for career move, mostly for personal reason. All my friends are gone, here are new friends to make. I love Stef, Adrienne, and Tim. They are great to work with and I care and concern about them tremendously. Stef kinda look up to me a lot as I kept reminding her to stay cool, calm, and be a leader of the new pack. She always check on me to see if I am ok. Adrienne is doing so well as I am seeing her growing in her job and new leading role. She will be great one day. I always heard she said "Jitti is like a grandmother of the kitchen".. I guess it was a compliment I heard about Meagan while she was here. Kevin and Meagan were two of my favorite Sous chef of all time. They are just lovely couple and cool together. New kids in the kitchen need work but they have great attitude. I hope they realize how lucky they are to be in the top kitchen in the city. It is such a privilege and honor.

Last week I went to see Eric Ripert at MFA with Melissa's help with proof read. I spent all night typing up letter and excited to finally met him after chasing after him in two occasions. He has been a true inspiration as much as any chefs I have worked for or under. Foley was so excited that his hand was shaking while taking picture. We came out and went to Chinatown, of course, the Gourmet Dumpling House. Got to good right if Michael Douglass came to eat. We ordered scallion pancake, salty fish fried rice, and pan fried dumpling. After that I went back to Radiu.s to finish up inventory.I finished almost midnight with the help of others. I got Melissa's text wanting to know if thing went ok. I finally called her when arrived home.

This week I have been so ill from sleepless nights since the break up on September 26, ten days after my BD. I woke up in the middle of the night, 2-4 am everyday and could not go back to sleep. It has been the same nightmare I have had since Pook broke up with me and I used to call Mel. or she called me after reading the blog I wrote about Pook. I also put her life to hell by texting her in the middle of the night or emails. It was up and down for me.

My life is pretty simple. I have family, friends, and special someone I truly care and cooking to preoccupy my time. I am at best while at work, focus mainly on cooking and killing my energy there, while at home, I am at loss when losing one i love. At Radiu.s, I want to move around and do more but unable to do so. Mel. asked me to talk to my chef for the past 4 months. It has not been successful and relationship sort of strain and frosty. I felt buried alive when I can't seem to learn more. I have lost my passion in cooking as I was beaten down everyday. I get up everyday excited to go to work, do better and do more but it went completely opposite everyday. It has been hard to hear every friends I have telling me to leave and find better place to work who will appreciate my hard work. During my six months stage at Radi.us, I kept my mouth shut working and do everyone unwanted tasks. Never once got a chance to even learn what I wanted such as butchering or else. Just peel shrimp and cutting mushroom or cleaning while others tried to avoid it. Had Megan not noticed those, my life would be completely hell as they kept abusing my presence. It has been the most difficult time for me. When I was young, my coach told me "you will never make it to the team". I hit the gym or ran one hour before practice time and spent extra one or two hours everyday in the field, mostly in the dark while others enjoy their dinner and studying time. I kept biting my tongue, wiped sweat, dirt and mud off my face, and just practice every skills I need to be a complete scrumhalf (number 9 in Rugby team). I succeeded it. But this?, I will not achieve my personal goal of being better cook with all around skills. I have worked in every stations in the kitchen prior to here. I need to master it as well as picking up all butchering skills. When I staged here, I was the only one who not paid. Vito is the same. He should have been a sous chef elsewhere. He is the most dedicated person I have seen in Radius kitchen yet one of the most under appreciated in the kitchen like me. This is one of the best kitchen in Northeast. If I can't succeed here or get support from my peers, where else should I go? I has been pursued by a chef I used to work for to join him and his kitchen team for the past 3 weeks. I kept saying no and how much I love this place. Over a year, I have moved to 3 stations. The current one has been long 6 months and I am dying.

Breaking up with both women I care took away my good soul and left me a huge gap or hole inside of me. But as for passion for cooking, I even struggle mightily due to personal conflict which I tried to avoid on daily basis. I just want to cook and be happy. All I care is to be able to be team player and achieve as a whole. All I care is everyone station is set up when I leave the restaurant. I was asked to be selfish but could not. I just want to cook and learn. That's all. Mel. thanks for loving me that much. Fight on and believe in your ability to change and be happy. Let build the relationship from this point on. Pookie, thanks for loving me for years. You two made me believe in my own ability to achieve anything by just having faith in me. Don't give up anything you love. And mom, thanks for knowing me and having faith in me. You always know that I have been pushing my limit since I was little.

Quote of the Day
.
"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to

change them"
.
Andy Warhol

Cookbook I have been reading on the T, Le Bernadin Cookbook. Just classic.

Song I love recently : Follow Through by Gavin Degraw.

Recap of my week (MFA, Birthday, Pain, Porcelet, Foie in Duck, Dumpling)

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Mon, 21 Sep 2009 00:11:00 +0000

My birthday was somewhat special. No I didn't get any card from people who care about me at all this year. I moved and never told anyone about my address. Honestly, I always tell everyone my birthday is just another day to me. It is far more important for my parents as it was the day I came into their life. That's all I really care. I also got BD wishes from two of my ex girlfriends.

.
Mel. called me after 5 min passed midnight which was special. Her call beat my mom by 3 hours. Doug called minutes before it turned midnight. I was happy to talk to both of them. At around midnight, I was at Nate's place hanging out with him because we hardly talked for the past 3 months. He usually called once a week. I was happy that Mel. asked me to call her after I got home around 120am. She was sleepy yet wanna talk to me. It was sweet of her that she tried and waited. My birthday was hell I admitted. Toothache was also severe. I had to call several dental offices and rushed to one to get it fixed. Two visits with crowning and root canal procedures cost me 2,500 dollars over that 3 days span!! The pain on Thursday night to Friday morning was unbearable. I could not sleep at all as my legs and hands were shaken due to the severe pain. It was the worse pain I have ever experienced. I sat in my bed with head hung down as I could not lay down. I took painkiller 6 times all day but it didn't help or work. My tooth was cracked after filling fell off. Let just say I felt painful every second my heart beat. I went back to dental office on Sat morning to have more procedures done. Anyway, the encore of the birthday's day was to get a chocolate cake delivered to Radiu.s by Mel. from Rosie Bakery. She sent message to Adrienne on facebook to make sure someone signed for the cake. I was surprised by it when Adrienne walked to me with a cake box. I called her back to thank her as she made excuses about not having a card. At least, she tried. I gave her credit for that. Alex made me a birthday dessert as pastry always did for everyone. Several kitchen staffs sang happy birthday song for me. I was flattered by their good gesture.

Sat, I got phone call from Doug. He was excited about opportunity to be in Starchef food conference in NYC which many great chefs come from all over the world. He got passes from Justin and Pat Connelly. He also said Pat won as one of the rising star this year. Doug also had opportunity to meet great chef like Pierre Gagnaire. This will be a great opportunity for him. This weekend has not been productive as I wanted. Planning to stage at TW.Food or L'Espal.ier had to be on hold. I was in major pain. TW.Food's chef/owner replied my email and requested 3 months stage. I do not know if it is gonna work out but I will give it a shot.

I got to talk to Sally over this weekend. We lost contact for a while. She just broke up with Tom after 2 1/2 years. When she met Tom, she asked me out to see Boston Ballet along with her friend, Nicole and Tom. She trusted my opinion about men. Anyway, she was still angry about the break up on Sat phone conversation. Sally was Pook's best friend here who used to have a crush on me. I had a big crush on her as well. I could have had an affair with her while Pook was away for 3 years but I didn't. It has always been awkward when we hung out. I think we both know we like each other. I got rid of that awkward moment since before she dated Tom. We went out for a dinner before she met Tom 3 years ago and I blew the chance for good by saying "I would be somewhat mad at myself if I was like most men" and "can't ruin the friendship and my relationship". She is gorgeous ex ballet and ballroom dancer. How could I passed up on her? I was just being faithful with Pook and thought she would do the same. Sally dated Asian guys before. She respected how I treat and be one true good friend to her. So she is happy to be able to talk to me again. I told her about Pook and Mel. Life is effing pityful, isn't it? Being a good man, I always pass up those opportunities....ever since in college.

I hung out with Sally at MFA today (free admission) and tried to get ticket to meet Eric Ripert who will give a lecture at MFA. Sadly, it was sold out. I will try to come on Wed, September 30 to get last minute ticket so I can meet Eric Ripert. I grew up loving arts, all kinds. Painting, photography, and scrupture are my favorite. This visit, I did see some Picasso and Monet's paintings which I have seen at The Guggenheim Musuem and Metropolitan Musuem of Arts, both in NYC. One thing I totally hate about Musuem is the shop. I dislike mass reproduction of those masterpiece art works. I get pissed off seeing postcard, poster, and etc. We live in commercial world anyway. I oftenly used to go to galleries and musuems. Just like wine, I can identify where are those painting came from; such as, Dutch and Italian influenced paiting. The whole day was about helping Sally getting her mind off the break up and get herself back on track (being old Sally again) and talked about my relationship with Mel. We went to the Dumpling House in Chinatown to get dinner there. This place has never been empty !!. The last time I was there was on Herbert's Birthday (Herbert Yuan is an intern from CIA, good kid). Soup dumpling (Shangnainese)and scallion pancake here are the best I have had. I also ordered Taiwanese style rice cake sauteed with pork and vegetables. The sunday quest for best food was fulfilled. I would come back for scallion pancake and more dumpling again.

So far my weekend could have been better. I didn't get to talk to Mel. much except on Sat when she was sleepy. And when she is out having great time, she probably think little of me. I really think that was the problem she has had in the past relationship, lack of giving, careness, and openness. I really think that one simple phone call makes different or I am sure she might have met someone.

I saw a couple in the MFA, a shaved head ordinary Asian guy with a gorgeous tall American girl, just kissing and hugging in the gallery I sat in and chatted with Sally. I was just happy for them. They made me think of Doug and my situation. "Isn't America a melting pot country? " my dentist, Ian Fesser quoted. He is Romanian American who just proposed his Tibetian fiancee. Her family dislike him because of his ethnic background. He simply said to me " I am going to see them twice a year anyway". In opposite to her family, his family adore her. Why people still can be prejudiced? Why can't they just be happy for their children to have met a good human being? I never get it.

Kudos to you, Mel. on pulling a little stunt on my birthday. I knew you tried your best. Your little effort made it an extraordinary birthday to me. To the woman I once loved for longer than anyone, I thank you for loving me and made it the best relationship I have ever had. To the woman I am in love with, thank you for trying your best to change and open up. Relationship should never be hard and forceful. Just let it be and feel it regardless of what happening outside two people.. If on the back of one's mind thinks about the ending, it will end one day no matter what. May be I should just focus on my goal, cooking, and end all of these distractions. Anyway, I am blessed to have the most amazing parents who support and love me. That's all matter to me. They will always love whoever I will be with or date.. Ann, Gak, Poo, Shirley, Von, Pook or Mel. My only best friend from Grad. school who live in Canada, Dave, just told me to write a damn book about my love life. He said I never talk bad about any of them. Why would I when I seriously dated them? Any others? Just casual or short lives. All I want is one single woman who want me to be a big part of her life til the end, willing to fight for it, and don't give up.

.Quote of the Day
.

“Live in each season as it passes, breathe the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each".

Henry David Thoreau

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.

Cookbook I read today : Terrine by Stephen Reynold

Song I listened today : Shine by Pat Mcgee Band. Just great song.

Food ingredient I have learned today : Porcelet.

Porcelet is a very young, milk-fed pig that yields an extremely tender meat with a unique flavor profile that is more complex than that of a younger, suckling pig. It is humanely-raised to 10 weeks of age on a small family farm

... I am 38.

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 06:37:00 +0000

Damn, I can't believe life comes this far. Looking forward to next BD then.

Quote of the Day

The good life, as I conceive it, is a happy life. I do not mean that if you are good you will be happy; I mean that if you are happy you will be good

Bertrand Russell

Song I listened today : Crytal Ball by Keane

Cookbook I read today : Passion for Seafood by Gordom Ramsey

Sassafras

is a native American laurel tree with a spicy, aromatic, flavorful bark. It is used to make rootbeer

Month of August

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 26 Aug 2009 07:05:00 +0000

I got blindsided by a bus yesterday !! It sent me and my bike bounced to a park car and bounced back to hit the bus sending me flying and landed awkwardly. I thought I broke my knee, leg, and arm. It was the worse crash I had out of 3 accidents in two months. Mel.'s birthday is today. I could not be happier. I called her after the clash. She was concerned.

The month of August is probably the most memorable month of my life. Many people I love and care were born in this month. Lots of memory, good and bad.

My two best friends' birthday, Niki and Duck, were born in this month. Duck is a friend who will jump into the fire for me. He fell in love with my ex who eventually dated me over him, considering his handsome look and 100% gentleman. I tried to blinddate them but didn't work out well. That poor girl dumped me months after as she realized I was not bad boy kind and returned to her ex. She called me two years later when she got divorced. I heard about all the news. She was surprised when I said "hey your kid is crying". I never forgot that day conversation as she disappeared again. She now is married with a Aussie guy living in a small island in southern Thailand and running an underwater filming company. I met Niki in 1995 and since befriend with. She is absolutely my buddy woman friend. She is one cool chic who busted both knees countless time playing soccer and snow boarding...just nut.

My ex fiancee, Poo (Jordana Brewster look alike with beautiful tanny skin), were born on August 28. We started dating in August 1991. We called off engagement in August as well after 4 years of courtship. I last saw her in August 1995 and 1999. She was my college sweetheart who I gave up a lot to be with her, including an opportunity to attend hotel school in Switzerland. She has not since been with anyone and hoped that I would return to her one day. We spoke about it as I totally moved on after years of heartache. I suffered a lot after we broke up. I hope she finally move on.... I miss her sister the most. She never date anyone because she was torn by our break up. Thank god, she still love me as her brother til these days.

I moved back to the state in August 1995, when I was turning 24. My life has been an eye opening journey since and started to evolve into the food world and dating scene/love life. Just good life... Can't complaint. I met all great women.

Pookie and I reunited in August 2003, right after her BD. She is the best human being I have ever known and the best girlfriend I was with. Just one true amazing person. Pook made me feel complete as a person and feel being loved by her trust and caring. I will always adore Pook and forever will even though we may not be together. Of all the women I have been with in my life or tried to marry with, this is the one who I wanted to marry to. But I totally lost her. Her family love me as a son. I felt grateful for their action and thought of me. One great thing about relationship with her is honesty. I never ever have any doubt in her. She is just one rare true amazing woman.

For years, I felt for my best friend, Meow, since we both moved to New Haven and really spent the next 4-5 months to become close. August was really our special month. We came to state, not together but went to the same school and thought of going to the same graduate school and same major. People thought we were dating but we didn't. Meow is the one I have never dated but I wanted to be with her. She has such a outrageous sense of humor and a picture perfect kind to me. I was attracted to her mentally and physically. She look similar to Vanessa Carlton but a lot cuter. She has been my best friend for over 15 years & now married with 2 children.

Mel.'s Birthday is August 25 (yesterday)and she is moving away in 3 days but we only had two hours dinner together. Month of August really bought us closer. This is gonna change my life forever? I don't know. But she has been good to me. It is also the month she met a guy who she casually dated for over a year, two days after her BD (like how Pook and I met). She wanted to be more serious with him but it turned completely opporsite. Then over 2 years later, he tried to hook up with her on her birthday and hit on her best friend when got reject. I honestly think it is kinda lame to care for someone you said you were not care about. Beside, he was not her ex but a guy who she casually saw, booty call. Man, women are too much drama. My best friend's brother went out with my ex who I onced almost married to. Now? They are happily married with 3 kids. With Mel. I tried to give her the best birthday ever as I did to every women I seriously dated....all different kind of surprise. So far, she has been a positive figure in my life and urge me to do better. Mel. reminds me of Shirley, emotionally well guarded and hard to read because she is afraid of falling for someone. Women of August I've met are really stubborn and tough to deal with. I usually just give up fighting with them. Let them win and have it. They are amazing charming, funny and make me laugh. And "sorry", a pain in my -ss to deal with. They break my heart and always have issues or sort of attachment from their ex. They always like who they can't have or win over then want me back when they lose me. They make me feel like an option to their love life so to speak, "hey he is not perfect but great guy". Then after we won't work out and completely lose me, I always hear this "You are the best man I have ever met in my life" comment after or hear or see them cry when they wanted me back even after years. I never effing understand that. Why the f is so difficult to even appreciate the best thing you have in hand and completely forget what you can't have or don't have. Women of August? Erh ! :)

August 1995, I cried my heart out and was heart broken for years even after I met a few women. I could not be emotional since. I could not even tear when my grandpa, my two beloved uncle, Robert A and Debbie Prim (two friends who I dearly loved as brother and sister) died. I just had a tear for the first time ....damn.

Anyway, this month I have had great dinner @ Penang with friends, cooking good food for Mel., dinner at Cragie on Main, Radius, Fried Clam in Essex, Petite Robert, Gaslight, etc. After all, I am fullfilled. Then I will have to deal with being alone again........

Janissa's Last Day, Expiration date, Food Inc, Beach Boy, Dandelion Green

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 04:31:00 +0000

Janissa's last day was yesterday. It was emotional. I am sadden to see her leaving Radius. She is moving to NJ with her boyfriend, Tim, a sous chef @ Via Matta. I wanted to make a toast for her but didn't even say it. She came to the back kitchen to give me a final hug and a goodbye by saying "Jitti, you are a fantastic person. Never let anyone changing who you are". That still echo in my ears. I felt numb seeing her go. I remember when I started working fulltime there and stayed late one night helping out. Aya was rolling bread and I pitched in to help without having to be asked. While I cleaned and mopped the floor in the back prep area, Janissa came around looking for me. "Jitti, I have been looking for you all over". I was curious why. She said she wanted to give me a hug and said I had set good example for others. She said it reflected what Radius kitchen standard really was while Patrick was here. I told her that I saw great example in her, MK, Aya, Kevin, Megan, Doug, and others who are selfless and will pitch in to help. And I just follow that good example. I never forgot that two moments she came to find me. It made me feel great being who I am and felt belong to this kitchen but the chemistry of the kitchen went down hill since all the key members left. Now it is full of a bunch of careless young people. It agitates me sometime. Where the F the pride go? Anyway, best of luck, Janissa. I will sure miss you here. Pastry room is where I always find my peace on crazy or lousy day causing by.........

I spent Sat at the Beach Boy concert at the hatchshell with Doug. It was a fun day hangging out with my buddie. We had lunch @ 88 food connection. I ate spicy tofu noodle. Doug had pork intestine with blood pudding and sour cabbage. I got home and went to bed at 330am. Mel. went out to see ex boyfriend @Middlesex and ended up crying home, drunk and threw up. We didn't talk. I never understand why women will cry for guys who don't truely care about them.

Sunday was perfect. I woke up early around 7am. Didn't leave house until later. Doug and I rode bike to Verna's to eat 1 dozen of donut. Our bikes screwed up so we had it fixed at the shop. We went to the Espanade to get some sun and chill. Got my bike fixed and got flatted tire after. Then at night, I got another flat.

Monday I went to see Food Inc. with Mel. It was a great film with of course some political agenda. If you read Omivous Delemma, you have to watch the movie. I will feel disgusted eating meat from now and totally hate junk food. We ate at Gaslight after. I got to say hi to Giraldo, friend I met at Aquitaine. We had beet salad, carafe of wine, skate, and halibut. Giraldo sent out complimentary dish. I went back to the kitchen to thank him and met a souschef. I had the worse conversation ever in my life during and after. I have never believed that someone would insult me with a word "expiration date" and expect me to be part of her life or friend after when she move away. It was one f- up moment in my life. I was furious yesterday and today. Just suck that someone treated me like any asshole out there when I have never ever been an asshole to anyone in my life. She regret the poor choice of words and I totally forgave her for it. We both moved on and probablly learned from that.

Quote of The Day

"True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

George Washington

Book I read today : Setting the table by Danny Myer

(one of the restaurateur I've admired)

Song I listened today : To Kingdom Come by Passion Pit

Food ingredient I came across : Dandelion

According to the book "Identifying and Harvesting Edible and Medicinal Plants in Wild (and Not-So-Wild) Places", Dandelion greens are wonderful in salads, sauteed or steamed. They taste like chicory and endive, with an intense heartiness overlying a bitter tinge. To mix it with other salad, it improve the flavor because of their bitterness.

You can also eat dandelion flowers, or use them to make wine. Collect them in a sunny meadow, just before mid-spring, when the most flowers bloom. Some continue to flower right into the fall. Use only the flower's yellow parts. The green sepals at the flower's base are bitter.
The flowers add color, texture, and an unusual bittersweet flavor to salads. You can also saute' them, dip them in batter and fry them into fritters, or steam them with other vegetables. They have a meaty texture that contrasts with other lighter vegetables in a stir-fry dish or a casserole. Dandelion flower can be pickled using vinegar and spices.

The leaves are more nutritious than anything you can buy. They're higher in beta-carotene than carrots. The iron and calcium content is phenomenal, greater than spinach. You also get vitamins B-1, B-2, B-5, B-6, B-12, C, E, P, and D, biotin, inositol, potassium, phosphorus, magnesium, and zinc by using a tasty, free vegetable that grows on virtually every lawn. The root contains the sugar inulin, plus many medicinal substances.

A tribute to Pook for the last time.

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 16:05:00 +0000

I dated Pook longer than any other women, 6 years. I met Pook in 2000 @ a hotel I worked through a night manager who asked me to take care of a Thai family. I met her aunt first, then her mom and her later. She was young, beautiful, skinnier, bright, and natural. I liked her purity instantly but we both had someone. Pook just met a guy, younger and irresponsible, through friends prior to coming to Boston. She never dated anyone before because she fell for a guy she grew up with. She dated that guy for very short time and spent next three years breaking up with him. I remembered chasing after Pook to the street and returned the envelope filled with money handed to me when she checked.The money given by her mom and aunt as to show their appreciation for the helps I provided. They have always treated me like another son. I will always feel grateful and thankful for that.

We hit off and started dating around Aug 2003. I didn't expect that, neither did she. I was heart broken and single at that time. She tried so hard match making me with her friends. We spent so much time together during my vacation and grew naturally for each other. I never flirted with Pook, neither did she. That was the best thing in our relationship. We just didn't force it. It was like we were made for each other. There is one thing Pook has and other women I have met or dated in life do not have, 100% honesty and selflessness. She is the most decent person I have met in life, a too good to be true kind of woman. I knew that she would never hurt me and said negative things about me behind my back. Pook has beautiful soul, silly sense of humor, positive thought about others, harmless, and total unselfishness. We have shared so much laugh together and never want to act old when around. She was just a perfect woman in my eyes.

Pook went to Chula U to study Political Science. She wants to make a difference in the world and help others. She earned two master degrees from Boston College and Johnson & Wales in Management and Hospitality Management respectively. Pook also spent 6monhs studying at The French Culinary Institute to complete restaurant management class per my recommendation. She traveled 8 hours round trip every weekend for 6 months to complete that course. When she set her sight wanting to do somethings, it will work out for her. I hope she get into baking and continue her dream of having an Inn, even without me. I will help her as much as I can so she can fulfill her dream.

I was totally myself when being around her. She made me proud of being who I really am and what I have accomplished. She appreciated everything I have given and done for her. She always outdo the giving part which I can never be able to compete with her. In my life, I have never yet met anyone who doesn't like Pook. And I have yet met any woman who takes better care of me than Pook. If I am ill, she will do anything to get me better even we were far apart. Everyone love her for being her because she is never full of herself. She is just a truly amazing human being. And that's all I can say about her. She has been the second best woman I have met in life next to my mom.

I am sure our life may come across again or come to the full circle as Mel. recently said. But for now, I will move forward and focus on my present and future. Thanks for everything you had done for me and once loving me for almost 6 years. It's changed my life forever and I will always cherish you like before.

Recap of my week, Deb's B-day at Barking Crab

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 19 Jul 2009 06:25:00 +0000

Heard Tyler is leaving= Sad but I am happy for him. Tyler will be great one day along with his girlfriend, Aya. Both have strong determination to excel and push themselves harder to be better. He will be joning No.9Park when he get back from a trip to Japan with his girlfriend who he want to marry. I love both of them.. Just great couple. Totally remind me of Pook and I and how we were when we were in love.

I went to Deb's B-day party at Barking Crab per Doug's invitation. The encore was seeing both Doug and Foley. Deb felt bad arriving last and late. Dustin, former sous chef @Aquitaine, hooked us up with dishes and got table for us quicker. I had a long chat with him. I shout out at drunk Foley while riding bike home and passing him by on the bridge " Never stop reading cookbook, Matt !"

Last Friday night was great. I have never had such a good reading night in bed for a long long time. I read On the Line by Eric Ripert, a great insight restaurant book. I sent letter to Hugo's to thank chef Evans. Mel. helped me with proof read again.

I went to Radius working for a few hours in Pastry on Sat. This is Janissa's last weekend. It is gonna suck to see her go. I got to work on couple cake recipes and ice cream. Then I had dinner at Metropolis at night. It was great seeing friends. Will waited our table. Jen, Mack, Maecella, Saya, and Lucy were there. Rob, chef, came by to say hi. They comped us wine.... I ate tuna, asparagus tartar, and salmon dish.

I made big salad on Friday night...feeling great eating it though. I made dressing from OJ reduction, Mel. quit eating meat and did the cleanse.....weird stuff. I actually got some inspiration from that. I have to start eating healthy again. I had problem with digestive system and Pook was aware of it. She thought I was having cancer or something. Since Pook left, I never ate right and went to the extreme trying vegetarian diet prior to joining Sel de la.Terre last year. I was ill, really ill until I started working at Sel.

Quote of the Day

“The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook”

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Julia Child quote

Song I listened today : The Heinrich Maneuver by Interpol. Love this song.

The Cookbook I read today : Anatomy of a dish by Dianne Foley.

Easy like sunday morning

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 05 Jul 2009 23:24:00 +0000

This is my perfect kinda sunday, really. Last night I didn't even care about firework, the Boston Pops, and 4th of July celebration. I just sat in my room gathering thought about what have been happening in my life. I decided not to leave Boston bolting for Portland yet. Therefore, I decided to skip Primo this time. I wanted to eat and cook there for a day. Melissa Kelly has been one of the leading female chef I have long admired, including Barbara Lynch, Amanda Lydon, Lydia Shire, Jody Adam, Diane Foley, Susanne Goin, and last Sophie Pic. I woke up so many time last night just to read Michel Bras's cookbook. I am excited about going to Hugo's and 555, and most of all seeing my friend who I met at Sel de la Terre, Sam Ferguson. I felt relieved, free of sadness, and getting my good spirit back. Sunday morning light coming through the shade has always been my favorite thing to see when my eyes first open. It is the best morning moment of my day off. I used to love spending days off like that in bed with Pook. Just doing nothing but cuddling her in my arms. Pook never slept away from me. She would find a way to crawl under my arms and made it known that she was there for me. If I snored, she would squeeze and hold my nose so I would suffocate and woke up.

I had two good sunday morning so far. Last two Sat, Mel was in ER. I made Mel. called the restaurant to take a day off. Took a while to convince this tough cookie to call. Mel and I are the same, highly responsible. Glad you listened !I went to visit and hung out in ER. I woke up to pick up breakfast from Mike's diner and literally did nothing all day. Mel was kinda pissed thinking I left without saying goodbye. Last night Mel. called me after reading this blog and stuffs I wrote about Pookie around 1am. I was asleep and woke up to chat. I guess Mel. felt sorry for the situation I am in. I was happy to at least have a friend who care. I am sure Meow will call if she ever know. But I don't want her to know yet. Meow is like Pook's older sister. She was the one once told me while she laid next to me watching TV on my bed along with her daughter Alisa. "Hey, of all the women you've dated. Pook is the one you've got to marry. Don't let her go. She is a special kind and genuine". I remember that since. It was the best compliment from my true friend about Pook. Pook was kinda jealous a bit about Meow and I when she first met her. I told her about our special bond and she finally got over quickly as they both became like sibling. Pook love Meow's daughter as if she is her own child. I could not be happier. This morning, I woke up to go to southend buttery to grab coffee, then head to Metropolis to have a good bunch by myself talking to old friends; such as, Tony the sous chef there and Maecella, GM. Sam called me from Portland to confirm about picking me up around 10am tomorrow. I will leave here early and have lunch with him before heading to Five Fifty Five. Sam confirmed he's spoken to his boss, Steve Corry and I am all set to stage there. Then we will pick up Lily, his girlfriend from Sel later tomorrow night. I am glad both of them hooked up. Lily is a great gal who was not right for Steve (her ex and a former cook at Sel). Sam is a nice and more mature lad. Anyway, I had 5 cup of coffees and feel all right all day. Omelett and French Toast I had always good. And they didn't even charge me a dime. Buttery was my favorite place when I cooked @ Union and Aquitaine. I always went for a cup of coffee and pet dogs there. It is a kinda coffee shop I would love to own one day adding to restaurant/Inn. Years ago, I ran coffee shop before and was a coffee enthusiast. I hate Starbuck but always heart local coffee shop. I have not had a perfect sunday for long time. The today weather was 75 degrees. I hung out by myself reading Bras cookbook in a park. I walked by Stir again hoping it would open so I could read some cookbook or buy some but it was closed. Pook told me to stop buying cookbook and I still struggle to stay away from it. I went to Aquitaine to see Soley but he took a day off. Last time I ate brunch in southend was with Pook @Aquitaine. I still remember what we ordered, egg benedict, creme brulee, oj, coffee, and ham and cheese omlette. It was over 4 years ago but the memory about her has always been vivid. Getting breakfast @ Mike's diner or goodies from Flour bakery used to be my sunday ritual for a while. I texted Doug and Mel about my sunday morning, simply want to share.

It is now 8pm. I have been sitting by the window of my bedroom writing about my day. Looking out the window at this time of any summer day is one of my favorite moment. The layer of red, golden, purple, and blue color from the sun setting is the perfect thing and make me feel happy. I would trade anything in life to just be sitting on the beach of an island in Thailand or any cliffs of the west coast like San Diego watching sunset with a camera in my hands.

Hey, Mel. Thanks for the call last night after reading about Pook. I felt appreciated and much better when you called.

Quotes of the Day

To the world you may be just one person,

but to one person you may be the world.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person,

but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Cookbook I read today : Essential Cuisine by Michel Bras.

Song I downloaded and listened : I got a feeling by Black Eyed Pea

Food ingredient I learn about today : Espelette and Kasha

Going to Maine to cook, learn, and recharge

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sat, 04 Jul 2009 15:26:00 +0000

Month of June? Great thing happened to my life as well as so many emotional detachments. I lost myself and own soul along with losing great and three close friends at work, Doug, Matt, and Aya. It reminds me when I lost my grandpa, closest uncle, and broken off engagement. They just left to work else where. Sometime we meet amazing people and want to hold on to that moments but just can't. Life takes different paths. People has different thoughts. May be it is time to move on and do the best to stay in touch. And focus on my own life to learn and grow. Cooking is my last hope and always a joy.

Radius is closed from July 4th til the 9th for renovation. This gives me a window opportunity to go out and learn. Last night was nut. If not because of Alex, I would not go out drinking a lot. Alex has been stressed out lately. And I was not in good shape emotionally either, too much to bear for me. While he decided to go home to change. I had to hang out in downtown crossing carrying a white fish tub filled with knifes, sharping stone, and uniform because the place I live is a bit far and we wanted to go to SOWA open house galleries before 9pm. Finally, I went to buy carrying bag and hung out at Border's reading cookbooks until Alex arrived. We spotted Chef Schlow eating dinner at Sage, next to where he lives. Alex and I went to Orinoco to eat Venezuelan food. I had Arepas, empanadas while he ate red snapper. Then we hopped bars, such as Stella, Gaslight, Rocca, Pho republic, and Clery. Later, I went by to say thank you to Mel. again for the help with stage letter and got the usual lecture again.

I am heading to Maine tonight or tomorrow to stage at restaurants. I have one already set up @ Hugo's by Chef Rob Evans, James Beard Winner 2009 as Best Chef of Northeast. I am totally excited for the opportunity. Rob Evans is one of the chef I admire, a self taught who has gone to work at the world best restaurants: French Laundry and Inn at Little Washington. Foley and Adrienne for providing me idea of how to write a stage letter, Matt Audette for being supportive and offered to call these restaurants (even though he didn't end up calling). And lastly, I can't thank Mel. enough for helping me proof reading my cover letter. These are all good friends I have met in Boston. I also drafted a to do list for this trip. And here it is.

Goal : Forget everything, stage, learn, and have fun !!!

Sat : Stay sober in Boston for firework, clean, and pack. Get a bus ticket and rent a car in
Portland.

Sun : Drive up to Primo? - walk in to ask for a stage ( get a room or come down to Portland) or
just go up there to eat or Bar Harbor

Mon : Work @ Five Fifty Five? – hang out with Sam (stay in Sam place)

Tue : Stage at Hugo’s all day - stay with Vito ?

Wed : Leave Portland early & Prep @ Radius from 12pm til close and write a thank you letter to Chef Rob Evans at night as well as to others if work out as planned.

Needed info

Sam’s contact 19 Longmeadow Road, Cumberland Foreside, ME, 04110.

Hugo’s = 88 Middle StreetPortland, Maine 04101 207-774-8538

Five Fifty Five = 555 Congress StPortland, ME 04101(207) 761-0555

Fore street = 288 Fore StreetPortland, Maine 04101
easily reached from I-295 from the North or South.

Primo Restaurant 2 S. Main St. Rockland, Maine 1(207)596-0770

Quotes of the Day about Destiny

“Actions are the seed of fate deeds grow into destiny.”

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Harry S Truman

( 33rd President of the United States, 1884-1972)

and

Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice:

It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”

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William Jennings Bryan (American Politician and Orator. 1860-1925)

Cookbook I read today : Frank Stitt's Southern Table

Song I fall in love with : Don't stop by Brazilian Girls.

Never say goodbye

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Sun, 21 Jun 2009 00:41:00 +0000

This past two weeks has been painful. Irreconcilable differences with Pookie (with a flashback of our great memories) and else, the departure of two best friends, Doug and Foley @work, and break up. I had one hope left and it was over. I feel heart broken and torn again. I felt I have disappointed everyone. I have not been myself since Pook came, left, and gone. I woke up in the middle of one night from a bad dream. I felt lost, totally lost. I called Mel. to share with. It was tough. I wrote a letter to close friends and family members sharing my thought about the lost of loved one over 3 years ago. That night was worse when it all hit me. I was drunk, continued to drink and passed out in the bathtub. I am always in control of my own life and destiny until the night when I got the phone call about the death of my grandpa from my mom while at work. I told myself I was ok but my eyes can never hide sadness. I never even cried when he died. Lately, I manage to make fun of myself and make other people laugh but it is not easy for me to deal with it inside. I feel there is a gap and void inside of me which has left a permanent scare from breaking off engagement 15 years ago (my ex fiancee and I). With death of my grandpa, uncle, and losses followed, I could not comprehend what happened with me and Pookie. She took away my soul. I was numb more than sad, confused more than loss, 9 years of knowing her with 6 years of loving her, I've poured all heart and soul into her life. Why wouldn't she say yes if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with me? Why sticking to all rules and all bullshit surrounding what her parents' public recognition? We both wanted small wedding with close circle of friend and family only. I don't think this will ever happen. I totally lost her.

Then I met one incredible woman and befriend with. I shared so many thought with her even though she is 24 and I am 38. Her different perspective in life made me seeing things differently. I have been vulnerable emotionally and not totally myself. She made me laugh again though regardless of what really behind the back of her thought, I didn't care. Especially the classic story of why she totally stopped eating chicken when seeing a full loaded chicken truck on a highway. I laughed like never before. Her personality resembles Pook and seems to attract everyone around like Pook. The difference is just Pook's purity, sincerity and 100% good heart. Pook never hurt anyone she come across in life. She is like my mom, an unreal saint. Mel. shared a story of how her heart was broken to find out her first boyfriend since high school cheated on her. How sad she was as if the world came tumbling down. Feeling betrayed is the worse. She is moving away in couple months and we have vowed to be friend and she will visit me in Thailand if I will ever go back. I think she just want to travel to the far east. I have always got "you are a great guy and women would love to have you" excuse from any great women I've dated or been with. Mel. told me the same thing since we have been friend. I really think it is one way to get rid of a person you are not into. I am sure her and I will be friend like Meow and I have been for 15 years. I was loss at words and was not completely myself since Pookie and I drifted apart. I have promised Pook to will one day taking her hand, promised her dad and mom about it, and still not give up that small glimpse of hope yet until 20 years from now when grieving isn't the option anymore. Her family has been incredible to me which made me even more sadder to think about. Unless, we turn completely to be brother sister like relationship again or she has found better man than me. All I care is for her to be happy. Being 3 years apart from her, I can proudly say I was totally faithful to her and I knew she did the same. I am approaching 38. Two more years of planning to adopt a child seems imminent to me. Pook was the last hope of marriage and now she has drifted away. I will probably never date anyone again as it will always end up like this. Casual relationship will be the only thing I will ever allow myself to get into.

I have found the right term for me, emotional rest stop. I have always been a rest stop to women I have dated, then they left even after 5 years. I have known Pook much longer than everyone. It has been 9 years. Just perfect!. The pain will last twice longer than the actual time and years I spent with her. With my college sweetheart and ex fiancee, it took me over 10 years to finally let go off it. May be it is time to just devote my passion and life to cooking and be worried free about something else. I want to give my best, do my best, and growing to be as best as I can be in my cooking career. I guess this is the perfect time and my positive attitude start to come back as well as my old swagger. I want to be the same man who was carefree about nothing else but good time, family and friends, and career.

Eventually I am going to write 4 different tributes to these 4 people (Doug, Foley, Aya, and Mel. )who somehow have had positive impact on my life and the cooking life at the present time. There is one good side about me which my grandpa always praise about. I look at mainly positive side of every human being I come across in life and be a positive influence on them. Some learn, some don't. I actually learn so much from others. Even anyone who treat me badly or stab my back or act completely nice in front of me but they have negative thought about me, I will somehow find good thing to talk about or befriend with. Nobody perfect. People love to be portrayed in a good way or act completely opposite from who they deep down inside really are. When they feel vulnerable, it sometimes shows. When they feel insecured about themselve, they beat other people down to make them feel better for themselves. Right now, I can easily fall for someone like what happened to me & Meow. I felt grateful that some people have been trying to get me back on my feet. Simply asked questions like "are you all right?" made me appreciated that somebody care about me. As for Pook?. I will always love her, adore her and be supportive to her no matter what. She has been nothing but the second best to my mother. I will chase after her again if life comes to full circle. What can I say... I live my life passionately. I kiss someone with my heart beating out of my chest. I hug someone as if this is the last hug. I work my tail off every single day as if it is my first and last day at work. Not that my friends die. They just left the restaurant for more challenge. I have already missed all of them. Outside work, I have also lost. Mel gave me a glimpse of hope and happiness, and lots of laugh. Then left me a void to deal with. She has been nice and be supportive even though it may not be who she really is or probably can't wait to get out of her sight. Last summer in a city full of young people and a closing chapter to begin a real adult life after school..... I will do the same (have one hell of great time). And Pook, you gave me the best love of my life. Thank you for a beautiful letter and support you always have for me. My love for you has been real, honest, and the best I 've ever given someone. I will never forget all of you. But as for now, hurt so good.....................

Recap of my week

Alex and I went to Toro. I spotted Chef Schlow and said hello. He ended up paying the meal for us. I was gonna buy Alex a meal as he never ate Tapas before. Greg, my friend, who cook at Toro and write a blog, Braised and Confused, sent out complimentary dishes. I went in to chat with him in the kitchen after closing as he is heading to Spain to stage at Mugaritz this Nov. This could be the last time I see him. Chef schlow came inside the kitchen to thank Greg and said goodbye to me. I offered him to cook a Thai meal for his next party. We ate a lot and that would cost over 100. We ordered corn, beef tongue, charcuteries, mussel, pinxos, and etc. Alex and I headed to Beehive to get drunk and listened to live performing. Later, I went by to chat with Mel. Of course, more lecturing...bleh! I am appreciated her good thought about me though (between us) and the nickname she gave me "PITA" = pain in the ass (hahaha). I am sure I have been in one of the trash talk subject among her friends but that because I maydeserve it. At least, it is how she wants her friend to portray her. One great thing about her is she like to make others people feel better about themselves even though this isn't who she really is. She is one of a few people that can make me laugh nowadays. We can't be anything else but friend.. Doug, Alex, Aya, Michelle, Janissa and Vito are the others who make my rough days at work becoming a laughable one. Pook used to make me smile all the time until recent months and past 3 years of up and down. I saved all of her emails, notes, voicemails, and etc so one day I can put them together as a package if we decide to get married. Now, I don't know. I wished she realized that I only had her in my mind and determined to make it work. She gave up finally.

Aya came back from trip to London and Barcelona. She went to places I suggested; such as, Rivercafe, Oriol Balanguer, etc. I was happy to be able to suggest her places to go and she went. She bought cookbooks from spain and UK as well as sweet from Oriol Balanguer. They were amazing dessert and beautiful packaging.

Don't miss Top chef Master this Wed.

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 06:42:00 +0000

Ok, folks. Top chef Master serie will be on air this Wed. Chef Schlow of Ra.dius also participated. I am sure they have already known the winner but everybody is tight lipped about, including chef. He is the one holding a craved apple "Chef" along with Tim Love, Hubert Keller, and Christopher Lee of Aureole (formerly Gilt). All contestants are renown chefs. Many I want to stage with or work for and some I have been to their restaurants. I love the clip of Mark Peel swearing "Oh, bullshit"...just funny. The contestants are good blend of young talent chefs to veteran and best of the country. Just interesting serie to watch.

Don't miss it. Pookie you can watch the clips online unless Bravo is on a cable channel in BKK.
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Quote of the Day

If you want to know the taste of a pear, you must change the pear by eating it yourself. If you want to know the theory and methods of revolution, you must take part in revolution. All genuine knowledge originates in direct experience."

– Chairman Mao Zedong

"Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish,

and you feed him for a lifetime". (unknown)

Cookbook I read today : Rustic Cajun by Donald Link of Herb Saint.

Just a new release book I spent 3 hours reading @ Brookline Book Smith.

Chef Links has been one of my favorite in New Orlean when I watched an episode of Opening Soon when he opened Herb Saint after Katrina. It was a gutsy move hoping to restore New Orlean. And he was a part of that rebuilding the city.

Beside, he is a hoc expert. I love any pork cooking. He also own Cochon and teamed up with Susan Spicer.

Recap of last week

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 02:44:00 +0000

I walked home with Adrienne from Chinatown on Sat. I admitted my legs were dragging... Got home by 5am. Happy night to hang out with Alex and A D and sipping Korean soju along with Kimchi Jigae, Jap Chae, and Bibimbap.

Sunday was hectic, looking for parking spot. Went to Caitlin place late but we went (Alex, Vito, and I) to support her. She asked everyone to come for a party and I knew many not gonna come. Sometimes, I told this girl not to try hard to be accepted, just be herself. Her drive reminds me when I was young. I was temperament, dangerous to friends as I would punch first and talk later. Caitlin will be fine after she graduate from college. She just need to stop caring about who won't matter in her life 10 years from now (some idiots in school who don't want to be her friends because she can't party with them ). They played beer pong...similar to my highschool time... Vito was an entertainer... the dance, the dress up look, and the sh-t face after... Doug is obviously Debbie drowner...like me when Pook left 3 years ago, missing another half kinda feeling. It is tough to have someone you love and care in life, then they are gone

Went to see Bob Davie's painting @ Blue room with Foley and Doug. Good thing, Doug get to meet people and start building network. We are invited to go to openhouse @ the distrillnery where all loft are occupied by artists. It will be nice.

Foley and I headed toHungry Mother after. I wanted to say hi to Barry and thank him for his positive influence on me while @ Lumiere. I finally met him after almost 3 years. I am happy for his success and his passion led him there. We had more beer, boiled peanuts, great pulled pork sandwich, and etc. Saw Barry 's child, chatted with his wife and John, his biz partner and friend. I am happy for him. Yeah, they kept their promise to put people who donated money for them to open restaurant. Saw Louis's name, chef @ Sel and Andrew, former chef de cuisine@Lumiere there as well. Just amazing how much people care to support him and how he has tranformed his passion of cooking and turn it to be so successful.
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Quote of the Day (I love that)

as a tribute to two friends, Barry and Bob. Two art creator, one is painter and other love to cook his southern root cuisine.

Are we to paint what's on the face, what's inside the face, or what's behind it?

Pablo Picasso

Cookbook I read today: West The Cookbook (West Restaurant in Canada)

Escargot farming & a tribute to my grandpa

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 20 May 2009 03:25:00 +0000

This is a tribute to my grandpa. I have not really thought much about him since he died, on Thanksgiving Day a few years ago while I was at Colonial Inn. I did receive a phone call from my mom while we took a little break after 2:30pm seating was completed, a full house with 400 dining customers. Dorothy picked up the phone and said "your mom called from Thailand". All eyes were on me while I took that call. And they all told me to go home to call family members. I insisted on staying and made sure it was run as smooth as planned. I wanted to make him proud as always at least one last time.
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I drove home that night around 1am partially confused, lost, sad, and stunned. He was the most influential and inspiring person in my life. He taught and raised me to be who I am and a decent person. I always talked to him about everything, mostly life and business aspect. My grandpa was once a very wealthy man. His classmates and friends were two of the top five richest men in Thailand, a banker and an agricultural tycoon. I saw a picture when my dad was around 8 years old when he owned a big house, just right behind Japanese Embassey in Bangkok with 4-5 cars. Later, he moved to chinatown in Bangkok to avoid bombing, just prior to the world war 2. Then he went bankrupted because his two best friends stole all his money and fled the country. One lived in Singapore owning department stores and hotels; such as, Hotel New Otani (mispelling?) and Isaton department stores. Another became a Hongkong shipping tycoon. 30 years later, they reconciled and made a mend to be friend again. My grandpa was too kind actually. His whole family suffered from that loss. My dad started working @ the age of 9 to help bringing food home and supported family. From richness to the ultimate poor point, my dad grew up in a roughest neighborhood of Bangkok, Chinatown, zoned by gangs. He was sent to a boxing camp and eventually turned professional as he grew older. He was also a muay Thai champ who never smoke, drink, gamble, and waste his life like many did. And he finally retired working as a CEO of a company and did business law consulting for several firms. My second uncle has become one of the world leading cardiologist and the king's personal doctor. All of my grandpa's children have become successful. I am proud of what my grandpa did for all of us. Not much but we live comfortably and be passionate about what we do. We somehow learned so much from him.
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My grandpa once had an escargot farm, no kidding. When people ask me (as a child) what my grandpa did for living, I said "He is a snail man" before I ever think of saying "He is a glass maker". Yes, indeed he was the snail man. My childhood friends never believed what I told them until they came to my house and saw the damn snails crawling all over the window, side walls and everywhere. He built his snail farm right in Chinatown in Bangkok. The place we grew up is probably the biggest piece of land in Chinatown, a hidden place with a grandhouse which once belonged to a King Rama 5th's wife or concubine so to speak. Her name is Jao Jorm Gularb. That house was surrounded by 3 two story homes and two 6 stories building where we all lived, one big nuclear family. They are all belong to my grandpa. In fact, the land belong to the royal family of Thailand. My grandpa leased it forever? We have right to build building and lease it out to others, sort of selling right to lease which can be lucrative as the land in Chinatown in Bangkok is the second most expensive one. No, we are not rich but have things we need to live happily. Another 6 story building actually fenced us from seeing a historic semestery. And my grandpa just build his snail from there. He also dug a canel around the snail farming to prevent them from escape. It didn't actually wo rk as we all saw them laid eggs in every flower pots and left slimmy tracks everywhere they crawled. We had fun as kid seeing those but none of the senior were happy. My grandpa called a shot and had the last word at home so they let him enjoying it. I remember going in his small canning factory seeing 4 people working on shucking snails out of their shells and finally can and pack them up for shipping to France, Hong Kong, and Japan. He finally stopped doing it after several years because no one was interested to help him. My grandpa was a go getter kinda person. He believed everything was possible for him. He self studied about fish farmning, snail farming, and everything he could get his hands on. His life had been an amazing story and I wished I could write them all down. My only guilt to him was not able to get married before he died. He wanted to see a great grand child. I promised him but could not deliver. Other thing was destroying his whole wall to wall library by accident. I boxed all of his book collections (all about doing businesses and etc) when I moved into the family library room. And months later, termites ate them. He was sad but never mad at me.
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My grandpa always came to me after each of his birthday celebration party @ some fine chinese restaurants in Bangkok and asked me to pick somewhere else serving other things but Chinese. He got bored all it after a while. He once asked me from his hospital bed " what would you do when you leave the hospital after visiting me?". Then he asked me to ask him the same question he just asked me. Then his answer was " I am going out to eat what I never eat, see the world I have never seen, do what I have not done, and make a bucket list of things I want to do while I still breathe". He made me love the food, love helping others, and live my life to the fullest and see other perspective in life which others may not see. I can see a good positive side of an asshole and b-tchest person I have ever come across in life. And that man had opened my eyes to see the extraordinary side of what so called "Life". His death reinforced for me the fragility of life. We all mourned for his loss. Thanks, grandpa. I have never ever said goodbye to you. The letter I wrote about you for your funeral memorabia book has never been published. So this is a goodbye. Soon, I will cut my hair and donate to LOCK FOR LOVE for cancer patients. All for you. Rest and be proud of what you have done for me. The things I will remember about him was weather it was good or bad in life, my whole family believed he would lead us to the brighter side. I guess it was the greatest compliment which defined who he really was and his role model.

Quote of the Day

Happiness is wanting what you've already had, not wanting what you don't have.

There will always be a possibility in every impossibility.

My late beloved grandpa.

One made me appreciated what I have. Another one made me believe that I can possibly achieve anything if I pour in heart and soul into it.

Spring allergy once made me quit cooking.

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 13 May 2009 03:16:00 +0000

Today, my allergic reaction to Spring pollen was the worse I have had since the 1999. I was frustrated all day and totally suffered. I double dosed 24 hour Claratins and Benedrils yet it didn't help until after work I felt the effect of overdosing. I passed out while sitting on a chair changing shoes in the locker room for about an hour !! This morning, I woke up early to take super cold shower, then put an ice pack on my eyes and went back to rest for another hour. I left the house around 7am. I rode the bike chasing the T (subway) for couple blocks, I struggled to lock the damn bike. I missed that 710am T which would bring me to the restaurant around 740am, my usual arriving time. Then the next train arrived 20 min later which was odd and it was like sardine packed in the can. I arrived 5 min after 8 and my two friends who rode bikes were already there waiting and got everyone screamed at for being late. Then standing on the hot line preping was not helpful at all. Heat, smoke, and humidity in the kitchen makes allergic reaction worsen. I learned that since I was a child when my eyes felt burning from allergic reaction to dust. I would put a pack of ice or cold wet towel to cover the eye area, lay down couple hours, and I would feel ok. Today, I could not rest but had to work and get things done. It bothered the heck out of me all day having to blow my nose, sipped iced water, and washed my face with cold water all day. Nothing worked. Allergy and me are inseperable since I was born. I knew since I was a kid that I am allergic to dust, cleaning chemicals, air freshener, and anything smell pungent (you will hear me sneeze loudly).

In 1999, my immune changed my life forever. Like the allergy to crab and shrimps happened since I was 8 and allergy to alcohol when I was in 10th grade, it just happened from that Spring on. I love gardening, outdoor, woods, trees, and flower. Now? I have to be super careful with it. My first allergic reaction to pollen in 1999 was severe. I cooked in Thai restaurant at that time aiming to open my own place after graduation from Johnson & Wales. Then allergy hit at the same time with a break up with a girlfriend I met in JWU who now is married to my best friend's brother. I was ok with the break up but the disappointment was unbearable. She was caring like Pookie but Pookie is a lot more like my own mother. We thought of opening restaurant together here so I could attend Culinary Institute of America while running my own place over the weekend. I scouted for location throughout Connecticut and Western Massachusette. After sleeping in the car, hotel rooms, and staying with my cousin in Frushing, NY during 2 months search, I finally found two ideal spots in Greenwich county, one in New Canaan and another one in a prime spot in dowtown Stamford. It was a perfect location to commute to CIA and running business because there was no Thai restaurant existing between Greenwich and New Haven (1 hour apart). That idea were off as soon as we decided to break up due to long distance relationship. I could wait but she couldn't after I lived alone for 1 1/2 years without laying eyes on anyone but cooking. Generally, I walked away from the chance to run my family business, a handmade glassware, to pursue the dream of having my own restaurant. She could not be tempted to leave the wealth behind to start a small business with me. She cared enough wanting to be my friend for life until my bipolar sister pissed her away.

Then spring allergy hit me hard. I almost lost my eye sightness due to that lengty severe reaction and bloodshot eyes. I managed to go to work 6 days a week dealing with heat and smoke from the wok and worked from 930am til after mid night. I could not drive eventually and gradually lost my sightness. I went to see doctors who oftenly cared and joked about how long my last name is. I was kinda agitated having to answer "how do you pronounce your last name?". Had I been under my uncle care or his hospital, I would get quick treatment in and out. I just dislike hospital because I was in and out so many times during childhood. I would not even go when I broke my ankle playing soccer or had concussion after a death escaping car accident. My aunt had to drag me to the hospital. I remember one hospital when I was carted though a hallway. Some doctors or nurses would come out "How do you pronounce your last name, never seen one that long?''. I was angry hearing that at that time. Every damn medical personals I met, I had to answer it as if it was a joke to them. I got shots and received medicines and 20-30 dollars prescription eye drop to help the healing. With the suggestion from doctor to stay indoor, I had to walk away from cooking and called off another deal to buy a friend's restaurant. Ek is a good friend but he doesn't give a damn about anybody else but himself. His mother was dying from cancer. The deal was on my table. He cared for his business more than anything, even more than his dying adopted mother. She was actually his aunt because his mom was psychologically unstable. His mom was a tough woman who I admired. She never missed a work day even when she was final stage of her life. She would be in the restaurant and we had a place set up in the office so she could take a nap anytime she wanted. I was out of work for 4 months, just to be inside my own apartment and could not do much but sleeping. From that moment on, it took me years to complete the U -turn to go back to the kitchen, almost a decade of cooking iche. I could proudly say that since I never miss a single day of work regardless of how severe my ulcer attack, flu, or allergies. I would drag myself in to work, overdosing the pills or vitamin to rejuvinate myself and fight off the sickness. Yea, I know it is bad to overdose the medicine and it isn't the wise thing to do. With my weak immune I have since the day I was born, I always have to take good care of myself or I will get sick easily. I don't think I will live long like my late beloved grandpa but I will push my own envelope until my last breathe to succeed what I want to be or to do. Along the way to this point, there are good people I have met who would serve as mentor, teach and support as well as many who would do anything to make my life a living hell for whatever reasons. Honestly, nothing ever bother me than someone saying "F-ck your mother" or allergies and chronical ulcer which I have to deal with all my life. And the damn ulcer was the result from antibiotic pills I had been taken for over long period of time.

I asked myself if I enjoy suffering, I actually do. When I grew up from 7th to 8th grade, my knees were in unbearable pain. I probably screwed it up playing rugby. I wore shoes similar to Converse Allstar playing soccer or running. Everyday I looked forward to 3pm school bell which was the end of music practice and the start of sport hours. I limped noticeably when walking but yet pushing myself out to run 7 kilometers, just to finish before 4pm and continue on with Rugby practice or soccer. I ran until the pain gone and kept running harder. Then after running or Rugby practice, the pain returned. I took painkiller every single night to go to sleep. That damn pain just went away one day. I thought my bones were hurt due to my body was growing. If I could bear any kind of pain I suffered. I would never gonna quit cooking even my eye balls fall off or someone throw me out of the kitchen. I am confident that I will meet someone who will willing to teach because that person appreciate my work ethic, team first & selfless attitude, and eagerness to learn. I remember my late grandpa always told me "you would have to work way harder than anyone else you will ever come across in life to succeed anything". I guess he judged me from my health condition or he tried to push me to do better. Whatever his agenda was, I only knew he pushed the right switch on and I can't stop pushing myself hard enough til this day

Quotes of the Day

"If you are going through hell, keep going."~ Winston Churchill

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance."~ Samuel Johnson

A champion is someone who gets up, even when he can't."~ Jack Dempsey.

"Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. "~ William Feather

"Nothing in the world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing in the world is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent."~ Calvin Coolidge

"When things go wrong as they sometimes will;

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill;

When the funds are low, and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but have to sigh;

When care is pressing you down a bit-Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;

And you can never tell how close you are

It may be near when it seems so far;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-

It's when things go wrong that you must not quit." ( Unknown)

Cookbook I read today : Egg by Michel Roux

Inspired by an ingredient : Morel

Beard winner 2009, another anxious anticipation and disappointment

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Wed, 06 May 2009 03:49:00 +0000

James Beard Award Winner 2009 came out last night. I do think all winners somehow deserve to win as well as all nominees deserved to be recognized. It is an honor to be reconized for what they have done but there will always be one winner in each catagory. Dan Barber as outstanding chef of America is well deserved. Nate Appleman of A16 created so much buzz since his book came out as well as his restaurant. Corton and L2O are great as well. Best Chef of Northeast? I cheered for Michael and Arrows. Tony.Maws and Rob.Evans of Hugo's are great chefs as well. Behind all the cooking, I admire what he (Michael) has done, teaching, chef collaborative, and etc. His restaurant is in a small town of MA which was his hometown and away from spotlight. I am sure one day he will get the recognition he deserve. The finalist in Best Chef of Northeast catagory is a tough one. They are all great chefs. But I will never understand how chef/owner of L'Espalier, the only 5 star in Northeast here who got norminated so many years, ignored years after years, til he won couple years ago. I am sure every norminees will finally be recognized. And I am eager to get opportunity to stage at Hugo's someday. Rob Evans is also an alumni of the French Laundry and Inn at Little Washington which are the two of the five world class restaurants I would love to work in United State one day.

David Kinch missed this year is another surprise to me. How many US chef can convince Alain Passard to come n' cook in his restaurant? Which chef Eric Ripert would invite to come back to cook @ Le Bernadin. Kinch has been under radar until recent years.

Sometimes, it takes more than just hardwork, commitment to the craft, support to local farm and community and impressive resume. I have respect the simplicity of Lumiere's food which focus on the freshness of ingredient, the originality of it, and cooking refinement. You will never see foam, smoke, trendy plating, and molecular gastronomy crap there. If you are considered yourself green and into real food, not buzz and trend, this is the restaurant for you. I love the meal I had in Lumiere and love the time I spent in that kitchen. It still holds a special place in my heart until these days and sure beyond. And Michael's concept of food will not change to follow the trend. Every dishes have to be done right, cooked to the perfect temperature, and I never saw a dish sent back.....really. Pook and I enjoyed our last meal @ Lumiere and we still love it. You will never see the 12 course chef tasting there but the fish you eat will be line or hook caught and the cheese will come from local farm. To all the winner, luck? perhap not. Food, no politic? May be. Charm (press)? I don't know. It was not my choice. And Momofuku is on top 50 best restaurant in the world? You gotta be kidding me. May be the fusion of Korean, here and there might excite some big name chef. I am sorry there is nothing better than authentic korean BBQ in Korean town and a good bowl of authentic ramen else where. Nothing against David Chang and time/frustration he suffered during his far East training. Kudo to him for that. But his restaurant is not the best 50 in the world over some world best chefs but Chang seems like a humble guy after I watched a bunch of his youtube per Dougie's suggestion.
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There was a guy walked into the restaurant selling fresh picked ramp this week. This smart guy made lots of cash from mother nature. He sold over 100 lb to Andre, chef de cuisine@Clio and got Vito into the idea of picking some ramp in White Mt. Right now, it is pickling season before ramp and green almond are gone in just a few weeks. After work today, I just sat in the pastry room taking notes from Michelle and Aya while I was off the clock waiting for papaya chutney to be done. Just learning more about pastry which I thought I could hone my baking skills while working @ Union. Had I been here, I would learn more. Chef walked in and chatted a bit with everyone. I left around 930pm. Then I went to Border @ Copley to check out couple books. 10 min. beforee closing time became 40 min mouse and cat chasing. Store clerks were looking for me as I moved around cooking aisles (unintentionally). Got 4 books in my mind to buy....happy ending for today.

Book I read today : Essense by David Everitt-Matthias.

He never miss a single service since the restaurant

has opened the door to the public.

Under Pressure,

pookandhouse@gmail.com (House/Jitti/J) — Mon, 04 May 2009 04:14:00 +0000

I came across a man name, a scientist who has much impact in cooking compared to Escoffier did in the past. It is about Cryovacking, which is more often called sous vide = French for ''under vacuum''). This was 4 years ago but this movement doesn't seem to fade away a bit but going opposite direction.

He trained great chefs like Keller, Richard, Dufresne, and even the recent Bocuse D' Or US team. Check this article out by Amanda Hesser